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Transcript
You're listening to the Wanderlust Swingers podcast with Aussie hosts Kate and Daryl. If you're curious about exploring your sexuality or the swinging, hot wiping and non-monogamous lifestyle, you've definitely come to the right podcast. Or maybe you just love travel adventures. Either way, we share our personal, sometimes juicy, sexy stories as well as Swingers Club and event reviews, interviews with other sassy people and of course our global swinging adventures. We try to bring you a look into the diverse lifestyle that the swinging and non-monogamous community has. We hope you enjoy.
Now let's get into the episode. G'day everyone and welcome back to episode 125 of the Wanderlust Swingers podcast. Shmello. Kate and Daryl here. Great to have you guys join us. It is great to have you here. And of course, with our sidekick and our podcast mascot, Penny. Penny the dog. Penny the Jack Russell. She's a dog. Yeah, she's a dog. She's a bitch, actually. She is. Hey, so we're doing a Q&A podcast today. So we have had some people send us in some audio questions and some emails and some Twitter messages and everywhere else that, you know, people like to contact each other these days.
It's just getting too much, right? Yeah, I mean, I've given up on most of them. Yeah, it's just getting too much. Like, I'm just going to start going back to, like, posts. We're just going to use the mail. Just going to use owl. Owl post. Owls. Owls have never actually been responsible for the male, except for in the world of Harry Potter. Yeah, well, just because... Which is the only world that counts, says Kate. So it's a Q&A episode today, guys. We're going to be answering your swinging and hot-wifing lifestyle questions. But as usual, let's kick it off with a cultural tidbit.
Today's cultural tidbit is brought to you by Mr. Darrell, who is currently wrapped up in a blanket and having quite a lovely time. I am. Well, it snowed today. Yesterday was 18 degrees and it Then it snowed today. Yes. I mean, make up your mind, Croatia. So, cultural tidbit. What have you got for us? Cultural tidbit. Better be good. That's what I know. I think it's a corker. Really? Yeah. Well, I think so. I'll be the decider of that. The world's very first swingers cruise stopped in Dubrovnik in Croatia. Fuck off. Yep. Are you joking? Nope. Which swingers cruise is? What?
It stopped on September 29th, 2017 in Dubrovnik. The world's first swingers cruise. World's first swingers cruise. Dude, I don't know about this. Who was this? Which company? I don't know. You didn't ask me for the fucking details. So you literally have zero facts at this point. You could be like the world's first transportation to the moon was full of swingers, but there's zero facts to back it up. Yes. Organized by a Mexican company, original group. Oh, okay. So Desire. Yeah. Eight day cruise. And that was the. Went to Raveena, Split, Zadar. Zadar. That's the way Kate pronounces it.
It's actually Zadar, but. K-Za-da. Copa and Venice. I'm calling bullshit on this because I swear to God, like, couples cruise, bliss. Couples only. Clothing optional. Couples cruise, bliss cruise, and a few of the other guys have been around for a bloody long time. Hey, look, don't argue with the title on a webpage. Go show me again. World's first sex cruise ship visits Dubrovnik. Maybe it's the first time they visited Croatia. No, it says world's first sex cruise ship. Yeah, I don't know. That visits Dubrovnik. Who did that? The Dubrovnik Times? No. This is getting used.
Total Croatia sailing. It's a sailing. It's a thing about sailing and cruising. All right. It shows you where the marinas are. I reject your cultural tidbit. I feel like this is just. I don't go picking holes in your cultural tidbits. This seems a bit loosey-goosey. I've got to be honest. And I don't think it was the first. 2017, only a couple of years ago. Come on. Come on. Okay. I reckon there's going to be cruises before then. But, hey, hey, I will agree with you. until such time as I can provide some facts. Yeah, I mean, you're just being negative Nelly. I am being negative Nelly.
I'm sorry for that. Yeah, you should be. Good work, Daryl, in bringing a cultural tidbit. And if that's true, then that is, I think, an unbeatable cultural tidbit that the country we live in was the first cruise ship to host Swingers. All right. All right. Hey, so updates, what's been going on with us. I went to the United States and visited Florida today. And I went by way of Turkey, so backwards to come forwards because, hey, that's how you've got to do it these days. I am collecting PCRs from around the world. I must say so far that the most aggressive PCR has been Croatia.
Nothing like having somebody mix a drink in your nose. That's what it is. I swear to God, she was mixing a cocktail up in really actually, I would almost say, into my grey matter because that's how deep into my nose cavity. It's interesting you got 15% smarter after coming out. So maybe mixing them. mixing the grey matter around might be a good thing. Well, hey, I'm going for another one. When is that? Tomorrow or the next day? Tomorrow. I'm going for another one tomorrow, so we'll see. But yes, my USA trip was good.
And if you haven't yet heard it, do jump over to the Casual Swinger podcast where you will hear me being interviewed by the lovely Mickey and Mallory. And speaking of Mickey and Mallory. I mean, I'm a bit surprised you said lovely, but okay. They gave me a shirt and they took me to Harry Potter land. Yeah. And it was a delight full and I had a really lovely time.
The reason I was in Florida, of course, I was doing some work there and, you know, for the most part, but of course on the way back I stopped in and visited Mickey and Mallory in Orlando and I was lucky enough to go to Harry Potter World. They got me a shirt. They got me a lovely shirt, which I'm in love with. And a fucking wand. They let you use the kid's wand, I mean. Yeah. The shirt? Yeah, well. You're at the shirt. The reason I'm mentioning the shirt is you seem to have a real problem with the shirt, Daryl. I do have a fucking problem with the shirt.
