Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire in the Swingers Lifestyle

Transcript

Speaker1: You're listening to the Wanderlust Swingers podcast with Aussie hosts Kate and Daryl. If you're curious about exploring your sexuality or the swinging, hot-wifing and non-monogamous lifestyle, you've definitely come to the right podcast. Or maybe you just love travel adventures. Either way, we share our personal, sometimes juicy, sexy stories as well as Swingers Club and event reviews, interviews with other sassy people and of course our global swinging adventures. We try to bring you a look into the diverse lifestyle that the swinging and non-monogamous community has. We hope you enjoy. Now let's get into the episode. Episode 199. Welcome back, guys. Today, we're going to be talking about spontaneous versus responsive desire in the swingers lifestyle. Episode highlight, spoiler alert, we used the giant dildo from the last episode. Did it fit or is it just a dick in the box forever? Stay tuned for that. We're breaking down spontaneous versus responsive desire in the swingers lifestyle and how understanding it could change your play style your events and even your relationships and we answer a juicy listener question why are we pickier online than we are in real life at a club is it spontaneity or are our standards event-based flexible so we just got back from Denmark and Sweden we visited a new club there and last night we also went a new club in the Netherlands. But you'll have to wait for those because we're going to talk about that on the next episode. My face ballooned up to a chipmunk proportions. You mean a cheek stuffed chipmunk? Have you ever heard of Epstein-Barr virus? Yes. I hadn't. It's on house. Is it really? Yes. You have heard of it. I must have missed that episode. Just FYI for you people listening. But we have. It only sucks because of the way it makes you look. It doesn't suck because it makes you like seriously unwell. It's really painful. There is that. Which of course the Dutch doctors gave me some paracetamol for. Well that's how it works. It's champs. Yeah that's how the Dutch work. They're fairly pain tolerant. Women giving birth at home. Here's the thing, though. We have cup just around the corner, and I'm extremely concerned about how sick I've been on and off lately over the past, like, two months, because as we've mentioned in the past episode, I refuse to get sick on that trip. You need to start doing something about that. I've got to sort my shit out. Do I eat more kale? Is that the answer? No. Okay, well, send in your tips if you believe that I can get healthier somehow. Starts by using the vitamins that are in the cupboard downstairs. Yeah, I really should do something about that. I also surprised Casual Swinger in Toronto and I visited a club there as well, so there may be some naughty fun that we're going to talk about and that's going to also be on the next episode. That was a surprise? Yeah. What, they didn't know you were coming? They didn't know I was coming. So, the dildo update. We've had a few people ask us whether or not the giant dildo from last episode. Well, okay, so I actually put it up on Patreon. Yep. And I got a response from a few people and one of them said basically like, good game to you. There's absolutely no fucking way that that would be fitting in me. Yep. But we were also sent a song that's very important for me to play for you. This was actually sent to us by the Not Your Averages. Uh-huh. Are you ready? I'm ready. On On the edgy seat. Now you know it's Christmas and my heart is open wide. Open wide. Gonna give you something so you know what's on my mind. What's on my mind. A gift for your special. So take off the towel. Take a look inside. It's a dick in a box. It It's in a box They thought that was hilarious because you gave me a dick in a box. It's not the first time you've received a dick in a box. Have you heard that song before? No, I haven't. That's a classic apparently. It's something. There's no doubt about that. So yeah, anyway, thanks Not Your Averages for sending me that. But we did a thing. We did test the monster dildo. It's not a monster. I mean, fuck. Don't get me wrong. It's not small. There's no doubt about that. It's a big dildo. But it is not a monster. Do a search on monster dildos and see what you see. I'm terrified to do that. So again, I did put some photos on Patreon because I can't share them on social media because that shit would get us blocked. So if you want to see what we're talking about, head over to Patreon. It's in the show notes. But this was a tag team effort. There was a lot of prep involved. Some vulva massaging, some enjoy action, both ends, your dick. And then finally, the monster dick. Tell me about that play session. It took time, it took patience and eventually it gathered a UTI. It was a long session of warm-up to get you to the point where you were interested in getting that in. As you messaged the stages already that we went through, you missed one though because there was a penis and fingers at one point as well to help with the, I don't know, getting things to where they needed to be. So the session started with me just basically playing with your pussy, I suppose, with Lube. This wasn't, this is just foreplay. This wasn't anything to do with the dildo. Shout out to Uber Lube. We're not sponsored by them, but we use a shitload of their products during this. We use their product all the time. Yeah, but I think we went through a significant amount. I didn't think it was going to fit. You thought it would. Yes. So was this an excitement from a science perspective or was it like sexy for