Keeping up with the Joneses A lifestyle "happy hour" with "sexy" lifestyle friends, an intimate conversation with "new" lifestyle friends and we share some playtime with "old" lifestyle friends, and a very fun evening with some "podcasting" friends. Discussion topic We made mistakes early in our lifestyle journey by not understanding how to make rules. We've split "rule making" into two categories: "rules" to protect your relationship and should not be broken and "boundaries" which are more flexible and allow for healthy growth. Snapshots Two listeners share snapshots about making and breaking rules and boundaries while Mrs Jones and I share two of our sexy encounters from this past month.
Transcript
This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a longtime married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us?
hello everyone i'm mr jones and i'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 29 of the we got a thing podcast 29 29 it's friday night honey yep and what are we doing drinking some sort of concoction you know We went out to dinner. I had a really long week. I'm telling you. It was rough. Yeah. Yeah. So we went out to dinner to one of our favorite restaurants and had burgers and really nice beers. But as we were looking at the happy hour menu and ordering our beers, Mr. Jones noticed that they had some interesting martini recipes. No, that's not where I noticed it.
I went to the bar to order us a beer, and there was a nice-looking lady sitting there, and she was drinking one. Oh. And I said, hey, that looks like an espresso martini. And she said, oh, yeah, they have it on Happy Hour, and she told me all about it. Yeah, so it was called a coffee-tini at this particular restaurant. So I, I, uh, they had all the ingredients. So I took a little picture of the menu and came home and tried to recreate it. Right. So it has a shot of espresso in it and like five different kinds of liquor. Yep.
So yeah, we won't fall asleep on you cause we got some espresso going on. Yeah. It's tasty. Yeah. So I guess that's a good time before we get started to give everyone a couple of updates. Yes. I'm not going to go on much of a rant this time. This is just a regular old website update. Boo, that's boring. So our website is just about done. And I know I've been saying that every episode. So this week, I want to, this month, I want to tell you a little bit more about what is in the website. And I can tell Mrs. Jones is just so excited about that.
I'm rolling my eyes because I have to listen to this every night. The website's becoming the other woman. Yeah. So what you're going to find on our website is it's going to be a place where you can join us. It's not going to be quite a community yet.
That's somewhere down the road where you're going to be able to interact with each other but you are going to be able to interact with us more and so we are going to have of course all of our podcasts on the website and we are going to have also a blog and I've already written two of them so when that when it launches there's going to be two blogs right away there's also going to be a place for you to contact us and there's going to be two blogs right away um there's also going to be a place for you to contact us and um there's going to be instead of a photo gallery on this one what we're going to do is we're going to post a new photo with every podcast and with every blog and all of the photos that you're going to see on the website attached to the podcast and blogs are original photos.
They're ours. Yes. Pictures of us or pictures. You've done a really good job. You've spent a lot of time going back and looking at all of our old photos. And then, and then he has to get my approval on every one of them because, you know, discretion is of the utmost importance to me. Right. Right.
So, and we're also going to give you, um, so you're going to be served up a blog, But we're also going to give you um so you're going to be served up a blog but we're also going to put some things on the site that you might find of interest things that people have asked us about so as a matter of fact tonight tonight's episode is lifestyle rules and boundaries when to make them and when to break them and we're actually going to have this list in a PDF form on our website. And when you subscribe to our site, you're going to get an email back with these rules and guidelines attached to it.
We've also had people ask us how to help them with a profile. So what we might do is do a write-up on how to improve or to do a write-up on your profile for your Swinger website or your Swinger dating site. And Mrs. Jones, as a matter of fact, we got an email this week. Just a couple days ago. Yeah, he had a really good idea. He suggested that we post, or that I post, since I seem to be the mixologist of the family, a drink recipe every month. Actually, when we release each podcast, I'm going to release a drink recipe of the month, I guess. So, yeah, we'll start doing that.
That was a fantastic idea, and I'm totally stealing this from this guy. Yeah. So, yeah, thank you for the suggestion, and we're definitely going to do that. Yeah. So whatever concoction I made up tonight will definitely come on our website. A coffee teeny. Yeah. So what you're going to do is when you sign up, probably about twice a month, you're going to get a newsletter in your inbox from us, and that newsletter is going to contain our latest blog post and a lot of other information that we just explained, Mrs.
Jones's drink recipe, other events that might be going on, and other lifestyle news. So we're really excited about delivering information to you. And what we're asking you to do, what we're finding, and this is going to be a plea out for some emails, because the blog posts that I've written so far have been on attractiveness and jealousy because we get a lot of emails about that. So please send us emails. We love to get your emails because it's through the emails that you're telling us what you're dealing with, what your journey's like, what you're struggling with, and questions that you have.
And we'll turn those into blog posts and then ultimately maybe a podcast episode too if it happens to be you know something that is going to take up 30 minutes worth of our discussion so please continue to contact us that way and what we're trying to do when you go to our website what it's going to ask you to do is help the joneses redefine what this lifestyle is yeah um and you know we we talked about this initially about you know everyone has this flashback to the 70s about gold chains and key parties and things like this but we really feel like we're a part of being able to redefine this lifestyle this last two years has been nothing like i thought it would be it has been so much more social and so much more fun and yeah there's there's been a lot of hot sex i'm not gonna lie but that hasn't really been the focal point right it's just been about having fun and meeting these really cool new people right so yes we're redefining it or we're helping people understand that it's not the 1970s key parties anymore right and we get so many emails i'm starting to think that the majority of the people that listen to us are not in the lifestyle yeah um so we so here's what we're going to ask you to do this is how we define the lifestyle we've talked about this before but just to be be concise, um, you know, what, what we believe the lifestyle is, is having fun, enjoying new friends and deepening our relationship.
And so that's it. I mean, we're having a good time. You and I, our relationship is definitely improved and deepened. You make it sound so easy, Mr. Jones. Well, and enjoying new friends can be enjoying friends through email, going out to dinner and having a conversation, or even getting into playing with couples. But it's not exclusive to having sex with people. It's just enjoying people. That's the icing on the cake. Yeah.
If that resonates with you, that's really what we're trying to define and so joining us and and joining our site and then ultimately our community is going to help us coalesce around that definition i guess is what we're saying right so we're excited about that and and it's getting close i know i've been saying this but um before the before the october the next podcast that we do i'm sure don't say it you're gonna jinx yourself no i'm putting because you know i have to stop working on it i just have to put it out yeah yeah you can always keep building it as you uh right go on but yeah we have to go live at some point right so that's it on the.
Did you want to... Oh, we had talked about getting to 100 iTunes reviews. Well, we have made a lot of progress. Yes, obviously we got number 69. Yeah. And we've made it all the way up to 75. Yes, so we need... Yeah, so thank you, thank you, listeners. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, we had a dash of people try to make number 69 yeah it was fun and then there were technical people were emailing us ah I thought I had number 69 and I had a you know there was a glitch on iTunes or whatever so yeah but we um we're making progress so we have 25 to go before the end of the year yep that's our goal yep so help us.
So help us out. Yeah. Thank you for those of you who, who did send us iTunes reviews. We really appreciate it. We're also going to have some testimonials and reviews on our website. So we, so we selected five of our favorite iTunes reviews and we're going to put those on our website as well. Yep.
So keeping up with thees yes i thought we were gonna have some downtime after we came home from desire didn't happen and all this summer craziness is gone so yeah we did have a um mr mrs jones weekend yeah and that was nice but then we really got to reconnect with friends that we hadn't seen in a while or our friends that we naturally needed to catch up with because a lot had been going on. So we have had some fun. And the friends that we had over that we've seen quite a number of times, they came over early in the day this time.
Well, we had been texting, and everybody was just a little bit fired up. A little bit. Yeah. So we decided that we might need more than one play session so I think they came over at like four in the afternoon yeah so we had like a happy hour with them yeah that was fun so we did a play session before dinner yes and then we put enough clothes on to be semi-decent and came upstairs and put dinner together. And you and the husband went outside and grilled some, did we have steaks at night? I think we did. Yes, we did. Yeah. So, yeah, that was fun. Ate some dinner, got some more protein in us.
Came back for round two. Yeah. I'm telling you. It was a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun. Yeah. And then we, um, uh, got to spend some time with Jay and Kay. From that couple next door. Podcast. Yes. Yes. It's so convenient being neighbors with people. I know. So we had them down for dinner and just had so much fun catching up with them. Because, you know, we saw them in New Orleans. But, you know, it's weird when you go to Noddy, New Orleans, and there's 2,300 people there. You're like, oh, my gosh. You know, these people are our friends and our neighbors, and we can see them anytime. Right.
