Episode 78: How Do I Know She is Interested in Me?

Transcript

This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us?

hello everyone i'm mr jones and i'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 78 of the we got a thing podcast episode 78 how do i know when she is interested in me aka men. Yeah. I mean, obviously we have a lot to talk about in that regard. Yeah, this topic came up in our men's group, in our community, and a lot of guys are including me at one point in time. One point? Yeah, I'm getting better. One point. Earlier. Oh my gosh. We have a lot to talk about tonight. A little self-discovery. Yeah, we want to know. This is kind of about flirting, but it's kind of pre-flirting.

It's how do I know that when I start talking to another woman, if she's interested in me? Right. More about that later. Yes. First of all, it's Friday night, summer 2020. Thank goodness. It's almost over. I know. Well, we are less than a month away from having our emptiness back 26 days totally 27 I'm totally jinxing it by saying that out loud but yeah yeah one more podcast with the little cock blocker in the house oh and you know we're gonna miss her I'm not gonna be that far away so I'm not gonna miss her that's true I don't think we rid of them that easily. Yeah.

Well, it may be that we have to knock on wood, but we're potentially planning a We Got a Thing weekend event in early 2021. Yes. Yes. We were supposed to do one in the fall of 2020, and that's just not going to happen. Never got off the ground. No, it didn't. Um, which I guess was for the best. Um, but we are going to try to do something. I don't know exactly what it's going to look like yet, but we're, if we're going to do something in early 2021. Yeah. With real humans. Yes. Face to face. Hopefully. So stay tuned.

We don't want to, we don't want to get too far ahead of ourselves but that's what we're shooting for and we've we've done a little uh snooping around and we think we know what we want to do and and uh have somebody that's willing to engage with us and and make it uh an appropriate event for the occasion so yeah and coming up we still have our Novembermber trip to desire pearl because we lived through our august trip to desire pearl we barely but we did yeah we're going to talk about that trip in a minute but if you are interested in our november trip we've had um we're going to talk a lot about the resort tonight because we just got back and the environment there and et cetera, et cetera.

But, um, right now desire is full the week that we're going to be there, but there are people canceling. So it's kind of like a revolving door. Um, people are canceling, but people are booking. So it's a very fluid, um, yeah.

And I think what we've learned is because everything earlier in the year has been canceled and we intentionally waited until now to decide whether or not that we were going to go to desire and we are but i think even though there are some people canceling there's also a lot of people lining up to go so it seems like to me that we're getting towards a tipping point of people getting back out and getting back out into the world. Right. And it's certainly a risk, and we'll talk a little bit about that.

But the point I wanted to make here is even though we're full, we do have a waiting list, but we have people who are canceling and will probably continue to cancel. So if you're interested, go to our website and go to book your desire trip here and go ahead and get yourself on the waiting list if you're interested in going because there are going to be quite a few slots that open up, I suspect, in the next month or so. Right.

And I have to say, if you have booked Desire Pearl the week that we're going to be there, which is November 14th through 21st, I really need you to contact us because of all the cancellations and just the strange year it's been, I think I've really lost control. And you all know me, I'm a control freak and I'm just a little unsettled. And I feel like I really lost control of an accurate head count and guest list of who's coming with us. So I really need some help with that. We know who has signed up through our affiliate link on our website.

But other than that, we really, we don't know and we want to know if you're, if you're planning on coming with us. So yeah, shoot us a message and let us know so that I can start working on an accurate guest list. Yeah. So that's all the business for now, but what's been going on with the Joneses? We went on a date. A real date. Yeah, face-to-face. I know. With a new couple. I know, masks and all. Oh, yeah, that's right. We did, yeah. Yeah, we did.

We were at a restaurant that made us really follow the rules and we had to wear masks until we sat down and yeah and um it was a beautiful evening i mean it was the weather was nice we ended up eating inside i think there were only like maybe two other tables inside and it was hot as snot that night so eating inside was nice because we had air conditioning um the drinks were amazing yeah um really interesting craft cocktails the bartender was thrilled because i think he was kind of bored so i think he might have experimented on my drink a little bit yes um so he was watching me take the first sip and i had to give him like the thumbs up to tell him it was okay.

Just a really wonderful couple. They had reached out to us, and they don't live near us. They came into town for the weekend and stayed at a really cool Airbnb kind of deal. And we met at a really quaint restaurant, had a nice dinner, and went back to their Airbnb. We went to a brewery.

we went to a brewery first yeah after dinner and that was really fun sat outside and um there was a another restaurant playing live music like a block away so we got to hear the live music even though it wasn't at our place so i don't know we had fun we did have fun yeah we had so much fun i going to see them again. I think so. I think we'll talk about that night a little bit more as the podcast goes on. That night was memorable. Yeah, for a lot of reasons. Yeah, so then you and I did a couple of dates, too.

We went to a winery, our favorite winery, one weekend and sat outside and went back to the local brewery. So it's been, it's just been nice. I think life is getting back to, we're, we're not scared to death to go out anymore. We're still being very cautious, but we're getting out. And it seems like the world is, our state is doing a very good job of managing things. Right. I mean, things are still very restricted here, but, but there are ways we get out and about. Yeah. And it's been it's been good. I mean, I I just remember I remember going five weeks without driving my car.

I know last spring. Yeah. And I still don't really drive very much. But we are it seems like I get out of the house at least once a week now. Yes. And and it isn't going to the grocery store to do my pickup order like we're actually going somewhere yeah and i don't know hopefully hopefully that will continue to evolve and yeah and create some sort of a a new normal where we're not so claustrophobic yeah so speaking of desire yes we really did like get out of the house. We did. We went to Mexico and the contrary to what a lot of people believe, the border is open.

Well, I was the first one that made that mistake. I mean, because the borders are closed, but you can't drive over the borders. Correct. You can fly over the borders. And the purpose of this trip was twofold or more. It was to give, we need to meet with the desire management to plan for our November week. Right. But we also wanted to experience Desire Pearl in COVID times. Right. Just to see how the resort was being managed and what kind of policies that they had in place and what kind of procedures that they had put into place and what kind of experience that it would be.

Um, because the desire experience is really unique and we just wanted to experience that before we met a bunch of people down there right and we wanted a vacation for two oh well thank you for actually acknowledging that you're sounding so noble like we went down there just for a business trip i was getting ready to throw the flag at some point there yeah no not at all and we stayed actually you drug me by the hair like i was afraid to go right because i am much we just we figured out like over the past five Thank you.

and we stay actually you drug me by the hair like i was afraid to go right because i am much we just we figured out like over the past five months i am much more risk adverse than you are correct not that you're wild and crazy but i would hide in my closet until the pandemic was over yeah and i think it's important to say that we made this decision on our own, and what we did was we assessed what Mexico is doing and not doing to help manage this, what the resort is doing, what the airlines are doing, and what our private transportation company is doing.

and also we had to we know a whole lot more about this virus now than we did three or four or five months ago. And the virus is evolving. Yes. I mean, it's mutating and doing all of its weird things. Right.

So we, we anticipated that we might be exposed, but we also know that we know our current health conditions and we just decided that the risk was worth um you know taking the chance and we're fortunate in that we both work from home yeah so it wasn't going to impact our ability to work right um we we were just worried about our family at home we had a post-trip quarantine plan to fall back on yeah which we fell back on I don't know.

work right um we we were just worried about our family at home we had a post-trip quarantine plan to fall back on yeah which we fell back we did so let's talk about the before we get into the exposure thing let's let's talk about the the week we we did meet some people down there some friends yes and i think we mentioned this on our last podcast we had to push our dates back because of a family commitment that was totally worth it. Yeah.

I mean, it was an amazing family event, and we're so glad that we changed our dates, even though we only got to overlap with a lot of our friends for one night. Right. So we hit the ground running when we got there. Yes. Because we got there on Sunday, and a lot of our friends were leaving on Monday. Well, if you'll remember the first thing that happened when we landed and we came out to meet our transportation, our USA transfer guy, he, well, besides disinfecting our bags and you know, everything he stopped us from getting in.

And he said, I just want to, I just want to personally thank you too for coming back to Mexico yeah he said it's been a rough summer and he he was just so grateful that it was actually pretty emotional it was yeah you know it was a very nice personal thank you for coming down and and he was explaining how they um very personable guy he was talking about how they're handling schools down there and, you know, I mean, he had school age kids, so he was telling us about how they handled school during the spring and how their schools are going to be in the fall.

