Swinger Event Hosting Isn’t for the Weak

Transcript

Speaker1: You're listening to the Wanderlust Swingers podcast with Aussie hosts Kate and Daryl. If you're curious about exploring your sexuality or the swinging, hot-wifing and non-monogamous lifestyle, you've definitely come to the right podcast. Or maybe you just love travel adventures. Either way, we share our personal, sometimes juicy, sexy stories as well as Swingers Club and event reviews, interviews with other sassy people and of course our global swinging adventures. We try to bring you a look into the Wanderlust Swingers podcast with Aussie hosts Kate and Daryl. the diverse lifestyle that the swinging and non-monogamous community has. We hope you enjoy. Now let's get into the episode. G'day everyone and welcome back to the Wanderlust Swingers podcast. I'm doing an interview with the Casual Swinger podcast, Miki and Mallory. Now we're going to be talking about swingers events. Hosting isn't for the week. So buckle up buttercup because we're going to share the real, the raw, the dirty, the funny, the surprising, the ups and downs, and a hell of a lot more talking about the realities of being a swingers lifestyle event host. I titled this one from demanding guests to creepy hotel staff and absent security personnel, because we're going to share some of the shit storms that can happen as well as some gold star tips for guests and people that want to be hosts at how to be better swinger. But Mickey, Mallory, what's new with you guys? What are you up to? Where is casual swinger I know for starters, you're back. You're back on the air. What else is going on? Well, we are one episode late. We're actually one episode in one day late. So we're almost two episodes late right now. We needed to get one out yesterday. And it's just been, frankly, a matter of free time. Lately, we've even started recording in the car, which is probably how this episode, again, is going to get done. We're going to end up recording in the car on our way down to Tampa just because we can't seem to make time when we're home, which isn't very often. Life has a very twisted sense of humor. So every time we make the time, life's like, ha ha. But wait, there's more. Oh, yeah. And here's this other fun thing that happens to you. And then it's like, we've got this running joke that of all the Charlie Browns in the world, I am the Charlie Browniest. So regardless of what it is that I touch, something will turn to complete shit. You have some incredible luck. And I've actually joked that I'm just going to follow him around with Calliope music. Yeah. Make it more fun. This house has been struck by lightning 11 times, Kate. Yeah. I mean, we had a recent lightning strike. I just throw it out there. I know, yeah. Well, you guys are great. Every time I talk to you about it, I'm excited you're back. And you know what? I know that recording on the road is not necessarily what you originally set out to do. I know you have this fantastic studio at home, but the episodes that you've been producing on the fly, I think are fabulous. The audio quality, of course, is there because I don't think Mickey could release an episode that didn't have quality audio. It's just not part of his site. I think he would melt and burn. I don't know if that was released, but it's been great hearing you guys back with something you're like on the road. It's been different, right? It's different than our usual format because I think you know better maybe than anybody other than Mallory how fastidious I am. And I only do things if I think I can do them right. And that probably parlays into the conversation we're about to have. But I think that, you know, having the structure to our show is something that people got used to so they could expect it. They knew what was coming. I think that that's a good thing. But I also think they like to see us maybe get our inner J and Angie out a little bit and just produce a little bit of a show. shit show now and then and have some fun and it has been more fun i'll be honest it's more fun than the typical regimented rigors and structure that i put on us smiling and nodding yeah so i am now back from the naked city cup dog i just got back a couple of days ago so i am currently struck by swinger flu so if you hear changes in my voice that is what's going on an update is coming on what we did in cup on the next episode but let's roll into today's topic event host swinger survival guide right what nobody warns you about. Now, I know that you guys have been hosting for a number of years and you've hosted not just your own events, but you've hosted other event producers as their co-host or as one of their ambassadors. So you have a shit ton of experience. But just on that, how many years of experience would you say specifically lifestyle hosting that the two of you have combined? Oh my God. I want to say maybe, I mean, at least 11. I think we've been doing this. Yeah. I think at least 11 years. Yeah. 11 years is probably, about, right? And that's just events. That's not counting emceeing corporate events and all the other stuff that I've done before that. Yeah, exactly. Just specifically lifestyle events. I've hosted wildly different, particularly chaotic events, I would say. So we're going to talk unfiltered for a moment. And I want to know, what are your top five unsexiest things that we have to do at Swingers Events as an event host? Share them with me. Get dirty with me for a second. Do you want to go first, Mel? Ice Skating Around Our Floor With Lysol Wipes On Our Feet Cleaning Up Shit From The Floor. That is a good one. That was definitely my number one. That was not glamorous. Yeah. Same page. You're going to have to prepare yourself to stomach some pretty unsavory things. Some people over and bite or eat off the wrong buffet. And that is your name on the contract. I'm sure. So you're cleaning it up. And think of every bodily fluid you can imagine. And there you have it. Well, and that does run part and parcel to something else, right? So when we, because like, sure, that was a one-off. Something happened. Somebody, I don't know, farted, but one slip. Who knows? But that was awful. But something that happens a little more regularly that's probably just as unsavory is when we go in to straighten up the playroom or whatever and somebody's used condom is stuck to the wall. It's the headboard and the nightstand. We've seen the lamps. Under the bed, yeah. How about under the pillow? There was a used condom under a pillow one time when I was cleaning up the playroom. What the hell is wrong with you? So speaking of condoms specifically, that was one of the things on my list because there was a moment in Palm Springs especially where I don't know where the cleaners put the gloves, but I had to go in. And I don't know what it was about Palm Springs. We had bins everywhere, but for whatever reason, that was a particularly condom-flung environment. So I think I picked up 20-some condoms one morning. I didn't have gloves. So I had to fasten... That has something to do with that being the biggest playroom we ever did. I don't know. I had to fasten a pillowcase over my hand and try to use it as an apparatus to pick up the condoms. I'm