Episode 91: Rejected Again- Why Don't They Like Us?

Transcript

This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-pos positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us?

hello everyone i'm mr jones and i'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 91 of the we gotta thing podcast rejected again that is the most pathetic title you've ever come up with why don't they like us and before you poo-poo the title you have to know that it's too late that it didn't come came from one of our friends. Oh, did he actually come up with a title? Yes. All right. You're going to take it back? No, I love you anyway, and I'll make it up to you next time I see you. Gee, now I owe him something. Darn. We'll explain more about that later. Okay. Well, we have been busy.

We have been busy. Yes. And we are going to be busier. Finally, we've been busy we have been busy yes and we are going to be busier finally we've been busy and like um holy cow 13 days yeah for you and me less than two weeks oh that stresses me out a little bit well let's not think about it i know i mean it stresses me out in a good way yeah so So we're going to Desire for our event, for our 2021 event. Yes, so let's see. What was our first one? Was it 2018? I don't remember. Yeah, yeah. 18, 19, 20, 21. Fourth annual. Yeah. Dang. I know.

And our fifth annual is on its way to being sold out pretty quick. Yeah. So if you want to go with us in 2022, is that the right year? Yes. We're looking at booking November 12th through the 19th of 2022. And I know the resort is probably about three quarters full by now. Yeah, because last year everybody had to cancel. So then everybody pushed forward to this year. And then a lot of people couldn't get in this year. So they went ahead and booked next year. Right. So, if you want to go in 2022, go to our website and book now. Yep. Please. It's going to be so much fun in 13 days. I know. Yeah.

So, every year when we go to Desire, we make these name necklaces for everybody and uh mr jones is making them this year you're just becoming quite the house husband no i am loving this i can't get my those little dinky beads i know driving me crazy yeah well luckily you you don't have big like clunky fingers i know but you still they're still hard to maneuver and manipulate. It's frustrating. He comes up in my office and he's like, you've got to order more A's. We're out of A's. I can't make any more name necklaces. I know.

You learn a lot about what letters are most popular in people's names. I know. So y'all owe me one when we get to Desire.

But we've had a couple of, gosh, we went to Denver at the end of september and we haven't talked about that yet i know because we released our podcast so that everybody could listen to it on the plane on the way to denver i'm i was stressing a little today because today is um we've not well i take that back oh you know what it's been seven years since we started podcasting well happy podcast-aversary and we only missed one month, and that was the month we were outed when we took that month off. Yeah, we took six weeks off. Yeah, so we're getting pretty close to the end of October.

As a matter of fact, this is probably being released on the 31st. So when you're listening to it, more than likely it's in November. So happy Halloween. But we did get credit for posting it. The High Holy Day of Swinging. October 31st. So I was getting a little bit anxious that we weren't going to get an episode out because one of the things that I pride ourselves on is consistency. Yes. And longevity. Little bit is bullshit. You've been very stressed about it. Yeah. So thanks for making time for me so we can do this podcast. I know, babe. We've got too much going on.

But, you know, again, a lot of it's been fun. So we went to Denver with about 70 couples at the end of September and had a very social, sexy weekend. Yes. I mean, could the weather have been better? No. The weather was perfect. Could the group of people have been better no no no it was a lot of fun we stayed downtown um you know the official event didn't kick off until friday but that didn't stop three quarters of the group from going early and they went hiking in the mountains on thursday they went to like this country western bar on Thursday night.

And like there's like multiple, multiple videos of like bull riding. Yeah. And oh my gosh, they had fun. We were late to our own party. I know. We were here working and they were already there. I know. Partying. Like we do not have our priorities in order. Friday, we went to a local brewery for dinner, which I thought was fantastic. We took over the large room and had some privacy. And the manager there was pretty suspicious of what was going on. She was quizzing me the entire evening. She was suspicious in a good way. She was.

and i waited until i paid the bill before i came clean well so she started out you called on friday afternoon just to confirm i mean you'd already been emailing but you you just you know had a little stomach cramp and you had to call friday afternoon and you know you said i just want to confirm one more time that this is a private space that we have for tonight. And she's like, just how private does it need to be? What kind of party is this going to be? And I said, just a bunch of friends. Just a bunch of friends, and you're getting in together.

So she was waiting for us when you and I got there a little early, and she was waiting for us. And she was very gracious, and everything was perfect. Yeah, and she may be listening, because after I paid the bill and everybody left, we gave her a business card. We gave her a business card, and I said, okay, here's who we are, and here's what our group is all about, and she was pretty cool. Now, did we say anything that wasn't true? No.

Because all weekend long, when people would ask us, people outside of our group would ask us what we were about, we were like, you know what, we're a bunch of people that are just looking to like reconnect with each other and to make friends because we've just reached that point in our lives where we realize that we need to reconnect and just have fun and prioritize ourselves and our relationship. Right. So is that not true? No, it was all true. Yeah. So we had a good dinner there. And then Saturday, some of the ladies went and took pole dancing lessons. No. That was Friday. That was Friday?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Before we even got there again. No, that was the morning we got there and I couldn't do it because you and i were setting up yeah yeah so they did the pole dancing lessons which evidently went over really well yeah i mean did you see any videos they wouldn't show them to me oh i saw some videos it was fun i asked that's the only thing i asked for nobody showed me any videos did you see a demonstration on the party bus i did yes you did, you did. Yeah, we'll get to that. So there was a pole dance party or lessons, I guess I should say.

Then Saturday, what did we do on Saturday? Oh, Saturday afternoon we did, we pulled a fast one on the group because we were going to do a session in the afternoon. You and I were going to do a session. It was the morning session. We did the fast one. I know. We were going to do a regular session Saturday afternoon. Yeah. And in the morning, we decided to break the group into men's and men's, the men go in one room and the ladies go into another room. Because that's been so popular in our community. Yeah. To have girl time and guy time. Right.

So the assumption was I was going to take the guys and you were going to go with the girls. Well, I did go with the guys. Right. So we had two ballrooms. I did go with the guys and you did go with the girls. And then once everybody got set, you and I switched rooms. Right. And I came back into the ladies room and came up front and sat down and they all started giggling because. Well, I was still in the ladies room. So I waited for you.

You showed the guys because the ladies stayed in the main ballroom where we had been all weekend as a as a big group right and then but you took the guys down the hall into this extra room we had rented right and um got them all settled and you said i'll be right back but you came back into the ladies room as if you had forgotten something but then i walked out right and i walked down the hall and i hosted the's session. Yeah, and I had to stop my session because there was so much noise coming from your end of the hotel because the guys were hooting and hollering. So I walked in.

So the main ballroom that we used all weekend was set up with big round tables that I think five couples to a table or something. But the other room we had for the extra session was set up theater style. So it was almost like a church where there was like this middle aisle, you know, just rows of chairs and then a middle aisle. And I walked in the back of the room and I walked up the middle aisle and the guys figured that I was there, that I was going to end up like moderating the session.

they started like cheering and stuff and it was crazy and um i mean i taught high school for 20 years like i'm not afraid of anything and those guys started like hooting and hollering and cheering and i got up to and we had like uh the bar stools in the front where you know we could sit down and lead the discussion and I sat down in that chair and I had some notes with me on like you know a piece of paper I'd put it out and I looked down at my hands and my hands were shaking and I'm like holy shit I haven't been this like you know in like 25 years I haven't been nervous like this since I started teaching.

