Episode 52: Play Preferences- Newbies or Veterans?

Transcript

This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-pos positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us?

hello everyone i'm mr jones and i'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 52 of the we got a thing podcast and in episode 52 we're going to talk about play preferences newbies or veterans yeah we're going to get into what it's do what do we think about playing with inexperienced couples and or experienced couples and the differences between the two. Right. And some of it's good and some of it's not so good. Yeah, pros and cons to each one. Yeah. Yeah.

But before we get there, I think, you know, for those of you who have been listening to us for a while, I would just want to confess that we've probably had one of the roughest months of our marriage and for those of you who have been married for any length of time you're going to know exactly what i mean when i say that i have no idea what he's going to say we had a tragedy lately our Mic broke oh that has been very stressful yes and it's it was over a month ago i know but here's what happened our our microwave broke so we went to the store and bought a new refrigerator there you left out like a lot no because that that was your that was your plan all along because you hated the refrigerator that we had for 10 years 11 years i have yeah but it wasn't broken yeah and i kept saying if i get another client and the refrigerator breaks we're not even going to try to fix the sucker you lured me down the microwave aisle and then you like backed around the corner with your short shorts on and started looking at the refrigerator.

No, there was lots of drama in this because we had a 36-inch wide microwave that goes over the range, and they don't make those anymore. I know. It was not a simple fix. It's not about the microwave. It's about that you tricked me into buying a refrigerator. And I tried to be responsible and repair the microwave, and the guy came out and played taps over our microwave. I know. You know. But there. It's about that you tricked me into buying a refrigerator. And I tried to be responsible and repair the microwave. And the guy came out and played taps over our microwave. I know.

But then when you went to get the refrigerator, you started in the middle at the one that costs X amount of money. And then you'd say, oh, I like this one. But then you'd say, oh, but this one's only $200 more and it does this. And then next to that was, well, this is only $200 more than that no i only did the two hundred dollars more once only once and there was a 40 off sale for independence day so i saved you money yeah so i saved you a lot of money the microwave broke so now we have a new refrigerator and the microwave is on back order and the refrigerator is is here today.

It got delivered today. Yes. It was quite a stressful day. It was. Because I don't know how often you all clean out your refrigerator. Don't tell people about how dirty my house was. No, it's not that. We had to let something thaw out so we could figure out what it was. You didn't even know what you had frozen. I'm still not sure. I think we should pull that refrigerator out more than once every 10 years. No, it has not been 10 years, Mr. Jones. Yeah. I swear. Anyway. Anyway. We should probably get down to business. So yeah, it's Friday night. We're supposed to be unwinding. I know.

I'm drinking water. Yeah. And I'm drinking a mango martini. Yeah. I'm having to go to the airport and pick up family that's coming into town so we're getting this podcast recorded under the wire before we're invaded yes we are going to be invaded for like two weeks yeah so yeah um and just a quick comment about our members group we were over 100 It's, um, it's exceeded our expectations, both in its rate of growth and in the, um, engagement of our, yes, of our members. Yeah. We're, we've talked about recently, we talked about club etiquette.

Um, we've talked about healthy diets, you know, for people who are, you know, in the lifestyle, what kind of, what kind of food they of food they eat what kind of nutritious you know scheduling and diet and exercise workouts and um and then somebody brought up the topic of bumping into people that you know in lifestyle situations yeah so there was a lot of um interesting conversation so we can kind of just sit back and and watch it happen yeah it's really cool yeah how's the ladies going? The ladies' group is going well.

Are you allowed to talk about what kind of secret things you talk about in there? You know, we have some interesting conversations.

Some of them are pretty lighthearted, and then some of them are pretty heavy-duty about having to actually throw the flag in the middle of play because something went wrong and and you know that the aftermath of that both you know with the other couple and with your partner i have a suggestion for you to throw out what just just say this is mrs jones and my husband wants me to fantasize more so can you ladies give me some ideas and some fantasies that i can own as my own and tell him that they're mine I don't know. say, this is Mrs. Jones and my husband wants me to fantasize more.

So can you ladies give me some ideas and some fantasies that I can own as my own and tell him that they're mine? I'm sure they would help us out. I'm sure that more than one lady is in the same boat that I'm into. And along with that, we released our latest mini course, which is swinging beyond the age of 50. Yeah, that's actually been requested by quite a few people. So hopefully people will check that out and see if it's helpful or not. I think you and I learned a lot about it. We did. Because unfortunately, well, or fortunately, it's relevant. We're qualified for that category.

But at any rate, you're going to find a link to it. Just go to our WeGotAThing.com page. And thank you for all. Welcome, everyone, who's joined. And if you're thinking about it, give us a try. Because you're going to run into it and meet a lot of intelligent and interesting and sexy people in a safe environment where you can ask questions and share experiences. It's really a lot of fun. Yep. So. What else have we been up to? Oh, my gosh. So keeping up with the Joneses. Well, we just got back from Desire. Oh, I thought you'd never bring it up. I've just like been chomping at the bit here.

We are not going to do a slideshow or a family movie about everything that happened every day that we could Desire. Although it would be fun to do that. Because we had a lot of fun. We had an amazing time. You know, I was a little, well, this isn't true, but it kind of goes through your mind. Like we had such an amazing group of people with us in November. You're like, how do you top that? Yeah, we just got lucky the first time. And, you know, this group was a little bit smaller. So we were like, ah, you know, I'm sure there'll be, you know, couples will find somebody to connect with.

Well, dad gone is all you and I had to do was have that first meet and greet on Saturday night. And then we just got out of the way. Yeah.

We just had to get out of way and let people, we did, we did a speed dating in the pool and we did a progressive lunch which was a lot of fun where people switched seats about every five minutes and then beyond that besides that initial meet and greet we didn't need to do anything else because people were socializing and connecting all over the place right we we tried to help people arrange dinners with each other and we didn't need to do that they were making their own dinner dates and um And you and i got asked out to dinner a couple times this year we did we only went to dinner by ourselves one night yeah yeah so we we met some new friends ourselves we had a couple of great play experiences and um just another amazing group of people yeah um it was just i i don I sound like a broken record, but.

Desire does not disappoint. Yeah, we're sold out in November, and we're going to be announcing our 2019 dates here in the next couple of months. We're working with Desire right now to get on their calendar, and so stay tuned because a lot of you wanted to go and you couldn't go. But, um, yeah, we had, we had perfect weather this time. I think we had 15 minutes of rain the whole week. It was incredible. It wasn't too hot. The people were hot. Well, we started off a great play time with a couple. We had to move rooms.

We are in a master suite with a plunge pool at the beginning of the week, the first two days, which was awesome. We had never been in one of those before. And it has a, it has a plunge pool. It's ground level. It has a plunge pool outside, but it also has one of those beds, like a lounge bed for four or actually supposed to be for two.

And we may, we ended up somehow moseying back there to the room and and had a a very good play experience that i'm gonna i'm gonna talk more about it later oh well good because there's a lot to say about it but but the funny thing that happened was when we finished we went to go back inside and we had locked ourselves out of the room we had locked ourselves out of the room and then when i went back to the um i went back to the lobby to get a key and picked up a couple pizzas for you guys and then i came back and tried to go through the front door but i had flipped the security latch the chain so mr jones comes around i mean luckily we're on the ground floor so we weren't like trapped on the balcony the walk of shame to the lobby and the towels they get a key but then he brings pizza back and he's like i got good news and bad news and we were like what and he's like well the good news is that they they had pizza so he brings two pizzas and hands them over we were starving so we immediately start stuffing pizza in our faces because we had just had great sex yes we had definitely worked up an appetite and he said um excuse me but there's bad news too and we're like what like all of us had mouth that's full of pizza and he's like um so the key that i got doesn't really do any good because i flipped the safety latch but i was able to i shouldn't say how i got it open because those safety latches really aren't worth anything you did it without any tools yeah i was able to slip my little pinky finger in there and flip it up and i got in but anyway uh yeah it was a great week and i think you know you and i did a much better job of staying connected with each other this trip than we did last time.

