Episode 135: Origin Story- Going Deeper with Kurt & Vicki

Transcript

Speaker1: This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a longtime married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us? Hello, everyone. I'm Mr. Jones. And I'm Mrsrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 135 of the we got a thing podcast 135 is an origin story podcast origin story with our good friends kurt and vicky and for those of you who might just be joining us we have uh was about a year and a half ago we decided to add a couple of new formats to our podcast we do our traditional format which is similar to our first 100 episodes where it's just the two of us you and me just blabbering yes yeah and then of course once a month we are recording with somebody from katherine's team ation. And the purpose of those podcasts is to go a little bit deeper into some of the topics that we've talked about in the past from the perspective of a counselor or a coach and their experience. So they're giving us some credibility. Yeah, exactly. And then we have our origin story. So you can get a good idea of, it always interesting and I think in the lifestyle when you meet somebody everybody likes to share their origin story yeah and like you know our podcast has been going on a while and you know you and I just are two people and we have one lifestyle journey to share with other people and there's just so many different ways people enter the lifestyle and engage in the lifestyle and right and um you know they're they're ups and downs we all have them so i think it's i think it's really good for people to be able to hear other stories yeah and if you are in our community or if you are a listener to our podcast and you think you have an interesting origin story send me an email mrjones at wegotathing.com and yep if it's uh interesting we'll put you on the list and perhaps record one day so we just got back from desire yes i think i'm caught up on my sleep I know you know I'm not gonna lie you know I I don't feel old until I stay up till two o'clock in the morning like seven nights in a row well it was sunny it was hot we were drinking not enough water but midweek we did go to bed early oh yeah we went to bed at 12 30 like at home that that's a late night that we went to bed at 12 30 last night yeah and we thought we were staying up late so the next time we do a regular episode we will tell you a little bit more about that but a little bit of a hint we did reop our cherries yes and had play experiences we're back in the swing of things which is exciting i know i let the cat out of the bag um but and we also have set the dates and we will mention this in an upcoming episode too we have our wgt travel dates to desire for the next two years yeah we're actually getting ahead of the game a little bit well and we actually made our own reservations remember what was it like a year and a half ago a couple years ago we forgot it was like six weeks before and like we didn't get the little email from desire reminding us to pay our final deposit or our final payment and we were like oh my god we don't have a room yeah we're of the party. Yeah, that won't happen again. So anyway, more details coming up in another episode or two. We are going to Seattle the end of this month, July 25th and 26th, 2025. We are co-hosting an event out there with Spicy Travel and Club Sapphire. And if you want information on that, there are still some openings. ClubSapphire.com. And I'll put that website in the show notes. But we would love for you to join us for that weekend takeover of the club and the hotel. Yeah, we haven't been to a club in a long time spicy in seattle yes and we have never been to the pacific northwest so we are looking forward to this on multiple levels yeah and then before we turn this over to kurt and vicky we did go on mrs jones's birthday at the end of may to charleston yes south carolina to visit our friends it was an excellent birthday yes it was a beautiful weekend and a lot of fun charleston is an awesome city kind of reminds us of where we were from in virginia yeah yeah we did a dinner historic oh we did a dinner on saturday night in downtown charleston and it was this cute little like row house you know just super super narrow and old rickety stairs going up that the most charming little bar charming that we went into before dinner the floor was not level and the walls were crooked and but that made me feel like i was authentic yeah and then we crammed into that bar area i think there were about eight people in the bar area and it was crammed oh but it was a beautiful i mean just beautiful woodwork and a gorgeous fireplace behind it um no and the and the drinks were amazing the food was beyond incredible and we got kirk and vicky drunk and um to coerce them into doing a podcast with us no i'm just kidding they they volunteered um they have an interesting story um and i think most stories are interesting hopefully the story is different than ours i mean some of it's very similar yeah but but uh it's a it's a unique journey so rather than spend any more time introducing them we'll just cut right over into segment two and lesson and let you listen to their story welcome back to segment two and we're going to go a little deeper with our friends, Kurt and Vicki, and like the middle school boy in me wants to go, hee, we're going to go deeper. True. So welcome. We're really excited to be sitting here with you guys, and just want you to take a minute and introduce yourself. I'm Kurt. I'm married to Vicki. We've been members of the community for five years and been in the lifestyle for about six altogether. Our origin story is actually pretty typical to a lot of other stories that we've heard in the lifestyle. We raised four boys together and we're a couple that probably over-invested in our children through all of that. When our youngest left for college, we found ourselves in a place where we really didn't know what to do with each other. You know, we had focused so much of our attention on our kids that we quickly realized that there was some work to do in our relationship if we wanted to stay together in this new chapter. So we decided to try and reinvigorate what we had as a younger couple and decided to find a sexy vacation that we could go and just do some nude sunbathing and try and reintroduce ourselves to each other. That's how it all starts. I mean, so it really sounds pretty typical to a lot of others. So we had done some nude sunbathing early on in our relationship pre-kids. And so we were looking for a place to go and did some search on the internet and found Desire, presented that to Vicky as an option. And as we dug into it a little deeper, we quickly realized that there was a little bit more going on there than just new, new