Episode 72: Voices Inside My Head-Don't Be Your Own C***Blocker

Transcript

This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-pos positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us?

hello everyone i'm mr jones and i'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 72 of the we got a thing podcast happy valentine's day weekend i know it's uh it's saturday so it's the day after valentine's day that we're recording yeah well like you like to say every day is valentine's day in the jones house that's so true i say that and i mean it i i get To be continued... recording. Yeah. Well, like you like to say every day is Valentine's Day in the Jones house. That's so true. I say that and I mean it. I get to live with my Valentine every single day. I know.

You gave me a couple of nice compliments yesterday. Oh, sometimes they slip out. What did I say? One of your love languages is acts of service. Yes. And so I finally learned after all these years what that means. Okay. So I like it. When I get up at 4.30 in the morning and I come downstairs to feed the darn dog, I notice that your Keurig is empty of water and I fill the reservoir for you. You do. And I've actually noticed that. I mean, it's just like a little magic water reservoir. It's always full. I should get extra credit because I never even tell you that I do it. I just do it. I know.

And you don't use that Keurig. No, it's all yours. Yeah. You have one downstairs that you use. Actually, you've become Mr. Nespresso. I'm sorry. Totally a selfless act on my part. It is, and I really appreciate it. Yeah, there's one other thing that I've been doing for you, too. Somehow, I don't think I'm going to like this one. What I don't understand is I have to put the toilet paper roll on the roll for you when the roll is empty. You just take a new roll and stick it on top, like sideways on top of the roll.

No, there I was doing that no you always do that no no no it's only in our bathroom that I do that every other bathroom I replace the roll right away but in our bathroom one of the I fixed it I know and because you have to add if the one the toilet paper holder was loose from the wall and Mr. Jones doesn't really use that bathroom very often so he never really noticed it I'm not You're supposed to, if the toilet paper holder was loose from the wall, and Mr. Jones doesn't really use that bathroom very often, so he never really noticed it. I'm not supposed to. It's yours. I know. It's my throne.

Yes. So anyway, it was annoying to replace a toilet paper on that because it would always like almost fall off the wall. Okay. So you fixed it for me. I did fix it for you. I know. It's the little things. And again, you really don't use that bathroom. It's just like the Couric. I spent a lot of money on you on Valentine's Day too. Well, yes, we went to Costco and we hadn't been for a really long time. So we were out of everything. Who knew you could get $450 worth of stuff in one shopping cart? I know. Produce and meat are expensive. I know. Yeah.

But I mean, we came home and divided up all the meat and froze it. And yeah, that's going to last for a long time. Yeah. It's been a sexy weekend so far. It was foreplay because we did come home and have sex last night. Oh my gosh. Like I came downstairs this morning. We came downstairs and fooled around in our guest room down here. I came down this morning and I looked around and I'm like, what's that laying on the floor in the guest room? And it was my vibrator. It was just like randomly thrown in the middle of the floor.

I didn didn't you told me what you wanted me to do which required me to remove your vibrator and throw it i didn't have to throw it on the floor it's one of those vibrators it's not a wee vibe but it's one of the vibrators it's like insertable and then it has a remote control so we were playing around with that and then i have one from mr jones as well it's like a cock ring that vibrates and has a remote control so we were were goofing around with those. And supposedly I said. Not supposedly. You said, I want you inside of me. And this thing was inside of you.

So I popped it out and put it on the floor. That's disgusting. It was laying on the carpet. That's gross. Oh, we wash them.

So anyway, we got a couple of other things coming up before we get into tonight's podcast we our next event uh we're going to talk about our austin event in just a minute oh my gosh it was so much fun we're still on a bit of a high from that we have podcast a palooza coming up in may may the 15th to the 18th i think there are about i don't know 15 or 20 rooms left yeah out of the hotel so that's gonna that's probably gonna sell out pretty soon yep so if you'd like to join us and several other podcasters and of course kate and daryl um it's gonna be a good time that's for sure definitely and we have our november week at pearl and the ocean view rooms are now sold out yes which is what happens first yep so there are going to be some master suites and junior suites available and they will probably sell out within the next month yeah i would say so if you want to go with us it's november 14th through the 21st and you can sign up on our website yep it's going to be a fun like we know a lot of people that, um, are coming with us, but there's a whole bunch of new people signed up too.

So I like that, you know, you kind of get a new group and you know that I know we're going to talk about Austin in a minute. Don't get mad at me. Um, every time we host an event, whether it's a desire or one of our weekends, I'm like, okay, that was the most awesome group of people ever. You know, the next event we have, it's certainly, it just has to be a letdown. Like, there's no way we can top this group of people, the way they gel and are able to socialize and connect with one another. And it happens every time.

Like like austin was incredible yeah and in preparation for that we may sneak down to pearl ourselves next month oh in preparation for desire yeah we're gonna yeah we're going on a business trip well you know if i ever had anything to criticize about desire it's it's the ability to communicate with them long distance yeah they're not really good they don't really have voicemail and they eventually answer email right so we're getting on a plane and going down there and sitting face to face with them to get a few things straightened out and while we're there we're gonna stay a few days and have some fun.

Yeah. Yeah, we're going to check out that mansion. Yeah. And see what that's like. Okay, let's talk about Austin. Okay, finally. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. First of all, Mother Nature was totally on our side. Yeah, 70. Well, once we got there. Yeah. Oh, yeah, there were some people that had struggles getting in. So once we were in Austin, it was 70 degrees. And sunny. Sunny for Friday and Saturday.

Oh, my austin it was 70 degrees and sunny sunny for friday oh my gosh it was so beautiful and what a nice city um the city is super walkable our hotel couldn't have been in a better location so many fun restaurants and bars yeah so we added a night on this event we started on thursday night and we went to a comedy club and it was more of um it was called ester's follies and it was a political satire yeah so that was a lot of fun Thank you. We started on Thursday night and we went to a comedy club and it was more of, um, it was called Esther's Follies and it was a political satire. Yeah.

So that was a lot of fun. Which I was a little nervous about, you know, the politics and the lifestyle really don't mix, but they pretty much bashed everybody. Yeah. So we went to some bars on sixth street after that and we, we went to one called Maggie Mays and coincidentally we went upstairs to what was going on. And there was nobody up there. There was a DJ up there, but the bar wasn't that crowded. So everybody was downstairs. So our entire group went up on the second level and we, they started a party just for us. So we had the whole place to ourselves. It was perfect.

It was almost like we ordered it. I know it was so much fun. And the DJ was like really reading us and, and he was playing that most incredible music for our group. Yeah. Yeah. What you're trying to say is he realized there wasn't just a whole lot of youngsters out there and he played the right kind of music. He played really fun dance music. I mean, cause we were all dancing and yeah. And, and there, there began my quest to kiss every person that came to our meet and greet that night. Yeah. And then on Friday we, we added a couple of workshops.

We did a workshop on, um, erotic journaling with your cart, with your partner. Yeah. That was super fun. Yeah. That was a lot of fun. Yeah. For this math person, I was a little stressed out about it. Um, but it was like super like super creative and fun and we just all laughed so much and nobody you know we we took the workshop seriously we didn't take the content seriously you can really have fun with it and and be you know erotic at the same time yeah and then we had a photography seminar yeah and this one was on black and white photography. your cell phone. Yeah, it was pretty cool.

There's some cool apps out there that you can use to edit stuff. I think the most fun that we had, though, was we took over an entire restaurant. Yeah, Friday night. Friday night. We had over 100 people in the restaurant, and that was really nice because we didn't have to worry about reservations, and we had the whole place to ourselves, and everything was done ahead of time. Yeah, we didn't have to worry.

I mean, not that we behaved inappropriately, but we didn't have to worry about families with small kids right up next to us because this was a whole separate building that we had to ourselves, and the food was good.

It was like kind of upscale Tex-Mex, and the bartenders made the most incredible margaritas yep it was a fun night yeah and then we had to walk down sixth street to get back to the hotel again so the two nights in a row we kind of split up and everybody was doing some bar hopping and we really got a good taste of austin yeah the authentic austin and then on saturday we did a couple of well katherine's katherine was with us again yeah and she did a workshop on rejection oh we did yoga first oh yeah sensual yoga how could i forget so many i think more people were stressed out about the sensual yoga than anything else i know well you and i struggle because first of all you're 11 inches taller than me and a a lot of the moves and Catherine even says a lot of the moves are designed for people who are, you know, more of the same size just because of the length of arms and legs and such.

And then, and then we're not flexible. I'm not flexible at all. Oh, your foot started cramping. Yeah, it did. And I know that look on your face.

