We answer your questions about the swinging lifestyle, want to know what we think about balancing the swinging lifestyle? What our swinging spirit animal is or how we tell people what kinds of swingers we are... listen in
We spend a bit of time discussing sexually transmitted infections (STi) in swinging as one of our community members wanted to know more about how to have 'the talk'
The episode is finished by sharing some of the responses we had to a recent question on twitter "what have you explored since you joined the lifestyle"
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References mentioned in this episode
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CDC Herpes Information
Living with Herpes
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Love, Peace and Respect
C&D
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Transcript
You're listening to Swinging Down Under, a podcast about the swinging, non-monogamous lifestyle from two crazy Australians with over four years of lifestyle antics to keep you entertained, informed, angry, happy, and horny. Join our international swinging adventures. G'day guys and welcome back to Swinging Down Under. This is episode 117. What are we talking about today? We are actually doing a mailbag episode with a twist guys. So we have some audio that we're going to share from our community, people that have sent in audio questions and we're going to answer them on air today.
One of them is about STIs. So we're actually going to spend a bit of time talking about STIs. I asked a question on Twitter and Instagram about STIs and your involvement with them in the swinging lifestyle. And so we're going to talk about the results of that poll, as well as the responses that we got. Before we get into it though, let's do our usual thing. Daryl, how do you feel about being harassed at 11 o'clock at night or six in the morning? Where are you generally sitting with that?
love it i mean i couldn't be happier to have somebody ask me irrelevant questions at irrelevant times of the evening it's uh it's great spectacular let's keep it up i don't know about irrelevant i think they're quite relevant because you never know when to whom when you might stumble upon a second hand butt plug and have to make the decision whether or not you use it is what i'm saying like you just don't know whether or not these things are going to happen well let's say irrelevant to me then shall we all right so let's get into that i'm going to share some harassment audio from daryl some would you rather questions and let's kick our episode off with some irrelevant questions good morning daryl would you rather use somebody else's used cock cage that maybe had some like dried up cum on it like it wasn't washed for two days or use a brand new cock cage for two weeks so potentially cum stained used cock cage for two days or brand new one for two weeks no you can't wash it you gotta wear it you gotta wear it dirty the new one the new one you'd rather wait two weeks yep to have freedom yep okay what you doing sleeping oh you're sleeping i think it's time to get up you want to get a coffee no love you i hate you so bad ah okay babe would you rather have sex i know you're playing with penny that's fine that's's me.
You're a bit grumpy in the morning. Yeah. Okay, would you rather have sex on a tatami mat? Or in an igloo? But like obviously in the igloo you've got like a rug down. So you've got tatami mat or an igloo. So what environment is the tatami mat? Tatami mats in Japan. There's an apartment in Japan. So just on a tatami mat.
I'll apartment in japan so just honestly i'll take the igloo why do you want to take the igloo because it's cooler not like temperature wise but just no temperature wise really yeah the igloos are like warm that's the that's the purpose no they're not they're zero degrees they're not warm well they're just warmer than They're warmer than the ambient temperature, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Sorry, Igloo. Yeah. Cool. Morning, Penny.
they're just warmer than the minus 40 outside temperature yeah okay yeah sorry igloo yeah cool morning penny yes that is penny now if you have ever visited our website then you would know that penny is actually an active part of the stu team and is on our is on our website i love it now before we do get into the bulk of the questions today i just want to take a moment and thank everyone who joined us on the virtual halloween swing party recently we put that on at fairly last minute as a free event and i really want to thank everybody for taking the time to come and join us for three hours of virtual fun but more importantly i want to thank our hosts casual swinger sapphic, and Swingers Help, because they put on a fantastic show and a couple of great games, and it was really delightful to kind of have that community kind of come together when things have been a bit shit.
So thank you very much, guys. But let's get into some questions. Are you ready? Daryl, are you ready? I'm ready and excited. Okay, drumroll. First question. Hi, Kate and Daryl. This is C& L. We've written to you before about our love of would you rathers. So we came up with a couple for you guys. Okay. So we have one for each of you. The first one is Daryl. Would you rather have someone who's been cutting jalapenos finger your asshole or have someone who's been eating jalapenos suck on your cock? All right.
And Kate, would you rather go to a public library and yell out, I love licking pussy or lick a pussy in front of a few random people in a library? We cannot wait to hear your answers to our ridiculous would-you-rathers. Have a great night. See, they're getting into it. That's some pretty sturdy would-you-rathers there. You know, I love you. I love you. You guys are fantastic. I love the fact that you sent that in. Daryl, jalapenos, where are you at? Well, I mean, I like jalapenos, so I'm not sure that I'd rule out either of those. It's a bit weird, though.
Have somebody fingering your arsehole? Sounds a bit stingy. Okay. Or blowjob. Which path are you going to take? Well, I mean, actually, some of the excitement pastes that are used by people, you know, the excitement fluids, it contains some very similar chemicals to these. So I'm just going to go with the blowjob. I mean, it's basically just the same thing as some of the excitement pastes that are used. You're going with the blowjob? Yeah. I mean, you could probably rub that on a clitoris and people would go, oh, it's tingly. It feels nice.
And in fact, you know and it doesn't feel nice and it does i've cut up pretty i've been cutting up chilies actually i made a chili paste once and let me tell you you really get in underneath your nails that's all i'm saying like get in there yeah yeah i mean it's much less much less likely for a woman to have that sort of issue though than a man given we touch our penis every time we go for a pee so yeah i can say i've certainly you know put a lot stronger than jalapeno on my penis over you know over the period of my life certainly a hell of a lot stronger something that made my eyes water after getting it on my penis like what what do you mean that remember that was it the scorpion chili was it the ghost chili ghost chili.
