Episode 53: The Discretion Dilemma

Transcript

This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-pos positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us?

hello everyone i'm mr jones and i'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 53 of the we got a thing podcast the discretion dilemma yes we are going to get it sounds like a thriller it does yeah it does it's kind of a big deal in the lifestyle, especially for the people that are on the new side. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone is concerned about discretion and it's talked about a lot. So we're going to delve into that a little more when we get to our topic. Yes. So discretion from the people that were outed. Oops. Yeah. Yeah. We're pros at this. Yeah. We'll figure all that out.

Don't start a podcast. Don't do what we do. Hey, a shout out to a special shout out to all of those people in our members only group that continues to grow 150 people. Oh my gosh. Yes. It is. It's really starting to grow and it's really starting to take on a life of its own. People are starting to connect. Actually, a couple of different couples have met each other. I know, I'm so jealous. I am too, there should be a rule. You can't meet each other unless we're there. Those damn West Coasters.

And not only do they meet and talk about where they went for dinner and the drinks they had, they're posting pictures. And I'm like know yeah a little fomo going on and the recent topics in the group have been somebody threw the question out about when when or do you invite any of your lifestyle friends to be your facebook friends yeah and that that kind of really relates to tonight's topic it does yes do you trust somebody enough to somebody enough to do that? Yes.

And then some lady told a story about, is it normal if you go on a lifestyle date with somebody and after just like the first, you know, brief, you know, dinner and drinks meeting, you kiss the guy goodnight and he like deep throats you with his tongue. She's like, is that normal? It was pretty much unanimous that that's probably a little much. Yeah, yeah. The first kiss should be a little bit less. Take a breath, guy. Yeah. Back down a little bit.

Yeah, and then somebody else said, okay, we've been talking about everybody, what you like in the lifestyle, so what are some things that you don't like about the lifestyle? That was an interesting conversation. So what is not your thing? So are you going to come clean and tell us what secret like sexy topics sexy topics all the ladies are talking about in the ladies group? Oh, my gosh. You know, it is top secret because I only let girls in there. I guess, yeah, we shouldn't say. Yeah, but, you know. I know one thing. What? You told me that you were talking about blowjob techniques. Yes.

I think this is kind of information to share because... Well, so no. It wasn't just blowjob techniques. It was like honest, let's just say, do we actually like to give blowjobs? Or I think the real topic was, as far as oral sex goes, do you like to give or receive? Which do you prefer? Well, what was the answer? Well, I don't know. You might have to join our ladies group to find out. Thank you. goes, do you like to give or receive? Which do you prefer? Well, what was the answer? Well, I don't know. You might have to join our ladies group to find out. No, I think this is a great marketing.

But I think gentlemen would be pleasantly surprised by the answer. So here's my marketing. Here's the ad. Okay. Okay, guys. Join our membership. Get your ladies into the ladies-only group, and you'll get more blow jobs how's that there you go okay anyway it's been a lot of fun we just released our most recent mini course 12 tips for newbies that's our fifth mini course and it's really um we're really starting to get to know people and people are connecting and more a lot of personalities are starting to come out now yeah so it's really a lot of fun.

You should consider joining us by going to our website. And another cool thing is we did a survey to find out what aspects of that the people liked and what they didn't like and some suggestions. And somebody suggested doing some We Got a Thing regional meet and greets. And so we are going to do that. And we are inviting you guys that are listening, too. You don't have to be in our group. No, right. So our first one is going to be on October 20th. Saturday, October 20th at Choice Social Club in Providence, Rhode Island.

So if you are in the Boston area or if you you are in New England, or even as far away as New York or New Jersey or Maine or Connecticut or wherever you are up in that area, please consider coming that night. What we're going to do is, if you'll go to choicesocialclub.com, and you have to register and join as a member. So there is a fee.

But when you sign up, if under the registration section, if you'll just put WGT2018 in the comment section, and that'll indicate that you're going to be a part of our group because the club is divided into two and our group is going to have the smaller section part of the club at the beginning of the evening. Yeah. So we have a private place for a meet and greet. So it won't be so confusing. If you say, you know, we're with, we got a thing, they'll direct you to where we're kind of hanging out at first. Yeah.

So for the first half hour or hour, we might have, we might have that area to ourselves, but then as the regular guests come in for the evening, we'll start to blend in with the party that they have planned for the evening yes so we're super excited to meet folks um this is the first one um mr jones and i are really hoping that um you know especially in the year 2019 that we'll be able to get out and about more and meet you guys more yes so that is definitely um definitely starting to come together. I think that's going to happen. I vote for San Diego. Yeah.

We have some friends out there that have a really nice pool. Yes, we do. And we know who they are. Yes. And so it would be a great experience. So speaking of meet and greets and keeping up with the Joneses, we attended a really cool meet and greet at a bourbon bar in Washington, D.C. last month. Yes. There is a new group in the Washington, D.C. area. It's called Pendulum Parties, and they're doing fairly intimate meet and greets every couple months. It's not going to be super often. But we went to the first one in the spring, and it was at a wine bar. Super fun. Had a great time there.

And then this one in the summertime was at a whiskey bar in a really cool area of Washington, D.C. Yeah, it was in the basement. It was in the cellar.

Basement sounds the cellar was it was super cool down there it was in the cellar it had a private bar like so you walked into this whiskey bar and the main dining room area looked like a library it like the whole thing was wood shelves yes with like what like 12 14 foot ceilings yes and the shelves were lined with whiskey bottles not books correct it was ridiculous yeah and they would let you check them out if you paid enough yeah so we went downstairs to the cellar and there was another bar down there was a super intimate area like wood paneling like everything was like just you know dark and rustic and and um and it was a whiskey bar and mrs jones doesn't do whiskey yeah but we had we had some really nice hors d'oeuvres being served and there were two bartenders that were set aside just for our group right and they would not just ask you what kind of a drink you want they would say what do you like and what do you not like and let me craft an individual cocktail based on your I'm going to show you what I of a drink you want they would say what do you like and what do you not like and let me craft an individual cocktail based on your taste yeah it wasn't like they just had like a pitcher of something that they would pour you like they talked to you and so i i had to walk up there and say i don't really do whiskey and the girl's like i gotcha and and this bartender just made me this incredible drink and i i swear it was like a lemon drop martini with with bourbon in it instead of vodka yeah and it was really good i actually drank a couple of them wow i don't want you to get too used to drinking bourbon because that's mine i know it's kind of like when i started drinking beer the last it's the last section of the liquor cabinet that's just it's the last frontier yes so anyway that was a such a fun event and after when our time was up down there we the the bar was still open upstairs so we went up to like the sky bar and went outside and, and eight or 10 of us commandeered this sectional sofa and, and we did not behave.