Which, in theory, is true. You know, so we had been to, of, of course, Notting New Orleans a few times, and this was their first experience. And they came a day later than most people, and you'll have to listen to their podcast. They have a great podcast, That Couple Next Door. They had some catching up to do because they had come on Thursday instead of Wednesday.
And we got there on Tuesday got there on tuesday yeah yeah and they got there on thursday so it was it was very interesting listening to their episode on naughty new orleans and their take on it because they were almost kind of shell-shocked yeah you know walking into the middle of this big crazy party that they had never attended before and walking in a day late um So it was really fun to sit down with just the four of us and to kind of talk about their weekend and what their experience was like from their perspective. Yes. You know, just, you know, one-on-one. It was fun.
And the thing I like about their podcast and their delivery, and just them in general, is that they're just really straightforward and honest. Yep. You know, they're so open about everything that they do. And they are hilarious. And we're not going to talk much about our evening together with them because what we've decided to do is actually, this is their idea. They've invited us to podcast with them about the evening. So, um, we'll give you more information on that in the future, but, um but we'll save our J and K stories for when we podcast with them. Yeah. Stay tuned.
It's going to be very interesting. It was very fun. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. And then we got together with the couple that are helping us with our website. And we had met him, I had met him before. Yeah, they live in the Northeast, but he travels into town for business occasionally. So yeah, he and Mr. Jones had the opportunity to actually have like a business lunch one day. But I had never met him and his wife hadn't been into town and we had had the opportunity to meet her.
So she just happened to be in town with him and the four of us got to go out to dinner and oh my gosh we had fun we talked for four and a half hours yes i don't think we even took a breath hardly yeah it was like we had known each other for forever yes not only i mean we have so much in common that he and, the way that we think he's very creative and I love the ideas that he has for our website. Um, so it's a, it's a great partnership. And, um, so anyway, we met them for the first time and she, she, um, had quite a low cut dress on. So maybe, maybe I lost my concentration. Okay.
I'm going to agree with you. She is, she is stunning. Yes. I think like 98% of the population would notice this lady walking down the street. She is stunning. And she has quite a personality. And you know what I just adore about her? I think she might be the creative force behind that team. You think? She, yeah. I think that she's just one of those quiet people that has just a lot going on in her head all the time. But you know what she is, though? And we heard a lot about their life story. She is just a very strong and an independent woman. Yes, she is. And that's what I really took away.
I really admire her.
And I think her husband is just, he is very creative and he's persistent yes and he's yes and he's and he's very generous with his thoughts and his creativity i mean he has he has offered so much to us as far as his ideas and and um steering us in the right direction but i i really think she she's the one that channels all of that creative energy and yeah something fruitful well he's got his eyes on the horizon and she's got his feet on the ground yes she's the one that makes things happen i think but what a great what a great couple yes we had such a good they had an incredible story oh an amazing story maybe we'll be able to tell more of it someday yes and then last weekend was it last weekend that we went no it was two weeks ago two weeks ago yeah that we went to a beer and wine festival with some really good lifestyle friends yeah some of our first lifestyle friends yeah we spent the day with them and it has been unusually hot in on in the mid-atlantic as a matter of fact you told everyone we just ran a half marathon this past sunday in in virginia and it was 90 so the race started at what eight o'clock in the morning yeah this was october 2nd and it was 90 humidity and it was over 70 degrees at eight o'clock in the morning yeah it was like almost 80 when we finished yeah it was the first six or seven miles were okay but the last half was just ugly it was yeah but but it had a craft beer festival oh my gosh so you didn't get one measly beer ticket on your race bib you got four and there were eight they were all local breweries There were eight breweries there.
no no there were oh so yeah there might have been eight breweries there but there were 20 different craft beers being poured yeah there were four different tents remember and then there were two breweries in each one and then they had two or three beers they were pouring right and we got to drink four but i had to drive home yeah we had a two-hour drive ahead of us ahead of us. Yeah, this was Sunday morning at 10 o'clock in the morning, and we're drinking beer. Craft beer is not near beer. It is not 3% alcohol. No, no.
So, yeah, so we each drank two beers, and luckily there was real food at the end of the race. So we got some food in our bellies. So we found this really cute couple, and we each had two beer tickets left. That's a great way to meet people. It is. So we gave them our beer tickets. And we ended up talking to them for a while. Yeah. She was cute. That was her first half marathon. So she was like, her feet weren't even on the ground. Anyway, we were talking about weather because it's been, it's been really hot here. So we went to this beer and wine festival. The weekend before. And it was hot.
I think it was like 85 degrees and and humid that day i was just there was sweat running down my back it was ridiculous so then fortunately in their little town they have one of these um it's like a beer store but then they have taps in the beer store and they're electronic taps and they have uh led screens behind the tap and you get a card uh like a a key pass yeah so basically you check in and you give them their credit card and then they they assign these like little key cards to your credit card so you set your key card up on the tap that you want to drink from and it and it lights up and then you pour by the ounce and they charge you by the ounce and so we were to drink in the air conditioning.
And it was fun because I probably had like three or four different beers, but I only poured like maybe two ounces per beer because I just wanted to taste everything. I was getting four or five ounces of pour. That way I could try a lot of different ones. And they have a nice place in the downtown, and we ended up staying for most of the evening anyway. Yep, we went and got some dinner and then went back to their place and, yeah, had some fun. Yeah. Reconnected. Yeah, as we were saying, we enjoyed our friends. That's right. Sometimes old friends are the best, I tell you. Yeah.
So what else have we been up to? Well, that's about it. That's about it on about it on the that was a lot for a month yeah and it was yeah although at dinner tonight you kind of threw me off because you said something about i don't know what this has to do with playing with people but you said something about getting your hair cut oh i know i have a hair appointment next week and next week, and I want to, like, change my hairstyle a little bit. And you would have thought I would have, like, stabbed Mr. Jones in the, like, shoulder with a chisel or something. He was like, what?
Well, you told me you want to grow bangs. I don't want to grow bangs. I want to get, like, long bangs cut into my hair. Yeah, and I don't. I like your hair the way that it is i'm tired of it i know but i but i said over 30 years we've been married and i've never like put my foot down no you haven't yeah you're actually a very accommodating husband yeah and he sits in the restaurant tonight and he said i forbid you to get bangs and i was like what i was serious now i feel like doing it just to spite you. I'm like, what, are you going to come to my hair appointment with me?
But I've never forbade you from doing anything before. I know. That's weird. I just really like your hair the way that it is. I guess you do because you've forbidden me to get bangs. Yeah. That's probably the only minor disagreement we've had all month. Oh, no, there was the one night that you got mad at me because I didn't want to have stale chips in my taco salad. Oh, yeah, that was actually a real fight. Yeah. I was pretty mad at you. I know. I didn't talk to you all night. I threw the bag of chips away and went upstairs.
I didn't even dinner right yeah we have a real marriage everybody well you go to costco and you buy like a five gallon bag of chips and there's only two of us and so they're bound to get stale you're weird they were not stale well they yeah they were stale you're yeah you're weird about but what you said to me what caused the problem is you said you can eat your, because there was another bag of chips in there that weren't open. And you said, well, I don't care how you eat your, you can eat it however you want to. So I went to get the new bag.
And then when I got the new, when I went to get the new bag, you said, well, you're not even going to be able to tell the difference. I'm like, how do you know I'm not going to be able to tell the difference? And then that's when you got mad at me and you threw the bag of chips away. I think we need to talk about something sexy now. Yeah. Well, this is keeping up with the Joneses. That's true. Welcome to our marriage. It's not all fun and games. You have the sexiest voice on iTunes again. Yeah, we don't fight over kids anymore. We just fight over chips. No, we fight over stale chips.
Yeah, you sexiest voice on iTunes again. Yeah, we don't fight over kids anymore. We fight over stale chips. Yeah, you're probably right. All right, well, when we come back, we're going to... We didn't even say... Did we say what the title of tonight's podcast is about? Yes, we did.
Okay, so when we come back, we're going to talk about lifestyle rules and boundaries and when to make them and when to break them and if you were at nodding new orleans this year and came to our workshop then this is kind of a rerun so i'm sorry to the 80 people that were at our workshop last summer this is one of those topics that we get a lot of questions and emails about yeah and that's why we decided to do a workshop on it yeah a lot of times people email us and again, like Mr.
Jones said earlier in the podcast, you know, a lot of people that listen to our podcasts are not in the lifestyle. So one of the things that they frequently say when they contact us is, you know, you, I just don't know how you can, uh, do what you do and, and keep your relationship so strong or you know they they just can't imagine putting themselves in the position of sharing their significant other sexually and and having that become an asset to their relationship versus having it be detrimental right so i think that answer to that question is to put structure around what you do. Yes.
