Episode 81: The Language of the Lifestyle

Transcript

This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us? Hello, everyone. I'm Mr. Jones.

And I'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 81 of the we got a thing podcast episode 81 the language of the lifestyle can i say something yes i graduated in 81 you know what our motto was 81 we have more fun oh no i think in 2021 we'll have more fun There i like that one better yeah because 2020 has been a shit show no kidding but it's almost over yeah so before we get to the topic um yeah thank goodness it's november almost december happy thanksgiving honey yeah happy thanksgiving. And happy swingiversary. And podcastiversary. I know. Like this was, this is like our time of year.

I know. A lot of celebrations, a lot of milestones. Yeah. And it's been good. Yeah. It's been good. I can't complain. I think we're going to end on an okay note. I think so too. We're optimistic for, we're gaining momentum for next year. Yeah.

Well, things are definitely going to be different because if you looked around our house right now things are looking pretty different yeah so about that um we're going to do something that pains me to say what we're we're going to not have a podcast in december oh i know but it's only going to be six weeks because we've been kind of like procrastinating and procrastinating and we're getting closer and closer to the end of the month yeah so if we're we're going to put one out the beginning of january yeah so we're moving in a week we've so our our lives are going to be our personal lives are going to be topsy turvy for the next month they've been topsy turvy for the last few months i know but i think we're realizing that and so we're no oh wait excuse me mr jones is finally realizing that yeah i've been freaking out for like the past two months but it's my idea not to do a podcast in december i know so you're finally admitting that like things are crazy so you're gonna have to wait until the middle of january instead of the the end of de six weeks.

Nothing's wrong. We're not going anywhere. We just need to get our act together. No, we're moving. And I know how we're going to be when we get into the new house. You're going to want to get settled. So we've hired movers to move us. But the one thing. Yeah, and pack us.

But the one thing that is not getting packed by the movers is what honey my podcast equipment he doesn't trust them to pack up a couple microphones and my iMacs yeah well okay i'm packing my own computers too yeah but you were like i'm not letting them pack my my podcast and the dog and the dog those are the three things the podcast equipment the computers and the dogs they're not going to pack any of those three things they won't move the dog you would let them move the dog if they were sure because you don't love her well she has a crate they could put her in somewhere where she gets a little air it's got holes in it already her mama's got her back okay don't worry no don't call the spca on us or anything i i got her taken care of yeah so since it's our podcast anniversary and we've been podcasting for six years now and this is the first time well this will be the second time we missed an episode because when we were outed we took six weeks off also that's true but this is a much better yeah this one is scheduled off yeah so don't get alarmed when you don't get a podcast from us at the end of december it's going to be mid-January before we chat with you again.

Well, and honestly, we're not going to have anything fun to talk about. Except moving. That's true. Nothing exciting. But we do have some sexy fun planned for the end of December and the beginning of January. We do. It's going to be like a back-to-back twofer. I know.

Well, 2021, I'm telling you, we're going to kick it off.'s right so we have some um a couple of important announcements we mentioned last month or maybe two months ago that we were going to try to arrange a desire mansion takeover in 2022 right and we managed to actually put it in writing yes but actually it's going to be in 2021 i know yeah so we, so we were able to book the entire Desire Mansion, all eight rooms, August 11th through the 15th of 2021. Yep. We don't have any details yet except for the date. We can tell you that we're going to roll it out. There's only eight rooms.

It's not going to be cheap. We're going to... But it is going to be heavily discounted. And we get to do, we get to create the whole weekend. Right. It's going to be discounted and it's going to be upgraded. Yeah. You know, in that we're going to be able to create our own itinerary, our own entertainment. Our own menus. Yeah. Our own music, our own everything. we're we're going to plan the entire weekend and we're going to plan some special events during the weekend and it's four nights. Yeah. Um, stay tuned for more details. If you have not already emailed us, if you're interested, um, Mr.

Jones at we got a thing.com. The dates again are August 11th through 15th. We will probably will have some more details as we get early into 2021 right we just need to kind of figure out the the itinerary and um and get all of our little special events planned out but desire is so excited about it like they're coming up with the most amazing ideas yeah they came up with a lot of they're like well we could do this and we could do that and i think it's going to be really fun the. The biggest difference between this and our week in November is that we've already reserved the entire building. Yes.

And the entire compound. So, you know, compound. Yeah. That doesn't sound cool. Yeah. That sounds a little scary. Well, the mansion compound. You belong to us for the weekend. Yeah, whether you like it or not. So jot that down. And then also next year, our desired November trip is going to be November 13th through the 20th of 2021. Yes. Many of you have already postponed until next November. We expect, you know, we've been talking to our travel agent friends and everyone is expecting 2021 to be a blowout year.

yeah for everybody getting up back out of this pent-up energy that we've had from being quarantined for so long yeah and desire said that you know their their booking like ratio for 2021 is way higher than normal right now and it's because people push their vacations forward yeah um from 2020 but they you know, they said to expect the more popular weeks to sell out much faster this year. So, so if you want to go with us in November of 2021, if you go to our website and at the top of the page, you'll see book your desire trip here. And there's a booking engine right on our website.

And you can go in and put in those dates because if history is a predictor of the future, we're going to be sold out by February or March. So, um, book now if you can't, if you're interested in going. That's right. Okay. Keeping up with the Joneses. Well, I mean, speaking of desire, um, we just had an amazing week. We did. Uh, you know, it's so funny because you stress and you stress and you stress, like, you know, especially this year, like, you know, should we I'll see you next time.

um we just had an amazing week we did uh you know it's so funny because you stress and you stress and you stress like you know especially this year like you know should we even hold the week you know should we you know so many people are canceling and you know so many we we didn't have a handle on who was coming with us and it was just it was so atypical for us right um but at the end of the day it was the amazing week. The weather could have been better. The weather was interesting. It didn't rain. It rained one day, but it was a little windy.

Well, hurricane Iota was smacking Nicaragua again. It was like the second hurricane that hit Nicaragua in like two weeks. Um, and we were getting some of the Northern bands of it, but really what we were getting was the wind and the storm surge. Yeah, the surge was crazy. Like, you know, normally the Caribbean is so mellow. We're used to going to like Myrtle Beach where the Atlantic is pretty tidal. And the Caribbean is not a very tidal area, at least not in the Yucatan Peninsula. But the surf was so high and the water was literally pushed in. They had to pull all the beach beds off the beach.

Yeah. It really only rained one day. Yeah. No, well, and we don't really go to the beach that much anymore anyway. No. We stay in the pool. But it was sad. The pier at Desire was destroyed from the previous hurricane. Yeah. So we heard that there was a lot of damage at Desire RM. I think Desire Pearl came through relatively unscathed in the scheme of things. They had a lot of glass break here and there. But while we were there, there was no damage. It was just really windy. Yeah, Desire's had a tough year along with the rest of us. I know. A couple of hurricanes and COVID.

Yeah, they had four hurricanes in six weeks. Yeah. Yeah. But they're back in're back in business now and i mean let's just talk about the um elephant in the room and that is you know there were a lot of events that were canceled and some that were held this year and you know we debated on whether we wanted to go but if you all recall we went in november no we went in august excuse me august talked to the, to experience it ourselves. And we came back and we shared all the information that we found there.

And the idea behind this is that, you know, unfortunately what we're bombarded with, no matter where you look in the media, is one of two extremes.

It's either mostly we're all going to die or on the other side of the scale, this doesn't right COVID doesn't exist very and then there's all the vacation shaming like it like in social media oh my goodness so very very rarely do you see somebody like realistically assess the risk and the consequences and that's what we try to do we try to be open and transparent and we try to give everybody the lay of the land because we, I mean, in November of 2020 compared to March, like we know so much more about the virus. We know who is most vulnerable.

