Episode 97: Our Thing Might Not Be Your Thing

Transcript

This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us? Hello everyone, I'm Mr. Jones.

And'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 97 of the we got a thing podcast our thing might not be your thing yeah what is your thing we were just discussing this if we still had the same thing we'll get into that in a minute a couple of announcements before we start it's not too late to go to podcastapalooza no it would be like a last minute let's do it decision but it's still possible yeah you need like you need to buy your ticket now like now meaning there's only one more week until it starts. June 3rd, you can just send me an email or go to podcastapalooza.com.

We're not going to be able to make it this year, but it's promised to be a good trip. Yep, beautiful Palm Springs, California. Yes, hopefully we'll be able to make next year. But we do have an event coming up at the end of June. Yeah, we're going to Vegas, baby. Yes, and we still have space. Yep. So we are going to, that's the 24th, right? The 24th through the 26th of June? Something like that. Yep, June 24th to 26th. Okay.

We are going to go to a playhouse lv club on the friday night and that is a closed private event um just for us but we have a few tickets left for that yeah so far so if you're interested oh and there's also a few other events that we're going to be doing throughout the weekend so if you're interested in that yeah we've got a pool party like a daytime pool party yeah and um there's a club that's been another club more of a night club yep that's being taken over um for saturday on saturday night so fun. Yeah, lots of... Ooh, and I talked you into going to go see Magic Mike.

I know, we're going to go see Magic Mike. Well, I didn't talk you into... There was a bunch of people going, and I'm like, oh, Mr. Jones will want to go sign us up. Yeah, whenever we... And you were like, what? Whenever these events pop up, you can start them on Friday, and then everybody comes on Thursday.

If you start them on Thursdayursday everybody comes on wednesday so this event doesn't start till friday but a lot of us are coming on thursday and we're going to go see magic mike on thursday night yeah well we're flying across the freaking country like we got to get our money's worth out of this trip yeah and we're going to be able to catch up with some friends so it's going to be a lot of fun it was a blast last year if you're interested send me an email mr jones at we got a thing.com and we'll get you the information again that's june 24th through 26th in las vegas nevada yep you have just yeah i was going to say another timely event uh going on right now yes that's right you have until may 31st to take advantage of our 30-day trial memberships.

And we've gotten over 100 new members through this promotion. Yeah, well, 100 new couples. Yes, right. 100 new couples, 200 new members. Yeah. Right. So that's exciting. Yeah.

We're looking forward um getting all of our new folks acclimated and into our groups and and our newest group so we have a we have a new another last year a new chat yeah last month it was katherine and expansive connection which by the way they're doing an event a live event tomorrow night well you all will have missed it by the time this comes out but this month the ladies decided on a new group do you want to try to explain it Thank you.

night well you all will have missed it by the time this comes out but this month the ladies decided on a new group do you want to try to explain it well in the ladies group there's like you know multiple parallel conversations going on at the same time and usually fashion is always a running topic you know other things get intersped here and there, but we're always talking about where we like to buy anything from swimsuits to club dresses to lingerie to, you know, just sexy, whatever. Um, or sometimes it's even like yoga pants, like what comfortable athletic wear do you like to wear?

I mean, we we talk about everything so we created a group called fashion for play or fashion for play however however you want to accent that yes that's right and we have one of our sexy community community members to thank for this idea yes she's very naturally artistic and creative she is so's a great moderator for this group she even drew the artwork yeah for the group yeah so we're we're talking about fashion we're putting links to some good finds um when we have something that we want to share and then we have ladies that are getting ready to go on trips and they're like trying on clothes in their closets and doing selfies and putting it out there.

And they're like, be honest, you know, should I keep this or should I send it back? Well, you know why us guys appreciate that? Why? Because we hate that question. As soon as you look at us and you say, OK, be honest, I'd rather you ask a bunch of ladies whether your butt looks too big in that dress. But wait, you like the fashion show part, right?

Yeah, oh, but i don't you said be honest yeah you're asking other ladies opinions because they're going to be honest with you and you're not going to be mad at them because they're not your husband right right like y'all don't care like if my nipples are popping out through whatever you don't care what fabric it is how it's cut how it's laying you just know you can see my nipples through the dress right right there's more to it than that okay if you say so so yes we have and that's that's in the ladies only group so um y'all just have to wait until the final decision's been made and then we'll put pictures out in the main group where the men can Thank you.

That's in the ladies only group. So y'all just have to wait until the final decision's been made. And then we'll put pictures out in the main group where the men can enjoy the fruits of our labor. We're doing all the hard work and the fashion foreplay work in the group. So even if you miss out on the 30-day trial, if it's after May 31st, 2022, you can still join our community.

That's a lot going on yes another announcement is that we um our our card game that we relay that we released earlier this year um has been really successful and now we're getting ready to release the second deck yeah the action deck yeah it's getting a little more interesting moving from conversation to action right and this this deck isn't there like an elvis song yeah a little less conversation oh yeah uh that was before my generation but i know but it's a good song yeah uh yeah so this is going to be called uh care to Us. And so they're more action-oriented card games. So we're excited.

We'll let you know when they're going to come out. It'll be soon. But I wanted to let you all know that that's coming as well. So keeping up with the Joneses, what's going on in our world? Well, you're still healing. Yeah, but big day oh it was today was a big day no today was the day that i don't have to lift all the laundry baskets and the furniture and the ladder and let's see what else yeah you name it well i was walking around the house today looking for everything that weighed more than 10 pounds. And I was lifting it because I can. It's been six weeks today from my surgery.

