Episode 85: Feels Like the First Time

Transcript

This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us? Hello, everyone. I'm Mr. Jones. And I'm Mrs. Jones.

hello everyone i'm mr jones and i'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 85 of the we got a thing podcast feels like the first time i know and it's a name of a song and you came up with it don't you hate that i do yeah we'll tell you about that in just a second. We've really not been up to much of anything at all lately. It's not hard to keep up with the Joneses right now. The good news is that we've got shot number one of the vaccine. So in the timing of everything, we'll be fully vaccinated a week before or a couple weeks before. PCAP. PCAP. So the timing's perfect. Yes.

Because we will have a lot to keep up with. Yes. In the very near future, actually in a matter of days. Yes. We are headed to Florida. Yep. It's more of a personal vacation, but we are going to swirl it a little bit. We are? Oh, yes, we are. We were going to swirl it a lot, but we have friends, we were going to meet for dinner down there. And unfortunately, they tested positive for COVID and they are self isolating right now. Yeah.

I mean, luckily, I think they're kind of feeling okay so that's really good well i mean we're going to south florida so we should be able to find some other trouble to get into that's true and um we have friends that live down there now and uh we're gonna just happen to stop by on our way from destination to destination yeah so we're pretty excited about that we haven't seen seen them, gosh, it's been, it'll be close to a year, I think. We went to dinner with them right after COVID started. Yeah, well, we're going to Key West.

So we'll be in Key West with some non-lifestyle friends for a few days, having a good time. But somehow I don't think Key West is ever a purely vanilla vacation. You know, our friends have, we got together with them a couple of times to plan out this trip. And more than once, the swinging lifestyle has been brought up. But not by me. And I lay low when we're talking to them. Right, right. And they have brought it up several times. Yeah, they're talking about the topless bars you can go to and the nude areas you can go to and all the strange people down there. I know. Who knows? I know.

I think I have to go check out that rooftop bar. Right. We might have to sneak away when everybody else is taking an afternoon nap or something. Yep. Yeah. We'll find some trouble to get into. Speaking of PCAP, it's sold out. You mean speaking of South Florida, PCAP is sold out. Yes. Yes. Well, we were speaking of PCAP when we were talking about being vaccinated. So we just, Kate just announced this week that Podcastapalooza is sold out the weekend of May 21 through 24. So we say congratulations to you, Kate. Absolutely. It's been quite the ride for her. For them, I should say.

And we're really excited. It's been a year and a half in the making, over a year and a half in the making. And you know what? I think we're going to have to buckle down and actually get our theme outfits lined up. I know. I know we get back yeah i tell you it's stressing me out yeah i am not a theme night girl we are also going to be planning an event i we mentioned this before in denver in late september we can't announce it yet officially because we haven't signed a contract with the hotel. Yeah, the ink's not dry yet.

But we are negotiating with the Scarlet Ranch, a club just outside of Denver. Many of you have been there and have heard of that. And so we are going to take a group, our group, to Scarlet Ranch the Saturday night that we're in Denver for the weekend in September. I'm so excited. I've never been to Denver. Well, I think I flew through there once. I think we had to lay over there once, but that doesn't count. Right. Yeah. Well, I've, I've been there, but it's been a while. I'm looking forward to, especially in September. It's going to be beautiful there in September. I hope so.

And we have friends out there and we'll get to, this, this will be like one of our first official events back. Yeah, it will be the first official one, except for like Desire or something. But yeah, it's going to be super fun. So we have one more event coming up that some of you could possibly join us for. And that is, we are going to be in Las Vegas, Nevada. And we are taking over the Playhouse LV Club on Friday night, June 25th. And we've pretty much filled it from within our community, but we still have about, at the time of recording, I think we have about 15 or 20 slots left. Yeah.

This isn't a weekend event or anything.

We're just going to be there there and a bunch of our friends are going to be there and and we just contacted playhouse lv to see if we could come and it yeah so that's turned into quite an event but it's not anything official that we're hosting yeah so if you if you're interested in attending if you either live in vegas or you are going to be in Vegas that Friday night, June 25th, if you go to our website, wegotathing.com, and you click on the events tab, you'll see that there's a place for the Playhouse LV event where you can submit your names and your profile names and tell us something about yourself and say that you're interested in going.

And then what we're going to do is fill the remaining tickets out from people who request it through our website. Yep, but you need to do it quick because I think there's not very many slots left. It's going to sell out pretty fast, and we're excited about that.

