Episode 82: The Compatibility Conversation

Transcript

This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us?

hello everyone i'm mr jones and i'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 82 of the we got a thing podcast i think it's 82 oh it's been so long i know we've missed you guys yeah a lot's been going on 82 the compatibility conversation yeah we'll talk more about compatibility in a second but so how do you like our new podcast studio it's nice because i'm the one that like totally redid the whole thing you did and it's better acoustics in here too than our other place oh how so oh because it's the ceiling solo I don't know. There's better acoustics in here, too, than our other place.

Oh, how so? Because the ceiling's so low. Yeah, apparently in 1920, they didn't really make basements for people to live in. Yeah. So it's only a six-and-a-half-foot ceiling. And Mr. Jones is 6'3". Yeah. It's a little dicey. Yeah, I've had a couple of run-ins with ceilings and door jams and ductwork. I learned like the first week we were here that I just didn't need to point out the fact that you had like scabs on the top of your head from hitting around things. Yeah, I think, were we in bed? What were we doing?

And you said I had you we were in the kitchen and you leaned over like we were on opposite sides of the the kitchen island and you leaned over and there was this big scab on your head and i said honey you don't need to tell me that i have a scab on my head because i know that i bumped my head you said that you saw a sign somewhere i don't know if you saw it on facebook no it was at a restaurant downtown and it had a stairwell like ours and it said bump head here so I'm going to get that sign put it on the wall we totally need that down here well it was yeah it's been about six weeks eight weeks since we recorded and we're glad that we took the month off oh we had to like it it's been a fiasco with the holidays and moving and yeah and my work schedule has just been crazy yeah and thanks to all of you who have sent us messages and warm wishes for the new home and we've got it into at least good enough shape to live in yeah for the moment We're going to be doing some major renovations to it and putting an addition on it.

So we've unpacked and we're comfortable, but we're not settled because we know the chaos is approaching quickly. Right. Yeah, it's going to be quite the year. I think it's going to be torn up in here. Yeah. For the most part. It's going to be amazing. But we're really happy with it. We're really happy being downtown and being able to walk everywhere. Yeah, it was very cool. I mean, it's just like last night we went to dinner and it was what, three blocks? I know. It was raining and we didn't even drive. I'm proud of you because I offered to drive.

At first you said, I guess we're going drive to dinner that's you know that's ridiculous and i was like you know like the parking down on that main drag where the restaurant was is you'd have to walk in the rain anyway right i mean what's the difference of walking like a block and a half versus three blocks yeah so we did we just walked it was fantastic yeah and then i don't know how many times i've said all the times we've been out to dinner since we've been here when the guy the waiter will come and say can i get you another drink and i'll say well damn it i'm not driving so yes give me another drink we just have to remember our address and we're all good i mean it's so nice not to have to worry about driving driving after you've been drinking.

So the restaurant, the bar tabs have been a bit higher than normal because of that. But we're methodically making our way to all of the different hole in the wall local spots. Right.

Because there's some like, you know, some of the more popular restaurants in town and those are the ones that we always came to yeah you know now we're finding the little mom and pop shops yeah and um and i'm super excited to be supporting them right now anyway yeah um this is the time that they need us so we're doing our best yeah and mrs jones has been super super busy with her business which is really good um but, and I haven't been quite as busy as she has. So I've been taking care of more of the housekeeping things. You've been my house husband. Yeah.

I volunteered to start doing the laundry and I haven't done the laundry for us in probably 30. You've never done the laundry. No, when we first got married, I did. I know. And then you ruined my favorite sweater. I know. So it's been 35 or 36 years since I've done laundry. So I volunteered to do laundry again. And, um, you know, I'm not sure I'm, I was humbled because how hard can it be? Right. And I don't understand why they call our washer and dryer are new.

And so they're called like smart appliances because they hook up to the internet and the first thing that i did well oh i know what it was like rosy on the jetsons and you could just say rosy do the laundry with the app on your smartphone well i i got you to help me sort the laundry and i put the first load in and i had just hooked the washer up and the dryer up and they were working. And so we put a load in and I went upstairs to the kitchen. Unfortunately, I left the door open down to the basement and about 10 minutes go by and I hear like water. It sounds like water splashing on the floor.

And then I came downstairs. You would think if it was a smart washer, it would say, hey, dummy, you forgot to put the drain hose down the drain pipe. And yeah, that's what I did. I forgot to put the drain hose in the pipe so water was just shooting all over the floor. So it was a soapy mess. And he says, get towels, get towels. And I'm like, honey, like the day before that, we had just rented a storage unit. And we put a ton of boxes in storage because, again, we're doing this renovation. And one of the things this house doesn't have is a linen closet.

So all of our extra linens we put in storage. So I literally kept out like one bath towel for each bathroom. And he's like, get towels. And I'm like, they're in the storage unit. Like we didn't even have any towels oh it was crazy so that was the first thing and then and then i said okay fix i fixed that put the put the drain pipe or the drain hose in the drain pipe and then i started the next and you told me i like i wrote everything down i like wrote down you know you get the little fabric or not the tide pods and then the fabricener.

But the washer has this pullout tray at the top where you're supposed to put your detergent. And you said you put this much detergent in and this much fabric softener in. But I didn't say in the dispenser. No, you said you put one of these in. You said with the pod, you said you put one of these in the washer. So I did.

And got the washer going and i came in my office and fortunately my office is right outside from the laundry room and i hear water hitting the floor again i said where is that water coming from so and it was leaking out of the top of the washer and it's a front load washer it made no sense so then i went and got you i turned the washer off and i went upstairs with my tail between my legs i said honey i don't know what i did the stupid washers i broke the washer yeah and what i and you opened i said and she you said well where did you put the i said i put one of those tide pods right in here like you said and you said i didn't say to put it in the dispenser the laundry or the detergent dispenser i said you I said, you throw it in the tub.

Yeah. So I had put this Tide Pod in that little drawer, and so it was clogging up. Well, the gelatin didn't dissolve as fast as you thought it would, I guess. So this gelatin goo half-melted Tide Pod was blocking the pipe where the water goes down into the washer. So I had to fish out this nasty half-dissolved Tide Pod with my finger and I pulled it out and it looked just like a disgusting used condom. It was so disgusting. So I said, get the towels again. Fortunately, fortunately that one wasn't so bad, but yeah.

So I'm learning the laundry i'm i'm really good at folding i you know when i when i get going i'm i'm good as long as that and you even like match up my socks and stuff like i never did that for you like you were on your own buddy well what helps now is you have those little like zipper bags that are clear that you put your sweaters in so because the rule is if it's in a bag bag, don't put it in the dryer. I can remember that. Right. So I won't ruin any of your stuff this time. I do that for you, yes. Yeah, so, yeah, I've been, we've been settling and enjoying. We've had company. Yeah.

So it's, it's. We've had company twice. We have. Well, we had both of these trips planned before we even decided to sell our house. Yeah. People were going to come visit us. And actually, we had to change one of them. Like, one couple was going to come the weekend we went to closing. Yeah. We had to call them and say, uh, this is not going to work. But it worked out for them, too, because they ended up moving as well. Yeah. How ironic.