It was funny. But then it was amazing. It was so fun to actually get to just bounce thoughts off of, like, the guys could ask me anything. And the first thing, you know, that was talked about is, you know, whatever you say in this room, I promise not to take and run back to your wives and say, you're not going to believe what so-and-so said. Um, so we just had this really frank question and answer period for what, like 90 minutes. Yeah.

I think to boil it down because you do the ladies chats and I do the men's chats in our community every other week, you know, I was able to speak for the group of guys to say, here are some of the things that we struggle with. Here are some of the things that we enjoy. Yeah. Here are some of the ways that we think about our wives and being in this lifestyle. And then the ladies were able to ask me questions. I was like a proxy. Yeah. You know, for the guys and it really went over well. So yeah, that was a lot of fun.

It was good information for me to hear the the thoughts going on in the guys heads and then it was uh it was fun for me to represent all of my lady friends um to the best of my ability right i mean i was i was bringing my own opinions forward you know via you know this you know, this chat and, you know, nothing's perfect. But it was just really fun to hear concerns of guys where they could be frank. And I appreciated that they trusted me to share that stuff with me. Yeah, it was fun. Sometimes the lifestyle is hard, right? It is. Yeah. Yeah, so then we did a combined session in the afternoon.

Saturday night, we went to the Scarlet Ranch. Oh, my gosh. I could not have been more impressed. Yeah, what a nice club. Yeah. I mean, it's big, so it absorbed all 140 of us with no problem. And the weather was so nice, they have cabanas set up set up outside oh and they had the teepee outside yes where when you open the door of the teepee you'd get knocked over by smoke because it's a 420 state i know and we're from virginia and and we're so prudish here like so you and i are not used to this yeah um but the club is really set up perfectly because there's a restaurant um and it a cabin.

It's rustic. Of course, it's Colorado, right? And the main level is the bar and the restaurant and the dance floor and the music. And then the playrooms are downstairs. Yeah. So if you want to go to the playrooms, you can, but they're not like in your face. It's just like a regular club upstairs. But they were nice playrooms. They were very nice. And this place was so clean. I mean, I went to the bathroom at probably like midnight, and the bathroom was spotless. Yeah. You know, I could not believe how...

And when you say rustic, like when I first heard about the Scarlet Ranch, I'm thinking, okay, rustic log cabin, it's going to be like, you know, I don't know, like scruffy or whatever. Yeah, it had like the log cabin walls, but they were beautiful and like treated and like everything was like clean and crisp and well decorated, very tastefully decorated.

And we have to give a special shout out to our special friends who live in denver who helped facilitate us the arrangement that we had and they also were there working um attending bar and oh my gosh our friend he was behind the bar like he can make some drinks pretty quick yeah yeah but he checked everybody in and the one thing i forgot to mention was on thursday night a small group of us went to their house and had a backyard picnic and they hosted us. So thank you guys very much. It was, it would not have been the same without you helping us facilitate all that. Picnic, excuse me. Yeah.

Like he has a pizza oven that is like the size of a room out back. And he grilled pizzas for all of us. I grilled some of the pizzas. You did grill some of the pizzas. You did a good job, babe. Yeah, thank you. We drank wine. And he has like an amazing bourbon collection that he was sharing with us. I mean, you could see the mountains. Yeah, they live right in the foothills, like a little bit outside of the city.

And just gracious hosts and nice people and sexy people and yep holy cow yeah thank you guys for that um yeah so scarlet ranch was a lot of fun everybody had a lot of fun so so it was great to get back out and about the world again and do our first event um our first weekend event since covid since february of 2020 when we went to austin um so we've got a couple more i think planned for 2022 so if you're interested you need to stick around yeah or get into our community because everything that we're doing now is selling out within our community and that's where we put all the information about what's coming up yep So a lot of fun.

So speaking of our community, we didn't even have to plan a Halloween party. No. There was a couple in our community that planned the most amazing party. I think we should pause and talk about this for a minute. Okay. Our community has grown so much that now what's happening is we have subgroups, regional groups around the, around the country. Yeah. Southwest, North Pacific, Northwest, Southeast, Northeast, Midwest, Rocky mountains.

Um, we have all of these subgroups popping up and we also have groups of BDSM, a newbie group, a mature group, a nerd, nerdy, the nerd nerd chat the perv chat there's even like a disney group disney group the wine drinkers group peloton group peloton group the health and fitness group so we have so many different groups pop uh subgroups popping up that what's happening is that some of these regional groups are now starting to form their own meet and greets in their parties yeah which is what happened in las vegas last year with right with one and also it just happened in kansas city with uh halloween yes and the great thing about it is i don't know let's not spill the beans to our friends but we don't have to do anything we just have to show up i know it's incredible so our friends in kansas city scheduled this halloween party that was last weekend so you and i went to kansas city with about again i don't know how many couples were there like i think there were 35 35 or 40 couples amazing weekend we did a we did a meet and greet happy hour on friday i went to a club like it was just a normal club.

It wasn't a lifestyle club on Friday night. If you're familiar with Kansas City, it's called Funky Town. And so it's a 70s, 80s slash theme bar. It's really strange. It's like going back in time. They don't take credit cards. It's cash only. There's a cover charge.

Most people were dressed up were dressed up of course i wasn't but i was i had like a bright pink neon skirt on and boots and they had so you had guys you had people dressed in the bell bottoms and the um go-go boots and they had they had the hanging cages where you could dance yeah and they had the neon and the black lights and then they had the music going but every once in a while they would do a little show up on the stage oh the shows were incredible yeah and they had the bar that bar that was open so even it's not a lifestyle club and there were two bus loads of us in there so it was majority lifestyle but we had so much fun there that really surprised me i would go to kansas city just to go to that place That was so much fun.

We have nothing like that around here. I mean, it is just fun to go and hang out there. Yeah. So Saturday afternoon, we ended up, and a great thing about it was we got to sleep in on Saturday. So we went to a few breweries in Kansas City on Saturday afternoon. Yeah, that was fun.

And then we went to the main event which was a uh costume halloween party at our at the friends our friend's home and their home is amazing i think we've talked about it before they're such gracious hosts and they've hosted events like this in their home for a long time so they're professionals when it comes to doing this yeah but they i mean this i think they stepped this up a notch they did they i mean they hired bartenders they hired entertainment um their home could not be set up better yeah to host something like this i mean you name it the red room the glory hole the massage table the dance floor that karaoke machine the hot tub the bar yeah um the the lighting yeah everything in that house was just so set up it was perfectly perfectly for that party and Thank you.

bar yeah um the the lighting yeah everything in that house was just so set up it was perfectly perfectly for that party and they were unflappable i mean yeah i don't know how they did it like they i know they were working their butts off but they seem to be having a good time i mean like every time i approached them and wanted to socialize they had time for me yeah like they were amazing. So we hope that you all were able to get out and enjoy the high holy holiday of Swingerland, which is Halloween. Well, that's this weekend, actually. And I actually dressed up. You did.

I was pretty proud of you. Even though I only got half credit because I repurposed a costume from last year from PCAP. But I did. some they had somebody there taking pictures yeah so we got we got pictures of me dressed up so there's evidence that i do occasionally dress up yeah a lot of fun um and amongst all that we had a couple of friends in town one weekend that we got to go out to dinner with and, and catch up with.

And it's just been the past six weeks or eight weeks have been really great because we're, you know, we're, we're able to get back out and about and connect with people and actually touch people and hug people and be with people. Although in Denver, we weren't, we didn't even have sex with each other in Denver. We were so worried. Did you really need to say that? We were tired. Well, you know, it took a lot of energy. Well, our fatal mistake was that we flew in on Thursday and then our friends had us over for that big pizza party pizza party event thing.

