Episode 112: An Origin Story- Scott & Kelly

Transcript

This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us?

hello everyone i'm mr jones and i'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to the we got a thing podcast with our friends scott and kelly yeah we recorded a few months ago and we're finally getting around to publishing it it'll be worth the wait though it's a good story yeah we've been kind of busy which is good so why don't we just jump right back into keeping up with the joneses well can i start well this is keeping up with the joneses happy podcast anniversary that's right yes number nine year nine that means it's our lifestyle anniversary, year 10. In like three, no, in two weeks. Yeah.

Not even two weeks. Well, it's the month of November. Yeah. That's what we're counting. November 17th is our 10-year anniversary. Yeah. One more year and we'll make it to double digits with a podcast. Who would would have thunk that somebody just recently asked me if i ever thought that you know we would be doing it this long right and did you did you um have any idea of you know like how many listeners you would end up having and this and that and i was like no like we didn't.

We bought a couple of microphones and we just said, okay, we're going to sit down and tell our story and we'll see what happens. And tonight's kind of a little bit of an emotional night for you, I think. Oh, I know. Because this is the last, we're back in Virginia. This is the very last time we're going to podcast from the Ikea desk. Yes.

I mean, last time we had to record at that wine barrel table and it was not comfortable i know that wasn't optimal i know we are gonna have to find a different place yeah so this thing's going to goodwill i know it's a great like it you know you should advertise it to the college somehow like this is a great college student desk no no no see we've been emptying the house the florida stuff is in florida what's left Thank you.

college somehow like this is a great college student desk no no no see we've been emptying the house the florida stuff is in florida what's left here is the stuff that we need to get rid of yeah and so we've been making piles a goodwill pile a landfill pile there's really not much of a landfill pile we already did that oh yeah but we haven't even gotten to that part yet because you haven't emptied the refrigerator and the rest of the cupboard oh that's just the trash i mean everything in the cupboards is going to florida yeah until we get a full truck well then it's going to our daughter's house right or it's gone on facebook messenger or excuse me facebook marketplace yeah and i'm done with facebook marketplace you're an expert no i'm not because there's stuff that goodwill is going to have to come pick up because nobody's buying it and i don't have it priced to make money i have it priced to get rid of yeah to liquidate so the first thing you have to put up with with facebook marketplace is the zelle scammers the people that say i want to send you a full price offer right now i just need your zelle account okay well they're scammers so you have to you have to block them then there's the people that say is this available and you say yes And then you don't hear anything back from them.

Like, why did you ask me if it was available? If you're not going to ask a question or make an offer? And then I go in there and I mark it off or pick up at the door. And then people say, well, I'm an hour away. Will you deliver it to me?

I'm not going to deliver a $ i'm an hour away will you deliver it to me i'm not going to deliver a 50 item an hour away it's just frustrating um and then people say oh yeah i'm going to be over at three o'clock and pick it up yeah at four o'clock and five o'clock and then you reach out to them and they they've ghosted you right so it's a big waste of time but we have been pretty successful at getting rid of most of the stuff yeah it's just it's just a pain yeah it is a pain for me it is sorry and the only thing you get to do is i come in and i drop the cash in front of you on the desk and you i put it.

Mrs. Jones has these little bank envelopes for her ones or fives or tens and her twenties. And she puts little chicken marks on the outside. So she knows exactly how much cash is in there.

And I get in trouble when I take money out of it and I don't mark it i don't make a new mark i know i'm sorry i'm difficult i just want to i just want to but i always know how much cash we have anyway so we we're we're putting our house on the market here in virginia yes the house that we just renovated spent all that time and money doing yeah but we got it ready for somebody else we did it's been uh well loved for the time we've been we're leaving it in better condition than we found it isn't that like one of the golden rules yes yeah yes so we did uh just got back from pcap miami well i guess it's been two weeks yeah you know one of the downsides to moving to where we moved yeah there's no direct flights to anywhere well the good news is that airport is five minutes from our house but the bad news is you got to go north to go south right the first trip the first leg wasn't too bad because we went to Nashville and then back down to Miami yeah but on the way home we had to go from miami to st louis and then back down to florida yeah however though it was a pretty efficient flight because we we flew home well we shared an uber from miami to the miami airport from our hotel to the miami airport so we our flights were at about the same time and we landed at about the same time different airlines different airlines and they only went through atlanta well they had a long layover right so they had a long layover so i mean we had a perfect layover just enough time to go to the bathroom and grab a sandwich but i think next time because i calculated it out and it was like an eight or eight and a half hour drive yeah Yeah.

Well, it ended up being eight or nine hours flight. It was seven, but yeah, it was close enough. Because there was a time change in there. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, so I think we could probably drive it.

Especially like if we went with friends and there were four of us in the car, that would be more fun than just you and right anyway we had a good time yeah it was a great event it was and we dressed up for all three theme nights yeah it killed me to do that but because i had to wear a wig one night and i had to wear a hat one night that was too small for my melon head yeah you do have a big head i can know those one size fits all thing that doesn't work for me no not really and then you wore a tuxedo one night and you look amazing thank you but i think you're uh your david bowie outfit kind of really you crushed it in that yeah it was fun yeah and there was another one of our good friends who was dressed up as david bowie and he had the exact same amazon wave that you had yeah we got our picture taken together and in real life neither one of you have much air so it was pretty funny yeah i have to admit the theme nights were fun um yes you heard it It's recorded.

But it was also good to see the people. We got to catch up with a lot of friends and meet some new people. We had a lot of old friends there that we hadn't seen in a while. So that was really a special treat to get to catch up with them. And then we met a ton of new people. Yeah. It was really good. The weather was beautiful. The location was the same hotel in South Beach that Kate had gotten before.

and overall it was really good the weather was beautiful the location was the same hotel in south beach that kate had gotten before and overall it was just a lot of fun and we are looking forward to may 31st of 2024 when we get to go back yeah and uh she's also doing a pcap in san antonio texas october 11th and we'll be going to that one too so she has tickets for sale libertine events or you can check their website or you can send me a message or if you're in our community you'll find a space for libertine in there and get signed up i think she's 30 or 40 percent sold out of um miami already for next year so it's definitely gonna sell and but i think san san antonio is going to be a little bigger you still got time for that one too yeah but anyway next week actually in a few days we're going to be at desire pearl yeah yeah the one thing about coming from florida to virginia we drove up here so we went ahead and packed for desire pearl like a couple weeks ago and didn't even open, like we just bought the suitcases in the house and everything's in there.

