Discussion Topic: Does being in the lifestyle mean a race to full-swap? Will we find ourselves always wanting more? Why does trying the lifestyle seem like a risk to our relationship? Will we become addicted and always want more? We discuss the importance of agreeing on "why" you are in the lifestyle and how critical it is to stay on the same page throughout your journey. Travel with us to Desire Pearl the week of November 16-23, 2019! Book your trip here. Join our Members Only community here!
Transcript
This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us? Hello everyone, I'm Mr. Jones.
And'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 57 of the we got a thing podcast lifestyle goals what is your why why are we doing this that's what we're talking about what's your why yeah we're going to get into that in a second. And first of all, I should say that my voice is still a little raspy because about midweek this week, I lost it completely. He came home like he was fine in the morning and then he had to go into town and he had meetings all day. And he came home and like there was literally nothing coming out. I'm like, how?
Like he had to i'm like how did you run that meeting i didn't it happened right in the middle of the meeting all of a sudden i just couldn't talk that was embarrassing but this is weird though because i'm always the one that loses my voice i know like well i just lost my voice at desire i know it. Speaking of desire, before we get into what is your why, I think you should take those stupid earrings off. Okay. So for those of you that aren't listening, like in real time, it's holiday season. We don't need to hear this all podcast. I have earrings that are little jingle bells. Yeah.
They're cute. Well, thank you for taking them off. They were annoying. Just like a lot of other Christmas decorations that you made us put up. Oh, now we have really scaled back our Christmas decorations over the years. But we still have to decorate because we still have family. It just makes my life difficult. Well, I know. You know, I'm getting grumpy about that too.
Like, we have we have to put up the tree i mean i don't i don't have to have a christmas mug to drink my coffee out of i know i don't have to have a christmas plate but it's like a naughty and nice christmas mug it's not like a you know a like silly like childlike christmas mug it's naughty and nice well it's not very utility utilitarian because you had this new christmas decoration like tablecloth on the table yeah and you said can you set the table and i said which table and you said the one with the christmas tablecloth on and i said well you don't want us to eat on that tablecloth and you said oh no put placemats down so i went and got placemats and put them down and what did you say then they were my good christmas linen too they were linen placemats i know but i don't why do we have to have stuff that we can't use because it's pretty i know well the one good thing that has come out of it is i taught alexa how to turn our Christmas tree lights on and off.
Yeah. And she even responds to dumb Christmas tree lights. I didn't find a device named Christmas tree lights. Sorry. Our little Alexa just heard us say her name. I programmed her to listen to me say, turn the dumb Christmas lights on. So I get to say it, and it's good therapy for me. Yeah. She doesn't like stupid Christmas lights, though. Yeah, she doesn't. She doesn't respond to that. No, dumb. It's dumb. Yeah. Yeah. But we had fun decorating the tree. We did? Well, you should have had fun decorating the tree. I had fun watching you decorate the tree. Right. That's my point.
Because you had your Mrs. Claus suit on. That's right. Yeah. And then you start the fire for me so that I don't freeze to death in my little bit of nothing decorating the tree in the middle of winter. Yeah. But it was fun. Yeah. Well, let's get on to keeping up with the Joneses. Okay. So I guess if we kind of go back to from when we recorded last, we did a workshop at a local sex toy store. It was a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun. Yeah. We had a packed house. Yep. We thought we had like an hour and a half, and we didn't think we had enough material and ended up going all the way to the end.
Yeah, and we had a lot of audience participation, which is exactly what we wanted. Yeah, so we're looking forward to doing some more of those. And then after that, we had an unexpected after-workshop play party.
Well, we had friends that near the the store that we did our workshop at so we knew that they were going to be there so we were able to kind of meet them for dinner ahead of time and then they invited us back to their house afterwards with another couple with another couple um that we had well we had met them one time before um just at an event and uh yeah we ended up having a six some yeah and it was it was pretty fun it was a lot of fun yeah that was a good way to uh kind of end the weekend and i think we we had met this couple before that the the third couple yeah we had met them at a meet and greet but we really didn't know them that well but they were good friends of our friends yes so by transference there was some trust yeah you know that went along with that and it was well placed yeah it was and it was just it was really easy you know because we didn't really know them very well you'd think that it would be a little awkward and then they they're really good friends with our friends so i thought well the four of them are going to be super comfortable together and we're going to have to kind of figure out how to fit in oh no it like i didn't feel that at all once we started playing it was so much fun and you know what was really um notable about that experience other than the fact that it was, like, ridiculously hot, is that it was very fluid.
She was very enthusiastic. She was, yes. Our new lady friend was very enthusiastic, and her husband was super awesome.
But we all kind of just kept interchanging in different, like, configurations yeah and it wasn't really like well i'm gonna play with this person now you play with that person and then you guys play together it was kind of just constantly evolving from yeah like one scenario to another yeah six of us in one and one bat yeah oh that was fun yeah so that was a bonus for the workshop that may have to become like a regular after party for our workshop yeah that that would be an excellent tradition to start so we just got back from desire yeah finally we got that weekend we've been looking forward to that for a whole year, and it did not disappoint.
It did not. We're not going to talk in detail about this tonight because we recorded a podcast with C&D from Swinging Down Under while we were at Desire. Well, and a lot of our good new friends participated in that recording as well. Yeah, so we're going to put bookends around that recording and put a bonus podcast out and talk more about Desire and what that trip was like. But overall, it was a great crowd. We had a lot of fun. Amazing weather. I think that's the best weather we've ever had.
Amazing weather, and it was so good to go back there and see familiar faces from the year before.'s like not only are we so comfortable at desire but then when you look around and i think it was like monday or tuesday i looked around and everybody that we could see we knew yeah in the hot tub and in the in the pool and it was so much fun it it turned it into a much different experience because you you know everybody knows everybody and even the new people had had kind of acclimated by then.
You know, I was a little concerned ahead of time because we had about 70 couples out of the 88 rooms that were there because it was it was sold out the whole week. And I was worried.
I was like, well, you know, half the couples that are traveling with us are coming from last year so we knew that they all would at least recognize each other and then and then like half of the people were going to be new for the first time not necessarily new to desire but new to traveling with our group I'm like is it going to be like you know this group over here from last year and then all these new people are going to have to kind of figure it out? And it wasn't that way at all. I think everybody was assimilated right in to the group from the get-go.
There were a couple of splinter groups that formed. Well, yeah, that's going to happen. But for the most part, it did meld together like that. So we'll talk about that some more. But what you should know is that for Des desire pearl 2019 the week of november 16th through the 23rd yeah um the ocean view rooms are already sold out there are some master suites and junior suites left so if you want to travel with us you need to probably do it this month yeah yeah i mean it was certainly fun and i anticipate next year to be just as much fun or more so. Yeah.
So if you want to, if you want to go with us, go to our website, we got a thing.com and click on the link to book your desire trip. And as soon as you do that, send us an email so that we know that you're coming and we'll add you to the list. Yep. Okay. We also went to Las Vegas, baby. Yeah, man. We came home from desireire, had three whole days at home, and had to hop on a plane. We had to do a turnaround. We did. And we went out to Vegas to have Thanksgiving with our family out there. Yep. And while we were there, we managed to ditch them for a few hours and do a meetup. Yep.