But, yeah, so we've broken in the the new swinger path well it was motivating to know that you had people coming so that we can we had to get things squared away yep but anyway enough about that we're we're happy where we are um we're excited about the house and um ready to get on with living in the city yeah I'm ready for ready for the weather to get nicer though. I know. Well, a few announcements before we get started. So we mentioned before that the Desire Mansion takeover is August 11th through 15th of 2021. Yeah, speaking of better weather. Oh, yeah, wait.

Quite a few of you have expressed an an interest within the next couple of weeks we're going to be putting informational packages together and emailing you if you've expressed interest yeah we're going to actually start taking reservations yes we are so for those of you who have not done so yet if you're interested in going send us an email send me an email at mrjones at we gotathing.com or through our website and we'll be happy to add you to the list. Yep.

And speaking of that, I owe, I owe a lot of you an apology because evidently, you know, you can contact us through email, but you can also go to our website and do the contact us form. Well, evidently since the end of October, our website stopped forwarding our emails to us. And I realized I had two and a half months worth of messages that we haven't responded to. So I spent a couple of days catching up on that. So I apologize. And for the young lady who sent me the email scolding me for being condescending to Mrs.

Jones, I typed up a really thoughtful response, I hit the send to go back and it bounced back to me. So if you're the person who did that, you put your address, your email address in wrong. So please send me another message so I can send it back to you. Scold him again. And he'll reply to you. I tell you what, people don't know. I mean, I'm not scared of you. I know the least little thing that I do. I get called out. Everybody's so overprotective of Mrs. Jones. And I appreciate that very much. But again, I'm not scared of you. No, you can hold your own. Yeah, that's right. Yeah.

So anyway, Desire Mansion takeover. Now, our Desire November trip is just about full, just about sold out. Are you going to confess that we haven't booked our room yet? Yeah. I'm, I'm really concerned that we might not be able to get a room. By the time these people are hearing this, I will have called and got that last room. Like the other day I thought, you know what? We haven't, we haven't booked our room yet. We're going to miss our own event. I know. We've been so caught up in the whole mansion takeover thing. We had to do paperwork and all that kind of stuff.

We have totally not even considered the fact that we hadn't booked that room yet. Yeah. So book quick if you want to go. It's the 13th and the 20th through November. But let us book first, please. The other events we have coming up, Podcast of Palooza, as of today, is still on. That's May 21 through 24. So that's in, let me see, February, March, April. That's four more months. Yeah. So we're hopeful that this vaccine rollout continues. And by May, things will be a lot safer. Yeah, we need to be on the downslope from all this business because Podcastapalooza is going to be awesome.

Yeah, but Kate's all over that. So just keep monitoring the information there, but we're still planning on going. And we haven't really planned any more events. The only events we have planned are these two desire trips in August and in November of 2021. Well, and then PCAP, of course. Well, our trips I'm talking about. We're not going to do any of our meet and greets until we know it's safe to travel again. Right. The goal is to do it like late summer, early fall to do a big weekend event. Yeah.

You know, I wouldn't mind just like escaping somewhere and letting people know, like doing something super informal at some point. But yeah we're we're trying to be we're trying to find that right balance between living our lives and being responsible yeah well for the most part there's no right answer no we've been having close friends have been visiting and i think that's what we're going to stick to is just start a little bubble of friends yeah and. And we've gone out with a couple of local folks to restaurants. But yeah, no big events until then. So that's what's been going on.

We've missed you. We're glad to be back. We'll be back in a regular routine now. Yes, we'll be back in your ears once a month again now that we're in 2021 and settled. We only took an extra two weeks off.

Yeah yeah because it was like i think it was like the end of november by the time we got that november podcast out because we were in mexico well it was a bit of a relief for me when i plugged everything in tonight and all of our podcast equipment worked because i moved it myself i wouldn't let the movers move it i said it would have been ironic if i would have busted something so everything's working fine yeah we're in good shape and see you could have let the movers move it. I said it would have been ironic if I would have busted something. So everything was working fine.

We're in good shape. And see, you could have let the movers move it. Our movers were amazing. Yeah, they were. Oh, well, there is one little story about that. Oh, yeah. So I don't know how it works because we don't move very often. This is the first time we've had somebody actually pack us. So they had come into our home and they did an estimate.

So they knew how many boxes to bring and tell us how much it was going to cost and all that and they mentioned something about the alcohol when they did the estimate about how they couldn't move it and i guess i didn't really pay attention but then you know they came the first day to pack and they're like okay well you know we're not allowed to move your alcohol and we're like oh well okay we're gonna have to like get some rubbermaid containers and and they're like oh we can pack it for you we just can't transport it our license doesn't cover that and we're like okay that's fine so mr jones borrowed his brother's truck and they boxed up all of our alcohol and they were making comments while they were boxing you have a lot of alcohol it was a little embarrassing so yeah we packed up the back of of the truck and the pickup truck completely full of boxes of alcohol and then i had to put two or three boxes in the back seat yeah i mean we have a lot of wine um so that was the bulk of it but then we have a we have a lot of alcohol i know we do i know that's all those darn recipes i do i know well that's all right okay well i think everyone's caught up uh when we come back we're going to talk about the compatibility conversation Welcome back to segment two the compatibility conversation and i i guess the thing that i i think that you and i were thinking about as we were kind of mapping this out is that the whole compatibility issue is broader than chemistry or flirting or transitioning, all of those awkward things that you have to work through to meet up with a couple.

This is kind of almost like the umbrella over all of that. Right, right. We talked about, and also we were thinking that, especially especially since we have good friends over lately you know we've discovered that our most positive um our most fun our most enjoyable uh play experiences are with those we find to be most compatible yeah and that word came up in conversation and i thought you know what we haven't really talked about compatibility and it's a little bit different than chemistry and it's a little bit different than transitioning.

So anyway, we came up with three different categories of compatibility. Of course you did because you're all about the outline. That's right. I have three. I know.

So the three are, first of all, an obvious obvious one like basic general compatibility yeah and then there's like you know like health compatibility like health and safety compatibility right um and then obviously you got to talk about sexual compatibility that's what it kind of comes down to yeah yeah so we thought these three categories pretty much encompass the things that when we look back at the play experiences that we had, those are the areas that we find are important, you know, to have an enjoyable experience. Yeah. And everybody's different.

So let's dive into what do we mean by just general compatibility? Well, I think that one is kind of the no brainer one, but it's something that you need to be aware of. It's like, you know, do you think there are the other people or the other person is attractive? Do you think they're, they have, you know, nice personalities? Are they interesting to talk to? Yeah. Um, is there that chemistry, you know, that, that you're looking for in somebody else? Yeah, you know, that initial attraction.

Yeah, and you're looking at, you know, their body type and, you know, all the things that we do when we size somebody up. I mean, I hate to say it like that, but we're all, that's what we do. Right. Either you're scrolling through a website looking for somebody or you're at an event, which we haven't been to an event so long. I don't remember how to do that. But you know what I mean? One way or another, you're like choosing somebody. What is that initial first impression that you're looking at? Yeah.

