Have you ever shared your sexual fantasies with your partner? What if your sexual fantasy is narcissistic or you're a bit ashamed of it.
Sexual Fantasy
In this episode Cate shares a new sexual fantasy with Darrell and they talk about what makes a women feel desired, how this might impact flirting at swinging lifestyle events How we see ourselves in sexual fantasies
Erotic BluePrint Quiz by sexologist Jaiya
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Love, Peace and Respect
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Transcript
You're listening to the Wanderlust Swingers podcast with Aussie hosts, Kate and Daryl. If you're curious about exploring your sexuality or the swinging, hot wiping and non-monogamous lifestyle, you've definitely come to the right podcast. Or maybe you just love travel adventures. Either way, we share our personal, sometimes juicy, sexy stories, as well as Swingers Club and event reviews, interviews with other sassy people, and of course, our global swinging adventures. We try to bring you a look into the diverse lifestyle that the swinging and non-monogamous community has. We hope you enjoy.
Now let's get into the episode. G'day guys, and welcome to episode 140 of the Wanderlust Swingers podcast. Today's episode is all about sex fantasies and the object of desire affirmation. Sounds a bit flash fancy, doesn't it, Daryl? Yes, it doesn't mean anything to me at all. Now, before we get into the episode and the cultural tidbits and everything that I've got in my show notes, what do you think? How do I look all right now? Do I look quite suave? I'm drinking my Carno Vino. Suave? Yeah, no? No. Regal? So, let doesn't. For the last time. Oh, my God. Kuhano. What's that?
I mean, it starts with kuh. Hot. Hot boiled wine. Cooked wine. Cooked wine. I mean. And what do you think about my new pants? Do you like them? They're shiny. Yeah. Did you get those on Amazon? amazon what do you think about them now they've got a hole in them i just came back from the bathroom and realized that this is the first day that i'm wearing these brand new they've got a hole in them flash fancy you might want to take them back black pants and um they got a hole in in the pussy the pussy area send them back it's a breathing i don't think think that's just a waste of money.
Look, here's what I can say. You just don't get the quality that you used to get for $15 pants on Amazon. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yep. I know. I remember like this one time when I was a kid, we used to have to ride the four of us. Yep. What'd you do? Well, we had a horse. You had a horse. But it was a three-legged horse, so we had to take turns being legs on the way to school. So we did that on like a weekly thing, but we had no shoes. Yeah. So we used to use banana leaves on our feet for when we were the horse's leg.
I know you're taking the piss, but you are also from Far North Queensland, so it's fucking highly likely. Nah. I was just throwing some shade on Far North Queensland. Hey, cultural tidbit. Today's cultural tidbit. I've got two. I've got two. One's a non-sex and one's a sex one. My non-sex one, actually these are about Frankfurt. Why are you giving any cultural tidbits about Frankfurt? Why am I giving? Because I just came back from Frankfurt and I also have tickets shortly to go to Frankfurt. Like six weeks ago? Yeah, but I also have tickets shortly to go to Frankfurt. Oh, gotcha.
Like on on the way you mean you've got tickets to go to australia and frankfurt just happens to be along the way well we can't spoil the surprise darling because you know it's supposed to be a surprise to whom to pete and sarah the people were going to visit i can absolutely attest to the fact that they ain't listening stop it you're ruining my culture too bit okay frankfurt interestingly hot dogs also known as frankfurters and the dish derives its name from the city itself frankfurt's hot dogs were invented in frankfurt yeah i'm just saying uh let's move on though so my frankfurters frankfurters that's also the the name for the people in frankfurt bit confusing isn't it did you know that do they all walk around just with like their hands by their sides and standing very upright?
Well, you've been to Frankfurt. Some of them are a little bit crooked though, I noticed. My sex-related cultural tidbit for Frankfurt is that prostitution is legal and regulated, right? It's the best way to make money out of it as a government department. It's also a great way to make sure that you're, you know, as you said, making money, so getting tax off of it, but also making sure that you can provide healthcare to all of the sex workers out there, making sure there's safety and security. Like, it's just all good news. I don't know what the problem is, but listen to this.
