Episode 116: How Vulnerability Enhances Your Lifestyle Journey

Transcript

This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a longtime married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us?

hello everyone i'm mr jones and i'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 116 of the we got a thing podcast everybody's favorite topic vulnerability well we're gonna find out that it's an asset and not a liability tonight okay well stay tuned for that yeah i'm anxious to hear how you're going to explain that because this one's your idea uh but first boy what's new we are new is that finally florida is the warm sunshine state that we thought it was going to be We are getting used to the new culture in the South. Yes.

I mean, Virginia is south of the Mason-Dixon line, but Florida is a whole different animal. Oh, my gosh. I thought I was going to kill Mr. Jones tonight. Y'all are lucky that we made it to episode 116. It almost ended at 115. Well, we went furniture shopping because we're still in the midst of moving, believe it or not. Our daughter's moving down and we're helping her. So we went to a furniture store down here. And first of all, I have to go on record and say that the salesperson that helped us was respectful, knowledgeable, creative, personable. He was great. He wasn't pushy.

He was informative. So it was a good experience. So we went there the first time over the weekend. And on the way home, I said, did you notice his little hitch when he speaks?

And you you said i don't know what you're talking about and i said yeah he says and everything like that and you said what are you talking about i said well honey he'd be talking about you know maybe you get a sofa and you get an end table and everything like that and this and that and this and that and something like that and anything and he kept he kept saying it over and over again and you claim you didn't you didn't realize well like a lot of people down here talk that way but you said you didn't really realize it so when we went back today i said we were going to ask for the same guy to make sure he could get credit and i said i'm going to count how many times he says and everything like that.

And I was ignoring you until. No. So then halfway through, we were only there like 20 minutes and halfway through, he walked away to check on something for you. And I said, six times. And you said, what? And I said, he said it six times already. And again, you said, I didn't notice. And I said, well, what I'm going to do. I'm concentrating on buying all this furniture for our daughter. I said, I'm going to stand behind you. And every time he says it, I'm going to kick you. He did. He ended up staying 14 times.

I have bruises on my ankles because I was standing there paying for all of this furniture. And Mr. Jones was standing like kind of diagonally behind me. And this guy said it, what, six more times, right? Eight more times. Eight more times. So every time this guy would say, and this and that or something.

No that not not that everything like that whatever he was saying mr jones was kicking me he sounded i am standing there trying to have like a polite conversation with this guy and i'm trying to ask him about the the furniture i wasn't paying any attention to any of that warranty i got on the sofa you know what he sounded like all this stuff and you're kicking me and i'm trying not to like laugh because now i know why you're kicking me he sounds like mater in the cars movie oh yeah you're right you're right everything like everything like that that's what he kept saying you're right and then and then he walked away at the end and you turned around and busted out laughing because you were like, you shut up.

Because you were trying to keep a straight face and you couldn't do it. I think I called you a bad name too. Oh, my God. Like, just wait until we get in the truck and then you can make fun of him all you want. I wasn't making fun of him. I was commenting on his little hitch and down here in the South. It's South, people, people have a whole new vernacular. However, what did you expect me to do while I'm talking to this wonderful salesperson and you're kicking my ankles? Like how was, how was I supposed to react to that? Well, no, you weren't, but you, excuse me, sir.

My husband's kicking you because you have an interesting dialect.

an interesting dialect yeah well no but you said you didn't notice and i wanted to make sure you noticed you're such a brat i am i've been called worse down here oh so we were in the pool a few weeks ago in the community pool yeah in the neighborhood pool with mr jones's mom and mr jones's sister and some friends of ours that live down the street and mr jones might have been harassing one of our new friends lady friends that's likely who is actually really pretty that's how i flirt yeah i know so anyway you had you had like scared her in our golf cart the other day we came around the corner honey don't say golf cart what it makes us sound old we are old we live in a 55 and better community she was in the she was in the middle of the street talking to a friend and she should have been on the sidewalk and so i sped past her closely and beeped the horn and told her, get it, get on the sidewalk, get out of the road.

So anyway, she was telling this story to your sister and your mom was standing there and she had met both your sister and your mom before. It's like, she knew who each one of the ladies were. So anyway, she's telling this story and she said, he's such a little shit. And she was laughing when she said it. And about that time, your mom kind of wandered away because she, not because she was offended, but because she just wanted to take a break and get out of the sun because it was a super sunny, hot day.

So when your mom walked away, our new friend leaned over to me and she's like, did I offend his mother? I just called him a little shit in front of his mother. I don't know. your mom walked away, our new friend leaned over to me and she's like, Oh, did I offend his mother? I just called him a little shit in front of his mother. And I was like, seriously, do you think that's the first time she's heard that about her son? No, she just rolled her eyes. So I told your mom that story later.

I think we had dinner that night and your mom was like yeah that doesn't surprise me yeah so yes you're already developing quite the reputation in the neighborhood well but at least it's warming up and we've been in the pool several times and it's not it the weather down here has been beautiful for the past month like it's not it's just been sunny. I think they're lulling us to sleep here before June and July. Well, the no-see-ums have been out, though. So I have lost some blood.

And now we're in the middle of, well, we're coming down the home stretch of our first little construction project around the house because we're just gluttons for punishment and like to torture ourselves with projects. But we're expanding the cage over our lanai. You're expanding your bug-free zone is what you're doing. Yes, yes. The only way to keep the bugs away is just to build out a bubble over your house. I know. That's exactly what I'm doing. I'm keeping the alligators and lizards and snakes out. Oh, my gosh.

