Episode 84: The Let Down- Can We Still Be Friends?

Transcript

This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us? Hello, everyone. I'm Mr. Jones.

And I'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 84 of the we got a thing podcast the letdown the letdown why can't we be friends no can we still be friends can we still be friends you have to turn everything into a song i know we have copyright issues we can't even say the title if we give them credit well yeah we can do that because we came up with what Tom Petty the Beatles three dog night like we were rolling that's a let me down songs Mrs.

Jones has got a big girl panties on tonight we stopped talking about what we drank on the air a long time ago but tonight she shocked me by saying that she wanted a glass of scotch I don't know where that came from I don't either I okay so it was a pretty day here in Virginia nice spring day you and I went for a walk and we accidentally found a brewery yeah we were walking yeah yeah you came out of the. I thought we were just going to go on a stroll. And then you came out with an extra mask. And you said, you know, just in case we need our masks. Yeah. I said, Oh, well, I already have mine.

Anyway, I was thinking the same thing. Yeah. So we ended up at a brewery in the afternoon. And, um, you know, when I day drink now, and maybe it's because of quarantine, and I'm just like out of practice. And when I day drink now, like I'm kind of done. Yeah, you don't want a night drink. No, I don't. It's hard for me to like get back in gear. So you all are going to have to like assess Mrs. Jones's condition throughout the next hour or hour and a half to see how much she degrades.

It's going to be like i can't swallow it right away like when i so i'm not gonna be able to like take a sip and keep talking yeah we'll wait for you we'll wait because i i don't mind the taste of it but it's just really intense and it kind of burns all the way down what are you drinking um yeah it's i think it's glitt. Yeah, it was Glen Levitt. Yeah. And I chose that one because the bottle was almost empty. And I'm like, oh, we can throw that bottle away if I drink it. Yeah, you're going to have hair on your chest after tonight.

I'm going to have to cut back on my testosterone pellets to make up for the scotch I'm drinking. Oh, well, maybe that's why you're drinking it. Maybe that's the testosterone.

I need to get my get my level when you go when you go they must be too high no as long as you don't get a mustache a couple of quick announcements um as you know uh the our november trip to desire and our mansion takeover in august are sold out but we are still collecting names on the wait list and i imagine we normally have about a 10 cancellation rate in november so yep if you're interested in going and you can wait um until about september october to make your plans get on the wait list that's right we'd love to see you podcast the palooza is coming up in just a two short months i know not not even two months.

Yep. Getting close. Yep. You know what that means? I got to stop pretending the theme nights don't exist. I know, I know. And we got to get cracking. Yep, I do. These themes, what would you say? They're not in our wheelhouse? No, they're not. Kind of getting out of our comfort zones here. Yes. Yeah, so May 21 to 24, it's nearly sold out and it's going to sell out now that vaccines are rolling out and we can anticipate after another 60 days, things should be fairly safe. You know, I think people are really desperate to get out and about. I mean, you can just kind of feel the energy.

It's kind of like we're all at the start line waiting for the gun gun to go off speaking of that so we're making preliminary plans to host a meet and greet in denver colorado yes in late september yeah we don't have the exact date yet we got to get everything nailed down with a couple people yeah we're negotiating with the club out there and we're searching for a hotel now and we've spoken with the club and and we have a really good idea of where we're going to go and stay tuned we should know more about that next month yeah it'll be fun to actually plan something and get out and about see people face to face again yeah and if anybody's going to be in key west at the end of next month we're going to be down there with some vanilla friends but we're gonna have to.

I know. I don't know. But they keep alluding to the fact that there's a lot of strange people in Key West. Our friends keep saying that. Strange people? Well, I think he even used the word lifestyle, people. He did, and I just kept talking. Yeah. Yeah, I have a feeling that we're not going to make it through the whole weekend without you spilling the beans on that. You know, he started it last night. We had our friends over last night. We have these, like, air quote planning meetings all the time to get ready to go to Key West. And actually, we did make progress last night.

Like, I'm getting the sunset cruise together that we're going to go on. And the good thing about some vanilla friends is they don't stay up late with us and so they were able by the time we left you and i still had plenty of time we had plenty of time for sex we did it was good so other than that um keeping up with the joneses well um it's still pretty easy to keep up with us but we have had a little bit of fun we We had some friends come into town and spend the weekend with us not too long ago. Yeah, friends that we haven't seen in a long time that fortunately got vaccinated and cleared.

Yeah. Yeah, so they showed up, and we just had so much fun catching up. We did. They're a great couple, And just another reminder of whenever we see people like that, it's just a reminder of how much we're looking forward to 2021 because we have so many good friends we haven't been able to see in a long time. Yeah. I mean, we didn't really do anything exciting except. Excuse me? I said except. Excuse me? I would not finish with my sentence. Maybe you weren't looking over on my side of the bed. We didn't do anything exciting. I'm going to have to edit this part out.

You're going to hurt their feelings. Quit interrupting my sentence. It's a compound sentence, babe. Okay. So, you know, except we just talked the whole time and we had some really fun sex a few times. Yeah, I thought it was exciting. We went to a winery. Well, right, right. We went out to brunch and had a big old monster pancake. Oh my gosh, you should have seen this pancake. That should be my snapshot, I swear, is this pancake. We drank a lot. It was fun. The first night, we did drink a lot. We did. Yeah, you did.

There were some gaps we had to fill in for you the next morning yeah gin gin cooks my brain cells no but you you um i can assure you you had a good time hey and you know what i woke up the next morning and i felt fine i was thirsty when i woke up you were but that was it. Like, yeah, it was fun. Yeah, we may talk more about that. I remember the important parts. That's good. Yeah. Yeah. So when we come back tonight, we're going to talk about the letdown, and we'll explain a little bit more what we mean when we get back to segment two.

two maybe y'all can help us figure it out yeah by then mrs jones will have a couple more sips of scotch and we'll be raring to go welcome back to segment two the big letdown can we still be friends yeah you know that title we can do a lot with the title i mean like you you could be let down by people you've never met before you know or you could be let down by people you've been friends with with a long friends with for a long time um there's a whole lot going on here. Well, let me tell you where it came from.

So we were having one of our men's chat, Zoom chats, and one of the gentlemen brought up, hey, how do you guys handle letting other couples down when somebody reaches out to you and you don't think there's really a connection? And he called it, you know, how do you handle the letdown?

And that's kind kind of where it came from and i know that um so this was a bunch of guys there were no ladies in this chat um but but from my observation it's usually the men that do a lot of the communication back and forth when you first meet a couple online yeah i know that's the way it is for us it is and i know there's some ladies out there that that do take take ownership of that but in most cases that we've run into it's the guys and so the guys were talking about you know what do you do and how do you do it and how much do you tell somebody and it turned into a really good conversation and you and i have talked about this anecdotally i think when we talked about making a profile yeah you know we talked about this and but we really didn't delve into it and based on the conversation that we had with the guys um wanted to give this topic a little bit more depth okay okay so we're going to talk about it from both sides.

