Playroom Etiquette, Grey Areas & A Hotwife Onboard the Bliss Cruise

Transcript

Speaker1: You're listening to the Wanderlust Swingers podcast with Aussie hosts Kate and Daryl. If you're curious about exploring your sexuality or the swinging, hot-wifing and non-monogamous lifestyle, you've definitely come to the right podcast. Or maybe you just love travel adventures. Either way, we share our personal, sometimes juicy, sexy stories as well as Swingers Club and event reviews, interviews with other sassy people and of course our global swinging adventures. We try to bring you a look into the Wanderlust Swingers podcast with Aussie hosts Kate and Daryl. the diverse lifestyle that the swinging and non-monogamous community has. We hope you enjoy. Now let's get into the episode. G'day guys and welcome back to the Wanderlust Swingers. G'day Daryl. How you doing? I do alright. You do's good? I do's pretty good. So today's episode we're going to talk about playroom grey areas. Is it just about rules or is etiquette more broad and has some grey areas involved? We're going to unpack proximity, voyeur energy, and perhaps why social awareness can matter to your pleasure. We're also going to chat about my upcoming Bliss Cruise adventure. I'm going to put Daryl on the spot and ask him what he hopes, and I'm going to share some of my hopes as well as share some of the really sexy couples that have been messaging me. We also talk about finding some new local connections. I reach out to a bunch of people, and we're going to talk about how we filter down for those couples and whether or not my hope for this year of approaching the unapproachable is working for me. We returned from snowboarding in Val Thorens. And surprisingly, lack of swingers there. We actually went on the dating apps and had a look around. We joked last time that there's no way that my old ass would have been able to pull off days of snowboarding and then fucking people. Which, by the way, valid. That was never going to be a thing. Ooh, I was hurting. But we did look on the apps to see if there's anybody there, and there wasn't. And that was actually a bit of a shock to us both. Well, we only went on, I mean, one app. Two. What else did we do on? I went on Spicey Match and SDC. Yeah, nobody there. Yeah. Well, I mean, they might have been there, but they were just hiding. Maybe hiding. Maybe just didn't want to talk to you. Maybe. Because they're like, oh man, she's terrible at snowboarding. Yeah, they saw me fall down the mountain a couple of times, and they were like, nah. It's cute that you call what you were snowboarding down a mountain. I am off to casual swinger week next month. So I'll be helping Mickey Mallory host that. But we just got an email an hour ago. And I thought it was important. I thought you would want to know what the email said. This is it, by the way. This was an email from Devin. That's what Devin had to say. Come let me eat your arsehole out. Mine? No, well, I don't know. Devin didn't really specify. So could be yours. Could be mine. Devin, we need some clarification, buddy. Whose arsehole is it that you're wanting to eat out? Yeah. Yeah, we've got a solid entry conversation. Speaking of weird stuff, I think it's probably time for my interesting... Platypus fact? Platypus fact. The platypus fact are back. There's more. They're a freaky little animal. But wait, there's more. Do I get a free set of steak knives? Yeah, well, okay, so there's two facts, in fact. Whoa, hey. Yeah, two facts. Okay, all right, platypus facts, let's go. First one is they're a member of a group called the Monotreams. There's five Monotreams, in fact. All of them are from Australia. Yeah, we've got it going on down there. Nothing but dreams and... Sexy Blondes. With the exception of the platypus, the rest of them are basically spiny like an echidna or a hedgehog. And what's your second platypus fact? Well, platypus do not have nipples. So they're mammals without nipples. And you might say, well, then how do they feed their young with the milk that they produce? Because mammals produce milk. It's a requirement. How do they do it, Kay? What do you think? I know the answer. Oh, okay. So they just leak it from their skin. They just leak milk. Like me on a Sunday after I've had a massive night out and you can just taste the alcohol coming off the skin. It's even better than that. It's from their armpits. It's like leaking it from their armpits so they get these little wet spots of milk that the babies just lap up and that's how they do it. Hey, we are actually a Swingers podcast but sometimes we like cultural tidbits and sometimes those cultural tidbits may or may not be sexy but that is another Daryl platypus fact but you get two because for some reason you're giving them extra bonus platypus facts. Yeah, I'm sure there's more to come. We've received emails requesting more platypus facts. We received a Spotify message about platypus facts. Exactly. That's the same thing. So. That's the same thing. A communication. We received a communique requesting platypus