So now it's great because we're already packed, but I'm already stressed out because I can't remember exactly what's in there. I know. I can't either. And I want to open the suitcases so bad, but I'm not going.

Well, I have to because I have shirts and pants I had taken to the dry cleaner and then a couple of shirts I ordered on amazon that i have to stuff in there so oh yeah and i had more shoes in there than i needed so i'm gonna have to just open it real quick oh yeah now see i can't remember my shoe situation right you're gonna have to open it it's okay because you don't have to unpack it pandora's box for a girl yeah but they're just shoes you can open the suitcase and you can see all your shoes it's not like you have to unzip all the bags true true so we're looking forward to that um we are still we still have room for our grand mitche's trip next june 22nd to 29th you want to join us there back there and of course our when our november trip next year we're bumping it back a week or up a week i guess yes that's going to be november 9 through 16 and uh we have plenty of room left at this point in time for that trip so if you missed out this november catch us next november yeah so anyway we hope you enjoy um scott and kelly and let's get out of the way and get on with the conversation I'm Scott and Kelly, and let's get out of the way and get on with the conversation.

All right. Welcome back to segment two, where we're going to talk to Scott and Kelly about their origin story.

Yeah, every time we do an origin story recording, I think, oh oh it can't be any more unique or different than this and then we meet another couple and hear another story and realize we need to sit down and talk with these people because other people need to hear the story i know i know we all come at it from such different angles so welcome i i know that we've been trying to get this recording scheduled for a long time and you guys are moving across the country and we're packing up and and we find and your schedule our schedule chasing you schedules having to pass you a little bit on the way but but we made it we're here um and welcome and why don't you guys take a moment and just introduce yourselves well thanks for having us it's it's fun to do do this.

We're Scott and Kelly. We've been married for 30 years this year. Been together for about 34 years. Happy anniversary. Thank you. Thank you. We met in college. I was a freshman. She was a sophomore. She lived upstairs from me in the dorms, and that's where we got started. But we've been all over the place, did some time in the Navy, did some time after the Navy, and we lived in the mid-Atlantic area for about 20 plus years, and all our kids are grown and gone now, so we are empty nesters, and we can do whatever we want, so we decided to relocate and we did it twice within a year.

So we're in a new town now for the last two months and just enjoying life with no kids and reinventing ourselves as a long time married couple. So that's kind of our quick and dirty where we got. So what did he forget, Kelly? He did really well. Okay. I'm going to give him credit for all of that.

I love how you said you're reinventing yourselves as a married couple, you know, because so many people just, you know, their heads are hanging low and they don't know what to do with themselves after the kids leave home and you're seeing it as an opportunity to like reinvent yourselves that's that's just perfect oh it's it's i have to say it's been the most fun since maybe all in all the time ever definitely since before we had kids there's no doubt yeah yeah we go ahead scott oh i was just gonna say you know we obviously we love our kids and we loved raising them and we loved seeing the people they turned out to be but it just really got to the point where we were happy that they grew up and were able to leave because then we got our lives back to to try try and, you know, see who we are as people without kids involved.

And it's been really interesting. So how long, okay. So how long were you married before you had your first child? Four years. Oh, okay. So you did have a few years with no children. Yeah. But we, um, we were in school all that time. So we didn't have a lot of opportunity to do fun things or to travel or do anything, really. Or money. Yeah, or money. I didn't want to say that part, but that's true. But as the kids were getting older and they were starting to leave home, it was funny because you get in such a rut, you're raising kids and long-term marriage.

And I remember one day looking at him and I thought, God, I remember why I like you. I remember why I married you. We just decided we wanted to start really exploring that more. There's typically the same answer that couples give, but it's two very different tones because you'll hear some couples say, oh my goodness, my kids are going to be gone. What am I going to do? And then you hear people say, oh my goodness, our kids are going to be gone. What are we going to do?

And so many people, at least that we've known, have chosen to just kind of, you get into this routine after you've been a family for a while and you've got a choice to make. And are you going to reinvent yourselves So are you just going to kind of, you get into this routine after you've been a family for a while, and you've got a choice to make. And, you know, are you going to reinvent yourselves? Or are you just going to kind of be parents? And, you know, so anyway, that's good. Well, that's a common story to this point. And I think this is where the path diverges a little bit.

So why don't you start to talk about, okay, you've been married 30 years, your kids are now moved on. So how long ago did you become interested in this lifestyle and whose idea with it? How did you discover it? Tell us how it all started. Well, I was the one who sort of brought up the idea of going to a clothing optional resort, probably three years ago, maybe, maybe more than that. And as I have, as most people probably learned about their spouse over, you know, a couple of decades is there are ways to approach things and ways to, and then there's the way we do it. Yeah, right. Exactly.

And so I just planted the seed and I just left it because I knew that if I, you know, tried to push anything, it would be not well received. And so it percolated for a few years. But when you said planted the seed, you just said, hey, what do you think about going to a clothing optional adults-only resort? Yes.

I think it temptation or hito or something i didn't really know much about it it was a few of them you brought up the idea okay but but before we move on to waiting though did you respond to that at all kelly i said well i've had three kids and i'm not that young and I don't think that's where I belong, but I didn't say no. I just couldn't see myself fitting into that. So I kind of just sat with it and I did a little research on my own YouTube videos. I wanted to see what it was like.

So while he planted that seed it was you you were germinating it yes yeah that that's kind of how we operate scott plants the seed and he still let me think about it right um because i have to think but once i think about something once i make the decision i'm like ready to do it right now. So that sounds so familiar. So we, um, we made this move, uh, away from the mid Atlantic and he, he didn't badger me about the idea. He just would every once in a while revisit it and see where I was at. And I would say, well, I'm still not really sure.

