All your swinger questions answered with the bed hoppers podcast. This is part 2 in the series and if you wanna wrap your ears around part 1, head on over to the bed hoppers podcast (link below).
We dig into your swinger questions that you want answered and cover everything from jealousy, long distance swinger friends, agressive flirting and how to store your magic wand (aka vibrators) when you're visiting a swingers club.
Big thumbs up and thanks to the bed hoppers podcast for joining us, LIVE in our studio (aka our loungeroom floor) right here in the Netherlands for this collaboration.
Swinger Questions we discuss in this episode
Have you ever had to step back from the swingers lifestyle?
How do you deal with the pace of the lifestyle, are you and your partner running the same pace?
What kinds of cultural differences have we experienced?
How do we manage LS relationships from a distance?
Do you carry your swingers club sex toy bag with you or pop it in a locker?
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Transcript
you're listening to the wanderlust swingers podcast with aussie hosts kate and daryl if you're curious about exploring your sexuality or the swinging hot wiping and non-monogamous lifestyle you've definitely come to the right podcast or maybe you just love travel adventures either way we share our personal sometimes juicy sexy stories as well as swingers club and event reviews interviews with other sassy people and of course our global swinging adventures we try to bring you a look into the diverse lifestyle that the swinging and non-monogamous community has we hope you enjoy now let's get into the episode g'day guys and welcome back to an episode of wanderlust swingers podcast this is part two of the swingers q a volume three i think my introduction is much better than your introduction kate and daryl here and we are joined by the lovely mr and mrs h from the bed hoppers podcast the most famous infamous and extraordinary swingers in the uk mr it's us actually i think they're the second second or third it depends on whether yoda has been involved in swinging or not when 900 years of swinging you have done be as famous you or not hey i think we know the fifth most famous i believe that is it like based on the number of like bedposts you've not no it's just by tonnage I think we know the fifth most famous.
I believe that, is it like based on the number of bedposts you've notched? No, it's just the number. It's by tonnage. I think we discussed that. Oh, yeah, metric tonnage. No, it's neither of those things. Pungage? No, it's the amount of self-adoration. Oh, I've done a lot of that. Not self-molestation. That's a different thing. So if you missed part one, go and check it out on the Bedhoppers podcast. We are continuing our Q&A. Or if you don't like the Bedhoppers, don't. Well, then you probably should just tune out. I mean, we're fairly mediocre, really.
Well, I mean, you're number two in the UK, the second most famous swingers in the UK. This is true. We are.
So go ahead and check out the Bedhoppers podcast for the first part of this uh podcast but first half one might say first half so we are continuing questions from the marvel us vixen next question we just got off of like jealousy and emotions next one is have you ever had to step back a bit from the lifestyles marvel us vixen has really got us like digging down deep into the emotions side of the lifestyle but have you ever had to step back a bit from the lifestyle well we had to when covid hit there was a there was a natural break in a government-enforced yeah government-enforced hiatus thanks to the global pandemic so i don't feel like that was part of the question just throwing that out there well we had, we had to.
We had to stop. I think it was a measure of can we survive without the lifestyle? Yeah. And the answer was, yes, we can, but we still like all of our lifestyle friends. Yeah.
So the fact that they were still around and we were still chatting to them, but we couldn't physically interact was, I don't know why I've gone with this strange, smashy and nicey voice while I've answered this particular question but if thank you for joining me today um but i honestly i think it was a case of i do love the bbc and i mean that in the traditional sense for those of you who are thinking that i'm being very weird british broadcasting company exactly that's what i was oh well you don't need to know that's why they call it bbc that's right and i went a bit australian then we're just even weirder but honestly i think we we found that we we could take a step back and i think even when we went in fact when we went to desire and we met you folks for the very first time in person we got halfway through the week and we we did step back for a period and we had to we took sort of like an afternoon to reflect yeah but i think one of think one of the things we've found as we've gone through this journey.
We stayed back for about 15 minutes. Sometimes 15 minutes is all you need. But it was the fact that we recognised that it was all a bit much and that we needed to make time for each other.
And that felt within the concept of being at that resort for that week, which is quite hardcore, it felt really important to come away from it and survive by ourselves for a little bit we had a reasonably sturdy passionate conversation about this recently actually maybe six months ago where i wish to step back from the lifestyle for some time yeah yes it was it more than 15 minutes uh yes more than an evening young kate did not agree with that at the time. Who is this young Kate? Fuck off. Tell us more, Daryl. I'm intrigued. Why did you step back?
So I think we're running at different paces at the moment, Kate. Oh, don't foreshadow. I don't give a fuck. I'm not reading the questions. It's your job to, it's your job to sort out when I fuck up the questions, not mine.
So there's a pace difference between us because during the pandemic, as an example, you know, we, we'd stopped again in forced stop, but post pandemic or post reopening, Kate has been much more engaged in the lifestyle because of both her business and also just a more consistent return to places and people that we know than I have, which means we're running at a different pace. I feel very outside of the lifestyle right now. And I feel very remote from it as well, because a lot of the people we know are not here. And I have a significant problem with that.