You didn't keep the toads out because there was one in the skimmer the other day. That's because the back of our cage was gone. Yeah, because they were doing the favors. He was a victim, skimmer victim. So now we're going to have more. So now we have to buy more blowjob shades because the sides have been extended. Which we put into good use last week. But maybe we'll talk about that later. All right. Anyway, on with some more important things. Such is life at the Jones House. So finally, another finally, our WGT app is live and in the App Store and in Google Play.

But a disclaimer, don't buy it in the App store because apple adds 15 you're probably going to get in trouble for saying that they don't listen buy it on our website so you so you can get get it for the actual price but anyway i have been working on this and i have to give credit to our our community manager She's been working on this with me. And we've reorganized, we've restructured, we've rebranded and got the app developed, and it is now available. So the last few months I've been talking about it, and it's finally ready for you to consume.

Yes, it's kind of weird going into the app store and seeing ourselves, seeing our logo. It's pretty cool. Yeah, so I just want to spend a minute. This won't take long. I want to go over because we've added some benefits and features recently and over the years. So anyway, this is really not, first of all, it's not like a Cassidy or an SDC. It's not a site where you meet people to date. I'll just put that out there right away. It's a community. It's a community of like-minded people who are curious about the lifestyle.

They want to meet people interact with people get to know people it's not sharing experiences yeah share knowledge share experiences and and it's really we we found it difficult to find kind of our tribe we use that term when we first started but um it is a place where you know people who kind of have the same philosophy of life and relationships and lifestyle as us that you're going to find people like you right but then when you do get into the community community and you start interacting you do meet people that you want to go out on dates with. You do, yes.

But that's maybe not the forefront of the whole purpose of it. It's the whole social sexy thing is what it is. So we have several collections and groups. We have a welcome center where all our new members go for the first 45 days to get to know the platform, and we spend some extra care and feeding for the new members. Or is it like the kiddie pool? Yeah, it can be overwhelming. There's a community hub where there's topical discussions. Of course, there's a sexy photo feed. WGT Live, I do live broadcast during the week, and I have guests on from across the lifestyle community, members.

You, Mrs. Jones, is now coming live with me every Friday to do Ask Us Anythings. So you'll find weekly highlights. And then there are separate spaces for men and ladies. Uh, the man, the man cave is the, is the men's group and the ladies lounge and the ladies lounge. Yes. Uh, there's a health and wellness collection. There's 10 or 11 regional groups.

So the regional groups are becoming more, uh, important as we grow because then you can get into groups of people that live closer to you which is going to eventually hopefully lead to personal uh interactions right and those regional groups are the the groups that are planning all the get-togethers and yes yeah there was just a chicago get-together there was there was we just said i think there were about 30 couples that got together and for a weekend in chicago and yeah got a restaurant for the evening and they stayed in the hotel and they went to a derby party.

It was, it was so, yeah, so our regional leaders and in our regional groups are planning more local events because we can't be everywhere. And that's really been helpful. We have like over 20 special interest groups, mature group, newbie group, things like BDSM, more sums, faith matters, LGBTQ, nerd, sex toys, travel. I mean, it can be a little bit overwhelming, but you only really see the groups that you choose to be in. Right.

And then you end up finding that you have a lot in common with the people you know in those groups one thing that we did was we took our entire online lifestyle course the navigating your lifestyle journey course and we put it in the community as a part of the community membership fee right so now it's just one of our resources yep it's just a resource all of our mini courses are in there at your disposal we have a resource library where our members can recommend articles they can recommend podcasts there's a glossary of terms so it's just a place where people can share information about resources and things that they have found valuable in the lifestyle club reviews, trip reviews.

So that's a great place to share. And then all of our events. So our desire events, which, by the way, we have room for our June 22nd to 29th trip to RM. There's still space available there.

And then, of course course our november trip the 9th through the 16th so you'll find all the information about our our trips there was a trip there was a group just started up with people that are going on the bliss cruise so they could get to know each other before the cruise so it's just it's just a place where you can connect with with people um and it's growing and we're just excited that we finally have this app i think we finally like took our stuff to the next level yeah yeah that's true and and all of these groups come about because people ask for them right like they come up with the ideas like you aren't just sitting there trying to you know oh no figure out what cool subgroups could we create like they're being Thank you.

for them right like they come up with the ideas like you aren't just sitting there trying to you know oh no figure out what cool subgroups could we create like they're being generated by the community yeah that's what i love about our community like everybody is like invested yeah so we have community we have ambassadors um or moderators in each of the spaces they're the ones that kind of welcome everybody keep the conversation going and answer questions so yeah we're i'm not doing this by myself there's a bunch of people that have that have started helping us with this as it's grown um anyway we just wanted to before we get to vulnerability wanted to finally pat pat myself on the back because our app is finally done and you, you know, one thing that some of the initial feedback that we got is a couple people were concerned about downloading our app because they didn't want their kids to find the app.

But you know what I do is like, I have a social like folder on my homepage of my phone.

So I just slide it into there so like when you first like when i first unlock my phone you don't readily see it like it's in the social folder so i have to touch the social folder because yeah you might not want some cute little jessica rabbit logo yeah on your front page if you still have kids around well they're grabbing your phone yeah it doesn't say we got a thing on it but it does have our our image on the front of it yeah and she does have nice cleavage yeah she does yeah well i mean if you're giving your phone to your kids or grandkids you're already vulnerable speaking of vulnerability because i'm sure there's pictures on there there's probably other things on there that you don't want them to see too.