It was a ghost chili that I cut up in our home. You then decided to eat a big slice of it. That was a bad day in the household, in the SDU household. Yeah, and you spent the next 45 minutes with your face basically buried in a bowl of milk to try and cool yourself down. True story. And I nearly had to dangle my penis into the same bowl of milk.
Actually, we should that use the same bowl of milk you know okay i'm going to answer my question i would rather much rather walk into a library and scream i love looking pussy well you've basically done that anyway haven't you i like to shout things randomly in public i don't think that cnl quite realized that but you but you've but you've done that already except it wasn't on a library it was just a noisy library it was the i mean you announced to the world that you like to lick pussy the first time you announced it to me yeah as i'm saying i like to randomly announce stuff in public so you know yeah that's what i'm going with so thanks thanks very much cnl appreciate you for sending through that and i like the fact that you guys are enjoying the daryl harassment hour it's oh yeah i'm thank you for thank you for reinforcing that we had somebody reach out to us the other day saying it was the mail and he was saying you know i i really i really thought they were quite funny for a while until then my wife has now started doing it to me at random hours of the day and now i appreciate it much less so shout out to you guys as well all right let's uh let's let's see from the next person see what they ask us.
Hey guys, I'm Amber from Ohio. My husband and I enjoy listening to your podcast. We have a question for you. We've been in the lifestyle for a few years now. We enjoy going to hotel takeovers and clubs and have developed some really great friendships. We're a very active couple and I find that sometimes I just have a lack of sexual drive. So how do you balance work, kids, family, and make time to develop relationships in the lifestyle? Thank you again for all the help that we get by listening to your podcast. Bye.
This is a really big question because it's about balance of like all of those things. And then it's about sex drive too. Yeah, absolutely. I think it's very relevant for our current situation where we are right now in Singapore and how things exist in our relationship right now with some changes potentially coming in in terms of what we're doing with our life as well as a whole lot of other things that are going on all at the same time. So yes, it's a relevant question and it's very difficult is the short answer.
I think we all struggle with this at some point or another and certainly since we've been in singapore both of our sex drives have seen a downward slide in comparison to perhaps what we've had in other countries and to the point where we've had discussions with each other along the way around whether whether you know along with sex drive come along with sex comes intimacy of course and the question about well you know do you enjoy spending time with me and being intimate with me anymore uh because you know we've gotten to the point where things weren't where certainly i wanted them to be and i think the same for for you as well kate yeah you're 100 right and when amber actually sent this through instantly i was like i think the balance question is almost easier i mean pre-covid mightVID might be more difficult.
We don't have kids, the whole thing. How do you balance it all? But sex drive, you're a hundred percent. And I tell you what, girl, I'm there with you. Like we have had, as Daryl said, some pretty big discussions recently about sex drive, lack of sex drive. What are we going to do? How do we, how do we be intimate with each other?
And another thing too, and I love them to death, but monogamousamous marriage blog for an example have a sex diary that they published and sometimes when you're looking at these things from an outside perspective or on social media you can start to compare yourself comparitonitis I like to call it and it's not healthy because your circumstances are super different to the next person's and it's tough it's tough like I there's no easy fix to this right I don't know the biggest thing is to talk about it with your partner figure out maybe what some of the barriers are that's stopping you from having a nice uh you know feeling nice about yourself maybe or you know stopping you from wanting to be intimate or creating a bit of stress right and so for me it's just been you know things that are happening in our environment and you know me not feeling great about myself and so we've had many conversations about how to kind of make sure that we're looking after each other and we're still doing that now this is this is actually a very very current thing for us i think it was what was it last week we spoke about this the last time yeah absolutely i mean even just understanding what we consider intimate as individuals is something that's come up as well so and it will continue to come up as long as we're stuck in a situation that that is not a suit to our personalities so you know as long as COVID goes on we're going to be we're going to be dealing with with this as an ongoing scenario because frankly speaking and we like to travel we enjoy travel we enjoy traveling for work as well and if we don't do that then that's going to adversely affect our psychological scenario and that of course has an effect on everything so you know it's it it's a it's a tough thing to deal with but it needs to be dealt with you need to continue to deal with it on a day day by day week by week month by month scenario and and it means really tough conversations some of which that some of which end in tears or start, in fact.
And that's the thing. I think there's no shame in this. I'm really happy that you asked that question, Amber. I was actually thinking about writing a blog about this very thing, because as I said before, I do start to compare myself to other content creators and the amount of amazing sex that they're constantly having. And I start to feel even worse about myself.
And I just want to put it out there to everybody listening that our sex drive my sex drive in particular is is low at the moment I'm working on it you know and that's all you can really do and share it with your partner and hopefully they'll come along for the journey all right let's get to the next question shall we yes hi cnd this is andy from nashville tennessee my question for you is if you could pick any animal to describe your swing style, which animal would it be and why? In detail, as much detail as possible. Thanks. I love this silly question.
Now, everybody listening, that was actually Andy from Double Date Nation. If you didn't know who that was from Nashville, do you have an answer for this question?
Because I've thought about this a little bit.'ll let you go then so you can so i can you know propagate some lies i mean make something on this so true okay i've decided that my swinger spirit animal is a giraffe and let me tell you why when a giraffe is born they're super way awkward right they don't walk properly they're all funny they're tripping over all the time they make mistakes they butt into stuff they don't realize their height they don't realize anything so i're all funny, they're tripping over all the time, they make mistakes, they butt into stuff, they don't realise their height, they don't realise anything.