I don't know why we're even talking about healthcare and safety. I mean, shouldn't everyone be safe in their job? Exactly. It doesn't matter what your job is. Exactly. It's legal and regulated. It's legal and regulated. Do you want to know the pricing? No, I want to interrupt you just one more time to see whether you'll actually flip out We'll be flip out. Oh, it's... You know what? Oh, don't hulk out and break your pants. Hey, I'll go break a glass bauble off the Christmas tree and stab you in the jugular with it. How's that, sir?
No, you wouldn't because you like the glass baub baubles too much i know i don't want to use one of the good glass baubles i don't want blood on it it's bad pricing without looking at my screen because i know you can see it actually no you can't see because you're blind what do you think the average price that's a distance i'm not blind at distance what do you think the price is for around 30 dollars fuck you man stop looking at my screen no so the the price i thought this was really interesting so the pricing for prostitutes on average in frankfurt and i went middle of the run because obviously you have Thank you.
Stop looking at my screen. No, so the pricing, I thought this was really interesting. So the pricing for prostitutes on average in Frankfurt, and I went middle of the run because obviously you have some cheaper, you have some more expensive. It's 30 euro or 33 US dollars for 30 minutes of penetrative sex with a prostitute that identifies as female, right? Guess how much it is for a male prostitute? $30. It is 200 euro or 224 US dollars. So it goes from 30 to 200 between. So I don't think you're comparing apples with apples here because you're talking about penetrative sex, right? Uh-huh.
So compare anal penetrative sex. Heteronormative prostitutes I was looking at. Yeah. So this is a man seeking out a female prostitute to stick his dick in is $30. Yeah. But if a woman wants a man to stick his dick in her, it's $200. What? Yeah. No. I'm telling you. It doesn't sound right. I'm telling you that's what it is. I reckon your numbers are fucked up. Don't come at me. Probably. It's probably a, you know, the fact that there's- Supply and demand. Yeah, there's so few, there might be very few male heteronormative prostitutes. And this is why you come to this podcast.
It's not about the sex and swinging talk. It's about sales strategy. It's because you're really, really bored. It's about sales strategy and supply and demand details. No, so that's my cultural tidbit. Hey, updates. I'm going on a trip in under 12 hours and I probably should pack. And I had a little note here, more information on where and what coming soon, but Daryl swallowed the fucking surprise. Well, I don't get inducted into your show notes. So if you want me to not bust shit up, then perhaps, you know, everyone else who comes on this podcast, you send them the show notes in advance.
I do. Except me. Yeah. Yeah, okay. So I'm just making sure I know where I stand. Would you like to give the game away? On the scale of importance, I already gave the fucking game away. What else are we going to give away? We're going to Australia. We're going to Australia for the first time in two and a half years because the borders are finally open for Australian citizens. If you are vaccinated, have recent COVID tests, get COVID tested when you're there, isolate in a hotel, get COVID tested again. But hey, the borders are open and we are going home. Yes. Going back to Australia.
Somebody suggested to me recently that we should probably change our podcast name back to Swinging Down Under for the two weeks that we're down in Australia. And I told them to go fuck off. Let me see. Whoa. No, I didn't. Haters got to hate. Of the travel stuff, I'm heading to Palm Springs and Nashville in February. If you guys are in either of those locations, hit me up on email, cnd at swingingdownunder.com. Other good news, Penny has a heated blanket. She's not fucking using it at the moment. She's just sitting here eyeballing me. She's not. This is not a usual thing out there.
I haven't lived in cold climates before, ever, in my whole life, in my whole since i was born except for the whole year here yeah but i'm saying before now you're like a year so not your whole life just a part of your life minus a year i don't understand why this is not a more common thing because most of the dogs here have hair i reached out to honeyspoon and i was like hey we got penny a heated blanket and she was. Of course you got Penny a heated blanket. Yeah. Yeah, that's because she's, you know, nice. They are. Well, are they? Are they both nice? Who can be sure? He's dodgy as.
