We are contantly bombarded with lifestyle symbols and the promises they bring of attracting lifestyle couples to us in our day-to-day lives! From upside down pineapples in the grocery store, to black rings on the right ring finger, to white rocks at the end of the driveway, to wearing jewelry that brings special powers. Some content creators, lifestyle businesses and marketers exploit our collective desire to stay anonymous while at the same time magically attracting others into our secret lives with little or no effort at all. In this episode we discuss how to both pick-up on a send those sexy vibes in ways that require a bit of work on our part but often lead to meaningful connections with others regardless of the setting. It's all about being noticeable and creating enough curiousity and intrigue to draw others in and then knowing how to engage and progress in a natural way.
Transcript
This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a longtime married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us? Hello everyone, I'm Mr. Jones.
And I mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 128 of the we got a thing podcast and i want to welcome you back i know it's been a while since we did this just me and you i know we haven't had a regular podcast episode in quite a few months yep we had our desire special or what was that our 10th year and then we had an origin story and i think a couple with katherine or maybe just a couple with expansive connection but we are back yes welcome to 2025 just you and me just the two of us we can make it if we try oh are you happy about that yes i like songs i miss those days when i got to name the podcast by a song yeah right i know so you're rolling your eyes i am just like old times so we're going to talk about in episode 128 how to how we connect with people inside and outside of the lifestyle and i'll give you a hint it has nothing to do with pineapple i said this should be the anti-upside-down pineapple i am i am anti-pineapple you're on an anti-pineapple rant i Yeah.
So it may come through a little bit in this episode. Sorry about that. Maybe. Maybe. Ha ha. Oh my gosh. But before we get there, we are about to go on a cruise. Speaking of upside pineapples, upside down pineapples. Yes. We are going on a cruise out of Miami.
Oh gosh in two days and i'm already packed yes yes the only thing i have to do is pack my computer every you can zip the suitcase babe what's this it's devious what is it devious dragonfly i know it's devious dragonfly but isn't it like cupid's devious cruise cupid's devious or devious cupid cruise something like that yeah we have t-shirts so you should go look at my t-shirt but it's in the suitcase devious dragonfly is one of the members of our community and she hosts events and one of the events that she's hosting is this cruise and we are going with her on virgin again yeah it's gonna be fun i know we just got back from a family cruise last month on a different it was on celebrity but it was it was an old people christ we actually skewed the age down this time yeah and we're gonna talk about this in a minute because it it really was was a different vibe i mean we we kind of got spoiled by virgin last summer in barcelona because of the open concept and how it's non-traditional and we met so many cool people and the vibe and the energy was high and well this was the week right after new year's i think it was january 4th is when when the um it was january 4th through 11th or something like that and come to find out that's the week that all the retired people in florida decide to get away all their families gone home after the holidays and they're ready to get out of dodge and all of them were on this cruise ship with us we saw one child the whole time yeah but this was a special cruise because we my myself and my three siblings and their spouses and you and my mom and dad yes so it was a the first time that we have all vacationed together, and it was a lot of fun.
It was very special. It was very special. Yeah. And I mean, we're fortunate. We don't have a lot of family drama. Well, we do, but not among the 10 of us. Yeah, right. And so we all really do get along well. And I think your parents were just over the moon having all of us together. Yeah. I think they had a good time after we got there and got them on board. Yes. Traveling with a wheelchair is a whole new world. It is. Yeah. It's a different pace. But on that cruise, it wasn't out of place. No.
And there were, you know, there were your parents and then there were eight of us able-bodied yeah generation we shared the we shared the wealth yes we did it was kind of tag you're it sometimes but it all worked out and and i think i mean your dad especially had a good time yeah he did he's um he's a pretty bad laid-back guy and one afternoon it was a sea day and one afternoon we were on the top deck and it wasn't super warm out but it was warm enough to be out in the sun with like you know shorts and a shirt on and he was sitting in a lounge chair next to your sister and he had his baseball cap on backwards and he was drinking a beer and And he his sunglasses and he had his sunglasses on he just looked like a cool cat that's a photo that's gonna be in my favorites list forever yeah he was having a good day yeah it was it was fun yep but i believe the devious dragonfly cruise is going to be a bit of a little bit.
I'm thinking so. Yeah. It's going to just be definitely a different vibe. In addition to that, we are, Mrs. Jones and I, are traveling to Seattle this summer, July 25th and 26th. Yeah, this is coming together nicely.
Yes, we're partnering with Club Sapphire in Seattle to co-host anhost an event out there yep with spicy vacations or spicy travel sorry if i got your name wrong but yeah we're many many people from our community are going to be attending if you are interested you can either sign up through club sapphire or you can send me an email and i'll send you some information on how to register yeah because the registration it's like a package you know it includes it is the hotel and then access to the club for the whole weekend and it's going to be super cool hotel is within walking distance of the club and the club's going to be open for us all weekend and there's going to be a few i mean not only is there going to be a party on friday night and saturday night at the club like normal but there are going to be some workshops and seminars and meet and greets and things like that sprinkled in all weekend yeah and we've well i've been to seattle once but it was in and out on business you've never been i've never been to the pacific northwest in general yeah so we're looking forward to that and then it's going to be in july so it's going to be you know nice weather and really looking forward you and i are going to spend some extra time there yes learn the lay of the land and we have an event coming up in denver the first week in may for those of you inside of our community you'll you can find details in the community if not um if you haven't joined yet you're going to want to do that you can do that at our website we got a thing.com and uh we've got a small event going on that weekend and uh the gang is going to be attending scarlet ranch yeah the party there on saturday so we had another group just uh do an atlanta event we did they got together and went to the club trapeze in atlanta yes our our regional groups are doing a really good job of planning see they don't need us anymore honey that's the whole idea honey that's the whole idea you know we can't be everywhere and that's what community is about.
