Read our latest newsletter here and then Subscribe to our newsletter here! Keeping up with the Joneses We recap the highlights of our experiences at Naughty in N'awlins 2017! Our WGT Meet & Greet and workshops were amazing, we were runner-ups again at the Annual Lifestyle Awards for Best Lifestyle Podcast. Discussion topic We hear from many listeners how difficult it is to find that "four-way connection" with other lifestyle couples. We break down the issue and offer insights into what works and doesn't work for us. Oh, and we share how we screwed up at NiN (the Joneses are not perfect). A special thanks to Ike Thomas for writing our transition song to snapshots and the ending of our show! Ike's latest work is an acoustic album with the Irreverent Reverends called "Songs for Andreas" and can be found on iTunes and Spotify. Visit our website for more information about the Joneses!
Transcript
This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us?
hello everyone i'm mr jones and i'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 38 of the we got a thing podcast and sorry that we're late this month it's my fault yeah so i brought an extra souvenir home from new orleans um i brought a case of pneumonia home yeah like who gets pneumonia in July.
yeah you did i know it was the weirdest thing so i kind of lost my voice the last day we were in new orleans and didn't feel bad at all i didn't have any other symptoms but it just never got better and then about a week after we got home all of a sudden like everything hurt and i couldn't move i mean and I had I had zero energy. So, yeah, went to the doctor, got the dreaded chest X-ray, and a lot of medicine. Yeah, and I hope you understand that your voice is our main asset. I went to the doctor and got lots of medicine. What else can I do?
Yeah, so if I gave pneumonia to anybody in new orleans i'm really sorry and and if anybody out there is responsible for giving it to me i i guess i have to say it was worth it because we had a blast in new orleans yeah so what are we talking about this month so the title of our podcast this month is finding that Elusive Four-Way Connection. Yep. And we did a workshop on that in New Orleans. Yeah, that turned out great. So a lot of the feedback that we got, we're going to weave into the topic tonight. Yep.
And speaking of finding, we have, we want to announce that we have issued our very first revamped. New and improved newsletter. Yeah. And the title of our newsletter is Finding Your Thing. And so we're trying to shift the focus from us to you.
We want to, in our quest to provide more lifestyle resources, this newsletter is going to be weekly, first all so we've committed to that we have somebody helping us with that so it won't be all on our shoulders well and he's a professional so he actually knows what he's doing yeah so he's putting together a quality product for us for sure yeah so what you're going to find in this newsletter actually some of you all have already have already received it.
We sent the first one out on Thursday, Thursday, yeah, today, well, you're listening to this in the future, it was a few days ago, but, um, yeah. And so what you're going to find is, um, you're going to find a new blog post and you're going to probably find a drink recipe. You know, if we're doing a weekly newsletter now and I have to do it, I know. Well, we don't have to do that every week, but maybe twice a month. Yeah. Yeah.
Um, you're also going to have links to some of our past episodes, our most current podcast, and then you'll find links to blog posts and podcasts that we have listened to and want to share out with you. And then you're going to find, um, some curated news articles that have to do with sex positivity and non-monogamy and anything lifestyle in general. Right. So it's a pretty broad scope and really, I mean, so like the whole reason we started this podcast, uh, two or three years ago was because we were struggling to find good objective resources on the lifestyle and just Thank you.
this podcast, uh, two or three years ago was because we were struggling to find good objective resources on the lifestyle and just being sex positive in general. So really, I think that's why Mr. Jones and I are so excited about this is because this is a good resource for us too. I mean, it's forcing us to, you know, get out there and, and look at what information is available. So we're hoping that, you know, out of the, you know, four or five articles that we put together I'll see you next time. get out there and look at what information is available.
So we're hoping that out of the four or five articles that we put together every week, that I think one of them at least will be of interest to you and be relatable. Yeah. And this episode has an article in it from the Daily Mail in the UK about Naughty in New Orleans. They covered the event.
so you can read all about what the outside world thinks of Naughty in New Orleans yeah yeah so we're going to make that easy to subscribe to so if you look at our show notes behind your podcast app if you're listening to an app there's going to be a link on there to sign up for our newsletter the only thing that we need is your email address your first name is optional optional. Or you can send me an email, and I'd be glad to add you. Or you can go to our website, and one of the first pages of our website, you can sign up there for our newsletter. Yep. And really, it's a great opportunity.
Only about 5% or 6% of you that are listening have actually signed up for our newsletter. So there's a whole lot of out there that need to get on the ball. Right. Yeah. Right. So jump on the bandwagon. Join us. So we're excited about that. So what's been going on with the Joneses? Gosh, I don't know. I mean, like, obviously naughty New Orleans is prevalent in our mind, but we had managed to get into a little bit of trouble before we went to Noddy, New Orleans. We did.
We did a little weekend getaway with some good friends of ours and just had fun bumming around a city and going out to dinner and then coming back to the hotel and finding a way to entertain each other. And you might hear more about that at the end, I think. Yeah, so most of what we've been up to this month is not in New Orleans. Yeah, that's true.
But in the past two years, we've done a chronology of the weekend, a blow-by-blow, and we're not going to do that this time because there are plenty of other podcasters that are going to put that storyline together um so you can catch it on another podcast what we're going to do but we've got to talk about the highlights yeah for sure yeah we are going to talk about what we think are the highlights of naughty in new orleans and before we get into our topic so first of all where are we going to gosh, you know, we had the luxury of having personalized transportation arranged. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, so we had some good lifestyle friends that had a rental car they had driven. So, they picked us up at the airport. Yeah, that was sweet. Yeah, talk about sexy greeters. Yeah, full service lifestyle friends. This is a great city. Look at this. So yeah, they took us to the grocery store, and we got loaded up on our liquor and snack supplies, and then we came back to the hotel and went out to dinner and just had a really fun evening. We did have a fun evening. Yeah, that was a great way to get the party started. Yeah. But you know what? What? There were a lot of people there on Tuesday.
I think it was because July 4th was Tuesday. Yeah. And the holiday, people got a jump start on it. Because when we got to the hotel, and the event doesn't start until Wednesday afternoon, and it was jammed. Well, the line was out the door to check in. Yeah. But I think it was because of the holiday. Yeah, that's true. Right. And then I think the next highlight was, that was Tuesday. The next day, we went out to lunch with two close lifestyle friends that we met at Desire last year. Yeah. And they took us to Commander's Palace. It was amazing. Yeah. If you've been to New Orleans, you know.
But if you haven it's in the garden district and it's a it's a beautiful quaint historic part of town and it's a the restaurant's in an old looks like an old mansion there's a garden out back and you have to walk through the kitchen to get to the private bar and we we did that oh that was really fun and then you could you you just kind of stood in the bar and uh and you could watch everybody in the kitchen preparing food and and they even had a table set up in the kitchen that you could reserve you could reserve this table and have the chef prepare a private meal for you and present it to you like right there in the kitchen so you could watch your meal being prepared and that would be really fun to do someday yeah we had some amazing appetites we had turtle soup there yeah yep yeah we had some amazing appetizers and then the desserts oh oh oh you know what the best part was 25 cent martinis no that that was good but the best part was that conglomeration of dessert that we had i know we had two ridiculous desserts that bread pudding like i like bread pudding and you think bread pudding is bread pudding oh no this was like souffle it was so good yeah so and the other thing that made the meal special was our friends yes you know and you know we met them at desire last year and we kind of, we've stayed in touch with them throughout the months through, you know, email or whatever, but just to run into a couple and then pick right back up where you left off in the hot tub at Desire, you know, the summer before.
