How much chatting before meets is too much?

I will confirm their pictures are recent. I will ask them to text me. I will ask them to voice verify if that doesn’t happen in six or seven conversations. I block them and move on.

Marnmar1- I agree and feel the same way about vanilla online dating as well as swinging.
I do see how you can tell if you are interested from chatting. Meet for dinner, drinks, whatever. If it doesn't work out, block them and move on

Well said narnmar1! You get it completely, weeks of chatting is just a waste of time and I feel it rarely leads to a meeting. SM/54 here

I know every one is different, but some of us just don't have time for endless chat. Our face pics are on our profile. Our profile is very detailed. We are all supposed to be here for close to the same reasons. If you see us, think we are interesting enough to want to chat, then meeting should not be an issue. Meeting doesn't mean playing. It simply means meeting. Have dinner. A drink or two and get to know each other. In today's world I think chat is a waste of time. Too many fakes! Single men posing as a couple just to snag pics. Married men whose wives have no idea what they are doing posing as a swinging couple just for the spank bank. We don't chat much at all. If you see us and want to chat then let's do it face to face. If that's too much to ask then you aren't worth out time

when it get tiresome and you know it isnt going to happen

DB - "Super cautious" was probably not the correct phrase. "Super hesitant" may be a better description. I'm more talking about the people who are here that just aren't really sure swinging is for them. It's almost as much you're convincing them that it's OK to swing than it is proving you're not a nut case.

These are people that are turned on by the thought of swinging, but back off when the rubber meets the road and things get real. We DO engage with newbies and do quite well with them, but we at least need for them to be past the point of us convincing them that swinging is OK for them. Only they can make that determination. I am probably more willing than most to communicate with these people, but even I have my limits.

I can only speculate, but this may at least be one of the reasons that you can have long and seemingly fruitful online conversations with people that just one day disappear and ghost/block you for no apparent reason. It likely goes with the trend of new younger so-called swingers at parties/clubs that think they are swingers from just merely attending swinger parties.

MAYHEM8

Anymore, you can’t throw caution to the wind. Like RONKATHY has posted several times, ever since CL shut down their Personals, these sites have become loaded with nut jobs.,

Unless it’s someone I have been communicating with for a long time, like in these forums, I’m going to do my due diligence.

The whole back and forth like a job interview process is one reason that some experienced people will not meet with newbies and/or super cautious people. Everyone tends to be busy, and with limited play time most will choose a person/couple that they are likely to play with sooner over one that they may get to play with later.

I do get people wanting to be cautious, but they also need to understand that they may need to wait if someone has more/better play options. That does not mean that we'd change plans once they're made, but given 2 choices, we'd take the one that has the better chance of having the bird in hand, or is that the bush in hand? ;-)

I was recently contacted by a couple saying the wife wanted a recent face picture , so I sent one. Then came the back and forth, over the course of a couple days. For some, it might have seemed like too much, too long. Like CRISHOWL, it was mostly about the wife, and the rest about the logistics of meeting.

We met for dinner, and all must’ve gone well, because they invited me back to their place.

I think Crishowl kind of hit on it when he said, "I think you get a sense for the person/situation." There are some people that you can feel very comfortable with very quickly in messages, and others can take longer or perhaps you never get there.

It also depends on someone's situation. I had a nice conversation with someone once only to learn that his wife was not really on board with him playing with others. It was OK for her to play but not him. These can be a waste of time.

Met a couple the same night they messaged me that they were interested. Got ready and took a 40 min drive to their location, felt a little nervous due to their quick trust in me but we had a drink and talked about her mostly. I asked her for permission and we left upstairs, hubby watched and we said fair well . I think you get a sense for the person/situation.

Well, that is if you can actually find someone to show up. Seems like the new norm in the lifestyle is to chat a bunch and arrange a meet only to be a no show. Just chatted with a guy from NC this morning and they have been having similar issues in NC and Fla where they travel to.

I/we believe in little back and fourth let each other know what we are into and looking for. After that plan a meeting for some play time, which usually involves some good laughs and conversation before play time.

You make it to easy Ron lol. You fire off at me and pretty much say we suck as swingers because we are cautious. Then try to insult me because I jokingly say I’m old in my 40s because yall were in ur prime at that age. I guess you can call me dickish since you have perfected being one.