It's being let down yourself and letting somebody else down. Unfortunately, yes, it does happen both ways. That's right. Rejected. I guess that's another word for it. I mean, when you think about it, like how many people do a flirt on Cassidy or people are connecting with you all the time at a very surface level, you know, and at some point it's going to have to dig deeper and you, you can't connect with everybody that reaches out to you or that you reach out with. And I mean, I know that's part of what we're going to talk about.

I'm probably getting ready to get in trouble here for the whole outline issue. It's called a teaser. I'll let you do the teaser. But, you know, I think that there's just so many hours in a day and there's actually probably a very narrow scope of people that you're interested in connecting with to begin with. Right.

So got to narrow it down somehow right right so isn't that what this is really about narrowing the scope it is maybe that's the title of the podcast no we already have a title you stop making titles we already have a title well but i want to back up a little bit a little bit, and I've kind of harped on this before. We're going to talk just briefly before we talk about the letdown is what is your criteria for deciding whether there's a connection or not? And obviously, it's easier when you've met somebody face-to-face or you've been to dinner or you've been to an event together.

But for the most part, what we were talking about is, okay, COVID is winding down. Profiles on dating sites are increasing, activities increasing. You have couples reaching out to you and you're reaching out to other couples.

So I guess the first thing to consider is when you receive a flirt or you receive an email or a note reaching out and saying you know hey we really love your profile you know would you guys be interested in chatting so that that's really the the premise of this and so I guess well I'll just ask you like how does it work for us I mean what do you think of when I bring you a profile and I say hey we just got an email from this couple and I show you the profile like what are what are you looking at what am I looking for Here we go.

When I bring you a profile and I say, hey, we just got an email from this couple and I show you the profile, what are you looking at? What am I looking for? Yeah. To make that decision if you think that there's a connection worth exploring or a potential connection. I mean, I guess I'm looking for something in their profile to give me a hint of their personalities. Okay.

And I'm looking for a personality where they don't take themselves very seriously right right um and of course you look at the pictures i mean i do i know you've confessed that you say that the pictures aren't important but they're the first thing you look at because you're a guy i don't say they're important i say i try to say that they're not the most important but then i find myself looking at the pictures before I do the reading. Of course you do, because the ladies are pretty, right? Yeah.

So, you know, I'm looking for, I guess, any kind of potential attributes that could, you know, show me that there could be a possible connection okay so you said personality and intelligence i mean you can tell by the way they write yeah yeah and i really like and like i said right from the get-go and this is really important to me like please don't take yourself too seriously right i just i need you know especially after the past year like let's just let our hair down and just kind of have some fun. And, you know, that doesn't mean we can't ever talk about anything meaningful or serious.

But, um, I don't, I don't, I'm not a down to fuck kind of girl. I mean, I like to get there eventually. You were last night. Well, yeah. And I have different rules for you.. Thank goodness. You know what I mean? I like more than that. That's definitely part of it. Right. It would be silly to try to say that that wasn't important. But, yeah, I'm looking for more.

And if I'm not picking up on that right away, not that I'm so important or so busy or so whatever but i've i've got a limited number of hours in my day and i've got a limit limited number of weekends on my calendar yeah and um and i'm probably just going to take a pass and that sounds kind of cold-hearted i guess no it's true it's true it's the truth uh the other thing that we look at is location right because some people will say oh they're too close and other people will say oh they're too far right so location matters when you get when you when you're reached out you know what i love is when they're local enough that we can meet um like i like doing meetups on a weeknight like a thursday night um because that way you don't have to like clear your whole weekend, you know, cause like a Saturday is a big commitment.

Right. And, and that's definitely on the table sometimes, but like if you're trying to just meet a couple to see what's there, you know, or a single guy or a single lady, I think a Thursday night is a really fun time to meet somebody. It's also a good Thursday. A weeknight's good if you don't like to play on the first date. Because usually that's a school night or a work night. Then you're not going to stay out late anyway. Let's just admit physical attractiveness. I mean, you know, you're going to look at the pictures.

You to know what people look like um and i hate that because the longer we're in the lifestyle the less somebody's appearance is important to me um because i've learned i can i guess i've learned what i'm looking for right and i'm really looking for that personality connection right um and that personality connection like um overrules right physical appearance you know and to some degree yeah i'm but i've never really been attracted to mr hollywood thank goodness but i could totally like yeah there's a couple actors, like George Clooney. I'll stop. I'll stop. Whatever. Yeah. Yeah.

Common interest is another thing. So if they're in the description of what they're looking for, if they're wine people or if they like to attend sporting events or concerts or, you know, bar hop or whatever, go to the, you know, to the opera. I don't know.

Whatever it is have lifestyle friends that um they'll have they each have rvs or they each have motorcycles yeah you know there there's a lot of really cool ways that people connect or we've connected with runners right you know it it's fun to watch people connect that way right so you know there's all of those that normally come along with the profile and then you touched on a minute ago, you know, there's a lot going on in life. I mean, there's work, there's family obligations, and there's family visits and vacations and, you know, our non-lifestyle friends.

And then time that we want to spend together as a couple. So all of other life's events know, have an impact on how available that you are. And so, you know, a lot of times it just may not even be possible because of what life is throwing at you right now. Yeah, especially this past year, too. You know, I think it's weighed pretty heavy on people, you know.

So I think, um, even though there's been a lot of close, like closeness, relative closeness, um, because people are working out of their homes and this and that this past year, that doesn't mean that you've been emotionally close because I think we've all been in survival mode.

Um, so, so that kind of makes it even harder for me.'m even more selfish with my time which seems so backwards true because we used to be so busy with community and all that and yeah that's not part of it anymore but there's other things that just suck time and emotional energy yeah so what what we're going to jump to here is that everything that we've just talked about, only one of those items was physical attractiveness. The rest of them were other things that we look for or that affect the time that we have.

But I would say for the most part, when somebody tells you no or they're not interested or there's no connection, we jump to I'm not attractive enough or they don't like me oh yeah you know so so the the reaction normally is there's something wrong with me uh instead of considering the possibility that could be any number of things right you know that that could that it could be so we're trying to start this conversation tonight from the premise of the bigger picture. And we know what it feels like. And we know we don't want to hurt people's feelings.

And we really tend to focus on that when really we have no idea what it is. It's possible that it's that, but it's more likely that it's something else. Right. So we're going to start with letting, when we have to let other people down. Okay. Okay. So here's some of the questions. So should we communicate this to them?

Like if somebody were to like reach out via email or, you know, on a dating site and they say, you know, we interested in you should we communicate back period well yeah okay so that's pretty easy oh was i supposed to expand on that no i mean well there are some people that just don't reply yeah yeah you know so you know i think our our thought process is if you're going to take the time to reach out, we're going to take the time to reply. I guess. Well, but don't sometimes we get messages that are you can tell they're like copy paste. Yes.

I don't consider them messages and sometimes I don't reply. Well, even if somebody like sends a flirt and then opens their private pictures, you have to make a little bit more of an effort than that. You know, you have to put a few sentences, string a few sentences together. Okay. So there's like a quality issue. There's a threshold you have to. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'm not going to reply, you know, if it's just, hey, you know, we opened our pictures for you. I mean, I can't tell you how many we've gotten. Hey, we've opened our pictures for you. Okay. Well, that's nice.

