How to find other swingers? Swingers Dating Sites, Selection Criteria and finding swinging play partners are some common questions asked but... how do these change based on your environment
Do you change your desires, wants and criteria when you're searching for a swinging couple on an online swingers dating site versus a club environment? What if you're just after a one night stand or perhaps looking for a more polyamorous or pants on/off friendship.
Are you pickier at a club or online? We discuss this and more during today's episode.
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Transcript
Speaker1: You're listening to the Wanderlust Swingers podcast with Aussie hosts, Kate and Daryl. If you're curious about exploring your sexuality or the swinging, hot wiping and non-monogamous lifestyle, you've definitely come to the right podcast. Or maybe you just love travel adventures. Either way, we share our personal, sometimes juicy, sexy stories, as well as Swers club and event reviews interviews with other sassy people and of course our global swinging adventures we try to bring you a look into the diverse lifestyle that the swinging and non-monogamous community has we hope you enjoy now let's get into the episode if you missed our last episode uh head back over and have a listen to that because you will get that reference now guys welcome back we are talking about selection criteria let me give you guys a bit of a rundown on why i want to talk about selection criteria and where i thought this topic could go recently when we discussed our mfm threesome we spoke about how i just kind of wanted to look for a one-night stand and in doing so we stumbled upon a person who's actually quite lovely and we've hung out with uh just for non-play sessions afterwards and it got me to thinking yeah but no other play sessions afterwards so you know sort that shit out what is your selection criteria for different i, ways that you interact in the lifestyle? So, for example, do you have different criteria for perhaps a night out at a swingers club, picking up a unicorn or a manicorn, finding longer term pants on pants off play partners, a foursome connection, an orgy? Do you have different selection criteria for each of these? Are you asking me this? I'm asking you. Do you think that we as a couple, or even even when you're vetting single guys do you think that when we are looking for these connections online say for example do you think we have different selection criteria than if we're at a club looking for a connection for a one-night stand so do we have a different yes i suppose i mean certainly for single men we do versus for starters a manicorn versus a unicorn because one's female one isn't so yeah there's certainly that aspect but i don't i don't really know i think the most of most of these things is just about the the individuals that are involved so an orgy i mean an orgy's different again i mean how do you select for orgy? I don't think an orgy is something that you generally plan. It's kind of more of a, we found a group of people that are cool and they're all hanging out at the same time, so we hang out with them. Well, that in itself is selection criteria then, isn't it? Because your selection criteria kind of goes out the window. You're like, they look attractive enough, it's here, I'm in for some fun, let's have an orgy. Yeah, but the only orgies we've ever been involved in is with people that we've known for quite a period of time and generally, you know, like everyone, well, not generally, we like everyone in the room. Yeah, and would or have played with people in that group anyway. So I think the selection criteria for an orgy for us is be one of our previous conquests or future. Well, actually, that particular one you're talking about, we actually hadn't had sex with anybody in that group before. We just knew them.
Speaker2:
Hadn't we? No.
Speaker1:
Well, fuck, we hadn't either.
Speaker2:
Mm-hmm.
Speaker1:
But we were. We did by the end of the night. We did know them. So I think that that's probably what you're talking about.
Speaker2:
Yeah.
