Episode 153: Your Insecurity is Your Issue

Transcript

Speaker1: This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey, you teenagers out there. If you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a longtime married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us? MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM And I'm Mrs. Jones. And I'm Mrs. Jones. And we want to welcome you to episode 153 of the We Got a Thing podcast. Your insecurity is your issue. It's kind of harsh. Well, I was just looking at you because you're my podcast partner. But before we talk about that and catch you up with what's been going on, you probably noticed our intro music was a little bit different. And we have to thank our friends from Luxe Music Studios, L-U-X-E Music Studios. We got a letter, an email from them. And this couple was deciding how they wanted to share their lifestyle experience with others. Since not doing a podcast or being a content producer. But they decided to write music. And it is erotic. It's not... It's sexy, fun music. Yeah, it's sexy. It's not raunchy. And it is all based on non-monogamy, female empowerment, respect, and just an overall Celebration of the Lifestyle. And it's really good music. I mean, I'm pretty picky when it comes to music. Well, it sounds like something that you would hear on anybody's Sexy playlist. And then you start listening to the words and you're like, huh, wow. Yeah. That's pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah. Some of the stories, all of them are based on their personal adventures in the lifestyle. And we picked out four that we're going to share with you during our podcast today. And then I will link to their spot Spotify Music. They're on Apple Music, Spotify, and YouTube, and I'll put links to that in the show note. But anyway, the snippet of song you heard coming in was called I Like to Share. Yeah. And you can imagine what that's about. I know. Well, I like to share. Yeah. And I'm an only child, and I like to share. I know. You learned that about yourself, didn't you? Yeah, I know. That's true. Yeah. Okay, what else has been going on with the Joneses? Well, first of all, we're still discovering new new dive bars and wineries and breweries yeah well new ones are opening that's the thing like we have a new wine bar we got a new brewery so we feel like it is our responsibility as hosts of our guests that come into town either on vacation or come to visit us you know we have to check them out yes and speaking of that we did have friends come into town in the past month yeah two couples from our community that were in the neighborhood and we got to catch dinner with them. And then one of the single guys from our community was in the neighborhood over the weekend. And we got to grab lunch with him. Yep. I love living at the beach. I know. If you want to come visit, we're here. That's right. We're always happy to meet up with friends and listeners in the area. As far as what's going on in our, gosh, what's going on in We Got a Thing in our community right now. So this is 30 Days of Lingerie. If you've been listening to Kate and Daryl, from Wanderlust, Kate from Libertine. You know, this is something that she's passionate about and started a few years ago on Twitter. And I can say Twitter because back then it used to be Twitter. And in our community, we have a 30 days of lingerie space that people are sharing photographs. And I want you to take a guess. Okay, we have like 1,300 members. Right. Guess how many, quote unquote, interactions, engagements that we've had in our community. So what do you mean by engagement? Do you mean like... If somebody posted a picture, posted a discussion topic, commented on something, liked something, any kind of interaction with the post. So an emoji would count? Emoji would count. Oh, then there's just a bajillion. So take a guess. You're going to make me actually guess a number. Yeah. In one week. In one week. Yeah. 1,300 members, let's see. I would say 20,000. 88,000. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. And it's mostly because of 30 Days of Lingerie. And it's going to come into play here when we talk about insecurity in a minute. But it's such a great way for people to celebrate how they feel about themselves. And there's so much encouragement from the people who see the photos and comment on the photos. It's just one of the most popular months of the year. Well, and that's really kind of how this topic came up, right? Because it takes courage to post photos of yourself in lingerie. And let me tell you, this is not a gender-specific activity. It's not. No. And that is what is so amazing about it. I think maybe the first year it pretty much was. And then we have like one or two guys in our community that are just, they're just fun and they'll put themselves right out there. Yes. like their mangeret or whatever. And then it caught on. And now the men are actually quite involved. One of the guys had the creative idea to hold a beer stein in just the proper location to make his picture pass our guidelines and our standards for pictures. And a lot of couples are doing this together. And some of our couples are dressing alike. Some of the guys have even had some of the ladies lingerie on. Oh, that's hilarious. Yeah, it's been a lot of fun. And also, there's been a lot of activity around the country. We just had WGT events in Michigan and Southern California and South Carolina, and we have a few coming up in the next few months. Kansas City, Niagara Falls, for those of you in the northeast or from Canada, the eastern part of Canada. I've always been accused of just, like, lumping I know, because we have Canadian friends in the western part of Canada, and they're very sensitive to that. In the Niagara Falls region of Canada, Fort Worth, Texas, Seattle, Washington, northern Virginia. So it's that time of year when spring has sprung and people are popping up. Ready to get out and about. Yeah, yeah. I mean, some of those northern states this year, they were snowed in for a while, or frozen in for a while. So we're going to be going to the Fort Worth at any rate, if any of these sound like they're close to you and you want to meet some cool people, as I've been mentioning, you can