And we had about 15 or 16 people that just showed up. Um, this was kind of a last minute thing, not a very big meet and greet, but we do have some friends in Vegas and there were some people who were going to be in Vegas and we kind of took over a bar, had a, had a great evening. And then we all went to dinner. It was a lot of fun. That dinner was super fun. Yeah. Yeah.
We went to kind of a Mediterranean tapas place and, and all went to dinner it was a lot of fun that dinner was super fun yeah yeah we went to kind of a mediterranean tapas place and and i tried to get us to all kind of move around during the dinner but the stupid food came too quick yeah i know i know i had these little truth or dare questions that i had put at everybody's place and but we still had fun and then we we didn't even end after dinner we went back we found another bar in the hotel oh right and we went back there and and had more drinks and before we knew it it was two o'clock in the morning i know all of a sudden i was like really tired yeah and i was like i don't think i've had too much to drink what is the problem and i looked at my watch i couldn't believe it was two o'clock in the morning yeah we don't do a very good job of switching out of social mode into play mode at our own meet and greets right well and two o'clock in the morning there was really five o'clock in the morning for us we hadn't really like our time zones were totally screwed up but we are our next meet and greet is going to be in san diego california on the weekend of february the 9th and this one is organized.
Oh, my gosh. It's super organized. And we're, a lot of this, we have friends that are in our members community that are doing a lot of the planning for us. So we're going to make this a multi-day event. Yeah. So, yeah, we have one couple kind of spearheaded the effort. And then there's, I think, two or three other couples that have jumped on board with them. And they had like a pre-event planning meeting. Yeah, right. And I think there was like a hot tub involved in this planning meeting. Yeah. So thank you for all the work that you've put in. And hopefully... They're troopers, aren't they?
Yeah. Thanks for all the sacrifices you're making on our behalf. Yeah. But I think what we're learning is as these meet and greets continue, we're going to do, San Diego is going to be a little bit more expanded than Providence, but we're going to start on Friday night and we're going to have an event for our members just like we did in Providence.
But then, and we've got special plans Friday night and then saturday we're going to do a couple of events on saturday and saturday afternoon yeah during the day yeah and then the actual meet and greet itself for everyone is saturday night yeah so if you're interested in attending and you're not in our community if you are in our community you'll see all of the events on the event page if you're not in our community just send us an email and we'll fill you in mr jones at we got a thing.com and we'll send you the details and hopefully you can make it but these are turning into more of a weekend kind of a thing and not just a meet and greet now so as we move which is good because you know a lot of people are traveling for these things you know we figured well we'll do one in san diego one in atlanta in Toronto so that, you know, the local people can come.
Well, there's people buying plane tickets just like you and me. And keep in mind that the purpose of our meet and greets is, yes, it's to meet you all and to have you meet us. But primarily it's for you all to connect with each other. Yeah.
Just do at desire when they go with us just like people do at our local meet and greets or at nodding new orleans meet and greets you know so so people are already connecting within our community and as you mentioned some of them have even gotten together already yeah so good for you guys we're we're happy that so many people are making so many solid connections. Yep. And if you can't make San Diego, or if that's not your part of the country, then maybe you can meet us in Atlanta the weekend of April the 27th. Yep. And we'll have more details on that soon. Yep.
I think we got a couple good ideas to make that one kind of special and unique as well. We do. And hopefully we can switch out of social mode at one of these things and actually play oh i'm like social mode what we don't get to be social no you mean like we get to be like social yeah right i know it's it's kind of we we're kind of in an awkward position and that kind of happens at a little bit, although you and I did an awesome job of having our own vacation at Desire last month. Yes, we did. We managed to get out of host mode because everybody was doing okay.
I don't think anybody really needed our help. But yeah, it is kind of awkward for you and I to figure out where is that line between being hosts and having our own experiences. Yeah, I think we found it. We did a good job. We'll just have to keep practicing. Okay. Well, that's keeping up with the Joneses. And when we get back, we're actually going to try to convince you why maybe you shouldn't keep up with the Joneses when you're developing your own set of lifestyle goals.
Welcome back to segment two of our podcast tonight, Lifestyle Goals, are you gonna explain this one well I'll start out I'm sure you'll jump in at some point that's my job well you know I think um as we talk to people in the lifestyle um one perception especially for people that are newer is that as you gain experience in the lifestyle, that it kind of becomes a slippery slope of, well, okay, so we're just four years right now. Well, we can't do that forever. People are going to think we're creepy. So we need to start interacting with people. And then they do that and it's okay.
And then they become, let's say, a soft swap couple. Well, if you're a soft swap couple, a lot of times you may feel either internal pressure or external pressure at events or on dates to become a full swap couple. So then let's, let's just hypothetically say, okay, well you do that. Well then what's next? I mean, what slippery slope are we sliding down of all these things we feel compelled to try, whether that pressure is coming from within or from without?
Yeah, I think another way to say it is that if you're just now getting into this or you're thinking about getting into this and you're comfortable, let's say, with being a voyeur and you go to a club and then that's scary enough but then you hear other people talking about full swap soft swap hall passes single mails and then your perception might be oh my gosh if we take this first step it there's nothing stopping us from you know progressing quickly in this linear fashion and getting out to a really place right now that freaks me out just thinking about it right and and i and i think that you know so many people think that that is kind of like what you have to do to be in the lifestyle and And I think there's just a lot of energy expended unnecessarily fretting about that.
Yeah, it can be, you know, it's an exciting thing to think about the lifestyle and it's an exciting thing to think about, you know, playing in public or being a voyeur or even playing with another another couple and that energy and that excitement the the fear there is that that starts to consume you and you really start to depend on that kind of that those highs you know that you experience when you do something new yeah and you know maybe that's scary for you because then like why did i get into this you is this going to take over my life?
Is this going to become something more than I want it to be? Well, and you know, you, you hear about people saying the lifestyle is like a powerful drug or you can get addicted to the lifestyle. And, um, and that's true. Yeah. Or, or that, Hey, that next thing that we haven't done yet is that shiny object that it's glittering out there and we just want to go get where we're tired of what we're doing now. But there's something else shiny that's out there that I'm going to go after. And is that taking you away from your comfort zone?
One, which is not necessarily bad, but is it in line with why you're doing this to begin with? Right. I mean, that that next shiny object that you're reaching for, sometimes that can be unhealthy if you're not grounded in why you're doing this. So I think that's why we wanted to talk about what's your why and get you to reflect on that a little bit.
Yeah, and when you're thinking about doing these things, do you get the sense that one of you is doing it for yourself or are you doing it for your relationship right and that's a fine line between the two right so this might be a little bit of a tricky topic and we're definitely not saying that there's a right way and wrong way you know we have to have our disclaimer up here at the beginning. Well, and Mr. Jones and I have had a lot of conversations leading up to this topic and this recording because we want to be careful that we're not coming across as our way is the right way.
Our linear path is the path that y'all should take. Well, ours really wasn't that linear. No. It was a lot of up and down and back and forth. Right, and I think that's natural and normal. I think the answer to the question is it's not a linear progression. And I think, and this punchline will come at the end, but I think we've, you know, we just talked about this a few episodes. We found our niche. We found our place. You know, we're satisfied where we are. And we'll talk about that in a minute about how we still get this new energy and new excitement without doing a whole lot of new things.