We mingled with the vanillas a little bit and we're going to talk more. I think we're going to talk more about that later. But you know what we forgot to say? No. Um, before we even got to the whiskey bar, we met our friends at a wine bar and hung out with them a little bit so yeah so we have some some new friends that live up that way and they were invited to the same meet and greet so we so we went from a wine bar to a whiskey bar yes and actually i think i drank gin at the wine bar i don't even think i drank wine right that was super fun.

Yeah, and we had two other couples come into town from out of town that we met for dinner. And both of these couples we're working on special projects with. Yes. That we're sworn to secrecy on. So these were like business meetings. Yes, air quote, business meetings.

So we have some really exciting things that we're working on with them definitely wait and then finally we had our lifestyle two of our lifestyle besties fly halfway across the country to spend the weekend with us yes we had such a good time gosh that was so much fun yeah and and she gave us quite the compliment she said um because we had spent new years together. And we were together for three days. We've spent two New Year's Eve in a row with them. Yeah. But the first time we were together for three days. Yeah. And she said, here's how we know that we like you guys so much.

We spent three whole days with you and you didn't get on our nerves once. Yeah. But this time it was so fun. So they came down Saturday morning and I think then they ended up leaving like Sunday afternoon. So it was a quick weekend. Well, we took them to a couple breweries in the afternoon. Yes. And then we came home, but it wasn't quite dinner time yet. And we were sitting around and she all of a sudden blurted out, can we just go have sex before dinner?

Yes did so we took a vote yeah and it was unanimous well we hadn't seen them for seven months it was a lot of pent up yeah it had been seven months yeah so yeah we had a lot to get out so it was kind of like down and dirty the first time oh it was pretty quick yeah yeah we came downstairs didn't even hardly mess your hair up no not really yeah had some fun play time and then went back upstairs cook some dinner some dinner got some protein in our bellies and another bottle of wine and scampered back downstairs and did it all over again no i think i was making them like gin gimlets and stuff yeah you were making you two ladies drank quite a bit that night yeah but like i did good because i remember everything i know but you kept having a different drink every time but we were sticking with either gin or vodka no you had beer in the afternoon right we had wine with dinner right and then we went with gin and vodka okay well that's four different alcohols are you keeping score gin and vodka are pretty much the same thing okay just vodka with botanical red wine and beer is what you had before that but we had dinner yeah i don't know i'm not complaining i remember everything i didn't have a hangover the next day yeah um that was some good sex and i think we're going to talk about one particular aspect of that evening later in our snapshot section there's a lot we could talk about.

That was good sex. And I think we're going to talk about one particular aspect of that evening later in our snapshot section. There's a lot we could talk about. That was good sex. It was really great to see them again. Yes. And it's great to have friends. Oh, yeah. And they're really nice people, too. Yeah. But it was really good sex. Oh, yeah. There is that.

So when we come back, we are going to get into a really exciting topic right mrs jones yes the discretion dilemma yeah i think we need like twilight zone music right now or something good idea we'll be right back welcome back to segment two the discretion Discretion Dilemma. How intriguing. It sounds so like, I don't know, like a TV mystery show or something. It is a mystery. Yeah. So look, we all have the same concern about being outed. And so we all are concerned with being discreet. Yes. When we consider entering the lifestyle or when we just get into the lifestyle as newbies. Right.

And even after we've been experienced for a while, we're still concerned about it, but a little bit less than when we started. So, you know, while discretion is a good thing, many of us allow that fear of being found out to inhibit how much we share about ourselves. It's kind of like we overcorrect. Yes. Yeah. And that's not a bad position to start with. Right. I mean, cautious is a good thing. Yeah. Yeah.

But we also want to meet people and we also want people to know us so tonight the discretion dilemma is what we're going to talk about is this tension between this need to be discreet and this fear of being found out and also that expectation that you want to know somebody else right so can you remember like five years ago when we started even thinking about this yes holy smokes it was scary We'll be right back.

so can you remember like five years ago when we started even thinking about this yes holy smokes it was scary yeah so i i mean i i can remember back that far i know and um you know i i just remember you were setting up our profile and i would look at the pictures that you would put on there and i would be like no no i know no somebody's gonna, somebody's going to figure out that's me. And he's like, honey, like how in the world are they going to figure out that's you? Your head's not in the picture. I'm like, I don't care. That looks just like me.

They're going to recognize that dress because that dress is something I wore when that was a picture of me on Facebook in that dress. Yeah. I still feel that way. Yeah. Yeah. It's scary. I know. But then you turn on the podcasts or you like we used to watch Playboy Swing. And, you know, then you hear people talking about this lifestyle and you realize, wow, there's some pretty cool people out there. I want to meet them. And so the holy grail of swinging, so to speak. Yeah, I mean, we talk about friendships. We talk about building our relationship up.

But ultimately, if you're going to have sexy fun with somebody and all of these things need to fall in place, I mean, that's really what we're after. Yeah. Right? Yeah, I mean, ultimately, that's the end game, you know, to find that four-way connection and have sexy fun with people. And the four-way connection is hard to find even if you're not worried about protecting your privacy. Yeah, and then you throw into the mix that we're social swingers and we're kind of sapiosexual and that we want to get to know what's in your head and we want to get to know you as people. Yeah.

So that's just more time and more trust that's involved in getting to know somebody to that level. What? Who says this? You've got to get between my ears before you can get between my legs. That's so crude. But it's really funny. Yeah. And it's kind of true. Yeah. You know, so we're looking for all these things, the solid relationship, the personality, we got to get to know you. What do we have in common? And do we like you socially? And, you know, all of this stuff we need to know about a couple that we're interested in before we're willing to play with them.

You know, and I've heard people talk about, and we've met people who don't like to talk about what industry they work in. You know, I don't need to know I don't like to talk about what industry they work in. You know, I don't need to know like the name and address of your employer. Um, but I just like to know what makes people tick. Right. So I like to know what they do for a living because that tells me just about how they're wired, you know, are they left brain people like me or are they right brain people like you?

And, you know, and I just like to know what their, their gifts are and their talents and, and what inspires them. And you know what it takes to get that? It takes a willingness of trust. Yeah. You got to talk. Somebody has to start that to happen. So, you know, and there's a lot of barriers.

I mean, i mean we talked about the i mean the first barrier is this fear that we have we we all do before we even decide to get into this there's this fear we're gonna we're gonna be found out um and then when you mentioned putting our profile together and putting pictures out there i mean we don't put't put any face pictures out. Nope. Right. Um, we don't, we have two paragraphs to really to say who we are and what we want or what we're looking for, right. On a profile. Oh, we have more than two paragraphs cause there's more than one. Well, two sections.

So you, so you, you have a limited amount of space that you're going to convey all of this information to people and and tell people what you're looking for and then of course you have your height weight and you know and all that stuff right but then you've got to put um a collection of photos together that um tell people about you without telling people too much about you yeah right so right. So, you know, it's like this delicate balance. Right. So we're trying to get people to know us, but we limit what we put out there.

