Episode 79: Can We Afford the Lifestyle?

Transcript

This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us? Hello, everyone. I'm Mr. Jones. And I'm Mrs. Jones.

hello everyone i'm mr jones and i'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 79 of the we got a thing podcast can we afford the lifestyle budgeting 101 oh is this going to be a budgeting class lord well it's kind of questionable for and I. You and I have gone to great lengths to get rid of our extra family members in our house. Oh, you know what? We're going to cheers. Wait, cheers. Wait, we have to clink. No, you have to clink near your... Yes. Did you hear that? I hope they all could hear that.

I want to let everyone know that this is, by the time you are listening to this podcast we are empty nesters again yes it is eviction day eve it's not eviction day we were emancipation day yeah our daughter's emancipating herself it not at the age of 16 at the age of 30 something. Yeah, they've been with us since March. Well, for six months at least. It's been six months exactly. Yes, and we are moving them out tomorrow. And we are sitting here and I have been hanging blinds and ceiling fans for the last two days. I've been stocking a kitchen. Mr.

Jones is excited because I decluttered my kitchen by packing up all my duplicates and taking them to the new house. I could actually get in the Tupperware drawer. And we only have like three of everything instead of, or two of everything now instead of three. I know. It's great. Yeah. Way to declutter.

And not only that that but i didn't even take a shower today this is probably the unsexiest like you have a t-shirt on i have a t-shirt my hair's in a ponytail i have sawdust in my i took a shower and i do have makeup on i did not even take a shower today oh that's lovely yeah we were we just got home from having dinner and i'm like honey come here and like i pulled sawdust off Mr.

Jones has beautiful eyelashes he's really long eyelashes so I'm like here honey and I'm pulling sawdust off your eyelashes and I'm like this is not cool like you have sight and you said yeah well I had sawdust in my eyes I was drilling pilot holes for the stupid blinds when did you have time to shower I showered before I went down to the townhouse. Oh. So, yeah. I was home by myself. You were. And I took full advantage of it. What is that supposed to mean? Well, I haven't been alone in my own house for six months. Like, for real.

Like, I have not been alone in this house yeah for six months well and i wasn't alone in the shower today it was me and like five sex toys five yeah yeah oh no four sex toys and a bottle of lube and so how many orgasms did that equate to there was just one really loud one because nobody was home except our dog and our dog is deaf so she doesn't give a diddly squat so excuse me folks while i delve a little deeper into this because this doesn't happen at all I don't know So she doesn't give a diddly squat.

So excuse me, folks, while I delve a little deeper into this, because this doesn't happen at all. So like, there's a bench in our shower. So do you sit on the bench? Or do you stand up? Do you want the gory details? Yeah, I do. Everybody does. Okay, so there was a dildo involved that stuck to the bench. That's like one of my fantasies. You missed it. You were putting up lines and getting sawdust in your eyes. Okay, well, we'll go back to the dildo on the bench. Well, what more do I need to say? You need to explain yourself. What happened?

Well, I want, like Seinfeld said, I want details and I want them now. Or that was George. Don't tell me you're not in the mood. Give me the details. You get in the mood. Well, I think you can use your imagination to figure out what I did with it. No. Okay, you had to do, I understand that, but what else were you doing? You had three or four other things in there. I combined that with some squats, so I was exercising at the same time.

And what were you doing you had three or four other things in there i combined that with some squats so i was exercising at the same time what were you doing with your hands um i don't know what my left hand was doing my right hand had a vibrator in it okay well now we're getting somewhere so you you had the the suction cup dildo on the bench in the shower and you were squatting up and down on that yeah and then you had the vibrator in your hand yeah okay that's a simple formula like easy peasy yeah how long did it take you um not long enough i mean we haven't had sex in years so it feels that way before we even came on the podcast i said your mind in two nights from tonight when they're gone because even tomorrow night we're going to be busy moving them out yep and now you're teasing me with this um talk about dildos in the shower i'm not teasing you i'm just saying that's what happened honey i'm i'm proud of you said something about not taking a shower i was just saying i did take a shower.

I'm not teasing you. I'm just saying that's what happened. Honey, I'm proud of you. You said something about not taking a shower. I was just saying I did take a shower. I'm proud of you. All right. I forget what we were talking about now. Do you know what? Our shower is really like echoey. Yes, it's big. It was so nice because I could just like let it rip. And I didn't have to be quiet. Good for you. Quiet orgasms aren't fun. The loud one was pretty fun. Did you take any pictures while you were in there? No. Okay. Sorry. That's all right. You were preoccupied. Oh, I do have.

The iPhone 11 is waterproof, right? Well, sort of, kind of. Yeah. Oh. Might have to try that. I have a tripod. You could take it in the shower with you next time. Hey, Mr. Jones, why is your tripod rusty? Oh, my wife takes it in the shower. Yeah. None of your business. It means it gets good use. Okay, that was a major tangent. It was. Sorry. I think it was well worth it. Reel it back in. So yes, our nest is almost empty, and we are excited about it. Yeah. Yeah. And so Desire November. Let's update everybody. Okay. So we've had quite a few people cancel, and we expected that.

And we are happy that people are, whatever they're choosing to do, that they're educating themselves and making a choice as to whether they want to go or not. You know, the timing is a big part of the problem. Right. Normally, we always go the full week before Thanksgiving week. And normally, that's a good week to go because, like, you come home, you only have to, like, suffer through, like, two days of work. And then you get, like, a a five day weekend for Thanksgiving.

So, you know, but this year the timing is, you know, disadvantageous to a lot of people that are going to be doing big family gatherings like the vast majority of America.

Um, yeah, so it's tough to, uh, go down there and, and have to realistically assume there's a a decent probability you're going to be exposed and then come back and have to roll into a family situation yeah when you and i went in august it was easy we came home and yeah and we just you know cocooned for two weeks and yeah it was good yeah so we're we're um yeah being able to quarantine when you come home is key and fortunately um as people are opting out our waiting list is still um supplying people to come in on the back end but um we are going to continue to have cancellations so if you are in a position to go and you would like to go um you know please get yourself on get yourself on the waiting list or to keep checking the desire site, uh, through our website and, and book.

