Episode 133: 10 Attributes of Successful Swingers

Transcript

This podcast contains explicit language and content, and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us?

hello everyone i'm mr jones and i'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 133 of the we got a thing podcast 10 attributes of successful swingers implies that we're successful swingers i was gonna say there needs to be a disclaimer right up front. Yeah. Yeah, I would say we're experienced. The successful part of it was just to draw attention to the title, get people to listen. Oh, okay. So, we have been fairly busy lately. It's warm in the state of Florida this time of year. Yes.

We're still getting used to used to the humidity but no complaints here we've had a past couple of months of great weather and we're enjoying the area and uh i know we mentioned that oh before we get started i i have two things i want to talk to you about first of all is this piece talk to me or talk to you talk to mrs jones about i didn't mail this to you i just pointed it out i'm sitting in my office today and you bring in this piece of mail and well i you normally you get the mail but i had a piece of lingerie delivered today i wanted to get it so that i could see it so i went to go get the mail and and behold, you might get this crap all the time, and I've just never seen it before.

So she hands me this pamphlet and says, I think you got some mail you need to read. And so I took it, and I was genuinely confused. I thought, is it like a coupon to a restaurant? You know, what is this? And then I looked at the title and it's introducing our new assisted living lifestyle experience. And then I thought. I saw the word lifestyle. Assisted living lifestyle experience. We're not that old yet. I know. Discover, grow, and thrive.

I mean, we've gone, we've jumped from just retirement community active adult community to assisted living like how the heck did that happen i mean introducing bridge senior living signature lifestyle program just for assisted living residents so anyway i was a little bit a little bit insulted the fact that you brought this to me well i saw lifestyle experience on the front and i thought oh how fun well in my new career as house husband uh you know and i've been exercising a little bit more i'm settling into my pre or semi-retired um routine and i've become like i'm getting so much better at grocery shopping now i don't get frustrated at the grocery store anymore because i kind of know where things are yeah but i i'm learning i have to be super specific as to what i put on the list yeah i mean first of all they should keep hot all the hot dogs in one location like you told me to get beer brats right and i looked and they had and it was johnsonville and i was standing there reading every single beer brat they or brat they had and they had beef brat but they didn't have beer brat you were in the wrong department i know but what i'm saying is that's stupid they should put all like the hot dogs in the all in one section this is raw meat it's raw they're raw so they're in the meat department and on our little grocery app that you and i share i I had it in the meat department, but I think you missed that.

Well, I don't know. I was looking at brats. The stuff said bratwurst. I mean, I put it on the grill. You were looking at the smoked sausage and hot dog section, and that wasn't what I wanted. So I screwed that up. Yeah. Yeah. That's all right.

I also get kind of irritated at the fact that they have hot sauce and condiments in three different places oh i'm with you on that's not a guy thing that that's just a i'm confused yeah that's confused international foods condiments and then what else i don't even know what else but i'm i know that they're in multiple multiple places uh now chickpeas were tricky i didn't know where the hell to look for they're actually a bean yeah and then that bullion that you asked me to get was a complete failure and i now i know where that is and i forget now yeah yeah it's not where you would it's not in the spices but i do i do go much faster than when you're with me because I don't really slow down.

I just grab what I need to grab. Well, you don't look at dates on things, which is kind of sometimes problematic. What's in the store? Yeah, but I asked you to buy cottage cheese the other day, and I took the thing off of it, and there was mold on top of it. So I just kind of had to throw it away. Did I get the right cottage cheese? You did, but clearly you got last year's model. I don't understand why they sell it. Yeah, I know. But that's why I fart around so much in the grocery store because I'm like looking at nutrition labels.

I'm looking at dates to make sure I'm getting the freshest yeah things out well i'm getting better with the produce because you are they they try to trick you into buying the organic stuff oh yeah they they try to trick you into that so i've learned that there's like two of everything depending on what section you're in there's organic carrots and then there's regular carrots right i'm supposed to buy the one that's cheaper, that's all I know. Well, unless the regular ones are gross and the organic ones are fresh. Right, right. And what is the difference between jasmine rice and regular rice?

I don't understand. It's a different plant. There's all different kinds of rice grains out there.

Yeah, anyway, I'm learning a lot a lot about grocery shopping i'm learning that when you live at the beach um you don't go on a saturday when all the tourists are in town oh no not in the summer yeah um at least now walmart has the walmart plus has like i can scan my own shit now right and i can bag it and i don't have to stop at the register right because bagging was like the very that was the most um frustrating part because people are standing behind you so anyway i'm doing all that scan and bag ahead of time has really helped my stress level when i'm at the grocery store i'm so glad that your stress level is reduced yeah and i almost know where everything goes to put away when i get home most things yeah anyway i'm sure people don't feel sorry for me but that's my life now i'm waiting to get i'm learning to grocery shop as i'm waiting to go into the assisted living place the the lifestyle assisted living place yeah i mean surely it's fun well before that uh we're leaving next saturday see this episode comes out on june 20th and on june 21st we'll be on a plane yes to riviera maya yes finalizing the schedule for that we're going to have a great group of people going so if if you're going to be at RM the 21st through the 28th, please stop by and say hello.

