Episode 100: Are You Willing to Put in the Hard Work?

Transcript

This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only. Hey you teenagers out there, if you're under 18, this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework. We are a long-time married couple who's decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex-positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle. Care to join us? Hello everyone, I'm Mr. Jones.

And'm mrs jones and we want to welcome you to episode 100 of the we gotta think podcast we should be drinking champagne and we're drinking water i know 100 i didn't think we'd ever get there the century mark yeah long time coming yeah well i mean it's a little bit to celebrate because i think from the beginning we've we've we're shooting for consistency and um longevity well clearly we're we're uh in it for the long haul yeah well i think we were talking about this the other day and i think if we think back almost eight years and we started our podcast i think jay and angie from average swingers are the only ones who were around then before us are still regularly putting out content yeah i think there's a couple other podcasts that kind of come and go but um yeah i think jay and angie average swingers and we got a thing i think we're the only consistent ones from back in the day.

From back in the day. There's quite a few more now that have joined. Oh, absolutely. Afterwards. No, I'm just talking about eight years ago when you came up with this crazy idea. Yeah. Sounds like a... Someday when we have our podcast, we're going to talk about this. Yeah. Ha ha. Just like 30 years ago when you said, someday when we have a threesome. And I was like, ha ha ha. How did you know that was 30 years ago? I guess you remember it. It was probably more than 30 years ago. Well, we made it happen. Well, yes, we have. Thank you.

So, I think we were talking about when we went on our business trip back in May to Jamaica. Yeah. And we were talking about what we want to do with We Got a Thing coming up in the near future. And one of the things that we kind of joked about was, good grief, 100 episodes.

If you can't figure this out in 100 episodes, there must be something wrong with the way that we're passing out instruction oh now you're being nice what did you really say what did i say if you can't figure it out in a hundred episodes there must be something wrong with you yeah true no i like your revised version better well it's too late you just outed me well i think um you know we've taken topics and revisited them and kind of reframed them and looked through them from different lenses and you know i think um we've covered a lot of stuff we have but even though we've covered a lot of stuff.

We have. But even though we've covered a lot of stuff, we're only two humans with one marriage. Yes. You know, so that really does limit the way we see things and the way we do things. Yes. And it's our thing. It is our thing. And what your idea was when we were talking about, you know, our primary listener, listeners are newbies pretty much to the lifestyle. Yeah, we're the newbie whispers. Yeah, there's quite a few folks that have been around for a while and listen to us. But we try to speak to those who are new to the lifestyle.

But also, as as as our topics is going to touch on tonight which we didn't even mention yet is that i think our listeners are willing to put in the hard work yeah so it's not it's not that you can still have a newbie mindset if you have experience in the lifestyle because you have you're willing to continue to learn right and that's what we're going to talk about tonight so but before that though remember also we talked about um everybody when you meet people in the lifestyle they want they always want to know your origin story yes and so you came up with the idea at least i think I'm giving you credit for this yeah yeah it was me well do you want to explain it well i think um every once in a while and i don't know that we're really going to have a regular pattern we we might we may end up there we're going to just kind of let it organically develop or evolve um we want to dedicate an episode every now and again to origin stories so we're going to invite couples to come on our podcast and share their origin story you know what how they got in the lifestyle like what their thing is um you know what what keeps them going you know what their obstacles have been and how they've overcome them and also tell some like fun stories yeah you know because the lifestyle is supposed to be fun and like you said we're only two people we only have one story yeah and that was eight years ago that we told our origin story i mean there's people that are new to listening to our podcast and it definitely evolves over time we were obviously very new at the start and we told our origin story but we kind of feel like if we introduce more origin stories at this point in time it'll it'll fit in well with our audience and what everyone is looking for right and we want to pick couples with um all like different levels of experience obviously everybody's going to have an origin story no matter how long you've been in the lifestyle but right you know we want to pick some newbies and just get that that fresh thought yes you know oh my gosh i can't believe we're doing this and then we want to pick some couples that have been doing it for a while so we can hear their origin story and then how they have evolved correct um so stay tuned for that we we know that's what we want to do we don't exactly know how we're going to frame it yet or how often we're going to offer that up yeah maybe if we just get to a month where we're like we don't have anything to talk about well we'll find somebody else i don't know i think what we've learned is be and we're going to talk more about this in a second but because we're still learning we don't know everything and so we'll always wait wait stop the music what did you just say well because you don't know everything that is not what you said what did i say you said because we don't know everything as in including yourself that was the royal we i'm sorry i interrupted you yeah because we're still learning then and we're still screwing up we're we're we have plenty of content it's not that we're doing origin stories because we don't have anything else to talk about because we still screw up and uh so that always gives us new things to talk about and we still have fun we do right yes but no we want to bring other perspectives in it because i really think that's how you learn is you learn by example and you know we were talking about being role models you know and we're just you know we're not a blueprint we're just like one one way to go about it because that's what works for us right so before we get to our topic though we have we have a lot of big announcements we do yeah everybody should get out their pens and pencils because their google calendars we're gonna tell you something on the podcast that we cannot put on our website or anywhere else in writing so oh yeah put a note in your phone yeah uh so first of all um we are going to nashville next month yes and at the end of september and that trip is sold out we sold that out within our community in two days i know i think people that was crazy kind of pent up well you know why it's because we like we we kind of pushed the envelope as far as waiting to the last minute to organize this thing.

