How have your swinger boundaries or swinger rules changed over the years? We delve into our changes from our 5-6 years in the swinging lifestyle and talk about how we've organically changed our swinger boundaries.
We run through some responses we received from our community on social media and share a tale or two from listeners on how their swinging boundary changes led them to exploring more about themselves and their sexuality journey.
We finish up with the 12 Days of 2020 Pandemic gave to us jingle, we hope you enjoy
We would love you to consider supporting us on Patreon from only $1 a month & you’ll get access to exclusive content and live podcasts. Join us www.patreon.com/swingingdownunder
Swinging Lifestyle Events
Join us in Miami for our Hotel Takeover
Head to Naughty In Nawlins with us and join the tribe
Head to our website for videos, blogs, podcasts, newsletters and swinging lifestyle resources.
Love, Peace and Respect
C&D
We are a swinging lifestyle podcast, we talk about sex, being a hotwife and non-monogamy, please ensure you are of legal age to be listening to our sexy stories.
Transcript
You're listening to Swinging Down Under, a podcast about the swinging, non-monogamous lifestyle from two crazy Australians with over four years of lifestyle antics to keep you entertained, informed, angry, happy, and horny. Join our international swinging adventures. Hi guys, and g'day and welcome back. This episode 200 we're australianizing this today yeah actually i say g'day most times most times do you yeah just noticed it did you yeah so it's 200th episode today and you're just noticing now that i use g'day quite a lot 200 eh yeah 200 wow there we go congratulations two hunji.
Two hunji, wow. There we go. Congratulations. I guess we're in order. Before you know it, we'll be at a gorilla. We'll be at a gorilla soon enough. Just another many, many years to go, like 25 years. Yeah, I mean, how long did it take us to get to two hunji? Five. Five years, okay. So multiply that out, carry the two, divide by the length of my penis. It's another 23 decades to go. Is that about right? That's about right, yeah. I mean, the math is sound. Yeah, exactly. That's what I thought. That's also the calculation for converting Celsius to Fahrenheit, just so you know.
And the metric to the imperial system. Hey, so guys, today we're going to be talking about changing your swinger boundaries. I've wanted to talk about this for a couple of months, actually.
We've put this off because we've had other things we wanted to talk to you guys about but it kind of all started when there was a thing going around on social media i don't know if you guys have seen this but it was how it all started and where i am like how it all started how's how's it going right and i really started to think about when we first joined the lifestyle in 2015 how that is different to how we are in the lifestyle today in 2020 wait we're in the lifestyle today yeah we are in the lifestyle today yeah yeah didn't you notice the no i just i just thought there was heaps of dudes wanting to bang you oh okay no that's that's actually it's a thing yeah we're in the lifestyle oh okay so i did i did the little houses how's how it started and how's it going and I want to tell you on the left-hand side this is kind of where we started off and Daryl add anything to this that you think we had on the list to begin with one so I had long-term committed couples never on a first date same room sex only couples only no anal no one-night stands nothing of hours including cute pet names well yeah that's so that's a pretty good sum up i'm impressed i'm where the fuck did you find that i mean some of that is i just thought about it in my head in in my brain area in your brain hole yeah how is the brain hole is it recovered from all that it's not doing i'm out for the year now that's it that's me done for 2020.
well 2020 there's not a lot left i i think you might be over underestimating but then i put how how it's going so that's all how it started so those were examples of some of our boundaries when we first started in the lifestyle and how it's going i put now this is kind of my my new mantra i'm going to read this to you daryl let me know if you like it because over the years we've developed a lot and that's what we're going to talk about is how this has kind of all come about but now in 2020 i've got never at the expense of the sexual or mental health of any persons person persons person persons yeah so what do you think about that i think it's actually a pretty good it's a pretty good role it's a pretty good role i like it yeah i mean you stole it off someone though right no i wrote that oh did you really wow i didn you?