We know masks and social distancing and washing your hands are very effective in containing it. We also know because you and I have been out and about that airlines and hotels and restaurants really have done a great job changing their business models to keep that keep people as safe as possible. Right. And so we've traveled a lot and we feel comfortable that, you know, the business world is really making the changes necessary to try to keep everybody safe. Right. They're creating the environment. It's up to their guests to, you know, conform. Right.

We also have greater access to testing right now than what we did before. And we understand the need to quarantine when we come back from a party like we just had in November. Right. And we're disciplined enough to make the changes necessary, you know, make the decisions and hold ourselves accountable. And so our philosophy is that we want to treat our listeners like adults.

You know, everybody has everybody has a personal decision to make, but if you're educated, if you educate yourself and you make a decision, we respect that decision because I think we had probably 30 or 40 couples cancel from this weekend. No, 75% of our original group canceled. Right. Which we're super proud of because, and most of them canceled, not because of their fear of getting sick, but because it backed up to the week of Thanksgiving. Right. And they didn't want to have to go home and quarantine. But again, they're holding themselves accountable.

They're saying that we're not going to be able to quarantine. So therefore we're not going to go. Yeah. Very valid decision. Right. So 75% of our guests canceled. And then we had a few people add on. Right. You know, towards the end. So I think we ended up with, I think at the end of the day, I think we had about 30 couples. Right. With us. And of the 30 couples, I mean, I'm not going to get real specific, but there were two or three couples that went home and reported back that they had tested positive. Yeah. And that they were quarantining. Yeah. I've only heard of three couples so far.

But that doesn't mean that there were only three. That just means we know of three. But the vast majority of people reported back that they had been tested and they were negative or they were already antibody-tested positive when they went and could not get it or spread it right so that so of the 30 people that we had a very small portion of the people actually got sick and and those that did canceled their plans for when they got home yeah and actually you know it wasn't sexy but we spent a lot of time talking about that at mexico you know so what you know what's going to?

What are your plans for next week? And they would say, well, if we test negative, we're going to do this. And if we test positive, clearly we're not. Right.

And as far as those who may, back to vacation shaming or travel shaming, that we're putting at risk the employees of the airlines and the businesses and the resorts i'll tell you what everyone that we ran into was super happy that people are coming down there right and spending money this is their livelihood it's their livelihood and they're making a choice you know to you know to go to work and to make a living and the resorts and the airlines and the transportation companies are doing everything that they can to keep everybody safe so we you know feel like you know we're all adults we're educated we understand what's going on we're making an informed decision and we're prepared to respond accordingly you with whatever happens.

Right. And most of the people there that, that attended had the same philosophy. That's why they chose to attend. Right. So anyway, it was a lot of fun. It was.

And, and it was just, it was just so good to be back in a familiar place and have, and know that we're helping, you know know the american economy and the mexican economy you know get back on their feet right you know especially that yucatan peninsula i mean i think somebody told me and don't please don't quote me on this but i think 70 percent of their tax revenue comes from tourism yeah you know so they really can't function without people coming down there and the resort was 75 capacity so it was their largest um percentage of capacity since march yeah so things seem to be you know um at least the week we were there picking back up and now with news of a potential vaccine um coming you know we anticipate that that our november trip next year and our august takeover and the other events that we plan next year hopefully the world will be a different place yeah i hope so so i'm telling you what like being around humans face to face oh my gosh it was just we so mr jones and i got to meet so many people that we have virtually known on Zoom for the past, what, 10 months or whatever.

And I'm like, oh my gosh, you're not a little face in a square on my computer screen anymore. Like, you're this beautiful person that I can give a hug to. Well, one thing that we haven't been able to measure as a society is we had so many people say, I didn't realize how much I needed human connection until now. But when you're staying at home and you're in quarantine or you're working from home, over a period of time, you don't realize how much of an effect it has on you.

But to be able to socialize and to be with and to touch other people, that can really have a negative impact on you over a period of months. Right. And, and you don't honestly sometimes realize how much it has impacted you until you actually get to interact with people again. Right. And it just feels so good. Yes, it does. And I'm not talking about sex. I'm just talking about genuine human connection. Right. And so we're not, you know, we're really happy with the decision that we made. We're at peace with it because of how we made it.

And for those on the, you know, on opinions one side or the other, I mean, everybody's free to have your opinion. You know, but, you, you know, I think if we're, as long as we're being responsible and as long as we're taking precautions and as long as we are making sure that to the best of our ability, we're not, um, affecting or impacting other people, you know, then this is what we choose to do. Yeah. And, you know, I think, uh, a positive outcome of the fact that a lot of people couldn't come, which is, you know, a very negative thing, is that the size of our group was awesome. Yeah.

I think, you know, the, you know, 25 to 30 couples at any given point in time, because people kind of come and go, we don't have like a rigid, you come this day and leave this day.

um it just really lent itself to everybody being able to at some point get to know everybody in the group yeah and then you know mr jones and i have a philosophy that we try to share from day one when we do our very first meet and greet in the lobby is if you know if you've never heard of our podcast and you know you don't know what the heck this group is about and why are these normal people standing in the middle of the lobby with microphones, our goal is to adopt everybody at the resort by the end of the week. And it was just fun to watch that.

And people in general were just so glad to be there and to be able to just relax and be themselves and put the worries of the world. Because between the pandemic and the election, and there's just been so much crap going on in 2020. It was just so nice to just come and just, whew, just focus on yourself for a few days. Definitely. So some of the highlights, we, you know, we've talked about desire so much, we don't need to go through the entire week.

But one of one of a few of the highlights is, as you know we we met um the new with tags podcast and it's really interesting because there's so many new lifestyle podcasts over the past year or two and when people meet us you know there's always this moment of you know they they hear your voice and they see your face and they're reconciling the image that they had so much fun to watch people's you know the wheels turn in their brain like oh this is what they look like i pictured something else so on the one side we met the new with tags podcast and they're new to the podcasting community but also mrs jones you and i when we first got into the lifestyle, the swap food podcast was like my favorite podcast.

I could relate to that podcast more than any other. Yes. And Mrs. Swap who has the best laugh ever. Yeah. So I have always just been total fangirl of theirs. Yeah. And of course we got to meet them like even before we started our podcast, we had the pleasure of meeting them at Naughty New Orleans. Well, we had, so Mr. Swapfu has the greatest radio voice, I think. Totally. He has such a great voice. And so they were the first podcasters that we met that we held in that high esteem, like, oh, my gosh, we're actually getting to meet Mr. and Mrs. Swapfu, and they're so nice.

And they helped answer our questions about starting a podcast.

They were very yeah so anyway they they were at desire the last day that we were there and it was so great and i was so ridiculous like i was that person that i would just sit there we were like in the edge of the pool there's this like little hot tub area and we were talking to them and i'm just listening to them and i'm like oh just don't stop talking i just want to I just want to shut my eyes and just hear your voice just go on and on and on well you know what it takes you back it takes us back to when we were first in the lifestyle and hear their voices and hear her laugh and hear them talk it's so nostalgic and it just brings back that warm fuzzy feeling of these were the people that you know that we didn't know they were voices out there and they connected and they, and they helped make sense of this lifestyle for us.

So I was talking about this one episode. I'm like, you know, I just totally remember this one episode and it was when Mr. Swafu said something about, I fucked up. No, he said fucked up. What he did was we talked about that.

He, he planned an after party at their house and he didn't tell her yeah he so he invited all these people over not only for an after party but an orgy right and he forgot to tell his wife so the whole podcast he was talking about i fucked up i fucked up but it was so real because here's a husband who was you could just feel he was in a doghouse with his wife and then they ended up having a good time of course they did of course they did but this episode just really i don't know if you had just fucked up and it totally just resonated with me more than usual or whatever but it was when i was still teaching and it was the summertime so i always do projects around the house in the summer and i was painting the back of our house like the the cement foundation i was painting that because we had just redone our patio.

