There are many ways to approach the swinging lifestyle and one of the playstyles that some couples have is soft swap. Soft Swap Swingers are people too! In this episode we interview a fantastic couple who identify as soft swap swingers as their preferred swinging play style.
We share details about navigating the boundaries conversation, how to share your preferred swinger play style and what being a soft swap swinging couple means to them.
Featured in this episode
Mr and Mrs RedNReady - Twitter
Mentioned in this episode
Monogamish Marriage Blog "My Wife Wants a Girlfriend"
Swingers Help "20% of Swingers prefer soft swap"
Join in as we explore being a soft swap swinging couple who enjoy pushing their boundaries in their own sexy sensual way.
We would love you to consider supporting us on Patreon from only $1 a month & you’ll get access to exclusive content and live podcasts. Join us www.patreon.com/swingingdownunder
Swinging Lifestyle Events
Join us in Miami for our Hotel Takeover
Head to Naughty In Nawlins with us and join the tribe
Head to our website for videos, blogs, podcasts, newsletters and swinging lifestyle resources.
Love, Peace and Respect
C&D
We are a swinging lifestyle podcast, we talk about sex, being a hotwife and non-monogamy, please ensure you are of legal age to be listening to our sexy stories.
If you’re interested in learning more about the swinging and hotwifing lifestyle join us on our sexy swinger hotwife podcast. We share information our personal experiences and journey, swinger event, swinging dating sites, reviews for swingers resorts and more.
Transcript
you're listening to the wanderlust swingers podcast with aussie hosts kate and daryl if you're curious about exploring your sexuality or the swinging hot wiping and non-monogamous lifestyle you've definitely come to the right podcast or maybe you just love travel adventures either way we share our personal sometimes juicy sexy stories as well as swingers club and event reviews interviews interviews with other sassy people, and of course, our global swinging adventures. We try to bring you a look into the diverse lifestyle that the swinging and non-monogamous community has. We hope you enjoy.
Now let's get into the episode. G'day guys and welcome back. This is episode 124 of the Wanderlust Swingers podcast and today's episode is all about being soft swap swingers. And I have a fantastic interview coming up with a couple that's based out of the US, Mr. and Mrs. Red and Ready. And actually you can find them on Twitter in the show notes if you want to go and check them out.
So we're going to talk about what it's like being a soft swap couple, how to navigate some of those discussions about your play styles and have a little bit of fun with developing our own club and what we'd like to see changed in the swinging lifestyle. Before we get into the interview though I want to share this episode's little cultural tidbit about Croatia. I've been on Depo-Provira injections now for about eight years, and they've been working fine. What I didn't realize is that Depo-Provira is not necessarily legal in all countries across the world.
Of course, each separate country has its own regulation board in terms of what medications they allow into the country. Depo-Provira, it seems pretty hard to come by. It's not legal in Croatia, nor is it actually legal in any of the surrounding countries. And I'm being serious when I talk to you about the fact that I was seriously consider driving into Slovenia or Bosnia or somewhere in the local area, Germany, just to actually figure out if I can get this injection every three months.
I was even considering a flight to the UK or actually even having the bedhoppers kind of smuggle it over the border for me. That's how serious that I was actually becoming about getting my contraception. Interestingly, what I did find, so I read a medical extract, contraception in Croatia is oral contraception. So the pill, 73%. Now what I did find particularly interesting is that the reason that there is only a small number of contraceptions available in Croatia is actually due to the fact that this is not a common discussion that you would have with your doctor.
And in fact, I actually had to go see a gynecologist and have an internal ultrasound before she would even prescribe me the pill. I feel like I'm 16 years old again. I'm back on the pill. Interestingly also is that young people in Croatia apparently use birth contraceptive pills three times less than appears in Western Europe. And it is actually a big problem here. There is no dedicated state mandated sexual education at all. Doctors commonly discourage patients from getting STD testing and from being on any form of contraception.
In fact, when I went and saw the gynecologist and had to have my $300 exam just to get access to the pill, it was met with a 15 to 20 minute conversation with how I really actually should reconsider having children and how in fact I can still have children and I'm not too old. By the way, I just turned 36, so I don't know what the age of geriatric motherhood is. She seemed very interested in making sure that I was aware that I can actually still have children. So there's also no free government-provided sex education at all or resources or any distribution of contraception at all.
So there you go. There's my little tidbit for Croatia this month is to find out if your birth control and if your medication is readily available in another country or considered like I did and maybe smuggle it in your socks. don't do that. I'm just joking. That's illegal. Speaking of contraceptions, this has nothing to do with contraception, but I recently got a vibrating butt plug and I did a review. It's up on our YouTube channel. If you guys want to go check that out, I'll link it in the show notes. I reviewed the B-Vibe snug plug. It is a vibrating butt plug.
I haven't had one of these before and Amazon delivery turned up at our doorstep. Daryl, God love him, decided to buy me a vibrating butt plug because he knows that I like butt plugs, but I haven't had a vibrating one before. So I reviewed that toy on YouTube. I also did some DP action with it and took some video for Daryl, but that's a whole aside aside. And it was actually really good. So if you guys are actually interested in hearing about that review, go check out my YouTube. It's about 10 minutes long where I talk about this particular butt plug, what it's like. I actually really liked it.