We were sitting, we were sitting face to face and we had our legs spread apart we were supposed to put our heels together and then i reached to grab you and i pulled you and you got you got that look on your face like honey my toes were not all headed in the same direction at that point but yeah between our lack of flexibility and our height difference we struggle a little bit it's hard to describe her class it's like a cross between a regular yoga class and maybe richard and lauren's class at at desire yeah so you're you're it's sensual it's meant to not necessarily be like yoga but it's a way to connect with your partner touching, and different positions and sitting down and back to back and a lot of, um, pressing up against each other.

And, you know, it's, we're fully clothed. I mean, we have yoga clothes on. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. So it's not sexual, but it's just really like, like Mr. Jones said, it's connecting, you know, like she focuses on synchronizing your breathing and feeling your partner's heartbeat and yeah, it's, uh, it's kind of emotional. Yeah. That's very good. Yeah. Then the afternoon she did a session on rejection, which was really fascinating. Yeah, it was. And it kind of applies to life. Yeah. Not just being rejected in lifestyle or yeah, it was very applicable to all aspects of life. Yeah.

Not just being rejected in lifestyle or, yeah, it was very applicable to all aspects of life, unfortunately. Yeah. She said that you typically will connect with maybe one out of 20 couples. Yeah. So that means the more you're rejected, the closer you're getting to number 20. Since I haven't looked at it that way before.

There's always bright side yeah she's so funny and and smart and we were just happy to have her again and then you and i did a podcast topic on what we're going to talk about tonight which is you mean a workshop topic i'm sorry yeah we did a workshop on tonight's podcast topic yes which we haven't said what that is yet no we haven't you want to go ahead and yes Like, disclose it? Yeah. So, I think the title of this episode is Voices in Your Head. Mr. Jones has an add-on to that. No, it's not Mr. Jones. Oh, okay. Well, so yeah, it's Andy from Double Date Nation. So she and Dave and Mr.

Jones and I were talking last month. We got together with them, as you're going to hear in a minute, because the topic tonight is really a conversation among the four of us that we recorded. And we were joking around about, you know, listening to the voices in your head. And sometimes that, you know, that can be like really irrational and it can prevent you from, you know, experiencing an opportunity. And she's like, you mean just don't be your own cock blocker. That's right. Perfect. So I like her title better. Yeah. So anyway, we're going to talk about that later tonight.

We did a workshop on that topic in Austin. Yeah. Then we went to Colette. Yes. Colette Austin. Yeah. We want to thank Tiffany and of course, John and Jackie Melfi, um, for opening up their club to us. It was, um, Cassidy two year. Yeah. Cassidy sponsored their two year anniversary party. Yes. And we had our whole group there and some local people actually came and joined us, which was fun. We got to meet some new people. Yeah. Yeah, it was a good time. We had a lot of fun. We got a lot of positive feedback. We had some great people.

Yeah, so many people new to the lifestyle and new to We Got a Thing and their first event. And it couldn't have gone better, I think.

You know, I don't want to say this the wrong way, but it's's fun no it's not fun it's gratifying to watch a couple walk in on Thursday afternoon scared to death you know they got the deer in the headlights look and and they're you know not sure that they made the right decision by coming and they you know they just don't know what to expect and just to watch them throughout, you know, just kind of relax and get to know people and, and to start sharing things in our small group discussions.

And yeah, just, just to make it clear, what you will not find at our events are playrooms and, you know, theme parties and they're fun. And when we enjoy those, but our weekend is more about, like you said earlier, Mrs. Jones, connecting and learning and growing and, you know, whatever that connection turns into. Well, and if you're new, you know, finding where your spot is in the lifestyle. Yeah. You know, there's really no right way to enter or speed at which to progress. Right.

You know, so I, I think our weekends are, are good starting points for them to just kind of come and talk to 50, 60 other couples about their journey and how they got started and you know, what pitfalls to avoid and et cetera. Yeah. So thank you for everybody that trusted us with your time and your resources and thanks to our group leaders and thanks to Catherine and Alan S. Fusion and everyone that just made the weekend just so much fun for everybody. Yes, because you and I could not do that by ourselves. Definitely not. We had so much wonderful help.

So thank you, all of our Austin friends and everybody, and then all of our new friends that we got to meet yes so when we come back we uh just to touch back on what you you said mrs jones we went to nashville a couple of weeks ago and spent the weekend with dave and andy from double date nation and we wanted to podcast together and we were you know sitting around chatting in the afternoon and we started talking about we both shared experiences how people sometimes didn't come up and introduce themselves to us because they think we're some sort of celebrity or because they don't want to waste our time and and we started talking about how people in their heads they get this idea that we're not approachable and we believe that we are and they experience the same thing yeah and that's what really got us on this topic of well have you ever stood in a club and looked across the the hall and said wow there's a really attractive couple over there but they're out of our league so we're not even going to go talk to them yes so we've been i think we've all done that.

Yeah. You know, so we're going to try to dig in tonight. You know, why do we do that to ourselves? Like we're our own worst enemy sometimes. Yes. Our own cock blockers. Yeah. So when we come back, there'll be four of us. That's right. We hope you enjoy the conversation. Welcome back to segment two. Voices in my head. Don't be your own cock blocker. Yeah. What the hell do you mean by that, Mr. Jones? No, I didn't make up the title. As we mentioned, we're visiting friends that we've had on before and that many of you know, Dave and Andy from Double Date Nation.

And during this weekend, we've been talking a lot about, well, the first thing that we just thought we would do a podcast together and the wrong way to come up with a title is just to sit down and try to think of a topic to to talk about so we were having a conversation and all of a sudden a topic emerged from that so andy is the one who gets credit for the don't be your own we said, that's it. That's gold. So welcome, Dave and Andy. Thank you. Well, thank you so much for hosting us this weekend. It's been so much fun. Well, definitely thank you for coming down. Yeah.

Yes, it was worth the trip. So before, I have to say, before we get into the topic, and we've podcasted with you guys before, people probably know that you're Double Date Nation and the website so just real quick how is that going uh it's going really well we're actually growing a lot faster than we were expecting i know at least andy's happy about it so that's all that matters to me so no it's awesome it's going great yeah good so we'll remind you that on our website you can get a three-month trial to Double Date Nation. So we hope you do that. But anyway.

So we say women rule the lifestyle, but clearly women rule Double Date Nation as well. Is that what we're talking about here? Definitely. So Andy is the CEO and you're just the worker bee? I do whatever she tells me to do. Oh, you're such a good husband. I try. I try. So this topic, we've podcasted before about confidence and courage in the lifestyle. And we talked about how, which one of those things comes first. And it's easy to say that you're not confident, but it's really a little, it takes a lot of courage to take some sort of action to overcome that insecurity. Right.

And we've also talked about like, um, uh, biases in the lifestyle and like um struggling to you know make connections with people based on whatever biases you have in your own head be it you know age or race or body type or whatever but today what we're going to talk about is literally the voices in our own heads yes like what's going on in our own minds that's preventing us from having as much fun as we could possibly have in the lifestyle yes so we talked before about how insecurity can keep you from growing and becoming the person that you're supposed to be and all that stuff what we're going to talk about today is we've had so many people lately either at desire or as we're planning our austin trip and coming away from some of our other events where people say, darn, I thought this was going on or I thought they were too good for me and then I found out that they were interested in us and we started talking about these stories that we start to tell ourselves.

And then we found out that Dave and Andy have the exact same stories as they get out and about and meet people.

So that's really kind of how the topic ended up gelling together exactly and especially because recently and we talked about this last episode as podcasters and you guys know this is you own your website and you're getting out and about that people have this idea that you're some sort of a celebrity and and they're afraid the the story that they tell themselves is oh they're we're not important enough or they don't have the time you know to talk to us or they're not going to be interested so that conversation led into this as well as you know why do people do that and then we stopped and thought about it for a while we realized all of us have stories about filling in the blanks that aren't exactly true so that's what we're going to talk about yes so i think let's start back with um not being confident and being insecure because part part of what we talked about before and i think where the self starts is why are you insecure and to give yourself an opportunity to to do some exploration there and figure out why that is.

So anybody want to shoot at some, like, I mean, there's body image and there's bad experiences that you've had in your life and there's trauma that you may have experienced or maybe it's because of how old you are or maybe it's because of a preconceived idea of what you think something is or we're gonna let this go on for 90 minutes right because yeah we could talk about this yeah well and then on the way we just went out to brunch and on the way back we were talking about even high school as as long as it's been since we've been in high school how that kind of had an impact on us and we still carry a lot of that stuff so do you guys want to talk about a little a little bit about not necessarily necessarily your insecurity, but like what causes that?

So, um, early on in the lifestyle, like, um, I, you know, I was sitting here going, I'm a really confident man. I'm, I'm not going to have any insecurities. And I started realizing I had more insecurities than I knew.

So, um, my biggest thing that I came from the very beginning of our journey was we were in a play scenario and I was watching Andy have a really good time and during that time for some reason something in my head started saying she's having more fun with him than she could ever have with me and so my insecurity grew into that that I was inadequate but the problem is I wasn't communicating the fact that I was insecure that I wanted to I wanted her to love me and I felt as if that man was my replacement so this what's the specific story you were telling yourself was that she's oh my gosh she's finding him I don't want to put words in your mouth but what's that story like what what were you convinced of that was happening I in, in my mind, kind of saw him as a threat.

