Episode 67: Eyes Wide Open- Lifestyle Red Flags

Transcript

This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us?

hello everyone i'm mr jones and i'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 67 of we got a thing podcast 67 eyes wide open lifestyle red flags yeah more on that in a minute sounds really serious like ominous yeah, everybody seems to have a story. I know. And we hear them all. Yeah, including our own. That's true. That's always true. Yeah. Yeah, we've been busy. I know. We're recording on a Thursday night. We've been so busy. You know how busy we've been? How busy?

We've been so busy that like two days this week i've had to make the bed before we go to bed oh thank you thank you for throwing me right out there and under the bus well well i've been busy too i know usually i make the bed but when you're out last you don't make the bed and then i know and then i have to make the bed before we go to bed well how rude like for two years you've been working from home and now you're like up and out the door to catch a train before I get out of bed and and sometimes I lay there and I think if I could just drag my lazy ass out of bed he would make the bed before he left and then I wouldn't have to do it but you don't do it I I still make it but I make it before we get in it because I can't get into a bed that's not made.

I know, you're kind of weird that way. But you don't put my 47 decorative pillows back on the bed. Well, that's true. You just straighten the sheets and you pull the bedspread up. That's true. Smooth it all out. That's true.

Because getting in a bed that's not made, it's kind of like just putting deodorant on instead of taking another shower and is that what you did today well yeah i was busy today our foreplay tonight is going to be mr jones taking a shower before we have sex all right let's try another one okay um getting in a bed before it's made made is like pulling a dirty sock out of the dirty clothes apron instead of putting fresh socks on. Okay, I'm with you on that one. Really? That's gross.

Okay, but since we're picking on each other, and hopefully people won't tune us out yet, we would never have clean sheets on the bed if it weren't for me. You would never pull the sheets off and wash them. No, let me correct you. We would have clean sheets, but they wouldn't be on the bed. Oh, way to deflect. You would never pull the sheets off the bed and put them in the washing machine. I know, but you never put them back on. You put them in a big pile on top of the bed, and then you stay downstairs until after I come up to go to bed. No, I don't. I come upstairs and I hide in the bathroom.

Right. It takes me like an hour to wash my face and brush my teeth. You like to clean the things, but you don't like to put them on the bed. You don't i come upstairs and i hide in the bathroom right it takes me like an hour to wash my face and brush my teeth you like to clean the things but you don't like to put them on the bed you don't like to make the bed no but i fold all the rest of the laundry yeah okay anyway um sorry about that clearly we digressed a little bit so what's going on with us besides the fact that clearly we're too busy to make the bed?

We're getting ready to go to Nashville. I know, and we're kind of busy getting ready for that. By the time this podcast comes out, it'll be just a few short days, and we'll be with a hundred of our best friends in Music City, USA. I know, it's going to be so much fun. Our hotel's right in the middle of downtown, we're going to be able to walk everywhere. Yep. Yep. We got, um, Daisy Duke's night set up at the club that we're going to go to on Saturday night. And you're pulling your hair out because there's only a week to go and you're having to do all the work. I know. Like all the details.

There's, there's details. I got spreadsheets. I know you do. Well, once we get there, it'll be fun. I know. We have goodie bag stuff to put together. We got name tags to put together. Just all the little details. Honey, we have a workshop to put together. I know. Well, I'm working on that. We've got it. I just have to put it all together. Our friend Catherine's going to be there. We've already read her workshop. It looks pretty cool. Yep. We're going to have another workshop on erotic photography. Yep. And we're going to go.

People are going to be able to sign up for little photo sessions throughout the weekend and counseling sessions with Catherine. Yep. Yep. It's going to be fun. A lot of fun. And we're going to have fun this time, right? We are. Are we going to be the celibate hosts again? Well, I can't make any promises. It's hard because I don't like being rude to people. Well, I think they would give us a pass if we needed to sneak out to go have sex with somebody. Yeah. I mean, that kind of is what the weekend's about, right? Well, no, not necessarily.

Well, it's about making connections with people and whatever happens, happens. Yeah, yeah. So if we make a connection with somebody, I think people will give us a pass for a few minutes. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Then after that, we're going to go get home and unpack and get ready for Desire, because that trip is coming up. I can't believe it's fall already. I know. Well, it's because it's still warm here. Yeah. It has not cooled off at all. Unusually warm. Yeah. Which is okay with me. I know. I love summertime. It'll be cold soon enough.

But yeah, we'll get home from Nashville and it'll be like October almost. And then we'll be rolling right into serious desire prep. Yeah, that's right. And then speaking of desire, those mansions are almost ready. I know. At Desire Pearl. I cannot wait to get there and see it. I know. It doesn't open, it'll open about a month after we're there, I think. I know, but they should be hopefully done enough where we can take in a walk and look around. Yep. Yep. Yeah, I think you and I are going to sneak away in the winter when it's all icky and nasty here. We are.

And I think we're going to spend a few days in the mansion just for research purposes. Of course. Yes. But if you have a desire, pun intended, to stay in one of the mansions or the villas at RM or the Passion Suites, you can visit our website. We're offering a discount on that. Desire finally let us do that. And we do have the mansion reserved for both Valentine's Day week and New Year's Eve 2020. Yep. So if anybody's interested in doing either one of those weeks, we got a connection. We do. Yeah. Send us a message. So what have we been up to? Let's get down to the sexy stuff.

Honestly, we've been up to a lot of family stuff. Yes, we have. And like homeowner stuff. Yes, we have. Yeah. Thank you. what have we been up to let's get down to the sexy stuff honestly we've been up to a lot of family stuff yes we have and and like homeowner stuff yes we have yeah but we have managed to sneak in a couple sexy events well you know what's funny about the home project is we bought these stones that put we we have a bar downstairs yeah it's like stone facade yeah stone facade and we fight about who's going to make the bed.

But we worked almost like three half days on that project, and we didn't fight at all. No. And these stones were not like the 12 by 12 inch squares that you just stick on the wall. These were actual stones that were all different colors and sizes. And it was kind of like a puzzle. You had to arrange them artfully. Randomly. Yeah, randomly and artfully. And some of them you had to cut to get them to fit exactly right. So Mr. Jones was the cutter. We had a wet saw out back. And he would mark them and measure them and cut them. And I was like the designer.

And I would stand there and say, No, I think I need the lighter color of gray. And he would just patiently stand there.

I don't believe it I was shaking my head because you'd put the stone up and you'd say yeah that that's the wrong and then you'd put glue on it and stick it on the wall and then you wouldn't like it I'm like why don't you not like it before you stick glue on it i and every time i said yep you're right and i was never smart enough to not do that the next time well that was our 10 for error yeah that we threw out but it looks fantastic yeah we did a good job so yes i think we need to like have another house party now we do like our web bar is like upgraded i think we're gonna do another house party like in did you say january yeah to get you to commit yeah i'm a little nervous about snow issues in january but yeah but it's a dead month i think it'd be fun to well maybe people will get snowed here oh that would be fun we'll have a whole house party weekend i know yeah we have had some sexy front actually i had a couple of, I failed to mention last month that I had a couple of trips to Kansas City for my work.

I know, you're a lucky dog. I got to hang out with our friends and community friends in Kansas City. There's quite a posse out there. Yep. And we got some Kansas City barbecue and I got to meet everybody and you didn't. You got to sit next to beautiful ladies each time I would get pictures man oh man well we had to make you feel like you were missing out well both times I I have like one local client where I actually have to be in town at a certain place at a certain time the rest of my business I can pretty much do from do from anywhere if I have a laptop and a wifi connection.