Right. But my disclaimer that I wanted to make up front is that our way is not the only right way. It's right for Mr. Jones and I. Yep. And I guess that was kind of a spoiler alert right there because you have to find your why and what's right for you. Right. So does the lifestyle have to be a linear progression to begin with, Mrs. Jones? Well, we just said no. Okay.
Well, and I think, again, we mentioned the word fear, especially if you're new, but there's a lot of fears that you have or that we had, you know when when you think about getting into this and when you start to progress through it yeah and one of the fears that I remember thinking about is you know we had been together with just each other for 29 years before we did this and there was a fear like are we going to lose something special are we going to lose something in our relationship that's not going to be the same after we do this that was a big fear of mine like like do you become so um addicted to this high of of the adrenaline that the adrenaline rush of having sex with someone new because that it's it's scary and it's exciting and and all.
But does that mean that when I get to go back to you where I'm completely comfortable and I can be myself and, and I mean, honestly, I don't have to try so hard because I already know what you like. You're saying I'm easy. Yes. And, and I don't, um, I don't have to try so hard.
Like hard like you know i can wash my face and take all my makeup off before i get in bed and and i don't care what i look like because i know you love me anyway it's really going downhill fast for me maybe we should edit this part out i don't know but um no go ahead keep digging the hole usually it's me that does this but you you go right ahead i'm just going to shut up and listen no like so my point is that when i when i come back to you it's comfortable and i feel you know safe and secure and and no i don't have that adrenaline rush but instead of the adrenaline rush I have like all the endorphins of all the the love and the connectedness I have with you yeah so is that is that enough for me or does that start to diminish in my mind because now I've had these like super ridiculous like roller coaster ride sexual experiences, you know, and that was a fear for us at first.
But then you realize it's completely different. It's two different animals. Yeah. Those types of experiences. I think another fear is that there are other people aren't going to find us to be attractive. Oh, well, yeah. Because like you just said, we've been together for a long time and you're taking your makeup off before you get to bed. I'm going to regret saying that, I know. Yeah, and you're my wife. So I'm like, well, you know, you got what you got at this point in time. I don't have to worry about whether you're attracted to me or not.
But all of a sudden I'm thinking, wow, is there other women? Are they going to think that I'm attractive? Yeah. And that's a fear. And if you're a guy, there's a fear of poor performance. Yeah, and that's a lot of pressure for you guys. Yeah. And so this progression that I think I might have to go through, you know, performance could be an issue or a fear of expressing interest in someone else. Like, am I going to hurt your feelings if I say something about, hey, I think that woman is really attractive? Oh, you mean like, yeah, hurting my feelings. Yeah.
Not being brave enough to express the interest. No. But, yeah, if you say she's really hot, I mean, what you have learned is I'll usually say yeah she really is yeah i know i know that's pretty cool i think the biggest fear that people have is of of losing your spouse or that your your partner is going to fall in love with someone else yeah and and then you you find over time that you know that isn't the case if you're doing it for the it for the right reasons. Yeah, but we're not discounting. These are real fears. Yes. And if you feel them, I think that's perfectly normal.
Well, I think what I'm trying to do is just kind of allay those fears. Those are natural, normal concerns to have as you're, like, risking your marriage to try something new like this. And so why are we talking about these fears? Well, the reason is because we have these things in our mind, it helps us to be really deliberate when we get into the lifestyle. We take baby steps. We check in a lot. I mean, I remember doing all this research on podcasts and research on TV shows and how can we learn about this? And because of these fears, everything has slowed way down.
Because this risk is we're going to lose something and we don't want to lose that. And then we talked and we talked and we talked. It was crazy. Yeah, and every step that we took along the way, not only did we come back and talk about it, but it was very deliberate. It's, okay, we're only going to do this, and then we're going to come back and talk about it. And then, you know, we made, all the decisions we made up front were as a couple, because we were talking, I mean, we were like attached to the hip at this point in time. Yeah, we were.
So there was no fear of one of us going out us going out you know and doing something crazy because we were so locked into this together yep you know and i mentioned being deliberate we took small steps we were always checking in with each other reconnecting frequently the sex that we had was amazing with each other yeah because we this this fear this risk oh, my gosh, are we really going to do this? This is really exciting. And then almost like a reconnection sex before we even started playing with people. Right.
Because in your mind, you're reconnecting like you're allowing your mind to explore things that don't exclusively include your partner. I mean, you're bringing other people and other scenarios into your fantasies. And then, you know, that just kind of makes you cling on to your I'll see you're, you're bringing other people and other scenarios into your fantasies. And then, you know, that just kind of makes you cling onto your partner more like, man, this is crazy stuff. Yeah.
And so I think what we do though, is we look ahead at couples who have more experience or you listen to us and all of a sudden, um, we don't have those fears anymore. At least most of them. Yeah. And because we don't have those fears anymore, there's a risk that we're going to speed things up. Well, yeah, because at some point, you got to just like dive in and try it. Right.
So then, you know, when you do and you have positive experiences, it's like, okay,'s like okay well what can we try next yeah it's like somebody took the break off because all during all during those initial fears and those initial steps you got both feet on the brake and you're just letting off the brake every once in a while but now once you get into it not only do you not have your foot on the brake but you can have your foot on the gas yeah and that's a scary thing yeah it's all that adrenaline kicking in and the danger there you might think is do we start to take each other for granted you know if we're not talking as much as we used to well um i i don't think that it's are you taking each other for granted but are you staying on the same page with the person right i guess that's what i think of you know because now like you said you you've got your foot on the gas well you know one person might not have the gas pedal down as far as the other person right so you know it's just a matter of you know are you okay yeah i'm okay are you okay well what do you what do you think about trying this next right you know sometimes you might get so focused on your own ideas Thank you.
okay yeah i'm okay are you okay well what do you what do you think about trying this next right you know sometimes you might get so focused on your own ideas yeah that you become a little bit complacent too that that i know that this has been okay so far or i know that the problems that we've had we've worked through so maybe i'm not worried so much and maybe i start to take off on my own a little bit. Well, you know, I think two things can happen when you start having experiences in the lifestyle that can end up being like kind of a detriment.
The first thing is that you can have, you know, a few bad experiences in a row. You get off on the wrong foot and then that gives you clearly a sour taste.
Like, why are we this isn't worth it because you haven't met that right couple yet or been in that right situation yet where you you have an experience that you both walk away from feeling good about or you can have too many good experiences in a row you get like this false sense of security right like we know what we're doing like we've got this figured out and then you could just smack into a brick wall yeah and one of those two things is very likely to happen yeah because you have really no sample size here right so when you do one or two things and they're good or one or two things are they're bad your perception starts to be that oh this is how things are so i'm really excited about that and i've got an expectation that's really not realistic or oh my gosh if this is how things are.
So I'm really excited about that, and I've got an expectation that's really not realistic, or, oh my gosh, if this is what the lifestyle is like, what are these crazy people talking about? This is not fun at all. Right. But as you do have these experiences, and the majority of us are going to have, you know, hopefully good experiences with, you know, a couple, I guess, AFOL experiences, you know, another fucking opportunity to learn. Yeah. So you're going to have some of those experiences that you have to kind of walk away from and say, wow, we should have done that differently. Yeah.