you? No, it was sexy because I'm playing with your pussy. Who's out there going, oh my God, oh shit, I have to play with my wife's pussy. Get her warmed up, then fuck her and then put a huge dildo in her then fuck her again. Like, this is an exciting thing. It doesn't sound horrible, does it? There was the foreplay, then there was some warm-up just around, as you mentioned, the MJOY. So there was the small end and the big end. The big end's not that big, though, I don't think. It's like a... It's pretty bulbous. Yes, it is bulbous, but not big. It's about the same size as the, it is literally the same size as the girth of my penis. So that's, that's not, should not be a problem for you given that generally my penis is not a problem. We use that for a while and that was, that as it always does, it gets you quite, quite hot because it touches your, I mean, I was playing with your clit as well as using that. So it also touches parts on the inside that you really like. Then from there, the next step was you said, maybe you should just fuck me for a while. And I wasn't averse to that, of course, but that was a step in the process. So then you said maybe you could put some fingers in as well to see whether that would help will help me with the thing so that's what i did i put two fingers in with my penis got that in and then from there we started with the dildo and as you mentioned there was quite a lot of lube involved in this so i worked slowly on getting the head in and the head actually you were it was in the first couple of inches was in for quite a long time but to get it all the way in was was causing you some pain so we stopped there for a while and we were just essentially just massaging that part of your pussy with the first couple of inches of the dildo but then as you came came closer and closer to orgasm, because I was still massaging your clit whilst using the dildo, as you got closer and closer, your pussy got more and more hungry. And then when you actually came, it just slipped straight in. Yeah. And then afterwards. And then afterward, your pussy changed shape again and got angry about it. And you were like, get it out of me.
Speaker2: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker1: Anyway, my point to that whole thing is that took tagged team effort. And you want me. I was helping too. By offering the pussy for the.
Speaker2: That's not true. Like what? I refresh my memory. But my thing is, you want me to try and use that without you there and then use the cum stuff possibly. As I said to you, that was just a purchase because it was on the thing. I didn't ever... What was the upsell on that, by the way? What do you mean what was the upsell? It was on the... What else did people buy with this? Yeah. How much did it cost? Okay. It was like 30 euro. Okay. It's a nothing dildo, just a dildo with a squirty bottle in it. It's a nothing dildo. I mean, it's not as in it doesn't vibro, it doesn't do anything other than just be a dildo. You're a nothing. Yeah, but it's sitting there shaking as you shake your desk at the moment, just nodding at you saying, let's have another crack today, Kate. That's what it's saying. Look at it. Did you enjoy the visual of it? Yes, absolutely. Of course I did. I always enjoyed your pussy being stretched. It's sexy. Yeah. Anyway, that was quite a deal. Quite a deal indeed. But not something that I think we'll be doing like every random Thursday, Wednesday night? Without a doubt. Let's talk about spontaneous versus responsive desire because this is something that I've been doing a little bit of research on lately. Spontaneous desire is that lightning bolt of I want you now energy and responsive desire is desire that builds like a simmering pot, right? So it's building and building. Over days, weeks and whatever. And why this is relevant in the lifestyle is because if you or your partner are responsive, right? Pressure to be on instantly at a club or a playroom can feel overwhelming. Spontaneous folks might thrive at one night events, but responsive responsive types often need a slower build-up, so like a weekend or a social mixer rather than a loud-packed club or a multi-day event, something like that. I thought this was particularly interesting because I think we are the opposite. I would say that you are spontaneous and a more responsive desire. Do you agree with that? The definition you just offered, yes. Yeah. This is why I want to talk about it because I thought thought it was interesting it's kind of like an introvert and an extrovert being together and then approaching a lifestyle one's getting energy from being around people the other one's like yep yeah so is your partner pushing themselves to keep up with your libido or your style are you agreeing to play to avoid disappointing your partner or Or the opposite of that, your spontaneous desire is not being met because your partner is taking a little bit longer to warm up. So it's kind of a bit of a minefield. Reflecting on us, how do we manage keeping up at a high energy event like CUP? Because CUP's around the corner, so that's a great one to talk about. And we spoke about it on the last episode, what we want to do there. And you were talking about being in the moment and immediately accept things as they come along or opportunities as they come along. How do we do it? How do we meet each other somewhere in the middle? I hope you have come with an answer. You've just bombed me with all of this and I have no clue. I mean, how do we, how do we manage this? We manage it the same way we've always managed it, the spot. So when you are responsive and we go to a club and you're immediately like, okay, we