And I vividly remember painting the back of the house, listening to that episode. It's funny how that stuff will stick in your mind, like that moment in time. And I'm telling him this. And Mrs. Swapu is like, oh, my God, you remember what you were doing?

And she said, I don't even think i remember that episode i don't know why because he got in trouble i know but oh that was that was just so much fun to catch up with them so it was like it was like the new and the old like a brand new podcast we got to meet a really cool couple yeah new tags and then we got to like do our you know nostalgia by listening to the swap foods this term is a Foods. It was good to see you guys again. Just a couple of other highlights. We did the... Well, we had to really change our schedule. I was trying to be responsible. Yeah, we did. You know, with COVID.

So we normally do this like awesome progressive lunch inside the restaurant. And, you know, like every two minutes, like people move around and meet each other.

and since it was inside we we didn't do that this year so yeah there were quite a few events we we opted out of this year yeah um but we really it still tried to find ways to help people connect well we tried to do we did the speed dating in the pool for couples and we did the blindfold boobies around we did games around the hot tub yeah every night which was a lot of fun so i mean blindfold boobies just kind of came up organically um and it was pretty funny because we were we were just like in this one area of the hot tub and there were what maybe six or eight couples well there was a gentleman that we're friends with and last year he got his wife wrong oh so he was under really really and i think his We'll be right back.

this one area of the hot tub and there were what maybe six or eight couples doing well there was a gentleman that we're friends with and last year he got his wife wrong oh so he was under really really and i think his wife might still be bitter about it yeah so he he was really under the gun because he was going to volunteer to do it again right and after about three women in i decided to stand in front of him instead of another woman and mr jones does not have a smooth chest let's just say that he doesn't have boobs and he has a hairy chest so when he reached out to me and he touched my chest it was a progression i wish i had it on film because it was you know he was very quizzical at first and then all of a sudden he got this confused look on his face and then his whole body started to shudder it was like the worst thing his mom could have put on his plate for him to eat was like in his mouth like it was like what it was like is like when you when you put pickle juice on your finger give it to a baby instead of his face made that look it was priceless oh my gosh we laughed so hard but he did get his wife right this year yes he did he must have been practicing all year yeah poor guy but uh we did we did body you all did you were like the ringleader this year you were body shot and all over the place you know i finally figured out my girlfriend this year so i have a really good friend who she and her husband were there and we've known them for quite a few years now and they're just precious friends so she's an instigator but i figured out this year because she saw me come to the hot tub it was afternoon time and she saw me come to the hot tub and i had my bottle of liqueur 43 and i was taking it over to the bartender because you know it was glass and i wanted to give it to emilio yeah we i gave it to emilio so he would have it for when it time.

So she decides she's going to be the instigator and she's asking Emilio for towels and she gets it all set up. And then she comes and gets me and makes me be the first one, which I don't like to be the center of attention like that. I don't mind hiding in my basement with a microphone, but I don't want to be on the bar at the hot tub in the middle of the afternoon.

So I was a good sport and i got up there and i'll be darned if she didn't run away like she was nowhere to be found after that yeah because she was supposed to be number two up there and everybody would have loved it because she's just luscious yeah well i saw that writing on the wall i called her out immediately i said you're not going up there. And she said, yes, I am. And she couldn't make eye contact with me. So I knew she wasn't telling the truth. No, that was really fun. I got, I got some friends up there.

Um, I got one of my friends up there that was definitely afraid, but I got her up there and she had a good time. Yeah. You, you came up and helped a girl out. I did and and there wasn't they did they still were doing shows every other night to keep the disco but the one night that we had the most fun dancing was on the fetish night when uh and i think you ladies got up there and were really taking over the dance floor that night my same friend yeah was one of the first two girls out on the dance floor and you took my drink away from me and you said go up there and dance with them.

And I was like, okay. So I went up and then all these girls, we probably had what, like 15 girls up there dancing. And the band was amazing. Like they were playing just the right kind of music. Yeah, this was not in the disco. This was out in the lobby. Yeah, so it was like open air and everybody was just having a blast dancing. And then actually you guys came out and, uh, started dancing with us too. We did. But I think for, I think you guys were trying to enjoy the show as long as possible. Yes. Yeah.

And the playmakers were like putting us all in a circle and dragging us one, one of us in there. And then they were like twirling us around.

So we were playing with the playmakers too.makers too so it was really fun only those poor playmakers though they have to do all that with masks on i know oh my heavens i feel so sorry for them yeah it's all hot like that was the wrong night to have a really good band because we all had like our fetish wear on which is all like the latex stuff that doesn't breathe yeah everybody was sweaty i was sweating like a pig by the time that was over and that was even before we went into the disco yeah but oh my gosh that was so fun so anyway we we had a good time and you know we appreciate those of you who decided to come and we're really looking forward and we respect those who decided not to come, and we're looking forward to 2021.

Yes. And being able to get, quote unquote, back to semi-normal. That's right, where we can just go and not worry about our health and worry about the health of our families and consequences of our jobs when we get home. Well, I think we'll have a new appreciation for all things in 2021. That is definitely true. All right. Well, when we come back, we're going to try to explain to you the language of the lifestyle from the math teacher i'll help you out oh thank goodness. We'll be right back. Welcome back to segment two.

so the language of the lifestyle yes we were at desire and a couple of our new friends who we were talking to and we hadn't met before and they were newbies and he made a comment to me about you know i didn't realize when we got into the lifestyle that the lifestyle has its own language and i thought that was interesting well at first i thought you know oh yeah vanilla you know soft swap full swap you know there's so many terms that you have to learn right so i you know it's i, it's, I found, I said, you know, that, that really, that stuck in my mind.

So I went back and I talked to him for a while and, you know, through the conversation that we had, and as you were mentioning, Mrs. Jones, this is not about a glossary or a definition of terms. You can find that anywhere by Googling terms of the lifestyle. You can? Yeah.

All over the place place and they're not all the same um and we're not talking about a language like english or spanish or german and we're not talking about a vernacular or an accent or a particular way to talk we're talking about how we communicate with each other and with ourselves and the more that he and i talked about it, the more I thought, you know, this is a very interesting concept that there is a language that's spoken in, in the lifestyle community. Yeah. Had you thought of that before? Well, we've talked about like body language a lot.

And then we've talked about like the glossary a lot, but no, just like an overarching language. Um, because if you think about learning a different world language other than English, you, there is more to it than just words and conjugating verbs and, and all that jazz. I mean, different cultures do have different body language, right? You know, when they're communicating and when they're excited and when they're distressed and et cetera, et cetera. So, yeah, language is more than just words. Right.

So the more that you and I talked about it, we came up with four basic tenets of what it means to have the language of the lifestyle so the first one is the language of speaking and that's obvious that's verbally connecting with others right and then there's the language of listening um hearing what others mean right and then the one that makes the most sense to me cause this is the one that I pick up on the most is like the language of the body. You know, I'm all about body language, you know, reading people by their stature and you know, how are they facing towards me?

Are they opening up towards, you know, away from me or towards me or whatever? Yeah.

And then lastly, the language of behavior and that's how we respond to and approach others um and and you think of this as a dialect so you know you like you come to america and there's this the english language but there's also a northeastern or new england accent and then there's oh my gosh i know and then there's a southeastern accent yeah and then there's a texas accent you know so well you were just talking with our daughter tonight and and she had gone um somewhere and and you and she was joking about how they pronounce like the name of the town and you know this and that and you were like yeah they they add consonants and leave out vowels or vice versa.

No, I said that they subtract letters, but they add syllables. Yeah, so there's a vernacular depending on the type of part of the country you're in, the region of the country, or the region of the world. So there's different dialects within each language. So we want to try to equate those four basic language tenets to how the lifestyle language is created. And I thought it was very interesting. So the lifestyle language is not simply communicating, but it's based on the desire to connect with others and with yourself. So it's not just about talking and listening.