You know, but as you go make this progression through this journey, there always going to be okay well what next what next and that's the shiny new thing that that we're kind of referring to tonight right and that and i think that's the that's the thing that shiny thing that all of a sudden distracts you from why you got in this to begin with yeah the thing about a next shiny thing is that it could be different for everyone well yeah i think it's going to be different for everyone yeah so so if that's the case you know that's something that you need to to be able to express what what is it that why are we in this and why does that shiny thing thing attract me?
Why has that got my attention? Right. Because so we just talked about all these fears and all of these mistakes that we can make as we are kind of working through our lifestyle journey. So, you know, how can we avoid those? Well, it goes back to identifying why are we in this as a couple? Right. So when things get a little bit more comfortable and you each start to think about, oh man, would it be fun to try that? Or I'd like to try this, or I think we should try that. And you're less inhibited and you're more confident.
Then when you decide that you should push your boundaries, there are, I think there are some things that we need to continue to consider as we push forward as a couple. So, I mean, the big overarching question is, what do you guys want out of the lifestyle? Yeah, what is your why? Yeah, and I'm talking about you collectively as a couple. I mean, not individual. And you have to figure that out as individuals. But as a couple, what do you want from the lifestyle? Why are you in this? Right. And again, it probably is worth saying that there's no wrong answer here. Yeah.
It's just a matter of, do you agree on the answer? Yeah. Do you acknowledge your reason reason so i guess primarily why are you in this lifestyle and it could be you know what we just want to have sex with other people well i think we all want to have sex with other people in some fashion i mean that's really what the lifestyle is about yeah i think what i'm saying i think you know what i'm saying that primarily that want to do. Yeah, friends would be nice. So you're talking about just kind of like hookup swinging. Yeah. Yeah, just want to have sex with other people.
Go to a club, find a couple, go to the playroom with them, do your thing. You may or may not figure out their first name. Yeah, again, nothing wrong with that. No. But is that why you're primarily in the lifestyle? Or maybe it could be something like, oh, you know what? We've been married 29 years and our sex is okay. But maybe if we get out and experiment a little bit, it's just going to enhance our sex life. It's going to make our sex better between the two of us. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that either. No. Do you want to find some individual growth?
Do you want to learn about yourself as a person? I don't think that's really a primary reason that people are going to decide to get in the lifestyle. But it's certainly a big outcome. Right. Well, and I think Catherine mentioned this when she was with us. You know, that's where she and her husband go to grow. Right. And so if that's primarily why you're in this, it's a good place to be. Right. And another thing that we talk about all the time is maybe you're just in this to build new relationships and make new friends. Yeah. Maybe that's the primary. Maybe, yes, the sex is going to be there.
I mean, these are friends with benefits. Come on. Yeah, but you're more focused on the actual friendship and the relationship and sustaining that. Yes. As opposed to the hit it and quit it mentality. Right. Now, you know, some negative things that if these are your reasons, you might want to really kind of reflect on this as a couple is, you know, your why shouldn't be, and this is me like preaching, I guess, We'll see you next time.
you know, you might want to really kind of reflect on this as a couple is, you know, this, your why shouldn't be, and this is me like preaching, I guess, but, you know, be careful about your why trying to fix something in your relationship. Correct. Um, it, it, this probably isn't going to fix it. Yeah. Well, there's a higher likelihood. I think if, if the relationship is flawed to begin with or unhealthy or whatever the right word is there, that the lifestyle may not, not only would it maybe not fix it, but it might just crack the foundation or expose the flaws that are already there.
Right, right.
So that grasp for the next shiny object might be a way to avoid something that needs to be fixed in your own relationship so you know that that's something that you need to reflect on for sure but i think if you asked us at least and you can correct me if i'm wrong but i mean we got into this because we felt like it was deepening our relationship yeah i mean we stumbled into it but as we began to explore it both you know just in theory and then in actuality, we realized because of the fears that you talked about earlier that we were processing and working through, we were clinging to each other and we were talking and fantasizing and, you know, a lot of this what if stuff.
And then as as a byproduct we were learning a lot about ourselves as individuals and then sharing that with each other and i think just to be clear to make sure that we're not misleading people is when we first learned about the lifestyle we didn't sit down and say you know what we need to try to find something to deepen our relationship how about having sex with others yeah that that didn't work that way because primarily we were drawn to it just because of the idea or the fantasy this of of getting out and doing something naughty yeah and then it was through the the experience that we realized all these other benefits come along with it at that point in time we said early on you know what this is about us and about our relationship and i think because we figured out it was about us and our relationship it kind of it kind of gave us permission to proceed because we we realized that if if we were careful and we were really open and communicating with each other it was actually not only going to be fun but it was going to be in a weird way beneficial.
Yeah. So then early on, we started, you know, just focusing on our relationship and that became the fundamental kind of building block for everything that we did because everything that we did, we could ask that question, is this enhancing our relationship? Well, we, you know, we, we had a blunder at the beginning because we moved a little too fast for, for us. We moved too fast and we had to, to clean that up.
And I think that was, that was why we were able to learn so early on that we were beholden to no one because, you know, I wanted to retreat and say, nothing that I get out of this is worth seeing that look of pain on your face because I had, you know, I had hurt you inadvertently, um, with some jealousy issues. And, and I was just like, this is not worth it. And then you were like, oh yes, it is because we need to figure this out. Yeah. Yeah. And we also want to try to keep the lifestyle in perspective. You know, this is just a fun and sexy hobby for us. Right.
Even though we're making some real lifelong friendships and it's deepening in our relationship, you know, our lifestyle, our calendar needs to stay balanced, you know, with family, friends, work. Right.
I mean, work and family pretty much takes up, you know, most of our time and then you you guys hear about our lifestyle stuff you don't hear about going to the grocery store well unless mr jones is complaining about something or picking up a lady at costco or something i don't know but you know we we have really boring normal lives right and that's important right and i think another thing that um is an indication that we focus on our relationship is the way that we hold each other accountable and actually we hold ourselves accountable because not too long ago you were talking about you said why is it that i have such an aversion to separate room play and like you questioned yourself and wanted to just dig into that and you did and you still are for a while so not only do we hold ourselves accountable each other accountable but we hold ourselves accountable right um you know at i um have spent a lot of time trying to figure out why i have an aversion to separate room play and because i see friends of ours doing it and frankly having a blast and it's a huge turn on for them, both the person that's playing and the person that's getting the report back about, you know, the separate play experience.
And I'm like, why, why does that not appeal to me? And I've had to really do a lot of self-reflection on that.
And, um, you'm still working through it i haven't quite figured myself out yet right and because that that kind of leads to the next one which is i don't know if you'd call it compersion but what turns you on turns me on yes so if you're struggling with something and if you don't understand why you want to don't want to do separate play i have no interest in doing separate play i you know i'm not the type of guy who goes to you and says hey i know you're not comfortable with this but i want you to do that right and again or like you could say you know i think you need to try this because clearly you're struggling with it so just try it and see what you think right and then work through it you know that that's just not your personality it's not and you know i just want to make sure that it was just like when we um played with a single guy for the first time or we played with a single female for the first time both of those things you came to me and you said you know i think i'm i'm interested in And when you expressed an interest, then all of a sudden I was interested.
