Episode 15: If We Only Knew Then...

Transcript

This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us? Hello, everyone. I'm Mr. Jones.

And I'm Mrsrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 15 of the we got a thing podcast it's a thursday night we are so busy doing lifestyle stuff we don't have time to podcast about lifestyle stuff on the weekend it's not lifestyle stuff. It's been work stuff and family stuff and all kinds of stuff. But here we are. It seems like it's been forever, but it's only been a month. Yeah, but it's been a busy month. Yeah, and right away I need to thank everyone. We put a shout out and a call out for email last episode. And boy, did you all respond.

I think we got more emails this past month than we've gotten the past 11 months prior to that. No, it's been really fun getting everybody's messages there's been so many amazing stories that we have been given by all of our listeners and so much fun to read them yeah and we've been able to keep up um so if hopefully you all are getting a response from us, Mrs. Jones has read them all and I've responded to them all. And so, and part of tonight's episode is titled If We Only Knew Then.

And we chose that title because the tone of the stories that people were sending us gives us a really good idea of who's listening and what their backgrounds are. And so we, um, this topic came about from a lot of people commenting that, you know, they were either just getting into the lifestyle or fairly new to the lifestyle. So what we've done tonight, when we get to our topic is we've kind of taken, um, a lessons learned approach.

Now that, you know, we have some experience under our belt, we are not experienced by any means, but I guess we're more experienced than we were a couple of years ago. So we've kind of consolidated, um, some like big overarching topics that people keep asking us about.

And I, and actually I've got to confess, we've probably addressed most of this stuff in our prior podcasts, but we're just kind of bringing it all together and kind of um doing some some bullet points just to kind of help people kind of know the the ins and outs of the relationship aspect of lifestyle and the and the sexy fun aspect of the lifestyle right so um let's get on with uh keeping up with the joneses yeah and this month is i'm declaring this month our anniversary month yes that's because our wedding anniversary was actually two days ago so 31 years of 31 yeah 31 yes you knew that you didn't even have to pull off your wedding band to look.

No, I know. Yeah, so 31 years married, and it's also our swing-aversary. Next month will be exactly two years since we had our first adventure in the lifestyle, though I don't really think we qualified as to being in the lifestyle until about 18 months ago.

But two years ago was our very first experience yes and it's also our podcast aversary and that's the one mr jones is the most excited about i mean he's had to celebrate our wedding anniversary 31 times now but this is his first ever podcast aversary it's our first ever we made we made 14 episodes and 12 you know 12 one each month and two bonus episodes so we did what we committed to do yeah and and It's our first ever. We made 14 episodes, one each month, and two bonus episodes. So we did what we committed to do. Yeah. And we're still having fun. Yeah, we're still having fun.

So I went on a run this afternoon when I got home from work. And you know what I did? No. I listened to episode one. Oh, gosh. We were so nervous. Yeah. So hopefully we're a little bit more entertaining than we were a year ago. And thank you for sticking with us. Thank you.

we were so nervous so hopefully um we're a little bit more entertaining than we were a year ago and thank you for sticking with us if you started with us at episode one yeah um obviously we had a little bit of growing to do yeah a lot of podcasters talk about whether they should go back you know after they've been doing it a couple years to go back and redo their first episodes but i don't't know. I'm from the camp that you're going to just have to suffer through and grow with us. Because hopefully now you can compare, you know, a year ago to where we are now.

We sound a little bit more together, I think, than we were when we started. I think we're a little more relaxed. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, just like the whole wedding anniversary, too. I mean, our first year of marriage, you know.

We didn't't know what the hell we were doing we don't want to go back and do that again no yeah so we've been up to quite a bit um where do we want to start with our list of things well if we go chronologically we went to another awesome house party yes and this was the same couple that hosted uh way back in episode i don't know what episode it was it was april yeah it was last spring that we talked about um yeah because that was the that was the night that we flew home from our cruise and had to do like the jump in the shower and get ready in five minutes and we were still like the second last couple last couple there.

Yeah. And that was the guy with the dick and the double eggs. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So anyway, the same couple hosted a party and they were gracious enough to invite us back and we were in town and so we had advanced preparation and we didn't have to rush. We got there early and we knew there were a couple, two or three couples there that we knew. And so this second time around was much easier than the first time around. But I have to say, I think house parties are becoming one of my favorite things, events in the lifestyle. Yeah, yeah. It's just, it's the right size for us.

I think there were, what, like 20 couples there? Yes. 20-ish. Yeah, a lot. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it was a lot for, you know, a home.

a home right and but it was nice i mean you could still move around and and they did their their you know downstairs was the dungeon and the massage tables and you know the beautiful dining room table just full of food that people had brought to share and and then the upstairs they did the exact same thing they turned their their um owner suite into this like big group playroom that was just wild and crazy and fun but then they had their three guest rooms upstairs turned into these really intimate venues right where you could do some private play so they you know they just they they know how to meet the needs of all types of swingers and they and i think they always invite people that are like brand new and they're very good in the in the emails when they send out the invites to remind the more experienced people that there will be new people there and that we need to you know not scare them to death yeah and they also said in the email that the the second floor was a floor for socializing and you were supposed to have your clothes on yes so i think that and that's where the dining room table and the doubled eggs were yeah this was a fairly uneventful time around the table except for the gentleman with the rather large belly that would that didn't have a shirt on but that was much better than last time yes yeah people were well behaved and um sexy and fun yeah so we met um we met a couple uh a couple of couples that we had not met before so we were able to reconnect with people that we did know and walk the room for a bit and meet some people that we didn't know and we ended up well do you want to what did we do first we went downstairs well when we started playing yeah we went downstairs but we hung around in the kitchen for a long time and we met a couple that um they there was a house party in august that we were invited to that we couldn't come to because that was when we were at the beach on vacation.

And this other couple that we met, they had gone to the August party. And I think that was one of their very, very first lifestyle events. So they are still a very brand new couple and they actually live in our town, which is pretty cool. So we ended up talking to them for a long time.

And then we ran into good friends of ours that we have uh spent time with before and um they kind of spilled the beans that we have a podcast because we were trying to keep it on the down low that's okay but it's fine i mean it you know it's just it's going to get out it's just you know when it comes up in conversation we're certainly not going to deny it and and be all right uptight about it so anyway this this uh new couple we ended up talking to them for a long time and um actually they are coming over tomorrow night yeah and we are going to have some good conversation and and um get to know them better yeah just get to know them better right so we ended up um going down and using the massage tables yes yeah they had three i think they had three set up yeah they did and they had all the coconut oil and the oh they had every kind of oil a couple essential oils and they just had candles they had big white fluffy bathrobes hanging on like a garment rack so you could put the bathrobe on afterwards if you were all greasy and right our friends have bought brought a big thing of almond oil right and that's what we ended up using and this was a good place to start especially for the couple that was really new yeah so we went downstairs there were six of us we went downstairs with our friends that we know pretty well and then this new couple that we met and um decided to take turns on the massage table and it was fun.

Yeah, it was fun. We went, the ladies were, had an advantage because you could have, what, two, four, six, eight, ten hands. I had ten hands on me at once. But then when the guys switched out, then the other two guys had to sit out and just watch. You only had six hands on you. Six sexy hands on you. I know, but you had ten. Well, whatever. So it's rough being a girl. Yeah, so we did that for a while. That was amazing. Really a good mood setter and icebreaker for everything. It really was. So we just took, it was kind of boy-girl, boy-girl, wasn't it?

I don't think the new couple actually got up on the massage table but they were touching all of us yes and um good time was had by all it definitely uh made me want to go all the way up to the third floor after that i was ready to go so we did go up to the third floor after that yeah just just us and our friends. The new couple decided that they would just kind of wander around a little bit more and just kind of take in all the sights and experiences, which was good for them. Right. And we went upstairs and found a room that was empty, and the four of us did soft swap, which was wonderful.

Yes. It was perfect again this was we we talked about what we wanted to do and what everyone was comfortable with and then everyone went to that level and we had a good time we did have a good time yeah although i had a problem again well you had been waiting to play with her for a while. Yes, I had. You had been really looking forward to it. Well, not only that, when we were doing the massages, I was standing behind her when she was massaging you. Oh, that's right, right. And, you know, I had been quite ready to go for quite some time.