What does that, what does that mean? Uh, so, you know, I think it really depends on also, you know, sometimes how well, you know, the people and do you want to remain, remain friends with them? Um, well, okay. So do you want to remain friends with them? So these are people that we've, that category would be, this can even happen with people that you have already established a relationship with? Could be. Right. Right. So how well do you know them is the question. When somebody reaches out to you, how well do you know them?

And what kind of response do you think, how much effort and energy do you want to put into it? And I think how well you know the couple. Right. So if somebody reaches out to you on Double Date Nation or Cassidy or SDC or one of the lifestyle websites and you have no connection with them other than you both have profiles. Right. So you're saying the level of effort in responding to them can be less than somebody that, let's say, you've met on vacation. Sure. Right. Whether it's a hotel takeover or a resort. Right. Yeah. Right.

You know, another question to ask yourself is, is this a no or is it still a maybe? You know, you might have an interest. In other words, you might say, you know, I'd really like to see them, but we just don't have the time. And so maybe your response is going to be just that, hey, we're intrigued by your profile, but our calendar is just booked right now. Can we try again in two or three months? Yeah. Yeah. And, well, are we just talking about like via some sort of messaging or email right now? We're not talking about face to face. Right.

And I guess you got to ask yourself if you're deciding whether or not you're going to respond, then maybe you should ask yourself, would you want someone to respond to you? Right. Yeah. You always have to put yourself in other other people's shoes right and and so that's a good way to answer the question is if if somebody was reaching out to you and you know would you would you want someone to communicate back to you that they're interested or not and apply that to your equation right i mean i i wouldn't want to be left hanging. Right. Yeah. Right. So it's almost.

If I had, if I had made a reasonable effort to reach out. Right. And that's almost the do unto others. Yeah. Sort of thing. Yeah. Right. So here's another overarching comment that we hear all the time. We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. And that's good. Yeah. Because, I mean, you know, well, you run into jerks everywhere in the world. Yeah. You know, every aspect of your life, you're going to run into jerks. And, you know, that's going to happen here in the lifestyle.

But I would hope the majority of the people you're running into are going to be genuinely nice people yeah maybe not people you want to have sex with though right but we're afraid that we're going to hurt feelings no matter a lot of us are afraid we're going to hurt feelings no matter what yeah and so that plays into it but it's gonna sting it is but but i think the point that we try to make is that let's just say in your head head you know you're never going to play with these people, but you go along with them because you don't want to hurt their feelings.

So you go out and have a drink, and then you go out again and have dinner. And then it progresses and it progresses, and then all of a sudden you have to say, look, we're really not interested in that with you. You're going to hurt their feelings anyway. Wouldn't you rather do it sooner rather than later and waste a lot of time? I guess I'm thinking of a different situation. Yeah, that would be the right thing to do. And I think where that happens, and I'm going to make the guys be the bad guys on this scenario, but a lot of times the woman may say, there ain't no way.

And the husband still has the idea that it's going to happen. Oh, yeah. And so you're getting a message from him that everything is on the up and up, but then she's already told him it ain't going to happen. And then when it gets down to game time, it doesn't happen. He's hoping she'll change her mind. That's right. So again, the other couple may not know that. You may not know that it's their issue that they're having, that they should have said something to you. Yeah. But I think that happens more times than not, is the guy. Well, one of the two has an interest and the other one doesn't.

Yeah. Can I go off on a tangent? It's your podcast. What? Really? Yeah. You think people tune in to listen to me? I got news for you. Okay. So I want to go back to your scenario.

So the husband and wife have connected with this couple and the wife is like it's a no-go right and the husband's like well it's a maybe and she's like no it's really a no-go um what if the other couple was interested in playing solo with just the husband, you know, like like you you end up in a situation that could end up like being a different dynamic than you expect you know that's a whole nother conversation it's a letdown like dude my husband or my wife doesn't want to have sex with you but I want to have sex with your wife you know would your wife want to have sex with me, just me?

And you could help her watch or whatever you want to do. So what is your question? So my question is, would you be brave enough in that situation? Let's say we met a couple and I would be like, honey, that ain't happening. Well, there's two scenarios here.

The first scenario is is on their profile they say that they play separately and that he dates without her sometimes or vice versa if you know that going in and it comes up then it's it's going to be it's not going to offend you as much but you still not might be interested in it but if you get all the way down to it's time to go into the bedroom and basically they say well i'm i'm he's she's not interested but i am that's a train wreck because if if if you were offered that like if somebody came up to us and they said well mrs jones were interested in you but mr jones sorry um come come back and play another day or be a contestant again in the future i would feel like like, first of all, my feelings would be hurt because they're not attracted to me.

Or I would say that she's not attracted to me. And then the second thing I would feel, if you were actually considering that, I would feel like you're abandoning me. Like it's three against one. Like you're going off to play with them. And you're not considerate of, you're just leaving me to fend for myself, so. We're a match set. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, we're like salt and pepper shakers, like, who buys a salt shaker? Just a salt shaker, right? I mean, some people prefer more salt than less pepper, but yeah, they're usually. But usually you get them together, right?

Yeah, but they're not in the same container. They are separate containers. Well, that's true. Yeah, I i mean i can see how that would that could be devastating for someone especially if you're new to the lifestyle and somebody says you know well especially if it's the woman well no either way you're going to be devastated like oh yeah they're attracted to you but they're not attracted to me yeah i can't figure out which one me more. Right. You know, my personal fragile ego would be crushed if somebody just wanted to play with you and not me. Yeah.

But at the same time, if somebody, and this is just me reacting, this isn't really me being thoughtful here, but if somebody wanted to play with me and not you, I would be like, what the hell? Like, I greatest guy in the world and you know how dare you like crush him by rejecting him yeah like i but that's just my initial reaction yeah and i think it would be completely different if you like you said if the profile was written correctly going in or if the people, you know, were reading our profile, I mean, I think we're pretty clear that we play together.

That's where we are in our journey at this moment. I've learned to say never, you know, never say never and all that. But at the moment, we come as a package deal. I mean, I can always think of a scenario that will go a different way and it's all about communication. So for example, let's say that the man said, the man was honest with you and he would say, look, I'm interested in playing with you too, but Mr. Jones, I'd like you to sit out this one. And if he said, here, let me explain this to you.

You're, I'm happy if you're in the room watching but i have you know issues with performance when the other guys what if there's a reason behind it that might make it a little better but they're still it's still not going to happen right at least if i had a reason i wouldn't take all the blame because i'm not attractive enough to or she's not interested in me at least it's something other than what I assumed it would be. Right. We still wouldn't do it. So the more information I have, just like with anything else, the better. But a lot of people don't communicate that well.

And a lot of guys wouldn't want to admit that anyway. Right, right. Or, you know, if you were really interested in a couple like that, and it really was a performance issue with being in the same room with another man, you know, that could be an opportunity for you and I to discuss what would be okay with a separate room play to make that other couple feel more comfortable. Yeah. You know, and it would depend on the connection with a couple and the level of communication that we were having with them ahead of time. And, you know, if there were any red flags, we would let them down.