He was a really good-looking guy. I thought he was more attractive than me. Like, he was better than me in my mind. Right. So what was she going to do with that information that she's now discovered that he's so much better than you are? See, that's the thing. Like, it doesn't go through my head. It just starts with the end point.

I was so simple-minded at the point that I was just like she wants him more than me that was it there was no fixing it no correcting it it was just my own voice in my head saying this is too much I need to run right and with that we didn't talk about it for months I held it in I never said anything until we had a disagreement and I just I brought it out it was something that I had held on to and I wish I hadn't held on to it for so long because after that conversation our relationship was 10 times stronger yeah so I just I just needed to know I should have told you in the first place that I was uncomfortable yeah And in that scenario, I saw you looking at me and I'm having this sexy, fun time.

And I think you're enjoying it. And so you're on one plane thinking, oh, my gosh, you know, I'm feeling insecure. And I'm looking at you thinking, oh, he thinks this is hot. So we're on totally different levels. So total misthinking in general.

So just it was way off what about you mrs jones well just back to the conversation that we had in the car on the way home from lunch you know we were talking about these insecurities and and you had a very similar beginning to what dave just described where you had a jealousy issue in the very beginning of our journey and and it took a few months for it to come out and when it came out I think I probably said because I said it in the car today that's ridiculous like in from my perspective like the fact that you would be jealous of anything I would do with anybody else is crazy in my mind because like you're you're the center in my universe and and you're really the only person that can get to a place inside of my heart that you know it that's just reserved for you like sexy fun can be with anybody so the story you were playing in your mind was that it couldn't be jealousy because that would be ridiculous that would that would never happen right so you're playing the opposite story you won't your mind won't even let you go to where I am because it it's impossible for you that's ridiculous right but then for me to discount it like that that was not helpful no you know because I needed to acknowledge it and then we needed to work through it as a couple which we ended up doing but but I think you know when when you see a person your partner that you've known for so long and you think you know them so well and this stuff comes out as a result of experiences in the lifestyle and it appears to come out of left field it's like what am i supposed to do with this this is you know it's ludicrous it's crazy you have nothing to worry about but yes you do because it's what's going on in your mind so what it comes down to is that we what we all do this and we do it between your partner and we also do it between another couple and we make up stories about uh what what happened when we were with another couple so i think what we're talking about is you're substituting a reality with some sort of a perception that you have.

And when you make that substitution, and we are all going to do this, I don't think you can, it's hard to stop that from happening. It just, it just happens because of the insecurities that we have. And then with our misperceptions, we make up a story.

and then the story that we make up feeds our misperception and it becomes our reality and we're convinced we've convinced ourselves this is definitely especially if it's with another couple and the two of you talk like how do you why do you think or do you think they would like us oh no they're they're better than us or that we're not good enough for them so that reinforces they're younger than us they're so attractive there's no way they would be interested in us so then you're reinforcing my yeah insecurity and so together it was like we become our own worst enemy right right i mean we were just at um playhouse playhouse lv in las vegas in november december and we had a couple that had reached out to us ahead of time and said hey we hear you're going to be there we're coming too we really can't wait to meet you and and we were like oh that's fantastic and then we get there and that couple we never ran into that couple that night and and it's not that big of a place so we get home and they sent us the sweet message and they're like oh we saw you there and so busy like we were just you know we didn't want to bother you you look like you're having so much fun it's like oh my gosh that's why we were there so in their minds they I don't know were they insecure or they were afraid to approach us and and you know that that's kind of like our own personal problem and I know Dave andy you guys have that that issue too when you're at events and people say that they're afraid to come up to you and you know i don't know has that happened to you guys it has yeah we were at our local club um and we had a couple messages first like similar to you and they said you know we're gonna be there we'd love to meet you and then nothing you know we never saw them and then they emailed after and said you just looked super busy so we didn't want to bother you almost the exact same message verbatim um and then we felt awful because we missed out that opportunity you know to meet them so and when you miss an opportunity with somebody who lives close to you it's one thing but when you come to desire you come to naughty in new orleans or you come to one of our events and then you get on the plane to go home and then you get a message from the couple afterwards and you're kicking yourself because we may never be able to see these folks again we missed an opportunity because we didn't take the time out to have a conversation because we had convinced ourselves because we're such good storytellers about things that aren't real.

Right. Well, can I, can I do a true confession here? Uh-oh. Do we need special music for this? Maybe. Drum roll. I don't know. Drum roll or whatever. So when we met Dave and Andy the first time, I felt that way. You felt what way? Well, the first time we met them met them i just thought oh my gosh you know they're they're out of our league they're so attractive and they're younger than us and blah and all these like crazy thoughts are going through my head like i'm you know i can't even let them know i'm interested because i don't want to be shot down because it'll just bruise my ego.

And we did miss an opportunity, you know, to really grow a really awesome friendship now. But, you know, luckily we have common business interests and that brought us back together. And then all of a sudden we have this really cool friendship. And that just blows my mind that you're thinking that and then we're thinking, oh my gosh, can you see me sweating? Do I have anything in my teeth?

Oh mr mrs jones oh my gosh can you believe this i swear the first time i met you guys i stuttered for like the first hour yeah i think i just stared blankly and didn't speak wait you're so cute which one of us thank you but and that brings me back too to the point um that if we could all hear each other's thoughts it would make these situations so much easier you know right it removes that whole mystery and thinking everything you know we're we're holding everything in thinking okay we're doing everything wrong somebody's judging me for this or that and the person across the table from you is probably thinking the same things about themselves right just it would be great if we could just hear those and just i know wouldn't that be cool just let those inner voices out sometimes and i think i don't know people then would know how crazy i am but i think before we get to that and i really want to talk more about that but we've convinced ourselves that our story is so correct that we get sometimes angry at the other couple for not doing anything but you look at them and they're like yeah they're busy they're too busy for us they're too good for us and and then you start to get angry at the other people and they don't even know that they're involved in this story you know maybe you know you're you're shying away from them because of it maybe it's not anger but you know maybe you get defensive or maybe you're you're shying away or maybe you write them off or maybe even start to feel sorry for yourself because oh there's another couple that's too good for us and this poor couple over there didn't even have a chance to react exactly and you could have ended up missing an opportunity to develop a really cool friendship well and you too you can kind of do that with your partner kind of like dave's story you know he was a little bit bitter with me and I didn't know why for so long, but I was, he was upset with me over something that never happened that he had kind of created in his mind, you know, so.

Well, and not to mention, not just being able to express that, like there's sexual situations or fantasies that I never expressed when, before we got in the lifestyle, because I was insecure about talking about them. And, uh, so as soon as I actually started opening up and I was like, I want to try this, I want to try this. And she was like, that sounds hot. And I'm like, why did I wait so many years to say this? Well, so I wanted to ask you more about that because the next thing I wanted to talk about is, okay, what are we going to do about this? We're all in the situation.

So how do you interrupt that story with the conversation? So go back to the story you were telling earlier about the jealousy. Who, how did you finally, who finally decided to talk about this first and how long did it take before you decided to let that inside voice in your head and to hear that? How did that work?

How did that work how did that go so it it spurred inside me for quite a while um let's just say it came out in a disagreement and that was the worst time for me to express something that was hurting me um and finally when everything kind of calmed down because i think she responded incredibly well because when she realized that situation hurt me she was like like, oh my gosh, if I had known that, I never would have let that happen. And so we got to sit down and talk about it. And it just made everything 10 times stronger in our relationship.

But the biggest thing was ever since that initial barrier in me, because I hold everything in, I've been able to tell her so much more.

so getting past that first insecurity and being able to talk to your significant other about it was for us that's what helped us the most so do you remember andy when you had this conversation and he came to you to talk about it was he adult-like about it or was he angry about it or what was his state of mind what chair was he in yeah what chair was he in the adolescent chair the adult chair i'm gonna say childish but yeah adolescent chair for sure so it was a disagreement i don't even remember it had nothing to do with play situations it was just a typical you know water bill kind of situation or something like that and he took that opportunity of us kind of having discord at that moment to say well yeah i remember that time you know and I was kind of dumbfounded and the problem was me with me is that I kind of used that as ammunition we were having an argument about something completely separate from the lifestyle I'm like oh yeah well you did this yeah and it came out and then it came out like I was defenseless you were you looked for your opportunity to let it out so it really was not and you probably didn't even know it was going to come out of your mouth.

Oh, I had no idea. No idea. But it definitely wasn't the water bill. No, it definitely wasn't the water bill. Well, that goes back to the point of you got angry about it and you'd been thinking about it for so long. So then when you do bring it up, you're not in the right frame of mind.