So we're happy to help. And then we have our two Desire trips. So we're going to Desire Riviera Maya, June 21st through the 28th, and also Desire Pearl, November 15th through the 22nd. I believe there's still room left, especially the June. There's plenty of room left. The November one is probably close to sold out. Actually, there's a group of our community members at Desire As We Speak. That's true. Yes, we're doing these little monthly gatherings now. Yes, and for those in our community, we have promo codes for you. If you're not in our community, you can still travel with us.
You'll find links on our website to to book but if you want to get that um 10 off of those trips join our community and we have promo codes for our members so lots in in store for 2025 lots of opportunities to gather yes and connect with friends which is what we're going to talk about in just a minute so anything else what did we miss um well speaking of our community you've been doing a lot of work in there i have thank you for reminding me yes i can't believe i had to remind you this is what we talk about every night at dinner we are about to offer a new type of membership so we will have two tiers of membership one less expensive and more what what was happening is when people were leaving the community i was doing a survey and what i found was there were a lot of people who were new that were just learning and exploring and not necessarily they were overwhelmed with all that goes on in our community with with the events and the people in the groups.
So we are going to make a new basic plan and it's going to be focusing on learning and exploring. So it's more of just a resource instead of a place to connect primarily. So if you or you and your partner want to come in, you'll have access to our entire lifestyle community course.
All of our mini courses are resource center inside the community and a couple of general chats the social chat for the community and then the discussions space for the community so there is an opportunity to to mingle with some other people but mostly it's all about researching and exploring and learning and we're finding that a lot of people just want to start there and then if you become comfortable with that and you want to go to the next tier that's going to be the connecting and sharing which is what we have now that'll be the complete community right right and that's where you get into like your regional groups and, you know, meet people locally, special interests.
Yeah. Our go live broadcasts are every other Friday night, virtual mingles, our ladies book club, our ladies happy hour, men's chat. Yeah. Everything else that we offer is going to be in that second tier.
So we're hoping that this allows people who are maybe a little bit more new to this and maybe a little bit hesitant to jump in with both feet this gives you a great place to kind of get your feet wet and learn so was the perv chat scaring people off you think i don't think so it's like one of our number one visit spaces i know i'm just kidding so So yeah, there's something for everybody in our community, for sure. So we're excited to launch that probably just in another couple of weeks. That should be out and ready. All right, so that's keeping up with the Joneses. We have a lot going on.
We hope that you're going to be able to join us at an event or a trip in 2025, if not, or join our community.
We have an awesome community that we're really enjoying helping people connect and grow and learn so when we come back i'm gonna to start like the energy and the vibe that we have found within ourselves by being in the lifestyle how we use that to to meet other people yes so i'm going from the positive spin where you just want to bash the upside down pineapples and smash them all over the ground look we spent the afternoon we spent the afternoon at a local brewery uh having a business meeting yes hashing out the outline here today yes so i i'm sunny and 70 down here today where else would you have a business meeting we're gonna focus on the positive but i'm gonna drag in you know some hopefully some my as far as i'm concerned my opinion on the effectiveness of other things besides the vibe and the energy that you just described so okay full disclosure we own black rings we own you own a pineapple shirt actually you just packed it for our trip yeah we don't have white rocks at the end of our driveway because we have an HOA and we don't get to do our landscaping.
What else is there? All that jewelry that is a special design so people are supposed to know that you're a swinger. Well, I do have a desire necklace with the desire logo on it and a desire hat. So I think we know what we're talking about. We've done it both ways. Right.
uh this came about because on the family cruise that we mentioned there were a couple of nights where we did just mr and mrs jones dinners together at the specialty restaurant which is what we normally do when we cruise but this time we did the main dining room at a table for 10 so that we could all eat dinner together yeah but two of the nights we rebelled yes and and on those two nights we met two or we had two or three different instances of meeting other people socially that we kind of connected with yes you know well differently than being family members, we were there as a couple. Right.
Those two nights. Right. And we noticed when we got home that when we were in family mode, we didn't meet many people. And when we were in Mr. and Mrs. Jones mode, we did meet some people.
So we wanted to talk about the difference and how how much your mindset and your approach have to do with your opportunity to meet and connect with new friends right and that's in you know multiple settings it it doesn't have to be you know at a swinger gathering at a local bar or a lifestyle club or you know some sort of lifestyle venue it can be anywhere right it's all about your mindset right and here's some of my data my analysis on this we get a lot of emails from people and a lot of you listening have already are thinking the same thing i get we get so many emails in the very first sentence I'm sorry.
this we get a lot of emails from people and a lot of you listening have already are thinking the same thing i get we get so many emails in the very first sentence says we are intrigued by your podcast but we are not in the lifestyle and or we are not swingers and then they'll say well except for that time in college or except for one time when we were at our friend's house in a hot tub A lot of people don't understand the lifestyle. It's got a a hot tub. A lot of people don't understand the lifestyle. It's got a negative connotation. They don't like the term swinger.
And so it's hard for people to say we are or that's what we want to be. But there's something about our message that resonates with them. Right.
I mean, the fact that it's intriguing to them and not you know repulsive you know i think speaks volumes they you know they've already they're already in that yes you know mindset yeah and from our experience and from the data that i've collected there are many more people outside of the lifestyle community who are interested in this such non-monogamous ethically non-monogamous activity that's who we normally meet when we go on non-lifestyle trips yep or just out about in town or across the street at a new year's eve party you know we met a couple that lives you know around the corner from us yeah exactly so we want to talk about this a little bit more in depth and hopefully help people understand if you have the same approach to okay so here's the disclaimer i mean if you're DTF, which is perfectly fine, that's not us.
