Are you a single male interested in the swinging lifestyle and want our top tips from over 5 years of hotwifing experience?
In this episode we run through our Top 10 tips for Single Men entering the Swinging Lifestyle, as a follow up to our 2017 episode How to Get Into C's Pants (go give it a listen) we share what we believe are the top tips October 2020 in Miami
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Love, Peace and Respect.
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C&D
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Transcript
You're listening to Swinging Down Under, a podcast about the swinging, non-monogamous lifestyle from two crazy Australians with over four years of lifestyle antics to keep you entertained, informed, angry, happy and horny. Join our international swinging adventures. G'day guys and welcome back to Swinging Down Under. This is episode 107, the top 10 tips for the swinging lifestyle single. Man, Daryl, how are you doing? Wow, I mean, I'm alright, except that was like a verbal explosion. Yeah, I know. I just wanted to get it in there before you spoke. Man, that just happened. It did. It did.
I enjoyed it. You didn't say what episode we were up to though. I did. I said it was episode 107. Oh, really? Yeah, I wanted to get it in so quickly because I knew that you were going to say what Stardate was, and I just wanted to make sure the title was out there. 53. 53. Nice. The Stardate doesn't need to make sense, is what I've decided. It doesn't make sense. Good. It doesn't at all. Then exactly what I wanted to achieve, I have managed to achieve. Well, I'm glad you're having a great day, Daryl. So thanks for turning up yet again. Every day when you're around you is a great day, babe.
Thank you. No problem. Okay, guys, why are we doing this? We're trying to, I guess, help some of the single men out there really understand the interactions of the hot wife and couple. Now we actually did, or Daryl put together a podcast, and this is an oldie, on the 6th of January 2017, we did episode number 43, which was the 12 ways to get into C's pants. I'd say an oldie but a goodie, but it was actually all my doing, so I don't know that the goodie was part of it. It was good. I listened to a little bit of it this morning, and it was quite good.
So we haven't done kind of like a tips episode for a number of years. And that episode that we just referenced there came from a really good experience that we had in Philippines. Actually, it was in the Philippines, yep, with a single guy. And we shared some of the ways to get into C-SPANTS. This episode is really all about our interactions and what we believe, I guess, or I believe, are the top 10 tips for single guys. So, we're going to take you on that journey today.
Unfortunately, we've kind of lost track of the man that was involved in this, which is a real shame because he was a nice guy. I mean, you had dinner with him as well. Yeah, I did. I actually had a follow-up dinner date with him, absolutely. So, this is based on, I guess, five years of our experience hot-wifing, which did you know that it's almost to the day that we had our first hot-wifing experience about five years ago? No. There you go. Why would I – I mean, how do you know that? I looked it up on the podcast history. That's why this is so good.
It's like a journal, so at least we've got that right. It's like a filthy, filthy journal. It is a filthy journal. Hey, and if you join our newsletter, I am actually going to do an accompanying blog to this podcast, so this will list them out so you don't need your pen and paper out.
Not that you probably would anyway, but anyway, if you want to go and check out that – Who has pen and paper out listening to this podcast so this will list them out so you don't need your pen and paper out not that you probably would anyway but anyway if you want to go and check out that podcast i mean seriously if you're out there and you use a pen and paper to take notes on podcast i want to know who you are so please reach out i like it that kind of gets me off a little bit yeah that's the attention to detail of kate coming out there that is so true yeah oh that's that's amazing that you're taking notes on what i'm saying so check out that website and i will post the blog there if you actually subscribe to the newsletter you'll get a notice when it comes out so head off and do that before we get started only if you want to yeah don't do it if you don't want to because then you'll get spam and you'll be like fuck i've got more spam in my inbox than i had before i don't understand why if you don't don't understand why, then you probably should stop listening to our podcast.
Excuse me. What? Did you just fucking call my newsletter spam, dude? No. If they've applied for it to be sent to them but didn't actually want it sent for them, then it is spam by definition. I don't send spam. No, sorry, not spam. I'd call it chaff then. Let's call it chaff. Okay, I'll accept that. Chaff's okay? Yeah, I'll accept it. In episode 43, when we did the 12 ways to get into C's pants, that was all led by Daryl. So we're going to flip it on its head and I'm going to lead today's episode.
Just on things that really annoy Kate, if you send an emoji as a response, the only response to an answer or a question that she might ask of you in text, it really gets a goat, doesn't it? Yeah. Cool. It gets my goat so many times that I used to have a paddock of goats and now I don't have any goats because it gets my goat. It's because we ate them. We made goat curry. It was fantastic. Updates from us. Our YouTube channel is currently live, guys. The link's on the website. We won the battle, kind of. We're waiting. We're trying to win the battle.
We're still waiting on censorship there, so that was all right. And new blog, Sex Toy Reviews the website as well i've been reviewing the lovance interactive toys it's quite good yeah they were expensive yeah well actually you know what no they're not actually what they were when we bought them so they're not anymore they're not anymore man that's what you get for having a husband that's on the cutting edge of vibratory toys so when you when we went and spent I think we spent about $500, if I'm not wrong, on those toys. On all of them. Now the little one is like $49. Goddamn. Yeah, I know.
I think we paid about $100 for it. So yeah, they're definitely cheaper now than they were. You're not just doing the US to Singapore dollar comparison there, are you? No, I'm not.
I'm not actually because in my blog I list the prices and every time I've done done it it's at least half of what we've spent god damn it buying the toy in order to review it so there's what it is yeah it is what it is exactly correct yeah hey you can't talk about sunk costs sunk costs already gone they're gone they're done with they're done all right so let's get into the episode now the titles of these a little bit wishy-washy but uh roll with me we'll see if we can make sense of this and we'll see if we can get daryl's input so my first thing about my top top 10 tips for single guys in a swinging lifestyle is my first one is understand what you want right and the reason behind this is because a lot of times we sex well hey maybe it is maybe it isn't do you want one night stands what boundaries?
