Episode 111: Finding Who You Weren't Looking For

Transcript

This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us? Hello, everyone.

I lie there's some chicken scratch on our paper too but that's exactly what we want to say finding who you weren't looking for yeah well we'll talk about that in a bit it's been a while since we've been in front of these microphones i know and we're coming to you tonight from the sunny state of florida yes northwest florida we have officially relocated yes and the dust is beginning to settle yeah i'd say we're 75 settled yeah i think so i mean i think that's about right we have a couch now we started out with two two camp chairs and an air mattress so we've come a long way from that yeah we have and you know what i i realized like it it's a really nice air mattress it actually it belongs to one of our friends but we have one exactly like it at home and that air mattress might have been comfortable like when i was 40 but not let's just leave it at that i forgot that when you turn over on an air mattress you can like make your partner airborne in the middle of the night yeah right yeah especially if one of us is flopping around yeah but we survived we did we have all of our furniture now the move went really well um everything got here on time and no damage and just fantastic movers it was a great experience yes i think i think ups and fedex and the postal service have brought just as many boxes as our movers brought i know well we really didn't bring a lot of furniture yeah so we we are we brought our office furniture this wine barrel table and um what else oh our bedroom furniture and that's it yeah you've been pretty good except for the um the pillows what about the pillows they're just everywhere oh you mean bed pillows no i mean couch pillows bed pillows pillows that go in the cedar chest when we're not using them it's a whole thing to get ready for bed and to make the bed but it's so pretty and i have to remember starfish pillows on our bed and you do a different configuration like every day no it's the same configuration now you've you finally made your decision.

Yeah, you just need to there's one two three four five six seven eight there were ten and you move two of them in here and two of them we sleep on yeah i never intended for these two to stay in there there was just no other place to put them yeah but speaking of our bedroom we have our sex chair back it was kind of like on hiatus um in our last house because we just really didn't have a space for it so now we it has like its own dedicated space in our master bedroom because we kind of have a bay window in the back of the room yeah that overlooks the water and it's really really pretty yeah and our massage table actually can be like opened up because we have space for it now too yes i know and i have a reason to use it yeah anyway i was doing so well at not lifting things that were too heavy and bending my knees and not my back and then i got a little bit in a rush and tweaked my back a little bit well you were picking up a stupid empty flower pot yeah well it's yours i know so it wasn't even like you were lifting anything heavy you just moved wrong yeah yeah so i've been waddling around for the past few days although i did get to go running today it doesn't seem to bother me when i run only when i walk or first thing out of bed in the morning is kind of rough yeah yeah you do kind of it's getting better move a little wonky first thing in the morning yeah so we're liking it.

You didn't cry this time when we moved into this house. First time ever. Like I don't, I guess it's the whole, um, just not fear of the unknown, but just the unknown.

Like I always have like trepidation that we've made a mistake, you know, move and this time I have just been so positive and I mean since the minute we crossed the Florida state line like I've I've just I love it here I haven't really like nothing's really gotten to me I just I feel like this is where we belong yeah and then of course you got to go to the beach the other day which is your your happy place right we had been here three weeks and we only live like seven miles from the gulf and um and hey i said it right i know you didn't say the ocean i know it's not the ocean down here it's the gulf um we only live just a few miles from it and we've just been so busy.

Like we've been right, like maybe a block away from it, but we just haven't like really even gotten to see it. So we actually went to the beach yesterday, yesterday. I know. And it was lovely. Except for your little dance that you did out in the middle. I need to get used to that.

You do have a little bit of a phobia as much as you like the water i mean being near the water you don't really like being in the water because at myrtle beach where you can't see your feet you're freaked out because you can't see your feet and now here you're freaked out because you can and and supposedly these fish that bonk into your ankles or whatever you say. They were like bumping into me on purpose. Yeah. I really think they were doing it just because they knew I would scream, and then I think they were laughing at me.

There were four of us standing there, and you were the only one that was getting quote-unquote attacked by these fish. It was embarrassing, but I can't help it. You were jumping up and down and you were stirring up the sand. And then they thought there was more food there. And they came after you more. It was funny. I'll get used to it. Maybe. So anyway, we have been busy.