And actually, at one point in time, you only had nine hands on you. Oh was your other hand mr jones it was on her oh yes i couldn't help myself oh that was a little true confession i didn't know that well i didn't think you'd notice one less hand no i yeah nine ten whatever rubbing her back and other parts actually mr jones was rubbing my feet that massage. And that doesn't sound very sexy. That was the only real estate left. But that felt really, really good. Yeah. So I appreciated you. Because nobody else was going to rub my feet.

No, I've learned how to do that because it used to tickle you. But I've learned how to do that. Yeah, you got quite the grip. Yeah.

upstairs we um we had fun we were all nice and slippery that was for sure right with all that almond oil on us yeah and so anyway back to my problem I know well you do have a problem because then you're you get like all worked up and you can't stand it and the poor lady can't even like get near you anymore because you're about ready to die and then you wanted to switch back with me and I was like well okay well you weren't done with him I was not done with him that's okay I got I got it I got it under control for next time okay yeah that's what you say every time yeah you know I do have the hardest time in group setting I mean and not it's all group settings, but when there's that much going on, like at the New Year's party and Naughty in New Orleans, when there's just so much.

Yeah, it's just like information overload. Next time is going to be. I got it. I got it. Okay. I got it. All right. I'm good. Stay tuned, listeners. I will fill you in. You will know the truth. Yeah, I got it. I think I was almost ready to have an orgasm before I got completely hard. It was a weird sensation. That's right. You told me that. That was part of our pillow talk. You tried to explain it. I was microseconds away from orgasm. I mean, one more millisecond. And it would have been over because I was like, oh, please, no. Oh, please, no. And I was like, oh, thank goodness.

Oh, and I was having so much fun with him. I know. Not that I didn't want to be with you, of course, but we were having a good time. No. I blame her. She's too sexy. She is very sexy. Yeah. I feel your pain with that one. Of course, he was very sexy, too.

So, we'll just have to play with him again well okay oh and you know what we could do that saturday night we're gonna see them at the halloween party yes we are yeah so anyway that was a great time and we went back downstairs after that and you know what i noticed also is uh you know you go to like family potlucks and vanilla parties where everybody has to bring an appetizer and you know when you're the host you always have more food left than when you started at the swinger party and the house party the food is gone well yeah because everybody's hungry in the morning i mean people were munching everything and you had made that baked brie two plates of it two plates and by the time brie, and it was gone.

And by the time we got back downstairs, it was gone. Yeah. So, yeah, it's good to see people, I mean, you know, re-energizing themselves. I know. You work up an appetite. Burning those calories. Having sex for a couple hours. Yeah. So, anyway, that's the house party. That was so fun. Yeah, we hope we get invited back.

So, the very next day, we had our friends that, they live in florida and they had come up for a family wedding and we know these uh this couple from desire and they were stated actually they stayed an extra day so they could come down and visit us and we ended up having the best time it was you know the lifestyle friends are the best you can go months and months without seeing them and you know the doorbell rings and we just pick up the conversation where it left off last june when we were sitting around the hot tub with them so oh my gosh we had so much fun yeah when we hope to get down to return the favor yes they have invited us down to florida so we could uh jet down in the winter and thaw out a little bit and they live i guess in our area where they can walk to amazing restaurants and bars and we took them to a microbrewery when they were here and um they had never really done that before so they just uh facebook me the other day and said hey and they sent a picture of the beautiful wife drinking on their anniversary on their anniversary yeah and she was drinking beer had this gorgeous sexy dress on and she was drinking a beer so they they uh realized that they have some cool breweries down there as well so and we talked about them before because they're um we talked about the levels of lifestyle and people email and us have said, well, I don't know, I think I'm officially in the lifestyle.

I have a new like measure to know whether or not somebody's in the lifestyle. I think this is an actually really good indicator. Yeah. If you can hand your phone to somebody with the pictures open and you don't care what pictures they flip through, they're in the lifestyle. Right. So think about that. If you think somebody, that's a good indicator, I think. I'm going to stick with that one. Because they don't play with other couples, but I managed to play around with her just a little bit when we were in Desire. It involved some tequila and liqueur 43. Right. Yeah. So that was fun.

That was that was fun and then we went to a meet and greet yes last saturday night in northern virginia yep and i loved this meet and greet because there were what maybe what eight couples there you know i think it was like eight couples and you know it was upstairs a bar of a restaurant and it was kind of a sports bar area, but we had really half the room to ourselves, and it was great because there was room to get up and walk around. There was a couple that just moved to the area from out of the country, and they didn't know anybody, so that was really fun.

I was glad that they were brave enough to just sign up and dive in. And it was really fun getting to know them. And they're going to that. Several of the couples that were there last weekend are going to the Halloween party this weekend. The best thing about the meet and greet? What? We had family in town for the weekend. And we snuck out on Saturday night. Yes, my dad was here from out of town, and we love my dad, but it was fun to sneak away. Yes, made it bearable.

Yeah, and then the last thing in this segment is we had the good fortune of being able to have dinner and meet one of our listeners from the West Coast. Yes. She had corresponded with us through email, and they were from the San Francisco area, and she was going to be traveling without her husband on business and was going to be in town for one night and emailed us, and we went up to D.C. and had dinner with her. Yep. And it was a lot of fun. Yep, on our anniversary, no less. Yeah, the three of us celebrated our anniversary. So Mr. Jones got to spend the anniversary with his imaginary unicorn.

Well, she wasn't imaginary, but the unicorn part was imaginary. She was very real. I think you enjoyed yourself. Yeah, we had a great conversation.

I mean, it's, and again, along with the emails emails and meeting people like that it's really great to get to know people who listen to us and who know a lot about us and it gives us a chance to sit there and eat and drink while she well right because she already knows like a whole lot about us so she got to share you know her adventure and it's very it's two different dynamics learning, you know, when we went out to dinner with her and when we go out with people that know we podcast, it's one way, but like at that, um, at the meet and greet and at the house party, we're incognito.

Gosh, we've been up to a lot and, and we've got a Halloween party coming up this weekend. So we'll have a lot to talk about next month as well. And a couple dates set up with some friends. Right. So when we come back, we are going to go right into our topic, If We Only K right back. so our topic tonight is really um like newbie one on one-on-one um it's the title of our podcast this month is if Knew Then.

So what we're doing is we kind of came up with three basic categories of topics that we wish we would have known ahead of time to at least discuss as we were dipping our toes in the lifestyle. So our three basic topics are, you know, how does the lifestyle affect your relationship? How does, um, fitting into the lifestyle feel and, and work for you? So the actual, the, the lifestyle itself and where you belong in it. And then finally, you know, what is playtime like? What does it take to have a successful playtime with other people, whether it's an individual or a couple?

So those are our three basic topics that we're going to tackle. Right. And the context of this conversation, if we only knew then. So this is like current day Mr. and Mrs. Jones talking back to Mr. and Mrs. Jones a year and a half to two years ago. Right. So if we could give ourselves advice. This is the advice we needed. Yes, right. And still need. Right. So it's based around our experiences and not necessarily others, but based on the communication we've had with others, we think that it will resonate with some people too. Right.

So the first big category we're going to tackle is your relationship. how does the lifestyle affect your relationship so our first piece of advice is that you need to decide as a couple what you want from the lifestyle so in other words what's your thing right and so you have to talk about what i remember us talking about our relationship first of all and and strong is our relationship? Is, is it, you know, is it strong enough for this risk?

But, but as we were fantasizing about this, or maybe discussing it and researching it, we had to decide, you know, is this something that we really want to do? Or is this something that we just want to talk about and use for pillow talk and for, you know, getting each other energized. Because at first, that's how it kind of started. Right. And then we got to a point and we realized we were going down this slippery slope. And we never really, you know, took the time to pause and say, you know, is this something that we really want to do?