sunbiting. How long have you guys been together? Well, we'll be married 28 years in June. So this is our second marriage and we actually met each other when I was 14 and he was 17. We dated two years in high school and it was a pretty deep relationship at that point for two kids i mean we loved each other and when we separated because of me still being in high school he had graduated he'd started working i mean we were just at different life paths at that point so we separated but i was heartbroken because I loved him we went on our separate ways we each married other people and then 12 years later found ourselves back together so we've known each other a long time so when you went your separate ways though was that more of a well you, if we're meant to be together, we'll get back together? Or was it more, look, it's been nice knowing you. I'm going to go live my direction and you're going to go your direction? That's pretty much what it was. I kept every letter he wrote me because back then you called on the phone, you wrote letters. I kept every letter. I still have them. Did you have the phone with the extra long extension cord on it? And I had a phone in my room. Ah, that's right, because we only had two phones in our home, and they were both within earshot of mom and dad pretty much all the time. So we got back together. We went our separate ways, and it was. It was like that. So I didn't think I would ever see him again. I would think about him from time to time. My best friend knew him from high school. So she would give me time to time updates. I knew he had gotten married and knew when he and his wife had a son. So I had some updates, but just went on with my life. And then one day out of the blue, I found out he had called my mother and just talked to her for about a half an hour and just said he had been thinking about me had a dream had not thought about me at all had a dream out of the blue i was in the dream so he decided to call my mom and see how i was doing left his phone number and the rest is history well actually the rest is just the beginning well right that's true so it's it's probably good that we make this disclaimer that we've known you guys for what five years i think five years we met during covid when we were trying to decide if these people were safe enough for us to spend time with and then how in the world were we going to find a place that was open that we could sneak away to and separate ourselves enough and then interview each other to make sure we wanted to get in close proximity so it was a COVID introduction. It was so funny like we we met you guys at an event like the year before and it kind stayed in touch, but not really. But we knew we were going to be close to where you lived when we went away on our little COVID vacation. And so the four of us decided to meet up. And when we saw each other, do you remember? We were afraid to hug each other. Yes, I remember. Because we had been so trained to stay six feet away. And it's like, well, how is this going to work if we all have to stay six feet away and it's like well how is this gonna work if we all have to stay six feet away from each other and and it was so weird to like be like is it okay to hug you i remember you asking me that because mr jones had come up and met us and walked us down to the beach where you were and you got up and you said is it okay if we hug yeah yeah we got over that pretty quick so we we met these guys and we became friends and over the past few years we've spent time together you know here and here and there and you know as everyone knows we've been on a bit of bit of break but we had an opportunity to get together and we're actually able to record this in person after we spend a weekend together and you know this this story is is your story but just like a lot of stories it's some of it parallels to how we or what our mindset was when we got into this and that's why we're kind of naming this episode with kurt and vicky let's go deeper because the four of us have known each other for a while. We've talked a lot about how we've evolved and changed through that. As a matter of fact, Kurt, you said last night, how different are we from the last time that we were together? Yeah. So it was very interesting to have that conversation because over the course of our journey and your journey over a five-year period, there's a lot of water under the bridge, right? You know, where our conversation took us was, you know, when, when we started into the lifestyle, it was, it was pretty innocent. You know, we went to desire to reconnect, which, which we did. We had a, we had a great vacation together. And so the goal was absolutely achieved. But we, we also went adamant that we had absolutely no interest in lifestyle activities yeah which quickly went out the window after spending some time at the resort and so uh we came home and put a profile up and started exploring that's where our lifestyle journey began you know so i mean we both i mean we have always had a very solid marriage you know but like any marriage we had issues that we had to work through to find common ground i i knew that some of those issues had come from you know some things that i had deep inside me that i just really chose to never really dig into. Yeah. And, and we mentioned earlier, we were talking about, because when Mrs. Jones and I started this podcast, I think one of our taglines was like deepening our relationship. So at the, at the outset, which you guys shared, we're getting in this, it sounds like sexy fun. Let's go on a way on a vacation. We're never going to do anything with these people. And then as you start to think about it, it's really the sexy part of it that draws us into it. But quickly we realized, as you guys mentioned, that, wow, we're actually becoming closer because of this. And our relationship is going to another level. As the four of us were talking about what we wanted to base this message on it's deepening there's so many different opportunities to deepen these friendships and relationships that um that's what we've discovered is our thing you know at this point in time yeah so like we click i mean just like everybody else we got into it thinking it it was going to be all about the sex, you know, and as a male, you know, I was walking around with this Pollyanna vision in my mind where I was, like, oh, Vicky was essentially agreeing to exploring this, and I was going to have this opportunity to fuck as many women as I wanted you know like and so but but it quickly it quickly changed for me i quickly realized that it wasn't going to be that and was it something that happened that all of a sudden like for me it was jealousy or was this like a progressive thing that you just realized over a period of time? No, I mean, I