Yeah. And, and again, this doesn't mean that you all have to be this way. This is just how we are. And you were interested in both of those things because we had talked about those things in, you know, as pillow talk and it was always kind of hypothetical. So I knew that you wanted me to play with a single guy. And I knew you wanted to play with a single female because that's what you've been saying our whole marriage. Well, someday when we have a threesome, and in your mind that was always with a single female.
Yeah, I just think there's a difference between two people communicating and expressing their wishes and desires that's one thing but me constantly telling you come on honey aren't you ready for a single guy oh exactly you know i'm i'm not arguing with you i'm agreeing with you no i'm just saying that there it's not like i wasn't interested i expressed my interest but once i did that that was the end of it i mean well you were i mean you were just very gentle about it because you shared it as a fantasy, not as something on a list that needed to be completed and checked off. Right.
So number one, our focus is on our relationship. And number two, our focus is on other people. You know, we emphasize meeting people over having sex. Well, yeah, and that's come through experience. Yes. I mean, that wasn't our goal from the get-go. Meeting friends. Making friends, I should say. Making friends as opposed to not just meeting people.
Right, but I guess what I'm saying is, you know, that has been something that has evolved over time we we didn't decide to get in the lifestyle to meet people and make friends correct we got into it to have sexy fun um in whatever fashion you know we were comfortable with but then all of a sudden we're like well we're meeting some pretty amazing people here so here. So that has become part of our why, even though it wasn't initially. Right. And how do we know that we enjoy making friends over having sex?
Because we know that we just like, we've learned to know that we like people that have good conversations with us. And that, you know, we want to know you between the ears. Yeah, for sure. And never realized that that was such a turn on until, know we got into this right right so your why can evolve over time but but you know our our why mr jones has always been what sexy trouble can we get in together yeah you know what i mean instead of having what kind of sex can we have with others right yeah you know so it's always been about you know you and i are going to go out Thank you.
what i mean instead of having what kind of sex can we have with others right yeah you know so it's always been about you know you and i are going to go out and and do something you know fun together and it's going to be you know you and me against the world and and then we're going to like have this experience and it's going to be like our dirty little secret and it's always it, it's never been like, I've never thought, oh, I would really like to do, you know, a double blow job with a guy or have, you know, one guy in each hand. And I've been fortunate to be able to do all that. Once or twice.
But that's never been like, okay, that's what I want to do this weekend. Yeah. It's always been, oh, who who haven't we seen in a while or what event can we go to to meet somebody new and then just see what happens from there that's kind of been like the the approach or the mindset and then the sexy fun when we meet the right people then the sexy fun happens and maybe i do get to do my double blow job or my whatever. But that isn't my goal. Right. One of the things that's big for me is earning your trust. Not only your trust, but your husband's trust.
So if you're a woman, you know, I want you to know that you can trust me and that I am not in this to hurt you or I'm not in this solely for me. You know, I, I'm, I really want to know you. I, you know, I, I want you to trust me and I want your husband to trust me. And if he can trust me, my thought is that you're going to have a better time. We're going to have a better time.
Everybody's going to have a better time right i mean that kind of goes back to our um our system that we had last month you know right because we had you know our friends that we've gotten to know you know pretty well and they were friends with the third couple yeah they trusted them right you know that just immediately took the pressure off of you and I, you know, we weren't tiptoeing around a new couple, even though they were fairly new to us and we hadn't played with them before. It allowed us to let our guard down a little bit.
And I think that's why our house parties were so much fun for everybody because we, people came here, they trusted us and they trusted that the people that we were going to invite that they would connect with. Yeah, and I guess I didn't understand that. I kind of knew that, but now I get it because we were on the flip side of that, and it turned out so well. And the last thing that I think we learned about other people that surprised us is that we're attracted to other people's relationships. Yeah.
I love to see a couple together when we meet another couple and we're together and they're together, there's so much more potential for chemistry than if I just meet the woman or you just meet the man or one of us meets both of them. Yeah. And you know, that's one thing I love about, um, going away for a few days. Like, like when you go to desire is you get to observe people over a period of time and in different settings, you know, like in the pool during the day where it's kind of just, you know, fun and lively and people are playing volleyball or whatever.
And then, you know, the, the sexier time in the hot tub and then on the dance floor. So you get to see couples in, in, you know, different settings and see them interact with each other. And that's always fun. Yeah. So, you know, maybe somebody's throwing the BS flag on us when we say, you know, our focus on this is on our relationship and on other people, because we talk about having sex a lot with other people. We do, but that's the sexy byproduct of, of, uh, establishing these relationships. Yeah.
And I think we probably have a story or two from recently that we can share that illustrates that. Oh my gosh. We have so many stories that we could share, but I think we probably only have time for one since we tend to run on a little bit. Yeah. we met a couple at desire yes and what we met lots of couples um and we met them in the hot tub one night and we well we met them in the pool early in the week and um just you know briefly yes had gotten to know them yeah and then when we were in the hot tub one night i I may have started flirting with her a little. Oh, shocker. Yeah.
And then I was finally able to get you and corral you and bring you over. Because you and I, again, back to how good of a job we did with each other at Desire this year, is that we tried to stay close to each other so that if I ever needed to grab you or you needed to grab me, we were within shouting distance of each other. Right, right. We never allowed ourselves to get on opposite sides of the hot tub or whatever. Yeah, and I thought, wow, I'm really enjoying this conversation and she's really attractive and flirting with her. And I said, I need to get Mrs.
Jones over here or else, um, I'm going to get way ahead and this is never going to happen. Yeah. So yeah, I got over there and, and they were just so much fun to talk to really interesting people, not only sexy, but really interesting. Yeah. So we ended up, um, going to dinner with them and you know, something about dinner together. We, we had an impression and this happens with everybody, not just them, but we have, you have an impression that forms with people when you first meet them, like, where are you from? How old are you? How long have you been?
You know, all of these questions, how have you been together? Do you have kids?
What's your, you know, all of those things are really surface surface level things but when we went to dinner and you really start to have the type of conversations that you have at desire yeah you know which are more lifestyle how long have you been in the lifestyle and well you know you don't have to worry about anybody eavesdropping on you that's true yeah like if you're in a normal restaurant in your in your town or you know that you don't want the server to hear the people next to you to hear yeah so anyway we we've had a great dinner I don't want the server to hear the people next to you to hear yeah so anyway we we had a great dinner we had some sexy fun on the dance floor oh my gosh we did yeah yeah and then we disco was rocking last the last month at desire for sure and then i think we invited them back to our room yes we did did.
And they had told us that they are a soft swap couple. Yeah, and we're okay with that. Oh, we're more than okay with that. Yeah. And it was then that we discovered that their room was right across the hall from our room. Like all week long we had been neighbors and didn't even know it.
