Episode 138: Describing the Lifestyle- Respectful, Pervy, Cool-Ass People

Transcript

Speaker1: This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey, you teenagers out there. If you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a longtime married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us? Hello, everyone. I'm Mr. Jones. And I'm Mrs. Jones. And we want to welcome you to episode 138 of the We Gotta Thing podcast. Describing a lifestyle. And you said you stole this from somebody, right? Yeah, I have to admit, one of our community members came up with this phrase, and I think it fits perfectly. He said, y'all are a bunch of respectful, pervy, cool-ass people. That about sums it up. Yeah, except I sounded a lot more white when I said it. He made it sound cooler than that. Yeah, so recently we went to Desire Pearl and, oh, excuse me, Desire Riviera Maya. I know. Get with the program, honey. in June. And we recorded there with some of our friends and we asked them what, how they were to describe, if they were to describe the lifestyle to somebody who asked, how would they describe it now? And how has that changed from how they would have described it before they got into it or their perception of it? Anyway, it was a really interesting conversation. We got a lot of good comments. This was our second year taking a group to Yes, with the whole new Eden section open now, it's a great place to host an event. Although we stayed on the old side. We did. You know, we had a passion suite, right? Yeah, well, we had two passion suites. Yeah. Our first one, I don't know, it was not a normal passion suite. I'm not real sure what was going on with that room. It was like a handicap room. Yeah, yeah, I think it was an accessible room because it was on the ground floor and And everything was really low in that room. Yeah. Like the countertops came up to just above my knees. Yeah. And it had bugs in it or ants in it. Mosquitoes. Mosquitoes in it. Yeah. It was terrible. And after the second day, you said, I just want to let you know that if you don't find us another room, we're not having sex. I'm not having sex in this room. Right. Because I was afraid to have my bare skin like showing because I would have gotten mosquito bites. while we were having sex. Well, I mean, that's a good way to communicate. It was very effective. Instead of just complaining about the room, you made it clear to me. Yeah. And so I got us a new room. Yeah. I fussed about it the first day and you kind of ignored me. Well, the next room was much, much nicer. It was on the second floor and it was right above. It's not called Cece's Bar anymore. It's Jenny's Bar. Yeah. Jenny got a little perturbed when we kept calling it Cece's Bar. I know. I know. So it's Jenny's Bar, right on the water. And it was kind of like our private little bar. It was. We spent a lot of time there. That was really fun. Yeah. So the weather was good until the last day. Yep. It was a monsoon the last day. Oh my gosh. Desire helped us to host a group dinner for everyone. We had another strip show. Yep. One night we got to catch up with some friends and meet a lot. And I even did more than one theme night. We did... Well, we did a group theme night with a couple of friends of ours, and that was fun. Yeah, I was a lifeguard. We were lifeguards, and you were Baywatch girls. Excuse me. What? The Baywatch girls are lifeguards, too. Do you think they just wore red swimsuits to look pretty? Okay, but would it have been the same if I would have said we were four lifeguards? Yeah, if you would have said Baywatch. I did say Baywatch. Well. You were Baywatch girls. Mm-hmm. I didn't watch that show. We watched the show to watch Pamela Anderson run down the beach. Yes. With her boobs bouncing up and down. Yes. And you both did a good job with that. All right. Yeah, we did. I mean, we like had the swimsuits exact spot on. You were a little over the top though with your flippers. Yeah, I had flippers on my feet and I had a shirt on that said, I can't swim. Save yourself. I had my little fanny pack and... And I made the mistake of giving you a whistle. And my whistle. Actually, one of the guys in our group came up to us the next day and said something about you that he was surprised to see you over-served the night before. And I was like, he wasn't over-served. And he was like, well, he was really attached to that whistle. And I'm like, that's just Mr. Jones. He doesn't need alcohol to be obnoxious with a whistle. That's right. I was obnoxious. That was my persona. The flippers and the I can't swim and the whistle. Haven't you seen the Will Ferrell skit with the hot tub on Saturday Night Live? I guess you haven't. No, I have not. Clearly, I have not. Jimmy Fallon. Well, anyway, you'll have to YouTube that if you want to watch it. And we just got back from a long weekend in Seattle, Washington. Best weather ever. Like, you know, they always talk about how, you know, Seattle's like cloudy and cool and rainy. And we were so fortunate. Like we had high 70s. Well, I think the first day it rained a little bit right when we first got there. But then it was like high 70s, low 80s, like zero humidity, very opposite of Florida. Yeah, Mount Rainier was visible all four or five days that we were there. It was 75 degrees, 80 degrees, no humidity. It was wonderful. Yep. And there was a pretty good party up there, too. I have to say, like, the club in Seattle is... Club Sapphire. Club Sapphire is absolutely one of my favorite clubs. Yeah. It's just, it's beautiful. It's, like, really well decorated, and it's very well organized and laid out, and it's very well run. The owners are fantastic. Yeah, kudos to you guys, Chris and Doug, the owners of Club Sapphire. They were really, really proactive with us. They were excited to work together. Their philosophy about the lifestyle is very similar to ours. They have a great group of people up there, and the club itself is amazing. And they just opened some new square footage before we got there, so they had a little lounge area where we could host our mingle. It was almost kind of like a speakeasy over there. It just had like a really chill vibe and really nice. It was really beautifully decorated with really nice furniture sitting around like all these little groupings. And then there were like three different little alcoves off the main room of this chill lounge. And then there was a playroom behind one of those alcoves. And that was a really cool playroom back in there. Just like one little area, like one little bed. And it wasn't just like a bed shoved in a corner. It was like tastefully dense. They decorated back there, just very sexy vibe. Yeah, and it was very clean, and it felt very safe. They do a very good job of making sure