I just want to air this out on the podcast. Tell me what your problem is with the shirt. You wore the shirt. to a fucking date. It wasn't a date. It was a catch up. It was a drink with a patron member. Okay. So. That was nothing to do with a date. Wait, how's it? You wore a fucking Harry Potter shirt out in public. Oh, except that. Yeah. And what's the problem with it? I like it. It's ludicrous. Stop throwing shade on my Harry Potter shirt. So let's just ask another question about the Harry Potter shirt. Did you manage to wipe any of the dog hair off it before leaving the house?
Shirts get dog hair. I mean, I don't know what to tell you. Shirts plus owning a dog equals dog hair on your shirts. I'm pretty sure if you wanted to, you could have just reached into the cupboard at the door, which is where our coats are, and noticed that there's a little wipey thing there, a little magic eraser tool to get rid of dog hair. Yeah, but I chose not to do that. Yeah, I know. But I used my hands. Yeah, you also chose not to look cool. Like a heathen. I think I looked very cool. No, and that's where you're wrong. But hey, no, my USA. You know how I was wrong before? Yeah.
Now you're wrong. You still don't have any facts. I have faxed it back up how wrong you are. No, my USA trip, it went well. It went well. We're sending a Harry Potter shirt back. This Friday. Just because I don't want Kate wandering around her fucking Harry Potter shirt out in public anymore. Yeah, I've done it a few times actually. I went on a coffee catch up with a girlfriend here, wore it my Harry Potter shirt. And she was like, you are a fucking weirdo. Didn't she? That's what she said. At least I didn't wear my giant Harry Potter sock. which they also got me.
The Harry Potter socks would actually be pretty sexy at least if you wore them right. How do you wear socks right? All the way up and looking sexy. That's how I wear them. Yeah, so like a billion percent better than the Harry Potter shirt then. Okay. Which, you know, makes you look like a Harry Potter sack. I disagree. I think it's the coolest thing ever. You actually look like the sorting hat when you're in it. Dude, do you know how excited I would be? What, to look like the sorting hat? No, to... Wait till you get to your 80s or 90s and you'll know when you look in the mirror.
And it's my time to shine. Hey guys, so we're going to talk about the topic at hand now. Questions and answers about the swinging lifestyle. Yeah, for sure. Let's get into it. We've been rambling now for like nine minutes. I think it's about time. Okay. Shall we listen to some audio first? I think so, yes. I don't know why I'm asking you. It's my podcast. But um, nothing? No. Okay, fine. Look, I'm going to disagree with you. You wear a fucking Harry Potter shirt. You're basically ready to kill people. Let's play some audio here from Mr. Honey Spain. In public. Public. Hi, CND. It's Mr.
Honeyspoon. I'm just calling in with a question for you guys. Initially, the question I thought would be just for Daryl, but after talking to Mrs. Honeyspoon about it, it looks like I think Kate could probably answer with her perspective as well. The question I had was whether or not you change your sex style depending on the other partners that you're with. And I guess this came up a while back. A lot of times you'll observe other people with their partners having sex in a certain way, either it's soft and sensual or it's really hard and rough.
And I was always under the impression that, well, obviously that's what she likes because that's the way that they do it. Therefore, I'll replicate that. And then the question came up, well, sometimes it's nice for a change. Like sometimes I enjoy the way a woman does something different than the way that Mrs. Honeyspoon does it. And that's great. That's what the life lifestyle is all about. So I'm just wondering your perspective on, do you automatically observe and switch your play style? Do you do what you usually do and just, you know, feel it out and see if they like it or not?
There's always that, you know, you always should ask and you should always check in and so forth. So first I'm going to ask you to answer, sorry, to finish every sentence with the word about from now on in, just so I can pull the piss out of you just a little bit. Why's that? Aboot. A boot? A boot. Sorry. I like it. Sorry. Not you. Oh, okay. Oh, my God. Seriously? No, I was saying sorry like a Canadian would say sorry. Oh, that was terrible. That was a bloody good pun. I might even add a drum roll in there. But it wasn't – I mean it wasn't a pun. It was just a joke. It was a quip.
It was a quip. We'll call it a quip. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, that's a good question though. So, if you're playing with another – Hey, first thing, just on a side note. Yeah. One of the first things I learned in the lifestyle is that I was a – Open mouth fucker. What? Well, apparently I fucked with my mouth open. Huh? Yeah. When did you realise this? Like the second couple we were with when she reached up and closed my mouth. Why have we never spoken about this? I feel like this is groundbreaking, like you're an open mouth. It's because I like to keep things. Sex havera. I don't know.
I just like to keep them interesting, right? And for that to happen, I have to keep some stories from earlier on to tell you later so that you're like, huh, I didn't know that about you, Daryl. So do you actively call it? close your mouth now? Yeah. So you're having sex with somebody and you're like, close your mouth. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Open mouth fucker. Well, hey, if there's anybody out there who is also. Who identifies as an open mouth fucker. And maybe there's an open mouth fucker anonymous group. I'm just saying. Why would there be anonymous?