Because this was like, the week was like three-fourths of the way over by this time yeah and to describe this play um experience that we had first of all it was amazing but second of all i think you have to put everything in this progression that happens at desire you know you have time to meet we met them at the pool it went to the hot tub we started flirting we went to dinner you know we had several hours to get to know each other right which led to the play right so they they came to our room and um which was literally three steps across the hall yeah and uh they brought a little bottle of uh liqueur with them and she had changed into lingerie yes she did was fabulous and um she was a very proper I don't know.
And she had changed into lingerie. Yes, she did. Which was fabulous. And she was a very proper, polite person. And then she came into the room and she was just on fire. Yes.
And just the change in her demeanor was just so hot because it was kind of unexpected and and she was very um very confident and assertive but she wasn't pushy like she didn't like it wasn't off-putting or anything it was like oh my gosh like this is gonna be fun yeah yeah and it was so and I hadn't even changed it I still had like my club dress on or whatever I'm like I got to go put some lingerie on because she looks so amazing. So then I went and put some lingerie on. And, man, like, there was no awkward transition. No. It was just. It happened pretty fast. Game on. Yeah.
And we had some awesome soft swap. I mean, kissing and oral sex and... Laughing. Laughing. Oh my gosh, we laughed so hard. He is so funny. Oh my gosh. It was just so easy. And I don't even know how much time went by. Oh, and she brought her Bluetooth speaker and a playlist.
And her playlist was a really good one yeah it was yeah we need to get a copy of that yeah we do you know one of the favorite parts of the night was the way the whole session ended do you remember i remember ending well it was soft swap so you know we had switched back to our own spouse yeah and you mr jones just has to get it going and you managed to finish We'll see you, Mr. Jones, just has to get it going, and you managed to finish. With you. With me. And you still had your makeup on. I did. I looked good that night, I think. I'm sure my hair was kind of messed up, but oh well.
So you and I had finished, and they were still going to town.
And our room just had a king-size bed so we had we were all on the bed together but we had a really nice sofa in our suite so you and i kind of got up off the bed and we're just going to give them a little personal space to finish up and we sat down and we were watching them because they're a beautiful couple and we were kind of enjoying the show and but they i think they might have misunderstood our getting up because after just a couple minutes he said you know honey we should probably get up and let and let these kind people go to sleep or something like that and i was like whoa like I'm not sleepy.
So I think they were just being polite and maybe they misunderstood our giving them personal space to, are these people ever going to leave because we want to go to bed? But you being the ever perfect hostess, what did you do? I was like, oh, no, we're not sleepy. And I immediately got back on the bed with them.
And then I had so much fun because i just kind of played with them while they were having sex and then he started playing with me right yeah and um i think she and i pretty much had orgasms at the same time he's very talented yeah that was a good track yeah yeah you both did i know it was really fun so you know just that you know and that was the first time we had played with them so they you know probably didn't they probably weren't confident in being able to read us right so i was really glad that i had jumped up and went and got back on the bed not only personal selfish reasons, but because I think they were able to relax and enjoy themselves and get back in the moment.
Right. So that was some hot soft swap. It was. Soft swap is really fun. Yeah.
You know, when you're a full swap couple, when you're a soft swap couple too, you know, when you're in the moment with the person, you know, it goes through your mind and i'm disciplined enough not to say it out loud but it's like damn i really would like to have sex with him yeah you don't and and in my mind that kind of makes it hotter because then it becomes like this forbidden fruit kind of thing yes the next day she approached you and wanted to do full swap yes so we I guess we we cut some a little bit during the day during the activities and everything and then after dinner you I think you and I were in the lobby and I don't even know where you went I think you were talking to somebody or something but you I couldn't you weren't even around I couldn't even find you and they were at the bar and I walked up to get a drink and and the three of us started chatting.
And she said, we have a proposition for you. And I was like, oh, really? And I looked around for you, and I couldn't find you. So she kind of just pulled me aside. And she said that they had talked, and of course, and we had all seen each other and chatted about how much fun we'd had the night before.
And she said, I're ready to full swap and we're we were wondering if you'd be interested in doing that with us tonight yep and you and i didn't have any plans no we didn't so and it was the last night yes it was that was so tempting but and i and i didn't respond to him like well i really need to talk to mr jones first and you know kind of get his perspective on everything before i answer to you and she said absolutely you know she said you know just let us know when when you guys have had a chance to talk and that was i think right before the show started so we went into the show and then we danced in the disco and we danced with them again because they're so much fun to dance with and then we all kind of busted out of there to get a drink of water in the lobby and then I was like, honey, we've got to talk and so then you and I talked and I'm like, I don't know.
I said, I think they're kind of running on new relationship energy, adrenaline, we're at desire, the week's almost over, let's push a boundary, let's push a boundary. And I said, I don't, I don't know if it's the right time for them to do that. And I didn't, I didn't want to take advantage of the fact that you and I were really attracted to them and really wanted to do it, you know, and agree for selfish reasons on our part when we're thinking maybe it might not be the best timing for them. Not that it wasn't the right thing for them, but I was more worried about kind of the timing.
Yeah, and I think the way that I would put it is that the night before was so special that really what I think they were saying is because of last night we think now we are ready for full swap because last night was such a great experience and we were so comfortable that you know at at some point in the future we're ready for full swap that's a little bit different than coming and saying hey we want to full swap with you guys tonight because that night the second night was was much different than the first night. We didn't really spend a lot of time with them.
Um, and it, and it wasn't a very fluid evening. Right. And so we didn't feel like just stopping and going and playing and full swapping just because they were ready for full swap was maybe the best thing for us to do either. Yeah.
But the trick of it all even though you and i agreed with it and we we agreed i mean i i was on the same page with you yeah but then we were like well we have to tell them but we don't want to lose them as friends we don't want to hurt their feelings right because this was you know you you meet occasionally you meet a couple and you're just like wow i i think these people are like going to be real friends yeah and if you think of the irony in it we are a full swap situational couple and they are not yeah but now we're in a position where we're gonna tell them we don't think tonight's a good night for full swap right when they are wanting to full swap it was the last freaking night yeah i know yeah so we found a quieter place because the lobby was really loud so we found a quieter place where the four of us could sit down and we kind of just explained everything to them and i'm like oh this is going to be awful like they're going to get their feelings hurt or they're going to be you know irritated that they wasted their time with us you know and they could have like tried to hook up with another couple although i don't think that they're that type of people but you know you don't know what's going through their minds and Thank you.
wasted their time with us, you know, and they could have like tried to hook up with another couple. Although I don't think that they're that type of people, but you know, you don't know what's going through their minds and, and they were so gracious about the whole thing. And I, and I remember telling them, I said, you know what, um, last night, like it was a special evening and like the stars aligned last night. Last night was great.
And this night night tonight feels a little bit different and so just to put just the full swap for the sake of full swapping doesn't feel right and I was hoping that my message came across and I think you had said something very similar yeah so anyway we we went to the hot then, yeah, there were some shenanigans. That was the night that you got all your lady friends to do body shots. I know. Oh, my gosh, we had fun. We had so much fun. It was the last night. Everybody was, like, in goodbye mode.
Everybody was loose, and we stayed, and, you know, we still connected with them and talked with them there, and then we went back and had pizza. Yeah, like 3 a.m. pizza. Yeah. So we got the feeling that they were okay and that we were still going to be friends. And it was a big relief. Yeah.