And we're excited to see the owners of Playhouse LV at PCAP also yeah man there's just we are busting out we are itching to get busted and you can tell all of our friends are too people are making plans to go everywhere yep that's true so but in the past month i mean we did go on a lifestyle date but it was during the week and it was a pants on date at least for now yeah um it was fun though to get out sure socialize and we had to cancel a date yeah and that one was not going to be a pants on date no at least i'm making huge assumptions there well but um it was going to be a second date one of of us may have had some sort of little bit of reaction to her vaccination shot.

Oh, gee, I wonder who that was. I don't know. You were trying to be a trooper because it was a couple days and you came down in the afternoon before they were supposed to be here and you said, I don't know if I'm going to be able to walk straight tonight. I just don't feel good. I know.

my ears are ringing and i had vertigo like it started like we were getting together with him on friday night and friday morning i woke up and felt a little off and my ears were ringing and i thought hmm must have like a little sinus thing going on and then as the day went on it got worse and then i noticed i couldn't walk straight like. Like, it was the strangest feeling. So the vertigo part's gone, but my ears are still ringing. It's very bizarre. But I didn't think I would be very much fun that night. So we had to cancel. It was awful. There were babysitters involved. I just feel terrible.

I know. We have to make it up to them. I know. All right. Well, this segment of Keeping Up with the Joneses is very short tonight, but we promise you that next month and hopefully here forward, since the world is opening back up again and we've got things on the calendar. We do. That we'll have a little bit more substantive to talk about. Yeah. Maybe sexy to talk about as well. We're going to hit the ground running.

When we come back, we're going to talk about Feels Like the first time and what that means and it has something to do with playing for the first time ever or actually playing uh coming out of this i think it relates to all of us considering what we've all been through the past year coming out of the pandemic it almost feels like it's going to be the first time again. That's right. We'll be right back. Welcome back to segment two, Feels Like the First Time. Right.

So like we were saying, some of us who have, we're really talking about two different audiences, but it's basically the same message. We were talking about this at dinner tonight, trying to kind of, and we ended up completely changing directions on how we were going to approach the topic because Mr. Jones was talking about how, you know, what newbies have to go through to actually engage in the lifestyle for the first time, like the process they have to go through. And I was like, honey, like, you know, people have been really out of the mix for the better part of a year.

And it's, you know, getting back in the lifestyle is kind of harder than riding a bike, You know, just get back on the bike. I think, you know, this can be a little more difficult. Yeah. So we're going to approach this from two different angles.

First of all, for those of us who have had some experience in the lifestyle and have put our first play experience behind us, we're talking to that group about the fact that it's been so long since we've been out in the swinging lifestyle world that we've got to figure out how best to stay connected with each other you know we've been able to we've had to figure out how to stay connected with people during this pandemic and now we have to decide how and if and when we're going to re-engage in the lifestyle. So it's almost like a second first time. Yes. Well said. Thank you.

And the other group is a little easier. That's more traditional. And that is as a newbie approaching the first play experience.

Of course, I take that back because there are a lot of newbies who are both new and have suffered through the pandemic before having their first play experience i know it's like the absolute worst case scenario you finally get up the nerve to like say yes we're gonna do this and then maybe maybe you already had a first experience and then boom the world shut down you know so now starting over i think might even be a little harder you know because ah you got to completely rethink everything so the point is if you're if you're brand new to this um your first play experience is a pretty daggone big deal and there's a lot of build-up to getting there there's a lot of talking and researching and fretting and there's a lot of excitement and there's a lot of communication and then there's more research and more talking and research you mean fantasizing yeah okay let's just of course let's just call it what it is honey yeah so at either in either one of these scenarios there's a lot of build-up to this anticipated event and our perception of whatever this first event, this play experience is like, may not be close to reality.

Right. I mean, because you can't anticipate what it's going to be like. This is something you just have to experience. Yeah. It's not that it's necessarily a letdown. It's just that with all the anticipation and the buildup, sometimes the expectations get in the way. There's a lot of things that happen that make it either less than what you thought it was going to be, or in some cases, better than you thought it was going to be. Right. Because you've overthought it and you just need to let go and have fun. Yeah. So we want to talk about perspective. And so we're going to do this in parallel.

Did I use the math term right? Well, yeah, parallel. Those are lines that don't intersect. So you can't be a newbie and an experienced person at the same time. Okay. So I guess that works. Okay. So the perspective from those of us who have played before but are coming out of this pandemic is it's been a long time since we've played with others.

And there's probably a few questions we have to ask ourselves because if you think about the world, if you think about your career and the workplace and shopping and going to school, and everything has changed over the past past 18 months and some of it's not going back to the way that it was right um and because i think the way we function has changed i think the way we interact with each other as a couple has changed yes you know like if if uh one or both of you are working from home now and you used to go your separate ways at seven o'clock in the morning and, you know, now you're, and you're parenting differently because your kids have different schedules and you have different schedules and just, it's really created a change in the way we communicate with each other in all areas and And that could actually affect the way you communicate your wants and your desires because a lot of that stuff has just have to been, you know, like stuffed in a corner for a year.