My boobs are going to make their big debut. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. Oh, how could you forget about that? I don't know. They're quite distracting. They're not under your chin anymore. No, they are settling down to where they belong.

They're under your armpits whereits where they belong well he said it takes three months for them to find their new home yeah and you can it'll be three months when we leave for mexico and one of them is still super sensitive and the other one is less sensitive yes but they're both responsive i mean both of them get hard so it's not like i'm visually lopsided's just different sensations. So you're going to take your top off at desire? Well, probably not so much during the day because I'm not supposed to get sun on my scars yet. But yeah, I mean, I don't care. I like showing them off.

I just don't want to mess up my healing progress. So you're happy with them? Because the day you walked out of surgery you said you had franken boobs well and did you disagree well i wasn't gonna say it out loud i had to have a lift this time so yeah so there was there's definitely more scars but then there were the first time i had you can't see the scars see the scars that he did a really good job there. The scars are healing nicely and they're the right size. I won. And, and now, yeah, they're actually like starting to like sit where boobs belong now instead of up under my collarbones.

Yeah. And, uh, caught you out back the other day tanning your white ass.

I know see here's the thing like when you have your boobs done you can't lay like it it takes a long time to lay on your side even but now i seriously can't lay on my stomach so i managed to get so my so therefore my butt is white because i can't lay out on my stomach yeah so i managed to get two pillows like right under like my like my throat basically and so i could prop myself up enough so i could lay on my my belly enough now so all my desire friends like be sure you have your sunglasses on if you're looking at my butt during the day because it's pretty white yeah well it's it's good that you're in play again that's much much appreciated yes it was a little bit of a dry spell there well yeah there's a healing process and yeah they're a little tender for a while all right but it's worth it it's worth the investment yes well we have a special announcement Before we get to our topic of the day, we were asked to be the official announcer of introducing to you all a new lifestyle resort.

Yes, this is breaking news. Yes. Very simply, it's called The Resort. Yes. And it's going to offer a new kind of vibe in the lifestyle community where it's going to be focused on luxury, discretion, world-class service, very boutique-y kind of vibe. Yes. The Resort, it's in Jamaica. Yes. It's on the west end of Jamaica, just the west end of Negril. Yep. And it is an existing property right now that has 40 rooms. I do believe they're going to be purchasing adjacent properties on either side to do a future expansion. Yes.

But as of right now, there's rooms and then there's also villas that go from anywhere from one to five bedrooms. Yes. So that could be a kind of a unique opportunity for you to travel with friends and be able to all stay in the same villa. And the concept is a little bit different too, because you're not going to find this resort on Orbitz or any of the regular places where you would search for. Right. So I think this, I mean, it's like a, it's a private resort. Yeah. It's a membership driven concept and it's going to be topshenal at the main pool, which I kind of like that term.

So it won't be completely nude in the main pool. It'll be topless optional. But then it's our understanding that as they expand the property on either side of it, that the pools that they add will be clothing optional. Right.

But we're actually going to learn more about all of this next month yeah so we would love to be able to tell you more about it we can tell you a little bit more about it but next month july we are going to have one of the resort founders with us on the podcast so we can ask him all the questions that we don't really know exactly right now yeah but we know that it's very intriguing yes he has my attention yes but the level of service and what we mean by that is for example um knowing your transportation schedule or your airline schedule ahead of time so that the transportation is there to pick you up.

Knowing you'll have a profile so they'll know not only what kind of room that you have, but how it's decorated, the music you like to listen to, the scent that you want to have in the room, the type of pillow that you want to have in the room. You'll love that. You're very fussy about your pillows.

Yeah your pillows yeah i am i am and a cool little option of being able to store some of your things there for your next return so whether it's sports equipment or whether it's um you know particular attire that you would wear at the resort uh or toiletries or anything fancy uh that that is that you can keep some of your belongings there and they'll be sure to have them in the room when you get there. The dining experience is going to be better than you would expect from an all-inclusive resort because it's not. It's an a la carte resort.

The entertainment is going to be brought in specifically. I would say just kind of like Las Vegas where you're bringing act in, there's not going to be brought in specifically, I would say, just kind of like Las Vegas, where you're bringing acts in. There's not going to be a regular troupe of entertainers there. Yeah. Be able to put together special excursions off the resort. It's really all about discretion and privacy. I think you were telling me, the word you used was, it's just another level of discretion and another level of service.

There will be a very clear code of decorum communicated to members so that everybody knows what to expect when they get there. Again, ensuring that it's a respectful, private, discreet environment where everyone can just feel free to do what they want and feel safe to do what they want. And I like the fact that it's going to be a really intimate resort, because I'm not shy about saying I like smaller groups.

So I think that not only is that going to increase the level of service just because there aren't going to be that many of us there, it's going to make the service more personalized and it's also just going to create a more intimate vibe so that you can get to know other guests. Right. Yeah. And I think what's going to happen is over the years, as it sustains itself and grows, it'll be a really close-knit group of people that travel there all the time. So you will probably establish some connections and friendships with people that you're going to see there on a regular basis.