Full disclosure, that was purchased by us. It's not a sponsored review or anything like that, but it was just interesting to try something new and different. And one more exciting thing I want to share with you guys before we get into today's topic is that the cafes and bars are now open in Croatia. I know hands clapping. It's so exciting. So we can actually go out and enjoy a drink at a bar. I mean, it's so exciting. We went out last night and I had a cocktail and I haven't had one in like three months. Dude, I was excited. I was so excited. Crazy excited.
And Daryl's, babe, it's a Monday night. We're not getting slaughtered. You know, I understand that you want to work your way down the cocktail menu, but like just calm down a little bit. So I only had two. Well, I had a cocktail and I had a schnapps, but that's really exciting. So we're already now looking for, well, what can we do? Now there's an opportunity for us to actually go out and date other people properly. So today I'm going to put up a speed date request, see if we can meet some local couples, local people in the lifestyle here in Zagreb. So that's really, really exciting.
So as I mentioned, today's session topic is about being soft swap swingers. But of course, we do talk about a whole range of things with Mr. and Mrs. Red and Ready. And I really want to take a moment to thank them for just being super transparent, being fun, and just really laying it all out there about what their lifestyle journey has been like. If you've been in the lifestyle for a while, you may have heard people kind of say soft swap swingers, they'll get there. You know, they're on their journey, but they'll definitely become full swap swingers. You know, it's a stepping process.
Or you might hear people say soft swap swingers aren't real swingers. And we do actually talk about that in this interview and their response is quite balanced. I think a little bit more balanced than actually I am. So that was really an interesting topic to talk about as well. So let's go ahead and get into the interview now as we talk to Mr. and Mrs. Red and Ready from the US. And I'll be back after the interview to give you some more updates. See you soon. Hope you enjoy. All right, g'day guys and welcome back. I'm here with Mrs. Red and Ready.
Thank you so much for joining me guys guys great to have you on the podcast oh it's great to be here thanks for having us our listeners may have heard of you and we'll talk a little bit about that in a little while but perhaps let's get started with a little bit about you guys and your lifestyle journey your relationship your pets you know let's uh spill the tea on on youtube before we get started on on today's topic this will start with our relationship we've been together since we were 16 years old we're high school sweethearts and got married at super young at 20 so we've actually been married for 25 years damn guys wow it's been a long time but didn't start doing anything in the lifestyle until three years ago well it depends on how far you want to go back.
Oh, I love this. I love this argument when couples are like, well. Well, I think we agree. It just depends on do you want the truncated version. Depends on how you define being in the lifestyle, really. Because we've been going to clubs and resorts since 2012, but didn't start playing with other couples at all until three years ago. So it started in, it actually started in Sydney, Australia.
We lived in Sydney for a year and just decided that before we come back to the U.S., we were going to do as many crazy things that we would never do while we were here, while we were there on the other side of the world. That's the way to do it, yeah. Do it when no one's going to recognize you. Right. So Mr. Red and Reddy came up with the idea, let's go to a sex club. And Mrs. Red and Reddy said, you have got to be kidding me. I didn't say that. Why not? So we did.
We're like, okay, okay this is pretty cool clearly we're exhibitionists so yeah we learned that about ourselves we learned that very early on but then after that it was you know several years of just here and there going to a club you know not mostly if we were traveling we'd go to see if there was a club in whatever city we were traveling to then it became hey maybe we can make an entire vacation about this and found desire and started doing vacations Thank you. We'd go to see if there was a club in whatever city we were traveling to.
Then it became, hey, maybe we can make an entire vacation about this and found Desire and started doing Vacations to Desire. But for our first trip to Desire, we were only with each other. I mean, it was it was a slow progression because we thought we just really enjoyed the atmosphere. We enjoyed the nudity. We enjoyed the voyeurism and the exhibitionism.
And we enjoyed the company company we enjoyed the people but but we didn't actually start uh playing with others until 2017 18 that's that's awesome and which which club was it in sydney i don't know if i remember you've mentioned it before but was it the couples club or our secret spot do you remember the name of the club the couples club they don't exist anymore they shut down or for now i mean i don't know whether they're going to open back up again, but, yeah, they've shut their doors, so there you go. You've got a piece of lifestyle history, I guess. That's right. That's right.
We'll have to make a pilgrimage to the room. Exactly. I'm going to loosen you guys up a little bit, and I want to know what's your favorite piece of sexy clothing on yourself. So if you're going to get ready, if you guys want to feel sexy, if you're heading out and you want to get in that frame of mind, what's each of your piece of sexy clothing that you'll wear to kind of make you feel a little bit better? My favorite piece of sexy clothing is probably not one that I would put on if I were going on.