everybody knows the rules, and all of us new people had to go on the tour and get to talk before we were able to get in. Yep, and there's monitors everywhere, so if there would be a problem, I think there would be always somebody close by to assist, but I mean, everybody was so nice, and I mean, fun and sexy. But everybody seemed to be well-behaved. Like you said, I think they've trained their regulars well. And then if the regulars have good etiquette, then that just kind of spreads throughout for all the other newbies that are there. Yeah, exactly. And of course, they had a dance floor and a DJ. The great thing about this weekend is it was sponsored by Matt and Bianca from Spicy Vacations as well. And he was the de facto emcee for the weekend. Matt did a good job with that and the club was open all weekend yes so you all you had to do is pay for the event and we got there Friday afternoon the club was open Friday afternoon Friday night we all went out to dinner there were vendors there during the day and there were like workshops going on and I mean it was like you and I sat in on a panel and led by the owner and that was like really fun and well thought out and then But there were also, like, Sibian demonstrations. And, like, there was a group play and spin the bottle. Like, so it was all kinds of anything that you would want to, like, you know, either get involved in or learn about. You had opportunities all weekend long. Yeah. It was a great time. So thanks to everyone who came. The hotel wasn't the greatest. No, but they've already said that they're going to completely rethink that next year. Yeah, I mean, the good. going to work. The only good thing about the hotel is it was really close to the club so we could walk if we wanted to. And the thing that saved it was we have some pretty good friends who brought a coffee, a really fancy dancy coffee machine with them. Yes. And they opened up their sliding glass doors. Every morning. Yeah. And then friends of theirs brought nibbles, like little breakfast nibbles. And they had at least a dozen people in their room at any given point in time. Yeah. Usually more than that. And then we busted back in in the afternoon to get like an afternoon coffee too. Right. Yeah, but then we stayed in Seattle. For a couple days, we got to do some sightseeing. We did all the sightseeing things. We threw the fish. We went to the Starbucks. Well, we didn't go. We saw the Starbucks on Pike Place. Yes. We did a sunset cruise and I think it's called Elliott Bay. And then we did, we went to the top of the Space Needle in the late afternoon. So we got to actually be up there when the sun set, which was gorgeous. Yeah, but you were a big chicken. Oh my God, yes. In case y'all haven't figured it out, I'm not the bravest person in the world. I don't do roller coasters. And the Space Needle, I was okay going up the elevator. But when we got to the top, the walls are all glass, of course. Well, the elevator walls were closed, too. And they lean out. So you got really close, and I was like hiding behind you. You kept pulling on my arm. I was admiring your bicep, honey, because I like had a death group on your bicep. You thought I was going to fall. You like kept pulling me back like I was going to fall. I know. You were getting close to the edge, like the glass. It was scary. So then we went downstairs, because it's two levels, and then we went downstairs, which was even worse, because that was the revolving glass floor. And I knew you wanted to see it. And I wanted to be in the evolving part. You wanted to be a big girl. I'm like, okay, I'll just be an ass. I'll go down there and I'll plaster myself up against the back wall. And then you can go enjoy the view. But once I got down there, it was kind of okay. You found the bar and you're like, I'm going to get you a drink that's going to make you feel better. So then around the bar, there was these little tiny cocktail tables that just sat down. two people, and they were right up against the glass, sitting on the glass floor. You said, would you sit down on one of those? I said, I think if I sat down, it'd be okay. So you figured out how to, like, purchase one of those tables for the evening. Yeah, so we got our private table, and it spun around a couple times. We got to watch the sunset. I have to say, the cocktails up there were really good. Yeah, they took good care of us. Yeah. It was fun. So it was good to turn, you know, the first two days were lifestyle with friends and then the second couple of days it was just two of us yeah so we did that and uh we've still been exploring our area down here you know we're learning that this area i'm not going to say it's the poor man's because you know a lot of people go to nashville for their the bachelorette parties yeah yeah but there's supposed to be a lot of them down where we are well yeah some i mean girls like to go to the beach yeah we have the most amazing beaches down here yeah so we were We're at one of the local bars that we really like. It's more in the fine dining area. It's bougie. Yes, it's bougie. And they had a rooftop bar. And actually, a couple from our community was in town. And so the four of us went there and were having drinks and enjoying the evening. And then we got invaded by a bunch of 20-something-year-old girls. I mean, there was at least a dozen of them. There was a pack of them. I don't know that you can have that many people in your wedding party anymore. But yeah. But they all had white t-shirts on. And the t-shirt said I. And then it had the. A heart. A heart. Yeah. And Owen. So I heart Owen. Yeah. So we quickly deduced that Owen must have been the groom. And they were all wearing. But you couldn't tell which one was the bride. Could you? No. She wasn't dressed any differently. They all had the same shirt on. I made the mistake of saying I should go over there and tell them that my name is Owen. See how they respond. Well, the couple that we were with took me seriously and he excused himself to go to the bathroom and I saw him stop at that group of girls and he turned and he pointed at me and I'm like, he's telling them my name is Owen. Sure enough, he did. Because all of a sudden these girls start squealing and waving. They all start squealing and waving. Waving me over. Oh, come on over, Owen. We want to meet you. And so I went over there and I was playing it up like, yeah, my name's Owen. And this is my wife. I didn't want him to think I was too creepy. So I pointed over at you and I waved you over. I said, that's my wife over there. And because she said, well, why don't you sit on the lap? Sit on the bride's lap and we'll take your picture with all of us behind you. And I said, well, I'm not sure that the real Owen would appreciate that. I