over here going... Yeah, right? I'm like, do I put on a fresh condom to pick up the dirty... Oh, that would be really fucking smart. Except then you're stuck with all that spermicide on your hands. Well, whatever. Mallory's using all of her brain this morning. Kate and I are over here making sock puppets out of pillowcases. Hey, this is why you guys keep me around. That's one of the reasons. That was definitely nasty, but I'll tell you the hardest part, Kate, believe it or not, is not the nasty stuff. It's the interpersonal relationships. I would say that when we have to get involved in somebody's dispute, and I'm not even just talking about between two couples, right? I'm talking about the inner relationships, so husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend. When we have to get involved in those things, it is probably the most emotionally difficult because there's so much nuance there that you're not privy to. There's things that happened at home. There's things that happened on the way here. There's things that happened behind closed doors. But all we have to go on is what we see in here and how it affects the other guests. Be so careful. Yeah, and I want to preface that is we never put ourselves in the midst. This is usually an instant where either the husband or wife has come to us seeking advice, assistance, or another guest has noticed and it's becoming a problem for the environment. And then we have to address and conflict resolution is probably one of the hardest things we do because it's not like we're trained in this, right? We don't have degrees in psychology or any of the other things, but we do have a duty to the rest of the event guests to keep them safe. And that's not just a physical component. That's their mental and emotional spaces because they've taken time out of their day to come here, show up, and have a great experience. This might be their only vacation for the year, so we owe it to them as well. Yeah, I think there's definitely been some coaching, I know, from all three of us. I know I've physically witnessed the both of you throughout the past four plus years as we've worked together personally coaching people and again it's not like you're actively seeking out drama but invariably what happens is somebody might overindulge on alcohol people having lack of sleep maybe they're now sick maybe people are pushing their boundaries you know we see that a lot at carp we see that a lot of events especially at Hedo people just go in there and they they want to have a more freeing experience but as a result of that they're pushing their boundaries And that's where some friction can be created. So I know that is definitely part of one of the unsexy moments is feeling like you do need to sit down and help those individuals because we are all human. And sometimes that does take 30 to 60 minutes kind of away when in the back of your head, you're like, you have so much shit going on, but you're not going to just put your hand up and walk away from that couple, right? And I don't think that most of us realize how quickly that expectation can turn into animosity. So we show up at these events with this idea in our head of what it should be or how it should go or how our partners should act or how people should interact with us based on what we want right as men we fall into this trap really frequently it happens in the wild and it certainly happens at lifestyle events where maybe we get this idea in our head that because we're thinking about sex or we're thinking sexually about somebody that they are too so our goal becomes pretty much exclusively to get them to start thinking and talking about it with us so this is really where dick pics happen on it on the internet, right? As guys are thinking about sex and they want you to too, so they send you a picture of their dick because automatically that's going to make you horny. Well, the same thing happens at lifestyle events and even with our own partners where this is what I'm thinking about. Why aren't you thinking about it? What's wrong with you? Now I'm mad at you. Now we've got beef, right? And so now those things come in. And frankly, that is a very difficult thing for us to deal with as hosts because you can almost see it happening. You can see it from when the couple shows up and you can tell that one of them is way more gas than the other one who is way more brakes. And when you have that giant gap, that chasm in the middle, you can almost predict that it's going to happen before it does. I mean, it's not like we host small events, right? These are events with sometimes 200 plus people. And so statistically, it's going to happen there. I'm just about to ask you. Okay, I'm throwing it to Mallory. Okay, I'm ready. Wait, let me just poise. I'm poising and go. And you're going to feel me on this one. Hygiene. You are, as an event host, you are so hyper aware of your hygiene because you're And people want to love on you and hug you so much. And like, I think we shower three, four times a day. I'm constantly trying to find a 30 second gap in the day to like brush my teeth, find some gum, anything, because you're just so on the move. You're hyper aware of what you could be like. So like hygiene is a big thing. So as a, as an event host, you're going to be a little uncomfortable. You're going to be outside. You're going to be sweating. People are still going to want to hug you. Just warn them. And you either have to warn them or politely decline if it bothers you that much, which is really, really hard to do. Oh, my God. Yeah. The amount of toothbrushing. And I know actually one of one of my favorite memories of the two. I think again, I think it was a Palm Springs. I think I said, shit, I think I'm stinky. And without hesitation, the two of you simultaneously came and sniffed my armpit. You're like, no, you're good. You're solid. I remember I was like, that's that's love right there. One, I was like personal space. And then two, I'm like, oh, cool. This is where our relationship is going. I think I'm going to brush my teeth. And you're like, no, you're good. Or like, that's me. You got to do that. We just needed you to trust us. Hey, Kate, your breath would knock a buzzard off a shit wagon. Excellent. Well, you know. Trust me. Don't ask. Just take it. Right. Your breath's so bad, I look forward to your farts. But she's so right. And especially for me, you know, once I started adding DJing to my repertoire, I found out that I'm incapable of being still in the DJ booth, no matter how hot it is outside. And I sweat like nobody's business. Dude, I found out you're capable of dancing. And yeah, that's true. Because every time you leave that booth and we have to take your wet clothes with us, I just want them to die there. Do you remember the t-shirt in Toronto that was accidentally hidden in the backpack? Yep. Oh, that was nasty. Oops. Oh, that was gross. I would say hygiene's a big one. But for me, I just like Nessa, poor Nessa from Humpty Quickies. She came up and hugged me at a Libertine event. she got there. I'm like, look, I'm really sweaty. She's like, oh, it's fine. And then she hugged me and she went, oh, God, you're really sweaty. You want. Yeah. All right. We're