Episode 3- Jealousy? What's Up with That?

Transcript

This podcast contains explicit language and is for mature audiences only. If you're under 18, this show is intended more for your parents. So, take that mental image with you and get back to doing your homework. We are a couple choosing to share our personal experiences and opinions that should in no way be misconstrued as professional advice. okay welcome back i'm mr jones and i'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode three of the we got a thing podcast the title of this month's podcast is jealousy what's up with that We'll be Thing podcast.

The title of this month's podcast is Jealousy, What's Up With That? What is up with that? We invite you to spend the next hour or so with us as we share about our adventures in the swinging lifestyle and discuss topics centered around sex positive and open-minded relationships.

So tonight we're going to start talking about in segment one what's been going on with the Joneses and it's the mid almost towards almost Christmas time so we hope to put this podcast out before the last week of December so this will be December Um, and we've had a few things going on in, in our world the past month or so since we last published. Um, this was Thanksgiving weekend that we went. Yep. It was the weekend after Thanksgiving. We, um, met a couple that's, uh, fairly local.

We had, um, met them before and spent time with them one other time before, but we had made plans to spend the evening and an overnight with them. So we ended up meeting them at a winery kind of halfway between each of our homes and spent the afternoon doing some wine tasting. And we brought along a little picnic, so we had some cheese and crackers and shared a couple bottles of wine together. And it was just a really fun afternoon. Right. Yeah, it was a nice day. And then we came back here to the house and had dinner for four. I believe we cooked out and had a nice relaxing dinner.

And then after dinner, we got out, um, a game. We did a little bit of an icebreaker. What was the, Oh, you had it on your phone. I found an app. It was called a wheel of foreplay. It's an awesome, it's an awesome app. We were going to do the typical truth or dare game.

Um, but like our, our truth or dare game, it's a good game, but the dare cards involve a whole lot of work and a lot of times it's like in a different room and you got to get all these supplies together and it's just really a commitment and we just really wanted to have more of a conversation icebreaker kind of starter thing so i was like desperately looking around to see what i could. And I went to the good old app store and found this wheel of foreplay game. And it's kind of like spin the bottle, but it's really cool. Cause you can actually, um, like put your names in there.

So it says, you know, this person's gonna, you know, do this to that person. And it's pretty cool.

You can say whether you want, um, just, uh, like girl on guy and and guy on girl action or do you want some girl on girl action too so there's like a lot of variables that you can um set up in there and did we do this in the bedroom or did we do this yeah we came upstairs to our bedroom oh yeah but before that you remember uh she brought a change of clothes yeah yeah so you all had okay so when we came back from the winery you all looked very sexy at the winery but that was like public clothing and then we came home and you both changed into like dinner cocktail no it wasn't what what i don't even remember what you all had on but you it wasn't a lot right so the little dresses like little club dresses right Right.

And then before we came upstairs, you all changed again into lingerie. Lingerie, right. So the four of us had gone into the bedroom and we were playing the wheel of what? Wheel of foreplay. Wheel of foreplay. What else would it be called? Yeah. So it would tell you by name, Mr. Jones, you need to do this with the woman. Or Mrs. Jones, you need to do this with the man. Or Mr. Jones, you do this with Mrs. Jones. And we had been with this couple once before. So this was really a fun way, especially after an afternoon of wine drinking.

And gosh, I don't even remember what we had to drink with dinner.

But by this this time I think we were pretty much primed so yes the wheel of foreplay was a good good icebreaker so way to get the ball rolling yeah it's a good endorsement of that app and then we ended up playing with them and we I don't recall we kind of just did soft swap and just did soft swap man has your perspective changed over the last year yeah it's starting to sound a little bit routine the horror of it no we uh we started out um we what we were playing the game and everybody was kind of interacting with everybody according to the instructions because, you know, you had to follow the rules of the game.

Oh, you got ripped off. I did. I started pouting a little bit. Yeah, your name didn't come up very much. No. So you were very vocal because it was your idea and you downloaded the game. It was my phone. Yeah, and your name wasn't coming up. So before you got too frustrated, I think we moved to the bed and played a little bit with them and had a really good time. Well, I think she felt sorry for me.

So once my name came up, and I don't even remember what the app said that she had to do, but I know she and I ended up on the bed, and then that made it all better yes it did i stopped pouting quickly yeah and that's the first time i think last few times we've had couples over we've put an aero bed on the floor in an extra bedroom and this time we decided to get a little bit higher up off the ground and went to the master bedroom so that was a little bit different this time but i think that worked out better um well it did because it was cold and um we have a fireplace in our bedroom right right so you know there were no excuses for that's right yeah yeah shedding it's coming back to me now yeah it got pretty hot in there pretty quickly yeah we actually had to turn the fireplace off there was a lot of.

Yeah. So we played for a while and they ended up staying overnight and leaving the next morning. So that was a lot of fun. And then we went out last night. Um, and for those of you who have been listening, you know, that we started, uh, intentionally not seeing couples that lived in our local area. Um, but now we've evolved to the point where we're a little bit more bold and a little bit more confident. And, um, so we met, uh, a local couple for the first time, uh, that we, and we went out on a four way two couples date last night at a local restaurant.

And, uh, of course, when we walk in the door of the restaurant, we got there before they did. And, um, so we went ahead and put our name on the list I'll see you next time.

last night at a local restaurant and and of course when we walk in the door of the restaurant we got there before they did and so we went ahead and put our name on the list and as soon as we got our beeper and kind of was trying the restaurant was really crowded of course you know the weekend before christmas everybody's out shopping and this restaurant was near one of the big shopping malls near us so we were trying to kind of a way to you know jockey into position where we were out of the way but could still see the door for when our friends came in and of course who do we see a couple from our church you know so it's like oh man the first time we get brave enough to try something you know in our community yeah you know we end up of course running into somebody we know so yeah well for it was fine yeah it was Yeah.