appreciate that. Well, I guess the real Owen's mom was there. And she said, oh, I'm his mom. He's okay. He would be fine with it. Yeah. So then you waved me over and I took the picture of all of y'all. And I said, oh, so you're marrying an Owen, hon. She said, yeah. And I said, well, we've been married 40 years. So marrying an Owen's not a bad thing. Yeah. And they kept saying, oh, it's just not a very common name. Isn't it so coincidental that your name is Owen too? Welcome back to Segment 2, where you're going to hear some respectful, pervy, cool-ass people talk about the lifestyle. Excellent job, honey. I think you need to say it again. Respectful, pervy, cool-ass people. Cool-ass people, yeah. Cool-ass is like one word. Cool-ass people. Yeah, you know, I was trying to think back as to where do we think this perception of the lifestyle that we have before we get in it, where does that come from? And I was trying to think, because you and I watched some TV shows, and I think most of it for us comes from these poorly done movies or TV shows that portrayed what this was like in the 70s. Where else are you going to get it from? Well, I mean, I don't, maybe it was like this in the 70s. I've got to believe that there were some people out there doing it the way that we were doing it back then. It would probably just be hard to find without the internet. But, you know, we watched The Masters of Sex was the show we watched. We watched Swingtown for that season it was on, and we watched a couple of years ago the movie, or the TV show. This was probably on Netflix, right? It was, yeah. And in each of those, they either did key parties, there was cheating. One guy cheated on his wife even though they were swingers. Well, there were house parties in both Swingtown and Sex Life. And house parties, they're a tricky business, no matter what your perception is. Yeah, but in Sex Life, his wife was giving another... another guy a blowjob and he went over and punched a guy and knocked his teeth out yeah well yeah there was a lot more to the story than that but i mean there was drama yeah it was drama it was adults behaving badly and so well it's it's adults letting their emotions control everything you know they're they're experiencing things that are they're out of their comfort zone and they're reacting you know because they're unprepared right another Your show was that show with your Jamie Fraser guy in it. Yes. It was on, I think it was on Hulu, and it was called That Couple Next Door. Yeah. And it was about two, it took place in England, and it was about two couples that lived basically across the street from each other, and one couple was an experienced couple. Of course, all the cul-de-sac. Yeah, it was. Where it always happens. I know, it was a cul-de-sac. One couple was experienced, and the other couple was very naive. But the four of them really did hit it off socially. And then there was this attraction. And after a few gatherings... I think the first episode, we were really surprised that they handled it the way we would have handled it. Yes. At first, the experienced couple did a great job of... Putting a sexy vibe out there, but not overstepping and... Well, the Jamie Fraser guy even said, I don't think we should play with you guys because you're our neighbors. We see you all the time. You know, we want to be your friends. Yeah, it took a couple gatherings for them to even talk about non-monogamy. And then when they did, they did it very well. At first. Yeah, and there was clearly chemistry And at first, they were like, y'all need to kind of think about it and talk about it as a couple and all the right things. And then it got to be sexy time. Well, it was chemistry between two of the couples. Well, I mean, one of the couples. Yeah, there wasn't that elusive four-way connection that we all strive for, right? Right. And then once it got into the bedroom, it just devolved quickly. Yeah. Yeah, they did a divide and conquer. They did all the things. Then emotions got involved in it. And then there was some new relationship energy. Imbalances between spouses. And then there was a whole lot of other stuff going on in the plot that didn't have anything to do with the sex that was crazy. Right. And really poor communication between spouses. Yeah. So, yeah, it was kind of like what not to do in the lifestyle. But see, I think these shows have to, they inject drama because that's, That's their blueprint for all shows. Even non-lifestyle shows. There's going to be drama. There's going to be tension. And then there's going to be a breakup. And then there has to be a resolution at the end. But there was no resolution at the end of this, was there? No. Well, no. And, I mean, it's a good show. And when we first started watching, I'm like, maybe this is going to be like a show. It shows non-monogamy in a positive light, but then it did not. No, it did not. Anyway, it leaves a little bit of a seedy, unhealthy, shady idea for everybody about what this lifestyle, what non-monogamy is about. Right, right. And I think a lot of us have this perception of what it is until we get in it. And then a lot of us realize that it's a whole lot more than that. Well, if you're thoughtful about it, you know, and you're communicating with your partner, it can be a really good thing. If you're going into it with your, you know, blinders on and let's just do this and see what happens, you know, then those bad scenes in TV shows, you know, come to fruition. Right. But even before we got in it, we initially didn't want, we wanted to keep this part of our life. Totally secret, totally separate. It would be a hobby. We didn't really talk about making friends with people. You know, it was going to be this little thing we did off to the side while we continued to live our normal life. Right, because at first we thought it was just going to be about sex. Right. And it was going to be a very small segment in the rest of our lives, right? Right. And it didn't take long for that to start to kind of become a more important part of our lives. And it wasn't because of the sex. It was because of everything else. Right. Exactly. But as you all know, if you've been listening to us for a while, or if you're in our community, that we have discovered it's a whole lot more than that. Yeah. And now most of our best friends, a lot of our best friends are lifestyle friends. And they've stayed with us. We've stayed with them. We've met their families. We've seen them be supportive of each other. We've seen them be nonjudgmental and unselfish and honest and just good people. Yep. A whole lot more than we ever expected. Right. So that's what we're going to hear. I was really pleased with the number of different opinions and experiences and perceptions that