Topic- Some people are either put off by the term "swinger" or have misperceptions of what it really means today. We've decided to use the term 'Social Sexy' to describe how we view and engage with others in the world of ethical non-monogamy. Mentioned: Our friend "Ess" is a boudoir photographer. Check him out on Instagram and read his recent blog post on our website!
Transcript
This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us? Hello, everyone. I'm Mr. Jones.
And I'm Mrsrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 68 of the we got a thing podcast episode 68 social sexy lifestyle yep that's what we're all about but before that happy anniversary i know 35 years this weekend yes 35 years and i think i finally figured out something about you um what would that be well last month we talked about how when i went on my business trip you took out the trash for the first time yes yeah i'm sure everyone remembers that story of course they do so i I walked into your office the other day and you were sitting in front of your computer and you were just totally engrossed in whatever was on the screen.
You kind of had your elbow up and your chin on your hand and you were looking at dreamily into the screen. And I thought, oh my gosh, she's looking at porn. Oh my gosh. But no, you weren't looking at porn. were looking at dishwashers I was doing you a favor because everybody knows the dishwasher is not my domain I know and I did give you permission because after what 12 or 13 years our dishwasher finally bit to dust well I think it's like 13 Yeah. And I would have never known that because that's not my... I know. I ran the dishwasher. Right. So you told me that the dishwasher was dying.
The board is going, yeah. And you told me that I could start shopping for one. Yeah, I did. I just didn't expect... When I saw you sitting there, it didn't look like that's what you were doing. But anyway, happy... Now, okay. So thank you. Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary. That's your's your gift yes okay i i do like getting appliances for my birthday i know the other thing that you went gaga over one time is when i bought you that uh kitchen aid mixer oh i know well every girl i know this thing lasts forever so anyway she wasn't looking at porn she was looking at dishwashers.
No, and I don't look at porn. So I was buying the dishwasher for you, right? So I'm thinking of you as I'm picking out the dishwasher. Oh, I wonder if Mr. Jones would like the third rack because they have third racks now. I wonder how, because you're the one that loads the dishwasher. Oh, you were taking off the, it's got some sort of a blow dryer on it. I know, air boost. Yeah, air boost. And it's got fingerprint resistant. You're going all down the list. I know. Like you're getting a little bit more turned on every option you read. Because I know you're going to appreciate those things.
Yeah.
I said, you know, I don't watch porn, but what I like to do on my computer that turns me on is I like to like, well of course i like to shop for sex toys and that's pretty self not selfish but i mean that's more about me i guess but i also like to shop for lingerie or like um like we're getting ready to go to desire so i'm shopping for all the theme nights and everything so when i'm shopping for like those little slutty you know, theme outfits or when I'm shopping for lingerie I'm thinking about you and how you would react if I had that on you know because you're especially lingerie like you're very particular about the different styles of lingerie yeah I don't like the lacy stuff no you don't like flowy lacy stuff no at all and i do so you know i have to be so when i shop for lingerie or like these little theme night things i have to shop with you in mind because i'm ultimately i'll look i'll put it on and i'll look in the mirror and i'm like yep i guess it is what it is and then i i walk out the door you have to look at me all night so i buy stuff with you in mind because i want to make sure that you're going to think i look good yeah well does it turn you on yeah that's all you had to say all that other stuff was really nice but it really didn't matter see you need laundry you know this you make it sound like we'd have a 15-minute podcast if I would just shut up.
Well, that's a good point. Your shoulders and your boobs and your ass. Those are the, like, qualities that you're the type of lingerie that I'd like. Like halter tops really look sexy on you because it shows your whole shoulder. And like the shirt you have on tonight, it's like a little keyhole in your cleavage. Oh, you knew it was a keyhole. Yeah. That's impressive, honey. Good job. I wasn't even prompted to say that. I have to, yeah, I have to wear things like that so that you get distracted every now and again. And you'll forget that I used 600 words when I could use five. Yeah. About that.
Yeah. Anyway, speaking of desire, that's coming up and that's what you're buying all this stuff for. Yes. And you've been making necklaces and we've been, we've already got the entire suitcase of swag filled to 49 and a half pounds. I know. We can't take any more. No, it just goes in the next suitcase. Yeah. So in just two or three weeks, we'll be at Desire with our 60 or 70 of our best friends. You know, when we roll into Mexico this time, like, we can't even, like, try to go straight. No, they always pull us over. We just need to, like, go off to the right and just say, here's our stuff.
Just look through it. Yeah, here's the condoms and the toys. I mean, forget the, like, don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. No, it doesn't work. You know, it doesn't work. We're just like, hey, you want to see our sex toys again? So Desire's coming up, but that's sold out. We're looking at dates for Desire 2020, and we're thinking we might even try our Riviera Maya, but we haven't decided yet. Because we have like 15 or 20 couples on the waiting list, and RM is bigger, so we could probably get more people in. Yep. So we're thinking about that.
And our next meet and greet, we're going to talk about Nashville in a minute, but our next meet and greet is tentatively in Austin, Texas in the month of February. Honey, it's not tentative. Have you signed the contract yet? No. I have like 12 proposals sitting on my desk upstairs. Yeah, so it's tentative. We're signing something, damn it, because I've spent so much time on this. Yeah, by the end of October, we'll have a contract signed with the hotel. And then on our website, you'll see the date. And if you're interested in going, you can sign up there. Yep.
And we're going to limit it to 50 couples again. Yeah. Because we like that size. Both times, when we've come home from Atlanta and when we came home from Nashville, we've done surveys after the weekend. And both times, people have really liked the size of the group. So I think we're definitely going to stick to that. So yeah, Austin's going to happen. We just don't know when. It's going to be late winter, probably in February.
But until we get that hotel contract signed, we don't know when um it's going to be late february or late winter probably in february yeah um but you know until we get that hotel contract signed we we don't know for sure um but we're having fun planning it because we have three other couples that are helping us and we did like a little zoom meeting and we have like a little eight-way chat going on and they're really super helpful yeah it's nice to have boots on the ground it is i mean they one couple sacrificed their Sunday afternoon and they, they went downtown and walked around and went into different hotels and looked around and took pictures and, and just kind of like felt out the vibe of some places for us.
So we're looking forward to that, but if you can't, and so we'll have Austin available soon. And if you, even if you can or can't make that the next big event after that, it's going to be. Yes, Podcast-a-Palooza. Right. And I think that's creeping up on halfway full. Yep. And we can tell by the people that are signing up there. It's really starting to take shape. And Kate's done a marvelous job of planning. And we're really excited about that. And, you know, these events, I'm kind of learning how people book events.
You you know there's always kind of a big push right at the beginning because you know there's all that excitement oh my gosh it's finally like it's finally real and then and then it slows down and then and then it'll like hit critical mass which is i think about where they are right now you know i think once it gets about halfway i think this time of year is when people start looking forward to 2020 right because right now maya 2020 sounds forever away but i think once you know this this is a small boutique hotel that they've reserved and there's only 100 rooms right so i think once people start thinking about next year it's gonna all of a sudden she going to get a big crush of people booking.
So if you guys are really serious about it, you know, don't wait too much longer or you'll end up on a wait list. Yeah. We know how that happens. Yeah. So keeping up with the Joneses, let's get beyond the business and talk about Nashville. Yes. Because you and I had fun this time. Oh my gosh.
We're learning how to host i think we finally figured out that um we've done enough of these now that we're really comfortable by the time we get there all the work is done yeah so we're learning how to be hosts and have social time at the same time yes and we were very successful yeah we're it's a little methodical because we have to actually like put people like on our calendar at a specific time um you know to kind of work around all of our workshops and and this and that and the other but it worked i don't think we did that this time yeah we did yeah but we there were times when we didn't well yeah that's true yeah yeah we did have a couple of events planned yeah but there was a couple of spontaneous things that happened oh yes there were it was like spontaneous combustion things happened before we get to that that was distracting the weekend itself was amazing um even though officially it didn't start until friday afternoon first of all nashville is a happening place yes it is we haven't been there i mean i went there on business about eight or nine years ago but the downtown area reminds me a lot of vegas or new orleans i had never been there you know so i had no idea what to expect it was incredible yeah so there were bars all over the place and and restaurants all over the.