walk into the club and people are in their lingerie and it's a sexy atmosphere and you're immediately like, yes. Do you ever walk away from that feeling a bit let down then because I'm more responsive? I don't feel, I don't feel angry or let down at the other end of it. What I do is I just repress it in the moment. That's the only way you can deal with it. I mean, if you've got somebody who's in a different vein, and we've said this throughout our podcast from the very beginning, the person who moves the slowest is the speed of the relationship when it comes to this. Sure, but I mean, if the person who's responsive is meeting the other person completely at their level, that's not equality, is it? I mean, that's a bit of inequality. But why does it have to be about equality? It's kind of like the introvert-extrovert situation, again, where you go to an event, right? The extrovert wants to go out and party, so the introvert has to kind of come out occasionally. I'm really familiar with that. I try to find things, like the whole come thing is one example of this. I tried to find something that would bring you closer to my level because this is not something that you're comfortable with. So I did that. I found the hot wifing calendar thing that we discussed this weekend that I thought would be something that might prompt some interest as well. The other thing is me trying to find guys and stuff like single guys or trying to find events like trying to find hot wifing events or normal events. There's a whole lot of things here that I try to bring you along with my journey and you can't force somebody to do something they don't wish to do. I have to wait for you to get to that point. Because the other thing with the responsive person is they will walk away from that event undoubtedly going time, money, what a waste. I didn't take the opportunities that I could have had. You know, I didn't get my slutty summer because I was in my head or whatever. So knowing that your partner might walk away that way, how do we both then get the most out of it? I mean, there has to be an element of pushing from your side, but not aggressive. I don't know how else to explain it, like aggressive pushing where it's like over the line, you're setting me up for failure or having too many expectations but I think there has to be some encouragement maybe. Yeah, I mean I'm sure there is, I just, I would never do those. I understand that this is our relationship dynamic but what I do, the way I've always dealt with it is just to slow down to your pace because I feel uncomfortable given your sexual history of partners who've pushed you and forced you to do things that you didn't want to do. I feel uncomfortable in doing that. So I'm totally the wrong person to ask. I have no clue. I'm not saying it's a healthy response. I'm just going to sit back and let Kate set the pace. I'll offer a couple of little prompters along the way. As an example, and you could again use this as a car, but last night I said to you, I challenge you to give that guy a kiss. They're the little things that I'll offer along the way. Yeah. I think one of the ways this could help is actually being a wing person for your partner. And so I think one of the ways that could help in this scenario is if say we were sitting there having a, say, say we were sitting there having a burger and everybody was like fucking around. I was like, wow, that couple's really, I think they're attractive or something like that. I think that maybe the wing person could be like, let's go and talk to them together. Like, let's get up and do it together. Absolutely. But I think the step back there is that exceedingly rarely would you say that out loud. You might think that. Oh, that's rare. It's rare. I see people in public regularly that I find attractive, but I don't vocalize it either because I would be seen as a pervert and I'm not okay with that. I don't want to be a tag with that. Can you think of a time when perhaps I might have been a little bit more assertive or spontaneous? The last time I can think of where this happened was in a club in the US where we shagged a couple and didn't even get their names. That was the last time this happened. To my mind, there's little small flickers along the way. That's the last time where something significant happened because that wasn't me pushing that. You actually prompted that for the night. Okay, and what do you think helped my mindset to be in that way? If I knew that, do you think we'd be going to events without me helping you get to that mindset? Flipping over to now my style, how do you then meet that responsive style? Being in the moment, being present, going and spending some time with couples, how do you help? So I generally follow your lead. That's the best way to put it. I essentially wait for you to find a direction that you're comfortable with and then go with that. That's really it. I prompt a few things along the way. Like I might actually say to you whether they're attractive, do you want to go talk to them or this or that or whatever. Just small things along the way. But I generally wait for you. Because I'm thinking like a multi-day event, it would be quite helpful for the spontaneous partner, say there was a couple that you were talking to, to maybe set up a date for the next day. Hey guys, what are you guys doing for lunch tomorrow? Why don't we all go to lunch? Or setting up some version of opportunities to create that responsive nature. I can't do that because that then potentially puts you in a situation where you're uncomfortable. I don't want you in an uncomfortable situation. Well I guess this is why people say