Episode 93: What if We Are Outed?

Transcript

This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us? Hello, everyone. I'm Mr. Jones.

And I'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 93 of the we got a thing podcast what if we are outed there are so many what ifs out there i know yeah we're just going to tackle this one tonight we might do some other what. Yeah. Unfortunately, we can relate to the whole outing thing. Well, so can a lot of our friends. Yeah. So, yeah. It's kind of been a way too common thread lately in some of the conversations we've had. Yeah, not just in our community, but we've gotten messages through email and through Cassidy of people who have been outed. Yeah. And want to talk about it.

So we feel like this is a timely topic to revisit since we haven't talked about it since four or five years ago. Four and a half. Yeah. We're not going to give away the ending, but we are still here. Yeah. We're alive and kicking. Spoiler alert. So you can be outed and survive.

Still here kicking and happy most of the time before we get to that happy new year happy new year we missed you all in december but we are so thankful that we took a month off with everything going on in our lives yeah there it would have just been too crazy yeah like it was weird with the holidays falling on sats this year. Like, it screwed everything up. I know. Like, you couldn't really have a social life. I know. Yeah, your family was your social life. Yeah. So a lot of stuff hit all at once, and December was a crazy month. It was fun. But we're re-energized and ready to kick off 2022.

And I'm sitting across the IKEA desk from somebody that's living in a new decade. Yeah, I don't want to talk about that. That you're not following the outline. You can't have a thing without me. Well. Right? It's we got a thing, babe. Yeah, I know. We'll talk about that more in a minute. Happy birthday. Thank you.

thank you belated birthday yeah so just a few announcements before we get into uh keeping up with the jones is our mansion trip for august of 2022 is sold out and we have eight lucky couples who are going to travel with us to desire our november trip is not the right adjective it should be sexy okay lucky and sexy yes um and since our november trip is sold out we talked about maybe doing a summer trip but according to mrs jones's master um spreadsheet the joneses are going to have a lot more free time in 2023 i'm making you work one more year i gotta work hard one more year but i mean you just had a really big birthday but you know like the irs doesn't really care about that particular birthday we gotta we gotta hit it hard i'm just gonna make you hit it hard for one more year so we're not going to do a summer trip in 2022 but but by summer can you hear his outer lip hanging out he's pouting like this cute little pouty face.

But by this summer, we will have scheduled our 2023 trip. So you only have to wait a few more months to sign up for it. We're going to do some more traveling in 2023. And we'll probably go to the new resort in Dominican Republic, too. I'm going there. If anybody wants to come with me, that's good.

But I'm mean i love the dominican republic yeah and you put desire and dominican republic beaches together that is that's too much like they they just hopefully everybody there knows cpr because i'm just gonna like expire out of happiness oh boy oh brother no for real like it's gonna be absolute heaven yeah so 2023, we're going to do that. And we have a new website that is just about finished. And I think it's going to be released around the first week of February. Yeah, it is really slick. Another new website. Like, I can find my way around the website. Yeah. Yeah.

I think it took us three times to get it right. I think this is the fourth one. Yeah, I think this is the fourth one. It's very, I think it's going to be much more intuitive on how to find things. Definitely. It's really nice. And yeah, and we have a new website for our community too, but that's pretty cool. So if you're in our community, you're going to get your own website. Yeah, I got the tutorial today. I know. I was impressed. I finally dragged you down here to look at all of this stuff. We have several regional events.

The great thing, again, our community is growing so fast that we've got regional groups across the country. And a couple of them are planning events for the next few months. So that's really cool.

We're helping them to plan their own events now well not we're okay yeah we're helping them but we actually have like a real live experience knowledgeable savvy helper event planner we do yes um she has experience in this and she's got like way more energy than you and i combined yeah um and just a really great attitude she actually enjoys doing the planning part i know you and i just bitch and moan about it um it's like she considers it a challenge i just considered it something to rip my hair out for so yeah it's gonna be great because now with with her helping us us, I think more people will be able to say, hey, we want to do this, but, you know, we need help.

And you and I won't be like, uh-oh, like now what do we have to do? She's ready, willing, and definitely able. Yeah, so we're doing some coordinated events, but also we're finding that like our DC group, we're doing an event like a, just a pub crawl or a nightly, a weekend event once every other month or so. And that's what we see the Florida group and the Texas group and the Northwest group doing too. They're just planning evenings out on the weekend. So it's great to see the community getting out and, and planning these events.

Every a while i'll open up me we where community is hosted and i'll be like oh there'll be like a dozen really sexy people there and i'm like oh we're not there we're not there i know so um that takes us to uh keeping up with the joneses speaking of the dc pub crawl because we did a pub crawl last month with about 20 or so couples. Yes, we did. An international pub crawl. It was. We had friends come down to Canada, from Canada to D.C. for the weekend. And we were in Old Town Alexandria, which if you're familiar with the D.C. area, is just a really charming, happening place.

And the weather was crappy, but we still managed to like crawl up and down king street yep and we had so much fun yep we had a good time we have another one coming up in february i think closer to home i think you might have gotten a few birthday kisses at night did i i think so because it was it was the week before your birthday yeah yeah i didn't know they were birthday. I thought they were just because people liked them. They were tequila shots. Because at one point I was just, I kind of looked at you and I was like, oh, guess I'm driving home. Yeah.

Because everybody wanted to buy you birthday shots. Yeah, well, you know, I had to make that sacrifice. I know. So speaking of... The things you do for our friends. I know. What a sacrifice. So speaking of this milestone birthday that I had, we did get to go away for my birthday weekend. We did. To the Biltmore Estate in Western North Carolina, Nashville. If you have never been there, that's one of those things you have to see in person. Yeah, I'm like, you know. Neither one of us had been there before. Here's this 800 and some acre. No. It used to be 175,000 acres. Yeah, but they've.

When it was first built in the early 1900s. Yeah. But it's like that. It's pared down to 8,000 acres now. 8,000 acres now, yeah. And it's like that castle on Downton Abbey. Yes. So Mr. Jones doesn't watch Downton Abbey. I watched it like twice. That's what I watch when you go out of town. When you go on a business trip, then I watch Downton Abbey. Yeah, good. Because I know you wouldn't like it. But so we got to tour the whole estate, which was amazing because we were there the week before Christmas.

Yeah and it was i mean there were i don't even know how know how many christmas trees were in this beautiful home what um and then we got to go down into like the the belly of the estate and you know look at the foundation and we could see like the architecture and how it was built and then we got to see the servants quarters and the kitchen they had a gingerbread house in this place that was a replica of of the actual Biltmore estate that was unbelievably detailed and gorgeous but then we got to go into like the servants quarters dining room and if you watch Downton Abbey it was just like watching all of them have dinner in the evenings after they had served everybody upstairs yeah it was the exact same room I swear it was just it was really a cool experience it was a lot of fun it was and we met some of our friends out there and we stayed in an Airbnb a log cabin like Airbnb about 10 miles or so away from the the mansion it was a really rustic log cabin but it was also brand new it was very modern so it had all of the like normal up-to-date amenities in it and a hot tub yeah they had a hot which we put to good use yes but i have to say that um we podcasted a few months ago like over the, we podcasted about a perfect lifestyle weekend that we had.

