Episode 58: Out of Your Comfort Zone and into Paradise

Transcript

This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us? Hello, everyone. I'm Mr. Jones.

And I'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 58 of the we gotta think podcast and we really should not be podcasting tonight for several reasons well the main reason is because we had to postpone a swinger day yeah which. Which is tragic. Because of the stupid snow. Yes, it's snowing outside and it's really pretty. But the timing was horrible. Right. So we're drowning our sorrows and we're drinking and podcasting and then we're going to go have sex. Yeah. Because, big announcement.

You're my you're my plan b well yes and i'm glad to be your plan b honey yeah there's another reason why we probably shouldn't be podcasting tonight because you're like still sick i know somebody shared their germs on new year's eve with me right because like two days later all of a sudden my throat got scratchy. Right. And it's been over a week now. I've given you a week. We can't postpone this podcast anymore. I know. You're just going to have to, you know, power through. I am going to power through. But no, the big announcement I wanted to shout out about is you fixed the massage table.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. For the second time. It's better than ever. Yeah. I think we could probably get more people on it now. Okay. And we could have tested that theory tonight too. Yeah. But I'm stuck with you. Yeah. Sorry about that. Oh, wait, you're my plan B. Yeah. That sounds much better. Well, the couple that we were supposed to be with tonight, we've been trying to arrange a date with for over a year. Yeah, we met them a year ago. And then we, well, we met them online a year ago. Right. And we have been emailing and chatting.

And then we met them in person like three and a half months ago and set up this date. And sure enough, when you set up a date in January, you just never know what to expect. So do we want to talk about what this means? Episode 58. Out of your comfort zone and into paradise. Yeah. Well, we're still kind of riding the desire high. We are? Yeah, we're trying to. With the snow and the germs and canceled dates and all that stuff. Yeah, so we did a podcast that we recorded at Desire with Kate and Daryl from Swinging Down Under. Yes. And they have already podcasted about that.

But as we were listening to that, and the theme around that was barriers to the lifestyle, we picked out a few things that we would like to podcast about. And mainly what we want to talk about is you have to step in out of your comfort zone in order to grow. Right.

And we'll talk more more about that later but that's the gist of what we're going to talk about tonight yep and and get to do a little bit of fun reflection on our oh yeah we get desire yeah but before we get to that we have some news this is like the fourth time that we've launched a website um but we do have a new website and it's live live as of January 1st. Well, you actually had somebody design it for us this time. Yeah, yeah, I've screwed it up enough. I needed to pay somebody to do it. Yeah, so when you have time, wegotathing.com, W-E-G-O-T-T-A-T-H-I-N-G.

Check it out when you have a moment. Yeah, it's pretty slick. Yeah, it's pretty nice. And the biggest thing that we added to this is all of our events for the coming year are going to be added on an events page. Yes. So if you want to go to our website and click on the events page and see where we're going to be and when we're going to be there, and there's an opportunity for you to join us, we would love to see you. That's right. And the other big stuff that's been going on is, I mean, we've had some fun dates with people, but we just went to a New Year's Eve party. We did.

Where I managed to catch some germs. Yeah. But we had a lot of fun at our New Year's Eve party. Yeah, it was a local party here in Washington, D.C. And it was at a really nice hotel. Yep. And it was a little bit on the pricey side, but with that, you got the nice hotel, an open bar, just the DJ was fairly good. Yeah. I thought the music was good. They did some entertainment during the evening, and it was a James Bond theme, so everybody got to dress up. Oh, tons of men had tuxedos on. Yeah. And the playrooms were really kind of cool. I thought the playroom area was fantastic. Yeah.

It was almost set up in like this, it wasn't just like a floor of a hotel with different rooms. It was almost like an apartment up there. I think it was an apartment at one point in time. Well, it was the concierge room because we were standing in the kitchen with the refrigerator and the drinks and everything. Yeah, but it was more than just a concierge room. It went on for a while. Yeah, it was like a presidential suite, and then there were a few larger rooms up there that turned into playrooms. But the different rooms have different themes.

And, you know, there was champagne upstairs in the kitchen area, which I thought was a really nice touch and bottled water. And then like every area kind of had a little bit of a different vibe to it. But you know what I noticed is that, you know, we stayed up there for a while. We didn't play up there, but we stayed up there socializing and drinking. And there was a lot of stuff going on. Yeah, there was. Every room we walked into, there was, I mean, even in the presidential suite, somebody had filled the bathtub with bubble bath, and there were people in the bubble bath.

Yeah, that was pretty cool. You know, having sex. There were people in window sills having sex. Yeah. on the floor, on the couches, on the beds and the playrooms. And, and the thing about it was I noticed afterwards was it really didn't freak me out. I mean, it wasn't unusual. Like we're getting so used to acclimated to this environment. It was like we were walking around observing it. And afterwards, I thought, you know, four years ago, this would have been really crazy stuff we were seeing. But it really wasn't.

But you know what I remember walking around looking at the different areas once it got full was it all just seemed like these really sensual like little vignettes. Yes. You know, because like I said, every room kind of had a different vibe. Yeah, that's what it was like. Like the bubble bath, like the bathroom. Yeah. You think, oh, wow, people having sex in the bathroom. How sexy could that be? But actually, it kind of was. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if I was in the right mood or the right frame of mind. No, it was, it was sexy.

I mean, we didn't play up there, but we went back downstairs to a room and we played. So we were definitely in the right frame of mind, I guess. Yeah. But yeah, I really thought it was cool. Yeah. Super impressed. Met a lot of people and made some new friends and connected with some old friends. Yeah, we did get to catch up with some old friends. That was fun. It was a lot of fun. Yeah. So hopefully you all enjoyed your New Year's Eve. And coming up, we've got a meet and greet. We got a thing, regional meet and greet in San Diego. Less than a month away. Less than a month.

Yeah, the chat's getting a little more fired up week by week. Yeah, I think we've got about 30 couples that are going to meet us there. Yeah. And quite the itinerary. We're looking forward to that. And then we've got another meet and greet coming up in Atlanta on April the 27th. And again, we're going to put that on our website. If you're interested, be sure to sign up there. And we have some sexy friends helping us put that together as well. Yep. I think that's going to come together really nicely.

Yeah nicely yeah and one of the big announcements the larger announcements that we have is that we've decided to go back to naughty new orleans this year yep i think we miss it you know we we had gone four years in a row we took a year off last year for a multitude of reasons but um i i think we miss it yeah i'm really excited about the idea of going back. Yeah. Yeah, so. We'll be putting up, we're going to host another meet and greet like we normally do. And that's going to be posted on our website too.

So if you go to the events page, if you're going to be in Nodding, New Orleans, and you'd like to attend our meet and greet, our We Got a Thing meet and greet, there's going to be some podcaster events through the weekend as well that we'll be involved in right with the rest of the podcasters and we're going to host a workshop at some point during the week too yes we are yeah i'm looking forward to doing that again yeah we're looking forward to catching up with some friends there and we have some news about desire pearl in november of 2019 yes it's almost sold out yeah we have less i just called a week ago and there were 10 rooms left and we know that a couple of people have booked this week so we've have we have less than 10 rooms and they're all master suites so if you want to travel with us and they are going to sell out you might want to book that now while they're still available so you don't have to get on a waiting list.

And yeah, and we already do have a few people on the waiting list, but sometimes those will move. You know, people have to cancel for whatever reason. So, you know, if you are interested, you know, go ahead and get on the waiting list. It can't hurt. Please do. Yeah. And you can do that through our website, right? Yes, you can do that through our website.

And we're going to have some more events, a couple of more meet and greets that we're planning this year that'll be on our website as well so be sure you just you can keep track of what we're doing there and we're really looking forward to getting out across the country this year we've got our 2019 travel schedule pretty much set i know man i think every single month we're going to be doing something yeah we are yeah are. Yeah. Now, some of it is vacations for just you and I, and we're doing a big family vacation this year.

But this is the time of year everybody sits down and after the first of the year and starts, you know, plotting out your plans and travel plans. Just paid off the Christmas bills. Now I'm going to have all these Southwest airline bills. Yeah, that's right. Got to get everything booked. Okay, so that's what's been going on with the Joneses. And when we come back, we're going to get into Out of Your Comfort Zone and into Paradise. And we're going to talk a little bit about our trip to the Desire and a little bit about what was talked about on the podcast that we did there. Yep. Stay tuned.