And like you said, it really had nothing to do with their pictures, right? It just had to do with the situation.

But I think back to the, if I can reel you back into the topic, where we were headed with this is no matter what it is, whoever's left out is gonna have her feelings and it's gonna sting especially if your partner is gonna be involved and and you're not it's gonna sting right um and i don't i don't know if i'd have the nerve to to like flip it around um i don't know if i'd have the nerve to to approach a couple that didn't have it in their profile that they played separately no and say we only want to play with one of you no no Thank you.

I'd have the nerve to to approach a couple that didn't have it in their profile that they played separately no and say we only want to play with one of you no no I mean it's normal to hear hey we're brand new to this and right now we just want girl girl I get that but that doesn't involve the other guy so it's still not three on one yeah so anyway what I was what I was getting at is is it does it worse to wait?

Like for an example, what if we're at an event, like a four-day event, or we're at Desire for a week, and a couple asks us to dinner, and we say yes, and we go to dinner, and then we dance, and then we lose. Okay, this has happened to us. So we've had so much fun at dinner with a couple and we're like, yeah, this is gonna be a fun night. And then, you know, after dinner, like at Desire, for example, this is a scenario I'm thinking of. Well, usually after dinner, you go back and you change into your theme night costumes. Right. And then we never saw the couple like the rest of the night.

Yeah, and then you'll see them the next day and they'll come talk to you again and they'll and they'll chat with you and then they disappear again what i'm getting at is like don't waste somebody's time right right like if you're not interested and you have six days in your vacation don't waste two days with another couple until you finally tell them that you're really not interested in them because then i'm like i wish i would have known that on day one yeah because what i'm thinking of didn't happen that long ago it wasn't like we made a newbie mistake like we didn't make a newbie assumption or whatever they just were not they were their actions were giving one message but their the reality was something different, and we were not aware.

Yeah, but you know what? We had the experience to know that when that happens, there's some sort of an issue that it's a red flag for us, and that we usually retreat before they—we're not going to wait around after that and wait for them to— No, right.

gonna we're gonna move on yeah lick our wounds and move on yeah which which gets us to the next one which is does this it get easier with experience does it either get easier does it get easier to let other people down the longer we've been doing this no see i said yes no because Because it always awkward um and no it doesn't yeah but i'm the one that's doing the communication i'm the one that's responding to the emails yeah okay the emails yeah so it gets easier for me because i have a pat you know answer that no i'm thinking of like in-person things oh well right that doesn't get easier right but but you but you get more deliberate with you you learn that you just got to do this with you've got to be firm and direct and polite and respectful and you just do it and it gets easier to do but it's not easier to have to do it so i guess the the methodology and the technique gets easier I guess but it doesn't get easier the act itself and and you know and the other thing I guess the the methodology and the technique gets easier i guess but it doesn't get easier the act itself and and you know the and the other thing i like people do appreciate it when well they should i know that people respond differently but a lot of people appreciate the fact when you're up front with them and you say there's really not a four-way connection here but we're really flattered by the offer they're like okay thanks for letting us know and they you can tell they really mean it because they're not going to waste any more time they're going to move on well right i mean you can let people down and be polite right and the good thing about all this except for this the scenario that you took us on a tangent about is when we get rejected we have each other to go commiserate with.'s true yeah i think the night we got rejected at desire we just licked our wounds and had to go up to the playroom and have sex with each other yeah the two of us yeah it was horrible yeah yeah so it's really you know the grand scheme of things it may sting for a little while but then you say oh well you know tomorrow's another day yeah we're in this together and we still have each other so that makes it a little easier yeah and and the last thing here is to remember is you can't help what others feel no so no matter how good you are at this or how respectful you are or whatever your method is you can't you can't help what other people are going to feel how they're going to feel.

Right. And you can't read their minds. And you can't take ownership of that. Right. Okay. So we've agreed that we should communicate with them. So the question now is how should we let them know? I say, honey, you need to let them know. Yeah. Right? You do. You do.

So, um well there's a couple of different things you you could yes you could send them a message um or you could do the fade away like have you seen the homer simpson gif where he fades into the bushes yes yeah the shrubs you can just do the fade away and a lot of people do that and there you we've done that I know there's really not a lot wrong with that as long as people are perceptive it depends on the setting it depends on the situation totally okay what do you mean well I mean I think that if somebody is direct with you then you need to be direct with them them.

But, you know, if there's just like, if you're at an event and there's like suggestive talk. Okay. I think it's easier to just kind of like, you know, somewhat back away from it. So if I could put that into a use case, I would say then the evening could end one of two ways.

hey we really enjoyed dinner tonight thanks for hanging out with us yeah period or there could be hey we really enjoyed dinner tonight thanks for hanging out with us we'd really love to see you again so right so the first one omitted that we'd really like to see you again for a reason yeah either they didn't know because they hadn't gone home and talked about it or they don't but if they say we'd really like to see you again for a reason. Either they didn't know because they hadn't gone home and talked about it or they don't.

But if they say, we'd really like to see you again, I think that's what you're saying. Maybe we do, we'd be more inclined to follow up and say, well, we appreciate the offer, but there's not a connection here. We're just not interested or however you're going to say it. Right. Right.

So the fadeaway occasion yeah yeah and that's what people normally that's the what people deploy on us the most i think well well we do the same thing though yeah we do i mean and and when when we do want to reach out to somebody again and and we reach out and we get you know a vague you know a vague response to me that is a response right that's right that's right and it's happened before with people that we've played with that we still want to be friends with and what fades away is the suggestive sexiness part of it the other friendship part stays yeah and people and we both kind of figure that out right each of us figure that out right so here's a question that came up in the chat one guy said I'll see you next time.

part stays yeah and people and we both kind of figure that out right each of us figure that out right so here's a question that came up in the chat one guy said i he said i tried to do what you suggested mr jones and i was direct and i was reply i was polite and was respectful and the reply i got was well can you tell me why ah so the question is that was when i would be homer simpson and i would just back into the bushes the question is how much details how much detail do you owe another couple no oh not a lot yeah zero i think like ow yeah to me that's just um right you're asking for drama yeah you're Asking for and and you're just there's no positive outcome from no there's not it's either going to lead to another follow-up email and hurt feelings and anger um so it's best just to say look sorry but you know we're just not interested there's no connection and let it And if somebody answers like that, it's a confirmation that you made the right decision by not connecting with them and not doing anything further.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, and here's me, like true confessions.

If somebody put me on the spot like that, I would probably turn it around on myself and just say, this isn't the right time for us to make new connections right now blah i mean i would i would totally backpedal my way out of it yeah that's probably not maybe the right or best thing to do but that's honest right so i think what we've concluded is we we do and there are different scenarios but we do believe you should respond and we do believe you don't have to give any details and that basically it's just short, direct, respectful, and without details. Yeah. Thanks for reaching out.