You know, I think that's important for them to actually think about as well, rather than just making an assumption that they're there just for whatever other people are up for. Okay. So if your aim is to meet a couple and you then limit your chance of meeting a couple by putting all of these things into your, say, into your profile, you're going to not then meet a couple. So if your aim is to meet a couple and then discuss it, then you wouldn't put limiting factors into your profile unless it's something that you're really starkly against. My point is understanding what you want.
So are you seeking to be a sociosexual person? Do you want one night stands or as a single guy, are you hoping to actually create a relationship or semi-relationship with people? You disagree? You still think that it's too limiting because? I think personally, you know, having been a single guy and also as a lead up to this, I did some reading on single guys that are both in open relationships.
So single is not the right term, but if they're in an open relationship, they they date as singles separately the the biggest outcome of this is how much more i'm going to use the term action and i don't mean sex but just like dating and things like that that the ladies get over the single man or the perceived single man in a non-monogamous relationship so with that in mind you're immediately limiting the conversations you might have with somebody just by by that.
And if that's what you want to do and you want to not like date, go out, meet people, have interesting conversations or uninteresting conversations, but just get out of the house, then it's going to limit that. So I don't necessarily agree with your take.
No, because I think men don't get treated in the same way as what women do when it comes to being single or in a sing in a non-monogamous solo play or single dating scenario let's just say when we talk about single men we're referring to a singular man who is in the lifestyle yes are we good yeah okay uh okay so you're saying it limits you too much and you're not going to get any action activity interaction so just open it and go with whatever the flow is of the other people i think unfortunately as a single man you've got to have a bit more of a shotgun shotgun scenario because you if you limit yourself immediately then you're going to see less interactions to the point of possibly zero okay that's a fair point certainly i'd love to test that as a single man on like let's do uh well actually no i have tested it i've already tested it on twitter oh sorry not on twitter on um tinder the other t so we tested that when we first came here yeah but again i think there is a there is a difference between your profile and like i don't think your profile that you put out there is probably a very strong profile i mean if we were a couple looking at your no hey i'm gonna say if we were a couple looking at your profile would we have dated you maybe not Maybe not.
No, because I'm a bald old fat dude. I'm just throwing it out there. Like, I think that – Did you just agree by non – oh, wow. I'm just saying. Fucking hell. It's just – it's one of those things, right? You've got to lead with your best foot forward, and I just don't think you did that on Twitter. So what's the best foot that I could put forward, given I'm a bald old fat dude? Oh. Did anybody else notice a short pause in the conversation there? All right, let's move on. And a swift yet poor change of direction. So I think number one is what do you want.
Daryl disagrees, so that's perfectly fine. Let's talk about expectations and keeping them in check. I did a quick search this morning. There are over 3,000, I actually stopped counting, 3,000 single male profiles in Perth city alone. Perth is in Western Australia, in Australia. Why would you go with Perth? It's like one of the most sort of out of the way places in the world. I just picked a location. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I didn't want to pick Singapore because it's too small.
I just, and I didn't want to pick someone with a huge population because obviously that's going to skew the numbers as well. I thought Perth was a nice one. 3,000 single men. What's the population of Perth? Fucked if I know, dude. I just went with ruffies. Nice reference there. Four million? Yeah, so this random – no, not even close. Three million. Nope, go smaller. Two million. You're not there yet. I got one and a half million. It's about a million. Really? Yeah. So it's not really a solid reference, but I suppose- Perth population right now is 2 million and 41,000. Holy shit.
Stick that up your butthole, D. Wow. I actually thought Perth was- It must have grown quite a bit because it used to be a lot smaller. It used to be smaller than Brisbane and Gold Coast combined, which was 2 million so there you go it's gotten bigger so expectations keep them in check you're not gonna as d just you know pointed out during us our topic of number one which is that there are so many people out there you know check your expectations because are you going to get on a site like d and set up a tinder profile and get some good responses and appalling and Pauling Worded, Bad Photos.
Pauling Worded? What the fuck? Profile on Tinder. That's it. No, no, that's it. There's a challenge in there right now. I am going to... Babe, just put money up on an expensive watch and see the interest roll in. I'm going to ask Kate now to set up a profile for me on Tinder from a female's perspective for here. Like I said, I'll just put up an expensive watch and some money and a Lambo and you'll be rolling in it, babe. Yeah, except right up until I turn up without the expensive watch, the Lambo or the thick wallet. Anyway, keep your expectations in check.
You are going up against a lot of people and are you going to jump on a swinging dating site and have the interest rolling within 24 hours?
Like it's going to take some effort it's going to take some time given kate can't answer the question out there i'm really interested in ladies take as to what a fat old bald dude like myself might throw up on a on a um on a site and yes i'm being mildly self-deprecating there i'm not quite fat not quite old but i'm definitely pulled an average middle-aged bald dude fucking hell i mean jesus hey the dad bod's back apparently oh not i can't even i'm just gonna go on the fucking field now and have a hunt around to see if i can find something that actually makes me feel better about myself thank you for that all right number dating profiles.
What's your thoughts generally around dating profiles? Because we're talking about them anyway, but that's number three, dating profiles. Dating profiles, I think it's tough.
I don't think it's an easy thing, but yes, getting a dating profile right, which apparently I don't have, even though I've been in this lifestyle and have given out advice to other males over the last five years, I'm still shit at it, what's your take on a male dating profile okay um my first thing is always can you put down the hand cream please no i'm a masturbator over here um no you're not no i'm not with hand cream that would be a surefire way to get upset down there now well also that hand cream's got little lumpy things in it doesn't it for scrubbing handsating profiles, my first thing is always have a great paid account.
You know, out of those 3,000 profiles I just mentioned in Perth, less than half are paid. And what does that mean? It means that I don't think you, and we've said this before a million times, I don't think you've got skin in the game. So if you don't have a paid account, I'm not going to take you seriously. Well, half the time they can't message you anyway if they don't have a paid account. They can't, not half the time. Just about every site in the world doesn't allow you to send something without having a paid account.