Mm-hmm. Really? Mm-hmm. Wow, I didn't know that. Now I'm impressed, like really impressed. Just now you're impressed? No, well, I mean- Like right now. They're like, well, yeah. Okay. Should I be impressed all of the time? I mean, I don't know that I can achieve that. I'm just saying 2020 has been shit, so I'll take it where I can get it. In fact, actually, I had a pap smear and an STI panel a couple of days ago, and my GP was like, oh, that's a good-looking cervix. And I put that shit up on Twitter because I'm like, I'll take a compliment. It's 2020.
I'll take a compliment where I can get one. And if she wants to give me a compliment on my cervix, then that's it. We had a discussion about that. I think it would be inappropriate for a male gyno to say that. I think it would be very inappropriate. What we decided was that she said it's a good-looking cervix. He would probably say it's a healthy-looking cervix. Yeah, because one of the connotations of being a little bit sexual. Over the years, a lot of people talk about rules and boundaries and rules being a little bit more concrete.
They're things that stay with you for a longer period of time and may or may not change. And if they do change, they may require a decent amount of conversation to talk about it. And that could be things like condom usage, for example.
Safe sex always always could be a rule of yours and then you might want to explore perhaps being fluid bonded with somebody and that's going to take a fair bit of conversation so rules are more concrete boundaries are a little bit shifting you know you can make the change of perhaps what a boundary might be and move it over to and remove it or remove it for just that night and that's kind of what i wanted to talk about is how this all evolved. Because we didn't actually, I don't think we did this intentionally.
These boundary changes, Daryl, in your mind, like how it started with like couples only, I remember having this conversation with you that, oh, they're just girlfriend and boyfriend, even though at the time we weren't married, but we were what I considered like a longer term couple.
And I remember meeting somebody in a club, I think in our secret spot, they were for six months and I was like nah they're too they're too volatile like that's a that's a no-go like do you do you ever remember having conversations about this or how did we get to where we are today I don't really I mean I think that one I remember the volatility of early early couples into the lifestyle I think we probably learned that our situation was an unusual or not sorry every situation is different in terms of how people get into the lifestyle so you know people some people start from the very beginning that the beginning of their relationship it's an open relationship so we've learned that along the way and learned that there's different styles out there but i don't know that we've spoken about a lot of this along the way and if we have it's i don't remember a lot of it like i don't remember it's it's some of it's quite small steps you know there's not some of it's not big steps and some of it becomes quite logical you know i think there a lot of people start with a no kissing no kissing rule and i think that that very quickly becomes kind of hard to do i know there's still people out there that have that but for us certainly it was never on the cards because it's part of the fun.
I think to shorten it up, yeah, we've had conversations along the way. I just don't think a lot of them were big steps. I think we just sort of took little bites at our, not principles, but our understanding. And as we understood more about us and about other people, we changed our system of safety to meet the new expected norm.
Baby, so hot for you right now why's that because you just gave me a really good lead in okay really yeah like high five on that no problem i i mean i try to segue you in whenever i can well it doesn't generally happen like that no i'm pretty shit at it i didn't say that i didn't say that i'm good at it but i'm well impressed okay so segue away oh thank you no so you just said there that it wasn't necessarily something that we sat down and did it wasn't a moment in time where we went okay we're now one year in so therefore we're going to remove this and hey now we're two years in and therefore we're going to remove that these things happen as you just said as we become more aware of ourselves and our relationship and more aware of the lifestyle and i think those are critical things you know when people talk about the people in it and the people in it when people talk about you know navigating some of these boundary changes or rule changes when you first start out i don't think it's necessarily like no you know we had all these rules and i was so silly we're so newbies i don't think it's about that i think it's just because it's new and it's different and you want to almost you know humans are just so programmed to want to have level of safety net.
And so when we put these things into practice, we're like, okay, if we have these stepwise processes or if we have these requirements, then we can't get hurt or a less likelihood of getting hurt. And I think as you become more aware of everything, you start to go, okay, we can handle that or that's not such a big deal for us. And maybe your boundaries never do change. But I just found it particularly interesting that our evolution in this was not something that we actually did.
It was just something that happened over the years where we decided, okay, we're more comfortable communicating with each other now than we have been perhaps in the past. Yes, that's certainly part of it.