And you started to mention this about personality types, but you're really big on sense of humor. you know and and we're we're also looking for people of a certain intellect and people that can have a conversation and, you know, maybe have charisma and, you know, those are just things that are just generally you're, you're, you know, determining whether you're compatible with somebody, are these things there that you can connect with, with the people. Right. Um, and that isn't always, uh, it's, it's not always like a script that you can follow or a, a checklist that you can check off. Right.

It's kind of complicated. I know. And then of course the, you know, what do you have in common? You know, are you have similar relationships? Do you have similar jobs? Are you similar ages? You have, you know, kids, these things in life that, you know, that we have in common determine this general account, excuse me, general compatibility. And I think not only the individual, but like characteristics of the couple, like the relationship that the couple has, you know, is it, are they happy together?

You know, does there does there is their relationship solid do both of them want to be there well yeah are they on the same page yeah i mean i i think that's what we look for a lot yeah just because we've run into couples that are not on the same page right with each other i'm not even talking about with us i'm talking about with each other right which is you know talk about the the whole red flag episode that we did yeah so as we talked about each one of these we also want to talk about how do we determine if we have that uh general compatibility or how do we determine that you know we're compatible with somebody else and i think we've kind of mentioned this already but just you know, whether they're across the room or whether you're in a conversation with them or whether you're just observing them interact with each other and with other people.

Right. And I mean, do you think you can tell that from a website? Because I think that, I think like tonight's conversation needs to include like the whole virtual aspect of life, because that's what we've been living for the past year. Yeah. You know, so now we're, you know, you're resorting to websites, which we've always had that option. And those have always been very useful.

But I think we're more reliant upon them right now because we don't have events to go to yes and i think to your point a lot of people in our community we're still doing these um meet and greet virtual meet and greet chats every other friday night and and last friday night well last night because it's saturday yeah um that was the best one ever it was a lot of fun we didn't get a lot of sleep but it was a lot of fun but but i think to your point that you know the when you're observing somebody from uh virtually but a zoom chat or a video chat i think is here to stay because so many people are using it now they're comfortable with it and it's like the next best thing before you would meet somebody personally where before you're going from just still pictures and and messages and chats to seeing them and interact with them but you can interact you know online and and it does help to see if you know you can you can do this observation and you can engage you know engaging with another couple is is a way and that can be just virtually or it can be you know in a conversation yeah well i think a conversation is the way that you really get to figure people out you know whether and and you can do this via messaging of you know whatever form of messaging you use but it's so much easier to do it either via zoom or in person you know to to have a conversation and ask like pointed questions about, you know, what, what you're looking for in a couple.

Yeah. I mean, probe a little bit. I mean, you don't want it to sound like a, an inquisition or a, an interview, um, you know, but, but just trying to get to know them and learn something about them. And, and this is pretty basic.

I mean, we do this outside of the lifestyle right i mean just are you generally compatible with people even even friends that you're making and you want to spend time with this is this is what we do right yeah so that one's pretty easy the next one is a little bit more tricky very unique to the lifestyle and probably one that's not talked about as much as it should be and that's health and safety compatibility yes um i think this is actually much more in the forefront now because uh when you think lifestyle and you think about health and safety we're all thinking stis but right now we're also thinking also thinking COVID safety.

Some people are much more risk averse to encountering COVID right now, either because they have underlying health conditions, they have an elderly parent they're caring for. There's a lot of reasons why people do need to be careful.

So honestly, almost makes this part of it easier yeah i think i think another good thing that are you know the first thing that we talked about coming out of covid that's a benefit is the zoom chats and the the virtual the virtual video chats that are going to stick around but the other thing is now everybody is so it's it's so easy to talk about, you know, have you been tested for COVID or have you had it or, you know, have you had the vaccine? It's a part of everybody's life. And so it's a part of everyday conversation.

And I think since we're already talking about COVID and we're talking about safety and we're talking about, um, have you been tested? It's very easy to segue right into STI testing. Well, maybe not easy, but it, but the topic is already kind of at that clinical level, so to speak. So, you know, I think that it can just, again, come up in conversation. It doesn't have to be an interrogation. Exactly. It can be a conversation. Exactly. And I think, you know, we've not really done a good job, I think, over the past few years in talking about testing and STIs.

And I think that's because we were thinking of it more from a medical perspective and making sure that we had somebody on with credentials and that we were saying the right things. But it's certainly really important for us to talk about how we talk about health and safety with other people. You know, forget about the medical part of this for a minute.

We've talked about that but you know it it's oftentimes i think people want to talk about it they just don't know how and it's a little bit awkward and if the other couple doesn't bring it up it just doesn't get discussed i mean this this came up recently we we have friends um you know that we were chatting with and they were sharing, um, they gave, gave me permission to share generally what, what they had been through.

Um, and why we think that, you know, we really need to talk about this sexual or excuse me, the, um, health and safety compatibility is that they're new to the lifestyle that they were both in long-term relationships, um, that, that recently ended and then they found each other right away. And so they haven't been with a lot of people, and they're new to the lifestyle. And so thinking about STI testing and thinking about the conversations wasn't something that they initially realized that they needed to learn about and talk about.

And so anyway, they shared that they ended up meeting up with a group of people that they were friends with. And, you know, there was some play involved. And then afterwards, the woman was talking to one of her friends who said, hey, I just, you know, I'd been to the doctor and I had just gotten STI tested. And, and it dawned on our friend that she said, wow, I guess I should probably have that done too. So it was, it was somebody else telling her that they got tested and she realized, well, I should probably do that. And this wasn't a lifestyle friend. This was just like a girlfriend. No.

Yeah. So anyway, she, she went and got tested and, um, a test came back positive and it was um cold bucket of water as you can imagine all of a sudden they're excited about this lifestyle they have great play experience and then they go they get tested and it comes back positive um and to make a long story short um ended up being a false positive they they went back for another test. Well, her husband went with her and got tested. And yeah, and then it ended up turning out to be okay. But the whole scare that they went through, they realized, how come we haven't known about this?

How come we didn't talk about this? And she kind of suggested that we maybe bring this up and so other people can, you know, she kind of, you know, suggested that we, you know, maybe bring this up and so other people can, you know, understand that it's important. And there's this elephant in the room and the elephant in the room is how do we talk about this? How do you know if you're compatible with somebody from a safety perspective, if you don't talk about testing with another couple? Right. And so, you know, one of the things that we talked about when we said, how do you do that?

It's almost a part of a natural part. It should be a natural part of the conversation. Or you could say, instead of getting out your clipboard and say, okay, when was the last time you were tested? What were the results? How often do you get tested, that's a little bit um clinical but maybe offer hey um you know we just want to let you know that we're safety and health conscious and we both get tested and the last time i got tested was then you know and then that kind of opens the conversation for them to to step into it and right and talk about it themselves.

So I think, you know, again, just observing couples and talking with couples and exploring the topic a little bit and bringing it up in a way that's not threatening. You can get a sense of trust with another couple. You don't have to, I mean, we're not the type of people that ask for test results to see test results. It's more a part of, are they healthy minded? Do they want to take care of themselves? Do they get tested?

You know, things that when you look at somebody else and you see that they care about themselves and they care about their health, you know, then that gives us a level of comfort that they take it seriously. And we don't necessarily have to ask for test results. We just trust, we're putting our trust in these, these folks because we've had this conversation and we all seem to be on the same page. We're like-minded and we're compatible in that regard.

