How much chatting before meets is too much?

Lissalookin- I assure you, all SM's are not like that.
A few weeks ago a couple on SLS contacted me. They lived 20 minutes away. They asked if I was interested, I said yes, asked for my number, they called a few minutes later, invited me to their house for 5 hours later, and 20 minutes after I arrived we were in a threesome.
I do not make excuses. I will crawl there if I can't walk.
I have no idea why somebody would put the effort in, then start making excuses.

Mayhem- I agree. Not wanting to even meet for 5 minutes in a walmart parking lot or meet for lunch where it is just like a vanilla date and there is no reason to think it is going anywhere, is a red flag. I would think they would want to make sure I am real and serious, as well.

PaulinSJ- I do not care if they want to spend 20 months chatting. It doesn't cost me anything. Not like we keep meeting but not playing.
I have been here 3 years and I do not have certs, either. The only couple I played with says they do not give certs.
Judging by what I read in these forums, I am the only one that lives in an area without any parties, meet and greets or groups. So SLS is my only chance to meet anyone.
Which means my tolerance for bullshit and time wasters is a lot higher than those who have to decide which party to go to every week.

I love when they tell you I can meet right now in a message on here, you give them a number, they contact you and the first thing they say is my kidney stones are acting up I am going to take a nap and see how I am in a couple hours. We are like ok get back with us when your better, So the next weekend we contact him tell him we are going to a club want to come, he says yes, I can get there, ok what time, half hour later we tell him going now what time will you be there, he comes back with the medicine they gave me for my kidney stones is acting up and he will not make it. all the messages though the week we exchanged, when we talked to him. How much he can't wait to meet us and what he liked and wanted to know we liked and not a word about kidney stones. It seems to be a pattern from a lot of guys we talked to is to lay out an excuse for not meeting before we even start the conversation, even though they initiated the meet in the first place. We gave him the second chance the next weekend just to see how it would play out, it played out just like we figured...

mayhem, I like how you operate. That is a great approach.

PaulinSJ - I agree that, if you've exchanged a few messages and someone says, "We haven't chatted enough to meet", that would be off-putting. Especially if trying to meet a couple. I can see SFs being more leary of meeting a SM, but at some point, I'm not seeing how further chatting is going to make someone more comfortable about meeting someone in a public location.

I also agree it would be a huge waste of time if you get together and someone isn't feeling it for whatever reason. You'd rather get to that point sooner rather than later.

For us personally, we wouldn't really get to any of this because we do parties, or just have new people that want to meet us come to our house or a local restaurant for dinner/drinks.

Ymichael - I would cut bait, no certs in 4 years is a red flag to me. If they had a cert in the time window since you started chatting, that increases the odds of ever meeting to maybe 5%. Time is a finite resource and I need to spend it wisely.

When I suggest meeting in public for a drink locally, and the response is "we haven't chatted enough yet" that's pretty much the end for me. If you can't spend an hour or two, you are probably full of BS.

Last two unicorns I met on here: in October met one in real life within two weeks of first message, and that was due to a postponement on my end.

The second was within five HOURS. Got drinks and we clicked instantly, then off to the club on a Saturday night. We went back to the club again last Saturday.

I would imagine part of the "how much is too much" depends a lot on what's being exchanged in chats. If the messages are mostly of the "How R U? flavor, then Yeah, that shit gets old quick.

Some people just enjoy good conversation more than others. While I'm here to find others that we like and can play with, we like the social aspects of the LS too. The fact that our schedules can be crazy means that we don't mind some extended chats. It can just take that long for schedules to align. Then when they do, sometimes shit happens, like getting sick, family issues, etc.

I do still want to meet these online people, but if we're exchanging interesting messages, I can see that going on for months, or even years. This sometimes happens with people that are just too far away to meet, but we find each other interesting and have a lot in common.

I can see this making no sense to the swipe left/right crowd and I was probably closer to being like that when we first started in the LS, but we've changed. I think that change is a big part of the reason why such average looking people like us have so many play opportunites. Then again, we do engage with newbie couples. Everyone has to start somewhere, and we're OK with a little bit of extra hand-holding (and chatting), to a point.

Paulinsj- they have been on SLS since 2017. 3 photos. Both of their faces. 2 certs form 2019 and 2020.
I think they are real.
They just move very slowly.

Yourluvrman- if they are just a troll I can't imagine what they are getting out of it. Never asked me for anything.

When Lissa starts chatting with a single guy, if she has not got a meet with them in 2 weeks it seems to always be a waste of time, if they do set up meet after that, they mostly do not show, the ones that work out she chats with them for a day or two they always are eager to meet by that weekend. It has gotten easy to pick the ones serious about it, the ones that want endless chat never seem to work out...

Harleycouple - it's definitely that simple but sometimes the interval between proposing a meeting time and the pleasures beginning is longer than hoped for!

Our availability doesn't often line up with the availability of those that contact us so sometimes we end up exchanging messages for quite a while before managing to meet (hence the phrase "scheduling magic" in our tag line). On rare occasions we've been able to meet within a week of initial contact; usually is several weeks or months.