Welcome back to segment two, where we are going to get out of our comfort zones and into paradise yeah it always you know i think we make it sound easy sometimes other people talk about desire and hito and naughty new orleans and go on all these swinger trips and we come back and we see how much fun we have but we never talk about how stressful it really is. Yeah, the reality is behind that, when you first start doing this, it is kind of stressful. And we typically travel with people who are relatively new to the lifestyle. Yeah. But you know what?

I've been doing this for five years, and it still stresses me out. I think that's what we want to talk about. Yeah, that, you know, we don't have it all figured out. And, and I think we intentionally, that's what we want to talk about. We intentionally try to stay push ourselves out of our comfort zones. Because if we start to get complacent, and just stay with what we know, we feel like, what fun is that? I I mean, it is fun, but there's no potential for additional growth. Right.

And I think, like, for example, when we went to the New Year's Eve party, that is not my preferred venue or type of swinging. No. That is work for me. Yeah, there were several hundred people there. It was a very big room and a lot going on. Yep. And we knew a few people there. And actually, we have friends that we got together with beforehand and we all did dinner together. But we didn't stay hip to hip with them all night. We did our thing. We mixed and mingled and met new people and found old friends that we hadn't seen in like so when we had it to— And to me, that's a lot of work.

And when we headed to Desire, we intentionally did not fill our calendar all the way. We knew that we were going to see a lot of friends, because we have a lot of friends in the lifestyle now. And we've been to Desire with this group a couple of times now. So we were going to know a lot of people. So I think the trap that we thought we'd fall into was, hey, we know so many people, let's just line up seven nights of people that we've already comfortable with, and we intentionally didn't do that. Well, we did a few nights. Yes.

We had friends that were going to be there that we hadn't seen in a while. So we wanted to make sure that we took advantage of that because we don't live close to them or, you know, we don't happen to travel their way or they don't happen to travel our way. Right. And so we want to talk about our week from that perspective. Like there were, I think we continue to be surprised and we continue to learn about the lifestyle and about desire.

And as we mentioned, after we talked about, we got back from desire, we talked about how much fun we had and we talked about how we navigated the trip and that you and I stayed connected. Yeah. But we were still surprised by a couple of things and learned a couple of things.

Yeah do have to say i honestly think that's my favorite trip ever yeah um i just that trip was so it was just so much fun and i think it's because it was a nice variety of connecting with old friends and meeting some amazing new people yeah and then and then you and I were just so deliberate about spending time together right and that was really good for us yeah so let's talk about staying in our comfort zone because there were some people there that we know and that we wanted to see and we wanted to spend time with yeah and there were I think six couples no excuse me four couples that we had targeted and we wanted to spend time with.

Yeah. And I have to say right off the bat, the two of them were fabulous. Yes. I mean, we had two sets of friends that, and one set of friends, they were only going to be there like the first couple nights we were there. Right. And so we definitely wanted to see them. So we were strategic with planning. We were. All time with them. Yeah, we were. For sure.

And we had a and we had a great time with them yes and you know it's always great to catch up with friends and we did play and we had a good time and then there was another couple that were good friends with that we've played with before as a matter of fact the very first time we played with them was at desire when we met them and we had a blast with them oh my gosh i don't I don't think I've ever laughed so hard. Like they like to play the dumb card game. And it's crazy because the four of us do not need the dumb card game at all. Like it's just totally game on when we're with them.

There's nothing awkward about the transition with them.

It's like we have to hold back and like be be civil for a few minutes there's like a there's like a magnetism with them i know you know we don't we don't keep up with them that much but we every once in a while we'll reach out and reconnect through text messaging but when we see each other it's like we're down to business yeah and it's just like we saw him yesterday yeah like there's no and there's a lot of laughing and a lot of fun sex it's just relaxing and easy and we had a great time with them oh it's not just relaxing and easy like it is stupid hot yeah it's hot like it's yeah like sex with them is like it's like it with them is like fast and furious, although it takes forever.

But it's like almost frantic. I mean, everybody's just like game on. And it's very tempting to talk about those first two couples. It would be very easy to like book them over and over and over again. Yeah, I know. But we knew we couldn't do that. No. So there was a couple of other couples there that we wanted to play with. And one couple just, for some reason, they were just having an off week. And, you know, it wasn't really. And that happens. And that happens, right? And you know what? Yeah. We're friends with them. Yeah. It's okay.

And we knew right away when we talked to them that there was something a little bit off and they were struggling, and we didn't really talk about details with them, but they just told us that their week wasn't going as they had hoped. And so we were disappointed, but because they are good friends, the most important thing was to give them their space and let them try to have their own vacation. Right.

We did not need to pile on to whatever they were dealing with like right we're okay our friendship is okay right and and that's the priority right and sometimes that's what you have to do as friends you have to say you know what the friendship is what's valuable here let's not force anything there's always a next time you know we don't want you don't want to dig into what might be going on you know you share you share what you want to share and, and, you know, we'll just, we'll just be here if you guys want to chat and get together and, and we'll, we'll catch up with you again. Yep.

Then there was another couple that we were friends with and had played with before. And, um, you know, we ended up playing with again.

And, and one of the differences this time though is they had changed their play style since we last played with them yeah and so it was a little bit um i mean it was fun but that dynamic that changed um it was like it was like starting over again yes with them which is not a bad thing no it's not a bad thing it's just that our our expectation was okay we know them we played with them you know you know we did last time we had a good time and then you get there and all of a sudden they say well you know we don't play that way this is the way that we play now so we were a little bit out of sync yeah i think but we still had a good time that's right and you know what we tell people not to have expectations i know so well i mean clearly for that very reason.

And none of this was bad. No. It's just what we're getting to is that if we would have made the mistake of trying to line up times with people ahead of time, obviously two couples it worked out with and two couples it didn't work out with so well. So it's just the reality of the lifestyle. That's right. And speaking of friends, we also had a lot of friends there that we didn't play with, that we've played with before. Right. Because there's only so many days. Right. And so much time.

But the thing about it is we're such good friends with them that we don't have to be concerned that we're hurting somebody's feelings if we don't get together and some of the couples um you know a couple of couples i'm thinking of in particular we had seen them relatively recently yeah you know and we're going to be seeing them again right yeah right i think we're we're um pretty intentional about staying connected to some our friends, so that I guess when we get to a big event like Desire, they have their space to meet people and connect with new people, and then we do as well, because we know that we like each other enough where we're going to intentionally reconnect somewhere else.

And then remember one night we were at dinner and one of the couples that we're friends with, we saw was having dinner with one of the other couples. I know, that was so cool. They were like, oh man, they're getting to know each other. That was really fun. Yeah. But then I think, um, a couple of things that were really, when we stepped out of our comfort zone, it was playing with and meeting with couples that we didn't know before we got there.

You know, as far as stepping out of our comfort zone, I guess, you know, the whole idea of staying with your people a week would have been easy, but you and I intentionally decided that we were going to meet new people. Yes. Because, well, for a multitude of reasons, I think as hosts, you know, we needed to get to know the people that we hadn't traveled with before. Right. And we don't want to appear cliquish, hanging out with the same people all the time. Right. But, you know, for selfish reasons, you know, we get to meet new people. Well, we like meeting new people.

There were lots of sexy people there we didn't know right you know so i think um we we did do a lot of socializing just generally getting to know people but then you know as the week went on i think um a couple people okay a couple ladies might have caught your eye um that you actually had the opportunity to act upon yeah i mean they one particularly in the pool caught my eye and she also you know caught my lips because we yes you like to kiss everybody yeah yeah but it wasn't just me i mean you know she was very social well yes she did yeahatious.

But it worked because, you know, she's very attractive, and I really enjoyed kissing her. You know, it's funny. She's so outgoing, and her husband was so reserved. Well, that's what concerned me because I know I've been doing this long enough to know that just because one of us has an attraction to the other, you know, spouse that, that doesn't mean that you're going to be attracted to the husband or connect with the husband. Well, that's true. But, you know, we had met them, you know, and chatted with them at the pool a little bit here or there.

But then, you know, I, I would get distracted by like being the hostess and that and having a, make sure everybody's having a good time and greeting the new people and this and that and the other. And I think you just had more of an opportunity to run into her throughout the week. Yeah, and he was very quiet and cautious, and he would kind of sit on the edge of the pool. And I never felt like he was not having a good time. He was always smiling, and he was always talking to people. That was just their personalities.