The music, of course, is fantastic. We saw a jazz band play one night at dinner, and then we went to Jason Aldean's, and we went up on the roof expecting to hear country music, but there was dance music being played out there. No, I felt a little guilty that we were in Nashville listening to dance music, but as we climbed the stairs all the way up, I think the rooftop was like the fourth or fifth floor. And every level had a stage and a live band. It was so cool. And actually, we did hang out on one of the floors for a while while we kind of like made our decisions and everything.
Because we had, what we did is we made dinner reservations at various restaurants, like within walking distance of our hotel. And people broke up into groups of anywhere from like, you know, 12 to 30 people and went to dinner. And then we were trying to kind of all hook back up or at least like congregate in a couple of different places.
So we ended up at this Jason Aldean's place, which the roof, if well, all it was like a freaking heat wave yeah it was like 80 degrees at night yeah it was uh there was a heat wave in nashville at the end of september and it was at like a high of in the low 90s but so this rooftop bar at night at midnight was just incredible well it was hot and it was sticky and ladies were dancing with very little clothes on hot ladies were dancing yeah so there was a lot of sweat there was a lot of body contact and i noticed that a lot of the other folks on the roof were watching our group interact and dance together and i have to say that i held my own i i mean i'm pretty good at even squatting down when they do the how low can you go thing yeah i even impressed myself a couple of times that was so much fun yeah you get a hot lady dancing with you and you're like yeah you don't even think about those joints yeah and we got so worked up on the dance floor um that when we all went back to the hotel it was well past midnight it was it was we we got into our hotel room at 2 15 yeah so we we got back to the hotel like at 1 30 and a bunch of us were standing in the lobby chatting kind of winding down and then we decided to go get it grab an elevator and go up to the room where our room was all the way at the top and as the elevator went up couples kept getting off and then all of a sudden there were just four of us on the elevator and the couple that was left on the elevator is a couple that we were kind of really flirty with on the dance floor and as soon as the it was just the four of us it was really quiet for a minute and then we just looked at each other and we turned and we just started making out yeah it was really cool i mean it was just the four of us.
It was really quiet for a minute. And then we just looked at each other. And we turned and we just started making out. It was really cool. I mean, it was really hot. But it was spontaneous. It was like, oh my gosh, we were kissing on the dance floor. It's just the four of us. We're still kind of turned on. And we had never met them before. We met them that, well, no, because I went to work out. Oh, you met them that morning.
And I and i saw well the first thing i saw were her amazing yoga pants but um yeah so i had met them in the gym and then you introduced me to them on the rooftop bar correct right yeah and we were talking a little bit but you know the music's so loud it's really hard to have conversations there so anyway when the doors opened for them to get off they they kind of looked at us and they said where's your floor and we said 25 and they said well we'll go up with you yeah i think they were on like the 23rd 22nd floor or something so the doors closed and the four of us started making out again and then it went up to our floor and the doors open and there's these little couches right outside the elevator doors yeah the elevator bank there were like five elevators in this hotel and that it was like l-shaped so they had this like really cool like l-shaped sofa to like sit on while you're waiting for the elevators well we literally like fell out of the elevator they were all making out we grabbed them and we kind of four of us stumbled out of the elevator and fell right onto that couch fell on the couches on the couches.
It was like a B movie. It was like we were in high school, teenagers making out. And there was sweat. I don't even remember laughing. I think we were just making out. No. It was pretty serious. You want to talk about chemistry. That was some chemistry.
It it was crazy and i think if one of the other guests would have walked by about that time we would have never even i don't think i would have cared no we wouldn't have cared we could have got kicked out that night but anyway we so we came we kind of cooled things down and um we have a rain check i think pretty sure we have a rain check i'm hopeful that we have a rain check with them oh we have a rain check with them okay I'm sure of it. Good. Yes. Soon. Yeah. So that was a hot evening. It was.
But before we talk about Minaj, the club we went to on Saturday night, we also did a couple of workshops. We did a workshop Friday night on photography. We didn't do it, but a friend of ours did. Yes. And we'll have his information on the show notes. And he just did a blog post for us on our website too. Right. He made it sound so simple. Well, first of all, the good news is he said an iPhone is a fantastic camera. You know, he said you can take really good pictures on, on your phone. You don't have to have the, the big digital cameras. Yeah.
Um, and he really said it was all about lighting and angles. Yep. And he, you know, he gave tips to both men and women on how to stand so that you, you know, you kind of accentuate the positive and you can kind of like deflect the focal points away from the negative of your body and use lighting to do the same. I don't know. It was very cool. Yeah, so that was what we did on Friday night. And Saturday, Catherine was with us, Catherine from episode 41 on jealousy and also our episode on drama. She did a sensual yoga class in the morning, which was a lot of fun.
We didn't do the one in Atlanta with her. This was the first time we did it it it was good yeah i was proud of you honey you did good in yoga why are you so surprised because you usually like poo-poo that stuff i know but it was sensual yoga and there were lots of women in yoga there were lots of beautiful women that's why i was there yeah i don't I don't remember. I was there, too. Well, I know. You had yoga pants on, too. I did. Then we did a combined workshop with Catherine in the afternoon, and we're going to maybe do a reprisal of that workshop, that podcast of Palooza. Yeah.
So it was educational. And then part of the time, we broke our group of 50 couples into small groups so that they could get to know each other on a little bit more of an intimate or personal level as well. So all of that culminated then on Saturday night. By the time Saturday night came around and we went to Minaj, the local lifestyle club, people already knew each other. They had socialized a lot. They had done some connecting. They had done workshops together. Yeah, they definitely weren't walking in cold. People were loose at the club. Yeah. So we took 100 people.
We took the party to the club. Right. And he was ready for us. We had a couple of... Yeah, Menonah did a good job. They had space sectioned off for us. You know, we had heard that the club can be a little smoky, but actually, I remember that being a problem no we didn't really notice that because there were so many of us non-smokers there that night i mean the bar staff did a good job of uh getting all of our mixers and ice and everything for us i mean they gave us a big bucket to um put our bottle of vodka in but the daisy duke theme helped a lot too. The Daisy Duke thing was awesome.
Because you ladies in your boots. We had a 100% participation rate. Like all the ladies were decked out. Yeah. Yeah, it was hot. There was a lot of dancing and a lot of flirting and a lot of lap dancing going on. A lot of butt cheeks. A lot of butt cheeks and a lot of cage dancing. Oh my gosh. They had a pole, right? Yeah. Yeah. You don't remember the pole? It was like right in front of you. Yeah, I know. Well, all of us guys were sitting up in that area drinking bourbon, watching all the ladies dance in the cages. Yeah. I was smoking hot. It was so much fun. I know.
And you know what happened? I get home, by the way, happened to look through my photo roll on my camera. Yeah. Evidently, I must have put my phone down on the table. And some beautiful blonde woman opened up her dress and took a selfie. Are you serious? With my phone. That's hilarious. And I've currently opened an investigation into who this might be. And I think I'm making some progress. You know, she's blind, huh? Yes. I know that she's blind. It wasn't me. No, it wasn't you. Okay. No, they were definitely not your boobs. Okay, I don't know what to say about that.
No, so that was quite the surprise. But anyway, Minaj was a 100% success. Yes, it was. Yeah, and we're looking to do that again in Austin. We're going to probably go to a club on Saturday night as well. I'm calling the club like the final exam. It's a grand finale. Yeah, it is is we do workshops all weekend and and get everybody ready and it's like okay yeah here you go if you haven't enough if you haven't taken a step forward in the lifestyle as a couple at one of our events then it's your fault oh well maybe they're where they're supposed to be well i just said i said a step forward.
I wouldn't say you had to necessarily play. Well, that's true. But there's just a lot of socializing, a lot of connecting, and partially that's what we're going to talk about next. The social sexy lifestyle has a lot to do with what we experienced in Nashville. Definitely.