Yeah. So much fun. Yeah. We're very supportive of us and good and just really good friends in a very short period of time.
So thank you again for that that was a lot of fun um you know then the the same day that we had our we got a thing meet and greet yeah and we were at the voodoo garden at the house of blues the house of blues and and once again house of blues thank you yeah it was a it was an outside venue but it was all covered with a tent and they had a full bar with two bartenders out there for us and i think there were about a hundred people yeah um and everybody was mingling and got to meet everyone and sexy listeners again well you know they had a um one side of the of the little like courtyard area where we were there was a stage where they would have live music so they turned on the microphone for mr jones and i said that we could get up there and uh and thank everybody for coming so we got to stand up on the platform for a few minutes while they were getting the microphone turned on and we so we were just kind of up there by ourselves observing everybody yeah meeting and mingling and And like I didn't really see anybody kind of quietly staying to themselves.
Everybody was like really engaged. And once again, I got to say, Mr. Jones, that was a fine looking crowd. It was. And just nice, nice people. Everybody was so approachable. And what a fun time that was.
Yeah, it was a lot a lot of fun thank you all for making the extra effort because they had switched the schedule around and made it a little more difficult for you know people to be there but yeah we we really had a good time that that's the highlight i think of our trip definitely so we really appreciate you guys making the effort of of walking down to the house of blues to meet us yeah and that was that was wednesday and then on thursday at noon we did the workshop on the topic that we're podcasting about tonight and we were kind of blown away again because the how many people did you count we had standing room only i think it was like 160 to 180 people yeah really good workshop good well attended a very interactive a very engaged group of people like you know we said at the beginning if you guys have a question you know please just interrupt us and ask your question so that you know we can address it right away and and we didn't even get through we got through maybe two-thirds of our outline because there were such engaging conversations and like half the time you and i didn't even have to answer the question somebody would ask a question and somebody else would answer it but we just got to stand up there and watch that's what it's all about it was awesome we don't have all the answers as you'll learn as we get further into this podcast it was awesome it was so much fun yeah so thanks for that that was a lot of fun.
Another big event for me was that Mrs. Jones is no longer a raw oyster virgin. Oh, yeah, there was that. Yeah, you popped your cherry. Supposedly.
I wouldn't know because, first of all, thank goodness the oysters were small the night that I got bullied into trying one because it was total peer pressure cheated well there was a thing of horseradish well i like horseradish so more horseradish went down my throat than oyster yeah so i didn't even really taste it and you started making the ooky face before you even put the thing in your mouth oh my god so you had a bad attitude to begin with i didn't want to do it it was peer pressure yeah but then you ate another one i think you ate half of a fried one yeah i did later and but again there was like there was like fried dough and cheese what was your method did you did you chew that one um not really no no slipped right down yeah i swallow how could i forget yeah yeah so that that was um quite an event yeah Thank you.
Flipped it right down. Yeah, I swallow. How could I forget? Yeah. Yeah, so that was quite an event. Yeah, that's for sure. I've been trying to get you to do that for years. Yeah. Another really fun thing that happened, well, we met several couples on the trip and a few that we connected with and a few that we played with. And you all know who you are. We enjoyed that.
were in our room i think it was i don't remember what night it was it was a it was wednesday night wasn't it it was yeah it was wednesday night because it was a white night yeah because we all had a white yeah that's right and we met another couple and we ended up going back to our room and it was that it was that it wasn't that awkward but it was we were at that transition transition phase where we had talked downstairs we had come to the room and of course an invitation to the room is a step in the right direction yeah and then we were we had a king-size bed and we were all standing around the bed and we had some snacks on the counter and we had made drinks yeah we were drinking and talking and flirting.
Yeah, and you do that for a while, and then you feel like, okay, it's time to move things along. And out of the corner of my eye, I thought, I'm pretty sure that I saw a mouse run across the floor. And at first I... He's the only one that saw this mouse, the supposed mouse, alleged mouse.
So I kind of of said oh my gosh and then you guys said what i said i think a mouse just ran under the bed well as soon as i said that both the ladies jumped into bed and put their arms around each other yeah we were clinging to each other like you know like the titanic was sinking and at first i thought gosh i shouldn't have said that because now they're going to be freaking out but then the play started and i like, that was genius. Because then we were laughing because then all of a sudden we were like, did you really see a mouse? Yeah. And you were like, I think so.
I'm pretty sure I saw a mouse. So then she and I started laughing and then I think laughing might have turned into kissing. And one thing led to another. And then, yeah, all of a sudden the clothes just kind of disappeared and that that was easy yeah that was fun hey you know what i just thought of no we didn't play the dumb card game one time in new orleans no we didn't that's unusual for us yeah so i guess either we managed to find you know what it was was? The couples we played with, we either already knew or were a little more advanced. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. So we had it.
We had it in our back pocket if we needed it, but we didn't need it. Yeah. Yeah, well, so we met so many people. There are so many more highlights that we could get into, but if we got into name and names and thanking people, we'd forget somebody. So of course we wouldn't name your name to begin with. But so many of you, thank you very much for coming. Thank you for introducing ourselves. And thank you for talking to us. Yeah. Some of the conversations we had with people were amazing. Yeah.
And, you know those wonderful hugs and you know oh yeah that's because last episode you played up this we needed hugs thing i know that paid off work like a charm yeah yeah but we're in a better place this month that's for sure yeah and you you were right last month you said new orleans will we'll get our mojo back yeah that happened quickly yeah um yeah so we had sexy times with people you know we had you know we had some a couple of really intimate conversations with people that we didn't play with but you just can only do this in the lifestyle where you talk to somebody for just a half an hour 45 minutes and you're telling them things that have happened in your life and they're sharing things with you that are very meaningful.
I mean, sometimes they're very emotional and you just have this connection. Yeah. So I guess that's really what it's all about, that four-way connection. Yeah. Oh, and we forgot also the... Oh, right. On Thursday night, there was an award ceremony.
Yeah, we want to thank you thank you again we had mentioned before we left that uh there was a podcast awards um nomination and and we made the as the one of the top three finalists again this year so we wanted to thank you for that and we wanted to congratulate michael and holly from playboy radio and their show was the winner again this year so very well deserved um they obviously has been influential in getting us started into the broadcast part of the lifestyle and um they they do a great job for the industry so yeah and just for for us to be in their company i know it's definitely an honor and a pleasure yeah so we thank you all for for taking the time to vote and and to get us there it was very meaningful and we had we had a good time and then they had us on their radio show while we were there yeah they did along with some other they did a show with some other podcasters and it was really fun we talked about being outed yeah yeah but every it was more therapy for us but it was it was much easier because it's kind of further in our rearview mirror there was a lot of laughter that was a fun yeah it was a fun recording for sure that was a fun panel maybe it's because jay and angie were there yeah could have been good old average swingers jay and his chlamydia that he was giving everyone yeah and that's an inside joke if you don't know you need to listen to their podcast yes which was an awesome episode yeah so hopefully we will see you all if you didn't attend you know we did ask the question in one of our workshops how many people were new to naughty in new orleans and i think it was about three quarters maybe of the people were new to to naughty in new orleans so if you didn't get a chance to to make it hopefully'll see you there next year.
And we don't have the exact dates. We know it's later in July next year. I think, yeah, it's the last week of July. Yeah, we'll be talking about that in the future. But thank you, Bob and Tess, for putting on another great event. And we had great weather, great food, great friends. Did not disappoint. Yep. Naughty in New Orleans was fantastic. Yep, as always. So that's keeping up with the Joneses. And as we transition to our topic, the music that you are hearing now, this song is called Burnt Bacon Blues.