Thank you for being patient with us as we um haven't podcasted in a while but we are gonna attempt to make up for it yeah because we have an origin story already already recorded and uh we've got a topic ready to go for next month so i think we're going to get back into the groove in more ways than one. Yeah. But you know, one thing I do miss that we didn't bring with us. What? The Ikea desk. Oh, our podcast desk? Yeah. Yeah. We were sitting at like a wine barrel. We have a tabletop on it. So it's not just the top of the barrel, but like there's cords everywhere. Like we're all unorganized.

like i I've always made fun of that IKEA desk, but it actually was perfect for all of our equipment. I have to admit that it's been so long since I hooked the equipment up, I forgot how. It took me a while. But we're here. And I got to use my nifty little traveling case to carry my stuff. And, you know, the podcast stuff went in the truck with us because that was too important to put it in the truck. Right, all of our computers and podcast stuff, yes. And I got the coolest gift from one of our friends. He gave me another carrying case that's bright orange. Yeah.

and he gave us the um the light that he uses at our events that that casts the wgt logo up on the wall it's pretty amazing so if we wanted to we could send out a bat signal in the community party here yeah we have met a lot of of neighbors and a lot of friends here and yep i think it's going to be a good time yeah very social community well but we don't we don't have our blowjob curtains yet so we really can't do much no but they're at the top of the list especially neither neighbor on uh either side of us has moved in oh yeah the ones they're not they just moved in yeah so yeah so we need to get those curtains ASAP so we have for those of you that might not know what blowjob curtains are we have a pool in our backyard and it's all like caged in with you know a big like screen room and they call them bird cages around here I guess well the houses are really close together in this community so and both of our neighbors have pools as well so we're all right out there together like pool and there's not a lot of privacy so we're going to get these like extra like either fabric or screens or something that will be tracked down on the sides of our bird cage so that we have more privacy.

Yes. Because Mr. Jones says we need blowjob curtains. Yeah. Yeah. And did you notice we went to the neighborhood orientation the other day? Because there's so many people moving in, they twice a month, they do an orientation.

And the presentation was titled, it was titled like lifestyle living everything in this community is lifestyle yeah well that's the word they use right it's not the same definition that we have it's a different lifestyle but it's a great lifestyle i mean that that really is kind of what is like attractive about this community it's just a great vibe yeah so anyway we're happy to be back we're going to be busy now that we're we've unpacked we have podcastapalooza miami coming up in just a couple of weeks and um do you have your uh costumes ready no none zero you are gonna go right yeah it was written on my planner today and it was like the only thing i didn't highlight it's been written on your planner for no i haven't written on my planner today was actually the first time i wrote it down yeah because i'm getting a little nervous now yeah well like seinfeld said anybody can just write things on the planner it's actually carrying out the planner i know that's the key i know okay i got my covid shot and my flu shot today that was on my planner yeah that's important yeah okay see i have my priorities anyway we're going to peak at miami we will be doing a workshop there we're looking forward to meeting some new friends and seeing a lot of old friends.

We have so many old friends that are going. It's going to be amazing. Yeah. And like just going to an event and meeting new people, especially after, speaking of COVID, especially after COVID, you know, where we were so isolated for so long. Just the idea of getting out and meet new people is just refreshing. Yes. So we're looking forward to seeing Kate and her crew in Miami. It's sold out. It's been sold out for quite some time. And then I think we come home for a couple weeks and then we go to Desire. Yes. So we're looking forward to that.

And, you know, they changed up their costumes a lot this year so did they yeah well one thing i did do on sunday is i did like unpack all of our costumes that i named vacation clothes for the movers i didn't want them to wonder why we had boxes of costumes i think you got a whole new dresser just for i did lingerie and and costumes for costumes and club dresses and swimsuits and yeah all of the things that you have to have when you're a swinger yeah like good lord yeah yes we got that coming up we do have space available for our 2024 trips we are going to temptation grand mitches the week of june 22nd to 29th and we're going to desire pearl november 9th through the 16th of 2024 yes and now is the time to book if if you want to go because the desire pearl one will most likely sell out by the first of the calendar year grand mitches we do have plenty of slots left for that one so if you I want to see with us visit our website and uh book through us yeah the weather is spectacular both of those trips you know you don't have to worry about hurricane season we kind of do this intentionally to avoid hurricane season yes okay is that it we i think that's it for now i'm sure i'll think of something else but i'll find a way to to like interrupt your outline and get it in okay well when we come back um mrs jones is gonna explain to us all what finding who you weren't looking for really means because this was kind of your idea for this topic yeah it was kind of a ladies book club tangent that we went off on two oh boy I can't wait we'll be right back welcome back to segment two and we will attempt to talk about like what do we mean by finding what we weren't looking for and i think that it's kind of like the accidental path you end up going down um during your lifestyle journey you know you can't nobody can see into the future right so when you when you know when we talk about getting into the lifestyle with our partners and and trying to like articulate you know why we want to do this I mean like what what's the first thing that that you you think of Mr.