So when we come back, we're going to get into that conversation about what is the lifestyle, and we call it a social sexy lifestyle welcome back to segment two the social sexy lifestyle yeah so what's this about we at first you know we get a lot of emails and a lot of messages and first of all we appreciate that thank you for taking the time right and we're not overwhelmed so you please keep sending them but I wish I knew how many messages that we get where the very first sentence starts off with first of all we, we are not in the lifestyle. Yeah. First of all. The disclaimer. Yeah.
We are not swingers. And then they go on to say, well. Except for the one time. We have had some experience with a threesome or, you know, we had some friends over and we made out in the hot tub. Or we had a single guy. My wife was flirting with a single guy online one time, you know, or we went to a sex club together. And my thought is, are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?
But then after a while, what I realized is that this word for somebody who's new to this, or is it approaching it from a little bit of a different perspective the word swinger or the word swinging lifestyle carries a connotation with it right and and i think people see it as like kind of black and white either you're like this crazy ass swinger that does all kinds of crazy stuff with anybody at any given point in time, or you're not. So what we want to do tonight is when we say social sexy, we're coining a new term here. Or at least we think it's new. Yeah.
We're going to talk about the perception of the word swinger and the word lifestyle. And then we're going to talk about the reality of the people that we are meeting, probably just like you, that are a little bit intimidated by these words. And so we hope to get to the bottom of this and try to explain how we view the lifestyle and come up with a little bit of a different terminology for it. So there's a lot of misperceptions, right? Yeah.
And so when swinger what do you think of you know i struggle to use that word right i mean you know there's certain cuss words that i still can't say very well like what oh well everybody knows i don't like to say fuck but i i'm getting better at saying that but there's i don't there, there's other words that just don't resonate with me at all. So, and the word swinger is kind of there. Like it just, even though I've been doing this for, oh my gosh, it's been almost six years.
Um, it still brings to mind just the randomness of the typical key party or or whatever where the where you go to a club and and then you just randomly have sex with people and and i'm not gonna lie that's happened to us a couple times here and there but um that's not our norm and that's not what we look for and if you think back where this originated, a lot of times was, you know, there was the sexual revolution in the 60s, and then the flower children in the 70s, and free sex, and then, you know, along came, you know, the AIDS epidemic and other STIs in the 80s, and all of this kind of, we're looking back on this, and part of the swinging word is rooted in those decades.
Right. And we've adopted the word, but really what we're experiencing is something completely different. Right. And I mean, you talk about the way you've been raised and the way society perceives marriage, you know, they perceive it as being monogamous. And when they say monogamous, they're not talking just emotionally monogamous, they're talking about physically monogamous. Right.
Of course, then they go out and have affairs and, you know, use their authoritarian powers to you know sexually you know manipulate people you know marriage has always traditionally been to people and you know when you learn on your bachelor party or your bachelorette party you know that's your last chance right i mean right because you're gonna be celibate with the rest of the world which is a whole nother conversation like yeah but yeah i mean so what we do is considered you know immoral well yeah that yeah by the church well not only the church but society in general right so they're hypocritical when they say it yeah but they still say well they throw around words like adultery and lust and covet and all of these things.
And so when you think back of all of this, the 60s, the 70s, the 80s, how it all, the sexual revolution started, what we traditionally think about with marriage and what you may have been taught from a religious aspect, and then the idea of doing something like this is contradictory to all of that. Or all of that makes it sound like, why would you even want to doing something like this is contradictory to all of that. Or all of that makes it sound like, why would you even want to do something like this? Or the people that do something like this must be just completely crazy.
It makes it sound like you have to choose. Right. Either you're a good person, you're a good girl, and you live a straight and narrow life, or you're this crazy person that has no ability to make good decisions. Yeah, so the duality of it is what people think about. It's either black or white or yes or no. You're in or you're out. But our thought process when we approach this is we're not like duality thinkers. We're not black and white or, you know, plus and minus. We're thinking, well, wait a minute. We have a solid relationship. You know, we have a good sex life. Yep.
We're growing sexually with each other. I mean, even after our kids got older and we reconnected, we started. Well, especially when our kids got older. Yeah. Because, you know, they weren't the focal point of our lives at every given, you know, spare moment. Right. So we reconnected with each other and we were healthy people. We consider ourselves halfway intelligent, or at least I am halfway intelligent. You're fully intelligent. I was wondering where you were going with that.
We're satisfied with what we have, but we're also curious about that there's some sort of underlying curiosity about this idea of sharing you with somebody or sharing what we have with somebody else. And there was that little that thing that was buzzing around that was like a curiosity you know it kind of it it what you were saying just kind of made me go back to not shopping for the dishwasher but like i said you know when i shop for lingerie and and it's not really how i think i'm gonna look at it you know, for myself, it's, it's what, how I think you'm going to look at it for myself.
It's how I think you're going to look at it. Well, now that we're in the lifestyle and we're going to Desire or we go to a club or we have people over and I'm also shopping for other people now.
And sometimes those people have faces, but sometimes it's people that i know we're going to meet at desire or we're going to meet at naughty new orleans you know so they are there's no faces but i know that there's this going to be this this um sexual you know encounter with somebody so what does that feel what do i want to wear you know how am i going to put my best foot forward so what does that feel like because i was going to ask you about that when you mentioned that before about shopping for lingerie like when we get ready for um especially if it's a couple like we know we're going to play with and you're packing your overnight bag and you're packing your lingerie what does it feel like to be dressing for somebody else an addition to me It's terrifying, but it it's it's terrifying it's um it's motivating you know to make sure that i'm picking the out the the outfit that's you know help me look my best and and i mean it's just it's sexy because it's it's not a it's not a tried and true formula right you know I don't know what they're going to think of me when they see me in lingerie I mean you know they've seen me in regular clothes but well and see you're biased because you've been married to me for 35 years now yeah but um it's so it's it's scary, but it's also like this adrenaline rush to think I'm not just buying this for my husband.
I'm buying this for somebody that I'm going to meet. And, and I can tell you from my point of view, and this just happened recently, we were with a couple and I, I was holding her and she had clothes on and I could feel her bra underneath and she said i'm anxious for you to see that because i got it just for tonight and so for and you were standing there so like it's weird because here's another woman who i find extremely attractive who in front of her husband and you is telling me that she's got this thing on for me. And that blows my mind. I mean, it also stimulates me.
You know, but that's the kind of thoughts that are going through our head as we're trying to reconcile why we think this is so wrong.
But our thought process is bringing us to this place but you know based on our perceptions of what we thought swinging the swinging lifestyle was we thought well there's there's going to be nobody like us doing this right because we assume that the people that do this are going to be less than or they're going to be trashy or it it's gonna be about sex or whatever we we have this incomplete picture and really wrong perception but that's what we're thinking oh i think you just said it exactly right an incomplete picture yeah you know because um the swinging lifestyle can be a little seedy.
I mean, let's face it. Right. You know, there's something for everybody out there. Yes. And, and some people like, they like that randomness. The, the, I think they like the naughtiness of the, the random kind of back alley. Right. Hooking up with somebody. Right. And like doing the deed and then never seeing them again and not even knowing their name. That is a huge turn on for some people. But that's not for me. And that's what scared me about it for so long. Because we didn't think we were going to find people like this.
And also we couldn't find any, what we consider to be credible studies or credible research on this, you know, because nobody wants to come say this is what they do and so all of the research that you see is from anonymous people or it's estimates from you know surveys that are done blind surveys and so there's still not a lot of credible research out there and we couldn't find many resources that even spoke to us, you know, about what this is, whether it's, I mean, we did find a few podcasts, I think, you know, six years ago, when we got into this, there were maybe four or five regular podcasts, right?
Right. You know, the thing that has helped us now is, ironically, it'sgbt movement because at sexual freedom and and um owning your sexual identity is becoming like socially acceptable now right because people are speaking out and people that maybe have a more traditional view of their their sexuality and don't really understand gender fluidity, at least they're respecting it now.