facts. Yeah, well, there you go. For the one person that likes platypus facts. I want to talk about a recent club visit. So we went back to Fatima Ghana here in the Netherlands, which we like this club, by the way, the new bar area, since the last time we were there. Banging. Banging. You were really, you really like settled in on this, even though we didn't go into the bar area. It wasn't open because it's a Friday night. They do shut half the club on a Friday night just for. Density reasons. Funnelling people into the one area. Density, yeah, you want to keep the density up. Oh, I thought you said density, as in like. No. Density, not density. Nobody wants answers anymore. Nobody does. Nobody wah wahs either, just a note for the DJ in London. Note for any DJ out there, if you're You are so early 2000s. So I went to Fatima Gana and on Friday night, you know, Friday nights are always a little bit slower, but I want to talk about playroom etiquette and grey areas. Now, I actually posted this online and it did definitely spark a huge response online. The essence of what happened was we were in an open playroom. It's important to note all the playrooms in Fatima Gana don't have doors. They're all open playrooms. A couple came and they joined in. proximity to us in a small room with a small bed. The bed is the space, yes. They came and joined close to us. Yes, there's rules, but are they grey areas? Were they within arm reach? Yes. Okay. So it was about 20 centimetres or so, rough. That close. They came in and they, well, first of all, they were watching us kind of make out while we were standing up, which was good because I did clock them when they were watching us when we made out and assessed and not my cup of tea, hope they please leave, which they did, which was great. we started playing on the bed. They came into the room and started fucking next to us. Open room, so they didn't break any rules. There was no door, right? So it's not like the door was open. There was no door. Totally fair game. Didn't touch. Didn't touch us. They were very close. Didn't engage? He was watching extraordinarily intently. So whilst he was fucking his wife, he didn't actually look at her at all. He was the entire time watching me. Us. Yeah, okay. And I don't know, the vibe shifted for me. The question here really isn't, did they do anything wrong? My question is more, is there kind of this unspoken etiquette surrounding playroom that's more than just rules, this kind of grey area concept? I mean, of course there's greatness here, but it's an open room, so yeah, you kind of have to deal with what happens there. I actually don't think they did anything wrong. The point was that they didn't do anything wrong, but it certainly wasn't an enjoyable experience. This is my whole thing, my whole idea of this grey area, right? So I posted about it on Reddit. Yes, some people tore us apart or tore me apart. Yes, I know No, the onus is on us. And yes, we ended up leaving, right? Those are the facts. But I thought this would be a conversation worth having because is this more than an attraction and is this more about proximity, right? And I think that had we been in an open big playroom, say where there was like four or five beds and they were maybe one meter away and he wasn't staring so intently, would this have been an issue? And no, it wouldn't have. I mean, we've been 10 years in the lifestyle now. We've had many, many people join us on the same bed, similar beds, nearby beds. or have you. And there's been no issue. I think that the combination of like proximity, lack of attraction, and then staring intently kind of made me, it ruined my enjoyment. I mean, I understand it ruined your enjoyment, but let's start with a few things here. The, you're starting again with the prefaced sentence of they joined us. No, they didn't. They went into a room that had another couple in it and started playing on the bed by themselves. That's a really good point. And it's something I was actually going to bring up later was that in circumstances where the club is busy. And we've been in those nights. Hell, we were in London with that exact situation where space on a bed is... There just wasn't. Space is a premium. Space is a premium. Now, because it was Friday night and there was barely anybody in the club, the main group room, which does have like five or six beds or whatever in it, was actually half empty. And the room across from us only had one couple playing in it as well. So in a busy night, I absolutely understand the desire and the need to come and immediately like there is... room or not, or they're coming back for their anniversary event at the club and this is the room that they had their first club sex in. You know, you're making a whole lot of assumptions here. And all of that's fine. My question then to you is, what is the etiquette around this? The onus is not on them to say that this is not the place for that to happen. They didn't have a problem with us being there. If you're saying, okay, it's no issue, size of the room doesn't