You know, I actually said to her on a message yesterday, I said the Airbnb was grouse. And she thought that I said the Airbnb was gross. And she was like, yeah, it was fucking gross. And I have not corrected her since. So once she listens to this episode, just if you're out there. Daryl, can you please let the audience know what grouse means? Well, given it's not a term that you would ever have used in Australia. That's not true. It is true because it's not a Queenslander term. It's a Victorian term. And it means grouse means awesome. Good. Great. Spectacular. It does.
Like how I with clothing off, grouse. Not gross. Well, I mean, whenever I heard somebody use a GR at the beginning of a sentence when I've got no clothes on, I assume it's grouse. Great. Yeah, or great. Cool. Hey, let's get into it. Not grotesque or gross. Good job. Right, so let's get into it. What we're talking about today is sexual fantasies and the object of desire affirmation. We're going to take a break. We're going to come back and then we're going to get straight into it. I'm not taking a break. I'm staying here. I refuse to break. You will take a break. I'll break something.
And you'll enjoy it. Break your dick. That's what you'll do. Whoa. Right. Daryl, I have a new fantasy. Oh, really really that i want to talk about okay i'm embarrassed that you're looking at me now i think you should stop looking look at the wall i'll just watch the planes fly by it's actually pretty cool i can see them as they fly through the sky out the window because i'm laying on the bed although i've got penny just eyeballing me from the side. Dropping their chemicals on us and making us do what they want. Yeah, their chemtrail.
But, look, it saves me on having to get vaccinated because that's what's new in chemtrails these days is the vaccination. If they could drop some weight loss stuff in there, that'd be – don't you know what that'd be? That'd be grouse if they could drop some weight loss. Only for us, bat bastards. Anyway, moving on. I have a new fantasy. I'm a little bit embarrassed to tell you about it. I've been thinking about this for a while. Does it involve a heated blanket? No. That's actually a surprise, giving it's winter. It doesn't involve a heated blanket.
Have you ever felt embarrassed to talk about a fantasy with me? No. It's interesting to me that this makes me embarrassed, and I think the reason it makes me so embarrassed is because I'm struggling with the fantasy itself and feeling narcissistic let me just uh let me just tell you what it's about we uh somebody had a thesaurus for breakfast this morning aren't they talking about objects of affirmation and grouseness okay so here's my fantasy this involves another table another desk this involves and the thing about fantasies is that they are a fantasy because they can't they to play out.
And as I'm telling you. You said you were going to tell us about the fantasy rather than like tell us about the fantasy. I will finish my sentence and you will damn well listen. No, the reason I'm saying this is, and I want a precursor, is because this is going to sound wildly ridiculous. It's a fantasy. It's a fantasy.
That's how fantasies are are okay are you ready we are i was ready like three minutes ago when you started this fucking conversation we are at a really fancy nice kind of dinner cocktail party yeah are we in a classy alley we are not in a classy alley okay we are in an l-shaped glass house l-shaped glass house yes that is that's up off the ground has to be l-shaped it. This is actually crucial to the story. I'm not even joking. To the fantasy. Yes. Glass. 100% glass. Yeah. Cleaning the roof? Ceiling? You know what? I wasn't looking at the roof. I don't know. Maybe it's not.
So you're just talking about the walls? All the walls. All of them. All of them. Can't even take a shit without people looking at you. So you can see what's going on is my point. In an L-shaped... Is the toilet also glass? Babe, I wasn't paying attention to the toilet. Next time I dig into the fantasy realm, I'll triple check for you. I'll look around. It'll be great because, I mean, could you imagine standing outside, somebody's taking a shit? I mean, it's not a good thing. You want some sort of frosted glass in there or a frosted toilet. You think the toilet's glass as well?
Yeah, well, that's what I just asked youinderella yeah it's a throne um no listen stop stop throne cinderella glass shoe stop fucking up my sexual desire story stop it okay i'm gonna put i'll mute you like that'll stop okay it is an l-shaped glass house and it is at a very nice kind of cocktail party everybody looks really sexy this is what's going on i'm in a slightly dark room and i'm on the table desk it's an office it's a desk is the desk glass too fuck off daryl i'm just asking i'm just trying to i'm just trying to form a picture in out. I will tell you if the desk is glass or not.