And, and that's what we have attempted to do tonight. Um, we have basically two lists that we want to share with you. And, and again, this is one of these things that we've kind of learned the hard way. Yeah. We didn't have this when we started the lifestyle. So you can thank us for this later. You're benefiting from another kind of goof. We argue about things other than chips. What you hear a lot of people talk about in the lifestyle are setting rules. People talk about setting rules. But then they also talk about growing.
They also talk about, gosh, a year ago we said we weren't going to do that, and now we're doing it and so if you think about those two two things separately and then put them together ultimately you're gonna get a clash you're gonna get a broken rule because let's just take single guys for instance like we did like you at one point in time said you couldn't imagine you didn't you know it was a rule we weren't going to play with a single guy right but then we did right so if we had it as a rule, it's almost like you have to break the rule in order to grow.
So the way that we've structured these is we've split it into... These two lists. So we have a list of rules, and we consider those rules to be like foundational statements that we have that really aren't flexible. And you'll see what we mean in a minute. Those are the foundational rules of our lifestyle journey. And then we have this other list that we call boundaries. And those boundaries are kind of representative of where we are in the lifestyle at the moment. And I'll see time to time.
Um, they'll shift forward as we experience things and become curious about things that used to be off the table. And, you know, we've, we've had enough experiences or, um, we've just developed enough confidence where we can say, well, what if we do try that? I mean, what harm could come of it? If we don't like it, then we'll just say, okay, we'll never do that again and we'll laugh about it and move on. Whereas a year ago, if we would have had that same conversation, I probably would have fainted. Yeah. And this was illustrated at Naughty New Orleans.
And I think it was C&D was c and d from swinging down under where he said he said you know we had this rule that this was not going to happen i don't remember what it was and then it happened like c did something with another man that was outside of their rule and he said i got upset about it and then when we talked about it she said well did you enjoy it was it hot and he said well yeah but you broke a rule and then we said well wait a minute that doesn't make any sense because if you enjoyed it and it was good and and we grew then why are you mad well because you broke a rule right you know so this way we hope to make the rules more foundational to protecting your relationship and the boundaries are giving you the opportunity to kind of bump up against things.
Right. Pushing a boundary is scary. Yes. But it, it should be something that is manageable with, with communication. Yes. And if you stick to the, the, if you don't break the rules, then the boundaries are easier to forgive. They're more forgiving because they're not really threatening anything serious. It's just you tried something that, well, why don't we just start talking about it? Okay. All right. And now, and just a caveat, these are our rules and boundaries. Right. We've been in the lifestyle for two years.
I don't think our rules are really going to change a lot as time moves forward, but you know, you have to remember we, we have, uh, had a bit of experience now. And so our boundaries might not match your boundaries and that's okay. Um, what we want you to take away from this is, um, oh yeah, we could come up with our own list of rules and boundaries and that's going to vary from couple to couple based on, you know, your value system, your relationship and, and your fantasies, I guess. Yes. Okay. So here's rule number one. We are beholden to no one and no pressure, no promises.
So what does that mean? So to me, that means that you and I have to be extremely protective of our relationship. And if that includes, you know, intentionally or unintentionally hurting someone else, so be it. Because at the end of the day, my relationship with you is much more important than my friendship with anybody else and i think the way that and i and i'm not i don't i don't want to generalize but i think maybe women have a more difficult time with this one because you don't want to hurt anybody's feelings and you want and you want to please people.
But if your spouse is being, is uncomfortable or if your relationship is being threatened, you just have to say, you know what? All rules are off. I don't, I'm sorry that, that, you know, I hurt somebody's feelings or maybe you damage your friendship or whatever it is.
But whatever it is, the point is you protect your relationship protect your relationship first right i mean what if you like have this other couple and you plan to like go on vacation with them and then you get there so like you've taken time off of work you've spent all this money on this vacation and you get there with them and then all of a sudden for whatever reason that that sexual chemistry is not there or one of you has a problem with something that happens yeah yeah you're not beholden to them no um the time and the investment of time and money and you know the energy it takes to plan something like that right you know that's unfortunate but you're not beholden to them and on the flip side if you're with a couple that all of a sudden withdraws and and moves away from you keep in mind that it may have nothing to do with anything that you did you know it could be something that that particular couple has and you have to respect their choice to withdraw yes it's going to be disappointing it might even be in the heat of playing.
And, you know, it may be a difficult thing to stomach. But when somebody does that to you, just kind of step back and say, you know what, they're protecting their relationship. You don't know what's going on, but you don't have to assume any responsibility for that. So the relationship, we are beholden to no one. Right. That's what that means. So next. We choose couples or singles together. Okay. So we, yeah. Okay. Okay, you're the hunter. You know, you really are the one that does a lot of that initial contact with people. Yeah.
Either through our lifestyle websites or through email, through our podcast or whatever. But you don't ever make any kind of decisions without bringing it to me. That's what we do at dinner every night. Right. I mean, that's our deal. Mr. Jones always brings ipad to the dinner table and and you know we eat dinner and the ipod pad is ignored we share our day and we eat our dinner and then after that then he he shows me whatever and sometimes i'll say but she's and you say nope and i'll say yeah but look at her he? Nope. Okay. Yeah. I put my tail between my legs. Yeah.
I mean, there's been lots of discussion on various podcasts about finding that four-way connection. So, yes, we choose our couples or our single guys together. Yeah. So, again, you know, you may want to please your spouse, but when they don't want to be with somebody or they're not comfortable with it, again, it's a way to just tell them, you know what, I trust you and I care about you and I care about our relationship more than anyone else out there. So if you don't, if you're not interested in this couple, I'm not interested in this couple. Yes. Right. Okay. We don't take one for the team.
And we've talked about this before. It kind of goes along those same lines. Yeah. Yeah. I'm, it doesn't matter how cute she is, honey. Yeah. If her husband doesn't have pictures on their profile, there's probably no pictures for a reason. Yeah. So even after you together choose to meet somebody. Yes. And then you meet them, you can still come up against this taking one for the team. And you know what? It can happen after you play with a couple once too. Yeah. You know, that you decide you don't want to do that again or that one of you has taken one for the team. Right.
I mean, sometimes a friendship is there, but then the chemistry is not or just that physical gratification is not there so i'm sure we'll talk about that more as the list goes on yes i think we will all right next so we always talk about what we're open to before each encounter yes so again we've, we've been playing for a couple of years and we are a full swap couple, but we are full swap situational. Yes. And this has kind of been, um, the past few months have been really interesting for me. I've been spending a lot of time inside my head and, uh, I talked about it. it.
If you listen to what's going on in there, I don't know. There's something rattling around in there. Please share it with me because I've been wondering whatever's in there needs to be knocked out. But, um, it, it, you know, it's been building for a while and it's not that it's really building, but I've just really been spending a lot of time, I guess, contemplating my motivation for being in the lifestyle and, and not wondering whether or not I want to be in it because I'm certainly enjoying it, but I'm wondering what I'm getting out of it.
And, um, I've, it varies a lot and it kind of varies from week to week as we, as we meet people or as we encounter old friends and, uh, and reconnect with them. Um, what I'm finding is that being a full swap couple is a lot of pressure for me. Um, and I think it's a lot of pressure for other couples too. Um, I think it's a lot of pressure for men in general and I'm so like, I don't play with a couple unless I feel a connection with them and you don't either. I mean, we truly choose couples together and we don't take one for the team.
So if we have chosen to play with a couple, we really like these people. Um, we, we think that they're sexy. We think they're attractive. We think they're, you know, fun to be with, but sometimes I feel like I'm not, um, playing with them at the level where the most satisfaction could be gained. And I think that all goes back to the full swap part of our play style. So what do you mean by that full satisfaction can be gained?
I think sometimes being a full swap couple puts a lot of pressure on people right so i think if i if i can speak back to you what i heard i think what you said is sometimes even though you're a full swap couple you need to soft swap yes that's where everyone's going to have the most fun Okay. Sometimes I think just because people have been in the lifestyle a while, they feel like they need to be a full swap, and that's where the satisfaction is going to come from.
But I think the more you and I have encounters with people, I have the most fun when you and I soft swap because I can have fun with other people and I know at the end of the evening I get to have you back and I know that I'm going to be satisfied because you know how to do that. And I'm not saying that the other men don't, but I'm just saying it's a lot of work. It really is a lot of work. Um, and it's so easy with you.
So sometimes I just wish that all of that pressure could just be alleviated by just sticking with, with, um, soft swap because you can do whatever you want with somebody else and you know you get to come back and reconnect with your partner at the end. Right.