Yeah, we didn't plan it that far ahead of time, right? Well, it just kind of popped up, and then it just exploded. Yep. So, we're going to Nashville again. The last time we were in Nashville, I think, was... 2019. Three years ago? It'll be exactly three. Yeah, three years ago. I think it was the same weekend three years ago.

Yeah, covid um so that's one thing um our desire november 2022 is sold out however we are now going to take a group to temptation grand amiche's dominican republic which is a desire resort it just can't be called a desire resort because of some something to do with the dominican republic but it's the same concept right yeah uh temptation grand mitches is the same concept as desire yes okay um june 17th through 24 of 2023 yep so you can sign up now andire gave us our own promo code for a 10% discount on that. And the promo code is GRAND22. Right. So GRAND22.

And that's an extra 10% off of whatever specials they're running at the moment. So like, you'll click through our website um to get the promo code activated and then once you like click on your dates and all that jazz you'll see a price and then it'll be down at the bottom it says an extra 10 off that price because i didn't see that at first and i was confused yeah but it works so yeah very exciting yes grand 22 if you have any questions about it just just shoot me an email. It's kind of a big, hairy deal. It's taken them eight years to do this for us. I know.

I think they're finally coming around to the value that we bring their resort. Yeah, I think so. Because we'll talk more about that in just a second. Yeah. So all of our teacher friends and our friends with kids that need to be shipped off to grandma or the summer camp, this trip is for you. Yes. It's your summer escape. Yes. June 17th to 24th, promo code GRAND22TEMPTATIONGRANDMICHES, and you'll find that on our website. Yep.

Also, and we're going to talk a minute about our mansion our desire pearl mansion event that we just had yes next year that i still haven't unpacked from yet yeah it's been over two weeks i know i found some extra laundry today that i had to do i know well that's the problem with coin to desire is you take clothes that you don't wear normally so like when you come home you don't have a need for those clothes right away right so they they just can stay in the laundry bag yes we are talking with desire about possibly doing a a mansion style getaway event at grand michez next year as well yeah we're not like it's a completely different layout there and the rooms have different concepts um but i think there's a lot of potential there so we have no idea what it's going to look like right um but we're we're talking with them and they're actually kind of excited about it and like honey you've emailed like several people and they've all replied to I know know they've gave they've given me more information about uh grammy jays than yeah than i've seen anywhere else yeah so we have a map of it we have a schematic we have we know what rooms are in what buildings like man we we got some intel yeah and it's gonna be so beautiful oh my gosh and then you have the beach i mean i can't wait to see that gorgeous beach right we may have to sneak down there next spring ahead of time just to get the lay of the land um yes you know it's it's our responsibility to our listeners right to hop on an airplane and fly to the middle of the caribbean you know somebody's got to do it i know we have rough lives so our desire mansion event keeping up with Yeah, speaking of rough lives, I'm telling you.

My goodness, this was our second takeover of the Pearl Mansion area. And what a fantastic event. Yes. I know I've said this before, but Desire really went way above and beyond this trip. Way above and beyond. And it may have something to do that they about having new management i think and some new leadership there you know you notice that all of the um well not all but just about most of the senior management is female now i know i made note of that i told them it's about time the ladies were in charge. Yeah. Because they actually returned my messages. Yeah, they're very organized.

They're very supportive, very good to work with. And when we got there, they checked on us every day. And just the extra support was very, very noticeable. Yep. And because they paid a whole lot more attention to us, the staff did as well. And the staff is normally very attentive anyway, but this was ridiculous. This was above and beyond. Yeah. And not ridiculous in a bad way. Ridiculous in an amazing way. Yeah. So much that we should probably call a couple out by name. Okay. I think so.

So Laura is the new manager and Sophie is her hotel hotel manager guest services manager yeah guest services manager and they're they're fantastic um however oh sergio was really good with the playmakers because sergio is in charge of all of the entertainment staff for all of the resorts correct and he had playmakers come over to the mansion and do private games with us. It was pretty cool. Yeah. It was a lot of fun. Yeah, that Candace is crazy. I know. And Bella, oh my goodness, she's such a cutie patootie. Yeah, and then the new guy came over. I can't remember his name. Chris. Oh, Chris.

Christian. He goes by Chris. And then. Oh, but there was one sad thing. Charlie, for those of you that have been to Desire Pearl and you haven't been in the past few months, Charlie, the head playmaker, retired. And he is enjoying his retirement. So we're sad, but also we're very happy for Charlie. And Sergio told us, Charlie is like, entertainment staff person of any resort that Sergio knows of that actually worked long enough in the industry to, like, officially retired with a pension. Yeah, 30 years. Yeah, so Charlie, yeah, Charlie was an entertainer for 30 years.