Yeah and so it appeared to that it could have been some sort of an imbalance but um anyway we decided i you know that we wanted to have dinner with them yeah we did and that was the best thing we could have done it was because dinner is such a great opportunity to get to people to get to know people how they really are well right and and you're not distracted by other people interrupting you or you know the music you know having to talk over the music or whatever and he was completely a different i'm not going to say a different person i'll say at dinner his true personality came out right and that was where he really started to engage and i was like you know under my breath going, oh, yes.

No, it ended up being a pretty good four-way connection. I should say so. You know, we connected with them at dinner. Then we started getting sexy with them on the dance floor and then the jacuzzi. And then we went back to our room and played.

And it was a lot fun and it was unexpected yes because i didn't think i didn't know that you were going to be have the opportunity to become as connected to him as i was to her yeah and it happened i mean it obviously the the um chemistry was there you know once we all the four of us had a chance to focus on one another right i mean did you ever feel like i was forcing you into something no no no well then what's the out of your what was the out of your comfort zone part of this because it's just the whole um making the effort to um invest the time invest no it's not investing the time.

Cause that sounds selfish. It's, it's, um, it's, it's using the energy to, um, connect with new people when we could have been lazy and hung out with people we were already familiar with. Um, and I don't want to, I don't want the people that we're're familiar with to think that that they're like our lazy way out and that we don't care about them too but i think having that um that mixture of you know super comfortable familiar friends that that we know that we are um attracted to and comfortable with versus that adrenaline rush of finding that chemistry with new people. Yeah.

And then it happened again. Yeah. Because they had to leave. I think they left the next day. Yeah, they did. And so we still had a few days left on the vacation, and then we were in the hot tub one night, and I happened to bump into another lady. Yeah, you did. And they had not come right at the beginning of the week. I think they came a couple days after the week had gotten going. Right. So, you know, they were doing a little bit of catch-up, I guess. Yeah. And I think I had briefly met them. And again, good job, honey.

Well, I was a little concerned because we were all in the hot tub, but you were talking to another group. And I was flirting with her. I don't remember this part. Yeah, I was with her. She and her husband were together, and I kind of gravitated over to her and started chatting with them. And then eventually, because things started getting heated between she and I, and I grabbed you and I pulled you into the conversation. Yeah. Because I didn't want it to go any further without you being present. So. Yeah. Well, I managed to catch up. Yeah. And then we went and had dinner with them. Yes.

And that turned into a good experience too. That was more than a good experience. Yeah. Yeah. That was crazy. And I would say that in both cases now we've made friends. Oh yeah. I mean, we're going to see this couple again next month. Hopefully both couples again. Yeah. That new relationship energy is definitely worth the, um, upfront energy you put into, um, finding a new couple.

Well, if you compare it to your marriage, I mean, look at when you're pursuing somebody and dating, you know, and then you kind of win the prize and you get married, that the typical response to that is you shut down your hunter-gatherer skills and fall into nesting and building a relationship with somebody. And you can fall into the same trap in the lifestyle. You could get two or three groups of friends and then say, okay, we've made it. We've arrived. We've connected with these people.

We don't need to go and make new friends because that's a lot of extra time and extra effort and extra energy. But I think the point we're trying to make here is that that's part of what we want to try to do is continue to make new friends. Right. You know, I think that's one of the criticisms of groups traveling together is that groups can tend to be cliquish if you're not aware of how other people perceive you.

Like if you're only, if you're traveling with a group of lifestyle friends and you're only intending to hang out with those friends in that group and not meet anybody else i think i think that's really um where groups get a bad rap you know because people feel like right and not meet anybody else i think i think that's really um where groups get a bad rap you know because people feel like they can't break into that and and meet you right then and yeah so i i think i always want to avoid that i don't want to and like when we travel and we're hosting i don't want anybody to ever think our group is cliquiquish because everybody's welcome.

And I think you have some other examples of how you experience or maybe you and your lady friends experience. Oh, well, yeah. I mean, it wasn't just about you and I that week. I mean, it was amazing watching people step out of their comfort zones. And as the host of the week, it was an honor to know that some of these people trusted us enough to come and intentionally push themselves out of their comfort zones to have these experiences. So the first thing that, um, I really noticed was the, we had a ladies only cocktail party on like, I don't know, it was towards the beginning of the week.

You mean a girl's orgy? Yeah. That's what y'all think it is. You go right ahead and think it. But, um, one of our friends had one of the penthouses this time and the penthouses at Desire Pearl have these amazing terraces that take up the whole top floor of the whole roof of a building. So Desire was wonderful, and they brought up champagne and orange juice so we could make mimosas and bottled water. And it was just, of course, a beautiful day. So we all got ourselves mimosas and we spilled out onto the terrace and we just chatted. But were some of the ladies reluctant to come up there?

The ladies were very afraid. Some of them had never been to Desire before. Some of them were brand new to the lifestyle so they didn't really know what to expect. And yet we joked about girls' orgies and daisy chains and honey and pillow fights with feathers stuck all over us and all that stuff but really we just wanted to have girl talk where we could ask like really intimate questions about whatever we're concerned about in the lifestyle you know women's health and and orgasms and condoms and body image. So how did it go? It was awesome. I think everybody immediately got put at ease.

And one lady there, she was really new and she was like, well, I have a question. And she just threw it right out there.

And then ladies of all experience levels just kind of chimed in and offered just different ways to think about whatever her question was and it turned out to be great and it was only supposed to last an hour and at an hour everybody's still talking and then it took about a half an hour for people to filter back downstairs because you dudes were down there like twiddling your thumbs because there's 60 ladies up on this terrace and um and of course it was a beautiful day and we all wanted to get naked and get in the pool and start drinking right but it was just really nice to see those ladies come up and and the ladies that were hesitant all of a sudden they realized they weren't the only ones that were nervous and hesitant and inexperienced and had questions.

And then they realized that their questions weren't stupid questions. And that was before you did the whole ladies' toy show and tell, right? Right. So then a couple days later, after ladies got more and more acclimated, then we did the sex toy show and tell at the hot tub. And, and it was just a beautiful day. And Desire did this like fresh fruit margarita bar where they were like muddling fresh fruit and pairing it with special tequilas. And so it was just like this really luxurious event.

And then I don't know, there was, there was probably like 15 or 20 ladies there and you know we brought our sex toys and and everybody was just kind of doing their thing and and uh asking questions about sex toys and and I had brought my strap-on down and we were talking about strap-ons and and how many people had experienced you know sex with a strap-on and and that kind of. And then one lady had this vibrator, and it was kind of like a cordless magic wand. And she said, well, did you know that you could put a cordless vibrator in like this way?

And so she put the vibrator like through the hole of my strap-on where the dildo usually goes. But the bulb of it was inside. And I had the strap-on on because I was demonstrating it looking like an absolute fool at the jacuzzi. So she put that on and she turned the vibrator on. And I'm trying to be the hostess and talk about all these sex toys and stuff.

And this vibrator is on me and um i may have had an orgasm right there why do you think that you look ridiculous because i had a strap-on on but oh so you think us guys look ridiculous because that's how we walk around all the time no my strap-on is like velcro and it oh like the one of the straps goes under my butt cheek so then my butt cheek is sticking out at a weird angle. And I don't know, I just think I look ridiculous in the strap-on. I don't think so. Well, I'm glad you don't think so. And I don't even care what the vibrator looked like in there. It did its job.

So a lot of the ladies, I think you're saying, you know, came out of their comfort zone. Yes, I mean, we laughed. Stepped out of their comfort zone. There was so much laughter and, like, really, really specific questions about sex toys or just sex in general. It was really good stuff, I thought. What about theme nights? Is that stepping out of your comfort zone? For you, it is. You know, my observation is there's a couple of different kinds of people. Okay.

There are a lot of people who are introverts and quiet and shy, and they look forward to theme nights because when they put something on, it gives them permission to and confidence to come out and be more assertive and just more social. Yeah, I think you're right. I think that's awesome. I love seeing that. I'm the opposite. I'm social all the time. But when you try to make me put a costume on, I just don't enjoy it. Clearly. Yeah, I don't really get into it. I mean, I like dressing nicely. Like on red nights, I have a red shirt. On white nights, I have a white shirt.

nicely like on red nights i have a red shirt on white nights i have a white shirt on sailor night i have a blue shirt no you you do you you look nice every night honey and and i can usually get mr jones to embrace one theme night a week yeah that's stepping out of my comfort zone i know and i and i've learned that nagging you is really not going to solve the problem. It's going to make it worse. Thank God, it's 34 years it took you to learn that. Well, no, I nag you about lots of other things, but I've learned to pick my battles with the theme nights, and I've learned that you'll embrace one.