really matter, size of the bed doesn't matter, it's open fair game. So if there was a small room, with a single bed in it and we were on there and there was some real estate next to us. Again, would you feel the need that anyone can join in and not need to say, hey, do you mind? You're saying join in. It's not join in. Somebody else can use the space available for them. It kind of is though. I can understand it might make you uncomfortable, but there is no sexual intent of somebody looking at you from across the room. The reason I'm saying joining in and not just parallel play is because of the fact that there was a level of something engagement, right? If they're not paying any attention to us or they're not kind of in that immediate sphere or circle, then it's very, very different. Once you become the object of someone's orgasm or sexual interest or whatever, that is a level of joining in. If they'd have been staring off into the distance, then I would agree. There's absolutely no joining in. They're just parallel play. If you're watching somebody and you're getting off to that, you're getting off on that person. So there is a level of engagement in some way, right? Because that person becomes the object of your orgasm. your sexual interests. When do you think parallel play might become invasive? It becomes invasive when it becomes invasive. If somebody looking at you is invasive, then that's invasive. If somebody being in the same room as you is invasive, then that's invasive. I mean, it just depends on what your term of invasive is. And again, if your term of invasive is lower than the term of the person who's coming in there, then you've got to tell them. And you've got to say, I'm not okay with this or do what you did and get up and leave if that's the way you want to go. That's what I think. I think invasion of your space is so variable. And I'll give you an example. Now, this has got nothing to do with sexuality, but it has to do with just personal space. Where I grew up, I can tell you that when the COVID advice came out to stay two metres away from each other, if you were in my area, people would have said to you, why is somebody within two metres of me anyway? Because it's a rural area with lots of space and people don't come within two metres of each other. They stand three or four meters back from each other. So this is the difference. If you go, like, again, living in Singapore, what was the space requirement for Singapore? Touching you. Or very close to, right? Backpack, them touching your backpack while it's on your back was common. Yeah, yeah, fair enough. Just standing in a line. Which one of those is considered invasion of your personal space? Now, add the sexual element to that. It may expand a little bit again for you as an individual, but which one of these people were they? from Singapore and having sex right beside you within touching distance is just normal. So again, I don't think the onus, you can't put a boundary on this because it's too grey. I mean, you're making my point for me though, because that's what I'm talking about. The boundary is grey. It's not a rule. The onus is on you. You're making assumptions on one side and I'm making the opposite assumption. Fair enough. The conversation started with me talking about grey areas. Rules we know. Rules are obvious in clubs. They're normally on the wall or on the websites. They're pretty obvious. If there's a closed door, you don't enter if there's a rope over you can watch but not go in if there's an open door or no door you can go in right those are all kind of known facts but what i was trying to say to people is what are some of the gray areas in a club is it good etiquette to perhaps ask people hey is the space taken or can we go here or what have you and then i was starting to think kind of broader about things that might be also kind of gray or unspoken areas like over perfumes or beer like those kinds of things in playrooms that are Again, aren't necessarily like breaking rules. I think you're talking about social acceptance versus boundary. Well, that is about, that is about, I mean, etiquette technically is a social contract with people. When do you think eye contact in a playroom might change the dynamic? When it becomes a problem for one. Yeah. So what we're saying here, what we're saying here is these are so gray is because they are gray. It's different for everybody. So the general consensus, I spoke to a few friends and the general consensus from our friends, but again, they're probably very similar to us because that's why they're friends was that a simple do you mind if we join goes a long way now i want to talk about some standout reddit responses this is the classic technically allowed but socially tone deaf situation somebody wrote reading the room is a skill and unfortunately not everyone has it that was a very common response to this you're expecting people to be able to read your mind or understand what you're hoping for right that's a pretty common one what is awkward to one can actually arouse another