The Me Too movement, ironically, is helping in that it's bringing out the ability for women to own their sexuality right and stand up for their rights and and the the fact that they can be sexual beings and still be in control of themselves right so i i think all of these things that are going on in society now while they're extremely uncomfortable and and um they if they're not handled right they marginalize people they also are just making just a general population more aware of yes sexuality is part of everybody's being right but but if you think back though we're talking about six or seven years ago when you and i first started getting into this what i'm talking about is just you're talking about today i'm talking about our thought process as we were getting into this and you know the podcasts that we found were helpful but we really still didn't find one that resonated with us and then we saw that show swing town and we've talked a lot about this before so we won't go into it much depth but you know there was the show on tv about swing town that was about eight or ten episodes it was but again it was based in the 70s that's right you know it was about a pilot and a flight attendant and you know all these stereotypical things right but it was also about a very normal couple that moved into this neighborhood correct that you know they were they were normal you know june cleaver type couple and all of a sudden they were is going on.
Yeah, but it was TV. So you didn't know how much of it actually really happened in life or whether somebody just wrote this to get attention. No, but at least you got to watch the show through like a, air quote, normal couples perspective. And then we found Playboy Swing, which got a little bit closer because it was more real.
You know you know it was reality and the couples on there that went to visit the house for the weekend had to talk had to have communication they had to talk about that show is so well done yeah so having you know dr jess and you know having a sex therapist on there and having couples with experience that were teaching people how to communicate and having the couple sign a contract when they came in about that they had talked about this and then doing a debriefing afterwards. That was the first, I guess you would call model of how this should work in our minds. That show was so helpful.
Yeah, it was. And I don't even think that was the intent of the show, but it was transformative in a lot of minds, and especially ours. Oh, I think that was the intent. Because Dr. Jess was on there, and there was a different sex therapist on the first season. I can't remember her name. But just the way they talked the couples through it, you and I could use that as a model. Right.
And then we would, even though you and I hadn't done anything yet, we could kind of i don't know it wasn't really role play but we could put ourselves in that situation yeah and we could have those same conversations and answer the same questions like how do you think we would respond in that situation yeah so then ultimately when we decided to go to desire we found the desire forums and once we found the desire forums and we saw people actually communicating with each other and we read their conversations and we heard people share the similar uh they were in a similar place that we were and they had the similar concerns that we had and talking about the types of people that they were meeting there and that there was no pressure and that it wasn't like you had to go have sex with people and that real-time conversation really made it we got to the point where we thought well you know what that this these people sound real yeah you know it's only one forum but we're going there and let's just give it a try and see what we come up with right so through all of that we decided to dip our toes in and you already mentioned this but we found both i mean we would see what we considered to be crazy wild sleazy and sometimes just plain scary behavior at some events kind of like falling out of the elevator on the 25th floor and making out and not caring who walked by yeah i mean good golly like the president united states could have walked by and we wouldn't have noticed yeah it was it was there were some things that we that we saw and that we still see that we shake our heads at and say, you know what, to each their own, but that's a little bit scary to us.
But at the same time, though, we also saw some very sexy couples, some very sensual atmospheres, people who were in healthy relationships and having a lot of fun.
And, you know, we would see a a little bit of both yeah but you know what i think the common denominator is um the vast majority of the people that you see at these events or resorts or wherever you are not all of them but the vast majority of these couples are solid right which i mean no matter what their like style is they're solid couples um because you have to be solid to do this right um there's some pretty messed up people too but they're definitely the minority right and and you can spot them from a mile away right and but i think what it came down to when we went to Desire finally and got into this lifestyle and we saw some crazy stuff, but we also saw people that were just like us.
Yeah. And that's what people tell us when they email us. You guys sound just like us. And so it's that just like us thing that we grabbed a hold of and that we thought, you know what, we're going to give this a try because we've seen enough and we've met enough of these people who are just like us that maybe we're not weirdos. You know, maybe this is something that we can do and we can do in a healthy way. Right.
And I mean, weirdo is like, um, relative, I guess, because to, you know, some of our friends, they probably still see us that way but but i mean in in the scheme of things we have these um as a couple we have like these desires and and like goals i mean we have goals to keep our relationship fresh and healthy and exciting like i don't i don't want to like have the biggest decision of the week as to you approve the meal plan for the week. Right. You know, we, we've got to keep it fresh.
Um, we're, I mean, we're 35 years in, hopefully we have, you know, a few more decades to go and, and eventually the meal plans will become more important. But for now, like we've got to keep it so that we're still growing as a couple. Individually and as a couple, I don't want you to get bored. Right. So that's where social sexy comes in.
The social sexy lifestyle approach that we're trying to describe is based on, you know of putting sex first here are some other things that we came up with that describe the people that we meet and what we're looking for so similar relationships and you already mentioned this yeah you know whether you've been married two years or whether you've been married 35 years or more if you have the type of relationship that we have where you respect each other you adore each other you're each other's best friends you know you're you're just in that type of relationship that that similar to ours is really what we're attracted to right right and I mean just kind of like the the whole like you know, we want to we want to have fun together and we want to meet people.
If that ends up becoming something sexy, that's definitely icing on the cake. But as far as like-mindedness, what we're trying to get out of these trips that we take or these adventures we go on, no matter where they are. You and I are trying to have fun together. And if that ends up involving other people, so be it. Right. And also personalities are a big thing for us. Who you are is really important as a person.
And we've noticed in the lifestyle that people who understand the people who can be most pure to themselves and let their individual personality shine through is really a big key it's a really a big factor in this just being able to be yourself right and you know you can you can share a lot about yourself with other people and remain discreet. Like, you can share what industry you work in without saying what company you work for. You know, I tell people what I do now. They don't know the name of my business. And I'm not going to tell them the name of my business. They don't need to know that.
Right.
You know, unless they want to be one of my clients you know and that's a whole nother conversation but you can you i need to know what makes a person tick right and and there's ways to do that respectfully sure and and still you know remain discreet and at the same time i get to kind of get in your brain which is what turns me on right and i think ultimately a result of all of that comes this human connection that we have not allowed ourselves to have with other people you and i obviously have that right but the idea of having such an intimate and i'm not talking about sex such an intimate relationship with another couple or another person that you just feel like you can be human you can just be who you are who you were created to be and you can allow the other person to be that in front of you and the connection that you make as as two people or four people is just very human it's very natural it just seems like this is the way that it's supposed to be.
Yeah. So human connection is a very human. It's very natural. It just seems like this is the way that it's supposed to be. Yeah. So human connection is a big part of it. And, you know, you might not have sex with everybody, but just the acknowledgement of the sexuality, the fact that you can talk about sex. Right. You can talk about your sex life, and you can talk about sex toys, and you can talk about fantasies.
Who else do you talkies who else do you talk about that stuff with right some people don't even like you and i didn't even really talk about that a lot between the two of us until we got into the lifestyle well really well i would say the first 20 years of our marriage yeah you know then then we started talking about stuff yeah and then and then that stuff started including other people. Yeah. You know, so it's been a progression. But you're right. Like, we never, like, we don't talk to our best vanilla friends about that stuff. We talk around it. Yeah.
And we allude to it and then we kind of laugh. Right. But that's as far as it goes. Right. And i think that the people that we meet and we hear this all the time from other people but there's a a nearly instantaneous level of trust that you have with people i mean i i've said isn't that weird it makes no sense we could we could probably drive across the country and and stay in people's homes that we've never met face to face before yeah just because of this bond or this connection that we have.
And we've had people in our home and we've had lifestyle friends come to our home for the weekend and we have taken them and introduced them to our daughter or to our parents or to other family members. It's this instantaneous trust that we can do I'll see you next time. or to other family members. You know, it's this instantaneous trust that we can do. You know, I noticed that Jay and Kay talked about this on their latest podcast, you know, that they both graduated on the same day and they had a party.
And they had family there and they had lifestyle friends there and they had non-lifestyle friends there. And, you know, the fact that, you know, you don't have to worry I don't know. and they had family there and they had lifestyle friends there and they had non-lifestyle friends there. And, you know, the fact that, you know, you don't have to worry about somebody being inappropriate because they're just friends. You can drop the whole lifestyle thing. They're friends. Right. And, and I know how to behave in various settings, you know, like it doesn't matter who's in my backyard.