We're really excited about it. I think this space of lifestyle resorts has been missing this component for a while. And it's always good to have a little bit of competition. I mean, is trying to to do a little bit of everything you know they do have the mansions but you know it it's an all-inclusive vibe and it's more of a party you know kind of an atmosphere and while we love it you know i think this is just going to give people that want this type of this level of service an option where they didn't have one before. Right.

I mean, it's going to be like high-end service and really chill and laid back, but sexy at the same time. Yes. I mean, you know, you're still going to have opportunities to make connections and have sexy fun with people. Right. So that's about all we can tell you. It looks really exciting. We're excited about it. We are going to be visiting the resort ourself sometime early in 2026. So we will have more information next month when, as I said, one of the founders is going to come podcast with us.

So save your questions for next month or send them to me and we'll be able to ask all the questions necessary. That's true. Because by the time we record with him, it will be out in the public domain and he can start to tell us a little bit more about the resort itself. Yeah. All right. In the meantime, we need to go start packing pretty soon, right? Because we're leaving next week. Yes, we are leaving in like 12 days. Yeah. And I know that we're leaving soon because I don't know.

packing pretty soon right because we're leaving next week yes we are leaving in like 12 days yeah and and i know that we're leaving soon because the ups guys and the postal service guy and the fedex guy have been busy um making a path to our front door with boxes and bags and stuff yep i think i have one more thing coming on thursday and then i will be ready and i even have more i have i have almost like an outfit or a what do you call it a costume after going to desire for 11 years you're just figuring out that it's called a costume is that what it is yeah okay yeah i'm actually going to be into the themes well my feelings were a little hurt like a couple weeks ago because you planned a theme night with one of your friends and you didn't include me or his wife you don't understand we have a reputation to uphold he and i have dressed alike for the past two trips and we so we're we have a thing now yeah he and i have a thing yes what's your thing yeah clearly you like to dress up the same as your friend but like his wife and i i think we're both kind of hot i mean we could definitely enhance your theme well we we eventually had a unanimous vote that we should include you in in it i felt like it was very reluctant but she and i are we're ready we're prepared and we are up to the task okay well we'll do you proud we'll see we'll see oh my gosh all right well when we come back we're gonna get into the top 10 attributes of successful swingers all right well welcome back to segment two where we are going to discuss 10 attributes of successful swingers and then i guess i'll point out everything we've done wrong along the way like well i told you it's kind of a trick i looked at all 10 of these and i'm like it's it's a clickbait title because i don't know that you ever arrived but we'll we'll talk about that that's actually one of them uh you know the last time we did one of these we before we went to desire one you remember we did the seven myths of lifestyle resorts or something like that yeah yeah so here's another list for you as you're packing your stuff to me that said desire um so we're just gonna we came up with 10 things that these are not um these are attributes that we after 10 years of experience or 11 years of experience in a lifestyle when we look at what we've learned and what we've done right and maybe a little bit wrong and the people that we've connected with and the friends that we've made and the mistakes that they have shared with us.

These are what we believe are the attributes that are going to make you most successful in finding and enjoying your thing in the lifestyle. How's that? We'll see. Okay, number one. You enjoy sex and want to explore well that's a good thing i mean it because if you're struggling with your sex life and then you're wanting to explore sex with other people that's just going to be a train wreck in the making for sure and yeah i think the what i was thinking of in this one it was already enjoy sex.

You're not going into the lifestyle because your sex is not enjoyable and you want it to be enjoyable. So that's number one. And I think that's usually what gets people's attention to begin with. Right. Is the sexy part of it. Number two, have a healthy relationship.

Well, well i mean i think that's the first thing i notice because you know we normally are connecting with other couples so obviously the first thing i'm looking for is you know how do they interact with one another you know do they have a good vibe between them that they're kind of putting off yeah and that makes them attractive yeah to us it's not you know one thing that's not on this list to give a little away is a physical attractiveness um because we're more attracted to the people the the personalities, the healthy relationship piece of it.

So when we see a couple together and we connect with them together, because I think we have a fairly healthy relationship after 40 years, that it's easy for us to pick that out in others. Yeah. number three open to improving your communication okay what do you mean by that well you have to when we first got into this we were married for 29 years and we thought we were good communicators and And we were for what we needed to communicate. Right. But when we got into the lifestyle, we realized that this is a whole other level of communication. Right.

You've got to share your deep, dark, secret thoughts and fears and desires if you're going to do this without creating a wedge between you and your partner. Yeah. And this is your relationship that you're putting at risk. And so it becomes critical that you're open to communicating, not only with yourselves, but with the people that you meet. Because you're back to an environment where you're flirting with people. It's awkward. You don't know what to say. So that part of the communication equation is something that needs to be expanded too. Yeah. Because we're adults.