From now on in, if anything's glass, I need to know. I will tell you pertinent details to the story. How does that sound? Including glassness? Including the availability of glass items within the fantasy. Is that good? Yeah, that'll work. Is that good for you? It'll work for me. Okay, let's get back to it. So, L-shaped. I'm in this office space. It's a little bit dark, but the party, because I'm in the end of the L. Can I ask just one question? Oh, yep. How do I get the glass house to be dark in one area? There's no lights on in the room that I'm in.
There's a little light, like a little desk light. I'm in the end of the L, and the party is over there. Yeah, yeah. In the tip of the L. Okay, so the lights are off for a portion of the house to give a darkness to where you are. Okay. I mean, look, I'm just trying to understand the physics of this fucking craziness. This fantasy is, I mean, you can't break the laws of physics with a fantasy. It's not okay. I can and will. Okay, moving on. If I'm in the office and it's a little bit dark in the office, maybe there's a little desk light.
It's a little bit illuminated, but you can't see a lot, right? You can see two figures. You can make stuff out, but it's not like shining bright like the party that is over in the top of the L. I'm in the bottom of the L in the corner and the party diagonally across from me. You can still see people in there, fancy dressed, having wine, chit-chatting amongst themselves. Gotcha. So I'm sitting on the desk and I'm looking over and I can see the party. Okay. This is important. I'm dressed in like a little gold silk number, little gold silk dress, right?
With like little straps, spaghetti straps, and it's like a cow neck. So it's like coming down the front on my tits and it's like short. I'm wearing really nice heels. Gotcha. These details are important because I was feeling quite sexy in amongst this little cocktail shindig that's happening. Why it's important that I can look over and see the rest of the party is because I can see the gentleman's wife that's currently going down on me. And this is where the narcissism kind of comes in.
So in my fantasy, I'm at the end of the L and I'm on this desk and you can see my nipples through my gold dress. My spaghetti strap on one side is kind of coming down. I have a glass of champagne in my hand. He is in a chair but kind of leaning forward down and he is like touching my pussy, feeling my pussy, tasting me, licking me and kind of rubbing up on my legs and one of my legs is up on the arm of the chair.
And as'm looking over i can see his wife who's currently engaged in conversation but facing us but can't see you she can see she can see what's going on a little bit which is why there's a little bit of light in the room gotcha so the rest of the party kind of unawares right because she's looking at me and there's a person looking back at her face in the other direction but she's looking in our direction gotcha and that wife is looking over a state of shock, but still carrying on the conversation with the person that she's talking to with a glass of champagne in her hand.
Meanwhile, I'm like a vixen in the office with this really attractive man who wants nothing more than to devour me as I sit there with my glass of champagne and my beautiful dress and my heels on just getting ravaged. Gotcha. That's my fantasy. Okay. So does your fantasy progress to penetrative or does it stay just purely? Just stays like that, yeah. Yeah, okay. Okay. Yeah. So is she like, oh, I'm like okay with this? No, not really. This is a shock to her. Like this is, I'm at a party and my husband's off in the other room fucking this girl, what the fuck is happening? Okay.
So you're, I mean, this is, okay. So non-consensualconsensual exactly wow and this is where it becomes a little bit narcissistic because of the fact this is where it becomes narcissistic i think you missed a very very large portion of narcissism before now why which bit in particular well it's all very self-focused and like this is what we're going to talk about you didn't even describe the face of or the person doesn't matter. He doesn't matter. No, exactly. He's wearing a suit. He looks nice. But it is, I mean, this is a narcissistic fantasy, which is okay. It's not a... Is it okay, right?
Of course it's okay. Because this is the reason why I was a bit ashamed to tell you. Fantasy. When this fantasy comes to me and when I think about it, it turns me on.
That's the difference between a psychopath, aopath and a normal person psychopath doesn't have empathy sociopath has empathy doesn't care normal person has empathy doesn't do that's like the yeah yeah okay so back to your sexual fantasy um so when i have it it makes me you remember when we were interviewing dr justin lay miller and mentioned about afterwards the, I can't remember the exact term he used, but then after the sexual fantasy or after watching porn or everything, you get that yuck factor.