And that's the doctor said I can't exercise or lift anything more than 10 pounds until six weeks. So today was the day. Yeah. Well, we cheated yesterday. Oh, I held my granddaughter. Oh, yeah. You did hold her. And she's 18 months old, so she weighs more than 10 pounds. Yeah. And we also walked a five-miler, but we walked. We didn't run. Yeah. And that was hard. It's hard for a runner that has always been naturally gifted at running to walk.

Well, you easy we we walked together yeah and it was an enjoyable walk it was it was a little bit warm but it could have been worse right and i mean the course goes like a block away from our house so it was like in our town right and you know we we know every street corner so it was kind of fun walking around and i think what irritates me most about the walkers is that they get within 200 yards of the finish line, and all of a sudden, they turn into runners. Again, I think you're exaggerating. I think it's like 50 to 100 yards they start running. You're giving them too much credit.

I said, I'm not going to be one of these people. If I'm going to walk, I'm claiming I'm a walker. When the photographer, when I see the photographer, the race photographer, I'm not going to start running, like to fake out all my friends like I ran five miles. I walked. All of our photos came in today and you can tell we're strolling and that I'm not going to get with it. I mean, it's an hour and 15 minutes.

It took took me to walk i know that people are not we we had a 15 minute pace that's not a slow walk it's i mean we could have walked we could have power walk like my friend who she's crazy she can she can walk a 13 minute mile i'd rather run a 13 minute mile but anyway 15 minute mile isn't bad babe i know it's not and i was so impressed with it when i stopped to use the dons johns halfway through i paused my watch he did to preserve that he did it was ridiculous uh but anyway what irritated me it was fun we got to the end we had our beer you know what we got the same metal as everybody else that ran the thing and we got the same beer as everybody else and it was still cold i know we didn't get warm beer i know but what i have mixed emotions about this because our friends that i ran the half marathon with just before surgery.

Yeah. He and I usually run together. Yeah. And he ran, and he's three years younger than me. Yeah. And he won his category. Yes. And my age group, the time that was the winner, I could have easily done that. Yeah. I know that. So I could have. You both could have won. I could have won a major award. Yeah. Actually, his medal was really cool. That's cool.

could have easily done that yeah so i know i could have you both could have won i could have won a major award actually his medal was really cool and it was cool yeah we actually we they had the uh award ceremony we got to be there for the award ceremony i was excited for him it was a lot of fun he deserved it because he's done a lot of work well and you know what i am taking total credit for his award i know because i'm the one that bullied him into running his first race Thank you.

he's done a lot of work well and you know what i am taking total credit for his award i know because i'm the one that bullied him into running his first race i know i know yes you get all the credit yeah you you and the few beers he had had when you asked him i did hit him at a weak moment because i think the following day he said did i really he says how come i'm getting these emails that i signed up for a half marathon he did and i already sent him a training plan and everything so yeah there was no backing out but that was years ago so clearly it stuck yeah we have had a little bit of fun even though i've been out of commission oh but i'm feeling better to to finish that off i'm getting better every day yep um so anyway thank you for for all of you who have been checking on me but i'm six weeks today i'm free to to i did run today by the way yes you did and you're still alive i ran three miles and felt good yeah so anyway i was i was happy with that and my nurse's cap is officially off and that's right away that's right I gave you credit for making sure that I was prepared and I didn't do anything stupid before six weeks that's right yeah we did go to a local brewery with a few few friends a few weeks ago our DC group yeah we didn't even organize it at the last minute it was like a Saturday morning and we said hey let's go to this brewery and we put it out in our DC group and We didn't even organize it at the last minute.

It was like a Saturday morning, and we said, hey, let's go to this brewery, and we put it out in our DC group, and I think we had three or four couples come join us at the last minute. Yeah, it was fun. Yep, and then we had some friends over for dinner. Yep. We've had several friends over for dinner. Yeah, that's because our...

We friends come through town right and um they stopped and actually spent the night here in our town and we managed to have a lovely dinner with them we did yeah we had met them last year and had always looked forward to reconnecting with them at some point and then it just fell right in our laps yep so we have of course it was a couple weeks after your surgery so so we enough said so we have a rain check with them yeah and then we have i'm giving out rain checks left and right i know you are i hope i can cash them you need some like cryptocurrency type rain checks like you're gonna run out of paper money my credit is only gonna be good i good my credit score is going to be dipping here pretty soon if i don't start cashing these in and then we had another couple over um that we also have a rain check with so yeah but it's a it's just a reminder to everybody who thinks the lifestyle is all about sex um we've just enjoyed being with our friends yeah having a good time and the reason we've had so many people over yeah okay let's move on uh we've had people over because our room is our audition is finished it's like 99 yeah you have some trim painting left to do but yeah the shelves i broke up contractor.

Yes. Yeah, there's been a relationship breakup. Yes, there may be some arbitration in our future. But anyway. It's done. It's done. And it's absolutely gorgeous. It's beautiful. It's exactly what I hoped it would be. The bar is beautiful. The cabinets are beautiful. Our backyard is done. It's all cleaned up. There's no construction, lumber, scrap, scraps, tools. No more construction in the backyard. Like it's all clean and arranged. And paid for. Yep. Finally. So now we can enjoy it. Yeah. Now we can spend money on fun stuff again. And we were counting the other day.