people shared at Desire. So enough of us talking, let's just listen to the conversation of our friends. Yep, we'll come back together and wrap it up. Being in a lifestyle has given me the opportunity to meet friends who help me grow as an individual and in our relationship because we're able to have discussions that I cannot have with my vanilla friends. So when I talk to my vanilla friends, and we have a good group, as you can tell, I have no problem talking I love to make friends make connections but with our vanilla friends we talk about well the weather you know how's the family and that's all good stuff right current events those things but we never have really any intimate type conversations that help you question yourself some of the ideas you have or some of the decisions you make so forth and so on so before getting into that though what was your thought about what this is that you might be So initially, I thought more about the physical aspects of it. And now I'm thinking more about how thankful I am that I'm able to grow emotionally and mentally through the connections that I'm making. Thank you. So the question being, what does it become? For me personally, and with my partner specifically, it's been a really unique opportunity to grow. as a couple in ways that I didn't even think were possible, I think. We always had a very, very good relationship and like a lot of people that have probably made this transition to this beautiful part of life is, you know, you might get a little bit stale here and there. You might make excuses for why you don't want to be intimate some night or why you don't want to have really open communication. And what this has become for us is like unlocking a cheat code for Just supreme, as I say, radical candor all the time. Like, what aren't you getting? What do you need more of? What don't you want? Like, really being really specific with what you need in your life, in your sex life, in whatever it may be. And that's just kind of blossomed into this thing that has, like, monumentally grown in ways, again, as I said, that we never thought was possible. And going into this, I thought, you know, yeah, we get to, have sex with a lot of sexy people that's really really cool uh and and that's certainly a part of it and a really awesome and amazing part of it too but um yeah it's it's been a lot more about the growth as a couple the communication and um shedding a lot of the self-conscious aspects of of my personality of our personalities um which i still have a long way to go with that in a lot of ways too but um yeah it's it's been all just really good stuff Thank you, sir. When I first thought about the lifestyle, I thought that it was only about when you go to parties and everybody puts their keys in the bowl. That's what I thought. It was very stereotypical. Then when I first got into the lifestyle, it was really about couples, one-on-one, going on a date. And I thought, well, that's an interesting experience. What We Got A Thing has done has created a community. I didn't know there was a community of people. I thought that this was just something that you made eyes at another couple across the bar and maybe that night you would get lucky or you would pick up the bartender to be a third in your relationship. But I didn't know there was a community of people. And so being in this group, when my partner first said, hey, I've been listening to this podcast, you should listen to it. I was like, oh, God, here we go. But what we have found, our friends, our people, confidants, our people that we can share our family with, but also share our deepest, you know, insecurities and questions. And so without We Got a Thing, we wouldn't have found that. And that's what's made this explode for us. It's not in the dark, one-on-one, hiding. It is being our authentic selves in front of a whole bunch of people who actually really like us, and we like them. So thank you all for being in my life. We kind of like you, too. When we first started this or looked into it, I really thought, like everybody else, it was about sex with other people. And yes, it has been that way. And this community's been great, but I wanted to talk about, for me, how it changed me as a woman. Because as a, we'll say, older woman, I lived a life of being feeling invisible and non-sexual because I was a mom, I was a wife. This has opened my eyes to me as a sexual being. In vanilla life, men won't look at you. I mean, I get, you know, they kind of turn away. In this space, it has allowed me to explore being non-invisible. And people are, especially women in this community, are so giving of compliments and they feel so genuine. And when a woman gives you a genuine compliment, it means so much. And so, yes, it's been great as a couple. We've learned so much about each other, but other people are talking about that. But as a woman, I have learned to value myself in a way that I didn't before. And if I could describe what you're wearing, what you're barely wearing. I always wore clothes that cover me up, like the baggier, the better. And it wasn't until we started this that I was like, you know what? I can show myself and not be ashamed. And so I love it. And my husband has, I think, been a beneficiary of that in a few ways. So thank you. Thank you, everybody. Thank you. So I'll be the second person to mention the key parties. As a child of the 80s and 90s, that was really our impression of what swinging was all about, you know, from the 60s and 70s. The other pop culture reference really was Austin Powers, where it was like all about male pleasure and women as objects. Fuka me and Fuka you. Right. You know, there was no connection. There was no focus on the woman's pleasure. And so it always seemed kind of gross and seedy and not something that we would want to ever be involved in. And then even thinking back to our first experience with the lifestyle, which kind of fell in our lap and maybe someday will be the subject of another podcast episode. We really had no connection with anybody there. We didn't really even know their names. We were just invited. We went and it was kind of cool and sexy and supercharged us for a little while. We had no idea how to make that happen or what that would even look like. And so then once we found not only that, you know, swinging was a thing and it didn't look like that gross stuff from the 60s and 70s or Austin Powers and found this community, we found out not only is it just about but kind of some of those misogynistic notions of sex as being about male pleasure were set aside and the women take a primary role in in quite a lot of what we do and their pleasure is very much a focus of of everything that we do so i think it is really good to experience kind of that shift in