And, um, they were what, about 10 couples there and we were up for 23 hours. Yeah. We didn't start off. We, we know better than that, but we couldn't help it. We had such a good time. I know.

So, you know, and then we got maybe what, six hours sleep and then we had to get up and we had to set up the ballroom for the you know the workshops and the yeah but we made up for it in kansas city so we're all good yeah well i'm still making excuses for denver yeah well and then i had like pretty much sealed the deal with good friends of ours that we have played with many times on Friday night and you were the one in Denver and you were the one that like kiboshed that I was beat I looked at my watch and it was one o'clock in the morning or 12 30 it was noon it was it was midnight it was midnight and I said if I don't go to bed now if we go this other direction it's going to be three o'clock in the morning and that and this was day one well it was day two yeah so anyway you kiboshed it i did sorry i thought we were going to see them again and now that's not going to be the case i know see lost my opportunity you got to take the moment when you get it yeah you know our motto used to, we'll sleep when we're dead.

Right. That seems to be changing. That looks good on paper. I know. As we're getting ready to head into eight nights in Mexico. I know. So it's been a wild few weeks. And for those of you who are wondering, who tuned in just to see if I was still alive after last month's debacle with the waxing, I'm still here. Oh, my God. Everything has grown back. The balls have reemerged. Everything is... And we're getting ready to do it again right before we go to desire. It's going to be great, honey. We're going to go to desire and not have to shave. Yeah.

But I thank you all for your kind inquiries and emails and messages asking me if I was still okay. If I had survived. I can't wait to go back. I kind of want to... You know, I got waxed too. And did anybody like show any concern for me whatsoever? Yeah, because you've had babies. We already went over that. It's no big deal for you. It was a big deal for me. All right. When we come back, we're going to talk about why they don't like us. That's so sad. I know, it is. We'll be right back. Welcome back to segment two, Rejected Again. Why don't they like us?

I mean, I really think that we need to change like our avatar to Eeyore. Let's talk about how this came about. We have friends who sent us an email and they were involved in an online lifestyle forum discussion where this topic came up. There was a lot of discussion around it. So he was kind enough to send it my way.

And it was a question that he had posed and gotten a lot of feedback on and there were a lot of people that because we've talked before about you know how if you don't connect with somebody you just kind of fade away or yeah i think our fade away episode was uh kind of popular and i don't know if that did us any favors as a as a couple i know we might have scared some people off and we talked about um you know how it doesn't really matter sometimes if what the reasoning is behind a connection that doesn't last or that doesn't get started but evidently in this forum people kept asking no there are people who we really want to know we really want to know why are we being turned down why are we being rejected and we've talked to friends about that before too yeah um not friends that we played with but just like conversationally like people really want to know why they're rejected and and if you think about it it makes sense because you can learn from that okay well you know why am i being rejected if it's something i can control maybe we can modify, right?

If you can't control it because it's your looks or it's your whatever, then... You're giving people way too much credit. Be what it may. You're giving people way too much credit. What? I think everybody has an IQ? No, you think everybody wants to test and learn. They're just in it to learn so they can improve.

That not the case we're gonna get to that okay i mean um you know people want to know why and people like feel like they deserve to know why however you know and by the way we're just talking about online communications now we're talking about profile to profile so whether it's Cassidy or DDN or SDC or whatever, we're talking about when you see a profile and when you reach out and inquire about another couple and they turn you down for an invitation, whatever that invitation is for, we're not talking about face to face. We're not talking about events.

We're talking about just online right that this this being rejected before you even know somebody and a lot of times you know it leads to hurt feelings and anger and frustration and defensiveness and and we'll talk about that but you know some people say like we've said well the why is not really important you know just go your own way as a rejection. Cut me loose and let me move on. Yeah, let me get on to the next one and don't take it personally. But you do. Honestly, at some level. True. You do. Rejection never. Rejection is never a neutral experience.

It's just a matter of how negative do you allow it to become. Right. So what we have volunteered to do and what our friend asked us to do is speak for the masses and tell you why you're being rejected. And we're included in that too. Yeah. I was going to say, is this like the royal we? Yeah. Yeah. Right on. Yeah, why people are, well, if it's delivered from us from a podcast, it's not like person to person. You know, it's just a, you don't have to take it so personally.

But there's a whole list of things that were discussed about why we rejected you or why you rejected us or why one couple was rejected.

This whole we and you thing is like stabbing me like a porcupine i know but the reason i can't say i is because we're doing this as a couple yeah so it's us why are we rejected so if you're listening i'm talking to you you're the we and as we're talking we're the we why are we rejected all of us i'm gonna get in trouble for saying this i'm sure but like if somebody rejects us i don't want to know whether it was you or me because it's us right and like i don't want to know that it's me i know but we're not doing this but i don't want it to be you either because i don't claw their eyeballs out because they don't like my husband and that's why we're singing peanut butter again that's why we're proxy.

We're a proxy for these people who keep saying, I need to know why. Yeah. We don't need to know why. You just said we don't need to know why and we don't want to know why. No. Because if you did, you would claw eyes. No, neither, one are two different things. I don't want to know why. Right. And you don't need to know why either. I don't want to know why. Right, right. Because you know why? I'm my own worst critic. I know. Like I can tell you all the reasons you don't want to connect with me, right? I know, and that's what we're going to get. That's what we're going to get to.

Just hold your horses. I can't. Okay. Reason number why you're rejected. We're rejected. Quit looking at me when you say you. one a poorly written profile i'm a math teacher i can't write a poorly it's either too short there's nothing there yeah right okay it's too long i can't i don't want to read that much um it's repetitive the same thing over and over again it doesn't reflect your personality. It doesn't reflect any humor or anything. Yeah. And sometimes it may sound homophobic or that I got fears. I'm straight 40 times. Yeah, I'm straight. Misspellings, poor grammar.

Oh, you know, I'm a math teacher and still, like the whole misspellings thing really bothers me. Yeah. Poor grammar, yeah. You know what else I don't like is, like, when they, like, use all caps. Like, that makes me back away. Somebody's yelling. Yeah. Yeah, somebody's yelling, and that means you think they're shouting at you. Yeah. Yeah. Makes me back away. No, not good. Number one, poorly written profile. Number two, this is why we reject you. Dissimilar sexual interest or different things. To me, this is the easiest one. That's black and white. Like, we're full swap, you're soft swap.

We won't fuck you unless you're full swap. And's the end of the story and that's not us that was yeah let me just put this into an illustration for you we look at a profile our somebody looks at our profile we say situational they we look at their profile and it says they're full swap only and then they reach out to us and say do you want to go out And my reaction to that would be, well says they're full swap only. And then they reach out to us and say, do you want to go out? And my reaction to that would be, well, you're full swap only. We're not. No match. Right.

So why would you reach out to me if my situation and what we want is different than yours? Because I think they're rico suave and that they can manipulate you. Exactly. So dissimilar sexual interest is a good reason that you're going to be rejected. Right. Whether it's you say you're full swap or whether you play separately or whether you do separate rooms.

I don't think people take the time to understand the boxes that they check, that other people actually look at them and consider them and then say, well, this person likes to do this or they like to do that that doesn't fit with us doesn't have anything to do with your looks it's just at this point in time we're only talking about dissimilar sexual interest right so we would we would that's no match right right okay that's number two and when we were new that was really to us. Yes. Like really important. That's right, because you're scared to death.