What we tend to get is we get a lot of, on SDC, for example, if you've got a free account, you can still instant message people as opposed to sending them an actual direct message. Now, if you're instant messaging me, generally it means you don't have, and 99% of the time you don't have a paid account. So I'm unlikely to respond to those instant messages. Well, the instant messages we don't respond to because we never read them. Plus also they just send at odd times of the day as well. And you don't get a notification, I don't think anyway. Yes, you do. Okay.
Well, I ignore, I flat out ignore them. No, you don't get them because they come to my phone. Okay. So you don't flat out ignore them. You just don't know about them. Paid account, I think that's the first thing. The second thing is obviously... I would actually agree with that one, the paid account. You do agree. Yeah, it does afford you some extra from my side. It doesn't actually... I mean, it won't stop.
If it's not a paid account and you actually fit the profile we're looking for quite nicely, that won't stop me, but it certainly lowers the chances of you being front of mind when i do a search for single men anytime i do a search for single men i do it on paid accounts with photos okay so if you don't have those two things you're not going to come up in your search you're not going to come up in my search and i would expect that a lot of people have and certainly in the conversations i've had with people that's they have the similar's paid account, photos, and then the next thing is having a decent profile.
Yeah. I think one of the things about that too is that with a paid account or an unpaid account, you're limited in what you can actually do on your profile. So for example, it's not just about messaging, but some sites, if you don't have a paid account, you can't put a photo album up or a private photo album up or these sorts of things.
So you're less likely to be selected on the basis of those so you lose so much functionality that your profile it's almost impossible to have a good profile unless you pay for it another one that prop pushes you up the the ladder for me is a face shot a face shot in your profile the reason i say that is unless you're a man who is potentially cheating for example and i and I use the word cheating because that's what I mean, not in a non-monogamous relationship, ethically non-monogamous relationship. If you're cheating, you may not have a photo up.
That's one of the things for me that can be a bit of a warning sign. And if that combines with some of the conversations we have after the fact that give me that pointer, again, not judging you, we're just not interested in the drama that's potentially associated with that. What you're trying to say is that for a single guy... Why the fuck would you not have a photo of yourself? Right, because you're on a dating site and that's how people meet each other. Like, where is the stigma in that, right?
Being a single guy on a sex site, there is just about no stigma associated with that at all, which is actually a real contradiction when it comes to ladies on the same site because if there was a lady on the site, a single lady, who was found in their workplace, then potentially that would be a major hubbub around that in the workplace, which is just horse shit and it shouldn't be like that. Kefuffle. Okay, it's a kefuffle. Kefuffle. But that's a real bullshit scenario, but it is a live scenario. Okay, I mean, obviously, have a good profile, have good pictures. We've mentioned all of that.
Those are pretty standard things, guys. It's nothing new there. My thing, though, is don't waste your time by spamming profiles. Sorry, not just good pictures. Sorry, a face picture. Face picture.
Not good pictures define good pictures then come on i mean good picture okay okay one that's not taken in the bathroom with the toilet the toilet in the background one that's not taken in the bathroom no no define a good picture not define what a bad picture is okay a good picture is um something where you can see a decent amount of what you look like you're well dressed you're well presented or you're out doing an activity so something that you love you could be out doing a sporting activity or something like that you could be playing an instrument whatever it is something that defines your characteristics because somebody in the middle of a sidestep of a football game for example no see that's that is that right there gentlemen is a no um it's so high quality pictures pictures without other people in the profiles as well if you're hugging your mates or other people or you're out drinking at a bar and it's a bit hazy and everything else those are not good pictures good pictures are quality photos that you can easily see they're high res and they give something they give something to me that makes me want to click on your profile because that's what people see they see your your age, location, and your first photo.
If your first photo's not any good, they're not even going to get to your bio. So if it's fuzzy, if it's whatever, like it's not. Whereas if it's something interesting. Okay, so as a single guy. So recently I clicked on a profile where there was a guy on the beach, standing on a beach, beautiful background, and he was standing there.
It was him, his whole body, and his face and everything was in it, and I think he had,'t know something that he just bought from that day and he was like you know holiday and i clicked on his profile because i'm like cool he likes to travel obviously so as a single guy and i've had this predicament pre kate as a single guy putting up a profile photo it's very difficult to get a profile photo that isn't a selfie okay you got your phone and You've a timer yes yeah okay it's still a selfie but it's not an um one or whatever like yeah i get what you're saying okay so you're you're suggesting that i should get down to the beach set up my phone um set the timer walk down to the beach with a thing in my hand that i just bought previously that day and do a jump in the air i'm gonna say a jump in the air and time that perfectly to the – Can you oil up your abs and stuff at the same time?
I don't have abs, which you've just pointed out earlier. Yeah, so, I mean, it's not easy to do. I know it's not easy. Should it be? It's certainly – I think it's easier for other people to organize that than a single man. Okay. Because, okay. So let me ask you a very, uh, maybe considered inappropriate question by a lot of, a lot of people out there. As a lady. Did you know that we were on the Swinging Down Under podcast? As a, yeah, good point.
As a lady on, on, with a, around a group of friends saying, Hey, take, can you get a photo of me here, do you think that a group of ladies would be more inclined to say yes than a group of men? I would have agreed with you 10, 20 years ago, but now, no. I think it's quite appropriate for people to be like, hey, here, get a selfie, do it for the gram, everyone, do it for the gram. Now versus, you know, 10, 20 years ago, I think it's completely different.
Do you know the stats on the number of photos loaded by self-identifying females on Instagram versus the number of photos loaded by self-identifying males on Instagram? No, I don't know. It's nearly 300%. Okay. Recently, though, I was actually looking back on TikTok and I was interested by the number of guys on TikTok just taking selfies and dancing in front of the camera and, like, doing their hair and oiling themselves up and looking basically like a boy then. It was a lot. It was a lot. I was really like, whoa. But it is in the minority by comparison, the vast minority. Okay, fair enough.