I mean, I felt like you and I were on vacation this time. Yeah. And in November, we had a great time, but we really were more focused on our guests than ourselves. Yes. And we got over that. Right. And I don't, you know, I think November is going to be easy easy too i think we understand now kind of what our role is and you know i lost my voice again this week you know that's just par for the course for me because i can't stop talking yeah so we had we had a great time thanks to our friends adam and eve from the spiritual swingers podcast. Yeah.

And Eve did, um, most of the mornings she did a meditation at like 9 30 AM, like a guided meditation. And that was a big hit. Yeah. I think people really enjoyed that with her and they were just, they were great. And you know, they were newbies last year when they were came in November.

So you guys have come a long way, yeah you're making good progress yeah so thank you for that excellent hosts everyone else excellent friends and we recorded a they recorded a podcast in our in our suite one afternoon so if you haven't heard that yet move on over to the spiritual swingers podcast and check it Yeah, because we actually got some of our guests to share some stuff, too. Yeah, now it's time to set up our group for the November trip. I know. We'll be doing that within the next week or two. It's only four months away. I know. Get to go back. Yeah.

Then we went to visit some long-time experience, or what were we going to call it? Veteran. Veteran, yes. Veteran for friends and swingers that we've known for a few years now. Yep. Spent an afternoon at their house and did a pool party. Yep. It was just a... Again, perfect weather. We've been really lucking out on weather lately. Yeah. Perfect weather, yummy dinner, yummy playtime. It was a lot of fun. So we have been busy, and it looks like we're going to get a little bit of a break from lifestyle stuff because we have some family stuff going on for two weeks.

Although we are going to slip out to go to a meet and greet. Yes, tomorrow night. Well, I mean, our family has more people to see than just you and I. Yeah, yeah. So it's not like they're going to be sitting at home twiddling their thumbs. Yeah, coincidentally, we arranged for them to be somewhere else tomorrow night. It's funny how that worked out. It'll all work out. Yeah, so that was a lot of fun. When we come back, we are going to really get into what it's like and the differences between playing with newbies or inexperienced couples and veterans or experienced couples in the lifestyle.

Yeah, that's a mouthful when you put it that way, Mr. Jones. i know but the more we talked about this the more interesting it became. And we realized we have a lot of experience with both of these. And those in our membership group gave us some great thoughts and some ideas as well. I sure did. We'll be right We'll see you next time. welcome back to segment two of our podcast and tonight we are talking about play preferences newbies or veterans that's the big question do you have to choose one or the other? Well, stay tuned. Oh. Don't make me give it away already. Okay.

We can just end it right here. I know. We like to talk. So no, I'm not going to answer that question yet. Yeah. I mean, we do enjoy meeting new couples as well as spending some time with long-time lifestyle friends that we have. So maybe we're weird, but we like both. We do. And, you know, they both have their drawbacks and they both have their benefits. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah, that's what we'll talk about. And, you know, we've been in this long enough now that we have a lot of experience.

And also people have emailed us us and said things like, um, you know, experienced couples say that, you know, sometimes they choose to steer clear of, of, uh, newbies or inexperienced couples because they want to avoid potential drama. Right.

Um, on the other hand, we've heard, had some newbies tell us that, you know, they've shared us stories with us about being targeted or they felt like that they were you know targeted or or trying to take advantage being taken advantage of by um more experienced couples because of their naivety like they might you know say one thing i think you used the term in the past like um divide and conquer you know or it's almost like um what do they call that in sales the old bait and switch yeah where you say yes we're like that but then you get into the playroom and all of a sudden the rules are different and you're caught by surprise on the other hand we've had some experienced couples say that they really enjoy the energy of new couples and we've had new newbie couples say that it's really nice to have somebody showing them the ropes you know looking for that yoda couple right um i prefer the the swinger yoda couple versus the swinger parents yeah that hits a little close to home it does yeah it's a little punch in the gut yes but we enjoy it right i just don't want to be called that i don't want to to be anybody's swinger mom.

Right. So I think before we get into talking about the benefits and the drawbacks of newbies and experienced couples alike, we should break down what we mean by, just like everything else in the lifestyle, it's dangerous to put a label on something or somebody. somebody. Yeah. Um, and so I thought we could talk about what some people view as, um, newbies and experience. Like for example, uh, you can have a young experienced couple in the lifestyle. Um, and they may be a bit inexperienced in life or in their relationship. Just because of their age.

Yeah, just because of their age, but very experienced in the lifestyle. So you may misinterpret that as them being newbies. Or you can have a longtime married couple that are newbies in the lifestyle, and they have plenty of life experience and relationship experience, but they're a bit jittery about getting into the lifestyle, and that's where we were. Right, and I think that the fact that they've been together so long You're forgotten.

you you have a very stable long-term relationship that you're potentially putting at risk and then secondly you have no game like you have totally forgotten how to flirt how to date and all that stuff so then you're playing catch up on that yeah and somebody may misinterpret that experience in life and in our relationship to mean that we're experienced in a lifestyle but we're really not no well we weren't at that point in time. Right, right.

Or you could have like a short-time married couple, and they could be older, and they may be new to each other and the lifestyle, so they may be in their 40s or beyond, and they just remarried. Yeah, and they've gotten a second, you know, they've gotten it right the second time around, so they've got a got a great relationship. They just don't have a lot of experience as a couple under their belt. Yes. So, you know, how well-tuned are their communication skills in the heat of the moment? Right. You know, that just comes with experience. Right.

Or you could have a couple that's in a new relationship, but they were previously, they had a lifestyle experience either as singles in the lifestyle or they were married before and in the lifestyle. And maybe one of them was and the other one isn't. And so that's a different dynamic. How do you put a label on that when you've got to. And we actually have friends that are in that situation and they've got their act together. They do. Like, they know what they're doing, and they know what they want, and they know what they're doing, and their act together. They do.

Like they know what they're doing and they know what they want and they know how to express it. Yes. Yeah. Super impressive. Right. And sexy. There is that. Yes.

And lastly, you might have a couple who's been in the lifestyle for years, but they might have limited play experience or vice versa like for example you know you're at desire or you're at naughty in new orleans and you say hey how long have you been in the lifestyle and they say well for we've been doing this for four years and you assume that's a long time but then when they say well really we only do it when we come here right their vacations one years yeah or you can a lot of people do that yes yeah or you could have a couple that says we've only been in it for one year one calendar year but we've been to clubs we've dated we've been to events and all of a sudden you realize they have more experience than somebody who's been in it for their newbies on the calendar but not in experiences right so we say all this to kind of throw out a little bit of a caution there that you can't necessarily just look at a couple and ask general vanilla questions like where are you from how long you've been together how long you've been in a lifestyle and know exactly if they're newbies or not can i go nerdy on you for a minute oh that sounds this is like a seriously complicated venn diagram it's not two circles newbies and veterans there's so much overlap going on and um and so many you know like subcategories of of what's going on here with people and you know people are complicated you can't just like tattoo a label on their forehead and you know put, put them on opposite sides of the room and say, y'all, all you newbies, you know, you play with each other and all you veterans play with each other.

It just doesn't work that way. That's right. And so just like everything else that we've discovered in the lifestyle, just saying newbies and veterans isn't quite going to cut it. There's a whole lot more under the surface that you really need to get into. And I think, like, okay, so why are we talking about it then?

You know, if we're saying that this isn't really two separate categories, it's because when you go on lifestyle websites and you read profiles, you know, some people are, like, really clear about, you know, we don't play with newbies because we're trying to avoid drama or this or whatever their reason is and you know again i think that's a huge missed opportunity yeah you know potential missed opportunity so yeah there i think there is a conversation well and let's talk about that for a minute minute because you could very well have, does it matter that it's a newbie couple and drama or you just don't want to be around drama?

You know, the assumption there is there's not going to be any drama if it's not a newbie couple, but we know that not to be the case either. Right. Because whenever there's humans around, there's potential for drama.