And we really knew we were going to be friends the next morning when you had a gentleman call our room that did not have a Mexican accent telling us that there was coffee outside of our door i was so confused and like when he called he said um i just wanted to let you know that i i went to the lobby and got some coffee and there's coffee outside your door and i'm like oh thank you very much and i hung up the phone because he woken me up out of a dead sleep and And I was like, that wasn't a Mexican accent, was that?
And then once i woke up i figured out who it was so that was lovely that they had brought us coffee and um that was our we left that day so we had to pack and right say goodbye to everybody but we ran into them and they said well you know because we we didn't have to leave until like two o'clock in the afternoon but there was somebody coming into our room so we had to be out of our room at 12 we couldn't do a late checkout so they um they said why don't you just put your backpacks in our room and then that way you don't have to go to the spa to change clothes when it's time to leave.
So we did. And, um, well, we said goodbye to everybody. We, they took our luggage to the front. We had, we had about an hour before we had to leave that our transportation was going to pick us up. So, you know, we laid down, they had a pool bed, uh, and we laid down with them and he ordered us drinks.
And then, um, you and I were laying in the middle of the bed and then she was to my side and then he was he was on the outside on your side right and you started telling a story and she is more familiar with our podcast than he is so you started telling the story I don't even remember what story it was but it was a story you had told on a podcast and so I rolled over to to her and I said, have you heard this story before? And she said, yeah. He was enthralled with my story. I'll have you know. So I said, well, maybe we could make out instead of listening to her tell his story.
So she and I started making out and then all of a sudden it got quiet on the other side of the bed. I know. It's like, um, tell a story or make out with this sexy guy for the 35 minutes we had remaining before we had to go to the lobby yeah and the reason that we knew there was 35 minutes is because after a few minutes of making out i looked at my watch and i said hey we got 35 minutes and he stood up and he goes i'm with you that's a good idea let go. So we literally hopped up out of that bed and went up to their room. Yeah. And we had a feverish 30 minutes of soft swap.
No, it was less than that because you and I hopped in the shower afterwards. Oh, right. And we were still in the lobby at two o'clock. Yeah. It was intense. It was maybe 15 or 20 minutes. Yeah.
But we had warmed ourselves up on that bed oh yeah everybody was ready to go yeah yeah and then she we went down on you all you ladies and you had your orgasms and then you both gave us oral sex and hand jobs and we both finished oh you both finished on or no he finished on my belly and then she and I ganged up on you yeah yeah and we both finished you off yeah that was really fun yeah so it was a really the point here is that yes that's a sexy story and yes we we've made some what we hope are lifelong friends But the goal here for us was, number one, what's good for us and what's good for the friendship.
And so putting the friendship over a full swap proposal, we believe, was the right thing to do. Because that was a sexy, shiny object. It was. You know, that they were after and then you and i were like fixated on it too it would have been very easy to say oh yeah let's go let's let's go full swap yeah um but we didn't feel like it was right and and i think it paid off yeah i think in the long run it'll be good for their relationship as a couple and on our collective friendship And here's the best part. The next time they come through town, we're going to full-swave a lot.
Yeah, don't set some expectations there, Mr. Jones. Yeah, well, you know. That's just a big hope, right? Right, yeah, it's a hope, not an expectation. So as we start to wrap up this thing about making goals, one thing that we did, we threw out on our members-only community this topic a few days ago to get some feedback from our members. And as always, they came through in a clutch.
So we wanted to share some thoughts from other lifestylers in our community when we do this idea out about this linear progression into you know play styles and evolving through the lifestyle yeah and i think the first one might be my favorite um one couple said we don't have goals we have experiences that's that's amazing i know so you're you're really out to have a good time and to create an experience and then whatever happens within that experience is is what you're looking for Thank you.
amazing i know so you're you're really out to have a good time and to create an experience and then whatever happens within that experience is is what you're looking for yeah yeah someone else says um for us it's not a matter of the destination it's the journey that matters yeah kind of the same idea you know it you you don't have to have that end goal. You just kind of enjoy the journey. Right. And then rather than chasing a quantity goal, we do chase a quality goal. Qualitative over quantitative, yes. Ah, yeah, that's always my deal. Yeah. Yeah.
And the next one was, one can never be in the future nor the past. There is only the present. We savor the present yeah that's profound yep and then somebody else said we love the organic progression of being with a couple and building a trusting relationship i think that's probably our deal yes yeah organic and and trusting relationship yep and i think one of my favorites in the last one was we're definitely situational and that shiny object is simply a positive, fun experience for everyone involved. I think we have a pretty smart community. I do too. They've got their stuff together.
Yeah, and I like the word, I like that they threw the word fun in there. Yes, yeah. Because, you know, I just, I always go back to the time earlier this year when we were getting ready to play with a couple, and they're like, you know, we just need to warn you, we like to laugh a lot when we have sex. Yeah. So we hope you don't take offense to that. And I'm like, oh my gosh, this is going to be the best. Right. And it was, you know, it's just, it's fun when you can just kind of laugh and not take yourself too seriously. Right.
And so I think the bottom line for us on this is we're satisfied with where we are in the lifestyle. I don't, I don't really think that there's something out there. I mean, there's a lot out there that we haven't done, but I don't have a bucket list of things that I want to do.
I know that there are things out there, but as long as we keep focused on each other and keep making new friends and and kind of letting the the uh the situations that we're in in the moment kind of dictate you know and instead of going out and trying to find something you know i think letting something happen with our our rules and boundaries in place to kind of like you you know, corral that. Yeah. And we've had a good friend recently make a proposal to me of something that I haven't done. But the good thing about that is they're friends and it's a trusted friendship.
And so if that ever happens, it would be in that kind of a context of people that we know and that we trust right you know and i think that um once you know because like i've said i've just been like processing all of like my reasoning for making some choices in the lifestyle and trying to figure out why i feel the way i feel and and you know i i think the bottom line is don't make yourself feel pressured to keep advancing, you know, move at your own pace as a couple. And, you know, when you're ready, you'll know it. Yeah.
A lot of people say, you know, they feel like they're pressured to do this or, and it may not even be that the other couple is pressuring them, but they feel like that there's pressure. Right. It's just that social peer pressure. Yeah.
C yeah claim your own pace claim your own thing and be proud of it and don't be ashamed of it and don't let you know don't let that feeling of you've got to do something else to be a lifestyle person or a swinger it's just don't feel inferior because you have these limitations that you've set for yourself you know that they're your boundaries and you have the right to establish those yeah another thought we have is you may never advance and i have advance in air quotes you may never advance in the lifestyle spectrum and that's okay yeah again it's all about what you want and if you're where you want to be and that's your place then own it yep and you know just remember well okay i guess i'm saying this for myself because you know we prefaced this whole topic at the beginning with you know this is this is our deal and this might not be your why you know but for us it's all about the people and and then the play style will kind of set itself yeah yep and i think if we keep focused on that um we're less likely to blunder and you know lastly this may sound weird coming from us but don't try to keep up with the joneses yeah you know the metaphoric joneses right so if you guys are new and you're hearing us talk about you know our sexy fun and that you don't have to start out doing the stuff we do and you might not even find some of the stuff we do appealing and that's okay yeah and especially don't try to keep up with that couple next door because our good friends jay and k uh we we love them but you know That that scares the heck out of me some of the things that they're trying but you know what you know what they're doing it right yeah they're doing it right and they come back together and it works for them and you know the bonus we get to hear their sexy stories i know it does kind of scare me a little bit i love it yeah so don't try to keep up with the Joneses.