And I would say that this one wasn't so perfect, and it was all on us. Yeah, it was. Because even though we really had a good time, we loved the Biltmore, and we loved catching up with our friends, and you and I were not in the right headspace as a couple sexually, and so the sexy part of the weekend. Well, it was just everything, because we had just gotten home home from Desire and then we went to Thanksgiving with your family. And then we came home and our, oh, here's another announcement. Our bedroom is finally done. I know. But that was done like the first week of December.

So we were trying to move back into our bedroom and our bathroom, which was truly like unpacking for the first time after a year. And then we had to go away for, see, I said we had to go away for this weekend. We just really weren't in the right headspace. Right. Yeah. And we kind of crammed it in. And if we weren't so close to the couple, we probably would have canceled.

But we wanted to see them and we wanted to get, we knew we needed get away oh and it was your birthday and it was my birthday yeah so you know just let this be a lesson to everybody that no matter how long you've been in the lifestyle and no matter how um experienced you are and it can still not go the way that you'd like it to go every once in a while even with people that you're very compatible with yeah yeah um luckily the rest of the weekend was fine yeah we had a good time yeah i mean the four of us had a ton of fun together but it yeah we were just uh not in the right headspace we need a redo yeah hopefully well i think we're good enough friends we'll Yeah.

Yeah. So next week, we are getting ready to go on a cruise. Well, and before we get on the ship. Yes. We're going to fly down a day early, because we always do, especially in the winter, to make sure that we don't miss the boat. And our ship just happens to sail out of South Florida, which is where our friends the Sapphic Swingers live. Tiffany and Rachel. So we are going to be hanging with the Sapphic Swingers on Saturday. We are. I can't wait to see them again. Last time we saw them, it was in PCAP in Miami.

And there were so many people around, we didn't get to monopolize a lot of their time. No. So this time, we are going to have them all to ourselves. Yep. And spend an evening together. We're really looking forward to seeing them. It's going to be so fun to catch up. They are just the most gracious, sexy, sweet, warm, generous people. And they're friends. Yeah. Yeah. We can call them friends. Yeah. So I've got Mr.

J on the serious down-low down low quarantine like we went to costco today and i was like dude where's your mask and you left it they don't have i don't have to wear a mask i left it in the car yeah you left it in the car but we have to covet test on friday before we before we fly to florida to get on the ship right so yeah So, yeah, I'm being the meanie this week. So, yeah, we had to do all of our laundry. Oh, I forgot to tell you that, you know, I spilled those. What are those little things you made? The downy unstoppables. They're little like pink ball bearings. Yeah.

I've spilled them all over the floor. I forgot to tell you. Lord. They went everywhere. I had to sweep them up. Tell me you threw them away and not in the washer. No, I put them back in the wash. You put them... Okay, so now there's dirt and dust in the wash. Well, honey, they were in the washer. So they got clean when they were in there. Oh, my goodness. Right?

No, you know when i'm doing all the housework you got to take what you can get yeah so we got to start packing i think that pretty much catches us up to we're just excited about 2022 there's a lot going on yeah we um we have a lot of topics lined up to talk about over the next few months and and we're just excited to get um i said this last year don't say it you're gonna jinx it there's gonna be a new variant now i was like oh my gosh they're gonna call it the jones variant yeah in a few months we're gonna be out of this covid shit but i said that about a year ago right it didn't happen.

We're just rolling with it. I mean, I can only get so many vaccinations and boosters and wear masks. I've got to get back out and start living life. I know. I just want to get on the boat on Sunday. So you've got to lay low, babe. All right. We'll quarantine this week. Testing on Friday. All right.

When we come back, we're going to talk about giving you some homework, and that is to talk about what if we are outed we'll be right back welcome back to our what if segment we could probably do quite a few of these what ifs we might revisit this because people say we definitely need to revisit it i mean okay what if we're outed but but that's just the beginning like you know i mean okay what if what if one of us gets an sti that i think that's a really common question that we get. It is. And another one is, what if one of us falls in love? We hear that a lot. Yeah.

But, I mean, another really important one is, what if one of us gets sick or injured or, you know, somehow debilitated where it's going to kind of, you know, affect your participation, I guess. Or what if nobody's attracted to us? Ew. People have asked that question. I know. I can't help it, I have wrinkles. Or like in our case, what if we're too old? I know. Speaking of birthdays. That's where I thought you were going with that one. Anyway, we've had quite a few people recently bring up this topic of being outed. And we don't want to blow it out of proportion.

So I guess the disclaimer is that the vast majority of people, if you're careful about this and you do it right, you're not going to get out get outed but i think i think the common thread that we hear from people and that what we experienced ourselves is that we never talked about it ahead of time oh we did no we didn't and then because you would say i don't want to talk about because it's not going to happen no i didn't say that i just flat out buried my head in the sand right Right. Flat out. Right. We'll deal with it when it happens. Yeah, and that was probably not the best approach.

So again, you're going to learn from our mistakes. And then we got that one email, and that was an oh shit subject line, right? Yeah. So, you know, we want to talk about what your brain goes through when you're outed and some of the thoughts that you have and what it's like to move through that process and how we handled it. And then we're going to give you a homework assignment so that it's going to force you to talk about what if we are outed. Right. And I want to preface this with something that happened to us yesterday. Okay. So we walked down the street, as you all know.

Well, let me just say that we had already decided to podcast on this topic. Yes. Before we went out yesterday. Yeah, we had already gone out to dinner, gone over the outline. Yeah, right. Hashed everything out, right? So that was Friday night. We went out to dinner and hashed everything out, right? So that was Friday night. We went out to dinner and hashed everything out. And we got to write that dinner off as an expense because we talked about the podcast according to my bookkeeper wife.

So anyway, we go out yesterday because, as you know, we're renovating our house and we're having some like handcrafted woodwork done for like our bar top and our shelving like in our wet bar area and stuff so we went we just walked around the corner to the woodworking shop to kind of check on the status of things and uh we were chatting with the girl in there and um she's a i mean she's a fairly young lady I mean, she's what in her 30s or something late 30s yeah so and and she's been with this woodworking company for a long time and she's lived in our town for a long time so she like knows the deal well we were not in a hurry to get out and about so we were just kind of like just shooting the shit with her and she starts telling us stories about all the local businesses in our town right and this one particular business came up it's a restaurant that also has kind of a speakeasy wannabe kind of bar attached to it and she was talking about how she went there one time and there she said that it was like the local swinger hangout yeah and we were like well do tell and um and she talked about how she and her husband went there one time and um there was a guy sitting on a bench with two ladies on either side of him and he had his hand on one lady's knee and was talking to her and then she got up and and wandered away and she went over to another man that turned out to kind of be her partner and um so then the the guy sitting on the bench that did have his hand on her knee, you know, turned to the lady on the other side of him.

And then at the same time, this other completely disconnected couple came up to she and her husband and started chatting up them. And she said she just got the weirdest vibe that this was like a swinger haven and um and she and her husband like kind of freaked out and backed out yeah and and it it was so interesting and i have to say you and i went to that restaurant last summer not to the the bar area that she was talking about but to the outdoor venue and And we picked up on that vibe. Yeah, we did. But it was the stereotypical swinger vibe. Yeah, it was.