just send me an email if you want to try our community, mrjones at wegotathing.com. Introduce yourselves to me and request that promo code and I'll send you. This is a good time of year with all the activity in 30 days and with all the upcoming events, we would love to have you join our community. So we're going to take a little bit of a break so that you can listen to. So I think this next song by Lux Music is my favorite because it's called Dressed to Undress. Yes. And again, it goes with the theme, 30 Days of Lingerie. It does. And in insecurities. But I like it when you want, like if it's a Saturday evening and it's just going to be Mr. and Mrs. Jones night at home, and then you put clothes on, I know that you put them on with the intention of them being taken off. later. History has shown itself. That's what happens. So yeah, I like to be prepared. Yeah. So that's what the song is all about. Dress to undress. Let it drop down to the floor. Brought unclassed, I'm free. Now I'm ready for more. You slide my thong down. I'm ready to go. Take me now, my lover. Let's give them a show. Concord inside, feeling sexy and exotic. My arousal starts to build. We're gonna make this night. Welcome back to segment two, where we're going to talk about how our insecurities are our issues. I'm going to make it a little more approachable by using a better pronoun. Well, that's what I said. I said your insecurity is your issue. You just are owning it. Well, quit staring at me when you say that. Well, who else am I supposed to look at? Well, I hope you enjoyed a little bit of dress to undress. And let's start into insecurity. Because when we were talking about this, we were talking about like, what are the things that What causes us to be insecure? Or when we got into the lifestyle especially, what causes people to be insecure? I think the biggest thing, we can make this a really short episode, is comparison. That is, to me, like the leading trigger for people to be insecure. They think they have to compare themselves to everyone else. Either they're smarter than me, or they're prettier than me, or they're older than me, or they're younger than me, you're constantly measuring yourself by standards that you think society is setting so are you did you struggle with that i think we all struggle with it it's what you do with that struggle i think that it is really the whole message of of tonight's topic yeah but i think you've told me that especially if we're attracted to another couple I've heard you say a couple of times well they're younger than we are well that's usually the case and damn it like we have good friends that we've recently reconnected with and we were just together with them last weekend and I said something about always being the the oldest female in the bedroom and she's like well you and I are the same age and I'm and she told me how old she was and I'm like oh well I said well we are the same age I'm I'm like when's your birthday and she said and I'm like damn you I'm three weeks older than you we'll keep trying to find somebody older honey right but I think but I think we all do that and you know the other a couple of other reasons why we tend to be insecure is you you mentioned this a long time ago on a podcast society has a way to program us through billboards and through magazines and catalogs and television That in order to be beautiful, you have to look a certain way. You have to dress a certain way. You have to present yourself a certain way. Yes. And luckily for us, society has actually used their collective voice. Yeah. And said, enough is enough. Yes. Most Victoria's Secret models need to eat a sandwich. They're too skinny. Or too. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, so like Victoria's Secret has full-figured ladies that model their swimsuits and lingerie now. And it's so refreshing because now I can look at, and they also have models that aren't 25 years old. You know, so now I can actually look on a website at a dress or a swimsuit or lingerie and I can imagine what I look like in it. Yeah. And you know what? Before, it's like what I wish I looked like in it. Right. And one of the things that we're doing, I don't even know if I told you this yet, when Renee, our community manager, and Colleen, our social media manager, and I were talking, they came up with the idea of let's see if there are any men or women or couples in our community that are posting their 30-day pictures that would let us put their photos out on our Instagram and our X account. It would be cropped so that they can't see their faces. But the whole idea behind it is, you know, just like you were saying, and, you know, we've talked to Desire about this, too. If you go to their website, it's all young kids that are perfect bodies. And, you know, we've always said, you know, hey, why don't you market to us normal people? Yeah. So we're doing this so that those who are outside of our community looking in can see, that the people that are in our community are just real people. They're just like the rest of us. Yeah, and they're beautiful. Yeah. And their realness is beautiful. Right. Yes. Yeah, so I guess I should say if you're not following us on X or Instagram, this would be a good time to do that. And you can find us at We Got a Thing. But yeah, I mean, society is doing a better job now, but you and I didn't grow up during that time, so. Right, right. I mean, we're seeing the fruits of everyone's labor. But a lot of those norms are pretty locked in my brain. Yeah. And it's hard to rattle them loose. Yeah. Another thing that causes us to be insecure is everything that all of our teenage friends told us when we were in middle school and high school. Oh, I know. Teenagers are so mean. And that kind of stuff sticks with you. It does, for sure. Yeah. So it's no surprise that we carry these insecurities. And I think everybody has them. So what we wanted to talk about tonight is what are some indicators? What are some examples or what are some signs of these types of insecurity manifesting themselves in the lifestyle? So the first one is it's not really an insecurity, but it manifests itself as jealousy. Jealousy isn't really, I guess I said that, Jealousy isn't necessarily jealousy. It can just be you