And to the point where at one point I just said, I don't want to do this anymore. I don't wish to be involved in something that I'm not involved in. And I feel like on a podcast that I am actually a imposter on that podcast because I'm not involved and I'm not engaged with the lifestyle because I'm busily doing other things whilst Kate's involved and engaged, but not engaged locally so that I can at least at a weekend or, you know, every now and again, be involved here locally. So I understand that I'm still a part of this.
So it got to a point for me where I said, I don't think I wish to do this anymore. We need to slow down. And, you know, the immediate response from Kate was more of, well, so you need me to shut down my business. You's where it went, which was a very interesting reaction for me and something we negotiated through, of course. Well, of course, yes, we did. But it's still something that weighs on me every time we go to a club for example, because I'm not in many cases in the mood to go anymore because I don't know whether I want to be there or want to be engaged with what's happening.
So it is an ongoing conversation. It's not something that's particularly sticky for the friends that we have and have always had, but that won't change. You know, that part of their lifestyle journey is still very honest and true for me, but it's the look forward how do i want to be involved in this in future and you know i'll let you know but it may not be i mean it may be it may not be but that's not going to change again the historic relationships just change the way i and hence we look at it moving forward are you back from new encounters? No, actually the opposite.
So my biggest issue is that there's nothing, that there's nobody, we don't have local friends. So one of the things Kate mentioned in the previous episode is that she loves to be punched in the face. See, I got that back in. Now, one of the things she mentioned in the previous episode was that we're getting closer and closer to the people we care about in terms of where they are in some ways, but we're also getting further and further away from some of the other people we care about.
So we're kind of in this sort of middle ground where people are close, but not close enough where you can have just a weekend at the pub or a day at the pub with them, right? Versus what I really enjoy is a relatively consistent interaction. You know, the more consistency there is to the relationship, the more interested I am in people. That's just the facts of it, right? Because you like those deeper conversations and understanding more about people. It's not just the deeper conversations.
I mean, I set a fairly stringent rule for our wedding that if we hadn't spoken to them in six months, they weren't coming. Because to me, if you're outside of six months and you haven't clicked a text message to somebody, then how deep is the relationship? And the lifestyle relationships inherently are quite deep because they involve things that you're giving to people that you normally wouldn't give away outside of your relationship.
So with that in mind, it becomes the longer we're away from somebody for me, the tougher it is for me to be interested because it's just inherent that they have other things going on in their lives and they're doing things that I don't know about and I just feel not part of their ongoing life. What about you two? Have you ever stepped back from the lifestyle? Interesting. So maybe not in quite the same way as Dal was describing around having very different expectations and outputs. What we do, we're fairly joined up on that.
It's more been life events that have maybe forced us to take a step back because of just life more than our misaligned attitude probably fair because we're generally on the same page with you know are we still getting enough out of this to want to carry on and yes we both are we regularly check in with each other to say we're still okay we're good you good but that's fine so it's more been things like life events that may may have to re-evaluate can we put some energy in i think we're probably less inclined at the moment to find space for new relationships and new encounters because we've got so much catching to do with existing ones that we it's actually more fun to be rekindling those and seeing people we belong when it is to find new ones but that does make you i guess back to daryl's point earlier that does make you significantly more out of practice if you're so used to like going to events or being around your tribe just consistently moving like a like a tribe around all these things when you're on your own and separated from that tribe makes you very vulnerable yeah and we we found that a peak app that was one of one of the things that we've talked about a lot was that we felt very out of practice of of meeting new people and building those connections not so much just chatting to new people because we're social and we can do that but actually bringing people into the collective if you want to call it the collective the borg we will assimilate them we've found great people that we love and have taken along for the ride along the way brilliant and as you say finding new people and faces to join that sounds a bit cultish really not it's more like-minded individuals is is difficult because you need to invest the time into building that so I think sometimes it's just more important to me to rekindle and reintegrate with existing ones right then actually well is there's a reason to find a new one there isn't really a reason to find i'm happy with revisiting the ones that we've already got and just have missed maybe i think that's fair so it's not about us sitting back from it more making sure that we reinvest once yeah agreed okay have you ever felt that your partner is running six steps ahead of you and you are feeling left out left out is not the word i mean so yes running in front or yes absolutely feeling it at the moment in fact like that that is a descriptor of today not today as in today but certainly current events for me that uh yeah Kate is very much running in front of where I would like to be but that's not I mean there's been discussions around this along the way as well so it's not I certainly hope it's no surprise to Kate that I would say that out loud, given that we've discussed this as well.
So yeah, I mean, answer done. I don't know what else to add to that. I've already covered all the other shit before.