I think we grew to be able to respect each other, some of each other's decisions as well there's there's definitely part yeah and it's not to say obviously because recently we shared on the podcast i shared on the podcast a comment that i made that was unacceptable and although that's not in the realm of boundaries but it's an example of where murky waters can come along that you need to communicate through and i don't think i think some of these boundaries are the same things i remember having a conversation with you particularly about nothing of ours including these cute pet names and you call one of our partners by one of the the names that we frequently call each other and it was happening over a period of a couple of days and i had to say to you like you know that's actually making me feel a bit funny whereas now you say it and it doesn't even doesn't even matter to me anymore you know what i mean it's just a it's just a thing and we i know we had the conversation at the time where i was feeling a bit funny but since then we have not had a conversation to the effect of okay it's now okay it's just kind of watered away yeah but i think also in regard to that i think that first couple of days that you refer to and i do remember that conversation was look i perhaps wasn't being as respectful of that word as i should have been knowing that it was something that was also i mean it wasn't near and dear to your heart i don't think that was the case at all i think you'd agree with that it wasn't that it was the word that was any that was of any importance it was just an association with that word i think i have also tuned that tuned myself along the way so that's another thing to keep in mind is that it's not all about the rules and boundaries no it's not not about the rules and boundaries that that you associate in some cases it's about saying well yeah okay i understand that that this is not a this is a no-go for you but i also understand that in some cases you don't really care about it and and you of chip away is the wrong word but you're wrong on the wrong phrase but you kind of just get accustomed to some of the things and realise that when they're used in a general sentence with perhaps another couple or another individual it doesn't really it's not used with the same love behind it I suppose.
Yeah the same level of attachment.
I think chip away is a decent analogy for that i mean you could use water washing away a bank as well as as you find out more about yourself and more about your relationship and more about the lifestyle then i think that some of these things can become less taboo or less concerning or chipped away or washed away or whatever i don't think that's necessarily a bad thing and i'm not saying that it has to be that way I'm not saying that hey here's now your swingers card because you progressed in your year five and these things don't matter anymore it's just that within your own relationship you start to realize what is important to you you start to get a better grasp on what are things that are going to shake some of the foundational items in your relationship and perhaps what some of the things that you just go and it's not such a big deal anymore and having said that though I think there are couples out there who definitely would sit down and say okay are we ready to remove this particular thing from our lifestyle journey I absolutely think that there would be people out there it's just that in our circumstance it just kind of shocked me to realize that we have never actually discussed this it's just kind of happened yes that is absolutely money.
And we're not alone too. So I actually did put this up on Twitter and I asked a bunch of people. You know, the world of the tweets. The world of the tweet zone. Yes. I put this up and I said, like, here's ours. What does yours look like? Have you had a similar experience? Have you sat down and discussed these things? Or is it just kind of just naturally and organically progressed over the years into these things? And one of them, I want to read, actually, I want to read quite a few of them. But one in particular kind of stood out to me. And this is Sonoma Pair.
And I have their okay to use this on the podcast today. But they actually sent me a private message. And on their phone, in the notes section of their phone, they have their original list from years and years ago in the lifestyle. They actually still have it written down. So when they first got in the lifestyle, they wrote this list down and they still have it on their phone. And because of this conversation on Twitter, they went back to look at it and they said too, like, holy shit, we're shocked.
They said they're now in the right-hand side of our example that I gave, which is never expense of anyone else and so i want to read some of these things to you because it's just it just goes to show you kind of again when they first got in their perception to now so stay together squeeze hands means comfortable having fun do you remember that do you remember when we tried to do i think we listened to a podcast and somebody said to us this when we first got in the lifestyle a podcaster said hey you know have like a little hand signals or whatever yes do you remember doing that at our first date and then having no idea whether it meant excited or not excited or angry or let's go or whatever it was really confusing yeah i don't think it was our first date but yes i remember us having some some signal but we never really i think both of us kind of forgot what the signal was um okay let me see here i'm not feeling well i i need a break means abort and regroup um silence means everything's okay we're not going to try and read each other's minds that was an interesting one i actually think that's still pretty relevant for most people today because i think that's where you get pretty unstuck where you don't actually communicate and you just assume you know what the other person's thinking yeah we've been a victim to that one no way.