Speaker1:
Longer pants-on, pants-off play partners. 100% I think we look for very specific selection criteria when we're talking about those people. Yeah. Because we want them to, for example, like the things we like as well, as opposed to just being attractive and interesting in bed. Yeah. Well, it makes me sad. And it does make you sad. It makes me sad too. And then what about a night at a club? I think your selection criteria, again, is very different because you're not necessarily requiring these people to be interested in all the things you're interested in yes yes I agree it's it's all a night out at a club is different of course it's different when you're single I don't think any of these things are different when you see I think these are as different when you're single as they are when you're in the lifestyle can you explain or elaborate on that a little bit more well yeah night out on a club you'll probably less be less particular about their their emotional intelligence and intellect and all that sort of thing and the things that you find sexy uh longer term which is feeds in more to the pants on off pants on long-term partner friendship scenario a foursome connection is i suppose for me the same thing as a night at a club because you you know you need a foursome connection even at a night out on a club it's pretty rare unless you're there by yourself that you would you know not do that you know what i mean yep so that seems to be the same to me unicorn and manicorm picking up a single person I think is yes you're more particular there because it certainly for the for the males it's it's a lot harder to find males just aren't twats what would you say like what's a big difference between us picking up a couple in a club versus us looking for maybe yeah yeah, pants on pants off friendship. They have to be able to hold a conversation and be emotionally and intellectually aligned with where we are. Do you think things like political or religious cultural things kind of come into play here that there's some either similarities or respect for what the other people believe in? I think a healthy want to debate the topics that you feel strongly about is more important than either of those things. Okay. And I mean debate, not fight. It's a very different thing. Discuss. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, debate is truly that, you know, you walk away from it without a winner, which is what fights are as well, but they normally end in a different way. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, so, no, I think it's really important that you're willing to stand up for what you believe in, and I actually find that attractive as well. Yeah. Of course. Respectfully stand up for what you believe in. Yeah, of course. You know, there's, of course, limits to that. Like, you know. Don't be a dick. Well, I'm not going to be interested in somebody who's respectfully describing how Nazis are cool, for example. Yeah. Like that's, there's, there's a, there's an obvious limit to all of this sort of stuff. So it's some alignment, yes, but some dis, some misalignment as well, because if people are not misaligned, then. What are you going to talk aboutigned, then if they're the same as you, then potentially they could be really quite boring.
Speaker2:
Okay. Yeah.
Speaker1:
Let's talk about some of the responses that I had. So this comes from OSAR242, and there are a couple, and they said, we absolutely have – Man, your parents hated you. It's a terrible name. It's a screen name, obviously. Well, thanks for that. Just making sure you knew that.
Speaker2:
We absolutely have different selection, different criteria for each – You know I'm older than you, right? Yep. We absolutely have different criteria for every scenario. The biggest difference in browsing online profiles versus in person at a club or party. In person, it's much easier to just go with a gut feel. We would likely entertain people outside our norms because it just feels right in the moment online we're screening based on the most likely types of people that will lead to a successful interaction it's really well written in order to meet someone from an online profile we need to wish i had put as much thought into this as osa 242 in order to meet someone from an online profile we need to carve out time out of our schedule so we're pickier to ensure that we wouldn't be wasting our time. This is a non-issue when we're meeting someone when we're already out, i.e. at a club. We really only consider couples and single women. We tend to only consider people we'd be open to making longer-term friendships with and that's no different for either scenario. The criteria for couples is more flexible in that we'd entertain a straight swap or swap with female female play for a single woman she must be bi and our female must be attracted to her in that way we have no interest in a two-on-one mfm it's got to be an ffm so there you go so that i think you're saying i'm getting bent out of shape by the but then you read it i mean come on it's really important it's a very important thing to get right which is why i didn't know which one it was now i know it is it's ffm i think that was really well written and i liked how they're talking about when they're online and they're going to the effort of getting ready going out of their house there's more effort involved in that just do like i do don't ever leave the fucking house and therefore their selection criteria might be what they're saying is a little bit more picky whereas when they're in the club already they're already dressed they're already out so they're more open to flexing a little bit on that i think it's really interesting i think it's really interesting as well actually much more thought out it's almost like they had time to prepare whereas i just you know you asked me off the bat and i spewed out my brain brain hole and it didn't really work very well. Let's read another response we had. So this one was from Angela, Angela2208. First, let's