think it hit me really quickly because I was struggling with some jealousy issues, but it was really, really confusing to me because we could be with another couple and I could see Vicky with another man and I had no jealousy. In fact, it was exciting for me to see that. But afterwards... and i had no jealousy in fact it was it was exciting for me to see that but afterwards i would struggle with jealousy and i couldn't figure out where it was coming from you know and it was very confusing like how could i see my wife with a guy and be excited for that but then after the fact sitting with myself have all of this jealousy bubbling up inside me. And I think that's when we found you because I started looking for answers and then your episode three was pretty much on point to what I was feeling. And I clearly remember going to Vicki and saying, you got to listen to this. This is describing what I'm feeling. This guy's as messed messed up as i am i think for both of us we we started to realize that a lot of the things that we had kind of pushed down in our marriage didn't really address came screaming to the surface when we started these lifestyle activities well and like you said earlier kurt you were and i forget the word you use maybe over invested in your kids so as we as parents are raising kids and we don't realize that all of our individual stuff and a lot of our relationship stuff is being it's not a it's not a priority because obviously you have kids you have a few kids and then sports and school and all that stuff and then you end up being at an empty nest place unrealized that you had been pushing all this stuff down and then through this experience in the lifestyle it all comes rushing back up yeah so we were working through some issues while simultaneously experiencing a relationship that we had always wished we had you know we were having open conversations we were being more transparent and honest um and authentic than we've ever been together. So we were like at one point, I mean, at the same time, we were feeding off of all this really positive impact to our relationship while simultaneously trying to have to work through the issues that we had pushed down in our relationship. Well, let me ask you, Vicki, because as Kurt is experiencing this jealousy, were you at a place that you were concerned about what he was going through and what your part in of that was? Or did you have issues that that you discovered in yourself or was it mostly just working around the jealousy no because i mean that was another issue because he would have these feelings and instead of doing what i should have done as a good partner supporting him and trying to help him through that i would get defensive you're like well i wasn't you know i i was just making up every excuse to defend what i was doing and then that would create even more tension between us we would get in some really nasty fights over it so that would so then you know he identified some issues. So this was my issue. You know, I had to be able to own my part in some of these problems and help us figure them out together. So did you have any issues at all, like being with another man or watching Kurt with another woman? Not early on, I did not. It was later when he became more comfortable being with another woman and I could see him intimately connecting. That's when my jealousy popped up because if maybe I wasn't as connected to the guy i would be feeling like i was missing out on something or you know he's got this thing going on on this side of the bed and here's me over here so later on in the journey right so once you realize you were getting defensive and you were in this like loop that we all get into as partners what kind of jolted you to try something different do you remember well the first thing was we engaged with Catherine from expansive connection yeah I mean we had a couple of really explosive experiences that sent us reeling and each each time I would contact her, we would have an emotional session with her, you know, crying. And finally, she said to us after the second time, she said, instead of calling me when you need me and the house is on fire, let's just meet regularly. So it's probably been three years that we've been meeting with her quarterly. I don't know. and the house is on fire let's just meet regularly so it's probably been three years that we've been meeting with her quarterly so that was the first step you know being able to talk through a lot of problems with her i mean sometimes we get up to our meeting we're not even sure what we're going to talk about but then we find something and we fill the hour and a half so how did your during this time though did you stop this time though, did you stop playing with other people? Did you keep playing with other people? Yeah, I would say we were definitely powering through it, you know, and the conversations that we would have, you know, when we were upset was, man, this is really gut-wrenching. You know, we need to stop doing this to each other. But there was this part of us that didn't want to give up all of the good things that were coming to us at the same time which is why we we we decided to reach out for help you know if there was someone that could help us resolve some of what we were working through then we saw a really positive future for us in this new lifestyle do you think that your first relationships your first marriages how because i i commend you for like realizing you needed help number one and then deciding to reach out was there anything from your first relationships that you maybe learned or put you in a different position to say you know what been here before and instead of handling it another way we're going to proactively go and seek help or did those previous relationships not have that big of an impact i don't think they had a significant impact i mean everybody likes to joke and they say they have a test marriage you know like you know so you learn all the lessons of what not to do in a healthy relationship you know i think for us we we just had a deep love for each other and so i think that was the motivator like we we wanted a better relationship and we could clearly see that our relationship was getting much more healthy by doing the things in the lifestyle that we were doing I don't think it was at all related to the previous relationships it was probably went back further than that yeah so if you don't mind uh like like for me it was a girlfriend the way that she treated me in high school right so can you either one of you recall like what were the events in your past i mean for me it was you know and i don't feel like i'm special in any way like i had what i would consider to be a difficult childhood you know my my parents had gotten back together and divorced four