Right for drama right yeah well when there's alcohol around and yeah i mean like couples at any experience level can really screw things up on any given night yeah if they're not on their game that's right so so we should probably get into some of the um benefits and the drawbacks that we've come up with and thanks to those of you in our private members only group who gave us a lot of good feedback about this episode when We're going to be right back. um, um, benefits and the drawbacks that we've come up with.

And thanks to those of you in our private members only group who gave us a lot of good feedback about this episode when we threw this out there. I know. I mean, there's still like, we put this out a few days ago, probably a week ago. And I think somebody just answered. Yeah. Yeah. So we just constantly having new conversations brought forward. Yeah. So let's talk about newbies, quote unquote newbies first and the benefits. Okay. They are enthusiastic and they're nervous and they're excited and there's just a ton of energy there. Yes. I love that. Yeah.

And I think that's what draws us and other people to newbies or people in that new mindset. Yeah. And I think that's what draws us and other people to newbies or people in that new mindset. Yeah. This is fresh and it's exciting and it's exhilarating and, you know, we're energetic about it. And you've got all this pent up, you know, energy and you get to experience the result of having them express that energy. Yeah.

I mean, it's just so much fun to talk to them and listen to their perspective on things and listen to their concerns and you know and then you get to share you know your perspective and your stories with them and yeah it makes you feel kind of like smart yeah like yoda yeah so that's inside the bedroom you have the excitement the enthusiasm the new but outside the bedroom before that, there's just a lot of curiosity and a lot of eagerness to learn. And that's what we, I mean, that's why we podcast, right? I mean, we, we get some sort of fulfillment out of helping people grow. Right.

We really do. I'm, and I mean, actually this helps us grow too. It's like a therapy session every month for you and I. That's true. Sometimes you should see our faces when we're podcasting because we sit right across from each other. And sometimes we look at each other like, hmm, like, what are you where are you going with this? I didn't see this one coming. I know.

Another benefit is, you know, just being a part of somebody's first play experience, just having somebody trust us enough that, you know, we feel honored that somebody would say, hey, we've never done this before, but we'd really like to try it with you, whatever that something is. Yeah, I hope we never forget how big of a deal that is. You know, it's a big deal to actually take that first step and open yourself up to other people after, you know, when you're in a stable relationship. Yeah. So, yeah, it's really a privilege that people trust us enough to help them experience that. Yeah.

OK, let's talk about a few of the drawbacks of those who may not be so experienced. And I think, number one, we were talking about communication can be challenging. Yeah, because, you know, there's a lot of vocabulary just winging. You know, I keep going nerdy, don't I? Yeah. Yeah, so, but it's true. You know, like the word vanilla, that's such a basic everyday word, but you know, it, you know, you have to learn the vocabulary when you enter the lifestyle.

And then you, not only do you have to learn the vocabulary and you have to learn the different play styles, you have to decide what fits best for you as a couple. And then after you decide between the two of you, which might be challenging enough to verbalize that and and actually, you know, speak your voice and trust that the other person is not going to get upset with what you're saying. You come to agreement on that and then you have to communicate that to virtual strangers. That's what I think is the tricky part. Yes. Yeah. So there's two parts of that. Right.

Understanding the definitions, talking amongst yourselves, but then being clear with somebody else, because sometimes newbies will say, or less experienced people will say, um, we'd really like to spend some quality time with you, or we really hope, you know, that we can extend the evening with you, or we really hope that we really want to see you again so we can spend time with you. And that's okay at first.

But at some point in time, those subjective words like spend time with you or quality time with you or being together with you, you need to be able to say, we'd really like, you were interested in playing with you guys, you know, and, and make it a little bit more direct. Yeah. And then they have to be able to communicate what their play style is and what they're comfortable with, you know, and, and sometimes you have to be, um, I guess, explicit with that to make sure, because I mean, soft swap, okay. Most people assume that soft swap is, you know, anything other than penetrative sex.

But maybe there's certain things that people aren't comfortable with. Yeah. So they need to be able to communicate that. And sometimes that's hard to talk about when you're not used to it. Yeah. And another drawback is that even though that a couple may tell you that they're ready, one of them may not be really ready. Right. They want to be ready. They, yeah, they want to be ready. And they've told their partner that they're ready, but you're seeing behavior that indicates that maybe they're not ready. And he thinks they are ready.

I'm picking up on the fact that she's not ready and this is moving forward how is this going to turn out so can i tell a story yes so back to desire because that's the happiest place on earth for me um when we were there last week we met a couple that were fairly new i i, I think they had very limited experience. Um, they were just the sweetest couple. They were super interesting to talk to. She was very shy. Yeah. And, but once you engage her in conversation, she had a lot to say. I mean, she would engage in conversation. It wasn't like she didn't want to be there. She did.

She just she was just a very quiet reserved person and a lot of people have that type of personality i actually like people like that you know they're just very easy to be around um but when people are shy in a lifestyle setting sometimes it's confusing if you don't take the time to figure out why they're quiet. Are they quiet because they don't want to be there? Are they quiet because they're unsure of their comfort level and potentially engaging with other people? Or are they quiet because they're just a quiet person? There's a lot going on there.

And, you know, you have to take the time to figure that out if you're interested in those people. Yeah, well, since you brought them up, I mean, there's more to that story. Yeah, I know. It fits in because I'm, you know, I'm a sucker for beautiful women who don't know that they're beautiful.

And her when we first met them, her body language was closed was closed off you know she drew her knees up to her chest and she had her arms around her shins and she wouldn't make eye contact for a long period of time but she was smiling when she was doing this so I felt like I think I said I think she really wants to be here but I can tell she's really fearful of stepping forward and so I just came out and told her I said you know what we're going to be here for a week together Um, I, um tell she's really, uh, fearful of stepping forward.

And so I just came out and told her, I said, you know what, we're going to be here for a week together. Um, I want to, I, there's something about you that's intriguing to me and I want to get to know you a little bit better. And I didn't really say anything more than that at the time. And she kind of giggled a little bit and looked away and that was the end of it. Um, a couple of days later, I noticed that she was sitting by herself. And so I went down and started talking with her and, and really trying to understand and learn more about her and what, and what she liked and what made her tick.

Was that by the pool? Yeah. When she was at her lounge chair. Yeah. Yeah. I remember seeing you over there. Yeah. And then there was the night that you weren't feeling well. Yeah, there was a night that I think I had too much sun because I wasn't like ill. Like with stomach issues, I just was like shaky and I had chills and I was just a hot mess. So Mr. Jones had to put me to bed at 9.30 at night. It was tragic. And you were a good wife. You said, you don't need to stay up here with me. Because I felt like you were staring at me as I was laying in the bed shivering. I wasn't staring at you.

I just wanted to be left alone. I was on my phone. It felt like that, though. I know. And you said, you can go back down. And I first thought, I don't want to be the creepy single guy. But then I thought, well, wait a minute. I'm the host of the week. I can get away with not being as creepy as maybe if we were just there by ourselves. Right. And you're not that assertive, aggressive kind of guy. So you can just go talk to people. Right.

So my plan was I would go back down and I would mingle, but I wouldn't hang around a particular group or couple for any more than a couple minutes because I didn't want to be like the third wheel you know I didn't want to be a hanger on anyway we were in the disco and she this this particular lady was in there with her husband and I was at the bar by myself just having a drink just watching and she came up to me and she said would you like to dance and it really surprised me at first because she was being forward which I surprised me but I was like yeah I'd like to dance and I looked over at her husband and he was smiling you know so I initially thought I wonder if this was her idea if it was his idea but either way it didn't matter because we started dancing and then just like what happens at desire you know the dancing got a little bit sensual and sexy and i think we even kissed i think i even kissed her on the dance floor that's awesome yeah so and i missed it i was laying in bed shivering yeah but if i hadn't been laying in bed shivering that might not have happened that's true you know maybe that was the opportunity that she needed right are we going to tell the rest of the story?