And both times you've gone, I have had a commitment that I couldn't change locally. So I actually had to be in town. I know. And that makes it, that's makes it a purely business trip for me because when you're not with me, it's going to be strictly just business. No funny business. I know. I know.

know so you need to and you're going to be going out there on a semi-regular basis yeah so one of these times it's going to work out and i'm going out there i'm going to eat me some barbecue and meet some sexy people these people are going to get tired of just seeing me so you better make it quick yeah we're working on it yeah and we had some good friends come over a couple weeks ago yep That was fun because they, we, we're working on it. Yeah, and we had some good friends come over a couple weeks ago. Yep.

That was fun because we have known them for a while now, and we've gotten together with them before. So it's always more fun the second time. And you know what was fun? I mean, obviously the sex was fun, very enjoyable. But then they stayed over, and the next morning we all sat up and had our coffee, and we were debriefing together as a foursome. Oh, yeah. The other wife, she kind of took us through this little counseling therapy lesson. We had how many seconds?

like 60 seconds or 45 seconds i think to tell somebody else two minutes oh it was two minutes yeah um and she actually timed us i'm like she she didn't mess around when when she said you were done you were done yeah but we had to kind of you know explain um how we felt about the other person and what we appreciated about the experience with them. And then that person had like 45 seconds to, it wasn't a rebuttal. It was a, we had to repeat what you told us, what the other person told us so that there was an assurance of understanding. It was actually a really good exercise.

It was a lot lot of fun and they had never done it with another couple before they had done it just between the two of them right yeah so it was kind of a little social experiment and it was really it was really fun i think it was it was fun because we had played with them before so like um we didn't like the the night had gone you know so much easier there it wasn't as jittery and it was you know the the transition was a little easier and yeah yeah it was fun yeah it was a lot of fun looking forward to seeing them again yes and then last weekend we we had one of these events where we had we thought it was going to be we were disappointed at first because we had friends that were supposed to come into town and the Thursday before the weekend, they canceled for legitimate reasons and we don't blame them for that.

We're rescheduling that. But then we were sitting there thinking, okay, we have a free Saturday. What are we going to do? The weather was supposed to be nice. Yeah. So I said, you know what we haven't done is let's just go out on cassidy and the local the local site apg here in in the dc area and let's just throw out a hot date and we're just gonna say we're gonna go to a brewery and see who shows up yeah and so we sent an email out to our cassidy community and then put it out on APG. We sent it out, what, like Friday, like late afternoon? No, it was Friday night at 8 o'clock. Oh, okay.

So it was less than 12 hours because we were going to meet at 2 o'clock. Oh, no, that would be 18 hours. Sorry. Huh? Huh? What? If you sent it out at 8 o'clock at night and we were going to meet at 2 o'clock the next day, that would be 18 hours. Oh, okay. It was less than 24 hours. Did you hear his little wheels spinning? He almost took his shoes off so he could use his fingers and toes. Go ahead and tell me how many hours it was. It was 18. Exactly? Yes. Okay. So it was 18 hours. Not enough, not a lot of time for people to make plans, but we had, what, about 12 or 15 couples show up?

I think we had like 15 couples at RSVP and I think 12 showed up. Yeah. Yeah. And we said we were going to be at this brewery from 2 until 5. Yeah, we didn't leave until 24 hours from the time i sent the invitation out we got home at at 10 o'clock that night so we didn't we didn't leave until like 8 30 or quarter till nine yeah yeah we had so much fun we met a lot of great group of people oh man we met a lot of new friends we're getting so i think we knew maybe three or four the couples that showed up Yeah. And actually, we had a unicorn with us. She was a unicorn for the day. For the day.

We borrowed her from her husband. Her husband was busy. And she just kind of came along for the ride with us. But I think she had fun, too. But I think what we're doing is we're looking at all this work that we're putting into Nashville and all the workshops and all the planning and the hotel and the fee to charge. And then we just do this pop-up meet and greet and like 15 couples show up and we met a whole lot of friends. It was a great day. And we have two dates. So I think we're going to do this again. We're not going to plan.

We've decided we're not going to plan our local meet and greets ahead of time. Right. Because when we do, then people say they're not coming and then they cancel and I don't know.

to do this again we're not going to plan we've decided we're not going to plan our local meet and greets ahead of time right because when we do then people say they're not coming and then they cancel and we're just going to wait till the last minute if we can get 10 or 15 couples then great right and i mean if you couldn't come to this one we're sorry like we're sorry your kid had soccer practice at the same time we had our pop-up but you know maybe we'll catch you next time yeah um you know we'll try to do it on a fairly regular basis yeah so yeah it was super fun and we picked a brewery that um we knew could handle a large crowd there's a pretty big brewery here in the dc area so we picked that and then we were like oh man there are hundreds of people here like how are people going to find us?

But we did find a pretty good spot, and I think you were only messaging with one couple, trying to direct them towards the group. I think everybody else managed to find us. Well, we had her. We got, I think, bracelets on. Well, yeah. Once you found us, that helped. Yeah, once you found us, that helped.

So, yeah yeah it's been kind of busy and we're looking forward to nashville so when we come back we're going to get into talking about this issue of red flags in the lifestyle yeah shut this time huh because that's what you think of you like eyes wide shut that's what you think of when you think of the lifestyle right no this is eyes wide open and you know we get a lot of messages from people who want advice on how to fix something that's happened because of a mistake that they made yeah or they tell us hey we just had our first adventure or our second adventure and it was not so hot it was a train wreck yeah yeah like we should have seen this coming you know or yeah and so or what time what and usually sometimes what people say at the end of their message is, looking back, there were some red flags, but we didn't pick up on them.

Yeah. Or we should have noticed. Yeah, you know, probably the title of our podcast tonight should have been, Hindsight is 20-20. Yeah, true. Yeah, so what we were thinking of is instead of telling people how to get out of mistakes that they've made, which we've done before, we want to talk about not only recognizing the red flag, but reacting to the red flag. Right.

Because you can see them, and maybe you see them them individually but for some reason we don't we don't stop we don't heed the the warning so in general why do we we meaning the royal we not you and i this could end up being a really major therapy session for us though yeah why why don't we stop things or why don't we see these flags well first of all okay like start at the beginning go back five years like sometimes you just don't know any different right you know you can listen to all the pod lifestyle podcasts you want to and there's plenty to choose from and there's plenty of different perspectives to glean from all of all the different podcasts out there but at the end of the day you personally have no experience in this arena if you're new right and you as a couple are going to just have to figure it out and when for example your first couple that you play with is more experienced, the tendency is to just let them lead.

Right. You're saying, well, this must be how it's done because they are experienced and we're not. Right. And if you've chosen a great couple, then good for you. If you have it, you're not going to find out that they might not have been the best couple for you until it's over. So you do like the dog does. You know, you cock the head sideways and you go, hmm, this doesn't seem right. But these people are more experienced, so I guess we'll just keep going. We'll just roll with it and see what happens. It'll be all right. So generally speaking, it's a lack of experience. Yeah.

And you can't fix that. You just have to do it. Right.