But it just, it makes you feel weird. Like, please don't know what I'm up to. Yeah. Well, you looked pretty sexy, so I may have been wondering. Oh, I have my coat on still. It was all good. I had a scarf wrapped around my neck. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And our friends were a little bit late, so it worked out perfectly.

But anyway, we a good good time last night and met with them and possibly see them again in the future so and there's a couple other couples that have contacted us locally that I think over the next few weeks we might try to get out and meet and have drinks with at least yeah we're finding that there you know there is somewhat of a network in our community and the couple that we had dinner with, they've, uh, they've kind of been at this for a while and, and they started out the same way.

They said that they would always be going, you know, up into the city to meet people, which is about an hour away minimum.

Um, and so they finally got tired of doing that because it really, when you have to travel an hour or more to meet a couple and then, And, you're, you know, it, even if you're just having dinner with them, you know, you want to have a bottle of wine with dinner and then, you know, you're drinking and then you have a long drive home and you got to make sure that you didn't, you know, drink too much before you actually had something to eat so that you can, you know, drive responsibly.

It's just, it's a lot of planning and a and you know a lot of work to do that so gosh if we could really find um a way to do this locally within you know 15 minutes of the house instead of over an hour from the house it would be so much more convenient and you'd you'd actually be able to kind of maybe do things on a wednesday night every now and then exactly yeah and you't have to plan a big dinner. You can just meet locally for drinks at the local bar or the brewery or, uh, even at each other's homes.

But you know, the way the weekends are with vanilla things and family going on, it does open up a lot of opportunities. So, um, I think we'll probably do that again because it was a lot of fun and it happened to be close enough to my birthday that we just called it, you know, I got to spend the birthday birthday with another couple. So, yeah, I said, uh, Hey, Mr. Jones, like, what do you want for your birthday? And he said, don't you mean, who do I want for my birthday? Yeah. So that's what we've been up to. Um, and, um, yeah, we'll talk about what we have coming up, um, in a bit.

so the main topic we wanted to talk about tonight is we want to kind of reflect back on the beginning of our journey and talk about how we had some emotions to process um especially after our first trip to desire and in our first time swapping and and just a couple things that happened which you wouldn't really expect to be triggers for any kind of emotion but right you know just stuff we had to work through right and so episode two was a lot of fun we talked about desire and we talked about the people that we played with and it was really kind of a fun uh podcast this one's a little bit more serious but um you know jealousy is something that when you mention that word um people kind of just their ears perk up and they want to know well what was that all that all about and what happened?

And, and how did you get through that? So we thought that we would just try to, to hit that head on. So how do we want to start this story? Well, I guess we kind of need to talk about, you know, really how we ended up not communicating well enough with one another when we met this couple at desire the first time and we started playing with them. I think we were a little overconfident on what we could handle. Right, right. So we didn't, we talked before we went on vacation, but this was our very, very first experience at Desire in a lifestyle setting.

And we thought we had talked about a lot and and we did talk about a lot but I think you're right when we got there we hadn't perfected the skill of kind of checking in with each other and taking a pause and trying to process things and so anyway the end of the story is good but but how it started was we met a couple, probably we were there for what, eight or eight days or seven days? Yeah, just a week. Seven days. I think it was the second day that we were there. We met a couple and really hit it off with them and they were.

And meeting this couple was kind of a relief because just to back up a minute, the, um, the first day we were there, we were, you know, kind of deer in the headlights and didn't really, we're not super outgoing people at first. We've actually gotten much better at it in the past year, but we were just kind of hanging back a little bit and we were at the hot tub. I think it was our first night and met this couple. They were from Canada and they were just a really nice couple. We had a lot in common. We had a similar career, um, interests and just really enjoyed talking to this couple.

And we told them that we were brand new and that was our first night. And, you know, they were kind of joking around with us like, wow, you know, you really have, you know, dove in because, you know, we were in the hot tub naked. And, you know, we just decided to go ahead and dive in head first and see what happened. So we were sitting around the perimeter of the hot tub. And then the guy was sitting next to me and he had his arm around me and, and Mr. Jones was kind of standing up facing us.

And I was between the couple and the guy just started started he didn't really do anything inappropriate but he was his body language um and and just the some of the things he was saying was kind of making me feel a little um uncomfortable but just because I had not experienced this before and again it was not his fault at all it was just my lack of experience and finally you know they said well you know do you think that you're going to end up you know wanting to play with other people and we said well you know yeah eventually and they said well no time like the present right and the guy had his arm you know and he had his hand on my hip and he was kind of like you know rubbing my leg and you know in the back of my butt and everything and and I started panicking and, I, and Mr.

Jones saw that I was really, really scared and he gracefully, you know, bowed out of that. And, and that was kind of the end of it for the evening. Um, so the next morning I was like, Oh no, I don't think that I'm going to be able to handle this. You know, this is, you know, people are going to just move too fast and I'm going to be afraid and I'm going to screw everything up. Right. And then, then that, that was the afternoon that we met. Yeah. So then later that afternoon. Right. And, and we were in the pool and we, our paths crossed and we started talking and we had a lot in common.

They had been married a long time.