And then on the other flip side of it, we make judgments on whether we want to see somebody based on what is in their limited profile. And so we're filtering out people with very little or limited information as well. Yeah. Okay, so that's how profiles work though. So we're talking about lifestyle dating sites right now. Yes, right. Okay, so let's take that and kind of apply it to different ways of meeting people. So, all right.

So what if you're like at, um, a meet and greet or a club or something like that, where it's a, or a party where it's just, it's a kind of a one evening deal and you know, you're meeting people face to face that you, let's say you have not connected with anybody at this event ahead of time.

So you're just going on um perusing the room so here's what's ironic in my mind when we go to a vanilla meet and greet or a party what is one thing that you're hoping to see what drama like entertain the evening or what are you talking about your your fear is that you're going to get there and not know anybody oh right right you know so you know it's but in the lifestyle it's completely opposite yeah what is your fear your fear is that you're going to get there oh my god that that couple their kid plays soccer with my kid right oh my gosh i cannot believe they're here right so first of all you're going into a social setting and your mindset is totally opposite what it's been for 20 or 30 or 40 or more years right so you don't you don't know how to handle that and you hear people say i think i saw somebody i knew or i saw somebody we gotta leave.

I mean, we've had quite a few people say they've run into co-workers. Yeah, so yeah, if you're going to go to a meet and greet, you know, you're probably going to stand in the corner and look across and see, is that the group? Do you see anybody we know? Is it safe to go in? Can we talk to these people?

You're still very fearful of getting getting to know somebody at first same thing with pretty much any other event i mean takeovers and um you know uh clubs resorts yeah i mean the resorts though you you have the luxury of uh taking your time a little bit more yeah if you on vacation with somebody, you know, either on a cruise or at a resort. Right. And when you add in on top of that, your perception is that all these people are out to get me. They want to sleep with me. Oh, yeah. Yeah. When you're new, you kind of do feel that way. Yeah.

But I think it's funny, though, when we talk about all that and all that fear and being discreet and back to what we do in normal life because in normal life we have facebook instagram i know yeah twitter right we we put our lives out there for everybody like the minutiae of our lives go out on facebook and twitter and yeah instagram and same thing with your profession you know you don't normally tell people right away in the lifestyle what you do but in your daily life you have a linkedin profile you have business cards you're you're putting yourself out there because you want to network and connect with people who you can do business with right so again that that's opposite too and we already talked about parties because you you know we get stressed out because we think we're going to go somewhere and not know anybody yeah well you know speaking of social media professional social media um we met a couple um at well they were on an rsvp list for an event we went to recently and in washington dc yeah so we met them ahead of time close by at a bar for a cocktail before the event started and um we walked in the door and you know we and like we don't have face pictures on our lifestyle profiles but when we connect with a couple via those profiles whether it's an rsvp list or through like cassidy or apg the the sites that we're on we will if we're planning on meeting somebody we'll send a face pic because like you gotta know who to look for in the restaurant right right it gets a little crazy right so normally we don't do face pictures and that has nothing to do with our podcast it's just kind of the way i have to roll i that's just I'll see you next time.

right right it gets a little crazy right so normally we don't do face pictures and that has nothing to do with our podcast it's just kind of the way i have to roll i that's just my deal right so anyway we we had exchanged face pictures and we met this couple for drinks before our event and come to find out we had a scary amount of stuff in common yes like it Like, it was ridiculous. Like, we had mutual acquaintances. And then, come to find out, you, the two gentlemen, worked in the same industry. Yeah, but remember, before that, we realized they used to live really close to where we live.

Yeah, and they moved like a year ago. Yeah. So, but yeah, they used to live almost within walking distance of where we live yeah and then um we had mutual acquaintances here in our community because they used to live here for decades just like we did yeah and then he started talking about what he did and then they asked me what i did and he and i were in the same industry yeah and then we said well the more we talked and then it kind of got you you two kind of got a little mad with us because we started talking shop, which normally doesn't happen in the lifestyle.

And we talked shop for a while. And finally, I just said, look, I'm just going to give you my business card and we'll hook up on LinkedIn and we can talk about this later.

And by the way, if this story sounds somewhat familiar to you, we did mention it a couple episodes ago, though not in detail so you go home so the next morning i come home and i go to linkedin and uh go to add him to my network and he was already in my network i just didn't remember how we were connected in the past but right right yeah so i mean that was just too weird normally we don't we don't give that much away but you know what it was about them um obviously with all the mutual acquaintances we had and and then the mutual professional connections that you had because you two had people in common that you had had business interactions with right you know everybody had the same amount of skin in the game well that's what i was going to get at yeah you know when we first got there we didn't know very much about them but when we left we knew so much about them but somebody had to take the first step somebody had to say right you know okay so you get there they're attractive they have a good personality and you're like okay we're checking these things off the list they're down to earth they're laid back we have this thing in common somebody gets enough nerve to say well you know this is where we live oh my gosh we used to live there this is what i do what do you do so the conversation naturally got a little bit more personal but somebody had to Thank you.

there. This is what I do. What do you do? So the conversation naturally got a little bit more personal, but somebody had to, uh, can, you know, somebody had to give out some information first. Well, when, when the first name came out and I was like, Oh, I just messed up.

Like I just said too much because it scared me yeah but then you know and then i'm like okay well i can't take that back i mean they've already heard somebody that i know and they know them too so then we just kind of kept talking and then all and then all of a sudden i realized these people are amazing i mean they're just like us what are they are they gonna go to our mutual acquaint say hey we were on a swinger date and we met so and so no no they're not and then they and then they trusted us yeah to do the same yeah and then we went out afterwards and got to know each other better yep and then we got back together with them later and had a date and ended up playing.

And now they're on our calendar coming up here shortly. Yes. I think these people are going to be like, what do they call them, like swirl friends? I mean, these are people we could just meet for a beer one night because we don't have anything better to do. We don't have to play with them.

They're going to be like super cool friends but my i think my point is the other side of the story is you could easily go meet a couple and you could have rules you could say okay we're not going to tell them our real names we're not going to tell them what we do we're not going to tell them where we live and then you're going to have this then then you're going to go home wondering well that didn that didn't go very well or, you know, we didn't connect with them because you're living from that point of fear and not wanting to share something about yourself because you think you're going to get outed.

Right. Yeah. And, and yeah, it, it did make my stomach cramp a little bit when that first happened. I mean, especially since, you know, you and I have obviously been through a little bit of drama in the past year, but you know, they're, they have the same skin in the game that we do. And I, as we started talking with them, I could tell that they were, you know, smart people, that they weren't going to be reckless with the information that we are sharing with them. Yes.

And when you have an experience like that, and then you continue to have experiences like that, then your perception of discretion changes and you don't, the fear doesn't get in the way of your, you can still be discreet.