Nobody's trying to get rid of open mouth fuckers. Maybe people aren't ashamed of it. Maybe you should go to see the people. I'm not ashamed of it. That aren't ashamed. I just stopped doing it because I drilled on a couple of people. A couple of girls. Oh, fuck off. Now you're pulling the piss. All right, Mr. Honeyspoon, to get back to you... I do have a friend who actually had an orgasm and his nose released at the same time and he snotted all over her. Mr. Honeyspoon, when you're with somebody, Daryl, do you... Say, for example, if we go into a club. Let's have this scenario.
We go into a club. Going into a club, check. We see a couple having sex together and then later we're having sex with that same couple, but we swap partners. Do you try to replicate or... look at how they've been interacting and then replicate that? Or do you just go in with a clean slate and see what happens? Or do you talk, like, what? Tell me about that. Or if you look over, say, for example, here's a second scenario. I'm having sex with a guy. He is absolutely going to town on me. Really hard, quick pumping. That's all I've got to say. You could say thrusting. Thrusting.
Because we're not 12. Thank you. Really hard, quick thrusting. Pumping. I don't know. Oh, man, he pumped the fuck out of me. Listen, my brain fell asleep. Oh, man. My brain fell asleep. Pump the brakes, babe. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Okay, so. Okay, so. He's really going to town on you. He's going to town on me. He's slapping balls on your ass, too. He's going to town. He's just like, go on to town. He's going to town. He's pumping you like no tomorrow. Yeah, he's pumping my pussy. Now, do you look over at him doing that and then go, okay, maybe he's...
he's doing that because that's how she likes it. Therefore, I'm going to replicate it. Like, what's the go there? Tell me everything about it. I actually generally look over and think, holy fuck, if he keeps that up, she's going to pop. Oh, God. Because, you know, he's pumping you up. I'm not out of Willy Wonka. I'm actually concerned you might be. You haven't turned blue recently. You've certainly got a good pink on before, you know, from getting pumped real hard. I'm now embarrassed by the fact that I've said pumping on the podcast.
and this is going to go out and people are going to – I'm pretty embarrassed for the people listening to that. Yeah. I mean, I'm going to laugh about that. I'm going to pull joy out of that for the next few weeks, I think. Mm-hmm. Yep. So let's go back. Let's pump up the tyres on this. Let's pump the brakes. Pump up the tyres. Pump up the jam. Pump it up. So I look over and I see a guy going to town on you Do I think I should do that to his wife? No, not at all. Okay, so tell me what runs through your head then. What runs through my head is I generally say, do you like it like this?
I generally just ask. Do you say, do you like it like this? I'm pretty shit in bed, so I just ask. I'm like, hey, do you want me to pump you? Or are you just happy being like pumped? Yeah, you had nothing for that second. I didn't actually. So good. I was looking at you and your brain was trying to tick over. My brain got further than pumping, so I think it deserves some credit. Hold on a second. No, you said you asked, is that, do you like that? Yeah. What about up front though? Yeah, it depends on the interaction. Yeah, sometimes yes, sometimes no. It depends.
So this is really interesting because I think that more often than not, we go into sexual situations and just automatically kind of do what we normally do or think is good or whatever, right? I think that that is kind of like my baseline and then I like to do it. You don't ever do what we normally do when you're fucking somebody else. I've never ever. I can't remember the last time that you've grabbed your fucking feet and pulled your legs apart while we're fucking. But I've seen you do that multiple times with other people.
You're feeling like I'm not doing things in the bedroom for you, darling. No, that's not what I'm saying at all. No, that's not what I'm saying at all. Okay. I just don't think you do the same things at all other than using your vagina. That's the same. So, I mean, I disagree. I think that I go in there with like I have a standard pumping requirement. I don't have a specific set of skills. I do. Fucking hell. No, I think that you have kind of things that you. What are your go-tos then? The sex. The sex. No, seriously, like there's certain things.
And then I think what happens is then, and I'm going to talk about a little bit like involving some elements of like BDSM into this, I think then you either feel it out or have a discussion or talk about boundaries or talk about, you know, even things that you're wanting to get out of the play session, especially maybe on the second or third time you play with them. And that's when things might, I think, go a little bit further than the kind of standard play session. We've really kind of gone off on a tangent on this question. I'm sure, I'm sure he's really enjoying our response.
I don't do the exact same things. No, I think that I will see what the other couple might be doing or see what she's doing.
Maybe, you know, if that's actually, he's a really good, he's a really good example actually we were with a couple we spoke about them a while ago on the podcast and she was very much into like spit and lubrication and stuff like that really really wet blowjobs really wet and she was giving you one of these very wet blowjobs and at the time I was like huh that must be how she likes it but then when I was giving him a blowjob he was asking me to like do similar things like you know like oh you know like spit on me or like not spit on me, but he was saying pump me up.
He was saying, you know, like just dirty talking to kind of do the similar things that she was doing. So then I don't know whether she likes it that way or whether she's doing that to you because that's what he likes. Do you know what I mean? And so she's just replicating that over to you as another guy. I'd reckon that's the guess. Yep. And then you would say to that person at that point in time. Well, if you believe your partner enjoys it, then you kind of make the assumption that other people might as well. Yeah, you do. Yeah.
That's what I kind of meant by your kind of standard repertoire of like, surely if this is pleasurable on one penis, it must be pleasurable on all penises. Surprisingly, penises like clitorises. Clitori if they're in a group. Yeah, actually, I think they're called a minogue of clits when they're in a group. The collective noun is a minogue. Yeah. Anything else to add? No, I don't think so. I don't, yeah, I mean, I think it really depends.