Thanks for taking the time to read our profile. You guys look like a wonderful couple. It looks like you really, you know, you, you care about each other. Um, but there's just not, um, there's not enough of a connection through viewing your profile that, you know, that, you know, that leads us to want to, you know, go out to dinner or whatever it is. You, however you want to say that it can be just one or two sentences and direct, but respectful and, you know, to the point.

So it the point so it's easy right uh no all right let's talk about being on the receiving end of it okay well we can speak about this well okay so here i'm going to go in interview mode i'm going to ask you mrs jones these questions okay would you rather receive a written response or be let down by the fade away Thank you. review mode. I'm going to ask you, Mrs. Jones, these questions. Okay. Would you rather receive a written response or be let down by the fadeaway? Oh, I think it depends on the situation again. Okay. Honestly, I'd rather be let down by the fadeaway in most situations. Okay.

What would What would your fears be if you got um a written response i mean well i mean it just stings right right i mean the fadeaway you're just like oh i guess they're busy or they're whatever or they're whatever so i think what you're saying and then i can just kind of like let it go right so if don't get the Dear John letter, then in the back of your mind, you can just think that it's something else. And this is a casual acquaintance that we're talking about at this point right now. Yeah, that's right. These are not well-formed connections that we've already made. Okay.

So would you rather be told why or why they're not interested? Hell no.

Ign okay well why not because i would downward spiral like oh my god they noticed i had wrinkles or they notice i had this or i'm too old or you know oh my gosh i could just totally okay like end up in my closet curled up in a ball yes well i can tell you as the um as the curator of all messages that if somebody actually did give me the details i would not share them with you see you are such a good husband like on it and i yeah i would not want to know yeah unless it was me then i would come upstairs laughing and i would say get a load of this honey oh like the time the guy called you an ass yeah that was pretty funny was it a guy yeah oh but that had to do with the podcast yeah That was not that you an ass.

Yeah, that was pretty funny. Was it a guy? Yeah. Oh. But that had to do with the podcast. Yeah, that wasn't. That was not lifestyle. Okay, next question. Oh, you've already answered this because you got ahead of me on the outline. What if they're interested in only one of us? Yeah, I couldn't do that. Because, first of all, we're not in that place in our relationship. And secondly, I would be, you know, like I said, if they were so, if they were interested in me, I would be like in mama bear mode or something. I would just be like, no way. Like there's, you just hurt my husband's feelings.

Like now I don't even, you know, want to talk to you much less have sex with you. Okay. would you rather get a response or a fadeaway if it's a couple of friends that we've played with before? Okay, can I have some more scotch before I have to answer that? Yeah, go ahead. I think you can see that the glass has actually gone down a little now. You've done a really good job. It's not bad. My whole esophagus is very warm. Well, when we started this podcast, you were going to make me turn the heat on. And I said no, because you're going to take a couple sips of that scotch.

No, it's still chilly in here. No, you're warm. I can tell. Your cheeks are rosy. I don't know, honey. Like, I don't even know how to answer that question. Like, this is awful. I feel like you're making me talk about awful things.

right well let me let me rephrase it you have a friendship okay these are friends we've played with before would you be more hurt if they just faded away because we had a friendship or would you be more hurt if you got a dear john letter from them or would you not be hurt maybe i'm putting words in your mouth no i would be hurt yeah the people i'm thinking of right now like the the couples that we've maintained connections with over a period of time it would all it would hurt yeah yeah um i don't know i like Thank you.

would all it would hurt yeah yeah um i don't know like we've kind of done a fade away with some of the couples um there there were a couple couples that we played with and then we stopped playing with them um what we've had in our favor is distance and distance has really been part of the reason um and then the the lack of that like on fire attraction right has uh been lack of motivation to get together with them right because it involves an airplane or whatever um that's been an easy fade away. We stay connected, you know, like on social media. Right.

And we touch base, you know, text message or whatever. But no, we do have friends that we don't have sex with anymore. Right.

It's probably more situational than lack of attraction um some people we make more of an effort to see can you this is can you really be friends with somebody that you've played with before but you're not going to play with again oh i think we we're doing that yeah well i know i agree with you i just i'm for everybody out there listening who couldn't imagine that it's possible now have we had to come to jesus with them about why we don't have sex anymore no no I'm going to show you couples I'm thinking about.

But there has been a couple or two that we've kind of drifted away from and then made an intentional effort to reach out to to have this conversation because the friendship was important to us and we wanted we felt like we wanted to invest the emotional energy in it to find out if they still want it was it was a misunderstanding right and we fixed it right but it could have been a fade away we could have just ignored it and faded away yeah but we cared about them enough and clearly they cared about us because we made the effort yeah yeah think when the fadeaway happens, the lack of that on-fire attraction must be mutual because where it would get awkward is if one couple was still like, yeah, let's do it.

And we were like, it's kind of like take it or leave it. We've never really had that happen. It seems like it's a somewhat balanced fizzle out. True. Does that make sense? Yes, it does. Yes, it does. Is that even a thing? It is. It is now. You've coined it. The other thing that comes into play here is that sometimes you'll be at an event.

Like let's just say Naughty in New Orleans or in new orleans or pcap or something and you're with and and there's music and you're meeting new friends and there's alcohol and there's just hormones in the air and you're dancing and you connect with a couple and you play with them and then you go home and you sober up and it's not that you sober up i shouldn't say that but you realize that had it been had they reached out three years home and you sober up and it's not that you sober up i shouldn't say that but you realize that you get back to reality had it been a had they reached out through ddn or cassidy we may not have response we may not have gone out with them but because the event itself brings that environment of sexiness and we and we wouldn't regret it we played and have a good time but then afterwards you're like well that was that was what it was you know we yeah we connected we get to know them we had a fun time but i'm not going to fly all the way across the country to to see them again then yeah that happens that happens right and i don't think you should feel bad about that because that's the nature of those events that's the kind of environment that they bring yeah you know on the other hand, we've met people at events like that that are now our best friends.

Yeah. You know, so it could go either way. Okay, being let down. Does it get easier over time? No. You don't even have to think about that. No, it doesn't. Why not?

Well, because we're all human and we all have egos and and um and all of our egos are fragile it doesn't matter how self-confident you are um it doesn't matter how much self-esteem you have we still have egos and they're easily crushed yeah and and that that's not necessarily a bad thing i mean i think i think i respect myself enough to you know acknowledge that i i care when people don't like me yeah um so no it doesn't get easier and then you know i'm not getting any younger. And then all those insecurities, and it depends on who rejects us too, right? Right.

That, you know, that really plays into it. Why did they reject me? Oh, well, it's because, you know, they're this and this and this. And I'm this and this and that. And, you know, so, no, sorry out there. If all y'all are thinking this is going to get easier it doesn't it reminds me because it's constantly different it reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where George said you're telling me that it's not me it's you I invented that it's not me it's you it's not you it me. You're not going to play that on me. That's what it feels like sometimes. Wait a minute. You're breaking up with us? No.

Wait. We're breaking up with you. We're going to beat you to the punch. I know. Okay. Last question for you.