And so we made this move and we had a spare week that we just didn't have any plans. I said to him one day, how about we go to desire? And he, we were booked by that night because once I decided I was going to do it, he didn't want to let me change my mind. So. Well, I got it. I got to give you credit, Scott. And that's a pro tip for everybody out there just to be patient. Don't bug her. But then when she, it comes out of her mouth, you pounce. That's what he did. That's what he did. And I had to strike while the iron was hot. That's right.

There's just no telling how, how things might change in a day or a week.

So, so in the meantime, we had, um, I have a lot more time on my hands because um as i mentioned the kids had gone i were leaving and i had time and so i started listening to podcasts and it was my kids my daughters who actually told me about one podcast which led me to another which led me to another which led me to you guys and so i started listening to your podcast and i had time to do it and so I started I'm a person who needs to listen to like the first podcast on I don't fall like I don't find it in the middle I have to listen to it in chronological order so I needed to hear the whole story so I had heard a few of yours and I it just resonated with me so I actually then went to him and I said hey so I've listened to this podcast and it's really interesting and I think you should listen to it so so I have to back you up a minute Callie because when you said your daughter got you started in this line of podcasts so you must have a pretty open relationship with them what was the conversation like and where did she point you well the the conversation was hey mom have you ever heard this podcast called i forget what it was called anyway and she said i think you'd really like it but i don't know that i'm comfortable listening to it with you um but i think you should listen to it and i said okay she's they said because yes we have an open relationship you know a very open, but there it's one thing to girls got to eat on it.

Oh yeah. That might've been it. Girls got to eat. Oh, okay. And so I did listen to it and I found them to be not in the same age category as me, but they had a, um, they had sex with Emily as a, as a guest and I really liked her. So I started, I switched to listen to that podcast. And then through that podcast is how I found your podcast. So you worked your way up is what you're doing. Yes.

But the funny thing is, is that all the podcasts that sex with Emily had that had like talked about threesomes or group, I just fast forward those because that was on my no list the yes no maybe list was no right and um so I don't know why one day I just decided to try listening to your to your podcast and so I really liked it so what number how many did you listen to do you think before you clued Scott in that you were listening? I'm going to guess roughly 10. Oh, okay. 10 to 15 or so. But he doesn't have a lot of extra time. So I'm sure he just was amused by my telling him this.

I'm sure he was like, yeah, whatever. He was just happy that you were going to Desire. This podcast stuff was just extra noise that he did. Well, this was before I considered going to Desire. Oh, okay. But when I agreed to go to Desire, I made it clear, but we are not in the lifestyle. That was all I knew about was lifestyle. We're not that. Right. And he said, okay, we're just going to go and have sexy fun. Okay, so how did it go? Well, how long was it between the time you booked Desire and you actually went? Six weeks. Yeah, not long. I'm telling you, we didn't have any time to back out.

Yeah. And so what were your conversations like in those six weeks? Oh, my God. I can't believe we're actually doing this. Are we really doing this? Holy shit, we booked the room. What's the refund policy? Yeah. And I bought my first bikini to take with me. Thank you.

we booked the room what's the refund policy yeah and i bought my first um bikini to take with me oh good for you because before that i was only wearing like mom tankinis right but i did not anticipate being naked it was clothing optional i was going to opt to have clothes yeah so i but i did buy like a nice um sort of skimpy what I consider skimpy bikini. Now I look back, it was not skimpy, but at the time it seemed skimpy. So that was my plan. And we had a goal. We were there for five days.

And the goal was if we took, if I took my top off by the end of five days, it would be a successful trip.

so was it successful within five minutes my clothes were off because i had this idea that i was going to go there and all the like the beautiful people were going to be there and all the victoria's secret models and i walked in in the lobby and uh everybody tells you that they're everyday people but i didn't believe it until i saw it and so when i got to the pool and i looked around and saw all types of ages sizes all of it i i was like okay i i can do this and so five minutes off my top went off and scott took his pants off and that was it yeah once she took her top off i looked at him looked around there was no other guy in the pool with a bathing suit on.

And I thought, hey, went in Rome. So that was it. Yeah. So then we had to start thinking about our next goals. So were you thinking about your next goals while you were there or after you got home? Oh, by the end of the first day, we had to evaluate what was our next goal. So each day we would meet that goal, and then we would have to pick a new goal. Well, and the thing that really stands out in my mind was how friendly everybody was. It was so easy to meet people.

I mean, being in the pool, having a swim-up bar right there was just such a good catalyst for meeting people and just having regular conversations. And it was really surprising how comfortable it was to just be ourselves naked in a pool with people and how freeing that was and liberating that was and what an equalizer that was for people who we didn't know. We have no idea what their stationary life is, what they do, what their outside life is. All we knew was it was people relaxing, having an enjoyable time, having cocktails and pool. And it was really fun to let everything else go. Yeah.

So do you want to like talk about any of the goals that you met that week specifically well that they were simple things like um it was once we took our clothes off um i wanted to um be able to go on a hot tub bed at night and and see how i would do with that and turns out i really loved that so that was the. Then the next goal was, well, we'll do the hot tub bed. We'll do it in the daylight. So we did that. Then it, it just progressed to the point where it was the last, it was the last day before we left.

And we had, we had met a couple, several couples, but there was one couple that we really got along with and they asked us the same thing so what are your goals and i said well i would like to essentially do parallel play i would love to be on the same bed and so we made arrangements to do that and so um so we went and had dinner and came came back to the hot tub um, we're thinking this is what we're going to do. And this huge, like monsoon rain store comes in. So we had to like quickly decide what are we doing next? And so it was on the fly, like, all right, whose room are we going to?

And so we ended up in their room. Um, and we, we met our goal. So after that goal, it was like, well, what's your next goal? So I, well, don't, don't forget the fact that we were laying there on their bed and they, we were just kind of chatting about whatever. And they said, well, now what's your next goal?

