Episode 48: Which Comes First? Confidence and Courage in the Lifestyle

Transcript

This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us? Hello everyone, I'm Mr. Jones.

And'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 48 of the we got a thing podcast which comes first confidence or courage in the lifestyle what's this all about well i i um there's no song title in, but there's almost a book title in there. It's not She Comes First. That's a good book. I made sure you read that one from cover to cover. Yeah, you did. Sorry, I'm distracted. She Comes First. We'll get to the title breakdown in a minute. Okay. Okay. But first, just one or two announcements before we get to segment one.

So we are developing a new type of product to offer our listeners or clients or customers or whatever you want to call yourselves. And it's going to be a membership subscription program. Yes. And we're going to offer two or three benefits from this program that we'll be announcing. We'll probably be rolling this out. We're testing it now with a small group of people and we're going to roll it out sometime in the next month. Yeah. I mean, it's ready to go. We're just not doing a huge official launch yet. Yes. So it's got three main components to it.

The first thing that it's going to have is a new mini course is going to be rolled out to our members every month. Yes. So every 30 days, you'll get a notification that a new course is waiting for you in your library. Yes. and the next thing that we're going to offer is a private, exclusive, secret group, not on Facebook. Yeah. Mr. Jones did a Facebook poll. No, a Twitter. A Twitter poll, right, right. A Twitter poll asking if people had ever participated in like a secret Facebook group or if they absolutely would not or if they would be willing to if invited.

And we got an overwhelmingly positive response. And that's about the time that Facebook blew up. Yeah, Facebook's been having some problems lately, and I never really trusted them to begin with. Right. So we found another platform called MeWe, but we'll tell you more about that later. Right. And the last thing that we're going to do is a monthly live video cast. Right. Kind of like a Facebook live, only it's not going to be on Facebook. Well, better than Facebook live because you're going to be able to chat with us while we do the presentation or the video. Right.

So if any of you guys have ever done maybe like a live webinar before where you have like a little chat box and you can type in your questions and then we can see them and respond to them. It's going to be similar to that. Yeah. So we're going to do that once a month for those members. And if you can't make it, we'll have repeats of that during the month.

But we'll more information about this throughout the month and and we'll tell you more about it next time but it's soon to be released and we're really excited about it so keeping up with the joneses what's been going on in the month of march 2018 yeah so we um had our meet and greet yes we did and that was a really fun afternoon yeah we need to get a bigger venue yeah i think so it was kind of hard to move around in there but i think it'll be nice out the next time we have one and our co-hosts are um brainstorming some different types of venues maybe we can do like an outside event yeah um so we'll be looking into that but you know we just love meeting our listeners we had some uh good friends there that we've known a long time and a nice mix of new people that we hadn't met before and there were a few couples there that were repeats from last time yep so we got to know them a little bit better so it was a really nice mix of people yes and a sexy mix not nice sexy yeah if you want to get on the list you need to go to our website scroll all the way to the bottom and you'll see DC area local meet and greet and we'll just need you to put your names and your email address in there and we will invite you next time and we're going to try to do these quarterly so this one probably will be in summer right the next one well one thing that made that meet and greet so special is that we had friends in town we did and they happened to be in town the weekend of the meet and greet so we got to introduce them to a lot of our friends and and then they got to meet all the new folks as well so that was extra extra special fun.

Yeah, and then we got to bring them back here and spend the weekend with them. And what are you drinking tonight, Mr. Jones? As a matter of fact, speaking of our friends from out west, I am drinking High West Distillery, barreled Manhattan. And this is from the state of Utah. The 36th vote, which is indicative of Utah's casting the vote that repealed Prohibition.

the 36th vote which is indicative of utah's casting the vote that repealed prohibition the 36th vote but uh it's just a bottle of pre-made um a manhattan which i love and it's a beautiful bottle and it is it's even number it's uh and it's hand signed too it's definitely very small batch yes you, friends. It's really good. Yeah. I'm boring and just drinking a coconut martini. Yes. I think they're kind of becoming my favorite. They're not sweet, honey. That's what I like about them. Yeah, I know. They're really refreshing.

And I have almond milk in it because I'm still trying to stay reasonably true to my whole 30. Oh, it doesn't have any dairy in it that's why it's good to podcast on a tuesday night because i get to drink booze during the week i know i know that's true i'm with you on that one yeah we survived the whole 30 and we're sticking to parts of it most of it but we had to add the alcohol back in did. Especially, and we'll talk more about our friends in a moment, but we spent this past weekend, a long weekend in Las Vegas, and we ate, it was like anti Whole30. Because we ate out a lot. We had pizza.

Oh, we had pizza. That's the first time I'd had pizza in over a month. It was heaven. Yeah, we drank more than our fair share. We had pasta, too. We went out for pasta one night. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, anyway, this was a combination of visiting family and also sneaking away and having some adult time with a couple of lifestyle friends right and they weren't from vegas either they were coming into town on vacation and we swear we didn't plan it i mean we we kicked them gosh when was it it was probably around christmas time it was right after the new years yeah yeah and um we said hey we're we're gonna be in vegas the first week of april visiting family in case. Because we knew they go there. They go there actually quite often. Just in case. And we just said the first week of April.

And then they replied and said, well, what dates? And we told them the dates. And they're like, you're kidding me. That we are truly, we've already booked to be there too. Yeah, it was great. It was amazing. Yeah. So we met with them one one morning and yeah because we were basically vegas virgins we really we went like 15 years ago yeah and we you were there on a conference and we had our girls with us our girls were adults then but still it's not the same so yeah we had never really done any fun stuff in vegas before yeah so they um they kind of Show showed us the ropes. They did.

We went to see Zumanity. Yeah. At New York, New York. Oh, my gosh. That was so good. Which is a very, very sexy show. And for those of you who have been to Desire, the show reminds me a lot about one of the shows that they do at Desire. Yeah, some of the acrobats and the silks and the trapeze sort of things. But it's really, really sexy and really funny. And it's funny. Oh my gosh. Yeah, that was a lot of fun. Yeah, so if you ever go to Vegas and you haven't seen it, I just cannot recommend it enough. Yeah, and then we went to that freak show on Fremont Street, which is really a live circus.

I said it was island of misfit toys yeah it was very interesting people i mean we saw we're used to seeing some things because we've been to naughty in new orleans that fremont street is quite the experience that's what it's called the fremont street experience we didn't really know why it was named but we figured that out pretty quick no but i think the highlight well the highlight was being with our friends yes but we also went to the um spearmint rhino gentlemen's club we did and we're gonna talk more about this later but um you know, the, my experience in strip clubs, especially here on the East coast is you can't really find one that I would consider to be classy.

Right. And you know, the, you go in there and you, I, I've never really enjoyed myself there. I just feel like, I don't know, putting $1 bills and sitting at that bar and it's just not my deal. Right. And Mr. Jones took me to one. It was when we were contemplating, you know what it was? It was after we booked Desire the first time before we went and we were trying to figure out, you know, if, if the lifestyle was going to be for us. So you took me to a gentleman's club. Myrtle beach. And I just wanted to mother all the girls and give them money so they would go to community college. Yeah.

I mean, I, it, it just didn't sit right with me. But, um, when we went last weekend in Las Vegas, it was a really good experience. Yeah. It's not cheap.

No, but, but you get what you pay for i guess yeah it was it was really classy um you know it was a really the ladies the all the the women were really beautiful and i mean it was professional yeah very professional and the drinks were good the the music was good and it wasn't too loud you know it was loud enough but it wasn't too loud that's true we could have conversation they had several different um dance floors and they rotated the girls after each song it was like the girls were and you know what i had never had a lap dance before i'm a machine lap dance virgin.