Would you rather know sooner or later if somebody really wasn't attracted to us or wanted to carry it further i guess sooner's the right answer yeah but again i'm i might be somewhat of a fan of the fade away so because i'm wimpy that way oh well okay well let's say they fade away earlier than either way yeah yeah okay don't waste my time yeah okay there's the bitch coming out right and you're a nice wimpy don't drag this on yeah rip the band-aid off and don't waste my time so way they're gonna yeah okay don't waste my time yeah okay there's the bitch coming out right don't drag it don't drag this on yeah rip the band-aid off and don't waste my time so that i can lick my wounds okay and then we can get you know back out there okay all right so we've been let down now how do we cope with that um i i think experience helps i think it does get easier for us to cope with it i and i disagreed with you.

I know where you're coming from with the whole we're getting older stuff, but I still have you. We still have a lot of friends. I guess if it was a pattern, I would be worried about it if all of a sudden all of our friends started disappearing or fading away.

Well, that's true i think experience helps me to know that you know even if it is me it could be one of any of those things we talked about at the outset and i'm not going to spend a lot of time worrying about that um did it i don't know that the sting ever goes away but the recovery after the sting definitely gets quicker it does and it also depends on know, what's going on in your life at that time. But, you know, both personally and lifestyle wise, you know, we went through a patch where we, there was some less than wonderful experiences in a row.

And it didn't necessarily, they didn't all have to do with rejection, but, you know, you can only lick your wound so many times in a row and it didn't necessarily they didn't all have to do with rejection but you know you you can only lick your wound so many times in a row before you start saying okay well what's the common denominator here right you know so you just have to work through it right and um yes so experience does help because even though we've been through slumps so to speak yeah we we know that there's people out there for us.

Well, I have to kind of, I'll do a little bit of an anonymous shout out here. Because we have good friends that had a bad experience early on in the lifestyle where they got all the way to the playroom and the other gentleman changed his mind. And that crushed our family.

And I think it was very abrupt and and not subtle it crushed the female half of of the couple of friends that we have and and it was tough for them and they've told us that they've told us what that was like but they had each other that's how they got through it i mean he literally lifted her up and they eventually got back on their feet and regained their balance and started moving forward again and then had a couple of good experiences. But something like that can be devastating.

But if you have a partner who cares about you and you have the type of relationship that we have, you're not in it alone and that person can help you get back in the game and they've done that and they've, they've made a lot of friends. Right. And I think maybe that's what I'm talking about. Like if somebody abruptly rejected one of us, right. Um, then it would be, everything would be off the table at that point. Right. Because you're not going to hurt my partner. Right.

And expect me to still want to want to have sex with you yeah all of a sudden you get that your heart hardens really quickly yeah like okay now you're you're hurting somebody that i care about now yeah the gloves are off right all right i'm not hurt anymore and out of all the people in the room i really only care about one other person and that's you yeah i mean at the end of the day yeah um so yeah it so they they did have the the experience and the connection between the two of them to walk away from that you know and be able to keep moving forward okay how do we cope um it saves us time and emotional energy so if somebody's going to let us go then we can focus our free time what little of it we have on somebody else yeah and um and and we don't have to expend any emotional energy you know because they've told us and you know we can move on right right and and this is where the experience comes into play because we do have other lifestyle friends and that we can lean on you know on, so to speak.

It's not like nobody likes us. But I say that in jest because it feels that way at first. I know. Well, and it's a big, what do they say? There's a lot of fish in the ocean out there. Yeah, there are. Get back out there and drop your reel in. But again, at first, all the fish are hiding. You know, you don't. Well, that's true. When you're trying to find your way into the lifestyle community, and we talk about thousands and thousands and thousands of people out there, and you're like, well, where are they, and how do I find the ones that I'm interested in? Right.

It's a a daunting task yeah so the rejection does hurt worse at first well and we've we've kind of mentioned this but we have each other to commiserate with and guess what age is really our in our favor at this point in time because when we got rejected when we were single at least you and I when we were teenagers hormones and everything else's like the end of the world. It's crushing all the drama.

You know, so even though it hurts now, we do have each other, but we have a 37 year relationship and we have a lot of other friends and hey, we can laugh about it, you know, maybe the second day and get back up and go right back at it. Well, and all of our friends in the lifestyle are getting older at the same rate that we're getting older. I know. We have a pact with them. I know. So we're all going to get old together. That's right. You know, our sex toys might involve handicap devices and this and that and the other. And, you know, hopefully a couple of decades. Yeah.

But yeah, I mean, I don't, the whole aging out thing, I think, doesn't apply. No, we're all aging at the same rate. That's right. Yeah, right. We'll be a hot mess together. So, you know, I guess to start to summarize this, this is going to happen to everyone, right? Yes. I mean, I don't know anybody that's invincible. No. And, you know, ironically, we have some friends that are like really, really attractive. Yeah. And I think sometimes they struggle because people assume they're going to be unapproachable. I'm glad you said that.

So I think they're rejected before they even get started sometimes. I'm glad you said that. I had not even thought about that. But we've heard that from multiple people where you would look at a couple and you would think, oh my gosh, that's like, they're like the king and the queen of the prom. I know. They are Mr. and Mrs. Perfect. It's Ken and Barbie. And you would never imagine that anybody would ever reject them. But we know couples like that.

And it's not fair for us to make that judgment about them because a lot of people are either intimidated to begin with or, or they get rejected just like the rest of us do. Yeah. Yeah. I think a lot of times they get rejected.

Like I said before they get started because people don't even give them a chance because they assume that they're going to be, you know, too pretty for them or them or you know some baggage that's going on in the other couple's head right okay so it's going to happen to everyone um it's always best to know sooner rather than later we can't take it personally says you well i know i mean you're i now this is different from the emotional part of it you're you're going to feel hurt. You're going to feel the sting. But taking it personally, like this person meant to do that to you. Oh, right.

You can't take it personally. 99.5% of the time, people are not being intentionally vicious. They might be a little callous, unwittingly maybe. Maybe they just don't have the greatest social skills. And wasn't it Catherine who told us that you're only going to be attracted to like once in every 30 couples anyway? So when somebody rejects you. One, 20. One, 20. Then when somebody rejects you, you should celebrate that because you only have 18 more to go until you get to somebody. So celebrate that and move on to the next one.

So I think this expectation that we have that everybody's going to be attracted to us or vice versa, it's just not reality. And as soon as we realize that, then we can deliver the news early and move on and do it in a respectful way, which is the next thing. I mean, you have to be respectful, but you have to be honest and direct. And I think if you do that and you're consistent with that, that even though people still might get stung, they'll appreciate it. Yeah. And I think it's true that there's someone out there for everyone.

You know, a lot of times we just don't have the patience to wait to find the right person. And I think sometimes we try to force something that really wasn't meant to be. So whether we're forcing it or whether the other couple's forcing it um you know when that's when when that's the reason for two couples coming together you know there's going to be a crack somewhere and it's going to come out yeah right so you know just go ahead and admit that it's not a good connection and just respectfully let it go. Right. And we've decided we don't need to give a reason. And you really shouldn't ask.