Jones like well back in the day, like 10 years ago? Yeah, well, we talked about this a lot because I was the one who reviewed all the profiles online. Right. And I would look at the pictures and I would come to you and say, look at this couple. And then you would say, did you even read their profile? And I was like, well, I'm going to go do that next. So it was more about like the physical person. Right, right. That we were looking for the first time because we didn't know what type of people were in the lifestyle. We made a lot of bad assumptions. Right.

And we were looking for people and not experiences right so i mean i think that's that's kind of like the way you you start out you think okay well like if we're going to be swingers like that means we're going to be having sex with other people so we need to look for people and of course you want to have sex with beautiful people well people that you are attracted to yeah and and probably back then more physically attracted to because and in defense of everyone you don't you can't really get to know somebody by reading a profile anyway but yes you're right it was about um are you attracted to him?

Am I attracted to her? And looking at their pictures, uh, and then deciding, you know, at reading their profile and from afar saying that's the physical person, that's the physical couple that we're attracted to. Right. And I, I think the thing that you always like to touch on, and, and I mean, this totally applies here is like, you have all of these things that you don't want to do when you first get in the lifestyle, like you like have to like protect yourself, right? You know, you're, you're trying to like follow the rules.

Like we're not going to talk about our family and we're not going to talk about what we do for a living and we're not going to tell them what real town we live in. And, you know, we're not going to do this and we're not going to do that because you're so afraid. Yeah. Well, you want to be discreet. You know, everybody is all, you know, concerned about discretion.

So you don't want to give a lot of clues about who you are and where you work and, you know, where you live and your family and and for goodness sakes you'd never want these people to to meet any of your friends or family right you know it's like never should these two things cross right so that basically leaves you with just like physical attributes to be interested in right right because you're not interested in the whole person like you just you want to fuck buddy right so when you say we found what we weren't looking for then i guess we're going to get into other aspects of just instead of the physical well right and then you know i think the the other thing that you have to consider when you're new is, you know, like, yeah, you want to find like beautiful, sexy people to have fun with, but then what do you want to do with them?

Like, you know, what, what is your thing, right? You have to, and that takes like experience, you know, like we've, we've said, you know, we, we did big events our first year, we did vacations our first year, we did, you did you know dates our first year and and just tried all the things to figure out what it was that we wanted yeah and then we came up with a whole lot of rules right because again we're protecting we were protecting ourselves right and and like we had to figure out like not only what type of events we want go to, but what type of sex, if any, do we want to have with people.

Right. So, it's almost like we wanted bodies to have sexy fun with to, like, spice up our sex lives and give us something new. Yeah. And taboo. Yeah. And we did that at first. Yeah. Yeah. And it was fun. And it was fun. Like, and especially like when you go to something like naughty New Orleans, like it's, it's pretty easy to like, just kind of hook up with people and, and have fun and, and then be done with it. Right. Because that's a, a reasonably short event, but it's like a super like target rich environment. Right.

You know, so that's a a reasonably short event but it's like a super like target rich environment right you know so that's a good place to not only learn who you're who you're attracted to but then you know what kind of fun do you want to have with them right and it and this is i think like we've said once or twice before this is a whole new world world. You've never really, most of us have never, we don't know what it's like on the inside. We have perceptions of what it might be. We have no frame of reference for what the lifestyle actually is. There's not a lot of information out there.

We're trying to protect our protect our relationships you know we think of gold chains and key parties and you know the stereotypical things and that's another reason why it's a really steep learning curve when you get in it's like because you don't know anything about what you're walking into right right so therefore you got to put some serious guardrails up. That's right. Some more than others. Yeah. Well, why are you looking at me? Well, we'll get to that. But I mean, like over time, don't you remember, like it took a long time for us to introduce anybody to our vanilla friend and family.

But we started doing that. Yeah. And the world didn't end. Well, I think we started having, I'm going to say, feelings for other couples. We started... Developing friendships, right? Yeah. They were like, these people are, first of all, they're sexy.

Second of all, they were like these people are first of all they're sexy second of all they're really cool and third of all they're real people and we and they're and we want to get to know them and they were genuine and you know they were good communicators and we could talk about everything and they were they had some of the similar situations in life than we did so all of a sudden we started to see these what we originally were looking for in these physical bodies to be more human right and i think um i think over time as you meet more people you and you you to these events, again, whether it's dates or clubs or vacations or whatever, you start meeting more and more people and you start realizing that the majority of the people you're meeting are just pretty cool people just like you.

Yes. Right.