So I figure that the giraffe is very similar to me because it's a little bit awkward, right? It feels sometimes a little bit out of place, which I do, and it doesn't really kind of know what it's doing and then later it just kind of hangs about with a strange coloured tongue and just looking a bit weird. So therefore I figure I'm a giraffe. That's my swing spirit animal. You mean you're a baby giraffe?
Yeah, but as it gets older, because I've been in the lifestyle for longer, then it just kind of stands around with a weird, long, crazy coloured tongue just looking a bit awkward and random and odd and not quite fitting in with the rest of the animals. So I figure that's me. Okay. Yeah, that's my swing spirit animal. What's that got to do with swinging? Nothing. But it's a swing spirit animal, not my general spirit animal. What's it got to do with swinging? Okay, flirting. I'm super fucking awkward, like a giraffe trying to walk when it's born. But I've not seen any giraffes flirting.
When the giraffe is older and it's standing there looking a bit weird, that's kind of me at events where I'm like, hey, sup? You know what I mean? That's what I'm saying. That's how I'm relating it. What's yours? I'm surprised you didn't say squirrel, to be honest. That seems a bit more like you. Okay. Yeah. You're like fondling nuts. You're generally all over the fucking place, erratic. Your mind is erratic, which is why we come up with these questions, you know, these ludicrous questions, the erratic mind. You know, what else is there?
There's a whole lot of things that I think are squirrels. Sometimes I put a fluffy tail in my butt. Yeah, exactly. Sometimes you wear a tail. So that's another thing, right? I think your spirit animal is a squirrel. I think you got it wrong. What's yours? Well, giraffes are too tall as well. You know, you're not tall enough to be giraffe-like. Are you just carrying on the conversation because you don't have an animal to mention? Could be. I'll see you next time.
wrong what's yours well giraffes are too tall as well you know you're not tall enough to be giraffe are you just carrying on the conversation because you don't have an animal to mention could be so what animal would i be for i don't know there's just too many to choose from and it feels a little bit a little bit wrong in answer the answering the question as well all right we can move on um you know but i can i can comfortably look let me let me come up with something here something something interesting maybe a um a pig yeah maybe a pig you have a swirly swirly penis no i'm cute to look at okay i might smell a little bit okay but uh you know i make people laugh as well so pigs make people laugh yeah of course pigs but have you not seen a baby pig running around the house i used to have 20 pigs man i think i know what they look Thank you.
know i make people laugh as well so pigs make people laugh yeah of course pigs but have you not seen a baby pig running around the house i used to have 20 pigs man i think i know what they look like so you never laughed at the pigs is what you're saying i laughed when so i laughed so do pigs make people okay fine yeah so that's a that's a hard yes for those of you out there who are keeping score all right also they uh they, they sex for a long time. I'm just going to say that you have a swizzle stick penis, and then let's move on. But pigs don't have a swizzle stick penis.
You haven't seen a pig's cock? Yes, I have. Really? You're thinking of a duck's cock. Pigs have swizzle stick penises. No, they don't. It's like their tail. It's not at all like their tail. You're thinking of a duck's penis. All right, let's move on. Let's head on to the next one. Okay, let's get on to the next one. Thanks, Andy, weirdo. Hi, Kate and Daryl. This is Shane and Aaron. And we've been talking a lot recently about how to quickly and succinctly define our swinging play style.
So our question for you is how do the two of you define your play style and how quickly and how do you introduce this to new couples when you meet them? How soon does that happen in the interaction? When do you bring it up? Love to hear your thoughts on that. Bye. Bye. Oh, this is a really hard question. How early do you reckon we bring this up? I think we bring it up very early in conversation.
Just in conversation just i mean it's not it's just one of the i'll say standard questions on the way through to understand what is the other person so we generally ask them and then volunteer hours as part of that you know what are you guys into what do you like how do you like it you know that sort of thing and you know you get a response from that that you again generally come back to and say well okay so yeah we're into that we're not really and you know into this and especially if it if they come back and say the only things they say are totally not what you're into then you know it allows you to have that conversation there and say well perhaps it's not a good fit we're you know happy to chat and blah but okay yeah do it really, really early.
Okay. A key part of that question though was how do we succinctly tell somebody? How would you say in the most succinct way that you would explain us and our lifestyle? Absolutely.
So we are open to most things that are safe by definition, you know, safe and including safe sex, of course, by definition and safe in terms of personal safety if you're including things like bdsm and things like that but just coming back to to what i was saying you know we're open to most things provided they're provided they're safe and we agree to them either beforehand or or at the time and if we don't know whether we agree we'll kindly take our time to talk to each other and and discuss whether we will or will not move ahead with that so i don't think we rule anything out up front it's just more that we want to people to understand that we require time to discuss if we need to i was joking with them you know when i got this through and i sent them a message with perhaps what we would classify our label as and i was saying well we're socio-sexual swingers that full swap but We'll see you next time.
a message with perhaps what we would classify our label as and I was saying well we're socio-sexual swingers that full swap but also will soft swap but I'm also bisexual but that's very situational we also want pants on pants off friends and I was just going through with this huge long list of a way that you could identify and in fact actually I think on one of our dating sites it has this and then I was joking and said if you're still actually here like let's carry on as a bit of a joke because how do you succinctly say to somebody well I'm this but I'm this but I'm also this but only if the situation arises because you don't want to lead people down the garden path or give them expectations on you know I'm not going to say to somebody necessarily I'm bisexual straight up because I may not be attracted to the other woman I she may not be bisexual so it's funny because it's a really good question how do you succinctly say to somebody this is what I'm into and to your point Daryl sometimes that changes sometimes we have very different desires or wants or you know we're exploring something new and then it's very much more more of a case of like hey we're open to trying these different things and let's have a conversation about it.
