Episode 75: Confronting Men's Performance Issues

Transcript

This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-pos positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us?

hello everyone i'm mr jones and i'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 75 of the we got a thing podcast welcome to 75 is this like what kind of anniversary stone is this diamond i think it's diamond yeah cool all right three quarters of the way there so what are we going to we hit 100 it's gonna be like okay we're never let's plan 101 once a month we're never gonna get there i know well now that's only two more years so here we are in the in the drudgery of the pandemic i was really confident when we recorded last month that that would be the pandemic episode we're seeing the light at the end end of the tunnel.

Yeah, I'm getting my hair done on Tuesday. I got my hair cut this week too. It's exciting. We still can't eat in restaurants yet, but we can get our hair done. No, I was glad to get back to my regular hairdresser because she has much better bedside manner than you do. Hey, but I did a good job. I cut your hair twice.

You did, it's that it's the first time was a little dicey but you complain i think i said oh shit as soon as i took the clippers to like the back of your skull and i and i started going up i was like oh shit i know but and then you just wanted to get up and you don't you don't want to help me at all you you're not interested at all you you don't want to help me groom my back because i can't reach back there. You're always just nasty about it. You know when you ask me to do it? No. When we're getting ready to go somewhere. No, I always give you advance notice now.

I say sometime in the next four days, and then it's sometime in the next three days or sometime in the next two days, and you won't tell me when, so I just get the stool and I sit in the middle of the bathroom until you do it. I know. Yeah, I mean, dogs laying in the middle of the bathroom sleeping.

You take the stool and i sit in the middle of the bathroom until you do it i know yeah i mean dogs laying in the middle of the bathroom sleeping you take the stool and put it in the middle and you just sat down with the clippers plugged in with them up at you look like the statue of liberty yeah you're sitting there with the clippers up in your hand right and when and when i go to my regular hairstylist she actually enjoys seeing me and she enjoys cutting her well whatever i don't care oh my gosh yeah you don't care about any of my in the shower we have a i think you have about 10 or 12 bottles of hair product in the shower no i do not yes you do i do not you do it's probably more for my skin than my hair my my hair i have shampoo and conditioner and if it's running low Thank you.

I do not. Yes, you do. I do not. Yes, you do. It's probably more for my skin than my hair. My hair, I have shampoo and conditioner. And if it's running low, I might put like a new bottle in there. Well, here, you have 10 and I have one. And mine is all in one. You buy me the Costco brand big old jug and it'll do your hair, your conditioner. You can body wash with it. No, you can't. You can shave with it. You can mouthwash with it. You can brush your teeth with it. You just get me the cheapest. No, I don't. All in one thing. I buy you the Pantene stuff. Whatever is the cheapest is what you get.

Well, right now, I don't even know what you're using because I had to order it from Amazon because they, yeah. Anyway, the barbershops are back open, so I think that's a good sign. Saved our marriage. Yeah, definitely. Oh, my gosh. So there's really not a lot to talk about. It's been kind of depressing, but we'll talk more about that later. Last month we talked about health and wellness. Yes. And we had Mr. and Mrs.

Knight on our on our podcast they've come back this month and we're going to talk about um oh yeah we haven't even like said the title of the episode it's confronting men's performance issues yeah that's a lot yeah it is a lot but it's also i think important and um we already did an episode on performance anxiety like a few years ago. And, you know, I think that was a good episode because it's a story about what happened to us with some friends of ours. And the four of us actually debriefed together. This is a completely different spin on it.

And what I like about this is it kind of addresses performance issues in general it i mean we talk about erectile dysfunction we talk about performance anxiety we talk about the things that can trigger um performance issues so we kind of look at it holistically and kind of set up the different um scenarios or categories that you could fall into if if you ever find yourself and how to overcome it right and we also try to um talk about it from I'll see you next time. Categories that you could fall into if you ever find yourself struggling. And how to overcome it. Right.

And we also try to talk about it from a woman's point of view on how we can support you and keep it from escalating into something more than it needs to be. Yes.

So before we get to that, though, we need to scoot along because as soon as we're done recording, we have another weekly We think community zoom chat i know those have been really fun we've been doing like friday night happy hours yeah and it's um it's really been fun so it's the only way we see other sexy people yeah so we're we're still doing them i know we talked about it on our last episode and we have all of these like little like spring off zoom chats that are happening now it's been pretty fun like um the ladies get together every thursday night and i've never been able to jump in on one we've always had something going on or it's too late or whatever and i've never jumped in on one but i'm pretty sure they have a lot of fun just by the chatter that goes on afterwards oh my goodness yeah so but before we get to our main topic we wanted to I don't subscribe, you can go to our website and subscribe.

We do a monthly feature called FAQs, so Frequently Asked Questions to the Joneses, and the one that we addressed this week, we wanted to just talk about briefly, and that is when and how we will re-engage in the lifestyle.

So as we're talking about nothing because we haven't done anything, and we're talking about the light at the end of the tunnel, all of a sudden people are talking about, okay, clubs are starting to open back up and resorts are starting to say when they're going to open back up, and we're thinking about seeing friends, and so how and when are we going to re-engage in the lifestyle? You know, that's a great question, and I'm just going to put it out there right now. I'm not very brave.

I'm not sitting at home wringing my hands, you know, like chicken little thinking the sky's going to fall in, but I'm also very respectful of this virus. And I don't want to be part of the problem. You know, I want to be part of the solution. So we're trying to think of a, you know, a responsible way to re-engage and how we're going to do that and how we're going to support businesses that we feel are taking it seriously, but also trying to get back into the swing of things because this is their livelihood and we want to support that. Exactly.

So let's talk about when, or excuse me, let's talk about how first. How are we, because what we're thinking about doing, okay, as we're recording this, it is the end towards the end of may yeah and we are thinking about going and spending a weekend with some very good lifestyle friends that we've known for a long time and that we're good friends with and that we trust so our way of re-engaging is going to be starting that way with with just a couple that we know Right. And I don't think their area of the country is very open either. I think it's slowly opening as well.

So we probably won't be venturing out much either. Well, the good news, the bad news is we won't be able to get out of the house and do much, but the good news is we won't be able to get out of the house. We'll just have to keep each other company. That's right.

And then I think what we're going to do is we have a desire pearl trip planned for the first week of august second week second week of august so that's in what may june july three months yeah so we're gonna we're planning to do that and then we have podcastapalooza in october which will be the first big event that we go to right and then we are going to have our uh we got a thing trip to pearl in november right so i'm really glad that we have this trip booked in august so that we can go kind of find the yeah the new vibe yeah um of how desire is going everything.

And, and then you and I can kind of plan accordingly on how we're going to, you know, help our group have the best time that they can have. Yeah. We're not going to hit naughty in New Orleans this year, but that's more because we hadn't planned on doing that anyway. And I noticed that they bumped their date back a little bit anyway. So anyway, how we are going to re-engage is going to be with close friends first. Then it's going to be a trip to Desire in August. And then it's going to be the larger events in October and November. And we're going to play all that by ear. I mean, it's May.

We have no idea what that looks like. Right. So, you know, we've had people ask us for advice on how, you know, do you think it's okay to do this or do you think it's okay to do that? Of course, it's just like the lifestyle in general. It's a very personal decision. I mean, we're talking about your health and you're the only one that can really make that decision. So just make sure that you're well informed.

some clubs are doing a really good job of informing informing people like there are websites and they're sending out emails and you know this is how we're addressing the safety concerns and this is how we're doing our best to ensure that you're going to have a you know a safe and healthy experience let's go ahead and call it out it's colette i mean colette has been doing a very good job oh yeah of sending out information on what's going to be different how they're concerned about safety what kind of processes and measures they're putting into place so they've been very communicative during this and they've pulled their their clients to see you know what kind of comfort level or what the clients are are looking for moving forward so i think if you think about the environment in a club um close proximity so social distancing is a little difficult um a lot of heavy breathing uh you know so the club environment is probably the toughest environment to imagine that we imagine ourselves doing early on as we get back into this Right.

But we don't have clubs around us, so it's not, you know, it's not that big of a deal for us. No, but like if we were club people, it would be, it would be really a difficult decision, you know, on how, how you're going to manage that and how you're going to, um, act when you're actually there. So I think the next question is when. And this is really a hot topic because we are getting bombarded with information every day. We're getting information from the federal government. We're getting information from state governments. We're getting information from local governments and municipalities.