Yeah. So we think it may be a little bit of a mistake to just not have any conversation and just think you can re-engage in the lifestyle and pick up right where you left off. Yeah. So like, for example, do we still want to do this? I mean, it's a legitimate question because- That's a good question to ask. You know, health and safety is a big issue. And there may be some people who, you know, after all of this, just decide to hang it up that this was a hobby, it was fun while it lasted.

And, you know, maybe we do this again in the future, but right now it's just not the thing that we want to do. Well, if you have some sort of underlying health condition that puts you more at risk, it's probably not worth it. Right. Right. And as we're going through this, we've all had to deal with this. Like how, how do we stay, how have we been able to stay connected with our friends?

And have you been able to stay connected with your friends and how have you been able to meet new couples or have you even tried to meet new couples through this pandemic yeah i mean don't you think the answer is going to be all over the board well it is and and how you meet people like even if you are meeting new people you're probably meeting them virtually virtually, either, you know, via messaging or Zoom. And, you know, that's well and good during a pandemic when you don't have any other options. But now you've got to stop leaning on that. Right.

And maybe use that as a tool to actually achieve an objective now. Right. And then how do we get to know new couples? And do the couples that we already know, will they even still want to play? And will they want to have the same play style? Yeah, yeah. I mean, again, our perspective, our perception is maybe that it's going to be exactly the same, but maybe it won't be. Well, you know, we just played with a couple not too long ago that we've known for a while and we've played with before.

And when we got together with them, as we were plotting and planning before we got together physically, they said, you know, we have been dealing with stuff during the pandemic and we think that we just want to be a soft swap couple this weekend. And we were like, OK, that's fine with us. So, you know, something had changed with them. They were they were doing some sort of a reset or a restart and they decided to take it slow. Yeah. And and good for them.

I mean, good for their communication skills, not only with each other but with us yes because we knew ahead of time and of course that isn't a deal breaker for us we're pretty easy going yeah we just want to have fun we don't have to check any boxes necessarily right um and travel you know when can we travel again because some parts of the world are shut down, you know, even here, what is it? April 21st. And some places are shut back down. Some people have some pretty strict quarantine rules. We're getting ready to go to Miami and go to Mexico and places like this.

But you know, there's still some restrictions out there that are going to have to be taken into consideration if they don't change between now and the time that you go.

So I just got an email today from our hotel in fort lauderdale and it had all the restrictions and not everything is open like not all the restaurants are open and and it laid out rules about how we were to behave while we were there so i mean as long as they're being clear about it i can roll with it right so this is what's going through your mind or our minds as we are thinking about how, when, and if to re-engage in the lifestyle as experienced swingers coming out of the pandemic.

So now let's take all these like decisions that we said that we had to make and let's throw being a newbie into the mix. So on on top of all of that stuff, now you've got to think about what newbies are going through. They've had a monogamous relationship. I mean, I guess at least most newbies do. Some people are in open relationships from the get-go, but now they're going to be swinging as a couple, let's say.

And everybody's bringing their own sexual experiences with them limited in some degree if you're in a monogamous monogamous relationship i mean maybe you had crazy time in college but you know for the for the most part or that one not one night you got drunk yeah yeah there's always that sometimes um but yeah you so you you have this limited sexual experience that is going to be broadened by entering the lifestyle right Thank you. Yeah, there's always that sometimes. But yeah, so you have this limited sexual experience that is going to be broadened by entering the lifestyle.

And you don't know what that's going to feel like. I guess that's the whole thing about the newbie thing. You just don't know what this is going to feel like. It's unfamiliar and you can research it and talk about it and fantasize about it until you're blue in the, blue in the face. But, you know, that fantasy is gonna become some sort of reality, hopefully a good reality. Yeah. But, you know, sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. Well, I think that's the, what you're saying is that that's what you're about to test. Right, You've set the foundation like you just did.

Now you're going to make this gigantic leap across this chasm, this canyon, to this lifestyle. And it's unfamiliar. I mean, you're going to have this experience that you can't plug into any kind of prior knowledge, right? I mean, the way we learn is that we take this new information and we plug it in to the places in our brain that have familiar, similar instances that can tie it all together and so that it makes sense to you as a person. That can't happen here. It's completely unfamiliar. there's nothing to fall back on.