so someone was saying hey maybe they think you're or a voyeur or an exhibitionist and that's maybe they thought that was going to turn you on. Your pleasure isn't a public utility. Somebody said if you're in an open room you're open to being watched. Yep I agree with that. Somebody said the only person at fault here is you. Somebody said there is no grey area stop making drama from nothing. Yeah. It obviously didn't ruin the night but it ruined the play session. Again obviously responsibility of myself and that's the kind of atmosphere that you put yourself into when you're in an open playroom. This may happen and then you may go wow I no longer am horny because I'm not interested right so that is I guess all of the risks associated with playing in an open play space and so I actively was in an open play space again there's no closed rooms there so that was moot point and yes you do have to expect these things may occur but that doesn't necessarily negate the fact that I'm a bit bummed about that happening yeah but that's bummed versus villainizing is a very different thing so what you've done there again is removed yourself from the problem. Yeah, I understand that. From your problem. Yeah, but it just kind of sucks because... It does suck. I'm not saying that there's... I'm not saying that there's no... Because I was keen to have an orgasm and get off. I'm not saying that this doesn't hurt your night. What I'm saying is the only person hurting your night is your internal monologue. Yeah. That's it. If your monologue is not talking to yourself of where the drama and where the problem is, there wouldn't be a problem, as an example, who the other couple's not into. And they're on the bed already. Again, a three-sided, enclosed, and you want to enter that bed and you do and where do you fit on that and you're within reach of that other couple what's your what's your take on that so i've actually normally said can i join in okay newbie advice around this and everything that we've kind of discussed as you guys can see is that our opinions are different so my my recommendation would be that just because you discuss your rules and boundaries and just because you know the club's rules and boundaries if you go in there armed with all of that it doesn't mean that things are going to go completely perfectly and you're going to be happy with what happens because as you can see here from this, we are on very different opinions on this, on what would be deemed as grey areas and etiquette. And so that is important to note that you can't kind of go in there and have this interpretation or idea that you're following the rules. Everyone's going to follow the rules like grey areas might can happen. There's going to be things outside of your control and you can't control other people and the rules can't control other people. So you have to be aware that that onus is going to be on you, that you may end up leaving the room, leaving the club, leaving the party because something happens that, Okay, so I'm going on the Bliss cruise in April and I'm taking Mallory with me. So we are going to be two hot wives on the loose. I've joined the Bliss app and I'm going to show Daryl now. I need you to get your phone. I'm going to show you some couples that have been sliding into my DMs so we can have a conversation about it because this is around what I'm hoping for on the But also, my earlier Swingelution, kind of like my New Year's resolution for swingers, was to approach the unapproachable. And I want to show you some photos of the people that have been sliding into the DMs. I'd have sent them to you on your phone. Oh, okay. Those are some of the people that have messaged an introduction message just saying, hey, saw you going on the Bliss Cruise, we'd like to meet you or get a drink or hope to see you just kind of that, you know, hey, you're on the Bliss Cruise, we're on the Bliss Cruise, we might run into each other. Or hey, if we see each other around, we'd I'd love to get a drink. Those are some of the people that have message. Yeah. I mean, they all look like very sexy people. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, they all look like very sexy people. Quite a few of them have abs for days. I'm not going to lie. So I was a little bit intimidated by a few of them where I'm like, whoa. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, hey, c'est la vie. Some people have abs, some people don't. Yeah. Yeah. So before I get started on my hopes for the cruise, I'm going on this cruise for six nights. I've got this caliber of people messaging, me, reaching out to me. What sorts of things are you hoping, knowing that you're kind of a cheerleader for me going off and playing solo or those sorts of things? Like, I'm curious, when you think about me being away on this cruise with all these people, what are your thoughts? My very first hope is that you are actually not seasick for the entire journey. That's my biggest one. Forgetting, because everything else, there will be nothing else if you feel remotely nauseous. And the last time you went on a cruise ship, of this size, you almost spent 10 grand to fly yourself, to heli-vac yourself off the boat. So if you manage to make it past that. Just real quick though, if anybody has any amazing seasick recommendations, please send us an email. And I'm not talking about those like weird bracelet things that don't do shit. Like if you have tried and true seasick things, please reach out. I mean, outside of that, I hope you have fun. That's it. I mean, I hope you have fun. Tell me some things. You come home looking relaxed and happy. That's what this looks like to me. Okay. Yes. Actually, you know, just. Anything sexual? I mean, that's always an interesting aspect. If you wish to play, then I'd love for you to play. I'd love for you to meet new people and enjoy time with them. But no, I mean, I don't. What if I met up with one of these sexy couples that I just showed you photos of? Yep. And had sex with the sexy couple. That would be great if that's what you wish to do. I mean, I'm happy for you to do what you wish to do. And if you are on, you know, your new mission to have fun, I'm going to go into this with you with an open mind of Kate will do what she wants. Is there anything that would be off the table or things that you would maybe be less interested in happening? Not really. Okay. What about playroom space? Because I've never really, like, except for my events and stuff like that, I've not been into a playroom at an event versus somebody in the room. Oh, okay. Where there's a lot of, like, group action. No, I mean, that doesn't, it's not a concern to me. If you're in a playroom and you're kissing someone, stepping back a little bit from this, I just want you to have fun. If you think that you want to play and you find a group or a play situation or a sexy couple or a, you know, a guy or a girl that you find on the, I'd be really happy for you to tell me all about it when you got home. Random sidebar question, but how many drinks do you think I would normally on an event like this consume in one day? In one day? Yeah, in a full day. So breakfast, lunch, dinner, like nighttime. 20. You reckon 20? When I'm at like a... Why are you deadpanning me, right? Because I don't think I'm exaggerating. Okay, right. The reason why I was like looking at the alcohol package, I think it averages like seven drinks per person in the cabin. So that's two of us. So seven each, so 14 in a day. You think that seven is a concern to you? That's what it would be. Let's just run through this. Once it tips from a la carte to... Let's run through this. I did. I was thinking like if I get up and I'm like, ooh. Two mimosas. Two mimosas. I've never seen you in my life have one mimosa. Two mimosas. They get lonely. It's like having a horse in a paddock on its own. Two mimosas, without a doubt. Okay. Then post mimosas, you'll be like, I better take a little bit of a break and I'll stop until 10 a.m. morning tea time. Like 11.30 or noon. Whatever you feel you need to tell yourself. And then 10 a.m. you'll likely start having a drink. Now, you'll have one drink at 10. That'll probably run out until midday because you're still, and talking to people and you're a morning person so you know you run out to midday then you'll have one drink at midday you'll have one drink by one you'll have another one by two then by three you'll want to have a bit of a nap so you'll go back to the room you'll have a nap then by five you'll wake up you'll want an espresso martini to get your night going right and your espresso by the way all of these drinks so what are we up to here now two three four five six we're at seven and you haven't even gone out for the evening yet. So you think the drink package is a good one? Then you're going to have another three or four at night. Then you're going to wake up with a hangover and go, oh my God, I can't believe I drank so much. What I need to cure this is two mimosas. Okay, fine. I feel attacked. You shouldn't. This is just you when you're on a holiday. At a party. At a party, yeah. I think one of the biggest things that you're not factoring in here is you've got two ladies in one room. How are you going to do this? Are you going to be putting socks? So we actually spoke about this a little bit. We spoke about it very small, but we want to have a conversation a little bit broader. So I'm getting in because it's safe, I think like early-ish in the day. And obviously I have to fly all the way to Fort Lauderdale. So it's like not exactly like next door. So I have to fly in the day before. So we're probably going to talk about it that night a little bit more together. But we had the conversation of like, if she finds a guy or a couple, or I find a guy or a couple or a lady, and we want to bring them back to the room, our room to play, what are the rules surrounding it? that, how are we going to make that work? If I go out and I'm like, hey, just FYI, I'm going to go on my own right now and peruse the playrooms because we want to make sure we're looking out for each other as well. If