We could seat maybe like 20 people now. We can. Yep, 20 exactly. Yeah, so we'll have to have another event. And that's normal people. Oh, that's lifestyle people? No, that's normal people. Like, we could seat a lot of lifestyle people. Well, we have a hot tub now, too, so there's six more seats outside in the hot tub. Yeah, well, and again, that's what the owner manual says. You can get more than six wingers in our hot tub. Anyway, we're starting to enjoy our house. The rough part is over with. The past 18 months have been a little bit rough. A little bit. Feels good.

Got rid of the storage unit, got the basement cleaned up, got all the crap to the dump. Oh my gosh, our utility utility room we unpacked it and we managed to like get all the rubber made containers and boxes out and now everything's like out on shelves so you can walk in there and you can see everything so now i know where all my stuff is yeah and that could be that could have attributed to some of my grumpiness the past year and a half. I know, because you know how I can confirm what you just said? Why?

Because the night, the day that you were so driven to clean out that basement, we actually had semi-sex that night. That's right, that is the same day, isn't it? I think that turned you on so much. Well, I watched. You participated a little. I did participate, yeah. It was fun.

We're making progress making progress yes we are so anyway cleaning that cleaning that utility room got you going you never know what floats somebody's boat whatever it takes yeah all right oh and lastly we're getting on a plane tomorrow no we're getting on a plane in two days okay day and a half day and a half good because i'm not packed yet i hope it's not tomorrow yeah so this morning i was like um you need to take some stuff to the dry cleaners so you somehow you sweet talk the dry cleaner into turning around in a day yeah i'm a good customer yeah well that's the beauty of living in a small town yeah is that it's a a privately owned dry cleaner that doesn't have policy yeah the old couple that owns it's probably in their 80s he gives me a little cold eight ounce cold bottle of water every time i go in there they're really sweet and i didn't take much i only took the pants i didn't take my shirts and i said can you give this to me tomorrow after five o'clock yes okay i'll be here and i just looked at the resort for the first time online night before last or was that last night that was last that was like last night yeah yeah because i don't like waiting to the last minute i know and you looked on your phone so you you couldn't even like really see how beautiful it is it's in jamaica someplace called monte carlo bay or something like that montego bay yeah montego bay so you're giving away our secrets oh yeah it'll be too late we'll already be there by the time the podcast no i'm gonna um i'm gonna wear my we got a thing t-shirt around the resort oh great if anybody recognizes that we don't have to say where the jones is we can just say.

We're going to Jamaica, but we're not going to Hedo. No, we're not going to Hedo. We're going to a vanilla resort. Yes. Adult only. It is. Yeah. Yeah. I bet you that we'll run into it. It's going to be us and a million honeymooners. Probably. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It is almost June. Yeah, I know. I forgot about that. And the resort sold out. So that means it's going to be us and a million honeymooners. The other reason we're taking this, well, we're doing this trip for two reasons. To celebrate me being post-six-week surgery so that you can start helping me with my rehab to get my mojo back.

And then it's your birthday. Almost. Next week. Yep. So a double celebration. And it gets us away from that. Construction's done. Everything's done. Get out of town for a few days. Yep. My clients have, I've been told, I've told all of them that I'm offline. Yep. I'll take my computer for in case the world ends, but other than that, I'm offline. Yep. You're stuck with me. Yep. Can you handle it? Well, we'll see. We'll see. All right. Well, when we come back, we're going to explain more about Our Thing Might Not Be Your Thing. Welcome back to segment two.

Our thing might not be your thing, and that's okay's okay that's right are we done well wasn't there a book your mom i know i'm okay you're okay yeah i know see that didn't you think of that when you wrote that title no because you just added that she talks about that book a lot i know that was kind of life-changing for her. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that was back in the 70s. Yeah.

Anyway, we have picked up on the fact that through emails, and those of you who listened to our episode 96 last month with Catherine and her team, she even mentioned that she talks to a lot of people who seem to believe that they have to do the lifestyle the way that the Joneses do it, or they perceive like they're failures. Right.

And not even necessarily like we do it, but just people come into it with a preconceived notion, depending on either what their fantasies are or what research they've done ahead of time right right um so they they come into it with a preconceived notion of how it's going to work and how they're going to feel about it correct and a lot of times it takes a turn and evolves into something that they weren't expecting and and that can be good or it can not be good would you say nevertheless it it it often turns out different than how you anticipate i would say the vast majority of times almost all almost all the time the lifestyle is more or different than what you originally thought when you got into it right because this is one of those things you can't imagine right i mean just think about like when you were a kid and you had never had sex before and you're trying to imagine what sex is you know and what it feels like and all that jazz you you can't like you you just have to experience it yeah so it's often different and people struggle with that because they don't think they're doing it right because they listen to us and they think we need to do it like the joneses do it and for some number of reasons that doesn't work right so we want to talk more about that instead of doing a regular outline what i did tonight was just came up with a bunch of questions that I'm going to throw out to you, and then I'll help you answer them.

Okay. You think I need help? Because you need more microphone time. You just like to talk a lot. Yeah, usually I do most of the talking. So I'm going to start out by asking you, what is our thing? Well, I guess our thing now. Yeah. Now. Yeah. I'm going to discount the fact you just had surgery. I'm going to back it up a little bit. Yeah.

I mean, we're obviously, if you've listened to any of our episodes at all we're we're really social and we have our best if you think about the lifestyle as being um where you go to have sex with other people because at the end of the day you know that's initially what draws you into it um we're we're very social and we connect better We'll be right back. Because at the end of the day, you know, that's initially what draws you into it. We're very social and we connect better with people and we have more positive sexual experiences if we've taken the time to become friends with people first.