If we're soft swap and we see anything, if we see full swap on a profile. Even full swap situational. Okay, well, what's the situation? You know, that's scary. Because people would tell us when we're soft swap that we're not real swingers. Yeah. Because we don't full swap.

Yeah, that's scary because people would tell us when we're when we're soft swap that we're not real swingers yeah because we don't full swap yeah that's bullshit but let's move on okay number one poorly written profile number two dissimilar sexual interest number three number three reason why you're rejected dissimilar approach to communicating now this this could be many many different things like oh i'm having a total flashback some people want to want to do email the email systems within the dating sites suck uh for the most part but that's one way to go back and forth another way is texting some people will give out their phone numbers and want to text we were done done that way at first.

Some people don't want to give out their phone numbers. I don't do that anymore. Right. Some people like to use instant messaging services like Kik and others. Some people like to individual message instead of couple like me with the other woman and you with the other man. That's my bad flashback.

oh yeah what's your flashback remember that guy um i think they were from north carolina and we were so new and he started texting me and just me and he was like telling me all these things he wanted to do with me and i felt like I was 13 years old like it was ridiculous I was so scared and and poor you like I could hear the car I could hear the garage door opener and I would be like oh oh oh he's home so I would like get the text message open I'd be in the kitchen and like then you would actually I could hear the car pull in like you hear the car go into park and I could hear you shut the door I could hear the garage door no no no then you had to go get the mail so you couldn't even come in the mudroom door before I would like have my phone in your face and you can't even see close up and I'd have like my phone touching your nose I'd be like what am I supposed to do with this I know what like he texted me I know that's what i'm talking about so that knucklehead who had been into the lifestyle for a long time looks at our profile sees that it's less than a year old sees that we're soft swap yeah and makes the silly mistake of just trying to me the fuck yeah yeah trying to so again and poor you yeah like you took the brunt of all that i'm like what am i supposed to do with this yeah well i mean it's okay that you showed it to me um yeah but other people like the video chat there's so many different ways to chat and to communicate that different styles uh often get in the way of people because let's face it we're really not that good at instant messaging because we're you especially you you're busy all day i suck at it now but like Thank you.

people because let's face it we're really not that good at instant messaging because we're you especially you you're busy all day i suck at it now but like i'm thinking like seven or eight years ago like when this happened so what freaked me out it was it was just him like if and we have friends that we text with individually now and they have my phone number and i don't even care because like they're my friends. Like if something happened, they would come help me. Like it isn't, they're not just fuck buddies, right?

But, you know, seven years ago when this happened, like why couldn't we have just started in a four-way chat?

And then if things develop and you feel comfortable and and everything's cool you know then you can kind of splinter off and and like find your groove right but um we rejected them because they scared the shit out of me right right because they're not paying attention right clueless well right him yeah yeah because it's about no matter what your approach is and we were talking about this in the men's chat the other night it's about being respectful whatever your approach is and not being creepy yeah yeah and he was way too fast too soon for me and you know what maybe maybe that wasn't a bad thing and and like i said like we were super knew.

And maybe if that happened to me now, I'd be okay with it. But I wasn't done. I know. The point is he doesn't know that. The point is when you've been in the lifestyle for a long time and that's how you normally communicate with people and you don't take the time to consider this other profile and who it is and how long they've been doing this. And guess what?

They be ready to communicate the way that you communicate right that's on you right and it doesn't have it again i'm going to go back to this many times it doesn't have anything to do with about what you look like it's the fact that it comes across as being intimidating or scary or creepy and it's not maybe it's not maybe he's not that way at all it was none of the above in in the big grand scheme of the lifestyle world right but for me that many years ago right it was scary right okay so poorly written profile dissimilar sexual interest uh different ways to communicate number four a different approach to dating so some profiles will say hey we only date locally let's go to dinner locally yeah some people say we don't do dinner let's just do drinks right because they want that quicker out yeah right some people say hey there's a club we want to meet you at the club and then that way like if it doesn't if we don't hit it off we're at the club and we can do our own thing yeah but like we don't have that luxury right um some people want to meet out of town you know because they don't want to date in their town so there's different approaches to we've done that before and that was a cluster as well i know but you and i had a fun weekend anyway we did I know yeah so so your your approach to dating other couples is another reason why sometimes you're rejected because if we say we don't want to date locally because we're again let's just say we're new we're afraid of running into people that we know and then somebody asks us out locally and we say no that's the reason because we don't maybe we don't want to date locally yeah okay different approaches to dating Thank you.

asks us out locally and we say no that's the reason because we don't maybe we don't want to date locally yeah okay different approaches to dating number five and the first thing i want to say about looks or attractive physical attractiveness is this is not number one on the list we're down to number five now we're getting to looks well right and this is never at the top on my list that i mean in the well seven years podcasting right so almost eight years of of swinging like as as time goes by looks become less and less important it's all about personality and and just how charming you are and can you make me laugh and yeah yeah, but unfortunately on a profile, can't see that.

No, and this is where a lot of guys screw up royally. Right. They screw up royally because the first thing we see, guys are visual, we see a great looking woman. We don't even look at the guy. We see a great looking woman. You see good boobs. Yeah, and we're emailing. We're saying, hey, do you want to get together? I didn't read your profile.

I don don't know what your play style is i don't know how you like to communicate i don't know you have really nice boobs yeah you have nice boobs so i'm reaching out to you yeah so you know looks um get in the way of determining whether or not there might be a real connection based on the overall profile because we get that shot of adrenaline when we see a picture and us guys don't know how to control that and we're sending a message right away that's so interesting you say that um a guy gets a shot of adrenaline when he sees a picture do you think that there's any kind of a similar physiological trigger when a woman sees a picture of a guy?

Well, you're the woman. You'd have to ask that. You'd have to answer that. Okay, so my answer's no. Right. I think that's, generally speaking, I think that's correct. I mean, there's certainly something to be said about that. Right. You know, looks are definitely part of the whole puzzle, But I don't know that that is the initial driving force behind my attraction to a guy. Right. It's not. For me, no. I think for most women, they would probably align behind me.

I might be more extreme than other women i don't know and i'm not playing holier than thou because the first thing i look at when i go to a profile is the pictures you like boobs and i like well i like women i'm not a boot guy i'm just i just i'm attracted to women and so when i see pictures that's what i look at first But then I hit the back button, and I read what their interests are. Yeah. And I read their their bio. And I read what they're looking for. And I read, you know, why they're doing this. So but the picture is the first thing that I look at.

So I'm going to totally call you out right now. If you initially are scrolling through DDN or Cassidy or whatever, and you run across a profile where the picture doesn't like super impress you, but there's something about the profile that makes you click into it and read. Yeah. Does that work for you as well? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. If there's some wit behind what's written. Okay, so now what will, okay, so if the picture isn't like what initially grabs your eye, what is going to be at the very beginning of the profile that makes you click?

I'm going to go, I'm going to, I'm going to, you missed a question. Okay. When I look at the pictures, obviously I'm attracted to female bodies, but the other thing that attracts me are pictures of the couples together. Oh yeah, you're right. Enjoying themselves. So if I don't see that, that's a, that's a strike too. Then I come back and read. And if they say, you know, if they're funny, you know, if they say, you know, we're really ugly and we don't know why anyone would date us or something sarcastic like or self-deprecating like that. Or if they say, we've been married this many years.