It's definitely not one I would put on if I were going on a date here in our hometown because i have this this dress that i always wear for latin night at desire that i love and it's the only repeat theme night outfit that i always do i just wear it every single time we go there for lunch because i love it so much it's got lots of fringe and lots of blitz and i absolutely love it but if We're just going on a date. I've got a whole lot of he shops for me on all these websites and buys these dresses, and I don't know if there's one in particular.
But it's a sexy dress that maybe showed a little plated, a little tight, a little, yeah. Sexy dress with some matching. Some heels. He's a heel guy. Yeah. He's kind of got a heel fetish, so. And what about you? Yeah, for me it would probably be it would probably be you know that i've got some you know sexy underwear as well so just having that on and and knowing gives me but but i would say on the outside it's going to be if it's a nicer night a a nice-fitting suit. I feel confident. I feel sexy. I look at myself, and I'm like, yeah, yeah, that's... You can't put on a suit to go out on a suit.
No, but... That would be a bit much. Right. But a button... Yeah, anything that, you know, whether it's a button-down or just anything that just fits me well, you know, is enough for me to get the confidence. I have a tangent question a tangent question then for your sexy underpants that you wear do you keep them separate from your everyday underpants and it's like in the corner of your your drawer and they're in there and you're like those are my they're my special sexy pants no they're in the same drawer but i only pull them out when i i i look grab them.
Like, hmm, tonight's the night to pull those out. And I'll pull them out. Oh, there have been times when you were like, wow, we really need to do laundry, babe. I'm down to only my sexy time. That's true. I'm like, oh, wow, I guess we have to put those on. So you're opening your drawer and you're like, tonight's the night, boys. It's sexy time.
And your pants are all like yes finally oh god that's hilarious okay guys so mrs red and ready you may have recognized the voice actually appeared on one of our episodes episode 119 which was the skirt club episode and you shared a little bit about your journey and thank you again so much for that if you're listening please do go check out episode 119 so you can hear a little bit about that you talked a lot about your sexual exploration of yourself and i'm curious for each of you or collectively as a couple if there's anything that's currently on your lifestyle exploration bucket list anything that you're thinking about might be something you're wanting to experience with the right couple where there was a certain amount of trust i think some more kink dumb sub kinds of stuff is probably on there for the two of us for you you've got you know continuing your exploration yeah the monogamous recently did a blog where she talked about this girlfriend weekend and just sounded amazing and i think both of us agree that that would be really cool to have a girls getaway a sexy girls getaway with the right woman would be awesome yeah and for me it's anything more than four people in the room because I haven't more than four people in the room but it wasn't all yeah interacting yeah you hear these stories You hear these stories of just you know just the pile of people on a bed and uh i've never experienced that you know i've been in a room with with more than than four people yeah but it's kind of been like break off come back break off come back kind of thing not like you just jealous of my girl 100%.
20 women on one bed, that's all. Because I like the, I like the touching. I like the, I like that intimacy where, you know, you can just put your hand anywhere and rub on a body. And I just think that's sexy. Yeah, definitely sensual. And actually, if you are wondering, Mrs. Red and Reddy just mentioned a blog, and that's the Monogamish Marriage blog. If you're listening to this, I'll link it in the show notes for anyone who wants to read that, because I agree, that was definitely a fantastic article, especially when you are looking at things that you want to explore for yourself.
So I'm going to skip a couple of these next questions that I had in line, because I want to talk about being a soft swap couple. And I'm going to actually give a shout out to Swingers Help. They recently did a survey and they said about 20% of people in the lifestyle preferred soft swap. So a bit of stats there for you. But I wanted to find out from you two, I mean, there is lots of different terms in the lifestyle and people's interpretation of these vary. So what is your definition of soft swap? What does that mean to you as a couple?
For us, it really only takes one thing off the table and that's penetrative sex with an actual penis is pretty much the only thing we'll do anything else. I have used strap-ons with women, whether they were strapping on or me.
So it's really just that one thing that's off the table it started off off the table because as i mentioned earlier we had been together since we were 16 and we were each other's firsts and so that was the scariest thing about going into the lifestyle for me is i wasn't sure i wanted to lose that yep that that was something we'd only done with with each other i think it's morphed more into how much we've grown to love soft swap itself things in our opinion things get way more intimate when that's taken off the table you come up with so many creative intimate awesome ways to interact with other people our play sessions last so long because that end goal that a lot of people are are reached or looking for yeah they it's not going it's not going to happen or most of the time it does end with each couple having sex with their own partner and not necessarily away from each other there's usually a lot of even interacting as that's happening but yeah again next to each other in the bed with still some touching and yeah i i think it's just we've realized that soft swap for us is a really amazing experience that leads to some activities and some intimacies then and some experiences that i don't think would happen if you are full swap because you'd be maybe a little faster to get to that that end goal and it and it also creates that communication you know because it's exactly what you asked us oh okay so what does that mean to you and we can have a conversation and a lot of times the conversation switches to a little bit of fantasy talk where it's like oh okay so if if penetrative sex is off the table but pretty much anything else is up for discussion well what about this and what about this yeah we could we'd be up for that yeah we'd be up for that like Yeah for that.