So we, we kind of talked about that and they, we'll just say that I'm going to a meet and greet um that we had signed up for or we were going uh to uh another weekend plan that was non-lifestyle and we decided we would see how the the week at desire went and we ended up at the meet and greet so we came back um basically had decided i I guess, the lifestyle was for us. Firmly in the lifestyle. We discovered that was our lifestyle. Yeah, and hadn't looked back since. So you did consider yourselves, when you got off the plane, you were adamant you were not lifestyle.

But when you got on the plane to come home, that label had changed in your life. Yes, definitely. Yeah. And we were okay with it. And so, so how long ago was that? It was a year ago. Just over a year. Wow. Okay. So two weeks. All right. So take us through the last year. You went to the meet and greet, but what was your style? Did you, how did you meet people? Um, you know, did you progress, progress, you know, kind of what happened over the next few months? I would say progressed fairly slowly. I'm the break of the two of us. And so I was always the wild card.

And I just sort of struggled to feel like I connected with anybody. And I, turns out I really needed that connection and I didn't know that. So I, because I struggle with that, it was, it was a little challenging at first.

We, we did chat with quite a few people on the, when, when the platform was on me, we, and met several people that we seemed to have a lot of things in common with um we tried to you're talking about our community right so at some point in time you joined our community we actually joined your community before i went to desire just because okay we were interested in your podcast so we joined the community okay to see what it was like but we were still not in the lifetime as far as i'm concerned Okay, so I'm sorry, you say you joined the community to see what it was like, but we were still not in the lifetime at that time, as far as I'm concerned.

Okay. So I'm sorry. You said you joined the community. And then, you know, we, at some point we got an SLS account and did a little bit with that, but really that was kind of not what we were looking for.

That, that was a whole lot more, I guess DTF is the best best way to describe it that most most people that we encountered on there were were just not quite what we were envisioning for you know the types of people we wanted to hang around with not that there's anything wrong with it it just is was not as comfortable uh as i think your community in a way self-selects a lot of um the types of people who really feel like they belong with it yeah and that's what we felt i mean your story really resonated with us because it could have been us yeah i mean everything about it was so similar in so many ways the different different life phases, different life events and how you approach things.

And that's what really kind of drew us to it is that that way of going through what is a complete revolution in our relationship. and it really kind of that seeing seeing how you did it and and the things that you went through the trials and tribulations of, you know, trying new things really kind of spoke to us in a way that helped us feel comfortable. And I think that that attracts a certain type of personality of other members.

And so the social piece, it's the social piece that mattered the most um that i didn't find in in other places that we looked and um so we by the time the fall rolls around october ish we have we have met a couple of people um made friends both pants on pants off friends um and that is what really led us to where we are today the big change for us was in october by this point we've we've got some connections that we've made um either they have been in person or we've made via um on in the community and maybe haven't met in person um and we of course like i'm sure everybody else talks about oh gosh what if we what if people find out right and and we we had lots of conversations about that um because we were moving out of area.

We didn't have any friends that we had in the new area we were at. So we didn't really care about people finding out just random strangers, but we were worried about our kids finding out. That was the big thing is what, what will our kids say? And we, we have three children. The oldest is the one we always considered to be the, what's the, what's a way to say that? The most. Just be honest. We thought she was a little bit prudish. We thought. We thought, yes, she was the one that we thought, okay, I don't think she would go for it, would be open to it.

Our, our middle child, our younger daughter has always been very open-minded. And I honestly, it didn't occur to me that she would have a big problem with it other than she'd be surprised that her parents even, you know, the idea that we even had sex with each other. I think that would be times. Yeah. Yeah. And then our son, he's the youngest and he's on the spectrum. And so we kind of never even considered that he's insulated from different things. So, so, um, that was our big fear is what if the kids find out?

And then in October, um, it was at the end of October and our oldest daughter is, um, was married and she was, it was just shy of her one year wedding anniversary. And I had been out for the day and I get a phone call and she is sobbing. Um, she doesn't want to talk to Scott about what's going on. And I get on the phone and basically to make a long story short, she tells me, I think I'm into girls and I think I'm bi. Okay.

Let's, let's stop for so before you tell the story um what what are your sexual orientations as far as straight or bi or how do you all classify yourselves well i will say for me that's evolving okay okay i would say i probably would classify myself at this point as bi okay okay and um so anyway go ahead so your daughter calls you she's upset and by the time she calls i have already started recognizing that i have some uh interest in women by the time she calls so my answer to her is um you need to come and visit your dad and i and so we buy a plane ticket for her and three days later she is at our house and for three days scott and i are talking how are we going to handle this and we decided that um if we think it's in her best interest we're going to we're going to tell her we're going to come out to her now we're still really new in this right but they're you know at this point it's a our daughter's in crisis so Now, we're still really new in this, but at this point, our daughter's in crisis.

So we leave it to, we're going to see how she is when I pick her up at the airport. And Scott just says, you let me know how that conversation goes. So I'm driving her home from the airport, and she is just sobbing and telling me how I think there's something wrong with me. And I finally just said to her, I said, I need to stop you right here. And I need to tell you that the apple does not fall far from the tree. There's nothing wrong with you. And then I just told her what Scott and I do. And she stopped and stopped crying and said, really? And I said, yeah. So can I stop you for a moment?

So what about, did she talk about being in love with her husband? Did she talk about, you know, any of that yet? Like, what does the future hold? Or was she just so anxious about this desire that she had that she hadn't told him or hadn't told anybody about it? Well, at this point, by the time she tells me, they've already had threesomes.

They've essentially, I guess, decided that they're going to have some sort of open relationship and look for a girlfriend so she had shared all this with her husband then yeah yes um in fact her husband was on board with it and helping make an account and everything ah she tells us all of this and um so but she she says that she's still she's bi she still loves her husband okay um. And so I outed us right then. I tell her and she's now gone from thinking something's really wrong with her to she thinks Scott and I are really cool. That's exactly what she said.

She's like, I said, are you okay with this? And she said, yes, you just earned major cool points. I said, okay. So we had a nice visit the rest of the time. And when Scott got home from work, we sit down, we have a very frank conversation. Scott answers all the questions that she has. And, but we decide not to tell her sister because there's, but she wants to tell her husband. So I said, all right. So now her husband, her husband. Before you go there though, you said you, you said, ask any questions. Like what kind of questions did she ask you? She, she mostly wanted to know about me.