We got to get away from our kids. They're driving us crazy. We're rediscovering ourselves.

we love to get out and go to breweries we love to enjoy life we like each other you know that's the kind of thing that attracts me a couple that's really happy together and the way that their profile is written um it it makes me the picture looks then completely different to me the picture the physical picture changes in my mind from just a picture of a face or a body yeah to a picture of a couple who are really really enjoying life and they look like they're fun to be around yeah so that so that's what i look for yeah i mean i'm totally with you so like when i look at a guy like honestly if you look like Mr.

Hollywood, that's probably a strike against you when I look at your profile. Oh, thank goodness. Well, I think you look like Mr. Hollywood. Oh, you do not. You're just contradicting yourself. Sorry. So instead of digging your hole, keep going. No, this is my life.

I need to see a guy that that like truly loves his wife right and however they're going to portray that in photos right um is is up to them right because that's up to their personalities but that's what really what i'm looking for um because if he is if he's happy and he enjoys like his relationship with his wife, then a little bit of that will translate into the way he treats me. And, and to me, I don't really need to be serviced. I need to have fun. Um,iced is ridiculous. I guess at this point in my life, I'm kind of past that. Like you and I have great sex and I have really fun vibrators.

So what do I need? I need to have some fun outside of the fun that you and I have. So the thing about looks is you know what even if you are attractive i might not find you attractive yeah and that's my prerogative yeah so if no matter what you think you look like or what you do look like or even if i think you're beautiful or sexy but i read your profile and I just don't think the overall package, it's my prerogative to make that decision, just like it is when other people look at our profile. So I have this game I love to play, like the whole celebrity couples I'd love to fuck game.

And I, and Mr. Jones will not, he does not play nice with this game. Terrell Crowe. I know partner like she's single so she could be our unicorn yeah because i would like totally do her too because she's gorgeous and she's amazingly talented but like i'm always like throwing celebrity couples out there and i'm like honey what do you think and you just drive me crazy well i have to google them first because i have no idea who they are. I know. And then I just see a picture. And then the first thing I think of, oh, there's your Hollywood people. They're full of themselves.

I don't want to be with them anyway. I'm just too practical. I know. You make me crazy. Sorry. So that's looks. The next one that we kind of touched on already is, you know, we want to know when we look at a profile that you guys really like each other. Yes. Because that's what I find sexy. Yeah. I don't want to be with you because you are tired of your wife and you want to be with my wife. Yeah. I don't want to be with you because you're tired of your husband and you want to have sex with me and your husband can do whatever he wants to in the corner or over the bed with you. Yeah.

Actually, we've done that. Yeah. So I want to know that you like each other, you want to be with each other, and guess what, that you're in this together. And if we don't pick up on that, there's a good chance you might be rejected. So, you know, and there's ways to do that.

Not only the pictures together, but like I said, when you're doing your write-up, you can say, here are the things that we like that we enjoy doing together whether it's concerts and you know what it might not even be things that we like to do but just finding out that there are things that you find fun that'll be good conversation during dinner exactly exactly so the next thing is um why you might be rejected this is an easy one oh my god politics i know election days in three days we're gonna our state we're gonna have a episode on this in the future i can promise you that but if you just come right out and say that you are left or you are far right or far left or whatever you are first of all you've eliminated 50 of the people at least i know out there or if you mention hot button topics that and you all know what they are if you mention hot button topics you're going to eliminate 50 of the people out there right now i think we can all agree that our country is kind of a mess right now and then then you just let it stay there and move on.

And just like start making out with the other person. And if you talk in general about the type of people you don't like and people put themselves in that category, you've lost them. It's over. So you might be rejected because you can't help yourself but to be political on a dating website. I don't know. I know. It boggles my mind when I see people do that because instantly, at least half the people are gone. Gone. I know.

You know, I used to think that this was an easy topic to avoid, but now things are so dysfunctionalal in our country we just have to maybe maybe like just celebrate life um and and just like ignore the fact that our country is messed up right now here's the thing everybody has a different view we have friends now in vanilla life and in lifestyle life that are on both sides of the aisle. Yeah. But you know what? It's not important enough to bring up. Right. It's not the driving factor in their lives so much that they have to talk about it. Right. Because we talk about ourselves.

We talk about our relationships. We talk about travel. We talk about family.

We talk about jobs about jobs we talk about kids if the only thing that somebody has to talk about is political right i'm sorry you've lost you've lost a lot there's got to be something more interesting yeah so that was number seven politics i mean can't the lifestyle be like a respite from all that right or if's not, it can be a place where we can talk about it in its proper place, in its proper perspective, and we can do it with respect, you know, and we can do it with, we can be cordial about it, and, you know, we can talk about it like adults. Yeah. Not just this.

Lifestyle websites are no place for political conversations or you're not going to get, you're not going to, people are going to keep rejecting you. Yeah. Number eight, a sense of not being a good fit. And this is really more subjective. But when you look at the pictures, you read the profile, you read their preferences. you might just kind of say, well, you know, I just don't feel like it's a good fit. Now, I'll say before you say it, there's a high likelihood that you are wrong because this is a profile and you're getting a limited snapshot.

But a lot of people just will get not a good sense of it being a good fit. Whether it's because you're new, maybe you just posted this profile two months ago. Maybe your profile name is we are newbie. You know, whatever it is that comes across as maybe it's not a good fit, but there's just a feeling that you get that there's not a good fit in the profile. Like the oogie alarm is real. You know, if something doesn't feel right, sometimes you just have to listen to your gut. And there's no rhyme or reason to it. Yeah. And especially if you're new, go ahead and err on the side of caution.

There's nothing wrong with that. Right. Maybe you'll run into that couple in the future at an event where it's not just the four of you and then and then maybe that will be your opportunity to either say what were we thinking everything's fine or that might be your opportunity to observe them and say whoa we dodged a bullet there because they don't have the same style you have right true um yeah just err on the side of caution well that's our mantra anyway um I'll see you next time. Because they don't have the same style you have, right? True. Yeah, just err on the side of caution.

Well, that's our mantra anyway. So the last one, number nine, the last reason why we reject you or that you're rejected or that we're rejected is that, and I'm going to use our friend's terminology, a lame introductory message. That's absolutely perfect. And I'm going to read the one that he snipped. He actually screenshotted something. He screenshotted, and I'm going to try to change it a little. So anyway, imagine this. Okay, they get a message. And this is not just one message. This is four messages in a row. The first one is, hi, ABC couple here. Send. Send.

Number two, come visit us at our home overlooking the ocean. That sounds nice. Send. Okay. Also, we have plenty of place for you to stay. We can have overnight fun somewhere. Send. All right. And the next one is phone number with area code. So like between message three and message four, there's like eight messages missing. Like these are our names and this is what we, blah. That was right after, the first one was, hi, ABC couple here.

Right after that that could have been we'd like to introduce ourselves yes we are so and so we live here we read your profile and we think that you guys are awesome and if you'll look at our profile we hope that you think that there's match yeah if so we'd like to hear back from you send no invitation to the weekend house without somebody right but this is this is a lame message and so what we're talking about here's some other examples we've gotten mess and i do most of this so you don't see a lot of this thank you for being my filter we'll get a lot of message here's what it says hey period no dot oh hey okay hey back what am i supposed to do that hey hey back send uh or we'll get a message that says nice profile yeah okay yeah thank you yeah thank you nice profile um or we'll get one that says hey you want to meet up on Saturday night?