I mean, it, it was just, I don't know. The Mexican culture is just, they're warm, gracious people. Yeah. So when, so as far as the, um, let's talk so we stayed in the mansion we should say that and and that and the resort was only about 30 to 35 percent full i heard it was like 40 percent full we got there like at the weekend yeah and and so we stayed in the mansion which is a little bit more secluded and you can choose to be more secluded over there. So that probably helped us a little bit. Yeah. Had a great time overall. It was just a good trip. It was the perfect trip for you and I. Yeah.

Because we really focused on each other. Yeah. Some of the things that we noticed about the resort well first of all the resort did we believe that that the resort is doing everything that they can do to manage the coronavirus yes and we'll talk more about that in a minute I always say that resort is cleaner than my house, and I think my house is pretty clean. Yeah. When we walked in, we had to walk across a disinfectant pad, and then they disinfected our luggage again, and then they took our temperatures. We had to fill out a health form. And then we did the regular check-in.

I mean, all of the staff was wearing masks and goggles. Yeah. Um, every, even the playmakers, which the poor playmakers, I mean, we, I was playing water polo and what was her name? Candy. No, Candace. Yeah. Candace. Yeah. She's in the water with the mask on and it's getting wet. It's hard enough to breathe through those things anyway. She's got a mask on and she's hard. She can't breathe. She's got to get out three or four times to change the mask, but, but they don't let it bother them.

It's definitely, um, noticeable when you first get there, but after a while you, you don't even think about it. Yeah. I mean, they're doing like the, the same staff was there, you know, everybody was familiar. Um, it, they're not fully staffed yet because the capacity is only at, you know, 30 ish percent. Right. Um, but they, they said that they've kept everybody on the payroll and that people have come back as the capacity increases. Yeah. Which is nice. Um, so it was just really nice to see familiar faces. Um, they did have the Thank you. as the capacity increases, which is nice.

So it was just really nice to see familiar faces. They did have the pool chairs separated more so that you had more personal space. And because the capacity was so low, it was like every other pair of chairs were being occupied that week. And the restaurants were staggered with their opening.

Like Desire Pearl open the restaurant was not open every night right it was every other night so we ate in suki at suki one or two nights and then we we didn't even eat at pearl we ate mostly at the restaurant over at the mansion yeah which only has eight well we ate outside twice yeah which was nice they did a like a cocktail hour and barbecue by the pool one night to keep people outside. Yeah, so they did a good job of distancing people. Well, setting up the resort to distance people. The other thing that I noticed was they were using a lot of paper towels.

And this disappointed me a little bit because I like going in the men's room. They have the little staff person that rolls up the washcloths, and that's what you dry your hands on. Well, they've done away with the washcloths. At least temporarily. Temporarily. Yeah, they're trying to go with more disposable things for sanitation. Right.

And the restaurant staff was keeping their distance at the table they they did a good job of training their staff and they did everything they could however if you're going to go to desire and distance yourself from people you're really not getting the desire vacation the desire experience and so most of us got in the hot tub. Now we stayed out of the disco for the most part. I danced one night and I felt, um, a little claustrophobic. I'll, I don't know.

I'll probably feel different in November just because more time will have passed and you know, we'll just have more experience with the virus. But I was not comfortable in the disco. And one night we danced. We didn't even get through one song, and I'm like, I just really don't want to be here. So we left. So we did use the playroom in the mansion several nights. Every night, honey. Every night. Every night. That was several. Yeah. There's three adjacent beds and then there's a, like a liberator couch thing. Yeah. So we started on the left and we worked our way down.

Although I think a couple of, a couple of nights we, we liked that middle bed. Yeah. We use that one more than once.

It's easy to stay distance in the pool because it wasn't that crowded and the pool is a big place yeah it's the hot tub that's the killer yep and the and the disco yeah so state we stay out of the disco but we didn't stay out of the hot tub and you know and i mean even the hot tub you're outside yeah you know when when you kiss somebody else yeah that's pretty much the right you're sealing the deal there right you know that i think that's the thing that you you have to decide ahead of time you know if i'm going to end up interacting with other people i have a really good chance of catching the virus so we sat down with the general manager and the entertainment manager and the front desk manager and the customer service manager and we went through our itinerary for november but we also listened to them tell us everything that they were required to do by by local law mexican law as far as national law right and you know the united states hasn't done a very good job of a consistent message and federal leadership from the top as far as managing this so it felt like even at mexico they had done a pretty good job of laying down the law for how these resorts were supposed to operate right i think i think the message to the resorts is very consistent so they know what's expected of them.

Yeah. So in other words, they have to do their laundry more frequently. The laundry has to be laundered at a certain temperature. The laundry soap had to have a certain percentage of chemicals in it. Yeah.

I mean, the cleaning, every public surface has to be sprayed down every 20 minutes right and the cleaning supplies have to have a certain amount of alcohol or bleach or whatever um like it's it's very structured yeah as far as how they have to manage public spaces yeah and so it's obvious that they made an investment in that and they made an investment in training their staff so everything that they were having to put into place as far as food services and laundry services and guest services entertainment services they the entertainment staff was still very very peppy and you know upbeat, but they did away with some of the poolside games where people had close contact with each other.

Well, they didn't do away with them. They changed them. They did away with the ones that were close contact. Right. But they, they were still doing them. They, they just are doing different games. Correct. Right. And, and what they're doing is they're, they're keeping it so that couples aren't encouraged to interact with other couples. You know, you have to do that on your own time, so to speak. So, yeah, I mean, I actually really enjoyed what they were doing. Yeah. So they're still involving people and encouraging people and making people feel welcome and included.

included yeah so anyway we were very happy with um everything that the resort was trying to do and was doing in order to you know make the place as clean as possible yeah however you know we we were exposed yeah to coronavirus and the group of, I don't, we didn't really go with the group, but there were several couples that we knew that were going to be down there. And a few couples that we met once after we got down there. Right, right. Like about half of our friends left the day after we arrived, but there were still three other couples that stayed throughout the week.

We stayed the longest of anybody because our whole date had been pushed back, but but we did have some friends that were there most of the time we were there and and as our friends were leaving you know we started getting messages back that that they weren't feeling well and that they had gone home and some of them told us that they had gone home and tested positive a couple of them said they had gone home and were asymptomatic. Um, but for the most part, a lot of the people that we were with were exposed and had some sort of a symptom. Right. Now we, you had zero symptoms, right?

I had a scratchy throat for a couple of days, which in the grand scheme of things, this was probably the healthiest we've ever come back from desire. Right. Like I didn't lose my voice. Like I usually lose my voice by day three and I didn't lose my voice this time. And I think it's just because the resort wasn't full and it wasn't as loud and I wasn't in the disco every night trying to talk over the music. Um, so I came, this is the healthiest I've ever come home. Um, are we COVID free? We didn't get tested.

I contacted my doctor and, and right now in Virginia, I think, I think it's because all the colleges are going back. cdc just changed their guidelines well the cdc changed their guidelines after right we got back but it's the same message now if you're asymptomatic and you have the ability to self-quarantine which you and i do because we work from home right they asked us to not take up a test um you know because they're running short on tests where we are. Yeah. So we're going to go get the, um, antibody test. Hopefully it will tell us that we've already had it.

And I mean, I felt a little bit off and, and I did have a, and I wouldn't even say it was a sore throat. It was a scratchy throat and a little bit of a cough. So we, we believe that we had it, had coronavirus, but we don't know yet. Yeah. I mean, we came home and we wore masks for 14 days. Like Mr. Jones said, it would be nice if our antibody test comes back positive because then, you know, from what they say, we might be, you know, off the hook for 90 days. Right. So our November trip will Yeah. But, um, I guess we were lucky.

I was actually very concerned because sometimes when I catch a cold, I end up with that nasty cough that lingers for a week. So I've been very anxious about it. And, um, and luckily, luckily we came through unscathed. Yes. Um, in the grand scheme of things, like like i said like two years ago we came from desire home from desire you were sick for two months yes um so i don't mean to we don't mean to belittle covid virus but because because we're understanding it more and we decided to take this risk. it's a very personal decision.