communication is so important huh? Because if I'm uncomfortable I should be voicing that to you. The problem is I might have set up a date with somebody for the next day prior to figuring out that was the case. The issue there is though is that you constantly become the person pushing and then faster person going at the slower pace. Yeah. The other thing for me, the significant, very significant thing is the perception. We may work through this where we get to the other side of an event like carp and say, well, yeah, okay, so, you know, we did some things, you know, I pushed you along the way and there were some things you did that you weren't comfortable with until you got in the moment, then you were comfortable with them and you enjoyed yourself of the whole event. But the other thing is the perception. I've already offered some things that I would like us to try and do with the intent of you chewing on those for a while between now and then and hopefully growing more comfortable with them. But the other issue there is just the visibility of others seeing me pushing you to do things the whole way through. I don't want to be perceived as a person that's going to be aggressively, because that's what it's going to be seen as. It won't be seen as me helping you through a journey. This will be perceived as me being aggressive. My answer would be what I recommended just then, which is I'm responsive. What I would like to see is for you to not just come down to my level where you're dealing with it and lumping along. What I think would be good is setting up the brunch or something like that. Because otherwise, all the other person's doing, if they're doing nothing, is turning up and waiting for the other person to do something. To be the person that's constantly having to set up the dates, having to do this, do that i think to be a true partner wing person it would be not just coming down to their level but being an active participant in their level i think that's one thing you know that there's a couple that i already feel that way about say day one we're having a cocktail with them or chat for you to then be hey guys tomorrow do you guys want to go to the beach club or do you want to go here or what are you guys doing for lunch tomorrow? But I think you're missing part of the spontaneity bit of this spontaneity. There's a balance there as well that we have to come to. And don't get me wrong, enjoy it, but you can't have the expectation that somebody comes 100% to your rescue without taking into account how they might feel about the environment that you're putting them in. I also need to try and be a little bit more in the moment or we need to be a bit more flexible like the time at Sicily where you were really in the moment I was actually sick so that was a bit of a look surprised I was sick that was a bit of a Debbie Downer but in that circumstance I was I was like, you know what? You're in the moment. You're feeling spontaneous. You're vibing. If I'd have pulled you down to, again, my level, I hate saying that, but if I'd have pulled you down and been like, no, then whatever. Because there's no up and down to this. Made you go slower, then you would have missed that opportunity. But instead, we adapted and we went, you know what? You go off and play. So I think that's another thing that could work. Absolutely. Okay. Anyway, so learn your desire style. I'm going to try and put some show notes in for you to have a look or some questions surrounding whether or not you are spontaneous or responsive. What turns you on and when does it turn you on? When you walk into a club or an event, do you immediately go, fuck yeah, this is really sexy? If you go to a club for a one-night event, that is a different scenario. CARP is a very different event to any other event that you go to because it is much more about the sexualization. That's a very different scenario and you can't mix that with a desire, as an example. It's a different environment. One is very driven around sex. The other is driven around partying with some sex potential. And likely as well. But it's a very, it's the reverse. I think you've got to be careful of what you're putting forward here. Yeah, maybe I should have used a desire or hedonism as an example, or a hotel takeover as an example, like a multi-day where it isn't carp. You're correct, because it is a very much more sexually charged environment. Yeah, I mean, and so does somewhere like desire or whatever, pick one of the multi-day resort style places. These become tiring for me in two ways. One is the social aspect. Well, yeah, because we're dealing with two things now. We're dealing with the fact that you're spontaneous, I'm responsive, I want more interaction, and then you're an introvert. Exactly. So every time I'm like, let's go to lunch, you're like, I'm depleting. I'm fucking sick of lunch. I'm sick of people. I'm not sick of people. I'm just sick of talking with people. I'm still entirely comfortable to go out and potentially have a play session with a couple. That's a very different part of my brain that I'm using. You don't want to talk to them. No, that's not what it is at all. I feel there's an intent in those resorts that in some cases is just not actualized. There's an intent there that people in some cases are scared to actualize. Whereas carp, it's's actualized from the beginning. Yeah. The intent is there and it is actualized from day one. Do you remember the day we turned up last time? Oh, yeah. So, I mean, we'd literally walked into a soup of 300 people shagging around a pool. Yeah. I mean, this is the intent of the event. So, for me, the biggest thing for Carp, as