We're getting off topic. But my next thing for dating profiles is don't waste your time spamming profiles that specifically say they're not interested in single men. It's just a waste of your time and it's a waste of their time. It's just you're just wasting everybody's time. Don't do that. Interestingly enough. Yes. Yep. Recently I asked this question on Instagram actually the day, and I was talking about single men that actively use lifestyle dating sites to date. And I was asking a few questions about how they go about dating, templates, et cetera.
Now, most of the men- So you mean they're looking for single ladies as well? No, no. They're using a swingers dating site, so they're looking for couples. Okay, so, so sorry just to kind of be specific here because there are guys out there who are just looking for somebody to have a long-term relationship with as a non-monogamous partner specifically a single man in the swinging lifestyle looking for couples and 80 of them said that they always use a template templated email and that sometimes they change the name or.
So say, for example, if it was, you know, some details about them and stuff, they would say, hey, Kate and Darrell, I asked. I asked over 40 single guys that responded to our Instagram. You know what's amazing is that you'll ask that, but you very rarely actually ask them to come and hang out and have a meal with us or something. That's because they don't live in Singapore. None of them, not a single one of them live in Singapore. Well, fucking get on a flight, you lazy bastards. Anyway, 80% of them, they change the name, they might change the complement.
So they'll actively go and look at a photo and then say, hey, I saw that photo of you down by the beach jumping in the air with your oiled abs. Pretty great. There's a problem with that, though. What's that?
Well, a lot of the sites now identify copy and pasted uh text there you go so you can't you can't you've seen that yeah there's more there's more than one site there's more than one site that identifies copy and pasted text it actually says doesn't it yes it says this has been pasted this has been copied and that's right i remember i saw that it was at about 12 years 12 months ago and was the first time I remember seeing that, and I actually thought to myself, you lazy bastard. Exactly. See that? You see exactly what you... Because the site alerted me.
Otherwise, I mean, you can generally tell. You can tell it's a templated email, but this site actually called them out. Not if it's a good template, you can't. You reckon? I reckon you can. No, I don't agree with that. Yeah, the site actually called them out. Especially if you personalise it some. Yeah. Okay, the next... But yes, the sites now actually call you out, guys, so be aware of that. If you have a template... Some do, yeah....some sites will actually actively say that you are copying and pasting, which immediately your reaction was one more time. You lazy bastard. Exactly.
But I don't think it is lazy, I think... It's not lazy. And we actually debated this on episode 43.
We spoke about template 261 we spoke about this back then as well so go and check that out we actually debated that exact thing you and I going backwards and forwards each each of the men some were less obviously some were more but on average they messaged approximately 30 couples a month and that is why daryl you're saying sometimes a template of response is required because 30 messages each month looking at those profiles sending a customized message it takes some time this is basically sales 101 cold calling it is the reason that i am as adamant as i am about the the fact that you need a shotgun approach here is because the majority of people will not even open your email and this is so the stats on on if i Thank you.
the fact that you need a shotgun approach here is because the majority of people will not even open your email. And this is – so the stats on – if I use sales stats in terms of how many emails you send or how many phone calls you make versus how many – what return on investment you get there. Are we talking about a funnel? Is that what we're doing right now? Yes, we are because you're talking less than 5% response and as a sales percentage of that, which you can term, if you like, as a catch up or a conversation perhaps to find out more about you.
If you use the standard methodology, you're looking at less than 0.5% of a percent.
So you have to, as a single male, I think use a shotgun approach, which makes it now more difficult to dodge the people who say i'm not interested in single mails which is why we all get the messages so third and third and final thing was those that use personalized messages actually said they had more success so of all of the guys who said they sent out roughly 30 a month and i asked the question my follow-up question was what's your success rate yeah and the people that said they use customized messages had a higher success rate than the people that use templated emails yeah still in a sales pipeline or sales funnel it's um it's exactly the same as you'd expect right humans like to be uh like to be singled out we like to understand that somebody's taking the time to actually understand a little bit about us okay and that is the same whether it be i think on one of these sites or believe me guys when I say Kate is rolling her eyes so hard at me right now around this but it's true it's a very similar methodology no I understand what you're saying but but shut up no that giggle was yes okay so here we go so number one I think know what you want number two expectations three dating profiles let's roll on number four i've got research okay find out what clubs and events are occurring in an insert you know mile or kilometer radius to your location here find out if they allow single guys find out if there's a vetting process start connecting now like get yourself on those lists get the details get yourself vetted by the club or vetted by the local event host and check out things like cost, etiquette, all of those sorts of things for singles.
Reset your local area because once you're able to get into some of those places, then that's going to put you in a much better opportunity, we're talking about sales funnel, to possibly get a better return on investment. Ha. Yeah, okay. Thoughts, Daryl? I agree. The only issue is the majority of locations when it comes to clubs don't allow single men unless you've been referenced and to get referenced you have to... Depends on the city and the country. It does, it does. I'm not saying that this is an absolute, I said the majority of. Yeah, so some clubs, actually most clubs I would say.
The majority? The majority of clubs in the United States of America have single man nights, right? But again, if you've got 3,000. What about the rest of the world? Okay. So in Sydney, Australia, very specifically, OSS have opened their second location. They now allow single men. Yes.
And they also have a single male specific evening as well that you can go to as a single guy I might just run off off the desire and meet a whole lot of couples in one hit because it's a good way to increase that you know the top of the sales fund oh wait a second I can't do that you can go to Jamaica you can go hedonism resort as a single man yeah so the thing there though is again you've got 3,000 people who might admit single males who might be trying to go to that club and get vetted and get on the list.