times um you know so you know all of that i think led kind of kind of led to the person that i was once i started becoming an adult but it was like i didn't have self-confidence I had I had a difficult time being alone and they were like really deep-rooted problems that that were really coming to the surface. And so like engaging with katherine she was helping me get a hold of all that and giving giving us really good exercises to work through as to how to support each other as to how to try and make some of these issues that we were both living with and i'll let vicky talk about hers in a minute to get better and we just get getting better at living with them we would talk about trying to get past just living with them like how do you how do you get how do you get to the point where you not just live with it but you fix it you know and and that was very intriguing to me because i really did want to fix those things. I didn't want to live with that baggage any longer. And I'll let Vicki talk about what, you know, what kind of came to the surface for her because her experience was very different than mine. She lived a pretty, pretty textbook, you know, childhood. Well, for me, it was a lot of self-confidence i mean i just growing up um you know you look back at pictures of yourself as a child and i'm like my mother dressed me weird i had weird haircuts you know i just never felt like the pretty girl and so i would I would always look for acceptance so my thing was doing whatever I had to do for someone to accept me whether it was something I wanted to do or not and that's what our big conflict would be because there were times that I was doing things that I necessarily didn't want to do and he knew that and that would really piss him off so it was like I didn't have the self-confidence so I needed to have the acceptance from people to validate my myself but at the same time it sounds like you were still having positive experiences you know throughout that right i mean they're not all positive but they're not all positive for anybody no no we did have positive experiences so yeah so i imagine and i mean as we've as we've dealt with our issues throughout the years too like so when you're still having these positive experiences it tells you the lifestyle is not the problem like there's something there's something that's creating the problem yeah so i i think that that's that's what we've had to work through as well the lifestyle shined a light on that like he said we never would have we never would have addressed any of it taking moving forward from your comment about the light shining forward so initially you know you're realizing what it is you need to work on and then you start working on it and with katherine so i suspect it wasn't just one issue and then it's a bed of roses for the rest of the way, right? I mean, as you, well, getting back to, you know, if you're really going to deepen something, a relationship, either with each other, with yourself, with your friends, sexually, I like the way that you said this yesterday, Vicky, you were like, you know, we always like to talk about how can we push ourselves to go deeper. So as you continued forward, then what else did you encounter in life? I would say like, you know, so we got good at it. I mean, working with Catherine, we got good at navigating through these, the minefield. It got better for us, you know, so the connections that we were making were more meaningful. We were enjoying it. We I'll see you next time. the minefield. It got better for us. So the connections that we were making were more meaningful. We were enjoying it. We found a comfort zone. We kind of slid into this very comfortable place where we weren't having the issues that we had early on. We were learning how to navigate our way through that. During all of this this um it was back during covid one of our boys was struggling with a pretty significant bout of depression and you know we were as parents you know like we were trying desperately to try and help him figure that out and um nothing was working talk therapy wasn't working conventional medicine was not working for him we had we had ironically as as bad as he was he was very open to us sitting down and having some really meaningful conversations about what was going on what he was feeling and how we could all find a path forward to help him heal and he's a pretty smart guy and had done a lot of research and he kept coming to us and saying listen i know this is unconventional but i think that plant medicine is what would work for me you know and vicky and i were like like i don't like Like, what like it's like you know it's like it was it's just woo stuff oh it's very woo and it was far and away of anything that we would ever consider to be comfortable with you know and katherine was aware of this because we would share a lot of what we were going on what was going on in our life with her her but but i also i just want to stop you there because your your son comes to you which is huge shares something in an idea that seems bizarre to you i would imagine if i'm in your shoes i'm like i can't overreact to this i can't say what in the world are you thinking because he might not come talk to you again or he may feel like he's being judged or like how difficult was it for you to like in that moment keep a straight face and then how did you all talk about that uh like when he leaves and you say okay what are we going to do about this yeah i mean I was saying all the right things to his face because, I mean, clearly he was in a very vulnerable position. You know, I certainly don't want to dismiss what he was introducing to us, you know, but I would walk away and think to myself, how the fuck am I going to figure that out? Like, I mean, it's just like, like, where do you start? Like, where do you even begin? right? You know, so oddly enough, you know, so we were having this great lifestyle journey while at the same time having this real family struggle. And, you know, like the family struggle was manifesting in Vicky physically. She was developing rashes, you know, and there was no medical explanation for that. We were trying to figure that all out and couldn't find anything and, and that, that was working for her. So we finally had someone had suggested acupuncture and we found somebody and Vicki scheduled a, uh, an appointment with this acupuncturist and during the intake she was telling this woman about her issues and what was manifesting the issues and this woman said wow well i actually know a guide that specializes in plant medicine and i'd like to introduce you to this woman and we were like i can't believe it's like stars started to align we were like okay okay like maybe maybe this might be something that we want to consider exploring yeah