But yeah, we're excited. I'm happy about it. If you can't tell. We're making progress. So if you want to rejoin, if you've been here before, or if you've been thinking about it, now's the time. All right. And we hope to meet you there. All right. Do we have anything else? We don't have anything else about what's been going on with the Joneses? Nope. We've just had, you know, I never really realized what a destination our area is. Yeah. I think like now we're finding out people vacation here all the time.

Like we've had friends come down for spring break with their families and just kind of come down for long weekends and we're just having all kinds of fun like meeting people for dinner and like you and i are discovering new places because like we'll have friends that'll be in this town and we're like oh we've never been to dinner over there before so yeah you know we're discovering all kinds of new places having people come into town it's pretty cool yes i thought it was just you know the whole washington dc thing that we got to visit with people but no now it's a beach yeah I'll see you next time.

having people come into town it's pretty cool yes i thought it was just you know the whole washington dc thing that we got to visit with people but no now it's a beach yeah yeah so you can come to the beach and then stop by on your way yep all right well we're gonna take a quick break and when we get back we're gonna delve into mrs jones is going to explain to us all why vulnerability is such a good thing in the lifestyle We'll see you next time. going to delve into Mrs. Jones is going to explain to us all why vulnerability is such a good thing in the lifestyle. Welcome back to segment two.

We're going to figure out tonight how vulnerability can actually be a positive thing in the lifestyle. Yeah.

So this is your idea idea do you want to talk a little bit about how it came about so it goes back to book club again i think i had another talk but that came up in book club so we're reading this i might as well just go ahead and say it because i know people are going to email and ask there's a series of books by an author Sarahah kate c-a-t-e is her last name and she wrote um a six book series called the salacious players club and first of all the whole series of books is centered around this amazing sex club that they open that's just The whole series is really about the idea that they open.

That's just, it's, um, the whole series is really about the, the idea that everybody has a kink, whether you live out that kink or not, everybody has something that is intriguing to them in some way that they are sexually intrigued and aroused. And kind of each book like focuses on a different kink with a different main character. Well, there's this, the fifth book in the series is called The Highest Bitter. And it, um, it centers around one of the investors in this sex club. He's a gentleman about our age. Um, and he is a widower. He became a widower when he was a fairly young man.

Um, his wife and child died in a car accident and he lived his life for a long time alone, like emotionally alone. Like he, I think he would get out and, and find people to have sex with, but it was not fulfilling. And he realized that he was just basically this shell of a person. And he ended up meeting somebody that was into BDSM and he had never been exposed to it before. So as the story goes on, you find out what his kink is and how he used the, um, the whole idea of being dominant to kind of like find his soul again.

Like he found that he could really connect to people when he had that intense interaction, um, in like he, he's a dom, um, And he's a actually a pleasure dom if y'all know what that is if you don't know what that is you need to read the book because it's really hot but his he likes to dominate people to give them pleasure not to like bring them pain sometimes it involves pain but it's really what is that person's kink And he helps them bring that about by controlling the situation essentially. But the bottom line is that that helped him like feel again.

And in order to do that, I think he had to allow himself to open up to other people. So he allowed himself to become vulnerable. And I just kind of realized as I listened to these books on audible, as I walk in the afternoons and I just had this like realization that sometimes I think you, I, I'll just go ahead and say, I don't always have like the optimal experience because for whatever reason, I'm like not allowing myself to be completely open to the other person.

And I think that it takes some vulnerability to open up to somebody else so that they can kind of see inside of you and help you experience pleasure, you know? So anyway, that was a really long drawn out explanation as to why i found this no this topic intriguing no i thought it was very well put oh but it was more than 600 words i know but you that was a good good explanation but but before we go any further though i think when we first get in this lifestyle vulnerability is not really a word that comes to mind what we think about is, oh, we're going to have sexy fun with other people.

This is really taboo. We're going to improve our sex life. We're going to do this naughty thing together.

We don't really think of it as opening up to people and being vulnerable because it's not at least for us we didn't understand everything that we are about to walk into well and I think when you're new you think about being vulnerable as being like weak and you and you might see like opening up to somebody as like a negative and not a positive because then, then, and you might see, like, opening up to somebody as, like, a negative and not a positive because then, oh, my gosh, if I allow somebody to get into my head too much, then that might mess up my relationship with my partner, you know, and it'll be confusing and stressful and all the things.

I was going to say this and that, but I'm not allowed to say that anymore, am I? You can say everything like that. Go ahead. Sorry, people. You should have been at the store with us. Sorry. No. No, I mean, you make a good point about being new. Because if we think back in life, the things that were new, you know, the first day of school, the first day of a new job, the first, you know, you move into a new neighborhood like we just did, you know, the first day of, gosh, being a parent for the first time or getting married.

I mean, there are lots of things that we do where we're new and we're unsure of ourselves and we don't really know what to expect. And it takes a while to acclimate, you know, to all of those things I just mentioned and the lifestyle is really no different. Yeah. Only probably scared. Well, I don't know. Like when you're six, the first day of school is pretty scary. Yeah. Or when you're 18, the first day of college is pretty scary. Yeah. Well, the difference though here is that the risk is higher, right?