So again, if you're contacting the host, it's unlikely that they're going to, even though it's a single male night, they've probably got restrictions and ratio issues. And so you need to get on that list. You need to make yourself known to the club owner and find out how to really get yourself. And then the number one thing is don't make yourself that seedy dude stand in the corner, backhand, slow stroking it. Yeah, don't be Daryl. I actually was going to say J. Yeah, I was going to say don't be J. J 2.0. J 2.0. Yeah. So that's research. That's number four. Number five is preparation.
Ask me what I mean by this, Daryl. Kate, what do you mean by preparation? Okay. Can you say it in a more sultry? Kate. Yes, Daryl. What do you mean by preparation? Oh, okay. What do I mean by that is have some. If only you could get my voice on the profile. Oh, that's a good thing to add to profiles. Why is it that we don't have that capability on profiles? That is a good point. Guys. Doing like a video or an audio introduction of yourself. Yeah, websites, get on it. I mean, everything else, you can add a video or audio intro. That's crazy. I just, that's, yeah. Okay.
I'll just text Dave, Dave and Andy now and let them know. DDN, guys, sort this shit out. Stat, I mean, you know. We just referenced Double Date Nation, by the way, if you want to know who they are. So preparation, have some things to talk about when you meet people. And the reason I say this, it will allow you to be present as confident and assertive even if you're feeling nervous. So once you're in that group situation or on that day, it doesn't matter, it can be in a club, it can be whatever. But if you've got some things, some kind of things in your back pocket. Have some palm cards.
Yeah, have some palm cards. Dear Murphy, you are an elf uncontrollably, I think. Ni hao no ho ni reggity joe. Yes. The frightening thing is that you remember that from The Simpsons like 15 years ago. Oh, it's probably a little bit wrong. But no, you don't – okay, hold on a second. Let's take it back to your sales stuff that you were just talking about a moment ago. You're now at the meeting. Are you not prepared? I agree. I agree. But I think the biggest mistake that people make in most of these meetings and get-togethers is actually not asking.
Talking too much about themselves and not asking questions. So I don't think having questions, having real questions, like honest questions that you want to ask of somebody is the most important thing. To actually sit down with a couple and say, so tell me about your home life. Tell me about what you guys do for fun. Tell me about what you enjoy doing together and apart.
You know, like, tell me about your home life tell me about what you guys do for fun tell me about what you enjoy doing together and apart you know like tell me about the things that make you a couple and then from that drawing on that and either aligning it to something that you're interested in or realizing that they're not for you you know you do have to walk away as well from from couples as a single guy but that's why i do say have the preparation though i know it sounds a little bit silly but if you're struggling you're a bit nervous it just depends on whether you're i mean if you've got the capability and confidence to walk in and ask questions and have a conversation that's fine yeah but there certainly are people out there that should be walking in with near palm cards yes yeah but i think that having having them in your in your back pocket allows you to be present because you know it's a fallback even if so if you're out there you know you want it to flow naturally you're asking these questions to the couple but if it's if the if the room is going dead or whatever at least you've got something that you know when that nerve when those nerves hit you've got something in your ammunition to come out and and then continue keep things just be aware that silence is allowed in a conversation as well.
This is, again, something that makes conversation very awkward is when people start trying to fill silence holes. Silence is natural in a conversation, just like that piece of silence. Oh, babe, I truncate the silence on our podcast, so it's probably not going to work. So that's important. The other thing, you're saying be present. That is an absolute, and that should be in all conversations we have with friends. Absolute interaction means doing something crazy, like being able to put your phone on silent and face down on the table.
I mean, don't get me wrong, there will be times during the conversation that the whole group, it is called the Apple effect or the mobile, whatever it is, one person picks up their phone and everyone at the table will pick up their phone. That's how it works.
So you can do that, but I would say don't be the person who instigates that in the first time around yeah okay so that that's preparation so i think i think it's worthwhile and look you know daryl said have some questions in your arsenal look everybody tends to ask you know how did you get into this lifestyle or who got into the lifestyle that That is such a common question.
And what I want to say to you out there listening, single man, is if you have another question for me, you are going to stand out in my mind because I've probably already been asked that question five times that night or, you know, even if we go to like a large resort or a large event, we got asked that question 30 times in one event and we were like, I'm so sick of telling my origin story now, it's killing me. So if you come to me and you've got something a little bit different, then you are going to stand out from the crowd and I'm going to remember who you are, for sure.
And that question can't be, can you show me your tits? No. Well, it could be. It could be, but it probably won't work out well. I mentioned before about clubs. Now, number six I've got here is connect with local event hosts and groups as well.
the reason that i've actually done this a little bit different about you know research and finding out where clubs are number six connect with local hosts and groups is and you mean like constantly interact with them like regularly reach out to them and stuff yeah reach out to them get get on the get on the the list make sure that you know you're connecting with them if they're hosting something because if you're connecting with them you're going to build a level of trust they're likely to invite you to events why are you laughing because we're totally you're describing more and more of the sales method of a sales methodology seriously get to know them get to know add their details to your crm build the trust up and then fuck the pants off of them.
What, no? It's just humorous that it's so well aligned and I've never thought about it before, but it is pretty well aligned. Thank you. Thanks very much. It is important. We don't have a CRM. We don't have a CRM. Because those local hosts and those local groups, again, they've got probably a limited amount of people that they're inviting and if you're somebody who you've built the trust up and you turn up and you're present and all of these amazing things, then you're going to get invited back again and again and again. It is actually turn up, one of the things further down the track.
I've blown a hole in your whole conversation now, haven't I? This is not sales 101, man.
This is single guys in the lifestyle but yes i and you are selling yourself yes i get it no but didn't actually turn up is that one of your things it's in that little like little thing connecting and yada no that's that's the so the biggest issue we've ever had is just single men not turning up or ghosting us just before they're supposed to turn up, which is normally to me an indicator that they might be doing something that they're not okay with or more likely their wife isn't comfortable with them doing it.
And if you do connect with those local event hosts as well, they're probably going to put in a good word for you with other event hosts that they know, with other groups that they're aware of.