Your objective is that you're trying to connect and meet other people. Right. And so it's not just about talking and listening. Your objective is that you're trying to connect and meet other people. Right. So the language of the lifestyle is about connecting with other people and not just being polite or just teaching or just managing or yelling at our kids or nagging our husbands or wives. Where you're using all these different ways of communicating to feel out whether or not there's a reason to keep going.

But the thing is, I think what we're going to talk about is that it's unlike any other language that you've experienced in your life because there's a business or a professional language. There's the language of being a parent. There's the language of being a spouse. There's the language of being a teacher or a learner. So there's these different types of ways of communicating, but the lifestyle has a very unique set of language tenets that we want to delve into a little bit. Yeah. Right? I think so. Okay, the first one, the language of speaking.

So speaking to ask, so here's where I think the lifestyle is a little bit unique in that we speak verbally. I think, I think what, what I want to do is I want to ask questions of people and there's a difference between interviewing or interrogating somebody and asking questions of somebody. Interrogating is not sexy.

No, because when you're, when you come across as being interviewing or interrogating somebody, they like okay i don't want you to know my you know we're trying to be discreet right yeah but at the same time i want to try to get to know you so asking questions about you in a curious and inquisitive way is a whole lot different than coming across as interrogating right wouldn't you say yeah that word scares me i mean, it shuts you down right away. Yeah. And shutting somebody down is not a way to get to know them. Right. It's also speaking to share your thoughts instead of your opinions.

Yes, especially this year. Yes. Yeah. There's been a delicate dance. Yeah. I mean, this year, all others because the the pandemic has ended up being somehow extremely polarizing and then we had to throw a presidential election in the mix yeah so yeah so you have to you have to dance your way around that and all social media and all media in general is usually opinionated. And so we've become accustomed to going to environments and social media that share our opinions. And we forget what it's like to share your thoughts. But in the lifestyle, it's about sharing your thoughts.

It's not about expressing your opinion. So that's part of the speaking part of the language that is a little bit nuanced right i mean as far as like opinions go in the lifestyle i mean everybody has an opinion that they find it intriguing or they wouldn't be there right right so we know your opinion on it like so what are your thoughts on it what do you want to get out of it what are are your desires? What are your fantasies? And speaking to be vulnerable instead of to influence others.

Because if you think about it again, we're always trying to influence other people or convince other people or teach other people. We're always trying to get our message across, but rarely are we vulnerable.

Rarely are we speaking and saying, here's what I'm afraid of, or here's where where i failed or here's what scares me about this or here's as a guy here's what i'm concerned about about my wife or about performing you know so being able to speak that language of vulnerability instead of trying to influence other people is unique to the lifestyle you're wanting you're getting me on my Brene Brown bandwagon. Oh yeah. Well, I mean like the whole, you have to be, you know, if you want to be courageous, you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable.

Um, I just think that that's how you really open yourself up to people. Yes. And that's how I think people are going to be drawn to you. They're going to find that vulnerability intriguing and they're going to want to know more. I would agree with you. Yeah. And then lastly, you know, a lot of, especially guys, we speak, you know, we're trying to pick up girls, right? So speaking to flirt with ladies or compliment ladies instead of trying to impress ladies and vice versa. You mean you want to turn me on and not make me roll my eyes? Yeah. I don't want to come across as being an ass.

I'm not, you know, in the regular world, oftentimes we're trying to impress people. We're trying to get ahead. We're trying to promote ourselves. Yeah. But's like i want to flirt with you i want to i want to compliment you i want to really let you know verbally that i think you're attractive and that way of speaking is again a language that we are not accustomed to speaking once we are married and don't have a reason to talk like that anymore. Right. Well, you know, it's funny because you want to get to know people and you want people to get to know you.

And your first thought, I think, maybe when you're new to the lifestyle is I've got to sell myself. I've got to'm going to be like, you know, good in bed and we're going to be fun to hang out with and that we're cool people. So you, you probably, and I, I remember this, it's been a while now, but, um, you feel like you have to justify why people would want to like hang out with you or have sex with you. Your resume.

right but that's really you know you don't need to do that if you're just genuine about you know sharing things about yourself and and getting to know them that will all come naturally right right so that's the language of speaking moving Moving on to the language of listening. And it's interesting that I, you know, that you say listening is a language, but it's really half of communicating. Well, don't you remember your mom saying God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason? Yeah.

So that listening to learn instead of to respond, because a lot of times we listen in, we're not really listening. We're just formulating our response to what you're saying. Right. And waiting for you to stop talking so you can jump in. Yeah. Or sometimes interrupting you. So the language and the lifestyle of listening is I want to learn about you. I want to listen. I want to understand you. And so it really, um, to be able to not think about what I'm going to say back to you, but just, you know, getting to know you is the objective here.

And then listening to know someone instead of to know about someone like, and there's a subtle nuance here. Like, I don't necessarily want to know as much about what you do. I want to know why you do it or yes or who you are yeah what motivates you that kind of listening is in vanilla world or non-lifestyle world we tend to talk at the surface like what have you what do you do how long have you done that blah the weather the kids the the cars the house but we rarely want to listen about you know i want to know Thank you.

blah, the weather, the kids, the, the cars, the house, but we rarely want to listen about, you know, I want to know what makes you tick. Yeah. And that's what a part of listening in the lifestyle is about. And I can learn that.

I can learn that without finding out who you work for and what your address is and you know, all that stuff's irrelevant, know what you know okay maybe in general what you do for a living and why did you want to do that what is it about that yeah that that just works for you and makes you thrive right that's what i find fascinating about people right and then lastly for the listening part it's listening to remember instead of simply to hearing. And I have to admit, I'm terrible at this. Like, even when it comes to names, I try so hard. I want to remember something about you.

I want to remember where you're from. I want to remember what you do. I want to remember how many kids you have. I want to remember what you're interested in.

He wants to remember the girl's first names because he gets in trouble if he has sex with somebody and can't remember their name yeah but it really shows somebody that you're paying attention if you and he doesn't do that at least not often no well i try not to what i'm saying is that my mind doesn't work that way i really have to try hard and thank goodness you fill my gaps when it comes to that because you know anytime you remember something about somebody that means you were really have to try hard. And thank goodness you fill my gaps when it comes to that.

Because, you know, anytime you remember something about somebody, that means you were really listening to me. Oh my gosh. Like when somebody out of the blue in the lifestyle says, hey, you know, you guys, I know you guys are moving. Good luck. I'm like, hey, they were really listening. Yeah. You know, or, you know, I know it's your birthday this month. Yeah. And I know that you're almost this many years old. They could forget that part. Like, wow, they were really listening. So it always makes you feel good as a person when somebody remembers something that you said.

So, you know, that's the second, the second dimension is the language of listening. Definitely. Now this one is yours. Well, yeah, the language of the I, I'm really into that. That's, you know, cause I'm kind of shy. So I, I think I like to use my body language to let somebody know that I'm interested in them because I'm not very brave and I can't say, boy, we'd really like to spend some time with you, you know, later. I, you know, I eventually get around to saying that, but it's just so much easier for me to use my body language and like proximity and, and all that to connect with somebody.

All right. Well, let me put you on the spot.

You said that we, we were talking about a particular couple that we really connected with and made friends with um at desire a couple weeks ago and you said he made eye contact with me across the pool oh my gosh yes okay so here's the thing i thought this couple was out of our league and that is my lack of self-esteem just automatically assuming from day one that you know they we had met them before um and i really really liked them and one you did too um but i just figured it probably wouldn't happen because it just you know i don't know i don't want to talk about all the reasons that't happen.