I mean, and, and you're, you're kind of putting your relationship at risk and then you, all of a sudden you realize in real time what this fight or flight thing is, is all about. Yeah.

When you get into difficult situations and emotions are involved hormones are involved there's pressure to perform um you have to expose yourself you know i know i mean physically i know and after having two babies and not being 22 anymore sometimes that's a little scary yeah so it's it's unknown territory and so the last thing that we think of is being vulnerable at that point in time but and we've said this a lot before if you all have listened to us for a while you realize that it's the people in the lifestyle and the relationships in the lifestyle that all of a sudden over a period of time become more interesting and more personal oh i see i think that's a really good word it becomes more interesting you know sex and and you know back to the book the the guy was having sex before he got into the bdsm lifestyle but it wasn't fulfilling it was not interesting he was bored you know he would like have a physical release but then he will go home and feel completely empty and it was really sad right just to just to you know as you're reading the book just to get in his head and and just think about how that feels right yeah so but i think though after a while um these people that you meet all of a sudden they're attracted to you and not just physically they're attracted to you as a couple um they're interested in you as a person yeah and they they actually like you i mean they i mean it's one thing for somebody to say that you're hot but then i think like me.

Well, and you know why? Because they ask about you. I mean, if you think about in life, how many friends and acquaintances that you have that talk at you or talk about things or they, you can talk about them and ask them questions, but sometimes they don't really ask you a lot of questions.

In the lifestyle, people, and they're not doing it it to be nosy they just want to know you as a person you know what makes you tick what explain you know your relationship to us it's it's really interesting um and people are generally caring yeah i i think that became really um apparent recently in our community. We have friends that we met, I think it's been exactly a year ago that we met them in person for the first time. Yes, it was. It was our DC event at the beginning of May last year.

They live in the Midwest, and so we don't get to see them very often we've seen them a couple times and the last time we saw them we had we really had a great connection with them um and they have made a lot of friends in our community well she had a pretty serious medical emergency like two months ago um that has a little bit of rehab that goes with it. So she is still not fully recovered yet. And when that medical emergency happened, um, her husband just reached out to a couple of couples that they're friends with and said, this has happened.

And one of the couples who has a child at home managed to immediately arrange child care and got in their car and drove several hundred miles i mean that what was that like 10 or 12 hours yeah to get to them and to help in like to help the husband out as as the wife was in the hospital yeah and didn't even ask it was okay. They got in the car and they just showed up and they showed up with dinner for him and a change of clothes for her. And, and they were just like, okay, we're here, put us to work. Right. And like they met this couple's children, adult children.

Like it, it just, it was so normal. And after fact we talked to the to the couple and to the wife and you know it at first she thought oh my gosh like I'm I'm not myself it's going to be weird for people to see me like I don't have any makeup on I'm just I'm a mess can't really get around well. But then she realized that isn't why people like her. They like her because she's her and everything else is just, it's just a small part of it. I mean, to have friends like that, maybe once or twice in life, you consider yourself fortunate.

I mean, most people, and most people are well-intentioned, but how many times have you heard people say, oh, if there's anything you need, let me know, like putting the burden on you to tell them. But, you know, when you have friends that just drop everything and you don't ask and they don't ask, they just get in their car and drive.

um yeah so so you you mentioned you know you talk about being vulnerable when you're i mean nobody looks good in a hospital no no the hospital gown is not the lingerie i'm sure she wanted to be in in front of her sexy right so here's here are people that you've met and you've been topless you've worn lingerie you know you've been to sexy events together uh and then they're seeing you in a in a backless hospital gown uh with those big i have no mascara on like nobody sees me without mascara and who knows what you got taped to your body and stuck into your arms i know i know but you're right.

That's like the ultimate vulnerability, but it's, it's so to hear this couple tell it, it's probably one of the most meaningful things that anyone could have done. Oh yeah. For them. Yeah. And it had nothing to do with sex. Right. Nothing. Right.

Like that's the part of the lifestyle that you don't't really understand and i mean i i don't know all their business but i'm pretty sure that's been on the table before but at the end of the day that isn't that isn't what keeps you connected to people right and people are in the lifestyle or that your friends with are generally more open about things they're non-judgmental and usually are in strong relationships. But being vulnerable is not easy. You know, it's especially with people that you either think you want to play with or, you know, it just, those things don't go together.

Well, don't you remember, like, I remember, like, even when we were first dating, you know, the, the, cause it really isn't this kind of about new relationships in a way. Um, speaking of no mascara, like, I don't know if I've ever told this story on the podcast before, but the first time we spent the night together and I guess when I washed my face before I got into bed you didn't see me and because you had probably already taken your contacts out and you can't see. Yeah, that's probably what it was. I recognized your voice.

So like the next morning when we woke up I had a clean face and you said, wow, you look really different without makeup. I did say that. Well, I mean, it was true. But what did you mean by that? You want me to remember back that far? Yeah. Okay. Well, let me see. 41 years ago. I can make something up. What I meant was, oh my goodness. my goodness. I probably should have said it this way. Oh my gosh. You're just more naturally beautiful without makeup than you were with makeup. And I'm really disappointed that you think you even have to wear makeup. That's probably what I was thinking.