assume that we're all... See, Angela's parents were much nicer to her than Osa. First, let's all assume that we are all sober and not desperate. My criteria are different at 9pm versus drunk at 1am in a club, the bar being progressively lower each hour. Wow. Sorry, where are you? I'm happy to be at the bottom of the p.m. versus drunk at 1 a.m. in a club the bar being progressively lower each hour well sorry where are you I'm happy to be at the bottom of the bar hey at least they're honest yeah that's what I loved about this I was like that's true I mean when we're talking about selection criteria that in itself well is it 9 p.m. or is it 1 a.m. at a club very different same thing you get with selection criteria if you're at like a five-day event and on the last night everybody's like shit we better swap with somebody we haven't all week and so that might look a little different as well so it's good it's a good point then it's kind of the same criteria one is looks is there there has to be a minimum level of physical attraction number two is then personality can they hold a good conversation number three is are they good in bed those three steps are an elimination process regardless of how or where it happens. It can happen over an hour or it can happen over several weeks. Once it has been established that the first three steps have been successfully met, it means we can meet again and then we can talk about hobbies, politics, religion, values. Those things can come into play to determine if we can be long-term friends or not, go on vacation together and so on. We have some friends who are avid golfers. We would never go on a vacation with them because they would want to play golf the whole day. I'm with you there. But we have them for dinner parties pretty often. Some other friends are not into anything cultural. We go boating with them, but we don't go to museums and so on and so forth. It's not like you want to get married to them. You can have five couples as friends and lovers and you do different things with them depending on who they are and what they like. You have the winery friends, the museum friends, the lake friends, et cetera, et cetera. Kind of like what we're talking about. Kate's got a lot of winery friends. Strangely, all my friends are winery friends. Yeah. Because she's a booze hag. But that's another one as well. You know, kind of like what we spoke about in the last episode where you don't need to have somebody fulfill all those things. Yeah. Right? Yes, absolutely. You can have different folks that's one of the joys of this is that if there's if there's something in your relationship that your partner doesn't necessarily enjoy i mean most partners will put up with a lot of things like i watch 50 shades of gray with kate and it's terrible truly terrible in so many so many varying ways and um but you know you you might find people out there who wish to waste their time and watch that movie with you you know and and i'm okay with that like i might find people give me blowjobs so another selection criteria could actually be this is a bit cheeky but it could be the fact that hey we want friends who do have a boat and do have a house on the lake because that's a bit cheeky. That's not cheeky. That's just a dick move. That's a using scenario. You're a user. No, because maybe we've got a house on the vineyard, not near a lake. Do you know what I mean? So we're like swapsies. Like let's hang out at your place, let's hang out at mine. So this is not that you're now going away from swinging to, you know, timeshare. You don't need to be fucking people. And if you're following me into the lobby, we have just a half an hour of timeshare discussion. You don't need to be swapping partners to be hanging out with somebody who's got a fucking vineyard. Just, you know, get on timeshare. You'll be sorted. They come to your house, they stay at the lake. But maybe your selection criteria could be like people that specifically go to the resort for an event and that's what you're seeking out. It doesn't make it any better. Thanks, Angela. I appreciated that. All right, let's hear this one. So this is from Secret Equipment 4039, right? Secret Equipment 4039. Great topic. I don't think I've seen this one discussed before. Interesting to see the responses. We've never clubs or resorts so i can't speak to them we've done two on two couple dates so far we prefer friends with benefits that we could see a few times a year so our main selected criteria are being within a one to two hour driving range yeah pretty good being attractive enough as in we'd consider them based on looks in a vanilla dating scenario, and number three, similar personalities, sense of humour, and education levels as us. The only scenario we've done once is a casual hookup during a trip, and it was almost entirely about physical attractive, though we did have a chat to ensure they weren't terrible people. We're somewhat open to single men and women.
Speaker1:
For single men, it's 50-50 based on extreme attractiveness, six-pack, grace phase, grace face etc and reset and respectfulness for single women it's based on openness with bisexual play being attractive enough to both of us and the ability to carry a conversation okay yep another good response i like that one too there's some good stuff coming here i have got a couple more over three more this is from qe 2013 2013 they QE2. In Honolulu. We've spoken to these guys before. I'm just saying it's cool. In our early days in the lifestyle, we would often play casting director. Isn't that like, it's a place, right? Yeah, it is a place. Honolulu. It's fun to say. Come on. Join me. Honolulu. No, I don't think I will. We would often play casting director trying to match the participants to the scene. Our side forays into BDSM kink would reinforce this practice unnecessarily as participants there are often very specific about their roles and interests. We quickly found this approach to be fairly limiting on our potential