I know. Palm tickle for permission to escalate to the back room. So, so far, we've got squeeze hands if means comfortable, right? And then now we've got a palm tickle for permission to escalate to the back room. And that's what I'm saying. Like, you and I would be shit at this. I don't know. I don't feel like I should be grouped in with that, being shit at this. Honey, we're married now. We are grouped in. Yeah, but I think I could... For better, for worse, and for lacking of memory. No, I totally agree, but I reckon I could remember this.
I feel like halfway through you'd misinterpret one of the signals. Yeah. If we're apart for a dance or two, we need to get back together, check in and make eye contact. It's each of our responsibility not to do anything that we don't want to do.
That's pretty and reasonable i like that one yeah pretty much any non-sexual contact is okay in the front room so they're also talking about a club there flirting is good with another couple got to stay close together in the back rooms condoms required for sex kissing's okay no oral and use middle names no personally identifiable information should be exchanged with that mutual prior agreement wow okay so interesting So they had all of these and then now they're at the same kind of level as we, well, not level, but now they're of the same sort of understanding or journey as we are.
So I thought that was really interesting. And I sent a follow-up question.
I said, did you guys sit down and go through these and say, okay, that's not, we don't want to have that in our boundary list anymore or we're okay to remove that or that one stays and they were like no it just happened organically so same thing as us yeah so it's uh it's pretty cool isn't it the the rules that they have there are quite interesting i like them yeah some of them i think are pretty relevant and some of them too i think we probably could have discussed ourselves because i i think that the what was it here it's each of our responsibility not to do anything we don't want to do and i think that still reigns true now if you don't use your voice if you don't communicate well how can i blame you realistically for doing something that i think is out of my own balance i think that's really important because actually early on that did happen yeah i mean you made the you made a you made a mistake honestly and that, yeah, that actually became my problem as well.
I remember that. But I mean, look, this is, again, some of the things that you learn along the way. Yeah. Okay, now I want to take a moment and I want to read some of these other ones out to you, Daryl, that I thought were really interesting responses and feel free to comment, you know, as you do. Okay, this is from Tinker Tailor, Western Australia.
We tried with a few boundaries on the left that referring to obviously my picture that i put up but found setting them only inhibited the natural flow of a situation we know each other well and have spoken openly about what turns us on or off and we have had fun along the way we have made sure we talk about the situation after to make sure we're both okay anything about that yeah i think setting them has inhibited the natural flow of the situation well i think that's kind of where we got to as well now don't we don't have rules strict rules or even strict boundaries i think we just deal with them as they come up if somebody were to ask certain things or you know if the partner group that we're with whoever that is has some has some things they want to do and we're not you know that was something that perhaps we thought we aren't okay with we discussed and figured them out on the spot generally yeah i think that's the that's an interesting thing for us is that we we now discuss them on the spot rather than letting them simmer yeah later yeah only we only let things simmer for later when we want a good episode okay the next one is from night and days we are a long away from the rules and boundaries we set out from the beginning in the lifestyle we find that our core values have never changed and the boundaries we started out with have become more fluid and changeable with the environment and the mood of each other?
I think it's really interesting. Certainly, mostly the mood of the individuals or the feeling of the individuals, that is really important because there are nights still now that we go out and we realise that one of us is just not feeling it, or the other way around.
You've got somebody who's really feeling it and kind of wants to move a lot faster than the other i think the mood thing too i'll give you another example because this happens i would say this happens a fair bit that sometimes we'll go to an event or we'll go to a party or whatever we'll go to desire and we will automatically sometimes i think just like start our own conversations with people and tend to move away from each other and I think that's just because we're chatty and we're just excited to be in that environment and it just kind of happens and then later we'll come back together and sometimes my mood is very much look we have to spend some quality time together today or at this event or whatever it is like we can't just walk into the event and then separate yes and and I think that's something that really stands out to me in terms of my mood is whether or not i am okay to kind of spend the time apart and just you know chatting with other people or sometimes i'll be like you know let's actually work the room as a couple yeah um for sure and that's that really comes down to how how we are feeling at that point it is definitely a thing okay so sex on the fringe has, boundaries have changed.