We think we know how to communicate in all aspects of life until we get into the lifestyle. And then sometimes we're like middle schoolers. Yeah. Because we're we're adults. We think we know how to communicate in all aspects of life until we get into the lifestyle. And then sometimes we're like middle schoolers. Yeah. Are you talking about the male species?

yeah okay i guess i deserve that one yeah i mean sometimes we can if we're uncomfortable we may default to saying something creepy that's why we you're exactly right that there should be 11 things on here 11 is the other one is to have a wife that knocks some sense into you when you as a guy when you are a blockhead and you say something awkward or wrong i know i know that's so true because i think well and, you know, in the defense of men, like you, we joke around with each other all the time. Right. And you can be your 16 year old self with me.

And then I'm just like, I either roll my eyes or, you know, flick you on the side of the head and go about my day. But if you do that with somebody that you don't know well enough yet to do that with and that's your first impression that you leave upon them you know sometimes that can come off wrong because some of us some of us have husbands with unique senses of humor are you talking about me oh well now that you mention it, yeah. Well, let's face it, it's awkward at first when you're meeting another couple either out to dinner or even at an event.

You're standing there, you've introduced yourself, you don't know what to say next, there's an attraction, you want to get to know them, and and you have no tools no communication skills when it comes to this and sometimes i think when we don't if it's more awkward and it's not natural for us we default to our bad habits like what's comfortable for me as a guy and that's just talking about sports or the weather or saying something awkward that my wife needs to step on your toe for. Yeah, elbow me or say, well, we screwed that up again. So that's what I mean about improving your communication.

I mean, and I think that goes with flirting skills. I mean, that's a part of communicating, too. Right, especially when you haven't done it in a while. Or maybe you've never done it. Oh, well. I don't know that I was a flirt. I mean, I may have, like, I was pretty shy when we met. Well, but I thought you were really funny. Like, that's what I remember.

remember yeah but i didn't understand that was flirting oh you know like back then when you like buy a book that says teach a guy to flirt in 30 30 minutes or whatever and there's these lines that you the pickup lines one-liners yeah the one-liners and all that stuff i was never i was never good any any of that stuff no but you were you were funny and see you're really sarcastic um which you know it again if you don't know somebody very well you don't know how they're going to take it so i think that you have to kind of work together as a team to counterbalance that when you're communicating well i mean so now not not only communicating with each other and with yourself, but then as a team, you have to communicate with another couple.

Yeah. And hopefully you have personalities that counterbalance one another. Yeah. So are you saying that maybe I've gotten better at that over the years? Yeah, actually you have. Okay. But that doesn't mean I want to flick you in the side of the head sometimes yeah you roll your eyes yeah right okay um willing to take a risk yeah i mean there's a lot at risk yeah and, well, not only is your relationship at risk, but like your fragile ego is at risk, right? Because you might be rejected. Right.

You know, you might like start flirting with somebody and it just goes over like a lead balloon and nothing comes of it. And they excuse themselves to go get another drink i see what you're saying so there's a risk of being rejected yes yeah there's a risk of damaging your relationship with your partner yeah and then there's a risk of being rejected so there's it's it's all risk right with risks that's well and then honestly there's a risk of like stis stis yeah you know so it it can it minefield. But, I mean, we did an episode on this, the whole risk and reward thing. Right.

You have to really weigh that, and you have to be thoughtful about that before you even dip your toe in. Yes. Right. So, there are risks.

The question is, are you a couple who are willing to take the risk right the next one patient through the process you know we don't have a lot of time that's free we've got kids we've got careers we've got family we've got other hobbies and activities that we're involved in and then we add this lifestyle on top of it and we only have a babysitter for four hours and we're going to a house party and sometimes we can feel like if we don't get this opportunity very often it's hard to be patient you know i think and i don't know like i i'd have to kind of sit and make a list, but I think our closest friends in the lifestyle are couples that we did not play with on the first date or the first encounter.

Well, that would be most people we met anyway. Well, right. But I guess what, I guess my point. Oh, patience when it comes to. Yeah. So I think we learned that having patience when you're engaging with other people and not trying to force something just because it's the last night of vacation or you have a babysitter or, you know, whatever your situation is. Sometimes when you push too hard, you end up having regrets afterwards, you know? So I, I think not playing on the first date works for us. It's like it, to me, it builds anticipation and it makes me want them more.

Like I can't wait till we get to see them again. Right. You know, and most of our friends don't live in the same state we live in. So it's at least a good car ride. Right. To visit people. And then ironically, if you're not patient, sometimes it can even set you back further than if you would have waited. Right. Because you got to clean up the mess. Exactly. And we've definitely had to do that. Yeah. that. Yeah. So patience. A lot of people will email us and they'll say, oh my gosh, we had our first experience and it was amazing.

Or the other side of the coin is, oh my gosh, we just had our first experience and it was horrible. We're not going to do this anymore. So it's also patience in the process of learning the lifestyle, learning the language, learning how to meet people, finding out what kind of events and meetups that you like. That takes patience as well because you can't.