Well, virgin, except for the ones you've given me. Thank you for that, because I have given you a few. Yeah. But our friends wanted to go, and they wanted to get the ladies a lap dance. And I'm like, I don't even know how much they cost. How does this work? And yeah, you learn quickly.

But it was a a lot of fun it was super fun if you if you go to vegas and you want to go to a nice club um that's one you should go to i mean we've heard there's there's an another one or two that are pretty nice too and um you know that we have family that lives out there we'll have opportunities to sneak away each trip and do at least one fun little thing yeah i'm sure we're going to talk about spearmint rhino again this podcast before before we get finished so that pretty much no it doesn't oh yeah there was one other thing it was a vanilla weekend but it was a fun one yeah so we go away this time every year to run a race um with a bunch of vanilla friends and we did it again this year and um it was probably the funnest one yet this was the third annual yes and i just it was so much fun yeah and i knew it was going to be fun so i had to work that um friday before and um two of my girlfriends had to work too well mr jones had a free day and um and then another the other husband had a free day so the two guys went down early because you have to do the packet pickup thing and pick up your race bibs and all that.

So they went down early to do that. Well, that's what they said, but they really went down to drink beer. What else was there to do? So there were two guys and three girls staying in one condo, and then there was another couple in a different condo. So when the three of us ladies got there, we met you all at a restaurant because it was dinner time, and our other friends had come in. They had to fly in from out of state. And they were there with you and our gentleman friend.

And I knew when I found out that you guys had Ubered over from our condo, which was practically within walking distance, that you all have been drinking all day because mr jones really doesn't get drunk i walked into that restaurant and you were feeling no pain at all i think that was our third brewery yes it was yeah i think there are multiple beers at each brewery yeah and this was the third time we have done this race and the first time that we've had really good weather. Yes, we did. It was great. Yeah, it was fun. It was chilly, but that's okay. It wasn't raining and it wasn't too windy.

And we both ran the half. And speaking of getting drunk, so we don't drink a lot Friday night because there's the 8K on Saturday and we don't drink a lot Saturday night because there's the half marathon on Sunday, but Sunday night we stayed on Monday. Well, Sunday night we drank a lot and you ladies had a little bit too much to drink. And when we went out to pizza to get pizza, Mrs. Jones basically just sat there at the table with her forehead on the table. There are photos until she barfed.

When was the last time you barfedfed probably when i was pregnant with our younger daughter what oh yeah i was gonna say that that wasn't from alcohol though no that's what i'm saying i don't think i've ever puked from drinking too much before yeah oh wait wait there was that time that i threw up on southern comfort when i was 17 yeah but other than that yeah it's been a while yeah and and these vanilla friends actually are friends that know that we're in the lifestyle yeah yeah so it was it was very relaxing for us to be among friends right right not to keep our guard up it was really it was so much fun yeah so yeah vanilla weekends can be a blast yeah so when we come back we are going to tell you more about what we mean about which comes first confidence or courage in the lifestyle so stay tuned welcome back to segment two of our podcast confidence or courage in the lifestyle which comes first yeah but before we get started um if you guys are regular listeners you may have noticed a remix of our transition song there yeah we'd like to thank our friend ike thomas who um he composed these songs and performed them for us and gave them to us for free to use on the podcast and yeah that was about a year ago right yeah about a year ago and he emailed us this week and said that he was listening to them and they didn't they weren't up to the quality standards that he would like to hear so he remixed them and sent us the same it's the same music but it's just cleaned up a bit and you'll notice uh maybe a little bit of a sharper melody and um it sounds really good so we wanted to thank i liked it before so yeah yeah it's really good thank you so much yeah so a lot of times you'll hear people use the word confidence or self-confidence in the lifestyle um and you've heard people say you know and even we've said you know is sexy.

And we hear other people say simply just be confident and you're, and you'll be fine. Well, okay. Yeah. Well, that sounds easy. That's, that may be a true statement, but it's really not, you just can't be confident if you're not, you can't flip a switch and just say, okay, you told me to be confident. So now I'm going to be confident. Some people are naturally confident, but more people than not. You can't flip a switch and just say, okay, you told me to be confident, so now I'm going to be confident. Some people are naturally confident, but more people than not have to work to get there.

Because confidence is really another subjective word that we need to look at from different angles to better understand how to build the confidence.

You just can't all of a sudden be confident right and that's where the word courage comes in so that's our so our question tonight that we're going to answer is you know is it really confidence that you need to be or is it really do you need to have that courage first to become confident well i think the answer is you got to have both but you know which one like brings out the other right you know so i i think that's the million dollar question um so i i kind of want to like start at it from a female perspective because i think it's going to be different i think so i mean there's there's definitely overarching themes that will apply to both genders but i think um probably women think they have the most difficulty with this um i might argue that point and i'm sure you will when it's your turn but um i women i think will readily admit that we have trouble being confident in the lifestyle because you know when you get down to it and you got to take your clothes off you know that that's a pretty vulnerable thing to do yeah um so what is confidence and and what does that mean for a woman and and if i had to sum it up in one sentence or one phrase i would say confidence is not comparing yourself to others oh Oh, that's easy.

I know, right? In order to be confident, you cannot compare yourself to others because you're always going to find somebody that has, you know, hair that you would prefer to have, you know, girls with curly hair want to have straight hair and girls with straight hair want to have curly hair.

Tall girls know think that the petite girls are so cute and perky and perfect and and us short girls look at the tall girls and say oh my god look at those legs i would kill for those legs you know because i'm short and i just can't imagine what that would be like so when i compare myself to others i can always find ways that i'm lacking yeah um and it's that is just a battle that you will never win I don't do it. So you're, are you saying that basically that from a woman's perspective, it's mostly around body image? I initially, yes.

I think that's the first thing that pops into our minds is our body image. But I think that, you know, in order to be confident and in order to not be compelled to compare yourself to others, you just have to truly accept who you are and you have to truly accept what you look like. That doesn't mean you can say, well, you know, I don't need to work hard because I am who I am and there's nothing I can do about it. That's not what I'm saying at all. But, you know, just be proud of where you are in your life. You know, like I compare myself to younger women.

I can't help it that I'm in my fifties. I'm kind of glad I'm here. It's better than the alternative, you know? So I, and I, and I have all those wonderful life experiences, you know, in my memory bank that I wouldn't have if I was only 30, you know? So I, I enjoy my age, but you know, sometimes when I look in the mirror, I, I probably wish I might have used a little more sunscreen or maybe worn a hat a little bit more. I don't know. You know, but I just, I am who I am. I look what I look like and, and I, I have to just accept it.

When you look at another woman and think back to before we got into the lifestyle or just when we got into lifestyle, when you look at another woman, do you, do you, are you as critical hell no with another woman why why is that? No, I'm not. So you see a feature on another woman, and I'm just asking a question. You see a face or a set of boobs or whatever, long legs in your case, and you focus in on that. But do you, I've heard you say when you look at yourself in the mirror, you see all these imperfections. But so when you look at another woman, do you see imperfections?

Well, I do if I stop and think about it. But really, I don't stop and think about it because I'm listening to her tell me a story or I'm watching her flirt with her husband or with you. And, you know, and then I'm engaging in conversation with her and, and I'm just seeing the whole person and the whole person is what I find sexy. And do you think she has the same hangups that you have about your body? Oh, I'm sure. But it's still difficult because what you're seeing doesn't, you don't look at other people the same way you look at yourself. Right.