And I think that can evolve on the relationship or on the night as well. I remember one time we went to Colette and we just wanted to experience like, take no names, have some sex with some people in the orgy bed and that's it. And that was not necessarily something that we would do. So if I was going to introduce that to somebody, I wouldn't say, hey, we like to fuck and have orgies on a first date. I would not necessarily say that because that was a one-time thing, right? Yes. So yeah, good question. To answer, I think I'll probably just go with what Daryl said.
You know, we're open to trying new things, to meeting new people, to exploring what life has to offer, but safely. Safety and consent. All right, let's move on.
Hello, this from phoenix arizona my question is who is more enjoyed by watching or being watched and are you guys into swinging or just cuckolding thank you very much i like the fact that there was some crickets in the background that wasn't actually me putting those crickets in the background that was legit there was crickets in the background legit crickets when he was recording that so thanks sean for your uh your question who enjoys being watched or watching more i would say that you enjoy being watched more but you would probably enjoy us me being watched more would that be a fair statement i don't really think i have a preference to either you don't no i think i i enjoy watching and being watched it's depend it's just depends on what what it all looks like i really don't um i really don't mind i think it's sexy either way certainly i have a preference well there would be a small preference toward watching you but that's not you know that's not a preference to watching in general it's just watching you so if we're going to a swingers club like right now and the world wasn't heading to custard and it was safe and healthy to do so if we were going to one right now and we walked in to the orgy room would you rather right now in the current daryl moment watch or put on a performance where would you be i'd rather sit back and watch you with other people is that just because we haven't had that in a while and that's something that's missing no i think if you if i was put into that position a lot of the time that would be the response but not all of the time okay yeah so let's let's say if you have to rule a bias then i would say that's my bias toward toward watching but again it's watching you yep not just watching other people got it just watching other people is is interesting to me but it's not it's not engaging i kind of miss it actually because it's been so long since we've been in an environment like that it seems i would like to see that now hey just uh something to keep in mind here with covid it'll be a long time before you're back in that environment as well i know i just you know gotta say i like to be watched more than i like to watch okay just generally as a general throwing it out there okay are we more into swinging versus cock holding swinging i would say um however i am trying to actually interview a psychologist about cock holding in an upcoming episode so hopefully fingers crossed everybody listening i've sent some emails to some psychologists and i'm trying to get them to come on the podcast so cross your fingers i think we're more of much more of a swinging couple than we are a cuckold couple especially given i don't think we're a cuckold couple i'd say a hot wife couple would be the better way to put it for us i mean but it's all just it's all definition for definition sake it's somewhere between cuckold and hot wife ta-da ta-da okay this next one i'm reading because this person did actually try for about an hour to send through voicemail and there was some technical issues so i'm going to read it for you so this one is from boobs and busted what is the worst injury you have sustained if you're wondering why the last part of our handle says boobs and busted is because that's me.
My hospital report says it all bad aim on attempted re-entry. Yes, I'm that guy who has snapped his dick three major surgeries later and it's back to magnificent. Although it wasn't on my bucket list to lose my foreskin at age 50. Whoa. Yeah. Okay. I really, really want to get him on the podcast because not many men can talk about having or remember having sex with either, with both, with both a foreskin and without a foreskin. So I think that's really interesting that they've got both perspectives on having sex with and without a foreskin. So thank you very much.
The worst injury that I have sustained when we've been swinging, I'm going to say is not necessarily a physical injury. I mean, I've fallen off beds, I've hit my head, you know, I've done all of that stuff. My biggest injury is always something like Thank you. is not necessarily a physical injury. I mean, I've fallen off beds, I've hit my head, you know, I've done all of that stuff.
My biggest injury is always something like a urinary tract infection or a yeast infection that then is quite painful and then I have to go and spend hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dollars at a bloody doctor to get fixed. So I'm classifying that as my worst injury. Yeah, that is a bad injury. I suppose my closest, my worst injury is actually, that is a bad injury. I suppose my closest, my worst injury is actually pretty close to his in ways. Not a re-entry scenario though, but a shower sex scenario. This is a PC pre-Kate.
I thought I'd also broken my penis, similar to what you were talking about. Instant pain, instant lack of erection. That was pretty uncool. Yes.
boobs or bust boobs and bust it thanks for your uh thanks for your question love it uh love to get you on the podcast now i'm we're going to take a quick break before the next question because this is an sti related question and we've got a lot of topic a lot to talk about this particular topic so we'll give you guys a break we're back in a second okay so we're back to talk about stis okay guys so here's I'mi question i'm going to play it for you now hey guys our question is about stds or stis in the lifestyle so for us personally this is probably one of our biggest concerns so we make a point to practice safe play safe sex and routinely get tested but for the short time that we've been in the lifestyle we've had two couples disclose to us prior to moving on to any type of play that they had contracted HSB 2 in the past, but went on to say that they had not had any flare-ups in years.
When researching both type 1 and 2, we were very surprised to learn how common it is with something like 70% of the world's population having type 1. This has us questioning how often people may not know they have it or don't disclose it at all. So our question for you, have you ever been in the position where someone has disclosed something like this to you and how did you maneuver it without making them feel alienated? Thanks guys. Really good question. And I thought that it was very important, the ending of that, you know, how do you discuss this without making people feel alienated?