And I think because of that we got back from desire and our heads were spinning because we really hadn't had that level of conversation well i think it i think we asked ourselves that question but we didn't know how to answer right yeah that's right you know i think we were trying to be really thoughtful but we didn't know enough about the lifestyle to understand, you know, where, what all the potential benefits could be from it and what, and what the pit we, I think we kind of knew the pitfalls.

I mean, it, it can screw up your relationship, but if you, if you know what the benefits are, I think it makes you more willing to take some risks. Mm-hmm. So that's the. Um, the second one is decide what you want to get out of it as an individual. And I think Mr. Jones and I were terrible about this at first. I think we were so focused on our relationship as a couple. I don't think either one of us, I honestly don't think we were brave enough to take the time to do self-reflection and be selfish.

Okay, this is my body, I'm going to be experiencing sexual pleasure that I'm going to receive from people other than my spouse, and how do I feel about that, and honestly, what do I really want?

And how how do you say that and I remember I really struggled with this because I kept saying oh well I want to see you with another woman that's what I kept saying that's and and it was really hard for me to tell you oh I'd really like to have sex with another woman because after that long being together that I never even never even thought about it and then and then to verbalize that to you to tell you that i just would think oh gosh that's i don't know if you're going to be able to hear this or not if this is something i want to do so i shied away from it i didn't really come out and say what i wanted and you at one point in time and i think this was after we were well into the lifestyle you know you kind of called me out on that and you said you need to tell me what you want out of this as an individual and i hadn't thought of it that way before i mean you looked at me like i had like two heads or something when i asked you that question you totally did not understand right what i was asking you right you just kept saying i want to see you experience pleasure well that's not you you know i mean so yeah that was i think that was eye-opening because you finally had that aha moment that you could be in this for your own pleasure right and what that did for me then when it's just the two of us it allows me to be more selfish selfish with you now.

Because before, I wasn't. I derived my pleasure from seeing you have pleasure. And so when you asked me what I want, it always involved you. And so when I thought of myself with another woman, I didn't even know how to answer that question. So it was really difficult, but I'll tell you what, I can answer it now.

I it now I know you can well you know what I remember thinking at first was if I tell you that I want to know what it feels like to have another man's cock inside me I I was so afraid that that would be hurtful to you right because you would think oh my gosh I'm not meeting a need of hers or you know i'm not you know exciting enough when we have sex or or whatever and of course that couldn't be further from the truth it's just it's exciting to think about having something different happen to you right and then when we had the jealousy episode it was it made it harder even for you after that to tell me what you wanted because you were afraid I was gonna you know go through that again and fortunately I didn't but it's really critical that you um that you decide what you want as a couple and that you decide as an individual what is it that I want what Mr.

Jones what am what do I want when I'm with another woman what am I going to get out of this this? And you know, that, that was a real eyeopening experience for me.

And then the, the next thing that we have, um, on our list is that not only do you have to decide that now you have to communicate it to your partner and you, uh, as a partner, you not only do you have to communicate how you feel to your other partner, but you also have to accept what your partner tells you and not think critically of either your partner or your own expertise I guess yeah let's just say this um and I don't mean to give advice but and I'm thinking back to us if you can't answer that question, it's probably not the right time to take that next step.

If I can't, if you're going to tell me that you like having another man's cock in you and that does make me very, very uncomfortable, then it's probably not something we need to be doing right now we and if you know I need to you need to trust me enough that um in telling me that that I am going to understand that you're having fun with somebody and it's a hobby but it's not interfering with our relationship right so it it either means it should give you a very clear signal as to if you are going to get in a lifestyle then certain things are off limits and you need to lower the bar and take a baby step in because um you know if you and we've we've received messages from a lot of people who and we and we did that i mean we had a false start too so really i'm talking to ourselves yeah if you can't this episode is really for us yeah if we we should not have we should not have jumped in the way that we did because we weren't prepared but anyway well and but it's again it's lessons learned it we're not telling people to never make a mistake right we're just saying this is the kind of stuff you need to consider along the way.

And it's not like you only need to do this once and never have to do it again. Right. I think we all need to spiral back every time we have a, a different experience and, and just make sure that we're still on in step with each other. So clearly if you, you would need to say to me, I want to know what it's like to have another man's cock in me. And I have to be able to say, oh, yeah, that sounds really hot. If that's not the way the conversation goes. Then you stay soft swap for a while. You probably need to take it down a notch and slow the pace down a little bit. And that's okay.

Yeah, it is. That is really okay. I wish we would have done that. And you can still have a whole lot of fun. Yeah, yeah. But you can recover from it. We did. Yes, absolutely. So the next thing that we think that we want to share with you guys is make certain that you are both moving forward at the same pace. if one person is more you are both moving forward at the same pace. If one person is more outwardly enthusiastic than the other, it's not even that one person wants to do it and the other person doesn't.

But if one person is just so excited and more enthusiastic and more outgoing, sometimes the other person gets left in the dust and that can really cause issues and also it can also be um a little off-putting to people that you're trying to play with because other people can pick up on that yeah we we do we we pick up up on that and we're more than happy to go to the pace of the person of the foursome that's at the slowest pace.

But if we see the other spouse, not considering that person as well, then we're not comfortable playing with somebody who is vulnerable and may not enjoy the experience because they're not quite ready. So just be aware that if you've already talked to your partner and you've agreed that you're in different places, then when you go out, you have to live that. And in my case, let's talk about us, I was the one that was slow. And this is where I think we did do a good job.

You agreed, you said, okay, whatever you want to do is'm fine with that I'm fine with that and when we went out I never felt any I never felt like you were getting ahead of me and I never felt pressured or bad and I and even when we told people that we were soft swap I never thought it was three against one you know you were always there right beside me. So in this case, I think we did that one well. But we've noticed it in other couples that somebody is just a little bit pulling the other person along. And that's a red flag for us.

We really don't want to be involved with that because it's not going to be fun. And it may be okay. And it may be that that's a growing experience for them, but we just don't want to take that chance with somebody and not have it be a fun experience. Well, not even fun. I'm, I'm just like, maybe I'm overly sensitive. I don't want to hurt anybody. You know, I, if, if I end up not having fun because things don't go right, you know, that we just kind of brush ourselves off and get up and move on.

that other couple has a mess to clean up you know and i don't want to cause an emotional mess for anybody or participate in an emotional mess not that we would be causing it because their imbalance is really the issue at hand but it's just i don't know i just really hope that they find a way to communicate enough to get on the same page. And it's also important to remember that the slower person's responsibility is to speak up and tell the other spouse that they're not comfortable with something and set that limit. So it's not necessarily the person out in front.

It's not necessarily their mistake. It could be that their spouse or their partner hasn't really been honest with them. But as soon as you're in a real situation, I'm telling you, the microscope, I mean, it's just magnified. And everybody's real, you know, hormones are raging and everybody's, you know, trying to get connected.

And it's really a hot kind of environment and when somebody else and somebody's off it's real easy to see that so you know talk about it before you get into that situation and all of a sudden you got this panic that you have to deal with so this next one is all mine okay okay ready i'm ready not every man we are with will want to leave his wife for mine amen and i know you roll your eyes yep they're rolling right now when i say that but i'm so like gaga over you he's blind that i and and this has been true for as long as we've been married whenever we're out with somebody else i'm thinking these poor people i mean they must just go home and be depressed because they don't have you and i have you and so as irrational as that sounds i'm just i'm just being honest with you and i'm and so therefore that mindset was when i share you with somebody they're gonna realize this is gonna sound funny they're gonna say oh my gosh i've been married 25 years to the wrong person mrs jones is the one for me oh brother yeah and so that's you know when you say it out loud it sounds kind of ridiculous but that's how i felt like you were so special to me that everyone else was going to think that you were you know that they couldn't help themselves you were going to cast the same spell and then that you did me but what have you learned over the past year darling that every husband feels that way so far so miss let's say mr mrs smith mr smith feels that way about mrs smith yes if i let mr jones play with mrs smith he's going to realize that mrs smith has always been the woman for him and it's been it's been a comfort on both sides so i've been able to enjoy watching you with another man but i've also been able to enjoy being with the other woman because the same thing you know i i always felt the same way about the other woman she's very precious and and you know so i'm able her husband is trusting you yes exactly right so oh yeah it's all good now yeah but honestly that's i was really struggling with that at first and that wedding ring is still firmly on my finger yeah yeah well i mean you've proven over and over again proven over and over again, you keep coming home with me.