So we certainly understand if people decide not to go and we're not going to encourage one way or the other. It's certainly up to you all. But we're glad that we went and we're definitely going back in November. And you I think there are a couple of things that desire could have done differently.

Well, one thing that Mexico could do that they're not doing is require you to bring a test result with you into the country that said, and that's what Jamaica is doing right now, where if you're coming in and you land, you have to give them a piece of paper that is less than 10 days old that says you were tested negative for coronavirus right they could do that and they're not the only other thing that i thought that the resort could do is is act like a cruise ship and kick everybody out of the resort on sunday morning and let every the new crew come in on sunday afternoon or monday right that since there's always a continuous flow of people in and out it would be hard to eradicate it from right from the resort one person brings in at the beginning of the month and and then you know they pass it on and then there's an overlap and it would just go.

Obviously, the staff could get it. But they can't make us book, everybody book a Saturday to Saturday trip. Well, they could. They could. That's the only thing that I thought that they could do better, to just get everybody out, clean the resort, and then start letting people back in and do that temporarily. But, you know, other than that, and I think we also should say that the friends of ours and the people that we met that did get sick, none of them felt like the resort did anything wrong. Right. It was their decision to go down there. Everybody's taken responsibility for.

Um, fortunately everybody's gotten over it and it's healthy again. I mean, the, the afternoon we got down there and, and we walked to the pool and we saw our friends and, and we got in the pool and I'm like, well, here we go. I mean, I wasn't going to stay six feet away from him. I kind of hugged him and I, I didn't really kiss anybody like the first day, but we were hugging people and we were closer than six feet and they're not even saying six feet's enough anymore. And you know, at that point in time, you're like, okay, I've just accepted the fact that I've exposed myself. Yeah.

So anyway, we made it back. We had a good time. Yeah. We're healthy. Yeah. Stay tuned. Yeah. We're very fortunate. And as I mentioned, we stayed in the mansion just the second time. And I'll say that if you ever want to stay in the mansion. Holy cow. We can get a pretty good discount on mansion rooms. So email us and, or go to our website. There's information there, or you can send us an email. Um, but it's, it's quite something. And there's another possible thing that we might be doing in 2022. Yeah. We were thinking of doing a mansion takeover cause there's only eight rooms.

So if that's something that you're interested in. Yeah, just like a long weekend. Oh my goodness. Yeah, like a four-night Desire Mansion party. So we are definitely going in November. If you're interested in going, please sign up even though we're full. And this will be the first week that Desire is full ever since pre-COVID. Yeah, the general manager told us that. So they're pretty excited about November. So they are going to let us fill the resort. And we did ask about that. We're like, are you going to be allowed to have 100% capacity that week? And he said yes. Yeah.

So any other questions about Desire, send me an email. But that that's the story and we're looking forward to November. Yeah. It'll be fun to go back. All right. When we come back, I'm going to find out how I'm supposed to know when she is. Lord, he's got a lot to learn folks. Stay tuned.

welcome welcome back to segment two how do i know when she's interested in me so this discussion popped up in our men's only group and in our private community and so what we did was that we did a zoom chat for guys only and we talked about this and then at the same time the ladies were doing a ladies chat talking about the same topic so how we yeah we did a chat on how we could fix you all yeah and then we all came together as a large group one friday night and discussed it as a whole group yeah it was it was a lot of it was very interesting and it helped give us a lot of insights to share tonight so what guys were saying was you know i've missed too many opportunities to like ask the cute girl to dance only to find out afterwards that she was standing over there hoping that i would that was the mentality that the guys had it's going right back to high school or middle school.

I know. Eighth grade dance. Yeah. But unlike the middle school dance, this is not about guys being too shy for the most part. It's about guys being super respectful when it comes to flirting with another man's wife. You know, what it is, is I had a friend that I used to work with, and he that he, he had like the word married, like tattooed on his forehead. Yeah. You know, and he said he never really had to worry about anybody hitting on him because he said he did the marriage walk with like his head down and his eyes down. And then he had, you know, he always felt like he had married tattooed.

So I think it's hard for y'all to shake that. Right. So this is about picking up the, on those clues that she's interested, number one, and then getting comfortable, um, talking with another woman and then trying to figure out how in the world am I supposed to know that she's interested in me? So what we're going to do tonight is I'm going to share some of the thoughts the guys have, and then you can set us off straight. Okay. I'm the fixer. Yeah, you're the fixer.

So, you know, the other sentiment was, um, we want you to know that we're interested and we know we have a responsibility to let you know that we're interested, but we don't want you to think that we're creepy because we are are confident most of us are confident in our lives and we're confident in our careers and we're confident as husbands and we're confident as fathers and whatever else we do in life but we're not as confident when it comes to approaching other women and so we haven't been allowed to well that's what I'm getting at so so some of the things that the guys were saying was, you know, you're going to think that number one was somebody said, well, the woman is just going to think that I want to have sex with you.

And we think that way because we think you think like we do. and even though we have to admit that's always in the back of our minds we don't we don't want to come across as is like right out of the chute talking about, you know, sex. Right. Well, I mean, you guys do have two brains. Yeah. You know, one above and one below. Right. You know, so we, yeah, so we, I think you assume that we assume that you're talking with the wrong brain. Correct. Right. And we know we're blockheads. Yeah. Some of us find it difficult to openly express our interest when our wives are present.

And again, this is out of respect, but it's respect for her because we've been together or we've been married X number of years and society tells us, you know, you stand and you wedding vows and one and only, and you can't look at anybody else. You can't, I don't want my wife to catch me looking at another woman. And God forbid, if I flirted with another woman, that just doesn't happen.

And so the sentiment was, if you and I are standing next to each other, it's a little bit difficult for me sometimes to flirt with the other woman or express interest in the other woman, because I don't want to hurt your feelings. I don't want to disrespect you. Right. And even though we know that that's what the lifestyle is not about, it's still ingrained in us as gentlemen. Right, right.

It's hard to cross that line especially at first um without being a hundred percent confident of the feedback you're going to get you know both from the the woman that you're interested in and your life partner you know it it takes a few tries yeah without getting you know hit over top of the head with something. Can I put you on the spot then for a minute? Sure. Because before we got into the lifestyle, you used to tease me that I could never. You used to say women were flirting with me all the time and I just couldn't pick up. I never picked up on it. Oh, my God.

We went out to dinner one night. I think we were like at Chili's or someplace like that and we weren't even drinking alcohol we were drinking like iced tea I think we had our kids with us this girl was so smitten by you like you would take one sip of your iced tea and she would come and refill it it was ridiculous she was just very well trained oh my gosh you know and it wasn't like the restaurant was empty and she had nothing better to do. She just would not stay away from our table. And she was all about you.

Like, my drink could have been completely empty and I could have died of thirst like the Sahara Desert. And you, like a half an inch down your iced tea, she would refill it. But I think what I was. Batting her eyes at you. Okay, well, that's enough. Okay, I'll let it go.

Yeah, I think what i'm getting at is that i i don't think i would have it was easier for me to flirt with other women once we got into the lifestyle because you always encouraged me well you didn't encourage me but you always laughed when other women well i was laughing this night too because you were so oblivious i'm like i'm like honey she has like a total crush on you and you're like what she's just being a good server i mean you probably gave her like a 50 tip or something okay well let me flip this around on you okay what about have there ever been times in the lifestyle when i'm flirting with another woman that it does bother you um it's uh yeah okay and it's, uh, yeah.

Okay. And it's because I have not had an opportunity to connect with her yet. I feel left out of the loop and then it's not okay. Okay. So we'll talk about that more later because that's really kind of like the key to success. Okay. All right. We'll put a pin in that one. Okay. Yeah. Another thought that some of the guys have was some of us think that your husband might punch us in the mouth if we flirt with you again, because that, because, you know, husbands are the protectors, the defenders. And, and so, I know, but there's still this sense that, am I supposed to talk to him first?

Am I supposed to get permission? Am I okay with him? Is he, you know, not only do I have to worry about disrespecting my wife, but I have to worry about the husband and what he's thinking of me. And so all this is a huge part of this. So all this is going on this is going on in our heads and I'm just saying that this is all part of the confusion that we feel as guys right okay the other thing is that good lord we've been monogamous for I mean for us it was 30 years and we just need to practice this right And it doesn't matter how long you've been married.