Like, how did I know that I liked girls? Um, how, how did I feel about the fact that I had been with the same person for pretty much, you know, most of my life that he'd been with the same person. How did we feel about that? She wanted to know how that, how that sort of transpired. Okay. Okay. Um, and she had known, you know, she had known that Scott had not had a lot of experience when we met, we were really young. Um, I had more experience than he did. I'm a bit older than he is. And, um all that. And I was really frank with her.

And I said, the fact that your dad and I got together so young, I feel like there's a part of me that feels like he's missed out. And because he chose to be with me when he was 18, I feel like he's missed out on some of life's experiences and she didn't disagree. So I thought, okay, well, she's not as prudish as I thought she was. Yeah. So why, why do you think she was so upset? Do you think she was afraid that you were going to judge her when you told her or. No, I, she felt like her life was falling apart. Like the life that she had known.

I mean, we just had this huge wedding, just not even a year prior to that. So I feel like she felt like she was going to be disappointing her dad. And she saw the whole thing as just her life falling apart. And I knew it was not, but that's how she thinks. She's a very black and white thinker. So that's why I knew she needed to come and visit with us so that we could have conversations that were not over the phone and not over Zoom. So we could sit down and have face-to-face conversations and let her know that we were not disappointed in her.

We just want her to be happy and whatever that looks like is okay with us. So did she say that, okay, back to her marriage though, did she say that I'm bisexual or that I'm gay and that I don't want to be with men? I mean, there's a big, big difference there. There is a big difference.

At that point in october she said she's bi okay and that she isn't interested in other men but that she really loves her husband and finds him attractive but she just wants other women also so that's where she was in october and had she told him everything that she's had told you yep they've been very open about it oh okay and how did he react when she he told well to be honest with you he he thought he had died and gone to heaven like Thank you.

they've been very open about it oh okay and how did he react when she he told well to be honest with you he he thought he had died and gone to heaven like he's going to have the best of everything so yeah if they had already had threesomes and everything yes the time she got to you yeah yeah and so he he and i actually asked him about it like i just flatly asked him when i saw him in person and he seemed really excited about the whole idea. I said, okay, whatever works for you guys. And they had been together for a long time, like seven years before they got married.

So it wasn't like it was a short, you know, relationship. So they knew each other very well and they were great together. He was really good for her. She was really good for him. We loved him him so it was a very good match and they they seemed to have a pretty good relationship but come to find out later that they um their sex life was not quite what a typical newlywed would be you know in terms of there wasn't much of it and that was part of the problem is that she just thought she didn't, she wasn't interested or didn't have that much of a sex drive.

Well, and she didn't want to ask me, that was one area where she didn't want to ask me what my sex drive was. So she thought how she felt was normal. Right.

And I think the hard part for some kids as they're growing up, if they don't have a role model or somebody that they can ask questions of like that she just thought she didn't like it and didn't you know wasn't as interested as others but come to find out there were there were many of her friendships when she was growing up with girls at school that she would often only have one really close friend and they'd be great like tight you know thick as thieves for a year or two and then all of a sudden wham they'd be like they they just their friendship went in they'd break up and she'd be devastated and looking back on it that's probably because she had more romantic feelings than she was willing to acknowledge or understand or that she understood right and so it kind of made a lot more sense once she discovered that she was attracted to women well and to go back for a minute so in the meantime we had made friends um who the female was bi and i at this point wasn't there yet so i didn't feel like i could give a lot of um value to the conversation in that regard so i actually took our daughter to go visit these friends so that she members of the community.

Yes. So that, so that she could get a different perspective, something that I couldn't, um, offer, which was an interesting experience from both us and from the other couple.

And let me just say about the friends that um that we've made since we've both joined the community and realized that that the lifestyle is is how we want to live our lives is that we have made some of the closest friends we've ever had in our lives right it's but in such a short period of time it's incredible how fast you can become very very close friends with people once you have this this well all these social conventions stripped away and you can just be yourself and just be so honest and open and it really is like an accelerator for friendships and so these these friends that we we took our daughter to we had only known them for what maybe four or five months yes but we felt like they were safe people that we could um that had a perspective that really was important that our daughter could be well and and to illustrate what you're saying scott imagine if you're not in the lifestyle and your daughter comes and shares this story with you, and you're going to think about taking her to talk to some of your vanilla friends about this, or her grandparents or aunt or uncle, it just, it would never even cross your mind but these friends were the first people i thought of yeah sure to take her to right right and so i did i took her there and it was it was really interesting because um the guy and i kind of hung back and let the woman talk to my daughter and uh alone for a little bit and um the the woman comes to me later and says i just need need to let you know, your daughter is not bi.

She's a lesbian. I said, okay, well, if, if that's the case, she needs to come up with that on her own, you know, but she said, I'm telling you that's, and I said, okay. So that was in October. And so, uh, the friends that we took her to also reached out to other community members to get resources for both my daughter and her husband for podcasts to listen to that were more appropriate for their age and therapy ideas.

And so we got a lot of resources from various people in the community, some of whom who didn't even know our kids right um most of them didn't know well yeah that's true really none of them except for one so um so then fast forward to uh january and scott and i are back at desire again to celebrate our anniversary and i'm sitting on the beach one morning and i get a call from my daughter and i said, you know, how's it going? She said, well, I need to tell you I'm coming out. Um, I'm actually a lesbian.

So now she tells me that in January that she's a lesbian and which now means that the marriage is going to have to, they're going to separate.

So, so that, um, that continues on to to today but that's when January of 2023 is when she really fully came out um and so in the meantime my other daughter does not know and my other daughter they live together with the husband and so we Scott and I talked about it and we just didn't feel good about leaving the other daughter out um we felt like we were keeping a secret from her right um and well and you can talk um as as a as a father of daughters we had had a lot of conversations about how he scott felt about his daughters potentially doing this so you can. Yeah.