If my in-laws are there or my kids are there i'm going to behave and and i trust the people that i have invited to my home to understand that same concept and and i've never been disappointed may i add that you can also misbehave when you want to not in front no no when it's appropriate right and and isn't that the beauty of it yeah and and doesn't that make um what am i looking for i'm looking for a word it like makes a relationship like rich yes because multi-dimensional yes because you can make eye contact with somebody like across the patio and it's like I don't know multidimensional yes because you can make eye contact with somebody like across the patio and it's like i remember what we did last weekend and at the same time you know you are interacting with family members and and like work friends or whatever like your boss could be there right and it doesn't matter you you still make eye contact with this person and that's all you do is you make eye contact.
That's all you need. Right. It's so powerful. Right. And it's cool when you meet people like that. And I've never like had to like sweat bullets like, oh my gosh, are they going to like behave properly or whatever? Right. So everything that we've just talked about, in other words, what we're saying is we never mentioned sex with other people.
behave properly or whatever right so everything that we've just talked about in other words what we're saying is we never mentioned sex with other people really this this was about all these other elements right you know having sex or playing with another couple is a possibility but it's the exception as opposed to the rule right so this social sexy attitude puts sex at the bottom of the list it's on the list don't get me wrong and the and the and because it's a possibility and there's a potential for it it just adds that extra little spark and that extra little interest about is this going to evolve to that?
And if it does, that's obviously great. But if it doesn't, I mean, let's face it. We have more friends in the lifestyle that we've not played with than we have played with. Right. And we have friends in the lifestyle that we'll probably never play with, but they're friends. Right. True friends. And we can talk to them about anything. Right. And we have friends in the lifestyle that we'll probably never play with, but they're friends. Right. True friends. And we can talk to them about anything. Right.
So as a result of that, we connect with people that are just like us, you know, and it opens our minds. You know, we're less judgmental. We're more accepting of other people. It helps us to create a more meaningful friendship.
if we're lucky some sexy fun i don't because i don't want to make it sound like that you know that we're elitist or that sex is really not the the a part of it because it is a part of it it's of course it's that part it's that thread that runs through the whole thing right but that's that's human sexuality i mean that's how we are wired yeah and i i think that um i think the meaningful friendship is it really kind of like what we're getting at because i um i mean we have people that we've been friends with for decades and those people are near and dear to our hearts and they always will be because we have that longevity Thank you.
I mean, we have people that we've been friends with for decades, and those people are near and dear to our hearts, and they always will be because we have that longevity. We have that, oh my gosh, do you remember what we did in third grade? And that kind of stuff doesn't ever go away. But then you meet people that you've only been friends with for a year, and you can still have a meaningful friendship with them because you can share things about yourself Thank you.
that you've only been friends with for a year, and you can still have a meaningful friendship with them because you can share things about yourself, about your innermost self, and you can actually learn things about yourself by conversing with them about your sexuality that you can't do with somebody you've been friends with since third grade.
I have learned, I have been able to have relationships with women and I have learned so much from women in general in the lifestyle as opposed to women in the business world or women neighbors or women that sit next to me at church because they're not really being able to be themselves. But in the lifestyle, I can look at a woman and I can talk to women, and women are confident, and women can be women. They can be how they're designed to be. And as a man, I can benefit from that. I mean, I can become a better person just because I understand a woman.
Well, as much as a man can understand a woman. So can I ask you a question? Yeah. So how does interacting with other women at that intimate level help you become a better person versus you interacting with me i think that other women are when women are allowed to be themselves and i get a view into that i all of the myths that i have been taught through my life about women and how to treat women or how at work there's sexual harassment and there's a hostile work environment and there's respect and you can't tell a woman how nice she looks.
And in a marriage, I can't look at another woman and I don don't want to make my wife jealous or um you know the society and tradition has made it so that you my wife are the sole provider of that to me right that's a lot of pressure for me exactly exactly so but when i can see lifestyle women being women I understand that women are not who I thought they were. In a good way? Yes. I've always said women could rule the world, and we should give you the chance to do that because guys have screwed up enough already. Amen.
But to understand the value of women and understand that, and in understanding that, understand how that man and woman complementary relationship is going to make, not only for a healthy marriage, but a healthy friendship, a healthy work environment, healthy everything, because we're so complementary of each other.
If one of us would, if we would stop stop making if men would stop making you be subservient to us if we were equal and we understood each other the way that i understand women to be then i can step back and learn that there's some attributing gifts and characteristics that women bring that need to be integrated into how men think and these two things together. It's like diversity. You know, we're stronger, you know, when we work together with our different complementary skill sets. And I never really understood what women could be until I got into the lifestyle.
You know, so the whole time you've been talking,'ve been listening attentively and two things have come to mind first of all honestly it takes a little bit of pressure off of me because you um you get to see other women um intimately in various settings whether we're out to dinner or whether you know you, you meet a woman who works in the same field as you and then you go, like, all cognitive on me and, you know, the two of you, like, do your thing and the husband and I make out. You do the same thing.
I know I do the same thing, but I'm just talking about, like, one particular situation that's going through my mind. You know, it's just, it's, it's interesting to watch you, um, intellectually interact with other women and, and watch them like stimulate that part of your brain.
And then at the same time I watch you get turned on because not only are you talking to an intelligent woman, you're talking to a beautiful woman and, and you're kind of like, of like I don't know blooming blossoming in front of me and you're becoming more confident because I can tell you you look good all the time like oh honey your ass looks great in those jeans and you're like yeah whatever you bought them for me so of course you think that but you know so for you to um I guess it's that whole, well, your love language is the words of affirmation.
So, you know, for you to have conversations with other women and be affirmed, it, it's, um. Beneficial to you. Well, but it's beneficial to you, but yeah, it takes pressure off of me. Right. Um, but it basically just reinforcing what I've been telling you for decades, I guess. And the other thing I'm, so I have like this snapshot running through my mind and I know it's the wrong segment for that, but in Nashville on Saturday night, we went out to dinner with, I think there were like 10 or 12 of us before we went to we went to the club.
And that was, that's one of my favorite moments of the weekend. And like, we weren't even, we kind of like crashed that party somehow. We managed to, to get in on that dinner reservation. And that was so much fun that night. And you ended up sitting not next to me.
You, you ended up sitting between two very beautiful women yes yeah um and one of them you kind of knew and the other one we had just met that weekend and and it was so much fun to just watch you get to know them i i was kind of sitting at the head of the table um might have been flirting with a guy at the other end you know, just little eye candy sex going on from one end of the table to the other. But really I was just, I was enjoying watching you. Um, you were sitting kind of on a bench with three other ladies and, um, it was just, it, it was, it, it gave me pleasure.
It's that whole compersion thing.
It gave me pleasure watching you sit there with three beautiful ladies and and you got to know them and and you know it was relatively quiet in the restaurant so we could actually converse with people and um and i know that's your deal and you were just kind of like thriving yeah at that moment in time and then and as you mentioned that um one thing that i just that came to mind with me that i think women are starting to understand the lifestyle is that to get a man to be attracted to you is not all about your body and i think that through society and tradition and everything else, you as a woman are trained to look sexy and to dress sexy and that you're going to attract a man by how you look.
Yes. Yes, that's exactly how we've been brainwashed. But I'm telling every woman out there that what will draw me into you is your intelligence, your curiosity, your vulnerability, your flaws, your lack of confidence, and not understanding how beautiful you are.
it's it's when i'm engaging with a woman like that and and i'm so drawn in that the body itself becomes complementary to what i'm what i'm hearing and and how i'm engaging with the woman right and i think women are in the lifestyle the longer they're in the lifestyle they understand that and i would think that that would take the pressure off of you as well because when you're looking yeah because you're looking in the mirror and you're seeing flesh no kidding i'm looking into another woman's eyes and i'm hearing her honesty and i'm her vulnerability and she's bearing her soul to me and she's telling me about herself and she's witty and she's smart those are the things that capture me yeah i know i know so but i think that the more women in the lifestyle that understand that and the more that are men are in the because men are guilty too how many questions do we get about what do you think is the sexiest body part in the woman you know stop with the body parts right that's only one piece of the pie here right you know what is it about a woman that the man does not understand or the man does not have himself you know how can how can we get other women comfortable enough and other couples comfortable enough to look at a woman as a woman and look at a man as a man?