And don't feel bad for Charlie, because they've hired him as a consultant to go to the Dominican Republic and help them the first couple of months get there. Well, I think that was supposed to be a secret, but we'll see. Yeah, we'll see. Oops. But Kia's still there. Yeah. Just a couple more people. Servando was our server all week, and Jairo was our bartender. He is amazing.

And Jairo actually, on his own, made some infused vodka just for our group no infused tequila i'm sorry tequila yeah cucumber and pineapple pineapple and then he invented a lot of margarita oh my gosh drinks for us yeah so he was fantastic and he really enjoyed himself too but mostly we want to thank michelle michelle is the mansion concierge during the day and um she's fantastic she is the most intuitive organized person i think i've ever met yeah she always does more than what we ask yep so and the food was great the service was excellent um we we created our own desire mansion takeover spotify playlist before we went everyone that was part of our group contributed to that and they played that at the bar in the little um pool area all all four days yeah that was a lot of fun yeah luckily it was a long playlist so it didn't get too repetitive yep there were a ton of songs i know and we had um we had special music at night before dinner we had the the violinist and the harp guy came back and played for us yeah which was fun and if you didn't hear an episode where we talked about it last year you might be thinking oh that's so boring and like violin and harp and they but they were so amazingly talented yeah like you haven't lived until you've heard hotel california played on a harp true it makes And they, but they were so amazingly talented.

Yep. Like you haven't lived until you've heard Hotel California played on a harp. Yeah. True. In Mexico. Very talented and very energetic and very sexy. Yep. And then we had a private sexy stripper show in the playroom the last night we were there. That was kind of our grand finale. Yeah.

Very attractive couple came and they did a show for us all yeah up there it's really entertaining and highly interactive yes i ended up being part of the show oh my goodness yeah ah he was sexy he was really sweaty too i think you were too i think i was i think everybody was so So all of that, plus we had a run of the rest of the resort. The foam party was awesome. It was just another great event. Foam party was off the charts. They had, it was Sexy Young and Wild Month. So they brought in a live band for the foam party, which was super awesome. And then they had these acrobats.

There were like eight guys. And it was kind of like a jungle theme. So they had on like leopard skin, like tights and like little, like almost, what do you call it? What did Tarzan wear? Loincloth. Yeah. It was kind of like that vibe.

And they were the most amazing acrobats like right on the side of the pool yes on the cement and bare feet yeah like oh my gosh tumbling and jumping through hoops and and like the the towers that you know like cheerleading stunts it was a good show yeah it was incredible yeah so no excuses now you've got plenty of opportunity to travel with us to desire you don't have to worry about next november being sold out we can go with us in june and we'll give you more information about a potential um getaway event there yeah later next year this is what happens when the joneses start cutting back on their workload i know we can travel a little bit more well honey we've put in the hard work yes what can i say oh very good babe yes and when we come back we're going to talk more about what it means and what the rewards are when you are willing to put in the hard work Welcome back to episode 100 segment two i just had to say that again second episode 100 yes um are you willing to put in the hard work so we were taking a walk i think it was right after you and i got home from desire a couple weeks ago and we were taking a walk on a sunday morning and we were like what are we going to do about episode 100 like should we make it a big hairy deal and and you know and we were joking around about you know if we haven't said it in 100 episodes you know what how else can we say it but i was saying um it's kind of like it's almost like it's graduation day for everybody.

Like, a hundred episodes. Like, you made it. Like, you listened to a hundred episodes. You have officially graduated from Swinger School. Well, you've got your undergrad. Yeah, you've got your undergrad. Yeah, we're going to keep going in case you want your master's. That's right. That's right. There's always graduate work to be done.

Well, you know, I heard the theses are the thesis are pretty fun oh yeah you're gonna go to that's true that's true that research it's more than a research paper that's right that's very interactive but you know as as we were walking and talking about that that whole idea i said no really i said joking aside really you know if they've listened to a hundred of our episodes then they're basically lifelong learners our listeners right and that brought back a memory of our last night at desire we had um a dinner and most nights i think we kind of broke up into two tables on most nights, right?

But on the last night, you did a big, long table in the mansion dining room, and we all had assigned seats, and it was a formal night. I made everybody dress up. You did, yeah. So we were all sitting around talking, and somebody towards the middle of the table, they were talking about, you know, the community and how they were, you know, so thankful they found the community because then they, you know, found the opportunities to travel. And we really did have an amazing, there were nine couples there that week and it was just a really great mix of people.

And I think some, good friendships are being formed and we were talking about our community and what what it is about our community that it seems like when they meet each other they always have something in common you know they always find some sort of connection and I was saying you know I think the thing about our community that I find that common thread is that the couples have their shit together. Like, they're just solid, solid people.

And I think it's because if you listen to our podcast, you know, we're not the we say it all the time, we're not the sexiest podcast, we're not not the most entertaining podcast. But I think what we are is a consistent source of topics for conversation. And those are not necessarily fun and easy conversations. A lot of them are very difficult to have.