You know, I, you know, you keep saying that, that we need to observe and and i'm and i'm sitting here maybe trying to figure out what you mean by that but but i guess what i'm thinking for like myself as far as like how i would determine whether i'm comfortable playing with somebody based on this whole health and safety you know aspect of it is you know, you know, just talking to them about how, how do they play?

You know, do they, um, do they not play very often because they still have kids at home and they can only get away once a month or whatever, or are they, are they empty nesters and they get to go out all the time and, and they like to go to clubs and meet people and just have these crazy encounters and it's just kind of you mean they don't seem to be too discriminating well in in an intentional way yes because that's what turns them on right you know there's people that like to go to clubs and just have these random encounters that's a super hot fantasy for them right um does that put them more at risk health and safety?

It might, you know, unless they're having these conversations in the heat of the moment. Maybe they're very careful and they have learned how to down and dirty talk to people about, you know, STIs as they're having these random, like, super hot fantasy encounters. but that's probably something that you need to fill out for yourself and make sure that that doesn't put you out of your comfort zone. Here's what comes to mind when I hear you say that. And you're absolutely right.

And that kind of person, like you could even hear, people can tell you stories about, hey, I didn't use a condom one time or we decided decided not to use a condom with this couple, or we decided to do this. And they're telling stories that means they approach the lifestyle differently than we do. But you know what? They could whip out a test that they had yesterday. Yeah. But that test doesn't mean anything. If they're the type of people that...

Well, if they did it well yeah yeah but i mean but there's but there's a different likelihood of contracting something if you're not health and safety conscious to begin with and so it's just basic odds yeah yeah but i think people rely on testing only too much like that's all they have to worry about or that's the only evidence i need to see or hear before i'm okay playing but really it's these other things too about that we already talked about so so you're right um just listening to a couple talk about their approach to the lifestyle gives you a good idea of are they health and safety minded to begin with well yes yes but i i don't um i guess i think about it a different way it's not are they health and safety minded because that makes me think that you know like everybody knows that we're runners and and it you know if we talk about it that way then oh we're only going to have sex with people that, you know, can run a half marathon.

That's not what it is at all. It's are you compatible with them? Right. Are you in the same headspace as them? Right. When it comes to health and safety? Right. Are, you know, are you somebody that, you know, people, and I do this, so I'm making fun of myself. You you know some people wear a mask in the car like you'll see people driving and i don't do it intentionally i do it because i'm too stupid to remember to take it off um but you know some people are very um worried about covid and they're very very careful some people are you know a little bit more cavalier about it.

Um, I'm not judging one way or another, but that's something that you need to be compatible with. Right. As you are getting ready to play with another couple. Right. If you're pretty relaxed about it and they're relaxed about it too, then it's going to be okay.

If you're kind of uptight about COVID for whatever reason, a lot of reasons are of reasons are perfectly justified right um you're going to have to find somebody that respects that yep yeah that's true and that you know and and you know covid stis is all the same thing a lot of these things um are fixable and a lot of them are permanent yeah so we So we, we just have to be really, um, aware and don't put our heads in the sand. Like it's not going to happen to me. Yeah.

And another point that our friends made in the conversation, um, about, um, testing positive was, um, they, they thought back and they thought, you know, probably one reason we didn't talk about it before is because it's an awkward conversation that you have to have. But what I failed to mention before is when she tested positive the first time, the first thing they did was they went back to the other couples and told them.

They had to have a conversation with them and tell them that they tested positive so that they could all, the rest of them could could go get tested unfortunately everyone came back negative but she said what we learned was i would rather have the awkward conversation ahead of time now than to have to have the conversation afterwards when you have to tell people that is really profound yeah um so to put then to put things in a perspective if we continue to ignore the elephant in the room and we just cross our fingers and hope for the best, we might find ourselves in a position where A, you know, that we test positive, but B, now we've got to go and tell people, you know, that we did and we should have had that conversation ahead of time.

Anyway, it was a anyway, it was a lesson learned and they were gracious enough to want to share that with us and gave us permission to talk about that because it was really a tough thing for them to go through. Especially being so new. Yeah. You know, what a way to get started. But I tell you what it did, though.

They're really tight with the people now that they had to tell because when you have to tell somebody like that, something like that, um, and then fortunately it turned out to be nothing and everybody is fine, but the, the people that they are friends with know, they're like, wow, you guys, you have integrity, you know, you, you came to us and you told us, and that means a lot. So it, so it actually, you know, strengthened the bond that they had with everyone. Yep. Okay. Well, let's, that was the unfun one. This is the fun one. Yeah. Sexual compatibility. Yeah.

This is really what it's all about. You get through the other stuff and this is your reward. Yeah. So, so we're talking about actually playing now, like actually physically interacting with people. Before we were, you're talking about it, you think you might be compatible, but really when it comes down to getting into the bedroom, that's when you find out if you are or not. Yeah, and unfortunately, you don't know until you get there. Right, and these are things that, like kissing, is something that everybody talks about, and we talk about that too. That's almost a surefire way a lot of times.

If there's chemistry, you're going to know when you kiss or if they're a good kisser. If you're a good kisser, then there's a likelihood that you're going to be compatible in other areas in the bedroom as well. You know, the way somebody smells, and not necessarily just their perfume, but when you talk about chemistry and when you get close to somebody and you can kind of, you can kind of the pheromones. Yeah. That's a, that's a sign of compatibility.

You know, when, when you're, somebody touches you or you touch somebody else and you, your spine tingles a little bit or you feel a little bit of heat yeah and it's funny because somebody can touch me and it it doesn't do anything for me and and then somebody else that touches me and I don't even really expect it and and you do you get you get a tingle there's definitely something to be said for I think as humans, I think we discredit the fact that we're animals. We think we're so freaking smart that we can analyze our way through something, but you can't really analyze or predict chemistry.

I'm a mathematician. I should be able to predict this stuff, right?

There's got to be a formula for it somewhere yeah that's so not true like chemistry is chemistry yeah and um well incompatibility is like that too in general speaking you just don't know if you're going to be compatible with somebody um you know and and sexually we're not talking about play styles either we're talking about things like she likes it sensual but he likes it rough yeah you know are you compatible if all he's gonna do is pound and she's um wincing and really he's not noticing he's not noticing because that's happened to me before yeah you know so there's there's definitely a mismatch there right and like how do you have that conversation?

Because we had the conversation and, oh, we're a full swap couple. Oh, so are we. Okay. So we're compatible in that regard. Right. As far as play style, which maybe style isn't the right word. Maybe it's like play level or something.

well because style is definitely um subtle and subjective and i think um i mean this is just my opinion but if somebody's new and like we were i mean we were in a long-term relationship 29 years before we got into the lifestyle so so the likelihood that i going to have the same style with another woman the first or second time is very high because I'm, I'm, I have sex with you a certain way and that's all I know. Right. So generally speaking, that's what I'm going to take into, you know, bed with the next person. We have to realize that people are different and they like it differently.