That's not what we're talking about. If your goal is to meet somebody and have sex with them, what we're going to talk about is probably not a shortcut to that. Well, I mean, I think it all starts in the same place. It's how you progress with it, right.
We're just a little bit more patient and deliberate in our approach right and you know intentionally you know we kind of like deny ourselves that immediate gratification with other people well true we can always have sex with each other true not always immediately though when you're a party of 10 on a family cruise ship but so let's start out by talking some of the traditional methods of connecting with people in the lifestyle and we talk about it because you know you can get a trial member to cassidy and sdc on our website these are dating sites that are specifically designed for couples and individuals to meet other people in the lifestyle.
That's one way to do it. There are some benefits to that approach, but there's also some drawbacks to that approach. So first of all, it's easy. You just plop down your money and you get an account and you can set it up and build your own profile so you can do it quickly and you can put yourself out there another benefit to that is you can stay relatively anonymous in this you can decide how much of yourself you want to share what kind of pictures you want to to share. So it's a really safe way to engage, and you can do it at the level of risk that you're willing to take.
It's a good source to find out what kind of events are going on in your area. So these are the benefits of just joining a lifestyle website.
The drawbacks, though, however, you don't really know who the people are you see their pictures and you see a paragraph or two but but you're you have limited access to the people who they really are you don't know anything about their relationship about about them except for what they write in a paragraph or two right right and well and i'm just thinking like we just talked to friends of ours lifestyle friends of ours and they were recently approached or contacted on i think it was sdc by another couple and the only thing that other couple ask them for were face pics yeah exactly right you know so to me that's just a signal that that you know they're they're only interested in the physical right and not really any kind of other connection which doesn't work for you and i like again this is our perspective yes exactly so what i what i was getting to next is it's time consuming even though it's easy access and it's quick it's time consuming because you've got to search through profiles you've got to figure out who you might be connected with you've got to reach out to them you spend money on dinner and it doesn't work out or they don't text you back or, you know, all of that is time consuming.
And because it's time consuming and you don't have a lot of time, you can put pressure on yourself. Look, we only have one week in a month or we only have this amount of time. So let's find somebody, let's go out. And the quote unquote success rate for connection can be low. Yeah.
At first, at least until you kind of get the hang of it it may get a little bit easier and it's costly it's not just the monthly subscription but it's your time if you have that one weekend you're spending it out with people that you're just trying to meet or you're going to an event that costs a lot of money and you're hoping to meet up with people and i think sometimes there's like a presupposition that if we attend event they're all swingers the likelihood of us connecting with somebody's pretty high but there's so many ways to approach the lifestyle that doesn't necessarily mean you're going to meet somebody that is in the same lane that you are right i think that's what you were alluding to right and it can go either way you know maybe you're looking for a quick hookup and the people that you're can you know that you're meeting are you know do a slower role like you and i you know that it's just it's not compatible either way and the other risk a lot of are risk averse, is they don't want to put anything out there about themselves personally.
And then when you meet, people are reluctant to share their real names. They're reluctant to share anything about themselves because there's this idea, I'm going to run into somebody that I know or I'm going to be outed. And so all of that is wrapped into the quote-unquote traditional method of connecting with people yeah so because it's so random yes right but what we what we're going to talk about is finding swingers in the wild which i just think is hilarious and connecting with people in the wild. We spend all of our lives in the wild. We only spend a portion. AKA normal society.
Normal society. Yeah. Y'all are thinking, what is he talking about? Where do we have to go? I'm not talking about a safari here. I'm talking about day-to-day life, neighborhood, community, church, restaurants, bars, theaters, and then cruises and vacations. I'm not talking about desire. I'm talking about just regular all-inclusive trips that you might take or cruises that you might go on, vacations that you go on.
These are people that we run into day in and day out this is where i'm going to have to go off a little bit and talk about pineapples because what we hear and what we're conditioned to hear inside of our community is oh my gosh an upside down pineapple means you're a swinger or a black ring means you have open relationship, or if you have white rocks at the end of your driveway in your neighborhood, your neighbors know that you're swingers, or if you wear this particular kind of jewelry, and I notice it, I'm supposed to know that you're a swinger, and there's a whole lot of attention inside this community of content creators and clubs and, know all of these entities within the the swinging community or non-monogamous community that promote these types of things all for the objective of meeting people in the wild or in day-to-day life yes i don't think it works well i mean it can work but you have to be at the right place at the right time first of all for people to recognize it and then you know and then secondly like okay so there's other swingers out there that recognize your symbol are they going to be your tribe that's see that's what i want to that's what i want to talk about so first of all this is mr jones's statement you don't like to use this word and i don't either but i'm speaking for myself in all the time that we've been in the lifestyle and had a podcast the people that and everyone that we've met and all the emails that we've gotten, I have never heard anyone say that any of those methods worked for them.
Yeah, I think you're right. And what I mean by work is that you actually see somebody, you engage in conversation, you're attracted to them, and you end up becoming friends or playing with them. Yeah, I tried to argue with you about this at the brewery, and I lost. That's because I asked you. I said, well, you've been doing this as long as I have. You tell me. Have you heard of it working? Well, and then I described a scenario, and you said, no, that's not the case. And you were right. I was? What? Oh, gosh.
See see let's rewind i know i've only had one beer and it was a light beer damn it i shouldn't be this nice i was right i think we can wrap things up about right now but but if you stop and think about it what you just said is true first of all if i'm gonna wear a black I want somebody to notice, have I even thought ahead enough to know what I'm going to say when somebody comes to me and says, oh, I noticed you have a black ring on? Because people generally aren't going to come out and say, oh, you must be a swinger because you have a black ring on.