So I think our listeners are the commonality, the common thread is that our listeners are willing to put in the hard work yes and i think that they're not maybe not looking forward to it necessarily of some of those those difficult conversations but i think they're willing to tackle it because they know the reward is worth the risk of of that vulnerability that you have to open up to yeah and and just to add on to that what we don't mean is people who have money or people who are very academic and have degrees people that are better than others you know it's no matter what people do no matter where they're from no matter what level of education that they have they are committed to what they do right and they're successful at it because they're committed to it right i think that's the other thing that we always find so fascinating when we meet people because we meet people with the most interesting career paths.

Yeah. You know, and it's all kinds of careers. You know, it's obviously around here, there's a lot of government workers, a lot of white collar workers. We don't have a lot of manufacturing where we live, but then we travel and we, like, we meet people that do the coolest things. We meet farmers and, you know, factory workers, people that run factories, people that work in the assembly lines, people that drive trucks. Yes. They're all good at what they do because they're passionate about it. Yep. You know, and if you have a passion for life, you're just naturally going to be successful.

And what we also noticed is not only are they, are you all, because we're talking to them so we can say, the other thing that we noticed about you all is you're not just committed to the lifestyle. You're committed to each other. You're committed to your marriage or your primary relationship. Right. You're committed to your friendships. Right.

You're committed in your family you're committed as parents and and as as you know just family focused people so it's not just careers it's all of the other things so you're focused on being leaders in your communities leaders in your churches and and like you said they're lifelong learners so they're always trying to educate themselves, always trying to make themselves better. Right. So, they, meaning you all, are willing to put in the hard work. And you had mentioned that there's no manual to navigate the hard stuff in life. No.

Like, when I gave birth, like, there certainly wasn't enough room in my womb for, like, some like some sort of instruction manual but nope they both came out with no instruction manual right like the marriage certificate that we signed right you don't turn that in and get the instruction manual like for for turning in the marriage certificate no like nothing and you're and you when you fail or when you fall you pick yourselves up or when you're challenged with something you pick yourselves up right and you carry on right like you said you figure it out um and you desire and work for deeper relationships with your friends and with your family it's it's always got to be about something it's not surface level things with most of the people that we meet in the lifestyle and and back to this whole i mean we talk about desire and events a lot but you work you prioritize and grow your relationships and you invest in them you know yes these places aren't cheap but you're not you're investing in your relationship so that's what a lot of people do that we run into.

It doesn't necessarily have to mean you go to desire, but that you invest in your relationship. And part of that can be the lifestyle. Right. And, you know, I think finding balance is always the most challenging part. And part of that balance is, you know, balancing your budget and knowing that you're going to have to, you know, save some money aside to do something fun because the first 10 years of our marriage, we did not do that. You know, we didn't have a lot of money and we didn't spend any money on ourselves.

You know, we were just kind of in survival mode, you know, and, and for our 10 year anniversary, that was when when we took that first cruise and that was the first time you and i had really been away yeah we saved a whole year for that yeah i think more than a year yeah you know so that's part of the hard work is finding that balance and planning ahead so that you can fit things in you know that's the thing about the beauty of being our age is we've paid for weddings and colleges and all that garbage you know travel soccer and it's not garbage but it's stuff that like takes up money in your budget and and we're past that you know now we've got medical bills and we have to pay people to do things that we can't do anymore but but that's okay like you know we're at the point now where it's easier for us yeah but i think you know maybe we should also talk about when we talk about hard work and i mentioned earlier about we're always learning yeah you know and so you know we have been struggling a little bit lately because of my health issue oh yeah speaking of medical bills and health yeah yeah and you know i mean the nuts and bolts of it are easy okay i did my follow-up i had my blood work i, I'm cancer-free, so that's good.

Other things we're still waiting on. Well, but I have full control over my bladder. That's a very good benefit. So for the first three months, that was an issue. That's cleared up. But I still haven't had an erection yet. when I went to talk to my doctor, he said, well, you know, for my patients, it's usually the six months or six to 12 months period and sometimes longer before that happens.

But he said, I have every reason to believe that's going to happen with you and I'm going to, you know, give you a prescription for Cialis and, you know, there's other things that we can do that I have a follow-up appointment to go back and look into and all of that is fine that's on the medical side but on the personal and relational side you and I have had to go through something that we've never been through before right and you're going through it and i'm going through it and we're going through it right so there's a whole lot of stuff that we don't have a manual right to guide us through well and then i mean think about it like think about our position right like we're in the lifestyle we shouldn't be qualified to do this podcast.

No, that's not funny and not true. But like, so we just went to Desire with eight other couples that were very, very sexy and fun and good friends.