And just as a side note, there are some couples, maybe one or two, maybe more than two, that we've full swapped with and it has been abso-freaking-lutely amazing i like that word oh for all four yes yes so for all four oh i agree i'm not saying it's always a right no i'm not saying that at all right but i'm just saying that a lot of the times i think as um as we push our boundaries yeah sometimes i don't know that it's worth the effort because we could have so much more fun in in a different fashion so if you'll let me into your head for a moment okay now that you opened that door yeah any help would be appreciated you know i wonder if you i'm pretty straightforward with you when when there's a couple and this goes back to you know talking about what you want to do with a couple I will tell you straight up if it's a couple that I want a full swap with or I want a soft swap with and you're very good I mean you might hem haul around if we don't agree on things but you're very good at saying okay if that's if that's what you want to do, then I'm in.
But I think maybe there's times where you've agreed to full swap when, if you were really being honest with yourself, you, you may have preferred to soft, but you didn't say anything. You really do know me after 31 years of marriage. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's probably part of it.
Um, you know, it's's funny because if if y'all go back and listen to our earlier episodes i was probably the one that was ready to full swap before you were i'm yeah take probably out of that sentence i was i i and i remember saying i didn't think it was that big of a deal but now looking looking back, I don't regret being a full swap couple, but now I understand why people are full swap situational. Yeah. And it just, it's a lot of pressure. Yeah. And I'm, you know, and it's a lot of pressure for the men.
And I feel sometimes like that takes the fun out of it because that you know the men feel so much pressure to perform and and you know girls we kind of have it easy you know if things aren't really working for us you know give us a like one squirt of lube and we're good to go yeah you know you guys can't fake it like that yeah so, you know, why do we do that to ourselves? Well, that's a good question. And I think, I think you may have gotten, you know, I never felt like you were upset with me. Like there's a couple that I've said soft swap and I think you wanted a full swap.
And I never felt like you were angry with me about that, but I could tell tell that you were disappointed but now I think what happened was you got to the point where you said well dang it you know you don't have any problems saying what you want to do then no you don't then I'm not then I shouldn't have a problem saying why am I so nice yeah right and that made me feel good when you said that because first of all I don't care about anybody else in the lifestyle it doesn't matter how good of a time that I have with another woman when you tell me that you want to finish with me that's what I want to do so you know I think maybe I don't know what you were thinking I don't think if I don't know if you thought you were going to hurt my feelings or if you're going to hurt the other person's feelings but you know know, I, I love finishing with you.
And if you, if you think back about this summer, you know, we went to temptation, we went to desire, um, we, we soft swapped a lot and it was fun and it was sexy. It was hot. I think that's the thing.
I think those are, those are the experiences I'm looking back on and I'm like, my gosh that was so fun you know why it was so easy yeah because there was no pressure right and sometimes when you full swap with a couple the first time it's almost like expected the second time yeah and then you don't really give yourself the opportunity to say well wait a minute okay just because we full swapped last time this time this is what I feel like doing i feel like soft swapping yeah so that's why we have this conversation before we play with any couple no matter if we've played with them before or not yes right yes wow we need and we need to listen to our own advice better or i need to listen to my own advice better yeah so that's a tough one yeah so i got in and out of your head without causing a fight yeah unscathed okay next we have veto power at any moment right and this is more we've talked a lot about this already but really what this means is it doesn't matter if it's in the middle of play you can pull the Yeah, and it can be for whatever reason.
It can be a physical malfunction. It can be a biological malfunction. It can be all of a sudden you just don't feel good physically. It could be I don't feel good emotionally.
It could be something you don't understand what you're feeling, but just for that instant, like, I'm pulling the plug, and you need to be able to do that to protect your relationship so husbands when you have your when your wife is pulling the hair on the back of your leg as you're like messing around with another lady that's a clue yeah i remember that yeah you do remember that i was like huh it was like coming out of rem sleep like like you know when you know when you're sleeping deeply and then somebody's trying to wake you up I was like huh huh what what's going on I feel something yeah rubbing the back of your calf didn't do it and then the pain started to register and I said why am I feeling pain in the back of my right calf yeah and then it came to me that somebody was trying to pull the hair out of the back?
Oh, maybe it's my wife. Oh, maybe I should turn around and stop. Yeah, it took me probably 15 or 20 seconds to snap out of that. It was longer than that, but that's okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, veto power. But I did. I stopped. Yes, you did. Once I came to. Yes. I was a little bit distracted. Yes. Okay. Okay, next one. There's nothing funny about this. We always use condoms. Yes. Period. Yeah, we don't even need that. Enough said. Yeah. Yeah. Some couples do go bareback. Hopefully those are couples that are really, really good friends with another couple.
And there's just, you know, obviously a lot of trust involved um well the thing about it is when somebody suggests bareback even if you trust them and you enjoy them then that means they may have suggested it with somebody else right and you just don't know once you once you get into that so it's better not even even do the math let's just keep it covered yeah i mean I'm hopefully past my childbearing years, but I trust that your vasectomy was 100% effective. Oh, I had it checked. You know, and that's the least of your worries with no condoms. So, yes, we always use condoms. Okay.
Next, we always show a unified front, and that means we don't fight until we get in the car. That's right. Or on our podcast. Or sometimes we don't fight until the next morning because it's pretty quiet in the car. Yeah. Yeah. But we always show a unified front. Yeah. I don't know. If you've been married any length of time, that's just a basic marriage rule.
If you haven't learned that one the hard way yet and it can be like in front of family or in front of friends or lifestyle friends it doesn't matter you better show a unified front but we do live a long way from everybody so sometimes that car ride is pretty quiet for a long time yeah yeah you get out your phone and start playing a little candy game or whatever yes candy crush is really good for avoiding a fight in the car yes yeah okay um we debrief privately after each encounter and by debriefing we don't mean fighting um we we have our you know what did you find sexy about tonight?
Was there anything that made you feel uncomfortable about tonight? What was your snapshot about tonight? That's how Snapshot started is our debriefing privately with each other. Sometimes we'll do it in bed that night, but I'm not going to lie. We like to sleep. Most of the time we do a cursory. Are you okay? Yeah. Are you okay? Yeah. Anything we need to talk about before tomorrow? No. We have talked before, though. I mean, are you okay? Well, not really. And then we'll talk. But most of the time it can wait until the next morning.
And then we have a really nice little area in the back of our house where the there's a lot of windows and we'll have a cup of coffee and and sit there in the morning and and uh we usually debrief there after your first cup of coffee not during yeah maybe so but yeah we we always um if there's any issues we we are pretty good at containing that yeah when we're around other people right um luckily we don't have that happen very often no and i know the look yeah yeah so all you have to do is give me the look why is that always me with the look you really don't ever give me because my look is what that's my look like what oh shit did i do something did somebody else do something you know is this one of these things that i'm supposed to do something about or am i just supposed to listen to you that i don't know what what tell me oh man true okay so our last rule our last one on this column I don't know.
Tell me. That's so true. Okay, so our last rule, our last one on this column is we acknowledge and respect each other's feelings. And we've kind of already touched on this.
But, you know, it's hard because you end up with all these people in the lifestyle that you just enjoy being around so much and to make that friendship happen along with that sexual chemistry it's complicated and and where i where i kind of have abused this a little bit with you is i'll say look i i just really want to soft swap with this couple and you'll say but, but I don't understand because I really like him and I really like her. And I'll say, I can't explain it. I can't explain it. I just, and you say, you know what? Okay.
If that's there's, you don't need to explain because that's what we're talking about here. Because sometimes I just, sometimes there's just a feeling I get and it's not even worth thinking about I do I would just rather soft swap or just rather not see them or whatever we choose to do and you're and you there's been a couple times where you've said okay yeah I you know I so do you hear what we're saying we're both saying that we really enjoy soft swap yes we do It's not just me. No. Okay.
But I have to put a disclaimer out there because there are some couples where full swap was just damn yeah no kidding but but they were really not planned they were really not planned ahead of time right just kind of happened right Yeah. So there's some of you out there that need to take heat. Because we're not saying we don't want a full swap. No, that's not it at all. We're saying that, here's what I'm thinking that we're saying. And this goes back to redefining the lifestyle. A lot of people, old time swingers, think that there's a progression through swinging.
You start with talking about fantasies, then you go to voyeurism and exhibitionism, then you go to girl, girl, then you go to soft swap, then you go to full, and then you stay at full. I think that's a mindset that some people have. Yes. What we're saying is that... That's a mindset we had three years ago. Yeah.