mentality about the lifestyle and the focus on women and their role you know not not just in swinging and And just fair warning, if anyone mentions Austin Powers, Seinfeld, Bugs Bunny, or Monty Python, there's no telling what is going to come out of my mouth. So I was not going to come up here, not even a little bit, but I want to follow up on what she said. And this is going to be hard for me to say. So anyway, before the lifestyle, in general, Well, swinging in general, I thought was women are all about objects, right? And you're just there for whatever the men, whatever. That was stupid. Got it. Got it now. But what I found is I feel safer around the people in the lifestyle than I ever have. I was walking around in a bodysuit with a thong back, fishnet stockings, and five-inch heels by myself at night. And I was like, And as a survivor of some pretty intense trauma, it's special. So I just want you guys all to know how very special you are. And there's no room for tears in podcasts, so I will shut up now. But anyway, I just wanted you guys to all know that for me, this has been very healing, as a matter of fact, and we're very early on. But all right, done. Thank you. I feel like I'd be speaking to our avatar from about seven months ago because we you know we're asking a lot of those questions or we were we would have hoped to find found this community to have told us what it would be like but it would have if we were if I if if I were to come back and talk to ourselves from seven months ago and and tell us what what we would find it's it's like imagine a world like I sound like a Trailer. Imagine a world where we could drop all of the unnecessary filters that we have that kind of keep us in the shame that we have had for so long in our lives about something that is so pleasurable, something that is so growth-oriented, something that is so connective, something that builds a community, and just something that drops all of that, that brings out the authenticity of who we are and the vulnerability of who we are, helps us to connect more on a deeper level, not just sexually, but personally. And in a short amount of time, we've only been here five days, but we've made friends that are just, you know, that I think we're going to, I hope we're going to have for a lifetime. And it's just, you know, it's been incredible. And just in this last seven months, the growth that we've experienced, if you want to make, you know, if you want to bring a good relationship to a great relationship and you're feeling that, it's amazing. I'll also add, you know, just being able to watch my spouse from a new perspective on experiencing the enjoyment and the pleasure that she has. It was, that was not on my bingo card of what I would expect to enjoy. It's, but it's, it's amazing. And I'm, and, and I'm, I'm really, it, it just brings us that much closer together. So thank you both. So I'm going to go off just a little bit of spin from what you said as well. If you had have asked me, I'll say two years ago, because we've been in a lifestyle just a little over a year. But if you'd asked me two years ago, my perception in this lifestyle, I would have been, how can you do that? You're putting your marriage in jeopardy. How can you be with And then allow other people to come into that, into your relationships. But the thing that I have experienced is the friendships that we built, the knowledge that I've gained about myself, the freedom that I have developed, and If you'd have said that our relationship could have gotten any stronger, I'd have been like, there's no way. But because I gained a lot of confidence, a lot of knowledge about myself, I shared far more with him than I have. I mean, we've been together for 41 years. So he's learned probably as much about me in the last year than he did in the first 30 years of our marriage, I'll say. And then, too, the person that I have become, like I said, I've become more confident. And I told him one day, we were just sitting and talking, and I started crying. I was like, you know what? I like this person. I really like the person that I have become in the last year because I wouldn't have done this. I would not have ever been comfortable in coming up and looking at y'all, y'all, and telling you, you know this story. But to ever be able to describe that to somebody else, I don't think that you can until you can or they can open it up and experience it. So, I mean, we've always been very social people. Always. And you've had people ask us if we were in the lifestyle well before we were in the lifestyle. And we weren't. But like I said, we've always been very social. But then just the friendships. I mean, I can't. I can't even describe the friendships that we have developed. And to the community that you all are. I actually did thank Mrs. Jones for the community that y'all are developing. It's not just a group. It's the knowledge that you all are giving us and the tools that we're getting from the community too that I do really appreciate it. So thank you all. Thank you. One of the things that you just said that I think is amazing is that you feel like you have more freedom now. You know, and sometimes you think of freedom as like willy-nilly permission to do whatever, right? And I think the freedom is to like acknowledge that we have these desires. You know, we were talking to somebody yesterday. It was actually an employee here at Desire, and he said, we were talking about non-monogamy, and he said, When you get married, your brain commits to this other person. The desire you have in your body doesn't get married. That desire doesn't change that you have inside of yourself, but you've committed to one person, but then we still have these desires. And now we have the freedom to explore those desires. Just to go off of what you just said about committing your brain to your partner, but having all of those other things. I used the example the other night of a rope of a tether with your partner that's created when you become partners and the visualization of it being strong and tight. And all of these experiences just add colorful, you know, I picture it as just like small colorful ropes kind of being added and like woven into this already incredibly strong connection that you have. But what I was going to say just to who you're saying, there's no room for tears in podcasts. I feel like one of the biggest omissions in people's assumptions is how emotionally deep and intense. this space can get if you're doing it the right way, if you're doing it this way. Last year, the last night here, I spent the entire night sobbing my face off and the entire trip to the airport in the airport on the way home because I was so overwhelmed with joy and had this contentment and feelings about