That's right. So by this point in time, I think I'm stuck with you. Yeah, you're definitely stuck with me. I'm not going anywhere. All right. All right. You taking the next one? So at the end of the day, you've got to protect yourself and your relationship. That was a perfect segue into this one. Right.

It's all about us matter what even if you have talked and this kind of reminds me of the the whole group room incident at naughty in new orleans when you just shut down and you said i need to leave you know and we talked about that and so i think the message there to us beginning was whenever either one of you is in a situation where you don't feel comfortable, just politely but firmly play that card. That's right. And no matter what, just say, you know what, I'm feeling a little bit uncomfortable and I'm going to have to excuse myself.

And, you know, you all keep going or, you know, I'm sorry, but I just, it's not the best thing right now. And you did that. And, and you said afterwards, you know, even though I didn't know what was going on, I knew that the most important thing was, um, you know, we need to be selfish and, and we need to remove ourselves. So, I mean, you, I know you don't ever want to hurt anybody else's feelings, But whenever you, you feel like something is not, um, kosher or somebody's intentions aren't right. At the end of the day, your, your relationship with your spouse has to be the priority.

And if you hurt somebody else's feelings, that's sad. But, um, I mean, my spouse is the most important thing to me and I don't want to ever do anything to hurt him or to, you know, like hurt my image that he has of me because, you know, how you feel about me and how you perceive me is very important. Yeah. And you're very good at that too, by the way. Thank you.

You're you're welcome okay so most of what we just talked about was prior to getting in the lifestyle or just getting into the lifestyle and they were all based on things that you need to think about as a couple and individuals and how that would affect your relationship now we're going to shift into once you start into the lifestyle and here are some things that we wished somebody would have had a podcast about that we that we would have listened to that would have told us you know pretty clearly about this so the first one is and and i hear this a lot and i'm going to put a little bit of a modifier on this and it's called taking one One for the Team.

And everybody has, well, not everybody. There are many different opinions as to what this really means, and I'll let you talk to other people and listen to other podcasts to hear that. But what we've learned is that Taking One for the Team is a sliding scale.

So there's all the way over on this uh direction on this he's using his left hand this axis on the x-axis you know there's i i don't want to play with you at all and then over here on the right is oh my gosh you're so hot i can't wait to get into your pants so that's the perspective that was classy yeah so we're finding that we've had really really good experiences with just about everybody that we've played with but we've also we've also learned that when we come away from an experience with another couple one of the two of us may have a stronger connection with the other person in a couple than the other one of us.

And because there are those three factors we talked about, you know, physical attractiveness, personality, and the strength of the relationship. The tripod of attractiveness. Thank you. Copyright, Mr. Jones. so i think generally speaking we're all of the time we're always we're always in sync with the strength of the relationship and the personalities it's the physical part of it that I think you know isn't as important as the other two put together but we've both said at times you know I really enjoyed playing with them and if we do if we do again, that's fine.

But if not, I don't, you know, it's not that. That physical attraction might not have been the strongest. Right. And we've both come away from situations. And we both have said, yes, I would play with that couple again. Even though my connection with the wife, the other wife might not be as strong as your connection with the husband.

Or versa we've had it happen both ways yeah i will do that for you and it's and and i don't mean this to make it sound like it's taking one for the team because it's not but but you all know when you click and there's chemistry with somebody and you just think about them and i want to be with them and sometimes that's there not there. And there's not, I don't think there's anything you can do about that. That's just how we're wired and how we connect to other people. So we believe that it's, I like doing, it's a gift to Mrs.

Jones and vice versa, but it's not to the point where I have to fake it or I don't want to be with the person. It's just that that level of connection is not exactly on the same place. And with four people, that's so hard. Virtually impossible. Virtually impossible to achieve. But I've never played with a man that I haven't wanted to play with.

It might have been nice and it might have been fun um and you might be over there completely oblivious to the whole rest of the world because you're having like this mind blowing time or vice versa i mean it there's been times i've been totally totally caught up in a guy and you've had fun with the wife but you know afterwards i'm like'm like, oh my gosh. And you were like, yeah, I had fun, you know, and I'm still like heart palpitating and stuff. And I don't say this to be, it's not a negative at all. I enjoy being with the other woman.

It's just that when we compare notes and now that I've been on that side of it too, I mean, we've played with couples where I've just really wanted to be with the other woman and you had fun with the man but you could tell you would say oh my gosh i could tell you were really into her you know and that's just a part of it and and i think whether you're on the giving or the receiving end you know that that's just reality right so i guess our advice to ourselves from a year ago is is it doesn have to be this perfect, perfect balance. You're still going to have a good time.

And you're still I mean, I, there's really very few couples that we've played with that I would say that I do not want to play with again. I mean, I've enjoyed myself. Yeah, so much. Yeah. You know, and, you know, maybe it would be different next time, too.

Yeah too yeah you know maybe there was just a little bit of shyness or whatever right and that that might not be an issue the second time that's a good point that's a good point maybe you don't write them off yeah because i mean just sleeping with somebody once you're not gonna know how to push their buttons anyway no right so you're right it may be the second or the if you shut yourself down and say, well, no, it wasn't a good experience or it was so-so, then you're missing the opportunity to find that connection. So that's a good point. Get it right the second time. Yeah, right.

So yeah, just remember it's a sliding scale and you kind of just have to be open-minded about that. Yep, okay. So next. Be open to new things. You know, we were firmly a soft swap couple yeah and here we are yeah and it's just great yeah and and i'm impressed with the correspondence that we've gotten from people that say that and and most people who have been in a relationship for a while even if they're new new to the lifestyle, will say, I can't imagine doing a full swap. However, I have enough experience in life to know that you never say never.

And we're doing things now that we, a year ago, would have not ever thought was possible. So always be open to new things. And that has to be defined by you right and think about mrs jones you know you don't you don't you claim you don't fantasize and so we don't have the advantage of talking ahead of time about what you want to do you know we kind of have to just get into the situation and then let things happen so you we have to be open to new things in the moment instead of talking about new things ahead of time. So can I share a little story right now?

I'm kind of like going off on a tangent, but it's my podcast. If I want to break off on a tangent, I will. I know it's your podcast. I'm just the tech. I'm sound guy. That's right. So in episode 14, when Mr. Jones interviewed me, he asked me what my thing was. And right now my thing is I really enjoy when we play with other couples. That's just my happy place. I love it when we can find that connection. And I've said that I'm not really interested in playing with either single males or unicorns. But I have a single male that is somewhat pursuing me. No kidding. I do. And it's a listener.

So he has sent very, very thoughtful emails. And kind of, he sent me a gift. Well, I kind of have to share the gift with Mr. Jones, and that's okay. But in my mind, in my fantasy mind, I think the gift was for me. And he's just an extreme gentleman. He's intelligent. He's very open. He's shared a lot about himself. And I think in his way, and he has not explicitly said this, but I think he's just trying to share with me that not all single males are creepy stalker ish guys. And, um, you know, I, and I have no right to label single males that way because I've never met one.

I haven't even been brave enough to put myself out there enough to pursue a single male for mr jones and i to play with so be open to new things maybe the writing's on the wall i don't know is this supposed to be you're making something pretty obvious to me are you going to come out and say it or do i have to just assume i didn't say it i'm just saying I'm being somewhat wooed by a single male, and I'm not opposed to it. Okay, but as a husband and wife of 31 years, this is one of these things where I would normally go, okay, what I'm hearing you say.

Well, I also feel very safe in saying this because he lives pretty much on the other side of the country. He does not live in our town.

Well, i'm glad that you are open to new things that's right never say never right that's all i'm saying right what i wonder if i could wonder what kind of open uh i don't know what i'd be open to hey there we go now you got to think about it i know but you need to talk to me you need to help me talk about it right now no not right now okay stay tuned just because you don't fantasize it doesn't mean i don't fantasize that's true i know you fantasize yeah all right is this one yours or mine accept your flaws and don't justify them so i don't have any oh my gosh.