Once you make that commitment to your life partner, um, you, something in there's like a switch inside of your brain that flips and it's like, okay, my, my focus is on this person now. Right. And I'm not allowed to focus on anybody else. I can admire somebody else, but you know, to cross that line and actually express an interest in somebody else that is We'll be right back.

not allowed to focus on anybody else i can admire somebody else right but you know to cross that line and actually express an interest in somebody else right that is that's taboo yes and it's really hard to accept the fact that you're allowed to switch that or flip that switch back right and and actually express an interest in somebody else without, you know, ruining your relationship. Yes.

And lastly, and this is a big one, but especially somebody like me, I mean, I worked 30 years for the same organization and I had to go through this training every year, but we're not, we're taught to not look at another woman. We're taught to only speak professionally to other women.

We're taught not to look below the neckline not to compliment a woman's attire you know we're just trained to be that way and so i'm just setting the questions up to give you an idea of you ladies an idea of it's not that we're shy and it's not that we're not interested it's that these are the kinds of things that we're struggling with you know when we first get into this and realize we have to I do have to let me just put it this way the men do understand that it's our responsibility to reach out to you and make sure that you know that we're interested in you we don't expect you to make the the first move.

Right. We know that it's up to us, but these are all the things that are going through our minds as we're trying to battle through all of that to, to make that first move. Right. And I am, I am going to really date myself right now. I mean, y'all know how old we are, but now you're really going to know how old we are because when I was a girl, I was not allowed to call boys. Like I, I just wasn't. And then you couldn't have private conversations with boys because you had quartered phones and the only phone we had was in the kitchen and the quartered only stretched so far around the corner.

Right. Right. Um, but I was not allowed to call a boy.

Right if we were like going steady i still wasn't allowed to call my boyfriend even though my mom knew him and she liked him and approved of him and met his family etc it didn't matter i'm gonna call bs on you because you know what you did uh-huh you would tell your girlfriend to go tell his friend that you were interested and then he would come he would come ask you well yeah yeah so you would still take the initiative well right i mean so we had to do these workarounds all the time but anyway this is the way we grew up like our generation yes like you had to pursue me yeah and i was not allowed to pursue you so now you want to pursue somebody in the lifestyle yes but you know your brain is saying hello you're not allowed to do that you're not allowed to do that and then if you're pursuing somebody of a certain age like me right i'm i wasn't allowed to even call you right much less flirt with you good lord so there's all of these like societal like stigmas attached to all of this flirting on top of our commitment to our life partner right and y'all are there on the other side waiting for us to make that move thinking what's wrong with me right is it my dress is it my age is it my hair is it my weight is it you know y'all are thinking all these things and we're just scared to death pizza last night like i'm bloated and like blah i mean i could go on and on and on all right well here's here's some questions that the guys have so i've set the stage so i'm going to ask these are that's totally up to you, Mrs.

Jones to set us all straight. Oh my gosh. Number one, are we the ones that are supposed to make the first move? You know, speaking of that, you were just speaking of that. I know.

So my background says, yes, um, it, it should not be your responsibility and only your responsibility to make the first move should you be allowed to of course should should it be only you making the first move and i have to be the submissive you know female sitting in the corner batting my eyelashes no i should be able to make the first move too well let me ask you personally do you do you appreciate when men express an interest first yes okay that now we're getting somewhere yes okay why is that because i well first of all i i'm kind of bossy at home i'm pretty bossy at work but in societal settings and social settings I tend to be somewhat quiet yeah and in lifestyle settings I can be kind of submissive which is weird but true yes so you appreciate the guy approaching you yes I need that actually good answer the second question should we talk to your husband first or should we just express interest to you so we just had a situation at desire in the hot tub last month or not even last month a few weeks ago um we had met a couple kind of sort of early in the week um we were only there five days so our time was short but we met a couple a few days ahead of time and towards the end of the week we could tell that there was some attraction there and um i didn't think they were in the lifestyle um because he kind of said something like the very first night we met them and said something about you know we we always find it you know know, unnerving or off putting when people say, are you guys in the lifestyle?

So that led me to believe that they weren't. Right. Um, as the week went on, they kind of figured out we had a podcast and whatever. Um, but we never really put the moves on them, although we ended up gravitating towards them a lot. They were just really nice people and they were both really attractive, which kind of helped. But, um, I never thought that he was even like interested in that way.

And then one night in the hot tub and you and I had talked and we were like, gosh, you know, if circumstances would be different, we would really enjoy getting to know them more and playing with them and one night in the hot tub you were I could almost touch you you were talking to somebody else but you were right next to me and he said can I kiss you and I said yes and then I I kissed him and the whole time all of these bells and whistles were going off in my head like I don't know where his wife is.

And don't know if she's okay with this you know I was kind of freaking out but um you know he he asked my permission but at the same time you could have heard him say that so I felt like I had permission from you because you and I had talked ahead of time and he knew that you knew what was going on on. So he was very respectful in that regard. Yeah, he did approach me before that. Not right before that, but a day or so before that. Oh, see, I didn't even realize that. Well, that's getting back to this question about should we talk to the husband first?

And he came to me, and he said, you know, would Mrs. Jones be interested in me? And I said, well, we've talked and you're on the short list. And she drools every time she looks at you. Yeah. So, so go for it. Yeah. I think, I think you're not going to get shot down. So in this case, he did come talk to me first. And I think I respected that of him. And I mean, I didn't tell him what to do. I just said, yes, I think she is interested and knock yourself out. So the next question is like, what kind of compliments do you like um i like them all. Okay. That was easy.

You left me speechless for a minute. Um, I like, I like people to like me. I like people to compliment me on my appearance. Um, that makes me feel confident. Um, I like them to be interested in me as a person. And that's actually very important to me. That's my deal. I know not everybody necessarily feels that need for that kind of connection. I really, as far as like compliments go, I really don't want very explicit compliments. Like you have great tits, like right out of the chute. Right. That can come later. I would really appreciate that at some point down the road. But not at first.

That would put me on guard. And again, this is just my personality. No. And I tend to be very shy. I don't know. I'm not a very aggressive swinger. So maybe you mentioned your appearance or your attire, and ladies do this all the time, and the freaking shoes. Ladies just compliment each other on shoes all the time. Oh, my God, shoes are the best. But I'm thinking of like eyes.

Eyes are a safe space, right safe space right yes okay because that's not a sexual part of your body right but it's a very um intimate part of your body i think yeah or something that i've noticed about you like your tattoo or your jewelry or something that's a conversation starter right right okay and speaking of that what kind of things should we talk about if I'm going to approach you or if a man's going to approach you and you just mentioned you want them to like you personally so what kind of conversation has to happen there for you to feel like I want to get to know you personally well you know like if you event, um, it can start out being inane stuff.

Like, have you guys been to this event before? Or, you know, what do you guys normally like to do? Do you like to go to clubs or do you go to resorts or, you know, how do you guys kind of meet people? You know, so you start out kind of in a, in a broad fashion and then you can kind of drill down into, you know, more personal things about people. Um, do I want them to ask me what I do for a living right out of the bat, right off the shoot or whatever? Like, not necessarily, cause that might make me feel put on the spot, but at some point, um, I am interested in that part of a person.

Um, I like to know what makes people tick. Uh, maybe not in the first 30 minutes, which is kind of what we're talking about tonight, but at some point that is going to become important to me. Okay. So I don't know. I, I don't like talking about sex with people right away. Right. Even though that's why we're at an event. I mean, we can't sugarcoat that. Right. But you've got to ease into it. Yeah, we had a conversation about that recently in the men's group too. And we should say that this is our view on the lifestyle. Which is a pretty tame one. Yeah.

And the people that we connect with have similar views. But some guys are going right for the sex part of it. And some ladies probably like that. Yeah. But in our circles, you're speaking more in general for the types of people that we normally connect with. Right. Or people that are new to the lifestyle. You know, you start out slow. slow yeah and then figure out what your jam is right and i and i think um back to that point about i think there's three things that describe us that we're very deliberate you said slow but i like the word deliberate. We're very deliberate.