And you're being a snob right now, but that's okay, because I love you. No, stereotypical, meaning that when, just like this lady that you're telling a story about, we have this idea of what swinging is. Which is like the whole point of me bringing this up. Yeah, so I'm saying that that's the vibe. So, right. And so when she was telling the story, it didn't surprise me.

But it was so funny because you and I were standing there, and I was just waiting to kick you in the shin because I thought you were going to just, like, dive right you didn't i was really proud of you because we this is i wanted to hear her story this is quite a small town in which we live yeah yes um but what it did is it reminded me of the initial perception of what this swinging lifestyle is about and i really don't like the word swinging. I think the longer we're in it, the less I like that word. But it was just really interesting listening to her.

And therefore, when people hear rumors about you and your partner dabbling in this type of thing. That's their mindset. Yeah. Right. We, I mean, before you and I went to Desire, when we first started, you know, when we found the place and we were looking at it, we had about a four month window, I think, between when we booked it and when we actually went. And we had to kind of like decide whether or not we were going to go and dive in. Right. And then we did. And then we came home and had to recover.

It took us eight months to try something else, you know, so people are hearing these rumors about you potentially. And then it's just so salacious and so foreign to anything that is in their mind. It's really hard for them to put that in perspective and it's hard to keep it to yourself when it's that salacious, right? As much as she was being negative about it, she talked about it for a long time.

See, this is where you and I disagree's it's such an interesting topic yeah that you can't help but to be intrigued by it and want to talk about it but what she was talking about it was all negative but she kept talking about it well right because when you don't understand something it makes you think about it yeah because when you learn something new, what you do with that new information is you slide it into a slot that fits between other things that you already know and then it fits there isn't that a stereotype no this is like this is the field of education like this slide it into a slot oh stop it okay it's stereotyping you're such a teenage boy Slide it into a slot.

No, that's not what I was saying. Well, that's the way it came out. No, you gave me a hard time for saying stereotyping. And when I heard you say that you slide it into a slot, it's a predetermined slot that you have that you imagine that that's what that is.

No, what I'm saying is when you learn something new, the you're taught things when you're in school is they they take you a little bit further than what you already know so that you can take that new information and you can slide it into where it fits to your existing knowledge when you learn about something like this it's so outside the norm and it's so outside your reality if you haven't been exposed to it, that you don't know what slot to slide it into. Yeah. So now you can be all teenage boy about sliding things into slots. No, that's not, I don't do that. You know, I don't do that.

That's not what I was saying. No, I understand what you're saying. And that's going to come into play the more we talk about this. But we just thought it was interesting that we had decided on this topic and we went out to a general store and we're doing some shopping and this topic came up. Right, right. But I think that's why when people find out information about you, they just don't know what to do with it. So it blows up into something bigger than it needs to be. Right. So, let's start from the beginning.

When we were outed, and I suspect this is based on the people that we've spoken with who have been outed, there's a similar pathway that we take through that, the feelings and emotions, kind of like the stages of grief, only they're a little bit different. So the first one is, well, first of all, we have these thoughts. Let's start there. We automatically go to the worst case scenario. Of course. Before we're in the lifestyle or as we're getting into the lifestyle, we think, if I'm ever outed, oh, my gosh, I'm going to be on the front page of the local paper. I totally thought that. Right.

Oh, my gosh, I'm going to lose my job. I totally thought that. Yes. Oh, my goodness, we're going to have to sell our house and move to another state. I wanted to do that. Initially. Initially. Yeah. Oh my goodness, we're going to lose all of our friends. Yeah. My family is going to disown me. Yeah. Our kids are going to be confused and they're going to hate us or they're going to be embarrassed. Yeah, I was worried about that. And if you're religious at all, you know, your God is going to abandon you.

Ironically, that was like the one thing I wasn't worried about, and the irony is that it happened in a church. I wasn't worried about God. I was worried about everybody else in that church. Right. But the point is that I'm trying to put us in the mindset of what most people think when they are getting ready to embark on the lifestyle and sign up for their first lifestyle website. Yeah. These are the fears that people have. And it's very common. I mean, everything that I just listed, I'm sure everyone out there is nodding their head and saying, yes, that would happen to me.

So now we've had the, we had the pleasure of being outed back in 2017. So at this point in time, that's a dumb word. It's almost five years ago. Five years ago. So we've processed a lot. We've been through a lot. A lot has transpired. There has been good. There's been bad. And so we haven't talked about this since episode 37 we were outed. And so this is good for us to actually go back and think about how things have realistically progressed based on how we assumed that they would. Is this a therapy session? Well, no, it's a lessons learned. All right.

So let's recap our story briefly, if it's not going to be too disturbing for you. I can still go down the bitter rabbit hole.

Okay.'ll try not to all right so first the first thing that we felt when we were outed and if you want to hear the whole story about us being outed go back and listen to 37 um the first thing you feel is denial you know maybe we can just deny this maybe we we can just say no and pretend like it didn't happen right i mean that didn't apply to us because our voices were out there yeah so don't start a podcast and you'll be fine yeah but that that is something that you will talk about oh sure is should we just deny this and can we deny this right if would have been smart, we would have started out as bloggers.

Because you can deny that. Yeah. Well, if your voices aren't out there, and your pictures aren't out there with your real names on them, you could probably deny it. Yep. Panic is step two. Yeah. Everything that I talked about before, oh my gosh, this is going to happen. This is going to happen. And it starts to put you in fight or flight. And you think you can't breathe. You think you've got to make all your decisions right away. You think the world is going to end. And all of the things that we mentioned before are just going through your head. And you can't sleep.

You know, you can't do, you can't function because your imagination is running wild. I think that was the biggest thing I remember is that I felt like I had to make all these decisions instantaneously and simultaneously. Right. And they were really big decisions that we were making. Right.

And at that point in time, we said, can we put the genie back in the bottle and the answer was no right right for us we couldn't do that so there was this panic that we couldn't put it back in the bottle so we were going to have to face the music right the next thing that we felt was fear like the worst is about to happen we are going to be on the front page of the paper we are going to lose our jobs our family is going to hate us you know all of the things that we mentioned before that kind of fear sets in that this is this this is the absolute worst and it is going to happen yeah right i'm not saying anything this is the most depressing podcast ever honey we're still alive and kicking we're gonna get to the we're gonna get to the good part all right you know This is the most depressing podcast ever.

Honey, we're still alive and kicking. We're going to get to the good part. All right. This is like any other sitcom, right? Or drama. You got to go through the crap to get to the happy ending. All right. Okay. Denial, panic, fear, anger.

Then we went through this angry stage of like who outed us and how they handled the whole thing yeah i'm still pissed about that yeah sorry yeah i think you've gotten over it better than i have well yeah so there's an anger part of it and then finally there's acceptance and that and as quickly as you can get to acceptance the better off we were and that, this is a new reality. We can't put the genie back in the bottle. We've accepted the fact that people know, now what are we going to do about it? Yeah.

At least we put all that other stuff behind us and we got our semi-rational minds back and we could sit down and make decisions together. Right. Right. That is, you know, four and a half years later, that has been the good part of it because when you recover from this as a couple, it just shows you how strong your relationship is, right?

You know, we could have easily started pointing fingers at each other and and like i like to say um one of my bosses used this term a lot you know don't circle the wagons and shoot inwards and that would have been so easy to do in that crisis situation right um you know i i remember it was just our last episode when we did our little desire uh snapshot outtakes and I don't know. Right. You know, I remember, it was just our last episode when we did our Little Desire snapshot outtakes. And the couple that talked about, you know, their daughter. Discovering their child at the club. Yeah.