Yeah. So this year, we did the couple's uniform night, and I did the sexy schoolgirl.

Yeah, which is which is my favorite i know it is and i it's actually my favorite too and i got a new sexy school girl outfit and i'm the nerdy professor and you were the nerdy professor i had my hair in pigtails you had on um like a white button-down shirt with a pocket protector yeah a short white dress shirt suspenders yeah the pocket protector and the glasses with the tape around the nose the bridge of the nose yeah you had blue suspenders and a blue bowtie because my school girl dress was blue yeah and um you actually looked hilarious i looked dorky like i was supposed to look but then i can't remember which lady did it but we we were dancing in the disco and i everybody was having a really good time.

And we came out of the disco to the lobby to get a drink and to cool off. And a bunch of us all came out at the same time. And one of the ladies took your shirt off. She left your bow tie on, and she left your suspenders on. She managed to get your shirt untucked and unbuttoned and off without like taking anything else off of you so then you were in jeans and suspenders and a bow tie and you looked so hot oh thank you we have a photo actually of the two of us that somebody took of us and um it was that's Yeah, it was fun. But again, I had to step out of my comfort zone, you know.

And typically, you know, when you go to an event and people talk about, hey, if there's a theme night, you have to dress up. And yeah, I mean, it's good. Most people do, but it's not easy for everyone to dress up. And so, you know, that's just one of those things that you have to be very careful about. Not shaming people, but pressuring people and telling people that they have to dress up in order to be a part of it. So that was definitely me stepping out of my comfort zone or being pushed out of my comfort zone, I should say. Yep.

And you know another way um people get pushed out of their comfort zone is and and this is clearly voluntary but you know a lot of ladies did the photo shoot in november yeah and i had just done it in june um and that's the second time you and i have done the photo shoot at Desire. Yeah. And I was nervous. You know, it had been two years and I'm thinking, oh my gosh, my body's aged. You know, I'm, you know, I just, I'm going to look different and I'm going to be disappointed. And there's just, you know, there's no way these photos are going to come out okay. And it's just so stressful.

And then luckily I was very pleased with how they turn out. Right.

turn out right you know the photographers down there know what they're doing oh for sure well yeah they did they more than turned out they're they're pretty hot yeah i'm actually very happy with them yes yeah so it was good to see so many women deciding to do that because women and i think the theme that week was so many women and and this is what you're going to hear when you listen to the podcast that we recorded down there with kate and daryl is that there were there were just so many women owning who they were and being empowered by other women right that's the whole point it wasn't their husband it wasn't the environment well the environment had something to do with it but the main thrust of it was being encouraged by their peers and other ladies other wives um that were down there going through the same thing right and that's what was really cool and and i think even on one of the last nights you you got a bunch well i think it all culminated on the last night yeah i think that's what you're getting towards yeah so the so the group of ladies on the last night kind of as a bon voyage yeah decided that well a couple of them decided to do body shots and then and then two or three or four other ladies came up and wanted to be a part of it yeah it was more than two or three or four ladies it turned into to quite the event and i was watching and but you know what happened all of a sudden appeared next to me a very beautiful woman oh i know that we met last year yes and i thought she was a little bit out of my league and i never really pursued her and all of a sudden she just turned to me and we started kissing i mean we started making out so i i momentarily i lost um i lost sight of what was going on with the lady's body shots while you were orchestrating all of that no honey i mean go you you were definitely um having a good time and it was fine I was right there I was watching the whole thing yeah it was good that was really that's that was one of those just unexpected moments that you can't anticipate and I wasn't going to shy away from because she's she's really attractive and she's really an awesome person and I didn, I just assumed that there wouldn't be any connection there.

And shame on me. I mean, I knew that. And her husband was right there. Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, it was kind of the three of you. Yeah. I think he was just taking it all in. Yeah, he was. You had quite a few ladies come up to you and make out with you that night. She was not the only one. Yeah. That was a fun night. That was just, that night in the hot tub was just really special. It was, it was. And you can't orchestrate that. No. You know, we've tried to plan things. You know, people try the ping pong ball game. We did the suck and blow game. You know, we've tried the body shot thing.

You try to orchestrate, but sometimes in that hot tub, all of a sudden something happens and things just change and it turns into a really awesome, sensual night in the hot tub. Yeah, for sure. So I think before we, before we transition, the point that we're trying to make here tonight is that you are responsible for getting yourself out of your comfort zone. Yes. You know, your husband or your wife can't coerce you. I mean, encourage you, yes, but you have to decide to do it on your own. You don't just automatically go to desire and it just happens. Right. You have to take the initiative.

Yeah, you have to take the initiative, and it's a lot of work. I mean, emotionally, it's a lot of work. Yes.

to go there um to first of all to get there and and actually check in and get to the pool and decide well okay well how much of my swimsuit am i going to wear not wear you know that's a big deal right and then making that decision okay well if another couple approaches us and you know wants to um you know do something with us whether it's you know just make out with us in the hot tub or ask us to go to the playroom what are we going to do about that that is a lot of emotional work i think i think practically speaking you can stand in the pool you know when the when the desire staff try to get people to come up and play, what is it, sexy darts or, you know, some kinky darts or some of that, you know, you can just, you can avoid that.

Or if it's a theme night, you can avoid that. Or if it's asking somebody to dinner, you can avoid that. You know, you can stay on the sidelines. But the point is, if you're not, you're going to go home, or you're going to leave the event, and you're not going to be any different than you were when you arrived. Well, I mean, you're going to be different in that you managed to actually get there. Yeah. You know, but then how, how much more are you willing? But, but yeah, get there. But I think you could leave saying, I don't know what the big deal is. Why do people talk about this all the time?

You have to put some skin in the game, so to speak. That's easy to do at Desire. Yeah. Well, I don't, I, it's easier to do at Desire, but it still takes that. You have to take your first step. You have to step out of your comfort zone. That's the point. So this whole idea of getting out of your comfort zone kind of, um, was inspired by the recording that we did when we were at Desire with a C and D from Swinging Down Under. We did a podcast recording with about three dozen of our guests in the disco one morning.

And the topic that we focused on that day was barriers that you encounter in the lifestyle. Right. And so the whole idea, what you're going to hear when you listen to this at the end of our podcast is you're going to hear people talk about what those barriers were and how they moved around them or went through them or knocked them down. But the point that we're trying to make is that everybody has their own barrier or their set of barriers. And only you can identify that barrier. And you're the only one that has really the power to, you know, to step across it. Right.

And if you put it in the context of like going to desire, for example, people that are afraid to go to desire, that's the majority, not the minority. True. So if you feel like, you know, I'm so ridiculous because I'm just afraid to go to desire. I don't know what it's gonna be like. I think it's gonna be too advanced for me. You're in the majority. Most people have those types of concerns. Yes. And it's definitely stepping out of your comfort zone. Yes. So that first trip to desire is stressful for the majority of people.

But what we're hoping is that you'll have the courage to actually go if you feel like it's something for you. I'm not trying to force you into one if it doesn't appeal to you. But if it appeals to you but seems scary, I think the stress and that courage that it takes to get out of your comfort zone is worth it. Well, I think one of the big differences, it doesn't necessarily have to be desire. It can be a hotel takeover. It can be a club. It can be dating.

But the point about our experience of desire is there was a collection of women together, able to talk openly together and get that feedback and confidence from other women. So that type of support system was available that week at desire, where if you're going to go to a club and it's just you and your husband, or if you're going to go out on a date with another couple and it's just you and your husband, you don't necessarily have that feedback mechanism available to you like we did that week at Desire. Right.

And you know, when you're not in this group of people that you feel comfortable with, what happens is that you have this pre-wired tendency to look at your surroundings and judge, you know, either judge yourself or judge other people because you're looking at differences and not commonalities. And I think that, um, once you get into this environment and, and figure out, you know, we all have these commonalities of families and jobs and careers and having babies and all this stuff. And that just kind of helps you take that natural human tendency to judge and kind of put it in its place. Yeah.