And we heard this song on, I think it was Saturday morning, you and I went down to the Cafe Beignet on Bourbon Street, the one that's more of a courtyard kind of area. And they have live music there, like, all the time. And the name of the group was the Starbeam Express. Yeah, and their CD that we bought is Break of Day. And we were lucky because it started pouring down rain. But as it was raining, they had just played their first song. And I said, wow, they're really good. And then we hung around for a while for the rain to stop. And then they started playing again. And then I asked the guy.
I gave him our business card and asked him if we could share his music. And so thank you, guys. And this was, as you can tell, this is true New Orleans jazz. Oh, I know. Yeah. I know. So as you listen to it, think about having like a cup of cafe au lait and a beignet in front of you. Yes, and Cajun hash browns. Yeah, authentic. Yeah, so like tequila Something like whiskey and beer Oh yeah, something like tequila Something like whiskey and beer If you don't quit that dancing The bacon's gonna burn, my dear Oh yeah, you better touch that shit Welcome back to the second segment of our show.
And this title is called Finding That Elusive Four-Way Connection. So what in the world do we mean by that?
We have been getting some messages over the past year or so where people, it's not a complaint, but more they're saying you know you guys really make this sound so easy and we're finding it not to be so easy connecting with other couples how do you do it or what's the is there a secret magic pill that we don't know about that we need to take in order to have the same success that you do right and and really it's just, I guess, learning to look for yeah there's no secret there's no shortcut to it no um you know it's a deliberate and you have to be deliberate and there's a process that that we go through and and it's kind of trial and error and you really haven't been listening hard if you haven't heard because we've messed up as a matter of fact later tonight you're going to hear us talk about messing up oh yeah in new orleans yeah we got to come clean yeah so we we thought that we would put together a topic of of more how we approach connecting with other people and and i think there's two little forks to this the first one is yes finding the right couple right but the second part of it's going to be pulling the plug if you're with the wrong couple because a lot of the times that the stories that we hear from people um it's one thing not to meet the right couple but it's another thing just to let that go and and give in and play with a couple that you don't have that connection with and that's where the some of the scary stories well not scary stories but learning opportunities come into play no that's a good way nice way to put it there learning opportunities yeah so i think that um you know just finding other couples you know what what methodologies are there for it and there's so many different um types of i don't know venues or whatever that you that you meet other couples through what portals or whatever you want to call it.
Um, and I guess each one requires like a different methodology. So for example, I mean, and it probably also depends on where you live and what kind of opportunities are readily available to you. So, you know, everybody's got the, the social websites,idy's the sdc's the sls's um you know the apgs and those are really hit or miss you really they're i guess very labor intensive because you have to really spend a lot of time combing through well you have to find the one that's going to work best for you. Right.
So you're combing through, looking at that initial write-up and the pictures, of course, to see if there's a physical attraction. But then you have to connect with them. Yeah, see, I think a lot of people have the idea that you put your profile up there and then you just wait for the magic to happen. Right.
And first of all, it doesn't work't work that way and second of all what you see and read in a profile oftentimes is not what you perceive what you perceive the other couple to be yeah and there are people out there that are not as honest as they should be with their their profile but there are also people we we form an opinion about what we read in two paragraphs and what we see in a picture right and so in our mind we have an idea of what we think that couple is like and we say oh they're just like us and you're basing that on very very little information and then when you get together and meet them you realize oh your picture doesn't look the way that i thought it did or you know it's not you say you're really easygoing couple but they're actually pretty assertive aggressive yeah you know and that gets a little scary if you're not you know if that's not your style right and mostly everybody does have a website presence not not everyone does but that seems to be the first gateway through and the I think a mistake that you can make is just thinking that that's all you need right but in fact depending on where you are and if you're going to date local and the population in your area you may have to travel right and that's where we get into some of these like meet and greets are a little bit different because I think I don't know I think meet and greets and well and vacations but I think meet and greets are one of my favorites now because the way that we did we did our meet and greet it's not it's not a situation where you're going to go hook up with somebody right so it's a low pressure right it's an off-premise and if you guys are new to the lifestyle off-premise means that you don't have a place to go have sex i mean like there's not like a playroom there or whatever so an off premise event is just you're going to socialize yeah period normally at a local public bar right or winery or something right so you can't a lot of times they're in the afternoon yeah you know so i guess if they're in the afternoon then you meet a couple you could potentially you know have dinner with them and then you know take it you know to a hotel or back to someone's house and they all have their own personalities and some of them are hookup spots because we went to a one on a saturday night with a large number of people and that's what people were doing but we think the best meet and greet is where you don't have that pressure of hooking up and that you have two or three hours to just mingle and socialize with people and get to know them and and hook up with them later or get back together with them later once you've had time to you know to kind of get to know them well and like if you find a couple you know and you and you chat with them at the meet and greet, then if you exchange contact information somehow, then in the car on the way home, just the two of you, then you can actually talk about that couple.
What did you think about them? You know, were you attracted to them as I was? And, and you can't do that in the moment. No. You know, so the meet and greet is kind of nice because it's low pressure. You can kind of step away afterwards and then kind of process your feelings. Right. Yeah, so definitely. And that's our philosophy on a meet and greet. I mean, there are different philosophies. So you're just going to have to make an effort to come to Desire with us or go to New Orleans with us or have a look.
Somehow, when we do local meet and greets here or when we do we do local meet and greets here or when we do with us or have a look somehow when we do local meet and greets here or when you invite us to your town that was subtle yeah so i think the meet and greets are a great way but that's that's something else that you can proactively do right and that's you know and that suits our personality because we are kind of low-key right we're not super quick right right so that that's kind of that's our thing i guess okay which is the opposite of the next one which is a house party yeah there there's tends to be a lot of pressure on a house party because it's normally on a weekend like a saturday evening most people have babysitters.
You on the clock um you know people are picking each other out when they walk in the door and trying to find a match and one is the night goes on and people are pairing off yeah and people are playing and then somebody you might have been interested in but didn't move fast enough on has already found somebody else to play with yeah you know so then you miss those opportunities yeah if you're not quick enough so i don't know there's always like that that tension like do we do we act now or do we just kind of see what else is you know going to happen how the evening plays out but then you miss opportunities and it's just i think it's very confusing and high pressure Yeah so if you're brand new um house parties might be something to shy away to away from at first right or if you go you just have you and your partner just say look we're not playing with anybody that's not our goal we're just gonna take it all in yeah we're just gonna take it all in and observe and meet people if we can and learn from it and don't worry about and if know.
And if you go with that attitude, you're probably going to stumble right into a great situation because you've gone with no expectation and you're, you know, you're going to sneak off somewhere and play with your spouse. And then if the opportunity does present itself, it's just like, you know, a bonus.
Yeah, and no matter how quote unquote bad you think the house party might be, if it's bad don't you know you bonus yeah and no matter how quote-unquote bad you think the house party might be if it's bad don't you know you can still meet one couple just just try to meet one couple right and if it's a bad party at least you met somebody right and carry that forward but what about that elusive four-way connection meeting somebody under that kind of pressure yeah do you think you can really objectively observe that no yeah that that's what i struggle with i think yeah because you know that that connection is important to me right and i don't feel like i can establish that in that kind of environment that's why house parties get easier if you've gone to the same one three or four or five times because then you know you go you can go with another couple or you know people and it becomes much easier yeah but initially that's a high risk area yep um now there are no clubs in our area but you know clubs are a way that you can go and visit right and kind of keep your distance and observe and meet people and socialize and um you know the difference about about clubs is sometimes they can be a little cliquish, but that's okay.