One more thing that I do want to add is that I know that there has been times when perhaps the other lady might really like it quite hard, as an example, hard and fast. And the gentleman might start doing that to me because he's assuming that that's what I want. And this is where you really need to use your voice and say, listen, or use your voice or maneuver around and show them what you're after to modify that behavior.
I think one of the worst things is that sometimes when you might play with a couple and somebody else is doing something to you and maybe your partner sounds like or looks like they're having a fantastic time and you walk away going, oh, I didn't realise that you liked ball slapping blowjobs, sweetie. And then your partner goes, actually, I don't. I really, I didn't enjoy that as much. And so they're putting on a bit of a performance for the other person maybe. And then you walk away and find out they're not interested in that.
And I think that's sometimes a bit of a downfall in that situation where you don't use your voice. Yes, for sure. For shizzle. All right. The next question we have is from Rob. Rob. And Rob's from the UK. Let's see who he's got to say. Hey, Robbo. Hi, Kate. Hi, Daryl. It's Rob here from the UK. Me and my wife have just discovered your podcast and we're now up to episode seven from way back in 2015. We're mid-50s and a question that came to our minds was, do you come across many couples within our age group within the lifestyle?
The media tends to depict young couples, so we just wanted to find out what your experience experiences were of age groups within the lifestyle to help give us confidence in taking that first step. We'd appreciate any comments you have on this. We also listened to your last podcast of you announcing your exciting plans for Germany and Croatia. I just wanted to wish you guys all the best for that. So good luck. So Rob from the UK, episode seven. Daryl, how do you feel about the fact that he's Way back. Way back then. Fuck it. That's like, that's pretty terrible stuff.
I always say to people, the first 10 episodes. There's some really crap in there. There's some really hardcore crap in there. Oh, yeah. So thank you for persisting. Yeah. Thanks, Rob. Yeah. So on the age question. Yeah. I mean, we've spoken about this over the years and I know we did a podcast. We're now six years? Six years. Five or six. I've no idea. Six years. Well, you don't know. even know how long we've been married for. I do know that our first episode was published in 2015. So there you go. Yes. Moving on. Moving on, people. Whoa. Yeah, no, I'm saying it is six years. So carry on.
Yeah. So, yeah, I think the, firstly, I have to say that from our experience, the age, type, work, everything you see in the mainstream world, the lifestyle is just a cross section of the same. It doesn't seem to matter, what role people have or what life they've lived or what their ethnic or religious background is. There's people of that group inside the lifestyle. So I really think the lifestyle or swinging is just a cross-section of the general world. It is. And I know we've said that many times before, but let's drill down into this a little bit.
If you were looking at just a numbers game on the percentage of age groups in the lifestyle, what percentage would you say 50 plus is represented in the lifestyle? I would say 40s, late 40s through to, well, let's say middle 40s to middle 50s would represent the biggest spike in the bell curve. I would think that that's actually around the age when a lot of people, I don't know, grow into themselves perhaps and become okay with it. But there is now another spike as well that I think is moving up from the bottom end of the bell curve where you've got- Hello, millennials.
20, yeah, like- like 20s into very early 30s who are now, there's another spike there as well. Yeah. So I actually think that you're in with basically a lot of people in your age group. I mean, I'm not far away from that age group. Right. I'm closer to that age group than I am to my 30s. So, yeah, I don't think it's uncommon. I think the vast majority of parties we've been to have had people in their 50s, late 40s, 50s, I think it's less common to find people right now in their... I think 30s to 35s because that's when people are starting families more often. I think 30s to 40s, there's a gap.
And that's because of families, yes, one. But also I think there was almost, it was kind of, you know, this type of lifestyle was considered back in that particular timeframe as something that wasn't great, which it was for people in their 50s and 60s as well. But the difference is I think the people who made it past their 40s into their 50s and 60s are kind of more relaxed with their sexuality now and almost have an attitude of, fuck it, we'll do what we want whether you judge us for it or not. And that is the same attitude of the millennials in their 20s. Right.
So it's a very similar attitude. Fuck it, we'll do what we want. We don't care whether you judge us. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So one other thing that I will say, and Rob kind of mentioned this, he spoke about the representation of the swinging lifestyle in media, and I'm assuming he's talking about things like adverts, social media dating sites, that sort of thing. So he would be talking about the representation and what he's seeing and that then becomes his view. And I know we have touched on this before.
We've spoken to the Bedhoppers podcast about it when we were on their show being interviewed. Is there something wrong with the marketing strategies that some organisations deploy for their events? I mean, it's a tough one because it's like anything with when you're selling a car, when you're selling a house, you know, people are trying to depict this perfect version of the image so they can you know, whatever, sell, sell, timeshare or whatever it looks like. And so I think that that is why the perception's there. I don't necessarily think it's wrong.
I would like to see some more diversity in some of the marketing strategies that resorts, events, dating sites and things are actually using. That would be fantastic because people like Rob here would maybe then see himself in some of these photos and illustrations. Of course, you won't see that at events and things that are designed specifically for millennials. And that's another thing I do want to mention. Of course, there is going to be you know, some age specific events, older groups, younger groups, that sort of thing. So there's definitely representation about it.