And this is what happens to me when I have this kind of fantasy because in my head then I'm like, I shouldn't be doing this. That's irresponsible of me because that lady's over there. But what turns me on is the fact that he desires me so much. He doesn't care. He doesn't care.
He he's uncontrollable everything else um which is why we're going to talk about desire and the object affirmation stuff today okay because this is actually a big thing i found out yeah so when i'm having this fantasy and then afterwards i kind of get this yuck sensation and for a while now i've been thinking this is not okay like i should not be thinking this i should not be feeling this way this is not really why do I feel this way? Do you ever feel that way about anything else?
There is many, many studies done on humans wanting to do things and fantasizing about things but never actually carrying them out and that fantasy is part of the reason that they never carry them out.
Just because it's a fantasy doesn't mean you'll ever ever live it that's again the difference between knowing what's right and what's wrong is that even if you have bad thoughts or even if you decide as a lower example that you don't wish to wear your seat belt today even though it's required in your area you may still put your seat belt on just because you feel obligated to do so have you ever had a sexual fantasy that maybe you thought i shouldn't be feeling this way of having it or a bit embarrassed about it Thank you.
because you feel obligated to do so have you ever had a sexual fantasy that maybe you thought i shouldn't be feeling this way or having it or a bit embarrassed about it um probably nothing comes to mind nothing springs up but yeah i mean there's i'm sure there's something back there somewhere i mean as a 16 year old boy there's a whole lot of sexual fantasies that go through your head that you probably don't want to relive true yeah that's true like there's i'm sure there's things in there that i wouldn't be interested in even discussing now yeah yeah and let me let me talk about this so why started researching what this means like is it is it narcissistic to have these kinds of fantasies like what does it actually mean the other thing that i realized is that all most i would say most if not all of my fantasies and i've mentioned this before involve the fact that I realized is that all, most, I would say most, if not all, of my fantasies, and I've mentioned this before, involve the fact that I am extremely desirable, that I'm so desirable, in fact, that people kind of lose their minds and can't do anything about it.
Like, that is a pretty common theme throughout quite a few of my fantasies. Yes, I realize it sounds quite fucking narcissistic. I get it. No. That's not why I'm looking at you like that. Yeah.
Oh, because then in reality, I would not like the attention on me and stuff like that is that no that's not also the reason the reason is because it's fairly easy to figure out where that comes from okay so here we go that's what i want to talk about so i started researching what is it what does this mean like why why am i thinking this way why do i have to be this desired being in my fantasies like what does that mean insert this thing called object of desire affirmation daryl with me. I'm going to read some stuff here, but I found a study. It's all right. I'm lying down. I found a study.
It says, in search of desire, the role of intimacy, celebrated otherness, and the object of desire affirmation in sexual desire in women. And it's a study that was done in 2019. And it talks about the study found that women in particular are inclined to be turned on when they feel they are being viewed as attractive or desirable by another person. And this actually emerged as being the most significant factor of the three that they did in the study in determining female desire. So what's going to turn them on?
Women often adopt an erotic self-focused instead of a relational one during sexual activities with a partner. This has led to the suggestion that female desire may be partly narcissistic in nature and that affirmation as an object of desire may be an important pathway to women and their desire and their sexual interest.
So the Object of Desire Affirmation, or ODA, it says, thus we use the term Object of Desire Affirmation here to refer to the evaluations of one's desirability or sexual value and to the consecutive active affirmation of his sexual worth, including but not limited to priority given to the fulfillment of one's own sexual needs. The reason that I was looking at this and the reason that I wanted to bring this up, how do you think this then plays out?
If these are my sexual fantasies where I'm being desired, and then we go to a club, resort, hotel takeover, and we go back to those flirting styles and the person is not an overt flirt say they're a subtle flirter how do you think this then relates to how my how i would react if a gentleman or a lady was flirting with me or hitting on me but in a subtle way versus this very overt potential i need you i want you desire. Yeah, I mean, it's pretty obvious, I think, is that for you to feel desired, the flirting has to be an obvious thing that is almost grotesque in nature.