Right have yes what we're saying that's the mindset we had three years ago yeah right but what we're saying is a full swap is just the same as voyeurism it or exhibitionism it's when you're with a couple and that's what people want to do and people are turned on by that then that's where you go right so there's no progression it's just these are the many different levels that we can go to depending on all these other circumstances that we've talked about yes so just because we say we're full swap if you want to if somebody asks us out we don't want somebody to think oh well we can't go out with you because you're full swap right we're everything we're.
We're even no swap. Yeah. As we just did with our friends that we're partnering with on our website. I know. Four and a half hours talking. That was a sexy evening. It was a sexy evening because the conversation was sexy. Yeah. And her dress was sexy. And he's quite handsome. Yeah. And witty. And then we get in the car and I speed all the way home and I drag you into the house and as soon as we come inside, I rip your clothes off and I have my way with you. That's right. That's what it's all about. I like intellectual foreplay. Yes. Yeah, that's right.
Between the ears before between the legs, right? Yeah. Amen. Yeah. Okay. Now we're going to switch. Okay. We're going to switch. Those are our foundational rules. Yeah. So we believe if we stick to those, then when we switch to this other side, these are more flexible. And so if these are bent a little bit or stretched, or you could even say broken, it's not going to be the end of the world. Right.
Because you can come back and apply these rules on the left hand side and talk about it and without getting upset with each other right so these are more situational yes okay so number one we play in the same room yeah so that's a boundary yes a lot of people as a matter of fact we found a lot of people don't like playing in the same room because it's a distraction for them. So this is not, you know, a judgment on anybody else. Again, this is the Joneses' boundaries. Right. We like playing in the same room because, damn, I like watching you. I like watching you too. Yeah.
So it doesn't have anything to do with me not being able to perform or me being distracted because I want to know at a certain point in time what's going on. Now, there'll be a few minutes that I blank out. We've already talked about that. Yeah, I've seen that happen a couple times. Yeah, but I know you're still right next to me. Well, and you know, it's win-win for me because you know, the ladies we play with are usually pretty stunning. So, you know, I get to watch We'll see in her missionary. Right, right.
You know, so if we're not in the same room, we can't experience that four-way yeah thing so anyway that's one of our and it's a boundary because you know one time we really did break it but it was kind of accidental i was around the corner yeah i mean i could still hear you and and we came out and we we watched you guys but you didn't you didn't like thump me on the head and say hey you just broke a rule no because it was all within the context of we are all but i'm not gonna lie it was in my head yeah i mean i was very aware that all of a sudden we couldn't see each other anymore yeah um but in that context it was okay because we adore the couple we were with and we trust them implicitly yes, you know, there was really no issue there as far as me not trusting you or any kind of like improper motivation or whatever.
And I have a confession to make as a guy. Because we talked about this before, but when she and I came out of the bedroom, I came out to get a drink of water and she looked over over at our couch. And that's when she said, I want you to fuck me on the couch. I knew that. And I'm like, hmm, excuse me. Now my wife doesn't like me. All of that stuff was like right out of my head. I was like a basset hound. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. And then it was later, it was like, oh, I think I might have broken a rule. No. See, and again, that's situational. Right.
Because, you know, if it would have been somebody we didn't know as well, or, you know, we, of course, they have an amazing relationship. So there's no doubt about what their motivation is. They're just out to have fun, too. So, you know, it all goes hand in hand. Now, here's one that we've already talked about. So we'll just kind of state it, but we are full swap situational. So right now, that is our play style. You know, some people will say we are soft swap, or we are full swap, or we are this, we are full swap situational, right?
So we should really just say we're situational, situational, period. Hey, if you're hot, and you're fun, we'll do whatever you're comfortable with. Yeah, if we're attracted to you and you're attracted to us. That's right, we'll make it work. Yeah, so that's kind of one we've already beat up. I guess our single guy friend Tony, what does he say? He's not... Outcome oriented. Yeah, outcome oriented.
That's really not what it's about for us no no because the outcome for us is our relationship yeah and having fun right you know just like i said at the beginning we want to have fun we want to enjoy our friends and deepen our relationship so that's what that one's all about okay what's next same thing we choose a play style with each couple. So that's what that one's all about. Okay. What's next? Same thing. We choose a play style with each couple. So that is what we try to communicate with them upfront. Yeah.
So this, this is different from what we said before about what, what we want to do with as far as a couple, like when we go play with somebody, we want to, we want to stay full swap or soft swap. This when we actually communicate with another couple right right so say that again then so we choose a play style with each couple yeah so even if we have decided that we're okay with full swap if the other couple says they're okay with soft swap then we go to soft swap right that's what that one means so i guess that's not not really our boundary. It's the situation's boundary. Yes.
So that there's no miscommunication. That's right. Because the last thing you want to do is end up doing something to somebody that's going to cause a problem in the other relationship. Right. Which is leading us to the next one. Okay. Which the next one is we do not renegotiate our play style during play. And sometimes that really sucks. There's an asterisk next to that one, like most of the time. Yeah, okay, so we've broken that rule or that boundary. We've pushed that one all the way out the door.
Yeah, because we will have been with a couple and we would all four agree that it was soft swap and then halfway through somebody pops up and says oh my gosh this is fun you know can we full swap and of course in the heat of the moment and especially for guys i mean the blood's not in my head at that point in time right and i really depend on you the pressure's on you at that point in time well yeah and and what i'm trying to do um Thank you. The pressure's on you at that point in time. Well, yeah.
And, and what I'm trying to do, um, because I can, you and I can read each other pretty well in the middle of play and I can tell what your comfort level is. And, and when you stop and get a little bit of blood in your head, you can tell what mine is.
Some, sometimes that's hard for you to do but yeah the pressure's on me i guess so i'm probably the one that is um especially when we're playing with a couple that has less experience with us i'm the one that's trying to read the other couple the whole time so maybe i don't get my head out of the game enough well you know you can't have it both ways to defend myself yeah because you were just earlier complaining about not complaining but you know if you want me to be hard the blood has to evacuate my head that's true so if you want that part of my body working you have to sacrifice some common sense i'm not going to be able to say again okay excuse me a moment while i regain I regain my faculties.
And let's look at this logically. No, because the blood is not in that part of my brain. All right. So that's my job, huh? Yes, that's your job. And I trust you. So if you say stop, as long as I understand what the word means that comes out of your mouth, I will obey. That's when I pull the hair on the back of your thigh. Yes.
but seriously like like we're totally like digressing here um i really that especially when we're playing with a newer couple is i really do spend a lot of my energy trying to stay focused on the other couple we want them to have a good experience yes yes because if they have a good experience and you and i are going to have a good experience. Yes. You know, when they start losing their confidence, it's going to affect our pleasure as well.
Well, and, you know, we talked about this in our desire episode, but just briefly, you know, the friends that we made from Michigan, you know, it was their first time. And I know you were concerned about them, too. Yeah.
And I was all caught up in her i wasn't paying attention you're such a hound dog but at one point in time we noticed that they made eye contact and like he told her he loved her yes to me that was the green light yeah when we hear something like that then we know oh my gosh we don't have anything to worry about yeah we can have a good time yeah yeah okay so usually we don't play on the first date. Yeah, usually is in parentheses. Yeah, again, that's why this is a boundary, not a rule. Yeah. Yeah.
Because we like to, not only do we like to give ourselves at least 24 hours to think about it and talk about it, but we like to give the other couple the same option. And you know what? Again, it goes back to intellectual foreplay.
Just like in Desire, when our friends from Riviera Maya were not fully functional that first night, and we had to wait two days for them to come back, that was so exquisitely painful to have to wait 48 hours to play with them oh that's a bunch of crap because you know the way that i look at it what we could have played with them monday and wednesday yeah we could have played with them twice okay yeah you win you're right but um no i get i get what you're saying because when they came over wednesday it was like oh my gosh I broke loose. Oh, my gosh, it was game on.
Yeah, that was, okay, that was full swap that we needed to have full swap. Yeah. There was no soft swap in that night. No. Yeah. Let's get that on the record. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. They live so far away. It's tragic. Yeah, I know. Okay. We don't give hall passes. Oh, wait a minute. Did I skip one? Yes, you skipped one. Oh, sorry. We don't play with couples that have a no kissing rule. And, you know, we haven't run into that in a long time. No, we haven't. Right. So, you know, again, we've talked about this before, but kissing is what gets the party started.
And I think we discussed the possibility, and this is a generalization, but if you have a no kissing rule that maybe you're just not that confident about being in the lifestyle to begin with. Right. And so maybe we don't, it's not that we don't want to play with you, it's just that maybe it's best that we don't. Right. Until you're a little bit more confident. Right. Well, comfortable. Comfortable. Yeah.