As a matter of fact, the things that you have to fall back on are buzzing and whirling and spinning and red flagging and tell you, what in the world are you about to do? We have no... Yeah. Common sense is like, don't do it. Abort. Abort. We have no database of past experience or knowledge here. Abort.

what do you think you're doing yeah and so what we're doing is we're allowing that fantasy that we've been talking about and giggling about and having sex around that's going to become a reality and that and that jump from fantasy to the reality and remember inies, you can control everything that happens. Right. In reality, you can't really control much of what happens, especially with the other couple. Right. You can, yeah, you can plan, but then you have to deal. Right.

So I think what we're trying to get across so far, when we build this perspective and perception is that all of this uncertainty acts across so far when we build this perspective and perception is that all of this uncertainty adds up and builds up and it and it's a part of what gets us to that emotional state what so when we do jump over and play into that play experience um all of that build-up is there what do we do with all of that stuff yeah how does that affect the way that we experience that first experience in play right so now we've decided that we're going to play okay good i'm in that was easy well i mean we could step through this one too, because, you know, like we were talking about before, the world has changed.

You know, we were talking earlier about, are you the same person and are you the same couple that we were a year ago or a year and a half ago?

Is our relationship in the same place and is our mindset in the same place so fundamentally yes we are the same couple um but as far as like goals and objectives that's something that you have to stay on top of i think right um you know i was just talking to somebody today and and i was saying that when shit happens in our family, in our relationship, in our inner circle, you seem to be able to live in the moment and deal with what's at hand at that time. I tend to let it all pile on top of me and then I end up going into survival mode and I tend to like withdraw. I withdraw into myself.

I mean, I withdraw from you somewhat and I withdraw from like our friends. I just totally go into survival mode. And I think that that changes the way we communicate. Yeah. So I think as we talk about lifestyle things, I think sometimes, I think we're guilty of not doing a good job on this right now. I think that sometimes we make assumptions that we know what the other person wants or what's okay with the other person.

a good example i think of what you're saying is the reason why we have a whole blank piece of paper during keeping up with the joneses is that we don't feel like i'm a turtle that's pulled back into my shell well no because we don't feel like we should be playing with others if we don't have our own shit together first yeah yeah and so we've part of the collateral damage in all of this is the friendships that we've made over the past several years and people that we've wanted to make plans to see have suffered because we're just not ready to re-engage it would be.

You know, we would be inviting people into our lives when you and I, for example, if we haven't had sex in two weeks, but we're inviting people into our house before you and I have had a chance to reconnect. And so that's all a part of what we're talking about. And that doesn't mean anything is wrong with your relationship. It means that we have stuff that keeps getting in the way that has to be prioritized. And therefore, it takes away our free time.

And when we don't have free time, then when we do get it, we have to make a choice right are we going to prioritize our relationship are we going to prioritize you know staying connected right with other people and we've we've just had to prioritize our relationship yes and what i think that means is practically speaking is that if we chose to engage and have playtime with our friends without addressing our own relationship, then we would start to resent the lifestyle. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't want that to happen.

Because then we would be in a position of saying, well, God, he's having sex with my wife and I don't even get to have sex with my wife or vice versa. Right. Or, you know, you're over there with that woman and I haven't even had you like that in the past month because of what's going on. Right. And that's the last thing I would want to have happen. I mean, that's not fair to the people we're playing with and it's really not fair to our relationship. You can only lean on a relationship so hard. So I think everybody just needs to be aware of that dynamic. Has it changed?

Have your priorities changed? Have your life circumstances changed that you need to accommodate to still be able to enjoy the lifestyle and make sure that you're doing it still in a smart way? So what we're saying is we want our first play experience per se to be, if we want it to be enjoyable and fun and everything that it was before, you and I have to be at a place in our relationship, in our sexual relationship, where that's possible to happen. Right, right.

And, you know, i have quite a few girlfriends that had adult children move back home and they have not left you know that's bullshit i know and it's wearing it's wearing on people i know and it doesn't mean that they're bad parents it doesn't mean they have a bad marriage it doesn't mean that the kids are deadbeats it just means that life is really weird right now and and stuff just happens right that you didn't anticipate at this point in your life right right so we have to forgive ourselves a little bit and we have to go back to this whole slogan that a lot of people don't understand that we use a lot and that is we are beholden to no one yeah and so it's probably been harder on me.

Well, I'm not going to say that. Like, we have disregarded some relationships and friendships that we've had. That's not the right word. Neglected. Neglected, thank you. We've neglected some important friendships that we've established at the potential expense of people misunderstanding that we're not interested, especially since we just did an episode on fading away. People are going to not believe anything that we say. I know.