not being demure. Like, this is real. No, yeah. I have another one. And it's so moving a little bit away from the ick and the yuck. But in the same vein, it's financial related. So the unsexiest thing is for me, either being left with a huge bill. Right. So people have been billing stuff either to your room or you've gone out and you've got like recently a cup. and the bill just didn't align. So I'm stuck with this possibly sometimes $1,000, $2,000 bill. But also just the finance, the money on the table. You know, that's something I don't think a lot of people realize that in advance of an event, we can have $100,000, $200,000, $300,000 just tied up in hotel contracts that we then have to try and like claw our way to get back. And that is a definite unsexy thing is that as much as we love doing this and it comes from a place, you know, a very, very lovely place, at the end of the day, if we start, Losing Money Hand Over Fist, the reality is we just can't keep up with hosting an event. And sometimes it is unsexy when I have to walk around and be like, hey, have you paid your bill because you're leaving me with it? And that's going to come out of like Daryl's paycheck, to be quite honest. I think people do associate a little bit that there's somebody, a human being or a family tied to what this is. Yep. Yeah. And I would say the other aspect of it, I think it's always uncomfortable having financial conversations, especially when you're having to justify why you exist, right? I think some people think that we're, and this kind of ties into something that I think is a challenge. I think people think we make a lot more money at this than we do. And I think at this point, you know, there's a balance and we're all still looking for it. Even after 11 years, we're looking for that balance between what is the right price that puts a reasonable amount of money in my pocket to cover costs and maybe put a couple of bucks in my pocket for the trouble. But I don't think anybody, at least on this podcast right now, is trying to get rich. off the lifestyle. We want to do fun things with and for the lifestyle, and we obviously don't want to go broke doing it. People's impression and their expectations based on those impressions sometimes are a little out of whack. I have one more, and it is about needing to do something in the playrooms mid-play. So they kind of spoke about cleaning the playrooms, but for me, one of the unsexiest moments when I'm still in full dress or I'm doing whatever, and for whatever reason, one of us has to go up into the playroom, and whether that's changing lives, fixing speakers, you know, we've been known to have to come up and, excuse me, pardon me, oh, you know, there's a leg hitting us, somebody's in the thrust of going down on somebody, or there's like a daisy chain going, or there's some anal happening. We're like, sorry, I just need to change that battery, plug this in, put the music back on, and it's just like, oh, it's the most awkward fucking thing in the world. Step over the gangbang so you can get to that light bulb. Flip on a condom. Right? Ooh, I stepped on one once in bare feet. That was not delicious. Oh, God. I'm still sorry about that. It was like stepping on a Twinkie. I would say that when it comes to the playrooms, one of the biggest challenges, Mallory and I have a no booty on duty rule, which basically we exclude ourselves from any physicality if we're hosting, emceeing, or DJing. And like, I mean, we'll kiss and, you know, hug on our friends and stuff. Yeah, and flirt, yeah. And flirt and whatnot and decline respectfully if something comes up. But there's, I'd say one of the biggest problems that I carry around with me, and it's not animosity, it just kick rocks. is the only time I ever get asked to play is when I'm hosting. And so I have to say no. And I wouldn't say it's animosity, but it is one of those spaces where I'm just like, God, freaking damn it. So I go up to the playroom or something. And of course, there's a beautiful woman there who I would love to play with. He's like, hey, now's our chance, Big Daddy. You're here. I'm here. Let's roll. And I'm like, actually, I'm here to change a light bulb. Yeah. And putting water in the room. Yeah. Somebody shit on the floor. Need to take care of that. Yeah. Yeah. That's also another challenge, is just taking yourself out of the pool that you want to be in. That's right. So it's not all rainbows. I guess the point of that segment is it's not all rainbows, lollipops. There are moments where it is unsexy, some of the things that we have to do. But again, I think at the end of the day, they do become all worth it. I have a game that I want to play with you guys. It is a rapid fire, true or trope version. I'm not going to allocate these to either of you, but what I will actually say is that both go at the same time if you can, and then let's circle back. These are going to be rapid fire, so I'm just going to give them to you. Boom. And if anything sticks out and you want to come back and roll back and talk about it, let's do that. But welcome to True or Trope. Wife poachers in the lifestyle. True or trope? Oh, true. Ooh, playroom attendants join in on the action. True or trope. All hot wives love humiliation. True or trope. Glow Sticks are essential for a good party. True or trope? I'm going to go with true. True. Hosts get laid more than anyone else. True or trope? Trope. Single guys ruin every party. Trope. Swing and drama always starts in the group chat. True. Ooh, true. Okay. Event hosts are always extrovert. True or trope? Trope. Couples fight more during lifestyle vacations. True or trope? Trope. Mickey on the fence there. I'm going to go with true. Okay. No one reads the event information packet. True. Women are always the gatekeepers of the lifestyle. Always? Not as true as it used to be. Yeah, not as true as it used to be. That one's going to be a hairy line. Every party has a crying girl in the hallway at some point. That's probably true. That's true. I hate it, but it's true. Lifestyle friends are better than vanilla friends. True or true. That is it. That is true. A bunch of fucking liars out there. You're all liars. I just want you to know. I want to roll back to one of the ones that we first started with, which is wife poachers. They just want the wife as a unicorn. You see this come up a lot, and it was one of those things like, red flag, look out for the wife poachers when we first started. And honestly, I don't actually think I've ever encountered somebody who is a wife poacher. So I'm curious about whether or not you believe this is in the wild when you've experienced it. I think we've seen it mostly online. Yeah, I see a ton of it. I used to be a bigger guy, anybody that's seen my unfortunate appearance in that documentary, which I was 379 pounds, I think. That was huge. And he, I love Rod, but he videoed me from like the ground up and he just caught like all 11 of my chins. So what used to happen a lot back then was people would approach and say, hey, we really like Mallory and we'd like to play with her. And I'm like, I feel like there's more to that sentence, but I feel like it's what you didn't say is what I should be hearing, which is we