Well as well okay you tell the next part then so then we ended up um obviously not that night because i wasn't feeling well i can't remember if it was the next night or the night after i don't know that week was kind of a blur i think it was the next night um we ended up playing with well we went to dinner yeah we went to Yeah. And then one thing led to another in the hot tub, and we decided to go find this export. Yeah. And we did. It was available, and nobody was around.

And we brought all the curtains down and attempted to tie them together, both to keep the mosquitoes out and to afford us some privacy.

I think it provided privacy, but I still got eaten alive by mosquitoes but yeah it was totally worth it and we thought we were going to do like parallel play with them and because we figured that was probably all they were looking for or are ready for and so that was kind of like the plan and we laid down on the bed and we all got naked and comfortable and um he and i started kissing and and kind of just really enjoying each other just but just basically touching and kissing and then he asked if he could go down on me yeah and i was like well okay and okay.

And then I stopped and I looked over at you guys. And then I think we said something about soft swap. Well, we said, is everybody comfortable with this? And is this okay? Because really me looking over to see him do that kind of gives me permission to ask her.

But then i wasn't sure that she was ready to move forward well i asked her yeah after i after we asked the group and then i asked her i said is it okay and she said yes so i went down on her and yeah we ended up it was soft swap yeah um but yeah we had a lot of fun playing with them yes and um i think everybody was comfortable and relaxed and and i think everybody kind of had the i think all four of us have the same temperament Thank you.

playing with them yes and um i think everybody was comfortable and relaxed and and i think everybody kind of had the i think all four of us have the same temperament you know all four of us were just pretty easygoing people so we didn't really have like a choreographer or anything we just all kind of enjoyed each other right for a while and then we switched back and yeah it was hot sex with you and watch them have hot sex with each other yeah right and the sex fort wait wait i gotta finish it i gotta draw the picture the sex fort is the pool bed at the very far in the quiet end of the pool which is really close to the water and there was a full moon and then there's lights on the pier the pier's right there that um goes off into the water so you have the lights on the pier shining on the water and you have the full moon and there's just a little bit of waves crashing on the shore and it was just magical except for the mosquitoes everything else was magical okay sorry it's just that i that just just so awesome for me that's my happy place you can keep talking about magical i just want to talk about the sex well that was part of it that was just the whole experience put together yeah like oh at any rate um this is a progression through the week at the very end of the week we had already said goodbye to them and we went to the airport and i got up we you and i were eating uh at a restaurant in the airport and i got up to go to the men's room and i saw them both doing some shopping at the airport and so i walked up uh behind them and tapped them on the shoulder and said something and she looked at me and she just got this great big smile on her face and she gave me a hug I don't know.

And so I walked up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder and said something. And she looked at me and she just got this great big smile on her face and she gave me a hug. And so I'm contrasting that first time that I looked at her and we made eye contact and she averted her gaze at the beginning of the week. And here we are after our trip and she's just beaming and really not really not, not necessarily because she saw me, but just because it was like, she, she's learned something new about herself and she, and she's taken that next step as a woman and they have as a couple.

So when you talk about having watched somebody or be a part of somebody who's newer progressing in this, to me, that's very meaningful and it's very sexy for me now other people might not you know look at it that way but i do and and what were they holding in the airport yeah so he had a a cardboard tube under his arm and and we know because we just got our pictures redone um that was a canvas photo so they did the sexy photo shoot yep and he had that canvas and that tube and so when i tapped him on the shoulder i said hey i'll give you 50 bucks for what you got in that tube and he kind of turned around startled and then they realized who it was yeah so we we did the photo shoot like midweek and i was telling her about it, about how much fun it was.

And, um, and Mr. Jones and I had had it done a couple of years before, but we, you know, decided to freshen up our pictures and do it again. So we were telling them that it was a really good experience. And, um, and then she decided to do one and we saw them in the middle of their photo shoot.

Remember we were at the lobby bar in the afternoon and they were going in the disco to do pictures in the disco and she had a smoking hot red dress red heels gone through the makeup thing yeah damn she looked good i bet you her pictures are amazing i know we're gonna have to talk them in to send them this one we'll share ours a few that's right yeah but yeah so that's a great story. And it also just shows, you know, that opportunity and being a part of somebody's growth. So yeah, there are benefits and drawbacks to playing with doobies.

But really with them, we didn't really have any drawbacks. No, we didn't. They were very easy. We were also with another couple that we've been with before that are fairly new. And the evening, you know, didn't go as we had hoped that it would. Right. And that's going to happen. Yeah. And that's going to happen. And that's a part of it. And, you know, this is really not a negative story.

It's just a story that even when you know that somebody has some anxiety or there's trepidation or they're worried about you know some particular event that they want to do like if somebody says hey you know we've we've never full swapped before but we want to do that with you and that's not what happened in this case but when somebody says that you always know that there's an opportunity that it could go wrong right or you could get there and you could you could have to say no and they they came out and said hey we may have an issue with this so here's how we would like to proceed with the evening if it's okay with you and we'll ease into it and we'll try this first and we'll try that and if it doesn't work you know then it won't work we'll go to plan b right which is what we did right and that's that's exactly what happened.

We got to a certain point, and one person wasn't as comfortable, and they called it off. But the thing about it was we had talked about that ahead of time. So we had a plan B. So we did have a plan B. And the evening turned out wonderful. Yeah, so if you don't have that conversation ahead of time, then there's a whole lot more opportunity for hurt feelings and for drama. Right. And secondly, if you're experienced, you just, that might not appeal to you. You know, you may not want to be involved with a couple who, you know, has an issue and they want help getting beyond it.

You might just say, well, you know what, that's, sorry, you're having that issue, but that's not really our thing in the lifestyle. And that's perfectly fine too right so i don't point at that story to say that it was negative i'm just pointing at it to say that we did some communication ahead of time um it didn't go like we thought it would have gone and we were completely fine with plan b because you're you're my plan b i like being your plan b yeah and so we went right back to that yeah and you're, you're my plan B. I like being your plan B. Yeah. And so we went right back to that. Yeah.

And you know, that can happen with any couple. That's not a, not, it might potentially happen more often with newbies, but that can happen anytime. Right. You know, you, you always really need to have a plan B. Yes. You know, so, but newbies at probably, um, the probability is probably higher. Yeah. So just be aware of that. Okay. Enough picking on newbies. Let's talk about the veterans. I think we fall into this category, wouldn't you say? Yeah. Yeah. Episode 52, four years. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Benefits of being with, uh, uh, veterans or experienced lifestylers.

And, and that is that, you know, they can bring a sense of safety and security to another couple. Yes. Um, I think that people really see you and I in that light. Um, you know, we're, we're an older couple. We've been married for forever. Um, or like, people really see you and I in that light. You know, we're, we're an older couple. We've been married for forever. Or like Calvin said on the podcast that we were on with him, that we have been married like 400 years, you know, we, so, but we have been married a long time. And, and like I just referred to earlier, Mr.

Jones i both have pretty um easygoing personalities um we don't need a lot of attention we're we're pretty laid back so i think people feel very safe around us yeah um thank goodness for that yeah that's definitely served us well we've gotten to uh have fun with a lot of people because of that, I think. Definitely. Another benefit is you have somebody to lead the way for you. And that's right. That really happened, if you'll recall, when we had, I had my little bout of jealousy at the beginning of this journey, and we finally got our act together and decided to try again.

The couple that we played with the second time were the perfect couple for leading the way for us. You know, they had been in the lifestyle for like 10 years and I don't think they were super active. So I think they were one of those couples that they were experienced, but not like every weekend for 10 years experienced, you know, but they were, again, they were very easygoing people. And you know, what I remember about them is they were excellent communicators. Yes. So we didn't know what we were ready for.

We, we knew we didn't want a full swap and they knew that, um, we wanted to, you know, like get back on the horse cause we hadn't done anything in eight months. Yes. And I think we were nervous that we were going to have, you know, jealousy issues or just, um, you know, you were afraid you were going to experience jealousy. I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to enjoy myself because I was going to create a situation where you, you would feel uncomfortable and experience that jealousy.