You're a swinger, or you want to be. So just bust them. You know, walk up and introduce yourself. And see, I stink at that. Yeah. I am so, I guess I'm a chicken. I just don't want to go interrupt somebody's conversation and And, hey, I'm Mrs. Jones. This is my husband, Mr. Jones. And I just, that's so hard for me. Some people, they're so good at that. It's just so easy for their personality to do that. So, again, this is a lot based on your personality, too. Right. And remember, we're social swingers.
So we have to have some sort of social connection at first so if you're not like that if you just want to hook up maybe this doesn't apply to you yeah but this is a lot easier to you i guess yeah so events and hotel takeovers are are very similar uh sometimes you'll have an uh somebody plan an event like for us um there's always like a big Halloween party. Yeah. Or a New Year's Eve party, which the New Year's Eve party is usually a hotel takeover as well. Right. And sometimes they're on premise and sometimes they're off premise. Yeah. But it's just a one evening thing overnight. Yeah.
So you have more time than you do a house party because you can usually get there earlier and stay up later. Yeah. Because people are staying overnight, so they've made plans. And then, you know, not in New Orleans is the ultimate because that's a several-day hotel takeover. Right. So you'll run into the same people, and that's what you and I had the pleasure of doing is running.
We met people at our meet and greet on Wednesday, and then we would see him at the bars during the afternoons throughout the week or in the ballrooms at night right and we had a lot of our listeners that attended the meet and greet say that that's what they did yeah you know that the people that they were closest to were the ones they met on the very first day yeah yeah so and then i think our favorite in the last one and maybe the easiest transition, although it's the most expensive, and that's a Hedo or a Desire trip. Or a cruise. Oh, yeah, right, a Lifestyle cruise.
Yeah, but a longer-term type of event where you're— You have several days to settle in. Right. Well, sometimes you do.
It was A from The Cur curious couple who said uh you need to find out when people are leaving when you get there right like if you're at heat or desire like on the cruise i guess you're all in the same boat so to speak yeah so typically at desire when you get there and you get in the hot tub or the pool and you walk over and you meet a couple it's hi our names are you know this and that and we are from this city and right when are you leaving well yeah you know that happened to us last year at desire um it was like it was our last day and we met a couple really connected with them hung out with them in the pool most of the day and then went out to dinner with them that night but then we had to leave the next day yeah but we did exchange contact information and we stayed in touch and actually they came to visit us in the spring yeah and um and now uh when we go back to desire next month um that was our little secret oops i guess it's not a secret anymore huh yeah we're sneaking sneaking away to desire next in august we're doing the big publicly announced trip in november but we decided to take a week third week of august and flip down the pearl for a week yeah so if you're going to be there that's true we'll see you yeah we'll see you there but our friends that we met last year um are going to be there for just a couple days.
But now we know. Now we know the dates. Yeah. So we'll be able to connect with them. But yeah, check when you meet that great couple, be sure to talk about when you both are checking out so that you can plan accordingly because that's a bummer. So with all of that said, it's your decision as to how you approach, which one of these do you use or how do you use more than one? And remember, our situation is different because our kids are older, we're empty nesters, we have more time, we have more disposable income.
You know, we decided to try them all over a one year period of time just to see how they worked for us so you you may or may not have that option and that may restrict you know how successful you are at using these things so that's how you find others but choosing another couple you really need to be deliberate about choosing another couple right and and that goes along with not only looking at a couple from your eyes, you know, try to see the couple through the lens of what you think your spouse is seeing. You know, I know, I know a couple of things about Mr. Jones.
I know what kind of woman he's attracted to.
Um, but I also know that that's a small piece of the puzzle for him he's really looking about how does the husband treat the wife you know are they comfortable with each other are they kidding around with each other you know do they have that relaxed um relationship between them and then you know and he likes his women a little feisty so if he teases a woman is she going to give it back to him yeah you know because he likes that yeah you know so i know what mr jones likes so and i can you say that about me yeah i've learned yeah when we first got into this i i had no idea and i was thinking of purely physical attractiveness and And since I really don't look at men that way i don't i don't know how you look at men it never dawned on me until we got into this but now i know yeah and it's not about physical appearance that much i mean it is to a certain degree with you you know it's becoming less and less and less important right I like a guy with a personality yeah and that can have a conversation with me that is so sexy yeah yeah so know what your partner um likes and then you know challenge yourself on uh social social biases that you might have when we're talking about our biases does that also mean like play preferences you know I think that's another Thank you.
biases that you might have when we're talking about our biases does that also mean like play preferences you know i think that's another thing um i wonder if we intimidate people because we say we're a full swap couple you know but we're not really that that isn't like the be-all and the end-all for us no but i always i always hope people understand what we mean by situational yeah well remember when the second couple we ever played with after our first experience and we waited so long to try again they were a full swap couple and we were not right and what we learned not only through that experiences but a few more is at first we thought we needed to find other couples that were newbies or other couples that had the same level of experience that we do.
But then all of a sudden we got to a certain point and we started thinking about all the positive experiences that we had and it seemed that they were always with people who had more experience than we did, who chose to play at our speed.
So don't rule out people who have more experience or who have different play styles because if there's a connection more than likely you know they'll they'll move back or move over to your play style right and if they won't then they'll tell you that and then that's okay you know no harm no foul you move on here's another thing that kind of i i laugh at myself at this because I did this too. But, you know, how many people have said, well, that couple's out of our league? I know. And that's a big mistake. Yeah. We really let, like, appearance intimidate us. Yeah.
You know, especially when we're looking at younger people. You know, Ken and Barbie aren't going to want to play with us because we're like mom and pop, you know. But then if you make that connection and there's chemistry, all of a sudden. We're mom and cool daddy. Oh, whatever. But, you know, sometimes we've really connected with people that, you know, are every once in a while you run into Ken and Barbie and they're like really cool people. Yeah, that's right.
So I think what we're saying in choosing the couple is the more you filter out things that you think you don't like and you don't like, the smaller the population of lifestyle people become. Yeah. And then you've, before you even reach out to a couple, you've eliminated 80% of the people out there. Right. So I think overall, that's what we're saying is don't try not to limit yourself. Just try to try to make a connection and not think about play style. So I think the next thing that you need to consider is how to actually pace yourself to develop a connection.
And, you know, what kind of plan are you going to have and this is i always say what's your plan what's your strategy and you're thinking lord am i supposed to write this stuff down no but these are the types of conversations you have with your spouse ahead of time so that when you get into the moment you guys kind of know where you're coming from you know for at least the two of you yeah so you know to kind of how to proceed without having to kick each other under the table yeah and this takes a little bit of self-discipline and practice yeah and listening yeah and paying attention especially to the guys because sometimes we see another woman and we lose our sensibilities Right.
Now, this is something that Mr. Jones and I struggled with in New Orleans last week. And we also have friends that told us a story about their misstep one time with this. And that is involving all four people from the start.
You know, when you're at an event like Naughty New Orleans, and you at a like a let's say a bar takeover in the afternoon and those bars can get really crowded and they're really loud hence the lack of voice i have right now so when you're talking to somebody you're literally like i'm on my tiptoes screaming into their ear so that they can hear me and then they're doing the. They're bending over screaming in my ear. So that's just, so I'm talking to a guy and you might be talking to his wife. I have no flipping idea what you're talking about over there.