We so much want to have one or two experiences and then declare a loss or declare victory when it's really patience and longevity and perseverance that get you through the process okay next approach this as a team sport yeah i mean i don't know how you could do it otherwise you know and and i do let you do a lot of the work um just because you're good at it like I'm not a good texter I'm not um mentally organized like that where I can kind of stay on top of a conversation and I don't have patience through the process like I don't have patience to dig through you know cassidy profiles and like you did of course i know you like looking at the pictures so i think that motivated you yeah but um i i it's a team sport whereas we're we've decided that we both want to do this and we try to have an equal level of commitment but the good thing about a team is that you have different team members with different gifts and talents right yeah so you use that to your advantage yeah but i also think there are some decisions that are more critical than others and both people like going back back to the risk.

If you're going to take a risk as a couple, you both need to be willing to take that risk. It can't be one of you. It has to be the team that says, okay, I may be a little bit reluctant, but I'm in. I'm willing to take the risk. And then there are other decisions that you're like, well, maybe I'm not as comfortable as you are with this, but I'm going to go along with it because I trust you. And we, you know, it's, it'll be a learning experience.

So I think there are times when one of the two of us needs to be leading the other or be out in front or be the decision maker and the other person will just go along.

And it's like taking one for the team it's like like you were just saying sometimes i have more time sometimes i have a gift you know that that i can connect with people or do the searching and you let me do that and then there's a trust there so the team it's not like you have to go back and then approve everything i mean you do go back and and look and contribute but i'm just saying some decisions are so big that both of you need to say yes right or no well and we've we've met couples where they're like oh boy yeah she has no idea right like either what's going on here or why she's here or she is not into this.

Right. And actually, it's usually the woman. Right. But I know it can be flipped just as well. Well, as we're ticking through these things, there's more than one approach.

There's, yes, you as a couple need to have these attributes attributes but when you are getting to know either people and other people and other couples or individuals you're looking for these attributes in them yourself yes and i think that's where the red flag comes in like i know what date you're talking about because and she was really cute and your hormones wanted to hook up with them again and i was like oh no honey that's not gonna happen well i tried to make every excuse in the book you did i remember we were we were in washington dc the next day walking down the sidewalk and and you were like but what if we and i'm like no we are not meeting up with them no because we I asked her what it was she wanted to get out of the lifestyle.

And she said, I don't know, honey, what did you put on our profile? I'm like, oh my gosh. Like, it's one thing if he wrote the profile, that's fine. I mean, but it was the fact that she couldn't answer the question for herself. Yeah, he was doing all the talking. Yeah. I mean, she didn't look like she didn't want to be there. It was like she just was along for the ride. Yeah. I was willing to go for the ride. Yeah. And I mean, he was hot too.

I mean, you know, I know you don't have physical attraction on your 10 attributes, but that's certainly, definitely part of what we're looking for, right? But I think when the physical attribute is there and one of these important attributes are not there, it kind of like overrides it. That's why that didn't make the list. Yeah. Because I think sometimes we put too much credence in that one attribute. Yeah. And if you have that, if you're a beautiful person, that doesn't mean that you're successful in the lifestyle. Right. And honestly, it doesn't even mean you're going to be good in bed.

I mean. That's true. You know, I'd rather have somebody with a great personality because that's just going to be fun right yeah and also you have to be a team when when one one person puts their foot down and says no or i'm not comfortable with this the other person it doesn't mean that you don't have a conversation about it and try to get to the underlying reason of why there's a no but it goes back back to you go as fast as the slowest person. And there's a driver and there's somebody in the passenger seat, but you're both in the same vehicle.

So if one of you wants to stop, it's a team sport. Both of you really need to pause. And we already know that. Yes, we do. Because we're on the tail end of it uh next ability to navigate uncharted territory and what i mean about that is that we have to admit that this is a new experience it's a new dynamic dynamic. It's a new environment. And we have to navigate that. We don't have any experience doing this, but it has to be navigated. You can't wander into it. I mean, some people can, I guess. Yeah, that's true.

But I think when you're not thoughtful about the way you're approaching the lifestyle, I think that's just going to get you in trouble in the long run because you're going to end up in a situation that you don't want to be in. Yeah. And then you have to clean up the mess. Right. An example of this is like, well, when you and I get ready to go on a trip and we sit down and we say, okay, where are we? Where is your mind on that? Where is your head now? Are we going to be looking for people to play? Are we just going to play with friends? Are we going to just make this a vacation for two?

those little decisions that we make are part of this navigation process and navigating it ahead of time and i'll be the first to admit we don't do this all the time but that's an example of what i'm talking about with uncharted navigating uncharted territory is how are what is our plan for the next encounter or the next few days or the next trip? Yeah. And then being able to course adjust if necessary. Right. And, well, do you have flexibility on here somewhere? Like, I think that's part of it. Okay, so maybe navigating uncharted territory means you can pivot when you need to. Sure, right.

You know, I think sometimes we write things down, whether it's a list in our head or we actually have it like in our phone or on a piece of paper and we say, this is our plan. Right, right. And then that plan doesn't work in the moment. So how do you pivot breaking breaking a rule or crossing a threshold that your partner is not ready or willing to cross yeah and changing your expectations there's an art to that what's that pivoting yeah without fucking it up yeah because well and when we figure that out, we'll do an episode on that. Like, enough said for now. Yeah, and you're exactly right.