And I, and I think for a lot of women, and I've talked about this before on the podcast, um, you know, when, when I say not comparing ourselves to others, you know, it's the media, It's the airbrushed magazine pictures and the you know the little 22 year old supermodels that are on the cover of you know the victoria's secret catalog or you know at least sports illustrated that is attempting to be more inclusive but no you you come back to this you've you've come back to this in several podcasts but no we just went to a strip club do you think all the girls the beautiful girls in that strip club were confident so yeah so i want to talk about that because i can talk about it from two different angles so when we went into that strip club well first of all we had a wing couple with us you know we were there with our friends and they had been to strip clubs a few times before so they were kind of experienced and they knew what to expect and they did a good job of telling us what to expect and should we describe these girls i mean wouldn't you say that most of them are in their 20s or late 20s maybe early 30s oh the strippers yeah yeah i'm not talking about them yet no i'm just trying to set the the stage for the people oh well i think most of them were in college yeah or yeah i may have i may have talked about college with two of the girls yeah and would you say that their bodies were pretty near perfect yes dear okay i'm i'm just trying to set the context right right yes but i'm getting back to your early 20s mid 20s perfect bodies right um you know walking around in their like six seven inch stripper heels which i i can't even imagine doing that yeah so they were they were all very beautiful um very few imperfections as far as their bodies went now the couple that we went with are about our age within a year or two so you know there are four of us in our 50s walking in now our lady friend is stunningly beautiful yes well you both are well thank you honey but you know we were old enough, every stripper in there we were old enough to be their mamas so you know that could have been intimidating but you know i got to walk in on your arm and you know and then we were with friends that we were super comfortable with and um and you know and there's just a really good rapport among the four of us with that the elusive four-way connection thank goodness you know we we have it with them and we appreciate that so when the four of us walked in you know we um the hostess found us a really nice table near the dance floor i'm kind of in a corner so we could kind of have a little bit of intimacy so the four of us could talk um but we were right in the path of of all the strippers making their rounds and and what i found so fascinating because i was sitting kind of with my back to the dance floor um and you had your back to the staircase because our um we were kind of like in this little elevated area so you kind of it and it was kind of like there was this little rail around it so there was only like one way in and out of our little area so I was watching the strippers come up the two or three stairs to get into our area and a lot of the girls would look over at our table and they would kind of look and they would see my lady friend and I there with you two and they didn't know what to do with it because I think there were only like one or two other wives or significant others in there female significant others in there most of it most of the men in there were there alone or with buddies but there were very few few women as, you know, guests there.

So I think a lot of the strippers didn't know what to do with us. And I found that intriguing because it made me think about their level of confidence. Here these girls are like, you know, in their 20s. They're stunningly beautiful. The two I actually talked to were, you know, both in school to get advanced degrees. So obviously, they were making good money and putting themselves through school, which more power to them. I think that's fantastic. But I think a lot of them may have been intimidated by me and my girlfriend. I think you're probably right.

And I just find that super interesting because they should have been the confident ones. I mean, they, they had everything going for them and here they are, they had beautiful, um, lingerie on and all this cash that they had already collected early in the evening and they and i mean seriously here we are we're all in our 50s now you two dudes in their 50s you could tell that you guys had some 20 bills in your pocket yeah um so there was no reason for not them to not come over yeah um i think they just didn't quite know what to do. What about the ones that did come over?

Like the first lap dance that you got? Oh, so, right. I was a lap dance virgin until last weekend. Do you think she was confident? She was. I liked her a lot. She's in nursing school. I talked to her about it. At least that's what she told you. No, she actually talked to me a lot as she was really hot and dancing for me. Yeah. But I liked her because I didn't feel like she was confused by the situation. I think she kind of found our foursome intriguing.

Well, so this is a little bit of a tangent here, but just to describe how this lap dance went, she came up to me behind me and she said something about, can I give you a lap dance? And I said, no, you can give my wife a lap dance. And she said, oh, okay. Well, I'm sitting across the table and she sits down on your lap and she takes her top off. And then the next thing I know, you're just talking with her like you're in, I know what you're doing. You're interviewing her. And I don't know how this pay works for this. I think a lap dance is $20. I know that.

So basically she sat over there for a while You guys talked for about five minutes. Oh, it wasn't that long. It was about 30 seconds. No, it was a whole song. And then she got up and she came over to me. Oh no, she danced the first time. Seriously. No, she was doing a lot of talking. Well, we were talking as she was dancing. Okay. Well, you were definitely in talking mode. And she came over to me and she said, can I give you one? And I said, yes, please. And then when she finished with me, she said, what would you like me to do next?

I said, I would like you to go back over there and give my wife another lap dance without talking to her. Don't let her draw you into an interview. So she did.

So obviously she wasn't intimidated by us being there no no and there was another girl that came over that um was really like intrigued by the fact that the four of us were there together oh and i did tell the first girl that we were swingers she because she said are she said these guys are your friends and i said yeah and she said well how do you know him i said oh we we met him in new orleans last year and we've just kind of stayed in touch and just happened to both be here the same weekend and she's like oh well like um so so what are you guys doing after this and i said well we're going back to our hotel room and we're gonna have some fun fun together.

You said sex. I think I may have said that. And she was like, oh, well, okay. Yeah. I don't know how many swingers they get in there. So from a woman's perspective, do you think you covered about what confidence is really rooted in and self-confidence and it's in body image?

Well it's in body image and i think it's in in attitude like um and i i suspect we're probably going to talk more about this before we're we're done because you haven't even gotten a word in edgewise yet but um you know you make me confident because you got my back yeah and you know at the end of the night You know, you've got my back. Yeah. And, you know, at the end of the night, you know, we, we've got each other and, and you tell me that I'm beautiful all the time. And, and I always say, Oh, well, that's your job. You're my husband, you know?

So, but I, So when a young girl like that gives you a lap dance and, you know, does that make you feel confident or did I it did. I mean, it was fun and I had fun with her. I mean, I had, I think I had three lap dances. You did. Yeah. We'll get to the other two later. So, yeah, I mean, they were fun and sexy, but I mean, at the end of the day, we're paying them money. So, you know, right. But I just, I was kind of nervous going there. I didn't know how I would feel, how I would fit in or whatever. And, and I ended up feeling very confident there.

Um, I didn't let the fact that, you know, I'm, I'm in twice the range. Thank you. I was trying to, I was going to tiptoe around a little bit more than that, but okay. And it might be more than twice, but whatever. Um, I, I didn't let that bother me and I felt attractive, um, just in general, not just to the strippers, but just to, to the room in general. I just felt very confident and attractive. And I think maybe the lifestyle has helped me with that. I think maybe so too. And we'll get into that in a second.

But you know, the other thing I want to bring up before we move on is, yeah, you need to be confident and you need to own who you are. And, and you need to let people know that you're, you're happy with yourself. And therefore, you know, you, you'll be fun to interact with. But there's such a thing as being overconfident. And what's that? What do you mean? Well, especially as a woman, like when women come across as being overconfident, I think it, it kind of pushes people away.

So what, how are, are how are women how do you know women's being overconfident what what do they do um you know they're just very self-absorbed and just you can almost tell by just their posture and and their body language um that they're very concerned about their appearance and about how other people see them. And, you know, it, it can be a, it can be intimidating if the woman is very beautiful. And, you know, that's usually the case. Um, and sometimes I just don't want to engage with that. Yeah. Like, okay, you win game over.