And they had just gotten into the resort into the resort right literally just dropped their stuff off in their room right so we got to know them a little bit that day i think we hooked up with them well not hooked up with them we met them uh the next day again at the pool spent the day with them getting to know them i think we had lunch with them and then we ended up having dinner with them and that's when we began to realize you know we were attracted to them they were attracted to us they were a very very trustworthy I mean just a down-to-earth solid couple not trying to rush into anything and their situation was a little bit different they were really new too and I'm not sure how to characterize their where they were in the lifestyle but they said they weren't in the lifestyle they they said they were just kind of looking for maybe one couple that they could you know be friends with you know they they were looking for like a a long-term not a polyamorous relationship but just a long-term friendship where um and they lived on the west coast so we were not near each other geographically at all, but, you know, just to kind of meet somewhere, um, for a weekend or, you know, occasionally go on vacation together.

Um, so they weren't really looking to find multiple couples to play with. Right. And we were really comfortable with them. Um, we ended up, let me see the first time that we interacted with them was in the playroom. Right.

oh how could you forget oh my gosh yeah we talked about that in episode one yeah i believe that was when the two of you ladies got together and i kissed a girl and i liked it yeah yeah that's right yeah that was that so that was that was really at that point in time we were all in this was great everything was wonderful the both of us were enjoying ourselves and and it was just the two ladies at the first night right we didn't do much of anything else I don't think and then the next day it progressed a little we spent the day with them again and the next evening we went back to the playroom right yes and then we but did we go to the bed that the beach bed that night or the no I think we were in the playroom again the second night but the second night um you interacted with her and he interacted with me just a little bit more it wasn't really anything you know tremendously fast right but um she and I were just enjoying ourselves you know it was my first experience with a woman so i was just still trying to kind of figure it out and right and kind of take it all in right and so this this was progressing so our physical uh advances were kind of you know progressing and at this point in time we knew that at this rate something was something more than just you know on girl was going to happen.

We didn't really talk about what that looked like, but we did acknowledge that we were comfortable with them. And that's probably what, where we were headed, but we didn't really talk about any specifics. So that night was fine.

Then the next day we played with them on the, in the at the pool right yes pool bed and we did full swap I mean we ended up um doing everything and it was you know just thinking about that that particular episode I mean I enjoyed it it was it was fun I think you know me being with her and and again it's important to know that i i initiated that so i was with her before you were with him and i kind of looked over i mean we we had talked mr jones and i talked in our room that evening as we were getting ready for dinner and we kind of knew that things were progressing more and more and we both felt comfortable and we were both kind of curious to see how we would react.

Um, and, and I think the other couple, you know, they were pretty comfortable too and they, um, they were willing to do, you know, whatever we wanted, um, as much or as little as we wanted.

So, you know, that night we, we didn't really specifically say this is going to happen but it just kind of evolved and and uh the gentleman and i looked over and mr jones and his wife were going at it and we were like well and he looked at me and said well what are we going to do about that i said well i guess we need to reciprocate so and we had pretty much finished and then we stopped to watch you right and. And so at that point in time, considering, you know, the topic of jealousy, there wasn't anything. No, I mean, I enjoyed watching you with her.

And yeah, I and I wouldn't say that I enjoyed I, you know, I think I was really this was the first time. Okay, after 29 years together, I was going to see you have sex with another man. And so I watched it and I was kind of waiting for some sort of reaction and it didn't happen. And I'm not going to say I was super turned on, but I think that's because I was just anxious about how I was going to feel. And, you know, you all did your thing and then we kind of swapped back at the end and, and that was, you know, the end of it.

And I uh, I think we went back to our, and you know, it was a little bit, maybe a little awkward because all four of us were kind of new, but we were all like, wow, what just happened? You know, cause we really had not discussed it among the four of us. Right. So we went back to our room and we talked about it. We said, you know, well, how do you feel about that?

And to that point in that point in time everything seemed to be fine okay and then that led us to the next day which is when we got one of those awesome beach beds right um at desire pearl there's like seven really really nice beach beds and they're reserved for the people that have the penthouse suites but if there, um, if the penthouse suites aren't booked that week, then they'll, you know, let whoever they, you know, wants them use them. So the four of us got one of these awesome beds because they're so big, there was plenty of room for four people to lay there all day.

So we did that and we hung out, we were playing cards.

We played cards, we played cornhole, we were walking on the the beach we had lunch together we we were having a good time yeah i mean and we just figured that week would just get better and then the four of us were laying on the bed and i was on the outside and his wife was on the outside no we were both the two ladies were on the inside oh right right okay and he he must have had his arm around her or something he was like up on his elbow leaning over her right so anyway what we're getting at is um mrs jones was holding his hand and kind of caressing his hand and all of a sudden i just felt strange.

And at that point in time, I didn't even really understand what it was that I was feeling. And, and jealousy never really entered my mind because we had just full swap the night before and everything was fine. And so logically, you know, holding somebody's hand in the grand scheme of things, you know, never entered my mind that that's what it was. And I was holding his hand because he was telling me something or he was telling all of us a story about his family and something that, you know, was kind of hard to talk about with his family.

And it was more of an empathetic thing that I was holding his hand while he was telling us this because because it was somewhat difficult for him to tell us this. So I wasn't, and of course I had been drinking, so I wasn't really, you know, I could have done a better job of thinking about how that could have been perceived. Well, yeah, but beyond that though, you had no, you had no reason to believe that holding somebody's hand was going to cause any issues. And at that point in time, I really didn't know what was going on. I just felt kind of funny.

As a matter of fact, we talked about it because my behavior changed a little bit because I was confused. Mr. Jones got really quiet. Yeah, I got quiet, and I was trying to figure out what was going on.