Or how do you discuss this without making them feel bad about themselves? And there was a mention in there about the world's population having STIs. And that's absolutely true. So if you look at the World Health Organization or the CDC stats, and I'm going to specifically talk about HSV here for a second, HSV1, that's 67 or so percent of the world's population have it. There was a mention in there that maybe people don't know about it. And so just briefly, I want to just mention some polls that I did having received this question on both Twitter and Instagram.
So I asked the question, have you ever had someone disclosed an STI to you? So someone has saying to you that I'm positive for an STI, enter STI here. 43% of the respondents said yes, they have had somebody disclose. That was on Twitter. And so 56% said no. And then on Instagram, 40% said yes and 60% said no. And the reason I think that's relevant to our conversation today is, Daryl, have you ever had anyone in the swinging lifestyle tell you that they got an STI? We haven't, no. I mean, I certainly haven't. Certainly not anyone that we were about to play with, for example.
So we have had people in the lifestyle tell us that they've been exposed to something, but we haven't had anyone that we were, I suppose, on the path to play with at that particular time. So I think there is a vast stigma around some of these STIs. The most prevalent STI is one that nobody has ever protected, well, very few people have protected themselves against, and in fact, most of us have probably had at some point in our life without even realising it.
So, you know, and for those of you who aren't aware, I'm talking about the human papilloma virus, which is responsible for cancer in women in many parts of the reproductive system and also cancer in men in many parts of their oral and throat region so ear nose throat scenarios so there is i mean so cancer being one side effect and the other one is one potential the other one is uh is actually is warts so generally most well known as genital warts so there is a whole lot of i suppose misconceptions out there about an awful lot of these diseases in terms of what they're the scope of them is and how damaging they could potentially be and also there's a lot of them that are just simply ignored you know i think i would like to draw kate's mind back to the the fact that just recently she realized that tertiary stage syphilis will actually kill you so you so if you make it through stage one and stage two without noticing then you can quite literally die from syphilis even though it's curable very quickly with a common antibacterials at this point but you know that there's a lot of stigma around this in some cases there doesn't need to be and certainly when somebody's giving you the option to make decision, I think that there should be absolutely no stigma applied because they're doing the right thing.
They're giving you the option to actually make that decision.
Now, again, one of the other misconceptions around HSV is that it's also something that, you know, when you talk about one or two people say, well, one's the good one and two's the bad one or the other way around whichever one they're whichever way they're thinking about both of those can be contracted through sexually sexual interaction and both of them can be expressed on sexual organs on your body so as far as as far as the concern goes either one of those there's a chance of exposure to additionally, the exposure can be had with or without protection.
So condoms do not protect actively against either one of those, because in fact, it is expressed in every part of your skin, basically, after you've had the infection. So yeah, it's a tough one. I mean, if you're not willing to take that risk, you express that. That's the easiest way to put it and say we're not in any way saying that it's something that other people might not be okay with, but for us in our part of our journey, in our sexual lifestyle, that's not something that fits with what we're willing to take a risk on.
So thank you for being honest and we urge you to continue doing that and there are many other people out there that are have been exposed to the same thing and they would be very excited to hear that you offer that to them and give them the chance as well to say yes and also make you feel comfortable in the fact that you you can be you can be more expressive with people i applaud people for making that decision yeah actually, I mean, I've got so much to say about this particular topic.
And so just rolling back to what this person said to us that they had, you know, two couples recently approached them. I mean, that is fantastic. That's what you want to see. You want to have these conversations. You want to have these transparent conversations. I mean, we talk about consent a hell of a lot.
You know, recently we shared on the the podcast about you know assessing your risk when it comes to COVID and you know this is no different you know sexual health but there is a big bloody taboo that I think we all need to work around and by doing so have these having these conversations and you know sharing your situation but if you're on the receiving end of that being thankful for that person sharing that part of themselves and allowing you then to make the decision whatever your risk profile is whatever you're comfortable with you know at least having a moment of thanks and a big thing here I think too is to not apologize you know the amount of people that we've spoken to or I've seen talk about this online maybe you know say hey I'm really sorry to tell you or I'm sorry that I've got you know herpes and I don't you know I think that's making it again it's kind of making a bit more negative and I think that we need to be unapologetic about our sexual health status and I think we need to be thankful that we're having these conversations and the verse of that is being unapologetic to the fact that maybe you don't want to play with those people for whatever reason and the other person saying thank you very much for your honesty you know i think those are some great conversations to your point daryl you mentioned that there is a lot of misconceptions misunderstanding out there i 100 agree i think a lot of the time you don't know about these stis until you're either talking about it with your gp you have a scare maybe you're getting tested, or you're having conversations with girlfriends or male friends or just lifestyle friends that may be having a scare themselves or going through this as well.
You know, until that is kind of in your face, I don't think you tend to do a lot of research on it. And let's be fair, sex education is not great. And I'll tell you an example of this. I had no idea. I was one of those people that was like, oh, HSV-1, that's, you know, that's cold sores. It's fine. It's nothing. It's, you know, it's the good one like you said. And then, oh, HSV-2, you know, that's a bad one. And when you start researching it, you realise, well, hold on a second, HSV-1 is oral herpes and you can get oral herpes on your genitals. You can get it anywhere. Exactly.