I just didn't have the confidence to think that something would happen. So we spent a lot of time with him and hung out with him, but I never really used like my body language. You never let yourself go there. No, I didn't.

But then I would catch his eye like literally across a hot tub or across a pool, and he didn take himself very seriously at all and he was absolutely gorgeous um and just a really super interesting person but but he was just he was so much fun and he'd catch my eye across the pool and you know like make a face or or whatever and i'd be like dang you know he's really paying attention And then, you know, like when the week was like two thirds of the way over his, his wife said, you know, I, we really like to spend some quality time with you.

And I was like, well, damn, you know, I wish I would have had the nerve to be a little bit more forward with my body language earlier in the week. Well, so the eye, what I at is the eye contact that he was making with you. As a woman, what is the difference between eye contact and staring at somebody? Because he was making eye contact with me to make me smile or make me laugh. He wasn't trying to seduce me with his eyes. He was just letting me know that he knew I was there. Okay.

know i like that he was just having fun say that again he wanted you to know that he he knew that i was there right so that's not like staring is creepy but eye contact is sexy yeah but that's the difference is that you don't have to stare at somebody you can make icon you can look at them long enough just to make eye contact and make that smile. And then you can avert your gaze or go on with whatever you're doing. But in that moment, in that two or three seconds, you've made that connection. You've made my heart flutter. But again, that's a part of the body language that we're talking about.

That's the language of, because us guys, again, we're not taught, you know, don't stare or don't look at a woman or she's, you know, she's going to file a claim against you, you know? So to, to be able to know that the difference between that two is really an interesting, um, skill. Yeah. Um, and you mentioned this before, like standing face to face, like squaring up your shoulders and actually looking at somebody face to face as opposed to standing off at an angle and looking around and not really making good eye contact with them.

But when you're squared off and you're looking at them face to face, you're really giving your whole self to them. Right. I use this a lot and I probably shouldn't be saying this because i'm like totally like giving all my secrets away about myself but i am um at the time i don't know that i'm doing it but in reflection i use that a lot to guard myself like if i'm not completely comfortable with situation, I cannot make eye contact with somebody. Um, eye contact is really, uh, critical for me, I guess. I don't know.

Like if I like you, I'm totally going to make eye contact with you because I feel connected and I feel, um, confident that things are going to go in the right direction, I feel safe. Um, and if I don't make eye contact with you, it doesn't mean that I don't feel safe. It just means I'm not real sure about where I stand. But if you're going to make eye contact, you're going to, again, square up shoulders and be face to face with somebody, not glancing. Yes.

And also with like leaning in and slightly touching, like, so when you're square, your shoulders are square and you're face to face and you're leaning into somebody and you're Thank you.

not glancing yes and also with like leaning in and slightly touching like so when you're square your shoulders are square and you're face to face and you're leaning into somebody and you're touching them on the forearm or you're touching them on the wrist or he's touching me right now or you touch the back of their hand or you touch the smile on their back you know that that's a very intimate um body position right with the other people and so the body language then becomes the primary wouldn't you say it's the primary language that's being spoken it is for me yeah it is for me um i know culturally that can have a huge variance um but for me personally it's all about body language body language to me is more important than words almost.

Right. I mean, at some point words have to come into play so that you make sure you have the, like you're on the same page and you have to understand. Right. Yes. Yeah. But for me, body language says it all. Well, for me, it's laughing and smiling. Yeah. Because that's what I'm trying to do. I'm, I'm trying to get, what is it giggle your panties off. Oh, yeah, you know, I'm trying to disarm you with my sense of humor. I'm trying to see if you think so my friend that would smile at me across the pool. He was really funny. See, it all comes back around. Yeah. All right. Sorry, I interrupted you.

No, that's okay. I mean, smiling and laughing. Again, that's that acknowledgement that I'm I'm listening to you and I think that you're funny and I'm not just dismissing you with a courteous ha ha ha. Right. But, but I'm actually smiling at you and the eyes and the mouth give that away. Um, you know, you're really listening to me and there's really a connection there through smiling and laughing and then, um, responding to touch.

Like, you know, if I reach across and I say, hey, can i go get you a drink and i touch you on the shoulder and then when when i come back with the drink you touch me back and you say you know thank you very much i appreciate that yeah you know there's the initial touch but then there's the responding to the touch right like if you're doing all the touching and nobody's touching you back. Right. There's the thing about language is there's giving and receiving, especially with body language too. And if you're not receiving it back, you need to interpret that. Right. Right.

You know, as to, okay, well, maybe they're not as interested in me as I am in them. So can we have a little bit of a therapy session for a minute? Uh-oh. Do I need to turn off the recorder? No. So we, you and I had one night where we had a disconnect. Do you remember this? Yes. Um, and it had to do with body language and it was my body language. I was screaming at you through my body language and I felt like you were ignoring me. And that was, that was crushing to me. And, and the longer it went on, the more withdrawn I became.

And it was my problem because as everybody knows, and I've said this before, I don't use my words when I need to. And at some point I should have just, because I knew you were not understanding my body language and me being the stubborn wife of 36 years was like, damn it. He should know that I'm not happy right now and that I am not okay. And he should be throwing a timeout flag and dragging me out of the hot tub and saying, honey, what's wrong? I love you. You're the most important person in the world to me. You're the only person I can see. What's wrong with you?

And you were like, hell, let's just have some fun. I got this pretty lady paying attention to me and my wife will be fine.

No, this is how clueless I was because I went up to get another drink and i said to you do you want to i said what do you want to drink and you didn't say anything and i said do you want another drink and you turned around and you said i told you i don't want another drink and then you asked me to order you a drink i know i said i said okay well i guess she doesn't want a drink and you said and you said can you order me another vodka soda lime and I wanted to say fuck you but I didn't because I'm a good wife and I ordered you another drink yeah so obviously we had a little bit of a disconnect and I am not blaming the other people at all I take full responsibility oh no this was just you and me my hormones were at a different place and they were blocking my ability to think sensible, sensibly.

Yes. Yes. And the, I mean, the good thing about it. So this was a couple that we had just met, you know, if it would have happened with friends that we had known for a while, it would have been a lot easier, but we were trying to to like navigate this this new relationship through all of these modes of language right but you and i were not speaking the same that's right right so it turned out to be a disaster however the saving grace of the whole thing is that the other husband was watching me and he could tell i wasn't comfortable thank Thank goodness. Somebody was watching.

I know somebody had blood in their brain. So he actually came up to me and said, are you okay? And I tried to say yes. And he said, I can tell that you're upset. And he thought, I mean, he was trying to assume responsibility. And I said, no, this is just between me and Mr. Jones.

And said he I said he and I are are not communicating well right now obviously right and he said well if there's anything that I need to talk to my wife about because we've done something wrong you know please let us know because you know we're really we really like you guys and blah and I said oh my gosh you're so sweet to say that I sweet to say that. I said, you guys don't need to do anything. He and I just need to have a talk. Um, and I just appreciated him saying that so much. And then you and I talked and I was mad at you for like maybe two or three hours.

And then we saw them the next day and hung out with them again. And I think it actually took till the day after that. Then we got back to the language of words. And I said, I don't want there to be an elephant in the room. Right. And this is how I was feeling. And this is why I was feeling this way. And please know it had nothing to do with you. This just had to do with our marriage and, and our, right. You know, we got off kilter. Well, the interesting thing about that is we're talking about language, but now we're talking about language between four people and not two people. Yes. Yeah.

So, so that's even a greater complication. Yes. Because typically I'm going to take you for granted, right? Well, we know we can. Right. Like I can, I, I can lean on our relationship. Right. Our relationship is pretty strong. Right. You can put a lot of weight on it and it's going to be fine. Right. But we shouldn't do that. Right. I mean, just because we can doesn't mean we shouldn't. I mean, we should. Well, the good thing about it was we cared about them enough to talk about it with them. Yeah.