myself that I had never, to a level that I'd never reached in my entire life. And I had no idea where to go with it. It was, there was too much, it was, it was the, I can't even, yeah, I can't even describe it. And so the assumption that the lifestyle is just, you know, just about the physical, the physical aspects, which again, like we've all said, is a pretty wonderful bonus. But the introspection and the, the personal growth that it's created, is something that I could have never anticipated. And also, I don't think I ever would have found it anywhere else but here. So. So I'm a pretty literal person, so I'll answer the question literally. Before we entered the lifestyle, I thought that it was just people going to parties, you know, house parties or whatever, orgies and that kind of stuff, and all physical, nothing. I didn't really think about the rest of what the possibilities were. But what I found was that we've made friendships that in such a short period of time have gone so far past even some of our friends that we've had for 25 years. And I think of it kind of as an accelerant for learning who people really are and making friendships in a very short period of time that you don't have All these barriers. Somebody mentioned about the guardrails of vanilla society. Those are all gone. And so you can be just who you are. And people accept you for who you are. And those friendships, I hope, last a long time. I think my partner and I have been in the lifestyle longer than a lot of the folks here in the room. And when you think about anything in life, as we learn how to adult, the definitions change. Parenting changes as your kids get older. Friendships change. For me, my first wife and I dabbled in the lifestyle. And then if you get the reference to old Dan Jenkins novels, I went through a period when I was between spouses of some pretty serious sport fucking. But then you find your people. And I found that one over there. In the lifestyle, you know, it starts out, as we said, the key parties, the titillation of finding a new couple and maybe notching the belt. And it's very unfulfilling. When you meet the community, which We Got a Thing has given us, you have the opportunity to form some very deep friendships, emotional friendships. We've traveled across the country with lifestyle friends. Never had sex with them. But they're some of the best friendships that we've had. And now, as we're a little bit older, in the vanilla world, you have great friends. You can go play foursome golf, go play tennis, pickleball, go out to dinner. The beautiful thing here is you have these deep friendships and you have the opportunity to have some really hot sex on the side. You know, as we've all said, the ability to communicate on any topic is available. You know, when you go to a bar or a club, you have fun, and you dance with the one that brought you. In the lifestyle, we have the opportunity to have a lot of fun. Just go home with the one that brought you. Well said. I knew when my heart started beating, I was like, Okay, that's a cue for me to say something. So I'm out here saying something. And before the lifestyle, I was very insecure about my relationship, about the way I looked, the way I presented myself. And I would equate that to an onion about all the expectations that society has put on me. So those layers kept coming up and not coming up. The older I got was all these layers that were built around my core, my soul, my heart. And then I realized, stepping into this, it's like that peeling back just layers and layers of vulnerability in myself. And I know I'm not going to cry. But speaking from my heart and my spouse just, The more layers I pulled back, the core to myself and feeling of that freedom that I felt. And the more love I felt for other people. And that jealousy just melted away. And it's so amazing, not only to be myself, but to have so much compersion for my spouse. And it's just completely amazing. And I'm so, so grateful. to be a part of this community, even for this short amount of time. So, thank you. I think sometimes as women, when we're married to these really hot guys, and we are the moms, and, you know, we carry all that baggage with us, we carry the stretch marks from carrying the babies, right? And I think your assumption is, wow, You know, I'm married to this hot guy, other women are going to want him, but am I just going to come along for the ride? And I think the lifestyle teaches you that we have something to offer and that we don't have to be physically perfect to be attractive to other people. And I think that that's been a big gift for me. And probably speaking for a lot of the guys here, that's ridiculous. I know we're complicated we're complicated so uh we got into the lifestyle post-covid and during covid you know we we saw neighbors and co-workers getting divorced because they realized they couldn't they weren't the same people being stuck in that room together um and I think we realized that not only did we love each other But we liked each other. And we were an actual team during COVID. And that we should probably do more as a team than just be parents and co-workers and housekeepers and things like that. So that sort of set us on our path into the lifestyle with conversations and open communication and what ifs and all of that. And what we, you know, we went in like everyone else, you know, house parties, key parties, orgies, all those wonderful things. a community of kindred spirits. You know, people with a sense of adventure, a sense of exploration. You know, and it didn't, doesn't always manifest into sexual exploration or connections. We have wonderful friends that are just wonderful friends. Everything's on the table for conversation. Nothing is taboo. But I've also found that I've taken a lot of those skills now back into my vanilla life, like opening the circle. And people are shocked. when you just invite them in. We went to a vanilla resort and we would say good morning to people and they were kind of surprised that you were interacting and you weren't part of their group. It's so fun to mess with them that way. It really is. They stay in their little tiny groups and they don't just make new friends. And I think that's been so valuable to us because we have more friends now than ever. And they're so unique and different and from all walks of life and careers. and life stages. It's just been, I don't know, so enriching on so many levels. So thank you. I appreciate the, you know, when you say, I felt my heart beating and I felt like I needed to say something. And thank you for responding to that. Because a lot of times in situations like this, we don't anticipate, you know, We're not going to get up. We're not going to say anything. But when the point