It doesn't have to be on your genitals. It can be anywhere on your body. Exactly. So it's super confusing when somebody says to you, hey, I've got HSV-1, Well, that's just, it's oral herpes. Yes. But that doesn't mean it's just restricted to their mouth. It means that they could have actually received a blow job from somebody else who has that and then has put it onto their genitals. So I think the biggest thing here is actually just self-education and talking to your GP and talking to your friends and finding out what's going on and having these conversations. Yes.
And by the way, we got many things wrong in this conversation. Well, we did. I mean, there's going to be people out there everywhere saying, well, there's some things that you've said wrong here. You're absolutely right. If you think we've gotten things wrong and you think that we're not describing these viruses or bacterial infections in the way they should be, that is 100% up to you. And it's 100% up to you to do your research. We are not doctors. We try our best to get the information that's relevant, but we are not doctors.
That is a discussion between you and your GP or your specialist to really understand exactly what this means to you, your relationship, and also what it means to you talking to your potential swing partners about.
People want to know and certainly making sure that you're as safe as you can be is in the best interest of of everyone in the lifestyle whether you're whether that means you safely safely exposing to them through through conversation that there is something that they might have they might have concern about you know i think requirement upon all of us to make sure that we're doing the best for the people that we we enjoy spending time with and i will say this actually so as i said before about you know don't be apologetic about some of this stuff and be thankful that these conversations are having remembering too that this might not be malicious you know while we said there 67 of people have hsv1 and i tell you what the last time i got tested and i did the full test and this is really important to mention as well when you get your standard STI panel tests normally they do not include herpes they only generally test for herpes if you specifically ask or if you're having some kind of breakout and they can swab the infected area on the breakout to really confirm it but you have to actually request specifically to have an STI test that includes herpes and that's what I'm saying maybe it's not malicious yeah so that that test includes you having herpes antibodies exactly what I was about to say doesn't necessarily mean that you've had that you have had a breakout or right it means you've had an exposure and this is what I'm saying the GP was so shocked because when I got my results through and I had the blood tests, I had the full panel on the blood tests and my GP was just astounded.
I would say flabbergasted by the fact that I didn't have the antibodies for HSV-1 because it is so prevalent. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it's... She was shocked. I actually came home and I said to you like, hey, she was really shocked I didn't have the antibodies.
The interesting thing, or one of the other things to keep in mind there is typically as you get older, your exposure rate and potential becomes higher as well because, you know, there's a higher chance that somebody who is older has had more exposure to more people, and that means non-sexually as well as potentially sexually, which means you've had a higher risk of exposure, which means potentially you've got a higher risk of passing that on.
So, you know, I was, I think I've said this earlier in one of one of our podcasts but yeah my mum my mother said to me very early on you know when you're kissing when you're kissing older people you know make sure that make sure you look at what their lips look like before you kiss them you know just to make sure that there's no active HSV locations on their face because it's a higher likelihood that they might have been exposed throughout the whole the whole run of their life so you know it was an interesting thing do i i don't necessarily agree that's that's the case of course because even i mean that was how i think people looked at it again it's not necessarily a mother's fault but it's just because you weren't educated on it so an example of this is that if i shared lip gloss with my girlfriend she doesn't even need to be having an outbreak right now i may actually end up with HSV-1 because I've shared lip gloss.
I don't even need to be sexually engaged with her. You know what I mean? And I think, again, I think the reason they're so taboo is because we just have a lack of information and understanding about them. How many times have people put on lipstick at a lipstick vending stand? 100%. You know, there's a potential there as well.
Granted, it's low than yeah of course it's lower than than direct interaction but it's still a potential yeah all right so we asked some questions on twitter we did the poll we asked some questions and i think we got some really fantastic responses from people and so i really want to take a moment to to talk about these responses before we move on to our next topic so the first ones were it's actually from from dave and i asked again you know have you has this been discussed with you and some people added some some context and i really liked it so they said before the first unprotected sex 12 months into the relationship they they realized that they were they had genital warts and it was controlled by meds so again you know whilst some of these things are lifelong some of these stis are lifelong some of them can be easily Again, it's something that people don't realize, but it's understanding it, right?
And so this one was controlled by meds. And two, he was saying like, she was scared that I'd make a really big deal about it. We wore condoms. We wear condoms when she has a breakout. No issue there. They're a couple there together.
So I think that, you know, that's a really good example of even just a normal relationship, you know, uh you know their situation and then moving forward with it yeah for sure i mean certainly that conversation that you've had with your partner is something that you should have the respect to have with your with your non-non-primary partners as well maybe it's a good opportunity even if you are looking at this to practice that you know if you're a couple practice role play talking to other couples or other singles people role play yeah having these conversations you've spent too many years years in sales let's role play it it'll be fine what do you got sonoma pair said we've had we have had hsv2 disclosed to us but it wasn't going to be disclosed if we didn't ask yeah okay and this is interesting because actually tara james said the same thing she said i've always had to start the conversation otherwise it wouldn't have happened this seems to be a common thing and again if you go back to the percentages of people who have you know said they've had the conversation but again it might not be malicious you know what i mean but in this case i think you know they were saying if it wasn't going to be disclosed if we hadn't asked i mean that's obviously a little bit malicious but maybe some people don't know too some of the times oh yeah i think certainly there's an Thank you.
what i mean but in this case i think you know they were saying if it wasn't going to be disclosed if we hadn't asked i mean that's obviously a little bit malicious but maybe some people don't know too some of the times oh yeah i think certainly there's an aspect of that or denial that comes along with it as well yep because there is a stigma associated with this so people tend to try and bend that stigma sure yeah absolutely what else have you got from rick and rachel we had friends close to us that the husband had HSV-1 before anything.