We're getting information from businesses in our area. Every business that we've been into, there's a different process. You have to stop and read the sign out front. You have to know who's requiring masks, and you see the tape on the floor. So everybody is handling this, but it could be a different way depending on where you live in the country or where you live in the world. Right, right. You know, of course, everybody knows that, you know, like the West Coast, you know, Seattle was, you know, the first hard hit city. And then, you know, New York just got devastated by it.

You know, a lot of places in the Midwest have been relatively untouched. Right. So, you know, they're, they're very fortunate. So, you know, the idea of them re-engaging probably is much less scary. Just like a couple days ago, they announced that like the Washington, D.C. area is like the new hot spot in the country.

You know, so we like luckily we're far enough south from the city that our county is actually starting to re-engage a little bit but like everything north of us is still locked down tight i think the mistake that people can be making is first of all you can't depend on everybody i mean we're hoping that most of the community gets out and takes precautions and wears masks and is sensible and smart about it but we know that's not going to happen everywhere so you have to you have to understand where do you live do your own research understand the risk in your local area or the area that you're planning to visit and make an informed decision and try not to be influenced by politics or any other entity that's trying to make something more out of this or, or make something other, other than what is health centric.

This is a health crisis. We are in the lifestyle. We're going to be in close proximity with people. We should be, we should be like torch bearers in this because we're all about STIs and health and communication and testing. And right. So why would it be any different being responsible? So why would it be any different reengaging in the lifestyle during the pandemic? We should be the ones that are setting the example of, Hey, let's understand this. Let's be smart about it. Let's put sex where it belongs behind our health and not in front of it and not make it any other issue than that.

And I think that's going to be our approach to it. Yeah. It'll be interesting to see how it rolls out. The whole one thing is just so's so iffy yeah you know like the irrational scared part of my mind is like i'm not going out until there's a vaccine you know but then i realized i you can't you can't just sit in the house for the rest of your life you've got to re-engage i mean we socially we're social beings we we need to be with other people. Right. And we need to, you know, support our local businesses and our local lifestyle businesses. I mean, look, we have to get out and live life.

Yeah, we do. We just have to learn how to do it safely and responsibly. We can't stay cooped up forever. But when we get back, we just can't go back to things the way that they were immediately. It's going to, all I think we're all starting to understand that. Right. So we just have to have a healthy respect for this virus. Yes. So before we get into our topic, one more thing. I mean, how has this break affected us? You mean affected the lifestyle community in general or us individually? Yeah, I mean, us individually. Well, I don't know. We're getting feedback from our community.

It's been a couple of months since we've been with other people, maybe longer. Well, you know. So do we lose your mojo? Well, I think we mentioned last month that we had family with us, um, kind of riding out the, the quarantine. And so we've, we've lost our empty nest. Um, they're still here. So our nest is still not empty. So I kind of thought maybe I was losing my mojo cause I've gone back into mom mode, which is weird for me because, you know, our girls are older. It's not like they just graduated from college and we kicked them out.

So, you know, it's just weird having family back in the house. And that's kind of kind of thrown me off a little bit. So I kind of thought it was just me and our personal situation in our home. And don't take me wrong. I love having them here. I mean, it's been great, but I like having them here. I don't love having them here. I love having them here. Oh, you do too. You're so full of it. But anyway, it does. Um, you know, we can't walk around the house and sexy stuff. We have to come down here and hide and, you know, and, and all that.

So I thought, well, okay, well that's caused me to kind of lose my, my momentum, my mojo, but then, you know, been talking to, to other lifestyle friends and, and getting feedback from our listeners. And I think a lot of people feel that way that haven't had their house kind of disrupted like we have.

So not only are you, haven't been on the bike for a bike for a while and you might be a little rusty and your flirt game might be off but we're in a different mindset now we have been basically stuck in the house for several months and many of us more we've been working here we've been socializing here we've been eating here we've been sleeping here we've been everything in here we've been focused on work we've been focused on. We've been everything in here. We've been focused on work. We've been focused on staying healthy. We're focused on family.

We're focused on getting schoolwork done for kids that are here and they shouldn't be here. A lot of people are stressed about money because money is really, you know, your finances have been affected by this. Right. So all of these things are recipe for no sex. So not only are you away from the lifestyle, but you may even be struggling as a couple to try to find your mojo and spend time together. Right. Not because you've had a fight or something, but just because this is just, it's just weird. It's odd. It's just an odd time in our lives.

And, and it kind of, um, I don't know that sex isn't a priority anymore, but it isn't, you know, it isn't what's on your mind. You can have every, this is just a huge distraction. Yes. Yeah. You know, and it's kind of an important distraction. So, and I think we're both equally distracted. This isn't something that affects one of us and not the other. Right. We're both. So, so neither one of us has, has really been after the other for sex.

I mean, we've, we've done, I think we've, we've done pretty, pretty good as a couple to, to stay connected, but still it's almost the third or fourth or fifth thing on the list. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and I'm not going to lie, like, um, during the week after we get everybody to go to bed, I like coming down here and turning on the TV for an hour and turn it because it makes my brain turn off. Right. Right. You know, so, and, but then I guess the same thing happens when we have sex, you know? So maybe we need to try to put that on the schedule as a distraction a little bit more. I don't know.

We were doing fine, but it was just I don't know if misery loves company, but it was kind of comforting to know that I wasn't the only one feeling this way. Yeah. You know, I kind of like put my sexy mode aside and I've gone back into like mom mode and it's almost like we're all trying to survive. Right. I mean, luckily, luckily you and I are still working. And so we don't really have that burden so much, but you know, our, our daughters are kind of struggling. So, you know, we're worried about them and we're just worried about society in general.

This is, this is serious stuff and I'm tired of it. It needs to be over. Yeah. So this is just another thing to think about. So you're thinking about how do you re-engage in the lifestyle? When do you re-engage in the lifestyle? Um, how have you been affected by that? So all of that may play into when you want to re-engage because maybe you want to reconnect as a couple first, you know, before you do that, or maybe you're going to go meet another couple as a way to energize your life, your sex life back. So it really depends. I don't think there's any one size fits all answer here.

No, there's not. But, but I just really wanted to bring up the, my, you know, I've kind of lost my mojo and, and, you know, I'm going to be a little bit nervous. I haven't been naked in front of anybody in a while. Well, except for you. Once in a while, maybe. Well, that's because I can't walk around the house naked anymore. Yeah.

Um, you know, I just, I want people to know, like, if you're feeling that way too too you're not the only one because i've had this discussion with a lot of people so these are conversations that you all are probably having and that we're having and everyone else is having so if nothing else when you do re-engage in the lifestyle this is a very good topic to bring up to people yeah that you're going to meet yeah it's a's a good conversation starter. And say, where are you on this? And how have you guys handled this? You know, this is kind of like part of the talk. It is, yes.

You know, that you're going to have before you engage with somebody. Because you might not be at the same spot you were when you had to take a break. You may have to go back. You may have to start a little bit slower. That's true. And there's a lot of people, you know, I have to say, there's some people in our community that surprisingly have said, I'll see you next time.

may have to start yeah a little bit slower that's true and there's a lot of people you know i have to say there's some people in our community that surprisingly have said this has been a great time for us to try the lifestyle because when we reach out to people now we know we can't see them and so we've been able to communicate with a little bit more confidence knowing that we don't have to be scared that yeah that we're going to go out and meet them and have to have sex with them yeah it's lower risk yeah it's a lower risk because there's not going to be pressure yeah so here we were thinking about it's all negative but then there are people out there that said no this is really a great time for us to engage because they're easing into it forces us to do it online first or we can get to know people so anyway we wish you the best if you're brand new to this um we wish you the best to get started yeah it'll be worth it and if you're re-engaging if you have to take a step back or put the training wheels on again that that sounds like something that a lot of people are gonna have to yeah well hopefully we'll be able to get out of town here soon and we'll be able to report back on our on our first jump back onto the horse because mrs jones's birthday is coming up next weekend that's true like we have this whole birthday getaway planned and we're still we still have our fingers crossed that we're gonna make it yeah it's probably 50 50 right now so wish us luck so when we come back we're gonna have mr.