We're going to be in town. You know, again, no, hello, how are you? This is us. And you know what? We do that a lot. But there's more than a dot after hey. Sure we do. Right. Yeah. Or, hey, your wife is hot. Well, thank you, but. Yeah, or, you know, there's just no introduction or it's a creepy invitation. And I want to talk about this word creepy for a minute because it's subjective. We were talking about this a lot in the guy's chat the other night, but creepy is the opposite. We came to the conclusion that creepy is the opposite of respectful. Oh, I like that. I'm sorry.

I'm opposite of respectful. Oh, I like that. So if you're being respectful, guess what? You're not, you're not being creepy. Yeah. And respectful means I, I honor you as a person. I honor you as a woman. I honor you as a human being, and I'm going to treat you with respect and honor. And I'm going to say, and I'm going to assume I'm not worthy of you. You know, you, you are valuable. I'm going to respect that. Yeah. If you have that mindset, then whatever comes out of your mouth is not going to be creepy. Yeah. Like, okay, I'm not going to lie.

We're going to desire in 13 days and I'm going to be around a ton of naked, naked men. What? Like 90 naked men. the I'm going to desire in 13 days and i'm gonna be around a ton of naked naked men what like 90 naked men um the creepy guys don't communicate right the amazing guys might need to brush by me on their way to the bar and like their dick will run right across my ass crack and I won't even care because they're respectful. They tell me they're coming and they joke around and there's lots of good communication, right? The creepy guys scooch by me on the way to the bar.

Well, first of all, let me stop you right there because you're implying that there's going to be creepy guys in our group at Desire. No. That's what you said. No, what I'm saying is that Thank you. there, because you're implying that there's going to be creepy guys in our group at Desire. No, I'm saying, no, what I'm saying is that you're going to be around 90 something men for eight days. And, you know, you would think if you haven't been to an event like this before, then you're gonna have to be on your defense the whole time, right? Right. Men, it's so easy for guys.

All you have to do is communicate. Right. And then you're not creepy. Right. The creepy guys don't communicate. So we're just- You know, use your fucking words. Yeah, not only do they not communicate, but the body language is creepy. Yes. There's leeringering i don't even call it staring it's leering yes use your words yes use your words and and actually um creepy should be um number 10 you know i i kind of include included that in number nine which is lame introductory message but i think being creepy is is one on its own. So there's 10 reasons here why you're being rejected.

And creepiness is hard to explain to people, but I think you kind of hit the nail in the head there. You don't communicate. Right. The thing about being creepy is undefinable. It's completely intuitive. And you know it when it happens. And it's really, there is no really set parameters on what makes somebody creepy. Right. But I think the overarching deficit there is the lack of authentic communication. Right. So I have a question for you. Okay.

is can women be creepy yes yes because women can overcompensate and think that um they're wonder women right and then we come across too strong and we think because we're we're women we have the authority to do that and to take liberties like i have watched women like be really aggressive with you and i've watched you shrink away which is hilarious because you're six three and you're a big guy and you're very confident and and self-aware, but I've watched you shrink away from them because they're not reading you at all.

You know, I'll be like, I don't know, across the pool or across a hot tub or wherever if we're at a club and I'll watch it happen. And it's a train wreck that I just, I watch happen and I'm like, oh, they're not going to get anywhere with him. And to a T, I'm always right. Right. Because I know what you like. Right. And you don't like women shoving their tongue down your throat. You don't like women walking up to you and grabbing your crotch. Right. And yeah. Like there's a way to get in your pants and it's really not that hard. I think the word comes back is still respect. Yes.

You know, there needs to be some respect, some just basic human respect. Okay, not just women having respect for you, but women having respect for themselves. That's right, that's right. Doesn't it go both ways? It does. Because when I watch somebody have self-respect, that makes them more attractive to me. Yes, and then they're going to be respectful to other people. Yes. Right. Okay. We're going to summarize all of this. How? So here's the good news. First of all, tighten up your profile. You know, we did it. Make it relevant. Yeah.

Look at your profile, and if you need to go back, listen to our, our episode number 62, which is putting yourself out there. Um, you know, that, excuse me, is that, yeah, episode 62, it was, um, that, that we did that whole episode with, uh, Dave and Andy from Double Date Nation. Right. And we talked about how to put a profile together. Right. So listen to that. Also on our website is a blog called. Lifestyle Profiles 2.0. Yeah, Lifestyle 2.0, our first online couples profile. So look at that. That's on our. So that's number one.

And also, I will continue to say that I am happy to review anybody's profile that is on SDC, Cassidy, or Double Date Nation, because we have profiles on all three of those. I'm totally saying this tongue-in-cheek, but you're volunteering to look at people's profiles so you can see all their beautiful pictures. Yeah, please have your- Tongue-in-cheek.

Please have your private pictures on lock yeah tongue in cheek yeah so i'm happy to do that if you would like so number one and the good thing about it is that is in your control you can you can tighten up your profile and make sure that it is a true reflection of you and this is like a resume you know you're trying to get a job. I mean, you want to put your best foot forward. Right. But you don't want to lie because you can get fired for that. So it's the same thing. Right. Okay. So now the second thing is to work on your communication plan slash style. Right.

And everybody knows that you and I are slow. Like we don't it yeah okay slow deliberate whatever synonymous um not everybody's like us and there might be people not like us listening to our podcast so whatever your your approach your style your whatever is be clear about it.

And if you're looking for a quick hookup make sure that you're portraying that and that you're looking for couples that appear to have that same motivation so it's not like a bait and switch yes yeah right like authentically look for people like you don't try to like reel people in and then do the bait and switch thing what that means is if if you're if you're a hookup swinger and you look at a site and and you are extremely attracted to the woman but they say they are soft swap and they like to make friends first don't communicate with them yeah accept that for what it is and move on right yeah exactly okay that's good yeah work on your communication plan um and along with that you know reiterate what you're looking for you know be inviting and warm and open you know don't be where's that word again creepy yes yeah okay work on your communication plan once that's all tightened up it's not about you anymore I don't know.

Is that word again? Creepy? Yes. Yeah. Okay. Work on your communication plan. Once that's all tightened up, it's not about you anymore. And you know what? If it's not a match. It's better to find that out early. Be grateful that you didn't waste your time. Yes.

If it's not a match, you want to know that it's it's not a match i mean think about the couple times where we've completely connected with the wrong people and it's just been like a shit show train wreck right in our bed right yeah like that's not fun right let it go and accept that it's not a match up front right um you know and if it and if it continues to happen it's kind of like you said earlier there's a test and learn there's a part of okay what do i need to change about my profile there's always something that you can kind of go back and reflect on and change but for the most part um if it's not a match it's not a match and and that's can i say something yeah like look at the common denominator yeah right so if you keep making the same mistakes or having the same problems over and over and over again maybe you're the problem oh mrs jones is bringing it hey i mean we i mean we're we're pretty defined as far as what we like and what we don't like, right?

Yeah. So, when we connect with the wrong people, it's really obvious. Right. And I'm, you know, I think I've said this before, we're probably pretty boring swingers. Yeah. So, if you're like much more adventurous than us and you're trying to connect with us, we're probably not going to be a lot of fun. Right lastly and here's one here's the tough pill to swallow if you've done all of this stuff there's two camps right and you mentioned this at the outset when i rudely cut you off no if you want to know why somebody doesn't like you or somebody rejected you, it's for one of two reasons.