And you, you were talking about observing me. Well, I mean, you're a math person. I'm not. Yeah. I can't give that to you. So when you meet somebody who's an engineer or you meet somebody that's into math and you just like, I might as well check out because you just, you go off and you're talking to another man and it doesn't really matter that it's a man. But, you know, you're having this conversation at a level about mathematics or about engineering or about something that in regular day society you wouldn't be comfortable having or allowed to have because of your gender. Right.
And how ridiculous is that? I know. That's true. So we've gotten off a track, but that was a good conversation. So bringing us back on track, so how do we find people like this? This is the conundrum that people have, and they listen to us and they say, how do I find the people that you're talking about? Well, there were 100 of them in Nashville. Well, we're going to do a shameless plug about our event. Oh, my gosh. But there's barriers to this. So first of all, how do we find such people without being found out? Like I'm worried. So one of the barriers is this is society doesn't accept this.
I'm going to be outed. You know, I'm going to be found out, you know, so you have to get your mind around that and not be so freaked out about that. And then there's misperceptions of the lifestyle. We've already talked about that. You come in thinking it's one thing and it's the other. So it's a barrier that you have to get beyond. And honestly, you have to acknowledge your bias. I mean, we have these biases that are built into us about how women are and how men are and how society is, and we have to get beyond that. Yeah.
Well, and I think the other thing is that you have to learn to not be risk-averse. Like, you know, there's the whole risk and reward thing. Right.
Well, you and I have found that, yes, there yes there's risks clearly for you and i but um the rewards have honestly way outweighed any kind of risk right um we've we've met the most amazing people you and i have had so many ridiculous adventures yes um and again they may or may not have involved sex but but this whole new attitude you and i have about life um we we have adventures every time we walk out our front door yeah well sometimes we have adventures inside of our front door but i mean you and i just are like we we've decided we're gonna have fun right and and you fun.
And sometimes that includes other people. Right. And so we have this idea that everything that we have, we're going to lose. Or if we're outed, it's going to be the end of the world. And we've talked about that before. We don't need to get into it. But we're in a much different place now because we were outed. And I'm not sure that we would be if we would not. Since we were outed, it kind of forced us into this situation. There's a silver lining to every cloud. Correct. Yes.
Another barrier is that it seems like the majority of events, websites, and attitudes are focused on sexuals and swingers as the norm instead of social swinging. So whether it's not in New Orleans or whether it's lifestyle clubs or whether it's people that you meet at house parties, the tendency sometimes is that you're going to run into more of a people want to have sex thing. Right. And so that's a barrier because if you get into this and that's the first thing that you experience and you think that everything is like that. And you're like, whoa, we're not ready for that.
Yeah, this is not for us. Yeah. I mean, if you are ready for that, then game on. But if you're new, that can be really intimidating and it can kind of be a deterrent. Right. So how do we get beyond these barriers or these misperceptions well i think you have to i mean of course you and i are going to say research and education but um you need to find some resource that resonates with you that will start a conversation between you and your partner. That's where it's all going to come into focus. Right. It's got to be between you and your partner. Yes.
And you also have to have self-reflection as an individual. Well, true. What are my hang-ups? Why do I feel shameful about sex? Or why do I think sex is bad? Or why do I think non-monogmonogamy is bad what have i been taught so there's a lot of like self-reflection and deconstruction that needs to go on there too right and then at some point you're just going to have to take a risk i mean you got to pull the trigger at some point in time or not or not but you can't have it both ways if you want if you want to try it you've got to try it you have pull the trigger.
You can't stay on the other side of this. You might want to go out of town to try it, whether you go on vacation. You can't complain. You can't complain about not being able to get in if you don't open the door. Right. I mean, at some point in time, you've got to overcome that and take a risk.
You know, going back to Nashville a minute you know when you and i first started these regional meet and greets which was exactly a year ago because our first one was in the boston providence rhode island area and that was our anniversary last year oh right so it was exactly a year ago we thought you and i okay, well, our business model is that we're going to travel around the country and we'll kind of meet our listeners where they live. And then we realized when we went to San Diego last February that like 75% of the people flew in.
And we were like, oh, okay, maybe people want to get out of their own backyard to do this kind of stuff right so if taking a risk is um something that's weighing heavy on you get out of your own backyard and go to a resort or go to podcast a palooza next may or come to one of our events or there are tons of events all over the place you just have to go on lifestyle websites and look around and see what's available. Right. So the other thing that we need to do is trust yourself and trust your relationship.
If you don't have that trust in yourself and your relationship, then why are you doing this? It's a different thing. thing i think by trusting your relationship the way you and i looked at it at first is like okay we're good we're solid so if we try this and it's an absolute train wreck we're okay we'll dust ourselves like well we won't like circle the wagons and shoot inwards right you know we'll be we'll be like, okay, well, didn't see that coming, won't do that again. Right. You know, but at least we knew we could survive it together. Right.
And then, you know, lastly, overcoming the barrier is remolding yourself or reconstructing yourself. So, it's one thing to do self-reflection and then to tear down or deconstruct who you are, but to have the courage to build a new you, you know, based on where you are in life, where you are in your relationship, what other people have taught you, what you've stripped away, what you know to be true, to kind of remold yourself and reinvent yourself. I mean, that's the great thing about a marriage or a partnership is we can make this whatever we want to.
We don't have to make it into something somebody else says that we have to do. Well, and unless you're a unicorn or a single guy out there, I mean, you've got a wingman. You're not doing this alone. You know, if you're a couple that's exploring the lifestyle, this is a team sport. You're in it together. But you know, one thing I've learned about myself is I have a backbone. You do. I'm definitely a people pleaser and I talk about that a lot, especially in the bedroom. But I've learned I have a backbone and I'm really trying to- What do you mean by that?
I'm really trying to embrace the whole I'd give a fuck if I had one. I'm not quite there yet, but that's my goal. That's true. You know, with a lot of people, I think I'm there. I like to tell myself that. Yeah. No, you do, definitely. So how do you proceed then? If you're going to overcome these things, how do you proceed?
So, you know, create your own path and set your own pace i mean absolutely there there is no benchmark for this and if you think you need to copy somebody else that's a mistake right you know i think um everybody thinks that there's a formula and it's like step one step two step three step four oh I'm a swinger right and it doesn't work that way right um it's between you and your partner and yourself and whatever the two of you decide your path and your pace is is correct yes nobody can tell you that it's wrong because it's yours a year from now you will be doing this i mean you might change I mean, you might change your pathway and your pace, but you're doing it together.
Yeah. And here's a tough one. You need to invest in this. Right. And I don't mean just resources. I mean, your mind, you need to commit to it as a couple.
And you can't, just like any other investment that you make in life you want to return on that so whether the more you invest in a good investment the more your return is going to be and to me and this is where the whole social sexy comes in the return is not having sex with other people the return is the connection the depth of the connection that you end up having with your partner right because that connection is amazing when you can talk to your partner about the possibility of having sex with other people or what really turned you on or what your real fantasy is like that whole fuck it bucket list thing like if you can honestly lay that out bare with your partner and not worry about how he or she is going to respond to that, that is, I mean, that's the goal.
That's, if you can invest in that, that's your return. So let me irritate some people. Okay. When we're talking about, let's just talk about money. Swinging's expensive. That's not what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. So is your kid's soccer camp. Well, no kidding. So is your daughter's travel team. So are the dance costumes. So are the dance lessons. So is the college education.
We think it's perfectly prideful and good to invest all of this money into our children, yet we're concerned about spending $3,000 or $4,000 on each other to go to a resort or go to an event or to take a vacation as a couple. And if you think about how much money you sink into your children and to other things in your life that are material or that are not a part of your relationship, but are your obligations as parents or your obligations to your mortgage and everything else. Invest in your relationship. That's the most important thing that you have.
So if you look at the money that you spend on your relationship and you compare it to whether all of your other outlays are going guess what's cheated out of everything right so if you want to do this you have to invest in your relationship and that's what this is and the thing and and we can honestly say this because our girls are adults now and and're both, you know, in relationships.