And then there were other people at Desire because you and I went early and hung out with some friends that happened to be there before the the actual mansion takeover started so like we were around tons of people that we could have played with and we just you know i joke around and say we're passing our rain checks like you know skittles but well but but if we back up a minute though it's not like it's it's not like we couldn't play with people it's that you and i have been struggling to make that sexual connection so just like anything else that happens when we're not on the same page and we're not sexually you know um tied together or or on the same mindset in the same place we don't we have a hard time playing with other people well there's where eight years of experience comes into play right i think we know better yeah to know that's going to end up being a train wreck right or a potential train wreck right and not because i can't get an erection but because you and i aren't in a good place with our sexual relationship right that's the bottom line i mean it's caused by a medical condition but anything can cause it right if we're not on the same page sexually we don't play with other people i mean we might have fun with them but then we're we wake up the next morning and we're like well that was phony because you and i are struggling and we just went and had fun with other people and we're having you're having sex or I'm having sex with somebody else but we're not having fun with each other.

That kind of stuff doesn't work. Well, it's dangerous. You can't really do that too many times in a row before you're going to start getting cracks in your armor.

But in our situation now like it's just um i'm struggling this is a huge tangent am i going to get in trouble no it's a good therapy for you i'm struggling with if i play with another guy and i don't know and i know you're not going to feel this way but this is the way i feel and and i don't know why i feel this way i do but i do and and it just is i'm afraid if i play with another guy and i look over at you you might look like sad defeated defeated yes that's exactly the word i was looking for and um that scares me i don't want to do that to you and you say oh you know actually if you would play with somebody else it'll take the pressure off of me but i can't do that and so we were having you and i are trying and we've dabbled a little bit and actually it worked really well um we have one couple that we're really good friends with and and we have played with them and um and it's been really good because we just have really easy communication with them and I and I'm really good friends with the wife and and I was to tell her, this is where my head is and it's just not the greatest.

But, but I think they were like, plug can be pulled at any second. And, um, and then we didn't have to pull the plug. We actually had fun, you know, obviously it was soft swap. Um, and then, you know, when things got serious, they went back together and then you and i played together because you and i can we can have fun without you being erect yeah um so that's what we're doing now and and it's okay but i don't my head is not um ready to just do that more willy Yeah.

I think that was a good a good test yeah you know and we'll just kind of have to kind of take very very baby steps yeah so where my head is is that i think what i've learned i've learned a lot when you can't get an erection you learn a lot especially when you've never had this problem before and i know there are men out there and it doesn't necessarily have to be prostate surgery that are putting is putting you in this position but for me getting an erection is part of what arouses me and i and i know you ladies don't i remember a seinfeld where Elaine said, how do you guys walk around with those things?

Because they do have a life of their own. But when it goes from being soft to being hard, you feel that. And when you feel that, that got me in the mood. I mean, it... Oh, it totally makes sense. Yeah, I mean, it took some stimulation at first, but once it started to get hard, that the fact that it was getting hard, not only did it feel good, not only does it feel good, but it puts me in the mindset of I have confidence and I feel sexy as a guy and, you know, I feel good about myself. So when you take that away, it's almost like I have to try to jumpstart myself some other way. Right.

And externally, even when you touch me or somebody else touches me, it's not the same, because obviously it's smaller and it's softer, and so you don't know how to handle it right where before you're an expert when it's hard uh so you know for for me it's been well you know do we want to go through all of that that experimentation and trying to figure it out and isn't it sometimes it maybe it's just easier to wait till i get an erection again but you know having talked to the doctor and and having talked to some other people and know that there are options out there you know that's the road that's the pathway that we're going to go down right but in the meantime it's been a struggle for us to discover and maintain the sexual connection that we would normally have right I'll see you next time.

been a struggle for us to discover and maintain the sexual connection that we would normally have right so the hard work never stops right and i think what's frustrating about it is and this is i mean it's good and bad it's it's good that isn't permanent, but it's bad in that we don't have an end date. You know, like if I knew it was going to take six months, then you could mentally like prepare yourself for six months. But like you've said this, I don't know if you said it on the podcast last time, but you said you wake up every morning and you're like, is this Christmas morning?

Is this good? Is this going to be the day that my dick gets hard again? You know, and then it doesn't. And then it's just like, wah, wah, you know? Right.

So I think that that part of having no idea what the timeline is, is, I don't know, it's making it more difficult for me well it's open ended and and yes to finish the conversation i i have been using the pump and that does get me larger and longer but not necessarily hard enough to have penetrative sex right and then the trimix is something that we're talking to my doctor about on my follow-up next month so so you need to explain that because most people don't know what that is it's just an injection in the base of the penis to give you self-interaction and it works whether your nervous system is healed or not yes so it would work yeah but but i've got to go get a ultrasound and get the dosage down and learn how to do it and all that stuff because i don't want to mess around with the putting a inside of me unless I know exactly what I'm doing and a doctor has prescribed that.

Right, yeah, I think it's very accurate dosing and then you have to have an antidote available in case something goes wrong and there's kind of a lot to it. And then, again, for those of you that don't have any experience with this, you might be thinking, well, just take a Viagra. But Viagra doesn't work when your nervous system isn't functioning right. Correct. So that really isn't an option. Although he has you on a low-dose Cialis now, right? I guess he said once things start to reconnect, that will help move things along. Yes. Right.