First of all, and this is very unlikely in my experience. First of all, it's because people genuinely want to know so that they can make adjustments. Yeah. That rarely happens in my experience. In theory, it's nice. Yeah. The other reason is because you're angry. You're just angry. Frustrated. Can we use frustrated? No. You can use, yeah, I've got that written down here. We've got hurt, defensive, angry. You can add frustrated. Okay. But again, if that's the common denominator, it's not the other people that you should be frustrated with. You're not choosing the right people to begin with.

Or you're, no, it's not that you're not choosing the right people, it's you're not portraying yourself so people understand what they're trying to connect with.

Yeah, or when somebody says no, you're making the assumption that it has something to do with what you look like yeah and and that's a tough pill to swallow and we we all feel that sting and that's the first thing honestly that's the first thing that we all think is when we're rejected well thank you for acknowledging that you know sometimes i think um I don't want people to think that we're like on our like high horse because it hurts. It does. And the first thing I think of is, oh, fuck, they saw my wrinkles. That's the first thing everybody thinks of. That's why we're doing this.

Because if you really want to know why somebody doesn't want to go out with you, you need to ask yourself one of two questions. Am I asking them because i want to try to improve my profile and portray myself better so the next time somebody will connect with me or is it because you're angry because you think that they don't think you're attractive are you or there's something about them and we just went over 10 9 different different reasons. One of them was looks. I know. The other nine were completely different.

But now that you're putting it that way, like, my ego is totally, like, reared up. Right? Like, it hurts. Yes, it does. There's no doubt about it. And you know what? It's okay if it hurts. The issue is. Like, I was nominated for homecoming court. Like, why don't they like me? Yeah. The issue is. Why are you laughing? Because that was funny. The issue is that if you're, if you don't have, if you don't think you're attractive and you're going to get angry at somebody else for not being attracted to you, that's on you.

We have said over and over and over again that no matter what your physical appearance is, be yourself, bring everything you have to the table, be confident. That doesn't mean you're gonna get everybody, but you certainly are going to be a happier person in the lifestyle. Okay, now after you just slap me down a little, you know, you step back and I'm looking across the desk at you and I'm thinking, what does it matter? Like you think I'm sexy, right? Like at the end of the day, it's about you and me. True. And there's a couple out there for you and me, but in the meantime, it's you and me.

Honey, that's the perfect way to end. I know. Sometimes I have my moments. Let's keep things in perspective, folks. Yes. It's perspective. You have a partner that's been with you, that loves you, that adores you, that thinks you're the most sexiest thing ever. Why is it a big freaking deal? Yes. You know, just let it go. It does hurt though. Yeah. But I've still got you. Right. And we're not saying, when I say flippantly let it go, I know that's not easy. No, it's not. But the more you do it, the easier it gets. Yeah. And remember Catherine told us you have to get like...

30 rejections before you get somebody who says yes. Oh, no. Yeah, you're right. It was 20 rejections. It was experiencing something 30 times before you're not traumatized by it anymore. So what she was saying is you should be thankful that you're one closer to number 19. Yes. Because when you get to number 20, somebody's going to actually connect with you. Yeah. And don't think that you're alone in this category because everybody gets rejected. Yes.

And if you can step back objectively and look at it, rejection is a good thing because it saves you heartache and grief and angst and heartburn in the moment. Yes, and time. Yes. You know, we have a limited amount of time around. Especially all y'all that have kids.

Yeah, they got kids and jobs and everything else we don't have a lot of time so why would you want to waste your time going out with somebody who doesn't want to be with you you know what i was thinking about when we were first talking about this this uh particular topic is back in the day like remember we met that couple on that cruise that they they started swinging in 1974 oh yeah and they they had to um take out an ad in the back of this magazine that you would get in like gas stations and then you would put you everybody had to have a you had a p.o box first of all anything you buy in a gas station besides gas is questionable well exactly at least back in the day right and you had to have a p.o box because you wouldn't want to put your like personal street address of the home you owned in there.

Right. And then people would write to you and they would send Polaroid pictures. Correct. And then you'd have to write back to their P.O. box. And they said at a minimum it would take two months to set up a date with people. Right. So then think about that.

get together with them because there was no zoom there was no nothing polaroid pictures and then you get together with them and you're probably like oh we're just gonna fuck them because it took like three months to get here i know so when you would normally be able to have the luxury air quote to reject somebody that's right so think about how like easy it is now that's right like we do zoom dates now and well it's a double-edged sword it's easy to reject people because you can do it instantly and there's a lot out there but also it's easy to toss aside people that you didn't take the time to get to know yes but and that's always been my most pleasant surprise like people that i'm not instantly like i i honestly don't do well with the online website thing um you put me in front of somebody and i have like my personality comes out like i don't social media is not definitely my gift um put me in front of somebody and i can like test their personality i can watch them with their partner um it just it all makes sense to me and then it becomes so apparent on whether that that connection is real or not i think where the tipping point is is if somebody has a good a good, and it's well written, and they describe themselves, and it looks like they enjoy each other, and it looks like they're a lot of fun, and they date the way that we date, and they have the same play style that we do, but I'm not physically attracted to them, that's when it's good to say, you know what, let's meet.

Yeah. So not overemphasizing, that's what happens. We overemphasize the physical attractiveness on both the wanting to be with somebody and not wanting to be with somebody. And we don't consider everything else. So our point tonight is if you clean up your profile and tighten it up, if you communicate exactly who you are and what you're looking for, and you communicate respectfully, and you're not a creep, your likelihood of people wanting to go out with you rises exponentially in my book. You know, it's funny because last weekend we were in Kansas City.

We were walking to, I don't know, happy hour or something with another couple, and you were up walking with the husband husband and I was walking with the wife. And she and I were talking about like online presence versus in-person presence. Because there were, what, 35 couples there last weekend, right? And a lot of them, well, you and I had met like almost everybody before. But the couple we were walking to the happy hour with, they had not hardly met anybody in person. Like they had done lots of Zoom stuff and chatting stuff, but hardly anybody in person.

So she was asking me how to navigate that. And I was saying, it's always a pleasant surprise when somebody's online presence matches yeah their in-person presence it's almost it is a surprise and and i just wish and you know what i really and and i want to know but maybe not want to know like i wonder what people think people think about me. Because, and there's really like a three pronged approach to like us, because we have our podcasts, and then we have social media. And then we have our person like in person, right? I mean, our podcast is our podcast, y'all listen to it.

Now, I suck at social media. I hate it. I hate messaging. I'm not good at it. I never know what to say. I want to be witty and funny. I can never really think of anything. You're really good at that. But I think when I get in person, I think my true personality comes out and hopefully I make up for that.

But like the whole in person thing, I'm um i'm sorry the whole social media thing i suck at yeah that's a different episode that we're gonna have to tackle right i mean there's so many different like phases and right and like personas that we all have in this world of swinging right and and it's hard to be authentic and true to yourself in every single like arena true so stick to the one that works best yeah i guess all right well hopefully this will help reduce the number of rejections i hope so uh all right well when come back, we actually have some snapshots this time.

We have a lot of material to choose from. We have a lot of material, even though we didn't do much in Denver. We do have a lot of material. We had fun in Denver. Yeah, we did. Yeah. All right. We'll be right back. Welcome back to Snapshots. Yeehaw. Can I do a non-sexual one first? Oh, you're going to do more than one? Wow, this one isn't really a snapshot.