We're always kind of in a state of refinement, or maybe we've really never landed on exactly what our boundaries are. Alas, there aren't opportunities to test things out these days. Yeah, good point. State of refinement I thought was interesting because you're growing, you're changing.
Yes, I suppose for any relationship you should be kind of aiming for perfection, no matter what it is and i mean that jokingly in some ways because perfection by definition is unattainable so the idea is that you aim for something that is is perfection in the hope that you might achieve just greatness i suppose in your relationship and that includes things like things like our event you know any event i suppose any event you go to or any interaction with another couple. It's being able to deal with and be happy with exactly what is there.
And yeah, it's just continuing to tweak your relationship and tweak your understanding of each other. I mean, we learn new things about each other every day, even though we've been together for quite a long time now, we still do learn new things about each other every day. Yeah, recently I admitted something to you that I was quite embarrassed about, which you gave me shit about for about a month, by the way. Oh, yeah? Just so you know. Yeah. Okay. Is that the fact that you just learned that a wolverine is actually a thing today? Yeah. Like as an animal? Sidebar, guys.
I was this many years old when I realized that a wolverine was actually a real animal and not just a fictional character. Judge away. I was, I have to say, very, very surprised by it, given you've watched all of the Wolverine movies with me, and in one of them, they actually described the animal. Oh, do they? Yes. Clearly wasn't paying attention. No. Okay, B and A couple said, we would say things just organically happened over time. Finding ongoing friends allowed us to just let things happen naturally as they do when we hung out together. So that's true as well.
Like your boundaries and some of these things that you place in the lifestyle or your journey can change with relationships and not every relationship.
You might have a relationship with another couple that's completely different to the next and with that other couple you have maybe less boundaries or less concerns over or there is maybe some you know public displays of affection or holding hands on the street whereas you wouldn't do it that other couple you know i think that's really important too i think there's relationship things that we've certainly relationships with other people that when we first started we that we have now sorry relationships we have now when we first started i feel like we we would have considered some of those to be outside of the realm of you know ethical non-monogamy moving into perhaps polyamory well actually and years ago we spoke on the podcast how the word love how can you use the word love and and i remember at the time we i battled with it i was like honestly you don't love these people but i mean you love your friends you know and and now i often say to our good friends i'll say i love you guys i think and i mean it you know i do literally i love them but it's a different love to what i have with you well i think that's just about the understanding which i think came from the the ethical slut, right?
There's a discussion in there around, which is, for those of you maybe haven't heard of it, it's a really good book that is a very interesting read for people who exist in the fringe lifestyle that we all exist in. There's a line in there or a couple of paragraphs that talks about the fact that you can have love for your parents, you can have love for your partner, you can have love for your dog. That doesn't mean it's all the same. So there's no shortage of love.
Now, the next one I really like, and I wanted to include this, this is from Cat in the Hat, and they said, in our early days, we investigated swinging, but we found it was not for us.
A few boundaries were sexual, and relaxed we're now more open poly ish we find them more related to relationship security and who we may date or be seen with so i thought that was interesting so they're actually saying it in the sense of like we a boundary for us or a rule for us was going to be getting in the swinging lifestyle and now we decided it's not for us and so we've backed out that's really important and i really appreciated that yes it's important and interesting for sure okay last one from the twitter responses was a k atx and they said our shift over the past year looks so much like this chart as we've grown in security with each other and have been able to communicate what we each desire we are down to only do no harm we will guard our relationship and others at all costs everything else negotiable cool and this is i think you know a lot of a lot of the time you'll listen to somebody and they'll say oh you know we're ethically non-monogamous or you know we're consensually non-monogamous or we're in the swinging lifestyle or we're swingers or you know we're in the lifestyle and over the years a lot of people have said to us well what the fuck does ethically non-monogamous mean and that sums it up perfectly the do no harm where we'll guard our relationship and others at all costs everything else is negotiable that's the ethical side of being non-monogamous protecting yourselves protecting other people not wanting to impact them in any way negatively whether that be their health or their relationship and then having fun i think that's just a perfect summer yes i i would agree with that i think it's a really good definition now i also want to read one we received from honeyspoon now you guys have probably heard us talk about honeyspoon honeyspoon had been on the podcast one time when we did a live podcast and they wrote a guest blog for us on exploring a threesome so go check that out on our website as well i really want to take the time to read this because I think it is absolutely brilliant.