Knight on again. And we're going to talk about confronting men's performance issues. All right, well, welcome back to our topic tonight. And we are once again with Mr. and Mrs. Knight. And we're just so excited to have you all back. So we're going to dive into more fun stuff tonight. Well, it might not be so fun, but it'll be very informative.

And for those of you who didn't get a chance to go back and listen to episode 74 um the nights were on with us last month to talk about health and wellness and exercise um but just in case you missed that one why don't you guys go ahead and introduce yourselves again well my name is mr knight i am a family nurse practitioner i have been practicing now for 20 years a few years ago about five years ago i went back and did additional training and became a bioidentical hormone specialist so now i practice family practice with an emphasis on wellness hi guys this is miss knight mr knight and i have been in the lifestyle now for about 12 years so so we have some information on this topic that we want to share with you all.

Yes, it's great to have you back, and we appreciate it. We've gotten a lot of feedback from the last episode, and this one is a little bit tougher, erectile dysfunction and performance anxiety. So I think the first thing I'd like to ask you, Mr. Knight, is we hear these terms a lot. We hear ED, and we hear performance anxiety. So I think the first thing I'd like to ask you, Mr. Knight, is we hear these terms a lot. We hear ED and we hear performance anxiety. Can you explain what the difference between the two are and maybe how they're related to one another?

Erectile dysfunction is a true physical disorder where the blood flow to the penis is not adequate enough to allow for a full erection for penetration for sex, sexual activity.

Performance anxiety is not being able to get an erection due to the circumstances that you're in and that's what we've that's what we come across in the lifestyle is performance anxiety now the what's the difference if you're waking up in the morning and you having a full erection then you do not have erectile dysfunction if you're able to have sex with your wife with no issues whatsoever you you have a full erection, you're able to complete the sexual act, you do not have sexual or erectile dysfunction.

Performance anxiety is when you're doing some lifestyle stuff or some exhibitionist stuff, and you're wanting to have that nice firm erection, but you're not able to due to the circumstances around you. Okay. That's a good way to put it. You know, the circumstances around you are creating the issue, not your body itself. Your physical body is in great shape and is able to function. It's the circumstances that's causing the problem. Right. Right.

So we're probably probably gonna ask questions from the medical side and then from the lifestyle side because you guys are are involved in both but from in your practice do you want to talk about like what types of men come in and how do they talk to you about this and what are their ages and kind of wonder what do you see as far as stats and of who's coming into your office to talk about this? Well, it's surprising. Even last week, I had a gentleman who was 24 years old who came in and he said he had some erectile dysfunction.

That's definitely not the usual case and he's checking out perfectly fine. The usual is the 40-somethings, the 45s and older. These guys are coming in, and they're starting to realize that things are not working like they used to. Now, the problem with these 40 and olders is that they're usually 40, 50 pounds overweight. They've been smoking for 30 years and, um, you know, they, they have some other conditions such as diabetes or high blood pressure. And lo and behold, that's just part of that. Okay.

So is it, um, you know, do you find it, that's the age that you normally have guys come in, it's in their forties when they start having erectile dysfunction issues yeah about the same time they come in and they're not feeling very well and their blood pressure is getting high and their blood sugars are starting to go up that's usually around 45 or above and that's when they start complaining the same time of erectile problems so you mentioned a few factors like when like when they come in, can you talk more about like, what are those factors?

Are they necessarily the factors or the medication that they're on for these factors? And how does all of that together have an impact on your performance or your erectile dysfunction? the the same it's usually the same the same thing that caused the high blood pressure, the same thing that caused the high blood sugar, the weight gain. They're all kind of in the same family.

As a matter of fact, if someone comes in and their only complaint is, I'm having erectile dysfunction we have to consider them at a cardiovascular risk because if you're having vascular problems that prevents an erection, you're going to have vascular problems somewhere else in your body. So we worry about your heart. We worry about your brain. So it wouldn't be surprising to end up having a stress test, a cardiac stress test or a cardiac evaluation if you come in complaining of erectile dysfunction. Because basically there's no blood, the blood flow is not coming to the penis like it should.

Is that the idea? Well, that's, yes. The penis has three canals in it that it's a spongy hollow glands the blood is able to Increase the amount of volume that is going into these spongy glands and it and it causes it to be firm and stiff And that that's what causes the erection. It is all about blood flow. Erections are all about blood flow. So if you're doing something that prevents blood flow, you're going to have trouble getting the erection. That's something that's going to be smoking, eating too much sugars, gaining weight, high blood pressure.

All of these things influence blood flow, and that's what causes the erectile dysfunction so when i come into your office and i'm a little bit overweight and i don't exercise regularly and i've got some of these underlying issues but i say hey um can you just give me a pill you know how are we going to fix this because when we i tell you when we guys see on TV and in magazines is the couple sitting in the hot tub, you know, he's raring to go because he took this pill. And so we're made to believe that no matter what the underlying cause is, I don't even have to think about that.

I just want to come to you to get something to take so that I can be back to the way that I was. How does that conversation go? If I were to come to your office? Well, this is, this is the frustrating part of my practice because people come to me and they want a pill for everything. And, and don't get me wrong. We have a pill for everything. That's why a lot of people take a bunch of pills.

Um, but my focus when I when I focus on wellness, so what I want to do is I want to explain to them, look, the reason why you're having these problems is because your blood pressure is too high, because your blood sugar is too high, because you're overweight. Here's a pill. I have a pill for you, but I don't want to fix this with a pill. Let's work on losing weight. Let's work on exercising. Let's work on getting your blood sugar down. Let's get your blood pressure down. And that's the natural way to fix erectile dysfunction.

Yeah, there's pills out there, but if you're not fixing the problem, you're diminishing the quality of your life. And that's not what we're trying to do. So long does it normally take then if i if i've got to do all these things uh you know is it all up to me or can we do a combination of things i mean as a guy you know this is something that's been a badge of honor for me for 20 or 30 40 years and all of a sudden i've got to change my lifestyle. I've got to do all these things. Um, what, what is the combination?

What's the timeline we're talking about for, um, making me able to perform again with what you're recommending? Well, this, this didn't happen overnight. Um, you didn't, you didn't have this great 18 year old erection yesterday.

And then today um it's it's floppy it's not working it's a sudden it's a steady decrease in performance it gets worse and worse over the years so you're not gonna fix this overnight by starting to exercise or fasting for 12 hours it's not gonna fix the problem it's good it's you're going to first thing you have to know that these are the problems and you have to fix these problems and then it's going to take time and it's going to get there but you're going to have to take your time every day that you work out you're getting better every day that you take your blood pressure medicine your blood pressure goes down every day that you avoid that sugar and your weight goes down your blood sugar gets down your body is going to get better and you're going to perform better.

So you can come in when you're 40-somethings and be 40 pounds overweight and have erectile dysfunction. When you address those problems and your weight comes down and your blood pressure comes down, your erectile dysfunction should definitely improve. Now, meanwhile, I'm going to help you out. I'm going to give you some medicine because we know the medicine works. But my intention, what I want everybody to know is that you're healthier and you're happier when you're taking care of your body and that'll take care of the erectile dysfunction also.

So can we talk about the medication for a moment? because you know there's there's a lot out there and it's no it's generic now um it used to be really expensive but now it's become all of a sudden affordable so mr mr knight can you talk about you know what are these medications called and um are they generally covered and and what have you noticed about the prices and the affordability over the past six months or a year this is a very interesting story We'll be right back. covered, and what have you noticed about the prices and the affordability over the past six months or a year?

This is a very interesting story. We didn't have, well, I was a new practitioner, so this was 15 years ago or more. That new medicine came out, Viagra, and it's a very interesting story because the way they studied this drug is they were given it three three times a day to eight times a this drug is they were giving it three times a day to 80 and 90 year old men who had heart disease. What they were studying the drug for was to increase blood flow to the heart, to decrease angina, to increase blood flow, gives better oxygen to the heart. They had less chest pain.

So the studies were going along fine, but it didn't really do what they wanted it to. So it wasn't really helping the heart that much. But when they stopped the studies, all the men were in an uproar. So now we have these 70, 80, 90-year-old men who wanted their trial drug bag. And then they let the cat out of the bag. It was because they were having erections again that they hadn't had in years. And so the company that made Viagra quickly changed their studies into Viagra, and the rest is history.