She's getting mixed messages because she really doesn't know what's going on and is this starting to sound like our marriage a little bit yeah i think yeah i think maybe dave and i are like i don't know a lot alike we get to the point we're like what are what were we fighting about again i'm trying to remember yeah so what about um how do we do we can we think of the four of us think of examples of when have we been able to interrupt this false narrative that we've built and then talk to another couple either afterwards or the next morning or that evening and say hey what let's debrief what was really going on here or at a club now we're talking about insecurities within ourselves geared towards another couple yeah yeah or it could have been like you didn't approach a couple at an event but then how do you go up to them and and break through that how do you actually do this it's one thing to understand it and we all agree that we do this but i think the key here is how do we tell people how you break that cycle and how do you let those inner voices outside of your head without somebody's thinking you're you're ridiculous or because that's the word that you used is ridiculous yeah well and i have the story where we were playing with a couple um very attractive couple had a lot in common um they were a bit younger than us and in the situation the the guy that i'm playing with you know we're next to dave and his this guy's wife and he's just not looking at me he's not responding to me physically in any way you know there's not even an erection you know it was really awkward and I'm trying so hard and I'm and I'm getting more and more frustrated and of course I'm taking everything internally like this is all me he thinks I'm old or he you know he saw my crow's feet or I didn't get my gray hair you know or something and so I'm just it's just getting worse and he's looking at his wife and that never dawned on me that he's actually watching his wife so um i'm kind of looking at dave going you know let's x this you know let's close this down because this went on for about an hour and a half and that can boil up after a while well after the play session dave and i debriefed and we asked the couple after, you know, what, what happened?

Dave spoke with the husband and said, you know, what was going on? And he said, you know, my fantasy is just to watch my wife with another man. And that would have been amazing. And we could have done that. And it would have created, you know, a much more comfortable space to play in if he had just told us that in the front end.

we ended up playing again with them and that was good to know he he just really was not interested in playing so in the meantime though I thought I'm fat or I'm gross or his wife's prettier and I'm ugly and he thinks I'm you know repulsive so that that was hurtful so you know communication's good going into a play session you know you know communicate that yeah so a couple things about your story is first of all good for you guys for for dave for going back and opening up that dialogue again because otherwise you would have left there and it would have been end of story and but the other thing is that andy as you're as you're telling the story and I'm sitting here next to you looking at you at my the word that comes to my mind is what Mrs.

Jones just said. And that and that would be to say, well, that's ridiculous. You're beautiful. but i think the point here is it's not ridiculous because if somebody that you think is is if this image that you have of them, it's not fair for us to tell somebody like you or somebody like Mrs. Jones is, you know, I think you're so beautiful and you roll your eyes. It's unfair for us to just say that's ridiculous. We need to understand that everybody has insecurities, no matter what and no matter who. And who was it?

Was it you that said about, who was it that told you about mrs jones about comparison and what that does it was my yoga instructor yeah what was she said comparison is the thief of joy right i mean that is so profound that's awesome when you compare yourself to somebody else you're just selling yourself short so the fact that i would say oh my gosh andy you're so beautiful that's ridiculous what i'm doing is i'm comparing you to something and that's not fair to you it's it's not right i'm like saying you have no right to be insecure but you're a human being and you know we've heard this over and over before so i think that reinforces the story that we we look across let's go back to our story like if we're sitting across the table from dave and andy and we're feeling like they're not in our league how unfair is that to them right because we've put them on this pedestal right and don't even they didn't ask to be put there you know we put them there so not only are we unfair to ourselves but we're being unfair to the other couple well and why do we assume that really attractive people are going to be standoffish or whatever you know you know if that doesn't make any sense at all you can be attractive and still a warm generous caring person like but we we just i don't know That's part of what goes on in your head like you know I couldn't be witty enough to have a conversation with them or you know whatever and it's crazy and so I think the first step to this if we were going to like give somebody some tools to get through this is you have to have the ability to understand or accept that there might be another story.

There might be reality. So, like, Dave, when you went and talked to the other gentleman about the bad experience that Andy had, you must have in your mind thought, well, wait a minute. It's got to be something else. That's literally what I thought. Because, like, in my mind, it's like I was thinking of scenarios in my head for him. And I was like, well, if this could happen, this could happen. So I went to him, not angry, but trying to be understanding. It's like, just tell me what was happening because maybe we can talk about it. I'll help it in the future.

Or I'll just understand where you were, where you were coming from.

right and so you took that not only did you believe that it was possible but you took you took that next step forward oh yeah which is critical so let's talk about um we've all been there talking about taking that first step forward you're at a resort or you're at a club or you're at an event and we all have done this you've looked at the guest list you know who's going to be there You've picked out a few profile names that you want to meet and you see the couple and you think, oh my gosh, they're fill in the blank, blank, too young, too pretty, uh, too experienced, too whatever, too busy to talk to us.

Um, how do you take that first step? What, what is that like? Well, you've been in that situation. How do you get beyond that what do you do?

So in the experiences that we've had um i i maybe this is a bad example but we we've met a lot of couples in the lifestyle that we may have had no intentions of playing with but they came over and at least started talking to us and their personalities were amazing they became great friends and so i in my mind like if i'm going to approach somebody i'm not going to approach them with the idea of going i'm going to try to have sex with you in five minutes it's more the lines is i'm going to go up to you and i'm going to try to start a communication and try to build a quick relationship whether it be an hour or weeks but i i think my my best approach is going up with the idea it's like i'm not looking for sex i'm looking for a connection so I want to go and talk to them get to know them if something sparks regardless of what you look like Andy is a sapiosexual so she loves brains she loves intelligence so it's just never assume what other people want or are looking for right and I think when we're new in the lifestyle you know it it's all about sex because that's that's the new part like we we can make friends with other people in vanilla world you know and so you're good at that but now you're going about it with the possibility that there could be sex involved and i think that it's hard to get that out of the forefront of your mind and just look for that connection and see where that connection may take you down the road, whether that's in an hour or a month or whatever.

So we're open to, once you do that, then you're allowing whatever is going to develop after that, develop. And you know what might come next is no thank you, but at least it's real at that point in time or it might be the next step into building a friendship but you won't know until you get there and to your point mrs jones i think i think sometimes that what we do is when we meet another couple and you're in the lifestyle or you're in an event, you think sex is the ultimate goal for approaching this couple. You don't, maybe we don't come out and say that, but I think that's how we act.

Like, okay, we're going to go try to sleep with them or have sex with them. When in fact, what happens when we look back, how many good friends do we have in the lifestyle that we either won't play with or you know haven't played with or won't play with but they're really good friends right so you don't know where that friendship is going to lead but it but starting out with a default setting is it's all about sex is i think a lot what keeps us from uh the reality or wanting to hear the story right.

I think that's what makes it intimidating because it seems like it's all or nothing and it's not, I mean, just having like pants on friends that, you know, you're never going to physically interact with, but you can still have these like ridiculously sexy conversations with that is awesome. And that's new. You don't do that in vanilla world.

So's still you know quote unquote sexy it just doesn't involve necessarily a physical interaction right so I think just being yourself I know I know these things are easy to say no I know but if you're going to be real I think if you're the type of person that can let those voices out of your head then you're more likely to just say oh well here I am you know warts and all I don't have to come up with a fancy line I don't have to have you know all of these crutches that I need to try to convince you to like me I just have to be myself so it's a even though it sounds easy it's not or sounds simple it's not easy to do if you just kind of go into an event or a club with the mindset though is that i'm going to make some great friends everybody in this club we you know has a commonality with me we've enjoyed something very sexual and open and that's kind of you kind of walk in and think okay i'm going to meet new people and remove the expectation that I have to score a point or something that evening and that's not there's not an end goal we don't Dave and I don't play with people we just meet so we never have that expectation so it kind of removes a lot of that pressure from us it's like you know we have to you know we're like looking predators looking for our prey or something like that.

And that's, you know, and there, and there may be people and that's, that's their jive or that's what they like to do. Um, but it removes some of the pressure for us. So if everybody kind of looked at it that way, it might make things a little more fluid. I think that's a really good point. We've talked, everyone has talked about like rules and one of our rules was we don't play on the first date, but that rule was made more to give us a chance to come back and talk to each other about the couple.

It hasn't necessarily been like Andy was just saying, if you just have that rule, it takes all the pressure off of the evening and you can just be yourself. And then ironically, you might find yourself in a place where there's a possibility of play because you didn't you didn't plan on it but it just it's it's off the table so all that pressure is off well you know when you try to force a situation um that you know oftentimes is not going to turn out to be 100 positive you know it just kind of has to happen. And that, I think, has a lot to do with your mindset going into the evening. Right.

So I think any number of things could happen when you decide to play the real story instead of allowing this fake story to go on. And that is, number one, it could have, it might not go well, but at least you know where you stand and you can move on. Or it might go well. And if it goes well, then what happens after that? Well, it could be a friendship, or it could be, it could eventually lead to play.