So you have experience have experience that's right we'll talk about that in a minute okay um and other people tell us when i ask why they didn't the when they saw these red flags why they didn't stop and some people say well my partner was having a good time and the other two people were having a good time and so even though i wasn't having a good time i didn't want to stop them from having a good time okay so can i ask you a question yeah i want to make sure that i'm in the right frame of reference here so let's say in the example you just gave because this has happened before so you're like all hound dog because the lady is beautiful and she's witty and funny and whatever and you're All right.

this has happened before. So you're like all hound dog because the lady is beautiful and she's witty and funny and whatever. And you're all about her. And I'm, and I might be seeing a red flag, you know, between the couple and, and initially you and I were like, yeah, we're all in, but then something happens and maybe I pick up on it. And, um, and, and maybe you didn't see something I saw, let's say, just hypothetically.

So you and I were initially on the same page, but then all of a sudden, I see something that either, or maybe the other husband acts weird towards me or something, and all of a sudden, I'm like, ugh, I'm not in anymore. But I see how much're having. Right. And you're all about her, and I like her too. Right. So why do I want to, you know, yuck your yum at that point and pull the plug when I know you're going to have a good time? So, you know, maybe I'll just kind of roll with it, even though I saw the red flag, and then we'll just clean up the mess later. Right. That's right.

But you don't know how big that mess is going to be. Because as I'm over there doinking away having a good time for 5 and 10 and 15 and 20 minutes, and you've committed to keep going, and then it gets a little bit more difficult.

And then by the time we're finished, you're a little bit irritated because it went on so long so the decision to keep going is made before the end of the event and so by the time the event is over yeah then you're looking back saying i i i could have done something i could have pulled the red flag or pulled the plug or whatever yeah and another reason and i think you know a couple people have mentioned this is um if everyone else is having a good time but me and i pull the plug like you're telling me to do then it's going to be like three people mad at me yeah yeah i've been in that book before yeah the assumption may not be the truth but the assumption is the other couple's going to be mad and your partner's going to be mad and so you don't pull not you but people just don't pull the blood this is all hypothetical the other reason is because people are people pleasers i'm seriously and this is mostly women yeah you know women will go and do things or suffer through things just because they're people pleasers and then they use that as an excuse.

And, you know, I saw that red flag, but, you know, they were so nice. And, and, you know, and this is my deal, like, because I, okay, this is all about me again. Sorry. That's my only frame of reference. But, um, you know, especially like if a couple's new, you know, you can kind of, you, you see a red flag and then you say to yourself, well, you know, they're super inexperienced. They don't really know any better. You know, if, you know, if we, if we guide them and mentor them, you know, it'll all smooth itself out.

So I guess, you know, I, I like to meet newbies and play with newbies and kind of like essentially mentor newbies. But at the same time, you know, there can be a lot of red flags with newbies. Right. And then that ends up, you know, becoming stressful for you and I. Right. And our relationship. Yeah.

Then there are couples out there who act like they are sure about themselves or they act like they're comfortable they're comfortable and confident but when you when it gets down to business um they're not they they seem to not be as experienced as they as you thought they were so they're like pretending it's not even experienced it's um it's it's just confident uh, all of a sudden, things break down in the middle of play, and it's because they're completely out of their comfort zone because it was a facade. Right. And then things just kind of disintegrate. Right, right.

And you can kind of tell because there's a lot of bravado in the conversation leading up to the play experience. Yes. And you just kind of shake it off to maybe nerves or I don't know. What nerves? What am I looking for? I believe people think they know they're unsure of themselves, but they say, I'm going to fake it until I make it. Yeah.

And then I'm going to get into into the bedroom and then i'll worry about that when i get into the bedroom right it'll all work itself out and then it doesn't work itself out oh no the insecurities and the anxiety come right back at you and it shuts people down yeah right because they weren't honest with you ahead and honest with themselves that's where it starts they weren't honest with themselves yes and that's the red flag that is probably the hardest to pick up on but probably the most important one to look for it's hard to pick up on before you get into the bedroom but we'll talk about in a minute about after you're in the bedroom because that is a hard red flag to pick up on because until until you get into the bedroom, you think everything's fine.

Because people are being all bravado. Right. Like they know their stuff. Right. And then, you know, I don't even know what to say about this one. But, you know, you think, okay, well, it's not going to be that bad. It'll be fine. If you catch yourself saying it's not going to be that bad, that's like you when we went bourbon tasting. I know. And you would drink bourbon and you'd go, hmm, it's not that bad. I'm like, what kind of a compliment? If somebody had sex with you and when they were done, they said, hmm, that wasn't so bad, what would you think?

So you think I insulted the people at the distillery when I said, this isn't that bad? Yes, I do. Yeah. Oh, well, sorry. That's the best I can do with bourbon. So if in your mind you're thinking, maybe it won't be that bad, or it's not going to be that bad, that should be a red flag. Yeah, you're right. Okay.

Guilty as charged as charged all right and some other reasons why that we don't act upon or see these flags is because of three things uh hormones mr hound dog yeah uh alcohol yeah i mean you know liquid courage is a good thing until all of a sudden it's not a good thing yeah if you If you have to drink it, if you have to drink too much to do what you should want to do sober. Yeah. You know, I talk about drinking a lot and I have my drink recipe in the newsletter. And actually tonight I'm drinking a pomegranate limoncello martini.

But when we, especially when we play with people for the first time, I do not overindulge. I have been known to overindulge, but it's usually not on the first play date. I'm usually very cognizant of needing to keep my wits about me. And then, so, you know, alcohol is our friend because it helps us relax until, again, until it's not.

And just general peer pressure that's number three yeah you can go like right back to high school in your mind right and and then all of a sudden you feel like you have to perform you have to go with the flow right you know you have to make this a fun sexy evening because you're paying your babysitter umpty ump dollars an hour and you only have you know an hour and a half left before you have to leave so there's all this pressure right well okay so that kind of gives you some reasons why we don't either see or heed the red flags but this is maybe a question for you and me but why do we continue to do this i have no idea there are times when we have this issue ourselves i know so i guess like we have five years of experience on a podcast like shouldn't we know how to do this right by now well let's get into you know what let's not go be so hard on ourselves because i think we're really pretty good at this we are we avoid a lot of things because we see these red flags and we act or react to them.

Right. So let's stay on the positive side of this for a few minutes. Okay, so how can we identify these red flags? This is what people do not ask us, but they should be asking us. And these have come through emails. A lot of feedback came from our members community when we threw this question out there, and a lot of this is just our experience. So the number one thing here, I think one of the big examples from a guy's perspective is a red flag is the other man doesn't talk to me. Oh, yeah? Yeah. If the other guy is just all about you. Oh, okay. And doesn't even give me the time of day.

Oh, yeah. To me, that's a no-brainer. Because if the other guy is not paying attention to you, then I'm not into him. Because I'll see that too. too right because i know how important it is um that that is your thing you have to trust the other man because that way once you trust the other man then you can kind of relax and get into the other lady well i have to respect the other man yeah yeah is a bit far, especially when you've never played with somebody. Well, right. That comes with, yeah, trust is built over time. Yeah.

But you have to at least, you know, respect him and have a good spidey sense about him. Right, yeah. So that's one type of red flag. Right. This one is easy to pick up, and a lot of people see this one and that's the other husband or the other man doesn't treat his wife or partner with much respect oh so you're saying that he just he's not he's not ignoring her he just yeah he yeah he doesn't say anything nice about her or he'll put her down oh or treat her differently yeah that's what i'm talking about But there's a disrespect there.

And if he's going to disrespect his own wife or his own partner. It's so uncomfortable and yeah. Right. And then you have the situation where like the husband isn't like, I don't know.