And yeah, I think don't be afraid, jump in. That's what we always tell people. Yeah, there's no, I don't think there's a standard age. There's just an age where people are lesser inclined to be part of the lifestyle because they're dealing with their children and everyday life. Exactly. All right. Shall we crack on and we'll go here from Aussie Pete now. So just, we've been to Canada. Yeah. We've been to the UK. By the way, Rob, thanks very much for the warm welcome to Europe. If you could please turn the freezing off, that would be great. Yeah, your welcome wasn't so warm, says Kate.
Let's move down to Australia. By the way, hang on, hang on, just to remind, I'm not part of Europe anymore. Oh, yeah. Hey, Pete. Sorry. Hey, Rob. You're not part of Europe, man. I don't know what to tell you. Yeah. Don't welcome me to a place that you've decided not to be part of. Yeah, exactly. Exactly, Rob. Rob. All right. Just kidding. Just kidding, Rob. Just kidding, Rob. Let's talk to Aussie Pete. Hey, guys. I'm Pete. And I'm Bea. From Melbourne, Australia. We have a question and a topic for discussion. Firstly, is getting drunk a big part of the lifestyle culture or just a club thing?
We both like to be sober and bring an A game to a hookup, and we wonder if you have ever gone in totally straight at a club or a private hookup. Now, our topic is about catfishing and ghosting. We have had our fair share of both, and we believe that they get off on the human contact and interaction they can't get from porn, as well as a few sexy photos. What do you think? We wised up to it eventually and would ask for a random and obscure photo of themselves, and guess what? They would just go away.
The lucky ones that did get some sexy pics of us, we just thought, oh well, if they found us sexy enough to rub one out over, then so be it. That's all we've got. Thanks, Kate and Daryl. So, just a regular Aussie Pete... Aussie, B. V? P and V? B. Sheila. Sheila? Yeah, I'm just calling her an Aussie Sheila. Okay. Yeah. All right, gotcha. She's a B Aussie Sheila. Okay, first of all, the first one, drunk. Do you think alcohol is a big part of the lifestyle? Is it overindulged? They're saying they like to try and be a little bit more sober to bring their A game. I have no problem with that at all.
Be sober, bring your A game. That's not a bad deal. There's certainly, I would say there's a lot more flaccid penises involved. in the lifestyle than there should be because of alcohol. But I also don't think a lot of people are using it as a courage enhancer. I don't think, or certainly in our experiences, most people drinking was, I suppose, let me step back a little bit. I think the lifestyle is something that most would consider a little bit rebellious in some ways given that we're refuting the standard monogamy rules that perhaps society lays upon us.
So we've all got a little bit of rebel in us and I think rebellious people tend to be a little bit more active in terms of drinking. That's just my take on it. I don't think that people do it on purpose necessarily. I don't think that they drink to be drunk. What about in clubs though? What I think happens in clubs is the environment, people are dancing, you're excited. I think it's very easy in clubs in particular to probably overindulge. I think that's just due to things being closer. And just, I guess, yeah. You know, you've got somebody there who will make you a drink.
If you're going to the bathroom, for example, you can grab a drink on the way back. Yeah. You know, if you're walking past the bar, you can grab a drink. I think it's about proximity. Is that because we keep visiting clubs that are just big circles and the bar's in the middle as that was happening? Yeah, it's just proximity. Their drinks are $50 each. I don't know what's going on.
No, I think that it's just because a lot of people do want to release Maybe if you're seeing people at the clubs too, maybe it's a Friday night and they've had a work week and plus they're out, plus they're partying, plus it's exciting and there's drinks. And I think that's genuinely what happens. Yes, there are people that go in there with nerves and overindulge. You can normally tell those guys though because they're normally the first out the door because they overindulge fast. Yeah.
But I do think that, yes, there is a lot of alcohol that is involved in the lifestyle and a lot of the events are, of course, surrounded by... pool parties and stuff like that. Yes, it is heavily involved. You go to somewhere like Desire, the reason it's all-inclusive is because people can get cocktails all day. Yeah, I think it's kind of part, it's the libertine sort of environment as well, right? It's almost with the thought of no consequences sort of deal. But I don't think, in my experience, well, in our experience, I don't think our vanilla friends ever drank less. No, I would say so.
Than what our swinger friends do. No. And I think probably that's the thing here with Ozzy Pete and Bea Sheila is that if you surrounded yourself with people that perhaps don't drink in your vanilla life and then you do come into the club scene, especially in swingings clubs, and you do see that consumption about it, I think that would be – That's a big change, yeah. Yeah, for sure. I think that would be very different. All right, let's talk about his other one, catfishing and ghosting and everything like that and getting photos and – Fucking ghosting.
They've found some people that have gotten a couple of photos and then flaked on them. Ghosting pisses me off. It's so hard. We don't have a lot of people just – catfishing and trying to get our photos though. Okay, shit. You know what? I should tap out. The naivety. I'm going to tap out. When Kate says, yeah, none of the single guys that Daryl tries to organise or vets 400 to find one only to then have Kate ignore him because she couldn't be arsed picking up her phone. I'll back out. I'll tap out of this.
Can you tell me, let's keep this succinct, on a percentage base, how many people, how many guys, how many accounts do you think percentage-wise try to catfish, just get photos to? I would say probably 20%. 20%. In my rough round numbers and experience. Yeah, there's quite a lot of catfishing going on in certainly the single, well, I'll say single males because, again, that's where the vast majority of my experience comes from. And sometimes single men do propose as couples. It's pretty rare, but sometimes that might happen.