that I'm trying to make here is that when you start to open up and when you're vulnerable and when you get up and say something about you as a woman, it all comes back to this community. Other people need to hear your story. Other people need to see your vulnerability. Other people will relate to that. and in turn will then open up and do some reflection, you know, or therapy. All of us need it because of these layers of the onion that we all have. And really, when you all share this sort of a thing, it's easier for us to, even those who did not get up and speak, to walk out of here going, you know, wow, I had never thought of that before. Or next time I'm with somebody, I'm going to share this information. And that's really what community is all about, in our opinion. Well, you know, you just said, you know, everyone needs it. Well, I think, again, the first thought is, oh, do I really need to have sex with other people? Or to take it a step further, do I really have to have sex with other people to be in the lifestyle? And the answer is no. But I think everybody needs the opportunity or the nudge to do some self-reflection and to really think about who they are as a person and that we all still have value and that we have opportunities to grow, whether that just is to allow yourself to be in a sexy environment and just kind of stick with your partner and have a great week that way. or if you are curious enough to explore being with other people. It's whatever makes you feel like you're still growing as a person. As somebody who's older, it is really encouraging that some of the filters or the layers of the onion that we strip away are age stereotypes and gender stereotypes and skin color stereotypes. And as someone alluded to earlier, I can have a conversation with a woman or a man, but really I'm having a conversation with a human being. And a lot of those layers that have been imposed upon us have prevented us from looking at a woman and seeing her as an opportunity to have a relationship with another human being. And so a lot of this, when you strip it all down, I'm encouraged that I know I just talked about age, but I'm encouraged that younger people are so much, seem to be so much more open and willing to explore this and maybe don't have as much of those, hopefully not as many layers on that onion as those of us from a different generation. So it's encouraging, I think, to see that in our community and, you know, at some point in time, you know, this is going to have to be passed along. And it's just exciting to us to see people come in with passion and excitement and enthusiasm and want to not only that. And I can tell from you all sitting here, you're the type of person who I love to receive this and I love to heal and I love to grow. But now I want to share that with somebody else. I want to help somebody else understand that that's what community is all about. Welcome back. I hope you enjoyed listening to all of our friends. And I hope you agree with us that there were some pretty wise comments shared. Yeah, and one of the reasons we talked about doing this episode was that so you could hear from other people what their perceptions were and what they've learned about themselves and the lifestyle. I know you guys hear it from us a lot, but it was just refreshing to hear other people try to describe in their own words what this is. So hopefully what that's going to do is, like you were saying before our break, is we're trying to normalize this, you know, and the more people that use their voice and share this, you know, kind of information about the reality of the lifestyle, you know, the sooner that we're going to change that perception. that all of these bad TV shows are creating out there. Because people are real. The people that we meet are real. They're genuine, genuine people, and they genuinely care. Very respectful. Even like husbands to other husbands, and wives to wives. Just very respectful. Yeah, yeah. And you know, when you spend a week with people, kind of like, Remove from day-to-day reality, right? I think you really are able to have some great conversations and really allow yourself to be vulnerable. And I think when I get into those conversations with people, and we're talking about vulnerable things, that makes them sexy to me. Yes, right. And you mentioned the ladies. A lot of the ladies mentioned that it takes some courage out and to put yourself out there when you look at yourself and you say that you're imperfect. But all of that together just to me makes people more interesting and more attractive and more sexy if you can see them as their whole person. Yes. All right. Do we have snapshots tonight? There was a lot that happened at Desire. I think we got a couple snapshots in the bank. Yeah. Well, who goes first? Me? You can go first. All right. I had missed, you know, when we put our outline together, we jot down what our snapshots was. And I put down Hammerhead for some reason. And I'm like, you have a snapshot about a shark? Like a Hammerhead shark? Like, what are you talking about? And I put this together so long ago that I couldn't remember. I said, oh, I know what it was. It was that sex toy that your friend brought along. And you said, that's not Hammerhead, it's Thumper. Yeah, it wasn't even close. Yeah. So I want to talk about Thumper. Thumper is a double-sided dildo that packs quite a punch. It's rechargeable. You're going to have to describe the motions that it does. Well, one end vibrates, and the other end is like the thrusting. It does a thrusting motion. Yeah. So there was like fun for everybody. It's big. I just remember it's big and it's red and it's about three feet long. Oh, I thought. First of all, it was pink. And it wasn't three feet long. I mean, it was just the right length for, you know. Are you sure it was pink? Mm-hmm. Oh, I thought it was red. Oh, maybe my new one is red and hers was purple. Oh, because we got one in the mail after the weekend. We did. Thumper has a sister now. Like... Well, I mean, it's a double-ended dildo. Yeah. One side vibrates, one side is a thruster, so you get to pick your poison. And so which side did you use? I think I used the vibrating side. Okay, so you... And my friend used the thrusting side. So you scissor yourselves together and then impale yourselves. Yes. And then turn it on. Yes. It's a lot sexier than impaling. Like... I mean, do you use... Do you think of that word, like, when you and I have sex, you impale me? No. Like, it's the same thing. I just, you know, just the size, I guess I'm just intimidated by the size of it. But, so, the other husband and I, we kind of just stand behind you and prop you up to give you some leverage to push against. Yeah. Because, like, when I'm leaning back, like, my