Like for example, the conversation just isn't balanced like the husband is like really talkative and he's really into me and the wife is just kind of like sitting there and it could be that she just has a very quiet personality or it could be because she isn't really sure about the whole situation or maybe i can't even imagine this but maybe she's not into you you know but for whatever reason all this give me a backhanded compliment i did I'll see you next time.

maybe i can't even imagine this but maybe she's not into you you know but for whatever reason all this give me a backhanded compliment i did i think everybody would want to like engage with mr jones but um but we've had that where all of a sudden like we're all talking and engaged and then all of a sudden you realize well maybe this isn't as balanced as I thought it was because the other person, whether it's the husband or the wife, because we've had it kind of go both ways, has been, you know, fairly quiet. And then you're like, okay, what's going on here?

Did this person get drug care against their will? Or are they just naturally shy and I need to work harder to draw them out? Or, you know, what is it? But it's some sort of red flag that you need to figure out before you want to take that relationship with this other couple any further. Yeah. Or you just need to bail out if you don't want to take the time to figure it out. Well, it depends on how cute she is, right, honey? Yeah, that's true. Good point. Good point. Well made. Another example of a red flag is somebody who just wants to rush into the bedroom.

Like on our first trip to Desire, we were sitting in the hot tub the very first day. And this couple approached us and we said we were new. And they asked us if we had played before. And we said no.

And he said, no time like the present what do you say gosh I thought I was going to like pass out in the hot tub I was so scared well fortunately I picked up on your discomfort not only your discomfort but it freaked me out a little bit too well thank you for admitting that yeah that might be the first time you've ever admitted that you were freaked out too I I just know you looked at the look on my face and when you were like, oh shit, I need to fix this. You were like frozen like a statue. I think I was hyperventilating. It was awful. Okay.

Now, when you move into the bedroom and the behavior doesn't jive with what was discussed or this this is where we're talking about hidden agendas, or bait and switch, or divide and conquer. When all of a sudden you get into the bedroom and the clothes come off, and something happens that indicates that that's not what we talked about, or that's not what we discussed, or that's not what we discussed or that's not what we agreed upon or he's not doing what he said he wanted to do or she's not in this like she said she was into me.

You know, all those, when you start to see a separation between what they said and what they're doing, that's a huge, especially now you're in the bedroom right so this is a pretty big red flag well i mean there and there's just all different types of scenarios that come to mind when i think of that i mean it can either be that you are a soft swap couple and you were very clear about that and then all of a sudden you know there's pressure well that's true but what i'm talking about is the reason i think this is a an unforgivable one is because it involves trust okay so what i mean by that is if we agreed if we all four agreed that this was soft swap yeah and then we get into the bedroom and he starts asking you to full swap Thank you.

agreed that this was soft swap. Yeah. And then we get into the bedroom and he starts asking you to full swap. Now there's a trust issue because if he's not, if he's going against what he agreed to, how do I know he's even going to put a condom on? Right. There's no trust. Once all of a sudden your actions betray what your word said, there's no trust. So anything can happen. Right. That's why I'm saying this is a very dangerous one. So even if it's a slight infraction, that's the first sign that there's a broken trust. Okay. And so you should high alarm. There's a big red flag.

But how do you see that coming, though? Like, how is that a red flag that you avoid? You don't. Well, because you have to pull the plug. Okay. Yeah. But we don't. And we didn't either. It happened to us at Desire. Well, we did pull the plug in the middle of play. I mean, because I was like, no, you're not going to do that. That's right. You did.

Not only did he want a full swap, he wanted to do it without a condom that's exactly what i'm talking about yeah yeah and so we did exit yeah you did stop him but i wasn't able to really have a good time because of that because once they're once it started going wacky i'm like what's going on here oh that night was wacky from the get-go but yeah that's a whole nother story go back and listen to episode what two yeah but that that um they definitely their actions did not match their words right you know they said they were inexperienced and they said that they were soft swap and then everything indicated otherwise once we got into the bedroom with them.

Right. So just, you know, be aware of that. And I guess, I don't know, it can happen and it can happen. They were the nicest couple. Right. And that wasn't the first time we had met them. So this is my, the next couple are my personal red flags that have to do with me and with you. And while I'm talking about these, let's see if you can think of red flags that you pick up on. Okay.

But here's my, and this, so what I'm saying here is that there may be little idiosyncrasies with people that just personally turn you off, and you need to acknowledge that and call that a red flag, because there's an incompatibility. So let me give you an example. A guy who's all about himself and wants to talk about himself, whether it's social media or whether it's in person, if he wants to boast about his career, if he wants to boast about how many degrees he has, if all the conversation is around him in my mind, even though I'm not going to be playing with him, that turns me off. Yeah.

And when it turns me off, it doesn't matter about any kind of other physical attraction it's a red flag i i am not going to have fun because he's turned me off now there are other people out there that don't care about that kind of stuff so i'm not saying that this is a general red flag i'm just saying for me well everything we've talked about tonight is basically red flags for us everybody's gonna have their own triggers. That's true. But I'm collecting messages from people. Well, true. Yeah. So this is just me in general. I'm saying if you're all about yourself, it indicates an insecurity.

And to me, if there's an insecurity there, I'm not comfortable with the four of us playing. Well, right. But I guess the thing is, if he's all about himself, then I'm not going to be into him. I know. So that would be a red flag where you and I would be absolutely on the same page. Yeah, that does happen on occasion. I think that's the first time in this whole list. Yeah, that would not work for me. Right. But for me, that's a Mr. Jones red flag. Yeah. Now, just to be fair, I'm going to give a red flag on the women's side. Okay, thank you.

So a female who, I don't know, pursues me a little bit more aggressively than I'm comfortable with, to me, that's a little bit of a turnoff. Yeah. And this is my personal issue, and it has to do with us being podcasters, because I want somebody to be with me because of who I am and not because I'm Mr. Jones. Right. And I get the sense, even though it may not be true, I get the sense that when ladies are pursuing me strongly or assertively or aggressively, I feel like, do they really know me? Because I don't send off that kind of vibe. I don't, you know, you don't need to pursue me that hard.

You need to talk to me. to get to know me you know I want to know I want to have a conversation but but when people like pursue me physically that just it shuts me down because I think you know what they're not really interested in me they're interested in this voice they hear on the podcast yeah and I don't I don't really want to be with somebody who doesn't want to be with me. If you want to be with Mr. Jones, I'm flattered by that. But in the lady's defense, once you get to know them in person, then it becomes very normal. I don't want any woman out there to misunderstand.

I would love for you to approach me. And I would love to have a conversation with you. But it's the same way with a guy that's a little bit too all about himself. If the ladies are just physically aggressive, then that scares me a little bit. That's not my style. Well, right. And then again, that's our personal. That's my personal red flag. And what I'm saying, the reason I'm sharing this is because I think it's well within your right as a man or a woman to have your own personal red flags. That's a really good point. Because we all have triggers that are either positive or negative. Correct.