But at least, whatever it is is it's the real story that's playing out and it's not this fake thing and and our perceptions that that are in our head well you know this doesn't like these voices in your head they don't go away that's a good point right like you can actually have a couple that you've been friends with for a while and have played with potentially multiple times and still have these moments where all of a sudden you're unsure of your actions I mean I just I just put myself in that position not too long ago well do you you have to tell the story now I do have to tell a story so we were we were playing with a couple and and i'm not gonna lie like most of the time though the wife and i so this is a couple that we've known for a while yeah and played with before yeah okay so she she and i tend to gravitate towards the husbands because we both happen to have husbands i mean you know but i mean she and i adore each other as well and and when we were playing this time in particular that I'm thinking of um we've been playing for a while and I leaned over to kiss her and I said would it be okay if I explored a little bit and she said sure so I started kissing her breasts because she has amazing breasts and then I kind of started working my way down and I went down on her.

And as I started going down on her, I'm like, you know, I was really pretty vague. I used the word explore and didn't say what I was going to explore. But everything seemed to be going okay. From my vantage point, if it's the story I'm thinking of, it didn't seem to be bothering her in the least.

Well, and I didn't feel that way at the time either that to be continued here okay so everything was going great and I think you were standing up at her head you managed to find your way up there yeah she may have had was she giving you a blowjob or was she just playing with you yeah it's been a while so I don't really remember the details but I think so okay well anyway the her husband was kind of on the other side of her and all of a sudden he kind of came over to me and he said something i know what he said he said excuse me i need to get in here he did and he he literally pulled you out of the way and went down on his wife yeah and then he pointed at me and which was really hot yeah and at the time it didn't bother me at all and it was kind of funny because all of a sudden he just made this snap decision and it was i mean everything turned it up turned out splendidly that night and then i went to bed yeah and typical me voices in your head well i just have this annoying habit of always waking up at two or three in the morning.

And I woke up and, you know, I was feeling pretty good about myself. And then all of a sudden, I thought to myself, you know, she and I really don't play together very often. And he kind of pulled me out of the way suddenly. And I wonder if I was like overstepping my bounds and he was trying to like mitigate. Protect his wife. Yeah, a situation that I had created some discomfort and maybe he was trying to like redirect so it didn't become a problem. And then it just went down from there.

And I had convinced myself that I had done something and and we're really good friends with these people and we've known them for a while and i'm like did i just damage a friendship and and it was it was just kind of a wreck so luckily we were at an event with them and we got to see them the next day yes and so you decided to put your big girl panties on and i did because my my fallback and this is my own secure insecurity is just to kind of like bury that and like pretend there was nothing wrong but then I thought you know what this is too important I'm not going to screw this up so I just had to come clean and say I'm concerned that I overstepped my bounds last night and that I did something without consent and luckily I was wrong and everything turned out fine but at three o'clock in the morning it was a problem well not only did it turn out fine if I remember when you told the husband he immediately just started busted out laughing yeah because he wanted to fulfill a fantasy yeah when he saw me, I was in her mouth, and then he wanted to go down on her.

Clearly, I was in the way. He wanted to be with her. He literally grabbed me by the hips and just kind of picked me up and moved me over. It was pretty funny at the time. Yes. So he was, so the husband was thinking about something that was going on in his mind. Yes. And then you're thinking, oh, what, did I do something wrong?

And and then the wife's probably thinking i'm the luckiest girl in the whole world i mean that says what it seems you know that's what it lays out at so it's again another if you think of the everybody involved there everybody was thinking something different and i was going to tell you i was fat dumb and happy because because while you were getting pulled out of the way, you know, he says, Mr. Jones, no, you stay right where you are. You're filling your role. And I'm like, yes, sir. So I had no there was no misperception in my head.

The reality was, you know, she was giving me a blowjob and I got to stay. He didn't kick me out of the way, kicked you out of the way. I was kicked to the curb.

Well, then that, too, and I know exactly what you you mean mrs jones because two to three a.m i i have these meetings with my ceiling the same way i think and then it just gets bigger and worse and then i think and then it adds on it's like the little friends of the demons in my head are like they're multiplying and it's just the worst i know and i mean so glad that I was, like, it was a weekend where I had the opportunity to see them the next day. Because I don't know if I would have had the nerve to reach out by text or say, oh, can I FaceTime with you? Because there's something I need.

You know, it was just so much easier because we just ran into them the next morning. And think about if you hadn't had that opportunity. Yeah. And just left it where you're thinking one thing and they're thinking nothing. Right.

I probably would have had the opportunity or gotten up the nerve to talk to mr jones about it but then i probably would have and i don't know this but you know i potentially could have withdrawn and not sought out future connections with them because of my lack of self-confidence i you know i don't want it to be awkward because now they're going to have to say no because they don't like me anymore and you know then you just like start playing your little violin and just like ridiculous yeah i don't think that um and i don't want people to think that what we're saying is that after every encounter you have to go back and talk to people because in the case that you're talking about these folks are good friends and right so it's a relationship we want to preserve so we're motivated i was afraid to talk to them about it and they're good friends well yeah but i mean but the reason that you did one of the reasons you did is because we don't want to lose that friendship but if it's just a first date and something goes wrong or you have a misperception or you don't go introduce yourself to somebody because of a misperception you just have to you've lost an opportunity but Thank you.

I think the point we're trying to make is that, you know, when we're listening to our kids, kids um there's always you know when they would come home from school and tell you something like okay that's not the whole story i'm getting this from a 13 year old there's always another side to the story so i think that's what we're saying is that there's always another side to the story whether you choose to do anything about that or not but i think that helps us keep our uh insecurities at bay to at least acknowledge that maybe it wasn't my thighs or maybe it wasn't my gray hair you know maybe i have to acknowledge that it could have been something else that instead instead of this perception that i have in my head well it could be that the other people have insecurities too you know their insecurities areurities are preventing them from approaching you and then vice versa.

And that sounds so middle school, but dang, I mean, this kind of stuff takes you back there, like high school, middle school. So your own insecurities end up creating more insecurities in yourself and in others. Yeah. That's basically how it works.

So have you guys, Dave and Andyy have you guys uh seen that you've gotten better so you guys have been in the lifestyle for how long almost four years now yeah i think four almost five so would you would i don't want to put words in your mouth but would you say it's safe to say that this sort of an issue is a bigger issue when you're first entering into the lifestyle no doubt i think it is it's always an issue it's never going to go away but it's definitely worse in the beginning because you just have so much to learn about just interaction with others especially in such a vulnerable situation in play well and you you sit here and in our minds i'm sitting here going i don't want to do something that's going to upset her she doesn't want something that upsets me.

But the problem is in the beginning, we weren't communicating what possibly could that be that would upset me or what would upset her. So it's kind of like we had to wait until we got to those scenarios, experienced the scenarios, and then we started discussing them. So how can you even tell her what's going to upset you? Cause you don't know.

So as a guy, I tend to fantasize in my mind my mind any possible situation so i feel like every scenario that could have come to mind i'd already gone through and like i was there this is great let's do it um completely different in reality i would just like to say i'm so glad women don't do that you men are a handful we're sick Look at that.

this brains beauty and a sense but and i think you made this point earlier mrs jones and i and i kind of didn't follow up but we could very well possibly have the same situation over and over again with the same couple i guess what i'm saying is even if you go out to dinner and you and you go out with them again and you start to make a friendship and you have a misperception you correct it it doesn't mean that it's going to stop happening right even in that particular relationship that you have and so you know just to be aware that um and maybe it gets easier i guess that was my going to be my follow-up question is does it get easier like when you approach that um that that couple and confess that what you were thinking when you were staring i think if anything ever comes up again it'll be easier for me to go back to them and say remember that time i woke up at three o'clock in the morning yeah well this time it was 3 30 and this is what's in my head now and you know hopefully we can just kind of laugh about it and work it out.

I mean, even if it's something legitimate, and I think it's something that I think the four of us could sit down and have a rational conversation about and fix it, because I think we all care about each other enough to fix it. Right. What about you guys?

I know that you said you gets it gets easier as you go along but do you find yourselves now when you're in a situation of course it's a little bit different from you for you because you have a business and you and you need to do like business development you need to meet people but from a personal perspective do you are you guys introverts are you extroverts do you find it difficult is it getting easier to approach other couples or how do you all meet other people? We're actually pretty introverted. I'd say both of us are. It's not difficult. We both work with people in, in our jobs.

So it's not something that's that, you know, it's not something that's outlandish to say, okay, let's walk up to this couple and, you know, we don't get really worked up about it or nervous about it um but yeah i mean it's always it all depends on the scenario it depends on you know if you've been drinking it depends on how sexually worked up you are because we tend to get a little sexy you know talk and fantasizing and before we even go to an event so it's all it's there's so many variables with it but i do think it gets easier with experience for sure. Yeah.