So what is going to happen? This is a little bit different, but at the very end of our podcast today, you've noticed there's quite a few minutes left to go. We're going to edit down and play the recording for you that we made at Desire with Kate and Daryl from Swing Down Under and some other folks that traveled with us to Desire that week. The other thing that we're going to do is we're going to pull out, we talked about judgment in that recording a lot, as you just mentioned. And that got us to thinking about maybe we should do more on judgment. Maybe we should talk more about that. Yeah.

And so we're going to do a series of podcasts starting next month. We're going to talk about judgment in general, in the lifestyle in general and in in in life yeah and then we're going to talk about three very sensitive topics that often are around judgment and the lifestyle one of them being age and one of them being race and hopefully another one being on bisexual men in the lifestyle right so we've got a couple of guests lined up to come on and talk to Thank you. and hopefully another one being on bisexual men in the lifestyle. Right.

So we've got a couple of guests lined up to come on and talk with us about these issues over the next few months. So when we come back, though, we're going to finish up this episode with our snapshots and close out, and then we're going to let you listen to the recording we did at Desire. All right, so stay tuned. Welcome back to our snapshot segment. I think Mr.

Jones gonna go first tonight oh okay yeah this is gonna be a little tricky because i might i don't want to come across to sounding like a dick no you could never sound like a dick honey okay i mean i think it's worth talking about okay one of the couples that we played with at Desire that we had really a lot of fun with, we went back to our room, we went to dinner, we went to the disco, we went back to our room, and we ended up playing. And I went down on her, among other things. And she ended up having an orgasm, which is always nice. But it really didn't stand out. I mean, it was an orgasm.

It was a lot of fun. But when we finished playing and the four of us were talking, her husband said that that's the first time that she had had an orgasm playing with another couple. Yeah, that was pretty cool. Yeah, and so I don't want to come across as this sounding like I have better techniques or tools or skill sets than somebody else. I don't think that's it.

No, and I'm not discounting your skills because I think your skills are fantastic but I think probably what happened is that it was just it was just a really fun night and it was um I don't know it was the first time we played with them but it, it was an easy experience. I think everybody was very comfortable and there was just a lot of balanced chemistry and right. So, yeah. So I'm going to give you some of the credit because when you stepped in there and talked about balance and comfort, I think what it is, is, and, and you know this better than anyone.

I mean, ladies always say this is it's to have an orgasm, your mind really has to be in the game. Right. And you have to be relaxed and you have to feel safe. Right. And so I think you and I make other people feel safe. And so not only does she have to feel safe, but she has to know that her husband is having a good time and that she doesn't have to worry about him. So obviously there was a connection on your side of the bed. Obviously she has to trust me, but I also think that they look at us and they trust our relationship.

And so sometimes we may take orgasms for granted or sometimes we as men might be all bravado about how good we are at delivering the orgasm, but that's not what it's about. I think it's about the safety, the security. Yes, there needs to be the attraction and yes, there needs to be the connection. But when you get into the bedroom, I think what you and I are experiencing is that, you know, when, when that level of comfort and safety and security is there, then, then you're able to let your guard down and you're let that you're at your, you can have fun. Right. Right.

And that, and that's what happened that night. And it made me realize that, you know, that that's a really one of the most important factors for everybody really being able to let go and have fun yeah you know i i can i can always have an orgasm with a vibrator because it's mechanical you know and it's and i know it's it's me and some sort of a little machine. Right. You know, but when I'm having sex with a person, there's just so much more involved. And it's not really the technique that's the issue. It's the dynamic.

And when I go down on somebody, a woman, I don't say, okay, my goal is to make her have an orgasm. My goal is just to, you know, give her pleasure. If there's an orgasm, that's fine. If there's not, you know, I don't worry about that. No.

And I don't either when I'm, you know, when I'm with a guy or with another lady, you know, it's just, it's just the, it's the connection and the, and the fun that we're all having right um and you know sometimes i do and then sometimes i don't right um luckily i you know i don't struggle too much to have an orgasm right um but i've but my head does have to be in the game yeah like i can't just make it happen yeah you know i know there's some guys out there that's like i can make a woman's court in 15 seconds 15 seconds. Well, you know, I don't know that that would work for me.

Yeah, I'm not about circus tricks. I'm about, you know, making people feel comfortable and having a good time. And so the snapshot, even though it was when they told me that, and of course, hey, I'm a guy, I was like, oh, I'm proud of myself. Yeah, good job, honey. But then the more that I thought about it, and I did think about it more, I'm like, well, it really, I wasn't doing anything spectacular. It was the four of us being connected. It was the whole afternoon and the evening. It was the safety, the security, the comfort, the fun. It was just relaxed, and that's what it's all about.

It was a surprise. That was a surprisingly easy evening. Yes. You know, for people that didn't know each other. Right. It just, it didn't really feel awkward or anything. Yeah. Yeah. I think that just set everybody up to have a good time. Yeah.

And, and, you know, I've, I mean, I've said this before on this podcast on this podcast i when a woman trusts me with her body that's like the biggest compliment somebody can give me and so when you know when i'm in that position i want to make sure that i'm attentive and that i'm appreciative of of that then that really doesn't have anything i mean skills again setting that aside it's more a mindset and it's just more you know our approach to the lifestyle and the way that we connect with people so um anyway i hope that didn't come across as being a jerk about it because that's not that's not the whole idea of her having an orgasm for the first time no i think you i think you said it well and i And I know if I didn't, you would have corrected me.

Yeah. What's yours? Well, mine is kind of along the same lines in that I had an experience that made me just feel really honored and touched. And it was the last night in the hot tub. We kind of referred to it a little bit. We had the little silly ladies' body shots going on that night. And, you know, if we would have planned that, it probably wouldn't have been that great. You know, that's not an event you can put on the calendar. I don't know. There was just something about that night that that's just the kind of the way things headed.

And all the ladies were just kind of like, hey, you know, I think I'm ready for this. It was the last night and, you know, you kind of have nothing to lose at that point. And people had been there long enough and gotten to know each other well enough that there was, I think, a level of comfort, so to speak. So, you know, I was involved a little bit at first, I kind of got everybody going and then I kind of backed away. And, and then I got to watch you make out with the very pretty lady that you got to make out with for a while.

And I I was going to watch you make out with the very pretty lady that you got to make out with for a while yeah I was kind of watching you from afar and I was hanging out with a couple that we had spent some time with that evening so I was just kind of enjoying myself and and then a lady came up to me that we knew from the prior years that she and her husband had traveled with us a prior year. And you and I had talked to them, but hadn't really spent a ton of time with them. But we knew them pretty well. And she came up and she said, you know, Mrs. Jones, I'm a body shop virgin.

I've never done a body shop before. And I think I want to do one tonight, but i want you to help me and um i think she was just very reserved and and was and just didn't want it to be a free-for-all on her body so i kind of got to be her mama bear and um we went up there and i said well do you want to lay on the countertop up at the hot tub bar? Do you want to sit on the stool? And she's like, no, I think I'll just sit on the stool. And then, you know, she wanted other women to be around too. But, you know, I got to be there and I got the right boob. Oh. Yeah, it was spectacular.

You mean as in the not the left boob, the right boob, not the correct boob? Well, there was not an incorrect boob. Yeah, okay.

i got the one on the right oh okay it was memorable yeah um it was just um that there was it was really something yeah that she um thought to ask me to help pop her body shot cherry so what was it about her that made it that much more special for you that was it well first of all she's she's a very beautiful lady yes and she and her husband were very social throughout the week you know they she could have asked a multitude of ladies yeah to do that with her and they're younger yes they're younger and um and i don't know i just i was just very honored that she asked me to do that with her.

And they're younger. Yes, they're younger. And, um, and I don't know, I just, I was just very honored that she asked me to do that for her. Yeah. And I think people miss that. I mean, because of everything that you just said, I thought the same thing. I mean, they're younger, very attractive. Um, great. I'm not going to lie. Hot damn. I got to like, yeah. Yeah.

And, and so, I mean, honestly, and we'll talk about this when we talk about age in the lifestyle but a little bit intimidated as an older couple you know with a younger couple like that so for somebody to come up and ask you to do that and trust you you know it's it's an honor you know and it's really cool that they trusted you yeah as the mama bear yeah you know and you played the role well, but you didn't sit around and knit a, knit a fucking sweater. You were up there participating. Oh yes, I was. Got a strike while the iron's hot. Yeah.