Yeah, we'd be up for that. Like the BDSM kink night that Mrs. Red and Reddy was talking about, that came about because of a conversation we have, an ongoing conversation we've had with some friends of ours who know that we're soft swap, but they also know that we really do enjoy exploring anything other than that. And so they brought it up one night. They said, Hey, what do you think about this? And we're like, that sounds like fun. Let's talk about it. So it also, and all we did was talk about it. And then the real C-bomb happened.
I mean, if you've lived down in Australia, you know what we call the C-bomb, but you know, I think I've, I've changed that now.
The real C-bomb, I mean if you've lived down in australia you know what we call the c-bomb but you know i think i've i've changed that now the real c-bomb i think is covet yeah right so that's you know so once couples understand that and and we take penetrative sex from an actual penis off the table it's like okay let's have a conversation you know and we can talk about specifically what that means for them in the moment i i love that and actually it really does make me think and I mean I don't want to I don't want this to seem too light-hearted but I have a friend who's vegetarian and years ago I remember saying to her you are a much better cook than a person who cooks with meat and the reason being is because you have to become I think just a little bit more creative with your flavors and things like that and I like I said I don't want to make light heart of it but I almost see your your journey in the lifestyle as that you know it gives you that all of a sudden you've got these just these deeper I think more meaningful more creative more fantasy desires I would say almost yeah just more intimate conversations yeah I think that's a good analogy actually I think that works yeah for sure phew you know if you're going to insult somebody.
It's like when we have a dog and sometimes you accidentally almost go to say it's like having a child and you stop yourself from saying it because you know it's really fucking not like having a child. Same thing. No, I love that. And thank you so much for sharing that. And it is really refreshing because I think that almost we don't share enough of that. We don't sometimes as couples, even when we're exploring our journey, unless we really know another couple, we don't really tend to have those conversations about, well, what are you hoping to get out of this play session?
You know, is there a fantasy? Is there something interesting that you want to try? And, you know, just really trusting that other couple to have that conversation with you. It's super refreshing. And it takes pressure off as well, because if you know that that's not the end goal, you can just kind of relax and say, oh, okay, so let's just go with the flow and have some fun. Especially when we've met people who are fairly new to the lifestyle. They actually feel some relief when we tell them that we're soft swaps.
Like, oh, okay, well, then you really can help us ease into this and for some couples it's it's a it's a bonus and you know i use the term penetrative sex is the only thing off the table because in our opinion it's all sex i mean i i hate the idea that sex is only penis and vagina that's it if there's not that it's not sex and i i hate that um preach. I mean, if you, I mean, there's couples out there right now that are listening to this, that are same sex couples going, yes. Hello. You know, there's so many other things.
And that's one of the reasons that I say that I can be with a woman and regardless of whether we use a strap on or not, people will say, oh, well, I, I had sex with this woman. Well, there was no penile penetration. So and yet I can do the same things with a man and oh, well, it wasn't sex because there wasn't any penetration. So in my mind, it's all sex. When we talk about couples we've been with or couples we'd like to be with, we use the word sex. We don't necessarily around other couples.
We don't want people to get the wrong idea and think that because we use the word sex, it means that that's going to happen, that we're going to be full swap. Right. But certainly with each other. I mean, to us, it's all sex. Yeah. I mean, just, yeah, like getting rid of some of those heteronormative ideas of what sex is. I mean, it's interesting that you're saying you don't really use that term, the word sex around other couples, but just wanting to make sure that, you know, they're understanding what you mean.
That's, which actually, it brings brings me perfectly to my next point i'm sure this is not a term that you haven't heard yet seen you know read in a forum somewhere or something like that and it's the term that soft swap couples are not real swingers or oh your soft swap oh you know you'll you'll get there you'll be full swap eventually like tell us about that how how does that make you feel when you see that? How does it make you feel together as a couple? What does it make you want to do and say to those people or when you read those forms? Let's talk about this. Yeah.
For me, I'm not in the business of changing other people's minds or opinions. If that's how you feel, then my reaction, it's a turnoff for me. I'll just say, okay, that's fine. If that's your idea of it, then you and I don't need to be together. And I'll just go my separate way. It's just a turnoff that somebody thinks that myopically that sex equals penetration. That tells me that you're not really that interested in exploring. You're not really that interested in having fun. You have a goal of fucking my wife and that's it. And that's, that's not what we're in it for. We want to meet people.