Cause I can't even hear what I'm saying to my guy, you know, so much less what you're saying to his wife. So it's really hard to have a four way conversation conversation in those types of settings. And that's not just at NIN. That's like at any bar. People always play music too loud and it makes me feel old and grumpy. But seriously, I go there to have conversations. Yeah. I mean, we just screwed this up. I mean, we just did this in New Orleans. I know we did. And what happened was there was another couple that we were chatting with.
And we had both had on our scorecard, or a dance card, or what do we call it? Our radar. Yeah, they were on our radar. Yeah. And we knew that. I mean, we had talked about it. And we walked around the corner, and there they were. And we were like jackpot.
And the four of us were talking and then i got pulled aside right by somebody who wanted to chat with me and then i got engrossed in a in another conversation for a good 10 or 15 minutes and in the meantime i am like forging ahead because i am like we had talked to this couple several times throughout the week and and i just really they were so much fun and so easy to talk to. So I kissed him and his wife was talking to somebody else at that point. So I tapped her on the shoulder and I said, I just kissed your husband. Is that okay? And she's like, and I didn't get to see, you know.
So I was like totally like, I was sealing the deal, honey. I know, and I was not even engaged at that point. No, you were clueless. So you got way ahead of me. I did. Thank you were clueless so you got way ahead of me i did so that was why that was one of the big reasons we didn't connect with them that night right so it's no it's nobody's fault and i mean at nin there's just tons of people and that's bound to happen but you know try to stay involved if you don't then you end up did. We didn't, we missed an opportunity there because one of us got distracted and pulled away.
I might've gotten a little grumpy about it. Yeah, you might have. Yeah.
And then, um, paying attention, attention to equal involvement, like is each one of the couples, it's each individual within a couple equally engaged yeah right right so if you're if you are actually all four together you know okay now there's no excuse the four of you are talking is um is there somebody that is a little reticent and not because of a shy personality you know a shy personality is is what it is and then you know are they looking at their watch right with time you can pull that person in but it's this person just like oh my gosh i really don't want to be here right now yeah because that's happened to us yeah right and the other spouse who's really engaged sometimes doesn't know doesn't know that their spouse has kind of checked out or they're just intentionally ignoring it, hoping things will still proceed.
Yeah. And we're looking for, um, relationship balance. Like not only are they equally interested in us, but are they equally interested in the lifestyle?
You know, do they, do they seem to be in it for each other or do they seem to be doing it just because some their spouse dragged them there right you know for the evening right and those are things that you really have to just kind of observe because there's not going to be a lot of words spoken you just have to pick up on that and then at some point in time like you were just describing when you said i got pulled away and then you kissed him and then you mentioned to her that you know you just kissed her husband that's going into like that's transitioning from conversational connecting to flirty connection connecting i would say so yes yeah so so you gotta at some point in time you gotta switch into flirty mode and then you've got to watch and pay attention to people to see if they start flirting back with you, because that's a good indicator, too.
He kissed me back, just so you know. Yeah, well, I mean, that's a good, that's a good sign. But if she would have said, no, I didn't see you kiss your husband, and I wish you would have asked me first. Well, then that's a clear signal. Yeah, I know.
that would have been a really good time honey if you would have just come over and grabbed me you should have just come over and grabbed yeah I should have said you're missing the action I know see I screwed up yeah so anyway um pacing the development of the connection and then um when you meet face to face, you know, it's one thing when you meet them online, uh, or you're texting or kicking back and forth, but when you actually sit down and go to dinner or, or you've connected with a couple and you've made a date and you're going to get together for a drink or wherever, this is when it gets a bit more challenging because you're or different i'm not gonna say it's challenging it's just different because you're face to face so we have a couple that we had gotten to know like over the winter and spring and actually got together with them at some point i think in the springtime, we never talked about this in our podcast and they, we knew they were a soft swap couple.
We knew they were very inexperienced and we were okay with that. Um, and as we started engaging with them and trying to transition from just friendly mode into flirty mode, um, I, I could sense that they were, um, nervous and that they probably weren't ready to do a whole lot. And I could tell that when I kissed him, his body language, I could just tell he was very nervous.
um i i know that in his head he wanted probably to do more but i don't think his heart was ready right yeah so in that moment you sensed that they were uncomfortable and you and you sensed that he was a little bit uncomfortable right and that that was a non-verbal cue right that you had to pick up on so even if you've Thank you. and that was a nonverbal cue that you had to pick up on.
So even if you've talked to people and they say their play style is such and such and you've transitioned to flirty, you still need to be aware if somebody's actions don't really portray what they had said, then obviously they're not as comfortable as they said they were and you need to you need to be able to pick up on that um and guys we need to pay equal attention to all three people um and this is something that i'm guilty of um because you're a horndog yeah well i and you mentioned it earlier so when i'm looking at another couple i'm watching to see how the man treats his wife yeah if the only thing that he's doing is trying to get you and he's disregarding her that's a big red flag for me and so what i'm saying to guys is we have to i have i want to pay attention to you i want the other couple to know that i am into my own wife and I'm going to be touching you and I'm going to have my arm around you or my arm and my hand in your lap and we're going to be I'm going to be listening to your conversation I'm going to be taking cues from you primarily because I want the other couple to know that we have that sort of connection but if I'm just not paying any attention to you and I'm just going after her that's a little bit awkward and then the other husband could get a little bit defensive because i'm coming after his wife true true yeah and we had a couple um some friends of ours who said that they went out on a date with a couple oh yeah yeah and they she um was being just heavily pursued by this guy all night.
And she said it was just so obvious that his goal was to get in her pants. Right. And he was disregarding his own wife. Right. And so if he wouldn't have tried so hard, he probably would have succeeded in his goal. Right. So just pay attention. It's not just the connection that you have with the other woman or the other man if you're the woman it's like paying attention to the other three people in the room yeah and and picking up on those body languages and then ladies don't allow your people pleaser nurturing nature to control the situation.
You've got to put your foot down if you're seeing a situation come that you're not comfortable with. Yeah, I think women are a little more guilty about this than men. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, that they'll just go ahead and say, think in their heads, well, I'm not really attracted to this person, but I can see that my spouse or everybody else is into this, and I'm not the only one, so I'm just going to go along with it and hope that it turns out right, and usually it doesn't turn out. If you're thinking, I think this is going to be okay, then it's probably not.
That shouldn't be something that you're having to weigh. Yeah. Right. And then to be able to physically communicate with each other, like you and I. Okay. You know, we have a way of touching each other so that, you know, if you... I don't want to give... Should I give away our secret? We've given away a lot of our secrets already. I mean, if you reach under the table and just put your hand on my leg, then I know that you're comfortable. And see, you call me out on that all the time. And I'm like, I don't even know I'm doing it.
You know, and I think I just do it because we're having a good time with a couple and I'm comfortable. Right.
So it isn't like in my brain, I don't think, think oh i need to let mr jones know that this is a green light um i just do it because i'm having fun and and when i'm having fun you know i just i like to touch you so right i'm laughing and and it just happens so what i think what we're saying is we don't have a we did not have a pre-developed plan but when you're comfortable like that and you're having a good time then i know that i'm allowed that i know that you're you're comfortable and you're interested in this couple yeah that's all that doesn't mean we're going to sleep with them right but i do know at the end of the evening if i suggest extend extend in the evening, you're going to be okay with that.
Because if you weren't, you would not have been that comfortable. And so I pick up on things that make you comfortable. And that's how you display to me that you're comfortable. Like the couple that we just went out with not too long ago that's local. Within the first like half an hour of eating with them, our dinner hadn't even gotten there yet. And you were leaning on me. Was I? Yeah.