pool of candidates. Couple this with our already small candidate pool in Hawaii and we quickly found ourselves as empty as empty casting calls today we simply view ourselves as erotic alchemists seeking to create unique special experiences with people as they arise nice so they're kind of doing what we did a couple of years ago with the rule book which is that they're just kind of taking things on a scenario case-by-case basis and going from there. Yeah. How do you feel about that? I think that's pretty interesting. I mean, one of the concerns there, or one of the things there, I suppose you'd still have to have some rules around what is acceptable and what isn't. For example, you know, if it were a single woman who you met, you know what I mean, like that we met, would that be okay then because we both kind of, you know, we wanted to sexily alchemise the event, you know what I mean? So I think there'd still have to be some ground rules. And what do you actually think about their term, erotic alchemist? I think it's pretty cool. It's a pretty cool term. I like it too. I mean, we're but this uh this one's from the hardleys and they're in california for us there isn't a specific selection process tied to what we want to do on that night or occasion if we've been going through a hot streak with each other chances are we'll have a hot time this night too for the most part if you put yourself in fun's way memorable things wait if you put yourself out of fun's way memorable things might happen high hopes and low expectations and starting early with each other often has worked out to be the most fun for us we have some friends with occasional benefits of 15 years now so they're kind of saying the same thing as sexy alchemy hawaii couple is basically that just sometimes if you have too much selection criteria you can get in your own way right just let the fun have fun let the fun have fun and we have spoken about this i think probably when we Thank you. is basically that sometimes if you have too much selection criteria you can get in your own way right just let the fun have fun let the fun have fun and we have spoken about this i think probably when we we did the episode on taking one for the team we probably dug into that i reckon what's the difference between having a selection criteria or having things that you must have versus maybe just allowing the fun to happen a little bit and letting go i don't think we've ever just let i don't think we've just ever walked into a place and not passed some form of and i'm going to use the term judgment because it is where all the whole world is a pack of judgy cunts uh some form of judgment on anyone that we're with or anyone that i mean i'm not i'm now talking about walking in and perhaps the very first couple you meet who are totally outside of what you'd normally be interested in, you go with the flow and end up in bed with them.
Speaker2:
I see what you're saying.
Speaker1:
I'm not sure that we've ever done that. So what you're saying is even those nights when we have been quite spontaneous in a club and had sex with people that we've only just… We've still chosen them. We've still at some point gone, okay, they're attractive and they're interesting enough, let's go play.
Speaker2:
Yeah.
Speaker1:
Yeah, I see what you're saying. It's not just a blind walk up, let's have sex, off you go.
Speaker2:
Well, I mean... We've still at some point gone, okay, they're attractive and they're interesting enough, let's go play. Yeah.
Speaker1:
Yeah, I see what you're saying. It's not just a blind walk-up, let's have sex, off you go. Well, I mean, but it's not even that. It's like to just be nonchalant about who you're potentially having sex with, I don't think very many people are capable of that. Yeah, you're right. Okay, let's talk to TNDEXXX and let's see what see what they said they said we start with the basics until we meet in person because how things can change and change quickly upon actually meeting so friggin true do they seem genuinely kind they have humility are they in touch with themselves clear and concise on their journey in the lifestyle for couples are they in this together do they seem happy together and happy in their lifestyle journey? Does the profile represent both of them? Is it 40 pics of the women and 19 dick pics of the man? I think casting a net that is too refined sets the stage for disappointment. We enjoy meeting people and listening to them define their personal experiences and their preferences and their journey. Getting to know them in person rather than through reading an online profile is where the fun is. Sure, sometimes it may go the other way, but we'll generally get that perception through chatting prior to meeting. I don't think we'll ever adapt our preferences according to a specific venue nor a specific person. We like what we like. We certainly don't sacrifice for our important qualities for us in order to experience a specific quality in another person. Yeah, so basically this person's saying that there are some criteria for online and meeting them but they rather jump online and go straight into meeting in person and then vet a little bit i think yep i think it's easier to vet people in person as well than do it online but i can say that when somebody asks me to meet with them on a on a video chat first i just it just gets too hard I think is that because you've got to dress up twice for the date then you got to dress up for the video chat date it's just too fucking hard outside of COVID times obviously like if you were just able to meet people like why not take the time and just go for a coffee if the profile looks good enough to you is what you're saying yeah and if they're if they're shit then just get up and walk away yeah I mean it's just I think the social interaction of of this lifestyle is really important to me and i know it's important to us and you can't have the same social inter you can be anything below the table on a video call yeah literally anything