assuming that your partner is going to prefer the other person over you. Yeah, or fall in love with them. Well, prefer one way or another, right? Emotionally, physically. Yeah, right. Yeah, I mean, jealous is the emotion, but underlying that is the fear of I'm going to lose you or he or she's going to be better than me. that may happen, and if it happens, it's going to be a bad thing, or I'm going to lose you, or we're going to lose what we had. I think jealousy is the easiest one to come up with. Another sign of insecurity is just plain anxiety. We talked about this a little bit with Miche last month, but going to a club for the first time and standing in the background, because we don't think we're experienced enough, we don't think we belong there, Interesting enough to be able to share our story with other people and have them be interested in our story and us. Yeah. And we stand on the outside looking in and we see everybody. It appears as if everyone else is completely secure because they're walking around with hardly any clothes on. They're chit-chatting. It looks like a normal networking or party. But sometimes our anxiety tells us that we shouldn't be there or we don't belong. And again, that's just an insecurity that we have because we're new at this and we don't know really exactly what we're walking into. The next one is body image. And I can say for a guy, back to the comparison word, I always wondered what it was going to be like. Like if we were with another couple, if the guy was going to be taller than me, if he was going to be more muscular than me, if he was going to be longer than me, if he was going to last longer than I do, if he was going to get harder than I get. So this insecurity, and I really had no reason to think that because we had never really had an issue before. I had never had an issue. But all of a sudden you're introducing somebody else into your bedroom and me as a guy, you know, I didn't I didn't really think about body image until we had other guys in the room and then it struck me you know what is wow what if she enjoys that better you know what if what if the size is you know makes her feel a certain way or you know he does something that I'm not able to do so that insecurity in it from a guy's perspective can kind of show up in that so most of what you just said had to do with performance yes yeah except for the length Well, I mean, yeah, but then again, like I've said, like if it's too big and it's not used properly, then it hurts. So that's never really kind of been an issue for me. That never enters a guy's mind because, you know, that's how guys think. And we've been programmed to like bigger is better. Right. But yeah, you're right. Well, it's the same thing with boobs. Like girls, I think were initially programmed to think that Guys like big boobs. Yeah. And a lot of girls don't have big boobs. Right. And you happen to like all kinds of boobs. I can say that for certain. You honestly don't have a boob type. I do not. No, I think you just like boobs. Yes, I do. So I'm a normal guy. So as a guy, like, do you think, like when you first got in the lifestyle, were you concerned about like, your overall appearance, like how you present yourself. Yeah, I think so. Because I had never really thought about it. I had never thought about trying to impress somebody or put a certain image out there. Because I already had you. Not that I wanted to take you for granted. I mean, I still liked dressing up when we went out. But that's different. Well, you're like my Ken doll. I like to dress you up. And you've always been very open to that. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, so, but I've always trusted you in that regard too. I've always felt like if you're going to put yourself out there and you're going to look nice, then I should do the same thing. But there are a lot of guys in the lifestyle who, who kind of don't follow that mantra. Right. And, and I guess that was my question. Like it seems like women, as far as like our appearance goes, I think we're, We're all aligned similarly, which is really sad because that means we're all kind of insecure about our appearance and we're trying our hardest to put our best foot forward. It seems like some guys are not insecure about it at all because they're kind of clueless. So I think with guys, you have a bigger range of issues when it comes to how you present yourself, which could actually cause a little anxiety for the way you present yourself, as in what you're wearing and your general manners, right? You can be as handsome as anything, but if you're not presenting yourself well. Right, because you've never seen me flirt before. Right. I mean, maybe you've seen me just naturally converse with people before, but yeah, you're not going to want me to be creepy. No. sense of humor is a little out there and i'm always hoping that people take it the right way yeah yeah so far you haven't scared too many people off no no but i mean that's you have to be yourself that's true you have to shoot your shot that's true so whether and you know what yeah being able to read body language and how people react to it or how you react to it if i get kicked under the table you know then i stop and think what did i just do or what see you're actually talking about the opposite of insecurity like Like, you're shooting your shot. Like, this is who I am. And I mean, so that's a good thing. Yeah, right. But I have to go back to ladies and boobs. You made a comment once that, I mean, everyone, we've talked about you having an enhancement. Right. Breast augmentation. What's the technical term for it? That's actually what it's called. Okay. Good job. I was considering a tummy tuck, yeah. And your, your solution was, well, if I get a boob job, fewer people are going to be looking at my tummy. Exactly. I know. But even what I'm saying to ladies is that guys don't really look at you the way that, you know, you look at yourself. Um, but that, but that was something that you did. That was my, Yeah, that was your insecurity. And I managed it by choosing to have augmentation done. And, you know, not every lady is going to make that choice. And that's fine. Like, we all have to decide for ourselves. You know, a couple of other things