You still need to be discreet and you need to be discreet with each other so when they share something with us we don't share it with other people there's that level of discretion as well but when you go through that a few times it gets easier the next time to first of all spot a couple that you feel like you can trust yeah and then you are it's easier the second time and the third time and the fourth time but you still have to be on guard yes i mean just because the last three couples were um you know careful with the information you share with them doesn't mean the next couple's going to be right you have to feel out every couple and make sure that you know they they um are trustworthy i guess yeah this couple, I don't even think that they knew us.

They had not really listened to our podcast very long. Right. Right. Well, they're fairly new to the lifestyle in general. Yeah. Right. Because that's another thing. I know this really doesn't apply to a lot of people, but you know, a lot of people kind of in a complaining type of a way, send us messages and say, oh, you guys make this sound so easy, but we can't meet anybody. I don't think they're complaining. I just think they're frustrated. That's right. They're frustrated, right.

But if you think about it, one advantage that we have is that if you've listened to now 53 episodes of our podcast, we've been in your ears for 80 hours. Hey, have we talked about, um, this is me getting old. Sorry, guys. Uh, no, we haven't. Okay.

So we were talking to somebody in the entertainment industry, kind of, and, um, they were sharing with us, um, like the difference between listening or going to a movie and watching tv and like listening to audio so what they said is you know if if you go to a movie you're going out of your home to a big theater and you're sharing this experience with many people in the movie theater and it's not a very personal experience. It's not a bad experience, but it's a big overarching general experience.

When you watch a TV show, that show comes into your home and you're watching that in a more intimate setting and it's just you and the TV or you and your family and the TV so you form more of an attachment so you form a relationship right to the characters in this television show and usually television shows you know have multiple episodes because it's a series so you you form a connection a relationship with these these characters well when you listen to something like a podcast many of you listen to podcasts either in your car so it's just you and the radio as you're driving to work let's say or you're um maybe at the gym or you're running and you have earbuds in and or you're at work i mean some people listen at work i think with earbuds in that is a an extremely intimate experience yes because it's it's like we're in your head, literally.

It's like we're having a personal conversation with just you. Yeah. Yeah. So I think I've thought that was fascinating when this person kind of explained that to us. Because so many of you write us, and we absolutely love this. You're like, you're just like us. We feel like we already know you. Yeah. And then you hear our stories over, I mean, how many, you calculated it. Thank you. And then you hear our stories over, I mean, how many, you calculated it, how many hours? 80. Yeah. So if you've listened to all of our episodes, you've listened to 80 hours of Mr. Jones and I yammering. Yes.

You know, so you do know us. Yeah. Because we, this is us. Right. So when you say, when it sounds easy for us, when we meet a couple that has listened to our podcast, half of the equation, half the problem is solved because you know us and we only have to get to know you. Right. And because you've listened to us for so much, the relationship you've established with us, even though it's one-sided at first, because we don't know you, but you trust us. So because you share with us, that puts Mr. Jones and I at ease.

And then, you know, we can share back and the conversations become much more intimate and personal more quickly. When you're meeting a couple just cold, so to speak, there's a lot more work involved. Right. And I think people that know that we've been outed would now want to interrupt our conversation and say, yeah, but you guys put yourself out there and you've been outed. And so we don't want that level of transparency. And that's not what we're saying.

What I'm saying is that there's this spectrum all the way over here on the left is me building my profile putting zero pictures up and two sentences about who i am and then hoping to meet somebody by putting nothing out right where all the way over here on my right is a couple who yes we're out we tell you names. We publicize our pictures. And it's easier for that type of person to meet somebody. But obviously, you're giving up all of your discretion at that point in time. So what we're saying is that there's this scale, just like anything else, there's a spectrum.

And the more that you choose to disclose and how you choose to disclose it and whom you choose to disclose it to has a big impact on how effectively you're going to be able to meet other people and connect with other people. Right.

And the longer that you do this, I think you start on the left side, you know, almost closed down all but as you get experience you gradually move more towards the center and you share a little bit more because you didn't get out it and you met some cool people and you share a little bit more and those people are sharing with you so you find that balance exactly and there's been people along the way who you've shut down because they're not like you or you don't want to there are some reckless people in the lifestyle we're not saying the lifestyle is full of amazing wonderful people it is there there are people in the lifestyle that are reckless they and and you'll be able to tell and oh this sounds really bad i feel like i'm criticizing a section of the lifestyle but they're they're people that I struggle to um let's see what do I want to say I struggle to let them get to know me and I I tend to have my guard up more with them because when you look at their profile they have like explicit pictures with faces I mean explicit pictures are great but with your faces in the unprotected section of their profile so anybody can see them you know that to me is a red flag yeah um gosh if they're so out there themselves are they going to protect the information i share with them about me well that's where i was going to go with that my point is is, you know, when you meet another couple and somebody says, Hey, oh yeah, that couple over there, we've been with them.

They are this, and this. And I'm like, well, wait a minute. I'm thinking if you're telling me about them, then you're going to tell other people about us. Yes. Yes. So there's this discretion and privacy that comes along with it too. And that's part of the whole trust equation. Well, and that's part of getting to know people to figure out how much information you do want to share with them. You know, those kinds of things will come out pretty quickly in a conversation. Yeah, definitely.

And the couple that, another story about that, the couple that we talked about in Keeping Up with the Joneses, our best, kind of our lifestyle besties that came, flew all the way across the country to spend the weekend with us. Do you remember when we went to New Orleans and we walked into the lobby and they were there and they introduced us to their friends? Yes. And when we, when they introduced us, they introduced us as our first names. Right. And the other couple was very pleasant. And they said, oh, yeah, nice to meet you.

And then the next day, the couple that we met, they came up to us and they said, I can't believe that our best friends didn't tell me they knew who you were. And they introduced me and they didn't tell me who you were. They didn't say you were the Joneses. Right. But the point I'm trying to make is that's one reason why that couple became our best friends because they had good friends that they had never even told that they knew us. Right. And so when somebody is protecting my identity like that, that just allows me to trust them even more. Okay.

So that brings up another thing that I wanted to talk about. So the, our friends that we're talking about right now, um, you know, some jobs are more, um, public than others, I guess, or more visible than others. Um, I had a pretty visible job in our community. Therefore I retired. Um, I didn't want to take that risk. So there are jobs that are more visible than others. And, and people sometimes say we need to be discreet because I have a very high profile, high powered job. And, and that can be true.

And those people do need to be extra careful about protecting their privacy, but you have to be careful how you say that, because just because I had a public type career where a lot of people in the community recognize me doesn't mean that my job was more important than somebody else's job. Yeah.

Can I put that in a different term so um you could be the mayor or you could be the milkman there you go okay so you're the mayor and you come across as I'm the mayor I'm a public figure I make this much money um I have a I'm known well known in the community therefore I have to be extra discreet well guess what the milkman has a life too and that job is his I'll see you next time. known in the community. Therefore I have to be extra discreet. Well, guess what? The milkman has a life too. And that job is his livelihood. So yes. So I think that's the key word you were getting at.

