Episode 73: Opposites Attract?

Transcript

This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us? Hello, everyone. I'm Mr. Jones.

And I'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 73 of the we got a thing podcast opposites attract it's you and me baby yeah that's for certain yeah i mean i think that um obviously we'll we'll dive into the whole why and how opposites attract. The yin and the yang. Yeah, the yin and the yang. But if we ever knew whether we attracted each other, it would be about right now at this point in our lives. Yeah, let's just dive right into that. This is, for the record, what is today, March 21st that we're recording this. Yes.

And everyone is getting used to the new normal in the world, not just in the United States, but the whole world. Right. Hello, COVID-19. Yeah. We recently put a blog post out on this. You'll find it on our website. Also, we've tweeted out about it. Basically, the reality of it for us is that it's real, and we have to prioritize it, and we have to try to do whatever we can to mitigate this. Right.

So now, instead of being social swingers, weers we're social distancers yeah we're locked down in this house i'm glad we thought about downsizing a couple years ago i'm glad we didn't yeah not yet oh thank goodness yeah but anyway we we urge you to be careful and be smart this is um our fault it's not a joke no and you know i know some people are saying, well, it's no worse than a bad cold or getting the flu, but I think some people are very susceptible to having permanent damage done. Well, this is not about us. Right.

There's a lot of other people out there that we can impact if we ignore this. And our philosophy is we're not on either extreme side. We're not on the side that's out trying to hoard toilet paper. I already had a lot of toilet paper in the house, like way before. So I have not purchased any paper products, actually. Yeah, nor are we on the other side where we think we can just go on life as usual and this is fine and it's being overblown. We're right down the middle and taking it seriously.

And, you know, what we've noticed over the past few weeks is that, um, it's, it's lifestyle events and, and club owners and event planners are taking it seriously finally. And, and you're seeing things canceled and, and which is really the prudent thing to do at this point in time. Absolutely. I mean, you know, I'm pretty healthy and I think I have a good immune system, but at this point in time, I just really don't. I mean, why risk it? It's not necessary. Well, I mean, my parents are in their early 80s and, you know, I don't want them, you know, getting affected by this. Right.

So we all have to keep that in mind. And while we're talking about this, you know, speaking of podcast palooza, we've been promoting this for almost a year now, and it's almost sold out. And Kate is feverishly working to make sure that the event is ready to go. But if it needs to be postponed, she's working on a couple of alternate dates later in the summer and the fall. Right. So you're just going to have to stay tuned for that. But she's really being diligent. I mean, she wants to be responsible. Yeah. But at the same time, it's going to be an amazing event.

And we got to FaceTime with Kate and Daryl this morning. And, you know, they're already working on new dates. It's going to be postponed. It's not going to be canceled. So we all have something to look forward to once this lockdown ends. If it doesn't happen in May, it's going to be postponed. Right. And not canceled. Right. Right. Well, one thing's for certain, when all this is over, there's going to be a lot of pent up energy. I'm kidding.

We are going to come back with a vengeance and get this economy going again by traveling and going and eating out and, you know, trying to get back into the swing of things, so to speak. So we just wish that you all will take this seriously and be careful out there. Well, I'm glad that we live in the state of Virginia. Thank you.

speak so we just wish that you all will take this seriously and and be careful out there well i'm glad that we live in the state of virginia well i guess i'm i'm glad now that we live in the state of virginia like you know virginia has some some interesting laws like we can't have lifestyle clubs here but during this whole lockdown closing stores etc our liquor stores are still open. Oh, yeah. They understand what's essential and what's non-essential. Honey, we have three. We have a liquor cabinet upstairs. We have a reserve liquor cabinet upstairs.

And we have an extra reserve liquor cabinet downstairs. We do, honey, but it's not just about us. It's about our neighbors and friends and friends and yeah everybody else that's trapped in their houses many of them with small children yeah so we only have a small dog okay enough seriousness i know um so if we had any fun well i have to tell a story on mrs jones and i'm probably going to get in trouble for this no yeah um how long have i known you um 36 years yeah and how many years have we been traveling Thank you. Jones and I'm probably going to get in trouble for this. No. Yeah.

Um, how long, how long have I known you? Um, 36 years. Yeah. And how many years have we been traveling? Um, a lot. Yeah. And how many times have we traveled by air? Tons. Okay. We were sitting in a plane. I have no idea what's coming. In Cancun. We're going to talk about our trip to Desire. We were sitting in a plane in Cancun. We landed in Cancun, and you know the pilot is taxiing up to the gate. And, you know, the jet bridge is there, and he's pulling forward, and the people on the ground, the ground crew tells him when to stop. So he stops the plane.

And I'm looking at the window and the jet bridge is not moving in towards the plane. And he let everybody stand up. I mean, like he, that little tone came off and everybody took off their seatbelts and we're starting to open the overheads and everything. And so he comes back on and he says, sorry, folks, but I've overshot my mark a little bit. They're going to have to push us back. So if everyone can have a seat, and then we'll have you off in a second. And you looked at me, and you said, what does he mean, push us back? And I looked at you curiously.

I'm like, what do you mean, what do you mean, push us back? And I said, there's a tug that comes up and attaches to the front wheel and pushes the plane. And you said, it doesn't have a reverse or anything. You're making me sound like an idiot. Okay, well, what did you say? Doesn't it have a reverse? And I said, as many years as we've been traveling, you haven't looked out the window. You haven't been in the airport noticing that plane's being pushed away from the gate. I never have a window seat, do I? No. You always sit by the window if you can. You don't have to.

You can be in the airport looking out and just observing. I guess I've never done that before. No, because you always have your head in your candy crush game. Well, then when we got plane we were walking you know as we were walking to immigration it's the the terminal that we were in in cancun is all glass it's really pretty like the walkways are and there were tons of airplanes out there i made you stop i know you showed it to me over here to the window you see those little things i said yeah i've seen those before i never knew knew what they did. I said, oh, my gosh.

Yeah, I'm a redhead, but actually I'm a strawberry blonde. So the blonde is coming out. Sorry, you blondes out there. I know lots of blondes have high IQs. Clearly, I have a couple deficiencies. You're a very intelligent woman. Just not an observant woman. I thought it had a reverse or something. I said, do you know how jet engines work? The air comes through only in one direction. No, I thought there was another sort of mechanism that could actually engage and move the plane a little bit. You thought it was like a bow thruster on a cruise ship or something? Something like that, yes. Yes.

Okay. I learned something new that day. Well, that certainly lightened the mood a little bit. But anyway, we were in Cancun because... Oh, we went to a surprise birthday party. We did. Yeah, we didn't really give out the dates that we were going to desire in March. And it's a good thing we went in early March. Yes. Since the border's closing now. Yes. Thank goodness. But almost a year ago, we were invited by some close friends to come to Pearl. Well, the wife. Yeah. Yeah, so the wife contacted us. It was a year ago. Yeah.

And her husband was turning 50 this year, and she wanted to plan a surprise birthday party for him. So she invited 10 couples. More than 10, but 10 were able to come. Well, she was hoping for maybe like two or three or four couples. Right. She was just very pleasantly surprised about how many people responded that they could come. So there ended up being ten couples.