And have you seen that play out in real life, like when we've been at swinging places? No. Listening to this, how does it feel? What do you think? I would say no, but the only reason is because you don't generally notice when people are flirting with you. So, I mean, that's kind of a… But you do. Yeah. But thinking about… Okay, so let me take this back then. Let me ask you a very direct question.
Thinking about the times that we have played with couples and the men or the females that I've been attracted to versus ones where we've walked away and you said, oh, they were flirting with you, you didn't even back to that do those characteristics of those people are they making sure that I'm feeling desired like what are your thoughts about that I'll I'll say yes I mean it's been a long time since we played with anyone so I kind of have forgotten what those events look like so I would say yes but I don't really I can't put a line between the yes the yeses at this point but i feel like it is yes okay and do you have anything else to add about the that fantasy or the object of desire or how you fantasize or how people flirt or approach you uh so i think the fan the fantasy is not really a surprise to me again it's in the same vein as you wanting to feel desired.
That's a fairly consistent thing in all of your fantasies. But again, as you've stated, you're not very good at accepting the desire after it being offered to you. So that's, I mean, fantasies are fantasies. You may never live these out.
And that may be because you never find the opportunity the opportunity to you don't want to or you may just be incapable of living them out because you may feel dirty or whatever in doing that so i would say that the fantasy's not really a surprise uh the narcissism's not really a surprise you know i can see that that's an important aspect of your sexual interest in others and in me and what about your when women approach you and flirt with you I mean does does being their desire how does that rank how does that right like yeah I don't think it's dissimilar for men I think this is it's a similar trait in men men want to feel desired as well or I think everybody wants to feel desired.
Part of the reason that people are in the lifestyle is because they wish to feel that they are desirable. And no matter how much you love your partner, after a period of time, their desire for you becomes something that's almost expected rather than excited.
So that's part of the reason I think people are involved in the lifestyle is that they have the ability to now be desired by somebody who has no reason you know they're not in love with them they have no reason other than just pure animal magnetism or desire to be interested in in in you as a person so i think that's part of the reason that the lifestyle exists that's interesting actually that's a good point yeah good point. Yeah, I mean. Point well made. Well done. I try my hardest. Yeah.
Interestingly enough, too, I have some, I did research this and do have some links on it, but I'm not going to go into too much detail here. But there was actually a study done by Dr. Justin Lay-Miller about how we perceive ourselves in our sexual fantasies in terms of what we look like, how we act.
Yeah, see thing that sorry just to cut i know i'm cutting you off here but that's one thing that that whole wearing that silk short low-cut dress and high heels is also not something that you would typically do well that's interesting because i'm three sizes smaller and have smaller boobs and look amazing in my in my fantasy which I'm trying to find a photo to get to. I think if I looked the way that I looked in my fantasy, I would probably be wearing that exact outfit, which I have seemed to have deleted. I know what the outfit is.
I think I can picture it fairly cleanly in terms of what it is. What does it look like?
Well's it's a gold silk it's a gold silk dress that flows with flows with your curves um your nipples are quite obvious through it because it's a silk dress a spaghetti strap over the top i totally understand it's probably got a crossover at the back and the spaghetti straps would be my would be my guess it's relatively short but has a couple of little splits on either side to to give you a little bit of feeling of coverage even though it's split a little higher than than you would normally wear but it's but short the reason i say this is short skirts short dresses generally are not something that you wear you feel very naked when you're in a short short anything short short dress uh even a skirt that has hot or a dress that has high splits you know you feel very very naked and get very awkward anytime the wind even puffs in your direction yeah that's true hey i found it what i found the link that i was talking about so um dr justin lay miller did did a piece for Psychology Today and he spoke about the fact that in our sexual fantasies, we often change how we look, how we act, those sorts of things.
And I thought this was really interesting to the fact that I act very different to my regular person in my sexual fantasies. And here's the responses. I think you'll actually find this very interesting. 58% changed their sexual role. So, I mean, that's pretty obvious. 61% had a completely different personality. So people are admitting, yep, 61% of the time, I've got a different personality. 44% being a future version of yourself. 47% being yourself, but at a younger age. 56% genital size or shape differences. And a whopping 78% body type or shape changes in your sexual fantasies.