you can just have your cock out just jerking off under the table right like a weirdo okay that's not cool that's all you got to say about the matter yeah fuck that okay so we are going to now hear from some other people about what their selection criteria may or may not be and we'll tackle those in daryl thanks for your participation in the podcast today i give it my best every time kate you know that hey guys so now we're going to share some audio recording from two fantastic podcasts first you're going to hear from the bomber and the bell and they're from the black and kinky podcast head over to their website and check them out it is black and kinky lifestyle.com and then later we're going to hear from mickey and mallory and they're of course from the casual swinger which is casualswinger.com. Head over and check out both of those amazing content creators. Interestingly enough, Casual Swinger do take their section of this selection criteria in a great direction. Actually, they talk about whether or not the differences in attraction might change based on a club environment, based on then going to perhaps a resort and being around people for longer. Mickey talks about having a natural charisma and what that means to him. Also interesting is how people might be perceived online versus in a physical environment. And this is very similar to what Daryl and I have just discussed. You'll hear this coming through in both of the next segments coming up from both of these podcasts. And you hear people talking all the time about Thank you. have just discussed you'll hear this coming through in both of the next segments coming up from both of these podcasts and you hear people talking all the time about make sure you get those profiles those dating profiles tight make sure that you know you are putting your best fit forward make sure that you've got a great bio great pictures and that sort of thing because hey what we've learned from these conversations today on this episode really across all opinions is that people are a little bit pickier online whether that's because they then have to make the effort to go out whether that's because this is really time restrictive or whether it's because they're not maybe in that environment in that sexy environment and ready to mingle and meet people you know they're in a home environment it's a little bit different so I think that's come through on this episode so really I mean another reminder make sure you get those profiles typed have a look at your dating profiles update it make sure your age is right make sure your photos are right make sure your bio is right and hey some lessons learned might be this is a good time as people start to come out of covid as people are getting vaccinated to have a look through those profiles and see what's up but otherwise i'm I'm going to head over now to The Bomber and the Bell from Black and Kinky Podcast, and then we're going to head straight over to Mickey and Mallory from Casual Singer Podcast, and then I'll be back with you guys. All right, this is The Bomber and the Bell, and we are host of the Black and Kinky Lifestyle Podcast. So I'm going to answer this question from Kate. So does your criteria differ from a club hookup to a longer term resort or event visit? Does it change online if you are seeking sexy friends to be part of your crew? So basically, when we're looking for a partner, do our preferences change based on the context in which we find them or search for them? I would definitely think so. I would, I would agree. So for example, I think we are more, most selective if we are online. Yes. And I think that's because, I mean, why do you think that might be? I think that's because we just have more time to evaluate and make a decision and there's no pressure, right? So I would say we're most selective online and I would say we're least selective on vacation. Right. Because there are definitely some people I played with that I met in person that if I just saw their online profile, I would not have done it. But there's just more you get to see. I mean, we had an episode on this before where we get to see more of their charm, more of their personality, more of their game, more of their humor in person. And a lot of those play a heavy role in the degree of attraction you have to them an online profile doesn't have anything but like their if their pictures are on point and if they reach you know some of your standards of height and all of that stuff and if they have a well-written profile that's engaging but i think person, like when we, when we went to our trip with Vegas, we ended up playing with a couple that we just, we would never have played with. Because like I said, on vacation, it's time sensitive, like options are limited. And so you're willing to give a little more leeway. At least we are. yeah and i and but what about what about if we're like looking for people to just be like one-time hookups versus like if we're looking for friends although i feel like when we're not really i mean i don't know we kind of let friendships happen yeah and oftentimes they can arise from hookups yeah and i don't even I think we actually look look for one time hookups. No, but we have, but, but we have found one time hookups. So yeah, if we are in a really sexy environment and like, there's a couple that just walks into us at the right time. And like, we're ready, like if we're ready to play, if we're in an environment and we're ready to play. And a lot of times that can happen. If we've been dancing for i've been drinking i've been mingling or i've been like you know smacking your ass a little bit and you know we've been kind of playful with each other and then this other couple who's sort of in that same boat yeah we might not even need to know what their names are where i think that uh you know otherwise we would we would want to get to know people before we played with them. Right. So this was a good question. Hope we answered it. Thanks. Hey there. This is Mickey and