So we were both in a bad place but they handled us perfectly because they could communicate in the middle of play and still make it sexy right you know they would say hey have you ever thought about doing this right and i remember at one point um the husband said, have you ever had a cock in each hand before? And I was like, no. And he's like, well, we can fix that. You know? And, and then I, and then I think she went down on me and you guys were kneeling on either side of me. And I was like, Oh my gosh, this is like the best thing ever.

You you know so he was very specific about asking for consent yeah and at the same time he drew me right in and i think it's because they were also very intuitive i think they could read our comfort level and and knew how to push us just a little bit here and a little bit there so just like when you're dancing you know somebody's the lead and somebody has to follow yeah and we needed somebody to follow and and we needed somebody who was willing to lead and it happened to be that couple yeah and that was a great experience and you know the other thing that um that comes into play is when you have a veteran couple the transitions are so much easier yes yeah um we've noticed that and actually we just met some new the new friends we just met yes uh it was a do you want to talk about that that was kind of a funny sexy transition it was so it was our our independence day friends we had gone up to their home and had a cookout.

They made steak, so obviously we knew what was for dessert. And they made the drink with the seaweed in it. So, oh my gosh, yes. So if you subscribe to our newsletter, my last drink that I put out was called a Celebration Martini. On the July 5th edition. Yes, because we were at their house on independence day. So I called it the celebration martini and the lady had gotten a recipe from a local restaurant near where they live. And I tweaked it a little and changed the name because I didn't have permission from the restaurant. But anyway, um, it was like a vodka drink with St.

Germain in it and a couple other things like there was strawberry in it. But then it was topped with a fresh basil leaf. So leading up to our date with them, of course, we were kicking and talking about what we're going to do that evening. And she posted a picture of this drink that she had practiced making ahead of time. And I thought I would test out her sense of humor. And so I kicked back and said, why is there seaweed floating on top of that drink? So ladies, this is the way my husband flirts. She totally took it the right way. She totally took it the right way.

Yeah, she gave it right back to you, didn't she? Yeah, she did. Yeah, I think she was like, on my way to the store to shop for kelp. Well, she made it up to us because when we went to their house and they actually made the drink for us, she took the lettuce or the basil or the kale or whatever it was and she put it in the palm of her hand and she looked at me and she went.

She slapped it slapped it and then she claims that there's some reason that you would want to do that to release the juice or the the oils it makes it aromatic and it releases the oils yes no but she i think she was making eye contact you with you and she slapped that yeah she slapped it more than once and while she was well she made four drinks so yeah i know but she made a big deal out of slapping it so she she did get me back but anyway we so yeah so we had these lovely cocktails and then we had this yummy steak dinner and then i had brought like a truth or dare game and we were just reading the truth cards and we were all, I'd read a question and, and then all four of us would have to answer the question.

And this was going on far longer than it would have if it was at our house. So this is called the dumb truth or terror game because everything is a dumb game according to Mr. Jones. Right. It was very fun though. We, we had some interesting questions that we talked about. It was fun for about 10 minutes. So finally I read a card and Mr. Jones is like, this is the last card. And you weren't even like nice about it. You just like barked it out. This is the last card. Like, okay. So we all answered the card and then everything just stalls in the water.

Well, that was my way of saying this game has served its purpose, number one one and you've got about two minutes to start thinking about how we're going to transition well why don't you start thinking about it as all you did is you barked out it was the last part and then you then you had nothing it wasn't it wasn't my house i felt like i was on the visitor well then you shouldn't have said it was the last card well i was done playing the game playing the game. It was a middle ground of a comment to try to push things along without being too forward. Oh, geez.

Because it wasn't my, I didn't feel like, you know, if it was my house, I would have done that. Well, so then we had to figure out how to transition. They're not super newbies, but they're not, I think they've been in the lifestyle for about a year. Yeah. I think they were vacation swingers before that. So after that next card, there was silence hanging in the air. And it seemed like about 10 minutes, but I think it was about 10 seconds. Well, and then the lady said, so this is what we're not very good at. Like, transitioning is tough for us.

But that comment right there was an excellent transitional comment right so then i i think i was the one that said well can i kiss you yeah and then i kissed her we were off to the races yeah she's a good kisser yeah so you know that that was not awkward that was playful and fun um but when you're but when you're transitioning with an experienced couple, I think back to, back, back to the benefit is it's a more natural flow. Right.

And you, and you know, you know, the body language of your spouse and you can, you can, you have conversation with another couple and you see their body language and the conversation evolves and you can just know that you're headed towards play. And so you just gradually take one step after the other and it just happens more naturally. Right. Yeah. You know, and the thing about them too is that they were a relatively new couple and maybe the transition was a little awkward.

And honestly, the transitions are, the first time you play with somebody, I think the transitions are always awkward because you're trying to get the timing right. They can be. Yeah. Right. But, you know, so that was a little bumpy, but it turned out just fine. But then they were not brand newbies because when we got up to their room, that room was ready to go. Oh, it was decked out. Yeah. Yep. They had water up there.

they had mints they had lube and it's not about you know one thing that makes it um a little tricky and and the transition not so smooth is you've never played with them before so if you've already played with somebody you know that that's on the table right so that first time you don't know so that makes it a little bit tricky no matter what but with an experienced couple it just seems to flow a little better and another thing is that and i'm thinking of a couple that we played with on our cruise um for the first time and we went upstairs to the playroom and the first thing he said was he goes you know we like to have fun and and if you hear us laughing don't take it the wrong way but we just like to have fun during play and i'm like this is gonna be fun and it was and we laughed a lot we we probably were kind of obnoxious to people around us so sorry if you're listening we're sorry but we're really not sorry because it was so fun yeah, um, you know, makes things a whole lot more comfortable for everybody and it breaks the ice and it just makes it fun because you don't, when somebody says something like that, you don't have to worry about taking yourself too seriously.

And if something goes wrong or there's something you don't like, you can laugh about it because somebody has already broken that ice and said, Hey, let's just laugh about it and have fun. So that's another good thing about a veteran couple. And I think lastly, um, communication with, with, uh, veteran couples is a lot more straightforward. Yes. You know, um, we, I'm going back to desire. Um, we ended up having a lot of fun with an experienced couple that, um, we had met previously and hung out with. And then for whatever reason, a comedy of errors, so to speak, we didn't play with them.

So then they were at desire with us, um, last month. And we just finally, we were able to seal the deal. and i did it with the female partner. She and I were talking in the pool and we, she and I had been kind of like playing around all week, you know, flirting and hugging. And I think we kissed a couple of times. And then finally we were like, you know, we're really attracted to you guys. And I, you know, if you guys are interested in us, we would really like to play. And she's like, Oh my gosh, I, I never, you know, thought that we were actually going to be able to make this happen.

You know, so if you can back up a minute, there was more to it than that. Because you and I just like everyone else does, even though they don't admit it, is you go back to your room at night and you say, Okay, what did you think about couple A? Oh yeah. And what did you think about couple B? And hey, I really like couple C. And so we had already talked about them. And because we had already talked about them, then you knew it was okay. Right. I didn't have to talk to you first. Yeah. You didn't have to talk to me first because we had already had that conversation.

Again, I think that's something that we do now that we didn't do before.

So felt free to go ahead and make the plans then you did run into her and you made the plans right and actually you were kind of shocked because i don't do that i know and i don't know why i don't do that i liked it um but i came back and and told you um so i just pretty much made plans to play with so-and-so tonight and you were like what and but your what was like i can't believe you actually did that versus or that you actually took the initiative versus you said you would play with you know these people without my consultation yeah but that's because two days earlier we were in the pool it was four o'clock or 4 30 everybody was moving to the hot tub and you looked at me and you said so what's our plan for the night what are we going to do are we going to invite somebody i'm like why are you putting this all on me you're walking around the pool kissing half the people here you have just the same opportunity that i do so i i couldn't believe like two days later you sealed the deal with somebody because i'm like oh that's that's how it's supposed to be done.