So in my sexual fantasies, and even actually in my dreams, I'm a younger, thinner, more attractive version of myself. Well, I'm pretty boring then. You imagine yourself exactly as you are? Yeah. I mean, yeah. I mean, I've never looked at myself as perfect, but I've never been unhappy with what I am. Certainly not unhappy enough to think that I could be better if I looked or perceived better by others if I looked a certain way. And frankly, my fucking fantasy, fuck you. You don't like it. Guess what? I'm going to change my fantasy so you do. Suck a fucking dick.
I don't think this is necessarily about people hating themselves or not being happy with themselves I don't think that's what this is about I think it's just an enhanced different version and I think it all it also if we change our personality and we change our body shape and size for these sexual fantasies then the fantasy in itself becomes almost more exciting because then it is a different version of ourself it's not the housewife that has two kids and a dog that needs to get them off to school. You become a different person, and that in itself is a fantasy.
Yeah, I mean, that's why they're called fantasies, but I mean, just stating my point of reference in a fantasy, I don't change myself. I don't change my age.
I don't, yeah, I mean, there's no, I suppose, yeah, if if I'm asked when when you know a lot of people have a belief of when their best age is if if I'm asked it's today okay I mean or the yesterday or the day before or 10 years ago it doesn't really like I don't feel that there's a massive difference in who I am between those different ages or the different body shapes that I've been through or all that sort of thing i mean certainly there's been times where i'm fat certainly there's been times that i'm too thin but that doesn't mean that i can't uh you know see that there's still some i don't know something to that anyway so i'll put that link that psychology today link up in the show notes if you guys are interested in in learning more about that there is a graph there it's it's pretty interesting actually the way we we fantasize we're going to take a break we're going to come back and i'm going to read some responses from our patrons but before we go hey daryl look pussy shot yeah it's too dark can't see really there should be a dim light and some glass walls then and then you'd be you'd be right on uh right on point all right we're back so i put this up on patreon quite a while ago about two months ago in fact and i asked people i put the links up for the object of desire affirmation and i spoke about fantasies and i said does this ever happen to any of you how do you feel about this like share share some details with you and i have some responses from people are you ready this one was interesting katie said we are six months in and only in the last couple of months have I noticed this about myself.
I did feel bad about it, but in the sense that I thought I might be narcissistic for needing that. It is a very strong need for me, though. So I mean that she has something in common with you then? Yeah. Don't you think that's interesting, though? So she said the same thing, like she wants to be desired, but does feel a little bit narcissistic, a bit icky about it, but she needs it and she's admitting to that. So I think these are kind of critical and key pieces of information for people when they're out there flirting with other people.
So just backing it up again a second to the whole swinging lifestyle, do you not believe that it is a little more focused on the thrust toward women feeling more appropriate in their skin given that given that's the only time you'll well not the only but certainly it's one of the few times where ladies are very very focused on making each other feel happy about how they look you know what their shape is all that sort of thing as uh as other men in the room typically very focused on making it's one of the reasons that men well i find very you know i've said this before giving men compliments is not so much of a thing in the lifestyle yet i'm sure that will that that's going to change but yeah i think typically women feel more complimented in the lifestyle than they do outside of it i I missed your point.
Well, the point is that you're engaging in a higher expectation of narcissistic environment. Because people are complimenting you more than they would be? Yeah. So you're feeling more positive about it, especially if you have the desire to feel desired, then it's an environment that would help with that. But only if the people are actually actively doing that. And this is why I think so many people fail at flirting with those people, because if they're not showing them that they're desirable.
I think you're crossing a line here between feeling desired and somebody basically- Dry humping you on the desk. Yeah, which is what you're, which is, let's be honest, that's sort of the level of understanding that you need that somebody's interested in you because if they're just flirting with you and even overtly flirting with you, there's been instances where you've, where you've walked away thinking that they weren't interested.
I mean, they have to be quite grabby with you for you to understand that they're interested i don't know um all right let's read this next one so you don't know as in you don't agree or you don't know as in i don't i don't necessarily agree with what you're saying because i don't like people that are overly grabby but people the people that this is the line that the men sort of run down but people like i think I think back to the first night, the pub crawl when we first met Pete and Zara.