Yeah, right. But girls struggle with that kind of stuff. I mean, clearly I must not look too bad because you married me, but like girls struggle with that stuff. So I think, you know, back to the whole not being 22 and birth and two babies and having like stretch marks and stuff like it's really like vulnerability is a real thing and it doesn't go away.

you think okay i i've been around the bend a couple times like i'm i'm too cool to be vulnerable but in the heat of the moment it's really hard to just kind of like let yourself go and and trust that the other people are gonna love you warts and all and. And when people share things with me that I know are personal or sensitive or private, I'm more attracted to them. Yeah, because it doesn't have to be physical vulnerability, right? It's emotional vulnerability.

And if somebody trusts me to tell me that, that means that they are interested or care enough or want to get to know me and then then i usually reciprocate by sharing you know then i'll know that okay well i can be vulnerable you know somebody has to take that first step you know into it though um you know you have to open up yourselves and explore and reflect and grow and all those things but but i think over a period of time though i you gain confidence in that if i'm confidence not in the way we think about it confidence in that if i'm vulnerable i'm confident you're gonna get to know me better and because you get to know me better you're to be with me.

You know, it's that kind of a confidence than a self-confidence for anything physical. Right. Confident that our relationship is going to progress in a positive way. Right. And then I think this is what you were getting at in this book. You become more authentic. And I think some of us don't even really know our authentic selves because we've been children, we've been husbands, we've been students, we've been bosses, parents, you know, we wear these labels all the time and we don't really have much time or many opportunities to figure out who we really are.

And I think when we're vulnerable with other people, not only do they get to know us, but we get to know ourselves a little bit better. And I think that was the point you were making about this gentleman who was just having sex with no purpose. Right. Right. I think you really, every time I have a lifestyle experience with a new person, I think I do learn something about myself. It might not be something good. It could have been something that I didn't do or I should have done or I did that didn't work, but I'm always going to learn something new.

And, and what I find a lot is that I, and more recently than in the past, I'm actually getting worse and not better. But I think I'm having trouble being vulnerable with people and and i think maybe that's another reason why i this book resonated so much with me yeah well so that that kind of leads into another reason why we chose this topic is because you know i've shared with you a lot about what I've gone through in the past couple of years with my prostate cancer diagnosis and prostatectomy.

And, you know, in my situation, as I'm looking back over it, and we're still in the midst of it, and we'll get to that in a minute, but, you know, for my entire life, I never had any performance issues. I really never even had any health issues. No. Um, I was kind of surprised when it, it came up the way that it did. And, you know, I remember the urologist telling me the surgeon saying, well, you know, a certain percentage of men after the surgery are not going to get full erections back ever. And I just like dismissed it. I'm like, that's not going to happen to me.

I, you know, I was, I was always ready to go. And then the more that went on and we, and they said, well, you know, I'm thinking in my head, I was six to eight months, you know, I'll give myself and I'll be back. And then after that, it was, well, 12 to 18 months. And now we're sitting at. Well, then they said two years. Yeah. And then we just went to your two-year appointment and the doctor said it could be 48 months. Yeah. And it's gotten better and it's getting better.

Oh, I forgot to tell you, I woke up in the middle of the night two nights ago, and I had a pretty good erection, but it didn't last. Oh, see, I know. It didn't last. Why do you even tell me that? Because you don't wake me up. No, I'm telling you that because that's why one of the reasons I haven't started thinking about alternatives, Because I feel like, and we'll get back to the blowjob on the porch the other day. I feel like over the past four or five months, there's been progress. And the doctor said, well, if it's happening at night, then it can happen. The nerves are just slow to heal.

So at any rate, um, we have been struggling because I haven't, I've lost a lot of my self-confidence. Um, I didn't particularly care for using the tri-mix. It bothered me. Um, you know, and I'm going through all of this trying to be, here I am. I have a podcast and lifestyle. I'm Mr. Jones. I'm not supposed to have these issues. But there's a part of me that had to take a step back and say, well, wait a minute, what's really going on? I don't think I ever got depressed, but it was discouraging through the whole thing.

And then you're confused, uh, you know, cause you're going through what you're going through from your side. Right. It's not easy. Right. It's not easy. Um, so hopefully, Oh, and then and then you know i had to go off of the hrt so the hormone replacement therapy for two years so that's another piece of good news i've been back on testosterone now so i'm getting my sex drive back but that was that was all a part of it too the bottom line, and I've said this from like when you had to go get the biopsy, like the bottom line is that we are very fortunate because the cancer is gone. Yeah.

Like the two year mark was kind of a really big deal. Right. Because you've had your PSA levels checked like every three months for the past two years.

they've it's been undetectable every single time and that was really what we were looking for and actually the good news and you're probably getting ready to say this and I'm going to steal your thunder but the good news is that after two years the doctor is willing to put you back on testosterone therapy yes right so we just started that back yes and I can tell that's making a difference but what i was going to say is that through all of this we've struggled and we've struggled with our own sexual intimacy yeah and if you struggle with your own physical excuse me sexual intimacy it's really hard to engage with people in the lifestyle, even people that you know, because, you know, it, you could be, I don't want to put words in your mouth, but, you know, you've expressed to me that it's frustrating that you and I don't have the level of intimacy that we would like, but then when we would play with other people, that's where we were getting it.

Yeah. And that, that's not working for me anymore. Right. Right. It's, I don't know, like when you were first diagnosed, somebody sent me a letter and it was well-intended, really, really like hit me hard. And because one of our episodes, I don't know which one it was, it was right after you got diagnosed or right after your surgery, I said something about the next penis in my vagina is going to be yours.