would like to engage with Mallory and not you. Now, I thought that when I lost weight that maybe that would stop happening. It didn't. But we get messages. I mean, hell, there's a couple that we're friends with from from the UK that, you know, we became friends and friendly with them at Hedo. And it was very clear they were unicorn hunters. I mean, that's what we call wife poachers is unicorn hunters, because now every single person in the universe, I think that there's probably three or four people at the local church that are looking for single girls. Everybody, that is the thing that everybody eats. It's nature's chicken nuggets, right? Every carnivore eats rabbits, every kid eats chicken nuggets, and every swinger wants a unicorn. These are universal fucking truths. So when we talk about every swinger wanting a unicorn, when you're a unicorn hunter, you're chasing something that couples are chasing and single dudes are chasing and pairs of dudes are chasing and everything else is chasing too. So you've lowered your numbers drastically, but they're all still there. The thing that becomes a problem is when they approach a couple and go, hey, we really do want to play with her and we'd like you to not exist. And there are people that will say that and do that. And like the couple that we met from the UK, he's like, we normally do that, but we really like you guys and we don't want to offend you. And I'm like, okay, so if you know that's offensive, don't fucking do that. Like, they're friends of ours today. We love them to pieces, but I was like, dude, just don't do that. We had a great conversation around that. But yeah, we do see it from time to time. How do we get what we want? I said be honest. Yeah. 100% be honest up front, right? Mallory. Yeah, be honest, but don't be rude. Swing and drama always starts in the group chat. I want to explore this a little bit more with you. What's your thoughts on it? Because you said true. Okay. So I feel like there's nuances, right, to everyone. And it's really hard, at least I've found, in group environments, especially for women, we don't always say what we're thinking. And we tend to maybe follow the pack a little bit. But I've noticed in group chats, if you have six or more people, there's going to be one chick that gets quieter as we get closer to the event. To me, that signals that there could be some hesitation or reservation there and that whatever's happening or going on is not part of their narrative. Now, run me through, though, because with event chats in particular, like with your casual swing a week as an example, you've got hundreds of people in an event chat, right? And the lead up to an event, you create event chats, I create event chats. You do see some, some particular behaviors. Let's talk about that. Yes. So sometimes we get people who are extra exuberant and they aren't as much as we appreciate contribution, don't always identify where it's appropriate to contribute that piece of material, whether it's a photo, a topic. Sometimes they interrupt a natural flow or order to the chat and don't have that social awareness and it sends the wrong message. Back to you, Miki. You said true to every party has a crying girl in the hallway at some point. Yet to host an event where I did not get somebody's snot on me. We've gone to a regular vanilla party and that hasn't happened. Find me. They find me. They always find me. I don't know if I'm just a walking safe space or what it is, but crying women, there's a radar and they just know where I am and they come and they find me. And you know what? If that's my superpower, I'm happy to have it because that means I get to be there. And in those moments, they needed somebody. Now, is there a good reason for it? No, not always. Sometimes it is very much a you problem, not a me problem, right? Sometimes it's something that they're just not accepting or dealing with. But sometimes it's worse than that. And that's when the host needs to be there, needs to listen, and needs to be prepared to take action quickly if necessary. That's what we're there for. So the fact that it happens every time, most of the time it's bullshit, to be honest. Most of the time, it's just an emotional misunderstanding or something. Like Mallory said, it's not always at a lifestyle event. Sometimes we're hosting vanilla events that happens. I mean, I had to walk a crying woman back to her hotel room at a corporate IT event not that long ago. And she had no idea what she did with her bra. I'm like, good times. I'm really loving this shit right now. So it's not, it's honestly, I think it's just when people get together and start drinking, dumb shit happens. I was going to say, the wine is whining is what I can hear from them. To add to like the group chat thing, I would like to full circle that for a moment. As an event host and moderators in those spaces, it is our duty to make those uncomfortable conversations more comfortable and recognize them because we do want those guests to still have a great time and be able to relate to their peers. So when you're seeing those social idiosyncrasies, having private conversations with them usually cuts the head off before it can migrate or stow ball. Yeah, we've seen that before. Like some people might be, you know, particularly extroverted in sharing imagery. And unfortunately that can create that peacock perception, right? That you've got the sits person and then people like it at the beginning and then too many of it and they'll start going like, oh, I roll, it's Kate's daily tit photo or whatever. And unfortunately the perception there, perception is king as we all know. And so that can really, the swinger chat dynamics can really turn other people off for meeting you. You know, it's just that it's really hard to kind of create that welcoming balance. of excitement, but not maybe overdoing it or underdoing it. It's a fucking minefield. Yeah. And you never want to shame them either for putting themselves out there. Not at all. Yeah. Yeah. It's a tough one. All right. Let's talk about what's in our host event survival kit. Because we talk a lot about what you take to a swingers club, like what's in your hole in the go bag. Like, you will be surprised how quickly your systems get depleted when your brain's constantly going. Even if your body's not moving as fast as your brain is, you need nutrition. And it's really hard on the fly to find something that is valuable there. So I always have snacks. So high protein, a bar, something on hand. All right. My penis. Your penis is part of your event survival kit? It's definitely. It's for me or for you? It's for Mallory. I'd lose balance without it. I'd just fall over. What's one of your must-haves, Mickey? It's like a dog's tail. On a survival kit. My survival kit is probably a couple of things. So first thing that's in my survival kit is phenylephrine, which is the antidote for Bimix, Trimix, and Quadmix that people inject in their dicks and don't know what it does. So they come to me and they go, my dick's been hard for eight hours and I don't know what to do. And that's when I hand them a needle in your dick and you'll feel better. Legit last five events we've been to. Yep. Sequentially, that's