Viagra was all alone for a very for a good while and it was very expensive there another medicine called Levitra came out and then another medicine called Cialis came out finally Cialis now the difference between Viagra and Levitra is the half-life, how long the medicine works. So Viagra will last eight hours, Levitra will last eight hours, but Cialis came out and now we have a drug that will last for 72 hours. So I call that the weekend pill. So you take it on Friday afternoon and you are good to go. You don't have to take any medicine for the weekend.

Incredibly, these drugs stayed really high priced. $20 a pill, $30 a pill, $40 a pill. They were holding these things hostage. And then very recently, Cialis showed up on the GoodRx coupon plan incredibly cheap. You can get 90 days worth of Cialis now for about $45, so it's incredible. Now, the thing about Cialis that I like, and that's the one that I prescribe more than anything else. Cialis, for one, has a long half-life, so it's always working. It's always increasing blood flow, and that increased blood flow is good for us.

It mostly increases blood flow to the pelvic area, but that increased blood flow, it just gives all our tissue the oxygen that it needs. It's just healthy for us to have that increased blood flow. It's interesting. Viagra can also be used for a conditioned, for the lungs, blood pressure in the lungs. It increases the blood flow to the lungs. It lowers blood pressure in the lungs. It's actually good for you.

It doesn't matter what sex you are, if it's male or female are very good drugs and now that now that they're not being held hostage everybody can get it yeah so it doesn't sound like like from what you i hear you talking about these drugs if i do come in and i have some other conditions and i'm a little overweight and i'm smoking and i'm drinking is it necessarily bad for me just to take the Cialis without doing the other things or how is that medically is it good or bad or indifferent it's it's not bad it's just irresponsible okay okay so I'm taking a shortcut and I'm not having to do the hard work you know that, that's right.

That's right. Okay. So what about, um, let's switch over to talk about the lifestyle. A lot of men in the lifestyle who are very confident and have never had a problem with an erection, get into a situation in the environment and the lifestyle and they struggle. and their first thought is I need a pill to fix that or what's wrong with me so in your experience either medically or personally and you know Mrs. Knight, Mrs.

Jones you know what what do we really think is going on there and besides a pill what can we tell guys that they need to think about in order to get past this or through it, not past it, but through it? Well, the situation is new, and that's the biggest problem.

You've been chatting with somebody, and it's time to move to the bedroom for some sexy fun and everybody's heart is pounding the adrenaline's running and um suddenly you have this um sexy couple in front of you um i'll tell you my first our first soft swap um it was a it was a younger couple and it was it was kind of kind of neat and kind of same thing my heart was pounding and when we started playing with each other i had my erection was just fine but as we continued to play and we were shifting positions my erection started to get soft and i was thinking oh this is going to happen to me this first time we ever play with anybody and And this is going to happen to me.

So I and I can see how that would trigger more anxiety and make things worse toward the end of the play now in my case it worked out fine there was no issue but it it scared me a lot um my our experience is that if anybody's having any erectile issues, if you just sit back, take a break, take a breather and, and just refocus it, everything works well because that anxiety just washes away, especially in our lifestyle. You know, people are not out to get us. People are out to make us, um, make us enjoy the experience and help us along with that. And they'll do whatever they can to help.

It's just the anxiety within us that we need to deal with. Now, can I give you a pill to help with the erectile dysfunction? You know, I think you need to experience it a couple of times before you come to my door. If you have perfectly good erections, you don't need to take Cialis or anything else. Try to do this on your own. But if you see this as a problem that you continue to struggle with, then yes, we can prescribe you something, and you can take it as insurance. And that may be all you need to get past the anxiety because you've got that in your hand.

You know that you're going to be fine, and that may be all you need. Or maybe it's just the placebo effect when you take that pill that helps you get beyond that. Agreed. I agree with that 100%. It could be. I mean, in our experience, when I am with another guy and I notice that he might be struggling a little bit, one of the ways I handle that is I pull his wife in because typically if his wife comes in to the scene, then he's more comfortable and she knows exactly what he likes. It's just like Ms. Jones was talking about, you know, she, they know each other better than anyone.

And in bringing her in it helps relax him a little bit then we tend to get things going again yeah i i think that works well it just kind of puts everybody more at ease to get that familiar touch back you know in in the scene and you know i And, you know, I, I, I guess I, my question for Mr. Knight though, is like, if you're, if the guy is in that downward spiral freak out mode, will the pill help him recover? Or is sometimes the pill just ineffective? Like if, if he's just like totally going in that downward spiral. Fight or flight is kicked in. Yeah. Well, that's a good point.

Fight or flight. When you're scared, then your body doesn't want to have an erection when you're scared. So if you start getting nervous and you're a nervous person, you can have all the medicine on board you want to, and you are not going to get an erection. That fight or flight is going to mess things up. So the best thing to do, I would think, is to take a break. Take a break. Everybody go and have some water. Relax a little bit. Chat a little bit. Laugh a little bit. And then get back into it. Because it's all anxiousness. It's all excitement.

So when you calm that down, then things should perform better. I think this is where us guys could learn a lot from how the ladies deal with issues. I don't know.

it's all excitement so when you calm that down then things will should perform better i think this is where us guys could learn a lot from how the ladies deal with issues compared to how we deal with issues um it's a catch-22 there's been a lot of times at one point in time this was i think this happened to us maybe three or four times in a row we went through a rough patch and uh you know uh i i could see that this was going to end poorly for both of us, because if she's not having a good time and well, you even said, Mrs. Jones.

Well, let let me let me say my piece, because I don't want it to come out the wrong way.

I'm not having a good time because I'm concerned about the other gentleman's like feelings because I can tell he's anxious and nervous and he's not having a good time because of his own anxiety and and but logically you know that it's not you and I think that's kind of the point that you wanted to get at you know it I think that sometimes we ladies take that burden on ourselves like what am I not doing right or am I not sexy enough or oh my gosh you just saw my stretch marks and now he's turned off and you know all that crazy stuff that can go through your head and but logically I know it's not me and it's just the like like Mr.

Knight said at the beginning of our conversation, it's the environment. And I think one of the frustrations on my part during this rough patch, so to speak, is that the gentlemen were not acknowledging their struggles. Right.

They're trying to pretend it's not happening or, you know, they just kind of turn away from me and and I don't know just kind of wait for them to finish instead of just acknowledging that there's a struggle and because there's more than one way to have fun you know you can switch to plan b like if it's not going to work and he knows it's not going to work and he just wants to call it well let's just acknowledge it and and figure out what else we can do yeah and and it got to the point where i wanted i wanted so badly that when we met a new couple and and it looked like we were going to go play i wanted so badly to say look if things don't go well let's let do let's take a pause let's do this there's so many other things that we can do but then i'm like well i don't want to jinx the guy because if i if i come out ahead and plant that seed that what if there's an issue then i'm part of the problem so there's really we never really decided if that was a good idea or not i don't think it is a good idea I think i i think if if you're in that situation and maybe guys need to hear this from us women that it's okay because sometimes we're stressed out and we don't want to play either or we're just nervous with this new person and we don't know how things are going to go exactly as excited uh physically either and i think it's okay for the guys to understand that it's okay to say hey let's take a break or hey let me go back to my wife for a minute or just you know take that break for a minute like you're saying acknowledge that hey something's just not right right now I think I'm going to excuse myself and go get some water or but that's okay that's not going to make us say oh well go away and i'm not going to play with you again right right because that at least lets me know that that there's that there's just something going on with him and and you know with his mindset and otherwise you like as as the lady the irrational part of your brain kicks in because this is a very you know emotional type activity you can start to like like own the problem where you know if if i think that guys if you just go ahead and acknowledge it it's okay and then and then we know it's not us we know it's not our age or our wrinkles or our stretch marks or whatever and then we can move on well and then i would say and correct me if i'm wrong mrs jones but where it's been successful after somebody has experienced that it has been when the gentleman either acknowledged it during play or afterward or even if we're going to see them again and it was an issue the previous time you know they'll they'll bring'll bring it up and say, OK, we'll talk about it and we'll say, well, what can we do differently this time?

Because we really like you guys. And, you know, we don't have the full swap. We don't have to do these things.