We've actually, I think we've just had a better run than others when it comes to single men. posing as couples. Yeah. Because it sounds like it's something that people deal with regularly, but we really haven't had that problem a lot at all. No. I think maybe once or twice in our entire journey. Yeah. But yeah, catfishing on the single male front, certainly. I actually, yeah, I think I must whittle them out fairly quickly now. Well, that's what I was going to say though. Probably, I mean, Aussie Pete and Bea Sheila are at the front of their journey right now.
So what I think is happening is that they're just kind of learning things as they go and Learning the ropes. And I bet you in one year, if they looked back on this, they would be like, we don't have any catfishing problems right now because Aussie Pete's already sniffing them out as soon as you start talking and then cutting them off. Yeah, you kind of get a vibe on people. Yeah. I mean, you couldn't be any more Australian than that. It's just the vibe. It's just a gut feeling. It's the vibe. Yeah, cool. As I've learned here in Croatia, the vibro. The vibro. Yeah. Cool.
So, yeah, I think you get, you start to feel it. it fairly quickly and you shut it down. Or in, you know, in Kate's case, she waits for me to vet the 400 guys down to one and then ignores him because, you know, she was busy cleaning her fridge magnets. Hey, all right. We actually, let's get onto some written ones we have now. And this actually comes from Aussie Pete. I don't have to read them, do they? No, you don't. This one comes from Aussie Pete again. So it says, hey, Kate and Daryl, Aussie Pete here again. I have a question and a scenario.
Recently, Bea, Sheila and I were around the fire outside as we do for our weekly catch-up and I was a little surprised at something she said. They have a little fire outside their house that they just have drinks and they like debrief every Friday after work to talk about their week. Yeah. I'm just saying. Sounds shit cool. We were talking about our friend who- Shit cool? Shit cool. Shakool? Shakool. Sounds maze balls. We were talking about our friend who we'll call LJ who I mentioned in the story.
She is one that is bi and is keen to hook up with us but her husband got a little forward and it was over from then on. It turns out Mr. had a few demons and I asked B if she would ever have LJ as a unicorn if she perhaps ended up on her own. So if they split up and she ended up on her own. Horrible thing to say but I was just thinking out loud. B said no way because she thinks because we are such good mates that I'd be obsessed with her. So he's good friends with this lady. I was shocked at that because B is my queen and there is no way anyone will come between us.
Not saying I would not love Yeah. with their relationship to start, what's your thoughts? So this is about having a connection with somebody who might be just deeper than sex buddies. Well, you've, I mean, that's definitely happened with us. So talk about that. You talk about that. Go. Well, certainly we've had a couple that you've had a deeper connection with certainly to start than I did for a long period of time. And you were actually concerned that using, you know, saying that you loved them was you becoming poly. Yeah. Very early on.
But I think, I don't know who said it or where that came from, but, oh, sorry, it's from the book, the swinging book that I've forgotten. Ethical Slut. That one, yeah, where they said, yeah, you can have different types of love. You can love your parents, you can love your dog. That doesn't mean you want to have sex with them or that you want to be in a polyamorous relationship with them. I think we kind of grew around that in that it was certainly – In that instance, I wasn't as concerned about that as you were and we ended up, I mean, we end up in a very healthy situation now anyway.
What I do want to do is flip this on its head and think about how B. Sheila, where she's coming from because it's her partner that has the connection with this other lady and she might be a bit worried about their connection.
And what I do want to say about that is that I think sometimes when people get into the swinging lifestyle, it's easy to compartmentalise that it's just sex with another person, where it becomes a little bit more difficult is when there is a little bit of an emotion or a friendship connection as well, because then you really do start to question, well, hold on a second, what am I here for? Because I can sit here right now and say, I'm more than sex to you, but then if those other things that I'm in the more part then start opening up to other people, you know, could that be of a concern to me?
So I think concerns are justified and I think it's just one of those things that you work through. I think the way that you can put this... together though is that you may, so let's say that you are not sex at all to me. So we're not having sex, but you're everything else other than sex. Then, you know, that would be acceptable in the lifestyle. You know, that I could go off and have sex with somebody else and come back to you and live my life with you as a loving partner without sex. I mean, this is an extreme case, of course. Let's turn that around the other way.
and say that somebody is your primary partner was only only sex and they're off in an emotional relationship with somebody else I mean I think there's probably a lot of grey in between part A and part B that I just described and it comes down to the individual as to what you can deal with and how you navigate it and I think this stuff comes with experiencing it knowing that you guys have a strong foundation experiencing it talking through it working through it that's all you can do I mean you can sit here and be fearful of something but let's just be clear do we Do you think that there'd be anyone out there that could be everything other than sex for you?
You know what I mean? Like the second example I gave. No, I think there's some people that can be, and this is where friendship comes into play, and you can use this as an example. I was in the middle of something here. I know, but I'm on a roll here. So you've got friendships that might, say, for example, I've got friends that I can nerd out with over, I don't know, podcasting or games or whatever, right, or board games. Perfect example. I've got friends that I can- I fell asleep. I can friends that I can nerd out with, with board games.