Well, okay, so they had two outings. Like, so their older daughter saw them at the club with her fiance. People just heard this on 92. Right, right. But then their younger daughter saw our podcast on the Bluetooth screen of their car. And she said to her father, you know, don't let mom drag you into this stuff. And, you know, so that's, it's so funny that you could like shoot the, you know, shoot the person that you love the most, right? Like nobody's dragging anybody into this, hopefully. Yeah.

But in a crisis situation, that would be somewhat of a human nature, self-protective defense mechanism that could kick in. Yeah. So you're talking about the recovery owning it and the moving forward yeah yeah so that's the that's the sixth one so there's denial panic fear anger acceptance and then recovery like you were just saying and and we got there pretty quickly i think you and i got there pretty quickly yes yeah so now let now let's bust a couple of myths. Because we hear this all the time.

And that is when people think they're going to get into the lifestyle, the biggest fear that they have is, number one, opening or signing up and developing an online profile in Cassidy, DDN, or SDC, a dating site. Right, because somebody could find it. Because somebody could find it, yeah. So that's their fear. The other fear that people have is that they're going to get into this and they're going to go to an event and they're going to find somebody that they know. Right, and that's how they're going to get outed. Let me tell you, if those two things happen, you're fine. Yeah.

Because in our anecdotal experience, I would say that 90% of the reason that people are outed is because they tell people. Right. Because they are the source and they somehow convey to people that they're in the lifestyle. So it's not about the website. It's not about your profile. It's not about your pictures on your profile. It's not about going to a club or an event and seeing somebody. It's about you conveying to somebody else. And there's several ways that people have done this. And we've talked to people recently about this, but it comes from oversharing.

You know, you have a close friend, and you think they can handle it, and you share information with them. Right. And back to your point earlier, it's so salacious.

no matter who you know and how close you are and how much you trust somebody giving somebody that piece of information and expecting them not to share it with somebody else is it's too much unreasonable yeah it's too much to ask it's too much to ask they're going to share it with somebody they are going to share it with somebody number number one um someone overhearing a conversation we've had people tell us we were at a restaurant, we were talking too loud, or we were in a Zoom meeting with another couple and our kids overheard us.

There's conversations that you're having in your house and you don't understand that other people are listening. It's it's that someone overhearing a conversation that's another reason again the source was you right not intentional but it was you yeah um the other way that people find out is through your non-lifestyle social media accounts. So if you have a regular Twitter account, a regular Facebook account, a regular Instagram account, the pictures you put on there, people also use in their lifestyle accounts.

That happened to us at the very beginning of our podcast when we used to have, we don't have private accounts for dating websites anymore. We only have, we got a thing, but we used to have private ones and then was it Twitter? I think somebody found a picture on our private dating website account. And then they found it on our We Got a Thing Twitter account. It was the same photo. They discovered we were We Got a Thing. They didn't discover that we were in the lifestyle. Right.

But somebody took the time to actually look for that kind of of stuff so that's the point i want to make back to your point earlier that i'm going to keep coming back to is that people are so fascinated by this topic and infatuated with it then when they think you might be in the lifestyle it can be your next door neighbor it can be a friend it can be a child It can be your next-door neighbor. It can be a friend. It can be a child. It can be your ex-wife, a former girlfriend, whatever.

When people start looking, this is how they can find you is because you use the same pictures in regular social media that you use in your dating site. Right. And that's a mistake. And, like, for us, like, it was a picture of me, but, like, it didn't even have my face in it. No, it was the same dress. It was the same dress. Yeah, it was the same dress. So, it can be, like, really, like, innocent or inane, but people will pick up on that stuff.

So the last thing that we want to say about where it comes from you is that observing your behavior and you mentioned this when you were telling the story about the lady at the store we met she was observing behavior by in public by another couple right by a group we sometimes lose sight when we go when we go to a meet and greet or we're out in public. People can say, what are they doing over there? What's going on over there? Because there's a vibe that you send off. Yeah. And you don't even understand that you're sending it off and you send it off.

I mean, oh Lord, can you even imagine like the DC pub crawl, the like the last place we ended up at can you imagine the other people observing us it happens everywhere it happened in denver when we were in denver and the manager said what kind of a group are you guys you know people will observe you and they will know that something is different all of the things that we just said all of the originating information came from you. So forget about your dating site. Yeah. You know, forget about how you think you're going to be outed. That's really not going to happen.

It's going to be that the things that we just mentioned in our experience. I mean, that's what we've learned. Yeah. People on the outside. not only do they not understand this, but they're so jealous and sometimes so insecure that it just drives them to discover more about what's going on. Right. Right. And, you know, I, I just had this conversation and I can't remember who I had it with, but when, like, your friends find out that you're in the lifestyle, and then they think, well, you know, you've never, like, made a move on me and my spouse, you know, sometimes I think they don't understand.

Like, they think you just want to have sex with anybody. Yeah, exactly. Right. And like, all of our good friends that we've been friends with for decades, like, a lot of them are very beautiful, attractive, amazing people. But do I want to have sex with them? No. No, it's like having sex with your sister. Right. Right. It doesn't matter how wonderful they are. I mean, they're wonderful and I love them and they're like, they're truly like my family. So no, I don't want to have sex with them. Um, but again, that's just that misperception. It's a threat.

It's, it's, and it's also a threat because some people say what surprised me most is the number of people who thought we were saying that you have to be in the lifestyle to have a better relationship. And so there's a little bit of jealousy and anger there and resentment that you guys, you guys, you know, think you're better than us because you can do this and we can't.

You know, I think that's one thing that we've run into with some of our friends that aren't really happy with us anymore is I think they they think that we thought we were too good for them or that they were boring and that we had to ditch them as friends to go hang out with like the cool kids. And and that's not really it at all. It was about our journey as a couple and and then, you know, what we were looking for as a couple. Right. And it really had nothing to do with them. Right. But again, I think, you know, especially if like good friends of yours find out, there could be hurt feelings.

They have no concept. They have no way to rationally think about this and so they autumn their minds automatically go to it's salacious it's it's seedy it's immoral they're going to want to have sex with us or or oh my god our best friend's marriage has fallen apart because they need to go have sex with other people right so so So there's all these things that go through people's head. But back to how people are outed, the other thing that we've experienced is once it's out, it goes through in waves. Like we talked about this in one other episode about friends and the concentric circles.

You could have church friends, neighborhood friends, family friends, work friends, your work friends. I mean, there's different circles that you travel in, right? And so the people that find out may be in one circle, but not in the other circle. Yeah. So what we've found is that there are cycles. Those circles bleed into each other. Yeah, they bleed into each other. And we try to stay ahead of it. We try to say, I mean, our philosophy was, okay, we don't have enough time and emotional energy to go tell everybody that we care about about this.

So who is most likely going to hear it from somebody else? And who do we want to get in front of first? And we learned that when we control the timing and the narrative, things go a whole lot better than when people hear it from somebody else. Right. Because when people hear it from somebody else, a lot of times they won't even approach us. Right. Because they just don't know how to talk about it. Right. They're embarrassed. I mean, we never talked to them about our sex lives before. Right. You know, so why would we now? Right.