And then even the gentleman and I talked about it that afternoon because he said well you know did I do something and I said well I don't really you didn't do anything and I'm not threatened by anything and I just can't figure out what it is but something just was bothering me and it wasn't quite right at that point in time though it wasn't that big of a deal because we spent the evening with them again that night we i think we thought we were going to go into the playroom but then we oh no it was too crowded and then it started raining or something oh yeah and then we went back out to the pool bed again and it started raining on us yeah so we had fully intended even with that little blip we had fully intended to be with them again and we were and we went back to their room and we full swapped again right yeah yeah again and that was um at that point in time it I mean I was able to perform I was I was fine but it's I guess it just started kind of um you know the next day after that um maybe bothered me a little bit more I, but it really wasn't ruining the vacation.

You know, we were still conversing with them. It wasn't, you know, that big of a deal. And it was, but it was still, I was still a little bit quiet. I could tell something was off. Yeah. Something was a little bit off and I didn't, but I didn't want to be like, I didn't want to ruin the party or anything. And I didn't really understand what it was that I was feeling. So we just continued on. And then the next day, was it the last day that we were there or the second to the last day? I think by now it was, I think we were at the last day. Yeah.

So that's when we did the photo shoot together, and that was really hot. I mean, the couple that we were with paid for a photo session, and they asked Mrs. Jones to join in a part of it with the other lady, and the photographs were really awesome. Let me just do a plug for that. I mean, if you ever get a chance to go to Desire, or even if you're in your hometown, there's boudoir photographers, you can have your photos done. And they did an amazing job of making us feel comfortable.

Um, you know, I am not 19 years old anymore and I, you know, I've had two babies and I'm not a Victoria's secret model. And, you know, even though I try to take really good care of myself, you know, I think all women have body image issues and thinking about being naked and have somebody take your picture. It was hot. Um, it was hot. It was hot. I mean, you two ladies, I'll see you, you two ladies, after about five minutes, I totally did not worry what I looked like at all. I mean, I was just totally into it. The photographer was so professional and so good at making us feel at ease.

And he didn't have to do anything. He, between the two of you, he just kind of pushed you in a certain direction. And you all just started interacting. And he was so impressed with the pictures. He was even stopping and showing us the pictures while you two ladies were together. He thought that they were really good when he was taking it. And then we went outside and did some photos outside and did some pictures with them.

then we went back to our room and that's the first time I had an orgasm when I started having some sort of it was like an earthquake or something as soon as we got you back into the room I threw you on the bed and and I'm surprised I didn't you know I was knocking your head against the wall You were not You were knocking, he would, that's not, he's not joking. My, he was like bashing my head up against the wall and, and it desired, they don't have like headboards, the, you know, it's just like the stucco wall behind there. And I didn't care. I mean, it was crazy. Yeah, it was crazy.

Uh, so anyway, we, we enjoyed that time and that was our second to the last day there and then you know the next day we we flew out and you know we said goodbye to them and we were going to keep in touch and we had changed you know swapped information and swapped information and and so when we got home um or we got on the plane and got home on the drive home from the airport that That's when things started like sinking in, like, okay, oh my gosh, that was quite a week. What, what just happened there? And we started unpacking a lot of, of what we were going through.

But it wasn't bad on the way home. I mean, it was really a few weeks later. Well, what happened, you know, when we got home, he started texting right away. Um, he was texting and I started to feel like I was being pressured a little bit into this relationship. You know, they're on the West Coast, we're on the East Coast. And so I felt like I didn't really have time to process a lot. But then it really started bothering me more when we got home. And at that point in time, I still didn't understand what it was that was bothering me. And, you know, my behavior really didn't get any better.

I was still quiet about it and still irritated when he texted and, and that sort of thing. And, and so it really is when, after we got a week or two after we got home, that it really started to kind of impact our relationship and you knew something was wrong and I didn't understand what it was. So, um, to, to make this longer story short, um, I finally, I finally said one night, I think I said the word jealous to you. I had said it to you before that. I said, I, you know, I think you're jealous. And you were like, I don't get jealous. There is no way I'm Thank you.

I said the word jealous to you I had said it to you before that I said I you know I think you're jealous and you were like I don't get jealous there is no way I'm jealous right and so for me I'd never been jealous and I always you know thought jealousy was a weakness and and as a guy I wouldn't want to admit you know that I that I could be jealous anyway I had never had any feelings like this before so it was but the more I thought about it and what it was and and had time to to reflect I I said you know I think I think I might be jealous about that and that's when we started really talking about wow should we be doing this well at that point I was devastated right you know because I'm like oh my, I did something to, you know, have a negative impact on our relationship.

And I thought we were doing something that was going to be fun and enhance our relationship. And I felt, you know, guilty and confused and, um, you know, very responsible for what happened. Right. Um, and then he kept texting and then I wasn't replying and you would reply and that, you know, that kind of, you know, made it worse for me. Well, it was a four-way text. I mean, we had the group of four of us set up. Right.

So at any rate, once we started talking about jealousy and I started to realize that that's what it was, we really, um, had a decision to make, you know, well, you know, what is this? How big is it? You know, how big of a barrier is it? Should we not be doing this at all? Did we make a big mistake? Um, you know, these are the things that are going through our minds.

And of course I felt bad because I'm the one in my mind i'm the one causing this um but ultimately what what we what we decided or what i wanted you know and we've we've always in 29 years well 30 years now our relationship has been really fantastic and for me it was really what i think the confusing part of it was when I finally realized that this, whatever this perception was that I had was so far away from reality, understanding that these were two different places.

And so the emotions that I felt, I kept telling myself, well, wait a minute, you know, there's no way somebody could be after my wife. I mean, so logically, it felt so silly to even say that. I mean, 30 years being married, my relationship is not in jeopardy. Um, there's nothing going on here. The guy lives halfway across the world country. He's madly in love with his wife. I mean, I kept telling myself this to try to convince myself that, you know, what I was feeling was unnecessary and, you know, thinking that, you know, maybe it would go away.