We talked quite a bit about this, you know, this pace issue that we've kind of hinted at all the way through this foreshadowing you talk about because sometimes whether you realize it or not the pace isn't quite matching each other and that's not always because one of you is more invested than the other i think in what you're doing it's more maybe levels of confidence and levels of how much you're feeling your body image it could be a whole number of factors influencing how fast you're moving into things and your other your partner isn't maybe at the same pace as you are i think like you say pace can be measured in a variety of different ways and i think typically i'm the one that does all the admin for example so it feels that constantly i'm the one that's pushing it because i'm the one that's doing that that admin part and coming up with the ideas and the suggestions by the same token often at a meet you're often running more ahead than i am because you're more confident in accelerating that way so it kind of it does even itself out i suppose but again it like different relationships feel different and sometimes there's there are people where I'm more confident being more forwards and sometimes there's people where you're would you say sometimes the pace is mismatched because you're not both feeling the same level of attraction that all the parties yeah I'd say that's that's there I think being in practice Dal's mentioned is makes a huge difference as well and being you know just feeling like you're part of it because i think if i think back to pre-covid times i kind of felt like i was getting into the swing of it and getting uh you know i kind of i had a flow a pattern a banter or whatever that that i could apply yeah everyone you get the same template sorry no one is special but um but it was it you know you know roughly what the scope of things are going to be and you know how they're going to go and you you can ride that more effectively whereas now i don't feel like i'm practiced and well hurst in that so therefore i'm a little bit more cautious i suppose because i'm trying i'm not so good at you know i was never good at reading signs but i'm even worse at it now our collective pace has slowed down definitely because like we said we are out of practice in meeting people that we haven't met before purely because we've just not had to do it and we've not had the scope to do it so we were like a fish out of water really weren't we like what do we do how do we do this again i can't remember even how to make it clear to someone that i want to flow but also there is the the convenience of people that you already know there comes a whole load of other trappings with that but if you're comfortable with with a group of friends or playmates whatever then it's almost a no-brainer you can't you can understand how things can go because you know how it's worked in the past whereas finding new people is a lot of high maintenance and effort and is selective processes and internetting and whatnot fabmin yeah fabmin exactly that okay how do you feel about the pace um so there's i think there's two steps to this to flip it on its head not running ahead but i do find sometimes that i feel like he's running behind a little bit in terms of like just engagement in the last kind of exactly what he said mirroring that but from my perspective but what I do find is that when we're at a meet or at a club I feel like he is running six steps ahead of me in terms of like just being out there yeah we were at a club a couple of weeks ago and he was just like bullet a gate just charge and I was a little bit more reserved in terms of like I just want to kind of feel out the environment feel out these people because it was literally walked in went to have some food found a couple sat down next to that cup because they they were that was the only seats in the house and then spent that time with that couple and then I think he was more of a bullet a gate and I was a bit more of a in what?
Like you seemed to really enjoy them and you were like, okay, I think these guys are great and you were just like pretty much... No. No? Again, perception, I guess. Nope. Yeah, the people I'm talking about. Yep. Okay. They were lovely, but I mean they were lovely, they were sweet, they were nice. It was their very first time they'd been at a club. Right. Yeah, yeah. I mean, if your perception of me running forward there is that I wish to have sex with them immediately, I would have picked a different couple. Really? It's their first time at an event.
The chances of having sex with them is basically zero. Okay, well. Yeah, I mean, I'm not fucking hell. I'm not an idiot.
Well, irregard irregardless irregardless come on you're better than that and i i'm actually not um yeah i think that when we're at a physically out of place i think all of the pre bits and pieces and bits and bobs and like the planning and going to a club and everything and then we get there and daryl's tends to be a bit more forward than i am do you find that one of you is more if you say the gas and the brake i'm gonna not give you any more wine you know the whole analogy of like oh there's somebody the gas somebody's the brake no no there is nobody in this room who's american could we just use throttle as we all would in our own native tongues with Would the accelerator be okay?
Accelerator's fine as well, yeah. Accelerator, throttle. And the stop mechanism. Yeah, the breakity-break-break. The breakity-break-break. No, I was going to ask, is one of you more forward than the other in showing someone that you're, or flirting with someone, or showing someone that you're interested? You need to ask this. Well, my listeners might not know.
I mean, you could just point, if you like, and then say, he is much more forward and touchy than the other two that we had a discussion about yesterday where they felt attacked, I might add, on the fact that we're occasionally surprised that they end up in bed together, given that it seems like they've just tripped over and fallen on each other. Hang on, hang on. I distinctly recall being attacked with, at one point we were next to each other and these two pointed towards us, Kate, didn't they, and said, look, they're touching. Yes. That was, and that was like a massive leap forward.
You did that was the hilarity of it you sprang you sprang apart like two chipmunks in the headlights of a gas powered car do you answer your questions fuckheads hey my question was valid it was not not an attack. Pointed, but valid. It wasn't pointed. It was actually really subtle because it was for the listeners to get involved. They don't know. They weren't having one attack on us yesterday. Now, if you want to understand who was attacking here, apparently it was me because that was very subtle, and I just went, fucking Jesus, just point at the people you're talking about here.
Okay, a couple of things. I think this goes back to your affirmation style as well, so kind of what we spoke about about 10 episodes ago roughly. So there are times when I'm- Pretty sure I was drunk. Quite, yeah, and you were getting angry at me from citing references. Oh, I hate that. Yeah, don't do that.