I mean,'s game over all right yeah you're gorgeous your body's perfect you're a bodybuilder that's fantastic and and i'm not cracking on bodybuilders because we've we know some bodybuilders that are very warm genuinely humble people um but some some people just come across as being overconfident, which to me is not sexy. It's off-putting. Okay. So I like that. It's not game one, it's game over. Good one.

So from a guy's perspective, I don't know that we are as concerned about our bodies and maybe we should be more concerned about, but for guys overconfidence, I don't think comes or I'll see you next time. that we are as concerned about our bodies and maybe we should be more concerned about. But for guys overconfidence, I don't think comes, or confidence doesn't come normally from body image. I would say that there's maybe two schools of thought here that some guys confuse confidence with arrogance or an ego or just, you know, the type A, take charge, center of attention kind of guy.

So you're talking about the male equivalent of my overconfident, off-putting female.

Yeah, and, you know, and I think they can be aggressive and, you know, a little bit handsy and a little bit forward especially in the lifestyle oh you mean you mean guys that are like overconfident well i think i think no well yeah i think it's overconfidence but i think a lot of men see these traits as being confident but it's not confident as a matter of fact they're probably compensating for being um a little bit less than confident oh you think they have a little dick no no it's not that oh you know they they want to get in your space they want to control the you know call the shots that you know sometimes they're competitive yeah i know who you're talking about just giving you a hard time and because in the workplace and in sports guys are just naturally more competitive i think there's a sense that you have to be confident in what you're doing and a lot of people confuse the competitiveness with confidence and that's really not i think they're two different things you can be confident your ability to compete, but being confident as a person is completely different.

And yeah, I mean, a lot of guys think, you know, their confidence lies in how long their dick is. I mean, but, or what kind of car they drive. That's just, we see that all the time. You know, the, the middle age crises, you know, the Corvette with the top down and, you know, the brashness and, and a lot of times we, to your point about game over, it's like, well, they're compensating or they're, there's something that's missing that they're overcompensating for by this show of confidence, but it's really doesn't come across as confidence to me.

Well, and you're not saying that every guy with a nice car is overconfident i mean that's just no i have a nice car okay what i have an accurate tl four-door sedan 2008 well that's paid for it is and it's in great shape. Yeah. No, I mean, having a nice luxury car or a nice sports car doesn't mean that you're overconfident and arrogant.

I'm just saying that these traits, I think, are what a lot of men believe how you need to be right to be confident and they're mistaken or they're they're that's really in my mind that's not being confident those are the words i just described that's being maybe overconfident um and i and i think that though all those characteristics are focused on themselves like there's an inward focus to those yes but i think that you know from my opinion um confidence come are described by different types of words like being humble um you know speaking thoughtfully um deferring to others in a conversation um listening to other people um and and i would say assertiveness is a is a way of being confident because assertiveness is not aggressiveness.

Assertiveness is when it's appropriate, you're assertive. Let people know what you want. Yeah. Or you take a chance and say, I'm going to be assertive here and see how it goes. But the difference though, is that you also have to, you have to be present in the moment. You have to be aware of the situation. So you can be assertive, but if things don't go well, you need to be able to reflect on that and say, I need to step back or I need to try something different.

Where I think a lot of guys just go full speed ahead, lose sight of the person that they're with and end up being a bull in a china shop instead of saying, wait a minute, something doesn't feel right or she's not responding to this and I don't want it to be game over, I want it to be game on. You know, so I think that being present and that, you know, self-assured assertiveness is how men should exhibit confidence in my mind. That's what I find sexy.

You know, when a man can let me know that he's interested in me without, you know, like being too pushy because i'm not super um outgoing when somebody's just a little too pushy with me it kind of scares me a little bit yeah not that i find it off-putting it's just it makes me um but i guess be on the defensive a little bit yeah but i'm kind of shy and quiet so yeah well i mean i think also as a guy being able to go with the flow and that really what that means is be open to other ideas you know you might have a way that you think that evening should go but again if you're not listening to other people and including everyone you know then i you know i think you're going to come across as being a little bit arrogant or overly aggressive.

And I think what it boils down to is being comfortable in your own skin. And when you sense that somebody is comfortable being themselves, then you know, they're not compensating for anything. And then there's a quiet, self-assured confidence that comes along with that. Yeah. Now, my personal experience was I was always quiet and shy. And so I was never a type A. I was a good athlete, but I wasn't competitive, as my coach often reminded me.

I was involved in sports more for the social aspect of it so i so i haven't so i'm not a type a so this is just strictly from my my observation but i i just didn't become confident overnight you know there it's just as you mentioned when we were at the strip club you came away from there noticing that you've the lifestyle has made you more confident right and And you know it's it's a gradual thing that happens over a period of time so anyway how i described being confident is more of an outward focus like it's not focused on me it's focused on others and me being responsive to that and being aware and being in the moment and being comfortable in my own skin so i think I think that's the difference from the way a lot of guys view confidence and the way that I view being self-confident as a guy.

Well, not just you. I think most men that we've encountered in the lifestyle think along those same lines. you know i i uh really appreciate the confidence level of of most of the men that that we've connected with right um right and and i love your analogy i mean because if a guy is being arrogant or overconfident then when i look at him i'm thinking he's going to be thinking more about himself than he is about my wife so's game over. Yeah. I don't even want to have anything to do with that. Yeah.

Where if he's deferring to you or, you know, respecting you and listening to you and involving everyone in the conversation, it just makes everybody much more connected and much more relaxed. And then the evening goes a whole lot better. So what? What do we do with this? You know, you can't just be that way. Right. And that's where the courage comes in. Yeah, because I think that the courage really comes first. Yeah.

So let's talk about what it feels like to like to be courageous well you're out of your comfort zone yeah i mean everybody's everybody i think i can say you know always say never say you know never always or everybody um but i think everybody is afraid when they first dip their toe into the lifestyle yeah but, but being afraid, though, you can still, I think where we're going with this is you need to be vulnerable. Well, right. But if you don't want to be vulnerable, then that fear that you have, you cover it up with your overconfidence. Yes, that's exactly where I was headed with that.

Everybody's afraid, but how do you respond to you respond to that fear you know are you going to try to just like bulldoze your way through it which would be the overconfidence and the arrogance and you're still scared to death um but you're just putting on this front and you know kind of like well i'm going to dive in and just see what happens right and for some guys especially it's tough to be vulnerable but here's what it feels like you know, kind of like, well, I'm going to dive in and just see what happens. Right. And for some guys, especially, it's tough to be vulnerable.

But here's what it feels like. You know, I can tell you, it's nerve-wracking. Yeah. You know, I get nervous and I feel unsure of myself. Like, I've never been with this person before. How am I going to do? I can be hesitant. Like, well, I'll just wait for her to make the first move. Or I'll wait for somebody else to make the move. And then you're not stepping into it. Or you've got butterflies in your stomach. Like, why is this happening? You know, I'm 50-something years old. Why am I doing this? But this is really what it feels like to be vulnerable.

And courage comes in when you move forward anyway. Right. So if you start to have these feelings, instead of retreating, the courage is there when you're courageous is to say, you know what, I know why I'm feeling this way. I recognize this. But the only way through this is to take a step forward and not put a mask on, but be vulnerable and be myself. And this goes back to, you know, whether it's approaching another couple or an approaching an individual, or whether it's, you know, just expressing interest in another couple or expressing interest. And that's terrifying.