And really, you know, I couldn't control what I was feeling, but acknowledging what I was feeling and then you and I deciding that we were going to work through this was really critical at that point in time because we've always challenged each other. We've always held each other accountable. We've always been very supportive of each other. And, um, and, and even though we talked about kind of backing out, I wanted to stay in it because I wanted to work through this.

Well, we had to work through it, whether we were going to back out of the lifestyle or, you know, or move forward in the lifestyle. We still had stuff to work through. Right. And when we got, when we decided to get into the lifestyle, it was a whole kind of a risk reward sort of, sort of decision. We knew that our relationship was strong enough to withstand a mistake. And that even if it was a mistake, we were going to be fine.

But then when it hit home and the feeling was so strong you know that's when you begin to doubt you know did I do the right thing did I force you into this and what's going on so at any rate over a period of time in my mind you know and with your help you know we kind of addressed that this is what it is you were very reassuring. You handled it very well. And in a couple of months of thinking about it and processing it, you know, I started to feel a whole lot better about the situation. But the thing is, though, you never really know until you go back and do it again. So as Mr.

Jones was working through it and feeling better about this situation, I was getting more and more anxious. Um, because I, before we, before we went to desire the first time, um, my initial thought about potentially playing with other people is I was so afraid because I am a big flirt. Um, and then, you know, when you're married for 29 years, you really don't flirt that much anymore except with your spouse. And to re-engage in that and be allowed to do that and be encouraged to do that, it was just such a big shift for me.

I was afraid, and I remember saying to him before we went to Desire that first time, I'm afraid I'm going to make a mistake. Um, and that I'm going to end up flirting with somebody and having a good time. And I'm going to notice you're not next to me. And I'm going to look over my shoulder and you're going to be standing behind me with this like look of horror on your face. And I'm going to have this horrible, horrible feeling of what have I done? Um, this is so not worth it. And, and when Mr.

Jones ended up feeling that jealousy and I had to watch him work through that and help him work through that, but really I could only help. I couldn't fix it was his, um, his emotions in his head that he had to process and work through. So, you know, just to watch him and help him go through that. It was really awful because I felt responsible and that was, you know, that was my biggest fear going in. So at this point he's moving forward and I am internally just backing up. Right. Right.

And then ultimately though, as we, as time went on and it took time, it didn't happen overnight, but, um, you know, I, I run a lot and, and when I run in the morning, it gives me a half an hour or an hour or sometimes longer to process to process things. And so over a period of time, you know, I started to feel a whole lot better. And I didn't want to give up on the lifestyle because I still, you know, fantasized about the things that, you know, that we did and that I wanted to do. And so convinced you that, you know, let's not back away now. let's keep going. Let's give it another try.

And, um, so we ended up, um, after that, well, they actually came to visit us in a few months after desire. And that was a source of anxiety because that was going to be, um, diving back in. Right. And then, um, they, they came and we had a nice visit with them and you know i i actually you know we we soft swapped we told them that's right we told them when when they came that we were going to back off the full swap and go soft swap um and get our heads around this and they were really good about i mean we still friends with them. So, and they didn't, they didn't do anything wrong.

No, they didn't do anything wrong. This was all our own issue. And they knew we were new and, and we really did our best not to drag them into our drama. And they were, um, very, very sensitive to the fact that, that we were struggling and, um, we're, we're very accommodating when they came in, um, a couple months later. Um, and we visited with them, we only did girl on girl. Um, cause I was, I was kind of afraid to interact with him. Right. Right. Um, I wasn't kind of afraid. I was terrified to interact with him. I mean, it was so bad. I was having trouble making eye contact with him.

And again, that was my problem. Right. Yeah. So anyway, let's get beyond this because it gets better. Yeah, it does get better. So, so that was, um, this was the bottom of the valley. That was probably February of, of this year. So then we decided let's, that's when we decided let's regroup, let's attack this thing, you know, let's, let's, and this is what we talked about in episode one, you know, let's, let's go to Naughty in New Orleans, let's plan, you know, to go meet some people, let's do, let's go to a party, let's do.

we had another trip booked for desire we had another desire trip you know let's reset and and say this is where we're going to start from here and go forward and and fortunately the the next couple that we were with, uh, we, we, I had a business trip. We talked about this earlier to the West coast. We had, um, talked with this couple before we went out. Um, and we got out there and the first time that we played with them, I think we were both holding our breaths as I was scared. Yeah. How is this going to play out? And then the long and short of it is after that first night we were with them.

I mean, I was just giddy because I enjoyed it. We did a soft swap. You were with him and and I enjoyed it. Not only did it not bother me, but I actually enjoyed that. They were the perfect couple for us because they, they were both really laid back and you know, they, both of them pretty unflappable. So, and I think that they sensed our anxiety and we had told them, um, you know, our kind of our journey to that point in time. And, you know, so they were aware of what they were kind of getting into and they just, they, they, I don't want to say they handled us, but they did.

They handled us perfectly. Yeah. It was the, it was the perfect couple for us to be with. And we're still really good friends with them too.

Um, and I don't want to say the rest is history because, um, every, every time that that it's gotten better and better you know and and better we're more relaxed about how i i think we can kind of sense how we um each other feels right and um it's just nice because we don't have to worry about that anymore i was so so worried at first about looking over at you and seeing displeasure on your face for whatever reason, whatever I would have been doing, and that just hasn't happened. And it didn't ever happen. It was just a misperception.