happened. Yep. So I literally carry the antidote to Biomix and Trimix with me everywhere I go, just like we carry Narcan in our kit. That was on my list. You stole my first one was a first aid kit and then Narcan. And then you said that name and I was like, phenylephrodrile. You need to tell me what that is because I got to get that in my kit too. You can get it from any compounding pharmacy, but I'll just get you some here in the US. It'll be faster. Yeah. So you were going to say Narcan kit? Yep. First aid kit. I'm going to go ahead and raise my hand and thank the universe for never having to use it thus far. We do live in a time where I think it's our duty to have stuff like that on hand. Yeah, we might be the only events group that has had to use a defibrillator and not Narcan. Yeah, that's true. I want to talk about testing kits. So in the Netherlands in particular, there is amnesty at all the music festivals here and you can get drug testing for free and there's amnesty around it, right? There's no questions asked. realize people are going to be taking drugs and as a result they want them to have a safer experience even though it is illegal so i have in the past held drink spike test kits but i was interested in your thoughts like we're talking about first aid kits we're talking about narcan drink spiking kits what about drug testing kits do you think that is something that again without liability but it's a safer environment trying to understand like how can we provide the safer environment what are your thoughts i'll be honest mickey and i go back and forth on how to articulate this and an appropriate way because it's such a touchy subject. We do not condone the use at any event we attend or host. However, we do recognize that people are going to make decisions on their own accord independently of any advice we give them. So I've started adding not just the drink testing kits for like Rufinol, for example, but fentanyl testing kits into our bag. I've only handed them out less than a handful of times based on someone's comfortability in asking me for them. I'd rather somebody come and ask me and I make that super comfortable for them and have that on hand. You know, kind of like better to have it, not need it. Right. Philosophy. Yeah, it's kind of like when they ask us who our favorite drug dealer is. It's hard to answer that question because it's like we're suggesting it, you know, and it's like, no, we're not. But I do know this guy and I've known lots of people that have used him. So if you're going to buy drugs, go buy drugs from this guy. What else is in your event survival kit? Anything else freaky? Backup vibrators or condoms you hand out and fling to people? Oh, I definitely. bring two womanizers with me because if one dies and I have to emotionally masturbate meaning I'm stressed the fuck out and I need three minutes to go let like like just cut one off if it dies I'm actually gonna murder somebody and I feel like it's justifiable homicide and we just don't need that I think I'm gonna bring a third just in case so I always have two womanizers with my back so I always have a backup vibrator right Mickey when we talk about our survival kit bags Mallory's got hers and she said snacks and everything else and then the womanizer here's what I'm saying one of us need an a backup of the backup womanizer and additional backup snacks. Because again, when we stay together or work together, we just don't want Mallory committing murder. So let's maybe you and I will have like a backup backup kit that we get. There we go. There we go. Right. Some snacks. In this case, more snacks, because I have 10 minutes from the time that Mallory says, I think I'm hungry. Yeah. To you're the dumbest man I've ever met. Yeah. We need a little utility belt where we have like a protein bar just like, here's one. Oh, she gets hungry and it's, It's like death to smoochie, man. It's over in no time. So I definitely try to make sure she has her snacks. Mallory, here's your opportunity to give it back to me. Now, thinking about a backup plan to stop either Mickey or myself losing our shit, what would be something you would recommend you would need to keep our anger at bay? Oh, gosh. And sleep can't be an answer because that's not possible. No, because you just don't. That's an improbability. I don't know. I feel like I need to have booze, wine, and or bourbon on hand. so that I can just gracefully walk that over in a moment of need. Lots of hugs. You guys are sentimental and squishy, which is not really my forte. Like, I'm an affectionate person, but, like, you guys are way squishier than I am. So, like, I always have a hug ready for you and a pat on the back and say you're pretty and doing awesome. Mickey, you agree with that? She's pretty good at it. She's got us pegged, yeah. She's got us pegged. She does, yeah. Well, and I think when things are in the thick of it, I think you and I, Kate, both need to know that things are going okay from someone else's perspective that we trust because we both have a tendency. I've done it. I've seen you do it. We only see the bad things that are happening. Like, we don't see all the good things that are happening. We only see the problems. We see the warts. We see behind the curtain. We get all up in our feels about it. We think everybody else can see it and that we suck at our job. You guys also do this thing where, like, and I love you both, like, you will go well beyond, like, overextend yourself. And in a lot of cases, and moments that it's not really necessary or not earned. And I, I am totally here for being, and I hate calling it bad cop, but maybe like the enforcer and just regulating those moments and going, you know what? Not worth your time. I'll handle this part because you're giving these people too much right now. You're very good. You're a very good person to bounce that shit off with. Anything else in your event survival kit as a host that before we move on? I mean, this is the obvious ones like scissors. I always take backup SD cards, backup plugs for everything. everything, charges for everything, like glue. I bring extra condoms and lube. Yeah. Extra condoms and lube because somebody almost always forgets them. Of course, you know, with us owning casual toys for as long as we did, people come up, hey, do you happen to have any uniques left over? I got that last time we did an event. So, and I did, but that sort of thing. But condoms and lube is probably a good one. I don't know. What do you think? I mean, your medical, like, box is crazy. Yeah, I always bring a pharmacy with me, both OTC and behind-the-counter stuff because it never fails. Like, unfortunately, in chlorine, saltwater, sex for the BV, yeast infection, stuff like that. And a lot of them don't have access. It's like a Sunday. So even if you can't get a prescription called in, they don't have access to it. So I try to keep stuff like that on hand, boric acid, anything I can help like the community still have a great time. And I bring nerd shit. Like I bring some extra USB charger cables and a few extra battery packs. Yeah. And I bring an extra like a watch charger, just the cable. I have two of them because I think every major event we've