Yes. So our thing, and we're better at it now than we used to be, is we don't play on the first date. And it's not because we're chicken. It's because we try to be more intentional about making those decisions. Yes. So we, if I can add to that, we prefer to play with couples. I mean, we've had single guys and single females, but our preference is couples. No, wait a minute. Our preference is couples because that's who we meet. We've become, well, I'm totally lazy because I've never done it. You've always kind of been the hunter and gatherer. We just haven't pursued it. Right.

And it's probably more out of laziness than interest or lack of interest true well there's reasons behind all of the all of the things that we just use to describe all the characteristics of our thing have reasons behind them well maybe that's a point we should bring out yeah maybe our thing is our thing because we've gotten lazy and what we're doing is working so yeah maybe we don't we're too lazy to try to upset the apple cart and try different things maybe so we like to connect wait we might have to like write that down to talk about in jamaica what why are we lazy or do we really not want to do anything different oh okay well that's that's homework for everybody i probably just got in trouble i probably just dove into a question that's coming up next no you didn't um but this the next question is how or has our thing evolved from when we first started?

I think we've settled in. I don't know that it's necessarily evolved. We've kind of tried a lot of different things at first. And I think either out of, again, laziness or a sense of comfort, liking the familiar, we've we've kind of like narrowed it down to the types of experiences we look for, the types of dates we go on, those types of things. We just kind of like it's kind of gone down a funnel.

So, yeah, we've narrowed we know we know more what we enjoy now right before we hopped around and did a lot of different things right so i so evolved is not the right word for us then it's kind of refined what we what our thing is right okay so why do we think other couples try to replicate our thing in their journey well that's easy yeah um because this again i think i mentioned it a minute ago this is so new you can't wrap your head around what it's going to look like feel like etc and and it's not just you you're you've also got your partner's opinions and experiences and feelings to consider as well.

So, so I think people that use our podcast as a resource might try to replicate our style because that's what they're learning. That's what they're hearing.

You know, so they're like, okay, well like okay well they're doing it they sound normal they sound like they're having fun you know let's let's do that type of event or let's meet these types of couples or let's set up you know our profile that has you know these bullet points on it because maybe you and i have mentioned that because it's it's the most familiar thing in a very unfamiliar territory that they've got so They're going to be fine. Maybe you and I have mentioned that because it's, it's the most familiar thing in a very unfamiliar territory that they've got.

So they're going to cling on to it. Good answer. And I think there are other characteristics about us that people like, like we're normal. Well, we have, yeah. Relatable is what the word you, you correct me on. That's why I keep saying normal and I'm just trying to irritate you. We're relatable. We have a solid marriage and a good relationship. We communicate well with each other. The things that people observe through our actions and words connects with them.

So therefore, I think there's a belief that our play style they want to replicate that as well right not and like you said they don't people don't really know any different right and so that's where they're going to start right well why might our thing not work well for others then? Well, because we don't know. Well, first of all, I don't have any fantasies, so to speak. So people don't really know what's going on in my head all the time. And, you know, everybody's got a different fantasy life.

everybody's got different like sexual desires and and little everybody's got some sort of kink in them right um i mean if you're if you're about dabbling in the lifestyle i mean that in itself is a little kinky compared to you know average life so everybody's kink is going to be a little bit different so you might be trying to put yourselves in the wrong box and you don't even know it until you get there and you're like well this isn't as fun as i thought it would be right i i think that people don't quite fully understand that they have a blank canvas right that they can um some of the things that we that our approach to the lifestyle all of a sudden they might not enjoy that and not understand why because they haven't given themselves permission to explore other avenues or they might not even know these avenues exist right i mean it's just like when you get married and you're coming together or not even getting married but when you first come together as a couple and you begin having sex with each other that's a blank canvas you have to learn how to have sex with each other and you have to learn how to please each other.

And you have to learn how to communicate with your partner about what you want and what you need out of the relationship. So it's that same thing starting over. Because now you're going to take your sex life in a different direction as a couple.

you've got to figure out that next level like okay well we're pretty good at doing what we do so far and you know now we're going to open it up to other people and how are we going to do that so it's like satisfying for both of us yeah that is the tricky part it's not and it's worth the effort i mean i don't mean tricky in a bad way i mean it's just tricky you can't you can't map it out yeah and i think that especially for people who are newer like within a year or two of starting the lifestyle there's a lot of other shit going on in your head that may cloud your judgment as to whether this is your thing or not.

You've got to get used to this. You've got to get used to the idea. You've got to get used to the experience. You've got to work through some communication issues. You might have a mistake.

You might meet a couple who you don't connect connect with and so there's a lot of lack of experience at first that gets in the way or clouds your ability to see what your actual thing is because you haven't done it long enough or understood it long enough to to know for sure right okay well what have we learned about the lifestyle community when it comes to the different things that we talked about the different kinks and the diversity one thing that i've had to learn and that i'm still kind of working on is we connect with people that are like us but then sometimes as we get to know a couple All right.

we connect with people that are like us. But then sometimes as we get to know a couple, we find out that they've got like different stuff going on in their heads.

Like, I'm probably not going to say this like very, in a very organized way because I'm thinking about like three different things at once but like um we have friends that kind of do different types of lifestyle activities when they're not with us but then when they are with us they kind of conform because they know like our style so to speak i don't know if style is the right word but um and it kind of sometimes it surprises me Like we get to know a couple and i'm like oh they're you know they're just like us you know they they kind of we click with them right but then as we get to know them then they start telling us stories and then they've done completely other types of activities whether they're exclusive with another couple but they They can, you know, they're, they're not necessarily polyamorous where they're in a closed four-way relationship.