And he ended up, he knew that they were going to desire this particular weekend, but he thought it was just going to be a romantic getaway for the two of them with a with a romantic dinner on the pier with the moonlight shining down you know over the water and everything and it wasn't anything like that at all no so 10 of us um surprised him and at the same time we got our first taste of the desired mansion yes they so the husband and our friends that um he was having the birthday they were in the mansion and we were almost next door to them yeah on the same floor and they got there about a half an hour before us and and the desire staff told us what room they were in so we went and knocked on the door and he opened the door and he was so confused it was awesome yeah and he was continuously confused as people showed up yes throughout the day and throughout the weekend yeah so at first we just kind of like played it off oh yeah you know your wife contacted us and and we said that we would come and we just thought this would be an awesome surprise and he so he thought it was going to be the four of us and and then just little by little it was just as every day something happened that had been planned that he didn't know about so so let's talk about the mansions for for a moment besides the party because they just opened in december and this is the first time we stayed there yeah and you know there's been a kind of a mixed feeling about it because It's exclusive.

It is tucked away behind the resort and we hesitated um a while before we decided that we wanted to be part of that right so turns out it's really not that big of a deal um as far as being separated from the rest of the resort because you have full access to the resort it's almost like going back to your room no matter where you are right yeah for us yeah but we could bring people with us i mean it wasn't like we'd have to like kiss goodnight at the door and then we would go in the mansion and they would be locked out it wasn't like that at all yeah we brought some folks back over to take a tour and and anyway um it's a beautiful facility yeah um it's high tech which if you've been to desire i mean it even has an elevator which doesn't exist anywhere else in the resort which we used once but there's the first building is the reception building and you go in there and you check in and in that building is um also a lobby bar that's just for and everything back balcony that looks down over the pool area yeah it's really pretty everything is so decadent it's all marble and granite um glass you know from from floor to ceiling um just really really elegant and decadent yep um then you come out of that building down into a courtyard and in the courtyard the courtyard is really three buildings pushed together.

It's that building that you come in for the registration. And then there's a building where the restaurant is. And then there's the mansion building with the eight rooms in it. Right. So in the center of that is a courtyard. With a pool and a pool bar. A heated pool. It's almost like a jacuzzi. Yep.

And then there's like beach beds, well, I guess i guess pool beds yes and there's a restroom there so you don't have to run up to your room to go to the bathroom yeah and a bar yeah a pool bar and then the restaurant there only has eight tables and you can go in any time breakfast lunch or dinner and just order whatever you want and they have a full staff there that cooks for you our breakfast was amazing they have an amazing menu the menu is different there from the rest of the resort and they'll pretty much do anything made to order if you tell them a little bit ahead of time yeah I mean the night we ate there I had chicken for dinner for some reason I just wasn't in the mood for beef or fish I think because I had eaten fish like the previous two nights so I ordered chicken that was the best chicken i had ever had i thought yeah it'll be okay i just want something kind of you know low key it was amazing and the yeah everything there was great the drinks were great oh and it was fun for me because inside the mansion building um they had a bar in like the lobby area on the ground floor of the the building with all the rooms in it and it was a self-service bar yeah so we're going to get to that building so there's the the pool in the courtyard is actually a swim up pool so you can get in there and go to the bar but also there's two rooms right there yeah and you can they're swim up rooms and you can get up and get out and get into your room there.

But anyway, the building where the rooms are, you go across a little bridge and walk into that. And as you were saying in that main lobby area, there's another bar that's self-serve and it's got, it's fully stocked with mixers and ice and everything. And nice, like nice top shelf booze. Yeah. It was really nice. And then there's all the mixers. And there's only eight rooms in the building. And on the top floor, there's a playroom. And the playroom is amazing. I think it's sectioned out into about four different beds. It's got a liberator bed up there. There's a St. Andrew's cross on the wall.

And the most amazing part about it is there's a walk-in shower that probably holds about a dozen people.

um and a bathroom right there in the playroom and the tile in that shower is metallic yeah it looks like metal but it's glass yeah and there's black lights and then the whole rainforest the whole ceiling is like a rainforest showerhead yeah um and there's a bathroom right there which is the best part yeah so that's on the top floor and then the middle floor where we were is rooms and our room was amazing um storage everywhere yeah again if you've been to desire usually lack storage but you have your we have our own balcony and every balcony has its own hot tub uh or pool a jacuzzi yeah spa on it and the bathrooms are amazing the rooms themselves are amazing and everything is electronic the best thing about the whole resort is that on your desire bracelet is where your key your room key yeah there's they put a chip on the back of the plastic part of the bracelet so you don't have to carry that that card around with you and keep it dry which you never do the only drawback is that you can't get your bracelet put on your ankle right because you actually have to touch your bracelet to the little you know screen thing on the door handle but so that would be a little awkward and technology in the room everything is automated so there's a there's a panel that controls the heat and the air and the lighting and also there's um it also controls room service um housekeeping do not disturb um all of that is electronic and then um there was a great sound system in there that bluetooth with with our phone and then we had our own diffuser in there and you have a pillow menu and, you know, you get to choose.

And an aromatherapy menu that goes in the diffuser. Yeah. It was incredible. So the, the facility itself and the services itself are, they exceeded our expectations. Yeah. As far as being segregated, you know, we did have a private party at the mansion one afternoon where I think about 30 of us came back over there for an afternoon and did Desire put on a little party for us. Oh, that was when I wore my happy birthday pasties. Yeah, that's right. That's right. I'm a good friend. Yeah. There was supposed to be a cookout that day, but it was overcast and they were calling for rain.

So they just brought us over some pizza and tacos, tacos yeah which was good but anyway we spent most of our time around the main pool out in the main resort and and you know socializing out there it was only a couple of times that we came back one time when they were playing basketball because our chairs at the main pool were right at the basketball net and we decided to go back to the mansion pool and lay around for an hour or two yeah it was really quiet and they were playing like really chill music in the background it was quiet and they came and brought us drinks and you and I were the only two people there yeah but for the most part we stayed out in the main area and so I don't really know that if you want to be exclusive you can be and it's not like you're taking that much away from the main resort because the main resort still has 88 rooms of people out there.

And the important thing is that you can bring a couple back with you to the playroom.

And there used to be this, like when they first started like talking about the mansion, you would get like two, what they called like quote unquote golden tickets a week but but they're being much more lax about that i mean obviously they they want to make sure that there's availability for the people that are staying there right um but we never had a problem bringing guests back with us right so you don't even have to ask you just you, because there's only eight rooms, they know the eight couples that are staying there. So as long as they see one of the eight couples, then everything's fine.

Right. So if you think you might be interested in staying at the mansions, we do offer discounts. I think, I don't know that you can find this anywhere else, but we are able to offer discounts to the mansion. So you'll find this on our website if you're interested. If you're not, I understand it might not be people's thing, but we enjoyed it so much that I think we're going to take an extra trip this year. And at first we didn't think we would stay there. Now we're not, you know, I don't know.

We'll probably go back a couple times, and think we're pretty much hooked on it but a great a great trip yeah and i'm so glad that the only thing bad about the trip is that we were only there four nights i know you know because we were we were trying to sneak it in it was a real busy time at work for both of us that was the shortest trip to desire we've ever yeah it was painful because by the time you got in the groove it was time to leave yeah and it was new to us because it was the mansions and we hadn't stayed in that environment before yeah so you had we had to learn a new routine anyway right and and then we only had four nights to do it so we need to do over right so it was nice meeting some running into some old friends that we didn't know we're going to be there oh i know there were a couple couples there we didn't know that we're going to be there great meet a lot of new um new folks down there it was it was just a great trip and um yeah so while while we're talking about this our november trip is pretty much sold out i think the penthouse is there may be a penthouse or two left and the the master suites are spotty like there's a couple couple nights here and there.

I don't know. I think there might be a master with plunge left too, but they won't last long. No, so it's pretty much sold out. So before we move forward, we wanted to announce a couple of new partnerships. You know, we don't really recommend a lot of things on our website um we've always recommended the dumb card game of course and we've always recommended double date nation and cassidy for for dating sites yeah but um we've got three new partnerships that we want to tell you about first of all everly well everlywell.com and you can find this on our website and we've talked about a few years.