Two days later, but we talked about it with them just to make sure that they understood that, first of all, if we really didn't care about them as much as we did, we probably would have just blown it all off as a learning experience for both of us and gone on with our lives. Right. but we want to grow that relationship you know so that we took the time to share with them as awkward as it might have been at first to say guess what these people that you listen on or these people that one of you listened to on the podcast and the other one doesn't, they make mistakes too. They're not perfect.

No, but I think it's all better. And I think we're going to be able to see them again. Yeah, I think so too. And we're going to speak a better language next time. Okay, I hear you, honey. I was making eye contact with you when you said that. The language of listening. You got it, babe. Can we move on? Yes. All right. Are you starting to sweat? I am. Okay, the last one is, and this is probably the most difficult to understand, is the language of behavior.

And there's different dialects in um and styles of the lifestyle so some like for example this is where we're getting to like into the regions of the country where people have different accents because you come like if you're coming into the u.s for the first time and you go to new york or boston you may think everybody has the same accent as they here in boston yeah lord i hope not lord and then you go to alabama yeah or yeah so i can say that because we have family there yeah so your impression is that's how the whole country is right so when you come into the lifestyle and you hear a dialect like like our podcast we're social sexy and so you think okay everybody's like the joneses or everybody's social sexy until you get into it and you realize, holy crap, what just happened here?

That came out of the blue. They're speaking a different dialect. And then some, because some people want sex with strangers and not with friends. Some people just want to get to know you. That's their jam. They want to go to a club and they want to find a sexy couple and go have random sex with them and leave and not even know their names. Right. Because that's their fantasy. And that's perfectly fine. Yeah. Yeah. So that's a different dialect. Some are out for just putting notches on their belts. Like how many people can we have sex with? Yeah. And I'm not making this stuff up. No.

This is what you're going to to find yeah a different dialect but when you walk into a room and you're looking at bodies you don't you can't tell the different dialects from what's going on um some are out for sexy fun for two so there'll be some people there who are claim they're not in the lifestyle and they just want to get turned on by watching people and then they go back to the room and have sex with each other. Or they're exhibitionists and they have sex in the playroom and let everybody watch them, but nobody can touch. So that's their dialect. Yes. There's the dialect of the newbie.

The newbie's coming in, eyes wide, deer in headlights, like, oh my gosh. and there's a different language that there's different dialect they're the one they're the ones in uh lifestyle language 101 you know they don't they can't speak the language and they're trying to like soak it all up and right um you know like what is that babble is the new language learner you know, there's all these different ways of languages now. They need a Babel for swingers. And some are very experienced. And they speak like they're experienced. And they have the language of the experience.

And sometimes if you're a newbie, you can fall into the trap of thinking, oh, they're experienced. Therefore, they have all the answers.

And we just need to comply with what they want to do or the experienced people forget that not everybody can speak the language right right you know just like some americans think everybody should be able to speak english and they don't understand the need for multilingual right so i think what we're saying here is you you know you come into the lifestyle and you have an understanding of how to communicate you you know how to communicate with your spouse you know how to communicate with your children with your employees and your co-workers and your teachers and your neighbors but coming into an environment like this there is definitely a language of the lifestyle yeah and it takes a while you're not going to pick up on this dialect right away it takes some experience right so so what well i mean i guess it just you just have to be patient and you have to learn to read the room and use your words and your body language and your ears to figure out where you fit in the room and where you want to be in the room as far as the other people that you're trying to interact with.

And if you find a couple that you're interested in use all of these modes of communicating right to to figure them out and figure out if they're a good fit for you yeah and and along those lines i think there's the thing that comes to mind is the red flag like even though this is all new even though they're speaking a different dialect even though this is all overwhelming or sometimes confusing, if it doesn't feel right, trust your gut. Yeah. You know, look, maybe I need to understand this a little more before I respond to a certain couple. Right.

And to be able to trust yourself to do that takes a lot of courage and a lot of maturity, really. I mean, I'm just thinking about the pool the pool at desire you know you you have these little clusters of people over here next to the stairs you have the cluster of people you know by the pool bar you have the cluster of people over here by the little hot tub area and you you kind of migrate around and you and you talk to people and sometimes you'll spend like two hours with one group of people because you're really connecting and communicating.

And then sometimes you'll talk to people and there just isn't a lot of connection. So you use that lack of language, I guess, to kind of like excuse yourself to go to the bathroom or grab some lunch or go get another drink or whatever. But you won't know if you can communicate with people until you try. If you can imagine coming into a country where you speak the same language, but you're saying something completely different, because your assumption is, oh, I understand the words that are coming out of their mouths, but you really don't. You don't understand the context behind them. Yeah.

You don't understand the motivations behind them. You don't understand if they're trustworthy. You don't understand if they're trying to influence you. You don't understand all of that. So listening and learning and watching the room and understanding the environment is critical for that first step to kind of interpreting the dialect or the language. Yep. Thank you. the room and understanding the environment is critical for that first step to, to kind of interpreting the dialect or the language. Um, and also it can be frustrating because it may seem like everyone else knows the language.

Like, like when you, the first time you and I went to a meet and greet and we were standing in the corner and you were getting mad at me and you're looking around at all these people and you're watching them socialize and there's a buzz in the room. And it's like, they're all having fun. They're all talking to each other. How come we don't understand that? Or how come, you know, I just want to jump in and engage. And your assumption is that everyone else in there gets it except for you. Right. But that's not the case. Right. Because there's different dialects being spoken all around.

And, right. And it can appear that you're speaking the same dialect as somebody else because you do the same behaviors as somebody else that you're observing, but it's not received well. You know, like there was a point in time where, um, there, you know, people would interact with me throughout the week and sometimes I would receive it really well. And then sometimes I would be like, Ooh, this is kind of coming out of left field. Like I didn't expect somebody to try to, to touch me this way or, you know, kiss me this way.

And it wasn't, it wasn't, um, um i don't know i didn't invite them to do it but sometimes i like things done to me that i don't invite people to do you know but it was just they weren't reading me well i guess right you know there was no eye contact before they like went in for the kill for whatever it was you know and and i i need i don't know i need that um i don't i guess i don't take surprise as well with my body not that i need consent but i just need acknowledgement well when somebody comes at you or at your body it may be an indication that they either don't know the language you speak or they're not confident enough to approach you directly.

Yeah. And so they believe that if I just lean around and kiss her neck or I rub her butt or whatever, that she's going to respond to that. And it's a shortcut. They think it's a shortcut to getting what they want, but what they don't understand is because there was no progression towards that, it's out of context. Right. And it's a shortcut. They think it's a shortcut to getting what they want. But what they don't understand is because there was no progression towards that. Right. It's out of context. Right. And it's actually a setback. Exactly. For me. For me personally. Right.

It's a setback. Right. Because then I have to kind of regroup and kind of start fresh. And, you know, this is all kind of taking me back to the whole five love languages thing. I swear we could totally like copycat off of that. So there's four lifestyle languages, but five love languages. I know, I know. But we should write a book. Because we have so much free time right now. No, but it really, I mean, actually, that's a really good parallel. You know, like the different love languages. Well, there's different, I guess, lifestyle languages.

As in me, you, you've, you've got to make eye contact with me. You've got to read me at some point in time. Um, I don't necessarily need words. I just need that connection, um, through body language or eye contact. And if there's not a connection, here's where it comes down to.