How it started a year ago. Soft swap only. Always same room. No single males. Single females welcome, but mainly couples. Never on a first date. Four-way connection must be established before we meet. Bi-curious bisexual females are preferred. Not a down-to-fuck couple. We prefer pants-on, pants-off friendships.
That was where it started a year ago how it's evolved we stopped establishing rules and focused more on principles while considering each other's individual fantasies and needs which is amazing we'll come back to that yep we've since shifted to a situational full swap same room preferred but willing to push those boundaries with trusted couples we had an mfm and would like to explore that more with respectable males. We enjoy threesomes with the right females, but don't enjoy the drama that comes along with the wrong ones.
Four-way connection remains a priority, but more willing to meet people in lifestyle, even if it doesn't mean play. Mr has played a part from her. Mr willing to allow. to explore her bisexuality with women without him. Still not a down-to-fuck couple and never thought we would love orgies so much. I got a couple more paragraphs, but I want to come back to some of these really good points. One of the biggest surprising factors of our lifestyle evolution was our decision to play a part. Mr. Honeyspoon was invited by mutual friends to participate in a gangbang for his wife.
We pushed our boundary on this because we trusted and respected the couple and wanted also to help them fulfill her fantasy. In addition Mrs wanted to push her own boundary to see how she would feel. Prior to the lifestyle she was extremely jealous but all of that went away when we entered the lifestyle because we are now communicating and sharing on a whole nother level.
She wanted to test her boundaries to see if those feelings would re-emerge all she felt was excitement and was turned on with the stories pictures and videos after that's from honeyspoon cool there's so many things to pull apart in there that i just loved and one of them i thought is really really important is the evolution in their own relationship to help fulfill their own fantasies and desires but to help actually fulfill fantasies and desires for their lifestyle friends i thought that was a really key piece of information in there yes i think it is as well i think again that kind of fits in rather than the do no harm it's kind of actually add right yeah so rather than yeah rather than a negative you're actually wanting to boost the people around you up and try to help them yeah add to people's people's lives rather than taking away, or even keeping neutral, which I think most good humans actually fit into that bracket where they want to leave a place, a job, a relationship better than they found it.
So think about how, if somebody said to you, Daryl, how would you recommend we perhaps change our boundaries? What would you say to them? Oh, I would say that that's a negotiation that's really part of your own relationship. And, you know, you should take the time to discuss things along the way in a way that makes you feel comfortable. I don't think I could offer much more advice than that.
Yeah, I think what I would look to is maybe how do you negotiate other things in your general life so for example the spending of money you know the spending of incidental money where you go to holidays and I know these things sound super mundane but if you see for Monday so bored right now if you look to how you communicate and how you negotiate on those things I think that'll give you a key indicator to how this happens and whether or not you do need to sit down and have an actual conversation about it or whether you are able to perhaps push some of the boundaries of that other individual as things move along.
I think that once you understand a little bit about how your partner does that, I think that's really key to how you would change your own boundaries. And an example of that is that I remember many, many years ago, that couple next door, we had a conversation about how it felt like Jay was pushing a lot of Kay's boundaries. But we know Kay and Jay and we know the fact that she needs that and likes that and comes out the other side of it appreciative. And so on the surface, you might look at their relationship and go, God damn it, just let it happen.