We're social before we're sexy. So therefore the conversation is going to be about a social conversation and not a sexy conversation at first. Yeah, right. And we're sapiosexual, so we're attracted to intelligent people. So intelligent conversation, no matter what the topic is, is important too. Before I get in bed with you, I need to know what makes you tick. Right. Yeah. So is it okay to touch you at all during a conversation? Yes. Um, yes, but it's all about, it's all about body language. uh-huh um you you have to start out slow with me. You can't touch someplace. I don't know.

Start out touching my arm or my shoulder. And then let me feel the chemistry that is or is not going on between us.

And then i'm going to react accordingly and i have to notice that yes yeah um and i can do the same thing that that this is what we talked about in the ladies group like you guys don't really know where the line is so a lot of times you will err on the side of caution or you'll say let's just go for it and see what happens right um so both people were equally responsible for reading body language so if you start out slow and you and you're talking to me and you're making a joke and you reach out and you like you know touch me on my on my forearm and I don't draw away and I don't turn my head to look for like you, for example, you know, I'm like, whoa, where's Mr.

Jones? Or I wonder what the ladies line looks like. I need to go to the bathroom or, oh, my glass is empty. I need a new drink. Those are clues that maybe whatever you just did made me uncomfortable and I'm looking for an escape route. Um, if you touch me on the arm and I lean in or I touch you back on your shoulder or your, you know, your nice sexy bicep or something, you know, then, then just kind of take it from there.

But I think body language is a huge part of it and that takes a little bit of um emotional intelligence to to figure that out and to figure out what your next appropriate step would be okay so i'm gonna interrupt this program with a public service message for most guys okay this is where we fail yeah this is where most guys most most guys get on the w and f list right away oh what does that mean mr jones will not fuck I don't know.

we fail yeah this is where most guys most most guys get on the w and f list right away oh what does that mean mr jones will not fuck there's the there's i like to think of it as radar you know radar you send a ping out and then you're expecting a ping back right and if i'm not looking for that ping back and it doesn't have to be words it can be body language like you just said if i'm not paying for that ping back, and it doesn't have to be words. It can be body language like you just said.

If I'm not paying attention to the body language, I'm going to come across as being a total ass or a one-way that I'm not picking up what you're laying down. I'm just spitting it out to you, and I'm expecting that that is working.

And a lot of guys either don't take the time or don't have what did you say is it emotional intelligence that you just said you know you have to really pay attention and and again this is something that we haven't done for x number of years probably and so it it takes a lot of practice i you really have to pay attention to the woman to see how she's is she running away from you? I mean, literally, that's what we've seen sometimes. And the guys are chasing them down. And I've done that too. Yeah. Going to the bathroom is the best escape route for a girl.

Well, let me go back to the gentleman in the hot tub that you said approached you and said, may I kiss you? Did you all have a conversation, a personal conversation prior to him asking you that? Or did he just come up out of the blue and say, can I kiss you? Well, we had been hanging out with them. Okay. And, and his wife had been hanging out with us too. It's just when he asked me that she wasn't around, which kind of freaked me out a little bit. And you were, you were like 90 degrees.

You were there, but you were turned away like 90 degrees i get that what i'm asking for is this this wasn't a guy who we just met at the hot tub and he blurted out may i kiss you this was he did not no this had been this had been a couple of days coming yes yeah okay and so we had gone through the deliberate part of it we had gone through the social conversation. And as we stood around in the hot tub talking, he would stand next to me and he would put his hand like on my back. Yes. Like he never grabbed something he shouldn't have grabbed without consent. Right.

But he would, he touched me a lot, but it was like on my lower back or on my shoulder, put his hand around my waist and, but he never like touched my breast or, you know, my butt or anything.

So he was measuring my response and because I never pulled away from him and I would like lean in and then I would put my hand around his waist as well he knew that if he asked me if it was okay to to for him to kiss me that I probably was not going to shoot him down well something I do is and a good example of that is is I'll say hey I'm going to go to the bar can I get you a drink and I'll put my fingertips on your shoulder or your forearm and I'll say, hey, I'm going to go get a drink. Do you want something? If you, what I'm listening for is number one, do you want a drink?

Because if you do, you'll tell me and that means you want me to come back. Right. The other thing is when I excuse myself to go to the restroom or excuse myself to go talk to somebody else, if I wander back into your orbit and you don't turn around and speak to me, or you don't turn around and open up, include you in the circle, you know, then I take that as a signal. So these are practical things that I think a lot of guys could do or don't pick up on.

And if you, if I, if I come back and you turn your shoulder and open up and kind of invite me to come back and stand next to you again, then that's a, that's a way that you're showing me through your body language that you want to continue the conversation. Yeah. And can I just say something like as far as like body language goes, I think men also need to realize, and, and I'm not really a short girl. I'm five, four. So I think five, five is realize, and I'm not really a short girl. I'm 5'4", so I think 5'5 is average. So I'm not tall, but I'm not super tiny.

But I'm still kind of a smaller person. Sometimes your size is a disadvantage because your size can be intimidating. My size? Well, you, yeah, you're a very tall person. Like you're six, three. Right. Um, but also just bigger men, like burlier men in general, um, your size can be intimidating. So if you could just be aware of that, that it isn't necessarily that I don't want you to touch me, but you're just, um, you just have like this imposing presence that you need to soften with your body language and your tone. Right. Okay. What are some ways that you let a guy know that you're interested?

Um, eye contact. Okay. Um, I, I, this sounds silly, but you know, just laughing at their jokes and, you know, just really just engaging in conversation and then touching. Can we talk about engaging in conversation? That doesn't mean, like, if a woman starts giving me one and two word answers, that's not engaging. No. She's talking back, but she's not engaged.

If I'm asking you questions, you know, about whatever you're talking about, or, or if I'm sharing with you, if you're asking me questions and I'm actually sharing with you instead of giving you the, you know, two word answers or whatever, as I'm not making eye contact. Okay.

So what are some ways that you let a guy know that you're not interested um i have to go to the bathroom i look around um and and this is an easy one because i see like you and i host a lot of events so we tend to get separated a lot so when i'm when i'm not um feeling comfortable i start looking around like i don't i can't Mr. Jones. I wonder where he is, you know? So I start looking around for you and, um, you know, or my drink is empty. I need to go get a drink. So it's kind of the opposite of the ways that... I'm just making excuses to get away. Yeah. You're not engaging in conversation.

No. You're not making eye contact. No, I am not touching the person. You're going to get a drink. You're going to, and you're not coming back. Right. And again, guys need to just be perceptive. Right. And pick up on that. Right. So it doesn't. Like my personality is not going to be, fuck off. There's no way I'm going to do anything with you. Like I'm not going to do that. I'm going to figure out a way to gracefully exit. But that also means it's up to you to figure out that that's what I'm doing. Yes.

So I think the, one of the things that you told me when we were going, when we were talking about this topic was you, you wanted, women wanted to not feel like they were being preyed upon. Yes. Um, it's the wholehead caveman days hunter gatherer thing like you know men are you're just programmed i mean biologically i think programmed to be the hunters right and um and women can feel like the prey sometimes yes and again, it goes back to that size thing. Like, you know, a lot, a lot of men are taller than most women, even with our heels on. Right.

And, and you're, you guys just, you have broad shoulders, you have, you know, your, your torsos are just larger and more muscular and, and that can be intimidating. Yeah. Um, so that makes us feel like prey. And then when you start speaking to us in that same line, then it is intimidating and that's not sexy. And it's not sexy, but also I think the other thing that you've always told me was you want to feel like an equal. Yes. And if you're being preyed upon, it's almost like you're sub. Yeah. Servient or give me a chance to flirt back. Yeah.

You know, don't, don't try to sell me a bill of goods about how sexy you are and how great you're going to be in bed. Um, we'll figure that out. Right. So what, so what do you mean? What do ladies mean when they say you want to feel like an equal? I want to feel like if we engage, if we take this further and we engage that, first of all, you're interested in me as a person and not just something you could get from a sex toy or your hand. um want to actually be contributing to the experience, both physically and intellectually. Is that the right? I don't know. Yeah, yeah.

I want to desire you as much as you desire me. Right. So give me a chance to do that. Okay. And how does that start? I mean, I think maybe us guys overthink things a little bit. Like, how do we start this conversation? I think the conversation, it's not even the conversation.