And some people you can tell their behavior changes and some people you can't. Yeah. We thought we would be able to tell, but we've learned that we can't.

Because there's been people that you know, you definitely know when somebody's behavior changes that they've heard oh yeah but you but there have been a block of cold ice like right between the two of you but there's also times when we've gone and we've told people like our really good friends that we told recently and we we mustered up the courage and we told them and they said yeah gosh we heard about that a couple years ago and thanks for telling us but we already knew and now let's get back to what we were talking about they said we just figured it was none of our business so we never brought it up yeah so you just never know what people are thinking and and how they're going to handle it so um the main point of this this section here is that it from you and you're the one that has control.

And a lot of times when we're in this for five or six years, three or four or five, six years, we are lulled into a sense of comfort. Like this isn't what we thought it was. We're having a good time. Oh yeah, Bob and Sue, they would love to do this. Let's share it with them. And we have this idea that the people that you talk to are just going to be at the same place you are with this. And they just freak the fuck out when you... Well, right. It's a bucket of cold water. Yeah. Because we forget. It's so foreign. Like you said, we forget it took us eight months to wrap our heads around it.

And we were interested in it. But we have this expectation that, oh, yeah, we know what this is. It's cool. And we're going to share it with somebody else. And then they freak out. And then we wonder why. Right. And not only do they freak out in the moment, it just goes back to the way we learn and the way our brains process information. I mean, you know, the more salacious it is, the more you dwell on it, I guess. Because you really are trying to figure it out, even if you're not interested in it. Like you say the girl at the shop was interested in it, and I disagreed with you.

She was interested in the topic. Right, right. Yeah. But I think she was just trying to figure it out. Yeah. Well, we didn't say anything. She just kept talking about it. I know. So that's what I'm saying. We didn't have to say anything. We just stood there and just kind of took it all in. So, I mean, we've learned, okay, this is juicy stuff. People don't know how to handle it. Like you said before, some people think our marriage is effed up and suffering, or they think that this is a fancy way to cheat on each other. Yeah.

And some people are angry some people are just out downright angry at us because we've somehow betrayed them or i don't know that's the most confusing part why are they angry like just don't be my friend anymore yeah don't be so freaking angry about it and like yeah don't take it out on me just ignore me please well some people said that once they found out this about us that everything that we ever had with them before was false right that's what they were angry about actually that hurt my feelings the most i think right just because you find out about our sex life you think everything else that we ever did together or told you or taught you or learned together or shared with you is eliminated, was meaningless.

Yeah. That's silly. But that's where a lot of people come from. Right. We found that even the people that did accept it have a hard time understanding it. Of course. But they accept it because they know us. And the other thing that we learned is that their view of the lifestyle is the same as ours was before we got into this. Just like the girl at the bar. Exactly. We shouldn't expect it to be anything different.

Although, I mean, like, you know, the people at that bar, and and of course we weren't there so so i don't know how it would have gone i mean this girl is really attractive and she's very outgoing and you know she's got a fantastic personality and she's not shy at all so i can see how people would be drawn to her um so you know was she was she reading more into like you know i just wish i could have observed the couple that would have approached she and her husband because like were they really coming on too strong or were they are they just friendly people like you know i tend to kind of chat up anybody anymore and i and then so i'm standing there listening to her smiling and nod on my head like oh my word you know the whole bit and then i'm thinking to myself i hope we don't give off that vibe oh we do no the oogie vibe oh no but we're open and friendly and social just like we were with her right so like as as like people in the lifestyle like how do you know when your vibe is friendly and when it crosses the line into oogie well when you're touching two women at the one at one time there are pretty good clues oh come on like i i can't speak for you but i know i've done things in public i know but you said at the Alexandria Bar Crawl.

But you just said, how can I be sending off that vibe? By touching two men at the same time, you're going to send out that vibe. Yeah. So it's not rocket science. It's pretty... Well, I wasn't trying to pick anybody else up, though. I know, but you just said, how can people... I don't know, how do I send off that vibe?

that vibe i'm just telling you that's how you send out that vibe you're touching two men at the same time people don't do that but we that's a shame because it's really fun i know you just illustrated perfectly the whole idea that i'm talking about is we lose sight of what society says is normal i know know. And we behave outside of that and it draws attention to ourselves and people recognize that. Now, if I would have said something to the lady at the store, and I didn't. Thank you. If I would have said, and we've done this before with people on cruises and at Desire, we've said...

Because we'll never see them again. The point I'm trying to make is... We live like two blocks from her. The point I'm trying to make is not that. The point I'm trying to make is if we would have said something, she would have said, what? You guys are in the lifestyle, but you're normal. I guarantee you that would have been her response because that's how people respond. Yeah.

And it would have been an opportunity for us to say what you experienced was a different type of swinger right what you don't know about is how i do it now i wasn't interested in doing that i'm a terrible lifestyle ambassador i'm sorry i'm only good at it when i'm not living in my hometown we're doing what we can um the other thing that the the reality is of what we've been through is we have lost some friends yep and i think you refer to them a lot of them as clutter that's cold-hearted that's what that's your word it is because we found that that we really didn't have meaningful friendships with them to begin with.

Yeah. And they've exited our lives, and that's been, you know. And they exited our lives. We didn't exit theirs. That's right, right. We were kicked out of our church. Now, for those of you who are in our church, our former church, and listening to us, which I know you're out there, we were not technically kicked out of the church. This is what happened. They yelled and screamed and were angry at us and insulted us. And we weren't allowed to participate in ministry anymore, but we could come on Sunday morning.

But at the very end of the meeting, they said, but you're still welcome to come to church. Like, look, you can't have it both ways. You yell at me for an hour and a half, and you're angry, and you can't just say when you're walking out, oh, you're still welcome here. So we were kicked out of church. All right. Now, you accused me of this being all negative. So let's start talking about some of the good things that have happened. There's always a silver lining. I do not believe in everything happens for a reason. I think that's bullshit.

But I do think you can pull yourself up by the bootstraps and make something good out of any situation. And that has certainly been my case personally. I loved being an educator, but I've also loved maybe not the first six months when we had no money. I was like literally freaking out, like figuring out how we're going to pay our mortgage. But now that we have established businesses, I'm learning new new ways to think I'm learning, you know, I'm just learning so much and I'm, I'm enjoying new types of relationships with people.

My clients are amazing and I get to pick my clients, you know, so it's, it's being a business owner is so different than being an educator. And, and it's really taught me a lot about myself. Right. So you've learned a lot about yourself as an individual, and I've learned a lot about myself. But if we're being perfectly honest, with our dear listeners here, had we been outed, it's unlikely that we would have taken the path that we took at the time that we took it. I was planning on retiring a year later. So I retired a year early.

And we kept talking about, you know, like when we would go on vacation and be walking down the beach in the morning with our coffee, we kind of like bat around ideas of what I could do after I retired, but we never really got serious about it. Right.

So what I'm saying is there's a big difference in sitting down and talking about a five-year plan and evolving through retirement into a new business where you can put money aside build your cushion and your nest egg intentionally do it you do it first and then i do it after that that would have been planning right we were thrust into it and so when your back is against the wall and your savings account is dwindling you learn a lot about yourself and it puts you in a position of this is real i have got to do something and you respond it.