You shouldn't ask and you shouldn't give. Yeah. And details about it. It's just not worth it. What good is going to come out of asking? No good. You know, I, yeah. Yeah. I mean, sometimes there's like a really surface level reason, like a lady won't play with a guy that has facial hair, you know, or I can't think of anything else right off the top of my head, but I know sometimes for some women, facial hair can be a deal breaker. Yeah. But, and there's, I'm sure there's a ton of other things out there if I stopped and thought about them. That's why I carry my electric razor with me.

You're ready to go either way. Yes. If a woman says that's going to bother me when you go down on me, I'll say, excuse me, I'll be right back. I'm going to borrow your bathroom for a minute. I got my battery power tracer and I'm going to shave and then I'll just grow it back. Yeah. You're not going to let that be a deal breaker. I am not. But my technique has gotten better. I'm aware of it now and so I know how to keep still and keep my distance and still get the job done until there's enough lubrication where she doesn't care. At that point in time, then all bets are off.

But I don't know how we got on that topic but and lastly i think how you respond says a lot about you as a person or a couple so when somebody asks you the details or they get angry you should say oh there's your true colors yeah and that that actually affirms my decision our decision not to be with you because you're not adult-like about it. And now I feel really good that we made the right decision. Yeah, exactly.

So how you respond to people who you're letting down and how you respond to people who are letting you down says a lot about your character as a couple and your relationship and your self-confidence. Well, and i think it's also um an indicator of why you're in the lifestyle to begin with yeah you know i think maybe if people are just more of the um you know let's just go out and have some random fun and not really make any connections. Yeah. You know, I, I think that they're probably less thoughtful about the way they let people down.

And I wish I could remember who to attribute this quote to, but you know, somebody, the old saying of, we think about, we think about it so much more than the people that are letting us down.

about it you know we're devastated we we think we think it's us and they're like what are you talking about i don't i don't even that never crossed my mind we we always think that that it's us or i did something or that's something about me and we don't even stop to consider i mean how selfish is that it could be anything it could be the kids are sick it could be our schedule's full it could be whatever it is but we always jump to that conclusion that it's me and and most of the times it's not and so if you can just keep that in mind and I know this is difficult because we're human it's going to sting and you know the other thing I want to end with is just because we're rejecting you right now doesn't necessarily mean forever.

Because we've had couples that we've known for a long time that we didn't initially play with. And as we got to know them and we keep running into them at events, you know, or maybe we've stayed connected through some sort of like social media, sometimes people become more attractive to us as time goes by and we get to know their personalities better. You know, my friend Paige, I love the way she had a way of letting people down. Now, they're big club people. Paige and Penn are big club people. So she's meeting people quickly at a club and making a decision.

And when people would approach her and ask her, and she didn't want to, she would say, thank you, but not tonight. And I love that. Yeah.

Also, yes, it may be for the people that we didn't want to play with initially but then we ended up playing with it there's also the maturity aspect of it like when they when they first got into the lifestyle they either were not self-confident or they didn't express they were attracted to us or they they made some decisions that we kind of raised our eyebrows at, or, you know, then we see them maturing as a couple in the lifestyle, and we become more comfortable with who they are and where they are. Right, and vice versa. Yeah.

Because, I mean, we, it was kind of the same way for us when we first got in the lifestyle. Right.

You know, we changed a lot on the way we approach things as we settled in so i think we covered it um it's not easy but it's just a necessity of being in the lifestyle it's gonna happen yeah yeah and just like anything else you know the the more experience you get at it i'm not gonna say it's easier emotionally but it is easier to deal with well you know you just have to move on yeah right right there's other fish in the sea exactly lots of sexy fish out there yes there is that and that's see you should you all should thank us for that that our mission is to bring in fish into this lifestyle sea and so we're doing the best we can so our podcast is chum right yeah this is like a lifestyle they're farm farm raised they're not out in the wild anymore curated farm raised yeah we're doing our best all right when we come back snapshots mine might be more funny than sexy but it involves sex i can't wait to hear it.

We'll be right back. Welcome back to Snapshots. And you're almost done your scotch. I know. So this should be a good story. Mrs. Jones may even use a bad word. Okay, now I'm not going to, just to spite you. We had friends over to our home not too long ago, and the massage table was brought out. And we had some fun with the massage table. Yes. Yeah, we got the other lady on it first, and I, well, I'm sure you had fun, too, but I had a lot of fun with her. And then I ended up on the massage table.

And like one of my one of my biggest like funnest power trip fantasy scenarios is to have two gentlemen, one gentleman on each side of me, and I get both of you in my hands, so. And a lady between your legs. Oh, yeah, there was that, too.

So, anyway, that, it was just so much fun, and we haven't done that in a really long time i know um so it was really fun to just enjoy the evening where nobody was in a big rush and we just really took our time and had fun and then i had these two amazing cocks and you know left hand right hand all was good and then the one in my left hand disappeared which would have been yours and you guys i you ended up i think in the bedroom and he and i were still on the massage table or i was on the massage table and i was giving him a blow job and um we were just taking our time and having a lot of fun and then he ended up coming and he came all over my chest which is one of my favorite things i really like that so then i was like rubbing it all in and everything and then i got up um to go get a warm washcloth to clean us up and i gave him a hug before i got the washcloth and your chest was still wet was just covered.

And I gave him like a full-on body press hug. And I just like got it all over him. Did you know, did you realize when he started pushing you away? Well, he's a very polite man. So I don't know if he noticed it or not. But like after I hugged him for like maybe three seconds, then I just like busted out laughing. I'm like, I can't believe I just did that. I just made the biggest mess. Yeah. So anyway, at least it was his and not yours. That would have been weird. Yeah, that's a party foul. It could have been way worse. I mean, so this was a swinger foul, but it wasn't like.

No, it wasn't that bad. No, it could have been worse. Yeah. He contributed the mess, so he can't swing or foul, but it wasn't like. No, it wasn't that bad. It could have been worse. Yeah. He contributed the mess, so he can't really complain if it gets on him. But then I got a warm washcloth and I made it all better. Yeah. Well, so my snapshot's the very same scene. Okay. So I'm going to fill in a little of the blanks that you left. All right.

Because when you said you and she had a lot of fun together she was on the table first there were six hands on her and then when she rolled over onto her back and she has an amazing body she does a very amazing body geez and you started putting your hand between her legs and then she opened up her legs a little bit and then you said may i go down on you because you're so respectful well we have this podcast where we talk about consent so no yeah i feel obligated she said yes and you did and um she was very expressive when you were down there and then then we swapped out.

And when you were on the table, I kept whispering in her ear that Mrs. Jones won't know if there's five hands instead of six. You were not whispering very softly. I totally heard that. I was trying to distract her from what she was doing.