So I would say that it's when the guys do acknowledge it, that we've been able to all four of us get beyond that and have a good time right well even just even just acknowledging the problem and talking about it really is an anxiety reliever that's what brings the anxiety down you know well we'll play and if something happens then we'll do something later or do something different uh just bringing that that's the placebo that will help it all work without taking any medicine at all right and this anxiety relief and this is i think where we can learn a lot from the ladies and and here's what i mean by that um if it's the environment if there's a lot going on um a lot of times what causes us guys issues is an insecurity like all of a sudden there's another guy having sex with my wife or, uh, he's bigger than I am, or she's not responding the way that my wife does.

And we have these insecurities. Um, but I know that ladies have a lot of insecurities in the lifestyle too. So I want you two ladies, I'm asking you to tell the gentlemen out there like i mean this ladies chat that you have going and on these ladies they're not afraid to talk about anything so how do you all what is your attitude towards when you have an issue like this uh you're you're talking to other people about it i want to know what other people do to fix it. You know, I want to get ideas to solve the problem.

You know, whatever I read or, you know, maybe my doctor has one answer, but maybe there's another answer out there. I mean, there's just, there's more than one way to solve a problem and to be able to, and that's what I love about the lifestyle.

I can talk to my friends about anything you know and i'm not going to be judged and they're going to have creative ideas and share their experiences so i don't know you you dudes don't talk about penises when you're when you're on the golf course or when you're at the at the in the golf trip with the guys or when you're in the locker room or when you're at the bar um is somebody going to come out and say hey you know what guys i'm really struggling with getting an erection you know and and we laugh about it but really that's that's why we don't necessarily feel like that that's something that we can come out and talk about with other people but i will say that as and i know that you've experienced this in the ladies group is is when you put it out there and I think a lot of guys are afraid they're going to be judged or other people are going to laugh at them or they're going to say oh well there's something wrong with you but I think in the experience do you think it'll be like oh well like he has problems I know me and my wife never want to play with them well not do you think that is part of them like the mindset no no no i don't even mean in the lifestyle i just mean in vanilla world when you're like you you ladies will talk about anything in any world i mean you've talked to your friends about everything well yeah so and we don't so what i'm saying is that i'm afraid i'm hesitant to do that because people are going to point their finger at me or think less of me when, in fact, what happens is they go, oh, you know what?

I've had that problem, too. When when just acknowledging something is going to release the anxiety. But when you have other guys that say, hey, you know, I've struggled with that, too. so's what we're trying to have this conversation. And we're trying to get guys to understand that if you really want to get past this, you have to acknowledge it and you have to find a way to talk about it with your wife or your partner or other men or your doctor. And just because I'm sure you don't even get the truth out of people a lot of times when they come back. You know, that's interesting.

Um, we don't on the golf course, we don't go up to each other and say, Hey, I have erectile dysfunction. We don't say that. What we say is I got some Viagra from my doctor or I got some Cialis. I take Cialis all the time, you know, but we never admit that we have erectile dysfunction. We just have it just in case we need it, you know? So that's interesting that you say that. And it's probably a good idea, especially as we get older, this is going to be a potential problem.

If we brought that up ahead of time, part of the pre-sex talk, you know, it might solve the problem much more readily if we get that, that idea out there and we discuss it and it relieves that anxiety, then, you know, we made it, that may significantly decrease the issue. Right. Now, now don't get me wrong. There are some situations where these medicines shouldn't be taken. So if, and so you got to pay attention to your doctor. He's going to ask you those questions.

And it mostly has to do if you've got really bad heart problems and you're taking certain medications, you should not be taking these medicines. So I'm not giving this advice blindly to everybody. Everybody go get a prescription of this. Just let your doctor interview you and be sure that you're the right candidate for it. I'm wondering, now that you guys are talking about this, and I wonder if not only the different person has to do with the anxiety, but the actual timing of the whole event. Because, you know, when Mr.

Jones just said he doesn't ever take it when it's just the two of us at home well it's just the two of us and we have all night and we're not in a hurry there's no time frame nobody has to get home to a babysitter you know there's no oh they've already started already we're behind like we need to catch up you know I yeah I think that I think timing especially like the first time you play with a couple timing is always awkward because you don't really have that kind of like rhythm established even you know with with people that we've been friends with for a while it it's always still a little awkward but but you at least have the memory of the way things went before so I think timing do you guys ever feel rushed when you play in those settings?

What I like is I like the pre-activity sex play. So let's say we're inviting friends over for dinner and we're going to go have some drinks. I like to invite them over and have sex then because nobody's liquored up, nobody's, everybody's fine. And then we can go and have a good time, go to the club, have a few drinks.

And drinks and then if we play again later that's fine if you drank a little too much and you're having some troubles you're having some whiskey problems then um it's not so much of an issue because you've already played earlier but that's just my preference now there's an what other podcast was i think the swear diaries they call that a reverse date yes fantastic. Yeah, where you play first and then you go out to dinner, you cook dinner or whatever. Actually, we did that last year at Nottingham, New Orleans. Yeah, we've done that a couple times. Multiple days, and it was very successful.

I know. I think it's fantastic. Right, because I think if you go ahead and play first, then you've kind of broken the ice. You've gotten that out of the way.

You're not spending all your dinner and all your drink time worrying about oh my gosh she's beautiful what if she doesn't like me oh my gosh what if i can't perform well right right i think this generally works with us if it's a couple that we've already played with because you don't have to do the you don't have to do the courting so to speak or you know right the flirting are you know so i think with it's a new couple that might not be the issue but but you can still not fiddle fart around all night and Thank you. So I think with it's a new couple, that might not be the issue.

But you can still not fiddle fart around all night and, you know, wait until three or four or five o'clock in the morning when you're not at your best. Yeah, and who is at optimal performance at two o'clock in the morning anyway? Come on. I tell you, yeah, that whole swinger rhythm is just not optimal. Well, that brings around another point. What can trigger these erectile problems? What can trigger this? And I'll tell you, my biggest problem is alcohol. And it's probably everybody's biggest problem. You're going out and you're, let's say you're at Desire.

You know, you're drinking alcohol all day and you find this wonderful couple and you're like, let's say you're at, at desire, you know, you're drinking alcohol all day and you find this, find this wonderful couple and you're like, Hey, let's go to the room and everybody's tipsy and everybody's happy. Then you get into the room and everybody's so tipsy that nothing's functioning like it should. Um, I think it's whiskey dick is the frame is the word for it. That's the medical term for it.

That's the medical term guys come in they say doc i need some for whiskey dick but i realize there's two problems there one is no erection and then the other is no orgasm that say there's two kinds of whiskey dicks so it depends on what problem you're right right so i i think that um maybe we should talk a few minutes before we close about what are some remedies to the uh the the lifestyle issue of performance anxiety um and mr knight mentioned a few of them earlier but you know we have you can have sex earlier uh you know you can talk about it beforehand um you can say we, uh, I think it was Mrs.

Knight who suggested, Hey, why don't you spend some time with your partner for a while? Or why don't, if I'm not struggling and he might struggle, why don't the two ladies start with him? Uh, and then once he gets going, then, then I can jump in or whatever. There's so many different.

Oh, actually, I've actually, um, if the one time a guy was struggling and i kind of pushed you out of the way and i started playing with the wife yes you both got to take a break that works too yeah yeah you guys need to write that one down the cure there you go but what are some other things that that we've done well we've talked about what different fantasies are and different positions that the four of us can be in because it's about four people being connected then sometimes if it's like if it's two two ladies and him or if it's the four of us together that takes a lot of the pressure off of an individual well and we've i mean i've played with um a guy where he's just been like, you know, this is just not going to work.

So we ended up, he and I went over to you guys and he was like, you know, kissing his white breast and kissing, you know, her on the mouth and you were actually having sex with her. And then I was just kind of, I could do whatever I wanted. I had all three of you three of you to choose from yeah so we we focused on you guys and helped it you know increase your pleasure which gave us pleasure and then it took all the pressure off of the guy but but we were still engaged so right so maybe i asked the ladies this question um so as a guy though the reason i'm going to feel bad is numerous.

first of all I'm disappointed in myself secondly it's not you you know you're beautiful you're attractive I'm angry at myself because I've been waiting for this and now it's not happening and I don't want you to feel bad and then I or I could be I want to give you an orgasm you know I want there's a goal that I have in mind and I'm not able to achieve that goal. So what do you ladies say to men who have this idea that, you know, there's an expectation of a goal at the end of something? I mean, I think the goal is to have fun.