And the thing that I kept coming back to was that I've seen so much positive growth in Kelly and how she's changed as a person, her confidence, her comfort level with her body, the fact that she's now willing to acknowledge and embrace her sexuality and be comfortable with being able to say, I like this, I want to do this, or I don't like that, you know, and that's a hard thing for women to say. Society doesn't allow women to be comfortable being sexual beings. And yet there's this whole community of people who embrace their sexuality.

How could I, as somebody who tries to be consistent in my beliefs and the way I behave, how could I say this is okay for me, but it's not okay for my daughters? This is okay for my wife who's gained so much positive impact from it. Right. How can I, how can I not expose my daughters to something that could be potentially life changing in a tremendously positive way? Right. And that's kind of how we made the decision.

It's like, you know, this is not, this is not an, I don't want to say ethical, but it's not an ethical thing to do to not expose them to something that we've discovered that's been such a great thing for us. Yeah. That's how we decided. You know, there was a, I got a nasty email a few years ago about this guy who was, he had found out his daughter and son-in-law were in the lifestyle and he was enraged and he said, well, I'm going to go learn about it. And so he found our podcast, and he would listen. And then he would literally argue with me about why we're doing this and why it's wrong.

And one of the questions that he asked to kind of prove his point, quote unquote, was, well, what if your daughter came to you and told you that she was interested in this? And my comment was like, if my daughter came to me and felt comfortable enough to talk about her sexuality with me and is exploring things and doing it thoughtfully and in a healthy way, I would be, I would, I'd say that's cool. You know, that's, that's really good. But, but his perception, and I think a lot of people's perception is that it's inherently bad or inherently wrong. And therefore you're doing something wrong.

And now when your child's going to do something wrong, how's that going to make you feel? But I think what you just described, Scott, is just totally the opposite. And I wonder, because we all, and we've had this conversation with other people too, is by the time, and we got married when we were 20 and 21 or 21 and 22, and we didn't know anything about sex so then I wonder, like, how are we going to break the cycle? Because by the time we figured this out, our kids were adults already too.

So I think it's awesome that you must have done something right, that the fact that she came to you to want to talk about this to begin with i think our daughter was um kind of panicking and didn't know where else to turn and she had a close enough relationship with kelly that she was able to ask the just just ask the question or say that sit and come out with it and say where she was at right uh so i i'm i'm happy that that was the case because i don't know what she would have done otherwise yeah so where are you with your goals now um well well they're not they're they're not evolving they're just, we just like to meet nice people.

And I was going to say, we, our, our main goal is we just want to meet people who we enjoy spending time with people who we can be friends with, be ourselves with, and just have fun with.

I mean, that's the, that's the main goal is now, um, we understand, we understand what it's like to have real friends and not to say that our other friend, our vanilla friends are not real friends, but in many ways, we know people better in that we've met just in the last year than we know some of our friends that we've had for 25 years because there's always that layer of some subjects are off limits no some subjects are just taboo you don't talk about them you can't be truly yourself but with the people we've met in the lifestyle we can just be who we are and it is so uh so much more genuine and real i think which is why it's easy to get close to people uh much much quicker so our goal is just to just to meet people that we enjoy spending time with that we can do fun things with like what it desires Thinking back to whenott first planted that seed and what your thoughts and impressions and perceptions were about the lifestyle and then continuing to the point where you were you were fearful you know that your children might find out all of what you just described has happened in such a short period of time.

And I would venture a guess that if three years ago, you would have known that your daughter would find out and that your goals would advance quicker maybe know, quicker maybe than you thought. That may have scared you from even starting on this. I mean, so it's a progression, right? It is. But for me, I think if I needed to go in blindly in some regard, I needed some guidance, but I needed to find my own way. And we're still finding our way. you know, we're still new. It's still evolving as to what we're looking for.

But for us, I think, to be able to not have to hide it from the people that were closest to vanilla people, including our including our kids. And, um, two of my best friends know also vanilla, vanilla friends, um, makes it nice. We don't have to hide where we are. My, my kids are big into location services. They want to know where we are. And so once we told the other daughter, she said, well, can I have your location now? Because now that I know where you are, I said. We had turned that off for a while because there were times where we couldn't really explain why we were where we were.

And the girls will know we're going to visit friends or we have friends that come to visit us. And they like to hear about it, actually. Not details, like details, but they like to know, did you guys have a good time? One, one thing that was really funny, um, as, as we were kind of in the very early stages is we would tell the girls that we were going to visit some friends and we were going to travel somewhere to do it. And it was so funny that, um, because we didn't really do that much before we started this, uh, they were instantly suspicious. Right.

And when they knew where we were going, uh, it was a big city and they, they, one of them said, well, you're just going to have to be careful because there's a lot of swingers there. In fact, in fact, the friend that we ended up taking the oldest daughter to, to see when she found out we had met them, she said, you know, be careful. Those they're probably swingers. And I said, what makes you think that? And she said, I don't know. There's just weird people out there, you know? So after, after all this happened and she met these quote, weird people, she said to me, I'm so sorry.

I said that because they're, they're not like, you know, they're not like that.

And, um, and because both of my daughters know that I have, uh, interest in, uh, some females I have, um, they, that they know of, they'll ask me about it because they're interested um and well and come to find out even the middle one has um had some experiences yeah so you know it's she she doesn't identify as bi or you know a lesbian but she's you know that that's what's the name of that scale oh i forget what it's called um the kinsey scale um she's a three which is right down the middle bisexual so i mean yeah granted that's a that's a kind of a an interesting tool but doesn't really mean much right The fact that she took it and registers as a bisexual.

But I don't think it's so weird for them to at least explore that. I mean, that's such a luxury for that generation compared to the way we were taught to think about ourselves. Oh, absolutely. I've told the girls that I am so proud of them. And the oldest one, even though this has been hard for her, I said, I am so proud of you for knowing who you are at this age. It took me until I was in my fifties to do this. And even that for me, the process of owning where I'm met on that scale has changed even in a year, because at the beginning it was like, um, I don't think I have any interest in that.