And well, and for some reason talking about the clubs, like I, I see myself, I'll be scanning around the clubs when we're promoting and I'll see maybe a couple that I find attractive. And the funny part is, is that they start walking towards us. They may not be coming directly to us, but I start getting nervous and my heart starts racing. I'm like, they're walking this way. Warning, warning. Yeah. And then he's like, can you show me where the bathroom is, sir? That didn't happen. That didn't happen. That's funny.

So you thought somebody was approaching you, and they just wanted to know where the restroom was. Right. That's funny. And I was let down after that. I felt so sad. And then he's like, join DDN for three months free. Oh, it's over here. Just take a right and you'll find it. And the other, I don't know if we touched on this yet or not, but because we said everybody does this and because we're so critical on ourselves, what we forget is the other couples across the room doing the same thing. Exactly.

So when you go and approach somebody not only does your story become real but their story becomes real as well and then they any preconceived ideas they had about you are now dispelled at the same time so hopefully it's a win-win and two being in the business in the lifestyle it's hard to get around to everybody and that's you know and you don't want to be conveyed as somebody who's not friendly or snobbish or anything like that because that's definitely not the case we want to meet everybody so you know it's it's just you're you've got a lot going on so find your way over to us we welcome it come up give us a big hug we love it have you ever lost your voice at an event absolutely absolutely because i just can't shut up i mean i really do enjoy talking to people yes and you're trying to meet and converse with people over ridiculously loud music okay so i i'm i'm gonna ask a question for the people out there to mrs jones and to andy because if i can have a misperception like the one that you shared about maybe we're being intimidated or maybe they're too good for us have you as two beautiful women been approached by another man or a couple who just were convinced that you you wanted to have sex with them and that you that misperception was totally on the other side about you know hey you know what you're gonna like me and in my mind you know we're gonna have sex tonight even though it doesn't come out that way have you had experiences where that misperception is totally on the other side so like the voices in their heads are saying yes you got this yes go get it it's still a bad it's still a misperception yes yeah right so their voices are not tearing them down they're building them up yeah yeah exactly I have had that happen um and it was it and it's like a kind of an aggressive approach but it's like hey you're welcome I'm here kind of thing you know and it's like oh okay it's great so yes we I have had that happen and I just you know politely said you know it wasn't a good situation for us to play that evening anyhow but i there was an attraction on my part so i just said you know it's really nice to meet you i'm just you know unfortunately it's not going to work out um but you know you you've got your moves get out there on the floor you know you're not going to be lonely tonight or something you know to kind of build so you gave him a dose of reality yeah yeah how about you mrs jones yes it's happened And, and of course, every time it happens, you did.

Yeah. How about you, Mrs. Jones? Yes, it's happened. And, of course, every time it happens, you know, it's a different scenario. But, you know, I guess the thing that people need to understand is, yeah, we have a podcast. We talk about our sexy stories. And then, you know, Dave and Andy have, like, a dating site, for God's sakes. Like, they should be professional daters. Common misconception.

that, but we're still people and we still have the same insecurities and the same, I'm just going to say it, the same right to select the people we want to be with, you know, and I, that's, that's just true for everybody, no matter what your situation is in the lifestyle. So you just have to, you know, politely decline because we are pretty selective and we try not to play on the first dates.

And it's super awkward when we're hosting because, you know, we can't just disappear in the middle of an event to go have sex with somebody, even if we want to, like it just really isn't, the timing's not right.

So it wouldn't be fair to ask you ladies without putting dave on the spot and just as a side note i would i'll cut this part out if you don't want to leave it in but dave have you ever made a gesture towards another woman or helped another woman in some way to be polite and she's taken that as the fact that she now has a crush on you and she wants to be with you i don't know but maybe like so we did have a scenario we were at an event and i helped a woman uh get over a fence and wait i can't think of a uh an event or a date where all right where was this fence was it a prison or what you're running from the law it was well it was at Well, it was at a club.

It was at a club. And they had their own pool area. So it was a pool area that had to have a fence around it. And the fence that she was trying to get out of was locked. So I was like, you want me to help you get over? So I lifted her up, like all 92 pounds of her, and I set her down.

And I was like, all right, well, you have a good a good night and i just left and then after that i i had a fan who basically said she could have sex with me and my wife that night guaranteed in her mind yeah and it just didn't happen that way you created a groupie yeah well when you sat her down after lifting her over the fence she had those little cartoon hearts she's like oh yeah and yeah so she just loved your little boyish grin you were you were her knight in shining armor right yeah yeah okay so it happens to the guys too um have you had it happen whoa whoa mr host yeah okay wait i'm the one asking the questions no no no no okay re-ask the question so have you ever had somebody like be too forward and you've had to backpedal a little bit you know what's funny about that i just thought about this and we were telling you guys this story yesterday when i was dating before you and i got married and I was dating, I was Mr.

Nice Guy. No. I was. And it irritated me to no end because my friends were coming to me and lying about how they were having one-night stands with other women or girls. And that's what I wanted. I didn't want to be the nice guy.

and how i knew that i was the nice guy was because a lot of the girls that i dated on the second date they't want to be the nice guy and how I knew that I was the nice guy was because a lot of the girls that I dated on the second date they would want to take me home and introduce me to their mom because they I'm just that yeah oh my gosh this guy's not out to get me or this is the guy's not a creep my mom's gonna like this one I'm gonna take and I'm no I don't want to be that guy I don't want to be that guy so here now i find myself at desire in the hot tub or i don't know at um an event getting lap dances you know from women time after time and uh yeah i mean i i kind of do the same thing that andy was talking about and that is um try to understand that first of all the reality is they're they're probably attracted to mr jones and not you know me i don't know that oh honey for certain you're a hottie sorry but you can't use that but it's but it's the same way i mean i first of all i appreciate when people approach me and if there is an expectation i think they quickly realize that um first of all you're not around and it takes four um and that I just try to have a conversation with them and you know if and I guess something could develop but but most of the time I just am polite and talk back to them and it just kind of goes away and I don't I don't overreact to it but yeah I think it happens but but I would rather that happen because here's what you didn't ask and that is have we had people come up to me later and say you're unapproachable or you're intimidating and I don't want to come you know near you so I would rather have people and that's a misperception too I hope so I would rather have you misperceive and come in and come and talk to me and have an expectation that's not going to happen rather than stay off to the side and think he's too busy or he's snotty or he's whatever and he doesn't have time for me.

So I'd rather it be that way. Did that answer your question? Yes, it did. Thank you. Okay. So I think, first of all, we've had an amazing weekend. Thank you guys for hosting us. We had this planned, and we thought, let's do a podcast together. Because we don't like doing remote podcasts. It's better when we're all four in person. So we use that as an excuse to... Because somebody's a sound snob. Yeah. Well, Dave has helped me with this awesome equipment that we have that we're recording with today. So technically, you have two sound snobs. Yes. You and me. That's right. Yeah, that's right.

We just show up and chat, right? That's right. Exactly. So anyway, let's wrap this up, and maybe I'll just give last... I'll kind of start wrapping up, and you guys give you time to think about what kind of words of wisdom for other people or how you would you would summarize this. But the bottom line is, I think for me, is we all feel this, no matter if you're new, no matter if you're us. You know, we as Dave was mentioning, you get butterflies still when you see somebody approaching you. It never goes away.

I don't I don't think the other thing is that, you know, have the courage to interrupt that false narrative and allow the reality of the situation to come about and then and then lastly it doesn't have to go to sex even if you do step in and you do have the courage and you do have a real story you shouldn't have an expectation that that's going to go all the way to sex full swap play whatever it could be an opportunity to have a genuine conversation in real time with and learn something about some cool people that you didn't know possibly build a friendship and whatever happens after that or if nothing that that's what this is so that's how i would kind of sum things up so what about what about you well i just think the you know the voices in my head do get the best of me and you know i can feel insecure about the dumbest things and and logically i know they're dumb but at three o'clock in the morning they're pretty relevant and and that's a shame that you know you you let that control your decision making so I guess that's the thing is yeah you're we're all allowed to have all that crap in our heads but but try to not let that control the decisions that you make about who you approach or or how you you know just tackle the lifestyle in general and don't let it become a barrier between you and your partner right Thank you.

you make about who you approach or or how you you know just tackle the lifestyle in general and don't let it become a barrier between you and your partner right dave so if i had to take my biggest thing from this would be that communication for me was the biggest help of getting over any of my insecurities a majority of my insecurities when i talked to andy about them she would just tell me like she she wouldn't say they're ridiculous I don't think she ever said that once she goes I understand why you would feel like that and yeah instead of trying to make me feel bad about it she related to it she told me stories that were similar to mine that I could relate to so I think if any insecurities you have whether with another couple or with yourself attempt to communicate as much as you can.