There are times when I'm a little bit more forward forward um it depends on how i'm feeling but there's also times when and citations are in the show notes more specifically like 80 of the time when my um style of affirmation is that i want to feel wanted so it's not necessarily that it depends so again 80 20 there's 20 where i'm actively like pursuing and very aggressive about that pursuing and that doesn't mean wow but that doesn't mean that i find that person more interesting or more attractive it's got nothing to do with that it's then the times when i sorry use the term aggressively pursuing i'm just curious as to when this aggressive pursuance has occurred and with whom and who this is my turn when it's reading nice again that whole um style of affirmation when i'm on the receiving end of that and i think the situation with mr h and i is that he is also of the same mindset so you've've got these two people that are of this, like...
Both need to feel that they want to. Attachment style and affirmation style that it's the constant push and pull. So you're both too stubborn to show the other you're interested because you both want to feel pursued. It's almost a politeness. You go first. Can you please not attack them again? I will flip a table.
Marvel U table marvel us vixen will be very happy about my flipping of said table that's my answer are we done are we moving on to the next i'm really confused but fine a standard monday then i've never known someone i think i just learned something about myself i just learned something about myself okay mrs earl I would really love to hear more about cultural differences, especially as you all come from different countries yet have been to some of the same places. Should we talk about the cultural differences of affirmation? Because I still don't think she's answered that question.
What is it you want to know? It's fine. She's not going to answer me because it's confusing and you both just, I fucking answered you. Okay. Devil's face was a picture. I don't think his mouth could be open anymore. He was like, what? I think it was just the term aggressive. Pursuance. Pursuance that I'm like, I mean, I'm just, I'm reaching out. Just let me, let me ask this question. To the three metric tons of sexual partners we've had, metric tons now, so not imperial. So for those of you out there that are using the imperial system, break out your calculator.
For the three metric tons of people that we've been involved with sexually since we've been in the lifestyle, could one of you, any of you who've been aggressively pursued, I'd be really interested in you reaching out to us to help me understand when this aggressive pursuance occurred i i think kate aggressively pursued me when we were playing mario party and she was about three spaces behind and then she lost and i think she was going to destroy our room i think that's's about right. I think that happened. Yeah. And there was champagne involved. Okay, so on to the next question. Yeah, sorry.
Sorry, Mrs. Owl. I really love to hear more about cultural differences, especially since all of you come from different countries yet have been in the same places.
I think, so goingcap we noticed a whole load of cultural differences between the uk and so even down to things like where people had and they had hotel rooms they would invite people into the rooms and decorate them and just oh yeah do this whole sort of room crawl thing didn't even occur to us yeah that i don't think we've we've seen that purely hotel things aren't a thing in the uk so you you don't decorate your room if you go and you don't do like lights and diffusers and tricks and that. Is this a hotel room? Yeah. What the fuck are you doing? Why are you doing that?
And chances are house cleaning would have turned up and like torn all down. I entirely agree with your perception here. I'm all about it. I like it. This is what I'm about to say. You want to know who's changed their perception on the way through this lifestyle. Because somebody spent, I think, a little more time in the US than we have. I think it shows interest. I liked it. I liked it. I just didn't know the thing. It was fun. But culturally, if we were to try and do that over here, I think we'd be met over here, over in the UK. I think we'd be met with- Yes, that's right. Because Brexit.
Yeah, exactly. Something that would be incredible.
that would be incredible yeah thank you for that reminder but i i don't think we'd sell it or be able to sell it i think there's also an interesting thing about money in the uk and the way people people are happy to invest in an experience i think that probably it's a bit more of a struggle to get people to do that but what about approaches do you find that people in say america were similar minded in terms of talking to you getting to know you before in the bed versus say like the european which is like you know sex first touch first and maybe ask later a little bit i don't so given i mean given brexit for starters not european so just saying that but also um not european i think we can all agree sitting in this room in the netherlands that just across the water is the uk but you couldn't be further away in terms of how yeah so so i i this is the reason i'm i'm saying this because i think you're but you have to be careful that when you proposition this you don't make it look as though mr and mrs h speech speak for europe because it's the uk is a very different place for the rest of europe the differences here versus there versus america like i think that probably america here there i did i said america i think more similar to the uk recording we could do if we could be bothered but we're not we're not bothered i genuinely i think that there is a bit of a rock up and fuck approach across the uk and i think that's made it particularly difficult for us to find people that we're interested in because the vast swathes of people on fab that being the biggest site over there are very much uh yeah let's meet and go straight into a buck situation but hey you free tonight yeah no so that feels quite different to what we've experienced in the u.s that said our experience the u.s has been in smaller groups it's been things like takeovers of which you've been involved in many kate and i think it's also it's been tailored because we're not getting we're not stepping on a plane from here to fly to the u.s which is i mean granted nine hours minimum right yeah from here to there and spending the amount of money that's required to get there without us going to an event that we believe will be a group of people that we actually like which which means i think we kind of self-police that We don't, there's events that we believe will be a group of people that we actually like, which means I think we kind of self-police that.