But they might have these like really exclusive friends and, and it kind of makes me think differently about them, but then they don't treat us differently. So you kind of have to work through that, you know, so that's diversity. And then sometimes there's diversity where there is no connection. People are just going to play differently than you, like straight on, like they might be like down to fuck people, right? That's just not us. And they have a blast doing what they're doing and more power to them.

But that's just really not going to facilitate a connection with the four of us right so it's interesting the first thing that you talked about was um if people conform to our thing just because they know that's what how we approach it and they're friends with us or there's a connection and they want to be with us. So that logic leads you to know that maybe your thing is not one thing. Maybe your thing is DTF or maybe your thing is go with the flow or maybe your thing is your physical restrictions are not there.

It's more or connections so in other words you're not going to cling to a label or or something that describes your thing you're more adaptive to the people that you connect with and want to play with and you you mold your style for that evening or that time that you're with them to suit their level of comfort right so that's really not a thing that is is very descriptive is it what do you mean well i mean you what if somebody says hey do you want to you know or or you're with a polyamorous couple and all of a sudden they express an interest in playing or you're with a couple who says they're exclusive.

Or you're with a couple who they're hot wifing as their thing and then they express an interest to play with us both. They're adapting their thing in order to be able to engage with us.

So you're saying that your thing can be flexible depending on chemistry yeah right because chemistry can kind of change everything yeah as long as the chemistry is i guess balanced between the two partners yeah i mean you even said for the most part we don't play on the first date but there's been times that we have yeah so i mean it usually doesn't happen but but it's possible that it could right so you could have a thing and maybe you don't even want to think about what your thing is maybe that's just too much thinking well right when there's chemistry like i don't really care what my thing is you know like I like the couple and you know as long as they chemistry like i don't really care what my thing is you know like i like the couple right and it you know as long as they now do all the rules and boundaries go out the window no because those are always a different topic right but as far as like our thing with like the the type of people that we're interested in or the types of experiences we want to have within our rules and boundaries, you know, that that doesn't have to be rigid.

Yeah.

And I think what we're getting we're touching on here is it's the freedom to be who we want to be that is exhilarating and gives you the opportunity to to kind of grow and expand your horizons so you know maybe maybe you have a thing that's too specific because you're not giving yourself that freedom or each other you're not giving your each other or you're not giving your relationship a chance to open up to that freedom like you know we were talking to a professional counselor recently and, you know, we were talking about non-monogamy and you'll have to correct me if I get her words wrong.

She really said it well. She said something like, she said, non-monogamous people are amazing because their marriage is not the marriage of their parents. It's not the marriage influenced by their family, of their family. Their family's not involved in their marriage. Well, what she was saying is you've got the husband's parents that have influenced him and what a relationship should look like. Yeah.

And then you've got the wife's parents who have influenced her on what a relationship should look like so when a when a new husband and wife come together they they brought this baggage with them that it can either be good baggage or bad baggage but it's still baggage nonetheless of each of their parents the families that they grew up in and she's saying you know people that take the the risk or the effort to engage in non-monogamy they're they've clearly taken their marriage and made it their own they're not allowing their baggage from each of their parents to weigh on them as to what a marriage should be, what their family value should be, et cetera, et cetera.

You know, she said that it's refreshing to see a couple make a marriage their own. Yeah. And it wasn't just family. It was institutions too, institutions too like the church and you know other institutions that influence us that have an influence in our the way that we are supposed to be married the the way that a marriage is supposed to work according to right i mean but what she was saying is that a marriage is is a institution of two people yes And you make it your own. You make your own rules. You make your own relationship.

And as long as you're supporting each other and that you care about each other and you're considering each other, it can be whatever you want it to be. Exactly. And I don't want us to make the mistake of, or people to listening, thinking that we're suggesting that non-monogamy has to be the vehicle to get you up to a place where you own your own relationship. No, but she's just saying, if you get that far, then clearly you have overcome the hurdles it took to get there, as in having good communication. Well, and there are expectations.

Even those ideals that you bring into your marriage, there's still this idea of, okay, we've got to go on a vacation with your family. We've got to go on a vacation with my family. We've got to spend Christmas with this family. We've got to do Thanksgiving with them. We've got to, you know, if you end up, and that's part of your marriage relationship. I mean, these are things that you do. This is how you decide you're going to coexist. And those things are all important. They are important. But if they are influencing the way that you grow your relationship, you know, then...

What I was going to say is that they're all important, but the most important thing is your relationship. Right. Because at the end of the day, it's just the two of you. Right. Your kids are going to grow up and move out and have their own families. You know, your parents are going to pass on at some point. Yeah. You know, your brothers and sisters have their own families and their own lives. Yeah.

I'm going to show on at some point yeah you know your brothers and sisters have their own families in their own lives yeah so at the end of the day it's the two of us i like the word supposed like you're supposed to do this when you're married you're supposed to do that you're supposed to take your kids here you're supposed to do get married in the church you're supposed to uh have one you know one sexual partner you're supposed to wherever those supposed to's came from we all bring that that's the baggage you were talking about yeah but if we can sit down or a couple can sit down and say you know what it's just the two of us let's let's start from not scratch but let's take the the everything that we've been given this far and decide how we want to craft our own journey in our relationship right and you know we you and i just had a wake-up call and and i know a lot of you out there have had much worse wake-up calls than we've had um i mean yeah we had a health scare but we it seems to be something that we've already overcome um but you know you don't want to wake up one day and say oh i wish we would have done this or i wish we would have done that or you know we'll we'll do this when the kids get older.