But the point I'm trying to make, I think we're trying to make, is that if we choose our friends and the relationships we have with them over ours, that's not going to be good for us in the long run. And conversely, if we choose us first, then those relationships that we need to re-engage with and pay attention to are going to be that much better in the future. And we'll have more energy to genuinely nurture that friendship. Yes. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe we're the only ones struggling with this. No, we're not. Okay.

I mean, I just, you know, like I said, I was just chatting with some girlfriends and they're struggling, you know, with the way the whole family dynamic has changed. Right. Okay. So getting out of this seriousness, the other things that we need to consider are... When do we get to talk about sex? When we start having it again? No, I'm talking about tonight, like while we're recording. Oh. It's coming. Okay. But also, I think outside of your relationship, we have to start saying like, if you're a club person, are you still going to be a club person? Right.

Like, you know, like if you think about it, like cruise ships, clubs, you know, places where people are like jammed in close proximity, like if you're risk adverse, um, because of the virus, then that's probably not going to be your jam. I mean, where I used to not even give that a thought. I mean, what if you're one of these people that says you're never going to play close to home, but now you can't travel anywhere? Are you going to start playing close to home now? Right. You know, and what about consent?

Like you were just talking about before, you know, we had friends that visited and we had full swap with them in the past, but they had changed, you know, what their style was.

And, you know, are we going to do that to do that i mean how do you view you can't just make an assumption that just because you're uh whatever fill in the blank play style with a couple that it's going to be the same now you have to have that conversation all over again well and we've talked about that before when we've talked about consent like you you have to ask for consent every time um because things can change it's just now i think at this point in in this time in society i think the likelihood is probably increased that things could change so you poor newbies now we shift from us pandemic people experience pandemic people to you pandemic newbies not only have you gone through everything that we just talked about, but now you're talking about playing with a couple for the first time.

So why are you doing this? And are you guys on the same page? And how are you communicating as a couple? I mean, all of these, are you in this together? You know, these are just reaffirming thoughts and questions you need to talk about with each other to make sure is this a still a thumbs up?

You know, if I still had kids at home and my kids were distance learning and I was with my kids 24 hours a day, I would be seriously wanting to get out and do this lifestyle stuff yeah I mean what an escape from reality that would be yes I mean at least we don't have kids in the house most of the time that's why I don't think any of us can be held responsible for our actions at PCAP and at Las Vegas and at Denver and at Desire and all of these other things that we have planned this year because people are gonna be wanting to get all this stuff out of their system.

Right, so, and you know, I think people are like extra excited about getting out and about, but that probably is causing newbies extra anxiety because they, I mean, we're talking about like going crazy and you and I are pretty mellow people, you know? So I think when you get a large crowd of lifestyle people together that had been cooped up for a year, right? I think it is going to be a little crazy. Right. So I think, um, I think newbies just have to understand. Yeah. If you go to an event, it, it, there might be a lot of energy and we're not even used to being around other people now. Right.

Right.

So there's gonna of energy a lot of nervous energy yeah a lot of nervous energy um but just remember you're in charge of yourself um it's all about communication i'm new and i have no idea how to do this well the good thing about saying that is we've all been new yeah right i mean as soon as somebody says you know we haven't done anything like this before it takes me back yeah and i remember and i think the vast majority of people in the lifestyle will take a step back and and reflect and and then just kind of you know hold your hand um i think we've all we've all been there and we all have compassion for that nervousness.

Okay, well, let's fast forward to the good part. Okay. Okay, so let's say the deed happened. Okay, you got out, you engaged with people. What do you mean by the deed? You had sex with other people. Ooh. I mean, like you finally, whatever, you know, avenue you ended up choosing to take, whether you went on a date with somebody that you've been doing with or whether you went to a club or resort or, you know, however you chose to engage with somebody. Let's say the deed is done. You had an experience. Hopefully it was a good one. but that isn't always the case.

So I think reflecting and debriefing is really an important part to these first time experiences, whether it's been the first time in a long time or the first time ever. Okay. Don't you agree? I do. Yeah. So let's start with the coming out of the pandemic, like for us. Okay. If we tend to our relationship like we're planning to do next week when we go away. Yes. And then we come back and we go to PCAP and we enjoy old friends and meeting new friends.

I anticipate that being a lot of fun because we did it the right way and because we chose to focus on, prioritize our relationship coming out of this pandemic and getting us back to square one in a place where we were prior to this whole thing starting. And maybe the message is, if you haven't done that yet, either choose to do that or understand that if you don't, you still have to work through that. Yeah. You know, I think the way you and I connect a lot, and it's been this way for, I would say the past 15 years is we go on vacation together. Right.