He disclosed, I guess, that he had HSV-1 before anything got physical. We did our homework and it worked out great. I contracted HSV-1 from someone else early in the year and our friend's disclosure gave me a good model going forward. Yeah. There we go. So he's saying that he disclosed, he contracted it from somebody who didn't tell him about it. So he's saying the first friends, they knew about it. Then they did some research. Gotcha. Yeah. And then he's saying that the other people that he got it from didn't disclose it. Sorry, English is my second language. Australian's my first language.
So cut me some slack. Yeah. And what I liked about that is the fact that they're saying it gave a good model for moving forward.
So in other words, the people who originally said hey this is our situation they're now using that to have the conversations with other people moving forward not like that second couple who didn't disclose or perhaps didn't know that they had it yep um so i thought that was that was really good as well let's see what else we have here so yes i've got a yes but it was them telling us a story about how they both received one from another couple a couple of months prior.
So that was kind of how they disclosed it to them was maybe we've got it and we received it from a couple recently or something like that. Yeah, okay. I think you had a good one from the Spicy Studios too over there, Daryl. It takes a lot to disclose for a person, but I wholeheartedly appreciate it if they do. Agree. Yep.
No, thanks does take a lot absolutely that's why i think role play is so important actually actually and on that um there is a youtube video of a lady talking about how to have the conversation that you have herpes with a sexual partner and i thought that was really really interesting so definitely kudos to her for sure okay so from simon and said that, yeah, we've had it for quite a few years. A few weeks ago, a couple we played with us rang and let us know that they had contracted an STI the week before we played with them.
An honest couple we've come across is on a swingers app where we have both had the, they've had the handle of herpes lush life.
So, and interestingly enough, actually, when I was having these conversations with people, I got some private messages and it was one person telling me that they have it and they're on a special site dedicated to other people who have stis and so that's what you know they that's how they find people it's other people that have stis as well sadly they were saying you know they don't feel welcome or they don't really they feel a bit awkward going on a normal site or they'd feel awkward going to a resort or an event with it. And so that's why they go specifically to that site.
And I think this is why it's important to remove some of that because absolutely you should be welcome on all sites and at all locations. If you're having these conversations, why not? Yep. Agreed. Okay. I have a couple here and I want to mention these before we move on and wrap up this topic of STIs. Okay. And this one's from James. I'm a fairly educated person, but no idea if I have HSV. Would I have symptoms? Am I tested if I go to a GYN? I want all the STI testing available. And what are some common communicable infections?
The scratchy throat, if you're not sure if it's late night or germs. And this is what I'm talking about. It's a hundred, a And as I said before, not all STI testing panels include herpes. So you may not know, and you may not be aware that you're actually carrying it. And so how can you have these conversations if you're not aware is a really difficult one. And then she goes on to say that STIs generally have a negative connotation. Most things are now very treatable. 100% they are.
And thanks for mentioning that because she says says I'd be really pissed if I'm unknowingly exposing somebody else or if I'm unknowingly exposed to like a flu or a strep throat all that so she's saying I'm not saying I'm not worried or worried about or taking precautions about STIs but that there may be a focus too much on how we get something rather than what we might get and I agree with that because that last statement of rather than what we might get is what leads you to then knowing how treatable is it how is it treated you know what's the precautions and all of those kinds of things so hey guys that's that's STIs I think it's good to have the conversation I think it's good to thank somebody when they do have the conversation with you you know in conversations even with your friends when you're at lifestyle events you know talk about these these topics because the more that we talk about them the more that we try to understand the actual STI better as well as understand the people who have it better I think the better we're going to be as a community as a general whole community and as I mentioned before if you want to get herpes testing done you got to request it separately all right let's take a break let's come back and we're going to talk about what's something new that you've tried since you joined the lifestyle so we're going to get on to a topic about new things be right back soon after this break all right guys so i recently asked a question on twitter asking what is something new that you have tried since you got into the lifestyle and these are some really interesting and exciting questions so we're going to close out the podcast today interesting inciting answers interesting and exciting answers yes sharing some of what you shared with us on twitter so i want to say thank you to that for the love of sex i would say dirty talk as a reserved sexual couple we spent many many years not verbally expressing our fantasies and desires now infants in our lifestyle journey the dirty talk during our own sex has exploded with verbal fantasies about sexy couples that we've met and i went on to follow up with them and they said it's even elevated in their own bedroom i love that dirty talk good for you guys thanks for sharing so something new uh our secret life apart from swinging we are experimenting far more with sub dom play and bdsm it's actually a half finished blog post for them.
Half-term kids lockdown all have given me a bit of writer's block, probably more than a bit of the fact that you have other things to keep yourself busy with at the moment. I'm hoping to finish it next week though. So that's an interesting one.
I mean, it's certainly something that I think we, well, I would say you more than me have shown more interest in over the uh over our term in the lifestyle is that i think you've expressed a little bit more interest into into bdsm or dom subplay as well so there's some commonality there i suppose yep and get ready daryl because there's quite a few of those in our list today so the next one is beach bed couple and their answer is light bdsm and in in particular the flogger it's so versatile from the lightest sensation to a sharp sting it's an absolute game changer yeah kiss and tell very similar in what they've put forward as well and coming out of their buy closet decades after decades of hiding it so that's uh that's a big one big one for kiss and tell and similar actually we've got buy and buy 45 here and their response is by play is the biggest difference for us we have also added flogging and impact play to our catalog with mr more submissive and mrs more dom and i think that's nice to actually explore some of that not just the bisexuality but even with the dom sub play maybe those aren't your those aren't your your standard state of state of mind in your day-to-day life but in your lifestyle play, or maybe in your own bedroom, that kind of can flip.