Because you don't think sarcasm is a flaw. No. Oh, you think it's a gift, don't you? It's a talent. Yeah. Okay, so this is my bullet and what I meant by accept your flaws and don't justify them.

Sometimes, and this really pertains to women more than men, probably, you know, we, we are so critical of ourselves, which is ridiculous because, you know, we're all human beings and our bodies age as we age and we give birth to babies and nobody really comes through that unscathed without either photoshop or a cosmetic surgeon and we're just so critical of ourselves and then you know if we don't weigh what we want to weigh if we don't have the muscle tone that we want to have we we try to justify it and and then we tend to be upset when we're not as pursued as we want to be pursued or if we're not as pursued as we want to be pursued or if we're criticized.

And I've heard other women upset about that and they try to justify it. And justifying it really doesn't fix the problem. And I'm not saying you need to fix the problem by going and getting cosmetic surgery and losing a hundred pounds or whatever you need to lose. You need to just somehow make peace with yourself and, and don't be defensive because I think when we're defensive about our flaws, which we all have, then being defensive is not sexy. I guess that was a very long-winded way of saying that when you try to joke about your flaws or justify them, it's just not sexy.

So do you mean, if I can explain this a different way, because you're being a little bit vague, like, are you saying, if I'm having a conversation with you and I'm saying, oh, you know i've gained some extra weight or i know i need to lose weight or i know but i don't have time to exercise and those people that spend life in the gym and those people that i don't have the time to eat a right diet or are you are you saying instead of saying that what i should do is if if i'm making these choices and we make choices in our lifestyle, we should just say, you know what? This is who I am.

I'm not apologizing for it. I'm happy. I accept myself the way that I am, and I put myself out there, and knowing how that's going to affect, you know, I'm still going to be attracted to certain people and other people are not going to be attracted to me. And that's just the way that it is.

I mean, you're not going to be attracted to anybody anyway, everybody anyway, but there's going to be somebody, I think what you're saying is, and stop me if I'm not right, is you're still going to have a better chance to connect with somebody if you just accept, you know, your decisions and your lifestyle and be yourself and be confident with yourself. If you're comfortable with yourself, that's attractive. Right. But don't look at other people that you perceive to be flawless and make a judgment statement about them, you know, either, because that's not attractive either. Right.

And nor should you do the other way around. If you are in shape and fit, you know, you don't need to say anything about people that aren't, because if you're not attracted to them, you're not attracted to them. You just, you know, you just go on, you know, and try to find the people that, because the lifestyle is full of all types of people. And the bottom line, this is so hard to say, but I think I can say this because, you know, my major flaw is that I'm kind of old.

I mean, I'm in my 50s and yeah, I'm starting to get wrinkles and I can't do anything about that, that I don't think I need to go get a facelift just because I'm in my fifties. I don't think I need to fix it. I am who I am. And if, and if somebody is not attracted to me because I'm starting to age, then that's okay. Move on. I'm going to find somebody more my age that will find me attractive and will appreciate the fact that I really do.

I yeah i have wrinkles but i am working hard to stay height weight proportional you know and stay physically fit so that i have you know a and somewhat attractive body and that hey i have stamina you know right that's the good thing about being a runner so yeah just ignore my wrinkles and appreciate my stamina i guess but we all have our good and bad points and i think that um sometimes we're just we get too caught up in that and and that's really natural because taking your clothes off in front of people is terrifying yeah you know so newbies out there you know that if you're terrified to take your clothes off in front of people that's very normal right but you know after you do it a few times and you realize that nobody else at this house party or nobody else in this club has a perfect body either right then it's okay well and it's also not a good idea to say let me make sure i say this right you know saying something I i need to get to a certain size before i get into the lifestyle i've heard that really you're you're missing out on a lot right we know a lot of people in the lifestyle young old big small we have met some wonderful people who are large right and they're gorgeous.

And they have the most fun, and you're missing out on that. On the other hand, use the lifestyle. If it's going to motivate you to change the way that you eat or exercise, that's perfectly fine. I get that.

And maybe once you get in, it's a motivator to do that, but internalize that and use it as a positive thing don't say well i'm gonna wait until this happens until i'm this or until i'm that before i get in the lifestyle because that's not what the lifestyle is about it's about all kinds of people and accepting and you know and going back to the meet and greet there were people of all ages and sizes there. And we sat with many couples that we'd probably never play with. And, you know, you have one impression of them physically.

And then when you sit down and talk with them, all of a sudden they're like, I'm really attracted to this person. Right, I know. You forget about those things that we instantly judge people on. And if you don't give yourself the opportunity to talk with that person and get to know them, then shame on you. Right. And I've learned to do that. I've learned we're all going to have an instant opinion based on what we see. And if you choose to walk away from that, that's on you.

But if you choose to engage with the person just to talk and get to know them you'll you'll probably notice that their level of attractiveness will change and especially if they're really confident you know they're like you know what i can see myself with this person i just like being around them they're just really sexy and really confident right that's what it's about you know because we don't have a lot of clubs and those types of venues where we live we have to do a lot of dating so. So if you've listened to our podcast before, you know we rely on the lifestyle websites to meet people.

And I think that's really common, especially with newbies, because you don't know about all the events and this and that and the other to plug into. And so looking at those pictures on the websites is somewhat deceiving because, again, that's just a one-dimensional picture of a person that has so much more to them. That's why we love to meet couples for drinks and dinner because then the personality comes out and that's when the people become attractive. Right. So find your thing as a couple. Oh, so yes. How do you like to play? Do you like to go to clubs?

Do you like the smaller meet and greets? Do you like to go to a house party? Do you like plowing through these lifestyle websites and finding couples that have good profiles and sexy pictures and and meeting up for drinks and dinner i mean there's all these different ways to swing yes and you have to be well what we did this right after we had to take a step back we deliberately said we're going to try everything to see what best suits us and even the things that we didn't really like, like the large meet and greets, we learned something there.

We learned we've got to be a little bit more aggressive. We've got to learn how to approach people. So even though we may not like that, we do that on occasion just because we know it helps us grow as a couple.

So you don't rule something out because you think you might not like it you know if you're in the lifestyle you should be open minded enough to look at these things and say you know what let's just try them all and see what works best for us so don't make decisions or assumptions based on one or two experiences guilty yeah we both are so that kind of relates to the whole type of venue thing you know it we talked about this before mr jones and i went to that large meet and greet um last winter and it was just overwhelming it was too loud it was too dark we didn't know anybody and it was just uncomfortable for us but we know we need to try it again and i bet you if we try it again we're going to have a blast and we we've done so much better at the larger events like we had so much fun in naughty new orleans and the new year's eve party was so much fun and now we're going to go to the halloween party and i'm sure that's going to be a pretty big event or you might get the wrong couple the first time the the event or the situation might be right but yeah but you might get a couple that all of a sudden has drama or or is doing something after the fact that really drives you crazy and you're you're and you're you could make the mistake of saying well if this is what the lifestyle is like yeah I don't want to be in it.

So if you commit to it for the long haul or a period of time to give multiple, because it's the luck of the draw. You may be with somebody, and the opposite is true. You may be with like the perfect couple the first time, and then your expectation is, oh, everybody's going to be like this. And boy, you're going to be in for a little bit of a letdown. So that's the point is, you know, don't make decisions based on just one or two experiences with other couples. Shake it up. Shake it off and try, try again. Have fun with it. I mean, grow as a couple. Talk about it. Laugh about it.

And yeah, you just have to laugh about it.