that we're insecure about are age. I mean, we kind of touched on that already because we are, we tend to skew. We can move along. People know. We tend to skew on the older side. even in the sweet spot for people in our community or our listeners it's you know i would say the 45 to 55 year olds are in the sweet spot but yeah yeah so we get clearly we skew to the right well i mean it comes back to like not being i don't want to be the creepy old man yeah you know and even when there are younger people who are attracted to us i still carry a little bit of that with me but then i think you know what i'm not going to make this decision for them you know I've learned that if somebody's attracted to me, I'm not going to dwell on it. I'm not going to question it. You know, as long as they're emotionally mature, you know. Well, that's the thing. I mean, you know, we run into people that are our kids' age now. Right. And that's weird. But it's not weird once you get to know them. Right. Right. You know, an immature 35-year-old, is much more interesting than an immature 55-year-old. Correct. You know, so I don't really think about the numbers that much anymore. I just think, you know, we're just at a different place in life. Yeah. So when you're with somebody that is a very different age than you, you lose that commonality. You know, you have other things in common. You like to travel, you know, like certain things in the bedroom or, you know, whatever that is going to bring the sexiness forward. You don't have that stage in life commonality. Right. Yeah, so there are different things and race, where you're from, what language you speak, the color of your skin. I mean, there's a lot of things that people are going to bring into it, but I think the point is we all bring some sort of something into an insecurity, into a lifestyle. And I think lastly, for me when I'm insecure that, you know, what if somebody doesn't like me? And what do I do if somebody doesn't like me? I mean, that, I was so, I'm pretty shy. I know people might find this hard to believe, but. No, really, you were. I was. I mean, I rarely asked a girl out. It just, I was more afraid that somebody was going to say no, and it was just going to cry. It's funny now. Well, it is. But no, I mean, but when you come back into the lifestyle, though, you, I mean, I don't have to worry. I have you with me. So if we're rejected, you know, it's not, it doesn't sting as much because we got each other. But still, you want people to like you. And what if they don't like you? I'm going to be insecure because I'm projecting this failure or, you know, I, I lose my confidence and I'm just insecure. Because everybody wants to be liked, right? I don't want to hear somebody say anything. You want to be interesting. You want to be funny. You want to be charming. We all want to be all of these things. And I guess the moral of the story is if you can just relax and be yourself, people are going to like you. Okay, well, since you mentioned that, let's get into really the how do we get beyond our insecurities. Right. It's one thing to whine about it. Now we've got to fix it. Yeah, because after all, your insecurities are your issues. That's right. So how did we get beyond that? I think what I just said, by being yourself. And to be yourself, you have to be vulnerable. You can't be afraid of people finding out what you do for a living or, you know, where you live. Like, you don't want to give people your address or you really don't want to give people your phone number at first either. I mean, you know, you need to be discreet. But you can be discreet and vulnerable at the same time if you're smart about it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I remember one time you told me I was, this was back in the day when we first started, and I was under the impression that people wanted to be with us because of you. I remember you saying that, yeah. And not because of me. And you said, you said, that's insulting to me. And I said, what do you mean? And you said, well, what are you saying about my taste? Right. I chose you. So what does that say about me? That I chose a loser that nobody's going to want to hang out with? And I really didn't have a good answer for that. That was a head scratcher, wasn't it? Yeah, it was. It was one of those times that I actually listened to you. I know. And I was what? I was not left, but I was. You were. you gave me good advice you can say it you uh were more right than wrong yeah there you go there you go yeah and and vulnerability starts there but it also goes into the physical vulnerability like the first time you have to remove an article of clothing or you go to an event and you're you know you've got lingerie on or you go to a desire and you're taking your clothes off. Yeah. I remember the first time, I can't even remember what kind of event it was, but putting lingerie on and then walking out into a room where other people were, it was so bizarre. I could not believe I was actually doing that because people were going to see me in lingerie. And it was a lot. And honestly, it still kind of gets me. you know after all these years like when we go to desire and we come back after dinner to change into our theme night outfits and if my outfit is teeny tiny i mean there's i still say i'm not really sure if i'm feeling this tonight and you're like we're gonna be late let's go and and you say that not because if we're gonna be late but because you're trying to get me out the door before i change my mind and put something more conservative on well you also say that sometimes it's harder To wear lingerie than it is to be naked in the pool. Yeah. Because you're putting yourself out there. Yeah, because lingerie is kind of like, you're kind of showing your personality, right? And your body. Yeah. I mean, yeah, you're showcasing your body. But you would think that people looking at all your parts when you're naked standing next to the pool would be harder. But to me, the lingerie kind of presents you in a sexual way. Whereas when you're naked, we're just all human beings that are enjoying the sunshine and good weather. I mean, I have to admit that the good thing about you wearing lingerie at a place like that is because I would walk in