It's just the magnetism going on between the two people like it's all it's all like non to me and not all it's probably what 80 to 90 percent non-verbal yeah chemistry is 80 to 90 percent right verbal right but if i'm gonna approach you Do I just come up and start talking to you yes okay that's what i was going for yeah yeah talk to me okay and then and then let me respond and then as i become comfortable and interested in you because it doesn't matter like what you look like is only a portion of what I'm going to be attracted to. Right.

You could be the most handsome movie star dude in the room. Right. And if you come up to me and you just want to sell me on your sexual prowess, it is not going to happen. If you come up to me and start a conversation with me and you make me laugh about something really stupid and silly, I am going to be totally intrigued by you. So I think what I'm hearing you say and tell me if I'm wrong, but since you, you want a guy, forget about sex because you're not even going to get to that point unless there is some sort of a connection, right? Right.

But do you also enjoy talking to men who there's clearly not going to be a sexual connection or would you rather just cut that off? And see, here's the problem because, and we talked about this a lot in the ladies group like i like to really talk to people right people are fun to talk to especially in lifestyle settings because everybody's pretty laid back and you know the vast majority of the people there don't take themselves too seriously and they're just really interesting happy people right And it's fun to talk to happy people in happy relationships. Yeah.

So you can end up spending too much time talking to somebody, even if there's no chemistry. And this sounds really callous, but you can end up wasting somebody's time. And your own. And your own time. Yeah. So I think we as ladies need to help monitor that. Does that make sense? Well, because if we spend too much time talking to you, we could be sending out the wrong signal. Like it could go somewhere further than we're really intending it to go.

Like maybe at the end of the conversation i want to give you my business card well not my lifestyle hookup card so here's the the request from the guys um don't string us along i know and don't then i'm actually kind of guilty i know and don't try to be nice don't just don't do it because that's pity that's pity i don't pity. That actually makes it worse. It's not pity. Well, that's what we think. But it's not. I might think that you're a really cool person because you work in the same industry as me or you're just a really nice, genuine person.

And maybe I don't want to have sex with you, but gosh, you're a really nice guy. nice guy yeah okay so we we have to help um make that distinction between yeah you're a really nice guy and I would love to like have coffee with you in the morning but I don't want to have sex with you tonight okay well this is a lot to take in I know I have to write this down. Before we go, I wanted to touch on what we've been talking about is human to human, person to person. That's because we're so desperate for it right now. Oh my gosh.

We're talking about going to a club, going out on a date, going to a resort. We're talking about people.

It's what we're all dreaming about right now, five months into the pandemic pandemic however um our reality is that we're doing this virtually right now so virtual interactions are different from in-person interactions so i think what we've learned and i'm not going to put you on the spot because i've had the same experience but you have really sometimes people are just like themselves virtually and sometimes people are nothing like themselves virtually oh i i totally agree with Thank you very much.

You have really, sometimes people are just like themselves virtually and sometimes people are nothing like themselves virtually. Oh, I totally agree with that. And like, I'm not like, I am not a good virtual person. Like I have no personality virtually. I struggle. Yeah. Like I don't do well and like kick or even our four way me we chats. Like I just. And it's not because I don't like the people. It's because I'm a math person and I don't do well with words and writing. It hurts. So let's bring our friends back into the conversation that we just went to dinner with that we talked about.

Oh, yeah. So typically this is what happens in our relationship because I'm the one that monitors the email and and the cassidy the ddn accounts and get the emails and get the kicks and people are expressing interest and then so i'm the first point of contact and that's what happened with this couple yeah and then they expressed an interest and then i have to go to you as the broker and i have have to say, okay, Mrs. Jones, this couple reached out to us. I've, you know, here's their message or here's their profile. You're the hunter.

Yeah, but I have to, before the conversation gets going, I have to come to you first and say, hey. Either get on board or this ain't going to happen. No, I say they're reaching out.

have i say they're reaching out and then i also say i'm interested or not you know i'm i'm interested and i think you would be interested too that's basically the spiel i give you every time right and then you roll your eyes at me and you go you know we're already doing this and we got this and you know you're the one that i have to convince then you'll say in this case we're talking about our friends that we just went to dinner with and you say okay i agree i want to meet them then i set up the kick and then we start kicking and i'm like dragging you into the conversation so i don't feel like a creep and then you do engage if you know eventually you do engage but but then once we meet them when we and I knew this was going to happen and I've and I've we've been doing this long enough now where I don't push you because I know that it's going to happen in a lot of cases and when we went to dinner with this couple you instantly like engaged instantly way better in person you are I know but but I remember telling them I told them lot of cases.

And when we went to dinner with this couple, you instantly like engaged instantly. I'm way better in person. You are. I know. But, but I remember telling them, I told them ahead of time, this has happened so many times. I told them ahead of time. I said, look, she sucks in writing. We're shitty kickers. We are terrible at this. And I try to make up excuses, but I say, you know, we've got this community that we moderate and we're on social media and, you know, we're answering emails and we're working. And so if we don't get back to you right away, I apologize, but don't take it personally.

I try to like set that. I'm teaching a third grader right now. I know. I know. But, but then when we got together with them and I, and I said, you know, Hey, I hope you didn't take this personally, but then you turn on the charm in person. I didn't have to turn it on. It was there. I know. But so my point is that I believe when you're in a virtual conversation, that happens more than not. Yes, yes. Because somebody's going to be out of balance. Yeah, you're not approaching a couple. Like in the hot tub, you're approaching a couple.

Here on social social media you're really reaching out to one person yeah and you have to break that ice somehow and you don't know maybe the other person is being maybe you're maybe you are engaging but you don't really mean it you're just doing it because you're trying to be nice right the point that i'm trying to make i think we're trying to make with anything virtual is that you still have to meet in person to validate anything that you pick up on virtually right however can i flip this around because i think this is the whole point of the of the message about virtual yeah in regard to tonight's topic right is it can be really easy for guys to be off putting in writing yes i think guys like maybe i don't know and gosh this is such a generalization it makes me feel bad for saying it before i even get it out of my mouth but um guys can be really pushy in writing yeah and sometimes maybe it's because you're shy in person.

So it gives you courage in writing. Yeah. Like behind the keyboard, you get that keyboard courage. Is that what they call it? Yeah. Um, and it can be off putting and what do you call that? The, what are the letters? WNF. Yeah. That it can put you right on the WNF list for me. Um, and, for me. And can I just say it? Don't send me a dick pic. Just don't. I don't want it. We have friends that we've been friends with for years, and occasionally we have one couple that, and actually he doesn't send the dick pic.

the will send a picture of him naked like doing something stupid like fixing something around the house or doing yard work or whatever because they have a private backyard and and i get it and i'm like oh my gosh like he's naked like i can see his junk and we've been friends with him for a long time and i've had sex with him a lot.

it still freaks me out a little bit um I just really don't want to see a dick pic right away yeah that that's not gonna work for me it's out of context and if that's your if that's what you're leading with send me a picture with your beautiful bride yeah yeah and you know just enjoying a night together and and let me see how awesome you guys are as a couple. And that's going to, Ooh, isn't she lucky? I want to know more about that. And that's going to draw me into the guy. And for me, and first of all, I know that about you, but second of all, I'm not like that either.

So if I can give you all an illustration, and here's a disclaimer, some ladies like dick pics. Yes. We're not talking to, this is a generalization for us. It's like, it's like another couple walking up to us and the guy, instead of shaking your hand, he just unzips and pulls it out and says, take a look. Yeah. Do you want some of this? Before we even introduce ourselves, before we have a conversation and you're whipping the thing out. Yeah. So I'm put off by it. Right. So if that's all you want to give me, I got one here that I've had for 35 years and it works really great.

Like I don't need that. Yeah. Yeah. So it's easy to get yourself on a list. Um, the WNF list virtually, um, because again, I'm going to go back to what we talked about the first time, and that is picking up on body language. You can't pick up on body language virtually, but you better pay attention to the conversation. Right. And you better give her a chance to respond or not and pick up on that signal and always, always defer or err on the side of, be conservative with your comments at first.

And to broaden the scope a little bit because we are really tame weenie swingers, start out slow and see how she reacts. And then keep maybe pushing the boundary a little bit and pushing the boundary a little bit.