It's still going to be a fairly large crowd. I'm not sure. I think we expect some cancellations here because the payment's going to be coming up in another few weeks. A couple of weeks. Yeah. Yeah. But the resort is still full cause people are still having trouble just flat out booking. Yeah.

I think the waiting are are the ones that are actually getting the rooms now and before we move on from desire we mentioned last time that we were potentially going to do a desire mansion takeover in 2022 and we've already had three or four couples reach out to us so um if you think you might be interested in this and let's just say springtime of 2022 for the Desire Mansion takeover, send us an email and let us know because- We'll probably be finalizing the plans on that in November when we go down there. So when we go down in a couple months, we're going to be securing the mansion or not.

But if we have enough response to the positive we'll go ahead and secure it for a week and um the response has been good yeah i think it's gonna be amazing it is so we've been um out and about uh because a little bit yeah because we have our antibodies now. Yeah. Yeah. So we managed to sneak away to the Southwest for Labor Day weekend. The Southwest part of the U.S. Yeah. Yeah. For Labor Day weekend. And that was so much fun. It was. Yeah. We had never been to the city before.

And, you know, we we really got to do some exploring and it was with really good friends and they hosted us in their home um so it was fantastic yeah and for a lot of people especially if you can't you know go if you're still not at the place where you're comfortable going to a large event the the events that are happening um that's the best way to enjoy the lifestyle right now is with a couple of good friends yep it was an amazing weekend and we might talk about that a little bit later i think so and then we met some new friends locally we did that was so much fun yeah um unfortunately they're just as busy as we are so we haven't managed to reconnect with them but we do have some emails and forth.

Yeah, local friends are good because it opens up weeknights. Yes. Weekends are a little bit tough, but weeknights we're able to get out now. Yep. And now that we're going to have empty nest, you know, we can get out more during the week. I know. I mean, we get quizzed when we walk out the door, like, where are you going? I know. I feel like I have a curfew.

Yeah, first of all, you're staying in all you're staying in our house like wait i'm paying the mortgage and i'm your parent yeah like i shouldn't have to answer these questions that's like when we say there's leftovers for dinner leftovers i'm like wait a minute like if you don't like leftovers cook your own damn dinner feeding you god damn it turn your nose up at leftovers i know and the leftovers are like grilled steak or grilled chicken i know it's not like we're trying to feed a macaroni and cheese every night if you can't tell um we're ready for it i think so we're too old for this you know i don't you know i have sympathy for the folks that have kids at home but you know we already did that this is like this is something we shouldn't be having to do.

It's really not fair. I know. And you know, I'm, I'm pretty sure Mr. Jones is like trying to figure out where my breaking point is because, you know, we've, we've actually purchased a home for our daughter and granddaughter to live in and, and they're supposedly going to run it back from us. I'm not holding my breath on that one, but supposedly. So anyway, we've gone through this process of purchasing a home, going through the mortgage process, which has been extremely frustrating. So done with that. We finished that yesterday. So then Mr.

Jones is like, you know, I think we're probably ready to downsize. And I'm like, what? And he's like, yeah, I really think that we should move. So, you know, he wants to move, you know, where things are more walkable. Yes. You know, we kind of live out in the country right now. And I mean, we have a beautiful home with a lot of privacy. We have three acres. I'm done. I'm done with the three acres. Yeah, I think Mr.

Jones is tired of mowing three acres of grass and and the whole bit and and like where he wants to move he could you know we can walk to get coffee we can walk to breweries and restaurants and yeah the train station beautiful historic part of the area yeah he could actually walk to the train station to take the train into dc so so now he's on this like the the train is like rolling down the tracks again and we haven't even like barely gotten off the last train we'll save that for another episode you can totally blame that on me if you want but you're just as interested as i am i know i mean it's gonna be fun but yeah just life is never boring with you, honey.

Oh, thank you. I'm not sure I meant that as a compliment. I took it as a compliment. Okay, you can take it for now. All right, well, when we come back, we're going to get into the fun stuff of can we afford this lifestyle? We've been around the bend a couple times. We're going to talk about that. I think we can make this work. I think so, too. We'll be right back. Okay, well, welcome back to segment two. This is where the former teacher and Mrs. Jones is going to come out in full force. I'm afraid you might get it. Budgeting 101. I'm afraid you might get it. I'm going to apologize in Mrs.

Jones is going to come out in full force tonight. I'm afraid you might get it. Budgeting 101. I'm afraid you might get it. I'm going to apologize in advance. Should I? No. I got my teacher hat on right now. No, no, that's not your teacher hat. What is it? You're going to get the soapbox out on this episode. I know. I probably will. It's not just the teacher in you. It's the accounting person in you. I know. You're going to get both barrels from Mrs. Jones tonight.

tonight you people that have been so let's start from the beginning okay over the past couple of years we have gotten a lot of messages about how expensive the lifestyle is and you know you know and i'm not gonna lie that's mean, you've got events. We talk about events. We talk about resort vacations. We talk about traveling. Uh, you know, there's lifestyle club memberships, there's babysitters, there's hotel rooms, there's lingerie and clothes to wear bar tabs, bar tabs. Yeah. So we're asked by a lot of couples, like how can you enjoy the lifestyle without breaking the bank?

Considering all these other expenses that we have in life, how can we do this on a budget? Or they're assuming you can't do it on a budget. Right. Well, I was going to say, how can we do this on a budget?'s a great question yeah and and it's a question everybody's gonna answer differently um and that and the variance depends on you know your age what part of the country you live in what your mindset is as far as you know what you want out of the lifestyle and then where are you fiscally?

Like, are you in a position where you have disposable income or, you know, there's just so many different variables that are going to come into play tonight to get it all to fit together, to meet, um, where you are in, in both your personal life and then how you're going to put this lifestyle life, you know, mix that in. Yep. And the second thing that we want to talk about is that there's an assumption by some of you that Mr. and Mrs. Jones are wealthy and that we can do all this stuff without a concern about our finances.