done, somebody's gone, ah, crap, I left my charger at home for this or that or the other and I happen to have it. About 30% of the time I get it back. Amazon, every time, every month, Amazon, would you like a subscription to this charger cable? That's all the time. If one more person asks me to dot, this segment, I want to get funny with it but it's again there are some commonalities between lifestyle events and the questions you get asked and what people try to squeeze out of you so I'm curious I'll let maybe Mallory you go first what's your if one more person asked me to you're gonna lose it do something that's very simple for them like oh like I can't access my email right now can you sign me up for such and such as an event host and especially when you're running things like I understand it's inconvenient for you in this moment but I am not your your personal concierge on this is you've been given the steps to do so and I appreciate the fact that you want to be there but I don't necessarily have the time or bandwidth to sign you up or register you for all the sections you want to come to all right Mickey that's a pretty solid one doesn't grind my gears quite as badly as it does hers because she gets more good than I do yeah she does get that a lot more than I do people kind of know I'm not the heavy lifting parent right unless it's really bad unless it's If it's really bad, then it doesn't get to me. So basically the blocking and tackling is Mallory. And then all the silly shit is me until it's really bad shit. And then it's me again. But I would say the thing that probably like, God, again, are we doing this again? This is not going to sound good. And I don't mean this to sound like I'm complaining, but probably people that are upset that their partner won't do what they want them to do. And how do I get them to do X, Y, Z? Maybe it's drugs. Maybe it's You guys, maybe it's bringing a girl into bed. Maybe it's, how do I get my partner to blah? I love the, you always get the, how do I get her to loosen up? I'm walking away. Yeah, I bet. Yeah. And so I will say that that question, how do I get her to her? And it's always her to loosen up. Don't get me wrong. Every once in a blue moon, the woman is the gas and the guy is over there crying in the corner. It does happen, but it's more often than not the guy. And in this particular case, I would say that the thing that actually gets to me is what comes after this. And what comes after it is me having to get engaged because somebody's wife is now shit-faced and is either violating consent herself because now she's loosened up too much or now she's incapable of taking care of herself or maybe climbing and standing on bar stools or just acting in a general unsafe manner, falling down, dropping drinks. when these sort of things happen and then I have to go find their person who's busy trying to hook up. So if they're talking to couples or talking to a girl or dancing with a girl and completely ignoring his partner. So if I have to one more time go up and tell somebody to look after the person they brought with them. Right. Is what I would say. So mine is very similar to Mallory's. And it's, hey, what's on the schedule today? That was my next one. I was fucking right there with you. Now, in Jamaica in particular, so you guys ran an event app, right? It was there. You had them on the screens, right? It was on the TV screens everywhere in the dining room, et cetera, in the lobby. You had little billboards posted around the event multiple times that were getting updated daily. And then on top of that, there were little adverts with the QR code to get access to the chat and to the schedule. And that little question, And as innocent as it might sound, because my usual reaction to that is, oh, yeah, well, this is great. And it's happening today. And I try to make a positive spin like, oh, you should really check out that burlesque class or you should really do this. Or did you know, like, Mickey's DJing at whatever, or we're going to have a lot of fun at the phone, whatever it is. But a little part of me is like, seriously, at this point, do you also want me to meet you in the playroom at 1030 to put the condom on you? Like, where are we at? I think we had a moment of utter hysteria because it became a running joke at that point like and I love that people are so disconnected like they're aloof they have no idea what day of the week it even is and I love that for them and we could if we made a joke that we're doing temporary tattoos next year yeah and we'll still get asked what's on the schedule for the day oh shit oh that was great that was a good one oh god yeah that is a good one I making him I'm a What's that? Well, I thought you were going to say, can you please play this very specific song for me that is completely out of, like, and you're in the middle of an EDM set, and someone's like, hey, dude, how about some Garth Brooks? Like, it's my favorite song. I thought that's what you were going to say, like, if one more person wants me to play something. You know, honestly, that is a DJ truth. It is not a trope. It happens, I don't care where you're playing. I don't care if it's a lifestyle event, if it's a vanilla event. There is always one person in the crowd that thinks you're their personal iPod. It is what it is. Oh, you're dating yourself there, buddy. Yeah, I know. You didn't say cassette players. Yep. Alrighty. We don't get too bad out of shape about it anymore. It's why I usually have a Mallory who fights them away from the DJ booth, like, using her Kung Fu skills. Well, no, it's more dancing. It's dancing with a lot of arm movements. She's, like, pushing them. Push, back. Yeah, it's all distraction. I just distract them until they forget what they were doing. You're like a male bird. Car! And, like, show them your bright feathers. Yeah, like, the wacky, wavy, inflatable arm to man, but with boobs. Look at me. Nothing to see here. Yeah. All right. We've spent a lot of time talking about some of the difficulties of event hosting and I want to flip it on its side now. And I want to talk about some of the positivity. I want to talk about some toasting and then we're going to move into some tipsy takeaways, which is all about kind of gold star advice that we want to give. as event hosts to have a bit of time at these events, but also, you know, if you are wanting to be an event host and what that might look like. So toast with no roast. So not everything needs a roast, although I'm kind of partial to that. Sometimes you've got to raise a glass. So this is the toast, not roast section, a way of us tipping our hat to the people, the moments and the madness that make these lifestyle events worth it. I have a couple and I know that you guys have a more than your fair share of ones that you want to kind of give a shout out to. My first one is a toast to Jason, who attended the Miami event this past May, and who stepped up and stepped out in giant heels during a pop-up fashion show in Miami. He definitely stepped out of his comfort zone, but he inspired others in the process and really had a great time doing it. But the amount of feedback I had, like it was great to see a guy up there. Jason really rocked