Everyone has a livelihood. And if that's your livelihood that you're trying to protect, it doesn't matter what job you have or what role you have in the community. And I think not to criticize either end of it, but when this fear of being found out is clouding our judgment and we have this protection mechanism built in that we want to protect our family and our livelihood, we have this tendency to say that we have to be extra discreet where you implying that maybe other people. Right. And if you're not wording that carefully, it can insult other people. Exactly.

You can alienate other people by using the word all capital letters and three times in your profile that you need discretion because we all need discretion. Everyone needs discretion. Everybody has the same level of risk and everybody has to choose. The only, here's the difference. You have to choose whether or not your livelihood and the conditions in your life are worth risking to be in the lifestyle. That's nobody else's decision but your own. Right.

So whether you're the the mayor or the milkman you still have to take these things into consideration let's use us for example okay we're in our 50s and we're not at a point in life where we have kids at home anymore we've retired from our first jobs we're a little bit more financially secure now than we, when we were in our thirties and forties. So if, if Mr. and Mrs. Jones 20 years ago, we're sitting and making this decision compared to Mr. and Mrs. Jones in our fifties, we would have had a lot more at risk. I would have thought in our mid thirties than we do here at our mid fifties.

You're right. Yes. Right. So we're not saying that, um, you know, what we're saying is this is your decision depending on where you are in life, what your livelihood is, but all of that, everybody has to make the same decision. Everybody is protecting their livelihood. Everybody wants to be discreet. Yes. And, and it just takes a little bit of experience to, I guess, help you realize that you can trust the majority of the people you're going to encounter. Not all of them, but I think the majority of the people are trustworthy to protect the information you share.

Now, you know, another thing that Mr. Jones and I have, we struggle with this because, um, people will write to us and they'll use fake names, which is okay. Yeah. But then sometimes we have the pleasure of meeting these people in person and they'll use their real names. And then you and I get so confused. Can I stop you? You forgot something. Typically the first thing that we get are initials. Okay. Yes. But those initials are initials from the fake names. Yes. So then we get a little bit more trusting and they use their full fake names.

And then sometimes when we go to meet them or they get more comfortable, they have to say, well, we're really not Sue and Sam, you know, we're Billy and Barbara. And I'm like, oh my gosh, that's just one more thing. I know, now we got to switch. I can't keep you straight. And then your profile name is different. But anyway, go on. I guess my point is that you can use your first names with people. And then I know some people like a Jennifer will go by Jenny or, you know, a William will go by Will or, you know, they'll change how they use their first name. They might take a derivative of it.

But, you know, don't give people your last names. You know, that's definitely a way to be discreet.

But, you know, there's a derivative of it but um you know don't give people your last names you know that's definitely a way to be discreet but you know there's a lot of billy's and sue's and right jenny's and barbara's in the world yeah and that's that gives us an idea of the type of people that we're going to meet too because if i mean we've literally met people before and they have refused to tell us their names until we get to the restaurant yeah but we knew going in that okay they're new i know it's stressful though because you know you get that one face pic and then you don't really know what to call them by and then oh you know what else is super funny when you go to a restaurant and you get there after the other couple and you know well i think the other couple's already here and that this hostess will say well what's their last name and we'll be like um i have no idea we don't even know for sure if we know the real first names i mean so part of this is understanding that and then the next part of it is you know overcoming that and learning to trust yourselves and trust other people.

You know, so having a realistic expectation really is based on the level of comfort that you have. So what I mean by that is that you can't expect to go out and meet and connect with a lot of people right away if you're unwilling to give a lot of information out about yourself so that's fine if you're choosing to do that but you have to temper your expectation a bit you have to understand gosh it's going to take me a while it's going to take me more time and more energy and more dates or more trips to the club because I'm unwilling to share.

So if you start to feel frustrated, you know, it's because... So you're saying they're narrowing the field? Is that what you're saying? Well, they're limiting access to information about themselves with the expectation that people are going to know who you are. I mean, we know who we are. We know that people generally like us.

But if we don't convey that to people how we have an expectation sometimes that people somehow are going to be able to just look at us and know that we have a good relationship and so basically it doesn't matter how attractive you are you know if you're not willing to be open in conversation correct people are still going to shy away from you that's a good point and and I can speak personally to that because I remember the first meet and greet that we went to standing in the corner and you and I had a disagreement that evening and I just assumed hey we're an attract fairly attractive couple my wife is stunning and she sexy outfit on.

So all's I have to do is stand here next to her and fight the ones off that I'm not interested in. Steam was coming out of my sexy ears. And we're, we're going to, I was mad at you. We're going to be golden. Um, and then nobody approached us. And so anyway, what I, what I realized is after a period of time, you know, I actually have to smile at people and look at people and engage with people. And then all of a sudden everything changes. Yep.

So yeah, being willing to, you know, be upfront like that and introduce yourselves and talk to people is certainly a lot more effective than just standing in the corner and expecting somebody to notice you without you having to tell them your names or what you're, you know, where you work or who you are. It just doesn't really happen that way.

The other tip in overcoming this, I would say, is that, you know, if you're unwilling to share personal things about you, then when you meet another couple go tit for tat so to speak yeah you know when somebody tells you their real last name or first name then share with them what your real name is and then stop and see how it goes from there right you don't automatically have to become facebook friends with people no not at all and then if that goes well and you and you get a sense of sense of comfort then maybe you start talking about well you know what type of industry are you in or what's your profession and if they share and you're comfortable then you can share because you're equally putting more skin in the game incrementally at the same time.

Right. You know, so that's one way to test the waters a bit, throw a little bit of information out there, see how they respond. And if you're comfortable with that and you see like, like you have something in common that might make the next disclosure that you make a little bit easier. And it's not an interview process.

I mean, it's just let the conversation flow and just depending on the you know how easy the conversation is if something comes up that is um of a personal nature i think your your gut instinct will tell you if it's okay to kind of put that information out there just you know try to try to get away from that mindset of you know these people are going to out me it's like they're taking notes and they're going to put a letter to the editor in the newspaper about me or right you know that's that's not what they're after they're trying to get to know you just like you're trying to get to know them to see if that connection is there right and giving trust begets trust yes and vice versa and so somebody has to take that first step so you know so have the courage to to you know if somebody's trusting you with something you naturally want to you know give them a reason to trust you yes and even if it doesn't work out you know even if you don't you know you end up you don't connect with a couple they're not going to take your information and distribute it no because something didn't work out no no the people in the lifestyle are not like that yeah so this worry that we have about oh my gosh if we turn them down now they've got this information on us are they going to be angry with us are they gonna no it's not like that so everyone has something to lose like we were talking about before okay so how do we wrap it up then oh boy um i i think first of all we've kind of beat up on some people tonight.