But i just gotta i just have to go back to me sitting on a bar stool and run a 50 men oh in a conference room it was really um the more i reflect on it the more emotional i get about it um that was amazing to just have this like really frank conversation and like i don't know like there was some like deep stuff that was talked about way to go guys i know that you men all 50 of you you know who you are. Every one of you impressed me. We think that guys are just like in it for the sex, right? I'm right. I mean, no. Am I supposed to say yes or no? It's a no-win situation, babe.

Um, it was just a privilege to sit in a room with 50 extremely handsome, sexy, happily married men. And they trusted me to like really open up their hearts and talk about some deep stuff with me. It was an honor. That's awesome. Thank you.

I i love you guys i'm kind of proud of them because we've been developing that in our men's community our men's group for a long time it used to be the only thing that we talked about was trucks and barbecue and motorcycles and boats okay so can i can i go can i move on to trucks i might have three snapshots yeah um so my last episode i talked about going to the winery and right and the allison transmission and yeah i'm turning my friend on with the duramax diesel allison transmission thing so he gave me a little um one of those little it was that what it was? Yeah, yeah.

It said Duramax diesel Allison transmission on it. It was like. It was authentic. Silver, it was something that would be stuck on the side of a truck, right? It is the one that would be. Yes, that's what it is. That's what he got you. It's authentic. So he gave it to me in Denver. And the Halloween party theme last weekend was cyberpunk.

you were supposed to be like you know half machine futuristic whatever so i bought this like mesh see-through body suit that was kind of like a robot but it was mesh and whatever and he gave me this thing and it was about what maybe like 10 inches wide it was a strip that said allison transmission duramax diesel and i i got these uh rubber nipple like clamp things and i glued them on the back of it and i was gonna like put them on over top of my my body suit as like you know with the nipple clamps and then that was gonna be like part of my machine part of the cyberpunk right but that my stupid body suit was so like slippery yeah it wouldn't like let it let it stick to my nipples right so anyway i had it with me and then i ended up like pulling my body suit down and putting it on anyway with the help of two of my girlfriends at the party but he had like this like robotic thing on like he had these like a cyborg yeah yeah like a cyborg and he had the same things like on his forearms right the same Duramax yeah so it was so hot he ordered a gross of them I know it was so hot that you know we got to be kind of like twins.

Yeah. So, but then we ended up at the end of the night, I think my favorite snapshot of last weekend, besides the sex that we had, because we actually did have sex in the Kansas City with other people, which was super hot. But we ended up at the end of the party in the hot tub, and it was a normal size hot tub, beautiful hot tub built in and all that jazz. But we ended up with 16 people. Yeah, I think it officially held eight. Yes. And we it was kind of like the Volkswagen Beetle trick. Yes. We had 16 people in the hot tub. And with swingers, that's not a problem. No.

And I think when all of us got out, the displacement caused about half the water in the hot tub. Okay, so I was the second to the last person out other than the gentleman that was the homeowner. He and I were the last two in. And when there were four people in there, everything was cool. When the other couple got out and it was just the other guy and I, as soon as the other two people stood up to get out, the jet went below the water line and the water went above the water line and the water went right in my face. Like totally like drenched me. It was so funny.

All that water that had 16 people in it. Yes. But before that, before everybody got out, I, just having 16 people in a hot tub after we'd been together all night and we all knew each other and pretty sure I had like really good makeout sessions with at least three or four people in there. Have you gotten to your snapshot yet? That is my snapshot. Oh, that's your snapshot. 16 friends in a little hot tub. Because you got 50 guys, you got the Duramax diesel, and you got the hot tub. So I'm counting three. I'm loving life. It's just, I'm loving life.

After last year where we didn't get to see anybody, just to be out and about. And with having 16 humans in this little, which it wasn't a little hot tub, but I guess it gets little when you have 16 people in it. And just one guy in particular I've just made out with forever and it was lovely. Good. Lovely. It was lovely. You need to learn a new word. Flowers are lovely. It was sexy. Making out with him was lovely. Okay. Gosh. All right.

Well, I guess mine is sexy anyways um so we've we have a massage table and we've done as far back in our marriage as that first cruise we went on we've done couples massages we've done massages at desire we've massaged ourselves we've had 10 handed massages. We were with friends recently and she gave me what I would call a body to body massage. Oh, really? Yeah. Hands were not necessarily used. So we were both naked and she, I was laying back. She, she actually laid me back on the bed.

and she took oil and squirted it down my chest and down to my waist, and then she squirted it on herself, and then she just laid on top of me, and then she started moving around.

So, like, her arms were on my arms, her boobs were on my chest you know her legs were on my legs and then she kept just i was laying still and she just kept like moving up and down and around and back and forth and the you know they say the skin is an erogenous zone but when when that surface volume of your skin is being stimulated at one time, it really, it reminds me of, you know how you say that kissing kind of gets your engine going? Yes. So it was similar to that.

We didn't really kiss because she was moving, but it was the friction, it was the heat, you know, between the two bodies and it was the oil and it was the sensual way that she was moving around on top of me that really, um, instantly like, first of all, it got me turned on. But second of all, I think it really formed a very unique connection between the two of us. Yeah. So I really didn't, you know, when you think about a massage, you think about hands and my lower back is sore. Can you get me there? Or my shoulder? Oh yeah, that feels good. It relieves tension.

And, but this was very sensual and it didn't involve. Our massages are never like that. I mean, as far as like therapeutic. No, no. But they're hands on your back and then, you know, it's all, it's mostly hands. Right mostly hands. But this was full body. And anyway, and then we ended up, um, we ended up having sex, but I have to say that I held out pretty long. I mean, it was, it was, um, it was so erotic that it was, it was very fulfilling and that I didn't really feel like at that moment I had to progress.

and it was so erotic that it was it was very fulfilling yeah that i didn't really feel like at that moment i had to progress and i was just enjoying it and of course i looked over on the other side of the bed and you were lost in your own world so yeah because i wasn't really noticing that no sorry right here i was trying to remember to be a good husband and connect and i was reaching over and i I was grabbing your hand. Oh, I knew that. Yeah, yeah. And you weren't making eye contact with me. And I thought, well, am I going to get credit for this? Because she's not looking at me.

And I'm making an attempt. Oh, no, you did good. Because we had talked about that, that we needed to be connected more. And we did through touch. Yeah. Maybe not eye contact, but touch. Yeah, so I've never, I can say that as long as I've been in the lifestyle, I've never had a massage, quote unquote, treatment like that before. It was very special, and I'm looking forward to the next one, or reciprocating, but it was sexy. Yeah, that was a fun night.

It was, and it had been a long time so wow yeah i think we're about done with what is this 91 yeah she said yeah so we'd love to have you we talked briefly about our community earlier it's growing rapidly and we'd love to have you as part of our community so go to our website and you can join up there and get more information. You can email me at mrjones at wegotathing.com. Or me at mrsjones at wegotathing.com. Our website is w-e-g-o-t-t-a-t-h-i-n-g.com. And you can also contact us through our website.

And on our website, you'll find all of our podcasts and all of our blogs and all of your cocktail drinks and a lot of other things. Yep. And we are on Twitter at We Got a Thing. And we would be remiss if we didn't say, especially after this episode, that you can find us on Double Date Nation, SDC, and Cassidy. Yes.

So build your profile, clean it up, tighten it up, as our friend friend says if you'd like me to take a look at it please shoot me a message and i'd be happy to do that yep so hope you had a good halloween we'll see you after thanksgiving and thanks for listening we are mr mrs jones and we got a thing what's your thing? We'll see you next time.