it, and that was just a positive. So that's a toast to Jason. You're epic, and we love seeing you fly. into this amazing beautiful creature that you are today. I second that. And best slept me out boots I've ever seen. Oh yeah. Hands down. He said that he had to keep them on later to play with somebody in the playroom. He was under strict instructions to keep those boots on. Yeah. I love that. I must've been doing something else. I missed it. I'm going to name four people because they all occupy the same realm of gratitude that I want to give them. So Remy, Joe and Lincoln. Jack and Kissy, who were four brand new hosts for us at Casual Swinger Week. We've traveled together before. They're not new to keto. However, their own humanity, who they are, just absolutely shown through all week exceeded any expectations we could have possibly put out there for them. And we did a survey at the end of the week, and it was just overwhelming at the amount of positive impact they had on people. And they just have this natural ability to look after people, be kind and be warm. Specifically, Remy, Joe, and Lincoln, who had never been in a role like this at all whatsoever, even close to it in their normal lives, just fit in so well. And I just, I hate to say proud because I feel like that takes something away from them because this was all on them. And yeah, my two lovely little introverts just blossomed into these gorgeous little extroverted tendencies and it was lovely. Oh, toast to you guys. I wish they killed it. They were amazing. I think I have a couple of them from ours and maybe even a couple from yours so one I would give to we have a guest who isn't a host but the effect on her life and being I could give this to two people same thing for both of them the effect on their lives from being a part of our events and being a part of this community have resulted in extraordinary growth for them in the years that I've known them I've seen them just blow their boundaries out of the water in their own way. I'm not proud of them for leaving their boundaries behind. I'm proud of them for choosing their path and growing in a direction they chose to go in. But more importantly, what I've seen come after that was that they are helping other people realize the same things about themselves. One of which, her name's Alicia, and we call her our mascot because while she's not an official host, she shows up to work, she shows up to help, she shows up to get involved, she shows up to get engaged, and she's always done it. ever since the first day I met her and she was this quiet little introvert sitting in the corner when I met her years ago and today she's the first one dancing on the side of the pool and trying to encourage other people to get up there and live their best life too and the other one is Veronica. She and Hubman have just come out of their shells and I've seen them coaching and helping other people in recent years which I think is just crazy. And another one you're not going to like this Kate but it's you. You have done more for this community than anybody I know. always a positive force you're always up in everybody's business in a good way saying i'm here to help i'm here to i'm here to make it better right uh it's i said in a good way uh sorry mallory calls me the nosy friend that's why i was laughing my ass off just then because you said i'm all up in everyone's business and i was like oh that's because i'm mallory's nosy friend no you are my nosy friend i didn't say you're nosy with everybody uh but i said that at a hair appointment i have a really high bar for hosting i have a really high bar for what good hosting looks like. And you raised it. You raised it, which is not easy to do. Legit. And it's nice to have someone in this space that one, we can do sanity checks with and to like aspire to to replicate certain things, you know, from anywhere from ethics to how you do conflict resolution. And my favorite thing that comes out of this is taking a step back and looking around and watching other people you and the Mary Roses and Alishas and Remy Jo and Lincolns and the Jack and Kissys and watching them be celebrated for an appreciative. Thank you. Well, let's give snaps for those ladies. My next Toast with No Roast is actually to Hannah. So I've actually got two that I'm going to mention simultaneously. So Hannah is 26 years old and with her partner, Mr. Age Gap. They came as an attendee and they hosted a room crawl with us. It was their first time coming to a hotel takeover, their first time coming to Libertine events, and they put their hands up. And she's actually an introvert, and he's more of an extrovert. And so with that, they hosted a Playboy Bunny room. And I just have to give them snaps of putting themselves out there just so much on that first time. It's kind of like what you just said, Mickey, about boundaries. You know, sometimes there is some growth in the uncomfort. And then the next one is a toast to M&D, who actually created my face on stickers that were used as nipple pasties around the pool on the final day. This is proof that I look people in the eyes more than I look at their nipples because it took me so long to get it. Hilariously long. Hilariously long to the point where it was obvious the rest of us were checking, were watching you intently to see when this was going to happen. It was such a great aha moment. Snaps to those people. That was my toast with no worries. Love it. All right, let's move on to some tipsy takeaways then. What gold star advice to either of you? One tip, it can be some insight, it can be a lessons learned, but something a little bit more positive for what you want to share about new event hosts, returning guests and nervous newbies. What is like a tipsy takeaway key thing? Never get married to an idea. If you can go into it with an open mind, knowing that if you're a host, shit's going to go left. If you're an attendee, there's going to be something that isn't what you thought it was going to be. Even if you've been there before, sometimes things change. So the reason that you don't get married to an idea is because ideas evolve. And the one thing that we learn as we try to change the world is that there's one problem you can't change. It's everyone else. So long as we're working with people and you're married to an idea, then you're married to your idea. Nobody else is. So if you're a host, an attendee, or anything else, have an open mind. Go into it ready to serve if you're a host. have fun if you're a guest or work hard if you're an employee and if you go into it with the right mindset there's nothing that can come out of it that's not going to be okay for everybody involved but if you go into the closed mind you go into it with a rigid idea of what it has to be in order for it to be successful it's almost guaranteed not to be like that's so good dude that's so true well shit mallory do you want to go or are you feeling as awkward as i am that was such a good one because you're right like if you do go in with this rigid idea, then you're immediately assessing everything for the negative. Like if you think it's going to be X, Y, Z, the minute you walk into that lobby, whatever, you're immediately