The reason I use the word navigating, and in my mind, if you think about Christopher Columbus, you're relying on the boat, the wind, the weather, your instrumentation, your crew, and you have a plan to navigate. But sometimes you may need to go north. Sometimes the wind might not be blowing. Sometimes you need to turn around. Sometimes you need to stop. Sometimes you need to avoid an obstacle. You know, so that's part of navigation. So how fast you're going, how slow you need to go, should you be full stop?

You know, all of that is what I'm talking about is if you can navigate that, if you don't, you look like a pinball. And we know couples who we see the same mistakes over and over again. And like, oh my gosh, they did it again. Yeah. And, you know, for some people, it's just not easy to see this running into the same wall over and over again. You know, so successful navigation. Uncharted territory.

I mean, like, you know, people do that for years and they're still in the lifestyle so i don't know maybe maybe it's successful for them i don't know but but what i do know is that it i think it's hard to make long-term friendships when you're unpredictable yes right well i mean i hate to bring this up again but you know our decision to stop playing you know we had to let our friends know especially the ones we were closest to and that we played with that that was off the table yeah you know and fortunately they understand that or at least i hope they did i think most of them still like us we'll find out won't we yeah uh the next one is desire to work through issues yes so thinking thinking back to the what you and i were just thinking about you know i think some couples just ignore the fact that things don't go well and they just like try try again without really like coming up with a new game plan right like it's going to work next time and it might because you know you're always meeting new people but i think um working through issues if you're not being successful there's probably something going on between you and your partner that's creating some sort of a roadblock that's keeping you from connecting with other people or there's a roadblock in your past or in your in yourself that needs to be worked through well Well, that's true.

I mean, yeah. Well, jealousy with me. It was an issue we had to work through, but it was my issue. Right. And I mean, that goes back to being open to improving your communication. You've got to share that kind of stuff with your partner. And then you have to figure out how to navigate that, those triggers, right? Because certain things are going to trigger individuals. Yes. That's why I use the word, you have to have a desire to work through this. Because if you don't have the desire to work through it, why would you expect anything to be any different? Right.

And that could be thinking about it yourself, like, why did I get jealous? And why did I feel this way after 29 years? And then it could be admitting that you're jealous to your partner and talking about that. Or it could be even talking to a therapist or a coach to say, hey, we need some help, but we have the desire to work through it because we know there's something we don't understand. And it's important to us both for this opportunity for growth to work through that. If you don't have that desire to work through it, you know, you have to want to accept help before you can get better.

Or else you're just going to repeat the same mistake over and over again. The next one is you need to be willing to push beyond your comfort zone. Yeah, this is not easy. This is different from taking a risk.

Obviously, a risk is going to put you out of your comfort zone yeah this is not easy this is different from taking a risk obviously a risk is going to put you out of your comfort zone but there are other things like are we full swap are we soft swap do we play in separate rooms you know what what are our boundaries and am am i ready to push beyond that comfort zone to find an opportunity for growth yeah and but and i think once you get beyond that comfort zone and you get used to that feeling it gets easier with experience it we actually we were with just with some friends a couple weekends ago and she made the comment that gosh we got to this place and we were having so much fun in the lifestyle, and all of a sudden we realized we've hit some sort of a plateau.

It doesn't seem to be as risky or exciting anymore. So what can we do? What do we need to do to push ourselves out of our comfort zone again?

So once I was impressed that they're like, okay, that's what we need to do to push ourselves out of our comfort zone again so once i was impressed that they're like okay that's what we need to do we need to find something that is going to be out of our comfort zone because they have enough experience doing that they know that's what's gotten them to the level where they were as a couple so you're saying personal growth is experience when you push beyond your comfort zone right i mean yeah personal growth and then growth as a couple your relationship yeah stronger and this is kind of in contradiction with the team sport one a little bit because i may have to push you a little bit to get out of your comfort zone or vice versa but that's not to the point where it's going to interfere with our relationship it might be encouragement it might be hey look just give this a try you know i think you i know you well enough to know that once you do this you're going to like it so there's not only pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone, but maybe challenging your partner to get out of their comfort zone.

Well, 11 years into this, and we're pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone again.

I mean, we've been off the playing field for what 14 months now and i think we're we're both kind of wanting to get back in it ready i don't think is the right adjective i think now it's actually a verb like we want to get back in the lifestyle right we're just trying to figure out and this is where the whole break in the gas come in like we're trying to figure out the right pathway and the right pace to do that where we're both going to feel comfortable right yep so our comfort zone that we're about ready to get out of is one that we were beyond and we put ourselves back in. Right.

Well, and I think everything that we've talked about tonight, we're re-engaging in all these things. We were kind of coasting because we were kind of in that successful zone.