Uh, so it's probably safe to say, or best to say being overly discreet is, is very normal. We're not beating up on anybody cause we were there. I'm just saying, like I said, I wouldn't let you put any pictures on our lifestyle website at first. I mean, I was just like, nope. You can't say that. And I was terrified. Right. Yeah. So it's, it's normal to feel that way. And I think the, the only way, unfortunately, to get around this, just like anything else in the lifestyle is by experience.

I mean, it's just like having sex the first time with somebody else, you know, you're not going to know how you're going to react until you do it right it's the same thing here you're not going to gain any kind of level of comfort and in getting to know people and sharing information with people until you do it and then you realize that they're sharing the same types of information with you and and it's all good it's that this has kind of become overused, I think, but that mutually assured destruction. Right.

Um, well, and here's the thing, you know, back to, I mean, back to us being outed again, here's the, if you don't have a podcast and you're not numbskulls like we are and put your voices out there, you can deny it I mean because if somebody outs you and says to somebody else hey you know the smiths are in the lifestyle you can just say no we're not I mean unless you've gotten to the point where you've shared digital images with somebody I mean it's your word against their word so even in the worst case scenario if somebody decides to out you you know it's very easy to say no i don't know what you're talking about they must have us confused with somebody else now unfortunately when you have a website and pictures and your voice is out there um you know it's hard yeah and we can't deny it it's hard to work around that but and you know what?

We're still kicking. After everything we've been through, we're still kicking. I think that. I don't recommend it, but yeah. Yeah. So, and I think that's the next point is with experience. When you do get that experience, you get more freedom. Now, we're not recommending or advocating that you out yourselves no at all don't however however we do experience a lot more freedom now yeah that's true we don't have the fear and the worry that you and i had four years ago or five years ago when we were first thinking about and we were first getting into this?

You know, I really think a lot of my outlook on life has changed since I've worked through it. Now, the first few months, really until a few months ago, I would have been lying if I would have said that. But I really, I do feel more free now. And I think I feel more confident to take risks and try new things in life, and when I say that kind of stuff, I'm not even really talking about sex or the lifestyle. I'm talking about every aspect of my life. Right.

So, no, I don't recommend you being outed, but I think one thing the lifestyle does teach you is that, you know there there's more to life than a nine-to-five job and taking your kid to soccer practice and cleaning the bathroom every saturday and doing the laundry every sunday and you know i guess you have to mow the grass and stuff yeah i mean there's definitely more to life than that and there's more than one way to grow as an individual. Yeah, and we're getting into something, since we're on this topic, we'll just touch on it.

But just to tell you that, you know, the episode that we did where we told everyone that we were outed was 37, and that was a year and four months ago. Something like yeah um we're going to do another one here um coming up to fill you in on how things have gone for the past year and where we are now in this so and i'm going to be really honest right now so mr jones is really um he's not chomping at the bit to do that episode but he wants to do it I am, I've got the reins around his neck and I am like pulling back as hard as I can because I'm, I'm still afraid. Yeah.

So, you know, he and I are really trying to find our way forward that's comfortable for, for both of us. Discretion is still very important to me. I've learned a lot about myself and I've grown a lot. Um, but we still live in the same neighborhood and we still see the same people at the grocery store and the gym and everywhere else we go. Yeah. We'll get into that. Yeah. Um, so I still feel the need to be discreet.

Yes though we're technically out right and this gets to the next point and everyone has to balance their own risk and rewards in the lifestyle yes you know we and we're still doing that even though we're shifting more over to the right and we're out a little bit more and we're free a little bit more we still have we't put our faces out there. We still don't put our real names out there. We still are under the Mr. and Mrs. Jones blanket, so to speak. Yeah. I like it there. I like it there. Yeah. I like the height. But we're a whole lot more towards the right than we used to be.

And so it's easier for us to meet people. But the point here is that everyone must balance that. And first of all, you have to balance it as a couple, just like you and I are doing right now. Yeah. I wanted to podcast about that already. You're not ready to talk about it. What do they say? The gas and the brake. Right. Right. So the first thing you have to do between each other is what is your level of comfort with what you're willing to share? And one of you, most likely, just like any other thing in a relationship, one of you is going to be ahead of the other one. Yep.

And you have to go with the person who's lagging behind a little bit to keep peace, right? Yes. The emergency brake. Right. That would be me. So it's up to you and then once you once you as a couple decide that then as you get experience you're going to talk about how you can gradually let loose a little bit more and trust a little bit more the next time that you're out so it's an an evolution. But each couple has to decide where that starting point is and how quickly they're going to. And we are not criticizing anybody.

I mean, if you're the one that is afraid to put your information out there, then you definitely have the right to do that.

But you just have to understand it's going to be confusing to people yeah you know they like even if you're the most attractive couple in the room um people are going to maybe shy away from you if you're a little reticent about sharing because they're going to wonder why um and then you know they might just decide to move on to somebody else That's true that's a very good point so if you're too closed down um and you wonder why couples aren't interested in you um you're probably scaring them off a bit yeah and not scaring off but just well if they're figuring well if i'm not going to get they're not going to open up then i want to be a social swinger, then I can't get to know them, then I'm going to have to move on.

Yeah. Yeah, definitely. And, you know, fear can paralyze you from moving forward. And so even though you've just said, Mrs. Jones, that we're not criticizing anybody, I'm going to push and nudge people a little bit because that fear that you have.

I'm the nice nice one that fear that you have is paralyzing some of you from moving even an inch forward and and not only that but the fear distorts reality and fear distorts your perception of what these chances are yeah to being outed and and you you talked earlier about when people send us an email and at first it's initials and then it's the fake names and then it's the real names. And then when we meet them, you know, it's a little bit more. And now that we've got this private members group, we have people coming into this members group with profile names.

And we have people that are on the sidelines listening and observing the conversation and then we have people that after a while they jump in and they'll be a part of the conversation and then and then eventually people are just out there asking questions and initiating conversation i think that's my favorite part is just observing that watching the people kind of step in and take it all in and they might comment a little bit here and there and then the next thing you know they're like leading the pack.

But we have this one particular person I'm going to pick on him a little bit who's been emailing us for a long time and he wants to join our community but he doesn't want to give he doesn't want to use his credit card because you know he's afraid that we're going to have this information. I get that. Yeah, I get that too. But we have invested a lot of resources into making sure that our website is secure and we use the most secure merchant service that's out there. And, you know, so we're doing, you know, our end to make it secure. So then how do we get people to trust?

And we don't get to see any of that information. I mean, that's a good plug for our services. Yeah. But what I'm saying is that just like you had said before, if you're a couple that's not going to share anything and then people lose interest in you, if you're not willing to sometimes put a credit card out or there's information out there for you to help you.

So if that fear paralyzes you from sharing information or making a purchase because of your of your fear, you're not you're not meeting the people and you're not having the experiences and you're not getting the information you're not making the connection you're not utilizing all of the resources that are out there because of this fear that you have and and i'm not saying that that's unrealistic and that's and that's a bad thing what i'm saying is it paralyzes us from moving forward and that's okay at first but at some in time, you have to start putting yourself out there if you're going to grow.