But in actual fact, it's a really healthy thing for their relationship and they know each other. And I think that same similar idea can be used for this. How do you negotiate those other things in life and use that footprint for shifting this? What do you think about that? Yes. I can't offer much more than yes. It is down to each individual and individual couple, I should say, individual and couple to understand exactly what their relationship needs to move forward or if they want to move forward, you know, it may not be a requirement or a need to actually do that.
So I think it's really important that you spend the time understanding and I mean the time along the way understanding exactly what you require as an individual. and you to I think that's the biggest chew for me you have to chew on that understand what do you want as an individual and hence what is now okay as a couple yeah and I mean the other thing too is that obviously if you do decide to try and push a boundary that doesn't mean you have to stay in that state for eternity that eternity like that's not that doesn't become your new state of affairs. It's not a scorecard.
No, you can try something new, decide it's not for you, and go back to something different or your original position. It doesn't need to be like, oh, now we've opened the floodgates to doing anal, and so therefore anal's on the table all the time. That's just not, you know, you can move and shift and adapt.
Yes, I agree yes i agree what i will say though if you're talking about shifting boundaries with another couple so maybe there's now four people involved that you don't i don't think you know there's other people well enough to maybe necessarily let it happen fluidly it may but i think that's where conversations could actually happen and it doesn't need to be i'm going to do this and i'm going to do that or it doesn't need to be like this almost contractual discussion I think it can be quite sexy in that you're sharing your fantasies and desires just like in the honeyspoon example they gave us you know they had friends who shared their fantasies and desires and then they discussed it and were able to participate in that not only helping their fantasies and desires and changing that dynamic and those boundaries but with their own relationship, being able to do that internally.
So I think if you're going to have those four-way kind of boundary conversations, I think they can be quite sexy and a little bit fun to talk about your fantasies and your interests and desires. Agreed. All right. Anything else that you want to cover about changing your swinging boundaries? Well, I think one of the things I spoke about in a previous podcast is that there is no requirement for you to change your boundaries.
One of the things I see happen in the lifestyle is that people see this progression where they kind of feel like they have to get to whatever the top end is or the most boundary pushed scenario. And I don't think that that's something that people should be doing. I don't think there's a tick box.
you don't have to live all of the things in life to be you know to be happy when you look back on it you don't have to do every single thing in the lifestyle to be happy with how the lifestyle is progressing you don't need to be doing anal you don't need to be doing the separate rooms you don't need to be doing full swap you know there's couples out there who are really happy and and um excited to do to do this once a year you know they have a date that they or a holiday or whatever that they they get involved in ethical non-monogamy and the rest of their life they're they're not and that's how they that's how they work as a couple so i think the the few thoughts that i'd leave with is don't feel you have to progress that's thought one the second one is don't judge anyone else for where they are because they their journey is totally different to yours and one of the things we learned very early on is that you know sometimes we were judging couples who like you said to start the podcast really six months in you know they can't be settled they can't be a solid relationship so we won't play with them don't judge them for that they may actually be a good solid couple who have just managed to find the right person and are more than happy to be involved in the lifestyle so you know just be be open to what is out there and each couple has a different relationship and i think individually the other thing that i would do want to leave everybody with as well is think about your own your own fantasies desires but also your own boundaries think about these because then when you if and when you do want to have a conversation or you notice something changing then you're already going to be on the front foot i think if you don't allow yourself the space and the time to actually sit down and consider some of these things then maybe by the time you get to this happening or something changes or your partner wants to have a conversation or another couple wants to have a conversation with you you probably a bit you might be a bit taken aback so that'd be something I'd like to leave people with as well just give yourself the space to think about it because then also you're thinking about your fantasies and desires so the next time that you go to an event or meet with a couple you can talk about that and maybe table something whether it is anal play or whatever that looks like for you guys, because they may or may not be able to do Yes.
All right. So that has been the boundary shifting episode, guys. I do have something to leave you with, a little song about the 12 days that pandemic has given to me.