And I think a lot of people don't give themselves the credit to being able to do that. And it's not a fun thing. We didn't choose to do this. And if I had to choose it all over again, I would have rather have not been outed. But the point that I'm making is that once our backs were against the wall, and like you said before, you learned a lot about yourself, I learned a lot about myself, and we built two successful businesses. And then at that time, we had to make a decision.

One decision that we had was, do we shut down the podcast and pretend like that was a lot of fun, but we're going to repent, so to speak, and go back to our regular lives? We decided that, no, we're going to go all in. We have to believe in what we have been talking about for the first three years of this podcast. Right. And you, well, number one, you can't put the genie back in the bottle. We couldn't. Well, especially when you have your voices out on the internet. So no, the genie wasn't going to go back in the bottle. And secondly, I think our focus just changed.

I i mean i think you and i have always been very mission-oriented people and i and i think that our you know our story resonates with a lot of people and i think there there is value in in our experience um good and bad So I think think that to bring this back four and a half years later, there's always a silver lining. Right. And I think it would be kind of selfish of us to only talk about the fun and then just disappear when this stuff gets ugly. Right.

We also decided at that point in time, not only were we all in with the podcast, but we started to build our community at that point in time. And people ask us now, did you ever think your community would get to the size and have the influence? I'm like, hell no.

I remember it was like six months after i retired and we were we were just kind of starting our businesses and and things were going well but but as you all know any entrepreneurs out there you know that when you start a business it just doesn't like magically no it it takes a few months to build relationships and years and actually get that revenue starting to come in so we were we were kind of at that tipping point where things were getting a little we were a little well I was a little nervous yeah you were and I remember you came downstairs one morning and you said I think I have an idea that's gonna work and I was like okay and you said we're gonna start a community.

I like what does that mean like i don't think i'd had any coffee yet so you were an extra brave soul um and and you and you were prepared you had like three sheets of paper and you laid it all out on the kitchen island you had really obviously been thinking about it a lot yeah and and it it really fit well with our mission and our vision for we got a thing and that's to help people connect with other people so anyway the point is that we were forced into the situation and we decided to invest in the lifestyle community um we also learned that the friends that we have in our lives now and this includes non-lifestyle friends and lifestyle friends are all genuine yes because they know us they know what we do yes and they're they still love us and they're still friends with us and that is awesome and they are genuine and it's so the friendships that we have now are so much more meaningful than the phony friendships that we had before yeah and it's nice now because we can be out with them and we'll be planning something and i can actually say now you know what the third week of april we're not going to be here we we have an event planned for our community and they'll be like oh where are you going yeah and you know it we don't have a event plan the third week of april i just made that up um but you know i can say things like that now and and it's not i don't have.

Right. We never lied about where we went. Like if we went to Denver, we said we were going to Denver. Right. Or whatever, but we didn't really say why. And now we can say, oh, we have a community thing. Right. And it's just, it's so nice to be able to just say that. Yes, it's freeing. And our close family has not abandoned us. So what we've learned, what we've surmised is that our close friends and our close family already knew us and really haven't seen a change in our behavior. So they just know something more about us that hasn't changed us for the worst. It's changed us for the better.

And they just know us as the Joneses, as who we are. And we still don't talk to them about our sex lives. I mean, yes, we have a podcast about it. But, you know, they don't need to listen. Right. And they don't, for the most part. Right. And it, I mean, who talks to their family about their sex lives? Nobody. Yeah. All right.

So we're going to transition to your homework now what we want you to do is talk about your what if plan and you don't have to write this down but just talk about it and for example how you are outed manners matters like were you outed to a limit if you're if you're outed to a very limited group, are they, are they family? Are they neighbors? Are they church friends? Can you deny it? Can you ignore it? The decisions we made were based on our circumstances. So your circumstances might be different. So it depends on how you are outed. That really matters. Right.

Did your, did you run into your kids somewhere? Did your kids overhear you talking? Did you run into a kids somewhere did your kids overhear you talking did you run into a co-worker like you know what is the situation right and this is probably a good time to talk about friends we recently met with that their kids found out and their kids confronted them and when they were confronted the couple had not had time to talk about it. It was completely out of the blue. Yeah. And so, because they didn't have time to talk about it, one reacted one way and the other one wanted to react a different way.

And it didn't. It made it worse. It made it worse. Because they had talked about it ahead of time. Um, you know, so how you are outed really matters as to how you want to choose to address it. Um, you need to ask yourself who needs to know and when do they need to know? Um, who would you rather hear it from you? So for us, it was who's closest to us in this circle? Like when we were at it in church, obviously other church people are going to hear, other friends that we're associated with. And these were our neighbors. So the neighborhood was going to find out.

Yeah, so we knew the family was going to be involved. So we said, okay, this person needs to know, they need to know. And so we intentionally met with three or four people at that point in time to get ahead of it. And then we didn't really worry about anything else because we just wanted to wait and see what happened. So we just told the people that we wanted to tell first. So they didn't hear it from somebody else.

A question you need to ask yourselves is will you stay in the lifestyle will you own it or will you erase it um do you believe what you are doing is wrong um or is it just would you be embarrassed by this um is and having it be embarrassing is completely different from you thinking that it's wrong. Yeah, shameful is not being shamed about it. It's just like talking about your sex life with anybody. It can be embarrassing. It's weird. Yeah, it's strange. People don't do that, except for in the lifestyle. I mean, even like, you know, like girlfriends will talk about, you know, stuff.

but, you know, how deep do you really get? I mean, I think most ladies don't go that deep with their sex lives, with their best girlfriends. And then when you start trusting somebody too much and you cross that line and you say something, you know, you kind of assume that she's going to be okay with it and sometimes they're not. Yeah. And then all of a sudden this huge can of worms just blows up in your face. Right. So how are you going to respond to that? Right. Yep.

So, and you have to ask yourself if you're going to stay in the lifestyle, is it a part of who you are, or is it just something that you do? For us, it was a part of who we were at that point in time. Well, and we had been doing it for three years. Yeah. So we had already made friends, and we felt like we were connected to the lifestyle community. Right, right.

so if it's something that you do like i think if we would have been brand spanking new at it that this it might have been easier to just back away from it right i guess that was my point like you know you wouldn't have any connection to cling on to right if you were brand new right um the other thing that you need to ask yourself is who can you talk to about this? I mean, do you have a community that you're a part of? Do you have lifestyle friends? Most people don't. Most people can't talk to anybody except for each other about this. Yeah.

You know, so think about, you know, who can you reach out to? I mean, fortunately, we, um, did have podcast listeners who knew and, and supported us. And, you know, we are very fortunate. And that's part of the reason why we have our community now is because we, we felt like we got a lot of support. So everybody should be able to get this type of support if they're outed. So, you know, that was, um, we had one couple that lives about an hour and a half south of us came up and had dinner with us the week after that it happened.

And then Jay and Kay from that couple next door, I just remember them texting us and saying, you know, Monday night, 7 o'clock, we're meeting at this restaurant, see you then. You know, they didn't give us a choice because they just knew that we needed that connection and that support. And I think that was really what got us through it, is situations like that and people like that. Right. What areas of your life do you need to think about? Like your career, the community you live in, the church you go to, if that's applicable.