Even if they know the symbol, they're more than likely going to come to you and you and say hey i've noticed you have a black ring on that happened to us once i know and we you have to be ready to say what is your elevator pitch like well i totally lied i know that's that's my whole point because i i i really was kind of unprepared to be approached which i had the ring on i guess and you didn't know why they were asking. I didn't know why they were asking. And if they would have been asking for the right reasons, they weren't a couple that we would have been interested in playing with.
So it wasn't going to go anywhere anyway, other than to have a good conversation with them. So I lied. What did I say? we said that it's something that we bought each other and we wear them on vacation to remind us that we are open for new adventures and that's right exciting journeys or something like that that we were going to be intentional about having fun and keeping our relationship fresh right which actually kind of is i know but what we're doing right but if they were in the lifestyle and they were looking for swingers that was not the right answer Thank you.
relationship fresh which actually kind of is i know but what we're doing right but if they were in the lifestyle and they were looking for swingers that was not the right answer but that's my point and then my the other point is put yourself in in their shoes like what if you see somebody with black rings on or upside down pineapple or a pineapple shirt i mean do you know how many pineapple shirts are out there in the stores that people buy oh i know so like they're really popular right now so i don't think anything when i see somebody wear a pineapple so how are you have you thought about realistically how you're going to approach somebody that has a pineapple shirt on and say hey i noticed you had a pineapple shirt on and the guy yeah so what i just pulled out of my closet or why are you asking my wife bought it for me yeah they're still are you have what um you know who you know who people people giggle about that stuff all the time but they're not lifestyle people like when i wear a pineapple shirt in our neighborhood the people ladies giggle who he's got a pineapple shirt oh look that one's upside down yeah and they're not in the lifestyle but they know what it means and so they comment on it and it it's just not effective it's a little bit entertaining because i like to pull people oh honey it's a lot entertaining because you mess with them i do mess with them but i'm not you know i'm not gonna take in i'm not gonna take any action on it because on it.
Because I can tell that they're not really serious about it. Right. It's not who they are. They're more making fun of it. So anyway, I don't think this method is successful. It gets a lot of press. People talk about it a lot. I just think it's overdone. overdone now we're going to get to your part oh thank goodness of the podcast what does work for us in the wild or in day-to-day life it's the vibe that you put out exactly yes and the way that we like to connect with people whether it's lifestyle couples or not, we want to get to know them. Yeah.
And it's easy to get to know people without freaking them the hell out. Right. You know, you can learn how to approach somebody. And that's, so vibe, I'm just going to pose this question to you since you used the term. Vibe is a subjective word and it also requires that you sense something or pay attention to something. So to you, just what do you mean by the word vibe? The vibe that we put out or the vibe that we're looking for in other people? No, I mean the vibe itself. Like, is it a feeling? Is it energy? Is it like... To me, it's curiosity.
Like, to me, that's the vibe that I look for and that when I'm interested in meeting another couple, whether it's just to chit chat with them at the martini bar before dinner or, you know, whether, you know, it's somebody we'd like to get to know, like in our neighborhood, you know, I think I like to be curious about them. Yes. And the great thing about what we're talking about is if you can hone these skills, you can use them all over the place. It doesn't mean you're sleeping with somebody. Right.
It just means you want to get to know them and connect with them and i think when you and i approach other couples i think we've and and this has taken practice because we used to be really bad at this we didn't talk to anybody when we first got in the lifestyle because we were shy that's why this is not up the topic for episode one right 128 episodes but you and, and I think what draws people to us is when we do start chatting with people, we stay engaged in the conversation.
Like we both stay engaged in the conversation because sometimes, you know, we'll like, you know, like, especially like at a neighborhood party, you know, you'll, you'll meet a couple, hello, I'm so-and-so, I'm so-and-so, nice to meet you, oh, what street do you live on, I live over here, and then the guy will walk away, you know, or he'll, like, drift off, or he'll start checking his phone, or whatever, you know, while we're talking to the wife. I think you and I are careful about staying engaged in the conversation.
So here's what we are also much better at now, and that is noticing who to approach. Yes. What indicators or characteristics of another couple do we look for to understand if that vibe is our vibe? Right. Number one, they look like they like each other.
I don't even use their inside voices sometimes i mean complaining not not being nasty to each other but just complaining and just negative i mean do they look happy together are they smiling are they are they talking to each other or do they have them you could be this miserable at home and saved a lot of money well not just miserable but they could be buried in their cell phones yeah and and not paying attention to each other so number one do they look happy together do they look like they like each other does it look like they're enjoying the current experience whether it's a bar or a restaurant or um you're out hiking or you're on a trip are they enjoying the experience that they're, you know, do they look like people who are just interested in learning more and experiencing the world?
Because if they're not, they're probably not interesting enough to talk to. Right. So are they aware of their surroundings? In other words, are they completely completely oblivious and this is kind of where i want to talk a little bit about the family cruise because remember on the family cruise we were focused on our family right we weren't scoping the room you know we weren't making eye contact with other couples you're gonna talk about go ahead i just figured out where you're headed with this. It's funny. Well, I don't know where I'm headed with it, so maybe you can finish the story.
But what I mean is when you're in that mode, I'm not aware of my surroundings as much. I'm more focused on me and you or my family or the group of people that I'm with, and i'm not scoping right yeah so are they aware of their surroundings um are they open to being approached and you can tell and this is the vibe this is where you gotta pay a little bit of attention because are they looking at your way are they looking your way are they looking around the room talking other things? Are they making eye contact with you? Are they looking for a place to sit?
If you're walking by, are they offering a place to sit because the room is crowded? There are certain things that you can tell if people are open to being approached. There's just a vibe that you pick up on and you have to practice to understand what that means. And then I think we think people are more attractive when they're together. We always say, well, that's an attractive couple over there, or that's an attractive couple over there. We don't normally say, well, she's a 10 and he's a six.