I think, yeah, you know, letting know letting somebody know that you you know it's one thing to have a great conversation with people but then to actually make that transition in the conversation right and let them know that you're you're actually interested in playing with them right that's where the flirting and comes in and and the propositioning someone because that you've got to make yourself completely vulnerable. You, it could, because you're going to get rejected. And that fear is always in your head.

Like I'm afraid to move forward because, you know, I feel like I'm going to be, you know, redirect, rejected. And even if you're not, even if, even if it goes well and you get through all that and you flirted and you're connecting the physical interaction, then you, you have to be current. You have to be courageous. Like who's going to make the first move. Yeah. And, and who, you know, if I wait, is somebody else going to do it? You know, so being courageous is, is stepping forward and stepping into that.

And then I think something that we often disregard is retreating and regrouping and managing our disappointment and moving forward again because I hear people who have been rejected and they complain about somebody not being attracted to them. Or I did everything that I was supposed to do and they're still not attracted to me. And, you know, at some point in time, the courage means, you know what? They weren't attracted to me. I'm not going to take it personally. Why should everybody, why do I have an expectation that everyone's going to be attracted to me?

so let's move on to some somebody else so i want to take a minute i want to take a little time out okay because um not too long ago we were talking to some good lifestyle friends of ours about this very top topic about courage versus confidence and um our female, our female friend said, I mean, she just shared some really interesting thoughts and it, and she told a really good story when we were talking about the whole, you know, confidence and courage thing. And we were like, that is amazing. You need to write that down. Yeah. And she did. Oh, good.

So I want to share this with you because it really takes everything that we've just yammered about and ties it up in a neat little bow okay okay so this is written from our um friend's perspective so this is the the wife of the couple that we're friends with so she says for me the answer to this question is easy definitely courage first and then confidence. Just like most things in life, I need to have the courage to do something out of my comfort zone. For example, run a marathon, apply for a new and different job, learn a new skill of some sort or another. Then comes the confidence.

For example, the feeling of self-worth after completing my marathon, or I got that job and I learned to ride a motorcycle. So let me give you a little background about us first. We are a bit late to the game in the swinging lifestyle. I guess you could call us late bloomers. They're sexy late bloomers. Yes, they are. She says, I won't tell you my actual age, but just leave it to say I have a couple of years on Mr. Jones. Just a couple. I was also the morality police in our 40-year marriage. I'm sure a lot of women can relate to that. I can just hear her voice right now.

Oh, and we were also high school sweethearts who had never been sexually active with anyone else prior to getting together. It took a bit of gentle persuasion for me to agree to add this lifestyle hobby to our already full and completely satisfying marriage. Why would I want to risk everything, put everything on the line and open up that sacred part of myself and my man to complete strangers. Complete craziness if you ask me. But the subject kept on coming up, in a very nice and gentle way of course. We started researching, listening to podcasts, and attending swinger clubs just to observe.

It was scary. I was still on the fence, but it was erotic and titillating and our sex life was becoming hotter than it had been in years. I am also not one who is comfortable being the center of attention. If anything, I avoid the limelight. One night we were invited to a house party. We met nice people who were kind enough to tone down their play style to meet our level. After getting to know each other for a while, they started the game of a human ice cream sundae. Who wanted to jump up on the plastic coated pool table first? My alter ego raised her hand.

My guy looked at me like I was crazy and wondered where did his wife go? So I disrobed, climbed up on the table and had the most amazing experience of being kissed, caressed, licked, and massaged in all the right places. After my turn ended, I felt confident, sexy, appealing, and wanted. Who would have thought? So that was about three or four years ago. I have had great, mediocre, and bad experiences.

I have had to learn not to base my confidence on the opinion of others, but to know at the end of the night, it is all about the deeper relationship that my husband and I have obtained due to taking the time to talk through each and every one of these experiences.

It is not always easy, but it has been worth it for us wow i know i love the fact that she says she have has had to learn to not base her confidence on the opinion of others wow there's so much packed into here and a lot of it doesn't have to do with self-confidence like for example um she was the morality police her husband that was the one that was trying to talk her into this gently right um and then all of a sudden she found herself in a situation and she found the courage to raise her hand and jump up on the pool table and then her husband was there with his head spinning saying wait where where who are you and and where and good for him yeah because and she's kind of a petite feisty thing you know when she gets going so i could just see her climbing up on that table but to be with somebody for 20 or 30 or 40 years and then be in a situation like that and have them jump up on the table um there's two things going on here.

There's obviously she's very courageous, and that's the whole point of this. But as a husband or the spouse, you have to allow your partner to express that courageousness without getting in the way. Because he could have very easily, whoa, this is not you. Yeah, what are you doing? Yeah, what are you doing? You're not the wife that I know. And, you know, he could have gotten in the way, but he didn't. You know, he let her get up on the table and supported her and she had a good time and came away with the confidence.

And here's the key, you know, if she would not have have raised her hand if her alter ego had not raised her hand exhibited that courage she would not have left that event confident like she would as a matter of fact she probably would have been a little bit less confident because she waited for somebody else to do that or she would have said you know that's really not me we're just getting our feet wet and that would have been a little bit less confident because she waited for somebody else to do that. Or she would have said, you know, that's really not me. We're just getting our feet wet.

And that would have been a very normal response. Right, right. But to be bold like that, and I mean, that's what the lifestyle affords you the opportunity to do is express your, you know, your courageousness in many ways. So bravo. Right.

Yeah, so, you know, and then so speaking of like the kind of the couples like having each other's back there so the other thing I like about the lifestyle is how it makes you more confident as a couple as well yes you know so it's one thing to be confident as individuals, but then to take that and put it together and then to show this unified front to people at, you know, the club or the resort or on the date or whatever, and show that you're connected as a couple and that you're confident as a couple. Right. So that's sexy. Right.

And so I think as our friend was standing there and her alter ego was raising her hand, she knew, and we know this couple very well, she knew that her husband was going to have her back. Yes. She knew that he was going to be proud of her. And she knew that no matter how it went, that she was going to have him at the end of the evening. So to your point, and it's a good one, and we've said this before, is that we feel more confident when we're side by side. Absolutely. Because it's not just, you know. You're my eye candy, honey. Oh, my gosh. Sorry, I made you lose your train of thought.

I forgot what I was going to say. Instead of a woman being focused on her body or a man having to worry about compensating for something or being overconfident, we can let our relationship exhibit the attractiveness and the confidence that we have. Right. And it takes all the pressure off from doing it as an individual.

i think that's what you're saying yeah and not only that but you you draw your strength i mean i draw my strength from you we're in this together and so it's easier for me to be courageous when i know that you're allowing me to do this and that you're going to support me and i don't have to worry about you calling me out on something or being upset or angry. I think where we're moving towards on this is using your relationship as the foundation for building your courage and confidence.

So instead of as a woman looking at your body or as a man thinking that you have to be a certain size or you have to act a certain way, fall back on your relationship. If your relationship is solid, we are going to see that as another couple. And that's going to really what's going to help us connect with you is using your relationship as that foundation and knowing that if I get rejected or if something doesn't go well, I've got my partner here who's going to help me. Right. And that's what, well, no, I'm going to get in trouble here.

I was going to say, and that's what I meant about you being my eye candy. I mean, so like I, I like having, of course, I think you're very handsome and most of the women that we encounter think the same thing, but you're my wingman. You've got my back. I can lean on you. And because I know I can lean on you and I trust our relationship and I know our relationship is strong, even if one of us trips up a little bit, um, that, that strength and that connection that you and I have, that makes me more confident to try things that might be a little bit out of my comfort zone. Right.

And I want to fall back on something that she said.