So, yeah, that was quite the tangent that we just went off well but yeah it's part of the hard work you know it's it's part of it's definitely hard work like you say you know we're committed to each other still we're committed to you know getting through this and we're fairly young in the grand scheme of things and i i expect to be fully functional and cashing all the the rain checks that we've offered people i know but in the meantime it's really hard for me to like be in sexy mode like we're doing all this traveling coming up and everything and it's like okay here we go how are we going to make this work you know it's just it's so different right um i mean the bottom line is we get to see our friends and meet new people yes we just Thank you.

okay, here we go. How are we going to make this work? You know, it's just, it's so different. Right. I mean, the bottom line is we get to see our friends and meet new people. Yes. We just don't have to, or get to have all the fun yet. So that's the hard work we're dealing with right now. But so what is, what is hard work in the lifestyle? Well, finding your tribe, finding your tribe is hard work.

I think that's definitely the hardest the hardest work yeah and it's not something that happens overnight and it takes time but that's definitely hard work but the people that we know that are part of a tribe have put in the hard work yeah um being vulnerable is hard work and that's what it takes sometimes yeah to to grow putting yourself out there and what in all your glory with no clothes on or well that goes right in line with being vulnerable yeah i mean you're you're being emotionally vulnerable and physically vulnerable as well right developing self-confidence is hard work that's a never-ending task.

Yeah, that's right. And not only is it hard, but it doesn't go away. Right. I mean, as soon as you get your act together and you're like, okay, I got this, then you get older. And then you're like, wait a minute, I thought I had my act together. Or you get five pounds heavier or more. I mean, your body's always changing. And so it's a constant, not a battle, but it's hard work. Developing compersion.

Well, I don't, you know, some people, I don't know if they ever really feel compersion when they're playing with other people, you know, where they're really, truly appreciating the fact that their partner's receiving pleasure and that give in turn giving them pleasure because that's really what compersion is you know experiencing pleasure from watching your partner receive pleasure um but that's definitely something to strive for right and and to learn about and to try to understand and i think think the way you learn it is you talk to other people and then you just try to be objective.

Well, I think another way to put it, instead of finding conversion, it can be working your way through jealousy. Well, true. Yeah, so that's hard work. Using your words is hard work for some people. Yeah, that's still on my to-do list. Yes, that's a good way to put that, honey.

It's tell my to-do list yes that's a good way to put that honey it's on your to-do list using your words that would have been good to know how many times have i said that you know that would have been good to know earlier um being the center of attention you know what you talk a lot when there's a microphone in front of your face but sometimes you could use your fucking words a little bit better too okay well i didn't point it out you're the one that brought it up you said you you're the one that typed you said it's on my list oh i was agreeing with you okay i didn't say it you said it all right so you don't have to turn around on me and Tell me the same thing and get defensive.

Well, I think, you know, okay. So to speak to that, I think there's times when I could use my words better in the moment, but I think here's what it is. I'm just, I'm analyzing this right now. I'm not good in the moment. Like when, when we're experiencing a play session, um, sometimes I'm not, not sometimes, oftentimes I'm not good at using my words. You're a pretty good communicator in the moment. But then afterwards when it's debriefing time, I think I'm way better with my words than you are. Sometimes I have to coax things out of you.

See, and I, I i didn't say drag i said coax yeah right i mean do you agree with that yeah so i think we all have like different ways of struggling to communicate or different like times or settings where it's more difficult to communicate than others. Yeah, but an example of how you communicate, though, is lately you've been saying, I want to know what's going on in your head. Right. And I'm like, well, you'll have to tell me what the hell that means because, I don't know, there's blood through in my head. I've got a brain my head. Like, what do you mean? No, back to our tangent.

You've actually been pretty quiet lately about the whole thing.

I mean, now that we know that you're not sick anymore and we're just waiting for your body to heal, like we've gotten through the surgery and you're cancer-free and all of the important stuff is over so now and you were really good at communicating that and researching it and the whole bit but now this is the hard work the waiting is the hard work in the journey right now yeah that's not what i was saying what i was saying let me give you an example you could say i want to know what's going on in your head or you could say i want to know if you think about having sex that's a very direct question and then i know oh i can answer that but when you say i want to know what's going on in your head i'm like i don't know what you're fishing for well there's usually not a period at the end of this sentence there's usually a comment and then i say something else yeah anyway we're we're digressing into um our typical communication our inability to communicate uh it's hard work anyway i guess i guess to summarize it the lifestyle is hard work right and maybe we should say you know do as we say not as we do right i mean uh what do we call it it's just a series of afols another fucking opportunity to learn but it's an opportunity you know these are these are opportunities and i think that's what we've learned is that it's just another thing that we have to explore and we have to think about we have to talk about we have to get through well the bottom line is that if one or you one of you or both of you have experienced this fantasy of you know opening your relationship to other couples or other singles or just other people in general.