We're not looking at them individually we're just looking at them as a couple right right so these are some of the things that uh that i would say describe somebody who is uh sending off a vibe yeah did i miss anything no no okay um so how do you sense that well first of all you have to be looking for it so you have to be aware you have to have an awareness and you and i do this like when we're by ourselves i guess this is when we can talk about our experience on this cruise ship because the two nights that we went to dinner, just the two of us, you wore sexier dresses.
Well, I wore a cocktail dress instead of just like a sundress, you know. That's what I just said. You wear a sexier dress. Yeah. And I wore a dress. Well, it wasn't like a desire dress. No. But yeah, it was a nice cocktail dress. It was more flattering. And I had a jacket on. Right. I mean, I had jeans on, but I had a jacket. No, you look nice. And we, okay, so we came out of dinner and my family was still in the show. Right. For like another half hour or 45 minutes. And we missed the show because our dinner reservation was too late.
So we went to the martini bar, which is our favorite place place to hang out and there was a furniture grouping of six chairs three on one side three on the other and then two small cocktail tables in the middle and i said look you grab the middle chair over there i'll grab the middle chair over here and then we'll save it so when my family comes out they can yeah they were going to be there in about 15 minutes so we're like okay we're going to get a drink and just kind of relax for a minute right so we got drinks and no sooner did we sit down and i looked up and here comes a lady by herself look like to be about our age or a little younger in a blue dress cleavage looked like she was having a good time.
And her dress was a cocktail dress. It was. She was dressed up, too. Yeah, she was dressed up, too. But she was barefoot. Well, so she made eye contact with me, and I made eye contact with her, and I smiled because she was carrying her shoes. And she put her finger up. She put her finger up to shushush me. And so she walks by and she gets her drink and she turns around and I said, why were you shushing me? And she just sat down, started talking to us. And she said, well, I'm carrying my shoes.
I'm just tired of wearing knees heels so then we started talking to us and she said well i'm carrying my shoes i'm just tired of wearing these heels so then we started talking and we kept talking and she kept after about a couple of minutes she was very friendly she was very friendly and a and a she she said your wife is very beautiful okay that's the first exit ramp from a normal conversation. And that's fine. It's easy. And you are beautiful. And I said, well, thank you. That's why I said, well, thank you. And about that time, my family starts to trickle in.
And some of them are standing behind you. and I introduce our new friend to them thinking that, okay. She would excuse herself. Yeah, their family's here, so I should get up. Because we had told her, you know, our family's in the show, and they're going to be right out. No, she doesn't get up.
She says, nice to meet you, and then she turns and starts to talk to me more about how beautiful you are she was sitting next to you she was sitting across from me and your brother and his wife sat down next to me so i started talking with them and i couldn't really focus on what you guys were saying because it was kind of loud there's music playing right um and but i could I could tell the conversation was not just normal chitchat.
So part of it wasn't her fault because when she asked when she kept telling me how beautiful you are and then she used the word how sexy you are and i was relaxed i mean i'm used to those kind of conversations so i just answered her questions like nonchalantly i said yeah she is beautiful and i may i think i said something about her dress and then she told me i have lost all this weight i feel good about myself so then we started talking about her and i was engaging with her and then all of a sudden she says something about are you non-monogamous just right out of the blue And our family was still sitting there now nobody was really paying attention yeah i think our brother-in-law was it was sitting on the other side of you yeah he started playing on his phone yeah well i think let me correct the record what she actually said was are you heterosexual yeah yeah oh okay really yeah really she actually said was, are you heterosexual?
Yeah. Oh, okay. Really? Yeah. Really what she said was, are you heterosexual? And I said, and I, and I like, I said, well, yeah, I am. And she said, well, what about your wife?
No, you said, you told me, I said, are you asking me or about my wife?'s right i said are you asking about me are you asking about my wife because she had already mentioned you several times and she said well both and i said well i'm straight i said but my wife it just depends on the situation which is true which is true but again the whole setting of this conversation was just a little bizarre and she gets more friendly with me and the conversation continues and well at one point your brother leans over to me and says what's going on over there and i said i'm really not sure but it's not going anywhere and he started laughing well she said something about well how we started talking about clubs and i had been to a few clubs and she's like how have you been to all these clubs and i said well we're part of a a community of people who have different varying degrees of open relationships is what i said very nondescript but still explained and she said oh that's fascinating so then she keeps talking by this time my family starts drifting away they're going to bed it's getting late well and then except your brother and his wife were still sitting next to me yeah and they said i think we're gonna call it and i'm like you're not leaving me alone here but before before that this is when she the she says why don't we ditch those two talking about my brother and my sister-in-law and the three of us go have some fun and i said well we're not really in that mindset because we're in a family cruise but i'm flattered by your offer and i've really enjoyed the conversation and then we excused ourselves and got up and left well no because she said that to you when your brother was still there and then after they deserted me right and it was just the three of us she turned to me me and said, tell me more about this community that you're part of.