And what I remember is all of a sudden I didn't really have a type anymore so at the beginning of the lifestyle when we were perusing pictures what was your type well my type was kind of guys that look like you because you're my type like you're my person you know and i kind of felt like i needed to replicate that so physically you're you're talking about a similar stature similar height yeah similar look right right okay so then when you start saying that you're seeing people for who they are what what are you talking about well like for example i remember the first time i kissed a guy that was just you know a little bit taller than me and not 12 inches taller than me it was so refreshing like i didn't have to like step you know stand on my tiptoes or like crank my neck back or anything like i just went to kiss him and he was right there it was just kind of a luxury okay so you're you're starting with physical characteristics all right so but i mean there are like different body types um different anatomy sizes i mean there's a whole lot of differences physically, right.

With, I mean, all men are different. Well, right. But okay, let's back up on like body parts. Like you don't know until you actually get in bed with somebody like about certain body parts. Right. I know, you know, unless he's got dick pics all over his profile and then i probably wouldn't have like green lighted i know to go out with him anyway i know but what i'm saying is that since we were together since we were kids practically until now neither one of us had a lot of experience with other people well right we had really i really had no idea the differences in women's bodies. Well, yeah.

I mean, that's kind of like the next step, right? So I guess I'm saying at first, I was attracted to men that looked like you on the outside. And then I kissed a guy that was shorter than you. And I realized that that was kind of fun. And then, like you just said, it kind of progresses from there, you know, and then different styles of kissing. And, you know, you could just kind of go on and on about the differences with people as far as compared to your partner, compared to what you're used to. Yeah. Okay.

So then there's the non-physical attributes that, first of all, we weren't admittedly interested in as much as we were the physical features. So what about the non-physical features of men? Then how would you describe, I asked you to describe your type initially, which you just did. How would you describe your type initially what you just did how would you describe your type now what's the difference as far are you talking about like personality and character and all that yeah well that's where I think I do have a type you know I I need somebody to be funny, but kind.

And I need a gentleman, and, you know, I don't like things very rough, you know, and sometimes you don't know that until you get into bed either, you know. Right. Sometimes you have to learn that one the hard way. Right. Um, but, but I think that, um, that is where I have a type and that is what makes the physical attributes. But I think that that is where I have a type. And that is what makes the physical attributes, like, less important. So you go away from, I guess, I went away from having a physical type to more of a character type. Yeah.

Which made the physical type, you know, not as important.

Now, honestly, honestly like i'm not attracted to everybody physically right um but i certainly have more opportunity now to get to know people but wouldn't you say and i know i'm leading the witness here but wouldn't you say that you do sound just like an attorney wouldn't you say that the non-physical features are probably the first things that are going to turn you off now as opposed to the physical features yes like if somebody can't read the room yes something somebody's too aggressive or assertive yes um you know if somebody is full of themselves or they only want to talk about themselves or whatever right i know that that's what i'm not looking right so then that diminishes quickly the physical features of that person from my perspective um i i went through a similar transition and that i have been with women who I initially wasn't that physically attracted to, but then once I got to know them and I got to hear their story and they started to trust me and their self-confident, I saw their bodies in a completely different light.

Like, you know, because women have been, whoever they are, you've been carrying around your body for however many years, you know how to use it, you know how to move it, you know, you know how it responds. And when I experience a woman who I maybe initially wasn't that attracted to. But once you get into bed, all of a sudden you see an experience, something that you didn't expect. And this person becomes very sensual. Their body becomes more attractive because they're confident in what they're doing. They know how to use it. They know how to tease you.

They know how to flirt with you and talk with you. So I've learned that the physical part of it is not nearly as important to me as it was before. And I've still, and I think what that's done is it's allowed me to get to know more women.

So instead of shutting people down initially, because I'm not physically attracted to them i enjoy getting to know them no matter who they are because i want to know more about them personally because you never know there there may be some chemistry there if you just give it a chance right i mean i think that's i think that's kind of the whole point of our conversation in in ladies book club last month when we had this talk. And again, this actually had nothing to do with the book. I don't even remember how we got on the topic. That's how you ladies roll. I know.

You just talk about whatever shit comes up. The book is just a reason to get together. But I think that it's surprising. I think that was the word that was used a lot that night. People in hindsight are so surprised about how they feel about the lifestyle and they feel about the people that they encounter in the lifestyle. Right. And I think it's, at the end of the day, I think what I have found that I was not looking for 10 years ago, you know, this is like our 10-year swing-reversary is coming up here. I know, I know. Like, this is monumental. I know, we should get a badge. I know.

The friendships that we have. Yeah. That's been the biggest surprise. And the people that i am just genuinely attracted to and i genuinely like feel comfortable around and i can just be my absolute self both but both the best of me and the worst of me right and they still love me and i think they still want to have sex with me. Yeah, and I want to also jump on that a minute because the example I just gave about women who I may not have been attracted to and then playing with them, they're somebody else.