Right, and ultimately now, looking back over a year ago, I mean, we are so much closer now. Our communication is on a different level. Um, you know, I've grown as an individual, our relationship has grown and, you know, through that. And, and that's what, that's really how we've gone through life together. Uh, you know, every time we hit a bump in the road, we work together, we work through it and it makes us stronger.

And in this case, and we've, um, we're very fortunate to, um, both of us are very careful about never pointing the finger at each other, no matter, you know, what part of our lives we have, um, some sort of a challenge and we never blame each other. We've, we're always willing to accept responsibility, equal responsibility because we, we do treat our marriage as a partnership. Right. Um, so, so it's been really good and I am so happy that I'm not glad it happened, but I'm happy that we worked through it the way that we did.

And I think it's important to talk about because, you know, I kept hearing, uh, you know, other, as we researched the lifestyle and listen to people in the podcast world and talk to people and, and, you know, most, for the most part, people would say, well, I thought I was going to be jealous and then I wasn't, and it was hot. And I think it's important for people to know that, um, first of all, you don't know how you're going to react. And I can say that from personal experience. I thought I was going to react one way and I didn't.

And the other thing is when it happens to understand what it is that you're going to react. And I can say that from personal experience, I thought I was going to react one way and I didn't. Um, and the other thing is when it happens to understand what it is that you're dealing with and, and work through it and not blame each other and not, you know, go the other direction. And there was no drama other than, you know, just me being confused about things. And so, um, you know, just know that it's possible for something like this to happen.

And I hope that, you know, it's very, it was difficult for me at first to talk about this and, you know, to put it out on a podcast and say, you know, look, 30 years of marriage and, you know, who, you know, I get jealous and it causes all these problems and, you know, why do I have these insecurities? And as a guy, that's really hard thing to, you know, to admit. So, you know, hopefully by talking about this and sharing it with other people, um, will help people that when you come into that situation and you feel that way, um, that it's not the end of the world.

As a matter of fact, you know, you could turn it into something really positive and that's what we did. Um, well, the positive part of it, um, that we haven't really talked about is even when we were kind of at the bottom of that valley and we were really trying to figure out, um, our place in the lifestyle and, and, you know, processing the whole jealousy thing, we were having the most amazing sex between the two of us. Um, we didn't play with anybody for months after that.

Um, but our sex life has become so much more intense because I, I think not that we've ever taken each other for granted, but Oh my gosh. Right. You know, when, when I thought I had hurt you and, and when you saw me in a different light, I think we both realized, wow, this person is so precious to me. I would never ever do anything intentionally to, you know, hurt him or her. Right. So I think our depth of emotion is just so much stronger now and it comes out in our intimacy. Right. Yeah. And, and to me, and I, and I've had, and I mentioned the, the orgasm thing.

I mean, and, and, you know, I don't know what it is. I don't know how to explain it to, to another guy, but you know, there's the ejaculation part, which everybody experiences, but then, you know, a lot of times now I just have this, this, these convulsions. And it goes on for a long time. I mean, I just kind of, I just hold him and it's just, it's crazy. So it's awesome. Yeah, it is.

And it's really, you know, what I've learned through this also, and people say this, but you know, I had to learn it, you know, the difference between separating, you know, the, the sex from, you know, the emotion and the intimacy and and the relationship you know separating those two things in my mind especially after 29 years was was difficult for me to disentangle that from but now that i've been able to do that um i mean flash forward to now i mean the last experience we every experience we have is really hot and and i just like, I love seeing you with another woman and another man, and it's erotic.

And it's all these things that I thought it was going to be. And I'm so, you know, relieved by that. And so, you know, hopefully, you know, if you're out there and you're, and you're wondering about this, or if you've experienced it, you know, know that you're not alone, know that you can get through it. Your relationship can be stronger and you can come out of it even closer. And it really, you know, you hear people say that if you have a good relationship, it makes it better. The lifestyle makes it better. And if you don't have a solid relationship, it can it can crush it.

And based on what you and I went through, I can't imagine having a weak relationship and doing that because it would have destroyed a weaker relationship, no doubt. But you know, one thing that you cannot do, one thing that's not an option is you can't ignore it. When you have these bumps in the road, you can't assume that it'll just kind of smooth itself over and go away. Right. I think you have to talk about it or it's always going to be there. Yeah. Right. So that's, um, I guess that kind of tells the whole story. That's the, that's the drama of me and Mrs. Jones. Yeah.

And so that was several months ago. Um, we, we, and we that this is kind of a heavy topic, but you know, if we, what we promised ourselves when we got into this podcast is that we were going to be open and we were going to be honest and we were going to share exactly what was going on. And you know, that's what we've done.

And, um, now hopefully in the future, next episode, we can get back to something a little bit lighter and well, considering we're getting ready to go to like a big old New Year's Eve party in a couple of weeks, I think we'll have some pretty interesting stuff to share next time. Yeah, I think so too. Yeah. Um, yeah. So, you know, it's, it's just really been, um, again, the, the lifestyle is, um, I wouldn't, I wouldn't change anything.

I mean, we've, we've grown closer um you know this podcast is is really um you know kind of um proof of that i mean here we are you know sharing this with a lot of people that we don't even know um and hopes that you know it'll resonate with somebody out there and not to say it's going to happen to you and and that's how we don't ever want to come across this way. We're simply just sharing, you know, how we've experienced this. So, um, anyway, that probably, um, wraps up the segment too about jealousy.