So I away couple well they are and i and i picked that up from you so you have to pay attention to your spouse they were really sexy too oh yeah that had a lot to do with it uh and then you know what direct communication. Yeah, that one's tough. I mean, when the rubber hits the road, you know, you've got to have conversations with people. Or it's just going to make it worse. And, you know, the couple did that with us at New Orleans. I think it was Friday night.
And they said, hey, we just want you to know to know that you know we're really attracted to you guys and if there's an opportunity for us to be together we just want to let you know we're interested yeah and there's the more that you do that the less awkward it becomes and it really is excellent communication because it really cuts to the chase. And when you're there and that's what you feel, you've got to figure out a way to do that comfortably. So that direct communication is something that we've been programmed in life to avoid. You're talking about Saturday night, right?
Oh, yeah, Saturday afternoon. Well, it was early evening saturday dinner yeah right saturday oh yeah that worked out well yeah but i'm glad that i'm glad that they were that forward you know and direct with with the communication and when somebody tells you not tonight um that doesn't mean it's the end. Because there are so many things that could be going through people's heads. They could be overwhelmed. They could be new to this. They could be tired or have a headache or, you know, just not feel well. It isn't necessarily that they don't want to be with you. Yeah.
The couple we just went out with last week, you know, they had kids kids at home and so they didn't have a babysitter but they had kids at home that they needed to get home to you know so that ended the evening and as it should have you know so i wanted i wanted to say give me that i'll call the babysitter yeah right. Right. Just the babies, just double your rate. Yeah. Right. We can make this work. Yeah. That's right. So anyway, um, regretting, Oh, and this is, this is going back to something that you've always said.
I'd rather regret not doing something than end up coming home and regretting something that we did do. Yeah, because in most of those cases, we're going to end up playing with that couple in the future. If you come home and the four of you are like, daggone, we missed an opportunity, what's wrong with that? Right. That means the next time you get together, you're going to be so far ahead of where you were the last time, you can get to a sexual connection a whole lot quicker. Yep. Yeah. All right. Well, let's talk about pulling the plug. Yeah, this is not fun.
No, but, um, think about it this way. If you pull the plug before something happens, then something bad is not going to happen. Well, that's true. I mean, that's the bottom line. Enough said. Right. You know, it's ugly at the time, but it's kind of ugly when something goes wrong. Right. You know, when somebody ends up upset or crying or, you know, who knows? Yeah. You know, that's pretty uncomfortable. So I think the sooner the better is what we're talking about. Just pull the Band-Aid off. Yeah.
And that's something that's hard to do because once you start going down that tracks, the train comes down the tracks, the more momentum it gets, the more difficult it is to stop. Right. So the earlier you pull the plug, the better. And you know what?
We screwed up on this at Noddy New Orleans, tooleans too yeah we just kind of had to do this ourselves yeah and and it was totally our fault we were with one other couple and we were looking for a second couple and then all of a sudden there were four or five couples all standing in a circle right there turned out to be five couples total yeah and we never really stopped as a group to have a conversation about what everyone was comfortable doing and you and i had not talked and so i i didn't want to like stop the the momentum well i tried to talk to you and you were a brat and you were you were kind of already shut down by then no yes you were a brat you tried to talk to you, and you were a brat, and you were kind of already shut down by then.
No. Yes, you were a brat. You tried to talk to me, but you wouldn't be specific when I asked you that question. Because you were being a brat. Do we need to take this conversation offline? We might. Obviously, we haven't really kind of talked through this yet. Well, it was obvious that you wanted to be involved in whatever was going to happen. Yes, I did. And it was obvious to you that I wasn't comfortable. Right. But you wouldn't tell me why, because I don't think you knew why. Right, because I said, can you tell me what it is that your expectations are?
And that was like way too academic at that time of night and at my libido level yeah right right so i wasn't drunk i i really hardly had anything to drink that day because it was kind of the last day and i think my liver was done but so i was really frustrated with you yeah and so what did we do we went and yeah and we well yeah we tried to go to the playrooms playrooms were too crowded right and then we ended up in somebody's room and had nothing to do with the people that were there because the people that were there were awesome it didn't have to do with the people there had to do with the fact that the people in the room we had all we had not communicated.
And you were in pout mode. You were totally in pout mode. No, I can at least say we were. I wasn't. You were like in horndog mode. Yes, I was. Okay. So whatever, we didn't communicate. And when we got in there, I wasn't comfortable and you sensed it and we finally just had to leave. Yeah, so we should have pulled the plug and it was a last freaking night so that's how we ended and i but we had we had fun earlier yes we did we did okay so i'm not complaining obviously the joneses aren't perfect no we're not yeah um but i'll but I'll tell you what we did do, though, after we left.
When we got to a certain point and we realized this wasn't going to work, we quietly exited the room. And we left the other six of them in there to have their fun. And they were all having fun, too, darn it. Yeah. But within the next few days, we contacted them all. Yeah, we either texted or emailed. And apologized. Yeah, we did a lot of apologizing. Yeah, I apologized for Mrs. Jones's poor behavior. I don't know how that was all my fault, but whatever. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, I guess the lesson is pulling the plug earlier is better than later. But sometimes you can't help it.
Oh, look at bullet manage your disappointment i'm still bitter i know i guess i need to read that one a little bit more manage your disappointment because i am disappointed yeah yeah these are people we don't get to see often some of them were new friends some of them were old friends i'm not disappointed in the people i'm disappointed in the way that the evening went. Right, and we all need to own that. That was everybody's fault.
Yeah, and there was different levels of play styles, and there was couples there that I didn't really know, and I didn't even know if they would want to play, and there were people that had different levels of alcohol in their system, and all of those things are wild cards, beyond the fact that you and I were on different pages. You're right. Yeah. You're right. I'm still bitter, but you're right. I give you that. What'd you say? Who's right? You're right. You don't say. Yes, because I got up and I put my clothes back on and we left. I didn't, you didn't have to drag me out of there. I knew.
Yeah. I knew you were right. I think that's the first time you've said that. We'll have to go back and listen to the other 37 episodes. I'm not going to edit that part out. Okay, be respectful. It will happen to you too. Yeah. Well, I think just following up with people afterwards and letting them know that it was nothing that anybody did. No, it was us. In that room, it was totally us. Yeah. Being respectful of them and each other.
And, you know, taking things personally, I can't tell you how many emails we've gotten from people who are just bitter because somebody turned them down oh yeah and they can't figure out how to do this dumb lifestyle thing like why are you taking this personally because it doesn't if a couple isn't into you I mean they tell you that or you pick up on it don't be angry about it I mean manage your, like you just said, and then move on because if you're going to take it personal, that's on you. Nobody else can make you take it personal. You just got to let it roll off your back.
It's hard though because at NIN there was a couple that you and I connected with and we had great conversations with them and I was very interested in them and I think you were too, but I never really sensed reciprocity on that. So I never, I never pushed it. And that's probably my lack of self-confidence. I don't know. I didn't want to be rejected.
Um, so I, I didn't think they were interested, but I didn't take it personally because I them so much as people and they were just really fun to hang out with you know so you just kind of have to let that go and just accept what you can get from that relationship yeah which in in our case it was just hanging out and have great conversation which is fine um you mean you didn't say don't You know I you're you don't you know i'm the sexiest voice on itunes i am not the sexiest voice on itunes today baby no i don't know you get the whole kathleen turner thing yeah you're probably the only person that like that um but no my point is that um i think if we would have pushed it we would have been rejected um and and that would have been hurtful but because i sensed that i just didn't push it there and then we could still have this you know great oh hey how's you going how was your day what'd you guys do today and you know, hug and all that stuff.