Well, at the very beginning we said communicating with others and communicating with yourself if if if you're attracted to somebody else and they're just not attracted to you you have to be able to accept that for yourself you have to be able to say it doesn't mean i don't like you as a person okay i'm receiving your signal yeah you're there's no attraction here it's gonna sting for a moment but I have to accept that I you know I have to confront that I have to understand that there are going to be people that I'm attracted to that are not going to be attracted to me and as much as that disappoints me then I need to accept that and then move on right and not take it personally right and like with me i'm really slow so just because i'm not accepting of your gesture now doesn't mean i'm not going to be accepting in the future if we have the opportunity to progress as i need to be you know engaged with right um so i don't know it's so complicated Thank you.

requests as i need to be you know engaged with right um so i don't know it's so complicated and i and i probably make it more complicated than it needs no no i think what you're saying is like an example somebody who comes up and tries to kiss your neck or to grab your butt without the prerequisite eye contact and flirting and conversation and permission that doesn't mean i don't want it well maybe just not right then right so what you what i need to understand is i need to back up and start over yeah i you know i can't just say oh well they didn't like me well you didn't give us a chance because you skipped ahead yeah you caught me off guard yeah right And the thing about me is it takes a lot to offend me.

Um, my skin's pretty thick. I'm not really a very delicate flower. Um, I don't want to be sexually assaulted of course, you know, and, and I, I say that in jest and there's nothing funny about that.

Um, but at the same time I, I can kind of take a lot and, and just kind of brush it off about that um but at the same time i i can kind of take a lot and and just kind of brush it off but but at the same time you're not going to get very far that way well the other thing that i think people need to understand is you're like you're mrs jones you're the host right so you're going to be polite to everybody no matter what and so that that politeness may be misunderstood as as an attraction or an invitation or an invitation. Right.

So we have that extra added difficulty of, we want to make sure everybody's welcome. We want to make sure we're open to everybody. We want to make sure we take time to talk to everybody, but that doesn't mean we want to have sex with everybody and there's going to be a connection with everybody. Yeah, but I'm getting pretty good at, you know, like, okay, so Desire was in, well, we were there for eight nights, but it was a one-week event. You know, after the first few nights and I get to know everybody, I'm getting much better at just in my mind being myself.

You know, I can kind of like put the whole podcast thing away as we're in the hot tub or the pool hanging out with people right and um and again my my skin is pretty thick but it but it also it does take a lot to turn me on i just don't want to have sex with anybody yeah and there were a lot of amazing people there yeah you know and and seven days and you know 30 amazing couples you know you you just do the math yeah you got to do your math and pick your battles I don't know. You know, in seven days and, you know, 30 amazing couples, you know, you just kind of have to.

Yeah, you got to do your math and pick your battles in a really good way. Well, as we move forward to close, I mean, one advantage that you can have is defining your own authentic style can help you create your own dialect.

So if the two of you have talked about what you want and what your approach is and how you want to approach it you've already gone a long way to creating your own dialect yeah and so and so if you know what you you all want then it's easier to recognize in another couple because they're speaking the same dialect that you're speaking right but if you go in and you don't talk about that ahead of time then you're just going to say well that couple's physically attractive they're saying this how that's how this works we're just going to go with the flow right but you haven't talked to each other about how you want to progress so create your own dialect and when you do that other similar dialects will jump out at you and the ones that are dissimilar will also be obvious to you.

Right. And the last thing is that immersion is always the fastest way to learn. Isn't that what they say? Like Rosetta Stone and all those things, right? If you want to learn Spanish, go to Spain and stay there for a week or go to Mexico and live there. I mean, if you want to learn the lifestyle language, you have to immerse yourself in the lifestyle. And you know, it's torture to say that in the year 2020. I know, that's true, noted, considered. Yes. But there's still ways to do that.

But yeah, that's the best way to learn is if you keep yourself at a distance, you're always going to make assumptions and that's not going to work out the best for you. Yeah. And I think the, the longer you keep yourself at a distance, you, you make assumptions, they become more and more exaggerated in the negative way. Yeah. Yeah.

And then again, you make the mistake of thinking that that dialect is the dialect of the lifestyle but in fact it's not that's that that's a dialect of a certain tribe or a region within the lifestyle and you just haven't found your group yet yeah but you'll understand it when you hear the language and it resonates with you well i think last week at desire most of us were pretty language. Well, I think, I mean, I'm glad you brought that up because most people that listen to us and a lot of people say, you guys sound just like us. Your relationship sounds like us.

Your approach to life sounds like us. Then we're going to be speaking the same dialect.

So if you're going to travel with our group, there's a probability that that you're going to find a lot of people that speak the same dialect that you do and you don't have to weed through those who have a different language of the lifestyle yeah well I'll tell you what I had my I had my moment again this year I have it every year when you and I like go back to our room in the afternoon to like take all of our junk back to the room and then we come down to the hot tub and as soon as we like round the corner of our building and go down the steps to in the hot tubs on the right every year I get misty like I'm gonna get misty right now like it's just a beautiful thing to see all these incredible people especially this year we were were all so desperate for connection.

And just the joy and the laughter. I mean, there's just so much laughter at Desire. People are just having fun and letting their hair down and putting all the cares of the world to the side for a few days. And just coming around that corner and looking at all those beautiful people in the hot tub. And yes, they're beautiful. I'm allowed to say that they are beautiful people inside and out. And, um, yeah, they're there. I'm preaching again. Sorry. No, I mean, beautiful. And they were all speaking the, just the language of this is who we are. And here we are together.

And, and I'm with the love of my life and we're just sharing this sexy fantasy together even if it's just for a few days. Yeah. Beautiful. I think so. I love them all. We should just stop now. I know. You summed it up nicely. Oh, I know. I love them.

Okay, well that's how we would describe the language of the lifestyle and I hope we did that service to those of you who had this idea of talking about this and when we come back we're going to shift gears a little bit and we're going to talk about some sexy snapshots that we share to desire absolutely welcome back to snapshots do you have a snapshot i have a snapshot so my snapshot is me putting my foot in my mouth but it was hilarious and it ended well oh it did i have to agree yeah sometimes i'm not the best wife was this the last night we were there um yeah yeah it was the last night it's tradition now it is so i got it was tradition for me to get mr jones up on the center circle of the jacuzzi hot tub to uh get his triple blowjob so i recruited two sexy friends no objections there right no i know no yeah so got two sexy friends.

No objections there, right? No. I know. No. Yeah. So I got two sexy friends and I, excuse, I asked their husbands if I could borrow them for a minute and they said, sure thing. So I was trying to get you up in the middle of the hot tub. And just like last year, you kind of panic a little bit. I did. I did. You don't always like my timing. Well, there's 70 or 80 people milling around the hot tub, and you're going to put me up on a pedestal in the middle with my private parts sticking out for the world to see. So any guy might be a little bit shy, so to speak, when it comes to doing that. So Mr.

Jones always gets like, Mr.

Jones has beautiful beautiful blue eyes and they get like really big and really wide and he's like don't make me get up there until i'm presentable yeah yeah i have a reputation so my two girlfriends that i recruited to help me out here they were working on it working under the water under the water in the hot tub so i think you were feeling a little bit of pressure so they they'd only been going at it for like a few seconds i don't even think in a minute don't try to sugarcoat this just go ahead and say it i don't know i didn't have a stopwatch i don't know how long it was but they were working on you and i was just kind of like you know let them do their thing because like you can have me whenever you want me.

And finally, one of the husbands said, is it working? Like, talking to the two wives. And you reached around. And I reached in. To touch me. I reached down there. And the ladies deferred to me since I'm the wife. And I grabbed you and I looked over at him and I was like, not yet. No, you didn't just say it. You yelled it. In my mind, this is what you said. He's not hard yet. He needs to stay under the water a little bit longer. I'm like, well, thanks, honey. That just makes it worse. Wife of the year right here. Yeah, oh my gosh. Well, you made up for it.