And of course that's going to come with experience right i already gave the next one away yeah we don't give hall passes yeah we're not not quite there that i'm not sure that we'll ever be there because we like to be together and you know we're i guess we're fortunate in that neither one of us travel very much for our jobs. So we're usually in the same town. Okay. So this reminds me that I need to ask you a question. Oh, you going away? No.
We just listened to Swinging Down Under and she did a podcast describing going to get a personal massage and d did not go with her yoni massage right yes a vaginal massage yeah it was like a sexual erotic massage yes and he as a gift to her said look this is your deal i'm going to stay home and after you and i both listened to that podcast and we do the same thing that you all do. We listen to podcasts and then we talk about them. So I said, Hey, wait a minute. It was like she had a hall pass. Yeah. I said, so would you do that? I said, I would do, I would. And they normally don't play that.
No, they don't play that way. And I said, I would be totally cool with you going to get a massage like that without me being there. And I said, is that considered a hall pass? So what do you have to say about that, Mrs. Jones? I don't know. Cause it was kind of sort of maybe clinical because he was, um, a professional and he was trying to, um, teach her something about her body. Um, this was, this was a guy that, um, his, his job is to give these yoni massages to women. He helps them learn how to squirt. So he, um, it kind of puts them in tune with their own body.
And then he knows exactly like the mechanics of how to get a woman to squirt. So he'll do that with women. And then he'll also like do instruction with their partners to, um, teach men how to get their women to squirt. So, so this, and her partner did not come with her. And I don't, you know, I guess I don't really consider that a hall pass because she didn't really have sex with this guy. It was more of an instructional, informative, exploratory thing. There was really no connection between her and the guy. Yeah, well, that's what, in hindsight.
But what I'm saying is that's a major step towards a hall pass. And here's why I think that. Because, first of all, another man is going to be touching you in a sexual way and I'm not going to be there. True. You are probably knowing you going to have some sort of an orgasm while this is going on. Maybe. And I'm not going to be there. So it's a level of trust that I have that, um, not only trust, but actually as your husband saying, look, I want you to experience this. It's not, not the trust isn't really the main issue is like, you know what, you're going to have a good time.
So go have a good time and then come home and tell me about it. And that's what I hear people about that give hall passes say, They say, you know, go out and have a good time. So in their minds, it doesn't matter if it's professional or if it's a date. You know, I trust you so much. You're going to go have a good time. Or you're on travel or I'm on travel, whatever. You know, go have a good time. So I think it's the same mindset.
And the technicalities that you point out are valid because he's a professional and you know the likelihood of them engaging in something is maybe not there but still i would be he let her go out without him no and he sat at home knowing that you know she's probably naked with another man having an orgasm so true i think it's a huge first step to a hall pass. And I just thought I'd ask you your opinion on that. So would you do that if I gave you, if he was here locally? And assuming you were interested in something like that, would you go without me?
Or could you even relax if I was sitting in the corner, like watching, I mean, it's a personal massage. Yeah. Either way, I think I could do it. Yeah. Because, um, I would trust him to be professional and to not take advantage of me unless I put that out there, but I don't really think that's his MO. I mean, I think he's trying to be a professional. I think he, they interviewed, Swinging Down Under interviewed him, and I think he's truly trying to, you know, create a business and be a professional. Here's another way for me to put it. I don't think he's using this to have sex with women.
No, here's another way way for me to ask if i chose not to go and i wanted you to go and you went by yourself and you were with him could you relax your mind enough to have an orgasm i think that um that's part of what he does is he creates the environment for women so that they can relax enough so that he can get them in the right place yes okay yeah that's what i was getting at yeah but i wouldn't think oh my gosh he's so hot i want him to jump my bones afterwards no well even if you did you know that's your business actually i wouldn't want that right i know you wouldn that.
But from my point of view, there's not much difference because whether he's professional or not professional, I know you're not going to leave me for him. So to me, there's not much of a difference between those two things. I think there's a huge difference. I know. I know. But we're talking about me for now. Oh, okay. We'll talk about you in a minute.
Because another man has his hands inside of you and you're orgasming whether it's his job or whether it's his if he's doing it for fun you're not gonna form an emotional attachment with him so so in my mind there's not really a lot of difference between that that's all i'm saying okay so as a woman who goes to the gynecologist every year there's a huge difference um he is teaching me something about my body and yeah as he put me in the right headspace so that i can achieve that goal of squirting or whatever yeah your gynecologist isn't trying to make you have an orgasm.
he's not but he's but it's just it's the same thing i'm i would be going to this gentleman for him to teach me something about my body not for me to have sexy fun with him yeah that's completely different for me i get it so. To me, he's teaching me something mechanical. Yeah. And you're having an orgasm. Well, I mean, that's part of the human body, though. Yeah. To me, maybe he's making my body have an orgasm, but am I receiving, like, pleasure from that? I don't know that it would be...
Yeah, my body would be responding and doing whatever it's supposed to do, I don't know that it would be um yeah my body would be responding and doing whatever it's supposed to do with that kind of stimulation but would i have the satisfaction from it no yeah i'm not and i would be like hey cool he made me squirt and i'm not saying that i'm not trying to talk you into anything i just think we made a very good point where my perspective and your perspective are just completely different yeah obviously yeah but so yeah hall passes not interested no no because we like to do things together right that's the main thing right if i'm going to get in trouble it's going to be with you i mean together with you yes okay which is ironic because when i was having the remember gosh i just thought of this when i was going through the whole jealousy thing remember i was out of town one weekend and the other guy was texting oh right and that really bothered me yes because i responded to him yeah and you were not happy yeah he said something you said something about me out of town, and then he made a comment about, well, he wished he was here to keep you company.
Right, and they live 2,500 miles away. I know, but that really bothered me. Yeah, it did. Yeah, so it's funny that I'm saying what I'm saying tonight. Right, because that was actually a big part of our problem that night was. Yeah. I totally forgot about that. That was my birthday. It was? Yeah. Oh. I was out of town on my birthday. Oh, poor Mr. Jones. And then you were flirting with some other guy. And I had just convinced myself, yep, yeah, I'm going to go home. She's going to be gone. Oh, brother.
She's got in a plane flying 2,500 miles, and he's kicking his wife out oh boy anyway i digress yeah that's water under the bridge for me anyway okay the last one we work to maintain a healthy balance between our vanilla lives and our swinger lifestyle yes Yes. This has been on the forefront lately. Yeah, it has. And I think last weekend was a huge testament to that. So we went to the Tidewater area of Virginia. Mr. Jones has a family member that lives on the water. And we went there. On the Chesapeake Bay. Yeah, so we went there. That's where we ran our half marathon and we stayed with Mr.
Jones's family member and we had so much fun yes um just we've we've stayed in touch with them all our lives you you guys have been close since you were babies yeah and um we just had so so much fun and it had nothing to do with the lifestyle. So yes, we have a healthy balance. Yes, we do. And I would hate to, um, one day wake up and realize that we had a boring weekend because we didn't have lifestyle fun. Yeah.
You know, I, I think we can still have weekends where it's either just you or me, you and me, or we have vanilla friend events, which we've had a lot of those lately and are just hanging out with family. Yeah. I mean, we see our family just about every Sunday. Yep. It's a regular gathering.
And the other thing that that and i'll probably blog about this i love i love being able to say that i'm going to blog about something one of our we just got an email recently that asked how our family hasn't suspected that we're in the lifestyle or podcasting and and you know part of my answer was for the we've been married 30 almost 32 it'll be 32 this month 32 or 33 32 this month okay a long time Thank you. We've been married 30... Almost 32. It'll be 32 this month. 32 or 33? 32 this month. 32, okay. A long time. And we've always been selfish with our time between the two of us. Yes.
So we've always, for the most part, Saturday night has been our night. Long before we were in the lifestyle. So our family really hasn't seen much of a difference in our behavior because on Saturday night, we could be just the two of us or could be four of us or more. So it's not like we were always seeing our vanilla friends or our family on Saturday nights, and then we stopped doing.
So that's, that was my answer to that is we've always, you and I have always made a point to, I mean, our philosophy was if we have a healthy marriage, then our kids are going to be, not only are we modeling that for them, but in the long run, they're going to be better off. If we're happy, then our household was going to be happy. Yeah. Yes. Now, Sunday through Friday, we did the gymnastics and the marching band. The soccer, the lacrosse. And the field hockey. Yeah, yeah, we did it all. Yeah, we did all that stuff. And we did the family vacations.