I don't want to discount what you just mentioned, and that is I have a lot of friends, men and and women in this lifestyle that I have not played with and probably never will, just because of the hours in the day and the opportunities and the circumstances. And I just enjoy making female friends now, where in my life prior to the lifestyle, we kind of quote unquote, weren't allowed to have female friends because That's territory. Well, and I think society probably trained me to want to rip their eyeballs out if they wanted to become friends with you. Exactly. Before now. And now I love it.

You know, I just just I love watching you interact with other women and and I and the whole the whole pants on pants off thing that's another surprise that I wasn't looking for in the lifestyle I mean I just kind of figured you know I have a life I have good friends like why would I want to make friends that i'm never going to have sex with like let's just move along and right and and that's so not the case right because these friendships that we're making are are just surprisingly genuine yes which is kind of where the term social sexy comes from and we you know we we've been getting a lot of feedback from the events that we host, whether it's Desire or a hotel weekend, that generally our group and we are more social.

We kind of have to get to know people. And by the way, we should probably put a disclaimer out here.

we're not saying that this is how everyone should do it this is just our approach to it and we have found a lot of other people who have the a similar approach in the lifestyle so that we've we've gotten to know them socially as friends and in in certain ways they've replaced a lot of the non-lifestyle quote-unquote friends that we had at first yeah kind of in our outer circles we've just kind of lost touch with some people i mean obviously we prioritize our good friends still yeah um but i think um finding taking down those barriers where you won't talk about this and you can't talk about that and you can't disclose this and and you start trusting people right um and and it's okay to trust people yes like we all have skin in the game and and i i think most of us have the mindset of do no harm right um so that's just another pleasant surprise is the ability to just completely be yourself and not have to worry about it and then when you do have these friends all of a sudden play or let's just say sexy fun it becomes more fun and less serious.

Right. Because jealousy is not in the equation. There's no defensiveness. Nobody's got anxiety. You know each other. You know their relationship. They know yours. And so when you play, it's so easy, so much easier. So for me, it's more of that experience than it just is having sex with other people. We're having sex with friends occasionally. It's fun. We laugh. It's just sex. And we're able to relax. And then we're able to look at those rules. I know. That we made. Why are you looking at me? Nine years ago.

And think, well well is the world gonna end if if i do something that i know we just had this conversation not too long ago did we yeah we did this isn't hypothetical this is real we were we were hanging out with friends and we were talking about our rules and then it kind of came up you know like well why why do we have the rules that we have and i really at at this point with certain couples i i guess the some of my rules really aren't as necessary anymore. Is that the right word?

Well, I don't know that's your rule i mean they're still important but i don't know that they need to apply to every situation we get ourselves into if it's the right people at the right time and you and i are in the right headspace because even when even i mean this past year and a half has been rough on us and sometimes i'm just not in the right frame of mind even though it's the best people yeah so you know again those are friends that love us warts and all but when it's the right people and the right headspace and the right time the rules have become less important okay and and this there i said it i know but this rule this specific rule was we don't play separately right so i and i know that i'm putting you on the spot here but yes you are no i'm just doing i'm gonna do some what ifs like like if no no i'm back on the stand here we go you missed your calling if you have a rule whether it's no kissing or same room or soft swap or whatever there's a reason that you have that rule and that's your very own reason.

So whatever that reason is, when you do break that rule, now you have a truth that you can set next to your hypothesis.

And you can ask yourself, did the fear that I have or the worry that I have or the reason that i had for keeping that rule is it still valid in other words if there was a fear and then you did break the rule and then that fear never uh materialized then what well the like maybe the you know doo doo didn't hit the fan that time but it could the next time right so those guardrails are there for a reason but but as as i have matured in the lifestyle, I've learned to trust myself because i think in hindsight my 10 years of lifestyle wisdom here i think a lot of the rules that i put on the piece of paper do you remember doing that we were at a i do a marriage retreat well no no yeah those rules but when when we did our rules and boundaries, weren't we like in San Diego on a rooftop bar or something?

Yeah. I think a lot of those rules were for me to protect me against myself. Like I didn't trust myself. And I was afraid I would do something that you wouldn't like. Right. All right.

trust myself and i was afraid i would do something that you wouldn't like right and it would hurt you right so i put it wasn't that i didn't try man i think i've just made a self-discovery i don't think it was i didn't trust you i didn't trust myself okay well that's where i'm going with this so now though because this specific instance that you're talking about I was in I was outside of the room I was in another room with the other woman and she and I were we were making out and we were playing a little bit but we were talking and I came that's how it started out with us too yeah I came back in the room where you were playing once or twice to check on you.