And that could be a problem for me. And then, then it was like, oh, well, I, I, I had my first kiss from a woman and I was like, oh, I think I kind of like that, but I didn't even want to acknowledge that either. So that's been a process. So for me to, to come even today and say, I think I identify as bi, even within the lifestyle has been, for me has been evolving because of my age, because when I was growing up, that's, it wasn't so easy like that, you know, you're one thing or another. Right.

So I'm, I'm so grateful that my kids are growing up in an age where they have lots more options, because I didn't feel like I knew about any other options. Right? Yeah, me neither. And you can't live one way for 50 years, like you said, because I'm in the exact same situation. And then all of a sudden, give yourself all this permission to just have free reign over your, you know, your desires. Yes. But the first time that I found myself attracted to another woman in a sort of romantic and sexual way was really surprising to me. But I couldn't deny it. And I finally just had to acknowledge it.

And it could be that though we've been helpful to our daughter, I do think that maybe that the daughter has helped me as well. Oh, yeah. You know, in normalizing that because they think it's totally normal yeah you know they've seen pictures of us together and they think it's great and um so i think it's been mutually beneficial for both of uh both scott and i and for our kids so let me let me take you back uh kelly you said before you Desire, you bought a bikini and you had a certain image of yourself physically. Yes.

But can you talk not only from now looking back, and you've kind of mentioned the physical part of it, but making female friends in the lifestyle, like bringing your daughter to somebody like that can you explain the difference and i know mrs jones talks about this too you know all of a sudden here you are um sharing sharing your husband but yet you find yourself closer to these ladies yes how have you found female friendships for you and relationships different than before you understood the lifestyle?

Well, I think the main thing for me is that my female friendships that I had all the way until I went into the lifestyle, I had some good friends, but there's, I don't know, there's some level of competition, there's some level of judgment, one woman to another. You don't, you don't really know how someone feels about you, because to your face, they'll say one thing, but behind your back. And what since we got in the lifestyle, I've just never met women who are so uplifting to other women. So genuinely accepting, um, and nonjudgmental.

And that's been really difficult, like very different for me growing up. Um, and I, and that was part of the reason when we started lifestyle, I didn't know how I was going to connect with other women, right? Because that's not an area that I've been really successful with, but it's a very different experience when you, when you feel that authentic acceptance from another woman, regardless of sharing, whether you're sharing your spouse with them or not. Right, right.

Yeah, just, I mean, I think we truly, like, support each other and celebrate the victories and, you know, pick you up and dust you off when it's not a victory. It's just so different. And it's kind of hard to trust at first it it was it was hard to trust I think that is part of my um of my journey of accepting where I fit into that like to the bi spectrum is because it for me it requires a lot of trust in the other woman yeah and that's, you know, I just haven't connected with that many. So that part is still, it's still a challenge for me.

And I'm still learning about myself and I'm learning to trust other women. But when I can trust another woman with my husband, it's hard for me not to take that leap to trust them with myself and how I feel about things. Yeah. Well, and I think what I've observed is that there's so much more unconditional support from woman to woman. And it's not only hard to find that, but it's also hard to accept it when you do find it, because it's not like society unconditionally supports individuals. That's just not the way it is.

So finding it and believing that it's real and that it can be trusted is a big leap i mean that's a lot of risk and so um i think it i've watched her grow through this process and it's really interesting it's really been amazing to see how much um different the friendships have been and how much deeper and more um just supportive overall yeah and and not to leave you out scott but you know you're the one that planted the seed but i uh but i you know you said early on though one one of the things that you discovered early on were was that how different the people were yeah um you know so and and more human you know it's nice to be human with people and so you know, so, and, and more human, you know, it's nice to be human with people.

And so, you know, and speaking of trust, we certainly appreciate you trusting us and with your story and sharing it with other people. It's just another example of Mrs. Jones and I have one relationship and we, we do it one way. And there are so many different stories and so many different I don't know.

another example of um mrs jones and i have one relationship and we we do it one way and there are so many different stories and so many different uh you know things that come out of the blue the left turns you have to make and the things you handle and what you guys have been through um is an amazing story but and and has a happy ending that's the best thing i know yeah and it keeps getting better so yeah exactly yeah yeah well is there anything else that um that i missed or that you want to share any words of wisdom for you know somebody who may be uh listening and thinking about this themselves well i was just going to say regarding the bikini i was which i think is really funny because not only did I go from wearing that bikini, I was just going to say regarding the bikini, which I think is really funny because not only did I go from wearing that bikini, I was laying out at the beach a couple of months ago and it was cold.

I was the only one there and I had taken a wear a very tiny bikini and I had a sweatshirt on and sweatpants and only one on the beach. And I walked back and I passed some people and I thought a year ago, I wouldn't have worn a tankini to the beach. And now I can't imagine not wearing a bikini. And so that has changed. And I had never sent a picture of myself naked even to my own husband. And now I will post them on the community. And I try not to miss a single Tuesday. So for me, that is huge in terms of how I feel.

And even going back to the women, the women thing is to put a picture of myself that not wearing a lot of clothes, it's one thing to have to know that the guys will will like it but it's another to wonder how women are gonna yeah gonna take the picture a lot of clothes it's one thing to have to know that the guys will will like it but it's another to wonder how women are gonna yeah gonna take the picture and just to to get the positive comments and that you know the cheers and whatnot it just it's the whole thing has just been so incredibly um uh i don't even know the word for it just um yeah it's just liberating and liberating is a great word um and lifting and i feel like though i wasn't ready for this before this is by far my most favorite decade of of life of marriage and i just have found this to nothing but fun.

And I want to make a comment on the bikini again, because in my view, I think women look beautiful in what they believe they look confident and beautiful in.

So if you're wearing any part of clothing to cover something up because you don't want people to see that's a whole lot different even if it's not a bikini right you're still more confident and so you're noticeable no matter what you you have on it's really uh it's one thing that that i've noticed and and that uh because mrs jones has different layers of bathing suits depending on the company that we're going to be around well you know when you're chasing a little grand kid on the beach i just don't need a wardrobe malfunction you know right and and i've had to explain that to mr jones time and time again there's a time and a place babe yes it's all in the context yes but you know guys we're just simple creatures you know boobs i think yeah i think uh if i had to tell somebody who's thinking about this um give them any advice i would just say you know make the leap and see what happens because you just never know i could A year ago or three years ago, there is no way in the world that I could have ever predicted that we would be where we are today.