You need to think about the ages of your children, where your parents live, how close you are to your neighbors. All of these things are going to be different for everybody. Now, for us, we were older. We were at that point in our careers where we could make a change, but maybe it's not as easy for some other people to do that. So you need to think about that as you go through this. So that's your homework is to talk about what if we were outed? What would you do? How would you handle it? So final thoughts. That's sucky homework. That's worse than algebra homework. I know. Some final thoughts.

That's sucky homework. That's worse than algebra homework. I know. Some final thoughts. And it's easy to say don't panic, but we're going to say don't panic for very long. I mean, everybody's going to panic, but we didn't really panic for very long. We kind of realized we had to deal with it. Yeah. And even though there was some original panic, nothing good is going to come from panicking about it and making decisions why you're in that panicked mode. Because sometimes that makes it worse. Like you said before, stick together.

Because if you don't have anyone to talk to about this, if you don't stick together, who do you, who else do you have? You know, it's really the two of us that have to get through this. Yep. That's right. So, um, fall back to what you believe and, uh, you'll be good because as long as you believe it and own it, you'll be confident about it. You can defend it. You can talk about it, and if people don't understand it, that's fine, right? Yep. Be confident and own your own stuff. That's hard to do.

I remember the first couple of opportunities we had to talk about it when we went to talk to our pastor and when we went to talk to our business attorney. You said, be quiet and let me do all the talking. Yeah. I just felt like it would be better coming from me. Yeah. Yeah. So you weren't the caveman dragging me by my hair into all this. Right.

And it also let me see you as being confident that you really gosh she really does believe in this she really does own it so for me to watch you take that role it it gave me confidence because i knew that you really felt the way that you did and and i didn't look like a creep impossible yeah um be prepared to make changes um the reality of it is is you may have to make changes and maybe you don't but we've made some changes and it turned out to be good for us well yes um change is scary it's you know it's it's the unknown right but it's not necessarily a bad thing. Right.

You know, it's, you know, it's the unknown, right? But it's not necessarily a bad thing. Right. You know, sometimes it's the kick in the seat of your pants. Right. To maybe take a step forward. Right. Be prepared to just let some people go out of your life. And that's a hard thing to do. Clear the clutter. Clear the clutter, but it's necessary. And you'll find that the additions that you make will far and above make up for what you've lost. I believe so. Yeah, we've experienced that. And lastly... Oh, my Pollyanna. Ah, you know what? The sun's going to come up tomorrow. That's why I love you.

It's not the end of the world. The sun is going to come up. We are going to get through this. And as we look back to where we are now, like I said, we would have not chosen this, but we did how we dealt with it and the decisions that we made and the things that we've did, that we've done, our relationship has gotten stronger. And I don't want to say that it's easy because it's not. Yeah. It's a lot of work.

But, you know, we feel like we're in a better place now and we're really enjoying, you know, the ultimate part of it you mentioned before is that's the relief that we don't have to worry about that anymore. People can think what they think. The people that know us best know us now. Yeah. And nobody can hold this over our heads anymore. If people find out, they find out. It's really not that big of a deal to us anymore. But that's all a process, and it doesn't happen overnight. True. True.

And that process is not something that's predictable it's going to be different for everybody and the and the timeline is going to be different for everybody just depending on your situation um i mean like we said at the beginning don't start a podcast and things are probably going to be okay. Right. Right. And just be aware, like if you are Zooming with somebody, just be aware of where your children are in the house or, you know, or if you listen to our podcast, just learn to disconnect your Bluetooth before you get out of the car. Yeah.

You know, so that when your mother-in-law gets in the car, like the whole, we got a thing or that couple next door or whatever your, you know, podcast of choice that day was, doesn't pop up and catch them off guard and catch you off guard. Right. I mean, remember the email that the guy sent us? He said he literally tackled his mother-in-law in the passenger seat because his wife and his mother and his mom, it was his mom and his wife. Right.

They were getting ready to go shopping and his mom was in the passenger seat and his wife was driving and she started the car and our icon came up on the screen. Yeah. And he said he tackled his mother to get to the radio because his wife panicked and she couldn't figure out how to like turn it off. So yeah, you just have to be like mindful of that stuff on what could accidentally out you. So it can be Bluetooth and a text sent to the wrong person, a picture posted in the wrong place, oversharing. We're here to tell you that don't worry about opening a DDN account or a Cassidy account.

Don't worry about going to a lifestyle club or an event. Worry about yourself and giving yourself away. It's going to be the everyday stuff. And it's going to happen. And if it happens... Well, it's not going to happen to everybody. No, it's going to continue to happen to people. And let's go back to what we said at first. I think 99% of the time, you're not going to have a concern. Right. Because you don't have a podcast. You can just deny it. Right. Which is what damn right we would have done. Yeah.

So we're not trying to be holier than thou but um we you know made a a decision maybe an uninformed decision when we started this podcast to put our voices out there and we knew that the risk was higher um but but you know we believed in what we were doing and it's what we chose to do you may choose to do something different different. So hopefully this wasn't too much of a bummer. I hope not. Because it has a happy ending. It can have a happy ending. You don't have to let other people ruin what you've chosen to do. Right. Or change what you've chosen to do.

Giving other people that much control in your life is always oh that's a really good point a negative thing yeah so you know choose to be who you are choose to do it together and stick with it and i think you're you're gonna be fine yeah whatever that journey ends up looking like it's your journey yeah so we come back i'm gonna do a couple of snapshots and then we're gonna close up episode 93. Yep. Welcome back to Snapshots. Who goes first? I guess I can. Okay.

Can I go back to naughty stocking night oh yeah it was a fun night uh you know i i we we were so disconnected back then we did i i had no idea what to get you i had no idea when we were going to do naughty stockings we we had so much going on and i said well i'll order this and this and i went out and you know shopped one day and i just bought all this stuff hoping that it was going to be what you wanted because you've got so many sex toys now i wouldn't i don't even know which ones to get you Like, I don't, I don't even know what to buy myself anymore. Right.

Like, I had this quota, especially like during the pandemic. Like, I had a one sex toy a month quota, you know. I think somebody needed to come up with like a, because, you know, we do the Shaker and Spoon subscription service. I do... That's like subscribe and save. Yeah, like my Amazon subscribe and save. I do like a makeup... Are you listening, casual toys? Subscription service. I know. Like this might not be the first time we had brought this up with these guys. Like these subscription services are amazing. So, yeah, I'm kind of out of sex toys to try.

Although I told you about one and you didn't get it for me can i just call you out on it now yeah this isn't really a snapshot but sorry it's what i didn't get for christmas the lush three the lush it is a um it's a insertable sex toy that's remote controlled through an app. And it's supposed to work really well. I mean, there's a ton of them out there, but I've heard that this one works well from some friends of ours. I first learned about it at Desire during our ladies' sex toy show and tell. And then I ended up talking to somebody else about it, and they said that it worked well as well.

Okay, I'm going to have to. So I had mentioned that to you, and I was kind of hoping you'd get it for me, but I don't think you really heard me. I'll have to get with my man, Mickey. Oh, it's on their website. Yeah. He'll help me. Yeah, I think it's even $10 cheaper than it is on any other website. They have a good selection. You can count on their products. Great customer service. Yes. And this advertisement has been brought to you by Casual Swinger. No, we've really developed a good friendship and a strong partnership with them.