You know, it it works very well in your favor if you can do that and it just can be an introduction and and stay humble too when you're first starting in a lifestyle and you first reach out to these people don't lead with silly things like you know hey i've i've got i am fucking awesome i've got an eight inch clock whatever it might be lead with things just be humble like i'm i'm brand new i new to this lifestyle.
Like, you don't need to pretend that you know exactly what you're doing and saying, hey, I'm in your local area or I'm 50 miles out or whatever it might be, and I'm interested in finding out more about your events. You know, if you've got any advice or information for me, please share it.
You know, that's what I mean by be humble because if you're opening with those certain questions, you're more likely going to get a response from that event host as opposed to how can i get on your event list it can be something like can you please help me you know can you help me to understand hey you're hosting events in my local city you've obviously been doing this for a number of years how does it work here how is it different from other locations you know whatever yep yeah totally agree so yes getting on on the the merry-go- I suppose, is a good place to be because honestly, when we find a single guy who we really enjoy time with and we really like, our friends, if they are interested in that sort of thing, may ask us.
And if they ask, we will ask the single guy whether they're okay with us passing on their details. And if they are, we will pass on their details. We've also held events, though, where one of the single guys that we've been playing with, we've brought him along to an event as a couple as well. So, I mean, you know, it doesn't hurt. It can only be positive for you, but I understand it is tough out of the gate to get those event hosts to pay attention because you've got to remember, again, they're probably receiving hundreds if not thousands of messages.
The other thing is I would say if you're sending a message to an event host, it shows interest if you do it, not the night of the event. That's what I'm saying. Do it beforehand, yeah? Actually do it in regular business hours, for example, when it's less likely that you're drunk and just horny and wanting to send it. If you're doing it just before the event, I can honestly tell you that you're taken less seriously immediately because there's a perception that you're just, it's like, oh, it's last resort almost.
I can go here and try and get laid rather than something else that I had planned prior to prior to that it also makes them to your point daryl if you do that it makes them think that you're only coming you're only interested in that event one event and you're going to be one and done now these people are going to invest their time and their brand possibly or their trust in you yep so they're not going to want to do that for a one-off they're going to want to do it for people that again that can be worthwhile for their community these event hosts are thinking about their community so yeah i think that that's a good one never do it on that night because all they're going to think about but but i mean if you are the success rate's probably different yeah the success rate's going to be different for sure yeah okay i like that so that that was number six and that's connected local event hosts and group number seven this is this is obvious but i put it in here because I think it needs to be said.
Grooming, hygiene, sexual health. Daryl, please feel free to talk about number seven. Well, yeah, I mean it goes without saying the sexual health aspect of it is an absolute, you know, being as healthy as you can in general. So forget sexual, not forget but sexual health is just part of general health.
So being healthy and relatively fit, and I don't necessarily mean, you know, what you see on the covers of magazines, but fit in terms of the fact that you are going to be able to crazily, you know, if you are going to potentially have sex with people, then it would be great if you don't die in the midst of it because of the fact that you haven't actually done any exercise in the last 40 years that would be something to to keep in mind but certainly grooming is important as well go with whatever grooming scenario you feel is what you feel right i mean certainly in the lifestyle right now uh full bush on men or women is not as common as uh as people who are trimmed or groomed but that said if you if full bush is what you you believe you want to be that's fine as long as you can explain it yeah just own it yeah yeah you've got to own it and there are people out there who own it and are very good at owning it and they are just as sexy with or without depending on and of course people of course, people have preferences around that as well.
But certainly grooming is important. Cleanliness. I mean, it's just... I don't know why we need to talk about this, but certainly just have a shower before you come out. This is what I was going to say. This one, number seven, it seems so bloody obvious, guys. Wash your hair. But I'm going to tell you this.
We went on a date once where the guy turned up and he hadn't showered and he was just in sloppy clothes and i was like what the fuck is this like i just spent three hours getting ready are you kidding me right now like put in some effort because i just i saw that and i was like he was that was it for me i was not interested in that it's a date it's a date right the couples have the same expectation of you as what a single woman would if you were going out on a date with them.
And if you think turning up to a date, you know, in a standard hetero relationship or, you know, if you think turning up, looking sloppy and not even remotely like you cared about the fact that you were catching up is appropriate, then you'll never make it in this lifestyle. The other thing too, though, I do want to mention this because sometimes I think when we're talking on podcasts and we say, hey, you know, grooming and turn up looking good and stuff, that is very different for everybody, right? Absolutely. My preference for a guy. But I'm saying look good for you. That's what I'm doing.
I just want to point that out because, again, I know it seems blatantly obvious for us sitting behind these microphones, but, you know, if you're in a city or a country or a location where it is quite common to go out in shorts and a T-shirt, then that's what you go out in. Absolutely, like Thailand, for example. Like Thailand. We regularly catch up with people, swingers in Thailand, or go on dates in Thailand in a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. Yeah. I mean, they're a nice pair of shorts and a T-shirt. I don't mean expensive.
I just mean, in fact, most of them were bought in Thailand at the local Thai markets for like three bucks. But that's not really the point. It's just being perceived as actually putting in an effort. Comb your hair. Yeah, I just want to make that point because I know that sometimes when you're talking on the podcast, people think, well, hold on a second, I can't afford a $200 pair of jeans or whatever. It's not about that, guys. Not at all. It's got nothing to do with brands or spending.
But dress to your surroundings because if you're in the middle of Manhattan and that's the expectations for the middle of Manhattan, then that's how you need to present yourself. If you're in the middle of Miami, if you're in Bangkok, if you're in Sydney, whatever. It's the expectation of a date in the place that you are. I don't think anybody wants to turn up. If you do, it's never going to work. But I don't think there's too many people out there who turn up to a date wanting to look shabby.