Yeah. So if you have to pull the plug, at some point in time, you need to talk that out, you know, talk everything out. And I guess. I think we're doing that right now. I think we're doing that right now. So what was NIN, what, three weeks ago? Yeah. So it took us three weeks, but we finally talked. No, it's only been two weeks. Two weeks? Not even two weeks. So we didn't settle it the next day, or evidently the next week. It's taken us two weeks to settle it. Hey, I haven't been able to talk the whole time. That's my excuse. Well, that's true. Yeah. Yeah.
So then one thing that we wanted to throw in here is the after play connection.
Because just because you play with somebody once doesn't mean there's a guarantee that you're going to again so right i mean sometimes you're you're even going to have like a really good experience but then afterwards as you reflect and you reconnect with your spouse you know you might just remember something or just you know kind of reflect on the dynamic and maybe not want to repeat that maybe there wasn't anything wrong with it but maybe there wasn't anything right enough about it to make you want to experience that again yeah or maybe um maybe it was just the environment you were in maybe it was hey this is not in new orleans yeah it's the last night um we've been drinking um you know we're in this situation hey let's go ahead and play uh and then afterwards Thank you.
last night. Um, we've been drinking, um, you know, we're in this situation. Hey, let's go ahead and play. Uh, and then afterwards when you have time to think about it and then if, if you think about the couple again or approaching them, you're like, well, you know, I'm really not that interested. So you can't make the assumption that just because you've played with somebody, either you're going to want to play with them again or they're going to want to play with you again. Right. And normally it takes a second time through before you start to make that deeper connection.
And, I mean, you've got to make sure that you and your spouse were either equally satisfied or unfortunately maybe both equally turned off by something that happened yeah so you know make sure that um there's a enough of a balance there like if it was a good experience was it a balanced experience so that you both want to experience that again yeah i think what you're saying is that just because you both agreed that you wanted to play you shouldn't assume afterwards that everything was okay with you you know i've got to say okay how did it go for you we i was in you were in but what do you think right you know is this something that you want to do again and if not sometimes you have to pull the plug you know after play when you know like when the other couple wants to get together and sometimes that's even more awkward because you've already told them yes right and now you're going to tell them no right and so the assumption is going to be well what did we do wrong or right you know what happened there but and how do you frame that that communication with that other couple i blame you um okay you can blame me but no seriously like if anybody has a good method for that we would love to hear about it and we will and we'll share it out um because yeah that's just not an easy thing to do so we don't have like the golden ticket solution for that one right yeah it's tough yeah um and if but if you did have a good time make sure that you reach out and thank them for a great evening sometimes we do that before we even get home oh yeah i'm like honey you got to text them right now yeah tell them we had a good time put your seatbelt on first but then text yeah yeah text them tell them we want to see them again and if you get a message right back you know that's a that's a good indicator yeah definitely yeah so that can keep that afterplay connection going now this is a something for um especially new people um there's a lot of like new relationship energy involved when you first connect with a couple and it it takes a while and it takes some experience to learn how to manage that energy so you need to be cool about it.
You know, you reach out to the couple and you're like, Oh my gosh, we had so much fun last night. You know, let's get another date on the calendar, but don't suggest the very next weekend, you know, little bit, a little bit of time pass, you know, breathe a little bit. Um, don't be clingy, you know, especially if, if it's an experienced couple that you've played with and you're new, um, that, that could be off putting. Um, I'm not saying play hard to get, but just remember, um, this is about you and your partner and, and whoever you played with, it's about them and their partner.
So experience all kinds of different things. You know, don't latch on to one couple unless you guys are happening to be looking for exclusivity. But be mindful of that. Yeah, and I think you come across as being maybe a little desperate. Yeah. You know, if you're overbearing. And even if you had a good time and you say, hey, we had a great time. Love to connect with you guys again and let it go for a while. Right. You know, just, you know, again, you know, you know what your spouse is your main squeeze anyway. That's right.
So reach back out to them in another week or two and, you know, just play it cool.
And then in on on the same lines the way you can play it cool is keep meeting new people yeah um you know that that has been so much fun for us you know just like last friday night we met a new couple that was so much fun um that you know the opportunity to just hear somebody else's perspective or hear here's somebody else's struggles honestly and and kind of help them troubleshoot ways to to navigate this crazy journey that we're all on together and i think the tendency for some people is oh my gosh we finally found the couple we're going to connect with not that we're going to be polyamorous but we can stop looking because we've found our bffs but don't do that right you know of course you want to maintain that connection but you also want to keep meeting new people right and when you do that expand your horizons and i think if i were to summarize this and say the biggest mistake that people make based on what we've heard and what we've learned is eliminating people to begin with yeah right you know either you live too far you know you're too far out of my radius um you're too far out of my age range you're not the the right you know race that i'm comfortable with or the size that i'm comfortable with or the body style or the play style or the more that you filter the more that you put in as a requirement the less your opportunities are for connecting with another couple yeah and so a lot of people and then you add your geography onto that like what how much time you have and what opportunities that you have you could possibly be eliminating 75 or 80 percent of the people out there and then you wonder why you can't connect with people it's because you've eliminated you know people that you could potentially connect with so we've gone through connecting with couples it's worth it oh it's totally worth it because to me well and again we're social swingers so we're looking for that connection that's what mr jones and i really gain pleasure from is finding people that you know we're we're connecting with on on multiple levels so it's definitely a a lot of work it's a little bit of luck and um it's a great reward for sure so don't give up right yeah and if you're screwing up still don't worry about it because obviously as you all just witnessed mrs jones still screws up right yeah i Yeah.
I'll take that one for the team, baby. Yeah, that's what you were going to say. Yeah. Right. Not exactly, but whatever. Yeah. So, when we come back, we are going to... You know what? We didn't have sexy snapshots last episode. No, we got some tonight. So, we have to make up for that. Yep. So, when we come back, we'll have some sexy snapshots.
Okay, well, welcome back to our snapshot segment for tonight so tonight i think we just have a snapshot from each of us right we do and before you get into your snapshot we wanted to thank like thomas yes we do we've played a couple of his songs tonight while we're playing one as we come back in here and then we'll play one at the end of the podcast that he wrote I'll see you his um his contact information on our show notes if you want to reach out to him. But thank you, Ike, for taking the time to really a talented individual. I know.
And his timing was perfect because you and I were, this would happen during the whole outing mess. And he contacted us and asked if he could write some music for us. And he was so good. And he was so good at communicating the process. And it was just so much fun to get a message from him and have a new little file to listen to. And we think he did a fantastic job. Yeah, so let us know what you think. Yeah. Okay, so my snapshot. So my snapshot goes back to a few weeks ago we had met one of our oldest lifestyle friends. Oldest? Well, no, they're not old. Longest lifestyle friends up near D.C.
And we spent the weekend together up there. We went out to a great dinner and just enjoyed the day outside. It was a nice summer day. And at the end of the day, of course, we came back to the hotel and we played. And they're just, they're so much fun to play with. They're really laid back people, but at the same time, they're just so much fun. They're funny, they're super attractive, and they don't take themselves too seriously, and they're just so much fun to be with. So we played, and when the husband and I finished, I was laying there, and I started crying. That's not what a guy wants.