I mean, you're always going to walk away with a good story if nothing else but it goes back to your relationship if you have a solid relationship you can laugh this stuff off and say you know what i screwed up or boy that was a mistake or you know maybe that wasn't too bad but you know to be able to just kind of bounce up stand back up and keep going so um use the last in this category is use negative experiences as a growth for opportunity that's kind of where we were going with that right and i don't know that we've had any i wouldn't say that we've had any negative experiences we've had good experiences and we've had experiences but we've had non-starter experiences oh yes yeah okay because things have not gone yes that's smoothly that's true so that's just taught us to you know try to pick couples that are more i guess like us because that seems to be what we're attracted to yes so yeah you you have to use those negative experiences not as you know putting on the brakes and saying okay maybe we shouldn't be doing this but as okay well we won't do that again we'll try it you know we'll try it differently or yes or back to the the point before is is do something different because if you're only if you have a profile and pictures and you're sitting at home waiting for somebody to call you and it's not working Thank you.

different because if you're only if you have a profile and pictures and you're sitting at home waiting for somebody to call you and it's not working then don't think you know that the lifestyle is not for you and that that's a negative experience just okay what's not working here what do we need to do and i have to say as a little bit of a segue here i'm really um kind of honored, I guess, or flattered that several people have sent us their profiles. And asked... of a segue here.

I'm really, um, kind of honored, I guess, or flattered that several people have sent us their profiles and asked us to review them from, uh, uh, you know, kind of, uh, outside unbiased, uh, opinion. And we do that. We're, we're happy to do that if you, if you really want the feedback and, and people have done that and, and we feel good, uh, providing that. But also you need to understand that the profile is only one small part of being in the lifestyle. Get out, go to the meet and greets, go to these other things and turn these experiences into growth opportunities.

So we're going to move on to the last part of this, which is actually fun part the fun part yeah play time play time okay mrs jones what would um what would you have told us a year and a half ago well the first and foremost rule is that you need to communicate your expectations and boundaries, especially to your partner.

Um, but also to the other couple or single or whoever you're playing with, you need to make sure everybody understands what your boundaries are because you don't want to be facing something that you're not comfortable with mid play because then that's just like a bucket of ice water dropped on the bed, you know, and once the sexy fun starts, you don't want to have to, you know, kind of be the one to blow the whistle and say, I don't want to do this. And if you communicate, you can avoid that. Things are going to come up and that might have to happen.

But, you know the the more that everybody understands what everybody's expectation is the less likely you know something and we have this communication every single time we are going to go out no matter what between the two of us i mean yes i had a time yeah well even when we went to the meet and greet last week i said are you bringing the sex bag and you said well it's just a i said no and you said i don't think we should ever leave without the Thank you. Yes, I had a time, yeah. Well, even when we went to the meet and greet last week, I said, are you bringing the sex bag?

And you said, well, it's just a meet and greet. I said no, and you said, I don't think we should ever leave without the sex bag. Right, right. That's like going hunting and leaving your ammunition at home. It was a meet and greet. We were in a public bar. All I'm saying is you always have to be prepared because you never know.

Even though you have no expectations, we have to have that conversation every time we go out like okay our assumption is nothing's going to happen but we're only half of the equation what if the assumption is on the other side something differently and that's why it's up to you as a couple to say if the other couple doesn't say it and sometimes you may assume that well they have more experience than us so it's up to them to really bring this up no that's kind of a cop-out if if if there's if you're moving to play time and nobody's talked then it's your responsibility to say um before we go any further have we talked about, you know, what are you all comfortable with?

And here's what we're comfortable with. Okay, Mr. Jones, on a scale of one to five, how well do we do this? I'm talking about with other couples. I think we're pretty good. I think we're probably at a three and a half. Okay, that's average. No, I would say three max. I think we could do a better job with this. So yeah, we need to preach to the choir here. Well, we're talking to old Mr. and Mrs. Jones, not new Mr. and Mrs. Jones. Yeah, but new, I'm talking about current day Mr. and Mrs. Jones. Well, we used to be a zero. Yeah. Okay, so we're up to a three. Yeah. You say 3.5.

Yeah, and normally it's with people that we've played with before because you have an assumption that... You're right, that's where we get into trouble. Right, well, and the other couple's moving too. You know, you can't, like the whole no kissing rule, remember? Oh, right. We were with a couple and we played with them and they had a no kissing rule. And then we got back together with them. And not only were they kissing, they were full swapping. So if you go into it assuming, oh, well, last time we were with them, that could have been two weeks ago or two months ago or two years ago.

You can't assume they're in the same place because you're fluid. You're moving forward in this. So you've got to have the conversation and say, okay, here's what we're thinking. And it's not just the conversation about where you are. It's a conversation about who you're with and where you are, because you might be a full swap couple, but you might be with a couple who you're just comfortable soft swapping with. So that has to be discussed ahead of time. Right.

All right right i think this next one was one that got your blood boiling a little bit you you not your partner are responsible for communicating your desires and boundaries yes so what do you mean by that mrs jones the first time we ran into that was our very first trip Desire when we didn't know what we were doing at all. And the couple that we hung out with all week, he kept saying to you, you know, my wife would really like it if you would blah. Right. You know, and she would be like at the restroom and the three of us would be standing in the pool. And that used to, that drove you crazy.

It did. Because you wanted her to tell you. And honestly, to his credit, he was not saying anything that wasn't true. She was a very reserved lady, very classy, reserved lady. She wasn't quiet, but just wasn't very um outgoing and expressing her desires that's not what i complained about what my fear was was not that she didn't want what he was saying but if i were her i would want to know that i wanted to be with her because i wanted to be with her and not because her husband tried to talk me into being with her that's not I don't know.

want to know that i wanted to be with her because i wanted to be with her and not because her husband tried to talk me into being with her that's not because i believed what he was saying but i'm coming at it from her point of view is if i would have walked over there then and kissed her then i think if i were her i'd be thinking okay did he not want to kiss me and because he suggested that he kissed me you know why it's got to come from, you know, that you've got to be your own advocate. Right. Right.

So no matter what, no matter your level of experience, don't let your spouse be the one that has to do the communication for you because guess what? Okay, ladies, you're going to trust your husband to read your mind and say to the other guy or the other woman, I don't think she likes this right now. I'd get slapped up across the head. You'd say, I'm having an orgasm. That's why I couldn't talk. There'd be some reason why. That's right. Right.

So I've learned that just in general marriage 101 is that you've got to speak for yourself and I can kind of pick up on your body language, but I shouldn't be talking. Now I could stop and say, honey, are you okay? Are you comfortable? And tell me with the other person within earshot. Right. And that might take the pressure off of you, but it's got to come from you. I can't make that judgment call for you and neither can you for me. Right. All right. We're on the same page with that one. Good. All right. Move at the pace of the slowest of the group or the couple. Right.

And this is a little bit different than moving together at the same pace as a couple that we talked about earlier. This is move at the pace of the slowest. And you know, slowest is really not the best word. The softest. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, how do you say that? Whatever is the least common denominator. Right.

You know, whatever play style everyone everyone agrees on let's say it that way whatever play style everyone can agree on is the style you need to go to and when you do that when we've done that we have had the most fun right full swap soft swap uh parallel play girl girl whatever it is that's the most fun because I can't tell you the satisfaction that we get when another couple says to us, we're so glad that we met you as one of our first couples because you all made us feel comfortable and you had a good time and we didn't feel any pressure and guess what that is we've broken in a few newbies i know i know but what guess what they don't know what that really puts us in a good position for next time i know yeah so we lure them in that's right sense of trust and security and then the real mr and mrs jones come out I'll edit that out alright one more.

Are you going to take this one? This is easy. If you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong. Because playing is fun. Yes. Yes. Yeah, so if there are tears, if there's anxiety afterwards, if somebody's feeling guilty. Then just slow it down. Yeah, you're doing it wrong and you need to back up to the very beginning of this episode. You know what I said when we went to Desire the first time and we hadn't even really, you know, ever, ever done anything in the lifestyle. I said, I'd rather come home from desire, regretting something that we didn't do than regretting something that we did do.

And I still feel that to this day, if we're not really sure about it, let's not do it and come home saying, man, I wish we would have, you know, acted upon that.

But for whatever reason, that little, that little red flag goes up or the hairs on the back of your neck stand up or whatever and and um maybe that's not the night for that and the reason this is the last one is because if here's what the lifestyle can be you know we are not certified in anything no we're not we have no credibility in case you haven't figured that out yet but what we've learned is if you're not having fun, there's an underlying issue. Yeah. And that underlying issue, you may not be able to put your finger on what it is, but there is an issue.