If that ends up being that the guy you know ends up having a full-on sex and coming at the end then that's great but if that is the only objective that's going to give him satisfaction that's probably um just setting himself up for failure potentially and just putting Thank you.

him satisfaction that's probably um just setting himself up for failure potentially yeah um and and just putting too much pressure on himself and not allowing him to enjoy the rest of the experience because you know what how many seconds does it take to have an orgasm for a guy to ejaculate like five seconds you know oh all right i'll give you 45 good information but I mean like you know that there's potentially an hour or an hour and a half or however long there's a lot of things you could do a lot of other things going on that that are a lot of fun if you just allow yourself to be in that moment and not so focused on maybe the end goal I don't know I'm not a guy joy joy the moment that you're in and you know there's lots of other things to do other than just penetration so don't focus so much on that I'm sure we'll have a good time.

Yeah. Yeah. The whole thing is, is not just about, uh, I just want to have sex with you right now and get this over with. That's not the way that we, we work. We want to, we want to get to know you. We want to get a chance to, um, get naked with you and enjoy each other's bodies. And that doesn't mean penetration sex all the time. Uh, it is, it's just enjoying the entire, um, the special event that we have. I mean, most folks don't play with each other. So we, we have this, this, um, insight that we can play with each other and enjoy each other.

And it doesn't have to be, I've got to get a strong erection and make her come by her hard it's just let's enjoy each other's company and let's enjoy the fact that we can put our hands on each other and enjoy the whole thing all right and then lastly let's talk about if you're the woman and your man your your partner has never had an issue with you before and you're playing with another couple and you look over and he is struggling, how do you handle it?

For me, if I see that my partner is struggling, then that's when I'm going to just kind of disengage a little bit and say, hey, I want to go back to my husband for a and then and then we'll resume this in a minute or somehow initiate that complete four-way contact where he's not feeling so on the spot where we can just all play together or or like i said or me go back to him give him a break yeah that's true it's it's fun instead of having two people separated when that happens you can bring all four people together and then everybody has closeness with each other and that helps to relieve that anxiety because we're all as one again yep i agree yeah i so i think that the lessons here if the guys are listening of course you need you need to understand the physiology and you need to understand what medically is available to you but if you're in the lifestyle or you're thinking about the lifestyle the performance anxiety side of it the lesson here should be first of all acknowledging just acknowledge the issue and you're not alone i mean this this happens kind of often yeah yeah it does and you know the the and i think the more it happens to you the worse it's going to get if you're not if you're not acknowledging it you okay well it won't happen next time you know i'll do something different next time and then you know you're probably psyching yourself out before you even get started yeah and the other thing that the other thing to remember is um because it's the environment and the environment is new the environment's not going to be new forever so just to quit or say i'm not going to do this or think it's going to be like this all the time is a mistake because the second or the third or the fourth or the fifth time all of a sudden it's not so unusual anymore uh and and you're so you're not the environment doesn't have the same impact on you as it did the first or second you know time that you may have struggled right and i think also for the guys hear me guys talk to your partner if you're experiencing some kind of problems like that talk with her because i mean she's your sidekick she's the one that's going to come help you out if there's a problem.

She's going to keep an eye out on you, help you get through anything. So you've got to communicate with your significant other. Well, that's true. I guess, guys, if you know that you're kind of headed in the wrong direction, yeah, if you let your partner know right away, then, you know, you could have like a plan in place to kind of mitigate the situation. And meanwhile, while we're learning this new atmosphere and we're getting used to it, we're going to be out exercising and eating right and not smoking or quitting smoking, not eating any sugar.

And we're going to get our bodies in the best possible shape that we can so that we won't have so much troubles in the future. Yeah, and we should probably just say, I mean, Mrs. Jones is well-known for her cocktails, and, you know, we do enjoy social drinking, but we also know that if we're planning an evening with friends, we all take that into consideration.

What am I eating you know how much rest did i get uh you know what what time am i what time is it that we're going to be potentially playing and and know when to cut yourself off uh if if there's potential for play to do everything that you can in your power you know to make sure that well as a bartender i pour my drinks kind of light if i know that you know we're on a lifestyle date and i'm the one making the drinks i i make them you know i go light like if it calls for an ounce and a half i might only put in an ounce of vodka or whatever because i want the night to last That's a great idea.

Uh-oh. Too bad this is a podcast and not a video cast yeah i make them strong in my house a little a little too strong yeah for those of you of viewing listening at home mrs knight was just punching mr knight's arm as yeah mrs jones was describing that no i know where you're Mr. Knight. It's that old days where we need to get them drunk. So they're unfiltered. That's right. But not comatose. Yeah. There's that window of opportunity, right? That's right, the window. Are there any, like, downsides to the medications we need to know about?

Or I know you mentioned you have to make sure you tell your doctor what you're on. But are there any other risks associated with these that we're unaware of? You know, Cialis is a very good medicine that lasts a very long time.

I hardly ever have any problems with that that viagra though is i don't know if it's more potent it's probably not necessarily more potent but it's it's a different medicine and it increases blood flow all these medicines increase blood flow so if you increase blood flow to your brain you you could potentially get a headache so that's going to be your number one side effect with any of these medicines um viagra talks about it could mess with your vision where you have a blue haze uh in your vision um i that's not as common though i have heard a couple of guys tell me that when you increase blood flow you could have some flushing so you'll feel um you You could feel like the blood is draining out of your head.

That's not so much of a problem. And some people have said nasal congestion, which is kind of weird. It's kind of a weird side effect. But these are all side effects that are usually very mild. I've had a couple of patients who say, I cannot take Viagra because I get a headache. And for those people, we try them on Cialis and it tends to be a better outcome. And then I just thought of this because our friend Jay from the Average Swingers, if you haven't been listening to them, you know, he's recently had, I won't give you the backstory, you can go listen, but he's had a prosthetic implant.

So can you talk about what other remedies there might be or treatments besides the Viagra or the Cialis? If you truly have erectile dysfunction, you can take Viagra and Cialis all you want to, and you're still going to have troubles. Not me, but the urologist friends that I know, they tell me, if you want an erection, we can get you one. Some of the tricks that they use, they use a vacuum and pump, and those guys, you can actually take out one of your testicles.

They'll take out one of your testicles, and they'll put a pump um in in that sack and then they'll put a prosthetic in your penis so you can actually pump up with your with your testicle you can pump up your penis and then you can also release it so that's one that's one method a surgical method um another another method is a is a permanent uh, prosthetic that goes into the penis where you permanently have an erection. Uh, this was kind of, I've only seen one of these in my career and it was the weirdest thing.

I don't know what I was doing with this gentleman, but, um, he was an older gentleman and, and I had to do an exam on him and he said, well, I got one of those prosthetics and he dropped his drawers and there it was and uh it took me a little while i had to go collect myself figure out what that thing was they don't do those as much anymore because the um the pumps really work well yeah um there's also some injections that you can do directly into uh that spongy material in the penis to help with blood flow and help with erections. And it does work in certain people. I don't prescribe that.

I leave that to the urologist. It seems scary to stick a needle into your penis to make it erect. But it does work. I've known people where it works great, and I've known people where they actually ended up in the emergency room because of the erection. Well, that's actually what happened to Jay. I won't steal the punchline, but it was that injection that did the damage. And he doesn't have the prosthesis. He has the pump, and recently talked about that. So, yeah, when a needle gets down there, yeah, somebody better know what they're doing. That's right.

So if you can't get an erection, there is a way for you to get an erection. You just have to find a good urologist and they'll figure out what works best for you. Now, is the orgasm necessarily guaranteed with the erections, or is that a completely different thing? I have heard of gentlemen who cannot get an erection at all and still have an orgasm. So the sensation and the feeling and the climax can still happen even though you don't have an erection. Okay.

So it sounds's a lot of oh you know what yeah i know you're not an er doc but talk about the dangers of viagra and stainless steel cock rings is there a danger well i mean like maybe not being able to get it off. If cock ring is too small don't take Viagra now I was an emergency room nurse for three and a half years and fortunately I've never had to cut off somebody's cock ring but I I've heard it has to be done you get a you get a cock and I've seen big old cock rings, so it can be a struggle.