And it was one step at a time. I mean, we took one step and it just opened up a whole new world. So it was a little nerve wracking.

I mean, there wasn't, i don't want to make it seem like it was just a piece of cake there was a lot of deep discussions there was a lot of hand wringing and you know worrying but once we did it it's like oh my gosh how could we not have done this why did we not find this 10 years ago you know oh we wouldn't have been ready 10 years ago that's true but i mean it's still it's nice that's what yeah yeah that's what we say to it it took us a long time to deprogram ourselves yeah you know like mrs jones said i think the next generation has a a little bit better advantage there because there's so many more it's less taboo to be in an individual um you know than than it was in the past yep well you It's less taboo to be an individual than it was in the past.

Yep. Well, anything else, Mrs. Jones? I don't know. I think you have a great story, and clearly you are great goal setters. We're done with goal setting. Well, thanks for inviting us to talk. This was, this is a lot of fun. Yeah. Well, thank you for being patient with us and until we were able to work out a time. And we, again, we just appreciate you sharing, you know, we've told our story so many times and we're really enjoying being able to help other people out there know that there are a whole lot of other couples out there and they have stories.

And I'm sure a lot of people can relate, especially because so many people are just fearful that their kids are going to find out. And, and, you know, I mean, we've heard some stories that weren't so positive about kids finding out, but we've heard many, many more where it, you know, it turns out to be positive. Um, so good for you guys. And thanks for sharing. Well, thanks for having us. All right. Well, good luck with, uh, your next goals. And we hope maybe, you know, we're in the vicinity when, when that occurs. I'll let you know. All right. Good night. All right. Take care. Thank you.

all right good night all right take care thank you and welcome back we hope you enjoyed that conversation that we had with scott and kelly yeah it's amazing to me how many origin stories we hear and are just fascinated by how they're all different yeah and it's fun to hear one um that doesn't it surprises you but then it doesn't go according to plan and fortunately this one had a happy ending i mean i guess i i think of having to tell your kids or having your kids find out one way or the other um that you do something you know like out of the normal and you know this time it was like a skill set that actually came in handy you know like when their when their daughter was questioning her herself and her you know decisions and her feelings you know they were able to kind of like point her in the right direction and make her understand that you know we're we're all wired differently and and just because your life you know takes a turn you didn't expect doesn't mean that it's going to end up being a bad ending yeah and this story had everything that you want out of a good story i mean you have a couple who adore each other try the lifestyle.

They're having a good time. And it's a little bit heartbreaking to think that their daughter, I just imagine the anxiety that she was feeling when she had, she felt like she was going to disappoint them, you know, and she felt like, but she felt like she had to tell somebody.

It was like she couldn't live anymore, you know, in that that life that she had chosen but the courage that it took her to come and share that and thinking that they might be disappointed as parents and then to find out that not only were they not disappointed but they were very supportive yeah so and then their lifestyle friends were able to come in and help i know to have those resources in your back pocket you know yeah that's pretty cool yeah i mean again lifestyle friends are real friends true yeah that's the kind of thing that would be hard to share with your non-lifestyle friends and get the same level of empathy right and advice well and non-judgment it's just hard when it's not relatable right yeah i mean if you don't have a child that struggled with you know their identity um their sexuality and you know you you sometimes just say okay well and i know some people do this and i don't think they really mean, well, you know, what did they do to not point their kid in the right direction?

Sometimes I think we judge each other. Some people are more apt to do that than others. I think that's one thing I appreciate about the lifestyle is that we really don't run into that kind of judgment as often. Yeah.

yeah and and you know her her daughter being so young you know now they'll have so much of a closer relationship now because they'll be able to just about talk about anything yeah i mean i think about people you hear so many stories about people and you know we know a couple people that wait until they're middle age to come out you know you hear about people being married for decades and then all of a sudden they tell their partner that they're gay right and and of course that just is so traumatic as at that time as of course it would be to anybody um so i mean good for their daughter to have the courage to to face those feelings and figure them out.

Yeah. And the vulnerability that Scott and Kelly showed by sharing the story with all of us. Yeah. You know, that's the great thing about community.

Well, if you all have an interesting origin story that you'd like to share with us, please include it in an email to me at mrjones at we got a thing.com or me at mrsjones at we got a thing.com and don't think your origin story is boring no because i don't think any of them are no because they're all different right well there's somebody out there that is going to your your story is going to resonate with more than the others yes it may not you know touch everyone but there is somebody out there who needs to hear it Thank you.

your your story is going to resonate with more than the others yes it may not you know touch everyone but there is somebody out there who needs to hear it so if you think you have an interesting story and you'd like to share let us know and and maybe we'll uh have you on as well that's right and we can like change your names and we can do all the things to like you know right keep your identity private so yeah you know we'll make it as payless as possible yes we're getting better at this remote recording it's not it's not as easy as just the two of us but i'm you're this old dog's learning a few new tricks it still takes you an hour to get this stuff i know yeah so anyway scott and kelly are members of our we gotta think community and if you'd like to join you can find information about that on our website you can also join cassidy or sdc on our website and get free trial subscriptions to that and what else if you want to follow us on x i just can't get used to saying that i know formerly as as twitter you can find us at we got a thing and finally our website is we got a thing.com w-e-g-o-t-t-a-t-h-i-n-g.com yeah all kinds of good resources on there well We'll sign off so we can get finished packing and uh get ready to go to desire for a week all right we will see you all well we'll be talking to you all again next month down south down from down south we'll be back home from home that's right yeah i've had to learn to call florida home and then when we're in florida i kept saying well you know, in November when we go back home.

That's right. Yeah, I've had to learn to call Florida home. And then when we're in Florida, I kept saying, well, you know, in November, when we go back home to Virginia, and then I'm like, nope, that's not right. Yeah, we're just going back to Virginia. Yeah, period. Yeah. Well, thanks for listening. We are Mr. and Mrs. Jones, and we've got a thing. What's your thing? We'll see you next time.