Yeah. It's STI testing that's done in your home. And I've used it a couple of times and it's super convenient. Um, and it's super discreet and you don't have to go anywhere. And it's super quick. Yeah. You do everything in your home. Um, you know, you, you, there's a, you know, a card that you have to take a blood sample and you just put everything in an envelope and send it off to a lab. We did have a physician look at this website and tell us that he thought it was pretty credible. So anyway, no matter where you are, you can use this. So you'll find a discount to Everly Well on our website.

The next thing is when we go to Desire, speaking of Desire, we always use USA Transfers to get to and from the resort. Right. And even if you, sometimes when you book your transportation, you know, through Desire, they use USA Transfers. Right. So it's the same service. We always get private transportation and USA transfers. We've been using them now since we've been going to desire. So we thought it was finally time to have an affiliate relationship with them. So you can book your USA transfers through our website as well.

And then finally, our friends, Mickey and Mallory over at Casual Swinger, they opened up an online toy store just before Christmas. And we've always hesitated to partner with or recommend sex toy stores because you can always find things cheaper on Amazon. And we're all about frugality and practicality. I'm a cheapskate, you can say it. And we had plenty of opportunities to partner with people in the past, but we never wanted to recommend a toy that you could get on Amazon for something a lot less than that. So why don't you, Mrs. Jones, explain to me how we got involved in casual toy?

Well, it was our naughty stockings fault. Yeah. So in the ladies chat in our community, we were all talking about, you know, what do you, what do you put in your husband's naughty stocking? And, you know, we were kind of all struggling with that. And, uh, somebody suggested this particular item and then Kate from Swinging Down Under chimed in and she said, oh, well, I just purchased that on the casualual Toys website, which is Casual Swingers shopping site. And she sent everybody a link to it. And I went and it was a toy.

I had been looking for you for I've been looking for this toy for you for a couple of years and I can never find it. And sure enough, they had it.

And I went on Amazon to look and it was literally ten dollars cheaper and it wasn't a super dollar cheaper where on the casual toys website okay and um and so i i went ahead and ordered it and i'll be turned if that toy wasn't in our house in two days it was like amazon prime for sex toys i mean it was awesome yeah so so it was a great experience it was it was less expensive than amazon and it was a high quality product and so once we did that we actually reached out to mickey and mallory and we hung out with at naughty new orleans last year yeah and we told them how impressed we were with the service and the toy and the cost and we asked them if if we could formed some sort of a partnership so you know it's not like they came to us you know asking to do this this is something that we tried ourselves we paid money for the toy um and it was a great experience so you're you're gonna find casual toys at a discount you're gonna find usa transfers and everly well all on our website so we're excited to announce that yeah and now's a perfect time to shop because there's nothing else to do boy you know work from home uh learn from home um you know purchase you know products from home cook your own food it's a good thing because you can't go out to dinner it's a good thing we have the google no kidding or this would be a whole lot worse than it is you know i was thinking even if this would have happened just like 10 years ago i mean people i mean yeah we were shopping online 10 years ago but but the whole working from home thing right i think has really been um an eye opener for a lot of people.

I mean, you and I have kind of been doing that anyway. So we, we are fortunate to be in that position where it's not too disruptive for us. And you know, here's something extra that in our private community, in our members community, we've been doing, we use, uh, the platform zoom for, for virtual meetings and we've been, we're going to weekly during this whole Corona virus period, we're hosting online conversations every week with our community. And it's so nice. People can, it's, it's like getting out of your house and connecting with friends. Cause we go ahead and do video.

We don't record them. So, you know, people feel safe going ahead and having the webcam on. So everybody comes in, and if we get 40 or 50 couples, Zoom allows us to break everybody into smaller groups, and we have a topic of discussion, and everybody socializes. And it really has been a good outlet for people who just want to connect with their lifestyle friends. I know. I know. It's been fun.

do have to like tell a funny story about one of our members though he was saying that um his company uh don't normally work the people employees don't normally work from home but of course they're having to now and they wanted to do a video conference and they chose to use zoom and nobody really knew how to use it and our member was like well you just you know if you want to do this then click here and blah Thank you. Thank you. Bye-bye.

video conference and they chose to use zoom and nobody really knew how to use it and our member was like well you just you know if you want to do this then click here and blah so he was kind of coaching everybody and somebody in the meeting said hey how do you know how to use this so he said he had to backpedal a little bit to uh yeah to not say exactly how he knew how to use it from being in our discussion groups i was in a work meeting using zoom on yesterday and I learned a new feature and I was like oh this is so exciting I'm gonna be able to use this when we have our I know our own meetings I know so yeah Monday night we'll be able to to teach all of our members that new little trick yeah and we're trying to do these things like we did one on east coast time we're gonna do one on pacific we're gonna stay up late you and I are gonna be drinking some coffee yeah so if you're in our community or if you want to be a part of these it would be a great thing to join our community and and connect with a bunch of people while you're um you know while you're quarantined right i think it just helps with the isolation a little bit it does okay well gosh that was a lot to keep up with.

When we come back, Mrs. Jones is going to get full credit for this episode topic. So when we come back, she's going to explain to you what opposites attract mean. And hopefully I can follow along with her conversation and her thought process. I have full confidence in you, honey. Okay. We'll be right back. Welcome back to segment two, where we're going to discuss how opposites attract. We do. I know. We do attract each other, don't we? I don't think we knew we were opposite when we were 20 and 21 years old. We didn't know anything when we were 20 and 21 and met. I was just infatuated with you.

Well, clearly we had chemistry. Yes, we did. We knew that part. That's about all we knew. Yeah. Yeah. So we've learned a lot in the last three decades together. We're still learning, I think, as we're going to learn through this conversation. I think we've learned a lot in the past couple of weeks. Yes. Yeah, I think so, too. Ouch. Here we go. So the whole opposites attract thing. I mean, people use that term loosely, I think, a lot of times.

And wasn't that like a Paula Abdul songdul song was it opposites attract i don't know okay like i can't think right now yeah anyway okay um but like how does that apply to the lifestyle i mean you can just flippantly say opposite attract but you know how does that apply to the lifestyle how it, um, apply to like your relationship with your partner? Um, and what does it mean as far as what you're looking for in the lifestyle? There's just, there's a lot of different ways to kind of, I guess, analyze this.

Well, and I think opposites, um, you know, we talk about being opposites like physically and personality wise and we talk about being opposite from what do we have in common and what are our value system our deals and politics and religion we're not even going to go there we but we but that's what we think about when we think of opposite it's like it's it's different things that we like or we enjoy or but it's really not the essence of how we're similar or different right and the way this kind of whole the whole idea came up is um we kind of we have a virtual book club going on in our ladies group in our community and we were talking about the um the tantric concept of yin and yang and we were looking at it through the lens of yin and yang being different types of energies that you bring that you bring to um a relationship okay what the hell is yin and yang well mr wikipedia you looked it up so i looked it up for you i know so what did you find well i mean it's a chinese philosophy and it's a it's a concept of dualism and it describes like seemingly opposite or contrary forces that may actually be complementary or you know we think of when we think of opposites we think of like magnets like repelling right but in this case it's more complementary or you need the other half and not i'm not i'm not gonna say half because sometimes it's not half you need the other side you if you're the yin you need the yang to make yourself complete right.