And President Andy, you get the last word. Well, we see ourselves one way and everybody else sees us in a totally different way. And I think that that applies to everybody. Nobody's really excluded from that. So just avoid overthinking. Don't sit on something. If something's on your mind, maybe talk to your partner about it, even if it's about another couple, and just say, do you think they're thinking this? Do you think they're looking at us like this? Most likely your partner's going to say something totally different.

Just ignore the voices in your head because you don't want to end up being your own cock blocker. Amen. And that final word explains the title of tonight's episode voices in my head and then andy threw out that we were talking about this yesterday don't be your own cock blocker so that's right precisely what we do in these situations so thank you guys for hosting us this weekend and thank you for you you know, being great friends and business partners. And we're excited about what the four of us might have in store in the future together. Very. Business wise.

And we're excited that DDN is so healthy and growing. Yes. And we just can't wait to see how it all turns out. Yeah. Sure. So until next time. I'm Andy. I'm Dave. I'm Mrs. Jones. I'm Mr. Jones. And we'll be right back with a couple of sexy snapshots.

okay well that was our conversation with um david andy and we hope you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed having it with them i want to speak for dave by saying that it was it's hard enough to sit across the desk from you and have a lucid conversation with the things that you wear during our podcast, but to have you and Andy sit both in the room, it was doubly difficult. But we just want to say we appreciate you guys.

We appreciate your friendship, and we're looking forward to doing some really cool things together in 2020 yes and beyond yes but um i wanted to say though that when we did the workshop in austin on the same topic we kind of challenged everybody yeah to you know take those voices in your head and and put them in the closet and and actually take some action like something that you would be normally too intimidated or shy or insecure to do and to just take a step right take a chance and um and that was kind of like the the last lecture before the final exam which was colette you know so anyway we were the the evening was winding at Colette.

It was like two o'clock in the morning. And a little bit before that we were on the dance floor and this couple approached us and we danced with them and you started. Oh, I more than dance with them. Yeah, exactly. You did. Uh, which is good. Good job, honey. Yeah. He was so handsome. He was fun to dance with.

Yeah and I totally forgot to dance and just started kissing him after a while but we um we danced together for a while but then they told us that they had been interested in us but they were gonna wait for us to make the first move until after our workshop yeah then they decided that they needed to be the ones to make the move. So our topic actually paid dividends back to us. Good job, honey. I know. It's like return on investment. Well, and I'm not discrediting what they did at all because I'm very proud of them.

And I'm glad that they had the courage to approach us, but I had pretty much already given them the green light the way that I was kissing them. I know, but, but back to the whole reason we did this topic, a lot of people are afraid to approach us or afraid to even talk to us about that because they're assuming that we're too busy or not available or we're not in their league, which is ridiculous. Most of them are not in our league.

So I didn't think of it that way but it was so totally self-serving of us to do that topic and yeah i was glad that it worked out the way that it did i know okay well let's move into snapshots then okay well snapshots you're gonna let me have one like we've had the most incredible weekend in a rearview mirror and i can only have one i didn't say that okay well i'm just going to start out by asking you a question okay what episode was six some is the new foursome um i don't know i think oh i think it might be so 70 episodes it took for you to stop memorizing episode numbers it was in our first 10 it was yeah it was a long time ago i think it might have been eight so the past two times we've played have been six of them have you did you even like acknowledge that in your head i did indeed and both of them were really fun they were it um i don't know i kind of like the fact that Thank you.

I did indeed. And both of them were really fun. They were. I don't know. I kind of like the fact that I think it takes the pressure off of everybody. You can just kind of like navigate your way around and have the opportunity to interact with everyone. And, and if something isn't clicking, you know, right there in the moment, it's easier for you to kind of like, um, not remove. with everyone.

And, and if something isn't clicking, you know, right there in the moment, it's easier for you to kind of like, um, not remove yourself necessarily, but to just kind of like mentally regroup and, and get yourself back together and, and, you know, ready to dive back in, so to speak.

And I think it's important for us to say that both of those times we were with people that we were good friends with yeah and that everybody knew everybody else yes and that there was equal across the board enthusiasm and attraction yeah and both six sums um the six of us had not played together before right you know what i mean mean? That was the first like of that arrangement, I guess, so to speak. Um, and I thought it worked well. Well, we're going to have to debrief because we, we know both couples, so we need to debrief with them to see what they liked and didn't like. Yeah.

In case we get the opportunity to do it again. Yeah. One of, one of them, we did not instigate.

The other one we did instigate totally and i was really nervous about it because all four of them are good friends yeah and like so when you're when you're the instigator of group play like how do you know that people aren't just being polite and saying yes and you know oh this will probably be okay but you know how how do you know how confident they are that it's going to be a good experience well not only that it stresses me out but in the situation that we just had like you and i were talking about it and we said do you think the four of them would like this and i said i think so but when you said how do said, how do we go about doing this?

And I said, you got to go talk to her. Yeah. And you, but the irony is you went over to talk to her, the her and one couple, the other couple, the gentleman just had, when you walked away, he came up and started talking to me about going back to the hotel. And I said, um, what do you think about this idea? And I just threw it out there and he goes, let me go talk to my wife.

and so while you were talking to the hotel and I said um what do you think about this idea and I just threw it out there and he goes let me go talk to my wife and so while you were talking to the other couple the female from the other couple I was talking to him and he went back to talk to his wife so I'm watching all this play out in front of me and then the other wife came over and then it was the three ladies and so I said um so what does everybody think about this and they were like let's go so well yeah because her husband came back to me and said we are an enthusiastic yes i don't even know which cup you're talking about you're gonna have to tell me later yeah yeah no it worked out well and i you know it is a lot of pressure yeah to orchestrate that stuff and and you know maybe that's all the the voices in your head stuff you know like you're making assumptions well it was easy and we knew that it was going to be easy and we don't want to put our friends in a position where they're going to be uncomfortable and awkward and we knew that these four people were vocal enough to say something if they didn't really want to do it yeah and we trusted we trusted both couples yeah and we knew that we knew them well enough that they would say i'm not sure why don't you just one of the four of you just go ahead yeah and i think the only drawback is when we get finished we always think i wish i would have spent more time with that person i know because you can't like divide your time up equally i know you kind of like do the instant replay in your head and you're like oh you know i really kind of ended up ignoring so and so and it wasn't for lack of you know interest it's just i don't know the dynamic i don't know if you realize this but this was a soft swap six some too yes so which made it a whole lot easier yeah i think um i think that's what i really liked about it because there was like no pressure it was just all fun and and there might have been a really fun sex toy involved that's true yeah it was a lot of fun and we so anyway we'll just call that like a collaborative snapshot okay good and then i'll do mine and then you do yours okay okay because i'm kind of excited about my mine is not sexual no yours is awesome though because i know what yours is yeah so when we were at austin um you and you especially you mrs jones did so much work to get this weekend in order.

Well, I did nothing. That's not true. Well, you did a lot. Oh, can I can I do a little tangent? Yeah. So the one administrative thing Mr. Jones said that he would help me with were the name tags. I actually print out name tags. I don't want to talk about that.

And, you know, that I have the like little l lanyards and everything and because we encourage people to wear their name tags all weekend it has their first names on them and and then their um their community profile names that you know they use as people had gotten to know each other before the event so anyway he said honey you have so much to do i'll type type those up for you. So I'm like, oh, that is so amazing. And I already had him from Nashville. So he just had to, so the template was there. Don't say I just had to, you make it sound like it was so simple.

Well, he worked for two hours one Sunday afternoon, got them all done. And then what happened? Well, I guess i forgot to click the save button And it reverted back To the Nashville names Instead of the Austin names And I had to start over again I felt so terrible for you Because you don't have a lot of free time And I only made one That was a big sacrifice you made for me I only made one. I had actually a husband and a wife in different groups. Yes, you did. Accidentally. Anyway, you did all this work before the weekend.

We're both a little bit stressed that we want to make sure everybody has a good time. Yes. And we're charging money for this. And people are spending their time and their resources and we just feel so obligated you know to do this right so you know by the time we get there and and we're going through and finally Saturday afternoon comes and Saturday night is kind of the you know the final exam like you said yeah just let your hair down party so we have good friends that came to us and they said, look, we made reservations for four at a speakeasy right after your workshop and before dinner.

If you guys have time, just meet us there. And we were like, oh my gosh, we really want to do that. But is our workshop going to be done in time? And, you know, we don't want to keep on waiting. So anyway, we finished and we said, we'll be there in 10 minutes. And we walked across the street to this super, super cool speakeasy where you had to know a combination to get in. There was literally an iron gate off this. It's like going down this alley that you had to punch in the code. Yeah. And so we go downstairs and we gave them our names and they took us to the table.