the example you drew out, is there's a mindset that you need to go into with this as well, because this is not a brunch event. We're still having brunch, just so everyone knows. I'm not having brunch. I love a good brunch. I love a good cocktail brunch. We will never be up early enough to even call it brunch. All right, let's close out that segment. Let's move on. Why are we pickier on dating sites than we are in real life? A listener asked us, we scroll through hundreds of profiles online and aren't into any of them, but at clubs, my partner flirts with and plays with people that they would never swipe right on what gives he has weird eyebrows her biceps are too big the list goes on i think you should answer this question you think you're pretty equal in your online without a doubt in club interesting i think you read the profiles of every person in depth nah i'm I'm just jaded now. After 10 years of this, I'm jaded. I don't anymore. I used to respond and give like thoughtful like, oh, I noticed that you had, you know, you like rock climbing in your profile. We also like rock climbing. How amazing. Let's be best friends. I don't do that anymore. Is that because we haven't rock climbed in 10 years? It's a waste of time. No, it's not. People barely respond. If I send out 20 thoughtful messages like that, my response rate is going to be like two if I'm lucky. That's their right. All right, I'm going to answer it then. Fine, I'll answer it. It's static, curated, and lets our inner judge run wild. Bear with me. In real life, that's where you can start to think about vibe, energy, body language, humor, and spontaneity. So that being present, being fun. Is it spontaneity that changes our standards? I would say yes. Yes, it is. Because when you're in a club environment or an event environment, you've got all those other things that you're missing, right? I just mentioned that online removes spontaneity and it's static, right? You've got the ability to sit there, go through people's photos and then judge them. When you're at a club, you have the ability to see them, see them flirting, see them dancing, smiling, drinking, chatting, what have you. It adds a level of understanding a little bit more about that person. So it's a different kind of environment. I'm sorry, I, chatting, what have you. It adds a level of understanding a little bit more about that person. So it's a different kind of environment. I would say, yes, I'm more picky. I would like to upend all of that and just say, we're all, at heart, trolls. Okay. Expand on that. Being judgmental, because that's what you're doing when you're on any site looking at people, you're judging them, right? You judge people all the time, this is life, you judge people because they're too short, they're too tall, they're too wide, they're too thin, whatever it is, people will find a reason to judge them. When you're behind the keyboard as a keyboard warrior, you can exert those thoughts without any ramifications. Now, put yourself in a club environment. Point out somebody in the room and say, wow, they're so fat. Oh my God, look at his smile. Look at his eyebrows. Think about how disgusting you would feel in that moment. The reason that we're comfortable online is because we've all become trolls. We're happy to judge remotely. That's it. I think also when you're online looking at stuff it feels like there's a shit ton of options available to you. There's plenty of fish in the sea. But that's because you think they're all interested in you. So you're looking at these profiles and it's like oh there's 5,000 so this person's not perfect. I'll find somebody in a couple of swipes that's going to be perfect. You think they all find you attractive. You think that this is the perception you have, that you're the best person on the site. But I think that's what it is. I think it's an abundance problem as well. Because we do think that. We're like, oh, there's 5,000, so this guy's got weird eyebrows or whatever. Therefore, in 10, 20, 50 profiles, I'm probably going to find somebody that doesn't. But to your point, though, you just then become a Judgey McJudgeson. No, everything's about judgment. You buy a car because you judge it as a car that you like. Judgment is a natural part of humanity, of life. We judge everything we do. So I think, because I am that person, I'm calling myself out. I know you are. Yeah, but hold on. I'm doing it. I'm doing it. Okay, I'm not allowed to back that. Okay, got it. No, you're not, babe. That's not you. Don't say that about yourself. That's terrible. Yeah. Let me support you in any way I can. Yeah, I love you. Good. That's what I want to hear. So I'm calling myself out. I definitely am. And I would say if you were to look at this on face value, you would immediately look at me and go, you've got higher standards online than you do at the club. You've lowered your standards at a club or whatever. I'm using the club as an example. You would never play with that person if you saw him on a dating site. What the fuck? Which is why going back to our conversation about whether or not you could pick somebody for me and I could pick somebody for you. We've proven that. And I think one of the things is because I can't do it in real life. I do look at profiles and I'm like, ah, there'll be another one. Ah, there's another opportunity. Because I don't have the opportunity to see them face to face and have a look at what they're doing or just be spontaneous in the moment and be at a club and have a few drinks, have a dance and go, you know what, I'm going to have a really good night tonight. And they seem really interesting. I'm going to have a good