And then I think after that, like a whole bunch of women came up and started doing it. Like, or was she one of the last ones? She was one of the last ones. Okay. okay. And there was another lady there. I'm kind of sorry, maybe dragging my snapshot on. But there was another lady in the hot tub that I had talked with several times that week. And she was kind of hanging back, just watching it all. And I saw her observing. And she was kind of shy, and I knew that.

So I went up to her and I said, do you want to go up there up there I said if you want to go up there and maybe just sit on a stool and I said just pick a couple ladies and we'll do a body shot off of you I said I'll do that for you and I said and if and I said if you just want a couple ladies I said I'll make sure nobody else is around and she she looked at me and she started crying and she said you know she said Mrsrs jones you you don't know how far i've come this week she said just for me to be here is such a big deal she said i'm not ready to do that but she said that you know that's kind of irrelevant you know she said just the fact i'm here and i'm naked in the hot tub is such a big step for me she said i never thought i would get this far wow and you know she was she was crying like happy tears yeah in the hot tub so there we were like two o'clock in the morning friday night like sobbing in the hot tub hugging each other right but it was a moment right it was just a moment and and there there was a lady that had come way out of her comfort zone that week and i'm just so proud of her and I'm so glad I got to meet her.

Yeah. And stick around at the end. Cause you, you know, the recording that you're going to hear from desire, a couple of these ladies get up and talk about that. So we're anxious for you to stick around and hear that. Well, all right, well let's go ahead and close out our portion of episode 58.

We wanted to announce, you know we've been talking about or we got a thing membership that continues to grow one of the new features that we have is um all of a sudden a bunch of guys started asking me why don't we have a guys group because you have a ladies group yeah and at first i poo-pooed the idea but then people kept asking um did a little bit of a. And the long story short is we just started a men's only group. Man to man. Man to man. Yeah. And we've got 30 or 40 guys in there already. And I just set it up the other day. Yeah. So we have guys that can come together and talk.

And we are talking about things like cock rings. And we're talking about talking to our wives about getting into the lifestyle. And it's a lot of good conversation. So we're happy to be able to add that feature to our community. And if you want to know more about that, you can go to our website and click on the membership subscription area and see what you need to do to join us. I was at work the other day at a client's office, and my phone was just going on and on and on, and it was the ladies' group. And there was a lady that was fairly new to our community asking questions.

She and her husband are new to lifestyle, and she was asking questions about how to just navigate the whole beginning part of it and and i was at a client so i couldn't really participate but you know i kept i couldn't help it i had to keep peeking at my phone every now and again and all the ladies like were totally taking care of her it was amazing oh you know and at one point i even i texted you and i said this this mama bear is so proud of my ladies group. Like they're like solving all the world's problems. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, it was really fun.

We also restructured our mini courses and they're priced differently now. And so take a look at our mini courses on our website. And we have our full Navigating Your Lifestyle Journey A to Z course about the lifestyle. Yep. We'd ask you to join us on Cassidy. Cassidy's a dating website. And if you join through our link on our website, you get 90 days for free. That's right.

And if you're planning a trip to Desire, since we've been talking about Desire for the past hour, if you're interested in booking a trip, there is a link on our website that you can click through i mean today is so by the time we release this it's going to be like january the 14th yep so there's only a few rooms left um so go out 10 months out still yeah we're 10 months out so we're going to sell out so please go to our website click through the link and join us we'd love to have you um with our group year. Yep. To contact us, you can email me at mrjones at wegotathing.com.

Or you can email me at mrsjones at wegotathing.com. And again, our website is wegotathing.com. You can follow us on Twitter at wegotathing. We're on Facebook and we're on Instagram. Both of those are wegotathing. i think we're even on pinterest how about that i know i think my cocktail recipes are on there yes and on our website you can subscribe to our newsletter which goes out a couple of times a month that's right and so we invite you to do that as well so stick around we're going to sign off now but stick around after we um after we finish here.

You're going to have an opportunity to hear the conversation that we had with everybody at Desire. So thanks for listening. We are Mr. and Mrs. Jones, and we got a thing. What's your thing? Well, thank you very much, everyone, for joining us today. We are talking about barriers, perceptions, judgment. Some of those words are going to have certain meanings for you, and they might trigger something in you, but you'll be surprised at probably how we're going to adapt today's conversation and what those words mean to you, hopefully by the end of the conversation.

Alrighty, so I guess, you know, let me first ask, I'll ask Mrs. Jones. Mrs. Jones, if I said to you the word barrier, what would your response be to that? my first response is a fear. What fear do I have that is holding me back from trying something new or learning something new about myself? So I think fear is that word for me. Hey, Mr. Jones, if I said to you, what do you think about barriers? What would be your answer?

I think the first thing that comes to mind is something that is preventing me from doing something and I and we oftentimes I think the first thing that comes to mind is something that is preventing me from doing something. And we oftentimes, I think, go to the other people or the other person or the situation. And what I think about is barriers that I have within me that don't allow me to understand something so that I perceive that to be a barrier in my mind. And so we all come from different places, from different points on the globe.

We're raised by people and influenced by those around us, whether it's teachers or pastors or others that influence us. And so understanding and questioning, you know, how that's created you or made you think and understanding that if you break that down a little bit, then these perceived barriers, a lot of them originate from within us. So that's what I hope that people want to talk about. But I think in today's society, you know, Mr. Jones was talking about, you know, parents and pastors and teachers, et cetera.

But in today's society um you know mr jones was talking about you know parents and pastors and teachers etc but in today's society currently i think a lot of it is the media society is creating barriers because there's there's just a lot of black and white in our society right now and there and there's a lot of judgment and you know and then i i think that when i use the word fear maybe that's it is i want to fit into society so i you know that that Thank you.

a lot of judgment and you know and then i i think that when i use the word fear maybe that's it is i want to fit into society so i you know that that judgment that comes from the external forces in my life um creates a barrier for me as well so i'm gonna ask you all a question and i'm using my americanisms as well y'all um who in this room's felt judged outside of this outside of this resort I mean who's who's felt you know I think most people in this room certainly I have as well but the interesting thing is I'm honest enough to ask myself a question and say when have I judged somebody else and I think if I asked you the same question everyone be a little more shy about putting their hands up you know we all try not to judge I think the biggest thing for me is the learning that when I do feel like I'm going to judge somebody I need to stop and address that myself and say why am I doing this what's causing me to do this is it society pastor you know, what's the training that i've had to this point that i need to try and unlearn to not judge people but i'm interested in and that's that's actually so me but i'm interested in in if anyone else got anything that they'd like to share around that i mean not maybe not on the when you've been judged i certainly that's part of it, but when have you done something or had to self-correct?

A really interesting topic for me, sorry, really interesting topic for me to discuss and think about because Dee's absolutely right. Judgment occurs subconsciously all the time, and as much as it's important to try and recognize when that occurs, I think it's probably equally important to dig even a little deeper and try and figure out where our blind spots are, because that's where we don't understand where we're judging. So we sent out a little note, and for everybody listening at home, if we do decide to put this up, it's bdsmtest.org.

And some of you might have thought, why the hell are we asking you to jump online and do this test? And I'm going to talk a little bit about something that happened recently while I was taking this test. I was sitting there and some of these questions had, they evoked a response in me. And I didn't like the response that I had.

I was going through this list and it was asking me on a scale of you know zero to ten or etc etc how do you feel it was really enjoyable to watch the responses because I could see I was sitting across from sea at the time and I could see when she got to something that made her skin crawl a little you know you'd see her go oh and then I'd see the self-assessment like why am I going ooh it was yeah it's really true so as you're going through some of the questions in that test might make you go yeah I'm really I'm really not into that but the difference is I'm really not into that and somebody else is and that's cool or why do people like that and that's the judgment and the barriers that we're talking about today so some of you have taken that test and we might maybe talk a little bit about uh the response that that you had whilst taking it um but just to bring that back into the topic of conversation about barriers those potential uh issues that i had while i was reviewing these questions and my reaction of like why would somebody why am i no i'm not interested in that you know that's disgusting or whatever could be a potential barrier for myself to actually possibly enjoy whatever that was that the question was asking me as well so some of those preconceived notions as the Joneses said about you know growing up you know I mean I don't know if anybody in this room's parents were swingers but mine weren't and they didn't teach me anything about this so you know you kind of got to learn as you go along and so you do have to sometimes, understand what's causing that, self-correct.