And, you know, there's definitely a compatibility issue there. You know, but how do you determine if there's sexual compatibility? And I think even before you get into the bedroom, though, wouldn't you think? I mean, well, do you? No. Well, I mean. No, because you can have all the chemistry in the world. Yeah. And then all of a sudden when it comes down to it, like a lack of communication or something will kick in and there'll be, you know, too rough and I don't like it rough. Well, I kind of do, but maybe not at first.

But again that that comes that that's all about communication right like if i like it rough but you know later i can't really lay that out you know you can't say okay well do this for five minutes and then if you do this for eight minutes then i guarantee i'll have a orgasm by 12 minutes you know yeah that ain't gonna happen no You have to learn to read each other. And that's part of that compatibility. Yeah. But I think there are maybe some things you can do ahead of time to get an idea.

Like when you're talking sexy, you're telling sexy stories and you're saying, well, we were with this couple once and this happened and he did this and I really liked it. Or this person did that and I really didn't like it. You're telling a story about something that happened in the past, but you're also letting the people know. Yeah, but you know what? I like to have my hair pulled sometimes, but not by everybody.

So I don't want to tell people, oh, I really like it, like when you're doing me doggy style, if you pull my hair like because I don't want people to feel compelled to do that and I might not like it because like normally I don't like it but then you get me in that right headspace because I'm just like completely yeah you know outside of my own body at that point in time and then I like that kind of stuff right um but I can't tell people I like it rough because I don't at least not at first and Thank you.

body at that point in time and then i like that kind of stuff right um but i can't tell people i like it rough because i don't at least not at first and not with everybody yeah but i think when it's right it's right and then i love it yeah right um i think the dumb card game is pretty good for determining sexual compatibility don't you yes because i could tell that story during the dumb that's right that's right i can't just like lay it i don't have like a brief that i'm going to present no yeah you don't have to worry about how it comes up in conversation the card could say you know what's one of your best experiences and you could describe perfectly what what that is and if the other person should be listening to that and paying attention yeah i mean remember that time we were playing i mean that we were playing with people we were pretty good friends with and we had played with a few times um and you put your hand on her throat and she really liked it but there was no communication between the two of you and when i saw you like, holy cow, what is he doing?

Like, he didn't ask her if that's okay. I've never seen her or heard her talk about that before. But you were reading her. Well, what you didn't see was, and you said we didn't communicate. I'm going to go back to our last episode on language of the lifestyle. I know what you're going to say because I watched it. Yeah, I put my hand at the base of her throat, like on her collarbone. And she leaned into you. And she leaned into it. And when she leaned in, I put pressure against it. And the more pressure I pushed against it, the more she leaned into it. Right.

Now, my point is that you two didn't talk about that ahead of time. No, we didn't. You didn't even have that like on an agenda in your head it just happened and she responded and both of you afterwards you guys talked about it and you both of you were like i can't believe that just happened i know and her husband was like dude i can't believe that just happened like he was a little concerned too but but he and i were both watching what happened and it was so hot and, and you could tell she liked it. And we could also tell you were, you, I was going to be very careful with her.

Um, and, and the husband obviously trusts you and she did too because it, it was, it was hot. Yeah. But how, how do you like talk about that ahead of time? Yeah. I don't know. That kind of thing was so unexpected. Yeah, I don't know that you talk about something like that because if somebody doesn't understand it, it can be really dangerous. I know. I know. I guess that's my point. Like, you know, like people liking rough sex. I don't want to ever tell somebody I like rough sex because I don't want to get hurt.

Like not go to the hospital hurt, but like I don't want to like, you know, my cookie to get broken and then I can't like do anything for a while because I'm walking gingerly and. Well, here's an obvious way to tell how you might be compatible with somebody sexually. Okay. Ask them, like, what do you like? You know, what do you not like? Well, yeah, that's the obvious thing. That's the obvious thing. But sometimes we don't do that. Yeah. Yeah, so sometimes just asking somebody. And I'm getting better at that, especially, yeah, I think I am getting better at that.

Where before, I was a little embarrassed to even ask about it. And I'm timid. Not timid. I'm gentle anyway. And so if you're going to default, a default setting is good to be gentle because you can always amp it up if you need to rather than coming in you know hot yeah it's hard to dial it back and try sometimes it can ruin the mood yeah that's right um yeah and and I'm probably more adventurous after the first time I play with somebody I think the first time first time everybody's kind of like literally feeling each other out. Like, what is this person like? What do they don't like?

What are they responding positively to? And then afterwards you're always like, oh, woulda, shoulda, coulda. You know, like, oh, dang, we should have tried this. Sharing fantasies is a good way to learn if you might be compatible with somebody. And we've done that a little bit. Even you're doing that a little bit more now. I know. Which is really cool. I know. I'm even learning things about you. I'm learning things about me. That's the best part. Yeah. And finally, I think the act of playing or having sex is a good way to determine sexual compatibility. That's okay.

Seriously, that's the only way. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you can talk about it all day long. Right. But then you've just got to try it. Right. And, you know, do a little lessons learned like, well, that's not going to happen again. Or, you know, next time I think I might, you know, tell the person whether it's the, well, for me, the husband or the wife, you know, I want to try this or I would really like this. You know, don't say I didn't like it when you did this. You can just kind of like positively redirect. Yes.

Yeah yes yeah okay so we've talked about the three different types of compatibility general compatibility um health and safety and sexual yeah um and and so to close up we want to talk about you know just some other considerations you need to have and thinking about these three things in general and the first thing is I think determining compatibility takes an investment of time earlier Mrs.

Jones you said when we first started that it surprises you because you can't predict who you're going to have chemistry with and not I know that means you that means what I hear you saying is that there are times that we've been with people or met people where initially you weren't, you didn't think you'd be compatible, but if you didn't invest time in them, you would have not known. So whether it's the initial conversation, going out to dinner with somebody when you, when you don't know if you're compatible, you know, investing in the conversations that we talked about. Yeah.

And even playing, you know, if it comes down to that, you know, that's an investment of time. Yeah. And so I think the more time you invest in a couple or a person, the better you're going to be more maybe accurate. Yeah. Your prediction might be a little better you know that i that's the thing i'm learning about me is that i don't have a type so i cannot like predict how i'm gonna feel about somebody um you know when when we're like looking at a website or whether we're you know on a zoom with somebody but what i'm learning is that i like variety yeah Thank you.

Um, you know, when, when we're like looking at a website or whether we're, you know, on a zoom with somebody, but what I'm learning is that I like variety. Yeah. Like I just told you like at dinner tonight that I said, you know, I kind of think I have a crush on this person. And you were like, really? Yeah. You know, and like, and then you started like saying, well, well, he's this and he's that. And I'm like, yep. And there's just something about him that I, he's just like, this sounds weird, but he's like tugging at my heartstrings.

Like there's something about him that I just really find intriguing and I just want to get to know him. Oh, you know what? And then his wife is like super sweet and super cute. Chances are he's listening. So now these guys are going to be trying to figure out who it is that you're talking about. Yeah. So unfortunately, they do not live even remotely close to us. I think what you're suggesting is that maybe you want to invest some time in that to find out. Yeah. And the thing is, is that the compatibility was not predictable. Like I would not have picked him out of a lineup.