i mean the whole circumstances of how we got in in connection with this guide I mean, it's just like the universe was clearly doing its work to help us out because I mean, all of it is just crazy. So she gives me the contact information for this guide and me being the naive person you know I just send her a text message I'm like these are my issues and this is what we need not realizing that I shouldn't be doing this over unencrypted messaging so I sent her the message and then the message that she sent back I just if, it felt a little like she was, like I was being admonished for doing that. And rightfully so, because I mean, this is her livelihood and I mean, who knows? So then I thought, well, I screwed that up. But she came back and she, we ended up being able to schedule something for our son, not even six weeks later, thankfully later thankfully you know so we got through the holidays and we scheduled a weekend with with her for him to go spend a day with her do a big dose of the medicine and when he came home the next day and we met them at their house he was a different person. He said, I'm now and this was a day so just to clarify some definitions um and when you say guide can you explain her experience and what and as a guide is she diagnosing and prescribing and then helping like what is that guide doing with the patient she will meet she met with him prior to over zoom they talked you had to fill out an extensive medical intake form you have to write a biography you know to talk about what's going on with yourself, your history from that. She determines like how much to give you of the medicine. You set what are intentions for what you want to address during this trip. And when you go with her, it's all very ceremonial. She has an altar. She's burning sage. I mean, it's very woo-woo, her it's all very ceremonial she has an altar she's burning sage i mean it's very woo-woo but it's very moving she's playing music through the whole day that kind of guides your your trip kind of getting you in the right frame of mind but during the weekend during these the days like and he's taken this plant-based medicine, is it conversation at that point in time? Is she prompting or is she just listening to what he wants to talk about? Like, what, what, how does that go? It's mostly, I mean, in my experience, it's mostly listening. she'll sit next to you and take notes of what you're saying or what's going on she will prompt you at times but most of the time she's pretty quiet and she just listens to what you're saying because it just kind of comes out okay so then he finishes that and she's obviously taking notes and what is the next phase phase does does he come back did you go back with him did he go back on his own and they and the two of them have does she do you see here here's what here's what i heard you say like how does the session go when you're both when they're both when he's not on the well so he goes through the day under the influence of the medicine you know goes home that night she takes the notes and then you meet with her the next day and then she reads through all of the notes she talks about what her interpretation is and what the path is going forward so then when he you you said when you went to to see him pick him up or whatever, he was a completely different person. But as they're going through that conversation, is he then realizing things about himself that maybe were there and yet to be discovered or things that maybe he didn't understand how much of an influence they had on him? Like, what was the outcome of that? I would say, I mean, we were really unaware at the time. You know, but all the research that we tried to do leading up to this, you know, was pointing to the fact that, you know, the medicine is really, it's been around for centuries, you know, and it's been used by civilizations all over the world for this very purpose that we were struggling with our boy. And what we learned was that this medicine gave him the opportunity to kind of rewire the way he sees life. You know, so I think a lot of the things that he was struggling with at the time which was you know self-doubt were of self-worth you know this medicine just allowed him to see himself differently i mean it was it and i don't want to say i don't want to suggest that he came home from one session with her and was cured you know but it was clearly the step in the right direction that we were looking for for him. Would you say that it's similar? Like in the lifestyle, we've heard people say, and we've experienced this, and Vicki, you were saying earlier that you looked at pictures of yourself and you're always looking for that approval. But we've also, when we get into the lifestyle and you meet friends and strangers and people say wow you look amazing you know it there's a very similar retraining of your of your thoughts right so it sounds like to me that it's doing the same thing it's just a different method of getting yourself there yeah so i mean we were clearly on the path with it. I mean, we were convinced our interaction with this guide led us to believe she just carries herself as this old world healer. And we were grateful, you know, for what she was able to give us through this experience. You know, but we were, so we were finally relieved. You know, we we were not no longer walking around thinking that the possibility of losing our son was real you know so i mean it was a happy time really happy time for us and we would we would get on our sessions with katherine and we would tell her like this is a huge relief for us you know like we lifestyle stuff going on this side really cool stuff and katherine was very aware of those methods of the methods and she said to me you know we've been talking a lot about how to navigate all of these things like like that we were bumping into in the lifestyle and she said you know if you really truly are interested in and not just navigating, but fixing it. You should consider doing some of this yourself and i mean it was just kind of this i had a lot of fear around it i mean you know to dig into some of those things that you had spent your life suppressing takes a lot of courage right so um but she planted the seed with us and so i spent the next year really trying to muster up the courage to take this step and was able to do that you know so after a year i decided to engage myself with this guy and very similar experience that my son had where like one session was relieving a lot of the like the stress and trauma and baggage that i felt like i was carrying around my whole life were you scared of that surfacing i was terrified you know i was terrified because to me it felt like the demons that i was
Speaker2: We'll see you next time. Were you scared of that surfacing? I was terrified.