She said that I have great mediocre and bad experiences i have had to learn not to base my confidence on the opinion of others but to know at the end of the night it is all about the deeper relationship that my husband and i have so even a man right so so i want to go i want to talk about being rejected because if you're the one that's being rejected the tip of you you can fall into the trap of a trap of taking that personally and you can take that as an individual like i am not attractive enough for her for her but really it's if you have your partner and you fall back on your partner, then it shouldn't matter.

Like you just said, I mean, I'm your eye candy. So I always have you in my corner.

So if somebody, if somebody is not attracted to me, it's not like I'm an individual on a date and I go have to go home and get out the quarter ice cream or the 12 pack of beer or whatever I'm going to do to drown my sorrows because I shouldn't feel sorry for myself I have you right also I want to talk about being the if somebody approaches us and we have to turn them down a lot of people ask how do you how do you turn people down you know how do you do it do you just ghost do you do it politely and no matter how you do it there's not an attractiveness I should not feel badly because I'm not attracted to somebody else and the more I take ownership of that decision and the blame for not being attracted attracted enough to somebody that's detrimental to me really what i need to do is just be however i'm going to do it whether i walk away whether i ghost them or whether i tell them straight up that's not what this conversation is about but it's letting the other person know that either you don't make an advancement on them or whatever it is, and you're not interested in them, and let them deal with the fact that there's no connection instead of us trying to be nice about it.

So I think confidence comes into play where you have to be confident enough to tell other people when you're not attracted to them. And if you're the one that's being told that, to accept that and not to dwell on it too much Thank you.

attracted to them yeah and if you're the one that's being told that you know to accept that and not to dwell on it too much and say you know what there's just nothing there it was a lack of connection it wasn't the lack of attractiveness on your part or whatever right it may not have anything to do with your body the way you look it may be something that something that I can't even describe. But if it's not there, it's not there. So when you are rejected, confidence comes back into play. Just like our friend was saying was, you know what? I'm going to go home with my wife.

I'm going to go home with my husband. So why should my feelings be hurt? Do I have this expectation that everybody's going to find me attractive? Well, the obvious answer to that is no.

So when it happens, you know i should do i have this expectation that i'm gonna everybody's gonna find me attractive well the obvious answer to that is no so when it happens you know to be able to to reflect on that and accept it and the more you're rejected this sounds funny the more you're rejected the more confident you get in how to handle that situation so right so the people think the opposite people think i'm going to get rejected therefore i'm to lose my self-confidence.

But if you have the courage to confront and take that step forward and you have the relationship to fall back on, then being rejected is just a, it's a A-B test. I mean, it's a binary thing. I mean, it's either yes or it's no. And if it's no, you go home with your husband or you move on to the next couple. And the more experience you get in this lifestyle, the more times that you're courageous and you build that confidence, that confidence doesn't guarantee you that you're going to have sex with another couple.

It guarantees you that whether you do or not not you're not gonna think less of yourself yes yes absolutely right so what is confidence ultimately what does it feel like i mean i think i think if we reflect back and like you did with the um you know you were you were saying about how the club, how you walked away from that, realized how much you'd grown in the lifestyle. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. So when, so if things feel natural to you or things come second nature to you or you don't have to think about it or you don't get those nerves anymore, then you're becoming more confident. Right.

And it just, and there's no, there's no way around it.

have to you're you have to let your alter ego raise their hand you have to take that step forward and you have to do that over and over and over well and i and i did not compare myself to the 20 something year old girls that were there i mean there there's no comparison it's apples and oranges at this point in my life right you know and i didn't let it bother me that i was older than them and you know my body's less perfect than them i just i came in and i had a good time i was with you i was with our friends i mean i had you know the attention of two handsome men and a gorgeous woman and and just you know people i was genuinely friends with and how could i not feel sexy in that environment?

Right, right. Yeah. So anyway, it's natural. It's like second nature and you know what you want and you don't want and what you don't want. Right. Because you draw the line. If we do things that we don't want, it just makes it more difficult to overcome the next time. So knowing what you want and what you don't want and acting upon that is natural confidence. And then I think lastly, again, just not pouting. Right. It's not worth it. And it's easy for me to say because it does sting.

I'm not going to say that you're not going to feel these feelings, but you know, the quicker you're able to let that roll off your back and move on, then that's a sign that you're more confident. Yep. Just have to have sex with your spouse. Right. Tragic. Tragic. Okay, honey. So what's the magic pill solution for this?

So I think that you just have to weigh your wins and losses and, you know, just be happy with the experiences that you have and let the, um, the experiences where it's either been, you know, not a good fit or a flat out rejection, just let them go and, and reflect on the fun times that you've had in the lifestyle. And maybe the fun times don't have anything to do with sex. I mean, just enjoy the experience of getting out with your partner and, and like letting reality be pushed to the side for a little while and just to have fun and, and just appreciate each other.

I think that that makes me feel confident, you know, just being out with you and, and just like that night at the bar you know i knew that we we weren't there to pick up another couple um i knew i was gonna go back and have sex with you and i just had so much fun at the bar knowing that you know that was just anticipation building right so use the lifestyle as foreplay yes definitely and this may not sound like a happy thought to end on but just like anything i think the very outset we talked about or no it was our friend in her letter you know whether it's applying for a new job um moving or you know getting into a lifestyle if you don't stop and think back and reflect on how you've changed over the past two or three or five years, then maybe you're just stagnant.

Maybe you're not growing at all. There are a lot of people that email us and say, we've been researching. We've been listening to podcasts, we've been reading blogs, we've been talking, we're on dating sites, and we've been doing this for six months, one year, year and a half, you know, and they keep asking for advice. And I'm like, dude, you've got all the information that you need, you need to raise your hand and get up on the stinking pool table.

but if you find yourself not progressing then there's one of two things that's going on you're not raising your hand to move forward or you just need to accept the fact that the lifestyle isn't for you yeah you know and that's that's a perfectly fine decision but to be in this purgatory of the research the fantasizing the conversations the making your rules you know putting yourself out there if you don't raise your hand and get up on the pool table you're not going to experience the growth which is not going to lead to any being more self-confident and that's not going to give you the opportunity to, to have a fun, relaxing time.

And like you say, if you're not having fun, you're not doing it right. Right. So raise your hand. Raise my hand. Okay. It's up. Get on the pool table. I'm going to go get the ice cream. We don't have a pool table. We have a massage table. That'll work. Will that work? Yeah. Okay. So confidence versus courage. Yeah. So let's go be courageous. Yeah. I think the courage comes first. Yeah. All right. Well, thanks for tolerating this conversation about courage and confidence and hopefully it was helpful.

And we're interested to hearing your thoughts on it too it too all right I'd love to hear some more stories like the one that we just read yes because it's really it's really and that's what's inspirational to other people is when we can read a message and people can say yep that sounds like me that sounds like my wife and oh my gosh how did she do that but then to hear how it ended up for them, you know, gives other people something to be inspired by. Or something to relate to, yeah. Yeah, definitely. Okay, well, when we come back, we've got a couple of sexy snapshots for you. Yes, we do.

And one from a listener. Yes. Okay, we'll be right back. welcome back to our snapshot segment we are going to start out with a listener snapshot and i think mr jones is going to read it right yeah and we haven't done one of these in a while no we haven't should you all feel inspired to send us a snapshot it would be certainly appreciated by not only us but others yes so we received from C and M. And it's going to involve some courage to fit in with the theme here. But here's their snapshot. And thank you guys for sending this.