We want to have fun. We want to explore. We want to push our boundaries. Yeah. But we know that there is a boundary that we're not going to cross.
clearly your end goal isn't a connection with other people it's it's just sex so yeah it's definitely a turn off to us and it doesn't i just laugh it off i think it's silly i'm like if that's really your your viewpoint i mean we have so much more in common with full swap swingers than we do vanilla people it's ridiculous we do a lot of stuff that our vanilla friends are not doing so to say we're not swingers is just silly but i don't get all in a huff or angry and i don't necessarily feel the need like like you said i don't feel the need to change anyone's mind everyone has their own definition of what a swinger is and fine it's just silly yeah i don't get discouraged it doesn't discourage us it doesn't cause us to have a discussion and oh are we not thinking about this correctly no it's our journey and and we're we're having fun doing it this way so we're not going to worry about what other people think we'll just say okay nice to have met you and we'll move on right and if it's the next step every year that's a long time between steps i like the fact that you're both confident with your response to that because let me tell you you're both very balanced in that when i hear people say that even though i do actually full swap with people i also just swap swap soft swap with people as well sometimes there's just toy interactions sometimes you know it does like a whole range of things and it makes me furious to my blood like I get so mad and and that's somebody who you know so it's just interesting that you're so balanced and thank you for for being you know I guess more of an adult than I am and actually just going you know that's on you and walking away I feel the need to try and and say like why do you why do you feel that way like let's have a proper conversation here and there's room for both you know when we hear that and we're with you somewhere we'll say kate get them yeah that's it because i it would happen you know somebody said that and you guys were standing next to me i'd be like hey who the fuck do you think you are what are you talking about you know what i mean i don't know thank you for being balanced that's really great and actually for for couples out there you know who may be now exploring the lifestyle especially some of these these first steps like you said you know maybe they they are looking at what their journey looks like and maybe they don't have the confidence to understand that it's okay to be soft swap you don't need to take these next steps so when you're sharing your soft swap play style and obviously you're very good at that, especially when you're talking to other couples and negotiating, navigating these sexual desires and stuff, what advice would you give to other couples who want to have that same confidence without feeling judged?
How can they share that with other couples? What practices have you found are good? I mean, you've said the key word, which is confidence. You have to approach it with confidence.
When you start to make a connection i mean anyone who reaches out to us through cassidy or double date nation you know they're gonna they're gonna see on our profile people don't always believe it because a lot of people think that oh well you just put soft swap because you don't want everyone to automatically know what's on the table there's there's a lot of people who don't necessarily believe it until they actually talk to us in person.
But if we're at a club or at a resort and we're getting to know people, you just don't want to go at it like, oh, I'm really sorry, but we're only soft swap. That is just not the way to approach it. You just have to have confidence with it. You have to just be willing to say it like it's something that you're proud of and something that you're offering that could be super awesome and exciting for them. Yeah. And it's to follow on that thread. It's a little bit of a sales job in the sense of just like they're trying to sell us on. Are you sure? Are you sure you don't want to try this?
We're we actually turn it back on them. And we may not ask explicitly, well, why do you need that? But instead, we're saying, well, think about all the things that we can do. Think about all the ways we can explore each other if that's not the end goal. So we actually turn it back on. We've turned it back on on other couples to say, look, that's that's it. You know, that's non-negotiable. But let's talk about what we can do and how much fun we can have together. I think the other thing is that, and it's part of confidence, is that confidence in each other that we're not wavering.
We've had this conversation many, many times conversation many many times this is where we are we're both on the same page so we don't have to worry about in the moment oh you know are we are we going somewhere else what's what's going on here we know that that this is the the boundary and we don't have to worry about each other wavering yeah that's such good advice and if you actually saw typing while you were talking there, it's because I had a thought pop up and I didn't want it to disappear. You said at the beginning there, Mrs. Red and Reddy, don't apologize.
Be unapologetic in your sexual desires and your sexual boundaries. And we say this when we talk about rejection a lot. When people reject somebody, humans, we're just used to it, we'll immediately go, I'm know, I'm sorry that I'm suddenly not interested in having sex with you. And I always say thank them for their interest but don't apologise because you've got nothing to apologise for and it's just such human behaviour.
I think we often start with that and I love the fact that you're saying be unapologetic because you both know what you're comfortable with, you know your sexual desire is enough to say we're not going to apologise to apologize for this like this is where we are this is who we are and if you want to have some play time with us we are great fun so thank you we're just super confident in the fact that we can show somebody a really great time if we want to and like look if you don't want it that's fine but you're lost and we'll uh and we'll usually initiate that like whether i'm talking to the man or or whatever i'll initiate it i'll i'll say hey look we are a soft swap couple and of course they'll say well what does that mean just like you did because there's a spectrum and i'll explain it and you know i'll basically just lay it out and if if that's something of interest to you, great.
You know, if it's not, no hard feelings. And it's almost never not. I honestly can't think of anybody who we've really connected with and started talking to and had interest in that once they found out we were soft swap, said, nevermind. It hasn't, I don't think it's happened. I don't think it's happened.
Everybody's usually mean there have been couples who made it clear that you know hey we'd love to take it further but we understand and we respect you know where you are and we're fine to just spend time with you and that's that's a respectful way of doing it that's fine like okay you know we know where each other stands but that's not going to get in the way of our fun. But they really don't ever say, oh, well, then never mind. We don't want to do anything. Yeah. It doesn't happen.
Well, I suppose by the time they're already interested in actually playing with you, you've spent some time, you've got a connection together anyway. So for them to, quite frankly, if they walked away at that point in time, you're better off anyway. But they're already clearly interested in you. So, you know. Yeah.