So we're going to give you a little bit of a background on us and dispel that myth right away so we met in the mid 80s early mid 80s right and mr jones was making four dollars and 25 cents an hour and i was making three dollars and probably 50 cents an hour when we met because you were a woman you were making less oh fuck you gosh okay go ahead no i was still in school and i was only working part-time okay but we work we were working for the same place i know you were making less well you had been there longer than me and you were working full-time okay and okay whatever that was mean okay so anyway um we so then we ended up getting engaged and we couldn't set a wedding date until you got a real job like we we had no money and neither one of our parents had money so there was no assistance no i can't stop i'm on my soap on my soapbox.

Okay, go ahead. No, okay. What? What I wanted to say before you start your rant is that what we're going to talk about tonight, there's really two issues here. Most people are really asking us, how can you do this on a shoestring budget?

How can you be frugal about lifestyle that's question number one that was going to come in my soapbox sermon right okay but question number two is that it's really a matter of budget and priority not necessarily just being frugal so well that's what i do for a living now okay so i'm gonna i'm gonna shut up and drink my drink and i'm gonna let you go for a few minutes and then I'll join you all in just a minute. You know, I didn't even want to do this topic and now you're just letting me, you took me off my leash. Go right ahead. Oh my gosh. Okay. Tiger's out of its cage.

Let them have it, honey. Oh. So anyway, Mr. Jones and I really did not have any money when we got married. Like we had enough money to pay our rent and our car payment and our insurance and like buy groceries with coupons clipped. And that was all. Right. Like, oh no, we had to pay child care. Yeah. And on top of that, the first thing that Mrs. Jones did before we even got married was I had about $600 worth of credit card debt. It was only $5.50. And you said, I'm going to pay that off for you, and we will never pay credit card debt interest again. And that was 1983, and we have not.

Right, because if you did, you'd have a stroke if you had to pay. But anyway, go right ahead. No, so I guess my point is that we never had any extra money. Like we didn't go out to dinner. We didn't hire babysitters. We didn't do anything like for ourselves. Like we stayed home on Saturday night. This is how bad you were. When we ordered out for pizza, when we put the kids to bed early after we. And that would be like once a month. After we baked them chicken nuggets and put them to bed, we would order pizza. Chicken nuggets didn't exist back then. It was probably a hot dog. Fish sticks.

No, it was frozen pizza or something. But anyway, you wouldn't even let us get pizza delivered because we had to pay the tip. We had to pay like a two-dollar tip back then. You would make me drive to pick up the pizza.

And then I would bring the pizza back home and sneak it into the house so the kids couldn't spell it right and okay that's how frugal you were right so fast forward 10 years and for so for our 10th year anniversary went on we went on our first cruise yeah and that was a really big deal it took us 18 months we went with our best friends because well they were married a year longer than us so well we thought about it a year and a half before our 10th anniversary right right so we we all planned this cruise and and they had like a layaway plan back then so we booked the cruise and and then we got to pay like per month for 18 months right to pay this this cruise off because we had no savings account.

So we couldn't just pay for it. And, and then your parents actually took a week off of work and watched our girls so we could go on this cruise. And that was the most amazing thing ever. Cause we, we didn't go out on dates. Like we got together on Saturday night with our friends, but we took our girls with us and played cards or whatever at somebody's house. Right. You know, so when when we finally got to the point where our girls were grown and kind of on their own and you and I found vacationing alone, not even the lifestyle.

you know that was something that we had always hoped we would that was a point that we always had hoped we would get to right because we got married young and we had our kids young we're like okay well life is kind of like crazy and hectic and we're not really a priority now but but someday our girls are going to grow up and we're going to have just you know time for each other and we'll have money so i want to back up a minute because we were a priority but traveling was not a priority right we always had we always prioritized our prioritized our relationship but that cruise was the first vacation we ever did after 10 years of being married.

So we were in our early 30s of spending money on ourselves. And then we went right back. And leaving our girls. Yeah. And leaving our girls. Right. And then we went right back into the, you know, the staying at home. But we always prioritized our relationship. um you you know, that was just a part of, of what we did. Right. But we just didn't have money to do anything else. Right. Exactly. And then we did go on vacation.

I don't know if you remember this, but you know, we went to the beach house when our kids were little, but that was because your boss owned the beach house and she gave it to us for free. I know we didn't, we didn't pay for that so that was a cheap vacation afford it yeah no we couldn't afford it right yeah so so anyway you know we finally got to the point where we started getting wrinkles and gray hair but we finally had the disposable income and the time and the freedom to start focusing on each other. Right.

And, and then that, of course, you know, a decade after that is when we found desire and then ultimately the lifestyle. But there's something I want to also mention. I want to back up a minute that I think is important for people to know.

When you decided you wanted to be a teacher, you came home one day and you said I want to quit my job yeah I was 29 years old I remember that because I turned 30 right when I quit and you said I want to quit my job and I want to go back to school and I want to be a teacher and the only thing I could think of because by that point in time we were both making the same amount of money right and so I so I'm like, whoa, wait a minute. You want to cut our household income in half, and then you want to pay college. Which wasn't a lot of money. Right.

We were both doing okay, but neither one of us were making a ton of money. But then I'm thinking dollars in my head. Okay, 50% of our income is gone, and then you want to pay tuition to go back to college. Ultimately, to make a long story short, once we made that decision and I supported you in that and we changed our lifestyle and our budget. Well, we had six months to prepare for that too. We did, but again, we're planners. And so we refinanced our house, we paid off a car, but we started living life differently because we had different priorities.

The priority at that point in time was for you to go back to school. And so the money that we were spending, the expenses that we had, had to change, or we would have never, the equation wouldn't balance and we'd have to pay credit card interest and you would divorce me. That's right. I'm so glad you understand that. But I, but I wanted to make that point because we've, we've been, not only were we, we had no money when we got married, but, but 10 years in, you know, we, you quit your job because you wanted to be a teacher. And so, you know, we went through that.