And it doesn't mean you have to get out of the lifestyle. It doesn't mean that you have to get a divorce. It doesn't mean you have to go back to square one. What it means is there's something there, and there's an opportunity for the two of you, and as an individual, work through. And when you do that, who needs marriage counseling? Because you've, in effect, rooted that out on your own, and you've brought it to light, and you've identified it, and you've, as a couple, you've worked through that and then you go back and try it again. And that's really the indicator.

If you're not having fun, then you're probably not taking it at the right pace or you need to pause. So when we say you're doing it wrong, there's no umbrella of right way to do it. It's everybody has their own way or their own thing. But so that goes, I guess this brings it like all the way back to the beginning. Yes. You have to decide what you want out of it as a couple. And then, you know, go after that and just experience that and have fun with that.

And then once you figure that out, maybe you can take a baby step and try something new and that will that will keep it fun right and take the stress out of it and if you go back to our very first one it was decide what you as a couple want from the lifestyle so if you're not having fun go back to question number one save episode 15 and play it again play it again. And get to there and stop and pause. And this is where communication comes back in. You have to be honest with yourself. And if you're not, you can't blame, you can't be honest with your spouse until you're honest with yourself.

So talk out loud. Instead of listening to the little voices in your head, let them out and just talk. Sometimes Mr. Jones and I will be talking and something will come out of my mouth and I'll think inside my head, what the hell did I just say? I mean, I won't even think about it and then decide to tell Mr. Jones. I'll just be talking and it'll just come out and I'll be like, hey, I just figured something out about myself.

So sometimes you just have to think out loud and to spouse, and then all of a sudden you'll start understanding what it is that you want out of the lifestyle or what you're feeling or what's holding you back. So talk. And then you have good sex. Amen. That's the bottom line. Yes. So we really are excited about this episode because of the feedback and because of the, you know, you've been telling us a lot about yourselves. And it really, you know, we're not asking you to give us topic ideas.

We're asking you to share yourselves with with us and if enough of you do that we'll be able to come up with a way to talk about you know some of the issues and topics that come up and and that's what you know that's why i was really happy about this episode because um it was the feedback that we got from people that kind of pointed us in this direction so you know people people say that they have stuff in common with us, but we read their emails and we're like, oh my gosh, we have stuff in common with them because we're still learning too and we're still blundering and miscommunicating and, you know, we sound all suave and together when we have these microphones in front of us, but we still have, you know, things that come up and issues.

I sound suave? Well, when you're not being a blockhead, yes, you can be very suave. Or sarcastic. Yes. Okay, well, that wraps up our topic for episode 15, If We Only Knew Then What We Knew Now. So when we get back, Mrs. Jones, you just have a few seconds to think up a good snapshot. Oh boy, I'm under pressure. I know. All right. Thank you.

all right snapshots and we want to thank you for you all keep sending us emails and some of you tag on snapshots to the bottom and just as a disclaimer if you send us an email and you say here's my snapshot i'm we're assuming that it's okay to share this unless you say don't don't share this right and we'll make sure that we're discreet and we don't yeah when we read them if there's any names and we'll take the names out or anything about location so we'll keep it generic how's this for generic so we're going to share two with from our listeners and then we're going to share our own snapshots and this this is from a couple from Tennessee, one of our neighboring states to the very, very south and western tip of Virginia.

So, you mentioned other couples' snapshots, and I thought we would share my favorite desire snapshot. Oh, torture. I know. While we had been in the lifestyle for a short time, we had never gone fully nude around others unless going to play. So this was a new and nerve wracking experience for us. And we went through that too. No kidding. No matter what you read about desire, the moment of truth is when you have to take the britches off.

So this was a new and nerve-wracking experience for us, especially for the missus, who was still not sure of her body, and she wasn't at the weight she wanted to be. We just talked about that. Here we go. Yeah, but this is a good example of how to overcome that. It sure is. So we went in the summer when it was so hot, but we had gotten to know some of the people that were going to be there at the same time through a private Facebook page and weekly chat. When we got to Desire, it seemed like it was about 110 degrees and our room wasn't ready.

We met our new friends, hugged and joined them by the pool. The missus did not want to take off any of her clothes yet, which I said was perfectly fine through gritted teeth, I'm sure. And I would not take off any of mine through gritted teeth, but a good husband. Although I swear I was melting in the heat. After about an hour, I went back to the lobby and checked to see if our room was ready. The lobby felt so nice and air conditioning that I didn't want to go back outside That's it. After about an hour, I went back to the lobby and checked to see if our room was ready.

The lobby felt so nice and air conditioning that I didn't want to go back outside and the heat fully clothed but trudged back outside in all of my clothes. but i was pleasantly surprised and somewhat shocked to find the missus not only topless and with her only with her sarong on but one of our new friends eating an ice cream sundae off of my wife's luscious breasts i gave a mental cheer and thought to myself game on it's gonna be a good week and shucked my clothes seconds later and that is what desire. Absolutely. Yeah.

So that was a really great snapshot because I think everybody, maybe it doesn't happen that way, but everybody has that I wonder what this is going to be like moment at desire. So thank you for our friends from Tennessee for sharing that. They sent us this a few months ago and we we're just now getting around to it, but appreciate your patience, and thank you for sharing. So this snapshot is from the West Coast, and it starts out saying, so in my second double BJ, did I mention I got two? BJ meaning blowjob? Yes. Okay. I think this story is kind of picking up in the middle of playtime. Yes.

Because we're already into the second blowjob. Yes. This guy's got a rough life. Okay. So in my second double BJ, did I mention I got two? My partner and I were playing with a couple she had played with previously. she and the wife of the couple decided that since her hubby and I had helped please them so well orally, that they would team up and give her hubby and I each a double blowjob to completion. Their plan did not meet with any resistance. Anyway, I insisted that he go first. Such a gentleman. Yeah. Yeah. At the prompting of his wife. I made that mistake once. Yeah, that's right.

You did. So at the prompting of his wife, I made a few helpful suggestions on their technique. She also told me to be thinking about what I wanted specifically when it was my turn.

She was very explicit and naughty in describing what they were going to do to me, what were going to do when I was about to come etc etc that was amazingly hot in itself I'll say man so anyway the other gentleman said that he wanted to have them trade off with one sucking him while the other kissed him and let him fondle her breasts since I wasn't doing anything useful I decided to give lady friend's very responsive G-spot some attention while she was being kissed and fondled. I made her come fairly loudly, moaning into the gentleman's mouth as they were kissing.

This sent him instantly over the top and he too came. Okay, so let me clarify. So she had the other guy's cock in her mouth and this guy had his fingers inside of her and when she came she moaned with the other guy's cock in her mouth right okay yeah right so yes so then she came and that sent the other guy instantly over the top and then he came he let the other guy later confirmed when he recovered his power of speech, which always takes you guys a while, that this is what made him come, very cool and very hot. Yeah, that's a good one. I would say so. Yeah, I know. That's called the hummer.

Oh, right, yes. Yeah, especially when you know the other person's receiving pleasure and you got the vibration going on with the sucking and yeah it's getting warm in here mr jones yeah it is and you look pretty sexy in your we got a thing tank top i do yeah mr jones and i got a like i got a tank top and he got a t-shirt that we put our logo on for when we went to New Orleans this summer. So that's my uniform for the night with my pomegranate martini. Brings back good memories. Yes. So, okay, my snapshot? Yes.

You know, I think I'm like 50-50 on my snapshots as them being sexual and non-sexual. So this is really, um, this is really a non-sexual. Well, of course it's sexual, but we, we mentioned that we went out to dinner with one of our listeners this past week and she was not with her husband. He, he, she was on a business trip. So we had no intention of doing any play. I was wondering if I was supposed to ask to bring my swinger bag. You know, the answer is always bring your swinger bag. I didn't bring my swinger bag because you didn't tell me to. I mean, I... You didn't? I did not.

We just had this conversation last week. I know. Always. Am I going to have to be responsible for the swinger bag? Maybe so. Because just because we don't...