The longest exchange of messages is ongoing - it started several years ago and we still anticipate that we'll meet. Neither of us considers it to have been too much chatting. Yet. ;-)

It's all a matter of expectations.

It’s pretty simple we chat and share each other desires, wants and what we are into/looking for. Swap some pics and Come up with a mutual day and location and let the pleasure begin.

Dear Diary, you are so right! Unfortunately on here, people just don't get it sometimes. When I see "need to chat more before we meet" I want to puke. I mean, what is the harm in meeting at a local bar for a drink to see how we vibe? If it's a no go, we are all adults, move on with life!

paulinsj

It’s pretty simple process if the other person plays along?? .

Dear Diary, best of luck with the date! I say that when a meet-up occurs very soon after first contact, and simple directions are followed with a good vibe, that usually spells success.

Exactly DD exactly.. same here we are not here for the games so many play on SLS!!!

Perfect examples: (2)
I posted a hot date, someone replied, interested please look at my profile and get back to me if you’d like to meet. I asked him he answered them. I gave him my information to text and invoice verify. we text two or three times verified last night. And we have a plan for this evening.

Someone replied with one picture. I replied back with interest and a comment about his one picture.. Right away he asked me to open my private pictures, ignored my questions and told me what he wanted to do with me and how he was going to do it. I asked him two more times for more pictures and to communicate through text. he ignored those questions asking what I did for a living and where I live. I stopped the conversation put them in my phones notes and blocked him as a waste of time.

This process of getting fucked is so simple and I don’t understand how guys screwed up.

??????

20 months? No way in God's green earth they are really swingers. Block them

"I have a couple that has been chatting with me since 03-06-2023 03:14 am. No meet yet so I guess at least 20 months is good for some people."

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Are you sure that they are a legit couple, and not a bored online troll?

I can understand those that enjoy a 'pen-pal' relationship, however time is limited when real world contact is preferred. It's logical to conclude that those enthusiastic parters that you have physically enjoyed are at the front of the line when communicating.

Other than picking a time and deciding whether they're coming for dinner or not, we have a date for Sat with one of the couples I mentioned earlier. We'll see if it actually happens, but it sounds promising. What made this a little easier is having a Sat open. Probably at least half of the Saturdays in a month have a local party by us, and that's excluding our own parties.

Lately we've been having about a 50/50 hit rate with meeting people online, but that's because I rarely initiate contact these days. Between the parties and the # of LS friends we have, it's getting harder to find time to meet people, but we still manage.

This week was a little crazy with meeting LS friends Tue, and we're meeting LS friends tonight, plus we have the Sat date with a new couple and potentially another new couple Fri night. I also responded to a Like on another site and there is another new couple that will likely want to meet us. We've always said we'd rather be too busy than bored ;-) Sunday will be family time, and a break from fucking people ;-)

I am probably more patient than many when it comes to chatting online and it's probably obvious the written word comes easy to me. I'm not sure how much of that contributes to our success, but sometimes it's good not to shut the window too soon. I will invest a little more time when someone else is initiating contact other than an SM with a "Hi" or "How R U?"

I agree. We are open to single men and for some reason they think they are in without enticing me.

I have a couple that has been chatting with me since 03-06-2023 03:14 am.
No meet yet so I guess at least 20 months is good for some people.

Once again this past weekend my rule of thumb was proven - the more chatting drags on, the less the chances of ever meeting! I messaged a local unicorn on Saturday noonish with a brand new profile - pics had not even hit SLS yet. She got right back to me and said she was available tonight and asking how long the photos she uploaded would take to be approved. Long story short, we made plans to go the the local swing club that night, but met at a local sports bar first for a vibe check. We hit it off right away, dropped off her car, and off we went to PA. That's not the first time a "day of" situation has happened.

So I stick to my theory, if the chat drags on over a week or so, probably will never happen!

I have someone now that is on the verge of me saying "enough". Twice they have said they want to meet and play with us and twice I have asked them to pick a date. We can't possibly meet if we never set up a date. While I enjoy some banter, at some point you either need to fish or cut bait. That point varies for me depending on how new someone is to the LS, but there IS a point where I'll call it.

I'm OK with newbies asking me a bunch of questions, but if it becomes clear that we'll never meet anytime soon, there's no point in continuing. I'm even OK with doing a vanilla date so a couple can meet and have time to compare notes. I have in the past however said, "We aren't compatible at this point. Perhaps at some point in the future when you've got things sorted out together and are ready to move forward".

Had one guy from a couple that used to chat me up on a different site, but every time I tried to set something up he'd say he'd talk to his wife. Apparently his wife doesn't feel like he should play (cuck situation) and she's not willing to meet either. I didn't block him, but when he sometimes forgets we've chatted already and reaches out, I simply remind him we've been down this road and until your wife is up for meeting, there's no point in chatting.

On SLS at least I'll use the profile notes. Sometimes couples just need more time to "get there". While we will consider a soft swap, we'd much prefer a meeting where we know it will likely lead to same or separate room full swap. I don't usually block people unless they are trolls and/or rude.