So if you, if you, I know we'll talk about this more at the end, but if you have any, any comments or questions about specifically about jealousy, I'd love, you know, to make ourselves available through email or our contact information to discuss this more, because I think this is probably the biggest fear that a lot of people have coming into this. And we have firsthand experience in it. So feel free to reach out to us.

okay so our snapshots um segment so if you have not listened to our previous episodes we like to end our show with a little uh talk about snapshots that we have uh taken away from different experiences we've had on the lifestyle and um it all started one night when uh we got in bed after an evening with another couple. And I looked over at Mr. Jones and I said, so what's your snapshot of the night? And he's like, what are you talking about? I said, you know, that one mental image you take away from the night, um, with somebody.

And he hadn't really thought about that before, but I, I guess I did. So, um, we, we talk about that now every time.

So did think of one i know i haven't thought about one yet i was gonna let you go first and so yeah we we um i'm drinking a glass of wine and mrs jones is drinking there's something with the candy cane it's a candy cane martini yeah well it's the weekend before christmas what else should i drink well the first episode i tried drinking beer and that didn't work because i kept belching into the microphone and then last time i think i had a mixed drink and the ice cubes were making a lot of noise and so this time i i opted for wine and and you've got your candy cane martini is that what you said it's delicious so i was hoping that by the time that we got towards the end of the podcast and and you had your your martini done that you might think of a snapshot but if you want i'll go first you go first okay well the the um the couple that we spent time with uh thanksgiving after thanksgiving weekend uh when they were here uh we we that episode, um, with them at the beginning of this podcast.

Um, we were all four interacting and things were really hot and moving along. And all of a sudden, um, the lady of the other couple turned to us and said, you know what, we want to watch you two fuck. And, you just her saying that really I mean I don't know I got goosebumps you know just the thought of somebody first of all saying it and then wanting to watch us and then so that when we did for them and for each other gosh it was just so much more charged because I knew that she wanted to watch or she wanted them to watch us do that. And so, again, this is maybe more of an audio snapshot.

But when she just said, you know what, we really want to watch you to fuck. That was that's my snapshot. So it was it was pretty hot well i think mine you know kind of from that same evening just i like being on top and sometimes i don't communicate that well enough and uh when when she said that i think um i think we changed positions a couple times but i really enjoyed the Thank you. Thank you. Bye-bye.

And when she said that, I think we changed positions a couple times, but I really enjoyed the part where I got to be on top of you and just looking into your eyes, knowing they were, they had their, I had my back to them at that point. I guess we had moved around and just knowing that they were watching us that was um it was just really really hot and at the same time we were kind of really into each other because we were making eye contact as yeah yeah I think we were like porn stars at the moment I know it kind of felt like we feel that way. It felt like we were performing for them.

So you stole mine. Well, I just kind of piggybacked on it. Yeah, well, it was a good one. It was a good one. I can't blame you for that. It was either that or my newest snapshot was seeing the church couple when we walked in the restaurant last night. Oh, yeah, do you want to talk? Oh, you already talked about that. Yeah, I did, yeah.

That was kind kind of a bucket of cold water yeah so so we were at our table talking about oral sex or something and then i had to lean over and say mr jones we were at a booth which was great because booze are kind of private but the restaurant was full and there was a party and in the booth right behind us and mr jones was like really getting into his story and he was talking kind of loud and i had had to lean over and I said, there's a couple right behind us. And he's like, oh yeah, I know. And he toned it down a little bit. Yeah. Makes it, maybe they'll remember their dinner. Yeah.

Otherwise maybe not. So that's pretty much taken us through, um, episode three. Yeah. Um, so we had. So we had, and as we prepare to close, you mentioned that we are planning to go to a New Year's party. And we have never done this before. Like even like a vanilla New Year's party. We are more of a stay at home. Can we stay up till midnight? Or we'll go over to Mr.

Jones's brother's house and you know the kids will be there and when the kids will be running around and we'll just be hanging out with friends that we've known for forever and right you know eating appetizers and trying to stay awake so this is gonna be really different it's a it's a big hotel takeover up in the city and i can tell you're excited because you bought about six dresses for this thing didn't you every lady out there knows exactly why yeah well i mean yeah yeah so have you decided which one you're gonna wear yes yes i'm wearing the shorter one but it has it shows lots of cleavage and it has an open back yeah okay i mean it's not super short i just decided to go with that instead over the long gown okay so mr jones has got his tux ready to go we're gonna be styling yeah yeah so we're really looking forward to that so um yeah so i'm sure we'll talk a lot about that in in episode four and and who knows what else we'll talk about by then but we'll we'll let you know um another thing we wanted to add before we go is um we got a thing has had a pretty good week and we wanted to shout out to some people um you know this after after two two episodes um this week we i want to thank um michael and holly from playboy radio and from swing we met them last year at naughty new orleans and we mentioned to them then that we were going to start a podcast.

And Michael said, oh yeah, well, when you start your podcast, let us know and we'll have you on the air. And I thought, ah, you know, he's just saying that. Well, you know, I sent him a message and before we know it, this past Monday, we were... I mean, he replied instantly. Yeah, they set up an interview with us. And he, and he remembered who we were. I mean, Mr. Mr. Jones sent him a picture that we had taken with them, you know, to kind of jog his memory. He said, of course I remember you. And yeah.

So, so we had an interview with them for about 15 minutes or 20 minutes on their show this past week. And that was really exciting.

And then, um, uh, Jay from the average swingers, I had sent him a message asking him to kind of give us a critique, you know, on the pot, and we had met he and Angie at Naughty in New Orleans as well, and he gave us some really good feedback, and then before you know it, all of a sudden on Twitter, you know, we were picked up by Hidden was, was tweeting out, uh, Jim and Jen were life on the swing set and, um, uh, ending the sexual dark age with JV and Shara retweeted us and the Blissbringers retweeted us.