Um, if you, if you can't get it off and you, and your erection will not go down, you can get some permanent damage. So you need to go and, um, go to the immersion room and let them do their magic, which is not going to be fun. Uh, um, but it's got to be done. Yeah. I think careful.

I think at that point in time i would lose my dignity i would i would be there i'd walk in and say you got to do something yeah well i guess i guess it depends on how tight the cock ring is um i i there are some there are some pumps with some elastic bands where you use the pump to pull the erection, so you have an erection, you have an erection full of blood, and then you put a ring around your penis, and that ring holds the blood in your penis that holds your erection. That's another device that I didn't talk about, but yes, that can be done also.

Um, but typically when we're talking about cock rings, we're not talking about cock rings to, um, keep our erection. Mostly cock rings are just used for jewelry and for enhancement. Um, but a cock ring is not necessarily a erectile dysfunction, um, device. Right. Okay.

Well, this has been, been uh it's been very educational i just learned a lot about penises yeah or is it peni oh yeah what is it peni i'm not sure good question i don't know well we thank you guys again and uh you know we've got one more topic to talk about with you guys and that, uh, we're going to talk about STIs probably next month. And we're doing this, uh, because we're all concerned about health right now and there's not a lot of lifestyle stuff going on. No. So at least it's sexy health. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I've enjoyed this.

Um, we've had a lot to talk about and, and work work through a lot of things so hopefully we'll help a lot of people yes so well thanks again and uh you guys stay safe and as we're as we're starting to re-engage with the lifestyle just um be careful out there and make good decisions to you know inform yourself the best you can and you know we've got to get back out and start living life sometime. I guess so. Yeah. It's time. It's time. Let's go for it. All right. Good night. Thank you. All right. Take care. Good night. Thank you. Okay. I hope you enjoyed our conversation number two with Mr.

and Mrs. Knight. That was a lot to take in. It was. I learned a lot. Yeah, I learned a lot too you know I think there's just there's so much to consider when you're talking about, you know, the actual medical aspect of things working right versus the whole baggage that we sometimes bring to the bedroom as far as, you know, and all the newness of everything. And I know that it messes with all of our heads. And then, you know, when, when certain body parts are directly connected to you, to your emotions and that whole flight, you know, like, like Mr.

Knight said, you know, if you're in, in a fight or flight mode, your penis is not interested in what's going on around it at that moment in time. I think the technical word, the medical term he used there was droopy. Yeah. Uh, but you know, I, I mean, I have to say as a guy, um, and well, first of all, I should say that about a year ago I started noticing a difference in my ability to maintain I'll see you next time. of all, I should say that about a year ago, I started noticing a difference in my ability to maintain an erection. I had no problems getting one.

But when a play session lasts 45 minutes or an hour or an hour and a half or longer, I found that I would lose it and then it would be a little bit more difficult to get back. So fortunately, it's about the time that Viagra went generic. Yeah, that was convenient. Yeah.

So I do have a prescription, and I don't normally take it when I'm at home, but when we're going to an event or we're going to go to Desire for a long week, and I'm anticipating that I'm hoping to be fairly active well we're hoping to get lucky but we know that it's going to be a long week we're going to be sleep deprived and we're not going you know we're going to be off of our schedule and drinking right um so all of those things really work against you especially over a long longer period of period of time.

Like, you know, anybody can like power through for 48 hours or whatever, but when you're someplace for a week, yeah, you get tired. And, and I know what a lot of guys feel like. I mean, I've felt it lately too.

And that is, you know, for all these years or even now with your wife or your partner, you have no problems and all of a sudden you do and it's it's confusing and it's a we don't really know how to address it and we're a little bit ashamed to kind of to talk about it because it's never been an issue before so you know when when we were talking to the knights and you know I mentioned how you can talk about anything. And sometimes I think us guys don't stop and think about body image issues or maybe penis issue, image issues that we have. Right.

Well, you know, I never really thought about like, you know, men having self-confidence issues because you guys are all bravado. And I think ladies are more willing to admit we have self-confidence issues, especially those of us that are moms. And we've given birth because, you know, almost every single lady has her body changed permanently when you choose to have a baby. And of course, it's worth. I mean, it's a, it's a battle scar for something amazing that just happened.

But, um, you know, so we're really willing to admit that we have self-confidence issues and we have a tangible reason for it. You know, you, you guys really don't have that excuse. You have not had something traumatic like that happen to your body. It's just an aging process. And I think, um, and I, I don't think you guys are as willing to, you know, talk about stuff like, like we were mentioning earlier. Um, so I, I think that sometimes I swear when you guys play, you need those words of affirmation and you need that tangible evidence that you're doing a good job. Yeah.

You know, like guys are like really into women's squirting. I think y'all are into it more than we are. I mean, and I, that is a huge generalization and I know some women really, really enjoy it and I can do it too on occasion. Um, I usually don't like doing it cause I'm weird and I think it's messy and I don't know. It's just, I don't know. But when you get there, it, you know, you, you kind of cross that point of no return. I think this is just me putting words in guys' heads.

Um, I think you guys like it because you've accomplished something and you know you have because there's like tangible physical evidence that you've accomplished something because sometimes like when we have orgasms our orgasms can be very calm and quiet like some women you can't really tell if they've had an orgasm or not you know so if you if you can make a woman squirt then all of a sudden that that's like an ego booster for y'all does that that make sense? It does. Do you agree with that? Well, I do agree with that because when we ejaculate, there's evidence. Right.

And so a woman is going to look at that and say she helped to contribute to that. I know. It's a pretty powerful feeling to know that you've helped a guy accomplish that. Yeah. But on the other hand, I think that when you're soft and you can't even get inside a woman, neither one of you is going to have an ejaculation or the man's not going to ejaculate, nor is the woman going to have an orgasm because of that particular act. So there's a sense that we're, yes, we're embarrassed, but we're also letting you down or we're letting the other woman down.

And then you're with another beautiful woman. And the first thing you think is, oh my gosh, what is going on? She's beautiful. I've been waiting all this time. Now she's going to think less of me. And it's a spiral downhill. So I agree with you. But what I wanted to kind of just talk about personally is that I don't think men, I did not, I'm not going to generalize. I did not have a good self image of that particular body, that part of my body, because when we were growing up, it was, you know, you were ashamed of it.

You kept it hidden, um, in the, in the locker room, you walked into the shower with towel wrapped around you, you know, and you know, people point, you know, don't look I'll see you next week.

were ashamed of it you kept it hidden um in the in the locker room you walked into the shower with towel wrapped around you you know and you know people point you know don't look and oh yours is big or yours is small and growing up as a guy in that environment i don't think it seemed normal but later on i'm like it's look at it it's it's not attractive it's in the way because i'm looking at a woman's body a woman's body is absolutely stunning and amazing. And I'm looking at that part of my body and saying, this is awkward. The thing just sticks out.

So I didn't have really a good positive image of that until much later in life. And even more so now in the lifestyle, because it's turned around and you get compliments. So I, you know, back to your words of affirmation, um, uh, guys really need to hear that. We really need the encouragement. We might not admit it, but we do really need that encouragement. So like dirty talk is like extra helpful. Yeah. I mean, is that what you're saying? Yes. Well, yes, it, this feels good. I mean, even feedback like, Oh yeah, that, this really feels good.

Um, or you're going to make me come or keep doing that, or you look amazing or your hands are amazing or, you know, anything like that is going to help a guy. Um, especially if things aren't working below the waist, you know, as you ladies always say, there's other things that we can do. So we need encouragement at that point in time too. Um, and I think overall it's a bigger struggle in the lifestyle than people realize. And guys sometimes have a hard time admitting that there's even something wrong. It's easier just to ignore it and say, ah, that never happened before.

That's never happened before. There's nothing wrong with me, or I'm going to take a pill and get over it. But I think we need to check ourselves and we need to be vulnerable and we need to open ourselves up like the ladies do and talk about it. Because as we mentioned, when you acknowledge it, that's the first step in getting back to where you need to be. I really liked it when Mr. Knight said admitting it is like, what did he say? Like a stress reliever, an anxiety reliever. So that's like the first step to recovering, you know, from that, from that panic that, Oh my God, it's not working.