And so we know, we know from experience that, you know know your mindset changes when it needs to change right so whether it's the lifestyle or anything else if it's important to you you'll you'll figure out a way right to make it happen well even three years ago so when we were out at three years ago and i had to retire um a year sooner than i thought i was going to have to retire you know and then you decided you know to start your own business as well like things were pretty scary Thank you.

retire um a year sooner than i thought i was going to have to retire you know and then you decided you know to start your own business as well like things were pretty scary three years ago financially for us yeah i had to get you a couple of paper bags during that time i know i know but we went right back to clipping coupons because that's what we knew how to do that's right you cannot take that can't take that out of a girl. But at the same time, we did not disengage from the lifestyle because at that point in time, it had become a priority to us. It had become very special to us.

We were a little bit more thoughtful about the way we were spending our money and the lifestyle, but we managed to make it all work. And the whole reason I just told you our whole financial history is because we've had so many ups and downs financially, um, throughout our lives. But one thing that's never changed about Mr.

Jones and I is if we had an, the ability to, uh, do something that would enhance our relationship, whether it was a big, you know, that, that 10 year anniversary cruise or, you know, uh, starting to go to all inclusive resorts after our youngest daughter graduated from high school and we could actually leave and not have to find babysitters and, and those types of things, you know, those were not, um, easy financial decisions, but they were really, um, the, it was a good return on investment. Yes. I know I'm speaking your language. You are. You have my attention.

I know it was a really good return on investment because we, sometimes you just need to escape reality with your partner. Yeah. Um, you know, six years ago, we realized we could escape reality with other sexy people. It didn't just have to be you and me. Um, and that, you know, that opened a whole new can of worms financially, you know, how are we going to build this into our budget? And it's hard. So, um, we've never been independently wealthy people. We never will be. Um, honestly, I don't want to be, I appreciate the things I have because I work my butt off for them. You do.

And well, so do you sometimes. No, but you work harder than I do. I do. Thank you for acknowledging that. Um, I, so all of you out there that are so frustrated because you hear about all this sexy fun everybody's having and they're traveling to hedo and they're going to desire and they're going to naughty new orleans and they're going to all these hotel takeovers and and you're like cha-ching yes you're right that i can't sugarcoat it this stuff is not cheap cheap. It's not cheap.

But before we, before, let's take a little pause for a minute, because I do want to talk about being frugal because we are, you know, there, again, there's a difference between being frugal and prioritizing your budget. So in our minds, and we're pretty frugal too. And what I mean by that is like, there's so many things that you can do to save money. Uh, and this is not just in the lifestyle.

It's like, I don't buy a plane ticket drive your car yeah i mean like if it's an eight hour drive to me that is a that's a fence on the fence yeah because like especially for you and i like living in dc oh my god the traffic's. You got to get to the airport so early. Sometimes you can actually drive faster than you can fly. Use points to book your room. So get a credit card that pays you points. Travel during the off seasons. Meet couples for drinks, just drinks instead of dinner. You know, share lodging with friends, whether it's a hotel or an Airbnb, bring your own booze.

I mean, these are things that are like common sense things that if you want to spend less money. I think that's how I've learned how to be such a good mixologist because I'm tired of paying $18 for a drink somewhere. No kidding. Plus tax and tip. Yeah. I know. It kills me. And what you charge for a drink is a lot more fun. I know. I just charge. My currency is different. It's just a kiss. Right. Like, how hard is that, right? Right. So, there's one more thing that we should talk about before I let you get back on your soapbox. Okay.

There are so many people who say, the lifestyle is expensive and I can't afford it, and at the same time they say, but we don't play locally. I know. Okay. Really hard. When you make the decision not to, not to date or play locally, you're automatically adding dollars to the, to the bottom line here because you have to travel all of a sudden gas, uh, airfare, hotel, uh, expenses, um, food out all of this thing, all of these things, because you're choosing to not play locally. I know. And, and I totally get that.

And, you know, I, I can't imagine how it would feel like playing locally when you live in the middle of the Midwest and the population density is rather sparse compared to where we live. Like, for you and I, playing locally is playing with somebody in D.C., which is 45 minutes north and a couple million people north. Right. Right? Like, when I say I don't want to play locally, I don't want to play with somebody in my neighborhood. Right. You know, even 15 minutes away is kind of safe for us just because it's so densely populated here. Right.

Um, I think what we're saying is you can't have your cake and eat it too. Right. If you, if you don't want to spend money, but you don't want to date those things don't, they don't match locally is kind of a relative thing. You know, local is relative for Mr.

Jones and I, we, we can't play in our zip code um for other people they can't play in their county or state just because you're you know you're more sparsely populated so we understand that but but at the same time um that definitely creates a different budget line item i guess yeah you you know, as far as, as travel and like overnight babysitting versus till, you know, 1230 AM babysitting. That's definitely, um, going to, to play into things and just even finding a babysitter that will babysit it for you overnight.

If you still have kids at home, oh my gosh, I can't even imagine that part of it right so here is so we want to try to change your perspective for a moment because a lot of people say when somebody says i can't afford this or i can't afford that oftentimes what they're saying is that i already have all these other obligations so I have no funds left to do x what we're going to suggest now is that society kind of trains us to to say things like I need a bigger house or I need to buy a house or I need vehicle, or I need a new vehicle. Mine's three years old. My technology doesn't work anymore.

I need a new car. I need a new vehicle. And those of you who have kids, and we've been there, and parents are dropping thousands of dollars on dance lessons and recitals and travel soccer and equipment and school sports and activities and family vacations and family reunions and the money that you're donating at church. And our society has said it's okay.

And that's what you should do you should spend all this money in these places and guess who gets put last on that list you and your partner that's right yeah right so a lot of and we've invested our money in everything you just said i know we have but we also understood the value of of investing in our relationship and so a lot of us feel that we can't quote unquote can't afford something because of all these other expenses that we have but really what we're doing is we're not prioritizing our relationship what you're saying is that we're putting ourselves last right and and what what good is that doing us well here i am i'm excuse me uh let me climb up on my soapbox here please do i give you permission back up on top here take my hand i'll help you up you know prioritizing your relationship and spending money on your relationship in the long run is way better than ballet or travel soccer or whatever for your kids because your kids need to watch and observe and learn.