In any kind of like relationship that you have and this this isn't just um about marriage or about sex um this can be any aspect of your life your professional life your social life um anything where the um different people bring different energies to the table yes and i think in certain ways we always talk about even in your Thank you. the, um, different people bring different energies to the table. Yes. And I think in certain ways, we always talk about, even in your marriage vows, or we say partnership and we say 50, 50, and we use the word equality.

But I, sometimes I don't think that that's completely accurate because I think what yin and yang is about is sometimes you have to be more one than the other. Sometimes you have to be more than 50%. You have to be 60 or 70%. And the other person is the 30%. Right. So I guess we probably need to maybe attempt to describe what Yin and Yang are. And I don't, like, I'm embarrassed to almost do this because I have never studied Tantra before. Well, I think it's about balance and harmony and energy. But I like the way that you described it to me in my feeble way of thinking.

Well, the way we were talking about it in our conversation within our ladies group is that, like, yin is where you kind of, you bring this energy to the table where you're, you're receptive and you're open and you draw the other person in. And then yang is the one that has like the, I almost want to say like external energy.

Like, you know, you can just feel it radiating off of that person and they bring like, as far as sex goes, they the energy to the table they they're bringing the um they're they're pursuer you know they're going after it and and that can also apply in your professional life you know how assertive are you in a meeting with your colleagues you know do you you kind of sit back and take it in or do you, so the yang is the person who is more inner, more dominant. Was that, is that a good word? Kind of, sort of. Yeah. Assertive. Maybe. Yeah. Okay.

And the, and the yin is the person who's more submissive or, um, in that particular role, whatever that role is, they're more submissive. Maybe. Um, but I think that both of those roles and both of those energies are equally important because if you have two people that are Yang and they're, and they're like full steam ahead, bringing the energy, you know, there's going to be some headbutting going on. Yeah. And that might not end up with the best experience, no matter what setting you're talking about. No, this is not about good and bad or right and wrong or better or worse.

This is about complementary types. Right, right. And, you know, you've always teased me because you're the math person and I'm not, but I did do fairly well in geometry. So, because the whole, the whole algebra thing and mixing numbers and letters, I never really understood that, but, but geometry, I understood. So you explained it to me a little bit using complementary angles. So why don't you try that? Well, right. I mean, you have two angles that are complementary. So they, you know, together, whatever those angles are, if they add up to 90 degrees, they're complementary.

It doesn't mean that one angle has to be 45 degrees and the other angle has to be 45 degrees so that they add up to 90 and it's, it's even, Stephen, 50, 50, whatever.

One, you know, you can have a 30 degree angle and a 60 degree angle or you know i could like play with numbers all night and um the bottom line is however those angles measure as long as they fit together then they're going to create that full 90 degree 90 degree angle um and and that's called a right angle so it like makes it right everything is right with the world because they're fitting together correctly okay so whatever the yin and yang is as long as it's complementary and as long as it adds up to 90 degrees then we're good you get a sticker baby okay i get my name on the board yeah buddy superstar board but in real life relationships like um like you and i were i don't i don't again we talked about this at the open but i'm not sure when we were 20 and 21 and we first fell for each other and there's this infatuation and and you're you're so beautiful and you know i'm he's a great kisser yeah and and you've got this fog around your head then this it's lust and it's infatuation and it's love those little lovebirds are literally tweeting the cartoon birds are circling your head i'm not sure that we really take the time to understand this part of of a relationship so like you know you're a very detailed oriented person no really yes and i'm not i'm more of a big picture okay hold on i gotta turn my head for just a second yeah his pile like four inches thick.

He has this wire basket on his desk and everything's contained in the wire basket, but it's four inches thick of paper. It's stuff I'm done with. You know, once I'm done with it, I just set it aside. Your health insurance policy's in there somewhere and I desperately need it back. No. So that it can go in my folder that says health insurance policy filed in my very meticulously organized drawer. It's over there somewhere. You just need to go through and find it. I didn't throw it away. Where's the paper bag? I need to breathe into the paper bag.

Another thing, another way we're different is that you're very practical. You're a coupon clipper. Amen. And you have the budget. I am proud of it. I am proud of it. Right. And you're the receipt collector. Yes. And I just go with the flow. If you want to deduct that expense, you need to give me the receipt, buddy. I just pull out a credit card. I know you do. And it's oftentimes not the right credit card. I know. We fought about that in the airport on the way to Cancun. Yes, we did. Like, I didn't want to sit next to you on the airplane. I was so mad at you. I know.

But then you taught me what the little, like, tugboat thing was for the airplane. That's a tugboat. Oh, Lord. Okay, so here's another way we're different. You know, you're more linear in your thinking, and I'm the creative thinker. Yes. We would not have this podcast if it were up to me. And it would be gibberish if it were up to me it would be nonsensical it would have no order right right it would just be a bunch of stream of consciousness you're the topic guy yeah and and i find that fascinating right another difference and i could go on and on surprise we're we're together.

You have a photographic memory. Yes. And I remember stories and visual illustrations. If you tell me something and I don't write it down, it ain't going to happen. Because I've got to write it down so that I can see it. Because if I can see it written down, then I can remember what that piece of paper looks like with my handwriting on it. And I remember people, but I don't remember their names. And I remember events, but I don't remember the details of events.

But you're getting better because I told you that if you can't remember the names of the ladies that you've had sex with, then we're not going to be able to do this anymore. I know, that didn't motivate me. But I think anecdotally speaking, of course, we're a small sample size and we have a lot of friends and we know a lot of people in the lifestyle. But anecdotally speaking, I think that we find that many couples, many, many couples are quite opposite of each other. Would you say? Yes.

I mean it once you start thinking about it and you start reflecting on the personalities of the couples um i i really think that that's the way of the world for the most part and people that are alike are kind of the exception to the rule right so put a pin in that for a second because i want to talk about in lifestyle relationships okay so in Lifestyle relationships, we find we each normally connect well this way with one of the two partners like right you know you'll you'll connect with either the man or the woman on the way that i described how you and i are different yeah and i normally connect with the other partner male or female if they're me.

Right. And it doesn't, I mean, and it has nothing to do with gender. I think it's just that similarity in the way they're wired. It has nothing to do with gender because we were just at, when we were at Desire, we sat down on our last day.

Well, we had good friends there that we've known for a long time and and we had dinner with them and breakfast with them one day and before we left we sat on their lounge chairs and we started talking with them and it was hilarious yeah because um well they're coming to podcast at palooza yes and we were talking about like the theme nights because kate has challenged her attendees with having to get creative with theme nights, which is killing me. Because again, I am not the creative thinker in the family, but I'm the shopper. So I'm screwed because you're the creative thinker.

You don't give a flip about shopping and actually you hate theme nights. So I am just floundering. I don't know what to do. So we're sitting on the lounge chairs, talking with our friends, waiting for the time where we had to, well, actually they let us use their shower. So we get to like put all of our stuff in their rooms. If I can describe the setting. Okay. Okay, it's the last day. You know, we're leaving Desire at, like, 2 or 3 in the afternoon. And we're sitting on their lounge chairs. And she's naked. Well, we were all naked. I mean, you and I were in denial to the last minute.

You and he were just engrossed in this conversation about details and planning. And he's the shopper. And, you would you find this and where would you find that on my side of the chair I was picking sand from her under boob okay wait so he's sitting on his lounge chairs with his legs straddling either side and I'm literally tucked between his legs we were we were very cozy and I know and naked but you were having this like very Well, you're acting like he and I had like business suits on and we're talking like we were naked and like our body parts were like very cozy. That's another topic.