You know, I think we have to live our lives now and obviously keep everything balanced and keep the lifestyle in its proper perspective because once that genie comes out of the bottle, it can kind of overtake you. But to have the freedom to say, we can live our lives now and we can explore life now I'll see you next time.

yeah but but to have the freedom to say we can live our lives now and we can can explore life now and and not wait until someday right and trying to be something you're not can be a burden too so not only are these these somethings that you have to address but we're the jones are one of those things, too. So if you think that we're doing it the way you're supposed to do it, we're just another something that you have to set aside. Because if you're going to try to do this a certain way and it's not your own, if it's not authentic to you, it could it could feel like a burden or a negative.

Right. We're an example we're not a blueprint oh say that again we're an example not a blueprint oh quotable you're so quotable tonight we're an example not why didn't now we just need to change the whole title of the podcast oh okay we're an example and i'm that's going to be my next tattoo i think oh yeah yeah oh wow see i was actually listening to you that's pretty profound it's amazing every once in a while i get a good one in and i need to ask you more questions i need to shut up a little bit okay and the rest of you out there just stop nodding. I can see that.

So what does it take to find your own thing? We've talked about the barriers and we talked about what it means, but how do you actually do it? Well, you have to talk about it and you kind of have to consider all the possibilities. And like, what is your thing do we even mean by that well you could be club people um that you you just like to go to the club and party and then and meet people there um you could be like the the data people who like to plow through all of the profiles on websites and and meet up for drinks or whatever or you could be vacation swingers, you know.

You go on vacation and I'm like our friends that can pick anybody up at a bar, like, you know. Or you go to a lifestyle resort. There's just so many different ways to do it. You like to play with, you know, single males or single females or couples. You just kind of have to try it.

it and then and then make a list and just kind of methodically work through it right and and if you really think you want to play with a single guy and you do it one time and it doesn't work well why didn't it work maybe you didn't have the right guy you know don't just try it once right sometimes you got to get back on the bike right and so what your uh the macro view of what you just talked about is that your thing can be based on geography yeah either far away or close to yep it can be based on time yep you have small kids at home or you're retired or not retired but your kids are grown empty I'm going to give what you're thinking.

not um you know so not it's not just play style it's there are other things that are going to influence what your thing is and and if you'll reflect back we mentioned this earlier on the first year we were doing this we we went out on dates with couples we went to desire we went to naughty in new orleans we went to a club um we did all these different things house parties we we we tried a little bit of everything yeah in a way to try to just to help us under first of all to help us understand this lifestyle because it's a whole lot more complex than people think and it's different than what people think people think.

And then once we realized what we liked and we didn't like, that refining process started to occur. So I think you're right. I think you've got to try more than one thing, and you have to do it for a period of time. Now, we're not club people, but we do go to clubs yes so just because i'm not a going to clubs every weekend isn't my thing doesn't mean that i won't ever step foot in a club yeah you know so it it it's not a it your thing is not it's not rigid i know sorry yeah, you had to bring that up again. It came out of my mouth before I even realized what I was saying. Sorry.

Yeah, don't say that to a guy that just had prostate surgery. So it just means what do you naturally gravitate towards? That's your thing. It's not a box you're going to step in and never come out of yeah i mean you gravitate towards it but also your partner or or good friends can push you in a certain direction and get you to expand your boundaries a little bit right right yeah and and sometimes they get in your box with you when it's not their box yeah and we so caught up in these labels. Like when you were talking about clubs and you said, we're not club people, but we enjoy clubs.

If you think about that, do you know why? Do you know what the difference is? We don't have a club. We don't have a club close by. Okay.

So if you do have a club close by and you're a club person, more than likely you're a club person because that's your club and you know everybody that's there or you know a lot of people right we we go to clubs we don't know anybody or we take groups right they're not our club that's why we enjoy clubs i don't know that we would enjoy a club if it was local and we went to the same club i don't know if we would or not but even well i mean when we go on vacation you and i have gone yeah to club like we'll find a club in a town that you know like when you travel for work and i go with you yeah for example yeah we've done that and and i mean that's fun yeah um it's different it's different yeah it's not awful right i mean it it just it's different it's not what i would choose to do yes Yes.

We're going to talk about that in a future podcast, by the way. What? Different doesn't mean better or worse. It's just different. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's kind of what this is about. Like, different things aren't bad, and they're not necessarily off limits. Right.

And we have a tendency as people, because of this whole fight or flight thing, to make a judgment based on if there's something different about you or about anything that you do or the way you do things, there's a tendency for us to put a label as that's good or bad or positive or negative yeah and that is dangerous to do in the lifestyle because you're not giving yourself an opportunity to know people and know those differences and understand how those differences might make you a better person or may expand the way that you think or give you more input so you can decide what your thing is or if it needs to change or grow lastly how do you know when you found your own thing well i guess it's what you gravitate towards like when, when you have a choice of things to do, you know, what, what is your go-to activity?