Mallory with the Casual Swinger podcast. That's us. That's us, yes. So we were asked by Kate from Wanderlust to contribute on a selection criteria topic that she identified. Yeah, just kind of, I mean, talking a little bit about where our heads are at when, you know, do we really look at, you know, single guys or single girls or couples differently? Yeah, and what about the environment environment like on a dating site versus at a club yeah so what are let's just talk about you because no one gives a shit about me anyway yeah they do so like from a single guy perspective what are your criteria like what is it that makes a single guy interesting to you well i always have to drill down to the you know you're actually single you're not married and know, on the fly trying to get it on the DL. That's a big one for me because it does. And it's so unfortunate. I'm so upset by this. But a single guy like engaging, maybe an interesting profession, you know, experience in other careers or even hobbies that I don't have line of sight to supplement me, right? Augment my mental spaces a bit. I'm very, I'm not a sapiosexual per se, but I do like the mental game. So having that baseline conversation is, even in small talk, like at a club, is very intriguing to me. Yeah, I think a sapiosexual is an overly used term these days, especially on dating sites. You see everybody saying they are, you know, and then they meet, you know, somebody from the Big Bang Theory and all of a sudden they're like, well, they're a fucking nerd. Okay. Yeah, that's fair. So maybe not as CPO sexual as we think we are, but I think we kind of have very similar criteria because when we're approached by a single anything, I look for depth. I'm looking for something that, give me something that's more interesting than what we're going to do in the bedroom. Yes. Yeah. Give me a connection point because I'm going to share my goodies with you. Share your goodies with me before we get there. Does that make sense? Yeah. More than just your goodies. Yeah. Yeah. Show me why this should be fun. Yeah. Because if you think about it, you're going to maybe go to a bar, you're going to go to to a restaurant you're going to go out to eat uh you want to feel safe right so you want them to be kind you want them to be interesting you want them to have depth to them but you also want them to be adventurous and interested in you and you want them to be connecting with you someone someone who's really good at um listening to verbal cues or non-verbal cues you know it's really hard to test that out in um like a dating site environment right when you're just chatting online I'll see you know what I want, but I'm not overbearing about it. So you have to be able to communicate back or listen or and listen, I should say that. it's not one or the other. Well, I think when we talk about this, though, and talk about those nonverbal cues and reading, they have to be invested in you, right? And if they are invested in you, then they are going to read your body language. They are going to pick up on maybe you're uncomfortable or you're interested, right? Somebody who's not interested in you is not going to pick up to pick up your body language yeah and this goes for both guys and girls because I've had it happen with both of them and I absolutely love it when they make you feel like the only thing in the room in that moment while you're engaged talking to them that's a huge win like bonus for me it makes me feel all tingly and special and I blush typically so I think everything we just talked about that pretty much goes for for single guy or girl because I think we have very similar criteria what about physical characteristics do you have any any criteria there well I kind of run the gamut in some some shape or form girls I'm all over the place so all over the place with guys I mean I'm of average height and build right and I do have a predilection to to taller men you know I kind of like having the idea knowing that they could pick me up and put me anywhere they want you know um I think that's that's definitely something that I find very attractive I'm not opposed to to shorter guys or or thicker build guys it's just if I had to pick physicality out of the room that's typically what I look at little tall broader shoulders kind eyes no beards yeah i'm still struggling with the beards i think i've gotten to a point where it's short and coiffed like very short and well taken care of i think i can deal with it it just feels weird on my hoo-hoo what's that the name for i just yeah i just i don't know it's a it's a tactile thing for me you, I'm very big on no beards on my women. Fair enough. I feel like that's important. Fair enough. Okay. It's just a thing. Yeah. So what about you in that scenario? Like if you had to pick a, from a physicality standpoint out of a room, because you kind of have a type, but then you don't. Yeah. Everybody says I have a type and then there isn't, you know, I got to say the first thing that grabs me about a person is actually their eyes. It always has been that way for me. And when someone will connect with me and look me in the eye and, and show me that part of themselves, it's comforting, it's comforting for me, uh, to know that they're not hiding. Right. Uh, but when it comes to physical attributes, I definitely lean towards short chicks. It's kind of uh you do i do you like them petite yeah i like i like short chicks that's definitely a thing i may be a sucker for blondes uh you know if it's criteria i honestly i don't like the term criteria because i'm open to anybody that's open to getting to know me it doesn't necessarily mean we're going to have sex but i I do think that those relationships are worthwhile. And what I tend to be attracted to uh is people that take care of themselves and are interested in getting to know me oh here's a big one confidence and there's a fine line between confident and cocky yeah and again i've seen it with both men and women yeah but you don't mind a