And it was gentleman sent me a letter and said you shouldn't deny yourself you know there's nothing wrong with you and and if he loves you he'll let you get satisfaction you know elsewhere because he knows that you love him and I was I didn't take that well yeah and because at the end of the day, this is a team sport. We've always done it together. We've always had fun together.

And I just am not getting any kind of satisfaction out of it right now because it's not enhancing our sex life it's kind of um substituting almost yeah and and that just doesn't feel right to me well and no go ahead what what also doesn't feel right is that the the people that we have been with if things don go well, they could perceive that they did something wrong or that we're not attracted to them. And there's that piece of it, too, that, you know, now we have to tell people. Yeah, I don't think we're a lot of fun to be with right now. No.

I mean, maybe to hang out with, but probably not to have sex with. So that's why we aren't very active. Yeah. And in the near future, maybe not at all. Oh, I think we're on pause right now. I would say that we are on pause from physical intimacy in the lifestyle. Yeah. But on the other hand, as we've been talking about, how many people have reached out to us? How many people have visited us? And for our friends that we just saw, you know, that travel a long way.

And, you know, there may be disappointment if it's not physical, but people still come and people still like us and people still want to hang out with us you know so these friendships that we've built i i never have gotten the feeling that oh because you guys are taking a pause or you're going through this that we're not going to be friends with you anymore or call us when you get better there has there hasn't been anything like that. Right.

So that's helped us quite a bit well you know ironically i think even though we're struggling with this and struggling to find our well i don't think we're struggling to find our place in the lifestyle we're struggling to make peace with our current place in the lifestyle yeah um i think if we had not been in the lifestyle or maybe if we hadn't had a podcast um we might have just called it a day on our sex life oh yeah you know what i mean like we're both 60 now and we had a good run Hey let me tell you and the thing the thing is is that we're having so much fun down here like we have just totally enjoyed our move and making new friends down here and and we're doing a good job of staying connected to our old friends um our like you know we see our lifestyle friends so i think and and you and i just we're finding new places to go hang out and yeah um i don't know it there's nothing bad except the way it just makes me sad that you're not functioning the way you want to be functioning.

I miss it too, but I'm sad for you because I know it hits a guy hard. You said hard. You could have said difficult. I know. It just never stops, does it?

You could have said difficult or everything like that well and I do think we have some friends and there are other people it would be real easy I mean we're still best friends we're doing new things together we're traveling a lot we're enjoying life you know so think it it could easily your sex life and that intimacy could slip away and i think once it slips away it's going to be difficult to get back even if you are physically able to to do that right and i think the lifestyle has reminded us and that how important that sexual intimacy is in life period yes Yes.

And especially with, with us, we've always been sexually intimate. So anyway, the other, the other thing I think before we close up here is that, um, we felt kind of phony a little bit, maybe because we're doing this lifestyle podcast and maybe it seems like everything is roses. So we felt like, well, if we're going to be real, if we're going to be honest with people, which is what we've been from the get-go, then we should be able to talk about this and say, this is our shit right now.

And it's authentic and it's real real uh and it's part of our life therefore it's part of our lifestyle as well yep and you know just uh just so you know i mean we might talk about being a vulnerable we'll just go ahead and say it like i think we are trying to be proactive about figuring out a good path forward for you and I. So we are now working with a therapist so that she can like give us some tools in our toolbox on how to like approach each other.

Like me feeling sorry for you is not helping, you know, and you getting frustrated because we can't have penis and vagina sex is not helping right because it's just not happening the way it didn't happen or the way it used to happen and there's other ways we can have fun together and other ways we can be physically intimate with each other right um but i think we're just like we're kind of, I don't know, stuck, frozen, paralyzed. Something's just, we're not making the right kind of progress. And I think we're tired of waiting. Yes. Right. Two years is a long time.

And I'm not, I'm not playing a violin when I'm saying that I'm just saying, you know, we're not ready to call it yet. Right. Because like you said, your body is slowly, you know, giving you signals of, Hey, I'm still here. Be patient with me. So I, I'm curious, um, to see how this is going to play out and how, and how you and I can kind of figure out a good, healthy path forward. And whether that ever includes like penis and vagina sex again, you know, I don't know, but we've, we've got to either let that go or just find a different, different way to focus. Yeah. Yeah.

And I think the good thing about talking to someone is that whenever the, and you, neither one of us has ever had any kind of formal counseling or therapy before. No. But I think what I learned was it's different talking to a neutral party than it is talking to your partner about it.

Well, and this is kind of where maybe, I don't know, maybe being married 40 years is kind of a bad thing yeah because we're we have very predictable patterns when it comes to communicating right like and you and I are very different yeah so we don't always communicate smoothly was that is that a nice way to say yeah you know i think i think a lot of times i say something and you want to be mixture mr fix it yeah and you know need i say more all y'all that have been married out there you know we all have our own patterns yeah so i mean being vulnerable has served me well i think it's served us well um you know hopefully sharing this tonight um not only is good for us but somebody out there listening to it might get something out of it yeah yeah so try try it.