There's events that we've all agreed now we'll never go to again that we've been to, well, that you and I have been to in the past that don't fit with that. No, they don't fit with that. Yeah. So, you know, when you're not morally... Sound or care. Yeah. Then you just...
that group of people or that event or that place is not something that you'll ever go back to so with that happy note and keeping that in mind i think some of it is around the groups of people that you hang around with rather than the overall culture of the place because there's going to be people that align to your thought process or whatever it's just finding them and getting them in the right place but i do i do think there's a if you take again the vast majority of people if you look at people in australia and the way they approach the lifestyle i think if you look at people in the uk and the americas i think they're pretty similar styles what i find very different is people in europe yep so when we went to a club in spain for the first time i feel like six six or six and a half years ago we were shocked at the fact that we went in and instantly basically people were like just touching me and they were like hey let's go to the playroom and at the time i was like jesus i don't even know your name like i don't know or if our lifestyle aligns at all and i found that to be really interesting and we've seen that kind of through paris we've seen that in paris we've seen that here in the netherlands absolutely in various places we saw it at cup d'arg of course in france like it is very very different to the approaches that i think people in the americas the uk and australia have by and large of course there's going to be exceptions to that where like you said before people on fab like let's go you know anal fist in the park and go dogging we got a dogging message like two days ago on fab anal fisting in the park this is the aggressive pursuant she was talking about aggressively pursuing apparently kate is anal fisting people in the park so i think there are you know obviously there's the exception by and large i think that australians people from the uk and americans probably tend to anal fist people in the park approach things very similar and then you've got people from europe and then obviously people from asia pacific as well that are slightly different how interesting if someone so a few years back if we were going to look at something a bit erotic to watch when in the days when we used to have our little sex den we used to bring down some duvets from the stairs and grab a bottle of champagne a pornist right okay whatever you want to call it it's a pornist yeah typically if miss rachel had been like oh what do you fancy watching my my response would not have been like oh let's just get some porn from whatever it i would go oh a bit of world cinema and you bet your bottom dollar it would be french and for some reason i always assume that french is synonymous with like some erotic kind of classy porn yeah like oh that's the kind of porn i want to watch which is what i recommended marked or sell to you last night right so you kind of go oh the french know how to fucking do it like that's for me almost like a wild cinema erotic kind of subset but could you take the way that you approach the lifestyle and could you put yourself in those circumstances in france where it's just a very it just feels fucking nice right i think in that situation you would probably fare better than i would but you'd still be freaked the fuck out i think you would it's very it's very um touch and then you remove the hand well but possibly part of that is because i've become accustomed to the more consent driven ways that we do things and like to do but when the french portray it in a neurotic visual aid you kind of don't really see it like that you just get swept away there's this's difference between world cinema and of course there is and what you don't see in the french erotic literature and and visual aids is that they're having the consent beforehand maybe let's just assume it's done no i think so i think you're missing a beat here i think what i'm getting at is when when i think about eroticism and that kind of the visual stimulants that come with that i my mind always wanders to french world cinema okay but but you're talking about cultural differences yes we're talking about cultural differences but that's cinema but in terms of the actual going there and going to a club the concept i haven't been to a french club no but we have heard about other people going to a club and and case just described that it's very much hands-on it's very much uh consent is less okay outright that's the focus right it's more implied lesson yeah so yeah yeah i think and we discussed implied i've discussed implied consent in the past in our podcast around uh dark rooms for example where if you walk into a dark room dark room is known to have sexual activities why we won't have one ever it's it's an implied consent scenario which can be dangerous very dangerous right it depends on whether you're interested whether you have a group of people who are just interested in implied consent rather rather than verbal consent to be fair we've also seen kate navigate a room with light in it and the thought of a dark room with kate it scares the shit out of me, how much stuff would be broken and destroyed.
Yeah, good point. No, it's pretty true. What? Now she looks attacked again. Either you'd kill yourself of tripping over something. My head does hurt. Yeah, I know your head hurts because you ran into our rafters last night. This morning, sorry, this morning.
After I'm getting into bed last night, Kate's like, oh, watch your head, don't hit it on the rafters she gets up this morning and goes belt and the whole fucking house shook basically then she went oh i've hurt my head but do you when you think about these sorts of circumstances i say you're in a like a really sexy french club and argument's sake you thought everybody was in there was very attractive both of you okay you walk in and instantly people are just on you and then you're involved in a play session do you think that again everyone's attractive you fancy everybody been not a lot of conversation do you think you'd fare okay in that kind of club situation where people were just like okay let's go play and they just kind of got on you and I suspect I would not and that she probably would do that's probably a fair assessment I think that's fair i think you're probably right yeah i think you're much happier in the moment yeah i would agree and going with it equally you care less about saying no i think i care less about saying no yeah you don't really you just kind of go with the thing and then you'll worry about it afterwards but you're not so happy about i'm also quite fess though yes but i think if you're in the moment then that's a problem jack use mrs h jack use yeah but i think to answer this question very broadly like every place has very different approaches to lifestyle and i think that not everybody i think every place needs its own assessment in terms of what the lifestyle means to them.
What you're comfortable. What you're comfortable with dealing with versus what the local standard is. It's a thrilling mix of you, the club and the people. Okay, next one from Mrs Earl.