Speaker1: You know, I was terrified because to me it felt like the demons that I was living with, you know, and taking the medicine and going there, in my mind, I was about to face all of these demons head on. And, you know, my first journey was nothing like that. And, you know, it was, I mean, I was able to face them, but I was facing them in a very empathetic way. And they were clearly giving, the journey for me clearly gave me a path forward where I could live with that in peace. I didn't have to navigate it anymore. I could live with it. It could be part of me and I was okay with it. And it was such a huge step for me. And meanwhile, Vicki had lived a pretty uneventful childhood. And I think the perception was there wasn't a lot of work to do on that side of it. But after my first journey, like Vicki saw the changes in me and we talked about trying to do this as well, which was, I think, the biggest step forward that really made a difference in what we're talking about today. So Vicki, was part of your curiosity based on trying to understand what Kurt had been through a little bit or was it all hey i want to do this for myself because i think i might have maybe not demons but gremlins let's say in your life because you had a charmed life um i think it was a little bit of both i remember i don't know if it was the same day or the day after he said listen i'm not going to pressure you but I'd really like you to do this. And I, at first I was, I said, I don't really think I want to do it. And then I think it took me about three days. And at the time our guide did not live here. She was more nomadic and she was only going to be in this area for another few weeks or a month. And I knew that if I was going going to do it i needed to reach out to her soon because i didn't want her to leave and lose that opportunity so fortunately you know i was able to schedule something with her get all the paperwork done and we had our talks and i think my first journey was about three weeks after yours and same thing was very powerful and just emotional just transformative well it sounds like kurt you you kind of suspected what was going to um at least be addressed in your journey because you you did have a bumpy childhood and you knew that that was probably some garbage that you had stuffed away. But whatever came out in your journey, did you anticipate that's what it was going to be or did it kind of come out of left field? I think for the first one, I'd have to go back and read my notes. But what I remember most is just feeling gratitude for what my life is. And the message was not taking it for granted, which I had been doing. I mean, it's like, I don't want to sound like it's been rosy, but I mean, I haven't had a lot of really difficult things happen in my life. So you take that for granted. You know, you don't have to, you're not struggling. So it comes easy. So you just take it for granted. And that was the big message that I got was just be grateful for what you've got because someday it's not going to be there. You know, something's going to happen. And for this moment right now, you have to be grateful for. That's a beautiful reminder. Yeah. Yeah. So it didn't take long for us to start to see some of what we were experiencing and learning through our experiences with this guide in the lifestyle. So like these parallel paths that we were running lifestyle kurt and vicky lifestyle family fixing some deep-rooted problems started to intersect and we started to realize that some of like once a lot of this baggage started to fall off it created an opportunity for us to be much more present and authentic with the people that we were connecting with and you know as we started i mean like initially we thought this was all going to be very sexual and then after experiencing all of this and really starting to deepen our connections with the people that we were encountering it just started to feel really good like all the things like that i struggled with in the lifestyle like i'm an older guy do i do i belong in this room with this beautiful woman all of that started to fall away and when when the fear falls away it allowed me to be who i am without any inhibition. And it takes a lot of courage to do that. But we both realize that being that vulnerable with another couple or another person gives them the opportunity to be themselves. And so the connections that we've been experiencing more recently are much deeper, much more fulfilling, much more gratifying, which is like, let us, I mean, I guess the term that I use is like emotional prosperity. That's what it feels like to me. Like I feel I have this emotional prosperity that I now walk around with that I can share with other people. And sometimes it's pretty tough to navigate. Like people, that can be a little intimidating. Like if you're really willing to go that deep with someone, some people are just not there yet. But for us, we now feel like we are going to be who we are. We love the version of us now, both as a couple and individually. And if you want some of that, we're happy to share it with you if there's a connection yes please well I think um like just listening to you talk about like the last you know five years of your life well more than five years like you know you you were in a good place and then you use the lifestyle to kind of stretch your wings a little and then from that then you realized you could like become a little more introspective about it and you turn to counseling found out more things about yourself And then to take the step of using plant-based medicine to like really dig deep and explore individually. Like how great is it that you have the courage to keep trying to grow instead of just letting yourself get old and settle in, right? Just using all these different ways of exploring to keep finding that personal growth and that deeper connection as a couple and as friends. Yeah, I mean, it's opened both our minds and our hearts and just makes us feel more overly fulfilled. We're your good friends. Like we're here with you in your home and we've spent the weekend together. And you asked us, Kurt, if we noticed a difference between when we first met you and tonight, and I want to touch on it because of what you just said, and that is when the fear falls away, you're able to be more human. That overarching feeling of being human, in my mind, supersedes are you soft swap or are you full swap? What are the feelings that are involved here? I don't want to say that it's above that but it's it's kind of being human is beyond that for somebody who has had uh every you know you all know if you've listened that i've had health issues and i've had the