It wasn't perfect i mean we still had bumpy experiences right but i think we had an you and i had enough experience were kind of in that successful zone it wasn't perfect i mean we still had bumpy experiences right but i think we had an you and i had enough experience in the lifestyle where they were just like speed bumps and you know we would say whoops we screwed that up and then no harm no foul between you and i and we would move on right um then we got to the point where nothing was fun anymore because we were so stressed in our own relationship right you know that that we had to put things on pause and now we've got to re-engage in all of these these ideas where we have to be patient with ourselves because it might not be a smooth re-entry right yeah and Yeah.

And our friends have to be patient with us, too. I know. I'd say 14 months of not engaging is pretty patient. Yeah. And lastly, and this is last because I think it's the most important, and this is the one that proves that the title was nothing more than clickbait to get you to listen, is that awareness that you never really truly arrive. And this really goes to even our marriage relationship before the lifestyle. We hadn't arrived. I mean, we always were doing more with each other, traveling more, doing different things. We always prioritized that.

arrived i mean we always were doing more with each other you know traveling more doing different things um we always prioritize that um or your career you know do you ever just stop and say i've i've arrived or do are you yes i'm ready to say that yeah well we are working i'm ready to exit um but but it goes to life itself i mean i don't think as a human that we get to a point where we say, okay, we're done. We've conquered it. Well, I mean, if you're not growing, you're dying. I mean, it's one or the other, right? I choose to keep growing as long as I can in every aspect of my life.

I mean, actually, that's why I haven't retired yet.

I want want to keep using my brain you know we we've got to take care of our bodies we've got to you know i guess just stay engaged in society right and this is definitely one way to stay engaged and keep growing and developing new relationships yeah and to look at other couples through this lens is important too because especially if you're a newbie because there are going to be experienced people who claim to be or appear to be or put up a facade that they are experienced and they know everything about it and you have to be careful for that kind of interaction because somebody we've learned no matter how long you've been doing this no matter how much experience you have you're you're always in a position where you could make a mistake and hurt someone or get hurt yourself or cause some drama um so it's so it's the idea that you really never truly arrive at the destination success is realizing that you're not successful in a way well i think you don't want to become complacent yeah and say oh we've got this figured out we're good at this because then it's just gonna you know like our our friends were saying a couple weekends ago you know then then it's just kind of like meh you know why are we doing this yeah they were hot we had sex it was fun right now then why are you doing it yeah well it's just like anything else why are we married or why do i have this job or why did we go on this vacation you know if if you're not intentional about it and if you're not um trying to better yourself or trying to improve yourself or trying to grow as an individual or a couple then you're exactly right then you're dying you've you began you've begun to decay yeah at that point that's really sad i guess i shouldn't use that word especially after i got my invitation to our new assisted living lifestyle experience that's where people go to decay they'll be fishing checkers out of my mouth i'm drooling in the corner in a rocking chair i can see it now oh my gosh uh all right well the good thing about this episode is there's nothing else to sum up uh these are 10 ideals these these 10 attributes that we just chatted about are It's just like everything else when we got a thing.

This is our experience and our opinion, and you don't have to necessarily do it our way. You can do it your way. You may come up with five that we didn't mention, and there may be some. Hey, let us know what they are. Yeah, It's a good idea. Yeah. I think that these are 10 things to ponder. They're not the 10 things to ponder. They are simply 10 things that you can consider. Yes. So that's not false advertising. I did say 10 attributes. I didn't say the top 10 or the top 10 or the only 10.

It just 10 i mean it's a nice round number anyway would have been silly to do 8 or 11 yeah it has to be a round number like that because i think the last one's weak awareness that you never really truly arrive i mean duh well i don't think some people duh i think some people think they've got it all figured out. Yeah. And those are the people we, like, kind of maybe red flag. Those are the red flags, yes. Exactly. So, yeah, these are introspective from your point as an individual and a couple, but also as you are meeting other people to kind of keep these attributes in mind.

And it would be nice to hear from you if you think we screwed up or if we left something off the list. Yeah. Because we're still growing. We're not dying. Oh, I didn't mean us. We're perfect at this. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. We'll have a little talk about that we have to improve our communication you mean me yes that was a royal yes all right well i'm gonna go just turn get my new hearing aids and put them in so i can hear you i'm telling you getting old is not for sissies all right well when we come back we're going to share a couple of snapshots We'll be right back. I'm telling you.

Getting old is not for sissies. All right. Well, when we come back, we're going to share a couple of snapshots and then wrap up episode 133. Welcome back to Snapshots. Maybe someday soon we'll have snapshots that involve more than just the two of us. I have a feeling that it's about to happen. Right? Well, I think we're getting close. We just have to find the right victim. Yeah, victims. Yeah, victims. Yes. All right, so what's your snapshot? Well, when I was attempting to tan my lily white ass by the pool on Sunday. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. I didn't forget about it.