and really say, well, no one's going to be looking at me if you're standing next to me. But again, that's the guy's perception. I mean, I've learned that that's not entirely Right. Again, look at our 30 Days of Lingerie photo feed. There's lots of guys doing the same thing. Right. And the first time you play with another couple and you've got to disrobe. I know. It's like, oh my God, he's going to see my stretch marks. Is he still going to want to play with me? But I've said this before and I want to say it again. When a woman gives herself like that to me and she's vulnerable, I find that too. to be extremely sexy. Because I know what I feel like when I have to expose myself. And I'm trusting the person that I'm going to be with is going to appreciate that and not recoil away in horror. Right. Right. Well, and, you know, also, when you expose yourself to other people, either nudity or lingerie, and they see your battle scars. I mean, that just means that you've lived life. You know, we don't all live life without battle scars. I mean, those battle scars can be in the form of stretch marks. They can be in the form of surgical scars. I mean, you have battle scars now. Like, you have five scars on your abdomen from your surgery. I mean, they've kind of faded, and you guys are lucky because, you know, your belly's got a little bit of hair on it, and it kind of disguises things. you know we don't have that luxury as ladies right but yeah goodness you're not into like hairy bellies no not at all i like a hairy belly good for you but um you know those scars we think of as imperfections but they're really just stories about our lives yep and i mean and that's so easy to say and then and then you'll have to walk in the room where I know I sound like a hypocrite but you have to it's this mental game you play in your head like I said it and then I think oh shit and and then you've got to live it right and I think you should take the next one because I think this is an important one and you were just kind of getting to it anyway well yeah you just have to say well I am who I am and I can't do anything about it now and we're here and and there's sexy people here I want to get to know so you just have to put yourself out there whether that's making yourself talk to somebody when you're so shy you just want to curl up in a corner or whether you're disrobing either into lingerie or nudity or you're getting up the nerve to ask a couple to come play with you or a single to come play with you that all of that stuff you are naturally you're going to have a little bit of anxiety about. But you're never going to know unless you make the decision. And that's how, to me, that's how you get rid of your insecurities. You just decide. Right. So we've talked about being courageous and being confident in the past, but I like the word decisive because once you decide, you've decided. Yeah, can't take it back. Can't take it back. Courage, you can lose your nerve. Confidence, you can lose your confidence. But once you make a decision, no going back. You're just going to go for the... So you make the decision and you put it behind you. Yeah, let's see what happens. And you'll see what happens. And you said before, you said, you know what? Well, you mentioned your stretch marks. You know, somebody doesn't like them. They're, you know, nothing I can do about it. And, you know, it is what it is. I mean, it's just, it just tells the story that I had two big babies. Yeah. Well, and there's other people out there, like you said, that have similar scars, life scars. Yeah. I mean, women that have had breast cancer, that have gone through reconstruction, I can't imagine the courage it takes to put themselves out there. Yeah. But those are beautiful scars. Yeah. Because that means you've come out on the other side. Well, and you're being vulnerable. Yes. And that's sexy. And then you have a partner next to you being your cheerleader. Oh, absolutely. Isn't she beautiful? You know, look at her. This is what I get. So, you know, having a partner that is going to support you that way is very important, too. That's one of my first memories of the lifestyle. We were at Desire for the first time, and there was this couple there. Oh, geez, they're probably like our age now. But, like, they were well into their 60s, and she was on the dance floor dancing, and she was just, having the time of her life and i think i was i don't know where i was i i don't know if i had gone to the bar to get a drink but i was standing next to her husband and we had chatted with them earlier in the week and i said oh my gosh she's having so much fun out there and he said look at her isn't she beautiful yeah like he was just in awe of his wife and i think they had been married 40 something years right you know and he was looking at her like she was 19 year olds old and he had just met her for the first time and you know what he's thinking also I told her that people were going to find her attractive. I told her she's beautiful and now look at her. She's out there. She finally listened to me. But hearing that from other people goes a long way to calming those insecurities that okay, you're my partner. You're supposed to tell me this. But when other men and women make comments about how you're dressed or what you look like, especially if you're playing together and they just admire. You know, sometimes when I'm playing with another woman, I just kind of stop and admire you and her. I just need to take it in. And, you know, that vulnerability, the beauty, the heavy breathing, the sweat, whatever else is going on at that point in time is just, I think sometimes if we get too wrapped up in it, And it's nice to be able to take a step back every once in a while and just look at where we are. Look at the people that we're with. Look at us together. And that goes a long way for me. I don't even really think about being insecure there anymore. No, in the moment. When you're engaged in the moment, those insecurities are the furthest thing from your mind. You're just enjoying the fact that you got there. All of those insecurities are now completely unfounded. Yeah. I think another one is the type of people who we are attracted to, because you and I have learned over the years