And we get away from the crap of life that, you know, whether it's our jobs or our family or just running a household, um, all of that is annoying. It gets in the way and it's priority and, and all that stuff.

and we used to escape all the time and be able to focus on each other so i think that's why i'm looking forward to next week so much as i think it's going to be a reset for us right um and we really haven't done that since the two of us since i think we did go away for a few days last summer right um yeah you You know how i know it's going to be a good vacation when i see like 37 sex toys being charged at one time you're only slightly exaggerating it was hilarious i walked upstairs and the lights were out in the room and i saw all these blinking pink and purple and green and red it actually looked like a disco ball like what the hell is that and it was all of your sex toys that being charged you know ever since we moved i haven't really like of course i know exactly where my favorites are but like as far as like my sex toy collection yeah has been kind of like some of it's in my nightstand some of it's in the cedar chest some of it's in a book bag right um they're just kind of everywhere so i got out every single sex toy and charged every one of them right took all day right but yes i have um i have my little my sex bags already packed and the way that this um converts to newbies is that you still have to be in the same place as a couple before you jump in bed with somebody for the first time yeah absolutely so even more so so we're doing the same thing it's just for different reasons we're we're refocusing on each other because of the pandemic but if you've never done this before before you launch off the launch, you better be sure that you two are sexually and everything else on the same page and connected and everything is good to go there.

Yep. Because if you don't, and I think this is the mistake that we hear, I don't know how many messages we've gotten from people and that we've had friends tell us that your first experience back into the lifestyle or in the lifestyle, if it goes really good and you have a lot of fun, people kind of go, oh my gosh, that was easy. Yeah. Easy button. Yeah. And we've got this figured out. If this is how the lifestyle is, this is easy. Yeah. We're pros. Yeah. And then what happens the next time out is they fall on their face. Yeah. And they say, whoa, wait a minute. What happened?

I thought this was easy. Our perception was based on one experience that was good. Conversely, there's been just as many people who have said, I've tried this. I'm giving it up. Well, what do you mean you tried it? Well, we went out. We played with one couple. And this is what happened.

And we probably we probably shouldn't have played with them but yeah you know we don't live in a near a big city there were so many red flags yeah but but you know they live fairly close to us and and it all worked out it was convenient and you know how bad could it be right so it's when you have to ask yourself the question how bad bad could it be? Yeah. Yeah. Just don't do it. And I think the mistake that we can make is thinking that we've made it, that we've arrived. Yeah. And if you, and if you, we can't even say that in our own relationship.

So I don't even know why we would assume that in the lifestyle. Yeah. Right. even though we've been married for forever for infinity yeah we can stop saying the years um we're not on cruise control yeah i know and well if we make the mistake of going on cruise control it comes off the rails yeah well okay we've never We're a bit off the rails, honey. Okay. I think we need some WD-40 every now and again. Yeah. Well, okay, we've never been off the rails, honey. Okay. I think we need some WD-40 every now and again. Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

So you can't have a first experience back or a first experience in a lifestyle and then base your future on this is how it's going to be. Right. Because what did you say at the very outset about how we learn? Well, I mean, you have to have something to plug it into. And, you know, your first experience is like nothing you've ever experienced before. Because even when you had sex for the first time, when you were, you know, a young person, that, of course, that was a new experience. It didn't plug into anything else.

anything else but that was just you now it's a lot more complicated because now not only are you dealing with your emotions you're also watching your spouse's emotions or your partner's emotions and then you're dealing with the way you feel about that and the way you feel about yourself and it's just exponentially. Yeah. So you have to have a larger sample size is what you're saying. Yeah, I think so. And I think that, um, the way you gain that experience, uh, again and again and again is to keep talking about it. What was good about it? What sucked about it?

What gave you like this little niggly feeling when you watch your partner do something or watch somebody do something to your partner um you gotta all of that has to come out of your mouth because it's way worse inside of your head than it is out of your mouth right and part of that exercise is here's what happened from my perspective and you would say well's what I experienced from my perspective. And just listening to each other and then getting beyond the first 48 hours of the event, say that you can calm down and your hormones and emotions settle down.

And you can talk about it from a more sensible position, I think. Can I say one more thing? You can't fix your partner's feelings and you can't change your partner's feelings. You have to acknowledge them and just to help them work through them, but you can't fix it. Is this some like subliminal message you're sending me or? No, that is exactly what we dealt with. Oh. The first time out of the shoot. I couldn't fix the way you felt. I couldn't change the way you perceived me holding that guy's hand.

I couldn't do anything about it other than let you process it and just reassure you that you were the love of my life and I was coming home with you every single time. Right. Okay. Good luck luck y'all on that note i mean you would think we would get to a certain point in time and you would say 85 episodes and this many years doing this that we've seen it all we know how to handle it all yeah we know We know how to talk about it. And it just, I don't, you know, I think people could, we could probably podcast forever because we never ran out of shit to talk about. I know.