And it's going to vary from person to person and from partner to partner correct you know so you you need to be aware of and and i mean it's happened i i can i can see the train rolling down the tracks a lady will pursue you a little too aggressively and i'm like oh she's going to shut him down and then boom it's it's just like you're you're done and i'm like oh that's too bad she was really cute And I love it.

aggressively and i'm like oh she's gonna shut him down and then boom it's just like you're you're done and i'm like oh that's too bad she was really cute and i love her husband but um it it happens and i can see it coming and then you can see the same thing um i don't like arrogant men right it doesn't matter what you look like um it doesn't matter how many degrees you have it doesn't matter what you do for a living or how much money you make um i you know bring your humility to the table with me and your sense of humor right and i'm going to adore you right exactly yeah so it you can pick up on those flags with me too i mean one time we walked into a restaurant and we weren't even seated yet and you were like this ain't gonna happen just because of the like aura that this guy was putting off and and you were right like it was terrible and um and I tried to give the guy the benefit of the doubt but nope yeah so I I think we're aware of each other's I don't know if they're really red flags but they're triggers right um but i think that's an important piece of the puzzle yeah so do you have any i mean you talked about kind of arrogance and humility which are good but is there anything about other women that turn you off um i don't like it when they're too aggressive with you okay it doesn't make me jealous it irritates me um because i'm i'm very secure in our relationship and i'm not concerned that they're going to be able to kind of wedge their way into a place where they don't belong I don't find that a threat I just find it an irritant so that to me you know that it's the same thing okay um i don't know and and then again everybody's so respectful to mrs jones you don't have that problem with people being aggressive to me i think sometimes you wish guys were a little bit more i know Oh, I know.

That's true. Because you get a little upset with me. I know. Sometimes I get upset.

to me i think sometimes you wish guys were a little bit more i know i know that's true because you get a little upset with me like sometimes i kind of feel like the matriarch or something i don't know yeah but anyway you all should feel free you should feel that you can set your own red flags if you see a certain type of behavior that you don't like you have the ability to just take a wild card that's your wild card red flag yep and everybody should develop one of those and your partner needs to respect that right and then the last one i think is that you know when we ask a couple why they're in the lifestyle and they can't answer the question that's a red flag right because if you can't answer the question um then then to me the answer is they're using the lifestyle to like grasp at some sort of straw yeah to save their relationship or to to you know to reinvigorate a relationship that was struggling.

And I guess there's nothing wrong with that, but you really kind of need to fix your relationship before you engage in this because this isn't going to fix anything. Well, let me give you an example of why a non-answer to this question fits exactly with what you just said.

Because if there's a couple that's struggling in their relationship and they decide to try the lifestyle to try to fix it um i have my own personal opinions about that but it works for somebody but if we were to date a couple and they were just and i and we were to say why are you in this and if if they're going to be honest, they're going to say, well, we're really afraid our relationship is going to fall apart and we're doing this as a last-ditch effort to save it, then we're not going to want to play with them. So what are they likely to do? They're going to lie. Yes. Yeah.

So if you don't get the answer that you want to hear without judgment, if you don't get the answer that you want to hear to make you comfortable, that's a red flag and you should understand it as such. It's not a judgment against them. It's like, okay, well, you're in this for a different reason than we are.

It just means like our personalities or our motivations aren't going to properly mesh with theirs in order for the four people to have a good time correct you know because maybe our vibe isn't going to click with them and they're not going to be into the way we interact with each other and them right so it just means it's not a good fit it's a red flag in that it's not going to be a good fit yeah so if people don't if people can't tell why they're in the lifestyle, then that's an issue because that means they either haven't talked about it or they're not being honest with you. Yeah. Okay.

So, so enough about that. Um, how do we respond when we notice the red flags in other honey? Yeah. So, so no, not us, honey. Oh, this is still other people. I still want this to be our therapy session. I know. We'll get to that in a minute. I promise you can beat me up later. How do we respond when we notice there are red flags? Most of the people that email us and say that they're in trouble or they made a mistake, they say, I should have noticed the red flags. Well, or we did notice it, but we didn't really think it was that big of a deal. Right.

So noticing them, you know, it's like the old Seinfeld about anybody can take a reservation. It's holding the reservation. That's the key.

So anybody can see see a red flag but it's responding or reacting to the red flag that's the key yes because we all see these things and then cumulatively we don't add them up right they're they're just these disparate things that happen and we don't see a pattern until after the fact yeah or we don't want to see a pattern so why don't we react so we have to be honest with ourselves but we don't want to be because it's the hormones right because sometimes being honest with yourself is a buzz kill yeah i mean look you only do this once a month you have a babysitter i know you found a couple Yep.

You can talk yourself right into overlooking a lot of it. You just drove two hours or you went to a hotel takeover and paid hundreds of dollars and I know. So we don't want to be honest with ourselves. We just want to sweep it under the rug. Yeah. That's fine. We're going to have fun whether we, you know. Damn it. Yeah, that's right. We're going to fuck these people. And we're going to have fun no matter how badly they try to screw it up. That's right. Okay, so be honest with yourselves. I mean, you have to be honest with each other and yourself. Right. If you want to avoid or react.

And, okay, so create an exit strategy.

So just remember the worst thing that could happen is that you're going to go home and have sex with your partner yeah how tragic is that that's a good exit strategy yes yeah so what we mean by this is that you you physically have to sit down and say if something goes wrong or honey if you notice something that you're not comfortable with or if i then this is what we are going i am going to pull the hair on the back of your leg or i am going to say it doesn't always work but yeah i am going to say i want to go back with my husband you know right you have to articulate this between the two of you and then then hopefully you're hitting that exit strategy before you actually make it in the bedroom either way yeah you should have a before Before and after.

Yes. Yeah. Yes. before and after. Yes. This exit strategy needs to be considered at any time during the evening. Yes. And we've had this played out with us. I mean, we've had people say, you know what? We've had a lot of fun. It's been a long day.

And we're going gonna call it a night yep we've you know that's a simple that's all you have to say you don't owe anybody anything more than that yeah or if you're in the bedroom it's hey i want to go back with my husband or wife or partner now i've had a lot of fun but i'm ready to go back that's all period right so so you have to articulate this exit strategy and at least have some sort of an idea of where you're going to meet right and that's something you and i are getting better at oh you're not going to beat me up on that one not that one i'll save it for others but no i think i think you are getting better at, at staying more in tune with each other and, and realizing if it's not a stellar experience, um, then, you know, we, we go back to each other and then that salvages the night.

Um, it pretty much avoids hurt feelings, I think, because how could somebody not respect you wanting to go back with your own spouse? Right. Okay, if you're new, I'm trying to make sure Mrs. Jones doesn't bring this into about us. If you're new and one of you senses something differently than what you need is an opportunity to talk about it. Right. So try to build in some sort of a private conversation time before you make a decision, before you commit. Say, hey, you know, can you give us a minute? We need to step outside and chat real quick. That's all. Right.

And if you do that, that's great. But, you know, we've even done it. it like i've excused myself to go to the ladies room before and while i'm gone you pull out your phone you say oh excuse me i need to respond to a text real quick but you text me while i'm in the ladies room and you say you know how do you feel about things right you know so and we so we've actually even taken care of it that way which is super discreet because they think you're getting a text from somebody random, but you're really texting me and I'm in the bathroom.

It just doesn't work when I hit send and then I hear your phone ding in your purse at the seat. Well, no, but I was in the bathroom the time I'm thinking of. Oh, yeah, yeah.