That's not necessarily your thing, but then with them, they're not necessarily doing the other things that I do with you. So they can be a part of, but not the whole. You just broke my whole story and where I was going with it. So that's exactly what I was about to say. You know, you pick up individual pieces from individual people out there and you may love them for that. You may love them for a part of what they are to you and your life and your partner's life. But I think the big difference is that, with Kate, you fill all of those. You fill all of the, all of the holes that I need filled.
That sounds weird, but you know what I mean? Yep. Whereas the other people fill some of them. I pump my love into all of your holes. Exactly. And they will never, but they may never fill all of them. And it's very unlikely that they will fill all of them. So they may be hot, exciting, interesting. In the same line of work as you. In the same line of work. Possibly, yeah. But you may also find that, that, their interest in chewing gum is boring. Yeah, or they don't like Pac-Man and then you're like, who doesn't love Pac-Man? Please leave. Or they decide to wear Harry Potter gear in the street.
It's staying, man. The shirt's staying. Hey, maybe I can just wear it for the next six weeks continuously and then it's just tattered so much. It's a good idea. It's a good idea. All right. Maybe it might get lost on the way to the US somehow. Nah. Yeah. Hey, so this one comes from Sex Bliss on Twitter and they said, we have discussed this with Elle and there is something that has challenged us for a very long time. It's how to start playing with other people without disruption to their rhythm or at least in a fun and elegant way. What types of activities can you do in the foursome position?
For example, I tweeted about a foursome position a couple of days ago. What we struggle with is how to start this type of play. Often we think of something to do but fail to actually suggest it out of fear of disrupting the other person just to later realise that the other person would have appreciated the change or act change. We are always caught up in this mindset. Any tips? This could be in a club situation. So say, for example, you're in a club. Again, you're not really talking to a lot of people. We're not having deep conversations with people in clubs generally. I'm generalizing here.
And, you know, how do you make suggestions on maneuvering positions and changing positions without it disrupting the rhythm? Honestly, I think you just physically do it. It seems so simple, but I think that unless it's a super complex position and you have to read a manual. Yeah, nobody's doing an inverted blow job. Like without, you've got to get sign off from people for that. Yeah, you need to sign a waiver from the club to do that sort of carry on. To do an inverted blow job for sure.
But I think that it's honestly one of the easiest ways is to just actually start to manoeuvre and where this can be really sexy as well is if you can be almost like the sex cruise director a little bit and explain to people what you're after or I think that's a better way to do it because then you can get the consent along the way as well. Yeah. I'd really love to see you doing this or I'd really, this sound, this looks. This is what I would like to do. This, and this. Yeah. This looks really sexy. Let's do this. Yeah.
I don't think, I think there's natural pauses in, in the rhythm of the lifestyle.
You know, there's always, there's natural pauses along the way where you, where you're doing, you're having sex or you're slowing down because you're, well, in the man's case a lot of times trying not to come and then you're you know there's just natural rhythmic and just pick a low cycle I'd say pick a low cycle and go for it yeah pick or when somebody's putting decided they want to add more lube for example yeah that might be a good time get a good drink as well sometimes like who the fuck's getting up and getting a drink in the middle of sex me all the time I get thirsty that fucking silent pause there you need to not cut that out um I'll probably truncate the silence so I probably will be cutting that out It should be a long silence.
I made it as long as I could handle on purpose. I wanted people to see me staring at you. Okay. So that was Sex Bliss on Twitter. We have another one here from Dennis, and this is a part of a chat group that I'm part of. I already answered Dennis on text on this one because it was time critical. Okay. But I want to mention it here. So Dennis said, we're having our second MFM tomorrow, and I'm curious what you as the married female want from your husband. What makes it especially sexy for you? What is it that you want or don't want from your husband?
We listened to your last podcast together and we knew we had this MFN planned, just trying to make sure that my wife has the best experience possible. So this was Dennis asking me for a female perspective on what I want, but not from the other guy, what I need from you. So I thought that was a really interesting topic to discuss because it's pretty rare. I think that we discussed this kind of topic, like what do I need you to do? So I gave him five answers. Well done, Dano. Oh yeah.
I mean, he's, reached out because some, I would say part of this experience for some ladies and it may be his lady, it might be that it's, you know, kind of, it's kind of a made up sort of scenario, right? You kind of like this as well where, where things might just, it might just get to this point without you being fully aware of, of what's going on. Yeah. You know what I mean? So that's, so good on him for, for two, I'm assuming that's the case, which is why he's reached out.
to you because rather than asking his wife, which would kind of destroy the mystique around it and the playful fun that comes with that, that he's reached out to you to understand a woman's perspective. And I really admire that. I think that's really cool. Yep, I do as well. So let me read you. I gave Dennis five things. Yes. I gave him five things. And after I tell you these, I'm going to- How many were they? Five. After I tell you these five things, then I'm going to follow up with what happened with Dennis after.