Well, and that's because the world is changing around us. That's true. And we're changing individuals. And, you know, circumstances change.

and that's really what the lifestyle is about is you're it's constantly changing circumstances because you're meeting new people and trying new things and right and you're never it's never wise to be complacent in the lifestyle right though i do think we have somewhat of an advantage if we're not complete newbies because we've made mistakes before we've played before things haven't gone perfectly and we have the confidence to know that we can work through that right and some you know that's when you wake up the next morning and say well i guess we won't do that again yeah right right exactly and yeah and then we don't we don't blame each other no because you know clearly you don't intend to do something that's gonna be a bad time right um but it just it's gonna happen when you have four personalities in the mix or or three or you know whatever the dynamic is okay let's just say this to end when we get together with our friends again yeah there's gonna be um fireworks let's just put it that way there's gonna be a lot of pent up well that's how it's been like the few times we've played the past year yes it's been very um right let's make the best of this moment.

Right. Do you have a snapshot? I can come up with one. Okay, good. You've got about 60 seconds to come up with one. Oh, okay. Hit the pause button, babe. All right. We'll be right back with Snapshots.

welcome back to snapshots my snapshot is a first oh well that fits with the theme oh it does huh interesting like the first time yeah well it's the first time i ever had sex on a futon that's not a futon it's the executive lounge okay otherwise known as a futon but yeah it's the only thing that would fit down here i know well we were having it was friday night and we had a zoom call scheduled at 10 o'clock on friday night and uh we had i forget what we had for dinner we had like a really nice dinner i think we grilled out or something i think i bought didn't i go to the butcher shop yeah i think we had steak and really nice dinner so anyway we kind of i think we lingered over dinner too long and the zoom chats that we do last for hours yeah like we usually give up at around 1 30 in the morning and honestly i don't do my best work at 1 30 in the morning especially when i've been up since 6 a.m yeah me neither so it.

So it was like our Zoom date was at 10. And I think it was like 9, a little bit after 9. And we were like, oh, shoot. Like if we don't have sex now, we're not going to have sex. So we happened to be down here in your office. And the next thing I know, boom, the futon lays down flat. Yeah. Yeah. I it already brought my sex bag down because I was thinking we would do it at 1.30 in the morning, but it was convenient. So we had a quickie on the futon. Oh, we had a quickie on the executive lounge, excuse me. It was a quickie, but it was a good one. It was a good one.

You almost knocked the lamp over because all of a sudden you had like this, like we were having sex. I think we were missionary. And then all of a sudden you were like, give me a minute. And I thought you were going to get up. And you jumped up and you jumped back off the side of the futon and you went down on me.

When you jumped off the side of the sofa, there was an end table there lamp I thought the lamp was gonna crash and honestly what you were doing must have been pretty good because I didn't even care that the lamp was gonna fall over yeah so and then I finished yeah it was win-win because yeah what you were doing was really good and the lamp didn't break good grief and we finished and you went into the zoom meeting with the just fuck me here definitely and the lamp didn't break. Good grief. And we finished and you went into the Zoom meeting with the just fuck me hair. Definitely. Rosy cheeks.

Yeah. The whole bit. Yeah. Yeah. Well. We need to do that every Zoom meeting. Just get it over with. That's so sexy, isn't it? Yeah, get it over with. Let's just get it over with. Maybe when we're not as pressured. We need to set an alarm at like 8.30 so we have time. I know. We had probably a lot to drink that night, too. I think we did. Well, we probably had wine if we grilled steak. No, I had beer then because I was grilling, so I never grill without a beer. Well, that's true. So then we had wine and then we had drinks later at Zoom. But anyway, my snapshot is an overlap of your snapshot.

The sex on the futon was pretty crazy because I think I mentioned before that I ordered a new sex, I'm not even going to call it a sex toy. It's a sex device. That sounds scary. Yeah. It's a chastity cage. And remember when we were at Desire last year and we met the couple, and he had one on, and we had a long conversation, and I'd never really spoken with anybody who had used one before, so I didn't really understand the attraction.

But when he explained it to me, in my mind, I thought, huh, that's kind of interesting, and I filed filed it away well then i was doing some uh shopping on casual toys website and i happened to notice that mickey and mallory sell them so i was looking at them and i and i plugged in my good old we got a thing discount code and and ordered one and what it so what it does um, it, it does a few things. First of all, you know, the cock ring that I bought last year. Yeah.