I mean, I didn't forget about your white ass because i took a picture of it i know and i was right it was very white and posted it in our community for everyone else to see yes thank you for that although it was a decent picture of me i can handle it of course it was i can even allow a little side boob in it too i was laying there reading my kindle and i was reading a very hot spicy book and feeling pretty loose and relaxed and it and then you were just sitting there and i couldn't quite figure out i was just laying there we were in a lounge chair yeah we were in our lounge chairs on the side next to our pool and and i turned around and like you were laying there your swimsuit was gone it accidentally fell off yeah it accidentally fell off and you were sitting there like hard as a rock and and playing with yourself and it was so hot and like you didn't even like were you even aware that i had noticed and sat up because like you didn't move well yeah so i looked over at you and you wouldn't understand this because evidently you don't have fantasies and i saw you laying there and then i had this fantasy that somebody else was on top of you oh doing me like from behind doggy style yeah i was laying on my belly so that got you were reading a kindle i was doing my own little story in my head and then yeah and then i started to get hard which um happens on occasion now not real reliable but it happens and i'm like you I need to take advantage of this situation right now.

I know. And I didn't care if you turned around. Oh, well. So I just decided I'm off with the trunks. I'm going to keep this story going in my head. And maybe I even get finished before you turn around and look. Who knows? Well, once I saw what you were doing and I saw how hard you were, I was like, I'm not wasting that. So I dropped my little bikini bottoms and I just climbed right on top of you. And I'm like, oh, geez, I hope nobody walks behind our cage. Yeah. I mean, we had the blowjob curtains down. Yeah. So we had privacy on the side.

But, man, if anybody had binoculars from the houses behind us, they got a good show. Yeah. That was fun. Yeah. Yeah, that was fun. Especially because of my health situation. I mean, this is not sexy, so we'll get back to that in a minute, but i'm to the point now where like it's really weird because i think the weekend before i took a i mean i'm on cialis every day but i but then it was a saturday night and i took a viagra because i thought we were going to be maybe fooling around and we did but i but I didn't get hard. Yeah.

But then the other day when the snapshot you just mentioned, I didn't have, I mean, I still had the Cialis, but it just got hard on its own. Yeah. So it's unpredictable, but at least it's working some of the time now. And it's getting a lot harder than it used to get. So I'm making progress. Yeah. Yeah, so much for the three- to six-month recovery. It's been three years. Yeah. But it's been three years, and you just had your PSA checked again, and it's still undetectable. It's still undetectable, yeah. So that's a win. Yeah.

So my urologist says I got one more year year he says it could be a four-year arc usually everything that's going to happen that happens in four years you mean as far as your recovery goes natural recovery yes yeah so i'm feeling pretty good about it now um so my that was a good snapshot if i would have thought about that one, I would have used that one. But no, actually, it was the same night, I believe, because we have a lanai, and we have a screen room, and we had the shades pulled, the blowjob shades pulled down.

And you, we have the grill that I cook on is on the back side of the lanai so you rarely come out there dressed the way that you did the other night like you put a top that i got you for in your naughty stocking yes on which was how would you describe it it's a it's like tank top, but it's... It's a tube top. Oh, tube top. And then, but it's got a little bit of material that comes down below the boobs, like it kind of comes down in like points. So it's split. It's split below your boobs. So it's an open, the midsection is open. Yeah. And then you had a pair of black sexy shorts on.

No, it was just a skirt. Oh, a skirt. That's right. It was a black skirt. And you came out and sat next to me in the in the chairs we have out there and it was fairly dark by that point in time it was and fortunately i looked over and we have these cushions up there pool toys they're little cushions that you can sit on on the edge of the pool so you don't have to sit on the cement. And I said, hmm. And so I got up and grabbed one of those and put my old knees down on it and slid you out in your chair and went down on you. Yep. And then when I stood up, I was just at the right level.

My waist was right at your mouth level, coincidentally. I know. We made good use out of that chair. Yeah. Yes. But that was fun. It was outside. You hardly had any clothes on. You don't normally dress that risque outside. So it was fresh air. Yep. It was a beautiful night. Beautiful night. Yep. Yeah. I like summertime here. Yeah. I don't know.

so it was fresh air yep it was a beautiful night beautiful night yeah yeah i like summertime here yeah i like our backyard yeah it's a sanctuary like i you know like i i do want to travel but at the same time like i know i really like being home in the summer i know well you know we have we have to go to the beach this month because we have a goal of going to the beach at least once every month oh that's right the last time we went was memorial day and we're going to desire so it may have to be it'll have to be this week this week or this weekend or the day we come back like first couple days we come back from desire before june june is over all right well um before we close or as we close just a reminder that you know what we have a brand new social media manager i think we mentioned that before yes so now you can find us on instagram and x again we're at the ground running we are back on social media again so if you've forgotten about us or don't follow us anymore uh please re-engage with us on twitter or x sorry i don't know that i'm ever going to be able to call that x and uh instagram we're fired up on instagram uh you can we join our find information and join our community on our website wegotathing.com of course all of our podcasts and all of our blogs on our website as well if you and you can contact us through our website where you can email me at mrjones at wegotathing.com or me at mrsjones at wegotathing.com and you can book your desire trip on our website and you can also take advantage of trial memberships for two of our preferred dating sites, SDC and Cassidy.

Thanks for listening. We are Mr. and Mrs. Jones, and we got a thing. What's your thing? We'll see you next time.