But there's times that you don't take your phone is what I'm saying and you shouldn't give our secrets away because now people that go out with us if I start texting after you go to the bathroom they're going to see the writing on the wall darn it might have to edit this part out okay and here's now this kind of goes back to what we were saying before about pulling the plug we have to give each other unconditional permission to pull the plug and i'm gonna i'm gonna give myself credit on this one because you've been reluctant to do that but as we mentioned on our last podcast when we were in that room with the two other couples and you pulled the plug on the evening there was no red flags but you pulled the plug and i was like i'm out yeah i'm out yeah no questions asked right you know so you have to give your partner unconditional um grace when it comes to pulling the plug you don't have to explain to me why if you pull the plug i'm i'm out right with you i'm only mildly regretting that now but you know we've corresponded with both couples and it's all good well well that leads right into the next one perfectly because you've said this before nothing that a bar of soap won't cure hopefully true but this is really crude and rude but you know we've gotten ourselves into situations where it might not have been the best experience but at the end of the day it's just sex that's what i'm talking about if it's not if it doesn't involve here's the caveat if it doesn't involve safety or security right setting those two things aside right you know what?

was sex right clean yourself up pick yourself up it's not a life or death situation right you still have each other let's keep this all in perspective so even after all of this if you make a mistake we won't do that again yeah we won't do that again which leads me to my final comment about in the business assignment it's all about testing and learning i mean that's what this whole thing is about it's experience right it's trial and error and unfortunately you can listen to all 50 lifestyle podcasts that are out there right now i'm more than 50 i know and but isn't that great all that great?

All of these perspectives, you take them all in. Oh, I'm just like that couple. Oh, I'm just like that couple. Yeah, we could do it. Yeah. That's exactly how we would react. You're not going to know until it happens to you. Right. And you have to do it. You can't stand on the sidelines. So don't let this red flag conversation scare you from getting in. Right. It's just, here's what they look like. Here's how you can mitigate that. And if you don't, take a shower. Right. Have a conversation. Right. And get back on the horse. Right. There's no pointing fingers. There's no blame.

It's just like, well, okay, we screwed that up. I guess we'll take a different approach next time. Now, now before we sign off we are going to talk about another kind of red flag okay and this is what mrs jones has been chomping at the bit to talk about the therapy session finally red flags between you and your partner yes this is not the other couple the other couple is perfect they're beautiful yes the husband respects the wife the wife's engaged in the conversation right everybody's having a good time. Right other couple is perfect. They're beautiful. The husband respects the wife.

The wife's engaged in the conversation. Everybody's having a good time. This is between me and you, or you all who are listening, you and your partner. Okay, go ahead. Let me have it. You know, we've been doing this for five years. Six. Lord, you're right. It's almost six. Hey, I got a math problem right. I know. But what happens, I think, with a lot of couples, and maybe this is where being married three plus decades might not be to our benefit, we are very established in our patterns of behavior. For good or for bad, yeah. Right.

That's exactly what I mean for, for both, um, you know, encouraging and maybe seeing, I don't know, just seeing things in the other person that you, you wish, um, they would react differently. And it, and it isn't that they're a bad person or they're doing anything wrong. It's just their, their way of reacting to something doesn't mesh with yours. And, you know, even, even if you have been married forever, um, that doesn't mean that, that you've become one person and you react the same way. You're still two individual people and Mr.

Jones and I could really not have more different personalities as far as our initial reactions to things um so that's something that we're both very aware of but that doesn't really necessarily help the morning after an experience that hasn't been absolutely positive okay um so So we just have to, we get into these patterns where I'm a people pleaser and you can be a hound dog. I mean, I love you, but sometimes you are. What do you mean by hound dog?

Well, you really, once we give the green light and you and i are on the same page it's a green light we're gonna play with this couple and you know and it is what it is at that point in time because it's a go and then everybody just kind of has to play their role and and you're depending on the other two people and they're in the dynamic not only between them between them but among the four of you to let the evening play out. Sometimes that's a very balanced experience with us.

Actually, most of the time, it's a very balanced experience among the four people and you and I walk away extremely pleased. Clearly, that happens a lot or we wouldn't be doing this almost six years later. But when we don't have a perfect time and it becomes a little imbalance, it seems like it's the same pattern over and over again. And you and I can't figure out how to break that cycle because it's kind of the same red flag between you and I. Okay, name the red flag.

Okay, so for example, when we start playing with a couple and everything appears to be fine at first and very balanced at first, then you're like, ah, she's good, game on. And then you kind of like do your own thing. And again, this sounds like we ignore each other when we play, but most of the time we, we do manage that four-way connection where there's some, some part of the evening where all four of us are interconnected.

And of course, that's my, of the evening whenever that happens but but there are times just naturally just the way the human bodies work that it's like you know you're having fun with her and i'm having fun with him at some point in time and you know if if there becomes a little bit of a timing issue or an imbalance issue, as far as, you know, one couple is having more fun than the other, sometimes I feel like you become less in tune to that than I am. And I find that frustrating because I feel like it happens over and over and over again.

But really it doesn't because, again, the vast majority of our experiences are positive ones and this isn't an issue. But when there is an issue, I feel like there's patterns that are established. And that frustrates me. So whose red flag is this? This is my red flag. Okay. So you used about 600 words. Could you tell me simply I'm a man, I'm a simple creature. That's a lot of words for a mathematician. What's the red flag? What is it? If you could just describe it in a sentence, what's the red flag for you? So when you and I play with other people, it's usually an imbalance of some sort.

Once the pairing off starts to happen. Okay, this is the kind of answer i want okay you don't pay attention to me when you're having sex with another woman okay there you go okay well that's what i'm but i don't want to put words in your mouth you're talking like a million words and i'm not i just want it to be succinct okay sometimes you don't pay attention to me when you have sex with somebody else. Okay. When I do pay attention to you, how does that happen? Well, I've knocked you on the top of the head before with my knuckles. No, let me take you back. You said most of the time it's okay.

Most of the time it's not okay. Most of the time it's fantastic. Okay, when it's fantastic, what do I do? Well, okay, it's my personal problem then because maybe I'm not as, it kind of goes back to the beginning when there's an imbalance and I don't know, in hindsight, should I have pulled the plug? Well, no, let me, let me, if there's a four way connection, here's an answer that I'm looking for. Okay. When it's good, like you said, most of the time, it's amazing. Am I the one who initiates to contact with you? Or is it the other husband that initiates to contact with his wife?

Or is it the wife that I'm playing with that initiates the contact with all four of us what what actually happens or doesn't happen and and am i responsible like do i ever initiate the four-way conversation the four-way touching or is that somebody else that does that and i just comply oh i don't think there's a pattern there Okay, I mean, cause that's all going to depend. Again, you got four people. There's so many different possibilities on who's going to initiate interaction with whom.

So is it, is it when a guy is really into you, it doesn't bother you when there's not a four way connection or is it the actual four way connection that you're craving I'm craving the four-way connection or is it the actual four-way connection that you're craving? I'm craving the four-way connection. And it seems like when we don't have that elusive four-way connection, it seems like the lack of that four-way connection is on my side.

Okay, a different way okay if a guy's with you and and he's all into you and he has three orgasms with you and you have six but i'm being a hound dog does that bother you no okay so it's not about the four-way connection yes it is no let me re-ask the question okay if a guy's with you and he's paying attention to you and he has three orgasms with you and you're having a good time and i'm next to you being a horndog does that bother you well no but you it sounds like you're you're like talking about like Thank you.

well no but you it sounds like you're you're like talking about like the way you're phrasing it it's like divide and conquer it's like you're having sex with her and i'm having sex with him and that usually isn't how we play there's usually more it's more of a free-flowing situation where you know i'm playing with the other woman or you know you and i will spend a little bit of time interacting and we'll watch the other couple play together a little bit and it's not like we put pillows in the middle of the bed and i'm playing with the other husband on this side of the pillows and vice versa um it it's just when there's an like an imbalance in i don't know it's not interest level but it's and i and i'm not talking about performance issues i'm i'm just talking about like the connection that you have with somebody else sometimes it's imbalanced right and i and i don't and it i don't know i just find it to be troublesome when i expect you to be this like superhuman all-knowing wizard of oz that can be completely aware of how i'm feeling what's going on on my side of the bed.