But she and I were like, whatever, you know, we're just going to show up. You guys need to figure this out. He's like, I'll send you an Amazon link when you get home. And I'm like, oh, my God, I love you. No, he and I, and we've known them for a couple years. But every time we get to hang out with them, I think we get to know them a little bit better. And, like, he is wired just like I am. And I think I finally reached that conclusion on this trip. And that's probably, like, the fifth time we've gotten to hang out with them. And in this case, you're connecting with him. It could be a her.

But in this case, it's you and he. Yeah. And it's she and I. Yeah. Because we're over there touching each other and kissing and I'm picking the sand. You two are just the pretty faces that show up. Her husband and I are doing all the work. Okay. So a question about about that in the lifestyle is it easier to be attracted to someone that's like you or someone that's different from you I kind of think it's easier for some for me to connect with somebody like me yeah and maybe it's because you and I are so unlike each other that when you meet somebody like him. It's so refreshing.

You don't have to try. I know. It took us like 10 years to get to be compatible. But with somebody that's like you, it can happen in an instant. It's so easy. I mean, he and I just think alike. Right. Yeah. Right. And he's really sexy and he was naked and he shared his lawn chair with me and let me use a shower. Like, damn. I know. I'll see you next time.

and he's really sexy and he was naked and he shared his lawn chair with me and let me use a shower like damn amongst other things so let's talk about sexual personality so are you the same in and out of the bedroom so I guess what I mean by that or what we mean by that is if you are detail oriented if you're more the yang if you're more of the aggressor or more assertive or more um dominant and are you like that is that your sexual personality or not okay this is where after 36 years of knowing you we We learned something new about each other this week. Yeah.

Because I am obnoxiously controlling in our family life. Obnoxiously being the key word. I admitted it. Yeah. You didn't even have to pull that out of me. I'm very confident.

I'm not obnoxious in my professional life but I'm very confident in my professional life and I'm not afraid to stand up for myself because I'm very I do a good job of being very sure of my position so once I'm sure of my position i that makes me very confident to stand up for myself and to encourage people to listen to me let me describe you oh i'd rather just talk about myself you're very independent thinking you're intelligent you've had to in your life to depend on yourself. True. And you quickly go into fight or flight and you, um, do whatever is necessary to get yourself.

Um, you survive and you thrive and it's because you're tenacious and you're detail-oriented and you're driven. And all of those things that we talked about before, that's how you are. Well, I'm a lifelong learner. So I'm constantly looking for ways to not only improve myself, but to help people around me, you know, have a more efficient and effective life. Right. You know, so I, I think I'm just very passionate about what I do. Right. And, and I find joy in it. And I want to share that joy with others. And, and I'm, and I professionally, I'm very confident. Right.

But, but now we're talking about your sexual personality. Okay, well, now I need to switch gears. Yes. And I think this has been an epiphany for you and I because I am very yin in the bedroom. Yes. I'm receptive and I'm engaged, but I struggle to be the initiator. And I don't know why, because it's not that I don't want to. I think sometimes you struggle. I think other times you don't. Because let's talk about me for a minute. I am definitely the yin in the bedroom. I'm a people pleaser. I want to make you happy. I will sacrifice whatever my desires are to make somebody else happy.

I'm the Labrador. I just want to please you. And so for me to be dominant is possible, but it's not my nature. in reflecting on our sex life over the past 30 something years and i'm specifically recalling when our like kind of our sexual revolution started like 15 years ago and you bought a book and you were motivated to read this book about blowjobs and about being a woman sexually. And we had a cruise planned and you started reading this book about blowjobs. Oh, I said I'm a lifelong learner. I know. But all of a sudden we had sex. I want to think, I don't know, 30 or 45 days in a row.

No, it was like 60-something. Yeah, yeah. And because you were learning and you were confident and it was intriguing to you. And that's one example. It's happened many times. But when our sex life is the best in the past is when you've been super motivated to be the yang yeah and and i'm the yin but when but when you're yourself and you're the yin i don't back to your complementary angles because i think you made a good point whether it's 45 and 45 or 60 and 30 if you're at 60, you know, and I'm at 20, there's a 10 degree gap. We're not completely whole, right? I'm loving your math right now.

But yeah, you're right. Yeah, you did. Oh, baby. So if I'm the one that has to stretch myself to get that extra 10 degrees, that's when our sex life struggles. So in a way, it's my shortcoming, or it's my inability to 2. 2. 2. 3. 4. 5. 5. 6. 7. 7. 8. 8. 9. 10. 10. 11. 12. 13. 13. 14. 15. 15.

self to get that extra 10 degrees that's when our sex life struggles so in a way it's my shortcoming or it's my inability to understand that I need to be that way that is partially causing the gap that we find ourselves having every once in a while because as you mentioned in real life I see you all those things that we talked and personally. So I, my expectation is you're going to be like that way in the bedroom and you're not.

And I can be, um, but what you and I have noticed as we go through struggles in our lives in other areas, be it family or social or professional um you know you i i am an extreme introvert actually i think i'm the extremity of that is becoming more apparent as i age and i am literally a turtle that pulls into my shell and when that happens that yang is not going to come out in the bedroom right um so i think and we've been dealing with garbage lately Thank you. And when that happens, that yang is not going to come out in the bedroom. Right.

So I think, and we've been dealing with garbage lately, and I think that my yang has kind of been put to rest for a while, and I'm struggling. Yeah, and we don't need to get into details, but when you say garbage, there's always family stuff. Right. There's always personal stuff. Everybody has this. Like we're getting older, you know, our bodies are changing. Um, you know, we have family stuff that comes up. We have business stuff that comes up just like everybody else.

And so that seems to take, that's a bigger distraction for you than it is for me a lot right i i tend to carry that stuff on my shoulders more than i need to and so and so what happens is i recognize that you're like that and i know i need to be that extra 10 degrees and when i make an attempt at that and you don't respond then i i retreat even more than 10 degrees Then it becomes 20 or 30 degrees because I'm like, okay, I tried and it didn't work. She's not really into this. And then I lose my confidence and then I retreat because my nature as the yin is to be submissive.

well right but I think the fact that you and i have had this conversation now is going to really help a lot because now i think we have an awareness of not only what attracts us to other people in the lifestyle but what helps us connect as a couple right you know it isn't i it's not fair for me to get frustrated with you because you won't intuitively know what i need and solve all my problems because that's not the way you're wired and and then it's the same with me um so i think instead of being like grumpy and bitter about that we need to acknowledge it and learn to compensate for it and let's throw an extra um layer of lifestyle stuff in on this okay you and i are admitting that you know we have this gap and that we're talking about it now we've always then then we talked about our lifestyle friends and we have many couples that are close with us where you're connected with him and i'm connected with her and and then all of a sudden because i meet somebody and she's just like me and we connect that doesn't help the situation that you and i have because we're each looking over and seeing, I'm seeing you connect with another guy and you're seeing me connect with another woman, but we have this gap in our own personal lives.

And so that adds another dimension to it. Like, well, why do they get along so well? Or why am I getting along so well with her? Or how is it easy for you to connect?

But how come you're having so much fun with her or you're having so much fun with him but in our own sex lives where we have that struggle so that dimension because we're in the lifestyle because that happens that's just another hurdle right that's another thing that makes it more difficult because if we don't really understand that then it becomes oh well you're not getting what you want from me so you're getting it from them or I mean I'm just making that up but but you know what I mean no that's that has definitely gone through my mind at times and it's probably gone through your mind too can I just can I just say it very bluntly yeah a lot of the guys that I'm really connected to in the lifestyle, I would kill if I had to live with them for more than like 24 hours.

I mean. Okay, that's a good point. That's a good point. Okay, kill was probably harsh. Yeah. I'd probably just drop kick them out of the house. And they wouldn't want to be here anyway. Right. Right. That's a good point.