Well, right. But I guess, you know, she is a very good communicator, right? You know, she and her partner are experienced. Um, they're, you know, just about our age.

So, you know, they, they know what they want out of life, know and i and i just think that um it was so easy to talk to her about that because she wasn't shy or unsure she knows what she wants and that's one thing i really find sexy about her right so let's talk about that some more because that's what i think we can learn from them and they're more experienced with us because when we were playing he was he was being direct he was communicating directly with you yes and and you with him and she was communicating directly with me and me with her and it was more like hey do you want to try this what do you want to do if you don't want to do that you want to try this and how about do you like when I do this there was a lot of communication and if anything would have not been good or was going wrong it would not have lasted because she would have noticed and said oh okay well let's try this instead yeah so but we were also taking time every once in a while she would say oh look at them you know looking on the other side of the bed to watch him do that.

Yeah. Yeah. So not only was she like connected with me directly and communicating, but she kept looking over and including you guys in our conversation. Right. And we were doing the same thing. Um, and, and it was really hot. And I think even there were even sometimes where, you know, you and I would lean over and kiss each other. They would lean over and kiss each other. And I love that during sex. I love to watch the couple we're playing with connect during sex. Right. But what I'm getting at is that I think you and I have struggled in recent past about you struggling.

There's some struggling going on on your side of the bed. And there's some resentment towards me because I don't notice. Yeah. Thank you. there's some struggling going on on your side of the bed and there's some uh resentment towards me because i don't notice yeah what i'm suggesting is if you communicated like this woman did you could just take care of it yourself and you could say you could say hey you know obviously this is not working i'm going back with my husband you know and and it would it takes the pressure off of everybody when you can communicate like that. Yes, yes, it does.

And so I think that's what I learned from being with them is that it's okay to be that direct and it's okay to ask questions and, and it's actually makes me feel more at ease. Yes. Yeah. So I mean, playing with a veteran couple um um, I mean, we're veterans and we learned from them. So it was, uh, not only was it in, in, you know, educational and informative, it was like crazy sexy. And it was so easy. That's what I remember about the night. Like it was effortless.

Everything just kind of evolved and happened and, and we didn't really have to try yeah um we just had to have fun and engage yeah and yeah that was a good way to end the week so those some benefits let's talk about some drawbacks to playing with people like us well some veterans yeah can take advantage of newbies how so, I can go back to the very beginning of our lifestyle journey. Not the very beginning, but once we kind of reengaged, we went back to Desire the second time and had a bad experience with a veteran couple who lied to us.

They told us that they were inexperienced but once we got into their room they had very specific objectives yes that had not been conveyed to us and you and i were just playing defense the whole time they did the whole divide and conquer yes and they also did the bait and switch because in. Because in the hot tub, they told us, oh, yeah, we're like that. We're about the same as you. Then when we got into their room, they separated us. And then later, he was trying to break a major rule. Well, right. I mean, not only was he trying to full swap with me, he was trying to without a condom.

Like it was ridiculous. Yeah, and we didn't realize what was happening. We realized that we didn't like what was happening and we extricated ourselves and you did a good job of fending him off and I think we did a good job of coming back together. But I don't think it was until maybe months later that we looked back on that and thought, oh my gosh, we are totally duped. Yeah, it was actually a pretty bad scene. Yeah, and people do that.

I think some experienced people do that because they know that when you get somebody back into the room and you start playing and then emotions start riding high and people get hormones, that they can push the boundaries or do what they had originally wanted to do but didn't tell you and that you're going to either number one be okay with it or number two you're not going to protest if if they want to do something and then you're going to regret that later yeah and unfortunately that that can be very damaging to the to the newer couple because they may think oh my gosh if everyone in the lifestyle is like this right it's not for me yeah exactly it just really is a bad you know impression whether it's a first impression or even you know just a right a fairly new impression it can really say yeah this isn't what i hoped it would be yeah another thing that we sometimes, uh, the newer folks think that experienced people can be a bit intimidating.

Yeah. And this doesn't mean that the couple is intimidating. It means that their perception is like, Oh my gosh, you guys have so much experience and you're this and you're that you've been doing it for this long and you're probably not interested in us because we're new. So it's not necessarily that we act like we're intimidating, but people perceive us that the, it's intimidating for them to think about being with an experienced couple. Right. And then, you know, some experienced couples just are not flexible on their play styles and right. We're full swap only.

You'll see that on lifestyle websites and profiles. Yeah. Kind of a lot. Yeah. Yeah. And they have to put it in all caps. Yeah. Like I can't read lowercase letters. And we even have some good friends who had someone approach them at a club and said, oh, if you're not full swap, you're not real swingers. Right. That's the biggest bunch of baloney in the world. Yeah.

So there's that reputation that we as experienced people have to be aware of well you know we're we're a full swap couple but we're full swap situational and there's sometimes where i just don't want to full swap with people yeah it it isn't necessarily because i'm not attracted to them it's just because we don't really know them that well and you know or maybe i'm just not really feeling it that. Like it takes a lot of, um, takes a lot of energy to full swap with someone because of all the potential things that could go wrong.

Soft swap is just so much easier because first of all, the guys don't have, yeah, the guys don't have the pressure to perform. And then I know that I can come back to you and we can finish together and, and kind of reconnect, you know, as we finish up. Yeah. So yeah, I just don't, I don't like to be rigid on that. We're only going to play with you if you're willing to do this with us. Yeah. And lastly, one thing that we wanted to mention as a drawback is sometimes experienced couples can move really fast or be a little bit assertive or aggressive.

And, you know, in the last episode, we talked about how sometimes it feels overwhelming and awkward to be in the lifestyle. Well, if somebody is intentionally moving fast and you combine that with, you know, the being overwhelmed by the play to begin with, that things just happen too fast and people can't adjust to that and have fun. So, yeah, one of two things is going to happen. Either you're going to like back away and say, I can't do this, or you could potentially get drawn into something that you're not wanting to do. Yeah.

Because you don't know how to extricate yourself from the situation because you don't have the experience. Right. Now, there are some legitimate reasons, like if you have a babysitter and you've got 45 minutes until you've got to be home, we kind of get that. And we've done that. We have done that. But it's been with awareness among all four of us. And it's mutually understood. We're on the clock and you mark his head, go.

No, what we're talking about is it should be effortless it should be um free flowing you should be able to take a break um or two if necessary and let it flow into the evening right but but if somebody who just wants if you feel like they just have a mission they want to accomplish well they're pushing you so that you'll you don't have time to think about it and back out. Yeah. Just push. You know, it's going to be all right. We're going to have fun. Right. Yeah. That's probably not going to end well.

And that's where you might have that, you know, regretting something you did do instead of regretting something that you didn't do afterwards. Okay. I think we've been through all of that. Now, before we wrap this, we think that looking back on all of this, one thing that you all need to do and that we need to do is we need to discuss these preferences ahead of time. And like Mrs. Jones and I said, we enjoy playing with both newbies and experienced couples, and we've talked about that, and we know why. So talk about it as a couple.

What is your preference and why right is the new relationship energy and the curiosity of a of a newbie couple not worth it to you is that not appealing to you yeah like it's like oh my gosh that's gonna be so much work you know we don't get out that often and i you know i don't want to take a chance that the evening's gonna go south, you know, get in over their heads or whatever. That might not be for you. And that's okay. Right. And again, you know, you need to, we've talked about the lifestyle and a lot of, a lot of things, a lot of people are on the spectrum back to the labeling people.

When you, when you label somebody, you've categorized them at a certain point. So you really have to probe a couple to see where they are on that spectrum of experience. Right. It's a sliding scale. Yeah. You don't, you're not, it's not like you, um, have sex with other people 10 times and then you, you get the black ring and now you're officially a veteran.