No, it is so not what a guy wants. And I felt ridiculous, but what was going through my mind, it was so easy to play with them. I guess because we played with them several times and, and they're just such nice people and that, um, there's really no expectation, which just means that, that everything just happens so naturally and nobody's trying too hard or nobody's trying to put on a show. The show just puts itself on, I guess. And I, ever since we were outed, I have really been struggling. Like my head has been really messed up just about all kinds of stuff.
But it was so easy with them and it was so much fun with them. And that was the first time we had played with somebody after the whole mess had come out. And I didn't feel dirty. I didn't feel like what I was doing was wrong. I didn't feel guilty. And I just had fun. And that was such a good feeling.
It was just, that was such an affirmation of the fact that this lifestyle is not wrong and it just made me cry which was so stupid it was so stupid but it was just all those emotions it was it was there I was like these are happy tears I swear they're happy tears well and it obviously helped you because we played several times at nin yeah i'm back on the horse yeah for sure yeah and we had a great time with everyone yes well i guess it's up to me then to actually have a sexy snapshot oh that was sexy no it wasn't you cried well but we had sex anyway on saturday afternoon at n at NIN, we had met a couple.
Well, I think we met them at our meet and greet. But then we ran into them at one of the bar takeovers. And they're from out west and they're listeners. And we started talking to them. And it was one of those conversations where all of a sudden you realize you're talking to people who are really interesting and really cool and really intelligent, and they have a good relationship, and something could possibly good could come out of that. As a matter of fact, we said, hey, do you guys want to go to dinner? And they didn't have dinner plans, fortunately, so we went to dinner, and she's at it.
Oh, you guys want to go to dinner and they didn't have dinner plans fortunately so we went to dinner and she's at oh you're gonna say it i was just gonna say mr jones might have forgotten to mention one thing oh she's absolutely beautiful yes yeah i mean just very attractive um and i was i may have been a little bit distracted by that, but you were a little smitten. Yeah, but no, but we, we really had a good conversation and we had a good time and we went to dinner with them and, and then they expressed an interest at dinner in us.
So we went back to our, we met them in our room after dinner, after dinner.
And we've never done that alien alien before so this was like before the party yeah and and the reason why i'm telling this story you'll know in a minute because of our topic tonight is a four-way connection but um you two started playing together you and he and then she and i started playing together and she has an amazing body I was just enjoying her and I went ended up going down on her and I didn't think about it at the time but it seemed like she was having a really good time and and I'm pretty good at gauging body language and you know if I'm doing something wrong normally I can figure that out until before somebody, starts knocking on the top of my head.
It seemed like she was having a good time and I would glance over at you and it looked like you were having a good time. Oh, I was. Yeah. Um, and then we decided to get the condoms and full swapped. And I think I did, she and I did three positions. I think we started out, oh, she told me she wanted to be on top, and I was like, okay, I like it when a woman wants to take charge, and so she was riding me, and we, you know, in that position, I'm able to look over at you, you know, and watch you at the same time. So then we went to missionary and I could tell as usual, I was getting close.
Uh, and then I pulled out and I said, let's do doggy style. And because that's where I like to, and that's my favorite position. And I think he was with you the same way. He was already with you doggy style. So he was with you doggy style, I was with her doggy style. And something happened that maybe has only happened once or twice since we've been in the lifestyle. And that was he and I finished at the same time. Exact same time. Exact same time. And we were in the same positions. Yeah.
I mean, it was like completely choreographed.ed yeah so when you talk about a four-way connection yeah that that's that's about as close as you can come right because they were attractive they had great personalities we had such a fun dinner together great conversations the lifestyle you know maybe one day we'll be able to get them to tell their story. Yeah. It's a transformational story. Oh, yeah. Their story is incredible. They really have an incredible story. And it transformed their relationship.
And even in their careers, you know, it's helped them to be different and more open-minded in their careers. So it was just a wonderful day. So, oh, and then back to when we finished and we debriefed with them and she made the comment to me that, and this made my head a little bit big, was that she was surprised that she enjoyed the oral as much as she did because she said, normally that takes me a while, and it didn't take me a while. And I don't say that because I'm so good at it. I'm saying that because we had such a good connection with them. Right. I mean, I was the same way.
I was immediately engaged.
I mean, by the time we started playing, i was already so turned on i didn't really have to work at it yeah that's what i mean yeah so it was a little i mean i'll take a little bit of credit but but i think it was because the four of us had connected so well and you don't really i think we underestimate the power of that connection when it comes to satisfying sex we underestimate the power of intellectual foreplay i like intellectual foreplay yeah right that really connects me to somebody right the fact that we we didn't know anything about them we had met them at the meet and greet but we really did not start talking to them until as a couple until that afternoon and so in a very short period of time right we made that connection we all felt comfortable we went to dinner we came back we played we had a we had a great time and emotionally intellectually sexually everything yeah so i i that i think that's the perfect snapshot for an episode where we're talking about you know four-way connection and i agree it was totally unexpected it was just kind of out of the blue yep it was a really good time it was so thank you guys so how do we end this thing well i think if people have already forgotten about our newsletter we need to bring that back up because I think our newsletter is really awesome.
Yeah. I mean, we actually have somebody helping us with our newsletter that actually knows what they're doing. Well, you know what the big news of the day is? What? We Got a Thing is actually legally a business now. That's true. Yeah. That's true. Yeah, I've decided to start my own business, and We Got a Thing has decided to start its own business. So we have been meeting with CPAs and getting business license stuff in place and opening checking accounts. So we are official. We are official. That's right.
Yeah, so the newsletter is the very first step that we're taking in the direction of a more serious business model. Right. And that's focused on you. So we really want to get your feedback. Only, I think, 4% of our listeners are actually subscribed to the newsletter. Hint, hint. Yeah. So we're going to try to make that as easy as possible. If you'll go to our website, uh, we got a thing.com, you'll see multiple places on there where you can sign up for the newsletter.
If you can't find it, or if you don't want to go to the website, just send me an email and say, Hey, I want to be on the mailing list and I'll put you on there. Right.
I mean, what I like about our newsletter now is that it's not about us, you know, it's about other podcasts and lifestyle and it's just about sex positive um topics in general right you know so you you get a nice range of of things to read about or listen to or or look at right instead of just hearing you know more of the same well it has to do with us wanting to want you all to connect and and we we want to serve you things that are more than just mr mrs jones right we want to help you grow yeah so your perspective if you see something hopefully you see something in that newsletter that connects with you even if it's just one thing you know read it understand it learn from it and that's what it's all about right so we're happy to have that out um so if you need to reach us Thank you.
it learn from it and that's what it's all about right so we're happy to have that out um so if you need to reach us mr jones at we got a thing.com mrs jones at we got a thing.com or you can follow us on twitter at we got a thing and we have a cassidy community we do we have a cassidy community we also an SDC community. Yes, we do. So please join us there. If you want a membership to Cassidy or SDC, we have links on our website to take you there. I think you get a free trial period for each one of them. And if you're going to be at Desire Pearl next month. Yes. Hopefully we'll see you.
We might run into you. And if you want to sign up for Desire, there's a link on our website to help you do that as well. Yeah, very good. And then it's November's getting fairly close too. Yes. So we're looking forward to that. We are starting to make some serious plans.
So, you know, last episode was a little bit of a downer we've had a really positive month and we appreciate the continued support um you know this this episode was a lot of fun nin was a lot of fun i think we've kind of meeting you guys was a lot of fun yeah it was regaining our our bearings and thanks for all the hugs yeah we're we're really excited about where this is going and just wanted to say thank you again for that and we'll see you next month all right so we are mr and mrs jones and we got a thing what's your thing We'll be you next time.