No, then the other two ladies backed away. And what happened? You came over. 45 seconds. I can always do it in 45 seconds. Yeah. And everything was fine. Plopped you right up in the middle of the hot tub. You had your fun. Yeah. Well, maybe next time you could start. And then they could take over. Because when you start, I know it's okay, number one, and then I'm used to you. So I know that it's going to work, but cause the first, when they were with me, I'm like, does she really want me to do this? And oh my gosh, I got to get in front of all these people.

So I'm distracted by the thought of, is this something you want to do? Is this your idea? And why are you doing this to me? But if you're doing it to me, if you're fluffing me, then I know it's genuine. And then so next year, you need to fluff me and then let the other ladies take over. Okay. But I figure you can have me anytime. Yeah, I know. But that's not the point. Because you're the first thing I think of is like, where are you? And Mrs. Jones, okay with this? And who put you up to this? You knew I recruited them. I don't know if I did. I don't know. Okay. You know what?

We'll see you next time. I was like, where are you? And Mrs. Jones, okay with this? And who put you up to this? You knew I recruited them. I don't know if I did. I don't know. Okay. You know what we need? We have got to get our hands on some more of that alcoholic whipped cream. Yeah. Because that's what we did the very first year, seven years ago when we were there. Yeah. And it was like, it would disguise. It was a key lime pie flavored. Yeah, there was key lime pie and chocolate. Alcohol infused whipped cream. That was good stuff. Yeah, they don't sell it in Virginia.

We got to find it somewhere. But it doesn't matter. I still want to be presentable when you lift me up out of the water. I have a reputation. Because people are on the side going, oh, geez, is that, is that him? Is that all there is? Oh, geez. Nobody's got a ruler. You didn't have to have a ruler because it's like bent over. Oh, my gosh. So that's your snapshot. Yeah. Sorry. I love you. Okay. Mine's better. Okay. So we did a wine dinner, wine tasting slash dinner. And this is a new offering. And we've talked about having a dinner in the wine cellar with Miguel at Desire before.

Yeah, we did it last year. Right. So, of course, when we walk in, he's approaching me and he says, Mr. Jones, I got something new for you. Here's the situation. You can bring five couples from 6 to 9 p.m. And we take you, the disco is all yours from 6 to 9 p.m. And the first thing that we do is we take you into the playroom and we do a tasting, a wine tasting and tequila tasting. Yeah, you have to define that. In the playroom, there's lots of things you can taste. That's right. It was wine. While he's there, it's wine and tequila. I'll see you can taste. That's right. It was wine.

While he's there, it's wine and tequila. And then he says, and then I leave. And we were all dressed appropriately at that point. Well, no, I'm telling you how he's trying to sell it to me. He's saying, the 10 people go into the playroom.

I come in and do a wine tasting and tequila tasting i disappear for an hour and a half and then we have a table for 10 set up on the dance floor and then we come back in and serve you dinner and whatever you do in that hour to an hour and a half that i'm gone is up to you all so we got four other couples and we did that we went in we went to the playroom we tasted the wine and tequila and then it was just wine then we did tequila wine then and then he left and then we had a lot of fun it was fun because we knew all the couples like we yeah well it was fun we were all good friends and we had known each other for a while except for had friends in there who were, I was trying to get her to enjoy a white wine.

She's not a drinker. I know, but they served a Sable Blanc. Right. So I went, Miguel, bring an Oki Chardonnay with dinner because we want them to be able to taste an Oki Chardonnay. Right, and you specified with dinner. Well, I don't think I said, but I think, anyway, I was assuming that when I said, hey, bring us an oaky chardonnay because the Sauvignon Blanc didn't go over well. So here we were in the middle of whatever we were doing while he was gone. Oh, we were having sex. And then here's Miguel. He shoves two wine glasses.

No, miguel didn't do it he sent a server in it wasn't miguel he knew better yeah did somebody order oaky chardonnay we're like get the hell out of here that's not my snapshot so anyway we we got through the quote-unquote tasting uh and we all oh it was a tasty taste and we enjoyed each other then we came back out and we had dinner on the dance floor and it was a wonderful evening it was friends that we had known for a while well then at the end well we had just had sex it was so much fun and then we got all dressed back up like so you're presentable yeah like yeah so like we were had our dinner attire everyone was dressed up and they had sex hair the ladies had sex hair yeah or i've just been fucked here yes so we so we're on we're having dinner and then they they have this um clawfoot pedestal bathtub in the playroom well then the last 15 minutes in the disco in the disco right next to the dance floor and so they bring in like six bottles of champagne and they pop the corks on them.

And then the ladies can get into the tub and then we do a champagne shower. Yeah, and what's the song? The song is, Champagne Showers is the name of the song. It's AFOL. Oh, L-M-F-A-O. Oh, L-M-F-A-O. AFOL is Catherine. L-M-F-A-O. A-F-O-L is Catherine. L-M-F-A-O. So they say the ladies can get in the bathtub naked and you guys can champagne shower. And I thought that was stupid. I thought, oh my gosh, how contrived is this? So the first two ladies got in the tub. Which wasn't me. It was two friends. And then their husbands started taking video.

And they said, okay, Mr mr jones you grab the champagne and shake it up and spray them well i shook the champagne up and started spraying them and they started going crazy and so i kept grabbing bottle after bottle after bottle and i'm going through all six bottles on the two ladies that were in there because i never imagined you you would get in there. Well, then they were all done. They were sticky. They were laughing. They got out. They tried to get dried off. And then the other three ladies, including you, got in the tub and we were out of champagne.

And I said, Miguel, we need more champagne. So he brings in more champagne and pops the top. And the three of us are in there. So here's the difference, though. The first champagne that they brought in, the first group of ladies, was room temperature. I didn't know this before I got in the tub. That's important. When I asked for more champagne, he brought me chilled champagne. So fortunately, somebody, I was taking pictures at the time because somebody else was shaking it. And I wish I could post this picture of the three of you ladies, especially you.

There was nothing sexy about these pictures. No, I thought it was really sexy. But there's like 45 degree champagne hitting all these naked bodies at the same time. And you all are literally like jumping out of the tub. I was squealing like a baby. Naked. Oh my gosh. Naked squealing. Three slippery wet ladies squealing because that champagne was freezing cold. So the thing that I thought was the, you know, eye rolled about champagne shower. I thought, oh, this is going to be, she's not going to like this. She's going to think, oh, I'm all sticky. And Mrs.

Jones is not going to like this this and it turned into like the snapshot of the week like the whole left side of my hair was just like oh well the next morning you got up no that was after the body shots oh but like the whole night i'm like if you want to like get drunk you can just like suck on my hair because my hair was just covered in champagne was so much fun yeah i mean especially to do it with the four couples we did it with like yeah i'll just very we know each other very good friends yeah it was a lot of fun everybody was very comfortable and clearly everybody was very comfortable so that wraps up our desire pearl trip for 2020 and our episode on the language of the lifestyle.

Yeah. And remember, we're not going to be back in December. We'll see you in mid-January. We hope you all enjoy. Broadcasting from our new studio. Oh, yeah. We're going to be in a new studio next year. Yeah, next year. Yeah, it'll be next year. Okay, so we appreciate you listening and those of you who would like to be a part of our We Gotta Think community, just go to our website, wegotathing.com. Join us there. Keep the emails coming. We really appreciate the emails and learning more about you and the stories and the experience that you're sharing.

You can email me at MrJones, M-R-J-O-N-E-S at wegotathing.com, W-E-G-O-T-T-A-T-H-I-N-G.com. Or you can email me at mrsjones at wegotathing.com. And our website is wegotathing.com. You can follow us on Twitter at WeGotAThing. And we also have a presence on Pinterest. And you can connect with us on DDN or Cassidy. And we have promo codes or links on our website to get some free trials for those two. We do. For DDN, for Cassidy, and for SDC. And for SDC. Yes. So, thanks for listening we are Mr. and Mrs. Jones and we got a thing what's your thing We'll see you next time.