wrist gets sore, you know, because I'm, like, all my, like, my center of gravity is, like. on my wrists. So yeah, you were kind of helping me out with that. It seemed to do the trick. I think there were a couple of orgasms that Thumper notched on his belt that night. Her. I kind of think it's a girl. Although, I mean, I guess it's two dicks. It should be a guy. Well, you know, it could be a transgender toy. That's true. It's fun, whatever it is. It's a gender neutral toy that's two dicks. own now. Yes. But you, have you used it yet? Yes, I have. Oh yeah, that's right. You used that. It was christened right away. It was with another friend, you know. Well, you know, pass it along, pass it along. That's right. Our mantra is. That's right. Yeah. So anyway, Thumper is my, was my snapshot. Yes. What about you? Well, mine was kind of an apology tour. In more ways than one. I know. And damn it if it wasn't tequila again. Tequila? I don't know. Is tequila my friend or not my friend? That's the question. Well, it makes for good content on the podcast. I pretty much remember everything except for this one little detail that I'll get to in a minute. So we were in the hot tub one night and we had been day drinking, as you do at Desire. at least two tequila shots. I'm pretty sure there was probably more than two. And then I was drinking margaritas and we were drinking wine. Like I had like all the alcohol that day. Luckily, I'm only dumb enough to do this once during each of our trips. Right. So this was the night. So anyway, feeling pretty good. Went to dinner. Dinner was fine. After dinner, we did the show and then we went up to the hot tub. And there were like, I think, four Four or five couples kind of all gathered around. And the hot tub, the new hot tub at Desire RM is an awkward depth. It is. And I think I've talked about this before. For guys my height, it's awkward. It's like I'm teabagging. Yes, for tall guys that have, well, you have like, what, a 34, 36 inseam. So your junk floats perfectly. Right on the surface. It's just, it's just awkward. So you either have to stand up and have it hanging out or fortunately I can get on my knees, but then the water's up to my neck. Yeah, right. Well, I was, and then around the edge of the hot tub is our benches. So like I was sitting on the bench with next to one of my girlfriends and there was, um, you guys were kind of standing up and the girls were sitting down. So basically your junk was like at eye level. Because the bench is kind of low too. So when you sit on the bench, if you're a girl, the water comes up to your throat basically. Well, I was drunk. And this guy, his stuff was like right in front of me. And I said, you know, last year at RM, there was a uniform night and I dressed up like a police officer. And one of my friends got us badges to put on our police uniforms. and the badge said pecker inspector. I said, I clearly, this is a perfect position to be in if you're a pecker inspector because I got peckers all over the place in front of me. So this guy, I mean, we've met him a few times, but we've never played with them. And I just looked at his junk and I said, so can I inspect your pecker? And he was like, sure. to just dive right in and give him a double blow job. I don't really know how long I waited for him to say sure before I just kind of like dove right in. You overthink things. You asked him. First of all, you didn't need to ask him because we know him and he was grinning the whole time. Second of all, you did ask him and he gave you consent. Well, I kind of remember asking him. I think I want to remember asking him. I probably don't remember as well as I should. So anyway, yeah, so we gave him a double blow job. blowjob. And I mean, I think he had fun. I had fun. He's very sexy. So the next morning, I wake up and the first thing I think of is, oh my gosh, I did that, didn't I? And then I'm like, I don't really remember asking for consent. And I knew who the first person was. And then I remembered I did it to somebody else too. Yeah, you said, I know who I need to apologize to, but there was two guys and I can't remember who the second person was. I'm not sure who the second one is you started laughing and you didn't tell me for a long time you let me stew in it I think we had actually gone to coffee yeah because I knew who the second person was the second person was Mr. Jones and you didn't ask consent for me well did I really need to no but it must have been really memorable I know I felt so horrible But anyway, thankfully, the first gentleman, who was still my friend, thank goodness, he was down having coffee at, not CC's, but Jenny's Bar, which was right outside of our room. So we walked out to go get coffee, and he was down there, and I turned around and looked at you, and I'm like, I'll be right back. I have to go apologize. So I went over to him and said good morning and gave him a hug, and I said, I'm not really sure how much consent I asked for last night. I kind of think I owe you an apology. And he's like, oh, no, you don't owe me an apology. It was fun. I was like, oh, thank God. No, but you did owe me an apology. I know. I felt terrible. For the wrong reason. I felt terrible. You're always memorable. Yeah. But I've had so many opportunities to like enjoy your deliciousness. You don't have to keep digging. You should just quit while you're ahead. They all just blend together. You can just quit while you're ahead. I can't dig myself out of this hole, can I? No, you can't. It's best just to say the end. All right. Well, we hope you enjoyed this conversation we had tonight with our friends. And we are looking forward to being back again next month with a couple of more podcasts. We'd love for you to check out our WGT community, which you can find information about on our website. W-E-G-O-T-T-A-T-H-I-N-G dot com. You can always email me at mrjones at wegotathing.com. Or me at mrsjones at wegotathing.com. And we are super excited about our new social media manager. And she's got us back up on X and is doing some really, really cool stuff on Instagram. So you can follow us there. Don't forget if you want to try SDC or Cassidy as lifestyle dating sites, we have Links on our website for free trials. I think that about covers everything. Well, and you can book your Desire trips through us as well. You can book, you can find all the information about Desire Pearl and Revere Mile on our site and book your trip through our website. And you too can do an apology tour the next morning. How about that? It's a good sales pitch. Or you could be on the recipient side. That's true. Of an apology tour. That's true. Which is not a bad thing either. All right. Well, thanks for listening. Mr. Mrs. Jones, and we got a thing. What's your thing?