And one thing that you don't foresee when your kids are still young and in school is that someday the investment that you're making in your relationship is going to pay off into your children's lives because they're going to look back and say, wow, I want the kind of relationship with my future partner that my parents have with each other. Yeah, well said. That is a huge gift you can give your children.
So rather than feel guilty about leaving your kids with your parents or your in-laws to go on vacation, you should feel good that you're modeling for your children the type of relationship that they will grow up and want to have themselves and again i mean we're not being explicit here and saying yeah you're going to go off and have sex with other people and that's teaching children to you know this is what a good relationship is the focus is that you and your partner are going away and you're prioritizing your relationship and you're making sure that your relationship stays healthy.
Your kids are watching and they know that you're prioritizing yourselves and they're not going to be jealous of that. They're not going to resent that. They're going to be watching it and filing that away and thinking someday I'm going to go away with, you know, my husband or my wife on a vacation like that. They're going to make their relationship a priority. Yes. And you need to be picky.
A lot of people are concerned that they're too picky, but you need to be picky a lot of people are concerned that they're too picky but you need to be picky yes you need to make sure that you're choosing people to be friends with and to be with that are worthy of your attention in it in your own opinion yeah that they're in your orbit and you don't want to change your standards for that. No. And ultimately, the feeling's going to be mutual. Yeah. I mean, you have that connection with people. They're going to feel the same attraction to you that you feel to them. Your time is valuable.
You do have families. You do have careers and homes to take care of. And there's only, you know, time is finite. So choose wisely. Right. So success is closer than you think. We don't, you know, this may sound like it's a bridge too far or that it's going to take a long time. And I remember when we started this, we struggled for the first couple of years. But success is closer than you think. Yeah. Because what we've observed, it can happen quickly if you connect with the right people at the right time.
This might be crass, but the phrase that keeps coming up is that when you go to the right event that fits you, that it's a target-rich environment. Yes. And I think that's hilarious. So many people have mentioned that.
But honestly, holy shit, like Nashville was a target rich environment yes and i think that's hilarious so many people but honestly holy shit like nashville was a target rich environment yeah and and you'll know it when you see it it's one of those things if you build it they will come it's hard to describe you can describe this to people but until you're in the situation and you experience yourself what it is then you don't really know but when you're in the situation and you know it you'll see it and that connection can happen quickly yeah but as a part of that these false starts and these you know the the kind of the pitfalls that we have to go through to get there are just a reality because we are picky yeah and it might take a while to get there.
But ultimately, these resources can be, excuse me, these relationships can be transformative. As you were mentioning about Nashville, the first time that we had a meet and greet was when our very second Nottingham New Orleans that we went to. Remember when we said, hey, we're going to do this event. And we just threw it out there. And about 75 people came. First of all, we were blown away that 75 people came. But afterwards, we had person after couple after couple came to us and said, damn, you guys had some really sexy people show up at your event.
And at first, we thought it was just a coincidence. Well, that was the first time we ever hosted something in mass. On our own. And saw all of our listeners together in the same room. Yes. And we were like, damn, we have really sexy listeners. Exactly. But we thought it was a fluke. Right. But then it kept happening.
And so whether it was Desire, or whether it was Naughty in it was desire or whether it was naughty in new orleans or whether it was our meet and greets the the whole term people kept using was oh my gosh this is such a target rich environment or there's so many people here that we've connected with there are so many people here that are like us but then even like the general manager of desire came up to us and they were like you guys have the most friendly warm you know generous group right i mean even so even they were commenting on how wonderful our listeners are right which brings us all the way back around to social sexy so our events are at are at, I would say, four-star hotels.
We don't have to get a day's in because we're not going to have playrooms. No. We don't have to have an area where people can wear lingerie because Social Sexy means you wear nice, sexy clothes, but it's your person, it's your relationship that's sexy. It's, you know, you can walk around in public and be social sexy. Now, what you two or four or six or more decide to do in the privacy of your own hotel room is up to you. And I think there was quite a bit of that in Nashville. But see, that's the difference. We've heard little rumors. But that's why we don't have playrooms. Right.
We don't need playrooms. Right. We want people to connect. We want people to be this social, sexy couple. Well, that's not the vision of our weekends. No. And I'm not discounting that. I mean, that's what naughty New Orleans are for or hotel takeovers are for i mean there's very specific events that cater to that and those are awesome right but that's really not what we're trying to model right so i think what we're saying is that it's getting better. Open relationships and maybe social sexy relationships are becoming more mainstream. And we're trying to provide an environment.
We're trying to provide information. We're trying to provide experiences.
If you want to invest in this, if you think that this is something that resonates with you do something about it right explore it there are ways to engage in this lifestyle and find people who are like you but we are on the leading edge of this and sometimes it's takes a little bit of work and you have to get over the fact that there is a risk involved but if you believe this is something that's going to benefit you in your relationship the risk the reward is worth the risk absolutely and so that's what we're trying to say is that you know if you listen to us and our message resonates with you there are are so many more people like you out there.
Just take a risk and get out and find them. Right. And we'd be happy to facilitate that for you. Before you said that, what I was going to say is, you know, get out there and find them. That doesn't mean you have to have sex with them. No, no. If you do, yay. Good for you. Good for you. But that really does not have to be the end goal, at least not at first.
It might evolve into that, but if you're meeting people in a social, sexy environment, you're just meeting people that are open-minded can that you don't have to weigh every word that you say correct before it comes out of your mouth you can just kind of be your authentic self and you're going to be accepted yeah and it's so refreshing to just be human yes and understand what that means yes so thank you for um uh joining us in this conversation i thought it was a lot of fun yeah very meaningful and when we come back i'm gonna sneak in an extra snapshot this week i think you and i could oh my after nashville there's snapshots galore yeah all right we'll be right back with snapshots We'll see you next time.
with snapshots welcome back to snapshots yes are you gonna go first um i can go first okay so nashville yeah menage yeah so there was this vip area we had all of our drinks on this like oval coffee table It might have been, well, you know what? I don't think I really got drunk that night because I remember the whole night. I think I just found that perfect, exact, like relaxed, fun space. It looked like it to me. What, that I was drunk? No, that you found that space. I know. I just had so much fun that night.
But the thing I remember about that VIP area is that there were like one, two, three, four, like five really sexy dudes hanging out there. Was I one of them? Yeah, you were. Our photographer may have been one of them. Double Date Dave. Double Date Dave from Double Date Nation may have been one of them. And then a couple of our other listeners that were there as well. Yes. So, I don't know.
It was just so much fun watching you dudes hang out while your wives were on the dance floor and um they had what two like cages right they were like yes go-go like dance cages right on either side on each side of the dance floor and i'm not an exhibitionist especially dancing like i was on the dance team in high school but like i don't really like get into like dancing in front of people now and one of my friends may have gotten in the cage and somehow lured me with her index finger you know the little come hither thing she somehow i ended up in the cage with her and wow okay no no no I don't know.
The little come hither thing. Somehow I ended up in the cage with her and wow. Okay, no. There are people who are paying good money for this podcast. This podcast is free. Who want to say more than wow. Oh my God. Like what happened? Well, she and I were dancing in the cage. Okay, she was doing the come hither. So what did you do? Of course I obeyed. And what did you do? And I got up in the cage with her. Well, she and I were dancing. Okay, so you got and you danced. Okay, how were you dancing together? Not politely. Okay, how were you dancing together? Well, I don't know.
Were you touching each other? Well, we were like right together, kind of like, yeah. Face to face? Face to face. Okay. Dancing. Yeah. and then all of a sudden hands on each other well maybe not at first yeah um but then she kissed me i think you kissed each other she started it and you didn't uh resist oh no no no you were an. Yeah. Okay. That kiss was a long time coming. Let's just say that. Okay. So go on. And so we did that. And then I was like, holy hell, what was that about? So then, you know, she and I just kind of like laughed it off. And we kept dancing.
And then we ended up with like two or three other ladies up in the cage with us. And that's how it went for the next few minutes. We just kept bringing other ladies up in the cage. And I just remember dancing with the sexiest, coolest ladies ever. Right.