You know, do you want to meet a couple for drinks and, or do you want to, you know, book another trip to Desire or book another bliss cruise or book a trip to Hedo? You know, it's, I guess if you, if you have this gift of time, Thank you.

book a trip to hito or you know it's i guess if you if you have this gift of time and money isn't an issue you know what is it that you would choose to do that you're both going to equally enjoy yeah that's your thing so my answer is probably going to confound a lot of people but i I think what we've talked about is a thing is, first of all, it's going to change most likely or evolve or it's going to be refined. And I think trying to create a thing to match somebody else's thing is a mistake. Yeah. So how do you know when you've found your own thing?

Is it what you individually and as a couple are comfortable with and enjoy doing in the lifestyle at this moment? Right. So you're listening to us. You may be listening to us here at episode 97 for the first time, but you're hearing a couple who have been doing this for We'll be right back. So you're listening to us. You may be listening to us here at episode 97 for the first time, but you're hearing a couple who have been doing this for over eight years now. Yeah. And you haven't heard our journey from the beginning.

So you may be making an assessment on our thing without understanding how it has changed and evolved and been refined over the years. Right. So I guess there's no good answer to this question. No, but again, you can't try to emulate us. And if you have friends that are in the lifestyle, and let's say you're new and they've been doing it a while and you've met and connected with these people, you can't try to be just like them either. Even though you're good friends with them, they're still different people and they still have different desires going on in their head.

So you can, again, use them as an example and use their experience, their tales of, you know, craziness as, you know, maybe starting off points to, oh, maybe we could try knotting New Orleans because they went and had a blast. You know, maybe you're going to go and have a terrible time. I don't know. Like, it's a fun weekend, but you got to have the right personalities to navigate it and you have to be smart about it. And everything's like that. Clubs are fun too if you know how to play the game. There's a certain rhythm to go into a club and hooking up with people.

So it's all just a matter of talking to people and listening to their stories and finding out what intrigues you and then trying it so to wrap up i'll use your quote you know we're an example and not a blueprint oh good one honey so there's there's lots of examples out there's lots of lifestyle podcasts you know there's lots of events there's lots of resorts and clubs there's a lots of different ways that people engage in this yeah and there are examples all over the place i think if you believe you have to pattern yourself after if an example out there becomes your blueprint that's probably where there's frustration and a lack of growth.

Yeah. So don't box yourself in. Right. And even as we've learned, when you have a building permit and architectural drawings, even the blueprints change. Yeah. At least if the city inspector finds out. That's right. It becomes a problem. Yes, as we know. Aye. Okay. Well, hopefully that was a little bit of food for thought. Yeah. Because we don't have the answer. Yeah, don't be like be like us. Just listen. You can keep up with the Joneses, but don't copy the Joneses. Yeah. Listen and learn and ask. I guess the homework that we talked about early on is sit down and ask yourself these questions.

I mean, what is your thing? What do you enjoy?

What are you comfortable comfortable doing where do you think you are right now um are you making your relationship your own what can you do to make your relationship your own yeah and the good and the great thing about it is you're gonna there's no wrong answers if you're doing this together right just be true to yourselves right and don't be afraid to speak up and say that wasn't what i thought it was going to be yeah you know um good or bad yep okay well when we come back i think we have a couple of snapshots to share yep we have one snapshot from the joneses and one from a listener uh yeah i have a snapshot but you don't because what did you say i'm not rigid i'm sorry it's only been six weeks you'll get there what what we're what we're asking of our listenership you know i i can't our community is such a big part of our life we have a sexy scribers group in our community and i've tasked them with scribing some snapshots that we can read but if anyone out there has a podcast or a podcast a snapshot that you'd like us to to read it can be funny sexy whatever yep send it to me that's right we'll take it now that we're looking for content when we can't do our own snapshots but are you going going to go first or me?

I'll go first. Okay, so this is from a listener. Yes. And it's a funny one because it starts out saying, funny thing happened last weekend. We responded to a hot date with a couple from out of town. We met at a trendy restaurant and hit it off right away. Chemistry was definitely popping. As the dinner plates were being cleared, the other wife and I headed to the restroom. We waited for what seemed to be forever for the other ladies to leave so we could have the talk in private.

She started the conversation with, we are definitely interested and I'm not sure I'll make it out of this bathroom without touching those breasts. I said, we definitely are too And please, please do touch them. So then we started going over our husband's sexual preferences, which vibrators we brought with us. And I'm pretty sure hit every vanilla taboo, sexy topic. And things were definitely heating up between us.

Just when we were talking about how my straight husband was comfortable with her bi husband watching him, but not touching him sexually, the toilet in one of the stalls suddenly flushed and we heard someone clear their throat. They didn't clear their throat until they were done. They'd probably been done. Matter of fact, they probably held that flush for a long time too.. I know. So apparently we were not alone. I've never cleared out of a restaurant so fast. Our husbands thought we were just super eager to get things started. Let that be a lesson to you.

You've got to go up and down the stalls. You've got to stick your head under there to look for feet. Yeah, you've got to look for drawers down around here, the ankles. Well, no, we're ladies. Sometimes we have dresses on, so we pull our dresses up. So you just have to look for feet. You have to look for feet. That's funny. Oops. That's a good story to tell. They'll always have a good story to tell. That's, I mean, that's happened to me before too, but not that, our conversation wasn't that explicit. But yeah, that's happened. Oh, to you? Yeah. In a bathroom? Yeah. Talking to another female?

Yeah. But not talking about sexual play styles and taboo boundaries and limits. You were touching each other's breasts?