Yes keep stirring the pot... even after we said you were right.. pass the popcorn.. signed dickish!

We live in a small town so everyone knows what you did before you did it lol. We have to travel about 45 mins to get somewhere to meet. We hate to waste a few hours of an evening to just meet to see if we click. Now that the kids are older and don’t need a sitter if we leave for a few hrs it is easier to get away. Yea Ron is very opinionated and kinda dickish. I just wanted to see what people thought about this subject and not get shit talked to me and say suck it up and swing. lol. There is never a perfect answer to anything. That’s why we all discuss things to see what works for others and to learn. Guess they already know everything and think we are idiots for asking questions.

As for needing to travel to meet for coffee, I understand not playing near where you live and work, but can't you meet for coffee in town? If anyone asks, they are friends from college, or whatever.

Kinky- go ahead and piss off ron and join the 90% of SLS on his blocked list. Once blocked , you can't see his posts and your life improves.

HaHa…. Exactly what hotluvrs said on all points!!

Kinkycple76,

You are new to the SLS Forum, so let me give you a word of warning: if you continue with that tone of voice you will find yourselves blocked by RonKathy. I’m guessing that 90 percent of us are on their block list for the crime of being reasonable, but having an opinion that differs from theirs.

As to the original question, like most things in the lifestyle, every situation is different. We’ve connected with folks after a single message, and there are local people with whom we’ve been exchanging emails for years and still hope to meet some day.

Yes we did.. enjoy!

Its all good ! Its your journey..

Ron we do not live in Florida. We will be there this weekend so that’s why our location shows there. We live in a small town and I’m sorry but do not have your mentality on letting it all hang out. What we do is our business and no one else’s. Until you walk in our shoes don’t judge us off of a few comments made here. We too have played with people who have stuff to loose with career and standing in the community. But they too were very discreet. I’m glad you have the courage to flaunt it but frankly we do not. And my reference to being old was a joke about meeting people off of the internet when we were younger we were always told about the dangers of meeting off the internet. I was joking about that. Another perfect example of you can’t tell context from this type stuff. But looking at your age I guess yall were turning pineapples upside down or sending smoke signals. Another joke since you missed the other one.

OMG.. older ones in your 40's// are you even serious?

Swinging well over 30 years and your age was our prime time!!!

Stop making excuses and listening to those who are failures swinging like Y.. all you need to do is pull up all his old posts!

Get out and make it work.. if something doesnt work change it up. Its YOUR journey.. and YES we too were careful but partied and swinging with judges, LEOS, attorneys some of the biggest in USA in S FL, , DA's, school teachers, fireman, pilots.. all had something to loose.

You live in the swing capitol of USA and YES we have friends all over Florida and lived in Weston, south Florida and a second home outside Tampa.. one doesnt have to know what you are doing if having coffee and chatting nearby.. then its back to your place or theirs!

Y’all have some very good points. From our experience we have been ghosted or stood up by single men more than couples. So I guess neither couples or singles are perfect. It’s interesting what you say Ymike. I guess I would have never thought couples would ghost single guys. The wife and I need to make time for meet and greet over coffee or drinks but it’s hard to get time to do this. We have to drive 45 mins to get far enough away for discretion reasons. We could loose our jobs over this lifestyle. Moral clause sucks lol. It was a lot nicer when lifestyle clubs closer to use allowed single males. In person 30 mins of chit chat and the wife knew if a guy was worthy or not. Most clubs just cater to the Bi ladies or full swap couples now. Would be easier if we were not the older ones on here that lived through if you meet people off the internet they will kill ya lol. Damn Craigslist killer.

Threesome, foursome or more. There are three types of chats. Those involving seeking information on venues and planning for events. Those involving people long distance knowing there is no play involved. Those we all seek that hopefully a couple of back and forth exchanges does the job. Well all know that the likely mess of anything happens drops to the zero mark when that chat starts to get into discussions you would prefer to have in person, which is the whole point of meeting anyway. So. Just take it for what it’s worth. No expectation, no disappointment. Just don’t leave people hanging if plans were made or a follow up to a plan was inferred. Nothing worse than people ruining a weekend, a day or an evening because the impression lacked respect.