night with them tonight. So rare? Which brings me to my point. I think that we over romanticize chemistry a little bit at these events and like the vibe. I think the difference is how you're feeling and whether or not you're being a judgy person. I was about to say the C word then. Yeah. No shit. Okay. We're all trolls. We're all scared of being trolls in public in front of other people. And we also don't want people to be trolls to us. When you're in public, you are also being judged. And that means that you can't get away with the shit that you would do online. Can you imagine how I would feel if I actually, like, outwardly, I was like, no, whatever. And then how I would feel if the other, like, if you knew that was happening. Yeah. Like, say you take the swiping and say you got an alert every time somebody rejected you online, let's just say that happened. Can you imagine how I would feel if I got notifications on the number of times I was rejected? I'm pretty sure I know exactly how you feel because you've just explained before when people come back and say that you're not their type, which they all have been very polite about. They find me fugly and whatever it was that you said earlier. What's the seven stages of grief? I was joking because the anger first, like, who the fuck? Who do you think you are? What? Anger's not first. And then sadness and acceptance. That's three. And then one would be where you're like, whatever, I'm awesome, so I'll find a new person. We're at four. Okay, here we go. How can couples be more open online is, I think, try chatting to other people without commitment to mate. Possibly. That could be a good one. I think... Because then you'll judge them on their punctuation. Yeah, that's true. Just organise a meet. And then the other thing is, let go of the perfect profile syndrome. I think stop looking for red flags, maybe, or stop looking for issues. Just set your filters on your thing. Filter people. Then accept that they fit your filter. Yeah. Then just start asking people to hang out. That's fine. But the issue with that, remember how we went on a lot of dates years and years ago and then we were just so burnt out by them. Yeah, but did we make any really good long-term friends? Yeah, but we're so cynical now because I'm like, okay, so I've got to get showered and dressed and done and out and I go out. Oh my God. Do the thing. This sounds horrific. And then you're a dickhead. A dickhead? Not you. The person, like the people are just not matching. And then I'm like, goddammit, what a waste of time. What a waste of time. And you become cynical to it. Okay, so you recognize that you've become cynical to this. I think so. How do you change that? Go out and meet people again. You have to continue doing things that don't necessarily give you the outcome you wish to get to the outcome that you wish. You know what it is? It's when you eat a piece of chocolate and you get that instant gratification. Yes. That's what this is. The dopamine hit. That's what this is, basically. What was this in any way an instant gratification yes that's what this is basically what was this in any way an instant gratification now what people want is an instant gratification what they want is to not have to do the work no shit you want the body but you don't want to go to the gym and eat right yeah of course same thing is like you want the connection but you don't want to go through the hardship of actually going out and meeting all these people fine i'm going to go out on a, but I'm going to be really filthy angry if it's a waste of my time. Why does it? I don't know. How is it a waste of your time? Because you just go. You meet people. You know what it is? Put yourself in my shoes now and think about your, you just said about then, like, get, you know, go on a lunch and like I just get lunched out or whatever. Now all of a sudden, again, like, yes, I've got to go out and do these things and meet these people and kiss a few toads or whatever. That takes energy as well. Yeah, but you won't, I don't say I'm done. I just take some time to recover and then do it again. Like, I don't literally at our events, at any event we've been to, I will go away for a day or a morning to recover and then come back. Watch Mexican TV without any subsitals. Whatever. But this is, you can't just go, oh, that's it, I'm done. Like, I'm that cynical now, I'm over it. I've not found anyone I like in the last two people that I've reached out to online, then I'm not going to do it anymore. All right. Let's talk about being a better swinger, which apparently we just, we'd have no advice for you guys. You need to tell us the advice. Quickie tips. I think, yeah, learn your desire language. Talk about it with you and your partner. I think that's really interesting. You've got to have an understanding of a way forward for it to be something that is worth bringing up in a conversation. I think it is important to learn your desire style. I think that is important because I think that would help you better understand your lifestyle journey. I think that just knowing about it is interesting. Whether or not you talk to your partner about it or not, I think just knowing about your style and having a think about your partner's style and maybe why that might impact your lifestyle journey. Let me know what your thoughts are on spontaneous versus responsive. Drop us an email, email at wanderlustswingers.com and find us on all the socials. Facebook at the moment, apparently Zuckerberg's trying to get me banned, but we're still there, hanging on by thread. We'll chat to you guys on the next episode. Thanks for listening. Thank you, bro.