And then all of a sudden, you know, we started noticing the downloads, you know, going up. And, um, so this week, you know, I really feel like we're becoming a part of the podcast community everybody has been really helpful um and we're just tickled by that and i'm just excited to keep doing this and and having a lot of fun so and a little starstruck because we just have so much respect for all of these other podcasters because they've been such a big part of our personal journey. Right.

I mean, they're really, they have taught us, you know, what a healthy lifestyle adventure is supposed to look like. Right, and there's not a lot of other places to get that because swinging is not mainstream. You're not going to catch it on the Discovery Channel, or, you know, and time you see it on the news, it's twisted in a way where it's a little bit kind of odd. So podcasting is a way that we've kind of learned this.

And so we feel kind of honored that the group of podcasters that kind of helped form and shape how we believe that this lifestyle should be in a healthy way have, have kind of, um, embraced us and, and helped us along. So just want to shout out to everybody who, who did that.

And, and also, um, I have a special shout out to Go-Go and maybe I shouldn't give her a Twitter handle because I'm not sure if she'd appreciate it, but Gogo was one of our very first followers on Twitter, and I'm starting to use Twitter a lot, and I've never used it before, but I appreciate her because her tweets are so original, and they're clever, and they're unique, and they're very sincere, and what I'm learning is that that's a hard thing to do. You know, there's a lot of retweeting that goes on, and there's a lot of, you know, kind of surface level things.

And I try to be really creative and unique, you know, and she does the same thing. So I just wanted to say a shout out to you, GoGo, and appreciate the tweets back and forth. It's been a lot of fun. So we would really appreciate your feedback. We've gotten a couple of emails, which is good. We know that people are out there and listening. We've got one whole iTunes review. So for Christmas, if you want to get us a Christmas gift, you know, we need about four more iTunes reviews before we show up on the iTunes radar. So we would we'd appreciate that.

And any suggestions or questions based on, you know, not just the topic tonight, but anything else that you have questions about that you might be experiencing that you want us to talk about? We have a list of things, but we certainly will prioritize future topics based on the feedback, you know, that we get from you all. Did I miss anything there before we? No, I think that's it. Okay. So, uh, the best way to follow us, um, is through our website is we got a thing.com.

And by the way, I did update our website and, and I thank you to the bliss bringers because I didn't really understand that my RSS feed, um, wasn't working. I thought I had set it up and I didn't.

Um, so we do have a way right on our website now where you can click on the little RSS icon, um, or you can click on the Facebook icon, or you can click on the twitter icon right there at the top of our page and and get the rss feed directly and then not surprisingly i added a page to our website of pictures and two pictures there of you mrs jones and my google analytics is telling me that you're the most popular page on our website. Well, that's because everything else is just words. Yeah.

So I think what we're going to do is make sure that with every podcast that we put out, we're going to try to put more pictures. Hey, maybe I can wear my Mrs. Claus. Well, that would be appropriate for December, I would think. And maybe in January we'll get one of our New Year's Eve. Because it is almost time for naughty stockings. Oh, yes, it is. Yes, we do. We have a tradition in our house, and we've had this for years. Stockings are a huge part of our family, and we save them to the end.

And we've really always gone all out on stockings for our kids and our grandkids and my parents come and we just have a lot of fun with them but we have stockings that nobody else knows about and they're naughty stockings and we keep them upstairs in our bedroom and you can only imagine what goes in those stockings it's not what the grandkids can see see pulled out of the regular stockings yes so that's where i'm glad you yeah we got to get that on the calendar mr jones we're busy and then we get our guests out of the house and family gone so we can do our naughty stockings so so anyway back to business you distracted me as you often do uh so we got a thing.com uh is going to have all of the information that i'm about to pass to you But Twitter, you can follow us at so we got a thing.com, uh, is going to have all of the information that I'm about to pass to you, but a Twitter, you can follow us at, at we got a thing.

Uh, we'd love to, um, you know, if you want to call and leave us a voicemail, five, seven, one, three, six, seven, nine, four, six, four, or five, seven, one, 36 swing. Um, or email us at we got a thing at gmail.com. As I mentioned, we're on iTunes. You just have to search We Got a Thing. We're on Stitcher. Cassidy, we do have a link to Cassidy on our wegotathing.com website. And we're not really endorsing Cassidy, but we are members of Cassidy and SLS. And Cassidy has been just the site that we enjoy using the most. It's user-friendly. And so we just really like Cassidy.

So you'll see a link to Cassidy from our website. And if you decide that you want to give Cassidy a try through our website, you'll get three free months, I believe, with your paid subscription. So you'll see that on there. You'll also see that there's a link, as I mentioned, to our Facebook page. And now that I actually have a link to the Facebook page on our We Got A Thing, hopefully people can find us there.

And I'm going to try my best to keep all of our social media sites going, Twitter on a daily basis, and the rest of them maybe once a week or week or so so if you've forgotten any of that um just go to we got a thing everything that i just told you is there you'll have the show notes for today you'll have hyperlinks to everything that we talked about um and discussed so um again thanks for thanks for coming back uh we uh, we appreciate you listeners and the feedback that we're getting. So, um, thanks and enjoy your holiday season.

You know, if you're listening to this, uh, I know that it's been a really busy time of year and, um, sometimes we get caught up in all the busyness. We forget to remember how, how blessed we are, you know, to not only have, you know, an amazing partner in life, but you know, family, friends, health, um, all that. We just sometimes take it for granted. Right. So anyway, thanks for listening. We are Mr. and Mrs. Jones and we got a thing. What's your thing? Oh, I do the opening.