Whereas I guess if was happening like a if you walked into a club and somebody walked straight up to you and said sex how's about it you know i'm going to put my p in your v and you said well actually no you're not you know maybe a bit of a different circumstance there let's get off off swap and let's talk about you guys talk about just the lifestyle community at large and some questions that i have a fantasy date think about the best date that somebody could possibly take you on what would knock your socks off let's talk about and i mean nothing's off the chart like you can be like oh yeah the jet that's going to take us to paris for the day so we can have dinner on top of the eiffel tower like just let, just let's talk about fantasy dates.
Okay. Well, I wasn't going there. We were thinking way too small. Because travel is actually my favorite thing in the world. So take me somewhere. So I'll start in the general. And then, you know, for, for us in general, it's whatever is going to create and heighten that sexual atmosphere, the sexual tension. We want that to kind of always be there, whether it's let's go to a burlesque show or let's get completely dressed up. Burlesque show. Yep. I'm down for that. That sounds good. Yeah. Do that a lot. That's one of our favorite things to do on a life.
But there's a lot of opportunities for burlesque where we are. yeah so it could be you know let's get completely dressed up and and again that that's the confidence and yeah let's jet off to paris for a burlesque show or something like that you know whatever it is fabulous but it's creating that build-up and creating some of that of that sexy atmosphere and the tension. And dancing. There should always be dancing. Yeah, always, always dancing. So that's what it is for us. Whatever the setting is.
We have done that where we were with friends and we got dressed up and had a nice dinner and went to a burlesque show. And we had an amazing time. We didn't jet off to Paris with them, but hey, maybe next time. No, but we were in New York City. We did leave town for it. So we did do a weekend away in New York City with an awesome couple that we adore, and that was when that happened. We all got really dressed up and went to a fancy dinner and burlesque show, and yeah, that was fabulous.
fabulous well here's actually the thing i like about burlesque is the fact that it is a sexy environment without being a sex club do you know what i mean like it's yes oh yeah i think a lot of the times we think oh you want to have a sexy environment strip club sex club like this seems to be where people's minds go whereas when i think about like you said the build-up that's what burlesque is so it's just i i love it i think it's super exciting we've been to burlesque shows we've never done it with another couple and i i would absolutely lose lose myself like if we went to a burlesque show i would just be yep this is fantastic fly us to croatian then we'll uh maybe maybe berlin i don't know how many burlesque shows i've got going on in croatia but know Berlin for sure.
Fair enough. So we've spoken about a fantasy. Let's talk about something embarrassing because, you know, I like to put you guys in the thick of it. Do you have any embarrassing lifestyle moments? I've had a few over the years, and I share them pretty readily, much to my crying tears on the podcast. I've shared quite a few embarrassing moments over the years. Do you have any you would like to share with our audience to maybe normalize their experience? Got some embarrassing moments, but we've always managed to turn them into a hilarious situation.
Embarrassing moment with a lessons learned and a solution on the table. Bring it. I love it. Yeah. So we were. but they're not embarrassing moments like something happened that's awful it was just right that's what i'm saying yeah okay but but in the moment i like the way you put it in the moment you know we created a a solution or we we dove in so for me it was we're at desire with a bunch of friends and it was it was glow night so they had those light up rings and like rubbery. Yeah. And I kind of backed myself into a corner because I was saying, oh, yeah, you know, it's a cock ring.
And, you know, just having a joke and somebody in our in our group said, oh, really? Put it on in the middle of a dance floor. And I'm like, oh, oh, OK okay i may have crossed the line so in the moment i i you know i very quickly debated and i'm like you know what fuck it you know let's let's just let's turn this from an embarrassing moment where i'm like nah i can't do that to all right i'm gonna do it and i turned that embarrassing moment into a very funny moment i cleared the dance floor because nobody wanted to be around me while I did that.
Except for the people who we were friends with were very excited. You know, so that was one where I was on the cusp. It was embarrassing. I could feel myself getting red in the face because I realized I painted myself into a corner. But I said, you know what? Live in the moment. Do it. Yep. It started a trend because someone had a whole bag of those rings. And by the end of the night, I don't know. I painted myself into a corner, but I said, you know what? Live in the moment. Do it. It started a trend because someone had a whole bag of those rings.
And by the end of the night, every single man in the hot tub was using it as a concrete. So that was probably mine. So the lesson learned there is just take the leap. Go for it. When you find yourself in that situation, especially if it's your own fault. And it was because I was talking a big game and someone called me on it. I don't know. That wasn't something like that where, you know, there's been moments of desire where I was brought up for things that I thought, oh, dear God, I can't believe I'm up in front of everybody for this now and just went with it and made the best of it.
Well, what you're explaining there is actually, that is an embarrassing, that takes a lot to get from that when they call you. And for anyone who's listening, it doesn't understand what's happening here. So the Desire hosts will sometimes bring you up on stage and they'll get another dancer to dance on you or they'll ask you to do a dance or whatever.