But the more I get to know him, whether it's either in writing or Zoom or whatever, I just find him as super endearing and intriguing. And he just happens to be like really hot. Yeah. That always helps. Well, his wife's kind of cute. So if we go that direction, I'm not going to kick and scream yeah she's more than kind of yeah um okay other considerations timing is everything and we've talked about this before but you know there's a time to uh you're not going to start off a conversation with a couple that you first meet and say hi i Mr. Jones, this is Mrs.

Jones, and this is the last time we got tested. That's a little bit awkward because you started too soon. Yeah. But then if you're in the bedroom and your clothes are off and you're about ready to play, that's a little bit too late.

So in each of these three categories of compatibility, it has to be be a natural progression and there's going to be a time that's best for bringing it up but it can't be at the very very beginning and it can't be at the very very end right most likely it's going to be somewhere along that the middle the the time that you're investing you're going to have to cover all this stuff but if you wait too long you know it might not come up at all and it might be a bad experience because of it yeah Thank you.

investing, you're going to have to cover all this stuff, but if you wait too long, you know, it might not come up at all, and it might be a bad experience because of it. Yeah, that's true. Yep. Timing is everything. I know, and unfortunately, it may be after play when you find out that you're not compatible, and, you know, this happens a lot because, I mean, it's happened to us and on both sides. It's happened to us with couples who, you know, didn't come back and play with us anymore and vice versa. Yeah, that's true. Because you just realize you're not compatible and that's okay.

The thing about compatibility is it's not being judgmental.

It not discriminating it's not a bias it's just the fact that you're not compatible well that's the good thing about the lifestyle it's not like you have to like break up with these people right like you had to break up with your boyfriend in high school or college right you know you just go your separate ways and when and you run into each other again you say hi yeah and you know no harm no foul um you know most of the time i would hope most of the time nothing happened that was hurtful whether physically or emotionally it's just it wasn't that great like if it's not going to be that great i'm going to stay home and have sex with you.

I'm glad you said that. Don't stop me mid-sentence. I wasn't going to say because, you know, you would be at least that good. I mean, like, you're the real deal.

You know, so if it's just going to be okay out there, I'm going to stay home, you know, where my heart is and where my safety and my security are and and have fun with you right and i think where we fall into the trap is that let's say our spouse or our partner really really had a good time and there were fireworks oh that happens and the compatibility wasn't there um you know you're you're gonna maybe want to do it again because you're you're wanting to do it for your spouse and you're not taking one for the team really it's just it was a compatibility issue and you know it's gonna have to be a personal decision as to as to how where that line is that you just suggested if it's just gonna be okay i mean if you're if your partner's having a good time and the person you're with is having a good time and nobody's getting harmed.

Well, then it's the whole compersion thing. Yeah, then okay, right? You know, like, if I know you really have the hots for this lady, you know, then I'm going to enjoy watching you with her. Right. And as long as I don't find her husband repulsive, which, you know, usually is not the case. Yeah.

And I'm not saying that i would play some with somebody just you know on the other side of repulsive it's it's that i might not choose that couple myself but there's nothing about it that i'm going to feel make me feel bad about myself so i think if somebody chooses not to be with us again we can't take it personally and because compatibility is outside a lot of times it's out of our control we're just not compatible and you can just Let's go.

be with us again we can't take it personally and because compatibility is outside a lot of times it's out of our control we're just not compatible and you can just leave it at that you can walk away and you know and like you said we still have each other and and we're going to meet other couples so you i don't think you have to feel bad if you're not compatible with somebody or if somebody's not compatible without you you don't have to be hurt i mean you might be hurt but it's no it's no fault of your own you're just not compatible well i think um it might have to do with like your objective you know as far as like what you want out of the lifestyle like if you're looking for um friends that you can vacation with and like you can take your kids on vacation all together and you know and you're looking for that kind of friendship yeah then then maybe that is a little more hurtful when you have compatibility issues yeah um because you're you're looking for something that's more long-term and i'm not really talking about polyamorous or exclusive but but you're you're just looking for something deeper and maybe you had your hopes up too high yeah um so i i think you just have to be self aware that that you know this is going to happen yeah and and an extension of that is this next one which is how much effort should you know i take to work on differences in compatibility like if you're not compatible with somebody and let's just say what we just talked about your spouse is your partner is then let's try to make it work because you care about your partner and and you care about these people and it didn't go well the first time so let's try again you know let's talk about it let's let me tell you why i don't like jackhammering you know at, at, you know, you can, you can give the person another chance if, if that relationship and that investment that you're making is worth it to you.

If, if there's a friendship. Right. Is it going to be worth the difficult, difficult conversation that you're going to have to have to overcome?

I mean, if you, if I see you enjoying yourself and you really, you really like this couple, then, then, and I, and I didn't have say well you know what I'm going to talk to her you know I'm going to ask her what she likes because I don't you know I don't think she enjoyed herself and you know I'll make the effort because there's something in it for us and there's something in it for me and their and their relationship and the friendship is worth that extra work so I think what you're saying is you know there's there's three different types of compatibility that we're talking about here maybe if you have that general compatibility and and y'all are on the same page as far as your health goes then maybe the sexual compatibility can be adjusted yes that's exactly yeah that's what i'm saying yeah yeah because you're compatible two other areas, so why not make a bigger effort to be compatible with the sexual part of it?

Right. Yeah, I mean, I think the health part is really the deal breaker. Yeah. I think if you're not on the same page as that, you just have to say, this isn't going to be worth it. Correct. Yeah. And here, you know, this was a point that we talked about with our friends. How people respond to your questions says a lot about whether they're compatible with you.

and what i mean by that is if if you bring up sti testing and they don't want to talk about it or if you you know say well we don't play on the first date or if you say well you know we're soft swap now and they're full swap and they and they're upset about it or if they're immature about it and if they say oh okay well i guess you guys really aren't swingers or oh well that was a waste of our time, or they try to talk you into it. How they respond to what you propose and what you say tells you a lot of whether they're compatible with you to begin with. That answers your question.

Yeah, so you shouldn't really be angry. Well, you do have a right to be. Defensive, well. Yeah, you shouldn't be defensive. Yeah, you shouldn't, because you should really say thank you for being an ass because I know we're not compatible. Yeah. Yeah. And then you've got your answer. Yeah. But too many people get their feelings hurt and they try to power through that or they try, they say, well, maybe I misunderstood or maybe I misread or maybe I didn't, you know, no, no.

If they're going to act a certain way and they're not going to respect your decision and where you are, then they're not compatible. Yeah. And that's the answer you're looking for. Don't invest any more time. No, let it go. And I mean, the world's a big place and there's lots of amazing couples out there. It doesn't feel that way at first because you haven't had the opportunity to, to get out and meet them, especially if you're a newbie in 2020, like terrible timing, but there are so many amazing couples out there. There are. Yeah.

So patience is, um, something that's hard to have, I think, especially when you're new and you have all of this energy and you're so excited about exploring but yeah compatibility is a is a big part of of um how you're going to feel about your journey you know when you start allowing too many concessions and and you just say this will be all right this will be all right um you might find that you're not enjoying yourself i and that's the very last one you know if it's not a if it's not an enthusiastic yes I'll see you next time. This will be all right. This will be all right.