looking for failure as opposed to looking for success. We've told other people it's a math problem. There's a hundred different instances and opportunities out there and you've decided the only one to find success. It's statistics. Now you're almost destined to be disappointed or have failure, but when you leave those gates open a little bit, you have a multitude of opportunity there for success. You may not have known. That's what success looked like in the first place. Do you have any advice for like nervous newbies? Just be authentic. Be yourself. Do not apply any additional pressure to be the person you think other people want you to be, what your spouse wants you to be. It's going to be a waste of time and it's going to drain you. You're not going to be able to keep up appearances in that way. And it's okay to use your voice. Some things are going to be just a little too uncomfortable for that place and time for you. It's okay to use your voice and explain, This is why I'm feeling. For example, if you're a new host and just not comfortable being a playroom attendant yet, like maybe that's just not a comfort space for you. Maybe you're newly attending an event and aren't comfortable in the playroom. That's okay, too. There's no manual. There's no checkbox. And it's more important and more worthy, not just for you, for everybody else to learn who you are. That's really the foundation and principle of these events to meet like-minded people that you might form a connection with. And that scales the full breadth. Love that. All right, well, I'm going to take returning guests. I think for returning guests, my kind of gold star piece of advice would be to re-evaluate your time. When you first go to an event, you might try to do too much and you don't leave a lot of space for genuine connections. You're also not leaving a space for yourself to kind of enjoy it because you're flittering from one thing to the next, trying to check things off. So returning guests, my piece of advice would be to be selective with your time. Do the fun things. Think about what you found success in last time. think about what you enjoyed. Consider pushing your boundaries, maybe trying something new. If you're maybe a little bit more introverted, trying to go to one of the classes like a dance class or something that's going to kind of push your boundaries a little bit because there is growth there. So that would be my recommendations for returning guests would be to start embracing and evaluating your time and what that truly means to you because I think that means that you'll come out of that second event or third event with a shit ton more success than maybe you saw on the first one. because you were just too busy trying to do everything and getting FOMO. That's a great one. Yes, Mickey. For newbies, yeah, I think the biggest problem newbies have is fear. And it's the fear of the unknown. We've decided what our biggest problem is going to be. For example, for a woman who maybe has had some sort of trauma, which I think just about every woman I've ever known has trauma because men suck. You know, they say maybe somebody's going to touch me or there's no consent or I'm going to be nervous or I'm going to be this or he's going to want me to do that. Most of what you're afraid of will not come to pass. So my advice for you as a newbie is remember fear is an acronym false evidence appearing real most of what you're afraid of is not going to happen so don't spend your time focusing on it and looking for what one thing you're afraid of because in a way that's marrying yourself to an idea and we already said that's a bad thing so what you're afraid of put that down it's okay be aware of it it doesn't make it fake it doesn't make it you know not real just means it appears real and right now it may not be and don't focus on it. on that thing. Focus on trying to have the best experience you can. Whatever that means. Nice. Awesome. So that is our gold star advice. Mallory, can you give the guests a way to contact you and can you tell them what you've got coming up for 2026? We are Casual Swinger everywhere. So if you want to get in touch with us, you can email us at podcast at casualswinger.com. You can also find us on social media. I believe we're on Instagram, X, YouTube, and you can reach out there as well. So this year we had the event with you in Miami and now we're Looking into 2026 and Casual Swinger Week is alive and well. We have moved our week to middle of March. So it's going to be March 14th through the 21st, which a little sleeper note here. Our biggest party of the week is going to be on Tuesday, which is also St. Patrick's Day. This may be the biggest damn party I've ever thrown in my entire life. So we're super jacked about that. So if anyone interested, Kate has agreed to come back and host with us. So we're going to be a triple threat over here. So excited for that. All the snacks, all the hugs, we're fucking doing it. So feel free to reach us directly to find out how you can sign up to get reservations or you can email reservations at hedonism.com. Okay, so podcast at Casual Singer or reservations at hedonism.com for March 14 through the 21st. And what I've got going on, so I will be coming back to the US in October. I'm going to Texas, San Antonio. That is 85% sold out right now. I think I've got like 19 rooms left. And, you know, looking forward to the future. We are coming back to Casual Singer Week in We're then following that up with Miami in May, which is a going, going, gone sale because the hotel keeps telling us they're closing, but who the fuck knows? And then lots more coming up. So just keep an eye out for that on libertineevents.com. But thank you very much for joining me for episode 201, which is just insane. Swing Era Events. Congratulations. Hosting it for the week, man. That's it. Thank you. Holy shit, Kate. 201 episodes. You really like the sound of your own voice, don't you? Yeah, apparently. Well, we've been doing it now for over 10 years. We love the sound of your voice. Thank you for having us on. We appreciate it. These are always fun chats because you get it. You understand what we do and why we do it. And it's always a good time. And you don't get to make fun of me from my microphone because we use the same one. I don't. I would never. Just real quick before we go. Have you ever pulled a toy out of someone's pussy and a rasshole at an event? I just want to. At the same time? I mean, if you've got the same time, like that's on the bingo card. I did put a shot in someone's dick for them. Oh, I did help somebody put a butt plug in. There you go. Eventhost, man, we do it all. But please stop asking us about the schedule and what's happening and everything else. But if you need help with the butt plug, we're at it. Kate, nobody and no one will ask about a schedule. Now, you might get asked about the schedule. Might you? I'm going to get somebody. I'm going to make sure everybody asks if you can put their butt plug in personally, Mickey. That is what you've got in your future, good man. No one else. I love you so much. All right. Well, that's a wrap. Thank you so much for joining us, everybody. And we'll see you on the next one. Take care.