So what would happen would happen okay let's talk about this in two different ways i'll start with me and i'll start with the girl the lady i was sitting on the chair with if both of us are like eh whatever well if we're together how's shit gonna get done yeah that's right how are we gonna survive who's gonna pay the bills but in your in your scenario when it's two type a's or two dominance then you guys are gonna kill each other yeah yeah really i mean there's gonna have to be a lot of like serious compromising going on so is this just more evidence or is this still anecdotal that your life partner is gonna be more likely to be opposite of you because you fill each other's gaps.

Right. So Mr. Jones and I went to a marriage conference, probably, I don't know, that's probably a good 20 years ago now when we went to our first one. And there was a couple speaking during the conference and they were talking about how men and women are wired differently and how our brains are, our brains literally work differently. And, and they were saying that at the end, that's a good thing because, you know, if you're on your own, we all have our strengths and weaknesses.

And then your partner alone has, you know, his strengths and weaknesses, but you put the two of you together and all of these gaps that you have in your own individual personality can be filled in by your partner. So it's kind of good for opposites to come together because what I'm good at, Mr. Jones is not just like the four inches of paper behind me, like just like teasing me and calling my name and vice versa. I don't have a creative bone in my body. And Mr. Jones can just immediately think of all different kinds of ways to solve a problem where I just like spiral down a rabbit hole.

You know, so you put the two of us together and we're a pretty formidable team yeah I'm the what and you're the how you know when I come up with an idea it frustrates me because you want to you almost immediately go but how are we going to do that and I don't want to talk about the how I just want to talk about the what or if I'm grumpy I'm like that's stupid that won't work you know because I, because I can't immediately play it all out. Yeah. And another thing that, like, when we're in the car driving together, and we've talked about you being the nag-a-vator.

Thank God there's no video on a podcast. Are you going to show everybody the video? What I'm saying is that you'll wake up and you'll say, you missed your turn. Or don't you know this is is our exit but if it was if it's somebody that's just like me we're going to be holding hands and we're just going to be talking away and before i know it we're going to be three states down no shit the road before i realized that we missed a turn people mr jones was born like 30 miles from where we live now like we've lived in our town for 30 something years and he can get lost going to the grocery store.

Sometimes I'll be like, honey. And I'd be like, what? And I'm like, you were supposed to turn there. Oh. Okay. Well, this is getting a little personal. Sorry. So I think we've said that it is easier to be attracted to someone who's like you than it is different from you. But now I want to talk about, okay, we've established that you're attracted to people like you. And we've established the fact that in the bedroom, we can be different than that.

So then my question is, in the lifestyle, when you meet another couple, and you're just like him, and I'm just like her, and we have the whole yin and the yang, and we're all 90 degrees and all that stuff, when we get into the bedroom, that doesn't necessarily mean that those angles are still adding up to 90 degrees. Right. So like your sexual personality isn't necessarily the same as your professional or family or social personality. Right.

Because there have been ladies that I just connect with so seamlessly outside of the bedroom and then in the bedroom we have fun, but the chemistry and the sexual satisfaction maybe isn't there. And then there's been times when I haven't really been that connected outside the bedroom, but then inside of the bedroom that we definitely are. Yeah. So what's the, what's the lesson here? Well, I think there's no way to predict it, but I think the bottom line is you just have to understand that you can't have this expectation that somebody is going to be a certain way in the bedroom.

You know, just because there are tons of fun to have cocktails with or to hang out with at a resort or on a cruise or, you know, wherever you're meeting these people. Once you actually get into bed with them, you, you don't really know what's coming because we all have these, this yin and this yang, and it isn't always the same in every single setting. So I think what we're saying is when you go into the bedroom and the clothes come off and the doors close, there still, there still needs to be some exploration. There still needs to be some conversation.

There still needs to be some exploration there still needs to be some conversation there still needs to be some learning that's going on there is like are they the same way outside the bedroom as they are inside the bedroom and you know we've met we've met um we've met a couple of couples in the lifestyle one time it was the man and the other time it was the woman. And they were very successful, high-powered business owners. Yes. Very successful. Oh, I know who you're talking about. Yeah. But then in the bedroom, they were both ultra-submissive. Yes.

And one of them explained it like, I am type A and I'm going 100 miles an hour all day. So when I come home and I get in the bedroom, I just want to be the opposite. I don't want to have to think about that. Right. Thank you. explained it like, I am type A and I'm going 100 miles an hour all day. So when I come home and I get in the bedroom, I just want to be the opposite. I don't want to have to think about that.

And so we've learned that when we get into the bedroom with people, we have to keep in mind that it's just because we're connected outside the bedroom doesn't give you an automatic pass that you're going to be really compatible.

You can assume that person is going to take the lead in the bedroom or that that person is going to let you take the lead in the bedroom exactly you know you might have this very you know quiet demure lady that you get her in the bedroom and she's going to become a right you know right just a firecracker right interesting so i have a question for you okay i've actually a question for everybody. This is like a homework assignment. If you've been in the lifestyle for any period of time and you've met people, whether you've played with them or not, are you more attracted in lifestyle situations?

Are you more attracted to people that are like your partner or that are opposite of your partner? Opposite. Oh, that golly day, that was fast. Oh, should I have thought about that first? No, I think, no, I think I find it fascinating to find people like me. And it's probably because you and I are really opposite. Yeah.

So to find somebody that's wired like me, I just find it refreshing and fascinating i don't know if you remember but again 24 hours together it might get ugly yeah but yeah that's why my office is downstairs but but before we even got in the lifestyle like 15 years ago when we had a group of friends that we no longer have um and we would get together and the men would go in one room and the women go in the other room. You always wanted to go with the men. I know. Well, I'm left brain. I mean, I'm a mathematician, so I want to go talk about guy stuff. Right.

And I liked sitting around the table with the ladies. Yeah. So I think we knew that early on. We just didn't really understand it as much.

much and really I think it would be easily to be offended by that because I'm thinking oh my gosh he's nothing like me and she's attracted to him that that could put me off well I mean isn't that the beauty of the lifestyle I think it is you know variety is a spice of, and you get variety, you get to meet the most interesting people and, and have these connections with people that is, you know, sometimes very different than what you're used to, but it's all good fun because it's, it's temporary.

It's not, I mean, at least for you and I, we're not looking to form these intimate, exclusive relationships with people. We just want to have fun and be friends. I mean, we do like to be friends with people, but, but it's, you know, good luck with that. That is your spouse. That is not my spouse.

Well, and I think it's also important from this is what just struck me is that i don't i don't want them to be like you and i don't want you to be like them the reason that we've been married for 35 yes dear years is because of who you are and how we are and if you you were to make the mistake of observing my relationship with another woman in the lifestyle and thinking you need to be like her in order for me to get your attention, that's totally wrong. I'm learning that. I want you to be you.

And you taught me a long time ago in the lifestyle that different doesn't mean better it's different so I think you could easily fall into the trap and I could do the same thing like oh what is he doing or what is it about him that my wife is so attracted and should I modify my behavior or should I try to be that way and I think if that gets into my head and I try to do that, it takes me out of the person that you are attracted to and in love with. Right. And I'm not going to lie. I mean, this past year has been kind of a hard year for me.

I mean, this is, there's nothing sexy about what is about to come out of my mouth, but I mean, I'm, I've gone through menopause this year and, and it's not, um, it's, it's a very humbling experience, I guess. Um, just watching my body change the way it functions and, and just realizing I've, I've kind of transitioned to another phase of my life and it's really hard for me to compare myself, which is absolutely not what I'm supposed to be doing. Comparison is the thief of joy. No shit. It's hard not to. Right.