But we also made sure that we did time, which is the two of us. Well, both of our parents were always really good about helping us get away. Yeah. So I guess we were fortunate in that we had parents that valued a health marriage. Right. So they supported us by watching our kids so that we could get away. Right. So. Yep. Hopefully that was helpful. Those are our... Rules and boundaries. So, you know, if we would revisit this in a year, I would anticipate our rules not changing much. We might reword a couple things. Who knows what our boundaries are going to be in a year.
I wouldn't even want to speculate. Right. So we're going to, I promise you, in the next two or three weeks when we get our website up. Don't promise. No, what I'm promising is when the website is up, this form of our rules and boundaries will be on our website. Yes. So that when you join us, when you give us your email address and join our little Keeping Up with the Joneses Club, you'll get a copy of this.
So so you didn't have to write anything down you're going to get your own copy right and if you were in new orleans this is the you know this was definitely a repeat oh you already have a copy yeah and a lot of the feedback we got from new orleans helped us form this podcast so thank you all who attended that workshop yeah so when we come back, we have got really two amazing snapshots from listeners. And of course, I may have one up my sleeve as well. I've got one ready to go. I know that. Okay, we'll be right back.
guitar solo welcome back to our snapshot segment tonight um my snapshot that i'm going to read is from one of our listeners. You're not supposed to say tonight. You're supposed to say generic time of day. Whatever. Because you don't know when people are listening. I'm drinking a martini. It's nighttime. I don't drink martinis in the morning. Okay. All right. Sorry. Go ahead. Okay. So welcome back to our snapshot segment. This snapshot could not have been more timely because it came in from a listener.
And as you'll hear in a minute, it's very much about boundaries and what happens when you push them. So it starts out. My wife and I had been invited to a large house party this summer. And prior to going, we sat down and went over our rules and contemplated if we wanted to modify or change any for this particular event. Okay. So that's, that's a rule. That's one of our rules they followed. Yes. They talked about it ahead of time. Yes, they did. Okay.
So they said, we had talked for a while now about the possibility of separate room play and had fantasized between the two of us about it in our own play. We decided the only way we would really know how we would respond to the situation is if we tried it. So we agreed to expand our rules to allow separate room play if it naturally happened. So I think they mean to use the word boundary. Yeah. Yes. Okay.
So to continue, we ended up having a little bit of separate room play midway through the party but it was more by accident than anything else and it was great we had gone to a group playroom and met up with a couple we had visited with earlier in the evening and found very attractive my wife and the other gentlemen began to make out but none of us really wanted to play in that group setting where there were too many wandering hands and bodies freely joining in. Boy, they're right up my alley, aren't they? Yeah. So they said, that's just not our thing.
I whispered to my wife that the other lady and I were going to go find another playroom down the hall. We ended up in what was called the voyeur room where the doors were kept open and people could watch. It was great because nobody was in the room and we both enjoy being a bit of exhibitionists. So we started to play and then my wife and the other man came looking for us to join in. Somehow they couldn't find us and ended up just going to the next room to play.
The two couples ended up playing in separate rooms for a while before my wife and the other man finally came and found us in our afterglow. All was great. We really enjoyed our time and separate room play. Well, later in the evening is when I had an issue and a comment you made helped me to better understand what was going on in my head. My wife and I were sitting on the sofa, taking time to reconnect, especially after our separate room play. We wanted to make sure we were both okay, as well as have some arm-in-arm time.
After a while, another man that my wife liked saw us and said to her, come swimming with me. We had finished our reconnecting time so she got up and off she went to the pool with this handsome man. Both stripped naked and dove in and then swam to the shallow end where they ended up in an embrace of kissing and what I thought was fucking for a good 20 minutes or so. I didn't know what to do so after a few moments of awkward alone time inside I went outside and sat on a lounge chair by the pool and just became a voyeur to my wife and the other man as they made out in the pool.
My wife loves to kiss, and the guy evidently is a great kisser, so she was loving it. I, on the other hand, was beginning to have issues. I couldn't understand why I was having issues until I remembered your comments about your house party and how you felt rudderless. That was me. I was rudderless. I was alone while the love of my life was making out naked in the pool with another man. And yeah, to me, it appeared as though they were also having sex, even though they did not.
I was alone and rudderless, and until I recalled your comments about your house party, I was having a really hard time with it. Your comments helped me so much. I then understood the separate room play we had earlier involved us both, even if we were in different rooms. This time it was my wife playing and me not knowing what to do, where to go, or frankly how to handle my emotions. I replayed your comments again and again in my head and made sure my insecurities did not impact my wife's rightful enjoyment of the moment. After all, she had done nothing wrong.
She was well within our guidelines for the night and having a great time. I'm sure as you go about making your podcast, you have no idea what parts of it are going to touch someone or help them. You helped me know you helped us that night. Rudderless, it was a perfect description of what I was going through and replaying your struggles with it and how realizing what you were experiencing helped you in my own mind as I sat there. It calmed me and helped me to reground myself and to lose any fears I was experiencing.
My wife and I talked about that situation the next day and realized that playing in separate rooms while on occasion can be really hot and sexy is not the same thing as playing alone while one of us sits out. That is something we don't want to experience anymore. you know I think that they exhibited six or eight of our rules and boundaries during that whole story. I know. I mean, he, they talked ahead of time. Yeah. They, they gave each other the freedom to experience something. Yep. He gave her another opportunity. Yep.
He was uncomfortable, but he he didn't interrupt he realized he was rational enough to know that she didn't she wasn't doing anything wrong even though he was uncomfortable he didn't project it onto her then afterwards they talked about it and then he realized the difference was you know they were both playing the first time and neither were she was only playing the second time so what a great example of of not only establishing and living by your rules and guidelines but you know so many of them at one time and keeping your head about it and the growth that they experience through that is got to be tremendous yes yeah you know, and I think the thing I like about that is that they, you know, nobody like lashed out.
Right. You know, probably should have realized that separate room play and one person playing without the other one engaging are two different things. But that's just one of those things. Right. You just kind of, it happens. Hindsight is 20-20. Yeah. Yeah. In the heat of the moment, you know, if you want to do something and your spouse says, okay, well, all right, here we go. Another sign of their maturity.
And, you know, we have a lot of people that email us and say they're afraid to take that first step and so they want all the answers and they want to be comfortable one I noticed I can't remember exactly what he said but he said something about we realized that if we if the only way for us to find out it was to try it yeah and that's what we tell people a lot is you know what look you've been listening to our podcast you're asking all the right questions your concerns are valid but honestly, you're not going to know until you experience it.
So you have to, at some point in time, you have to jump in the water. Yes. But I think if you have these rules and guidelines, and you've done these things ahead of time, then when you do take that plunge the first time, you're you know you've got this shield around you and these this bubble around you that okay if it doesn't go exactly right you've you've got a way to protect your relationship and come out of it and learn something on the either end even if like in that particular case she had a great experience and he didn't, the second one. Right, right.
But they both learned, you know, and then they both grew from it. So that was very timely. And I think it really impacted you because you, that rudderless comment was something that was meaningful to you as well. It was. And I think I probably felt that way more than once. you know, even when we are in the same room, you know, sometimes when you and I are at different levels of pleasure, this, this all goes back to being situational. You know, I think sometimes, um, you're, you get ahead of me pleasure wise, maybe. Does that make sense? Yeah.
Um, and, and maybe i feel a little bit uh unsteady at that point in time but i don't blame you i mean i look over and i'm like damn he's having fun you know and i and it's awesome um, you know, again, you know, you, you always come home with me. You always choose me and you're having a hell of a good time with a really amazingly sexy lady. Um, but you're, you're going to come home with me and I'm very confident about that. Right.
So, you know, and, but it does take experience to have that kind of confidence yeah so i'm going to share one from uh listeners p and a okay okay and this also mentions boundaries it's really cool how when we decide to talk about something we get messages that support i know it's always kind always kind of meant to be. Another hint that you all need to keep sending us emails. Please yes. Yes and snapshots. My wife and I had been looking at doing something a little less boring that didn't end at 10 p.m. to spice up things in life. Well that sounds familiar.
Thanks to your podcast and others decided to go to a lifestyle pool party we talked about it for a few weeks leading up to the event set our boundaries ding and talked about worst case scenarios that could happen the day of the event oh by the way they are not they claim they are not in the lifestyle i should have said that ahead of time The day of the event, oh, by the way, they are not, they claim they are not in the lifestyle. I should have said that ahead of time. The day of the event, we were both very nervous and almost didn't go.
As soon as we got to the party and met a few couples and both of us were able to relax a little bit, we met another couple by the pool who looked a little familiar. and it was then that I realized our worst case scenario had come true. It was someone from my work. I didn't know him very well, but we both worked in the same department. That's a buzzkill. We both laughed it off and moved on. It turns out meeting them was the best thing that could have happened. They were very experienced and took us under their wing, which leads me to my snapshot.
