3sum how often?

I,d let her decide how often, trust her judgment.

@Starry

Shall we plan bi-weekly “home and home” games?

~Scamp

We were always taught to, "Make hay while the sun was shinning" in 2017 the Sun shined a lot!

We barely saw the sun in 2018.

In other words, It comes in waves, so when we do have a girlfriend we make the most of that time.

Every two weeks, please. Lol

What mayhem said.

But to answer the question, we played as a couple exactly once in 2018. And if he doesn't start coming home more often than once every two months, it'll be less than that this year, because our relationship is way more important than getting our freak on.

You know, to be honest I've followed this post and reread it numerous times, and I thought everyone was reading into this way too much; inferring alot of negativity or hidden agenda in the questions posed by reading between the lines. I even debated about playing devil's advocate and jumping to the OPs defense and suggesting you all were being a little to hard on him. After all, I've also been curious as to how much of a priority others make the LS and how often they play, thinking maybe we are doing something wrong if we're only playing a few times a year.

But with mayhem's last post if finally hit me and I don't know why it took so long to see it. I realized if I were asking the question it would have been phrased "but WE want more", instead of "I want more". And then it became obvious that it is worded as not simple curiosity but as though the OP is seeking some validation on his feelings to push his wife more. "Honey, we need to play once a week. That's what so-and-so said on SLS" is a possible argument that comes to mind.

To the OP, lots of good advice below. Let it sink in, look inside yourself to realize why you really asked this question and be honest with yourself. Talk to your wife about it and if she wants to limit your play dates to once a month you should acknowledge her feelings and accept it.

If that's not enough for you, then just try to remember things could be worse. You could not be having 3somes at all. I get the feeling you're being a little selfish and, well, beggars can't be choosers.

The question being asked can best be answered by the person asking it. So, is having a 3rd once a month or so having an impact now?

Since the LS is such an individual thing it is kind of irrelevant how often others have sex. If 5 people came back and said "Once a week", that doesn't mean that it's right for you two. Sorry, but your post comes across as "I want more" and you are looking for leverage to over-ride her concerns. The LS needs to be about what you are BOTH comfortable with or it doesn't really work.

“I never said we were poly or that either one of us want to have someone move in so I'm not sure where that came up“

Someone had posted a suggestion that you might want to explore a poly relationship. That post was deleted.

As to the question of “how often”, we have sex with others once every other month, or so. We may go six months without any activity, or we may have a month where we are playing every weekend. The majority of the time, if we are getting naked, it’ll be with groups of people, rather than just one couple.

Sounds like she wants to spend more time with just YOU. Instead of YOU with another women, buddy lol.

Ok I never said we were poly or that either one of us want to have someone move in so I'm not sure where that came up. And we are looking for FMF because that is what both of us are attracted to and she has stated numerous times she is not interested in adding a guy.

What she is concerned about is whether or not having a 3rd too often takes away from us as a pair. So nobody really answered it but how often are people swinging per month? And do both you and your partner have the same desire as far as how often?

As others have already said, it is unclear yet which person is unready for another male in the bedroom. My thought has always been that if the guy is hesitant to allow another guy in the bedroom, it is simply because of his own insecurity, which I suspect is fairly prominent even here on SLS....nothing more.....time to get over the insecurity, or get out of pretending that you are in "the lifestyle".

" But I want more than once a month."

So what. It's not actually about you as an individual. It is, in fact, about the two of you and what you collectively want. And your wife, at least, has concerns.

So, if you want to keep swinging, you will pay way more attention to her concerns than to what you want. Particularly so if you are the one who isn't ready to add another man into the mix. Do I need to explain why?

How often?

We usually see our FWB a couple times a month. A lot like dating. That's our speed.

How to balance varying degrees of desire?

No one ever “takes one for the team”.

We all want it, or we don’t play.

From your profile.

“We are very open to new experiences in the bedroom however not quite ready for another man.”

Which one of you isn’t ready for a guy? If it’s the male half, your wife may be feeling things are one sided. If it’s your wife, is it jealousy?

As everyone has posted so far, these are conversations you should have before you go any further.

Good luck!

~Scamp

Just looked at their profile and it seems FMF is it. We had a recent trip that resulted in 6 days straight of FMFs.. The best part was having each orgasm volumed about the same due to being hopped up on vagina. I even told her that I was going to break my trying to keep two women pleased every night, yet I did experience 2 multi-Os.

I can see some concern from the female since the male half is pushing for more. Hell, I never even asked for one, they just fell in place.

~Allen

Whatever you do, this is supposed to be for the 2 of YOU. If it isn't enhancing BOTH of your sex lives then things are basically broken and you need to talk about it and figure out why.

Is it safe to assume based on your profile that these are all FMFs? If that's all you're doing I can see this becoming a problem, especially if this is something she is doing mainly for him. There could be couples where this is all they want I suppose but it does otherwise seem pretty one-sided.

If it has been all FMFs, perhaps consider MFMs or just Girl/Girl if that's something she wants. In our case we want to each do whatever we can to make sure the other is having fun and this approach has worked REALLY well for us.

We are SM friendly, but very very selective with them. By being this way, we are able to have an mfm about 3 times a month and have had no bad experiences in 5 years, knock on wood. We don’t use a lot of SMs, only a couple at a time because we also see couples, but there is one in particular she likes being with, which is her new LS SM of about 5 months and says she is molding him to her version of “dirty lover”. He being 24, he gets pleasured back by her and he gets to be social, the taboo of touching, massaging, kissing and sex with a married woman with no strings friendship of a couple and that is his exact agenda. We get a very respectful young gentleman we talk to daily, take to dinners, have over to watch movies, shopping, events and an upcoming overnight club stay.

Poly at the OP’s stage, no. A sit down and very extensive talk, yes.

Good luck OP!

~Allen

Totally agree with Hotluvers...you guys to stop now until you talk this out. Doing this more, especially having someone move in (OH HECK NO Lol) with anyone being nervous about it is only going to end up with resentment, jealousy, separation, not to mention drama and possible uncomfortable situations for others you may be with. My opinion of course but too many horror stories out there when there's any sign of someone not too sure about what's going on...and don't get it all worked out before getting back in.

If your wife is feeling uncomfortable. It’s probably time to slow down, or even stop until you two can talk this out properly.

What, exactly, is making her uncomfortable? Does she think that she will become too attracted to someone else, does she think that she’ll be less attracted to you?

By the way, the idea of a poly relationship is most likely the last thing you need at this point.

So my wife and I are still pretty new. We've had 3 very wonderful 3sums with us doing everything. It was amazing for both of us but we seem to be at a weird point. She is nervous that it will take away from us if we have them too often. But I want more than once a month.

So how often do you other couples play?
And how do you balance varying degrees of desire?