You might be treating it as some form of escapism. Is that what you're trying to say? No, it could flip. So for example, if I'm more submissive in the household, just generally, I'm a more submissive individual at my work or in the household, but in the bedroom, I may flip over and I might enjoy being more dominant and I've just got no idea about it. So I love the fact that people are experimenting more with it. Yeah, absolutely. Honeyspoon is on the same train. Definitely like BDSM and switch play between them both and understanding and being more open and honest about their kinks. Love it.
Many brothers here have said again, sub Dom play, pegging, exhibitionism and shibari. Amazing. I mean, shibaris are so beautiful. Whether we ever swing again or not, trying it has improved our sex and our lives. So I like that. They're really positive. I've got a couple of others here. One's from Black J-Can Guy or BLK J-Can Guy. So I'm guessing that's Black Jamaican guy as a guess. Maybe. For me, it was MM oral and touching. Never considered myself bi before, but it happened once while playing with a couple, and I've been cool with it happening since.
I have no interest in whatsoever in male-to-male play without others, so women or couple in the room with him, but he's okay with it if exposed to it. So a bit more of a puppy play scenario for him then. Yeah. I like that, thanks for sharing. Puppy pile, you mean? Puppy pile, yeah, did I say puppy play? Yeah, that's... Okay, Popeye said that we have been in the lifestyle for more years than I care to count, but it was that very first buy experience that convinced me that maybe my husband was not just a naughty bugger.
Obviously, he's probably one of the people that brought it up in the relationship. He had a good idea that I would enjoy it and he is so right. I love being bi. So that's from her perspective. Cool. Yeah. And then I've got another one here that is from His Cock Her Tail and they said, well, swinging has obviously been the main thing and the experiences that obviously come along with that. But we have also experimented with such areas as BDSM, including restraint and impact play and strap-on play as well.
So I've had a few people there mention pegging, you know, and that's, I think that's a really interesting dynamic to add into your relationship, especially if you haven't explored it before. And actually, if you want to look into doing that and you're wondering what apparatus to get or what to do, definitely go check out Buy the Buy podcast. They did an entire episode on that, I think about two years ago, so you'll have to check their back catalogue. But that definitely was interesting about the different kinds of strap-ons and things that you can buy. Cool.
And the last one I have, which I think is really quite an interesting one, and it's from CC2349.
The interesting thing here is that cc actually kind of a little self-deprecation in here saying it's a lame answer but for I'm guessing her just because it's lingerie and there is no such thing as male lingerie to my experience haven't been able to find it yet so she says that it for her it was lingerie she didn't own a single piece of lingerie before the lifestyle and really didn't see the point because it was she was incredibly self-conscious and and couldn't figure out why she would bother trying um and it wouldn't look good anyway so why bother right um now she has tons tons of lingerie all of which i might add um just as a side note is it is the worst investment ever because lingerie stays on you know It's the least worn thing you'll ever purchase.
And she absolutely loves getting dressed up, teasing, never thought that she'd get into it as much as she has actually wearing it or being in the lifestyle in general, but it really helped her build her self-confidence.
So I'm glad that you can look in the mirror now and see somebody that you're at least more happy with looking back because that's a really it's a really exciting place to be it's it's not fun to look into the mirror and not like what you see in return yeah i absolutely agree and and i i echo what you're saying there the fact that she said it's a kind of tame answer i love this answer you know it just goes to show you that you don't need to necessarily be out there building an eiffel tower with shibari suspended from the ceiling and flogging yourself with needles or something in order to be considered, you know, into exploring something.
Something as simple as exploring having lingerie and making yourself feel more confident and sexy is amazing. And I love that takeaway.
And I really appreciate you, Cece, for sharing that because I'm sure that a lot of women echo that so that is the what's something you've tried since joining the lifestyle section and thank you so much everybody who responded to us with that question on twitter it was a really engaging conversation and i appreciated the hell out of it but that's it for us today daryl that's it for our questions and answers our mailbag episodes and sti rambling and then closing it on out with things that people have enjoyed yeah absolutely so thanks thank you thank you all thank you all for your input and uh yes and thank you for convincing kate that she should continue to ask me totally irrelevant questions at dawn thanks so much for tuning 117.
It was a mailbag episode, but we tried to put a little bit of a spin on it and use some of the audio from our community. We really appreciate the hell out of you guys. Talking about appreciation, we have four new Patreon members for November. I really want to say a big thank you to Rick, Erin, Kelly from St. Louis, and Charles. Thank you so much for joining us. We really appreciate all of your support. We hope that you enjoy some of those bonuses that we put out for you guys. That about wraps it up for today's episode, everyone.
I am going to add some links to the show notes today about some of the stats we've talked about today from World Health Organization, WebMD, CDC. I'm also going to put that YouTube I mentioned in there about living with herpes from Lorene HD. So please go and check them out as well as a link for stdcheck.com as well. And you guys can go and check that out. And if you would like to get tested, it is an easy way to do it as well, because it's private and it just comes to your house.
So super, super convenient, super easy right now, especially with COVID, maybe you don't want to go and hang out in a doctor's office just, you know, for safety reasons. So again, appreciate you guys. Hope that you're all healthy, happy, well. Please do hit us up on swingingdownunder.com. If you've got any questions, you can leave us a voicemail, drop us an email. We really want to hear from you guys. But otherwise, we'll see you again soon. Thank you again. Bye.
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