We have lots of lifestyle friends that are in our same wheelhouse as far as age goes, but we also have friends that are younger than us and man, it is a struggle. I think, I think what you're saying, just to be clear, is that we're in our mid to late fifties and then when we... I'm mid, you're late. Okay. Okay. I'll give you that. Even though it's only a year different. Shush. 18 months. We have friends that are within 5 to 10 years of our age. Yeah, either way. And we have friends that are 15 to 20 years. Yeah.

And I think what you're saying is the younger ones, they're the ones that you're saying sometimes you're intimidated by or you compare yourself to not intimidated, but actually, no, no, because that's obvious. Somebody 15 or you're younger than me. That's obvious. I mean, I don't. There's no point in competing with that. There's no competition there.

And competition is just like the worst thing you can do in the lifestyle right this is my female brain like spiraling out of control on me because of just life and i don't know it it's just really hard to um not look at somebody that is however much younger than me and look and say oh my gosh you know she's just like him like i he gets her because he's like her and i i am the nag that's my role in our family i demand the receipts i demand you that you use the correct credit card.

I demand that you dig that health insurance policy out of that four inches of paper and bring it back to me tomorrow morning. You know, I'm always the bad guy. But at the end of the day, our family functions very well. And I'm not just talking about you and me.

I'm talking about our family as a whole functions very well and i'm not just talking about you and me i'm talking about our family as a whole right functions very well and and when i can step away from my hormones and my my personal pity party i understand i'm an important part of that success well you are my what you just described you use the term nag um but i think there's a richness that comes along with that to our relationship. We are business partners. We are co-homeowners and homemakers and managers. We're parents together. We're family members together.

We're going through life together as partners. Right. Compared to someone in the lifestyle who I'm very connected with and that is just like me and thinks like me, that person, I see a small slice of them. I see the best of them. I see the sexy part of them. I see the fun part of them.

I am not all those other things that I just described with you with them and so in my mind that relationship or that connection can never be it can never be anything like you and I have and so when you say you feel badly because you're the nag I look at that and I and I reflect and I think about you know how we hold ourselves each other accountable and how we fill each other's gaps, like you said before, and I reflect, and I think about, you know, how we hold ourselves, each other accountable, and how we fill each other's gaps, like you said before.

And I appreciate the fact, even though that I don't say it in the moment, that, you know, you get me safely from point A to point B. And that's the reality of it. But in this case, I am a lot more down down to earth feet on the ground i i can process that and practically i understand that but i think what you're saying is based on what you've been through in the past year you lose that that reality becomes like more abstract yes it does like i'm having a hard time keeping my feet on the ground. And it's, you know, it's scary. Logically, my brain is, like, perfectly okay with all this.

But sometimes women's brains just don't grab a hold of the logic when they should, you know. And so when I, when I see you attracted to somebody that's different than me, it, my, um, the insecure part of my brain starts like doing that whole lid flipping thing and like screaming in at myself to like do something about that. You know, don't let him be attracted to her.

Don't let him him connect with her because you know the the grass is going to be greener and um you know but at the end of the day she would get mad at you too if you use the wrong credit card it didn't take a photo of your receipt i want them to think i'm perfect sorry i'll edit this part out part out. I love my husband. I'm Prince Charming. Well, and I'm not perfect either. I'm hard to live with and I'm the first to acknowledge that.

But I think the whole blessing in this is that if you can keep things in perspective, you can enjoy a sexy conversation with somebody that's just like you and have fun in the bedroom with people that may or may not be different than your partner and just enjoy that variety as a spice of life.

And and i think i think it's interesting the way you just described it and the way i just described it i look at a connection like that with another woman and i have the freedom to explore that because in my mind it doesn't come anywhere close to touching what you and i have but from what you just explained it's a real threat you know and i and i really don't know if this is a gender thing or a personality thing. I kind of think it's a gender thing, but I, you know, maybe I'm not being fair to my, my beautiful female friends out there. Um, I don't know it, you know, maybe it's an age thing.

I don't know. I'm kind of feeling sorry for myself. I'm licking my wounds right now. Well, I appreciate the fact that you're so candid. And I totally understand where you're coming from. And I know that you and I have some work to do in the bedroom. But I think to sum all of this up. But wait, we really do have a good sex life. Yes, we do. Okay. But I think, as you said, we're always learning. Yeah.

And we're always trying to understand when things aren't perfect um our assumptions we shouldn't just dump to conclusions and well i think if you can figure out why then you can always make it better and you know better doesn't mean that you're going from you know bad to okay it means you're going from great to like ridiculous. Like, yeah. Yeah. So I think in the marriage partnership to, to sum this up, you know, being opposite can actually be good and, and filling each other's gaps and making us completely complimentary in all phases of life. Right.

And if you are alike and you're in some sort of partnership relationship marriage then you just have to acknowledge okay um we're gonna have to learn to compensate for this because well i think i want you to say this because you came up with these two um kind of quotes from mrs jones um that as you were doing helping me with this outline that I think are like encapsulate the whole thing. I said if both people are yin, meaning both people are more, you've used the word submissive a lot, which I guess is probably not wrong. But if you're...

Okay, if you're lesser than the 45 degree angle well if you're the more receptive person yeah you know you you kind of take what's given to you right and and then you let's use energy if you're receiving the energy right yeah um then if you're both like that you're going to have to learn to compensate and make sure that you can work together to accomplish whatever you're trying to accomplish. If you're both Yang, then, you know, you're going to have to understand you're going to be doing some serious headbutton. Right. And in order to make that work, you're going to have to compromise. Yeah.

So you're saying is if you're both Yin, learn to compensate, but if you're both yang, learn to compromise. You like that, didn't you? I do. That's like quotable. Well, thank you. Yeah. I came up with that on my own. I know. I have to give you credit for this entire, well, you know what? I have to give the ladies in the book club the credit. Yes. Because you came away from that. I totally stole this from them.

from them this was not my idea well and they encouraged you to make this into a topic yeah it was a great conversation right so opposites attract question mark yes i think but also in the lifestyle and in life you don't have to be opposites to have that attraction. No, but you might find yourself drawn to a particular type of person and it's just kind of fun to reflect back on it. Yeah. So I think I have some homework. I have to, I have to learn how to compensate more. I wrote that down. Good job, honey. I'm going to get a tattoo. A sticker. All right.

Well, when we come back, do you have a snapshot? I think I can come up with one. Because in quarantine, it's kind of hard to come up with new snapshots. No kidding. You might have to go to the archives. I know. Jeez. All right. Well, we're going to get a refill and come back with some snapshots. Okay.

snapshots okay welcome back to snapshots yeah I have a sexy one and you have a sober one I do I might not be sober but my snapshot is yeah it's really appropriate though yeah so we've been talking about yin and yang, and we've been talking about dominant and submissive, and we've been talking about, you and I have spent more time tonight talking about our personal sex life than we normally do. I know, we've done some serious analysis. But just to prove that it's not all bad. We have a great sex life. We do. This was recent.

This was a couple of months ago ago this is a snapshot just between you and i and we were down here we were downstairs here in our house and we shocker had been drinking and we have a we have a room with a massage table in it and so we went into the massage table room and i remember it was really cold outside because we have a little electric heater in there and i turned the heater on yeah and normally how a massage works is you start the person receiving the massage starts on their front they're laying on chest down and then the good part comes when i flip over and i'm more exposed.

In this particular case, I was on my stomach and you were massaging me with massage oil. We had the candles going and the music going and the heater on. So that really helped you. And then next thing I knew, you crawled up on top of me. Well, wait, I started you on your belly and did your back yeah and then i flipped you over okay and i did your front and then i was messing around with you yes i got you good and hot and bothered yes and then instead of just which i've been known to do mean, everybody knows we broke our massage table more than once. Yeah, you normally hop up on top of me.