And honestly, they need to be able to take for granted that this is what a marriage looks like. This is the kind of marriage I'm going to have someday. And it needs to be so transparent to them that they never question what a good marriage looks like and what kind of partner they're going to have someday. Because they see it in their parents consistently and, oh gosh, mom and dad are going away again. Okay, well, I guess we get to go spend the weekend with grandma and grandpa. Yeah. Or Uncle Sally and, or no, not Uncle Sally. That would be Aunt Sally. That would be Aunt Sally, I think.

And Uncle Fred or whatever. I don't know. But, you know, so when you invest in yourselves, and I'm not saying don't put your kids in travel soccer or dance, but, you know, you just kind of have to, like, run the numbers. And when you run the numbers, don't forget the line item that says. Let's talk about running the numbers, okay, since you're a numbers person. Now you're really speaking my language. I know. What I'm saying is. This is my new career. Let's put things in perspective.

Look at your budget and look to see how much you spend on yourself and each other compared to everything that I just mentioned before. And if you're going to prioritize your relationship and not to lose sight of the lifestyle, if you're investing in the lifestyle, you're investing in your relationship and you're prioritizing your relationship. Look at all those other line items. Look at what you're spending and look at what you're spending on yourself right now. Right. And look at where you're at the bottom of the list. Move yourself up the list.

That's, you know, so people that write to us and complain that the lifestyle is expensive and you know they don't they don't have the money to do that what we hear a lot of times them saying is we don't prioritize our relationship because no matter how much money you make if you bump yourself up the list you'll find the time and the money to do it even if you have to plan like we did 18 months ahead, maybe that's some extreme, you know, for some people, but you can still do it. Right. And, you know, like even today, like we can't, you and I can't do everything.

So we sit down and actually tonight I just said at some point in the near future, you and I need to look at our 2021 calendar and we need to start mapping things out because you can't just, you can't do everything. Right. I need to put it on the calendar and I need to see what's coming up when, and then I need to like run the numbers for it for it and say, excuse me, this is not going to work. We just bought a new house for our daughter. This is not going to work.

But that just brings us to a whole other list of intangibles and that is what we have learned and I think what people don't really realize or they lose sight of is that when you prioritize your relationship and you spend money on yourselves, and if that's the lifestyle, that's fine. You're still spending money on yourselves.

when you take yourself out of your home and you travel or you go out or you go to a club or you go away for the weekend or you go for a way away for the week you're taking yourself out of mom mode and dad mode and what's that and and professional worker mode and neighbor mode and family member mode and all these obligations that we have in home homeowner mode where i've got to mow the grass and we've got to clean the house. When you remove yourself from that, that environment, all of a sudden you look at your spouse and you're like, wow, we can have different conversations. I know.

We can talk about sex. So nice. It's so nice. We can talk about the future. You know, we can talk about ideas and we can talk about fantasies. When you and I go out to dinner, of course, we couldn't do that for what, like four months? You know, we're just now starting to get out every now and again. It's so refreshing to go sit across a table from you at a restaurant, whether it's outside or wherever, and we don't talk about anything that we normally talk about at home. Right. It's fantastic. Right. So, yeah, you have to escape reality. Right.

To sometimes be able to focus on each other and just say, everything else is going to be fine.

You know, it'll be there when we get home and then we'll deal with it when we get home and then what you do is is there's really an opportunity to reintroduce yourself to each other like oh my gosh we haven't been we haven't been away for a year or two just the two of us like what's new about you what you know i i can see growth in you what's new about me i just had five toys in the shower okay okay sorry you've totally just blown i'm totally distracted now oh good i win you know what i just thought of something so i haven't showered today uh-huh so i may have to go take a shower and then you can like recreate that while I'm in the shower with you.

Oh, okay. Well, okay. If I have to, I'm a good, I'm a good wife. I'm a giver that way. Anyway, um, back to what I was trying to say, uh, before I lost my train of thought. You have no idea what you were talking about.

The opportunity to reintroduce yourself, the, um, you're in a sexy frame of mind because all of those other obligations at home and all of those other roles that you play you can leave behind so it's not just an investment in the lifestyle and dating other people that's how you reconnect as a couple and um leaving your other you know roles behind recognizing your growth as a couple creating future plans mean, how many times have we been on trips where we say, oh my gosh, okay, what is the next year? What does 2021 look like? I know. What does 2023 look like?

Hopefully it doesn't look like 2020. Woo! Yeah. Okay. We just got rid of our kids and we don't have to worry about them moving back in. You know, what do we want to do?

So it gives you an opportunity to have these conversations and reconnect as as as friends right and lovers and partners and everything else so in addition to the lifestyle portion of it when you're meeting people and having sexy fun with people it also gives you an opportunity to connect whether you're on that plane ride home or that car ride home or you're just out to you know, prioritizing us and prioritizing our relationship is the thing that people are missing when they say, how can I afford? And my answer to that is how can you not afford?

That's pretty cliche, but you know, put yourself at the top or near the top of the list. Yeah. I mean, and you know, the 2020 has been just a horrific year. Um, I think it's hit just about everybody financially. So, you know, that hasn't helped, but you know, it doing this stuff is expensive. I can't even begin to sugarcoat it. Um, you know, cashflow is cash is cash flow.

But as you plan ahead, if that, you know, there's something that you really want to do, like you really want to go to naughty New Orleans next year, you really want to go to Mexico and check out Desire, or you really want to go on a lifestyle cruise when those things start back up again, you know, just look at when at when they you know look at your calendar and look at when these events are happening and you know divide it by the number of months between now and whenever that event's happening and just say okay you know we're going to learn to adjust our spending to to fit this in so let me i'll introduce you reintroduce you to a part of mrs jones that you may not know you're getting mrs jones the bookkeeper right now so yeah that's my new that's my new jam that i i get to nag people about cash flow now yeah so you're not a teacher anymore but you keep you keep people's books so now i'm doing uh bookkeeping for small businesses so i get to nag adults all day long instead of children all day yeah and i wonder why see i've been trying to get mrs jones to talk about her profession on the podcast for a long time and she refuses to do so and like i'm a i'm a marketing you know business development mindset and i'm thinking you know here's one way to make this work and and i even came up with a tagline for you like this is ridiculous yeah this is the tagline i'm trying to get her to use is if you can trust me with your body you can trust me with your books what do you think yeah i need to stuff a sock in it i swear no but like like for real Like it, that life was all about cashflow, you know, like if you, I know, I know.