And we would never promote anything that we don't absolutely 100% believe in. And they are the real deal. They are the real deal. You can count on them. So anyway, sorry about that little commercial. Back to your Snapchat.

So hopefully I don't have to wait until next Noddy Stock last three i got it okay good all right have i been uh subtle enough yeah or not subtle enough got it all right so back to my snapshot so the liberator thing yeah um like not only can you put like a dildo in it like if you're playing alone like it has a slit and you can slide a dildo down it and then you can like ride it.

It has like, if you flip it over, it has like a groove in it, like under the, like all the liberator stuff has this, these like covers that, you know, unzip and you can throw them in the wash that are like, I don't know they're velour but it's way nicer than velour but underneath the cover is a groove in the actual foam where um like hitachi magic wand slides in perfectly oh so it's it's flat against it it's in the groove uh-huh oh okay so one side has the hole where it actually the vibrating part sticks up yeah the dildo sticks up but if you don't want to do that then you can flip it over and just like have wedge it down into that groove right oh okay so when you and i had sex that night i was straddling this thing and then you were doing me doggy style so i was laying over top of it and i was like right i was doing my fingers first oh right yeah i remember yeah it's been a few weeks yeah so yes thank you for reminding me um but then i was like leaning over it and I had the Hitachi on.

So I was straddling like my Hitachi one, but then you were behind me. So it was like absolutely the best of both worlds. Yeah. And for some reason you apologized the next day for being selfish. I might've been way more focused on figuring out the liberate. Cause we had just gotten it. Like it was the first time we played with it. Thank you. I might have been way more focused on figuring out the liberty. Because we had just gotten it. It was the first time we played with it. So I was trying to figure it out. Can I give you some advice, honey? What?

When the wife comes to the husband and says, I apologize for being so horny last night. That's just not necessary. It's not necessary. Like, what other guy's going to feel sorry for me that my wife apologized for me for being too horny? Sorry, I was too horny last night. Oh, yeah, I'm really upset about that. I don't think I said too horny, did I? No, you said I was very horny last night.

I was really horny last i was really i was really horny last night i said so why would anyone apologize for that there are guys out there that would kill if their wives would say one day a year i'm really horny so you can put that put your mind at ease you don't have to apologize for that okay all right so anyway yeah doggy style straddling a liberator pillow with a hitachi yeah in it that's an excellent combo yeah that was good so i'm gonna do a throwback snapshot because we're getting ready to go on a cruise the thought crossed my mind the other day that our kind of a sexual awakening as a couple occurred on a cruise i know exactly what you're gonna say oh maybe not yeah but but you might it wasn't the first cruise that we went on it was the cruise after it was the cruise that we had the aft balcony yeah oh is that what you thought i was going to talk about yeah so this aft balcony was huge and it was very private and it was so big that our lounge chairs could be in the shade or we could pull them out into the sun and i went outside we went outside and we.

And we were going to have sex eventually. But we brought a bucket of ice out. And I had. I knew this was it. And I had gotten you a glass dildo. And this was when we first started using toys. And your happy place is on the water anyway. So we're a couple of days into this cruise. You're completely relaxed.

and we're happy places on the water anyway so we're a couple of days into this cruise you're completely relaxed and we're laying on the on the lounge chairs and you start playing with yourself and then you start taking your bathing suit off or opening your robe and then you had that glass dildo and the bucket of ice. And it was hot out that day. And I was like mesmerized because I had never seen you openly perform on yourself like that. I mean, I'd seen it before. You are not recollecting this right. You're the one that put the dildo in the bucket of ice, right? Right, yes, yes.

So then we, I'd seen it before. You are not recollecting this, right? You're the one that put the dildo in the bucket of ice, right? Right, yes, yes. So then I went out there and laid down, and I'm like, oh, he's brought ice out here. We're going to have cocktails out here. And then I saw the dildo, and you said, I want you to use that on yourself when I want to watch. Well, I don't think I was that bold. I think you were that bold. No, I'm the one who brought it out and put it in the ice. You said you wanted me to use it and that you wanted to watch. Yeah. Because that was very new for us.

Right, right. And I was like, hmm, okay. Yeah, so we got glass dildo play. It was heat and cold at the same time because it was really hot. It was hot as hell. We were in the Caribbean in like July. And on the aft balcony, there's no breeze, you know, because you're at the back of the ship. Right. And it was sweltering and you had took that thing out and it was nice and cold. Yeah, so anyway, I'm hoping that you fairly pay attention to everything that you're packing. Okay, duly noted. So that when we go next week.

Well, I don't think I brought my glass dildo last time, but the last time we cruised, wasn't that when you got called down to the naughty room for the enjoy being in my bag i did yeah so there's this room on a cruise ship called the the naughty room yeah i mean the crew members even call it the naughty room so if you're trying to smuggle something on board and they catch it when they when your luggage goes through x-rays you get and you know it's going to happen it's happened to us a couple times because let's say we bring four bags and we get to our stateroom and there's only three bags there and then the other one doesn't show up you're going oh crap and then they get on the phone rings and they're like room one two three four come down to the naughty room but the funny thing about that was and by this time i was pretty confident and it didn't bother me.

I went down there and there was this guy, he was, I think he was Filipino and he's a security guy, right? Big guy, a white shirt on, walkie talkie, you know, all this stuff. And he's like, is there all right if I open your suitcase? And I said, sure, help yourself. So he opens it and he says, what's this thing here? And at first it was like a curling iron. It was my flat iron. It's a flat iron. To straighten my hair. And I'm like, oh. I said, that's a flat iron. It's the extension cord that he was looking. And he goes, okay, well then, what's this? And I said, what's what?

And I made him pull it out. And I said, it's a sex toy. And you could just see the color drain from his face. And he said, okay he you said he kind of just dropped it he dropped it he said okay you can go i said oh that was easy you know if i'd had a bottle of booze in there i would have been able to get away with it because he just as soon as i said well what sex toy oh and he just dropped it yeah and that is why you always bring sex toy cleaner on vacation with you. Because you never know who's going to touch your sex toys. Well, that Anjoy is solid steel. It's a weapon. Yeah.

It's no wonder that they asked about that. I mean, how many pounds do you think that thing weighs? I don't know. It weighs at least a couple pounds. Maybe three. Yeah. It's heavy. Yeah.

That would be good in a bucket of ice yeah so anyway i'm not that i have expectations or anything but it sure would be nice if we and we do have three c days we do and maybe four if covid people won't closes the ports right and we haven't we have a suite this time yeah oh that's right yeah so we have a really nice balcony yeah yeah so we're gonna have fun no matter what yep all right well i think that about wraps up what what number is this 93 93 93. 2022. We would really love it if you want to check out our We Got a Thing members community.

You can go to our website at wegotathing.com and check it out. We'd be happy to have you. It's growing quickly, and we've got a lot of new features that we're rolling out this year. Excited about that. You can email me at mrjones, M-R-J-O-N-E-S, at wegotathing.com. Or me at mrsjones at wegotathing.com. As I said, our website is w-e-g-o-t-t-a-t-h-i-n-g.com. Or you can follow us on Twitter at wegotathing. We also have a presence on Pinterest, Double Date Nation, SDC, and Cassidy. Thanks for listening. We are Mr. and Mrs. Jones, and we got a thing. What's your thing? We'll see you next time.