I reckon I could cover it out in four and that would save him, you know, extra reading. Six minute abs. Okay. Number one, make me feel safe and sexy. Now remember, this is what I need and want from my partner. Make me feel safe and sexy. Number two, help move the night along if I'm too embarrassed, too shy to do it, but doing so without feeling pushed. This can be done with suggestive things like how about you get into that lingerie, for example, right? I'm just going to call bullshit on that one. You do this all the time and I've told you I needed it, so you can't call bullshit from a person.
sitting over on the couch. You get grump, grump. You get grump, grump. I got grumpy with you. Actually, yes, I did get grumpy with you recently when I specifically said definitely no play, and you started like sending suggestive signals about play. Actually, no, I'm not talking about that, Tom. I'm talking about other times where you get grump, grump, where I say, hey, let's move this along, and you look at me with this look of disgust. I said in here, but doing so without feeling pushed, right? Fuck. Well, I mean, you know, how define the boundary there?
sorry, Denno, this is not the greatest of advice, I've got to say. You know, it's like right in the middle where you're like, push me enough, but not too far. Otherwise, I'll get grump grump. Number three, get me in the headspace or place to take me out of my everyday, right? Because if you're doing this in your house and you've got kids or dogs or work or you're shopping and you're cooking and doing all of the house shit and then you do it in head, like it's not sexy. Number four, pour drinks, smiley face. Yep. Number five, make suggestions. I think that's a good one too.
Now, I want to read you. I checked in with Dennis. I wanted to read you what happened. He said, thanks again for the advice. Number two was especially helpful. Once I encouraged the start, everything went really smoothly kissy face. Well done. So there you go. So he managed to nab the bit between kissy face and frowny face. And I've got to tell you, I've been on the receiving end of frowny face more than once. Yeah. Yeah. Now you're admitting it. Before you're like, nah, that never happens. Yeah, well, if it's like 10 minutes. You get your frowny, you get your frowny on.
Pick your battles, pick your time. That's what I'm saying. Dude, if I gotta say, mate, shit, I gotta say, some instances where you've had the greatest night ever or a very, very good night and you've admitted that afterward, we would have ended up not being involved at all if there hadn't been a frowny face involved along the way. That's what I'm saying. Like, maybe, you know. Well, maybe don't frowny face it then. I mean, there's nothing, there's nothing that makes a husband feel worse than him feeling like he's pushing you into something you don't wish to do. Yeah. Stop doing that.
Can I leave that silence in as well? Yeah. And this is my frowny face back your direction. Hey, that was from, that was from Dennis. So thanks, Dennis. That was a really good question. And I agree. I think quite useful to people for people to ask that, you know, what do you need from me in that scenario of a threesome? Good question. So hey, that's all of our questions for this episode. I feel like you've breezed over some of these questions though. Nah. Yeah, but nah. And I have two engaging listener shout outs that I would like to provide to you today.
The first one is from Jade from Instagram. Jade is the only person to have asked where we've been recently. Now, we actually took a four week hiatus, guys. If you are listeners of our podcast, you may notice that it's been over a month since we have released an episode and we just decided to take a little break ski. It's because Daryl got too many frowny faces so he decided that he was going to frowny face her back for a whole month. So with the travel and everything else, we just decided to actually have a month off. So that's where we've been. Jade from Instagram, thank you.
And we were, it was very cold here so we had to make a dog, I mean a skin hat out of our dog. You okay? Not sure, I think I might be having a stroke. So Jade, I'll be back. I smelled toast. Jade today asked where we were and said, hey, are you guys still podcasting? And I was like, yeah. Thanks for asking. They're the only person who actually asked. So that's Jade from Instagram. And the other person I want to give a shout out to. Yeah, because we've never been erratic in our releases of podcasts. The other person I want to give a shout out to is JJ from Patreon group.
And JJ actually was transiting through Zagreb recently and we managed to get a cocktail. We did. And hang out and have a little bit of fun in the sunshine. It was sunshiny for a while. And then it was freezy, freezy. And then it wasn't. And then it wasn't. Yes. That's true to that. Sunshine works really well here, I've noticed, for keeping people warm. Sunshine tends to do that. Yeah, I know. It's that whole thermonuclear ball in the sky thing. Are you sure you're okay? Yeah. Okay. I said thermonuclear without getting it wrong. So that is our listener shout-outs of the month. The month?
Oh, the month, yeah. Is that because we left for a month? Yes, because we left for a month. Oh, God. Hey, so... pump a few more in. Maybe we should pump a few more in. If you would like to pump us up to join our Patreon. Wow, that was terrible. Patreon.com forward slash swinging down under. Feel free to pump us up. Yeah. Again, you know, I think obviously if it's fucking 10 guys, it might be nice to get a phone call. Yeah. From one of them? And a video. Fucking hell. From one of them while the other guy's like, hey, he's balls deep. In your wife and I'm next.
Kate asked me to call you, just let you know there's nine of us waiting behind. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That would be fine. Actually, that would likely turn me on. I know it would, yeah. That would likely turn me on a lot. You won't get video for three days, by the way, suck a dick, and then hang up. You know what I'm going to do with this episode? I'm going to put it up on Patreon. Okay. As a bonus episode. Cool. Cool. So that has been episode 125, guys, of the Wanderlust Swingers podcast. Thank you so much for listening.
And if you have any questions, as always, drop us a voicemail on our website, wandelustswingers.com, or drop us an email. Or send us mail. Or send us owl mail. Yeah. And if your owl is a particularly kind of awesome owl, then I'm going to keep the owl. Yeah, especially if it's a magic owl. Yeah, that's happening. Or, you know, a phoenix, which is nothing like an owl. Okay, great. All right, guys, have fun and we'll talk to you soon. Bye. Get your wand up. Bye. Pump the wand up. Pump up your wand. Pump your wand up. Pump up your wand. Pump it up.
Please don't sing anymore because we will get sued. It's 15 seconds. Is it? I know how long that is. It's how long it takes me to orgasm. It's how long it takes you to pump out your penis. Pump it. you