How do you keep those long-distance friendships that you make on your travels from dwindling over time zoom zoom lots of zooms actually you can't answer it's a zoom it helps i think that helps i think it's um it's very difficult to keep relationships going for a long distance it is just a regular long distance relationship is tough but when you're talking about other partners it's it's a step removed from it i think you can invest in it and you can set dates that you've got to look forward yeah that helps tremendously by saying you know okay we might not see each other for a year but we know at the end of that year that we will catch up i think that helps you invest in the chat and the the contact and all that other stuff but I think every relationship by its very nature sort of dwindles a little bit if you don't have contact you can't help that totally agree yeah you need to keep anything alive when you don't feed it yeah you do need to have something to look forward to and if that albeit is a date as you say sort of eight months in the future and you say let's let's commit to this date let's do something and you kind of you have that in your mind don't you you want to work towards and i think there are people that we've we've played with that we we thought well that's great that's a like it was a really good play session or really good interaction or experience or whatever and yeah it'd be lovely to catch up with them again but we just haven't for years so to carry on from that say you had sex with somebody who was maybe i'm going to say three hours away driving in the uk what makes you not go for constant contact in the reaching out is it life is it just that you that you didn't think there was enough of a connection there yeah i think it's it's all of those things that you weren't being aggressively pursued enough we know that feeling well kate right i'm gonna not aggressively pursue you poor delicate flowers email will be in the show notes for anyone of the three ton please uh please reach out when kate has aggressively pursued you there is there is something around the you know how much investment you want to put in for that relationship how much can you pursue it doesn't and does life get in the way and there's people we've met in the states that we've you know that we consider really great friends that we just haven't chatted to for quite a while but they're in the states but they're in the states and that's a huge distance and when you go back there you can't see every fucker you just can't and and it pains me because you know i the people we met at the desire when we met you folks and i'm like oh it'd be really nice to catch up with them you know what like we can't always make it happen and there's cost there's investment there's aligning diaries mean, it's hard to align diaries with people that live an hour up the road.
And additionally, for me, I do not want every one of our holidays to be a lifestyle holiday. That's fair. I'm not interested in that being my entire life view, that it's just that, right? Yeah. And that means not going to going to you know every time we go to the u.s it doesn't mean that i we won't catch up with people that we we like and invested in lifestyle wise but we've i've experienced probably five percent of what is available globally that i wish to experience and we've been to how many A lot.
Anyway, but with that in mind, I have to allot some space for doing things so that when I get to my midlife crisis, I don't need to buy a Ferrari. I want to have done enough that I can look back and happily say, I'm satisfied with what I've done till now. And that's not just lifestyle things. That's just a portion of my life. But many other things that, you know, that float my boat, excite me, scare me, you know, all those sorts of things are important to have a balanced life. If you don't, I mean, we fell into this in the first six months of this journey.
We went to a lifestyle club every weekend. Almost every weekend. Almost for six months it's too much you lose yourself you also gain a fuck ton of weight because you know you you're drinking profusely every weekend and eating as well so there was a whole lot of downside to that i think it's really important that you keep a balanced outlook on life and in some cases that balance needs balance needs to swing from one side to the other in that I really think we need to invest more time in our lifestyle journey here in this country.
You know, here, I should say locally, rather than here in this country, but locally, where we have people that we can hang out with on a weekend.
Yes, because I think when you look at Europe and everything, especially like in Sydney, we would have friends that were an hour and a half away yeah that's a flight and that's okay too it's just the ability to connect in a yeah and it's the ability to continually connect and and catch up every few months even you know like to actually have a conversation and learn about how people's lives are going and and the things that are and just get inspired to be part of somebody's life you know like you have to be inspired and interested to want to engage with people and if they're not interested and somewhat inspired by talking to you then they're not going to hang around either so there's a natural attrition to long distance relationships all of them even sorry not even long distance relationships even fucking close relationships yeah i'll bring this to you then what about the fact that say long distance like you might lose the connection of even knowing somebody in their trials and tribulations do you think that's important when you're talking about your relationships with the people does it need need to be the highlights for you or do you legitimately want to know like hey that person's been going through some stuff and i want to help them through it i want to be there for them or do you want to step back from that and go you know what not my fight not my what is it not my dog not my fight I would say legitimately all the relationships that we had whether it be long term or not I want to be involved in some way and involved in making their lives better in some way because they've all meant something to me and I I like to think that in some capacity they'll always be in my life because it distance really shouldn't be a prohibiting factor if you want to help that relationship you know you you will do what it needs to be done yeah but if there is a level of distance and there is a lack of seeing people then naturally things tail off but i think for me if that relationship is worth saving or worth maintaining then it's important that they know that you're only at the end of the fight i think the thing the other thing that drives me with this one a little bit is the the amount of effort that people put into returning that yes so it's all well you chasing and chasing and chasing but if people don't do the same reciprocate do that then is it a relationship complicate yes if they don't it's complicate if they don't reciprocate it's the value that you you derive from relationship it needs to be two-way it does otherwise you're otherwise it's one way and i tell you what actually i'll bring this i'll bring this to a very um recent scenario for me you know we talk about the fact that like maybe you don't need to talk to your friends every six months or 12 months or whatever but i think in actuality that when you don't you're so far removed and if that person again continually is not reaching out then maybe you just need to let it go so i think less of how do you keep them from dwindling over time and more like how do you make sure that the ones that you truly value are actually how do you filter the fucking chaff there's only so much you can push and push yeah and so years ago we met other people that we thought were going to be a really great connection and it's always us so now i've just kind of cut it to the point where i'm like okay it's done now I'm not reaching out it's the same with family though and I think you know family is incredibly difficult because you you have a sort of sometimes a moral obligation not that you always necessarily need to see family gives you a reason to hang out with people you normally wouldn't associate 100% 100% and you know you can chase your family around the world and you can throw it back and and the difficulty is is it doesn't always pan out with family and and the same is very true of any any relationship that you're trying to maintain that's exactly true and i think you know sometimes it's a very very hard decision to cut family out of your life sometimes you have to you have to make that decision because if you're just wasting your life and your energy and it's causing you pain it's better to take a step away that doesn't mean i think that you need to be malicious that you need to be malicious but also that you that you can't pick that up at a later time that you can't reinstate that or that someone can be bumped back onto the list if they're if if you're all in agreement and that's something that's worth wait we're not supposed to be malicious but always.