And it was almost pitch black there it was all underground no windows all candles and low lighting and and cocktails and as soon as we walked in and sat down next to them it was like first of all a huge weight had been lifted from our shoulders because the weekend was almost over and then to sit there with them and just be us instead of being the joneses so therapeutic. It was so meaningful and thoughtful.

And anyway, my snapshot is just remembering how comfortable it was to go down there and see them and just sit there and then kind of just, you know, decompress and just enjoy that hour together, hour and a half together before we went to dinner. the club. I know, and the place was so cool. I mean, I had two cocktails. I had a tequila cocktail, and then I had a gin cocktail, and, you know, we're just sitting there with them and didn't talk about we got a thing at all.

You know, we were just, we were ourselves, and I'm sitting next to her like incredibly handsome husband we're just laughing and talking and, and actually, actually you and I had a little bit of crap we were dealing with, like personal stuff and, and we just kind of unloaded it on them and they just listened and, and just, you know, they're just real friends. Yeah. They're real friends. They're not, they're not lifestyle friends.

They're real friends and they're not they're not lifestyle friends they're real friends yeah with lifestyle benefits yeah i hope so yeah so we just um are just so appreciative of that it was just like a respite in the middle of all of this controlled chaos and um and that was a really awesome gift for them to give us and you two had kind of a moment you and she had a kind of a moment at the club didn't you what was going on there so so yeah so we get to the club and and our theme was black and white night that was kind of a pretty cool theme and i think everybody participated in some fashion so i showed up with like black thigh high boots and a white satin club dress, which was actually, I could probably wear that on a cruise.

It's, it's appropriate enough, but I had brought something sluttier to change into. And normally I don't change at clubs. It's just not my thing. I, I love women that do, and I love seeing what they change into and how sexy they get. And, and that's just never been my deal, but I brought an outfit with me and she knew it. I guess I had told her and she held me accountable. She said, go get your stuff and meet me in the bathroom. Really? Yes. So I had to go get my skirt. She's responsible for that? Oh, totally. Cause I wouldn't have done it. I mean that, that little skirt, metallic black skirt.

And, and then I had like a, a sheer like mesh body suit, um, that I was going to change into and, and she made me go get them out of my bag. And she met me in the bathroom and waited outside the dressing room until I changed. I had no choice but to change. Wow. Yeah. And I saw you thank her for that a couple of times. She's a good friend. No, that was really fun. And I was glad, you know, I, you like that to, first of all, know your limits. And second of all, help you push up against those limits to help you grow and have as much fun as you could, you know, potentially have.

And, you know, I guess I did let my hair down a little bit more once my boobs were hanging out. So it sounds like I owe her a her a debt of gratitude possibly well you know how smitten i am with her yeah so i don't think it'll be a problem just a little bit yeah so thank you guys that was that was really special and you know not very sexy but but again it was just very meaningful and special yep you need that in your life. So do you have a, you have one more? Yeah, it was just very meaningful and special. Yep. You need that in your life sometimes. So do you have one more? Yeah.

It's going to be boring, though, because it's only about a foursome. Oh. Okay. Yeah. Just kidding. It's interesting how your perspective changes. So you and I were playing the dumb card game with a couple. and you, you know, you're famous for poo-pooing the dumb card game, calling it the dumb card game. We need to thank the dumb card, which is actually called the Game of Lifestyle. Because they sent us some free decks that we gave away at Austin. So thank you guys for that. Actually, I owe one couple a deck. Okay.

They're coming to Desire with us, so they might have to wait for Desire to get it. But they won a game, and I couldn't find them to give them their cards. Anyway. Anyway, we were playing the dumb card game. We had switched from the Icebreaker conversation deck to the good stuff. To the verbs. Yes. So we were doing the action cards and it had gone back and forth a couple of times and I drew a card or he drew a card. I can't remember, but basically I was supposed to like titty fuck him. Which by the way, you've never done for me. Okay. That's part of my snapshot. Okay. Shut up.

So I was like, yeah, well, you know, I don't think I can do that. And we were also clothed at this point. So at first, he was sitting on a sofa. So at first, I just got down on my knees between him. Can we explain why you've had difficulty doing that? Because I don't have big boobs. Well, your boobs are not. It's that just you're, there's a lot of space between them. Yeah. My boobs are not the kind that are close together. I actually have a, like a lot of, yeah, there's a lot of space between them. I have like, you know, the bone. The breastbone. Yeah. So, and they're not big.

And the last time I tried to do it was because I had no boobs before I got my boob job i mean i was an a wannabe b girl and then you know now i'm a little bit bigger but not much and the first time we tried it we were like oh my gosh like i have boobs now maybe we can actually try this but my boobs were new and and like when you first get breast implants you know there's just a lot of of swelling and such. And settling that needs to occur. Yeah. boobs were new.

And, and like when you first get breast implants, you know, there's just a lot of, um, swelling and such and settling that needs to, yeah, it takes a while for them to like loosen up and settle into place. And I think we tried it too soon and it didn't work. Um, so we were like, eh, oh well, they look good. They're not, they're not useful for that purpose still, but, but they look good. Right. So anyway, we, we never really tried it again. I know. And then I drew this card, and I was supposed to do this.

So at first, I was just kind of goofing around, and I think I had maybe lingerie on, but he still had clothes on, so I was just kind of like rubbing up against him or whatever. Well, all of a sudden, I think the game stopped. As it often does. Yeah yeah as soon as we get to the action cards so then the clothes come off and you and and his wife were starting to do your own thing and i'm like well now that everything's open and free let me try this again and i was able to do it i know for real i know like it. I know. Oh my gosh. So you owe me now. 35 years I've been waiting for this.

You know what? That was a while ago and I still haven't done it to you. I know. We'll put that on the to-do list for tonight. I'm feeling a little. Oh, okay. I feel better now. Oh, okay. But yeah, so that's how it started. And then I don't know that just, i don't know if it like boosted my confidence or maybe just because like he didn't finish there did he no then i climbed on top of him and i kind of maybe abused him like i just was crazy that night let me just put your mind at ease honey yeah when you're on top of a guy bouncing up and down. Yeah.

There's no abuse in his mind that you're using the wrong word because I've seen you and you put your arms up in the air and you just like start. I was so fun. Yeah. Yeah. It, and you know that you and I just recently talked about this and, and it's, um, sometimes rare where you can completely let your hair down with somebody. Yeah. And, uh, I, I think that's going to end up being a topic. Yes. That we're going to talk about in the near future. Okay. Write that down. Yeah. I got it. Letting your hair down. I got it. Yeah. Because I, you're right.

We talked about this on the way to costco yesterday it's coming back to me now yeah because costco costco trips are sexy because i have a much easier time letting go and connecting with another woman than you do with letting go and connecting with another man yeah yeah that makes me sound like a dud but yeah It's not the other man it's it's my own head yeah yeah right i have voices in my head for sure yes mrs jones pay attention okay well it was a fun weekend yep lots of snapshots and yep we just um before we close, we just want to say that, you know, please stop by our Web site if you are interested in attending one of our future events or if you want to join our community.

Yeah. We have a new community feature now. Oh, that's right. And we're getting ready to do it this Thursday night. Yeah. So our membership community comes with access to a main chat group and some sub chat groups on different topics but we are going to start doing a monthly chat and this has come about because of two things because of all the chatting you ladies do in the ladies group and because the book club that you're in where we you guys use zoom and all the ladies show up and everybody is on screen and talking about the book. So we're going to use that technology.

And we've done a dry run on a group of people. We're going to do a topic every month and we're going to have couples come together. And it's going to be basically a Q&A session, you know, live. We're not going to record it. So it'll be a safe place, a safe controlled environment, you know, where you can just kind of talk about whatever you want to talk about. Because the real value in our community is really not getting access to us. It's getting access to other people like yourselves, where you can have these conversations and ask these questions. Right.

And that's what I was noticing in Austin. Yeah. You know, people sharing stories and asking questions and, you know, providing feedback. So, so yeah, we're going to do it virtually. Right. So, you know, just go to our website at we got a thing dot com and you can join our community if you're interested. Also, don't forget that you can try speaking of Dave and Andy, Double Date Nation or Cassidy for three months for free. So just come to our website and sign up through there and give them a try. And then don't forget about Podcastapalooza. Right. We mentioned that at the outset.

And don't forget about Desire. You can book your Desire trip through us. We can even offer some rooms at a discount. If you go to our website, that'll explain it much easier than I can do it right now. So just take a look. Yes. And please email us at mrjones at wegotathing.com or me at mrsjones at wegotathing.com. Or you can go to our website at wegotathing.com and then click on the contact us button and contact us through our website. Yes. Or you can follow us on Twitter. Anything else? I think we just talked a lot. We did. We had a lot of fun that we just had to get out. I know.

Now it's time to go open a bottle of wine and have some steak. Yes. So thanks for listening. We are Mr. and Mrs. Jones, and we got a thing. What's your thing? We'll be you next time.