Right, right. And trusting that people and that businesses, you know, I used to think that about when I would like go to these crazy websites and buy these sexy dresses or like a sex toy website or whatever. Like, oh my gosh, like, I'm not kidding. I used, okay, so I do our taxes. So I used to think, well, what if we ever get audited and they look at my credit card bill and they see that I bought all these sex toys from this crazy company. Like, they're gonna know I bought sex toys. Yeah. You know, and now it's just like, whatever. Yeah, that's right.

Now we get the red light in Mexico, and they open up our bags, and they touch my sex toys. And I'm just like, yeah, that's my sex toys. I mean, ultimately, I think what we all have to remember is that we all have a lot to lose. Yes. But there's much benefit, and there's much to gain. Much more to gain. much.

Well, we but there's much benefit and there's much to gain much more to gain much well we think there's much more to gain yes i think that's what people have to realize through the experiences you know the and that's really what helps you move forward through experience experience is a subjective term but once you meet some couples and you become friends and you have sexy play together and then you understand the benefits of being on the other side of giving your trust away thoughtfully then all of a sudden you realize what there is to gain and everything balances out yeah and that fear doesn't paralyze you anymore it should keep you on your toes yes it should you know and i think one of the one of the biggest compliments i i get when we're in the lifestyle and we make friends with a couple is um we've had a couple opportunities throughout the years to actually meet family members of our lifestyle friends just because we for whatever reason we intersect with them in in like a vanilla setting and and we get to meet their family whether it's their kids or or whatever and you know that's trust they trust me to behave appropriately and to you know behave, behave, you know, with their children.

And I, to me, that's an honor. Well, we've done the same thing. Yes. And we've done the same thing. We have introduced lifestyle friends to our family. Yes, we have. And had absolutely no worries that they weren't going to behave themselves. No, not at all.

It doesn't even back it doesn't even come into my mind right um that's a lot of trust yeah now that we didn't do that at first no um but you know if you just through experience and a little bit of courage yeah and um learning from your mistakes because it's not all perfect i i think you'll you'll come to find that um your lifestyle friends can be really solid amazing friends that can can intersect with your vanilla life in a in a very natural comfortable way and as a closing thought here's one action item that you can all do in order to take a small step in this direction okay what's that gonna that gonna be?

Go to your lifestyle profile and look at it. And if you have discrete in all caps, just put it in lowercase for now. Oh, so they don't even have to delete it. No, we're talking of baby step. Just put it in lowercase. I like it. And make sure it's only there once.

Okay, so if it's there more than once, remove the other ones and leave one and then put it in lower case that's a good first step we all want to be discreet we do okay well I think we've covered that if you have any thoughts or questions we'd be glad to hear from you but when we come back we're going to get away from being discreet and talk about being sexy. Oh, yeah. welcome back to snapchats yay after that After that serious, like, intense topic. Oh, that was fun. It was intense. No, it wasn't. We were beating people up. We were being honest with people. We were holding them accountable.

Okay. I guess that's our job. We're pushing them out of the nest. That's right. They're down there with their mouths open, and I'm kicking them out. Time to fly on your own there, bud. Yeah. I'm the nurturer. I'll pick them up and pat them on the back. Thank you. and I'm kicking them out. Time to fly on your own there, bud. Yeah, I'm the nurturer. I'll pick them up and pat them on the back, make them feel all better. Well, I'll go first this time. Oh, well, all right. Because I may have to chime in on yours because I know what yours is. You tried to steal mine.

Well, I actually claimed yours first, but then when you wanted to do it do it i and i'm going to call you back out on that when i get to talk about mine but you go first okay i'll go first so we talked about a meet and greet that we went at a local bourbon bar in downtown dc yes we had a great time we met some lifestyle friends uh got reacquainted with some that we hadn't seen in a while and you know time ended and we went upstairs to the what did you call it the sky bar it was at on top of the restaurant i think that's actually maybe the name of it yeah so there were about eight of us eight or ten eight or ten of us that went out and there was as you mentioned there was a sectional that we took over and at the bar it was pretty late there were only maybe a half a dozen people at the bar when we got there right and there were like eight or ten of us yeah and they were like there was like a sofa and a love seat and a couple chairs around like a big coffee table so it was kind of sort of horseshoe shaped with the bar kind of at the open part of the horseshoe.

So people could totally observe. Yes. So as people in our group were getting up and getting drinks or going to the restroom and when they would come back, as typically happens at an event like this, we would sit in a different location so you could get to talk to different people, right? Oh my God. I've been drinking whiskey all night. I was doing more than talking. Yes. So whiskey makes me frisky. Isn't there a country song like that? I don't even want to talk about that. I will edit that crap out. No, you won't. I will edit it out. Too late. Already there. Okay.

Oh, now you've ruined my snapshot. Whiskey makes... You drug me... Corn makes whiskey. Whiskey makes me frisky. I don't know. I wasn't even going there. You drug me to the whiskey bar. I don't like whiskey. I don't know. I'm betraying my... But it did make me frisky. Impartiality towards certain songs, but a genre. Anyway, I noticed at the bar that there were three gentlemen surrounding one very attractive lady who was sitting on the bar stool and these three guys were standing around her.

They had their faces, they were facing away from us and this girl was just like flirting with them and she had them all three captivated and they were you could just tell that they were trying to pick her up so I was watching this go on and then all of a sudden um there was a a couple that there that I hadn't talked to yet and the young lady of the couple came over, and she came over to me, and I was sitting, there was no room on the couch. And she said, is it okay if I sit on your lap? And I said, of course it is. Well, that doesn't normally happen.

Well, I think it might have been because of our age difference. It should have been evident that we weren't together because you and I had been sitting together. No, you and I weren't close. And I'll see them were you. Yeah, that's true. So she sat down on my lap and we started talking. And as we're talking and as all the flirting and kissing were going on around the couch, I started noticing that the gentlemen that had been paying attention to the young lady at the bar were now looking over their shoulders at what was going on on our side of the room. Oh, really?

See, I wasn't paying attention to you at all. And a certain female who had been the sole recipient of all of their attention now was starting to look a little bit perturbed that she wasn't getting that attention anymore oh really yes so then as this young lady and i kept conversing and talking um she kind of put her uh she came whispered in my ear and she said, would it be okay if I kissed you? And I said, well, yes, it would be okay. I did see this part. And so we started kissing. And of course in the lifestyle, it's not like a peck on the cheek. It got a little bit involved. Yes, it did.

I can vouch for that. Yeah. And about that time, it got really quiet at the bar. And as a matter of fact, the woman looked like she got angry and raised her voice a little bit. And the guys weren't paying any attention to her at that point in time. They were all watching what was going on. So anyway, after that, she said, are you sure that was okay? And I said, yeah. And she said, well, your wife is sitting right over there. You didn't talk to her. And I said, no. I said, I looked over at you and I said, I think she's, Mrs. Jones is just fine. I might have been kissing somebody else.