Make it your own. Yep. So hopefully we've done a fairly decent job of trying to explain what's so important about having your why. And we've also, I think, learned that you're probably not going to know this at square one. No. But it may be square two or square three. Yeah. Or a month, three or four, after you get some experience. Yeah, we didn't have a clue at first. We were just kind of, I mean, luckily we were pretty much chickens and we unwittingly took it slow and we're having fun.
And I think because we both agree that this is where we need to be and we stay within these confines, the new energy that we do you know because we may not move or advance to another play style but we're meeting new people and building new relationships so those are our shiny yes so our friend our new friends are our shiny objects wow that was a revelation i know i didn't even have that written down i know you inspired me honey oh good okay well when we come back we've got a couple of sexy snapshots and then we'll wrap up episode 57 all right and welcome back to our Snapshot segment. Yes.
Man, we've got a lot to choose from. You're such a meme. Well, there is another option. What? I can just restrict you to one lifestyle experience per month. That way you won't have much to choose from. Oh, you're not a dictator. I'm not afraid of you. Yeah. Okay, who's going first? I will. Okay. So this is maybe a continuation of the story that we were talking about with our friends at Desire when we were on their pool bed and we had 35 minutes to go.
Prior to that announcement that there was 35 minutes to go, I mentioned that I had rolled over and convinced her that she didn't need to listen to Mrs. Jones babble on about this story when she and I could be making out. And so we made out for at least five minutes. And during that time, I found myself in a state of arousal, which is not unusual. But we were on a pool bed outside in the daytime.
So me and my big mouth, when I announced that we have 35 minutes to go and he sat up and said let's go and then all of a sudden we stood up and started together our things i rather i found out that i discovered you discovered i discovered that it was going to be somewhat of an awkward walk because of my current state and condition that I was in below the waist. But fortunately, I had a baseball cap with me. So I took the towel and my clothes and I had them in my arm like a waist level.
And then I just took my baseball hat and hung it over myself so that when i walked around at least the resort at least people in the resort would just see the baseball hat and not me like i wonder why that dude's got a baseball hat hanging on his job well we were at the end of the pool and i was hopeful that you know not too many people would notice anyway and by that point in time most of our friends gone. But it's funny because a lot of people, a lot of guys, especially before they go to desire, they always ask that question, you know, what's going to happen if I get hard?
Do I have to walk around on it? And my comment's always been, no, it's no big deal. Yeah. It's, it's, you know, people won't look twice and that happens there and don't worry about it. But I was pretty self-conscious. So fortunately I had that hat and we walked all the way back to the room with that hat where it was and then I could take my hat off once we got to the room and it was still. Well, and our building was at the quiet end of the pool near where we were, so it wasn't like you had a terribly long walk of shame or walk of pride, actually. Well, that's true.
Well, I think she had more to be prideful of because she's the one that put me in that condition i know and i was telling the boring story yeah yeah so anyway not very sexy but it was funny because i was embarrassed and i didn't know what to do but i didn't let that stop me no we did not let that because you know the biggest mistake would have been oh let's just wait a few minutes until it goes away oh no first of all we only had 35 minutes right and second of all we'd have had to work to get it that's exactly right now right that would have taken even more time so i just kept it in its current state so that we could just take the hat off and get going and waddled waddled up to the room waddled up to the room i did indeed so that's my snapshot well my snapshot is sexy and funny i guess just kind of like yours yeah um so we were playing with a couple and we were at desire and we were in the like right in the middle of play and he was going down on me and he had been doing it for a while and and I was pretty worked up and so I was kind of like a little bit out of it and and I had been playing with him we had been playing for a while I think I had already given him a blow job and and then he was going down on me and and who knows where things were headed after that.
But he was very intent on what he was doing. And actually, he was very good at what he was doing. And then all of a sudden, I don't know what you two were doing next to us. But she asked for the lube. And she wanted her own brand of lubes, I guess she was going to use it on herself.
And you know, some of are sensitive so you need to stick with your own brand don't rock the boat so she didn't know where their swinger bag was so she was like honey honey can you go get the lube and he was kind of ignoring her and then you know I don't know she called his name or you know she just was like honey and then all of a sudden he just he looked up with this dazed expression on his face because all of a sudden he realized that you know his name was being called but he had this ridiculous look on his face it was so funny it was like he was dazed and confused well he had a big smile on his face yeah he was grinning and it was like somebody looks like if you try to wake them up at two o'clock in the morning and it was like he had a smile on his face he was disoriented he didn't know who was calling his name and we all started laughing it was like one of those uh those groundhogs from uh the movie caddyshack when they would pop up out of the hole and they would you know just kind just kind of have that startled look on their face.
Like, where am I? Yeah. It was so funny. We all got a good laugh at that. Well, I mean, that should tell you how, like, intent he was on what he was doing. He was busy and he was effective. Yeah, but that look on his face was priceless, I tell you. Yeah, that's a good one. So before we close. Yeah.
Yeah, so we'd love for you all to join our we got a thing members community you can do that on our website our membership is growing we're having some really great conversation in there and the ladies group is going strong yeah and our our video casts are really evolving into kind of like their own thing. They've taken on a life of their own. We're interviewing a couple every month and kind of letting them tell their story about their lifestyle journey. And we actually had a couple do a videocast on their end this month.
You know, most of the other couples so far have all just been audio, but our members are getting a little bolder and braver. Yeah, it's great.
end this month you know most the other couples so far have all just been audio but um our members are getting a little a little bolder and braver yeah and it was awesome yeah it was a great interview a really cute couple really great story yeah and and they are super sexy so yeah they were nice to look at and along with the video cast you get a monthly mini course and we also have each of our mini courses available for sale individually if you're not in our community. Right. And then of course, we can't forget our full Navigating Your Lifestyle Journey community course. Yep.
That is kind of like your A to Z how to do it. And we'd love for you to join us on Cassidy. And you can do that. can get three free months of Cassidy. If you sign up through our website at we got a thing.com and please, you can book your trip to desire on our website as well. Right. It doesn't have to be a, the week that we're going next year. It can be anytime and it can be either resort and we can, you canation through us and all of the Desire cruises.
And be sure to send us an email if you do decide to book through us so we can be sure that everything is recorded properly with the Desire folks. Yep. And we'd love to hear from you. We continue to get email and we encourage your email. My address is mrjones, M-R-J-O-N-E-S, at wegotathing.com, W-E-G-O-T-T-A-T-H-I-N-G.com. And I am mrsjones at wegotathing.com. As I mentioned, our website is wegotathing.com, or you can follow us on Twitter, at wegotathing. We have a Facebook page now, and it's wegotathing. And we also have an Instagram page.
And ainterest page and a pinterest page we got a thing right and you can find mrs jones's drink recipes on pinterest that's right yeah yeah so thanks for listening we are mr and mrs jones and we got a thing what's your thing We'll be you next time.