And I remember first time to desire daryl and i had to because they found out we got engaged they they made us go in this competition with like three other couples and it was a dancing competition and everybody else seemed to have their shit together and daryl and i was like oh my god i don't know what we're doing plus it was our first time we were really nervous and it takes a lot to get up and do that a lot of respect for people that are just like oh you know it's fine yeah i go red as well the time specifically that he's that he's thinking of i was brought up and asked to kind of dance on the pole and it was they were doing a missed desire competition i think some something like that and then all of a sudden so the song that just gets me going on the dance floor or in a sexy environment, I have no idea why is Buttons by the Pussycat Dolls for whatever reason.
I think it's the kind of belly dancing sound in the background here. I don't know. It gets me excited. So they were having these women come up and dance on the pole and then playing a different song for each woman. And I get up there and all of a sudden Buttons starts playing. And in my mind, I'm thinking, that son of a bitch. He set this whole thing up. I was looking at him going, am I going to find out that it was you that recommended this song? I thought he's the one who told me to bring me up here. He told them to play this song.
And he's standing off on the side with this look on his face going, I swear it wasn't me. It was a total coincidence, but that was all I needed. I heard that song. I was like, all right, well, it was meant to be. Good for you. Good for you. My God. Yeah. Those moments where it is just like, all right, you know, just pull your socks up and get out there and give it a go. Actually. And speaking of clubs, what would be something that you would like to see improved at a lifestyle event, a club or resort, doesn't matter which one.
I mean, something that you think could be an improvement in the lifestyle community. It's always something I like to ask just to kind of take the tempo of how people interact at these events or clubs or whatever.
For me, it's less at a resort or a takeover something like that because you can obviously have the the time to do this but we we always talk about communication is so important in the lifestyle and then you go to a club and the music is just absolutely blasting and it's impossible to make a connection have the kind of conversation that we talked about where let me explain where we are and so i would say whether and i get you need to have the music Thank you very much.
have the kind of conversation that we talked about where let me explain where we are and so i would say whether and i get you need to have the music pumping like that so have an area where you can go off and and have a conversation without yelling in in somebody's ears without having to go into a play because right you want to have that conversation and make those connections before you have to go into the back, right?
Yeah, so we've been to a club where it was just absolutely impossible to have a conversation with anyone and we're like, you know what, forget it, it's too difficult, let's just do our own thing. So for me, that's probably the one thing.
And I think it's such a simple thing because communication is so important so give people an area you know whatever to communicate yeah that's a good one it's interesting that you say that mr red and ready because i i um played a game on twitter a little while ago and i said like let's all design our perfect idea of a club and somebody said that exact same thing and obviously in in this fantasy land where you know we've got all this floor we've got this huge warehouse that we can decorate any way we want one of the things I did say was I think that you know clubs have the dance floor but like towards the back of the club that's not in a playroom there should be an area where the music is still heard but lower you know with some some area where you can still have that like what you're talking the atmosphere you know you want that atmosphere kind of going but at a decent level enough to actually have a conversation and that was one of the things that came up a couple of times on twitter so you're not the only one we just need bigger floor prints in clubs you know i think absolutely yeah that's easy enough to do at a hotel takeover or at a resort you know there are places you can go obviously you can just step outside but agreed do you have a different one mrs redden ready anything that you want to add on to to our improved lifestyle event club or resort i don't know if i can think of anything to improve a women's only section so that you can get away from the guys yeah that's not a bad idea i don't know how many of the men would be a little angry about that but you wouldn't you'd be fine you're just out chilling by the pool reading a book or something you're like oh yeah well you know if you're gonna do that so you know if we're gonna design something like this and there's a women only section then then there should be like the the sports bar area so that so that way when the women are off having their fun, the guys who are waiting for them can be clicking through some sports.
Sports, playing pool, just chilling, darts. Yeah, just showing out. Yeah, right. Shooting some pool, throwing some darts.
And then when y'all emerge,'s we can we can get the details of how things went i like it there's a lot of men in the lifestyle who would disagree that that's a good idea oh really well i'm designing it not them so exactly awesome and that this has been fantastic guys and i i really want to thank you for your time and i absolutely appreciate all of the insight especially into how you navigate negotiate and talk about your play style I think that's really critical and really important and I think a lot of us like you said we we spruik that communication so important but I think sometimes we miss that step a lot of the times I know Daryl and I do we we get this wrong still but if you were going to say to the people listening what would you like them to take away from our time together today after our conversation is there anything that you really want to ring home to the people listening you should enjoy the exploration and the journey and and not make penetrative sex that that ultimate goal that you that you just can't wait to get to whether you're soft swap or full swap you can still kind of extend that i mean you can say if it's a couple who you think you might see again you can take full swap off the table for one night for one date and and see how that goes you can you can just enjoy that exploration a little longer before you get to that end goal i think the the fact that it's not the end all and be all and that there are so many other things that are that are so amazing yeah and you'll you'll end up creating moments that that you never expected like we were you know we were with a couple and they said let's take a shower okay yeah that sounds like fun so we were in the shower for for 20 minutes and laughing and and you know if that wasn't because it wasn't a very big shower no we kept saying rotate and we'd all all four of us yeah i'm getting cold over here in the corner we need to move right i need to be the i need to rinse now oh rotate and but if it was all about you know that that you know just how quickly can we get to penetration, then we wouldn't have had that moment.