You might find that you're not enjoying yourself. And that's the very last one. You know, if it's not an enthusiastic yes, maybe you're not compatible. You know, maybe you've convinced yourself you're doing this, but it's for the wrong reason. Yeah. It should be more than all right. It should. Yeah. Yeah. Because we can have more than all right, like you said, in our own home. Yes. Yeah.

Or with people that we're already friends with that we know we're compatible with yes and you know that's kind of where i am right now i think that's what the pandemic has done to me it's it's um it's brought me it's closed my circle and um and i that it's hard, harder for me this year to explore compatibility with new people. And it has nothing to do with the new people. It has to do with my headspace. So maybe I'm not, maybe I'm the one that's not compatible right now because my head space isn't right. Um, but that's my personality.

I'm an introvert and I, you know, I tend to withdraw when I'm under stress or, or whatever. And, and 2020 has been nothing, nothing but stressful really for, for the majority of us. Yeah. Well, that's a good point. And I think, um, also the thing that I learned from what you just said is that outside circumstances influence your ability to be compatible. Yeah. So, um, in other words, if you weren't, if you sexually, you weren't, you don't think you're compatible, maybe there was something going on, you know, maybe the other person, person was distracted, you know, maybe they're nervous. Yeah.

There are other things that create that, that what you perceive as incompatibility, but maybe it was just an off night. Well, you know, that's a great point because if you do have, you know, if you get along in every other regard, but then things didn't go right in the bedroom, it could be nerves or distraction. There's something else going on in somebody's life that is keeping them from fully engaging. Right.

And I think a good way to use the word compatibility is, and people ask us this a lot, is, hey, you know, we got an email from this couple and they want to go out with us or they want to play with us or we played with them and we don't want to do it again and I don't know how to tell them no and the the point is if you just instead of saying i don't like the way you kiss or we're not interested or what whatever or you ignore them just say you know what we enjoyed it but there's just some incompatibility we're not we're not compatible and that's not anything that's not a negative or a positive statement.

It's a neutral statement. We're just not compatible. But thank you for your interest. And so I think using that word compatible and incompatible in the lifestyle, it should be used more because it's not personal. It's not judgmental. It's not, like I said, it's not bias. It's not discrimination. It's not. I think you said, um, I remember we first got in the lifestyle and we were really, you know, using the dating websites heavily and you would reply to people. I think you said something like, we're not a good match. Yeah.

You know, so that's another way say we're not compatible you know we're not a good match we don't match the way we are approaching things right and and we can't and then we can't really um control how people respond to that but but we can say it that way and i think that's a respectful way and i think that's enough information for people to know that, okay, nice knowing you. So, I think that's it on compatibility. Yeah. Sounds easy. Yeah. But it's really complicated. And again, it's not, there's no magic formula to make this work. Yeah.

Well, I think lastly um i don't think you have to feel bad about or guilty or dirty about a play experience that's a mistake or that you made and it didn't go well because it's a learning experience that's right you know sometimes you don't know until you play so you can't if you don't know before you start and then it was negative then you can't blame yourself or anybody else you just come out of it and say you know what we're not compatible yeah i learned that and as long as we were friends as long as we were respectful as long as we were generally compatible and as long as we were health you know health like you were saying, we're compatible there, then nobody's really in any danger of being hurt.

It's just you get yourself up and dust yourself off and get back on the field. That's right. Go find somebody else to try to be compatible with.

Or stay home and regroup for a while and try to maybe, as a couple, figure out what it is you're looking for know maybe you're not looking for the right thing right well i'm glad that we're compatible you and i are compatible yes we are most days we just survived a move and um we still like each other yeah yeah you haven't ruined any of my clothes yet doing the laundry like what's not to like no you've been doing the grocery shopping oh my gosh yeah you come in handy well the next topic we're going to talk about is with everybody working at home how do you get out of work mode that's hey i need to listen to that episode because you sit in your office upstairs until six seven eight o'clock at night and when you come down you're down, you're in work mode where before we had a commute home and you left your physical office space and so you were leaving something behind.

But now you're bringing it all downstairs and I do the same thing. So we'll talk about that next time. Are you saying you're not compatible with Mrs. Jones, the bookkeeper, only Mrs. Jones, the wife. I'm saying if there was, if Mrs. Jones was not able to convert into, you know, into the sexy Mrs. Jones, my wife, then we would not be compatible. But you've got a good track record with me. You've got credit, so I'm going to let it slide. So I've got some money in the bank with you. Yeah, you do. Oh, that's good. There's equity. Because I've been drawing it out lately.

You've got a lot of, you've got some money in the bank yeah you do oh that's good there's there's equity because i've been drawing it out you've got a lot of you've got some capital there so i so i know it's going to be okay but yeah we'll talk about that it's kind of dicey right now but all right when we come back we're going to talk to do some fun snapshots yep you're first i'm first okay well we um we had friends over you know it was just a couple weeks after we moved in, so everything was still kind of a hot mess around here.

But the one thing I managed to get organized before they got here is I got all of our sex toys organized and lingerie. So we packed our own sex toys. When the mover came to do the estimate, he was going through room by through room by room and like he was opening up cabinets to see you know all of our cabinets how full they were and what was going to get packed and you know what they weren't like they can move chemicals and this and that so he was looking everywhere and mr jones was taking him through the house i was taking him to into the master bedroom where ouredar chest is.

And our cedar chest has the toys and stuff. Well, and our nightstands. He probably knows not to look at nightstands. Yeah, but he went to reach for the cedar chest. And I said, that's going to be empty when you move it. And he stopped. And he said, oh, okay. So you don't need to open that, sir. I didn't have to say it.

he's an experienced mover so anyway so anyway i like all of my my lingerie i packed in a rubbermaid container and i packed all of our sex toys and our sex books and all that stuff i packed those in rubbermaid containers and um so we we managed to get those all like organized and put away because we knew what they were didn't have to like dig through boxes so we had some toys to play with while our friends were here and and she and i played um and we were just having fun and i have no idea even how it came up like i think we had already sex. Yeah.

And the four of us were just like laying on the bed just talking. And somehow the talk of like the violet wand came up. Yeah, I don't remember who brought it up. I think they did because you said, we have one of those. Yeah. So, yeah, they brought it up. And I said, we have one. And I said, and I actually know where it is.

So, you ran upstairs and got it out of the cedar chest and brought it back downstairs and we plugged it in and they had never played with one before so we were showing them all the different attachments and this and that and the other and like I like it um it has to be kind of not on the very lowest setting but it has to be pretty low for me to enjoy it so i was kind of the guinea pig and and it has this like grounding attachment if you don't know what a violet wand is i guess i should back up it's a it's electricity play so it kind of looks like maybe like electric toothbrush is what it looks like like an oversized electric toothbrush or like a hitachi magic wand that you plug in um but then it doesn't have a big head on it.

It has all these like glass attachments that like snap into the top of it. And it shocks you, which like being shocked, like, you know, when you were little and like your little brother would like rub his feet on the carpet and go and like zap you, right? That's not fun. That's just being tortured. But when you're in the mood, electricity play can be really hot and stimulating.