So, you know, that's what I do now is I help people kind of not focus on how much is in my checking account today, but you know, what is it going to look like in six months or nine months or, you know, 18 months from now. So, you know, you just have to, to prioritize what your objectives are as a family and, um, and allow yourself for just build some forgiveness into your budget and say, you know what?

Um, I think this is important enough to actually like, you know, float to the top a little bit and, and build some vacation time in for for your relationship and i think that um you know maybe not much of a financial return but um i i think the the return on investment is huge when your children are watching that's what i want their parents thrive that's what i want to end up on is that so many people think i need to provide for my children i need to give them obviously food shelter and clothing but i need to pay for all these extra experiences they need to be involved in clubs they need to be involved in sports they need to be the priority where i think we missed the mark is that what they really need to see is a healthy relationship modeled for them day in and day out yeah and if you go back to my term return on investment if if you want to help your family and your children understand what how to have a healthy relationship when they get older model that for them.

And part of modeling that for them is investing in each other. Right. And so when somebody says, back to the very beginning of this podcast, when they say, this is expensive and how do you do it cheaper? Like, well, cheaper is really not the question. It's, is it a priority for you? Yeah. And it's a priority for us. Right. And, and you can be smart about it. You know, again, you know, invite somebody back to your hotel room and make them cocktails instead of paying $16 a cocktail at, at some, you know, fancy bar. Go to the fancy bar every now and again. Treat yourself.

But don't, but you don't have to do it every time and don't make the mistake i mean we have met so many different people in the lifestyle that are across different levels of education different types of businesses different and the consistency that we see is that no matter where they are socioeconomically, if they're invested in each other, they're there. Yeah, yeah. I agree with that. And one thing I don't see in the lifestyle is any competition as far as like your place in society or your financial position or whatever. it doesn't matter. No, no.

And, you know, I don't think we've ever encountered a couple that have pressured us to go to some place we can't afford. Right. You know, we've never had anybody snooty enough to want to go to some place where, you know, dinner's a hundred dollars a plate or something stupid like that. Like that's not even worth it. Like come to my house, I'll go to Costco and get a flank steak and I'll make it taste really good and it'll be super cheap. You know, that's the, I like inviting people to my home. Right. Um, Oh, I do too. Not the past six months, but that will happen again someday. Yeah.

Um, I love having people come to my home. Um, 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 10. 11. 12. 12. 13. 13. 14. 15. 16. Oh, I do, too. Not the past six months, but that will happen again someday. I love having people come to my home. And we've hosted many people at our home because why should they pay $200 a night for a hotel when they can stay in our home? And then we can have more quality time with them. And to me, if we can host somebody in our home, it just makes the evening and the whole experience less pressure.

And I hope they feel that way as well, because you don't have the time constraint, you have more time.

And it's just, it's a more comfortable environment, which is the opposite of what a lot of people think, because you think I'm coming to your house, that means I have to have sex with you but really the way that we present it is first of all no strings attached why would you want to stay three miles away in a hotel we have plenty of extra bedrooms here we can eat in which gives us more time to talk and get to know each other we can make drinks and you grill an amazing steak and if they don't eat steak you do some good chicken and fish too whatever your diet is that's right you can cook it on the grill yeah we can cook it Thank you.

other we can make drinks grill an amazing steak yeah and if they don't eat steak you do some good chicken and fish too whatever your diet is that's right you can cook it we can yeah we can cook it um yeah so i think i think before we just keep rambling on about the same thing to get the most out of the lifestyle requires investment but we believe the return is well worth the time and the money and the energy well right and i think you can make it fit your financial situation exactly so what yeah whatever your situation whatever your income level wherever you live there's a way that if you think this is important and you want to prioritize it make it a priority and we promise you that everything will it'll fall into place and back to 1983 like not everybody in the lifestyle is rich like no they're not and and you don't need to be right you just need to be realistic about what you can afford and what and both financially and time-wise and then the risk that you're willing to take.

Well, we, we recently met with our financial advisor and he was looking at our list of priorities into retirement. And he said, wow, you have a lot of money here for travel. And we had to say, look, we made an, we made a decision early in life that travel was going to be a priority later in life. So that is going to be a priority for us. We are going to travel. We are going to spend time together in, in different places. And that's important to us. And, and he said, okay, I get it.

You know, as long as you guys are in agreement on that, but it was almost like he was shocked that we were wanting to invest I'll see you next time. important to us and and he said okay i get it you know as long as you guys are in agreement on that but it was almost like he was shocked right that we were wanting to invest in each other and not material things but that was really interesting right i am not going to sit in a house and watch well i don't know wheel of fortune in jeopardy oh my gosh i know like maybe we will someday i don't know. Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. Oh, my gosh. I know.

Like, maybe we will someday. You're bringing back visions of my grandparents. I know, and mine, and yeah, yeah. So, and you know, maybe that will be us someday, but I'm going to fight it as long as I can. Yeah. And, you know, I just want to explore the world and explore our relationship and make new friends. And, you know, however that fits into our budget, I think we'll be able to accommodate that. Yes. I like a clean hotel room. I don't need a butler. I don't need to be on the concierge level. Like, I'm very self-sufficient.

You know so you and i can travel well yeah um reasonably frugally so i think you're saying that makes sense no butler and no room service but also no mold and you know no insects yeah yeah no mold no roaches right i don't need anybody yeah like honey can you just go down the elevator and get me a cup of coffee like i don't need to pay yeah umpty ump dollars to have somebody bring coffee i still do that for you i know i do that desire yes you do i go down and get coffee because you don't want to order room service even though it's free because we gotta tip the guy no that's not true that's not true no we do tip we take a lot of tip money to desire yeah you like going down there i do like you like one in the hotel lobby i do love one you and he knows how to make my coffee bond every morning we have a social experience down there i know but like when we stay in a hotel you always go down to the lobby and get a coffee and bring it back up.