Oh, yeah, she said that to you, and you had no- I had no idea what had been said, and I'm like, what community is she talking about? I'm like, did he tell her about our podcast? How much information has he disclosed?
so I just kind of danced around it and then and then she tried to proposition us again right and I said I think we're just going to call it a night yeah yeah so anyway there's two other incidents that aren't going to take so much time another one was the two of us the same evening the two of us were in the lounge before dinner having a martini and we were there was a grouping of three of those like velour wingback chairs and a cocktail table you know it was kind of really swanky lounge there's a jazz band playing it was just a really cool place lady walks up and just plops herself down right next to the third chair and introduces herself and we talked to her for about 20 minutes she was a hoot yeah but but she was not it was not a lifestyle or a sex sexual conversation it was like she's traveling by herself she's learned how to be social but my point that i'm going to make here in a minute is we must send out a vibe that people were approachable exactly yeah so we go to dinner and that was that well and i mean and good for that lady for being brave enough to just you know insert herself into situations and conversations like i would not be brave enough to do that i thought she was awesome and she was so interesting to talk to i know that's my point yeah um it was meaningful i remember that conversation yeah i do too then the other night that we went out just the two of us afterwards we went to the martini bar again and we sat down next to a couple and you turned immediately and said, oh, he was carving something in the ice the martini bar on this ship has the stainless steel bar and then they freeze it underneath so it gets all frosty and people will you know use their sea passes to like write things in the frost yeah and it was um playoff season and he had written chiefs on there so yeah i said are you just chiefs fans are you guys actually from kansas city and they were from kansas city right and then of course he asked us who we were rooting for and and i i am so inept when it comes to football conversation but like yeah but you just batted your eyes and you had a cocktail dress on well and like you know we we used to be redskins fans but then it was embarrassing to be redskins fans for like two decades but now the commanders have been amazing this year so i was actually able to like speak with authority about football and he was really cute and so easy to talk to yes not only that but immediately he turned away from his wife and started talking to you and you two went back and forth and i you and i both at the same time picked up on the fact that his wife wasn't too happy with the conversation that was going on so let me just stop right there she picked up on the vibe too even though you were talking about football and things yeah there was an instant you were you two were locked in there was instant chemistry with me and this guy and i noticed it and i'm like go ahead go ahead mrs jones go ahead and but i was sitting to your right and he was to your left and then his wife was further so i couldn't engage her because she was three chairs away but you did the smart thing well I was kind of facing her and I could tell that she wasn't really very happy that I had immediately like grabbed her husband's attention so when when there was a little bit of a break in the conversation I turned to her and I said oh he had mentioned that they were celebrating their one-year wedding anniversary so i turned to her and i said well tell me how you guys met it must be a great story if you've been you know together for a year at this point yeah and i need to stop you there because when we were doing our pre-brief at the brewery today and you and you used that line what it made me realize is you didn't ask where she was from uh you didn't ask how many kids she had you didn't ask um what she does what she does for a living you asked how did they meet which is a relationship based right it was bringing them back together it's going to require her to tell you a story and you're going to so it's something personal that's that's more in depth than just surface level crap.
So anyway, go ahead. So she started telling me, and you could tell she was reluctantly engaged in the conversation. But actually, they had an amazing story that was really, it was kind of funny and sweet, how they ended up meeting. And it was really interesting.
So I kept asking her questions, and then and then they both started telling the story and then she relaxed yeah and then i started engaging because the three of you were talking and i so it anyway it was clear that night that the the everything all the vibe was positive that night we were sending the vibe he was definitely sending the vibe. And then when we sat down next to them, there was an opening and we were aware and you said something and he responded and then you just kind of go from there and you were in the moment enough to realize she was uncomfortable.
I noticed that you were flirting with him. He was probably oblivious to the fact because I think his mind was clouded because he was flirting so much with you. But then when you brought his wife in, he started engaging with her and her blood pressure went down. At any rate, these three instances that happened on a vanilla cruise, just because we weren't with our family, we started talking about what kind of vibe we send out when we're in certain situations. And obviously, those two nights, we were sending out the vibe, and we were looking for the vibe. And we met people, and I remember them.
They're memorable. Now, nothing happened.
happened well something could have happened i know uh but that's that's really not the issue the issue is are we connecting with somebody to the degree that you can find out if there's an interest and if you should progress the conversation forward yeah so anyway be yourselves um focus on each other dress like you care and and this is kind of aimed more towards the guys um you know but when i wear a jacket and you wear a cocktail dress there's a different message that we're sending out well and it it's a different message that we're sending each other too because you know that i like you and you know in a jacket and and i know you like it when i'm in a sexy dress you know so we're dressing for each other but then we're also you know our our presentation is better right right to others yeah and we're enjoying each other's company we we make eye contact with other people um and we look for opportunities to invite in and when i here's here's something that just happened yesterday it was funny we went to a local store here a furniture store here and we were shopping for artwork and you were speaking to the lady at the desk and she made a comment about how cute your shoes were yeah they're just sneakers but and then oh what kind of oh i've never seen the brand that i know that brand but i haven't seen that style before that's it and you're going back and forth on these shoes and so when you she gets done i said is there something wrong with my shoes and she laughed and she said oh no there's nothing wrong with a nice pair of adidas and she laughed about it and you know afterwards i'm thinking all i was doing is pay attention to the conversation and i wasn't creepy i didn't ask her her name i didn't you know i didn't physically get closer to her but i said something that was in context of with your conversation well actually i have her phone number because she had texted me about the artwork yeah she was kind of attractive um but that's just another situation that i think when i say look for opportunities uh to to engage you know it's listen and pay attention to what's being said so that you can remember that and and bring it up later or you're looking for an opening to interject yourself into the conversation um and again look for opportunities to invite like if if the conversation's going like that couple that was at the martini bar if that would have been just the two of us on for a seven-day cruise we very well could have said hey do you guys want to have dinner together this week you know yeah we would have looked for an opportunity and that was early in the week so because on a on a seven-day cruise or five days or at a resort or whatever I don I know.
that's what I mean, at the end of the cruise. Because by that time, we've had dinner together. We've gotten off and gone to a bar together. Or we know each other after two or three days. And so when you introduce this idea of non-monogamy, it's coming from us because they're curious about us.