I don't see her for five hours, I'm obviously going to be interested and wonder where she is for safety and just checking in. And so we talked about what are we going to do? How are we going to kind of wing person for each other? So yeah, those are all things we need to talk about. Yes, you do. And yeah, maybe it's not a sock on the door. Maybe we'll have like a little stickery thing on the door. Like, you know how you can get those dishwasher things? where it's full, empty, whatever. Maybe we'll get one of those. It's a great idea. Full of cocks or not full of cocks? Like the little dishwasher things on the front door and that will be a way where we're like, oh. Sounds good. That will be fun because people do like to decorate their doors on the cruise ship. So that'll be like a funny little thing. My hope. So looking at those. Is this a hope or a plan? I mean, what's your. It's a plan. Definitely a plan. Looking at these couples and my immediate reaction to a few of them was like, wow, they're out of my league. And then I have to reset and go. They're messaging me for a reason. So there's that element of it. So I'm very interested in exploring with a couple or a guy or a lady. So with anyone. I'm also, I also do want to go and play in the playroom at one point. So I want to join maybe a group of people in the playroom and kind of join in on a play. Then just play, so puppy pile it. Yeah, and just kind of puppy pile it and just be like, hey, can I join in? I am extraordinarily interested in hot wife, like unicorn privilege already. You know, these messages I'm seeing. I'm interested in how that dynamic is going to play out. Because as you know, in the lifestyle, by and large, so many people are looking for single women, couples. And in fact, if you look at the profiles on the Bliss app, you can see couples, yes, single women, single men, like groups, and they have to say yes or no. Or they've got like ticks and crosses. And in these profiles, I can immediately see like most of them say no men. Some of them are question mark on the couples, and they're always ticked yes for women. So there is definitely an element here of unicorn not wife privilege that I'm I think I'll definitely have significantly more I guess opportunity than not. I mean I think you always have significantly more opportunity than you wish to engage in. I understand what you're saying but I don't see that as the limitation even at normal events even when we're there. There's always significantly more potential for sex than you're willing to or capable of engaging with. I understand what you're saying there but I would say there is a limitation when it's then the two of us because then they need to be Of course, but my statement was that that is not the limitation. The limitation is never that. The limitation is one, your appetite and two, your capability. So, I mean, if you're going on this event, this requires some pre-planning as well around capability. Yeah, for sure. You should be planning this months out that your period might be at the wrong time there and you should be adjusting it months ahead. I'm actually very excited about this. because it's something new and it's supposed to be a great party. I've never done it before. So I'm actually really, really excited to see it. And apparently they've got like a playroom that is up on one of the decks. Like it's a starlight outside playroom, which is really cool. So I don't know. I'm just, I'm excited. It's 3,000. You're going to freeze. It's 3,000 people. Yeah. So, and the other thing that's really exciting about this is you'll never have to worry about me being on board with you like ever. No, I know. Cruises aren't your thing. No. Which is why I'm not taking you, honey. Yeah, no, that's a great way to go. Sometimes when I've been on a solo date, you've requested certain updates or things that would help you feel involved in this. Obviously, if it's a scenario where I'm in the playroom, I'm not going to be taking photos of any of that or anything else. So what kind of things would be helping you to feel involved or not involved in terms of control, but excited and a cheerleader in this? Because they're two very different things. I think some people want updates because they want to be in control. I don't wish to be in control. I think that might come across pretty obviously in the fact that I'm happy for you to do what you wish to do. If you wish to have DP with two guys, go for it. Just make sure you're safe and happy. If you want to have vaginal double penetration with two guys, go for it. If you want to have four girls in a daisy chain, then go for it. I feel that you will limit yourself a long way before it comes anywhere near the limitations that I might have. Okay so to the question what how would you what would make you excited to like know what's going on or to wait until I get back? A text on the a text on the way through as to what's what's happening is is enough like just some messages to keep me involved with you know met a couple seemed really nice headed to a playroom