And then you finished, and we all came back together. And then, so you should be able to trust yourself more, because whatever your fear was about not trusting yourself didn't materialize. Right. Right. So what I'm saying, and I'm not saying it's going to happen overnight, but, but getting to a place where you can meet people, trust people, grow friendships, you're putting yourself in a position where some, if somebody that you really care about comes to you and says, you know what, I would really like to do with you. I would really like to do this.

And then you want to do it because they're your friends, and you know that it would be meaningful for them. And you can give yourself to them for that, and it's going to be meaningful. And then you don't have the worry that whatever you thought was going to happen is going to happen.

So I guess what I'm saying is it's not just about you and me it's about the people that you're with and if you know if they're really really good friends you're going to want to do things with them that they want to do right and as long as you and your partner are on the same page with that yeah then then it you find that it's okay to relax those rules right and and again i i like rules i need structure and that works for me so that has been very surprising that some of my rules are not as relevant at this point in my life yeah so we started off talking about i guess i trust that we're stuck with each other at this point yeah okay well that's good uh so we so at first we were talking about the physical person or the superficial and now we're talking about the whole person yeah because the person that you broke this rule with is a good friend and you know him very well we know both of them very well well.

I wouldn't have done that with anybody. So it's not superficial. It's much more meaningful. And then the play itself can become more challenging. Like you may throw something out. Hey, let's try this or let's do this. We've never done this before. So I just think it's a whole lot more meaningful to play the long game and and that is the long game and the lifestyle or the long game with with friends with couples yeah both i mean the short game is you're just dtf yeah and and i don't i don't mean that derogate in a derog way. There are people who do that and enjoy that.

I just think for me, it's more than that. It's more than just having sex with somebody I don't know. For us, it's about the people and the relationships, the friendships. So that's really, I think, what we're saying.

When we first got got into this not only did we not expect to find that we were adamant that we would not find that right we put all these rules and barriers in place we were not looking for this right i did not want to now we we introduce them to our family we introduce them to our friends yeah well I guess if we had to like wrap this all up and tie a bow around it, I mean, I think the message that we ended up with in our discussion when I was talking to all the ladies about this is you have no idea what you're looking for when you're new. You think you know, but you don't know. Thank you.

when I was talking to all the ladies about this, is you have no idea what you're looking for when you're new. You think you know, but you don't know. And that doesn't really make sense, but it's true. Right. And until you get into it and you start meeting people and having experiences and having conversations with your partner about the good, the bad, the ugly, and the sexy, you're, you're not really going to know what path you want to go down. And you're probably going to end up stumbling down a path you never intended to and find that that's your place. Yeah.

And you're, I mean, humans are interesting creatures because we like like to finish stories yeah in our mind yeah that's true and when we want the answer and when we're newer we finish stories in some crazy ways oh my gosh my husband is gonna is falling in love with somebody else or she does this better than he does or um you know, now he doesn't, you know, he doesn't want to be with me anymore now that he's been with somebody that beautiful. You know, we, we tend to fill in these blanks with our insecurities.

And I think what we're saying is that what we find that we weren't looking for is this inner confidence when you've got the experience and you've built your friendships and these relationships that unknown is now known i trust you we know you we can let our guard down a little we can break our rules because there's confidence that the people that we are with are trustworthy, are trustworthy. We're on the same page. And this, the ending of the story is it's just sexy fun and nothing more than that. It didn't ruin a marriage.

It didn't, you know, cause strife, you know, nobody lost a limb because the rule was broken. It was just, so we were eliminating these things that we imagine by getting to know people becoming close to them and trusting them with a friendship along with all of those initial reasons that you get into it right i mean really none of that changes you know it's intriguing it's sexy it's naughty it's like your dirty little secret, right?

So you still have all that as a couple, but then there's so much more to it other than just this dirty little secret that you have, you know, that you, you either go to sex clubs together, you go to, you know, clothing optional resorts together or, you know, whatever you're doing um there there's all that and more and that you didn't know you were looking for right okay did we um cover everything now now do people know what to look for what they weren't looking for well i think it's just a matter of getting yourself out there and just being open-minded about who you meet. Right. Yep.

And if you're like us, you just play the long game. That's right. It's still working after 10 years. Yeah, we're the most boring swinger podcast there is out there. But we sure do have fun. We do have fun. And we've made a lot of meaningful friendships. Yes. And that's an awesome couple. Yeah. Okay, well, when we come back, I think we've got a snapshot of two to share. What do you think? I think I got one. All right, I'm going to go get some more wine. Welcome back to Snapshots. Yay. You kind of almost gave mine away, babe.