They curious and intrigued and you know the thing that um kind of like our the way we do it is we get to know people first and then we start talking about you know non-monogamy and desire and those types of things so that they're like at first they're probably like oh my gosh these people are swingers but then they're like wait we've been hanging out with them for three days and they haven't like made a move on us yet that it must be they must be okay yes that's when the payback starts because you've been patient you know you hold that card well for a few days another way to say don't be to be patient is just don't have a goal just be in the moment whatever the moment is just engage talk to people get to know them let them get to know you that's one time we did do that with a couple and ended up playing with them um it it was a desire but they were totally non-lifestyle and they were not not the least bit interested and and the lady actually had somebody make a move on her and it kind of scared her right and i saw it and she and i talked about it and i said something about i forget what i said to her but i said i let her know that we were in the lifestyle and she's like you two are in the lifestyle and i'm like yeah and she's like i would have never known that know, because we hadn't made a move on them yet.
So think about that. But then it only took 24 more hours. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That day she said, oh my gosh, I would have never known that. And she got freaked out by somebody making a pass at her. And the next day we played with them. Yeah. So, you know, this is not all like chivalry and it could lead to something. And as we, you know, kind of start to wrap up, you know, just not being goal oriented, I think is the biggest, this is the biggest takeaway. Well, we are goal oriented.
Our goal is to connect with people, whether that involves or not true true because nevertheless that you know 30 minutes we hung out with that couple at the martini bar was a great time yeah and after i said don't be goal-oriented you're right connecting with others is our goal and i mean sorry honey my heart was racing a little bit that whole 30 minutes that guy was hot but connecting but you connected with them that's what i mean and sometimes it could lead to something sexual or playful or you know intimate and sometimes it's not but it's all connecting with people and i mean i i just had fun flirting with him yeah pineapples and black rings don't connect you with people it's a facade it's something on the outside that we hide behind or that we giggle about we usually usually gimmicks don't have a high success right right exactly yeah that you should get a t-shirt here's the tell swanky unicorn about that one here's another good thing is even if it doesn't go anywhere it's a heck of a good way to practice your flirting and your conversation starting skills well that's true because it's the same thing it's the same thing that we do at lifestyle events that we do at non-lifestyle events and the more you practice it the better you get at it right so it's so look at it as free OJT.
Right. And mean i was gonna say well we start the same way but don't necessarily end the same way but but it but it is a progression right it's just in you know on a cruise ship with your family around the corner you know you you know how far to take it and then you just kind of let it go well and that progression needs to be sensible and one step at a time. I mean, if I would have pulled out our podcast card at the bar that night when you were talking to that guy and said, oh, by the way, we have a lifestyle podcast. You should listen. And then the wife would have freaked out.
Well, no kidding.
He would have gotten mad at me because I disrupted the flow, and they would have got up and left or what you know right but if it's the end of the week and we spent time with them then you drop that kind of it's more of a a natural progression to that kind of conversation um and then again same find a way to connect again in the future how many times have we been on cruises that we've either said are you on facebook or can we exchange phone numbers and we have yeah there's usually one couple every trip we have visited friends and been visited by friends who are not lifestyle people that we've met on cruises and vacations that we've just become friends with um and don't you know don't moving too quickly just kind of they feel the pressure and then they're going to bolt and you're not even going to get a chance to get to know them and then don't focus on just one couple there's plenty of people around i think when we're focused on attraction level we tend to lock in on a couple because oh my gosh they're cute or they're hot right right and then everybody else becomes invisible but the more you talk to people the more attractive they become or maybe even compatible for a connection yeah because at the martini bar that night like i didn't i just sat down next to that guy because there was a bar still open i mean because the the bar was packed yeah you know so it was yeah we didn't intentionally choose that seat no it was the only one open and then i looked over and i was like damn jackpot for you uh anyway the idea here is to make people notice and become curious about you and then intrigued by you yep that's those are the i think the best words i can come up with.
And have fun. I think I came up with the word intrigued, but you can have it. We came up with it over a beer today. I wrote it down. So anyway, that's the gist of what we want. And have fun. My goodness, it's fun.
Well, and I think that's the key key to success you know if you're stressed out about it like if you're so stressed out about like trying to figure out who to talk to you know then that's going to make you draw inwards and your your energy is going to pull in instead of your energy like spreading out and and making you intriguing where people actually want to talk to you too right okay i'm interested in y'all's feedback on this one um if anybody does have a success story with either pineapples or black rings or jewelry or white rocks etc mr jones will rescind that never yeah go ahead let me me know.
Did I get the right number of evers in there? And success is not just somebody noticing, but like, how did it happen? How did they notice? What was the conversation like? How did it progress? And what kind of sex did you have? Yeah, we need the details. All right. Well, when we come back, we actually have snapshots this month. Yes.
So when we come back, we'llhots this month, so when we come back we will finish up with something sexy Welcome back to segment 3, some actual snapshots yes for those of you keeping score um i'm my health is still improving with the help of mrs jones's personal tutelage especially i was a terrible nurse but i think i'm a better therapist than i was a nurse you are okay good Okay, good. Well, you go first. So mine actually goes back to Desire Pearl in November, which shows you exactly how long it's been since we've done a normal episode.
It was the second to the last night we were in the hot tub just hanging out with good friends that we've known for a long time. I think there were probably like 8 or 10 or 12 of us. And somebody started, air quotes, buying tequila shots. Could have been the same girl that got me in trouble in the hot tub at Desire a couple years ago. We're not going to mention anything. No. But she knows who she is.