Yeah, yeah. I don't know if it was my left or my right. Anyway, not to take anything away from the conversation or the kiss that we shared, but my snapshot is kissing this girl and looking over her shoulder at this at these three guys who are no longer paying any attention to this girl at the bar and the girl at the bar is upset and they're looking at us and I may have put on a little bit of a show because of that but it was it was a lot of fun so that's. So later, after that, there were like, what, four of us girls left, I think, at that point. Or five. There were five girls left.

Four or five. And we all got up. And I think we might have all been dancing together. You were. You were. And there might have been a little kissing amongst the girls. Yeah.

have cleared out the rest of the bar yeah there was no i don't think there was a lot of inappropriate touching and there was no there was no exposure of anything no we were just dancing and then maybe leaned over and just kind of yeah yeah it was pretty vanilla considering but where we were it was not vanilla right it would have been harmless at desire yeah that was a super fun night yeah oh my gosh your turn okay so my turn is um when we had our friends in town not too long ago we got to play with them twice in one day we did you already said that pre-dinner and post-dinner so i think this one was post it was so we came back down to the bedroom and we started playing again and she and i played for a long time for a long time i liked to play with her you just naturals together.

Yes, it's very easy with her, and it's always super hot. So she and I had played for a while. So at one point, he and I were starting to play together, and his wife, I was laying on my back, and she came and climbed on top top of me and she started kissing me. And she was, yeah, she was on top of me on like on her hands and knees, right? Yes. And she and I were kissing and I was getting ready to like start seriously playing with her again. And somebody put out a condom and decided to like do her from the back because she was kind of sort of in doggy position.

And I was like, hey, you're moving in on my girl. So I'm laying on my back underneath of her. She's on top of me. And then you like go in her from behind doggy style. You totally, totally like crashed my party. But it was really hot. Okay. I was going to, I was going to wait. Snapshots usually aren't complaining. They're usually very gratifying and sexy.

So it ended up turning from two sexy girls playing together into a, and we used her first name and her first name is not jessica but let's just use jessica because we always call her a little logo girl jessica so it turned it into like a jessica sandwich so yeah so that's what we said because i was on the bottom you were on the top and in the middle. Okay, and now let me tell my version of it. Okay. Okay. So he had gotten up, and you had rolled over onto your back. Yes. And she was laying on her side next to you. Yes. Because you guys had just finished. Yes.

So I figured you all have been playing together long enough. Oh, good grief. So when she rolled over on top of you and started making out with you, and I noticed you starting to get hot and bothered again, but she kind of went up on her knees a little bit. And I took that as an open invitation and slipped the condom on and got behind her and entered her from the back.

And when I did that, she put more of her weight down on top of you so my weight was on her back and you were on the bottom of both of us then he was sitting beside you and you reached over and grabbed his cock yes I did stroking him yes I did so he was watching and being stroked by you and she was in between the two of us and it was hot it was super and it was here's why it was hot it was a combination that we had never done before and there was a connection of all four of us yes but getting back to what we were talking about in our topic tonight, the level of trust, I did not, I thought about this, but I didn't, I did not ask her if it was okay, because we had, we were good friends with them, we played together, I just put the condom on and did my thing.

And, and afterwards I kind of mentioned to her, I said, I hope I didn't,step by not she said oh my gosh you you did the exact right thing and that was so much fun so to the point of our relationship has gotten to that point where we trust each we trust each other so much that we don't have to have those types of conversations anymore because of the closeness of our friendship well and she i mean i don't know if she checked or not but like you know when i full swap with a guy i always have to check to make sure the condom is there yeah um i don't think she did well and that's you know that's one of the things that i said and that's a level of trust we have i know i know i said I said, first of all, I didn't ask consent.

And I said, second of all, you were facing the other way, so you didn't see me have a condom on. I was just hoping that you would trust me enough. And she said, oh, it never even crossed my mind. Right. And so when somebody trusts me that much and we have a trusted relationship, that's very special.

And it's worth the risk and it's worth the discretion you know it's worth the chance that we take of being outed because of the type of friendships that we've created and the type of sexy fun and ultimately the relationship that you and I have because of it well and I and I don't even worry about discretion with them. As much as they know about us and as much as we know about them, it becomes irrelevant because the trust is there. Right. And I don't have to worry. I don't have to weigh my words when I'm around them.

I can just be myself just like I would with any, you know, like best friend, um, and, and know that I'm not going to be judged and know that they're going to protect what I tell them. Right. So before we close, um, we'd love to have you join our steadily growing. We got a thing private membership community. Just go to our website.

we got a thing.com and sign up there if you have any questions send us an email join us on cassidy and you know what else we need to talk about desire oh yes our desire group is firing up for november yes so our we're using the platform me we and i think we've got about 75 or so, 60 or 70 people in there. And this platform is tremendous because we're able to do posts like Facebook. We're able to do chats, and we're able to share pictures that disappear like in Snapchat. So there's multiple conversations going on at one time. It's not like kick where there's just one steady stream.

So we're getting to know people quickly. And you know, we're co-hosting again this year with C and D from Swinging Down Under. And C is brilliant with social media. She is doing such a good job of, she posts like a question every Monday and just super interesting, like kind of out there questions that really make people think. And so people are sharing And I'll see ahead of time. And of course, you know, the beauty of MeWe is you can be as discreet as you want. Some people are actually using their real first name.

Some people are using like profile names they've met made up and um and there's no judgment like everybody's just joining in and being comfortable wherever they're wherever they're comfortable yeah they're allowed to be that way not only is she brilliant she's like the queen of social media yes she is yeah it irritates me because she's so good at it And she's so damn sexy. Yes. Dang. And she has nice boobs. No, I never noticed. And, okay, and she is super sexy with her glasses on. Yes, she is. Yes. She's the whole package.

I'm not sure how we got on that tangent, but I'm sure people won't mind. I know. Yeah, so we're well and she's married to d yeah whatever so she so she does all the social media work but he's you can gaga over him if you want to well okay just let me have a moment oh love my d yeah so yeah we're getting ramped up for november and we will have our 2019 dates hopefully within the next month or so. Yes, we're trying to get things arranged so that there's plenty of room for people to join us. And we're trying to figure out a way to make that happen smoothly. Yes. Yes.

And we've got a couple other projects in the works that we'll tell you about in the future. But if you want to email us please continue to do so i'm at mr jones at we got a thing.com and i am mrs jones at we got a thing.com and that's w-e-g-o-t-t-a-t-h-i-n-g.com and we can you can follow us on twitter at we got aThink. Yes. Okay, thanks for listening. We are Mr. and Mrs. Jones, and WeGotTheThink. What's your thing? We'll see you next time.