or headed back to the room good cock lovely pussy beautiful people. whatever. So what I'm hearing from this conversation is that I definitely need to buy the Wi-Fi package. There's a Wi-Fi package? Yeah, yeah. And then I definitely need to buy the booze package because a la carte apparently is not going to work for me. You're going to spend so much more money on a la carte than you would on the booze package. Well, apparently. I mean, it does my math check out. Your math is mathen. Yeah. So if it's only seven and also I know your little party animal. side piece here that's in the room with you. Oh, you're calling her my side piece? She's going to love that. You're both side pieces to each other. Anyway. We're going to get so feral. So the problem, the concern here is you're just going to spend the whole time fucking drinking with each other and dancing and pointing and laughing. And partying. Yeah. Oh, okay. So I've had a few conversations with people on Bliss. People think you're alcohol. No. We actually had this conversation about the alcohol package a la carte. And one person was like, yeah, our friends go all the time. They said, just buy a la carte. And then I said, yeah, but I worked it out. It's like seven drinks. And they were like, seven? Yeah, there's no way in hell we'll have seven. And I was like, yes. Exactly. This is what I'm saying. Very excessive. So you're there. Listen, if there's going to be like rum punch and stuff, obviously, you're partying poolside, a banging DJ comes on, rum punch. How do you say no to them? I'm excited. I'm sure you are. But again, I think you will reach your limit long before you get to. Yeah. No doubt. Yeah. If you happen to be on the April Bliss Cruise, please shoot me a message. Let's connect. If you've got some spare time up your sleeve and you want to join the Bliss Cruise, we are offering a cash back and a discount for that. So if you are interested in joining very last minute on the Bliss Cruise, please let us know. Head to our website, Wanderlustswingers, and head over to the event section. But also find me on the app and reach out. All right, moving on. Finding new friends. We spoke a little while ago about trying to find some new friends. You know, new swinger friends plus new friends in the local area. Local. Yes, local. Correct. I sent 13 messages to couples on SDC here that are all in our local town. We also had a German couple that have just moved here. They reached out. Actually, it was really funny. They reached out. On SDC? On SDC. They reached out and they said, hey, sorry, we've just moved here. We don't speak Dutch yet. We can only speak German and English. And I wrote back and I said. Perfect. We speak German badly and English. So I said, I said, oh, that's perfect. We speak English. And then I said, except for, and I had this bit in German. I was like, I know they should do it. So anyway, so they've just moved here. So that's 14 couples in total now that, and I'm going to track this. Well, 13, the German couple reached out. So let's say 13 messages where I have sent it out to couples on the site where I have found profiles that looked interesting to us and have sent messages out. So I'm keen to see one, how many reply, like two, then how many then lead to a first catch up where this goes and kind of track how that works and see what our success rate is. We did meet a really nice couple in a club recently and we didn't get to spend much time with them at the club, but then we texted after the club and we're trying to arrange a meetup. And in true Dutch fashion, they said, sure, no worries, may. So just to put it to everybody, that's three months from now. So that is a very typical Dutch thing and I guess part of one of the issues that we have had here with connecting with people. That's a pretty late, that's a pretty late, even by Dutch standard, that's a pretty, that's a pretty slow. Normally it's like two months, a month or two is pretty normal for when people can catch up with you. Less spontaneity here and more planned activity. Yep. But yeah, three months is kind of like, whoa. So that has always been a bit of a, bit of a challenge. Do you want to know why those people, why those 13? I mean yes so we did this when you spoke about filtering through guys and how you filtered through guys I'm this is how I filtered through the couples obviously couples proximity less than 50 kilometers but actually because I think that's the smallest you can go is like zero or 50 and yeah but zeros zero does just immediate people okay well I thought it would not give it to me so I did 50 but then I only looked at people that live in our town so I didn't look outside of our town like five ten kilometers where I like look in our town. You know what I'm really excited about? So you did this two hours ago. Yeah. You reached out to these people. Many of these that I'm looking at have already rejected us. Okay. So that's going to be. Well, there needs to be an archive or some kind of like. As soon as you delete them, it goes away. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. There needs to be like an internal. I don't archive people. I'm saying like a thing where it knows like don't reach out to them. So yeah, maybe my 13 are going to be whittled down. So couples, proximity, English speaking. And then I went through anybody that only has one photo, instant known. Especially if it was like a photo that was like torso down or something like that. Instant, instant known. Actually, what I found interesting was many of the profiles that were couples had one photo torso down of a man, which I thought was really strange. Yeah, it's almost like there's some single men out there that are potentially trying to pose as couples. Yeah, but normally they put like a, anyway. So those immediately, one photo, torso down, instant known. I looked for people in between our ages. How many profiles did you find? Because there's not that many. I probably looked at over 80. It's a city. It's a city. It's nearly a million people. I probably looked at 80 to 100 easily that were in, that kind of fit into these characteristics. Yep. I then, of ones that were of interest, so quickly on the main page, when it was sitting all there with the profiles, I quickly looked, photo, and then went, okay, they've got a couple of photos, they look kind of all right to us. and then I opened their profile and they only had like one line of text, probably not. And then out of the photos, when I saw them, ones that I like really liked were people's photos that showed they have some sort of personality, like they were at a music festival, they were doing similar things to what we liked. Ones that I removed immediately based on the photos, even if they matched with the previous filter, some of the preferences that I know we have, and then immediately yes or no'd them. And then I sent the messages. what I did. If you're wondering about the whole approach the unapproachable thing that I have going on, there were a few people immediately when I was looking through their photos, he had abs or she had abs or they were very thin or very fit or seemed very attractive where I almost, actually I did on one, didn't message them. So there was one profile in particular where I was like, they're too good for us. So I closed the profile down and then I went, what the fuck are you doing? Your whole thing is approach the unapproachable. So I opened the profile back up and I sent them a message. So all the people on that list, there are some people in that list where I I think we've got no chance in hell, but I still sent them a message. So we will see what comes. Given our photos, you probably could be right. Everyone we've met has said you look much better in real life than you do in your photos. So obviously our photos need some work. We'll see. And that will be part of the, if out of the 13, no one messages us back, then we need to sit down and go, what's wrong with our profile? What's wrong with our photos? Wow. Okay. I mean, I'm not a marketing company. There is only a group of people. a small group of people who will post finding the images appealing then use the profile wording to say no so in other words when a couple is looking at another couple and they find them physically attractive if they do that and then they read the profile it has to be something that's totally different to what they're into there was one for them to go i'm not going to i'm not going to contact there was one there was a very attractive couple yeah but so this is what i'm saying you're like we need The rest of the profile post the images is much less important than the images. Okay, fine. So images. There was one, though, where you immediately were not their type, so I didn't message them. Okay. And this is in capitals. The rest of their text was in lowercase. This is in capitals. If you are bald, it's an immediate no, do not message us. Well, that's... So I went, I was just about to say them, I was reading their thing, and I went, what? Well, that's a preference. I fully respect that. No, I know, but I'm just saying you didn't match that. Oh, I definitely don't match that. Rightio. Well, thanks very much. If you are listening on Spotify, drop us a comment directly in the episode because you can do that. I'd love to hear your story. So email us at email at wanderlustswingers.com. And until next time, stay curious, stay open-minded and keep wandering. Oh, that's the new finish. Yeah. Do you like it? It's not bad. It's not bad. Yeah. I don't hate it. So that's a pretty good step. That's pretty positive. Yeah. It's better than mine. Bye. That is actually commonly what You're just like, bye. Yeah. What do you got? Bye. Anything else? I mean, you've got this, babe. I'm just the side piece. Yeah. No, you're not. I've already got a side piece and she's pretty attractive. She's blonde. She's got nice hair. She's not bald. Are you saying that's a problem? Because I'm very fucking bald. She's my American side piece. Anyway, until next time, guys, thanks so much for listening and we'll catch you on the next episode. See ya. Oh, bye. Bye.