little cocky as long as they can back it up it is i think uh tongue-in-cheek cocky you know when they're they use it in a flirting aspect versus you know i'm positioning myself as superior kind of cocky yeah there's there's definitely a difference it's an art form to it but confidence is a big thing even the way they carry themselves non-verbally again the way they're engaging with other people confidence and also in their convictions right so when they have something to say be confident about it but don't be an ass yeah or passionate passion oh my gosh if you're passionate about something and again not a jerk about it that tells me that you can translate that to the bedroom if i had if i was a bedding woman that there's a good chance that you're gonna be able to yeah yeah now I'm getting all tingly again so do any of our criteria does it does it change anything when it's a couple I don't think so I think as far as what we're looking for as far as attraction goes translates both ways I obviously prefer um but I'm not opposed to you know when the woman is definitely bisexual not just by curious um not you know straight and i don't have anything against straight people but you know or straight women i should say um but it's a lot more fun and engaging because then i'm being selfish it's a free-for-all for me i was like you and you yay um but no i don't think that physicality necessarily changes what it does is increase the dynamic because then we're looking at how they treat each other and how they engage with each other on top of it versus one single person there it is so that's our criteria our criteria is we don't have any criteria except for mallory which is be tall and don't have a fucking beard pick me up and take me whatever you want yeah and i again if you're a pretty girl out there i don't want you to have a beard either so how does that change when we're either looking on dating sites versus club versus like a resort like when we go to jamaica how does that criteria how we engage or what we're looking for change i don't know that it, but I do think it makes it a little bit easier in person to let somebody's natural charisma come through. For example, I'm big on charisma and people that show me about themselves, right? Show me what they're passionate about, like you said earlier, what they're interested in. And it's easier in a group environment to do that, right? It's easier for them to just kind of be themselves. So you can kind of observe them in the wild. And I do think in clubs and in Hedo and places like that, we can do that. Yeah, and I think we're a little different in our approach and dynamic. You know, obviously we leverage the dating sites, but I haven't really made a solid effort on multiple occasions to go just for the gold, right? I'm just trying'm just trying, my objective is to have sex with X. Does that change your criteria? If you're like, I just want to bang. Um, I don't think so. That's what I struggle with mentally because I have to have some sort of connection with them. That's more than the sex, which could make me a pretty bad swinger at times, right? Like the goal is to have lots of fun in the bedroom the bedroom right that's the ultimate goal but i just can't get there i start to have anxieties around it and the first time i was with a single guy you saw that happen to me um but that experience um the second time around when i got to have a wonderful experience we were able to connect and it was just enough right goldilocks principle you know we don't have to get married but we have to know each other well enough that i feel comfortable going alone to a hotel with you yeah so and enjoy your company on top of it because you know also you know at some point we're going to be talking sooner or later there's going to be words yeah exactly put it there yeah so i don't know that the my check boxes or what i look for when i'm attracted to really changes as far as that high level stuff but just how it's implemented in the different environments yeah well i've never done the single girl thing but i think when it comes to somebody like that i would be looking for somebody that i felt like wasn't this is going to sound weird but not threatening to our relationship i think would be a criteria for me uh somebody that's not looking to fall in love and run off and you know make babies gotcha it's gonna be pretty hard on me anyway since I have a vasectomy yeah that's a big bonus for me by the way shoot shooting blinks all day long that's right I can point this at anybody they don't care well I think they care there's a whole consent thing that happens but you're not going to get anyone pregnant so there you go anyway well yeah i think that kind of does it for our criteria i don't i mean i don't know that that dating sites are in the wild or in the club are any different i just think it's easier for us to get attracted to people once we've met them 100 and we never approach religion or politics it's just not part of this conversation. Never. Big faux pas.
Speaker2:
Yeah.
Speaker1:
Don't ever say that.
Speaker2:
Yep. Nope. And don't ever say that.
Speaker1:
Not my business. No beards, no religion, no politics.
Speaker2:
Okay.
Speaker1:
Imagine all the people.
Speaker3:
Sing it, John.
Speaker1:
All right. We'll let you guys get back to Kate. We are Mickey and Bob.
Speaker3:
Thanks, guys.
Speaker1:
Bye. Thanks, guys.
Speaker2:
So we're interested to hear from you guys. What's your selection criteria? Does it change whether you're going to a swingers club for a night? Does your selection criteria change if you're going to a multiple-day,
Speaker4:
four-, five-day event?
Speaker1:
Does it change if you're looking for a longer-term play partner? We'd love to hear hear from you drop us a voicemail or send us an email and just head to our website wanderlosswingers.com to get the deets on that but otherwise we'll talk to you again soon and thanks so much for listening to us ciao ciao bella ciao bello bye guys We'll see you next time.