No, now you get to be, I'm sorry, because it was really relevant to the conversation. And I didn't know what your snapshot was, but now you can be more specific, you can tell the story. Yeah, so my snapshot has to do with separate play. We were with friends not too long ago, and we were just kind of really in a deep conversation. Like it was really deep and serious. And then somehow we ended up starting to make out and all that stuff. I hate when that happens. And I was kind of the center of attention at the beginning for a little while, which was lovely.

I think I got a little bit of a six-handed massage out of it. And then things just kind of started evolving. And I can't remember why you and the other wife left the room. I know at some point there was a sandwich involved. There was a leftover Subway sandwich. Yes yes yeah but before that he had mentioned separate rooms to you so it wasn't out of the blue well i kind of thought you guys left to go get a snack at one point and then he asked me yes if it was okay we gave you the opportunity yeah and I think it was all over a sandwich. Yes. Yeah.

And I think he asked me if it was okay if he and I kept going. And at that point, we really weren't doing much. We were just kind of making out and playing around. And I said, yeah, I'm okay. And then it got a little more serious and then we actually started having sex and you guys didn't come back and he he's he knows me really well and he kept saying do you want me to stop you know they're not here and about the time i started to get a little um distracted by the fact that you weren't there you came into the room and you said we're we're out here um Thank you.

distracted by the fact that you weren't there you came into the room and you said we're we're out here um are you okay and i said yeah i'm okay and you said do you want me to stay and i said no it's okay and you left again good because i haven't finished the sandwich no i don't well maybe you weren't eating quite then i think you guys were probably doing something else. Oh, that's right. We were. We were kind of playing around. Yeah. But and then he and I kept playing and it was fun and it was fabulous and sexy and amazing. And you came back.

And I think the second time you came back, the other wife came with you. Yeah. And and I think you guys stayed in there for a little while. And I think the second time you came back, the other wife came with you. And, and I think you guys stayed in there for a little while. And I think, actually, I think this is where the sandwich came into play. Cause she's like, I'm hungry. And she, she said, I'm going to go out and get that leftover sandwich. And you said, well, I want some too.

And you guys ran out of the room and the husband looked at me and he's like are you hungry and i said not yet so i may be in about five minutes yeah if you keep going so we yeah and he did and he helped me work up an appetite for sure yeah no it was fun and it was okay um and then we came out and had the sandwich too and it was you know and then we all talked about everything and and the world didn't end how about that i know but then the next morning you and i went on a walk and you asked me how things were last night and i said you said was everything okay and i said yes and no difficult woman answer I know I'm like oh geez okay okay and i said yes and no difficult woman answer oh my god jeez okay well and this just goes back to our situation because everything was fine with him it was silly it was way more than fine it was sexy and And he knows how to push all of my right buttons.

But you and I are just finding our way through this whole recovery period of yours that has taken way longer than we thought it was going to take. And I kind of struggle having fun with other people. It makes me feel guilty. Yeah. And that has nothing to do with the way you watch me with other people or the way you treat me afterwards or the way you treat me beforehand. Like, you always encourage me. It's just my sense of loyalty, I guess. I'm sorry, but you're my person. You don't have to apologize. I get it. I mean, and my feeling is that I want you to have a good time.

I mean, if I can't help you have a good time, I'm glad somebody else can. So I'm not the one that's making you feel guilty no i'm not i'm not that is completely self-imposed i'm not discounting your feelings i'm just saying that not only am i not making you feel guilty i'm encouraging you to take advantage of these situations when they come along well and that was the convert remember i said at the beginning of my snapshot which um i guess was kind of deep maybe not as sexy as it could have been but um Thank you.

when they come along well and that was the convert remember i said at the beginning of my snapshot which um i guess was kind of deep maybe not as sexy as it could have been but um i think that's what we were talking about before we started playing was was my feelings my my confusion over like wanting to have fun like my body wants to have fun and once i get going like my body's like oh yeah right um but just it's just weird and I say that a lot it's just weird yeah it's weird but it was it was sexy fun that night and and I broke that rule and it and it was okay And I did it, my friend knew exactly how to encourage me without pushing me.

Like he, I think he knows right where my comfort zone is and he knows how to nudge past it in a good way. And your husband checked on you too. Right, right. You checked on me and I think i think you trust him of course i do implicitly yes uh okay so my snapshot i didn't do a health update this episode yet because that has to do with my snapshot yes so for those of you who haven't been following along, I had a prostatectomy 18 months ago. Yeah, it'll be 18 months on Wednesday. I know. And when I had it, because I had cancer, the prostate, and it's gone.