And I think being vulnerable for the very first time is probably the most difficult step to take. I mean, and to put a little bit of a positive note on it, I mean, when we have played with other couples, you know, I have, you know, when your wife tells you one thing, it means something.

but when another woman tells you something it means something a little bit different yeah and so the times that I have been able to interact with other females other ladies it's gone well and they've been encouraging and they've had a good time you know so I need that to translate into our relationship and get the confidence back there right well i think i think that the thing that you and i forget is that you know you when you meet somebody else you're always on your best behavior that's right you put your best foot forward and then when you're with your partner your partner is your like comfortable you know robin slippers right or my little blankie i have to cover whip with at night even in florida when i watch tv geez okay well hopefully this wasn't too much of a debbie downer for for you all no and i i think the last thing here comes a math teacher, like, I think really, if you think about it, vulnerability just means trust.

You have to trust other people with your, yourself, yeah, with your shit, right? And, and at the end of the day, I think the benefits will outweigh the, the scariness. Well, in some regards, you just have to see people without your makeup and i mean that figuratively no you're right you know it's literal makeup but also all the other makeup that we put on ourselves you let other people see you without your makeup on yeah because i think they'll like you i think think so, too. All right. When we come back, we do have, I have a snapshot. So do I. Oh, okay, good. Mine's actually sexy. Oh, good.

We'll try to end on a sexy note. We'll be back in a second. Welcome back to Snhots welcome back you have a sexy snapshot for me i do it would have been sexier if it hadn't been for the security system you put on the house oh i actually have two snapshots speaking of the security system. Okay. The first snapshot is we had had a Sunday fun day and I was... Let's talk a little bit more about that. So that means we put the blowjob shades down. And the last time I put them down, our neighbors were actually out on their lanai. And I just started zipping them down.

And they said, oh, I'm putting your shades down. And I said, yeah, it's adult swim today. So that's how it starts. We turn the music on. It's in the middle of the day. And we pull the shades down. Yep. I bring drinks out and set them up on the table outside. And it's just a fun day to float around. And maybe take your top off. Yep. Yep. I think my top was off when the neighbors walked outside. So they were supposed to be out of town. We were watching their house. Yeah. And they came home a day early. I know. Just like mom and dad used to do. I know.

So we only closed the shades on one side because we knew those neighbors were home. Well, you were floating there with your boobs up. Yeah. And I saw them come out and I said, uh-oh, they're home. And you said, you started like pushing the raft behind the spa so they couldn't see you. I know, our spa's raised. So I was like hiding behind the spa. Unfortunately, I still had my britches on at that point in time. So I had to get out real quick and pull them down. Not the britches, the shades. Oh, well, you know, our neighbor might've liked that, honey.

I think she does have a bit of a crush on you. So anyway, I think it, I don't know if it was that day or a different Sunday. We've been doing it every Sunday.

We were done with the pool and I think we had to get out and dry off and get ready for dinner and you were sitting we have these worker chairs in the covered part of our lanine it's super private in that little covered area and you were just sitting there buck naked on the on the wicker chair just lean them back your legs spread apart and the sun was coming in and it was just shining it reminded me of desire just the all the sunshine on my whole body and this was a few weeks ago before it actually got really warm so it was just warm enough to be outside and the sun was just all nice and toasty and it felt good and you were so cute just laying there and then all of a sudden your dick started to get hard and i was like so i came over and i got a pillow put it down i got on my knees and i started giving you a blow job which was fantastic it was super fun except we have um cameras in the like in the of our house, and there's this little special tone that goes off.

And the back of the house. And the back of the house. But there's a little tone, so I know that the camera has detected movement, and it has some ability to say it's a person or a vehicle or whatever. I don't know. Or somebody giving somebody a blowjob. Attention. Someone's getting oral sex on your back porch. No, it wasn't the back porch camera. That was a different time. This was the garage one. And it said, there's a person in your driveway. And I was like, oh, shit.

Because the way our sliding glass doors are there we do they were open we were right in front of our sliding glass doors outside in the back but it the view goes straight through to our front door which is all glass and i don't have it covered with anything right so i'm like is somebody coming to the front door because if they came to the front door they would see completely through the house because it's not deep. It's just the living room separating the two. And they would have seen me giving you a blowjob. So I'm like, okay, I'm sure it's just somebody walking their dog. I'm sure it's fine.

I'm sure it's fine. But then I'm like, can't he hurry up? I was so paranoid. I kept like glancing up and then I'd look at you and smile and keep going. And then I'd look up and, oh, so anyway, nobody was there, but oh my gosh, like sometimes ignorance is bliss. There's something that's too much security. And you forgot when you went to kneel down on the pavers, you know, I said, well, honey, at least give yourself a throw pillow for your knees.

I was thinking about your the one that suggested the pillow you're such a gentleman and then when i heard the noise the first thing i thought of was oh we activated the camera i'm gonna get this on video i didn't realize it was the front and not the back one well the one time you were out of town, I think you were on your guy's golf trip or something. And I was going to go to the community pool. And I went out back to spray sunscreen on because I didn't want to spray it on our bathroom floor. So I went out on the lanai and it's like, it's super private out there.

Like nobody could see unless they were like standing in the back of our yard, looking straight in. So I'm out there naked because like, it's so much easier to put sunscreen on without a swimsuit, you know, cause then you can get all the edges and everything. So I'm naked out there spraying sunscreen and everything. And then I get a text from you an hour later and you said, I got an alert that there was a naked lady on my lanai. Yeah, that's right. And you were like in Myrtle Beach. Yeah, I was perving. I was like, oh my gosh, I never even thought about that. Yeah.

Yeah, so there's probably a video recording of me giving you that blowjob. No, I looked. Oh, you did? Yeah. Okay, well, I'll wave next time, so I'll kick the camera on.