And if you do turn up to a date looking shabby, whatever that level of shabby is, it's less likely that you're going to see the end result you're looking for, which is potentially the next date or potentially will you come home with me. Yeah. So that's number seven, pretty obvious, but thought it was useful. Eight is communication. Now, my first point to this is understand first and foremost who you're talking to and their process.
For example, does the husband vet first and then later bring in the hot wife don't ever assume that you're talking to the husband don't ever assume that's the first one don't ever assume you're talking to the husband or the wife yeah it's just polite to ask yeah may i ask am i talking to the may i ask who i'm talking to or both like maybe they maybe they both like to get involved in the first you don't know so husband or wife is again you know i'm losing the heteronormative terms here but it may be, yeah. Who are you talking to? Yeah, who am I talking to? Right.
or wife is again you know i'm losing the heteronormative terms here but it may it may be yeah who are you talking to yeah who who am i am i talk who am i talking to right and then you know what are they after are they after a one night stand because again not all couples are going to be engaging in the same way so if you're communicating with them and you understand their process a little bit more you're more likely to be successful because rather than you don't know know, some people like you to be communicating every couple of days and just having a general chit-chat.
Other people, they are very specifically wanting a one-night stand. They want a hotel room. They don't want long conversation. It's a kick conversation. It's with both of them. You set it up and that's it. So there is no backwards and forwards. I'm interested in where you sit on that. This is the hard thing because it is mood dependent for me now. Pre-COVID, I was really getting into the idea of having a one night stand in a luxurious hotel and all the rest of it. That's where I was at. Now, that's just obviously not going to happen.
I looked on SDC again the other day to see if there's any traveling couples or singles. And obviously, there's nobody coming for the rest of this year. Yeah. So that's going to be problematic for us. But it really is to understand. No, I think that's the whole world at the moment. Everybody's in the same boat, especially in this lifestyle. Everyone's being a lot more cautious and a lot more focused. Again, coming back, you asked the question about sexual health. It's not just sexual health. It's health. Yeah, health.
Yeah, because we're living in a world and we always have been living in a world where there's potential to catch many other things outside of just STDs. And very frankly speaking, there's not a lot of STDs that you carry for life anymore, but there are an awful lot of other diseases out there that you can get through interactions with humans that are actually significantly more detrimental to your health and wellbeing. Especially us. I mean, you and I travel, you know, I think it was last year we did 180,000 miles in the air each. I mean, that is a lot of airplanes. It's a lot of Thank you.
Nobody's going to come anywhere near us now. Disease-ridden. Understand who you're talking to. Understand that not all couples are the same. Not all hot wife couples are cold couples. Not every couple wants the same thing. Do they want to understand whatever? Understand that dynamic. But the last thing I want to say about communication is you're there also for your own enjoyment, right? I think a lot of the time we look at perhaps singles in the lifestyle as, and this can go for any kind of single in the lifestyle, but as being there for the couple's enjoyment only.
You are your own person, so feel free during any of these Thank you.
lifestyle as and you know sing this can go for any kind of single lifestyle but it's being there for your enjoy the couple's enjoyment only you know you are your own person so feel free during any of these stages to just back away back out you know you're not what I'm looking for thank you but let's move on I think that too often we look at singles as being you know just pieces of meat almost and they're just there for us and it's not necessarily the way it is so I don't know i just thought that needs to be said yeah well absolutely i think that's very important there's one very strong reason i say that is because if you get to a point where you're involved in something that you're not interested in do you know what your penis is going to do because i can tell you it's going to sit there it's going to sit there flaccid staring at you with its one eye and you being please please for fuck's sake do something and it's going to be looking at you going i am not doing shit buddy i'm just going to fucking lay here i'm going to look at you dead through my dead one away just staring coldly blankly into your face that's what's going to happen you're going to cut this bit of silence out as well i just can't even man but it's true i mean the the if you get yourself into a scenario where you're not interested you will have that reaction you will have the reaction of your natural body's reaction of i'm not interested is i'm not excited i'm not aroused and then guess what you you literally stand sit there talking to your other to your other brain saying for for fuck's sake, buddy, help me out here.
And he's like, no, fuck you. I'm not interested. I'm already sleeping. All right. So that's communication. That's number eight. Worst wingman ever. Worst wingman ever. Number nine is during play and post play, right?
So during play and post play, understanding the boundaries, what your boundaries are, understanding the couple's boundaries and how they like to play, i think that's so so important because everybody's going to enjoy themselves more often more likely to get an opportunity to come back into the bedroom again understanding how people like to play for example do they like a lot of foreplay do does does the husband get involved does he not get involved does he wait back for a little while to begin with does he like taking video does he like taking photo do they like and how might one come across this uh sort of information so oh you're by flirting it this is what you're trying to get me to go down the rabbit hole with maybe okay i mean they're flirting certainly part of it but there is another way another means to get this sort of information just ask the questions ask questions of people understanding how they like to play and understanding how you like to play and then engaging through questions through questions but these questions can be they don't need to be like hey and then if i do this would you like that or tell me if i stick my penis in here is that okay it doesn't need to be like that it can be a very very sexy thing and you can have these conversations over the course of flirting either virtually or on a date which is like tell me a sexy story like tell me about your sexiest you know bedroom story i'd love to i love to hear about people's fantasies or i love to hear about people's um sexual explorations previously and they can go through that scenario and then you can say like oh that sounds really hot like why was that so hot for you or whatever and then understand it i feel like you're actually woman explaining this now okay because i can tell you i've been in a situation where i've asked those questions and we've had people ask those questions of us and you're like he's just trying to get information out of me he's just trying to he's jerking off at home he's just trying to get that you've actually said that out loud haven't you no i don't remember yeah okay so you know when somebody asks you can ask questions in a way certainly that you you get a better response is the best way to put it so asking questions explain to me your your fantasies is better than saying tell me about the last time you got shagged and what you liked about it.