But when I had it, they said it could be 12 to 18 months before you start to get natural erections back. Well, let me tell you, I got in under the wire because I started noticing some signs of life a month or so ago. In the middle of the night, I would wake up, and I'm like, oh, man, my dick is hard. I wonder if it's good. And then he told me the next morning, and I'd be like, why didn't you wake me up me up? Because I thought, you know, when you dream, I'm like, did it really happen? I would reach down there and squeeze it.

I'm like, well, it feels kind of hard, you know, but my perspective has changed. Maybe it's because I had to go to the bathroom.

So anyway, when I went back to my doctor, I said, Hey, I just, you you know don't know if this is a good sign or and he said oh no that's a good sign I'm going to put you on Cialis now five milligrams a day so I started taking Cialis about a month ago and then it was probably it was two weeks ago here right it was one of the first nights we were here we were in the spa in the hot tub and see your dick loves it here too and my dick got hard and i got a blow job uh in the spa before we had blow job curtains because nobody lived next door to us or behind us yet yeah and it was dark out hopefully there was no construction workers and you know i mean it was a sexy night and kind of it i don't i'm not sure it had such a happy ending because we tried to have sex in the hot tub but the spa is cement and look i'm not gonna lie we're getting older well it was okay cement is not it was okay when i was sitting on this night like you had me up on the waterfall thing because our spa is like elevated over the pool and there's a spillway like little spillover yeah you had me up on there and that was good yeah but then he tried to do me doggy style and he got me down on like the bench inside the spa yeah my knees lasted like five seconds and then i was like no and he's like did i hurt you and i'm like no it's just my knees well i i just knew at the time that it was hard and I had to try to take advantage of it because I know when it happens, it doesn't last long.

But, and then the other part of me was like, thank God it happened with you and not another woman. Because if I would have gotten hard with somebody else besides you, that would have been a tough pill to swallow.

I would have had to lie about it because so back to the health thing i i just decided to stop taking the tri-mix i'm i'm just not a tri-mix guy it works for a lot of guys but it just didn't feel right to have an injection and then have this fake thing so i well you most of the men that you're experiencing you know talking about talking about their experiences with it, are just using it as an assist. Yeah, yeah. Not from square one. Yeah, not 100%. Dependency. So I think it probably is different for you. Right, right. So anyway, my body is starting to recover just in the nick of time.

I got just in under the 18th month. Or I would have really been depressed after that. But we would have shut down the podcast. No, we wouldn't. Shut down the community. We were already looking at alternatives. I'd be crawled up in the corner. No, we had a game plan. In the fetal position. I'd probably become a priest. No.

It would have been fine we would have figured something out okay so anyway again and a health update is not a really sexy snapshot but when your dick gets hard after 18 months for the first time it's a big deal hey we had sex in our hot tub in our new house without any medical assistance. It was lovely. Lovely. Except for the knees thing you had to do better than lovely it was sexy no it was hot yeah and you sprung it on me like i you didn't even like warn me all of a sudden we were making out and it happened yeah was unanticipated i was just out there to soak in a hot tub. All right.

Well, you heard Mrs. Jones talk about the Ladies Book Club. The Ladies Book Club is a big part of our We Gotta Think community. We would love for you to give us a try. So if you'll visit our website and look for our community, we'd love for you to join us. We've got a whole lot of stuff going on in there. There's a whole lot of events. I can't even keep up with how many events there are. We just hit over a thousand members, which I think is a pretty big deal. It's still growing. It's just a fun place to be. We're coming up with a lot of good ideas for it. It continues to grow.

We're just tickled to have this outlet and bringing these people together. Well, you know, we've already connected with two couples down here, you know, that just happen to be in the area visiting family or, you know, visiting the beach. And so it's just, it's so nice to like move 900 miles away and have like friends waiting for you here. So our friends in Bradenton and our friends from Dallas, you know who we're talking about. Thank you for visiting. We really had a great time. I thought when we moved out of DC, we would stop getting so much company, but it's been proven to be wrong.

We've had company already i know it's great i love it it's great and now i actually have a bed in my guest room so we can actually like host people now yeah so if you're in the area let us know you can email me at mrjones at we got a thing.com and i'm mrs jones at we got a thing dot com and coincidentally our website is we got a thing dot com you can follow us on twitter at we got a thing aren't you supposed to say x now oh yeah sorry whatever the heck twitter is now x and you can get a three-month trial with cassidy or a one-month trial from sdc through our website did i miss anything Thank you.

You can get a three-month trial with Cassidy or a one-month trial from SDC through our website. Did I miss anything? I think that's it. Thanks for listening. We are Mr. and Mrs. Jones, and we've got a thing. What's your thing? We'll see you next time.