prostatectomy and i've had issues with erections when you and i were together not being erect or being erect really never entered my mind it didn't mine either we were connected as two people and uh as as this is in my mind because it's fresh it was so much back to deepening that experience it was you sharing yourself with me and me sharing myself wherever I am in my life however old i am or whatever i look like or whatever how my body's functioning we all can use those things as barriers or excuses uh to not go beyond that because it's a little bit personal you know i I don't to admit that i've got this physical problem i don't want to marry it is scary but i think the long and short of what i'm saying is your your investment in this understanding you know for your son and then for you picking it up and for uh trying it yourselves and for the growth that you two have had has now had an impact on us. And if I wish that there was a way and maybe we'll be able to do this in the future to describe for people what this is, because again, I'm gonna go back to it again. This is not, and I'm not talking down to anybody because look 10 years ago we were new we were on cassidy and sdc we were filling out profiles we're talking about what we want to do and what we don't want to do and are we full swap or are we soft swap and all of those things we've been through this is more than that this is i'm going to quote you a lot of time on this. You know, when you can, whatever that fear is, and for all of us, it's different. If we can learn to work through that or let that go or whatever term you want to use, then I get to know you for who you are. You know, I get to know you as a woman. And it's not just sexual intimacy it's like personal intimacy as well i can i can have a conversation with you just like i can have a conversation with my own wife you know and so there's so many different layers of this deepening these the the humanness and the intimacy in this that i just wanted to add that we're glad we came well we are too not everyone is is ready See you next time. that I just wanted to add that we're glad we came. Well, we are too. Not everyone is ready for that deep of a connection. You know, sometimes you get in the bedroom with people and it's just, it's what it is. But you can feel it when there's people who are willing to accept what we want to give.
Speaker2: Yeah. And I would say, I would say, I mean,
Speaker3: we're at a point now like somebody has to be the brave one to open that door.
Speaker1: And that's where we are. I mean, we're brave enough to open that door. And for me, like I would spend a lot of time being worried about Vicki. Like, is she, is she okay? Is the other guy doing something that she might not like? Is the other guy okay? Like all of this noise in your head gets in the way of connecting with the person that's in front of you and getting to the point where you can let that fear go has allowed me to invest much deeper in the person that I'm with. You know, I just have this confidence and comfort knowing what we've been through together with all of this effort that we've put in to know that Vicki is in the same place and she's giving her partner the same thing that I'm giving the person that I'm with. So I don't, I'm not worried about anything anymore. And it's like, I mean, how powerful is that to be able to step into a room and have that amount of confidence where you're just not worried about anyone else in the room except the person that's in front of me. Before we came here, and you and I have talked, Mrs. Jones, you and I have talked a lot about are we ready to play again? And we had that conversation before coming here. I was like, well, I think so. Or if it's going to happen, it can happen with them. And the experience we just had, though, you weren't – we never talked earlier about what you were going to do and what you'd be comfortable doing and not doing because the situation and the environment presented itself and and the the evening and the energy just flowed and when i looked over at you you were having a good time and you didn't seem to be you know all of the stuff you and I have been talking about like what's it going to be when we like you know get back on the bike again and am I going to am I going to be stressed about it or am I going to be focused on you too much that I'm not going to all of those things that like were in our heads I didn't see or sense any of that with you well i no no there were no problems but i think that's the beauty of being in the lifestyle for a while and establishing these friendships and and honestly we don't see you very often um and like sometimes a whole year will go by and then of course we we haven't been playing but even even before mr jones got sick like we didn't see you and play with you often um but that friendship has always been there and one of the things i appreciate the most um that you've said to us recently is when we were at desire last november you you said towards the end of the week you guys look so happy i'm just so happy for you and i i think that um i i just appreciate that level of observation on your part um it just shows that you you care about me as a human and i think that um having friends that are as connected as you just puts you in that safe space. And I don't think you have to like map out logistics with friends that you have a deep connection with because the logistics are going to work themselves out emotionally in the moment because there's that level of trust there. And that's kind of hard to find um and it takes time to find that it it is and i you know with us no longer being in our head i think it creates a comfort for other people to just relax and be themselves too well You two have always been you you both are very like calm people so you're very easy to be around it doesn't take a lot of energy to be around you um and it's easy to put the energy out there because it's not being demanded it's just easily given um so i i think that um now after being around you, since you've been through these journeys and had this, like, self-discovery, you're even better at putting people, like, at ease because that connection is just so evident between the two of you, which makes it easy to connect with others with others right and as we start to close here i don't i don't want people to get the wrong impression of what this message is our podcast has always been about us sharing our journey kurt and vicky you you shared your journey with us today and you were very vulnerable and talked about things that are non-traditional we're not prescribing that the point of it is whatever the tool is that gets you through