that it's about, it's not just physical attraction. That has to be there, of course, but not to a large degree compared to their personalities, the strength of their relationship, how they interact with each other, how conversational they are, how vulnerable they are. are with you. So you and I have always been on the same page so that the couples that we engage with are more likely to be our kind of people. It's a good fit. Yeah. We don't try to force things that don't fit. Right. And we take the time to check for chemistry among the four of us before we just dive in because they're hot. Right. Right. You know, because being hot is only one piece of the puzzle. And I think if you don't look at the bigger picture here, there's a higher likelihood that you won't find a connection. Because if it's just physical beauty you're after, you don't know the people. So there's a greater likelihood there's not going to be a connection if that's the only aspect of the couple that you're looking at. So anyway, you and I, we're like-minded when it comes to the type of people that we're attracted to. Well, you know, another thing that really helps my insecurities about my body or my age is when we do meet a couple and they're hot and we spend some time getting to know them and then we realize that there's no chemistry, I'll throw the flag and say, yeah, that's not going to happen. There's no chemistry there and I know you're interested in her because she's She's beautiful. And I mean, it could even have great personality, right? But if there's no chemistry, it's not going to work. And I know you're going to be disappointed because she's hot. And you unfailingly say, all right, and then we move along. So in my mind, when you say, all right, it's like you're choosing me. And I think, gosh, I've read so many books the past couple years. I can't even remember who said it, but you know, you have to choose each other day after day after day when you're, you know, with your life partner. And I think the longer you do this, the more you realize your partner's going to choose you every time. Yeah, I mean, I appreciate that. A lot of that came with experience, though, because if you remember, we were laughing in one of our early episodes about a couple that we just didn't connect with, and I was pretty insistent. You pouted. You pouted. I mean, we didn't see them again. You pushed back a little bit. You were like, well, she could have just been shy because she was nervous. And I was like, no, babe. And then after you grumbled a little bit, you were fine. Well, really being deliberate like we are means that we're going to be quote unquote more successful because we're making sure that both of us are attracted to the other couple or the other person. And we are also making sure that the other couple is really interested in us. Right. You know, because I feel like sometimes if you pressure somebody into it, not only I wouldn't pressure you into it, I wouldn't pressure another couple into it either. Because it's going to be a bad experience for them. And it's not going to be what I think it's going to be in my mind if people aren't interested in being with us. Right. And that's one thing that, comes with experience, because we have so many friends now, and we've had our share of play partners, that there's not a sense of urgency. You know, when we first got into this, you think, okay, we can only do this one weekend of the month, and we got to get a babysitter, and, you know, we're going to go to this party, and we have X number of hours, and we don't know anybody, and it's taking us forever to meet people, and then you meet a couple, and you connect, and then you, that's very valuable, because they're the only ones. There's only a few. So it's harder at that point in time to let people kind of go until you get enough experience to know, why would we do that? We have friends. We have a good sex life, first of all. You and I have each other. So I don't think we feel the pressure that you would feel when you're earlier in your lifestyle journey. Right. So therefore, our insecurities don't get the best of us. as often as they used to. Yeah. I don't know that it's that we're any more confident than we used to be. I think we've learned to manage our insecurities. Right. Right. So I think the bottom line in all this is being more secure. It just comes with experience. Yes. And in order to get the experience, you have to be decisive. Yeah. I think being decisive is really the key. And encouraging. Okay, we're going to do this. Yeah. Yeah. And encourage each other. And you can be so proud of yourself. to be an optimal experience yeah you know you're going to be proud of yourself that you put yourself out there and you tried and then you learn from that whatever you know however the evening goes or the event goes you you take lessons learned and you apply those next time right and so your homework is to find an opportunity to be decisive and it does not have to be a decision to play because we don't want to set expectations but it has to be a decision that you're in this together. This is what you're trying to get out of the lifestyle. This is how we're going to make our decisions. And when we make a decision, we're going to follow through with it. Because if we don't, it's just going to add to our insecurity the next time. So the decision is to put yourself out there. Whether it's to post a photo somewhere, whether it's to send a sexy text to a couple. Because that's scary. Because once you hit send, you can't take it back. And make sure you don't send it to your boss. Right, honey? Yeah, right. Talked about that. But the thing, though, that I want to close by saying is that we think other people are perfect. You know, they have a perfect relationship. She has a perfect body. You know, he has a perfect body. You know, they're walking around looking confident or they're looking sexy. And we think we're the ones with the insecurity. What we don't understand is, and I can pretty much say everyone in this case, everyone has an insecurity. So that should make you feel more confident that you don't have to look for it in somebody, but you have to just know that other people are going to be, you know, they're not going to be harsh on