After joining a swinger site, we found a couple which somehow just felt right. They were a little older, a lot more experienced and extremely sexy. We exchanged face pics and texted for a while, and then after a few weeks, we arranged to meet for a no-expectations drink. We hit it off immediately. By the end of the evening, the lady suggested something even they had never tried. We should meet again and go for dinner, but we swapped partners before arriving at the venue and spend the evening as if our new partner is our actual partner.

We would be the only ones at the restaurant to know the truth. All four of us were immediately intrigued and turned on by the thought. It was sexy and naughty and a great way to gauge whether more intimate swap would work further down the line. The night of the date arrived and I was extremely nervous. I had been 15 years since I had touched another woman in a sexual way. I was convinced that I would be completely spazzing out and ruin the whole evening, but that didn't happen.. As the evening progressed I watched my wife get more and more comfortable with her new partner.

It wasn't long before it became quite obvious to myself and the other lady that things were happening under the table right there in the restaurant. It was so hot and soon my new partner and I showed that we could also play that game. She responded to my touch and allowed me to slip my hand up her inner thigh. A few hours in, the husband suggested we go for a drive around town. He would drive and I could sit in the back between the two ladies and see where it goes. I was immediately suspicious as I tend to overthink everything. This is where the courage part comes in.

I looked at my wife since I've learned to rely heavily on her gut feeling in these matters. She winked and nodded. What happened in the back of that car was nothing short of mind-blowing. Even writing about it now, I get goosebumps. The two ladies started making out, and the other wife pulled me closer. We shared the most erotic three-way kiss, and that still stands out as my favorite moment of the whole evening. The husband kept watching the action in the rearview mirror, but kept driving and allowing us to have fun. What a legend he is.

It was such a beautiful gesture that I couldn't help but feel completely comfortable and grateful to them. Soon the clothes came off and the lady helped my wife get on top of me. While my wife and I had sex, we both kissed her and played with her nipples. It was surreal seeing my gorgeous wife riding me, then lean over, kissing another woman's breast and slipping her hand into the other woman's panties. My wife came loudly and slumped off me. To cap off the evening, both women treated me to a slow, sensual blowjob. No freaking way this is real, but it was.

By the time the husband pulled into the restaurant parking lot, my wife and I declared ourselves official swingers I would say so that's an interesting thought yeah we've we've switched cars after dinner and come back to the house or gone to a hotel with the other spouse but we've never done it beforehand yeah and come into the restaurant like the other person is your spouse yeah that's a pretty hot move i like that yeah it takes a lot of courage and fortunately it it paid off for him so oh yeah thanks for sending that that's really cool and kudos to the couple that um the guy who drove yeah and let that happen yeah that that nurturing new swingers for you.

Now that guy was confident. Yes. To let his wife sit in the back seat and play with that couple while he drove.

I also want to point out something else that he said, and that was that his wife, when this suggestion was made was made he was suspicious but he looked at his wife and because he's learned to rely heavily on her gut feeling in these matters and she winked and nodded getting back to guys being perceptive guys sometimes you need to listen to your wives because if you're being overly aggressive or acting in a way that you think it's going to be game over instead of game on, wives, we need you to step in at that point in time and grab your husband and bring him back down to earth and say, don't ruin this for us.

That's when I grabbed the hair on the back of your hand. I'm not saying I'm not guilty of this. I'm just saying thank you wives for keeping us in line helping us understand what confidence really is. Yes, we keep it real. So what's your snapshot? So after the strip club. After the strip club? Yes. Okay.

We went back to our hotel, and we went up, and we had some drinks, we put some music on and just started it didn't take long because we had been at that strip club so I think everybody was pretty aware of where the night was headed so we started playing and since my girlfriend and I both had lap dances by these beautiful ladies we wanted some lady time we got out the double dildo and we had a couple of vibrators going and she and i had some fun and y'all just had to watch yep well actually he was really good about um with the vibrators he kept the vibrators in the right position oh yes you were you were propping me up from the back and then i was giving you a blowjob that was later that was during no no it wasn't because i was behind you the whole time you were with her i remember having a vibrator on myself and giving you a blowjob because i thought that was fun.

That was after you all had your orgasms. I'm not going to lay there all night, which is the point of the snapshot that I think you're finally going to tell. So, yeah, so she and I played. I mean, we took our time. We were not in a hurry. So we were kind of moving the double dildo around, and then she had a vibrator on her her clit and I had one on my clit. And then finally we both had some pretty loud and satisfying orgasms. So as soon, I think I came first and then she came like within a minute or two after me. It was pretty quick after me.

You guys were being so attentive the whole time she and i were playing but as soon as the last lady had her orgasm her husband was like well time to get rid of that thing and let's get things moving along here i think he said let's get rid of that dildo and let's let's use the real thing that's what he said yeah yeah it's time for the real thing that's what he said. Yeah. Yeah. It's time for the real thing. That's what he said. I've been trying to remember that all night. Yeah. Yeah. So he might have been a little jealous of that dildo. He'd been watching it for quite a while.

That's when you gave me a little bit of a blowjob. Yeah. To prep me for the real thing. Yep. That's when I, and I had to rely on my partner because I was behind you so long. I mean's hot to watch you but as you said it took you guys for a long time a long time to get there well and it had been a long time coming like you know we because we wanted to play the first time we were together and then it didn't happen so i think we were just yeah making good use of our time no it was hot it was very hot so he say? It's time for the real thing. That's what it was. Just get rid of that dildo.

It's time for the real thing. It was so funny. Nobody argued. And fun was had by all with the real things. Yes, definitely was a lot of fun. Oh my gosh, they're a great couple. So my snapshot was going back to this Spearmint Rhino, the sex club, or the gentleman's club. Okay. And so we had had two lap dances, and I had learned the hard way how much they cost, and that it's really they charge you per dance, or per song. And I didn't realize until the first lady had done three songs, and I tried to give her a 20. She said, oh, that's 60. And I said, how do you calculate these things?

Isn't there a sign on the wall? I don my lesson. So anyway, a couple of other ladies had come up to us at this point in time. You had one other lap dance. And then he paid for another lap dance for his wife. Right. And I think we were about ready to leave. And girls would come up behind me and tap me on the shoulder because, like you said, my back was to them. And I kept saying, no, thank you, because I was running out of 20s. And we were going back to the hotel room. But anyway, this young girl came up behind me, and her name was Trinity. I was to find that later.

And she was from Trinidad and Tobago. Beautiful girl. She was beautiful. Beautiful skin. And she had that Caribbean accent. And she sat down in my lap. And the first thing I thought of was, oh, my gosh, I'm going to have to get rid of her. You know, we've had enough of this well she started talking to me and it was more than just what do you want me to do for you it was hey notice you guys sitting back here um where are you from which is kind of a standard and I told her and what are you doing here how long have you you been here?

And then she said, what do you think is the most beautiful aspect on a woman's body? And this is where my lifestyle experience and my confidence kicked in as I thought back later. But immediately I said, well, it depends on the woman. And I think that answer was not what she was expecting and she said oh well that's a good answer and i said for example with you it's your smile and your legs and then she started telling me about all the squats that she does at the gym and then we had a and keep in mind she's not asking me for money at this point in time.

We're having a conversation and, you know, she says, are these your friends? And I introduced you and I, and I said, you know, we're in the, we're in the lifestyle. We're swingers. And she said, oh, have you been to any lifestyle clubs? And she told me a couple of lifestyle clubs that, that she knew about in town. And I said, no, we decided to come here. We haven't been there.