And then if you sense that she wants the wants you know the the full dick pic or whatever she asked for it yeah let her have it yeah you know but but don't start with that right don't lead with that yeah right let it let it happen organically i guess as the relationship evolves yeah and i i think not to beat a dead horse here but chemistry is chemistry and connection only can be confirmed face to face i think so you you we have had chemistry with couples before but we didn't we thought that and we did connect with them when we got together but there's also been times when we thought we were going to have chemistry and we got together and we're like who are these who are these people i know so just that the point here is just keep that in mind that you can't jump to conclusions and just because you're having a hot steamy um conversation with somebody virtually that doesn't mean that you know she could be being really nice there or really enjoying the pictures but not really wanting to have sex with you.

Right. Because we're all trying to be polite and we're appreciating. You can appreciate somebody else's body and you can appreciate the pictures, but that doesn't mean that I'm sending them to you because I want to go to have sex with you. Right. So misinterpreting those pictures is something that a lot of men do. It doesn't mean that when we get together, that's where we're starting. We still have to go back to square two. I'm not going to say square one. Right. But we have to have the conversation. Right. You know, you're talking about all these pictures going back and forth.

And it's making me like have an aha moment with myself.

I'm not a big picture person i i don't feel comfortable sending uh pictures of myself like i mean like uh suggestive pictures of myself i don't i don't honestly don't think i've ever sent anybody a picture of me naked um but that's just me that that's just not my thing i think i'm i don't think i have any pictures of you naked no I don't think you do you always have lingerie on yeah yeah um I I'm not a visual person that isn't what draws me into somebody so when if if a guy would send me a suggestive picture um when we're in that virtual part of our relationship establishing like or not there's a connection, I honestly don't know what I would do with it.

Like how I would respond because I, it wouldn't work for me, but then I'm, I would be, I would feel like I'm too nice to say, Oh, that doesn't work for me. Don't do that again.

You know, I think, and, and i think the whole point of what we're talking about tonight is we ladies have to help you guys know where those boundaries are and they're different for each one of us because some ladies like that right um how is this poor guy gonna know right you know what i mean it is super confusing and i i just have a feeling that we're probably confusing people more than helping them at this point in time. But women, I think, are really, really different as to what's going to turn us on and what's going to make us more curious to know you better as a guy.

Yeah, this is complicated. Well, I mean, I take a lot of cues from you in the lifestyle. Well, yeah, because you, you know me, so, you know, you can tell like if a guy was in a picture like that, you would already know like, Oh boy, what's she going to do with this? Let's see how this plays out. Yeah. But, but you know, when we see, um, and this doesn't need to turn into picking on guys.

I'm just saying that cause I'm pitiful sometimes myself, but you know, when we go out and you tell me what to wear and you know, I've, yeah, you poor thing, you walk into the bathroom, I'm getting ready and I'm like, Oh, you're going to wear that. But our whole marriage, I've been taking cues from you, you know, how to, you know, carry myself and, you know, how to treat other people. It's all a product of being with you for so long. And so we're not saying that the way that we do it is the way that everyone has to do it. What we're saying is take your cues from your partner.

Well, yeah, unless, unless the couple that we're interacting with is the lady's exactly the opposite of me. Yeah. You know, then the poor guy thinks he's doing something good, which is totally the right thing for his partner, but it's not for me. But honey, what it's coming down to is the whole, what we were talking about earlier with body language and having radar. If you sense that a woman wants a picture like that and you send her one because it's solicited or the context is right and she reacts in a positive way, well then you've done your job. Yeah. Send another one.

So that's the underlying message. It's not, the message here is not to send pictures. It's to send them when you feel like it's appropriate or when the person asks for them or when the conversation has taken you to a point where that might be the next thing to do. Right. So starting with that is probably a mistake because that's where you get on the WNF list because you don't know enough about her to know if she would appreciate that or not. Right. So there's more than one setting that us guys, you know, you've always made fun of me because we have a radar. We have a UHF antenna.

You can only do one thing at a time. The ladies are like satellite dishes dishes. So, you know, just to hone in on that signal and listen for the feedback. And the feedback could come from the other woman. The feedback could come from her body language. The feedback could come from your own partner. When your own partner's involved in the conversation, it might pull you aside and said, hey, I don't think she liked that. Or maybe we shouldn't do that. Yeah. And I guess this all comes back around to, this is really a hobby to be done in person. It is.

You know, and unfortunately we're in the middle of a pandemic and, and we have had to resort to virtually connecting with people. I mean, at least zoom now you can see people, um, which is, you know, just better than some sort of messaging with them. But, um, yeah, that the chemistry really doesn't present itself authentically unless you're literally face to face. Yeah. I think to wrap it up, what we're trying to say, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, but we're, we're trying to get to know you. That's all. What guys? Yeah. We're trying to get to know you.

The objective should be to get to know the other person or the other couple. We just want to get to know you. Right. Um, so that conversation, um, involves words and it involves body language and it involves gestures and it, you know, involves paying attention and involves all the things that we're talking about tonight. So can I throw a curve ball at you as, as we're supposed to be wrapping things up? But I mean, I, it just occurred to me, you know, we, we talked earlier about women don't want to be treated as prey and that guys don't need to be hunters.

So how does a guy feel or like specifically how do you feel when a woman walks up to you? Um, whether we're, you know, at a bar at naughty new Orleans or wherever we are, whatever event or we're out and about and she strikes up a conversation with you. Does, does that, uh, kind of put you in left field and you're trying to figure out what to do with that and how to respond appropriately? No, that actually, for me, that takes all the pressure off. Oh, okay. Because I'm not the one that had to break the ice. Well, good. So, so women can feel like it's okay to do that. It is okay.

But I think what we're, what we're saying is that a lot of women were telling us that they want the man, they want know that the man's attracted to them they want to know you know that that women want to hear from us and so we have a responsibility if we're interested to come and say something but if you come up to me and start talking to me that that takes all the pressure off of me because then i can just respond to you okay now and i'm not talking about you specifically but just you know as a guy if i come up and strike a conversation with you and and okay we're at a lifestyle event and we all know that right are you automatically going to assume that i want you to have sex with me no okay no do you think the average guy is going to feel that same way or is he going going to be like, green light, let's go?

Well, I think if somebody's new to the lifestyle, that's what they might assume. If they think that's how it works. Yeah. But no, I think guys that have been in it for a while know that it's just a conversation. Okay. I mean, I'm just kind of thinking about this. You know, for the ladies out there, they might be thinking, well, you know, what if, well, what I think you need to do is go write your own outline of, and it should be titled episode 71, 79 should be, how do I know that he's attracted to me? Rats, you just gave me homework. Yeah. And that's a whole different can of worms. But,. Yeah.

So I think, I think what we're saying is that the key is equality and, you know, just, just come up and start talking. Just come up and say hello. There's nothing wrong with having a conversation. Right. But at the same time, don't let the conversation drag. If you know, it's not go anywhere. Pay attention. Don't lead somebody on and pay attention. Oh, I think he's interested in me in a way that I'm not reciprocating. Right. Okay. All right. Anything else or should we? No, I think that was plenty, especially since I just threw my curveball in at the end. Yeah, that's okay. All right.

Well, I think when we come back, we have some real snapshots to share. I have one, do you? I have one. Oh, I like the look on your face. Can't wait to hear it. All right, welcome back to snapshots and um i have a snapshot to share good yeah i didn't even have to like try to figure out what it was i can tell you had one because normally about when we sit down to podcasts you'll say oh my god i don't have a snapshot you didn't do that tonight. I know. Well, okay. So my snapshot is about playing in a playroom and we don't do that very often. We just did it a whole bunch of times.

We did it every night. We were at Desire. I don't know which night you're going to talk about. Well, I could talk about every night. So at Desire in the mansion, there's, um, it, the playroom is like and narrow. And there's like one, two, three beds that are like adjacent to each other. But they can be separated by like silk curtains that pull like this little thing on the ceiling. And then and then there's a liberator couch. So each night we worked our way down. Yeah.