And maybe I'm putting way too much pressure on you. I don't know. But I find that to be a red flag between you and I because it just seems to be a pattern that we've established that we need to fix. So even though most of the time it doesn't happen. And then with our core group of friends, it doesn't happen. Well, no. It's something that is a pattern that we need to fix. It's a pattern that we need to be aware of.

So that, and honestly, like before we went to Noddy, New Orleans, we spent the night at the hotel airport um the airport hotel before we we flew into orland new orleans on wednesday morning and we sat in the hotel bar that night and had a couple drinks and you and i had a real come to jesus talk that night and it was about this very thing and i said i just need you to pay more attention to what's going on with me. And, and then I'll be fine. And you were a absolute rock star that whole week.

And we had the most amazing experiences all week long because I felt like you were paying attention to me. So I made you aware of that red flag. And then you, because I had brought it to your attention, you were looking for it. And I guess that's the thing, like, it's not your fault. But I just need to as because it's a red flag for me, I need it's my responsibility to tell you I feel that way.

So that you can be aware of it in play situations and and you can stay somewhat cognizant of of the of the trigger that could cause me to not have a good time okay here's what I heard you just heard you say in 600 words I know I'm sorry I like to talk you had an issue a red flag yeah you explicitly told me about it. Right. And I was a rock star. Yes. Let me just give you a little bit of advance warning. Okay. I'm a guy. I know. That's why this is a pattern. No.

My attention span is, so if there's a pattern and things that are going wrong, let's use the pattern that you just described going forward. I need you to remind me. I need you before we go to be with any couple. Knuckles on the forehead. To do just what you just did. Mr. Jones. Because you just described a successful mitigation of a red flag problem. I know. But you shouldn't assume that that's going to last. I know.

And I was really like, here we were like literally at the airport the night before we're going to have this crazy adventure with 3,000 other swingers and I have to be the one to have the talk with you. And I was just dreading it. Like all day I knew I was like, we cannot get on this airplane until we have this talk because otherwise I'm going to be stressed out all week and I'm not going to be able to have fun. And we were going to see some really special friends that we don't get to see very often. So I wanted to go there like on our game.

game right so i felt like i had to be the bad guy by having this conversation with you in a hotel bar um then you know hours before getting ready to get on the airplane and i and i just i did i felt like the bad guy and and at first you were you know you weren't standoffish but at first you were like oh boy here we go again she's gonna like nag me about something no but I could kind of tell at first you weren't really receptive of it but as I explained myself and and I was very careful to say this is how I was very, um, and I think this is one thing that, um, really needs to be in the forefront of people's minds when they're talking about this stuff.

Cause this is very delicate stuff to talk about with your partner, no matter how long you've been together. Um, I was, I tried to be very careful to be, um, using the frame of reference about this is what I need. This is how I feel. I don't want you to do this anymore.

So I think when you're trying to have this difficult conversation with your partner about a red flag that they keep triggering for you um it's easy for you to talk to your partner about how crazy the other couple is you know you have nothing invested in that other couple but when you're when your partner is triggering something inside of you and you have to talk to them about it it's scary and sometimes it's easy to just kind of it. But I decided that, which is my tendency. Yes, it is your tendency. And again, that's part of our pattern. Sometimes I have to be the one that brings stuff up.

And, and I also know that out of the two of us, I'm the one with the temper. I'm a real redhead. and the temper comes with the territory. So I have to be super careful about weighing my words and, and it's, and I, um, it, I dread it sometimes. I often didn't bring it up, but, but you're very, you're usually very gracious about it.

And you, you let me get all of my 600 words out plus and then and then you will thoughtfully respond so i don't know 35 year pattern right here do you feel better yeah i just kind of aired all of our dirty laundry right out there but but your point about the bad patterns what i'm pointing out to you is you just described a positive pattern it was for us yes yeah so that needs to be repeated is what i'm saying yeah That's why I said, look, I'm a guy, I'm a horned dog, however you describe me. I know. I have these hormones.

I'm more likely to get it in a longer term if this pattern repeats itself frequently at the first, at the beginning. Right, right. You've identified the flag in yourself and you can see it in me. We've talked about it. I evidently improved my behavior. Well, and clearly, we're doing it, right, because we're still doing it. Yeah, we're still married, too. Right, we're still happily married. We're still communicating well.

But I guess the reason I wanted to air this dirty laundry tonight is we've been married almost 35 years now, and we still have these issues, and we've been swinging almost six years, and we still have these issues, and it's a pattern. It isn't like we keep doing the same things wrong over and over and over again, but it's your personality. Like this is your fallback on how you react to things. And Mr. Jones and I really do have very different personalities. So we tend to retreat in our own corners when something goes wrong. And you just have to suck it up.

One of you is gonna have to suck it up and start the conversation. And what, being Catherine's adult chair? Is that what it is? I know. I know. I did it last weekend. Well, yeah. You're good at that, honey. No, we got in an argument, and like two days later, I'm the one who brought it back up. I know. I got mad at you and walked out of the room. Yeah. Because I knew my lid was flipped and I knew I couldn't talk to you right then. I know. Oh boy. I don't even remember what we're talking about. I know. The point we're trying to make is that there's four things going on here.

There's red flags that you pick up on other couples, and then those red flags, how you handle them, how you recognize them and handle them as a couple was part A. Right. There are red flags that you need to understand that go between you. Right. Us as husband and wife or you as partners or husbands and wives right and how we identify those red flags and mitigate those is completely different as a matter of fact if we don't mitigate these red flags we become a red flag for another couple yes yes and like i said earlier that's too many damn red flags. Right.

But just remember at the end of the day, you are beholden to no one, you know, that the red flags you're picking up in other couples, um, you know, that, that should be fairly easy for the two of you to identify together.

It's the red flags when you're playing and all of a sudden you realize you and your partner aren't on the same page those are the important ones right um you absolutely have to fix those before you play with somebody else yes um otherwise it's just going to be a train wreck going into this situation and then and then like mr jones just said you're going to be the red flag yeah that the other couple's going to be like oh yeah i don't think this is i don't think we want to play with that you have to have your shit together before you share your shit with other people well said so it's just i think what we're we're also saying is it's just as easy for us to slip in and become red flags yeah to others yeah So it's not about us being perfect and noticing how everyone else is a red flag.

It's about how to identify them in yourselves and other people, how to mitigate them. And then as a couple, how you decide to do that is completely up to you. Yes. Wow, we did it. I know. We didn't fight. It was good. Barely. All right. Well, when we come back, I promise some change of tune here. We're going to talk about something sexy. Step it up a little bit. Yeah. Have some sexy snapshots. I need another drink. I know. So please come back. Yeah. It'll be sexier, I promise. Welcome back to Snapshots. Finally, we get to some sexy stuff. Yes. Yeah. Who goes first?

Well, mine is sexy, but it's just the two of us having sex. Well, mine's about the two of us also. Really? Yeah. I don't know what yours is about. You don't? No. You want me to go first? Sure. I have an announcement to make. Mrs. Jones has only... Oh, I think I know what it is. Mrs. Jones only has one more hurdle in life until she becomes the perfect wife. There were two things that were standing in her way. Now there are just one. Oh, man. I don't know what the other one is.