I do. Like, that's just, you can't take that out. I still clip coupons. I know you do. I know. I know. I don't buy something unless it's on sale and I have a coupon. You get the Costco coupon book when we go through Costco. Yes, sirree. Like, you can't take that out of the person. It's frustrating, but it's one of those things that I love about you. Well, you know what? That's how we can afford to go to Desire more than once a year. I know. Whatever. All right, enough about this. Wait a minute. Are you finished on your soapbox?

Is there anything else you want to lecture these folks on as far as money management? No, I think you just seem to be realistic. And my whole philosophy is you have to plan ahead. You can't do it and then figure out how to pay for it later. Acknowledge, okay, this is something we're interested in, and this is something that we want to do this year. We think we might want to go to Naughty New Orleans next summer. We want to go to Desire at some point. We might want to go to a local meet and greet. Maybe they want to come to one of our events when we start hosting them again.

And just start mapping out, okay, these are the things we might want to do. Let's suck it up and figure out how much this is going to cost. and then plan ahead exactly you know and and maybe you can't do it all in 2021 maybe you have to push some of this stuff to 2022 and that's okay yeah you know a little delayed gratification never hurt anybody right so i i don't know i think the lifestyle is affordable for everyone maybe not at the same pace or in the same way. Yeah. But if you want it, you can make it happen. I don't need to add anything to that. If you want it, you can make it happen.

I think so. It's up to you to want it and prioritize it. Yeah. All right. And again, I think it will benefit your family as a whole in the long run because the whole happy wife, happy life thing, you know, that's cute and whatever, but, you know, modeling a healthy relationship is the best gift you can give to your kids, no matter whether they're one year old or 17 years old. Okay.

all right when we come back we've got sexy snapshots yes we do but do you have one yeah okay this is not the shower this is something different right um it might involve a shower but not the shower you're thinking okay i think you guys are gonna like this story we'll see you in a second welcome back to snapshots i just i just love that the year 2020, we actually have real snapshots. Well, we didn't for a week or two, a month or two. We had to read people's. I know. I'm talking to... I know. That's what I'm saying. We're back at it. Yeah. We got our mojo back. Yeah. Well, what's yours? Okay.

So we got on an airplane and we went to the southwest part of the country. Yep. Hung out with our friends for like three nights. And it's a dry heat. Yes. This was southwest of the U.S. It was a dry heat. I used to live in Southern California in the high desert, so I love it out there. That's not where we were, but we were sort of kind of close. Right.

And I love it out there um that's not where we were but we were sort of kind of close right and i love it out there and you've only been there briefly here a handful of times i just someday i just want to take you there where we can spend some time and i want you to be in the middle of the freaking nowhere where you look up and the milky way a stripe in the sky. Like you cannot see that on the East Coast. Whatever. The Milky Way was there. We saw that. Bullshit. You did not. No, let me tell you what I saw. Okay.

Early childhood development for me was watching Bugs Bunny Roadrunner Hour with my dad on a Saturday morning.

We walked out of their house the first day and what ran across the road a roadrunner god damn it's a roadrunner i've never seen a roadrunner and i was that's all i i was done i didn't even have to play after that i saw a road a real roadrunner okay tell me tell me for real was he what you expected oh oh yeah i mean a big bird and he and he was running but road runners really aren't that big no he's not like it he didn't go yeah yeah maybe no no but he was running he has wings he could have flown but no he was running across the adorable it was i used to live there i saw runners all the time it was amazing i could have gone i could have got on the plane right there i know so we've been married 35 years and Mr.

Jones got to see his first Roadrunner and I used to live there. I saw Roadrunners all the time. It was amazing. I could have gone, I could have got on a plane right there. I know. So we've been married 35 years and Mr. Jones got to see his first Roadrunner and I got to witness it. Yeah. Like it was a moment. Yeah, it was a moment. It was amazing. That's not your snapshot. He was so cute. Sorry. No, I don't even know what my snapshot was now. No, it was so much fun. Like, so our friends live in a city and they live like in the middle of the city. Yeah.

So you walk out of their house, you turn left and you get tacos. You turn right and then I think you might have to make another left but you get like coffee and a grocery mart and the like what the heck? Like I can't even imagine. The breweries. You could walk everywhere to get everything you needed. I know like Like, we live in the middle of nowhere. You can't walk anywhere to get anything. Yeah, you got to get in the car. So, we just, we had so much fun all weekend. Like, we just walked everywhere and had, like, the best time and ate the most amazing food.

Like, Southwest food is so good and so healthy and so fun. Yeah. Okay.

So, private backyard they do even though they live in the middle of a city they have like an eight foot fence it's amazing solid fence around their backyard yep so we we were we had been out and about like they took us like it was a totally tourist weekend because we had never been there before so they really showed us the whole city and we got to see culture and and the whole bit so come home we had some dinner had some drinks and we ended up out like on the patio furniture around the pool and I don't know like there's pictures on phone. I'm not real sure how they got there. I tickle.

Yeah, I tickle. So we're taking all these pictures of this new house we're buying our daughter, right? So I'm like flipping through my phone, looking at these pictures and I'm like, wow, there's a naked girl and she has blonde hair just like mine. And then I'm like, wow, her ass looks just kind of like mine. And then I'm like, I'm pretty sure that's me. Yeah. I don you know my passcode I do I. I do. Because I'm like, I could not have taken this picture. This is my phone and that is my butt and my back. But there was some pictures with her ass on top of me that I didn't take. Yeah.

So you took some pictures too. I did too. Yeah. Well, you know what we did? What? So how long have we been in the lifestyle? Six years. Six and a half years. Seven, almost seven years. I know. Yeah. We did our first group shower last weekend. Oh, that's right. Or not last weekend, last month. We did. Like, how have we managed to be swingers that long and not done, like, a big shower?

So, yeah shower with them it was so much fun that's your snapshot after we played yeah well the my snapshot is like looking at my phone like holy shit like who is that and then i'm like wow that looks like me well not only that the next morning we took a picture of the aftermath of the patio oh my gosh and there was condoms and clothes and bras your bra was like wedged under the i don't know how my shoes the umbrella was blown over i mean it was it was like a tornado came through there i know it was ridiculous yeah it was ridiculous yeah but yeah like we took a shower with them and it was so much fun.