you, as harsh as you think, because they have insecurities. Right, right. I mean, we all have them, so it's how you manage them. Right. And how you overcome them. Right. I think that covers it. Just make a decision, damn it. Damn it. It's your issue. It's your with encouragement from your partner and from us. We know you can do it. Yes. Go team. All right. Well, to get you to snapshots, we're going to play a song called Playtime. And this is one of the sexier tunes from Lux Music Studios. Lick my slip desire Lock your eyes to mine so deep Let's ignite this fire Fuck me, pound me, arch my back Keep that rhythm, don't hold back Lick me, kiss me when I'm done Deeper heart and make me come Fuck me, pound me, arch my back Keep that rhythm, don't hold back Hey, welcome back to Snapshots. I think you are going to take the ball and run with us, aren't you? I mean, after listening to that song, I got some feedback. We shared this playlist in our community, and one gentleman said, I sent this to my girlfriend. And when she got home from work, she said, my panties are wet. I said, well, I guess she liked the music. And he said, how could you not? It's so erotic. Yeah, for sure. Let's just be honest. You and I have struggled with porn. Oh, yeah. It's been a 40-year struggle. Our whole relationship. Because I'm... I'm the problem. It's me. Yes, I own it. It's your issue. Yes, it's my issue. So I think we've talked about this with you all before. Like last summer in our pool, you were reading a book and you got turned on and you take your sex toys out there and we started talking about what kind of books you were reading. Right. And you talked about, well, I like a book because I can make up my own imagery that goes along with that. You know, it's not put in my face and there's a story behind it and I can envision what it is. So then I thought, well, maybe I need to find the kind of pornography that would be similar in that vein to you you know this this takes me right back to when we first got in the lifestyle and you were trying to find a podcast for us to listen to I know and I would say I can't do that those people because the podcast we were listening to the couples were experienced right and we were so new and we would hear something like really like a crazy story which was great entertainment But I was just like, I can't do that. And you'd be like, I'll find another podcast. So now I'm like, honey, I don't like the porn. It's not doing anything for me. I'll find better porn. Yeah. So a year ago, almost a year ago, I found a site that you subscribed to that had a variety of different content providers on it. So we could go through and pick the different types of porn, different categories, different directors, you know, and I I've stumbled on a couple that you liked. Yes. They're more female centric. Yeah. More female centric and also more open sexuality. Yes. And real people. Yes. And they seem to be interacting naturally and their bodies were not perfect. No. I mean, they're very, very sexy people, but they're, yeah, it is definitely a wider range of, of ages and body types. and races and sexual preferences. It's a much more fluid environment. Yeah, so we kind of settled on the Erika Lust movies. Yes. The ex-confessions are what they're called. Yes. And there were a couple of them that I showed you, because I would go through and make a playlist, and then I'd preview them, and then I would get your final approval. You are so kind and generous. with your time and doing all of this research, honey. I know. Thank you for noticing. Put a lot of hard work in. But anyway, after that kind of good experience, because I found a couple, and you really liked one, where the guys were even interacting a little bit in that one. And that was something that you told me that turned you on. Yes. That's one of those fantasies that I have that I don't ever expect to become reality, and I kind of like it that way. it's gonna stay like the type of porn i like to watch isn't something i even really desire to recreate the thing that you said that resonated with me is you said it's not gay porn it's open sexuality porn it's when everybody's connected whatever their gender is right they're connected in bed or they're connected whether it's a guy with a guy or that same guy with a girl or the guy with two girls or two guys with the girl you you just Like the fluidity of the sexuality. Yes. Everybody interacts with everybody. Right. Because it's four humans. And the four humans are having sex. Yes. And then Mrs. Jones gave me permission to go buy a porn TV. Yeah, we do. We don't have a TV in our bedroom. So we were watching porn out in the great room, which was fine. I mean, we actually have a nice sofa with a chaise on it and everything. So there was plenty of room. But it's nice to have it in the bedroom because then we have our bed and then we have our sex chair. We just have a lot of options. Yes. So when you said, it was my turn to pick what to do on Saturday night. And I said, well, I either want to use the bed restraints on you or watch porn. And you said, I'm okay with either one. So I said, okay, well, I'm going to go get the porn TV. Yep. And I set it up and you got on your, you undressed from being dressed. Right. Got into your lingerie. If you can call it that. It was just a bunch of strings. Yeah. It was lingerie. Anyway, we got in the right position. It was something that you enjoyed. You actually liked it. And when you like it, and I know it's turning you on, then it turns me on. Yeah. Whatever it is. It was, the first one we watched was two guys and four girls, five girls. Yeah, so the girls were playing with the girls, and the guys were playing with the girls, and again, the guys were playing with the guys, and it just kept switching. And you know what I liked about that one? Like, there was a lot of laughing in that one. You know what? Did I steal your thunder? No, that's what I told you after we watched it when we were on our Sunday walk reviewing our Saturday night events, is that when they started laughing, I'm like, this is not produced porn, because when we play with other people and somebody is up you laugh yeah and there was laughing and giggling and repositioning and you know it wasn't just close-up shots of their anatomy you saw the whole group and you saw how they interacted with each other and the bottom line there is that you got turned on so i got turned on and then we had really really good sex yes easy peasy and i don't think i don't think we watched much of the second one well So when we were walking, I said, what was the second one about? And you're like, I don't know. And then we remembered. And it was one girl with three guys. Yeah. Which reminds me, there's a song in the Lux Music Studio playlist that's called Airtight. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So she could have been, I don't know, because I stopped watching it because we got kind of hot and heavy. Yeah. I honestly don't remember. We'll have to watch that one again. Yeah. But we did. You're going to watch it again? Not right now. Oh. We have to finish the podcast, babe. Oh, okay. Forgot what I was going to say. But anyway, with me being able to get hard again and with us, I feel like my snapshot, I mean, we haven't, we didn't play with anyone since our last podcast. But our sex life has been like put back on the front burner. I feel like we're on the same page now. My body's back to being able to do what it can do. And we're exploring new things again as a couple after 41 years. You know, I feel like it's really exciting again to talk about things that we've never talked about before and to learn new things about you. And thankfully that you like some porn. I know. It only took four decades. Now if I can just get you to fantasize. about a fantasy with the two guys like that is like really in the forefront of my mind i'm actually choosing smut books to read yeah that are have that theme to them because i i just think it's really hot and sexy yeah and there there was a silver lining too because talk about um insecurity because after i had my procedure my prostatectomy I lost some length and we've talked about this and I've been but you told me that the other day that actually doggy style you enjoy now because I used to hit your cervix and I don't hit that anymore. I know like that was like I always felt bad about that because I know doggy is your favorite position and it used to hurt oh yeah the head of a penis on a cervix is not a good thing. I know but it doesn't do that anymore. But it doesn't do that anymore like you fit perfectly now doggy style. I know. You can go to town, and I don't flinch anymore. Oh, you know what that means? What? Butt sex should be better than two. No, it has nothing to do with it. Does it? No. Butt sex is all about girth, and you didn't lose any girth. Are you sure? Yeah. Maybe I did lose girth. Maybe we just need to try. No, ask my mouth. My mouth knows exactly. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Nothing changed there. I don't ejaculate anymore, there is still some, another gland in there somewhere that emits pre-cum. Yeah. So that's good. I can still do that. Yeah. Yeah. You have lots of talents, babe. Yeah. You still got it. I guess. So you're my snapshot, honey. Okay. That's good because we haven't played with anybody else. I know. But I think, and again, this comes with experience. You know, we enjoy the experiences we have, but I also enjoy not having... I used to impose pressure, put pressure on myself. Like, oh my gosh, we haven't done anything in a while. Like, we need to put ourselves back out there. And I don't really feel that anymore. I just enjoy the experiences when the opportunity arises. And we've got lots of opportunities on the horizon. I think so too. I'm excited about it. Yeah. I feel like we're back in the game. Yes. Yes, we are. All right. Well, as we close, I'm going to play the last song I'm going to play is called Your Pleasure Is Mine. It's a very, very good lifestyle song. Yes. And I'm going to play the whole song so you can listen till your heart's content as we close. But also, don't forget, I'm going to put the link to their Spotify playlist to their album in the show notes here. We'd love for you to join our community. We do have a Desire promo code for the third week of June and the June 20th through the 27th and November 14th through the 21st. Good job. We do have promo codes inside of our community, so if you want to join our community, we can share that with you. And we'd love to have you join us at Desire. Yes. We have plenty of room still. And if you can't go those two weeks, you can sign up for a at desire through our website for any time. Yeah, right. Don't forget, you can follow us on x at wegotathing. You can follow us on also Instagram, wegotathing. You can join and try Cassidy and SBC for trial memberships from our website. And don't forget, our website is wegotathing.com. And if you want to contact us, you can also do that through our website as well. Thanks for listening. We are Mr. and Mrs. Jones and we got a thing. What's your thing? I spread wide for her lover. Let's take this to new highs. I urge him to take me deeper. My gaze locked upon your eyes. You love to see me chase desires. I see your ecstasy soar. I grab his hips and pull him deeper. Craving even more. You push her to climax. Her cries echo wide. Sparking my hunger in this passionate tide. The view overwhelms our quartet in sync Buildin' the intensity, gettin' close to the brink Your pleasure is mine, I love to watch her ride The way she takes you deep inside Your pleasure is my pleasure, my arousal amplified My pleasure is yours, her lover fuels my fire Sensual rhythms take me higher Watchin' me in love, you'll hit deep inside is yours, all yours, your pleasure is mine, all mine, all mine He takes me to climax, our pleasures align, you're releasing a mouth, a reward so divine His essence she takes, I savor the sight Her lover soon follows, painting me white My ecstasy surges under your watchful view Knowing it heightens yours in this haze we pursue Trust anchors the thrill, our pleasures combine In this glamorous union, your pleasure is mine Your pleasure is mine I love to watch her rise The way she takes you deep inside Your pleasure is my pleasure My arousal amplifies My pleasure is yours Her lover fuels my fire Essential rhythms take me higher Watching me in lust fuels your deep desire My pleasure is yours All yours Your pleasure is mine All mine