Well, one night we were kind of in the I think it might have been the middle bed and on the wall across from the beds they have um a leather saint andrew's cross built right into the wall yeah with the straps and and the whole bed and and the saint andrew's cross itself is like this padded leather so it's actually really comfortable to lean up against so you and i were already playing and we were kind of minding our own business and this other couple comes in and the husband starts strapping his wife into the saint andrew's cross but it was kind of at the end of our bed yeah it was right at the foot of our bed so we were we were kind of watching and you know she was really sexy and and they were they were really having a lot of fun so he's trying strap her in, and we found a flaw with the St.

Andrew's Cross. Yes, we did. It's not made for short girls. Well, she started giggling. I know. And that got our attention even more. So when she started giggling, I had to turn around and look. And she said that she was only 5'1", and she was so short when she put her arms up for her husband to strap her wrist in, she couldn't really get a wrist up. So he's like yanking on her arm. He's like determined to get her in this thing. He's like lifting her up to get her into the wrist straps, but then her feet were dangling. This poor girl needed a step stool.

So anyway, that was kind of funny, but then they finally got her where she was comfortable, but he had her restrained and, and he was like going down on her while she was standing up on that St. Andrew's cross. It was really hot to watch. And, and then, um, I don't know. It was just, uh, that's the kind of porn I like.

I just said that I think on the last episode, like that live porn is just, that works for me yeah i like being in that environment where stuff is going on around me and um it just made for our sex being even well it was a real couple too because if it was porn produced they wouldn't have had the giggling and the problems but when you watch you watch this beautiful couple and then she you know she saunters over and tries to get in there and then the giggling starts and then and then he took it in stride and they they just started it was a playful thing it was fun to to kind of observe them I mean we weren't staring at them because we were doing our own thing at the same time but you could hear them at first I mean it was just hilarious because they couldn't get her in it because she was so tiny and then finally they they got it situated and they, you know, they were still kind of like laughing and joking around about it, but then you could hear it change, you know, it, it went from being like giggly and I can't believe we're doing this.

And then all of a sudden it got really sexy and you know, then her, her noises turned into like these really sexy moans and she was pretty verbal and, um i thought it was super hot you actually said that it was a little distracting for you well at first it was yeah but then when it got serious again it was because we were in a completely different mindset when that started yeah we were like already like 100 engaged i think i was already kind of sitting on top of you but that's what happens when you're in a public play area you have to kind of go with the flow because people are all at different points in it and there's talking and giggling and laughing and everything so yeah or like me the next night in the playroom like I think I was really loud the next night you were yeah I had found just the right.

Yeah. Your switch got stuck on position. You were sitting on top of me and you wouldn't let me move. You said, stay right there. Don't move. I know. I did get a little bossy. Yeah. That was fun. It was just, it was fun to go in there every night. And there, there were a couple of nights there would be other people in there, but there were a couple nights, we had it completely to ourselves. Yeah. And it was a it was just a really sexy space. So my snapshot is embarrassing. We mentioned at the outset that we just went out to dinner with a couple that we just met.

And they came into our town and we had gone to dinner. We had really had a good dinner. Um, great conversation. Um, a very attractive couple. And, you know, I think the four of us were settling in, we were becoming cozy. We walked down to the brewery, you know, it, the conversation just continued to free flow. And, you know, then surprisingly they invited us back to their, um, Airbnb. Yeah. And we had already decided ahead of time that we weren't going to play because it was the first date. Um, and they had, we had kind of clarified with that, them, with that, with them beforehand about that.

So I tried to pull the, the hey, you know, sometimes Mrs. Jones will ride with the gentleman and your wife can ride with me. And they said, we know that we listen to your podcast. I said, oh, darn, I guess they can't pull that one. So anyway, the four of us decided to swap partners and she was going to ride back with me. Right. Well, we had never been to the area that their Airbnb was in, so it was just going to be easy for her to give you directions. So we started walking up the hill and across the street to where I thought my car was.

Which, like, I could, when we parted ways, because they parked on a different street than we did. Yeah. I could see our car. I, I got a little bit distracted because I I'm really attracted to her and the two of us walking beside each other. Um, I was just very aware of her presence.

Let's just put it it that way so much so that i didn't even really stop to think about where i was walking and what direction i was going in and it's you know you get to that point in the conversation where okay i want to be cool about this but i think i've walked too far i don't remember my car being this far away and so i'm trying to have a conversation with her so she doesn't pick up on the fact that I'm just completely lost and I'm glancing to the left and I'm glancing to the right and I take my key fob out and I'm pressing my key fob with it still in my pocket so she can't see.

And I'm hoping that I can see some lights flashing somewhere and I don't see anything. And so finally I had to come clean. I had to say, well, I got to tell you, I think I lost my car. I can't find my car. And then, and then she was gracious about it. And she giggled only a little bit and we walked a block over and I, and it wasn't there. So then I had to do the most embarrassing thing. I said, I had to call you. I had to say, I've lost my car. Where did I park? The husband and I, we had been driving for like a few minutes. Yeah. Like it was ridiculous.

Like you called and I'm like, oh my gosh, what's happened? So I answer the phone and you're like, I can't find our car. And the first thing in my mind is, oh, my God, it must have been stolen or something. Because like it was right there. I was thinking that I was hoping almost that's what it was. I would have to say that I lost it. But you told me where it was. And so it was one street over. And I anyway made a quick detour and I got there. It was a half a block from where we were when we parted ways. It was literally a half a block away. You must have walked for a really long time.

Yes, right. I did. Oh, poor Mr. Jones. So anyway, we found the car and eventually caught up with you and went back to their place and had a wonderful rest of the evening. I know. I had the husband to myself for like 20 minutes. You did. Well, and we were joking with them afterwards. And I think she made the comment that it was very endearing when that happened. And so I guess even though it was accidental and it was embarrassing, it was a positive thing. You're human after all, I swear. Right. Yeah. So anyway, I lost my car. Next time I'm going to pay more attention.

Or next time I'll go with her and let her drive. And anyway. Yeah. So anyway, I told her, I said, well, I've never lost my car, you know, on a date before. So you should take that, you know, as a compliment that she had me so discombobulated. Well, and they want to see us again. So she doesn't, you know, she doesn't think you're senile or anything. Right, right. That's true. It's not an old age thing. And I have to say, like, can I butt in on your Snapchat? Am I going to get in trouble? No. Okay. So we did not play with them that night, even though we went back to their Airbnb.

And it wasn't for lack of wanting to. It was just, you know, it was our first date with the whole COVID thing. And I don't know. It was just, yeah, I'm just a little paranoid. And we really have tried to stick to our guns about no playing on the first date. So we did. But we had a very sensual evening with them. It was a very intellectually sensual conversation that we ended up having. Yeah. And you know what? You just reminded me of the hottest thing. What? I was trying to be good because I had agreed with you that we wouldn't play on the first date. Right.

She was sitting next to me on the couch and she had bare feet and she tucked her toes underneath my thigh like her toes were cold. Oh.

And as soon as she did that, I, I, I lost my mind a little bit and then i started wandering and that's about the time the evening wrapped up and um i you know we stood up to leave and i said is it all right if i kiss you good night well then the four of us started kissing good night and i think we kissed good night for a good 10 15 minutes and then i was like damn yeah who decided we weren't going to play on the first date that's when we were but at that point it was like two o'clock in the morning. I think we got home at like three 30.

It was, it was a little bit too late, but, but anyway, we left there knowing that we wanted more. That was the objective, right? And you found your car and I, yeah, I did find my car. So embarrassing. Yeah. All right. Well, that wraps up 78 um we would appreciate uh keep the emails coming yeah you can contact us through our website at we got a thing.com or you can send me an email at mr jones at we got a thing.com or me at mrs jones at we got a thing.com don't forget that you can get casual toys um our website at a 20% discount with the promo code that's on our website.

And you can follow us on Twitter at wegotathing. We're also on Pinterest. And you can also join DDN, Cassidy, and SDC from our website. Yeah, the three websites, the dating websites that we recommend. You can sign up for free trials there. So we hope we'll see you on one of those sites. Yeah, and since we talked about Desire tonight, don't forget that you can always check out Desire through our website, and you might even be able to join us in November. It's going to be kind of a crapshoot as far as availability. We're our mansion party in 2022. I know.

Yeah, we got to get that thing on the calendar. It's going to be fun. Okay. Thanks for listening. We are Mr. and Mrs. Jones, and we've got a thing. What's your thing? We'll be you next time.