It, it, the first thing that it does is when you have it on, it makes you more aware of yourself because there's this thing under your pants that you are aware of all the time. And just the awareness draws attention to something sexual. That's number one. Number two, you've cut off access to yourself. So there's no masturbation or anything because you can't get to yourself. So it's almost like if it's that time of the month and you can't have sex, you just want it more because you can't have it. Right. So it's the same mindset that I can't get to it, so therefore I want it more.

And then as you think about having sex, it arouses you more. And once you get aroused with that thing on it it just makes you a little bit desperate and since you are i'm not blaming you i'm just saying that since you're busy all day long the thing that i so it comes with a lock and a key so i could actually put a lock on it and give you the key and and you would be the only one. Well, I think that's the point, isn't it? It is.

Well, first of all, I should say for your hygienists out there that it's designed that it's usable 24-7, and there's a way to clean it, and all your bodily functions work.

So it's pretty well designed pretty well designed yeah so the idea is that if your partner is really into it with you then you would you would put it on and you would keep the key and then you would let you would tease me throughout the week because i had to tease myself but when you do that it it gets you to a point of wanting to have an orgasm but you don't and so as the days pile up and you get like more and it just like compounds on itself day after day after day until finally at the end of the week it's like i gotta get out of this thing and i gotta have sex with my wife wow so but but anyway it doesn't it has the lock with the key on it but it also has these little plastic locks that just snap on and snap off so i can do it myself i just have to trust myself that i'm not gonna take it off so anyway true confessions i broke it.

And I have to give Mickey a lot of credit here because, um, I bought the wrong size. Well, first of all, I bought one that a design that didn't really work that well. And I told him about it and he got me at the company that makes some, um, I think they're called shots.

Um, he told them about the problems I was having and they sent me another one for free they said pick out any model you want and we'll just replace it so i did and it's got these plastic pins that go through the top where you're supposed so this thing comes in like three different lengths and i got the medium length but i should have got the small because when i go on a bike ride you, when you go on a bike ride, things get really small because they have to. They got to get out of the way. You know, it's a small seat and things just have to move out of the way.

Well, this didn't move out of the way because it's just a solid piece of carbon or whatever, graphite or whatever. So as I'm pedaling up the hill, I hear something snap. And one of the pins that holds it into place had snapped off. So then I had to order new pins for it. But anyway, anyway, the long and short of it is that by the time we got to that Friday night, you know, I had been anticipating spending time with you.

And so i was mentally there and i was physically you know there and then when you know i finished i would say that the orgasm was probably more concentrated i guess is the right word or maybe not powerful but it was just kind of um yeah like a relief it was yeah kind of, yeah, like a relief. It was a relief, sort of. Interesting. So anyway, I have another one on the way because that one was too big. So he's getting me a smaller one that I can wear all the time. Hopefully the third time will be the charm. Yeah.

So now that I've figured it out and I understand it, I think I'm getting the right size. I'm looking forward to us figuring it out together if it's something that we think we would both enjoy. Okay. Sounds interesting. Something to play with on vacation yeah well i don't think the new one's going to be here for a vacation but oh well all of yours are charged up that's all that matters well you have toys too that's true I do and we have each other yes we do you're my best sex toy and it has Well, you have toys, too. That's true. I do. And we have each other. Yes, we do. You're my best sex toy.

And it hasn't been warm enough up here to have balcony sex yet, so maybe we'll get to have that in Florida. I know. Well, we do. Well, we have a balcony when we're in Fort Lauderdale. We won't have a balcony in Key West. No, but at least in Fort Lauderdale, we'll be by ourselves. That's true. In Key West, we'll have all our friends in the same place. I know. I don't think there's going to be a lot of privacy there. No. Until we sneak off to the rooftop bar where I can be naked. Yeah. Or at least topless.

Or one of our listeners swoops in and saves us and said, hey, we heard you were going to be in Key West. All right. Well, that wraps up episode, what did we say? 85. You can email me at mrjones at wegotathing.com. And me at mrsjones at wegotathing.com. Please visit our website to see the events we have upcoming. And you can contact us through our website at wegotathing.com. Right. And we also have a presence on Pinterest. And we are connected with Double Date Nation, SDC, and Cassidy. And you can follow us on Twitter at wegotathing. Do we get everything? I think we did.

I think the dating sites are getting a little bit more active now as people are getting ready to re-engage in the lifestyle. That's right. Everybody's checking out what's out there. There's still humans out there. I know. So by the time, I guess we'll get our next podcast in just before PCAP. Yeah. We'll be packing and I guess I will have done some theme night shopping by then. Yes, and we, yeah, both of us, I think. And we'll have more to talk about, more sexy to talk about then. That's right. So thanks for listening. We are Mr. and Mrs. Jones, and we got a thing. What's your thing?

We'll be you next time.