So we'll be back in a second and I'm going to sing you a random song yay all right guys welcome back so i found this on social media this was not mine it's not start with something that i created i mean it sounds amazing and i would like to take uh it sounds amazing you like taking credit for your own voice there just like my voice is amazing i'm talking about amazing i'm talking about the actual numbers here and and the pandemic's given to me in 2020 so I put this on social media because they left out number one and I asked everybody what do you think number one should be and there were a bunch of really really great responses but I'm going to use one response in particular which is for the love of sex on twitter so this is their number one and uh let's uh let's get cracking and see if i can actually keep up with the beat and not make a fool of myself i don't know daryl what do you reckon i i'm interested to to hear okay all right let's crack let's crack on crack on 12 days of 2020 pandemic gave to me 12 cancelled plans 11 face Space Mars, 10.
Mental eyes is mine. Zoom calls, 8. Murder Hornet, 7. Mental breakdown, 6. Feet apart, 5. 12 cancelled plans, 11 face masks 10 sensitizers, 9 zoom calls 8 murder hornets, 7 mental breakdown 6 feet apart, 5 curbside pickups Damn it 4 quarantines, 3 travel restrictions 2 Karen's complaining And 1 roll, damn it Of toilet paper left Wow, I feel like maybe you should have practiced this to her I did actually I don, actually. What was, so what was the last one? And one roll of toilet paper left. Gotcha. Yeah. So that was the 12 days of 2020 pandemic gave to me.
And it was 12 cancelled plans, 11 face masks, 10 hand sanitizers, nine Zoom calls, eight murder hornets, 7 mental breakdowns. You didn't really sing most of this. You just kind of spoke it. I tried to. Go back in there and get it singing. Oh, man, what? I don't know if I can do that. Okay, keep going. You've got to... Six feet apart, five curbside pickups, four quarantines, three travel restrictions, two Karens complaining, and the last roll of toilet paper left. Nice. There you go. That's the 12 days of 2020 pandemic gave to me.
I think they went a bit light on the seven mental breakdowns, if I'm quite honest. I think I might move that up the list and maybe put like hand sanitizers down below. So like 12 mental breakdowns. So like, you know, 10 mental breakdowns and seven hand sanitizers. I might shift that around a little bit. Okay, noted. We do joke, but I know it's been a tough year for a lot of people and the holidays are coming up, so Christmas is pretty well upon us here. So we are available. If you guys want to reach out to us on social media, if you're lonely, you want to have a chat, our DMs are open.
I say that because just even sending a message, we will respond and just say hello to you guys. So feel free to do that. Check, check. But otherwise, guys, this has been episode number 200. Thank you for sticking with us through the years. Thank you for sticking with us through 200 episodes of Kate and Daryl rambling. It has been amazing. Mostly Kate rambling. Mostly me rambling. Yeah, I think I'm always, you know, on task and on point. You are always on task and on point. Yeah. I never ramble. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So that's been Changing Swinging Boundaries.
We hope that you guys got something out of that. Please do feel free to email us, write to us, or leave us a voicemail on our website if you've got a story of your own that you want to share, and we'd love to hear from you. But otherwise, happy Christmas, everybody, and we will be back soon with a giant announcement. I agree. Enjoy celebrating all of which you choose to celebrate over this break, and if you're having a break, enjoy it. If you're not, well, you know, life's bad for you.
And if you want a decent mulled wine recipe, feel free to go to Sex on the Fringe on Twitter and harass Shane and Erin for their mulled wine recipe. I know I will be. Cool. All right, guys. Thanks very much. We'll see you later. Thank you all. Bye. If you're looking for more ways to interact with Swinging Down Under, you can catch us on Twitter at Swing Down Under. You can also catch us on Instagram, Swinging Down Under, or head over to our website, SwingingDownUnder.com.
We would absolutely love to hear from you, so if you would like to send us an email, jump online, do it at cnd at SwingingDownUnder.com. If you've got podcast topics, questions, you want to talk about your journey, you can also support the podcast through our website by clicking through on any of the affiliate links or alternatively to jumping over to Patreon.com forward slash SwingingDownUnder and sponsoring the podcast. If you can't do any of those things, but just want to make a feel good day, leave us a five-star review. Cheers, everyone.
And thank you again for supporting Swinging Down Under podcast.