I mean, sometimes you just have to stand up in a hot tub and chuck people out. And just wave your dick in their face and say, get the fuck out. So Steph has said, and I've broken this up into two parts. Steph has said that she wants more information about newbies and what they might not think about.
But what I really like about Steph's comment here, because it involves Harry Potterter yes is where do i keep my sex toys in a club do i carry it around like my head in my hand like a harry potter wand waiting for the magic moment or do i break the moment and run down to my locker and steph is joining us in london city and i'm really excited to meet her because she made a harry potter reference that that helps quite a lot should we do some harry potter stuff or in london oh sorry i gotta cut you need to go to dinner you know we're only allowed to say hp one more time before this is demon oh gosh then it might be demonetized and then we won't make any money off of our billions of dollars of making money of course like a podcast horrible do you know what staff from amazing person that's going to join the event i will say that one thing that could be an amazing help in this situation is the crave necklace that you can wear true but you don't have to stash away anywhere and it is also pretty and you can carry it around your person and then take it off and use it as vibrator wait i have another I have another option.
Just stick a dildo in, carry it around. It kind of does come back to the whole condoms and lube and everything else situation. But however, let's come back to that. Okay, so... Because of course, at some point, you're going to be standing there talking to somebody in a bar and then move to the playroom. And what she's basically saying is like, do I carry it around in this magic pouch or do I break away and be like, you know what, I've got to go do something.
I mean, we've probably all got opinions about this but you you have a little pouch I enjoy the breakaway let's debate it let's do it right he has a pouch that he typically condenses his very favorite little toys and a little tiny pot of liquid silt lube into a little bottle puts them in a little pouch and then gives me the pouch because typically I always carry a small handbag with me sometimes very often i will carry it around in my bag this is more lies my more lies more lies typically what will happen is that we'll have two pouches so um when we've previously bought um they call those ball sack thanks man thanks we we have two pouches so one one has uh some condoms and lube and your toy and this is a smallish pouch that can be compacted into a small handbag yeah and then i'll have my own pouch which has the cock ring that i tend to take with me the lube and some condoms i have a perfect solution to this problem just do like we do in australia ride kangaroos everywhere right you then have your you have your pouch with you you're okay with We'll be right back.
solution to this problem just do like we do in australia ride kangaroos everywhere right you then have your you have your pouch with you you're okay with carrying the pouch around yeah we're in the realm of harry potter here i've often talked about it in front of crowds so i i'm partial to having the pouch in a locker i don't mind a locker if there's one to be had but i also don't really necessarily always accept there'd be a locker there i don't want to assume there is no there doesn't have to with the event that we've got there will be a locker there and they also should be color-coded and have yes we were aware of your color-coded fascinations yes um i'm partial to it okay one because i think gives you a chance to break away a little bit and talk about things and if you're if you're single it's probably bit different.
Maybe you get to really think about what you want. In a couple of circumstances, I think it's the ability to then break away. And you don't have to do it as a team. One person can go do it as well and get their stuff. The other thing is I like to refresh. So that gives me the opportunity.
If I'm going to get my locker stuff, I also get to break into the bathroom and break out my wipes and everything else and I get to to know there are a lot of air quotes being used and i i kind of like that refresh moment of just like okay i'm going to go down and get my stuff and that might be as well like changing into lingerie it could be getting my pouch it could be then refreshing a little bit i i like that moment and then could be fingering your own anus i mean whatever you do there right but I do understand about the fact that people say it might break the flow.
Yeah, and I think I understand where she's coming from with the worry of things are going quite well and you don't want to then go, wait a minute, I need to go and get the magic bag of stuff. Sometimes it's like, oh, things are going well. I don't want to break this up. Sorry, we've established single lady, correct? No, that's part of a couple. Okay, sorry. I thought you discussed single lady.
No, I said if you were established single lady correct no that's part of a couple okay sorry i thought we would i thought you discussed single no no no i said if you if you were a single lady it might be a little bit different if you're a single lady people are gonna wait for you yeah i i love the fact that she's actually bringing her sex toys along to the game because that's also something that some people shy away from because they're like oh no seriously not do that kangaroo i don't know where you came with this problem solved just cram the power oh yeah i got you now i understand every day is a school day with you isn't it it is i've learned so much i know should we talk about suck farts now or later what about you daryl pouch pouch all right we'll wait we'll wait for the suck fart i i think it just comes down to personal preference but uh for me i actually it depends on what I'm wearing but if I'm wearing anything then I'll always have a bottle of lube and some condoms on me.