Yeah. Yeah, that was, it was an amazing weekend. So my snapshot is the same weekend, but it's a different event. Okay. So there was a few breweries that we could walk to, but there was also a few that we Ubered to.

And so we Ubered out to this brewery and and then we walked to several others and it was a beautiful night and we were walking from brewery to brewery oh i think i know where you're going it was late it was later in the evening well it wasn't late it was dark so it was like eight or nine o'clock and we walked into this brewery and we went to the outside section and there were picnic tables set up and when we walked out we were the we were the four of us walked in there was two picnic tables in the back that had that were full of people and the rest of the place was empty well they kind of set up this whole area like cabanas because like where we were um there was really not a lot of inside seating right so everything was outside right and so they had like um they had put up like lots of awnings awnings and tents and stuff yeah yeah so we walked out and there were there i don't know there was probably about 12 people sitting in these two picnic tables in the back.

Oh, at least 12, yeah. So we ordered our beer, and we walked out. And when we walked out, and we got close to those tables, all of a sudden. Like everybody stopped talking. Everybody stopped talking. And all of them turned around, even the ones that had their backs towards us. It was kind of weird. They turned around. They looked at us. And the first thing I thought of was, that's a swinger meet and greet. I know. The first thing I thought of is, oh, God, we're fresh meat. I'm like, here we are in a town we've never been before. And we walk into this brewery and we go outside.

And who do we run into? Two tables or two or three tables worth of swingers totally and that was my first that was my first thought then we sat down with our friends like two tables away to keep our distance but and even our friend said oh you know what i recognize that lady that we did they host meet and greets they're all lifestyle people so here we are we all the way across. We're in the southwest part of the country. We go to this brewery. We walk in. And as soon as they turned around, like my swinger daughter went on. Oh, totally, totally. I'm like, that's a swinger meet and greet.

Like we didn't even sit down and I had figured it out. Right. Because everybody turned around.

And our friends are very particular about not playing you know not locally so we but if they weren't there we totally would have walked over there to get good podcast material it was it was kind of almost uncomfortable it was because like the whole time the four of us were there drinking our beer and and talking like the whole it's like the whole time somebody was looking at us i felt like i was under the microscope the whole hour we were like fresh meat again yeah like oh who are those people we don't know them you know they're intriguing so i think they were having a meet and greet that night i think they were i think there were probably like eight couples there i think it was more than you think okay and so i i really think at first they thought we were walking but you know i think coming to their meet and greet before i before i sound like a dick i think the four of us give off that swinger vibe too because we're we were with our swinger friends and so i think they looked at us these are the friends that we went to puttacana with yeah these are some of our that we got in trouble with in puttacana at a totally vanilla resort yeah yeah so i i think we do have a vibe yeah well not only that but we could pick it up we could pick it up so you know what forget the black rings forget forget the jewelry it's about picking up on the vibe from other people totally and and that that was two or three tables worth of swingers there was no doubt about it and so we sat there and talked about them the whole time as they were glancing around sure yeah so speaking of vibes yeah so i So, I think that our neighbors at our...

This is not on the agenda. Are we going to talk about it or not? Now, go ahead. So, you know, we buy this new house. Townhouse. Townhouse. And move our daughter in.

So, they build decks off the back of them and and there's a whole line and we're an end unit and so there's a deck literally like three feet away from our deck so we're there today and and um we went to closing yesterday so we're there today and mr jones is hanging blinds and ceiling fans and i'm like stocking the kitchen and getting everything organized because our daughter's working i took some lawn chairs onto the back deck and the couple was out there right so i i hear mr jones out there talking to people so i'm like oh i'm i'm like honey like i look at my daughter and i'm like honey i think your neighbors are here so we all walk out and we start you know introducing ourselves or whatever or whatever.

They're a pretty. Well, so I was I was hanging ceiling fans and I saw them out front. And when when the first time I saw the woman, it went again. I'm like, she's in the lifestyle. And then I saw him. I'm like, yep, definitely. They're in the lifestyle. And then I walk out, and I had no idea. And you and I hadn't talked. Because Mr. Jones was upstairs, and I was in the kitchen. Yeah, we hadn't talked yet. No, we haven't talked because our granddaughter were there. So then Mr. Jones is like we had brought down a table and chairs for the patio or the deck.

So he's taking those out, and then he runs into the neighbors, and he starts talking to them, and I can hear him. So I walk out and I introduce myself and I'm like, wow, these people are really attractive and they're really friendly. And like, we're in the middle of a pandemic and really social. Yeah. People are not social in the middle of a pandemic and they were. And, uh, so yeah, that, that was kind of, uh, unexpected. I know, I know. I think, I think You just never know where you're going to run into people. No, but after you're in this a while, you just need to trust your instincts.

That's right. So stay tuned. We've known them for six hours. Yeah. Okay, let's wrap this up. We'd really love for you to consider joining our community. We've had such a good time with our uh every other friday meet and greets i know i think this is how we've all survived and some of our during the pandemic you know people are starting to do zoom meetings uh with four couple two couples one uh four couples um the men's group the ladies group everybody's having a good time so you know it's, it's a good way to connect and meet with people.

So if you're considering joining our We Got a Thing community, you can find us on our website, which is wegotathing.com. We still really appreciate the emails, or at least I do anyway.

Well, if you give me a break from buying houses, I'd have a little bit more time to reply yeah you can go to our website and and send us a message on the contact us section or you can send me an email at mr jones m-r-j-o-n-e-s at w-e-g-o-t-t-a-t-h-i-n-g.com or or i'm mrs jones at we got a thing.com same thing as mr jones with an s thrown in there yep and you can find us on twitter at we got a thing we are on pinterest and as far as lifestyle websites go we have um discount codes to get what 90 days free on Double Date Nation and Cassidy and SDC. Correct. Good job, honey. I know.

See, I'm not just a pretty face. You're not just a bookkeeper. No, that's right. I got some brains going in there. So, anyway, thanks for listening. We are Mr. and Mrs. Jones, and we got a thing. What's your thing? We'll see you next time.