And, you know you really want to do this it's going to be hard work but if you don't bring it up and talk about it and use your words and have opportunities to learn whether they're you know smooth sailing or bumpy roads you know you're not you're not going to continue to grow and you don't have sex with you don't have to have sex with other people to grow but you you have to like just open up your mind to possibilities of of how you want to live your life yeah and i think after a hundred episodes if i could maybe sum it up this way you all somebody could listen to this episode right now or they could listen to all 100 episodes in a very short period of time but this is eight years that we have spanned we have been growing for eight years and so there could be a perception that oh the joneses have lots of friends well the joneses they found their tribe or the joneses don't make these mistakes or the joneses i'm like yeah but we did and it took us a long time you know you're looking through your time traveling with us but but in real life it's taken us eight years to get this far right so a lot of the things that we talk about are a result of time and experience and these lessons learned and it's not easy however the reward is worth the wait the hard work you put in the hard work and you're gonna just like anything else to circle back to how we started yeah whether it's your career your marriage a sporting event what you put the hard work in it's gonna pay off for you yeah and then you you end up sitting at a dinner table with you know a table full of 18 people that every one of those 18 people i just you know think they're amazing interesting sexy yeah humans yes and it's just a privilege to know every single one of them yep and there's plenty more out there oh i know so we haven't hogged them all up no we would like to hey we'd like to share well i mean that's what that's why our community is starting to do you know events regional events without us they don't need us to find their tribe we do have some snapshots believe it or not we do have our own snapshots this time so when we come back we're back in the game baby that's right welcome back to snapshots yay snapshots are always easy when you come back from mexico true usually we have a hard time just selecting one.

I know. I have multiple multiples. Yeah. So one of my snapshots, and I think this is the funniest one, is this is the second year, well, of course, second annual, and I've done it both years for the mansion trip, is I've challenged everybody to have an extreme bikini day.

And if you don't know what an extreme bikini is, you just to like google extreme bikini right they're extreme they're extremely small yeah extremely small and it's just more strings than fabric can we talk about the one that our male friend bought that had an extra hole in it he didn't know what it was for his wife bought it his wife bought it and he figured out the front but the back a lot the right in the middle of his um lower back there was string that hang that hung down with a loop at the bottom of it right so like so it was like there was a string around the waist and then there was like the triangle piece that covered his privates.

Right. But then that triangle piece didn't have a string to connect up to the string that goes around the waist like a normal swimsuit would. Right. It just had a loop at the end of the triangle. Right. And he couldn't figure out what that was for.

And they were just trying to figure out, you know, it came in the mail and they were trying to figure out how to put it on and finally i don't know if she like looked looked back at what she ordered and the loop was for a butt plug yeah needless to say he didn't wear that one oh it it came though he brought it to show everybody yeah but he didn't wear it. Yeah. I tried to hook the loop part on my nipple and get it to hang on my nipple, but my nipples aren't impressive enough to do that. He almost canceled their trip. If this is what they're going to expect from me, I am not going.

But go ahead. I interrupted your story.

No, but his wife purchased purchased something a little less risky but i think it probably came with less fabric too yeah yeah so everybody was really hot so one lady brought an extra swimsuit and um she had that like in her bag i don't know if she was going to change or whatever but she had this extra swimsuit and one of the guys is like well where is it so she she brought it out and it was the kind of top where it's just kind of like two ovals that go sideways like across just like basically across your nipples they don't it doesn't really like fit under your under boob or anything that it just kind of went across and then of course the um the g-string part again very little fabric and we ended up putting this this bikini top on one of the husbands and he he's very fit to put it mildly so it was like it was yeah it was just like playing with a a human sexy ken doll that actually had all of his parts so anyway we ended up dressing him up in this female extreme bikini and somehow we i don't think he was brave enough to try to put that little string thing like around his.

So we ended up putting the thing on his head. And then he just wore it for the rest of the day. He had the top on. He had the top on. But her bottoms, he put around the top of his head. Yeah. It was hilarious. Like a cap. Yeah. Yeah. And then he had his thong on. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Was that? No, that was the thong before the orange mesh thong. Oh, right, right. The orange mesh thong was very memorable. Well, I'm glad that I couldn't remember what he had on because I wouldn't want to. Although I do remember the candy bar bathing suits that you all bought us, too. Oh, right.

So all the ladies got together.

We formed our own little chat off the side um from the the mansion chat that we had and we all ordered you um and they weren't even thongs so they didn't even go up your butt crack so you should have liked coverage so they were but they were bikinis and they had these funny little sayings on them like what's one of them was juicy one of them was delicious and one of them was hungry and like and then they had funny sayings on the back like you were wild and irresistible and they were all pretty funny and you didn't know like all the guys didn't know so we just kind of handed them to you at the last minute when we all got to the pool and you had to put them on and then we have pictures yes we do that no one will ever see we all have i think we have pictures with the guys all wearing wigs too yes we do somehow that ended up like being the neon night theme was all the guys i think one of the ladies she did she bought like you know how it is on amazon eight different nine different colors for 19.99 or i'm sure she paid more than that but probably you know that amazon stuff is crazy and she bought them for all the ladies and then like we had a like a little ladies mimosa thing one morning somebody said oh i think the guys should wear these and then that's just what, and we did.