And actually, i think her husband was helping things along too well i knew better so i would take a shot and i would only be able to get like a third of it down and then you being the like gracious loving caring husband decided to finish it off for me so i didn't have to drink all that tequila. But I think you were drinking your own shot as well. Of course. I mean, I think this was Don Julio. You don't dump Don Julio in the hot tub. No, you don't. No. So after that, we went up to the lobby for our 2 a.m.
pizza ritual, which, you know, is part of the routine there, you were definitely feeling no pain. Is there, is this a, there's a moral to this story? Well, so. How is this a snapshot? So the next day you had a hangover and I've never seen you like that before. Like you felt like dog do all day long.
You day long sometimes you wake up and you have a headache and you're a little dehydrated and you you know get your breakfast because that's your favorite meal of the day and then you're fine you did not rally like you were really quiet and it was like the last day and there was like this all this energy because it was the last day and we all had to get it all in. You weren't drinking, you weren't talking. So finally, at some point you called it, it was like mid afternoon. And you're like, I want to go back up to our room and lay down for a while. So I'm like, okay.
And you're like, I'm only going to be up there like 45 minutes. I'm like, okay. So I stayed in the pool and hung out with our friends. Well, 45 minutes later, no sign of Mr. Jones. Hour later, no sign of Mr. Jones. So then after like an hour and a half, I'm like, I better go make sure he's still alive. So I went upstairs. You are sound asleep still. And I went out. We were staying in a room that had a beautiful terrace. So I went out on the terrace and there was like a round bed out there. I got the bed all made up and took a few sex toys out there and some lube.
And then I woke you up and I'm like, I got a cure for your hangover. And I took you out and I laid you down. I'm like, is all you have to do is lay down. And you're like, all right, I think I can do do this so you went out there and i gave you a blow job on that terrace and and it was fun you know why it was fun i don't know if anybody observed us or not but like we haven't played in public in a long time like years and and there were lots of balconies either level with ours or higher than ours where people people could have seen me doing this. And so I kind of got off on that.
And you said you actually felt better after that. I did. It's like a cure-all. It's better than Tylenol. I should have done that in the morning. I shouldn't have waited until 4.30. There's another t-shirt for you. I'm better than Tylenol. Oh, nice. Yeah, and it was so good, as a matter of fact, that it had rained that morning, and they had come put fresh towels on the bed, but the mattress was wet. I thought the mattress was vinyl, and it kind of was, but I guess they do that on purpose. I don't know, but yes. But I was soaking wet.
My ass was soaking wet, but I didn't notice until afterwards't notice until afterwards oh you know it's one of those things where i distracted you from feeling soggy i feel fluid down there but it's not warm so it's it wasn't me i didn't have an accident and then i realized we were laying in a wet mattress but yeah no so i was like i was turned on by doing it kind of kind of out in public and then and then i felt like i was i had superpowers because you you truly and if you didn't feel better you lied very well so yeah thank you for that either no it was it was good i remember um so duly noted next time you get a hangover i'm not gonna wait i'm just gonna go ahead and get it over with like i got your cure come on so my snapshot i'm thumbing through some pictures now as i'm gonna retell this story so we took our massage table out on our lanai under the covered roof and i can see the reflection in the window of the red lights.
So I had, we have pool lights that are red and the lights around our cage outside are red. Well, I made them red. Well, yeah. Yeah, so it's pretty cool with the pool and the lights. And you came out in a sexy outfit that didn't stay on you very long. And you brought your bundle, your little baggie of toys and lube. And you got up on the massage table. And I was sitting on the wicker love seat. And you just started a show. No, you gave me massage first. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Well, I didn't get any pictures of that. Oh, it was wonderful. So you got me totally relaxed and totally in the zone.
Well, I can see the coconut oil in your hair now that you mentioned it. Yeah, there was that. So I gave you a massage, and then you grabbed your toy and started going to town. And instead of engaging, I sat down to watch.
And you were so into yourself that i grabbed my phone and started taking pictures you don't remember fucking me on the massage table before that uh yeah but i i do now that you mentioned it because that was hot too and then i just oh that's right so we did and then and then because i'm like oh i guess she didn't have enough you weren't satisfied completely well i was satisfied but i was just you know how you you make fun of me because i say my switch gets flipped on and it won't flip back off yeah and that's i was just kind of crazy that night well Well, you had these, the nipple ring jewelry on.
And you know that my favorite way to watch you is when you're just using your fingers. So you were situated so that I could see the show. I was putting on a show, yeah. And then you went for a while. You're flipping. How many pictures did you take? It's none of your business. He's sitting there flipping. It's like he's telling the story as he's flipping the pictures mind your own business well i just got some plumbing so i've gone past them now but not my plumbing watching watching you you were so relaxed and so into yourself uh that night that I rarely take pictures of you.
But this night, I grabbed my phone and just kept taking pictures. And I had no idea. That's because you were all into yourself. You weren't paying a bit of attention to me. I mean, you were doing it for me. You were aware that I was there. But yeah, these are good pictures they're they're keepers but anyway they're literally literal snapshots yes i see that okay oh man we need to we need to make up for lost time i know that's true we're in the red in the red. Somehow I think Cupid's devious voyage is going to help that. Yeah, that's going to help. That's going to help.
Anyway, it's good to be back talking with you all. We have another episode coming up with Expansive Connection here in a week or two that we will post. We would love for you to join our We Got a Thing community.
You can find information on our website at wegotathing.com, W-E-G-o-t-t-a-t-h-i-n-g.com or you can contact us either through our website or you can send me an email mr jones m-r-j-o-n-e-s at we got a thing.com or me at mrs jones at we got a thing.com you can follow us on x and we also as i said at the very outset you can get trial memberships to both sdc and cassidy if you think you're ready to put yourself out there but in the meantime you can always put yourself out there in the wild and hopefully everything that we've shared with you tonight is helpful i know it it works for us anyway.
It does. So thanks for listening. We are Mr. and Mrs. Jones and we got a thing. What's your thing? We'll be you next time.