One sounds like you're trying to get masturbatory material. One sounds like you're interested in what they have to say. So you need to be careful in the way you present these questions. Present the questions as a view to getting to know people better, which is what you should be doing anyway, unless it's just a one night stand.
And then it might you know what do you want me to do where do you want me to put it how do you want me to put it yeah it can be much more straightforward if it's just a one-night stand or a gangbang or something like that it can be very hard and fast black black and white rules where it's like you're here and this is this is the things for tonight and that can be a total program to a gangbang a literal program from start to finish so you know it just it depends on the people you're talking to but you know to get to the point where you understand what they want and what they're talking about and how you can then move forward and ask the questions in a way that either save time if it's that scenario or show interest legitimate interest in what they want to achieve is by asking questions but you've got to ask you know subtle questions to kick it off like you would on a date you don't say to somebody on a date when you sit down with anybody and say you know what is your what is your biggest fantasy and have you enjoyed you know tell me about the last time you got fucked that's not something you ask in a first date okay generally so that's during play now post play this is still number nine during play post play is i think to send a note of thanks send something it doesn't need to be like oh you know thanks thanks for you so like the what of semen you sent their direction isn't enough is what you're saying it's just really lovely to meet you just something something that ties it back you know and this can be for a one night stand as well it doesn't matter it can just be like had a really great time of course they specify that they don't want to talk to you ever again but i think this goes a really long way with people as well just to say hey you know thank you so much really enjoyed really enjoyed my time with you something like that you know or gosh that was really sexy something whatever it is just something i think a note of thanks goes a long way what's your thoughts i i agree as provided it's relevant for that particular couple then yes i think it's a it's always nice to receive something saying i had a i had a nice night that's all it needs to say actually honestly it doesn't need to say i really enjoyed fucking you guys it can just be i had a really nice night i'm really enjoy i really enjoyed hanging out with you guys Yeah.
I had a really great time. Thank you.
So nice to meet you guys it can just be i had a really nice night i'm really enjoy i really enjoyed hanging out with you guys yeah i had a really great time thank you yeah so not so nice to meet you guys or whatever it is it's it's that's a pretty simple one and honestly that drives quite a bit of kudos for potential next times so i'm going to take this back to a sales thing then okay so we've done during play we've done post play that's our last thing new number 10 what about keeping in contact or following up later so as a single man say we've done during play, we've done post-play, that's our last thing.
New number 10, what about keeping in contact or following up later? Yes. So as a single man, say we've just slept with somebody, but maybe it was a one-night stand, whatever, but in X amount of time, insert two weeks, three weeks, four weeks, whatever it might be. Fucking hell, after three weeks of them not contacting us, we're no longer interested. No, no, I'm saying we've slept with them, but it was a known one-night, known hotel. Oh, okay, a one-nighter. A bit of fun, whatever. Or they travelled through.
So say they travelled through, we slept with them, they went back, maybe they'll live in another country. Having them then again reach out in three or four weeks, whatever it is, insert time here, that follow-up, that continued something, reach out. you at with that i think it's fine provided it wasn't it wasn't understood that you wouldn't do that okay yeah i mean reaching out to somebody to say hey how you doing i think you can do that with most people whether it be a sexual interaction or other i just think about keeping the lead hot you know what i mean fucking hell it's all become now.
Yeah, but I mean it depends on if you're ever going to travel through. We're not keeping your product front of mind. Yeah, you can say that. Yeah, it's marketing, I agree. But it is now, well, it depends on the couple, depends on the relationship as to whether they want that or not. If they want one night and go away, then that's what you offer them. All right. So in my blog, I'm literally going to strike out, get verified, and I'm going to change it to keep the lead hot. No, don't do that. No, I'm actually not going to.
I'm going to strike it out, but I am going to replace it with something like just follow-up contact. Yeah. So that's our top 10 tips of single guys. Anything else to add, Daryl? Be a gentleman. Don't be a douche waffle. Okay. Just be a gentleman. I mean, it's really, it's not hard to be polite. Don't be a flake. Don't show up drunk. You know, don't be a dick. All of these things. Don't get me wrong. You can have your buzz on if you're concerned and feeling a little nervous and that makes you feel more comfortable. That's okay.
But be don't turn up sloppy drunk or you know just just treat this date as you would any other date that you've gone to i'm going to give you one other piece of free advice for that then don't try to fit this in between other things that you are doing because what you're going to do is you're going to make that person feel less than yeah but that's a fits into the don't do what you normally wouldn't do i mean would you organize would anyone who's got any semblance of common sense organize three dates with three different uh unless they knew about it and that's what they were searching for but the people are not we're talking about them you know we fit into the middle of the bell curve here if you if it's going to be a hey meet me meet me in the dark alley at noon we're going to fuck or whatever and then i'm going to go off to have a coffee with whatever fine um but but more recently you know we've had a few people actually say yeah i'm available from 4 30 to 5 30 yeah whatever it is if you like i'm like no just no sorry i don't mind the start time but the end time becomes a problem for me because me because it means that we are less important than whatever the next thing is.
Yeah, correct. Okay, so that has been the top 10 tips slash 11 because we're going to scratch number 10 off the list and go with number 11 for Swinging Down Under. Thank you, Daryl, for turning up. No problem. I'm glad to be here. I've appreciated that you haven't been a flake. Yeah, no problem. So how did I go? How was it for you? Yeah, was this good? Yeah, was that good? Yeah, no danger don't do it don't do it okay Kate be crazy yeah don't ask that question all right thanks so, guys. We appreciate the hell out of you.
We hope that you guys are staying healthy, happy, safe, and feel free to reach out to us, jump on our website, and drop us an email. We'll see you guys soon. Cool. Ciao. If you're looking for more ways to interact with Swinging Down Under, you can catch us on Twitter at Swing Down Under. You can also catch us on Instagram, Swinging Down Under, or head over to our website, SwingingDownUnder.com. We would absolutely love to hear from you. So if you would like to send us an email, jump online, do it at cnd at SwingingDownUnder.com.
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