I normally hop up on top of you. Luckily, both of us, you know, add our weights together. And we're still within the legal limit for that massage table. But, so normally I just climb up on top of you and then I just ride your cowgirl. All bets are off, right. But I flipped you back over this time. Which was really difficult. And you were like, what the hell?

Because like you were like fully aroused and you're like i don't want to lay on this thing right so but i made you flip back over yes and then you you kept your hand down between my legs so my my butt was like arching up in the air so that you could get a good grip. Yeah. And then for some reason, you decided to crawl up on the massage table with me. And I really don't even, like this was not something I had planned. Like I don't even know what was going on in my head.

And I think we've talked a couple of times before in our past 72 episodes that you've maybe once or twice been a thigh huncher. So you crawled up on top of me while I was on my stomach. And then you really started thrusting your hips against me and against my butt and against my thigh. Yeah. One of my legs.

And you were so I could tell by your breathing I couldn't see your face but I could tell by your breathing and the intensity and how you were thrusting against me that you were really enjoying yourself and I guess I could have taken that two ways I could have I could have been my gosh, she wants to peg me. And that could have taken my mind in a completely different place. And not that, and that's not a, that's a neutral statement. It would have just been something that I had to process. But because you were so into it and you were so turned on, it turned me on. Like it was crazy. Yeah.

Like I don't even know how I got from point a to point b yeah but I was just crazy that night yeah and it was just it was so sexy and so hot yeah and like is all I was doing I was on top of you and it's all I was doing was like like pretending to like ride you right but i don't i had an orgasm like how does that even happen right like my body was really not being stimulated at all right like my brain made my body have an orgasm right right and i enjoyed it because you were enjoying it so much So we, you were compensating.

You know, you were the one that was really the aggressor and taking control. And that was really hot. And I don't even remember how I finished that night. I don't know if I rolled back over. No, we went into the bedroom. Oh, okay. Part two was in the bedroom.

Yeah, so that's a good example of how it was really organic and we didn't plan it and it was out of the norm but we both responded you I think you took a little bit of a chance to do something with me that we hadn't talked about right doing right and for me it was a challenge it wasn't a challenge it was just an opportunity for me to accept that yeah from you and and I did so we need to do more of that I know you know can I reflect back for a second yeah so you know we talked about how we both tend to be in personalities and one of the ways that we compensated for that um years ago is I started reading books.

And I bought this book, and I cannot even begin to remember the name of it, much less who wrote it. But it was a book that had all these different evenings in them. Oh, scenarios. Yeah. Yeah. And they came in three parts right so you would you would have three like one was four scenes to your sexual evening together and we would go through that book together and like it would be your turn to pick out one of them and they were probably like what 20 or 30 different like scenarios in there that you could play out as a couple.

And like one week, it would be your turn to pick one out and one week, it'd be my turn to pick one out. And I always thought, well, first of all, we never made it through all three. No. We cheated. But to our credit, I think that's a good thing because we would use those as like the catalyst to get things started and then we didn't need help after we got going right you know so i i liked that book because it it gave you ideas and it gave you a direction in which to proceed but it you know you and i were not so um rigid that we couldn't't take it off in our own direction.

And I think that once we get started, our evening never ends up like we anticipate it's going to go. Right. Because sometimes you'll say to me, well, what do you want to do tonight? And I'm like, well, have sex. And you're like, can you be more specific? Or you say, I want you to initiate tonight. Like, initiate what? I mean, how? Yeah. So we're not, again, we're not very clear. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So I think the more you and I plot and plan, the worse it turns out. Yeah. We just need to figure out a way to get started. Right.

And I'm not talking about every time time we have sex i'm just talking about those nights where you have the whole night in front of you and you you're kind of trying to like plot and plan something out so yeah so my snapshot was you up on top of me when i was laying on my stomach and you had an orgasm on top of me yeah with like absolutely no penetration stimulation i did nothing at all I was just hunching your skinny little butt. Yeah. That's a very sexy skinny little butt. Thank you. So what's yours? So mine is not sexy at all, but it's very heartfelt. Okay.

You know, especially now with all of the social distancing and, um, you know, people having to make some tough choices with their businesses and their personal lives on how to to navigate this coronavirus survive yeah literally survive and keep your family safe keep yourself safe keep your business keep your businesses going keep your paychecks coming If you're in a service industry, I can't even imagine some of the plights that people are finding themselves in completely, um, out of their control. So in the midst of all this, we have lifestyle friends that we've known for years and years.

And, um, you were just chatting on the phone with the husband the other day and you guys were talking about family stuff. Yeah. I called him for a different reason to get some advice again, not lifestyle. Um, and then when we were wrapping up the conversation, he said, Hey, I want to ask you like, how are your parents doing through all this?

And, you know, and I told them they're fine, but they're over 80 80 years old i mean they're self-isolating but we're still worried about them yeah um so my snapshot is so unsexy but it's so heartfelt so mr jones and i went out to the grocery store today to get a few groceries when we came home we noticed the mail had come so mr jones brought the groceries inside and and i walked back out to the end of the driveway to get the mail and i opened up the mailbox and inside the mailbox is a package that came overnight from our friend that mr jones was chatting to yesterday and he had overnighted some of the the um like the real safety masks the what what are?

Yeah, the medical grade safety masks to share with Mr. Jones's parents because our friend knows that our parents are older and they're vulnerable and he had access to these masks. So he overnighted them to us because he cares about us and he cares about our parents. And for, for the general public out there that doesn't understand the lifestyle and doesn't understand that we're real people making real connections and we all have real lives and real concerns. I'm just, I'm so sorry. You don't understand that because there's so much more to these friendships than mindless sex.

And we do have really fun, not mindless sex, but we do have really fun sex with these people, but clearly they're our friends. And we care about each other's families and, and we are really literally trying to survive this new reality together. Right. Um, so you know who you are out there. Thank you. We, we love you. We value your friendship and, and we just hope that other people listening to this have had the opportunity to make the same kind of connections that we've had the absolute privilege to make. Well said, that brings us full circle.

We started talking about coronavirus at the beginning and the snapshot kind of brings it full circle. Not sexy, but it's real. It's real. And all of this is real, you can keep the lifestyle in its proper place, but still make it a significant, important part of your life. Yes. So before we go, um, we'd like to invite you to be a part of our, we got a thing private community. Um, join us for our weekly chats, uh, when you're, it's a sanity check. Let me tell you get together with us and just talk with a bunch of lifestyle friends. Um, you can contact us through our website.

Uh, and you can also email me at mrjonesatwegotathing.com and me at mrsjonesatwegotathing.com. And obviously our website is wegotathing.com. I, you know, I want to give a special thank you to one of our listeners who has been transcribing all of our podcast episodes. I know I can't even imagine. Yeah. So, so we're now starting one by one, putting transcriptions of our podcasts on our website as well. So you'll find that at we got a thing.com. Does he correct our grammar? A little bit. Neither one of us were English majors. Sorry, folks. Yeah, you can follow us on Twitter at We Got a Thing.

And we're also on Pinterest. And you can find us on Double Date Nation and Cassidy. And we have links on our website to get some free trials on each one of those. Another place to do some serious connecting in a time of social distancing so we wish that you all will be healthy and happy and smart yes and survive uh the next few months and uh then when we get through this damn we're gonna have some awesome parties together so thanks for listening we are mr and mrs jones and we got a thing. What's your thing? We'll see you next time.