And I was doing a good job but then she broke away from me and she she came to you and said she would she asked you for consent if she could go down on you and then that's when you had me in one hand and him in the other hand and then this is where it got a little confusing for me because when she got up and she started giving me a blow job and you guys you were you were still on the table and the table's only so big and I couldn't tell we we hadn't really communicated with with that we didn't know how things were going to end right we thought the massage table was just going to start things and then it yeah went beyond that but we hadn't i mean we didn't say what we're going to do or if it was full or soft or anything we just we did the night before but we didn't that night and and so i said hey why don't we go into the bedroom because the massage table was out in the hallway i said why don't we go in the bedroom where there's more room and you said something like well we're not quite finished out here yet and so then i was a little bit torn because i wanted to go into the next room and we did and that that's like separate rooms temporarily for us oh but we could see you.

But I, but then she went down on me and I didn't know if he had finished. Oh, you didn't? No. So you didn't hear me like laughing? No, I did not hear anything you were doing. She had me a little bit distracted. And so, you know, when you're a guy and you're receiving, there's two ways to receive. You can receive with your mind engaged so that you don't finish. And then you can be in a different frame of mind where you just let yourself go. Yeah.

And if it happens, it happens happens but i didn't know if he had finished and it put me in a quandary because then i'm thinking well if he didn't finish and i do finish number one you're gonna get mad at me because i'm not gonna get mad well the next day you might so then i thought well but if he did and I don't, then she's going to be, you know, she's going to think there's something wrong with her. And then fortunately you guys came in and I have to give you props for this because she was going down on me for a long time and I was having a good time.

But like I said, I was like intentionally holding back. but then you came in the room you two came in the room and you laid down next to me and you started kissing me and then you started like playing with my nipples and at that point in time I'm like okay she's telling me that she wants me to have an orgasm because that was that's one of my the things that I enjoy and when you did that it was a signal to me that I could relax and let go. And then it wasn't too much, you know, longer after that, that I was able to finish. Yep.

I didn't even get out the violet one and torture you with it or anything. I just let you have fun. Yeah. Yeah, no, it was fun. It was really fun.

And with them they're such good communicators and um this is truly one of those connections and those couples where soft or full doesn't really matter the only thing that matters is that everybody's on the same page and everybody's relaxed and everybody's connected and everybody's just having a good time yeah that's what it's all about that's what it's all about yeah so yeah it was a good weekend it was a good weekend i think all four of us really needed that weekend i think we all came together hanging a little bit low well i think life has been yeah you know distracting for all four of us for you know four different reasons but um we had a really nice conversation with them before they came and and basically the other wife said you know we're kind of in this funk funk you know just and we had just released our last podcast i think right you know talking about how we had been in a funk for a year and um and we were like and they said we just wanted you to know where our headspace is because you know if we need to reschedule this you know we could reschedule and we're like hey let's just like lick our wounds together and whatever happens ends up happening and I I think um it was just a really nice escape from reality for all four of us yeah well she said before they got here she said this is either going to be the most boring lifestyle weekend we've ever had or the four of us are going to just explode with this pent-up energy and it's going to it's And fortunately it was, it would have been fine either way, but I'm glad that it ended the way that it did.

Both nights were pretty amazing. And I think, and I think to that point, I think it helped me.

It really, well, because the first night, okay, well, this bonus snapshot here, the first night they were here that we and we intentionally said soft swap and you know last month we did podcast about the struggle is real and about how you and i weren't that connected and the four of us all got each other amped up and then i got to finish with you i and and that really helped me connect with you as silly as it sounds that we're having rolling around in a bed naked with four of us and yet it's helped me reconnect with you and then.

Well I think when you have sex with other people you see your partner through a different lens right um i can be a nag around the house stop i know and it's hard it's really hard i think that's been one of the rudest awakenings about working from home i thought working from home was going to be amazing and it's really been hard because we don't get to switch hats easily right um that part has sucked and and i just like okay so we have sex you and i and i'm not saying our sex is bad but it's it's having that same sex through a different set of lenses, like putting an Instagram filter or whatever on, you know, you just see your partner differently.

It's IG. Sorry, I'm old. I'm old. You know, you see your partner Um, even when you're having sex with me, just having the other people in the room, it adds an extra energy. Um, and it, um, Oh, I want to be careful when I say this. It makes me, I don't know, this isn't the right word, but I think people might understand what I'm feeling. It almost makes me feel possessive of you. Like you're mine. You're mine. I get to have sex with you and you're mine. Not that I don't want the other person to have sex with you because clearly that happened, but it's just different.

It makes me appreciate you because I'm standing. It's almost like I'm emotionally standing back seeing seeing you right differently well I'm able to see you as a sexual being again and I didn't have to be the one solely responsible for getting you there yeah you know our friends whoever they are your friends can help you get in that mindset and I'm hoping that everyone else coming out of this pandemic is going to be able to experience the same thing. Because we did get a lot of feedback after the last podcast. And there are a lot of people out there struggling. Yeah.

And we're not the only ones. Well, and the way you and I coped, because we've been working from home for almost four years now. And the way we've coped is we've gotten away. Right. We traveled a lot. Right. because we had to get out of our home office. And we haven't been able to do that as much the past year. And I think that's really taken its toll. Right. It has. Right. Come on 2021. Well, we made good use of our time last night. Yes, we did. That was fun. Yes. it was. We have potential. It was so good. I knew that it was good when you got miffed afterwards that the sheets were wet. I know.

Damn it. That Liberator blanket let me down. How'd that happen? We were a little bit overzealous. And it kind of got scrunched up a little bit okay well the letdown um yeah not a fun topic but it was a fun ending i know it it it's something that has to be dealt with you can't ignore it right it doesn't yeah all, so thank you all for continuing to support us and thank you for the messages and please continue to send an email. You can email me at mrjones, M-R-J-O-N-E-S at wegotathing.com. And me at mrsjones at wegotathing.com.

And we want to thank our WGT community for providing this topic to us.

We have had so many nice, the men's chats are going every other week now and they're really a lot of fun and uh we talk about sex sometimes but like the last one we talked about bourbon yeah everybody brought their own favorite bourbon yeah the lady we have a book club in the ladies group and um so the men meet when we have book clubs so we're actually studying like we're being cerebral and you dudes were talking about bourbon we're just being guys no but you guys actually um what happens in the men's chat stays in the men's chat but you but you share topics overarching topics of discussion with me yeah right um you protect the names just to protect the innocent and all that but it's um you guys are pretty impressive humans Thank you.

You protect the names to protect the innocent and all that. But you guys are pretty impressive humans. Well, you ladies have raised us well, trained us well. We're trying. Y'all are works in progress. And if you want to join our We Got a Thing members community, you can go to our website at wegotthing, w-e-g-o-t-t-a-t-h-i-n-g.com, and you'll find information there. You can follow us on Twitter at wegotathing. And we also have a presence on Pinterest, and we have relationships with Double Date Nation, SDC, and Cassidy, if you're interested in getting connected to a lifestyle website.

Yes, and I was just speaking with Dave, Double Date date dave the other day and he said it's evident to them that people are coming out of this pandemic because people are oh really signing up for ddn and being more active on ddn so we're happy to hear that i mean it's springtime for more than one reason it's like springtime last year didn't happen yeah so i think we're all really looking forward to longer days and warmer weather definitely so thanks for listening we are mr and mrs jones and we've got a thing what's your thing We'll see you next time.