Those of you who have listened for a while know that I have been begging and pleading and cajoling and just anything that I could do to get Mrs. Jones.

bullying bullying to play with herself with a sex toy while i'm on a business trip and then tell me about it and she has failed over and over and over again and two business trips ago i told the story about when i got home and she said oh guess what i did this time and and it was just taking out the trash i i told you all that story yeah so i went to as i mentioned at the outset i went to kansas city again this month and i went out with our friends came home went my hotel to my hotel room, went to bed, woke up the next morning, and I opened my message from Mrs.

Jones, and there's a picture of a body that looks very familiar with a vibrator in just the right spot, and a caption that says, I finally took out the trash it was fun i actually got a picture of my wife using a sex toy when i'm on a business trip yep i did and the angels were singing yeah it was fun yeah i don't know why it took me so long to figure that out. And then the second part of it was I was so aroused by it that I took my very first dick pic of myself. I know. I finally have a dick pic of Mr. Jones. And shared it with you. Yeah.

And I said, this is me this morning thinking about my naughty wife yeah and then your response was all right no i said i thought you might block me for sending you my first ever dick pic and you said just don't send 92 more and we'll be fine that's right so that was the only one that i sent yeah so you just took another step towards perfection my dear all this time wow it wasn't long after you got home from that trip you and I were having sex one night and is this your snapshot yeah this is my snapshot okay so honestly I mean I it was really good sex but I well wait a minute before you start talking about ears okay did you really enjoy that or did you just get the toy out and take a picture oh no i totally had an orgasm you did oh yeah what were you thinking about that i don't know i like i wasn't watching porn on tv or anything i was just like did you have your eyes open or closed um probably closed because i usually close my eyes when i'm an orgasm but like what kind of imagery was in your head were you thinking about a body part or me or another guy no i had to fantasize while i was masturbating i was just masturbating so you were thinking about what business problems or i mean you had to be thinking about something i was thinking about how good it felt oh okay so you were just concentrating on yourself yeah okay that's cool yes thank you oh shoo i thought i did it wrong are you gonna do it again well maybe if it might be video next time no no i will not do a video i am totally not into that sorry those of you that are good for you that's not my thing Thank you.

Maybe a video next time? No, no, I will not do a video. I am totally not into that. Sorry. Those of you that are good for you, that's not my thing. Okay. So, no, still photos. I'm pushing my luck. All right. Yes. All right, photos are good. Okay, you'll take photos. You could take, you know, what you could do is get one of those little tripods. Oh, here we go. You could take a picture from, like, the other angle. The GoPro, right? Yeah. No, from, well, whatever, from a different angle. Uh-huh.

And that way you way you can have your hands free you know you could have one hand on your nipple and the other hand down there yeah just a little suggestion uh-huh okay go ahead with yours you're pushing your luck but anyway um so yeah like it wasn't long after you came home from your trip, we were having sex. And honestly, I don't, like, I think it was just kind of like a normal, like, sex. Like, you and I like to start out, actually, like, both, it's kind of like, what do they call that?

Mutual masturbation, where, like, my head's always at the head of the bed, and you'll lay with your head at the foot of the bed.

So we can kind of, like, make eye contact eye contact yeah and then we play with ourselves simultaneously and um we really like that yeah i like watching you and you like watching me and then and then we just ended up having sex and i think we finished in doggy style it was modified doggy style okay what how wasn't modified you were laying flat on your stomach i was and your legs were pretty much together and my legs were outside of your legs really yes okay so i remember i remember it felt really good so so you came and when you came, you collapsed on top of me.

So all of your weight was on me and, and you made like these like earthquake noises. Like it was a really intense orgasm that you had, which was really cool. So I knew you had a good time. And of course I couldn't see cause it was doggy style. My face was kind of like smooshed in the pillow at that point. Cause I was, yeah, you're right. I was laying flat on my back because like my face was totally smooshed. You might have been oxygen deprived. Maybe a little bit. And then as soon as you like finished convulsing, all of a sudden you like, it was truly like the house was on fire.

You desperately said, put it back in. And I was like, what? And you said, put it back in and I was like what and you said put it back in now and I was like okay so I reached underneath of me and I and I grabbed your cock and I put it back inside of me and then you just had like the craziest orgasm like ever and I was like what is he doing I actually like the thought actually went through my mind that you might be having a stroke or something, but I was like, what is he doing? I actually, like the thought actually went through my mind that you might be having a stroke or something.

Because I couldn't see your face. So I couldn't like read your expression. I was like, I hope that dude's okay back there. Cause he is like seriously like having a seizure or something. Like you were crazy that night. You're completely out of control.

And, um, that doesn't really happen often with you what i think happened was first of all doggy style is my favorite position clearly yes this modified doggy style um there's a lot more skin contact yeah and i think what happened at first i thought i was superman and that i had two orgasms like within 30 seconds but i think what happened was because i think i was about there and like i started to have an orgasm and then i slipped out of you and when i slipped out of you, I think it stopped.

And I couldn't, that position, it's like I couldn't get my hand under your belly because your belly was on the bed. Right, right. So I realized that I wasn't finished. And then I was, yes, I was begging you to please put that back in. You weren't begging. You yelled at me.

You were like, put it back in you were begging you yelled at me you were like put it back in now i was like okay and you did and i so i think i don't think it was a second orgasm i think it was just finishing the first one part one and part two it was part a and part b one a and one b but you're usually very um you're usually a very polite lover. So when you yelled at me and put it back in now, I was like, okay, dude. Okay. Let's tie this back to our lesson tonight. You know what I was with you? What? I was a horndog. Yes, you were. Okay. Oh, it was fun, whatever it was. I'll take it. Yeah.

Well, yeah, that was fun. Yeah. And it was just the two of us. What do you know? Go figure. I know. Yeah. All right. Well, before we let you go, we'd love to have you join our We Gotta Thank Members community. Yeah. We thank our members for giving us all the feedback for this episode um you guys are pretty thoughtful and and we appreciate your feedback smart they are smart very smart sexy people great people yeah we'd love for you to join us on cassidy or double date nation yep uh you can get 90 day free or 90 days for free on either one of those if you visit our website. That's right.

You can find out about our pop-ups that way. Meet us at a brewery sometime. That's right. That's where we post it. So if you're in Cassidy or, yeah, if you're in our Cassidy community, you're going to find that out at the last minute. And we'll put it on DDN next time as well. Yeah. And you can also book your desire trip through us. Like we said, we've got the mansion booked for Valentine's Day and next New Year's Eve 2020. If you'd be interested in staying there, or we can actually book it at any time. But we grabbed those weeks because we thought those were super sexy weeks to escape.

And any questions about desire, just send us an email or contact us through our website. That's right. And you can, speaking of email, you can email me at mrjones at wegotathing.com, w-e-g-o-t-t-a-t-h-i-n-g.com. Or me at mrsjones at wegotathing.com. Our website is wegotathing.com. You can follow us on Twitter at WeGotAThing. And also on Instagram or Pinterest at WeGotAThing. All right, 67 on ice. Yeah, we're two-thirds of the way to 100, baby. Let's call it a night. Go pack for Nashville and get ready to have some sexy fun next weekend. That's right. Thanks for listening. We are Mr. and Mrs.

Jones and WeGotAThing. What's your thing? We'll see you next time.