But could that be a barrier to your own pleasure and enjoyment? Absolutely. Or maybe to get some participation, think of before you came to this resort, either this time or the first time. Just reliving that through your mind, what were some things that you just, before you even had a chance to think about it, were popping into your head about why I can't do this or why I shouldn't do this or what I'm going to have to experience while I'm there. And these ideas and these fears that we have, maybe that would be a good place to start with a conversation.

So when we were talking about coming here um you know we'd looked on the website we had seen people that had come here before and you know we were a little nervous we're not um we're not perfect we're not you know 20 anymore we're not um we're not thank you um we're just not those things so we were a little nervous and we don't do a lot of you know we don't go places this is our first vacation in like seven years so we were nervous about getting naked we were nervous about you know we're we can talk to people but it's our first time just talking naked I guess that was what we were really nervous about and um you know there was a lot of fear in that and we we talked about it and we talked about it and we beat it up for a long time.

And I think we finally just decided, you know, fuck it. Um, we're getting naked and if nobody likes it, don't look, I don't care. But, um, you know, that fear was real for us, but that's like Mr. Jones had said, and Mr. Jones, everybody it's, it was society. It was the way we were brought up. We're old, so the picture-perfect people were in all the magazines, and that's what we were supposed to aspire to, but then we realized that what we should aspire to is our personalities, and we shouldn't worry about everything else. We just had a lot of fear, but I think we've done a good job.

We've overcome it. We've put ourselves out there, and we're having a great time. This is a fantastic place and we can't wait to come back. So that's it. Yeah. I think too, too often we might say to somebody, we might dismiss it. You know, I mean, you were just talking about the fact that you kind of overcame that fear. I mean, that's a much bigger conversation. And a lot of the time people are like, ah, just be confident. You'll be right. Sure. Okay. Just ask somebody to go to bed with you. You'll be right. Well, it takes some time to get there. I mean, you can't, yeah.

So to your point, you can't just dismiss things as much as you want to be supportive and say, you got nothing to worry about. You're really attractive. You're intelligent. You're witty. You got a beautiful smile and I respect you, but you know, sometimes that's, that's not enough. All right.

Did anybody in this room take that test and want to come i want to ask some questions about how you felt about taking the test and i want your actual your your results recently um d is wanting to arrange an all-male orgy for my birthday right and the yeah i know and the first time the hands are now going up around the room the first time that he told me this i i freaked out right i freaked out for a number of reasons personally i was like oh gosh everyone's gonna be looking at me i'm gonna be naked my body shape whatever second thing was a performance problem like god how can i actually entertain these people and i say to him like how many cocks are we talking about we're about three we talk about five we talk about six gosh what is that and then the next thing was i don't even know these people you know we're talking about a one night stand all male orgy and then me you know so the next thing was well i'll be there well he'll be there uh the next thing was you know like really what you know who are these people as well And how am I going to connect with them so quickly that I can move instantly into just having sex with these people?

You know, for us, we're very much into the social aspect as well as the playtime. So, that was a concern for me. But last year, 12 months ago, one of our friends had an all-male orgy. And, yeah, at the time, I was like, that's a bit slutty. You know, that's a lot.

Like like she was talking about 10 guys and her and I'm like god well one I was pretty impressed with her ability to you know do that without breaking the cookie but um the next thing I was yeah I was thinking that's that's really slutty and then I started thinking about the one that Dee wants to arrange and I was equally concerned about my sluttiness he's talking five guys and I'm like well I don't I don't know if that does that define me does that change who I am as a person if I do that am I going to be this quote-unquote bad person this person where society or my my parents my mom might think you know hey that's not my daughter or that's not that person that's you know the right person in society and so I judging myself as well.

So we're currently going through that because my birthday is fast. It's coming. It's in January. And I'm stressed about it even now. So, you know, we're working through it, but I've got some things I'm worried about. But that is an internal judgment that I'm trying to work through. It's a barrier because it could be a lot of fun.

And a lot of the ladies, not a lot lot but a couple of the ladies here actually have done this and I've been talking to them they're like it's great fun just let it happen just kind of let yourself have that enjoyment but to do that is is easier said than done I'm Angela and I'm Bradford and we'll do the shameless podcast plug from by the by podcast um when we took the test honestly thank you see uh when we took the test, honestly, thank you, C.

When we took the test, honestly, my first thought was, holy cow, there's a lot of things on here that I want to do that I hadn't even thought about doing. So for me, it was like a Wikipedia of great ideas. Yeah, and I think for me, it was more interesting, the results afterwards, because I look at my results, and a lot of mine that apparently thinks that I'm really into, many of which I knew, but they're super high, like 90 plus percent, actually 96 plus percent, and then there's this huge jump then down to 63 percent, so it's like I'm really into it, or I'm not at all.

But then I'm thinking, why am I not into those things, and do I need to try them more? And this was something I was challenged on last week is, you know, have you done this blah? And I'm like, no, I don't really enjoy it, but maybe it was the experience and the person I did it with, and maybe I need to revisit that. And so I'm looking at some of these things and seeing that huge gap between, like, the high numbers and the low numbers, and there's not a lot in the middle, and maybe I need to give some of those things more of a chance and just see if maybe there's a different way.

So I have a, just on that, I have a small rule around food, and this is, sounds a little abstract, I know, but so for any of you in this room who've, we've spent a lot of time in southeast asia now and durian is a fruit that is eaten in southeast asia which i have some in my bag it's disgusting if anyone wants to come and try it come see me and it it's uh it's one of these fruits it's like vegemite but in our household you either love it or hate it right um and uh i i had this i have this kind of pseudo rule that that if i try something in the first time i don't like it i assume that the that this particular food was either off or not prepared well or something i make that assumption first now just a heads up i've tried durian four times and it sucked every time so so maybe that's not for me but um and i think i i think that's a reasonable rationale as well for some of the stuff that we do because certainly i think i can speak certainly for us the first time we tried anal sex it was not a good experience for at least one of us right did it hurt you that bad yeah it did i still walk like a cowboy um and i'm sure and i'm sure the first time we try pegging it'll be not a great experience for at least one of us as well so she just has to get the right strap on it'll be fine it'll be fine so um so i think and now i mean it's something we enjoy we both enjoy um it's certainly not something you know again like durian we may not feast on it every time it's in front of us but it's something that we'll enjoy okay one second um it's something that we'll we we'd enjoy every now and again and I think that's a rationale I'm trying to push across into into the lifestyle as well because certainly there's a whole lot of things I've tried my life.

Some of them I've absolutely hated and I've thought I'll never go back to that and since doing that again since being with C and in this lifestyle I'm like well actually I really this is now really a thing for me. I really enjoy it so sorry to cut you guys off but I just thought that's something I try to apply to make things interesting. I have a strap-on, room 68, just saying. I have three and a lot of dildos. You win.

So just to add one more thing to what you said, so I think it's important, Angela and I both consider ourselves trisexuals, so before we say we don't like something, we will try it two, three times, because I think you're right. I think that's really important. I think another important thing is that a lot of us, you guys I think sort of touched on it, is don't yuck someone's yum. If it's not your thing, that's fine. But don't persecute or shut up or put up walls or put up barriers or shame someone due to their likes.

And I think we all tend to do that you like like you said see you see something and you instantly have a physical reaction to it and i think that's okay to have that physical reaction but if you recognize that physical reaction and then say okay it's not my thing but it's your thing and i'm not going to shame you for it one of the things that you know You just mentioned, Angela, about this jump from 96% to 60%. Without taking a test, how do we begin to understand that there are things out there that we might be interested in if our bias is just not to be interested in them?

And a really personal example of this is recently, I've had, now consent was an issue, so setting that aside, I've had men during play express an interest in me, and Mrs. Jones and I talked about that, and she said, I said, I don't, am I like sending a vibe, Am I, and what did you, do you remember what you told me? Well, I mean, Mr. Jones is just naturally curious. He likes to understand people's perspectives. Obviously, we have our own thing, but we find other people's. It says right so on your shirt there. Hello, yeah, hence the name of our podcast.

But we find other people's things fascinating. And we've learned over the past five years of being in the lifestyle not to judge and to learn and and to appreciate other people's perspectives because it's fascinating how all of us are wired so differently yeah so then what i what i began to do is reflect back and say, why do I have a reaction to that particular thing? Again, besides the communication and the consent, um, why do I have this kind of reaction and thinking back in, look, I'm a middle-aged white guy in the United States of America.