Being a pool party, some people were nude and others, like us, had swimsuits on. At one point, my wife got the courage to take her top off, which was really, really hot for me to see. The two of us were socializing with my co-worker and another guy when I excused myself to go to the restroom. I walked across the pool and glanced back to look at my wife before I went into the restroom.
There she was, her beautiful, topless breasts for all to see see chatting with the two men I had left her with then it hit me I had just left her half naked next to two perfectly naked men and it didn't bother me one bit it actually kind of turned me on in a way I never had felt before i laughed and thought this is exactly why we came to the party what a great way to explore boundaries and meet open-minded people we plan on attending another party later this month that is the lifestyle that is the lifestyle so when uh pna thank for this, but I have to correct you because by our definition, you are in the lifestyle.
Yes, you are. Yeah, because you were having fun, you were enjoying new friends, and you were deepening your relationship. Yes.
So another great story story i remember we went to a meet and greet early on remember i left you with another guy you did he was a single guy yeah and i came back and i hadn't even noticed it and he said he said you know why i know you're comfortable being in the lifestyle and i said no and he said because you just left me here with your wife and you went into the bathroom would you do that at a regular bar and i said damn that's a good point i don't think i would yeah he was a handsome guy too yeah so two great two great snapshots i know i keep it's like we're begging but we really we really don't get a lot of email you feel free to send us emails we really appreciate it really does it it does drive the train it does i mean we it's funny because mr jones and i'll just be like talking about random stuff and then like it's weird the next day an email will come and it's like wow that's what we were just talking about and then another email will come and it's like, okay, now we're starting to see.
So, I mean, this is really kind of how we decide on our topics. Yeah. And the first two blog posts that I wrote were based on emails that we got. Yes. So please keep the emails coming. Yeah. And thank you for the drink of the month is definitely listener driven. What a genius idea. Oh yeah, the idea of that. Yeah. Yeah. So thank you to my listener friend out there that suggested that. Yes, and I took a snapshot of Mrs. Jones sitting here at the podcast desk with her headphones and this purple. It's a dress, but it's not a dress to be worn outside the house. See-through dress.
It's a purple lace dress. And your thigh-high boots on and your earphones. Of course, I'm going to have to slice your head off so I won't see your earphones. But that's probably going to be the picture that I post with episode 29. Yeah.
Too bad you can't see the headphones because they're so sexy yeah they'll just have to use their imagination yeah so do you have a snapshot i do have a snapshot okay so good friends of ours they're some of our um longest lifestyle friends that we've known for a couple years now um we were hanging out with them, and we went back to their place, and we were playing that night, and I think it was a soft-swap situation, and it was just really free-flowing and easy.
I played with him for a while, and you played with her, and I think I was kind of helping you play with her a little bit, and I know she and I were kissing a lot, and I was playing with her. And then we ended up, you, I think she and I were both on our backs. I think we were both being fucked missionary. And they have a mirror in their bedroom. And she had on. On the wall.
Yeah, on the wall and she and it was a big mirror like the whole wall and she had on some amazing high heels i think they were like leopard high heels and i had on black heels i kind of laced up the front and we were both being fucked by our husbands and there were four high heel feet up in the air. And when you looked over at the mirror, you could see these four high heels in the mirror. Four high heels in the air. That's the name of a new country song or something, a swinger song. It was a hot picture, though. Yeah, I remember the mirror.
i had a great view because when we finished i finished with you and and i had you uh doggy style yes and he was in her missionary so i was standing up and i had a view of everyone on the bed well but at the beginning of the night um i think i was laying on my back and I think he was going down on me and she was giving you a blow job when you were standing up facing the mirror. And I remember you commenting, wow, this mirror is amazing because you were looking right at the mirror. Oh, I was looking at myself. Yeah. Yeah. In the back of her head. Right. Yeah. Right. So, yeah, that mirror was...
I told you. I wanted to put a mirror in our playroom, but you wouldn't let me. I can't figure out how to explain it to family. Heck with them. Oh, whatever. Okay, my turn. Okay, so this is going to be maybe hard for people to believe, but after, did you say almost 32 years? Yeah, it'll be 32 years in a couple weeks yeah it was just the two of us it may have been it wasn't last weekend because we are away it was the weekend that you made me drink that like tequila oh it was Patron I was at the liquor store buying more liqueur 43. Shocker, I know. Like, yeah, we were running low.
It was very scary. Yeah, we only had two bottles. So I was buying more liqueur 43. So it was like in the cordial section or whatever. And right next to the liqueur 43 was like the Patron. I've bought the orange liqueur before. It's kind of like a fancy triple sec, only it's tequila based. Well, right next to that was a lime liqueur from Patron. And I was just like fascinated with this. So I had to buy it. Well, it packs quite the wallop. Yeah, I think I had two of them.
And that wasn't the first thing that we drank that night no i think it was our typical night i think we had had like a we had beer before no a moscow mule before dinner and then you decided to have a beer while you were grilling steaks yeah and then we had wine and then we had a bottle of wine with dinner yep and then we broke out this patrone lime stuff and we were just serving it like on the rocks right you don't there's no mixer with it right maybe a little bit of melted ice right okay so that sets the stage for my snapshot yeah luckily we were safe in our own home and there was no driving to be done yeah so the and it was just the two of us And so we went into our playroom and we did a lot but i was getting carried away and i had you know what we did you and i played the card game by ourselves that was a night that you and i busted out the card game oh you know what what we have a new card game we do that's right we have a have a new dumb card game, but we haven't played it yet.
No, so stay tuned for that. Yeah, for the verdict on that one. But yeah, you and I had some really interesting conversation based on those cards. I wish I could remember. I remember. It must have been that tequila. Yeah.
Anyway, we were playing and it was pretty messy messy I was pretty aggressive that night yeah I think I lost a little bit of hair that night yeah you lost some hair and and I was in we were doing doggy style and then you said I want you to come on my back and that's the first time that you've ever said that to me in 32 years it is I mean you've said come on my stomach before and come on my tits before but you've never said come on my back tequila yeah again by the time you got the word back out it was too late I don't know talking to me does it for me wow yeah yeah tequila it's dangerous yeah even after all that alcohol i was still able to it was the talking that helped me get over the top but that was fun yeah that's my favorite position anyway and i've never finished outside of you like that no i don't think you have so congratulations for being my snapshot mrs jones only took almost 32 years yeah i think you've maybe been my snapshot once or twice Thank you.
So congratulations for being my snapshot, Mrs. Jones. Only took almost 32 years. I think you've maybe been my snapshot once or twice. So before we wrap up episode 29, we are planning to go to Desire Pearl in November of 2017. There will be some more details coming out on this shortly, but a lot of you keep saying that you want to meet us at Desire. So we're giving you more than a one-year notice. That's right. Put your money where your mouth is. More than likely it's going to be the week just before Thanksgiving, but we will definitely keep you posted.
We are going to Desire Pearl, most likely, in November of 2017. Yes. So, do we... As you're planning out your vacations for next year, keep that in mind. Yes. So, anything else? No, I think that's enough for tonight. Okay. We've got a lot of fun stuff coming up here. Well, Mrs. Jones has been doing a very good job of answering her emails. And so if you'd like to send her an email, you can reach her at... MrsJones at WeGotAThing.com You can email me at MrJones at WeGotAThing.com and we got a thing is w-e-g-o-t-t-a-t-h-i-n-g.com.
And our website, whether it's the old one or the new one, is wegotathing.com. Follow us on Twitter at wegotathing. You know what? Here's something I just remembered that I'm going to put on our new website. We had a listener email us the other day saying that they listened on their way to work, but they lost reception and for a part of the trip and couldn't listen, which means they were streaming it or they were listening on Stitcher and streaming it.
So on our new website, we're going to actually have a section on there may not be right when we release it but it's going to be how to listen to our podcast because a lot of people don't even understand that there's podcast apps out there at podcatchers and that you can download these when you're on wi-fi and then play them back no matter where you are and there's an itunes, an Apple iOS app, and there's a Google Play. There's just so many different, your computer, so many different things.
So we're going to do a better job on our website of explaining where and how, you know, you can best listen to our podcast. So a little bit of a side note there. So anyway, you can follow us on Twitter at We Got a Thing. And for now, we have a community on Cassidy. But in the far future, maybe in the next six months or so, we're going to start building our We Got a Thing community on our website. So thanks for listening. We are Mr. and Mrs. Jones, and We've Got a Thing. What's your thing?