You know, you, it's not like you pass a test and you get you get a trophy and practically what i mean by that is if you say how long have you been in the lifestyle and somebody says four years and you go ding they're experienced they're on the table but you could also say oh in that four years you know what is your play type how do you approach the lifestyle do you go to clubs do you go to parties you know do you date couples you know do some more exploring and probing to see exactly how much experience they have in those four years right and then my my big deal is that when you start um saying we're not going to play with newbies or we're not going to play with veterans because they're going to be, you know, too fast and aggressive and just be all about the sex, then you're potentially missing some opportunities to make great connections.

Yes. So just be aware of that. We've said that so many times on this podcast that, that you, the more you restrict yourself, the less opportunity that you have. And so sometimes people say, well, how can we connect with more people? Well, don't put all caps on your profile that you are full swap only because you're eliminating a lot of people that you could potentially play with. Yeah. Can I just say, like, when I see all caps on a profile, it doesn't even matter what the all caps is about. I'm a straight guy. We don't play with newbies. We avoid drama. That just turns me off.

I don't care how sexy they are. That usually just is a flag that these are going to be people that are not going to be laid back, easygoing. Right. Yeah. So I guess my final thought here is we always like to put a little bit of a twist on the topic so it was really a trick question i think at the beginning of this as to whether you like this or that or both because the way i look at it and i think the way we look at it is if you look at the benefits we described for both the newbies and the experienced couples that's what we're looking for in any couple that we play with. Exactly.

So when we look back at the benefits of safety and security, straightforward communication, a lot of energy and excitement, being able to do something for the first time, all of those things don't necessarily define a newbie or unexperienced person. Right. So rather than focusing on, are you new or are you experienced, understand what those benefits are. Ask probative questions so that you know, oh, that's something that intrigues me. That's a good thing. I like that.

And like this and I like that and make your decision based on those benefits and on the contrary, when you hear a lot of the drawbacks and you learn about that, you can start to look for red flags in eliminating people.

Well, you know, I just go back to it doesn't really matter how long people have been in a lifestyle how what their experience level is it's about that chemistry yes you know if we meet a couple where there's chemistry just like the the new couple that we met at desire you know i enjoyed i just enjoyed hanging around them whether it was in the pool or the hot tub or you know just having a lovely dinner with them and then you know that chemistry was obvious especially when we were on the dance floor that night there was a lot well Thank you.

know just having a lovely dinner with them and then you know that chemistry was obvious especially when we were on the dance floor that night there was a lot well yeah so we danced with them after dinner um when i actually was feeling well the next night oh right and um there was a lot of chemistry on the dance floor among the four of us you could tell yeah that things were headed in the right direction remember that chemistry though wasn't necessarily wasn't necessarily there from the outset. No, but it had built over the week because we had the luxury of being on vacation with them.

I agree with everything that you're saying. And what I'm adding to that is a lot of people use that word chemistry as an excuse not to know somebody because they meet you in five minutes and they say there's no chemistry. I think what you're saying is there was, there was something that intrigued us at the beginning. And the more we talked to them and got to know them, the chemistry came out fairly quickly after that. Right. And we felt like we had that chemistry. Right.

Now, speaking of chemistry, um, there was another couple we connected with at desire where we well we had gotten to know them um via digital means before we came to desire but um they were somewhat experienced and when we started hanging out with them in the hot tub one night there there was instant chemistry. So maybe that's the difference between veterans and newbies. The chemistry with the newbie couple, it took a few days to build. And then it was there and obvious. And by instant chemistry, what you meant was, I had to wait before I could get out of the hot tub. And so did her husband.

We had like a serious make-out session going on in the hot tub that yeah i think we might talk about that in a minute but in in both cases there was just this awesome easy four-way connection yes and to me that is what i'm looking for yeah and then you can figure everything else out through good communication. Right. So this all comes back to, I think you said this earlier, I'm not sure if you said it just now, but that four-way connection. Yes. And that's really what we're talking about here.

So don't let a word like newbie or a veteran distract you from an opportunity to make a four-way connection, because we believe that it's more about the people and the connection than how much experience that they necessarily have. Yes, you can make it work. If there's chemistry among the four of you, and y'all just genuinely like each other, you can make it work. Right.

And as a disclaimer, you know what, if you like newbies, and you're not not you don't want to play with veterans or vice versa that's your thing go with it that's right go with it that we're not saying that we do this right this is just our way that's right we got a thing you all have a thing too yeah and you need to have fun because as someone wise told me if you're not having fun you're not doing it right. Yeah. Okay. Well, that wraps up 52. No, it doesn't. When we come back. Yeah. Well, that wraps up the topic for 52. Okay. Like, don't even cut me off on my snapshots. Oh, no.

You're not going to mess up the snapshots. All right. When we come back, we're going to talk about, I know we've had a lot of, we've already talked about some snapshots already, but we still have two more we'd like to share. Yes. Welcome back to our snapshot segment, and these are Desire Snapshots. How could we talk about anything else after going to Desire? I'm surprised we still have, we probably have several snapshots we could do, but I'm only going to let you do one.

one that's a dumb rule and you're going first right these rules and that rule is not on our list of rules and boundaries honey it's on our podcast the producer's prerogative i don't like that rule i know well until you start it's a stupid rule i know it's a dumb card game it's a stupid rule yeah okay so my snapshot doesn't involve men oh yeah does that mean it involves women it involves about 15 women okay my snapshot doesn't involve men oh yeah does that mean it involves women it involves about 15 women okay and it okay don't get too excited out there it wasn't like a 15 girl puppy pile we had a ladies only sex toy show and tell at desire and it was actually i you know i figured well this is the first time i've done it you know I might get you know hopefully a half a dozen ladies to show up well I think I had like 15 ladies show up yeah and what we did I saved it for the end of the week so everybody would you know get to know each other and feel more comfortable coming so we did it on like the last full day of our week together and we did it at the hot tub at like one o'clock in the afternoon.

Cause that's when the bar opens at the hot tub and we figured nobody would be in there yet. So the staff was great. They coincidentally, they had like a mojito bar set up by the DJ booth, which is right at the steps to the hot tub. So ladies were stopping and having fresh mojitos made. And I mean, they had like fresh watermelon and pineapple and cucumber to make. And then, of course, the mint and the lime to make these mojitos. So we were getting like these fancy dancy drinks. And then we all had our sex toys.

And we went up and took over like two of the jacuzzi beds and laid out all of our stuff. And the staff, they were just, they put towels down because the concrete was hot. They were just, and then they were putting towels on the beds for us and they were just super. So everybody just felt relaxed and comfortable. And, um, we laid out our toys and, and we just took turns talking about our toys and either what we liked about them or maybe what we didn't understand about them. Like, oh, and then we all brought lube too.

Cause like'm like i'm like a lube fanatic i'm looking for that perfect water-based lube like i like silicone lube for just sex but most of my toys need water-based lube so i'm always on the mission to find the perfect you are a lubeaholic i am i am poor amazon they're like oh lord she's ordering another one but anyway it was super fun because like my toy that i brought down was an enjoy and if you don't know what an enjoy is it's a stainless steel two pound contraption i think it's like 20 pounds isn't it well i think you've you lifted it you said it's reasonably like it's a padded bag that it comes in because i think you could actually like inflict serious physical damage if you whack somebody with this yeah for sure but what it is it's stainless steel and it's this curved toy that has like a small ball on one end and a larger ball on the other end and it's um for g-spot stimulation for the most part you can use it other ways too but that's what i use it for but it's very unforgiving it is i mean it's stainless steel this thing is not flexible at all obviously and it takes a little bit of practice to figure it out and i'm still making friends with it i it was in my naughty stocking this year so i'm still making friends with it so i to show everybody.

And a couple of ladies had used it before. And we kind of shared some tips and tricks on how to use it. And then there was this one toy. It was kind of like a womanizer, but it was a different brand. I think it was a Lilo brand. And one lady brought it down and she's like, I got this. Everybody says this is a great toy. She's like, I got nothing. It does nothing for me. So then another lady said, oh, well, I want to try that out. Can I, can I try it? And we were like, sure.