I mean, the, the, no, we're in the mid-atlantic um and and came what came with that was all of the things in middle school in the locker room and in sunday school and all of these things that i've been programmed by my friends my other guy friends and to be able to stop and reflect on that and understand that and set that aside, and then doesn't mean that I'm going to want to do that.

What it means is it's gotten me to a place where I understand that my score is a 60 or a 50 on that, and asking that, again, identifying the barriers that might be there in my life so that I can assess it straightforwardly without getting some sort of a physical negative reaction to something. To me, that describes the difference between judgment and assessment, right? So judgment is something we do without necessarily thinking too deeply about it. It's a guttural reaction. It feels instinctive.

Assessment is something a little more considered and taken a little more time for and thought about a little more deeply. For us, the barrier has changed over the years. We entered lifestyle.

I remember I was just looking at profiles and looking at just pictures and saying yeah or not so when when we entered the lifestyle the beauty the beauty of the how beautiful the couple looks has changed over the 10 years we've been in lifestyle initially was just a physical picture and just physical and now it's's to a point where we like to know how long they've been together, how stable their relationship is and all of that. It's a total package. Over the years, the definition of beauty has changed for us. Initially, the barrier was beauty.

I mean, that alone took a while for us to get over it. And I think she has another. So what kept us from entering lifestyle was cultural barriers.

So I want to share some stories about the barriers that I've come across and after overcoming that the barrier was I always thought you know is it my physique or is it my face because I'm a very literal person and I kind of started to think you know what in the six or seven years that we've been in lifestyle I've yet to be approached by a couple and are these you know is that the bear that's keeping them from you know approaching me and so then I started thinking we started attending these It's, you know, G-U-C, it stands for the girls uncorked, or the gamers greet.

And then, you know, I started realizing, it gave me so much confidence, and I came out of the, you know, my comfort zone and say, you know what, I'm not going to shy away from asking a couple out you know for dinner or you know at if nothing happens no expectations I still enjoyed having conversation you know with like-minded people and so um the barrier that I came across the life what lifestyle taught me is to be confident and to not shy away from asking couples or, you know, at the end of the day, you know, I still have this beautiful man next to me.

so um so that's what you know my takeaway from this, you know, the lifestyle is, you know, to not shy away and, you know, like what Mrs. Jones said, you know, there is a lot of black and white in the society. So all of those factors, I never felt confidence until six or seven years into lifestyle. And, you know, the last three years, two years, our girls are, you know, we're empty nesters now. And, you know, it's come to a point where we meet a couple and, you know, invite them to our house now. And it's, you know, it's a that's the way it's gotten.

So I thank you know all the podcasters to to give us that that confidence and that you know no expectations uh kind of thoughts um you know to to enjoy 110 percent uh being in lifestyle so maybe some of you might feel, gosh, she is way too friendly. So, and over the years, over the years, like he said, the definition of beauty is changed. So it took him so long to figure out what I am attracted to. So what I am attracted to is not the face, the personality of the other couple. How long they've been together, not necessarily married.

How long they've been together, how long the way they talk to each other, the love that expresses in their conversation is what attracts me. And he told me that he was a man who was you thanks for sharing the same thought when when we first got into this and i thought, what kind of man is Mrs. Jones going to be attracted to? And it was based on physical features. And then I thought, how could she ever be attracted to a guy that has no hair, that's goofy, and maybe not her type?

But really, an Australian accent overcomes a lot of anyone else oh hi I stuck up here we're first-timers and not we're not new to lifestyle and we're not new to kink so this test is something that we were familiar with from a couple of years ago and we are curious to take it again because I'm sure our percentages will be quite different now but in thinking about my reaction to some of these questions where I have had the most discomfort and even coming here and being more open and vulnerable cuz I'm very introverted and shy being in my own head is the most painful place and being able to work through that and the discomfort is growth that's the basically what it is for me getting past the most uncomfortable moment and getting through it and going oh wow okay I learned something there and I grew from that and I'm different now because of that.

those the questions that make you the most uncomfortable might be places to explore inside of yourself to figure out where where can I grow from that I might I may need to I'm gonna have to quote mr.

Jones here and it makes me feel dirty but you never learn anything inside your comfort zone you never learn anything about yourself inside your comfort zone or your relationship for that matter you know you have to extend and and that extension may not necessarily be this life that we've chosen but it may be rock climbing it may be you know jumping out of aircraft uh just a word of advice though don't get up and move to singapore and be only on one salary for 12 months because that shit will rock the foundation of your relationship just fyi one might say cement the foundation of your relationship because rocks are pretty sturdy just like my relationship with Mrs.

Jones. I think I'd like to kind of piggyback on what our new friend said. When she came up, I was sitting next to her at the disco last night. And it was a striptease night. And there was this super sexy entertainment staff guy that brought some ladies up on stage. And he kind of danced with them and played with them.

And I was next to her way too close to the front of the stage and i the whole time i was like oh my god if he brings me up i'm going to die oh just don't even like and mr jones afterwards he was like honey you looked at your feet the whole time there was no way he was going to invite you on stage and when my new sweet friend got drug up on the stage last night, completely out of her comfort zone, I was like, thank God, better her than me. So I'm sorry for that, but I'm so glad you got to experience growth last night.

And I knew, I could tell it was uncomfortable for you, but I also knew that you were growing and that you had a good time.

It may have had something to do with you pushing her up on the stage i sacrifice you so yes thank you for being so so honest and sharing that with us i mean i think you're absolutely right you know it is out of comfort zones and that's the that's the key sometimes to it as well so thank you i just want to add something that i think we all need to remember in this room, and it's something that I'm constantly reminding myself of, is that anything that you try, if you don't like it, that's absolutely fine.

Fundamentally, the next morning when you look at yourself in the mirror, you're still going to be the same person, provided it's not murder. Don't do murder. But you can try something and push yourself and get out of your comfort zone, like these four lovely have been saying and listen to that and find something that makes you a bit uncomfortable because you never know, the stuff that is the most uncomfortable is the stuff that you might like the most. So thanks for adding that.

And I'd just like to point out one final thing and that is that in my, not too broad, but in my experience in a lifestyle in about seven or eight years, I don't think I've ever experienced an environment that's like this, that provides such a safe space to test your boundaries a little bit, to tippy-toe up to the edge of where you think you're comfortable and then stick a toe over see how it feels put a foot across the line and try something new so so as a as a final comment from me on today's um on today's podcast thank you so much to all of you and the other podcast crews that are here.

We are so very appreciative of you facilitating this kind of environment. It makes it worth outlaying and spending the resources that it takes, the time that it takes. It's just a beautiful thing.

So thank you so very much all of you well it's definitely our pleasure and i think i think the last step to take it that that final step from what bradford just said so well is you know you're going to be the same person the next morning when you try something new maybe that was an experience that you were like oh my gosh I can't believe I waited umpty ump years to try that or whatever maybe it's like wow that that wasn't what I thought it would be if I do it again I might do it differently or maybe I don't want to try it again no matter how how it turns out, remember to forgive yourself.

If you try something that wasn't really, didn't go like you thought it would or maybe it didn't have the outcome that you were hoping for, forgive yourself and forgive your partner because we're here to learn new things about ourselves and sometimes you kind of have to back up and reassess.

And you know you're in these high pressure unfamiliar situations and sometimes you're going to react um in a way that you don't anticipate ahead of time so we talked about this at our at our ladies event yesterday morning when we had the 45 lady daisy chain with honey and pillow fights and feathers and And the orgy with some mimosas thrown but but just remember we're here we're in very you know unfamiliar territory i mean i think this is probably like our ninth or tenth time here we still get ourselves into uncharted territory so if you if you're yellow bracelet people meaning you're the fresh meat newbie people um it it it doesn't it it's not like you're going to have the perfect formula worked out by the end of the week we're all learning and growing and that's the beauty of the lifestyle we have these content these continual opportunities to explore great i think that was fantastic conversation and really thank you everybody for coming along today.

I know we've been sitting here for the past five minutes thanking each other, so I'll keep this one brief, but really, you know, whilst our friend over there who flew, I think it's 37 hours to get here, you know, really it is the people. It's not necessarily the place, it's the people that make the week, so thank you. I think we're about to wrap it up. Dee, anything else? I'm pretty sure somebody in the room wants to hear you say cock. Cock. Thank you all. We'll see you next time.