So it's it's taking the time to enjoy the experience, the journey, the fun that that it could be and removing some of the pressure of, oh, I got to get to that point. How do I get to that point? Um, because it's not necessary in order to have sex. That. And then the other takeaway I would say is, is confidence, you know, have confidence, whatever it is that you want to get out of the lifestyle, whatever it is that you have to offer the lifestyle, be confident in what you want and what you have to offer and be proud of it. And don't apologize for it.
Exactly.apologetic i love it soft swap are people too soft swap people soft swap winners are people too oh god that's that's all now if you guys want to go and follow this amazing couple on twitter i will put their twitter handle in the show notes but it is locked down so you are going to need to send a dm right that's how special this twitter account is you're going to need is it a dm or just even just hit the follow button and it'll it'll inform us that you've requested a follow yeah but uh i agree with kate that the dm should yeah hey we heard you on the podcast you know something like that so we have a little bit of context yeah we just want to we just want to creep on you but we're admitting it on text so it's okay you know what i mean right no it's been fantastic i really want to say again thank you so much for all of the discussion topics today i think this has really been a fantastic interview and think of your time thank you thank you for having us always fun to travel so i hope you enjoyed that interview guys that was mr and mrs red and ready or red and ready 2086 on twitter again i will put that in the show notes if you guys want to go ahead and follow them and send them a dm and especially if you are a soft swap couple just to maybe talk about how you navigate some of those discussions about your play style preferences that would be awesome or drop us an email cnd at swingingdownunder.com we'd love to hear from you as well now it's that time it's the engaging listener of the episode the shout out of the episode and i have another two people that i'd like to mention one is actually a funny story so this is from lake ozark couple and they sent me an email and we were actually going backwards and forwards with this email for a while and the reason being is because they actually found a dildo on their property.
So let me just read you an extract from this. We live in the middle of a 200 acre farm. I was able to retrieve the video from the camera. Looks like it hit 30 to 40,000 feet in the air when it stopped taking videos. All I can say is that was one high flying phallus. Turns out it traveled 107 miles and reached an altitude of 83,000 feet. What am I talking about? I'm actually talking about a dildo that was strapped to a camera, a GoPro that was on a timber decking kind of thing that was actually flying through the sky.
And this particular listener, Lake Ozark couple wrote to me and said, Hey, we think you might've interviewed these people. You know anything about this? And I caught the, there was a bad dragon sticker on the side of the timber. And so Lake Ozark couple actually reached out to them. Turns out this was actually a promotional video. So you may actually see this bad dragon dildo flying around maybe near in the near future for bad dragon.
So thanks to Lake Ozark couple, I got a serious laugh out of that and i was happy to help with finding out that it was actually bad dragon so cheers guys my second shout out is actually from twitter and this is actually christy so on the last episode we briefly mentioned about a throat fucking incident that i had a little while ago that led me to go to the doctor and costing us a couple hundred dollars and getting a throat infection and christy reached out on twitter and said to me thank God I'm not the only one. So I'd like to say, Christy, we are throat fucking sisters now.
She was also doing some deep throating and had some issues and had to go to the doctor and it cost us some money as well. So there you go. You're not the only one. If you've heard this story before, or if it's happened to you, it's happened to somebody else as well, right?
You're not the only one sitting there going to a doctor because you've tried to do some deep throating and it's caused an issue so you know three fucking sisters christy you and i that's what we are and last but not least i want to give some patron shout outs for february i really want to shout out to some of our new members john nuno mr and mrs away we go fatty margo and alex thank you so much for joining us on patreon this month and a big thank you to also who increased his patron pledge.
If you guys would like to support the podcast, head over to patreon.com forward slash swinging down under, and you can gain some access to some behind the scenes and bi-weekly monthly vlogs as well. Otherwise, guys, episodes that we have coming up, we are going to do a Q&A podcast for our next episode. We've got some audio that has been sent through from some of our patrons and some of our listeners. And we also have some questions that we've been gathering that have been sent from email or Twitter. And so we're going to answer those on the podcast.
And another episode we do have coming up as well is about selection criteria.
And we're going to break down how we actually morph adapt on what we're looking for depending on the night and this really comes from the recent episode we spoke about with the mfm the the one that i titled the stunt cock even though i yes i know that's not the appropriate term but i still love the i still love the phrase was that we found that our selection criteria does change and it does adapt and so we're going to break that down we're going to talk about that as well as sharing some of the insights that we received from twitter or from listeners so that's coming up as well for the next two episodes really stoked to share that with you as well as kind of sharing our journey as we continue I'll see you're safe.
been wanderlust swingers yes the artist formerly known as swinging down under it's been great to be back and we are excited to share some of the upcoming content with you hope you guys are well hope you're safe hope you're happy hope you're horny and we'll see you guys soon