Well, you know, you can kind of do that stuff in a ladies room because girls do touch each other like you know like fix bra straps and adjust things so yeah we like dudes can't you can't touch another guy in a bathroom like that just would be weird no hey your fly's down yours have been it up yourself i'm not coming i mean i'm not yucking anybody's yum but i would say just typically right that would not be socially accepted where women like yeah i mean obviously you wouldn't want your hand inside the bra right but you can get away with a lot more in a lady's room that's a funny story yes thank you for sharing that guys my snapshot is is literally a snapshot it's very brief as we have as mrs jones has been lamenting i've been out of service and uh i say that in the most lovingly way i was going out to run an errand i had told you earlier in the day that i was going to go out.

You set me up. To run this errand. And you said, okay. And being the good husband, I was about, like some time went by, and then I was grabbing the keys and heading out the door, and I said, I better run up and tell her I'm leaving. So I went up. Which you never do.

You would normally just text me so i would see the text later okay well anyway i came up and you weren't you weren't in your office and i heard the shower upstairs and as i started coming up the stairs i could hear the shower running but i could also hear you moaning I just got a new toy yeah also hear you moaning i just got a new toy yeah from casualtoys.com yes it was um and so i kind of and our stairs are real squeaky and so i i kind of i heard what i thought was you and then that's the more i came upstairs the more i realized that was you are you serious because like it's impossible to come up our stairs without him squeaking yeah they were squeaking i said the floors were squeaking as i was coming so that was part of the noise and i was hearing the shower water and then i was hearing you but i hadn't really figured out what it was until i got to the very top and i noticed the door was closed and then i could really hear you because I had stopped walking.

And then it got quiet. And I said, Oh, no, she knows I'm out here. I don't want to embarrass her. But I was enjoying listening to you. So I just kind of said, I'm going to run my errand. And I sneaked back downstairs. So just in case you needed to finish. No, I was done. You heard me finish. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, so that was my... It was a good toy. It didn't take long. That was an audio snapshot, not a visual snapshot. Well, you should have come in. Like, when you first told me you did that, I was like, why didn't you come in?

Well, I thought I would have caught you in a bad place or something. I don't know. Okay, so next time, you need to just come in. So what were you using? It was the Womanizer Duo. Okay. What is that? Well, it's like a rabbit, only ladies out there, if you know what a Womanizer is, it's one of the, I think it's called Air Pulse.

It's kind of like a cl only um ladies out there if you know what a womanizer is it's one of the i think it's called air pulse it's kind of like a clit sucking thing um but it uses like air pulses or whatever so it's kind of has this open circle on the like the clit part that your you know clit goes in and then it kind of like i don't know it kind it and vibrates it. And then, and then it has the internal part to go in your vagina. It has, um, two different motors. So, you know, you can work the two things independently of each other. Was that your first time using it? Yeah, I was breaking it.

It had just come in the mail. Well, I think you did it right. I know. It seemed to work.

I was almost was almost disappointed because i came so fast of course i might be a little horny since yeah never mind so anyway it's it but you know the best part about this toy like the it's waterproof okay it is waterproof but the even better than that because lots of toys are waterproof now i'm totally like i should get a commission from womanizer and um anyway it has this thing oh i can't remember the name of it but it what it does is it turns off when it not making contact with your body oh because the thing about a vibrator i know is like oh you have this amazing orgasm and then i kind of like my arm will like collapse down on the bed or in the shower and then it's still making that obnoxious noise and you just want it to stop but then your hands are all slippery and you're trying to find the off button and all that you can't enjoy your after orgasm i know i i like someow.

So anyway, this toy, when it stops making contact with your body, it pauses. Now that's high tech. I know, I know. It's brand new. New technology, I guess. At casualtoys.com. Yes, it is at casualtoys.com. By the way, you can get a discount if you go to our website. That's right.

And mickey is great he is he we have a sex toy group that he spends a lot of time in educating people i know he knows a lot of shit i know he knows a lot at first you know when i first heard him and sexy i thought this guy is the biggest bullshitter out there or he's really smart he's really smart he knows a lot about a lot although i think he can bullshit pretty good too i mean i don't know whether he knows more about whiskey or sex toys he's a smart guy all around oh well thank you casual toys for that snapshot telling you why that's a good toy and you're bringing that one to uh where are we going again uh dominican oh jamaica have we been there before um only on a cruise okay and and we were like over in ocho rios so no we've never been to this part of jamaica okay we've never spent the night there how fun i can't wait i know some jerk chickens some red stripe beer oh we have to drink a red stripe for our next door neighbor i know i heard because he has to bring in all my packages while we're gone i guess we need to take a picture i know of us cloth drink a red stripe for our next door neighbor.

I know, I heard. Because he has to bring in all my packages while we're gone. I guess we need to take a picture of us clothed with red stripe. Honey, this isn't desire. Oh, that's right. We have to wear clothes. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Yeah, it's going to be a different going to a non, what is it, a non-clothing optional resort a clothing required resort although i don't have a lot to to show these days so i'm glad i'm going to be covered up oh brother i need another few weeks of recovery but maybe after jamaica i'll be good to go you'll be fine that's our's our goal. Yes. All right.

Well, that wraps up 97. If you're interested in joining our community, just visit our website, wegotathing.com, and you'll see an opportunity there to learn more details about our community and how to join. You can email me at mrjones at we got a thing.com or me at mrs jones at we got a thing.com you can follow us on twitter at we got a thing we also have a presence on pinterest and double date nation sdc and cassidy thanks for listening we are mr and mrs jones and we got a thing what's your thing We'll see you next time.