Y'all didn't really have a choice. Well, at least when we were at the mansion, we're hidden from the rest of the resort. Yeah, that's true. So we didn't have to be too humiliated. Publicly humiliated. Yeah, right. But you all wore your wigs to the disco that night, though. Yeah, well, we all did.

But we had clothes on on and we just wore our wigs well some of you i had sort of had clothes i had my night my glow stuff on yeah yeah y'all look good all right well my snapshot actually has to do with sex oh and ironically imagine that earlier in this podcast you said that you were worried about being with another man that it was going to make me feel defeated. Right. So we were recently with another couple who are good friends and who we played with a few times when I was functional. Right. So we had established a previous baseline. Right. A performance baseline.

And they know everything that's going on with me and with us. And so, you know, we told them, hey, this is what we can do and this is what we can't do. And anyway, when we were, we weren't sure that we were going to play the night that I'm thinking of. Right. And they got up, started getting their stuff together as if they were going to leave. Yeah. I mean, it was 1.30 in the morning. Yeah. And so she and I were kissing goodnight.

I kissed goodnight too too she and i were you were closer to the door you and he were closer to the door she and i were standing a few feet away and i was kissing her good night and as as and this does happen occasionally when you say goodbye to your swinger friends like one person will be kissing for like 10 seconds and then stop and turn around and the other couple still kissing so they so then we go back to kissing longer and then the other couple you all look over at us and there's this back and forth so i she and i were kissing for i don't know it was a while, 15, 20, 25 seconds.

It wasn't short because we know them. And then I turn around to see if you were still kissing him and you were giving him a blowjob. Yeah. And the thing about it is that's the kind of thing that turns me on. That's what I fantasize about.

I don't necessarily want you to be with a single guy but when i turned around and saw you had his hard dick in your mouth it was a turn on yeah so then i said to finish the story i said well we should be back in the bedroom we shouldn't be you're not a young spring chicken you shouldn't be on your knees on the ceramic top floor yeah so that's what we did they didn't leave right away no they didn't leave right away no we had a good time yep it was really fun yeah it was nice to just it i mean, that's the thing about finding your tribe and finding good friends where, you know, you can just, I don't know, let your hair down and know that you're accepted.

Right. Yeah. It's good. Definitely. Well, congratulations, honey. 100 episodes. I know. We made it. Like eight years. No. Yeah. It was exactly eight years ago because we were at Desire in August. And because it was right before I went back to school. Right.

And that was when we came up with the name of our podcast and we came up with our theme song that we're not allowed to play and our names like the whole thing kind of came together that week hey just our trip just think about how old we'll be when we get hit episode 200 at this pace yeah you don't want to think about that no no you're ridiculous of course I thought you were ridiculous 8 years ago, yeah right, we're not going to do a podcast well thank you all for listening for 100 episodes that's right we wouldn't be doing this if nobody out there was finding value in what we do and and we appreciate your contribution by listening.

Yep. And we appreciate everyone who's joined our community that continues to grow. Yep. Our community, I think, is really what's keeping you and I going right now. It is. We do spend a lot of our time there. Yes. So one more time before we go, don't forget, book your desire trip. If you want to go with us to Temptation Grand Meechee's Dominican Republic, June 17th and 24th, go to our website, book through our website, and don't forget to use G-R-A-N-D 22. Yep, that's for sure. That's the promo code. Yep.

And if you're going on our Novembermber trip and then you have the unfortunate need to cancel and we know that happens and it's sold out yeah sold out november real life gets in the way um let us know because we're we're finding it's easier to get people on our wait list actually booked if we know that you're canceling and we can kind of like work the timing out. That just recently happened for our sexy South American friends that we finally met in person at Desire last month. Yes.

They were able, somebody canceled and they let you know and then you let them know and sure enough, they called and was available and they grabbed it up yes yeah of course she highly incentivized me to get her a reservation to desire pearl so for the rest of you who are on the waiting list by the way we have no control over the desire waiting no we don't so the best thing to do is to send me a message and and especially if you're in the community and say hey we're looking for a room in november we're on the waiting list yeah we don't know how many people are on it we don't get to see the waiting list yeah it's it's very disjointed but we are finding ways to to work around it and we don't want anybody to cancel.

But if you have to cancel. Yeah. Let us know. Please let us know. Before you do. Okay. Well, our website, speaking of, is wegotathing.com. You can email me at mrjones at wegotathing.com. Or me at mrsjones at wegotathing.com. You can follow us on Twitter at wegotathing. And we have a presence on Pinterest. And you can also get connected to Double Date Nation, SDC, and Cassidy through our website. We'll be right back.

us on twitter at we got a thing and we have a presence on pinterest and you can also get connected to double date nation sdc and cassidy through our website and get free trials thanks for listening all 100 episodes that's right we are mr and mrs jones and we got a thing what's your Thank you. We'll see you next time.