You're the one that has the condoms in there i'm good to go well that's true well there's always a 7-eleven that's right keep one in your wallet yeah anyway that in my mind there was no expectation of play uh you know and we had corresponded and we were just meeting because we wanted to meet her and she wanted to meet us and we were listening to her uh talk and tell stories which i think is part of the one of the my favorite most favorite part of the lifestyle is just listen to other people tell stories so if i could describe this um woman she's very beautiful she has a long brunette hair very professional looking very articulate dressed she had a nice dress on but it wasn't overly you know sexy and we were having a nice conversation and all of a sudden we started talking about play experiences and she started talking about a couple that they met and she said that her husband was really attracted to the woman and she really liked the other guy but he was really too nice he was nice and she said and he was really nice and she said, probably so nice that I would have punched him in the face if he didn't, you know, handle me the right way.

She was kind of grinding her teeth when she was saying that. Yes, that's exactly right. She was grinding her teeth and her eyes got really like dark and I could just feel the sexuality. I mean, here I'm like, this lady has got to be a dynamo in bed because she started transforming right in front of me. And I started, I mean, I felt it. And I was like, oh, my gosh, she's really putting out that vibe and just talking about this guy and being nice. And anyway, it took me for a loop. I just, you know, it got really warm and, you know, I started perspiring and just, just to watch.

So, so the, so the snapshot was watching this almost perfect stranger, um, very put together woman, very beautiful, but very also articulate professional, you know, we're having a nice conversation. All of a sudden she transformed into this person that I thought oh my gosh I imagine when she's in bed and she's engaged she's probably really into it passionate passionate that's what it was so the passion started to come out of her yes and it was uh and then and just and then, and just as quickly as it was there, she kind of pulled it back in.

And I'm not even sure if she realized that, you know, that she did that. But, oh, my gosh. You teased her about it because we were texting with her after dinner on our way home. Yeah. And you were teasing her about it. Yeah.

And made me think because I'm a pretty nice guy, you know i'm pretty soft but yes i might have to look for opportunities i think i'm going to take that as the lessons learned i don't want to get punched in the face you don't want to be labeled the nice guy no i don't no if you want it hard tell me that's right somehow i think i would have picked up with her because she's sending that by yeah she's clear she's making it clear what she liked without saying it and boy when somebody's like that that's a that's a superpower yes yeah definitely so anyway that's my snapshot mrs jones so my snapshot is pretty predictable but i can't help it it was so much fun so at the house party that we went to um we already told you that we did this three couple massage ten-handed yeah the ten-handed massage and um when i was laying on the table i guess i started out on my back right no you started out on your stomach did i ever flip over onto my back yes because that's when you almost had an orgasm oh really i thought i was on my back see, you always start.

Once I get horny, I can't remember anything. You always start a sensual massage laying on your stomach or it wouldn't ever get to the stomach. Oh, right. Yeah, on my stomach. You were massaging my back. Okay. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. Okay. So, yeah, it started on my back and that was lovely. I love having my back rubbed. I always really like my shoulders and my neck. my neck. So the next day my hair was a greasy mess and you can't really like explain that to anybody. Why is your hair so greasy? You don't need to. No, you just need to wash it again the next day.

Well, when you have like 10 hands, 50 fingers running through your, you know, and your neck and your hair, it tends tends to get a little greasy. So anyway, started out there and then, then y'all flip me over onto my back and, and then the total overload started, you know, having all those hands on me. And we had this new couple, um, that participated as well.

And, you know, I, and I thought that they're so attractive and they were so much fun to talk to you know and they really didn't know how comfortable they were participating but um i think they both they they both were touching me right yeah he was he i was at your feet yeah he i think he was your left leg, and then she was on your left side of your torso. And then the other woman was on your other side, and the gentleman was behind your head. Right, right. So it was just so sensual to have all those hands on me.

And I intentionally kept my eyes closed because I didn't want to know whose hands were whose. But then eventually, you know, people started playing with my breasts. And then there were, I knew they were feminine fingers. There were feminine fingers between my legs. And so I would just lay there and imagine who was touching me. And I was kind of hoping it was the new girl that was touching me. But, you know, I figured it probably wasn't.

And I know now that it was our friend because I did take a peek at one point yeah but when I took that peek and I opened my eyes and I mean everybody around that massage table they were just everybody was beautiful I mean the men were handsome and the ladies were gorgeous and and it was just like wow you know this is so like like indulgent you know to lay there and just receive that pleasure that was so much fun yeah that would have been my second snapshot because I'll tell you what was extremely hot about that the new couple she had a bra and a panty set on which I think is the most sexy lingerie there is.

And she didn't take it off because I don't think, you know, she was completely comfortable doing that. She never made it up onto the massage table. Right. But I think because I just got turned on by the fact that she had clothes on. Because there's something left to the imagination. You know, it's just mysterious, intriguing.

mysterious intriguing like oh i'd really like to rip that off um but she had and it was a beautiful i mean she's beautiful to begin with and then she had that bra and panties on and and so from my perspective down at your feet i was able to look at everything the whole playing field and and again back to my excuse for not lasting long but so um almond oil is an excellent massage oil just i mean we've we've been big fans of coconut oil but the almond oil was awesome and um yes yeah so that was that whole party was a great snapshot it was yeah so gosh we've gone pretty long tonight but we had a lot to talk about so sorry about that um so what do we have before we close what do you have coming up well we the same couple they're coming over tomorrow night yeah we're gonna talk we're gonna talk yeah a little bottle of wine good conversation yeah so hopefully um they'll feel comfortable and we'll get to know them better and then we've got the Halloween party on Saturday night and that's just going to be craziness and then we've got a couple of dates lined up so all of a sudden oh you know what I should confess I told everyone that we got our personal profile we took it down off SLS yes we did it's gone well we just got a new one on alt playground apg and we didn't seek that out but we have some close friends in the lifestyle who recommended that we get on that because what we missed about sls was just not being able to keep up with local events and apg is a much better website i think it's much more modern and so we're we don't have a we got a thing presence there yet but we have a personal apg so we're back on two websites now we've met some people through that website yeah we've met some new couples and we're pretty excited we're actually going out to dinner next week next thursday we're going to a couple.

Yep, yep. So, yeah, so we'll have plenty to talk about next month, I'm sure, and keeping up with the Joneses. So before we go, we want to thank you. We've got a few more reviews on iTunes, and we appreciate you doing that. We've got a few ways that you can contact us. And if you're on our Cassidy community, you already knew when we were going to send this podcast out because the Cassidy community is where I put like a week ago when we started getting close to being a month away. I said, okay, we're going to podcast this week and we'll publish.

So if you're on Cassidy and you haven't joined our community, you might want to do that because you'll get an advance notice of when the next podcast is coming out you haven't tweeted it yet though no you know what twitter is a little bit different twitter is a different animal um I probably I only tweet out when we've posted an episode just to let everybody know but because the Cassidy community I feel is a little more intimate. They're folks that have chosen to connect with us directly because of our podcast. And so that's my priority. I will communicate with that group first.

So thank you for joining our Cassidy community. You can follow us on Twitter, at WeGotAThing, and you can leave comments on our website. Our website is WeGottaThing.com, but we would really prefer if you're going to contact us to use our email, and that's WeGottaThing at gmail.com, and WeGottaThing is all one word, W-E-G-O-T-T-A-T-H-I-N-G at gmail.com. So feel free to continue to email us.

We've developed some really solid long distance relationships with i mean like friendships yes i mean it just keeps going back and forth yeah we know each other by name and um you know we've corresponded back and forth and then there are people who email us once and then they'll email us a few months later. And then there's people that email us one time. And whatever that is, again, I just want to say we appreciate you taking the time. We have gotten some really thoughtful messages.

And we appreciate so much that you're trusting us to share a little bit about yourselves and about your relationships. Because it really does help us to know. And we had originally said, well, we're going to podcast for the first year and just see how it goes. And because of the response that we've been getting and the relationships that we're building across, this has turned into a lot more than we imagined. So I think we might keep going. We're having fun. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to keep going. Well, thanks for listening. Uh, we are Mr. and Mrs. Jones and we got a thing. What's your thing?

We'll see you next time.