If you acknowledge it, maybe that will bring that stress level down enough where you can kind of not laugh it off, but just kind of, okay, now what are we going to do? And maybe you can recover. Right. And you know, what we didn't talk about, which you and I have talked about before, is if we don't say anything, not only is it bad for me as a guy, but you as the other woman, I leave and you think, what did I do wrong? Right. I'm confused. He doesn't think I'm beautiful. You know, I don't really know that I've done anything, think I've done anything wrong, but it's what am I not doing right?

Right not doing right you know and then i get and then i can be part of the problem because then i get um i don't withdraw necessarily but i don't get brave enough to say what can i do to help you right you know you so ladies we have to force ourselves to do that because you know you it's happening like now what right you can't all just like withdraw into your corners that's not going to be any fun anyway before we wrap up i think the key here is talking about it that that's what we don't do that's what guys don't like to do so acknowledging it especially i mean it's embarrassing to admit to your wife because she's never seen you in that state before you've always performed for her so it's.

So the key to talk about it with your wife or your partner, talk about it with another couple. And it's a stigma that you, the stigma is not talking about it. You know, we just want to jump to the pill and there's nothing wrong with the pill. I mean, I'm using it myself, but it doesn't substitute for, um, everything else that we talked about tonight. And that is your health and your wellness and exercising and diet and all the, and the alcohol, all of that stuff affects you.

But really when it comes down to it, um, you know, it's, it's talking about it and acknowledging what the issue is to get, to get by it.

Well, and figuring out, you know, to not, because if you're just acknowledging it and figure out, you you know figuring out in the moment what to do to get by and you know that's it's still causing stress and it's still interrupting the fun part of the evening right so if you can like acknowledge it and communicate about it and come up with a strategy like if it happens again you know what right what plan can we have we have put in place to switch to, to just take the pressure off and then maybe you can recover, but you're never going to get there if you don't acknowledge it and talk about it.

And, and I don't want to say plan for it, but know that it's a possibility, I guess. Right. Yeah. Okay. Well, we have, um, it's time for snapshots and we have, uh, something special for you tonight. Yes, we do. Uh, some might think it's a cop out, but so it's been three months since we've had a lifestyle experience with another couple almost. Yeah. And so we've been locked in our house for three months. We've run out of snapshots and we've talked about each other enough. Yeah. I think. Yeah. We're going retro. We're doing a vintage snapshot. Yeah. So we're going back to the vault.

What you're going to hear tonight is Mr. Jones and Mrs. Jones' snapshot from episode number one in our very first podcast. Yeah. And you'll be able to tell how new the good old days, the good old days. So hopefully next month we'll have like a real, you know, a real time snapshot. I'm hoping so. So anyway, um, thank you to the Knights again. Um, thank you for listening.

We'd love to get your feedback on this episode and when we come back, um, you're going to hear a five and a half year younger version of the Joneses, uh a snapshot that's right to end each one each one of our podcasts we have something that we always share when we come home from any kind of a lifestyle encounter that we have. And I always call it, what's your snapshot? So usually during the evening when we're playing with another couple, or it doesn't even have to be playing, it could just be out to dinner with them or whatever.

You know how you always have like that one takeaway, that one mental image or that one like soundbite of something that was said that night um for me it's usually a visual image and um I guess the one I wanted to share tonight was we were on kind of our second date with this younger couple that we mentioned that we have recently met and we were at a beautiful restaurant it was a nice fall evening and we're at a beautiful restaurant in a nice city near a river and sitting outside sharing a meal together.

And we kind of had a private table, so we felt like we could have, you know, open and frank conversation with one another. And the first time we got together with them, it was very surface level as far as talking about our sexual experiences and what we were looking for in a couple that we wanted to interact with. So this was our second date. So we were a little bit more forthcoming because I think both couples knew that we wanted to end up playing eventually.

And we were trying to figure out, you know where we stood as far as experience and and what kind of fantasies we wanted to have fulfilled and and those types of conversations so we were talking about oral sex and the the other lady uh in the couple she was talking about how she had never um had gone down on another woman she had had a woman go down on her before, but she had never gone down on another woman she had had a woman go down on her before but she had never gone down on another woman she was explaining this to us and in the meantime our server had come up from behind her and was just patiently waiting to see if anybody needed anything so she's the the server standing there listening to this conversation and and the poor lady that was explaining her level of experience with the oral sex was clueless that the server was behind her so you know just after she finished her conversation the server said can I get you guys anything and she was just perfectly professional and and went on her way and you know laughing because, you know, where else but in the lifestyle, would you be talking about the intimate details of oral sex at this beautiful restaurant on a gorgeous fall evening?

Yeah, that's great dinner conversation. If you ask me, uh, so that's your snapshot. That's just one of them. That's just one of them. So stay tuned. them so stay tuned yeah I mean so my snapshot is I'm going to change I'm going to change my snapshot to you know you you mentioned earlier and you know what this is the second time we've we've we kind of did a practice podcast on this and and so I'm going to change from what I said the first time and I have to say that Mrs. Jones has dressed the part tonight so we made sure that we had some afternoon appetizers and I'll see say that Mrs.

Jones has dressed the part tonight so we made sure that we had some afternoon appetizers and happy hour before we podcasted today and she is across from me in a leopard print is it a dress? You could call it that A cross between lingerie and a dress I dressed for dinner, we getting ready to cook dinner, a lot of cleavage that I've had to look at for the past hour across from this microphone. And earlier you were talking about the fact that I kept throwing this out about having a threesome.

And I'm not going to say that every guy has this fantasy, but I'm going to go ahead and say every guy has this fantasy. And, you know, every opportunity that I got, I don't know that I said it a lot, but I have said a number of times over 30 years, you know, well, when we have our first threesome and maybe I'm like, like Johnny Appleseed, I'm planting these seeds and eventually, you know, they're going to grow one day, never really imagining that they would. But my snapshot, when we went to Desire the first time and we met this other couple and you didn't really know, Mrs.

Jones, you really didn't know if you were attracted to other women or i didn't think i was you didn't think you were but you had said well you know if we found the right person that you might do it just for me you know just so i could see but you never really said that you would you know have oral sex or be with this woman it was you know i would kiss or flirt with her and anyway we met this couple and you you two ladies kind of just connected and we went into the playroom at Pearl and the two of you just for some reason just connected and came together and started making out and I just about I'm glad for my sake that I didn't pass out but I found myself not breathing based on what I was seeing and and the other guy of the lady that you were with he he had a grin you know ear to ear and he and I just kind of blended into the sofa and sat there and watched you, you two connect.

And I can't describe, I can only say that if guys, if you're, if you're, and, and ladies, if you ever find an opportunity to do that, you won't be disappointed as far as the guys are concerned, because it was, it was an amazing snapshot and an image that, and you've done it since then, but that connection in the first time and the fact that for 30 years, I kind of have this fantasy and then it's playing itself out in front of me and I just can kind of keep looping that film back over and over in my mind.

and, and it, so not only what was I watching you with another woman, but then you turned into a bit of the aggressor, you pushed her back and went down on her. And that again, kind of just shocked me. It floored me. And then, you know, I was realizing that, wait a minute, she's not doing this for me anymore. She's liking this. And so during that 15 or 20 minutes that you two were together, it was just an amazing, an amazing thing to see. All right. minutes that you two were together. Um, just, uh, it was, it was just an amazing, an amazing thing to see. All right.

That was an interesting blast from the past. Yeah, it was the naive Joneses just getting our feet wet. Gosh, it seems like it was yesterday. I know if we would have known then what we know now or vice versa. Here we are five and a half years later. Yes. Well, we are determined to get back out there in some form, to do it responsibly and safely, and we'll report back what re-entry is going to look like and feel like. We will. So the meantime, we really would like to invite you to join our We Got A Thing members community. And you can find more information that on our website at wegotathing.com.

You can also contact us through our website or you can email me directly at mrjones at wegotathing.com. Or me at mrsjones at wegotathing.com. You can followrsjones at wegotathing.com you can follow us on twitter at we got a thing and we're also on pinterest and you can also join cassidy or double date nation and you can find links on our website to do that for some free time to try it out and also SDC that's right yes so thanks for listening we are Mr. and Mrs. Jones and we got a thing what's your thing We'll see you next time.