In this little tiny cage that was like four steps up over over the dance floor so go back to the make it out part yeah so so describe that oh well there might have been a little tongue involved yeah yeah it was just it was super sexy what were your hands doing they might have been on her boobs because i think she had like a little bit of nothing shirt on and um she had pasties and i remember playing with her pasties a little bit yeah you didn't rip them off oh hell no that hurts yeah yeah you don't rip somebody's pasties off well i think at that that's party foul if the hormones would have been raging enough she might not have felt it as much i don't know that.
Can't rip pasties off. What, did she think she had hairy nipples or something? No, the adhesive is like serious. Like pasties are serious. You could have licked them off. And you could have pulled them off with your teeth. Well, now you tell me. I'll do that in Austin. Well, yeah. So the five or six of us guys that were sitting up in the VIP section had our eyeballs on that. Yeah, I bet you did. We were watching what was going on. Oh, my gosh. That was so much fun. That was sexy. It was so much fun. So my girlfriend is not shy. So she was clearly up there first. And then she gets me up there.
And then it was just so much fun to entice some very beautiful some of them shy ladies up into that cage that didn't really want to come up in there but then once they got up in there and they started dancing and they started realizing that they were like really beautiful sexy ladies um i think everybody ended up having a good time. Oh my gosh. It was just, it was so much fun. And it was just kind of like, because it was all girls, I don't know, it just felt very empowering. Like we were in this like lifestyle club and we were all dressed super sexy.
And I don't know, it was just just we were hanging out together and there were like no dudes lurking around like you know what I loved about that club there was a rule there they allow single guys although the single guys are vetted and I think they have a limit but they the single guys they have a really nice bar there it's a really like bar. And it's over kind of off to the side on the other side of the big room away from the dance floor. And the single guys have to be within touching distance of the bar at all times. Right. Yeah, they have to be invited away from the bar. So, yeah.
So, like, we weren't worried about single guys. All you husbands were on the couch mesmerized. Yes. And I don't know. It was just like this girl power, sexy. Yes. Women in the lifestyle. Ruling the world, baby. We were ruling the world in that dance cage. It was awesome.
And I was just, I am so proud of some of my sisters just up there completely out of their comfort zones yes trusting me to drag their sorry asses up there right and then once i got up there they realized that they were awesome that's pretty sexy i love you all oh my gosh that was so much fun thank you austin so my i have i'm gonna cheat, and I'm going to have two snapshots. But one is embarrassing, and one is very meaningful. Yours was sexy. OK. My first one is embarrassing. So recently, we invited a couple back to our hotel room. And it may have been. Oh, I know where this is going.
It may have been like at 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning. Yeah, 3. 3 o'clock in the morning and we ended up having a fantastic play session and by the time we finished... Which is a miracle at 3 o'clock in the morning. I know, I know. Seriously, come on. We got right to... I don't do my best work at 3. No, well, we're gonna make up for that. Yeah, we are. But by the time we finished playing Thank you. Come on. We got right to it. I don't do my best work at 3. No. Well, we're going to make up for that. Yeah, we are.
But by the time we finished playing, I think it was 4.30, and you were spooning with him on one side of the bed, and she and I were face-to-face holding each other on my side of the bed. And at some point in time when we were finished, I realized that I had maybe dozed off. No, maybe about it, darling. And I may have started snoring. Well, her husband was too. And all of a sudden I woke myself up and she was still awake looking at me and I thought, oh my gosh, this is so embarrassing. I just snored at somebody that I played with. I'll see you next time.
I woke myself up and she was still awake looking at me and I thought oh my gosh this is so embarrassing I just I just snored somebody I played with but honey let me tell you I like to save my snoring for you oh great so so you know to snore in front of another woman I think I crossed a little bit of a line that was a line that's like going to the bathroom with the door open I mean you just don't do that with people that you're not married to no we don't even do that well you don't like when we go to desire and you try to use a urinal in front of me when we're in the spa and trying to change like anyway that's a no-go it was a little embarrassing did i actually yeah but her husband was falling asleep behind me and then i was laying there shivering because the air conditioning in our room was set to like 68.
And you didn't even admit that to me until the next day. Well, that's because I knew we were going to heat up the room. So I think at 4.30, I said, either we all get under the covers or we need to light.
I think we finally got up out of but that was the damage had been done at that point in time I had snored I was embarrassed because I was snoring in front of a woman I had just had sex with and I'm trying to be I'm trying to impress and here I am yep that's pretty much exactly what it was so I woke myself up anyway that's the embarrassing one so here's the meaningful one I'm going to make up for it oh okay we were all at Minaj and all of a sudden Thank you. Anyway, that's the embarrassing one. So here's the meaningful one. I'm going to make up for it. Oh, okay.
We were all at Minaj, and all of a sudden, the DJ started playing Me and Mrs. Jones. Oh, my gosh. So for those of you who have not listened to us from the very beginning, the first year and a half of our podcast... This is making me tear up now. The Billy Paul song, Me and Mrs. Jones, is what we used as our theme song until we realized we had to license it and we couldn't afford a license agreement for it. But We Got a Thing actually comes from that song, Me and Mrs. Jones, We Got a Thing going on. And so that was the music.
That was our opening theme song for the first year and a half that we had our podcast, and we eventually had to replace it. So they started playing this, me and Mrs. Jones, and you and I said, oh, my gosh, we've got to go dance to this. It was like a wedding song. So we go out on the dance floor, and we're standing there, and we're looking at each other, and we're thinking, and we're looking around us, and we're seeing 100 people.
And we're thinking back like five years ago when we started this podcast and thinking we never had any idea that episode number one and this whole we got a thing and a whole me and Mrs.
Jones would anywhere come close to being what it is today and looking around so when the music is playing you and i are dancing and we're watching all of our friends connect with each other and dance it was a very emotional and a very meaningful probably the most intimate part of the weekend for us was dancing to that song no doubt yeah yeah so that was that was my that's why i cheated and did too because i knew that you would let me get away with that yeah that was amazing yeah so um let's um talk about closing up episode 68. All right. So we've talked about, um, Austin.
Um, we're going to open that up to our members only community first. And I think we'll probably pretty much get 80 or 90% sold out from inside of our community.
So if you're interested in Austin, you might want to check out our, we got a thing, uh, membership, um, go to our website, we got a thing membership go to our website we got a thing.com and get more information you can join us on cassidy we have a cassidy community there if you're interested in joining cassidy you can go to our website and at the top of our website it says dating sites that we recommend and you're going to see double date nation and cassidy and if you sign up for either one of those you're going to get three months for free that's right I'll see you next time.
sites that we recommend, and you're going to see Double Date Nation and Cassidy. And if you sign up for either one of those, you're going to get three months for free. That's right. And then don't forget about Podcast Palooza because it seriously is going to sell out. I would say, you know, early 2019 because our experience is that around the holidays is when people really start booking out their 2020 vacations. And don't forget, you can book your desire trips through us. And we have two of the desire mansion weeks. One, it looks like Valentine's Day, somebody is about to book.
But we still have the week between Christmas and New Year's 2020 available. I think we still can fit somebody in for Valentine's Day. Okay. And I looked on the website today, and all of the room categories are gone for Valentine's Day at both resorts. Yeah. So if you want to book Desire Pearl at Valentine's Day, go to our website and take a look at that. And please, we can give you a discount through the Passion Suites and the villas and the mansions at Desire Pearl. Right, right. And we have that New Year's week for 2020 available, too. I can't imagine, like, New Year's.
That's going to go quick. We might have to take that one. I don't know. So feel free to contact us. I'm at mrjones at wegotathing.com. And I'm at mrsjones at wegotathing.com.
Or you can go to our website, wegotathing.com, w-e-g-g-g can go to our website we got a thing.com w-e-g-o-t-t-a-t-h-i-n-g.com and you can go to contact us and contact us through our website or you can follow us on twitter at we got a thing and we're also on instagram and pinterest at we got a thing right so we'll see you next month one more podcast before desire oh yeah i think we're gonna have to like sneak that one in right before we go out of town yeah so thanks for listening we are mr and mrs jones and we got a thing what's your thing We'll be you next time.