these and we all have these demons i mean that's a that's a strong word no matter how large or small they are we all have them and so the ability to work through that and and identify it and claim it and work through it whatever that method is that's the message that we're saying here is when you get to this level of humanness and you've worked through that the benefit of that is tremendous and just like you said you saw it in us, we see it in you two as well. And it makes you so much more, this is probably the wrong word, but attractive as a couple. Attractive in the sense that we want to be around you. Whatever you've got, whatever this vibe is that you have, it's contagious. And we want to, it's easy to be a part of that it's not like okay it's transition time who's going to break the ice and are we going to go to bed are we going to you know and i and i don't mean to make light of all of that because we all have been through that and there's a lot of people going through that but this was just such a different experience for us and it was just at the right time for us you were talking earlier about how the universe aligns and you know this trip we had not intended to even talk about a lot of this but it it happened and you guys were gracious enough to want to share that and so we just appreciate you because i think there's a lot of people out there that would would benefit from, you know, listening to a conversation. Yeah, I would say just to reinforce that, you know, we are in no way advocating that anyone out there should be following our shoes. You know, don't don't go out and eat a bucket of mushrooms and think, you know, please don't do that that you know but i i think that we feel like this is our story you know if it resonates with someone that's great but we're all on our own journey we are truly on our own journey and you need to follow that wherever that leads if if some of this sounds um interesting enough for you to do your own research and try to find your own way, I mean, we've found a lot of benefit from that. You may be in a place where you never get comfortable with any of this, and that's okay because that's your own journey. That's where you are. You know, so, I mean, are we believers? Of course we are, you know, because we've seen a lot of the benefits that have come from taking the risks that we took. But you got to do it. I guess what I'm saying is if you're inclined to do it, you have to do it for the right reasons. And those right reasons are for yourself. You have to do it for yourself. Yeah. The bigger picture here is you all had the courage yourself you have to do it for yourself yeah the bigger picture here is um you all had the courage you had the desire the will um you had a good reason to do it um and it's worked for you and that's really what we're trying to say here so anything else before we close no i would just say we appreciate the opportunity to tell our story. We're proud of ourselves. We like where we are. We like who we are. And we're just grateful to be here in this moment with you guys. We're grateful to be part of this amazing community. We're grateful for all of the friends that we've met. It's a much better way for us to live our life in this phase of just being grateful to be here. Well, we're happy for you guys, and we're selfishly glad that we're a part of your lives and that we were able to experience this too. So, you know, just thanks for your friendship with us. It was good timing for us as well. So we appreciate that. Okay, well, welcome back. We hope you enjoyed our conversation with Kurt and Vicki. Thank you. okay well welcome back we hope you enjoyed our conversation with Kurt and Vicki and with their telling of their journey so far into and throughout the lifestyle yep as I was listening to them tell their story and I'm thinking of these other origin stories and all the people that we met in the lifestyle and you know in and if you're listening to this and you're on your own journey and they're all unique uh and but the the beauty of it is is you can make it what you want to make it whatever your thing is yeah you can craft that together and you know we've learned that this is not a linear pathway not not in the least uh so in listening to them that that was the thing that jumped out to me is that it was an interesting story um they have really grown a lot um but everybody's story is is different and unique so well and the the thing that that kind of comes to mind when i think of They're not going to be able to do that. but everybody's story is, is different and unique. So, and the thing that, that kind of comes to mind when I think of their journey and, and their exploration, um, is that, you know, the lifestyle is not completely segregated from the rest of your life. One thing bleeds over into of like the way you the way you process your emotions and your feelings and and we learn to control that and manage that and to be introspective as we're getting into lifestyle and having to like have some hard conversations with our partners you know that it really does bleed over into your family life, into your career, you know, it just into, to every aspect. Yeah. And I just want to clarify, I know we said this during the conversation, but you know, this is, this is Curt and Vicki's story. You know, we mentioned plant-based medicine a lot. This is not an endorsement or a recommendation from Mr. and Mrs. Jones. It's just them sharing their story.
Speaker2: Yep.
Speaker1: So that is becoming more prevalent. It is legal in a few states now and is growing. And there's a lot of experimentation with using it with counseling services as well. So it's not about the journey. It's about destination and these light these um origin stories are are really um snapshots of of couples uh journeys through this lifestyle yep so as we mentioned earlier um we'd love for you to join our community Kurt and Vicki have been in our community for a long time yes you can find information about that on our website which is wegotathing.com,-e-g-o-t-t-a-t-h-i-n-g.com you can contact me at mr jones at we got a thing.com and me at mrs jones at we got a thing.com you can follow us on x and on instagram and you'll find some fresh new social media posts from we got a thing we're excited about that yeah on both of those platforms and then lastly if you would like to explore a dating site in the lifestyle if you're just getting your feet wet we would recommend sdc and cassidy and if you sign up from our website you can get introductory free trial subscriptions for both of those so thanks for listening we are Mr. and Mrs. Jones and we got a thing what's your thing We'll see you next time.