I mean, like a half an hour had gone by at this point and we had all kind of shared and walked around and it was almost like a like a flea market or something it was pretty funny we're all like just talking about everybody's toys so this lady laid down and got some lube and she started playing with this toy she cleaned it first she cleaned it oh somebody had even brought toy cleaner like these ladies were amazing right so yeah so we cleaned the toy she used it. And I'm not kidding. She had like a ridiculous orgasm in like less than two minutes. There's no such thing as a ridiculous orgasm.

It was an awesome orgasm. Now, she may have had an awesome orgasm ridiculously fast. Okay. That's what it was. Yes. That's what you said. Okay. It was incredible. And just to watch her do that, like she completely emotionally exposed herself to all of us. And that was just amazing. And another lady did it too. She played with a different toy. So, so there were, there was just all of this, um, this comfort level and this camaraderie, like this girl power going on.

And, um, it was incredible was incredible it was that's one of my favorite moments of the whole week um so sorry guys no you don't thank you for lending me all your wives for like 45 minutes see there's something you don't know what there was a bunch of us hiding in the bushes yeah that's what y'all said and then for the one but there wasn't enough room in the bushes so we like knocked out a few of the maintenance guys and stole their bib overalls and we had the hats and the sunglasses and the pool equipment so did you you didn't wonder why there were all of the attendants all the attendants bringing us towels and drinks and stuff those were all you no no we were we were cleaning the hot tub and raking up the leaves and doing the landscaping you just didn't know it was yeah we were joking around like if we all need to take turns watching out for like a drone overhead because then we pictured the 15 husbands like hovered around like this iphone yeah pictures of the drone that's cool no it was awesome it was often.

I just love, I love that lifestyle lady camaraderie yes you know women in the lifestyle are amazing like they're they're um there there's no competition there's no jealousy we're just all women that have the same needs and concerns and insecurities and desires that can come together and just freely talk about it that I cannot talk about to my, to my, you know, normal girlfriend besties. I think that's why the ladies membership group has grown so quickly. Yeah. Yeah. We're doing the same thing. I put my lube question on there too. Yeah.

We've got quite a few brands all right being promoted good snapshot yeah yeah so i don't know if it was the first night we were there the first or second night um we were in the hot tub and we happened upon this couple and we had texted with them a little bit ahead of time but didn't really know them so we ended up going back to our our room which was on the first floor that night and and I mentioned the um the bed the lounge bed for two and we turned it into a lounge bed for four got into the plunge pool for a while things heated back up in there got back up onto the bed um I think I might have been between her legs and she all of a sudden I realized I'm going to go to the next one.

got back up onto the bed um I think I might have been between her legs and she all of a sudden I realized she's very vocal she warned us she did yeah but warning you is one thing and experiencing it was something completely different and I loved it I loved it I didn't stop what I was doing because I was like, she is obviously enjoying herself, but she was really loud.

And then even when we switched positions you know she was loud again she was loud for a long period of time and and I say this because the four of us were having such a good time there was a lot of pleasure on all four for all four of us it's just that she happened to be a little more vocal than the rest of us so anyway we but it was like it was just like fuel on the fire yeah i mean it was so hot it was turning everybody on so that's not my snapshot though so the next morning we were standing at the pool and i think there were two other couples standing there with us and one guy says says, oh my gosh, let me tell you, last night I stepped out on our balcony.

About two o'clock in the morning. And somebody was having a good time. And I said, um, where's your room? And he said, right at that end building up on top. And I said, uh, where was the sound coming from? He said, I don't know. It was under us somewhere. And I said, at what time was that? And he said, it was about 2 o'clock. And I stepped forward and I whispered in his ear, I said, that might have been us. And then high fives ensued for the whole group. But it was so funny because it didn't dawn on me at first that he was talking about us because I had forgotten about how loud she was.

But when he said, when you heard it from somebody who was like on the roof. Yeah, we heard her all the way up there. That must have been really good. We had sex outside more than we had sex inside. And you have the mosquito bites to show for it. Oh my gosh. I thought I was going to turn into a vampire before we got home.

Like all the blood was sucked of me by mosquitoes i had welts everywhere but most of the mosquito bites i got during sex and honestly it was totally worth it okay so your snapshot was amazing um thank you one of my favorite moments of the week every moment was a favorite moment of the week. Um, so can I have another one? No, I figured it couldn't hurt to ask. No. Okay. Can I have a shout out? Okay. All right. So, all right. Yeah. All right. I got, I got my shout out. Here we go. Okay.

So we had the, um, amazing experience of spending an afternoon and evening with Richard and Lauren And I'll see you next time. So we had the amazing experience of spending an afternoon and evening with Richard and Lauren of Touched by L&R, the workshops that they do at Desire. They do a yoni and lingam massage at both resorts, at both Riviera Maya and Pearl, a of times a week. And they're just a super, super awesome couple. They're an American couple that have relocated to Mexico. They have a condo in Puerto Morales now, and they pretty much work at Desire. I mean, that's a pretty good gig.

Yeah. So Richard and Lauren have, um, they've been in Mexico for about a year now, and they do these workshops weekly. So we got to spend some time with Richard and Lauren while we were there in Mexico a couple weeks ago. Richard picked us up from the resort and took us back to his condo.

and not only did he take us back to the condo so that we could see where they lived he actually drove us around the town of puerto morales so we could actually see the town and we don't usually leave the resort no we don't and i mean he took us to um like the uh the main apartment complex where a lot of the workers at desire live the ones that actually live in town a lot of them live up in cancun but the ones that live right there in puerto morales we found you know the where most of them live and we like the grocery store that everybody goes to and just all that little stuff that you're curious about the culture yeah yeah it was it was really really interesting so then we went back to their condo we got to see their really cool condo um they have like literally a jungle in their backyard and they have like monkeys that hang out and they said that um they're they actually live in like a gated community and there's a little gate and they said one of the monkeys just hangs out at the gate and he's like the security guard i mean it was just so cool just to hear life in mexico you know the resort is so um you know you're you're like in paradise and you're removed from reality so to speak yes but this is like a real town where families live yeah so it was really cool and then after we hung out with them for a while and um drank some wine and ate some snacks we they took us to dinner in in puerto morales and like we were on like the third floor of this building they had a rooftop bar and you and i had like ridiculously yummy margaritas yeah and the restaurant was right behind the lighthouse for the town yes and not only was the lighthouse going, but there was a full moon and there was a marina.

Puerto Morales is a fishing village, so there was a marina there with all the fishing boats and the moon and the lighthouse were shining on the Caribbean and we're drinking margaritas and we're just socializing with our new friends and i'm just like life is pretty good right now yeah i mean what a great way to spend an evening yeah it was so quiet and peaceful and well it was quiet and peaceful except for the four of us yeah but you're right the full moon and reflecting off of the caribbean it was just so romantic and magical it was yeah so that's wrapping up episode 52 and another trip to desire and a couple of sexy snapshots so yes four more months and we'll uh do it all over before we wrap up just want to remind you um we'd have we'd be happy to for you to join in our we got a thing membership group and there's a link here in the show notes or you can go to our website and click on the membership community link and learn what benefits you get from that and we hope to see you there we're talking about some really cool things and we'd like you to join us we also our Cassidy community continues to grow yes we'd if you're interested in a dating site, we recommend Cassidy and there's a link on our website to do that as well.

And when you join, you'll automatically be added to our We Gotta Think community on Cassidy. Anything else, Mrs. Jones? Gosh, you know, I think that's plenty for now. We're just excited that we had another great trip. We're looking forward to our trip in November. And we are just so thankful for all of our new friends in our membership program. And, you know, a lot of what we talked about tonight came straight from there. So we appreciate all of their thoughtful comments. Yes. So you can email us.

You can email me at MrJones, M-R-n-e-s at we got a thing w-e-g-o-t-t-a-t-h-i-n-g.com or you can email me at mrs jones at we got a thing.com our website as we mentioned is we got a thing.com and you can follow us on twitter at weGotAThing. So, thanks for listening. We are Mr. and Mrs. Jones, and WeGotAThing. What's your thing? We'll see you next time.