And she was a little bit intrigued I think by what or how our conversation went but she she says well can I give you a lap dance and I said absolutely and then she did probably one of the most another courteous thing she said can I wait until this song is over before I start and by then I had figured out that it out that it's the duration of the song is the lap dance. So she was giving me more time. And so we continued to talk. Then when the lap dance started, oh, my gosh. She took her top off and she was pressing her boobs in my face, which, you know, a lot of them do.

But then she turned around and I kind of had my legs spread apart. She turned around and she put her ass down in my crotch and she started rubbing. And then she leaned all the way back and she put her arms like back around my head and around my neck. And at this point in time, I'm being the courteous gentleman and respectful and consensual. Well, and there were rules. Yeah, I was touching her ass or her hips because that is, you know, generally accepted. Well, then she took my hands and she moved to put them on her boobs. And I kind of hesitated. And she said, you don't have to be shy.

It's okay. And I said, well, I'm not really shy. I'm just trying to be respectful and courteous. And she said, no, it's fine. So she takes my hands and puts them on her boobs. That's when the lap dance got a whole lot more interesting. It was hot. It was so hot to watch. Oh my gosh.

Her skills just kicked kicked in she said oh you smell so good and her breathing increased and that was I was touching her she was moaning and yeah it was she was really good at what she was doing and at any rate when we finished she ended up sitting around another at least another 10 minutes talking to the four of us yeah and and that just showed me that she's intelligent she knows what she's doing she's good at what she does because she probably sensed that she wasn't like all the girl other girls where they just came up and say what can i do for you she invested the time um she got to know us i got a chance to talk to her she got to meet everybody and see she socialized with us for a while but and she left and she well she gave our friend a lap dance too yeah and why did that happen oh because this is another snapshot of mine so you're getting your lap dance.

And that lap dance was like ridiculously hot. Because like you said, once she leaned back into you, your hands were probably like, you know, on like the outside of her hips. Right? And you were kind of rubbing them up and down her legs because she did have amazing legs. And then she did, I totally watched the whole thing. She picked up your hands and put them on her boobs. Yeah. So our friend looks over and he's like, what the hell? I think it was more like, what the fuck? Yeah. You're not allowed to do that. And I said, she put his hands there.

And he's like, how does he get that kind of treatment? He was like so bitter. It was so funny. Because he had done a lap dance with a girl earlier. And his hands got a little too close. And she pushed his hands away. So, and I mean, your girl was actually picking your hands up and putting them on her boobs.

So after your lap dance finished and then she literally it was probably 10 minutes that she talked to the four of us yeah um it was and she's just a really interesting articulate beautiful young lady yes and then she was about ready to leave and so then our friend says well don't leave yet So then she went over and she gave him ready to leave. And so then our friend says, well, don't leave yet. So then she went over and she gave him a lap dance. And she afforded him the same courtesy. So he got to touch her boobs. Yeah, well, you're welcome, buddy.

Well, but I think they probably have the leeway to do that when they feel comfortable. Sure, I'm sure they do.

You know, you two were respectful gentlemen and and we were interested in more than just her body we we enjoyed talking to her so two things i i have to say thank you trinity because you gave her one of our business cards and told her about our podcast i hope you're listening we just think you're fantastic and we hope we get to see you again when we come back to visit our family definitely the other thing is as I was reflecting back, as I was mentioning before, I was reflecting back, as I was mentioning before, I was reflecting back, I was Definitely.

The other thing is, as I was reflecting back, as I was mentioning before, three or four years ago, I would have never had the courage to probably go in there, number one, but number two, I would have never had a conversation like that with her.

I would have been so overwhelmed and thinking, oh my gosh, I'm a 50-something-year-old guy, and here's a 20-something-year-old beautiful woman and you know I'm having to pay for this and this isn't right or I'm not comfortable I would have been totally freaking out by the whole thing right so the the lifestyle experience that I've had and the courage that we've taken together to move into this has given me that that self-confidence to do that to do that. And that one experience, I left that club thinking, I want to go back. I want to do that again.

If she had not come over and we had not done that, I would have said, man, you know, it was a lot of fun, but you know, why do I want to pay for something when I, I got two ladies sitting across from me that after the first lap dance, um, that I paid 60 bucks for, cause it was three songs. and he and I went to get drink refills. And he said, how are you doing? I said, I don't know. You know, I said, I'm just so practical. I can't believe I just paid 60 bucks. And she didn't even kiss my wife. And the lifestyle, you know, I get that for free. That's right. A kiss is nothing.

She didn't even get a kiss for 60 bucks well and we knew it wasn't even that i mean on top of that we knew where we were headed we were headed back to a hotel room with two incredibly sexy people yeah so we already had our night lined up so anyway um thank you trinity and thank you mrs jones for allowing me to have that experience it It was really a lot of fun, and we can't wait to go back to Spearman right now. It was really hot, yeah, we're looking forward to it. Yeah, so let's wrap this thing up. We are going to be, stay tuned for more information about our We Got a Thing membership.

And if you, we will probably put information about that out on our newsletter. So if you're not subscribed, go to our website and subscribe. Our website is wegotathing.com. Yep. And sign up for our newsletter. And I'm sure our next newsletter will have a lot more details on in our subscription service. Or join us on Cassidy.

We would love to have you join Cassidy and become a part of our cassidy community yep and if you sign up for cassidy on our website you get 90 days of a trial to see if you like it and i think we have the similar deal for stc we do similar thank you oh you know another little another little snapshot that i'm going to sneak in at the last minute here is, um, about our revel sex furniture. Yes. So we, you know, we, we said on the last episode that we rearranged down here and Mr. Jones, um, moved his office. So the revel sex chair got, um, put in the same room as our massage table. Yes.

And we had a Mr. and Mrs. Jones night not too long ago. And I started out, I got the massage, which was heaven. And then we just, and it was so nice because the chair was just right there next to the massage table. Yep. So I just slipped down off the massage table onto the chair and dang. Away we went. Yeah. Yeah. That chair is some kind of nice. It is. We still haven't had another couple. I know. What is wrong with us? I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, so you can get the Rebel discount on the Rebel chair, a 5% discounted free shipping if you order that through our website. So thank you for that.

Please feel free to contact us. We love your, um, comments to our blog posts, uh, our, your comments about our, our podcast and your ideas. Um, you know, especially the stories that you're going to tell us, we want to hear from you, uh, send us a snapshot and you can do that. My email address is Mr. Jones at we got a thing.com or I'm mrsjones at wegotathing.com and our website again wegotathing.com and that's w-e-g-o-t-t-a-t-h-i-n-g dot com and you can follow us on Twitter at wegotathing. And the next time we talk to you guys we will be home from our desire cruise.

and we have a very very special guest we do for our next podcast yes we do you're going to tease that out i'm going to tease that out yes you probably will recognize our guest it's not me um but um i'm just a little excited there's going to be some serious girl power yes this is going to be two ladies i'm going to give up my my co-host chair for another lady that's going to co-host with mrs jones for episode 49 we're really excited about that so yes we have a cruise that's going to be after yeah that's after our cruise we won't talk to you all again until we get back from bar. Right.

That's cool. We're going to have a lot to talk about. Yeah. And our June kick, June Pearl kick group is in full swing. That kick group is like crazy. Yeah. We still have over two months to go and we are so engaged. Yeah. It's awesome. Yeah, that is awesome. So we'll be putting our November group together soon. So hang in there if you're going with us in November so thanks for listening we are Mr. and Mrs. Jones and we got a thing what's your thing We'll see you next time.