True you have like maybe two condoms in like a bottle a small like sample lube that you break on the ground. I have never so I've been through many bottles of lube and I have never broken one on the ground. Yeah, yeah. I didn't drop that lube. Oh, didn't you? No, you dropped it. Well, fuck. Must have been me then. Anyway. Pish. If you're using that as lube, that's a bad idea, my friend. Pish is not lube. Tears are though, right? I think it's easy.
As a guy generally, certainly most of the world you have the ability to be wearing something right and mangeray is not really a thing in most countries as well so you've always got pockets available if you're traveling with a man and just say hey dude beside my lipstick hair straightener hair dryer and all the other things you have stuffed in your pockets just in case i need to go straighten some shit and curl it and then straighten it again could you throw in a couple of condoms i think it says quite a lot if you turn up to the party with some sex toys that will me somebody it's like hey i brought this stuff like this is cool if you want to play with it it's there and i've thought about this i got a question for the guys in the room then so let's now think about the fact that this is Steph asking.
So say Steph and her partner have met you and she's like... They'll never be back. No, like you're, obviously you're there with Mrs. H and I'm there with you, much to your chagrin. And Steph is like, hold on a second, we're going to move to play. I'm going to go get my, I'm going to go down to the lockers for a moment. I'll be right back up. Would you have a problem with that? Yes, no. No, I'd be like, I have an opportunity to have a Wii now. And maybe I'll go and replenish the drinks. We all have a roll to play. Well, no, hang on. We could actually... We could minimise this.
With our powers combined. We've got one person who needs a Wii. We've got somebody else who's... Drinks duty. We could just join you two together. He could replenish the drinks. In my new role as Jesus, I'll be able to turn the water into wine. I can turn urine into urine. So what we're saying for Steph is that it's okay to, you know, quote-unquote, break. I can go and get your stuff from a locker if there's a locker. I think it's fine. Is there a way to do it more sexier? Yes, ride a fucking kangaroo. How many times do I have to say this?
Is there a way for a woman to be more like seductive about I'm just going to go to the locker and like freshen up for you kind of deal? Would it not be really sexy to say I have some stuff I want to show you and I have some stuff that would enhance our play, I'll be right back.
Why don't you wait for me here or wherever it is you've decided i think it's i think it's go and get a playroom go and get a playroom yeah like why don't you go and find a playroom you need to work out the special knock for the playroom like the sound of the squidgy head of a penis as you walk up to the playroom door that if you're the head of your penis is squidgy and we have problems i don't know why it's squid heads of penises are always squidgy why would it be squidgy that means you feel like play-doh no because just back from the head is where the where the erectile tissue lives it doesn't go all the way to the tip so the head of the penis is always squidgy other lectures will be available during our play event at uh on the 24th of september i believe we have space for no more questions and that we should probably round up at this stage but come on kangaroo we all know it's true i i don't think there's anything wrong with going i just need to grab some stuff or i need to do acts i it's just having the confidence to do it i think and you're right because i think we put so much pressure on ourselves that that's going to be a really big to-do, and in actual fact, the person's going to be like, cool.
Can I add a more importantly? More importantly, if they're going to fuck off whilst you're going to get sex toys, condoms, and lube, they're probably fucking assh hats anyway, and you don't want to fuck them. So I'm going to say, best option here, one, ride a kangaroo. If you can get one, just come speak to some Australians. And two, conga, sexy conga to the locker room. Exactly. And two, this is the end of the podcast. No, because suck farts. We need to get back into suck farts.
we have to cover suck farts we're not doing it it's not a sock fart it's a suck fart yeah no a sock farts are totally different thing that's the only way you can get these are on four tracks right yeah yep hey so guys thank you so much for listening to the wanderlust swingers podcast we've been joined by mr mrs h from the bed hoppers podcast mr h where can they find you uh you can find us at bedhoppers.co.uk thanks to kate badgering me into getting the website you can find us at suckfart.com and you can find mrs h's you can find mrs h's recent blog posts live on their website uh delightful took her three months to produce it but it is a worth read one second i'll come back to you guys with suckfart.com in a second i don't think we're going to be able to cut out the suck fart bit we're going to hear it everywhere it's everywhere so uh we're so sorry yeah we're just very we're apologetic um but thank you for everyone who sent us in questions and you're holy of endowed you can fuck right off because i learned some stuff this weekend from daryl suckfart.com is not registered right get on there it's yours for taking um thank you very much for listening to the episode today guys please if you haven't listened to part one do go over to the bed hops podcast and listen to that uh questions and answers from mostly the people that are coming to the london event unbelievable the important part is despite what these two eejits are saying is that if you fancy coming to Le Boudoir, we can go, Kate.
Wouldn't it be amazing if they were this aggressive when they were pursuing somebody? September 24th. We'd love to see you in London City. Please come out and join us, and you can hit us up on Twitter, Instagram, or our podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Or suckfart.com. Do you know what people don't even know what suckfart's about now