So you were demonstrating it on me, and then there's also this grounding attachment where if you put this metal plate on you, then the electricity passes through your body and you can actually use your finger yeah to like transfer the electricity yes so we were doing that and then i started playing with it and everybody was taking turns playing with it and um at one point our friend like he tried he licked my clit with his tongue but but you had the grounding attachment on me. So I think my clit shocked his tongue.

And of course, when your tongue is wet and like my lady bits were wet, um, there was, yeah, the water was definitely a good conductor of the electricity. Yeah. And I have a, I don't want to interrupt you. No, it was just, wasn't that when he said, Oh my God, I just saw lightning. No, she did. Oh, she did. She was watching intently and she said, I just saw lightning between your tongue and her clit. It was lightning. Yeah. That, um, that got my attention. That kind of hurt. What I'm going to complain about is you attacking me with it. Okay, this is my snapshot. Oh. No, you go right ahead. No.

You can tell my snapshot. No, go ahead. Because it was your nipples. No, because I want them to hear your side of the story, and then I'll tell the real side of the story. I'm not ashamed of it at all. So, I think I used it on your balls first, right? And I thought that was going to get a yelp out of you. And you liked it. How did you know that I liked it? Because you said you liked it? I don't know. Well, didn't my body respond positively? Well, yes. Yes. Okay, go on. Wait, you like nipple play. Don't try to convince me. Just tell your story.

So I thought you would like it if I used it on your nipples. Right. And you did it. That's fine. So far, the story is right. Okay. So why didn't you stop when I didn't like it? Because I thought it was funny. Yes, you thought it was funny. So you're trying to zap my nipples, and I can't relax because I'm telling you to stop.

and then because you thought it was funny yes you thought it was funny so you're trying to zap my nipples and i can't relax because i'm telling you to stop and then because you thought it was funny you kept trying to do it and i'm like that's not you you're not paying attention to me you know i'm a bad person i'm a bad person i admit it and then they started laughing and you were laughing and i'm carl curled up in the fetal position we have just broken every sex play rule in the book. Yeah. Consent, like the whole thing. Yeah. I confess. Yeah, I said no. Like I was a bad person.

I was a bad person. I didn't, I need a safe word with my own wife. I know. I know. I'm going to get in trouble now with all my BDSM friends. And this was done in the circle of trust. And it was on the lowest setting, I swear. Yeah, I know. I know. But I would have really enjoyed it if you would have stayed down near the balls. Well, I know for next time. Yeah. But I don't trust you now. I'll earn your trust back. I'm going to have a rubber t-shirt on next time with my nipples covered.

No, my snapshot was the lightning bolt between my clip and his tongue yeah if i it was so unexpected i think i think i would have liked it but i didn't really see it coming that's one of those times when we were laughing we were all laughing and and i'm kidding i mean i yes i didn't like the nipple thing but i was laughing too no it was you going in the fetal position that I was laughing at. Because you were like, don't touch my nipples. But all four of us were like little kids with a new toy. We were all laughing and giggling and testing it on different.

And at one point in time, all four of us tried to connect. Yeah. And we could feel it. Yeah, that was pretty cool.

So it was a lot of fun and and it was you know to me and and of course they're really good friends and we trust each other and you're able to do things like that and just have that experience and well that's like the ultimate compatibility yes you know because a way to bring it back to the theme i know right i'm proud of myself but i that's the beauty of making that elusive four-way connection that you can um In this case, we are going to show you how to make a difference between the two and the two, would have been a couple that we had just started playing with i would have never gotten out that toy um because i couldn't have been silly and experimented No, they would have been running out the door as I was going upstairs to get it.

But I mean, we could be silly with it and know that we weren't hurting or offending anybody. And if somebody really didn't want something, they would have said no. And you were pretending that you didn't want it, but I still think you kind of liked yeah but whatever okay well it's my turn okay okay so you all have missed my birthday my birthday was during our hiatus oh yeah it was and we had we had moved in um mrs jones was going to take me to my the local bourbon bar oh went out. That night we went out. Was that the night we got steaks? No, that was the day after your birthday.

On your birthday, we went to the local bourbon bar. Yeah, when my snapshot, though, was that? The steaks were the next night. Oh, that's one. Because your birthday was on Friday. Okay, so it was my birthday weekend. Yes. And we walked down to the local butcher shop because we can. Yes.

bought a pound of uh ribeye and i cooked steak on the grill and we had an awesome evening and we were drinking and we were just having a good time but you forgot we like we went and got the cupcakes too yes there's a cupcake store of course there is and we walked we walked to the cupcake shop and got cupcakes um and then the end of the evening, we're having sex. And I think I was on top of you. And everything was fine. And then I flipped you over. And you were on your knees. And you were sitting on me. And I could tell immediately that something was wrong. Something was off.

And it maybe crossed my mind that you might have been having a foot cramp for a leg cramp. But you didn't stop and you didn't tell me to stop. And at that point in time, I was so far gone, I wasn't going to stop unless you told me to. And so I kept going until I finished. And as soon as I finished, I said, you have a cramp. I said, you have a cramp. You said, well, no, I have two cramps. And you said, I didn't want to stop you because it's your birthday. I'm sorry I messed up your birthday with cramps. But you were a trooper. You didn't, you were gritting your teeth.

And I can tell, at least I was hoping that it wasn't me you were grimacing about. Well, I wasn't faking it because, like, you looked at, it was my calf. It was, like, the side of my calf. And there was, like, this big, like, indentation in the side of my calf where the muscle had, like, completely separated. Yeah. It was weird. Yeah. I wanted you to, like, didn't you flip me over doggy style at once? Because at one time I thought, well, maybe if he, like, moves me again, it'll go away.

But then you did and it just didn't.'t like it was completely seized up by then yeah so i didn't have an orgasm because like my i wouldn't even have felt it maybe i didn't i just couldn't feel it well i tried i could feel as my leg i tried to finish as quickly as possible i knew you were in distress Thank you for the birthday gift Okay That's our life Episode 82 wrapping up. Hey, you know what? What? We Got a Thing just went over 2 million downloads. Oh. So thank you all very much for that little milestone. We appreciate that. So please email us. You can reach me at mrjones at wegotathing.com.

Or me at mrsjones at wegotathing.com. And if you go to our website, which is wegotathing.com. It works now. It works now. You contact us and put your message in there and make sure you key in your email address right and I will respond to you and I won't wait two and a half months. I apologize for that, folks. You can follow us on Twitter at WeGotAThing. And we have a presence on Pinterest, and we also are affiliated with DDN, SDC, and Cassidy. They're our favorite lifestyle websites. And DDN is Double Date Nation, and DDN now has officially launched their app. And it is nice.

For both iPhone and Android. Yeah, it's slick. So if you haven't done that, yeah, make sure you download their app and start using it. So, congratulations you guys for that. They put a lot of, Dave and Andy put a lot of hard work. There's some sweat equity in there. I tell you. To get that thing launched, and we're excited for them and proud of them for sticking with that. So, yeah, definitely. So, we're going to be back next month, right? Yeah, we're back in the saddle. All right. Well, thanks for coming back and for listening. We are Mr you next time.