Yeah, it wasn't considered an event, which is disappointing because i thought it was quite the event yeah so my snapshot involves so mrs jones has sometimes comes across as being a little bit of a princess a little bit so she goes out and buys all these floaties and she buys herself a floaty which if if the best way i can describe it is it's like a queen-size mattress floating in your pool no it's like a twin size mattress like that yeah it's it's a twin you're none of your but none of your skin is touching the water except for when you have to get on it yeah. Yeah. So you're floating above.

Yeah. You're completely exposed. It was perfect in like the month of April when it was like 75 degrees out. And it's like really comfortable. You could sleep on it if you had a pillow. Oh, totally. Yeah. Well, she got this out and she starts, I was floating around on something else and you got in and I noticed you had your little wicker basket of sex toys with you. I just brought my little basket out and you're like, what's in the basket? I kind of tipped it to the side so you could see. I'm like, that's a genius.

We have a floating basket of sex toys that are waterproof that are also drifting around on the surface of the pool next to your queen size mattress. And then you said something about, well, I'm just, it's just something that I've wanted to do for a while. So I'm just going to enjoy myself. And so I said, all right, well, I'll watch the show. So I positioned myself where I was at your feet and my head was just above the waterline.

So I had like, I have to wrench my neck or anything i had a perfect view and then when you used i don't you you took out toys i've never seen before i know one of them was new yeah and you were obviously enjoying yourself and over a period of time and you started breathing heavily and your legs opened up a little bit more. And then I invited myself in by sticking a finger in. And then I realized what was going to happen because every once in a while you squirt. Well, when you stick your finger right there, yes. Right.

And so I strategically moved to the side just in time because you let a pretty good stream go. But it was a new water feature of our pool. It was. It was like, yeah, it was like a fountain. And, but it was perfect because first of all, it was sexy. You enjoyed yourself. I enjoyed myself.

And there was no mess to clean up because it just, you know's probably ph balance too it went right into the pool water nothing to clean up except I got my hair wet like this floaty is amazing like it's really like it truly is it's kind of big but and it's got a nice pillow on it so like I can put and I found like these flat clips to put on my hair so it's all up and then my hair doesn't get wet at all and then but when i i when i have an orgasm i like arch my back and i guess i push my head back yeah i think that's how i broke our massage table that one time it is but it almost went underwater because i kind of went back off the yeah the back edge i would have saved you well if that's all you had to complain about was wet hair i know i mean it wasn't massage oil you know it wasn't cum no you know you didn't have to soak the mattress it was it was clean pool water except for the little uh fluid i expelled no it was a lot it wasn't a little don't sell yourself short honey i was like oh honey you're gonna have to put extra chemicals in the pool i'm sorry i think you had i think you had saved that up for a while yeah that was fun oh yeah it was so nice out that day oh my gosh i know the sun on all your lady bits it felt so good yeah so Adult Swim on Sunday afternoon is becoming a regular thing at Joan's house.

But, you know, as we're getting to know our neighbors, because a lot of our neighbors have pools, and we're not the only ones that do Adult Swim. I know. They know. Yeah. I mean, I think we have some pretty cool friends on this street. Yeah, we do. There's a lot of pineapple talk, though, I swear. Oh, my gosh. Some of these people are going to have to put their money where their mouth is. I know. Thank you. I mean, I think we have some pretty cool friends on this street. Yeah, we do. There's a lot of pineapple talk, though, I swear. Oh, my gosh.

Some of these people are going to have to put their money where their mouth is. I thought we were at a party Friday night, and I was hoping that you had not overindulged. I didn't. I had a pineapple shirt on, and one of the ladies said, Oh, Mr. Jones, you got your pineapple shirt on.

And of them were upside down and then and then another woman said something and they kind of ganged up on i mean i said look one of them asked me because like your pineapples go every which direction yeah and and she was like what does that mean like some of them are upside down some of them right side up some of them are sideways i guess i i said i guess that means he swings both ways you know how i got her and everybody was listening and i said i said that's the third time you've said something about this what are you do you have something that you need to tell the rest of us why are you so infatuated with swinging and she goes and somebody else says yeah that's a really good point and then she shut up after that so that it.

I know. I was a little nervous because I was like, is he going to just let this drop? Yeah. And you did. I did. You behaved perfectly. That was like the one time you did behave. Yeah. Well, they know my mom. That's true. To bring this full circle. Okay. Well, that's enough vulnerability talk and yeah we'll let you get on with your with your evening and everything else like that you know the people down here are so charming don't you have to agree i have to agree this is the nicest community of people even at The Division of Motor Vehicles, they were friendly. I know. It's weird.

Like everywhere we go. People are really polite down here. All right. Well, we'd love for you to join our community and download our new app. Yeah, that's right. Hope to meet you there. This is the time to do it. You can email me. If you have any questions about that, my email address is mrjones at wegotathing.com. And mine is mrsjones at wegotathing.com. Or you can visit our wegotathing.com website, w-e-g-o-t-t-a-t-h-i-n-g.com, and you can contact us through there. Or you can follow us on X. And then also you can subscribe to SDC and Cassidy through our website.

If you want to try those out, three months when you do that, I think three months. Yes. And also you can book your desire trips on our website as well. Yes. So thanks for listening. We are Mr. And Mrs. Jones and we got a thing. What's your thing? We'll see you next time.