And Pete was overtly flirting with me, very complimentary, kept coming and talking to me throughout the evening. That to me is showing me his desire. That's kind of where I think about times when that's been obvious. Because remember, we actually walked away that night and I was like, whoa, this guy was flirting with me all night. Like, check it out. No, I don't remember that. It's like seven years ago. Yeah, you suck. All right, let's read the next one. So this one's from Our Secret Life.
And she said, I've been thinking about this for a little while now after you initially mentioned it on Instagram. And yes, it's a big thing for me. When I think of my earliest sexual fantasies, it was always about being the center of attention and being the woman, another desired above anything else. And this is still the case to a large extent. My fantasies often center around getting spoiled and being the center of attention. I've never felt guilty about it though. Good, good job. This lady's owning it. Maybe because I have always worked like that. When I think of guys I've dated before Mr.
Miss, before meeting Mr.
L, it l it was already present they were all physically different but all guys that wanted me and i responded to that that doesn't mean that i'll fall for every person that looks at me it's got to be a little more than that they almost have to be audaciously unashamed and show desire for me cool yeah what do you think about that she knows her shit yeah she knows her shit i'll have the fact that she's like yes but i'm also not ashamed of it why why should you be i mean i don't think i don't i don't understand why you would be i think because we're almost told not to be we're almost like told don't stand above above anybody else everybody else is equal like don't don't be too showy don't be too show you're looking inside out now, not outside in.
Why does it matter if – so if you walk into a room and you stop the room just being you, why does that matter that you're being perceived as something different? Because it's too much, that you shouldn't do that. No, that's – no, not at all. That's not the case at all. Yeah, you're brought up very, very differently, darling. Why? No, I'm not. We come from very similar backgrounds in terms of this is not, come on, this is not how I was brought up. You think that there are people, I'm going to talk about women specifically because I am one.
You think that there are women mothers out there that are saying to their little girls, oh, fuck yes, be the whenever you can baby yes do it no they're like so fall in line like just be be with everybody else like be a nice person be this be that like don't be too slutty don't be too showy don't make anybody else feel bad like come in and kind of run the run the par like that's it no i don't think i think you maybe have you maybe have a very specific uh view on that because of how you've been brought up rather than how the rest of the world's been brought up okay so certainly for me i was told all of those things that you just mentioned as well i just don't you just ignore them no i just don't think it's relevant relevant.
I mean, if you happen to be excellent at something, then fucking be excellent at it, no matter what that is. Isn't that a Bill and Ted reference? No. Be excellent. Oh, God. How old are you? Old as shit. Seriously. I'm so old. But, you know, it'd be like saying, well, I happen to be, I'm one of the best drivers in the world, but, you know, I'm just, I don't want to come first all the time. I don't want to come first all the time. It's just fucking insanity.
If you're good at what you do, and no matter what that is, if you're good at looking good, or you're good at makeup, or you're good at hair, or you're good at fucking filing your toenails in the right way, you know, whatever that is, be excellent at it and embrace it and be proud proud of it so what you're saying is we need a poster on the wall that says don't don't um dim your sparkle yeah i mean i'm terrible at fucking many things but i know true stories that i am really quite good at and i'm unashamedly good at them i don't give a fuck if somebody else is is looking at me and saying well you know uh he should be less good so that i can feel better about myself no fuck no i'm good at it if you're not as good at me as me fucking step it up that's not my fault that's yours shit all right my last story i'm going to read this one the whole thing because this is really interesting if only any of those good things related to me picking up women and being sexually desirable, that would be fantastic.
But how's your 3D printer going? Is that good? Fucking fantastic. Awesome. That thing prints its ass off. So this one's from Honeyspoon. Mainly because I'm awesome at building them. This one's from Honeyspoon. Better at flying planes, though. Well, not planes so much, but helicopters are pretty good at those. This one is from Honeyspoon. Do you know how to tell if you've got a pilot in the remote? They'll interrupt you at every pass just so we can get hateful emails. You never get a hateful email. It's only me who gets them. That's not true. I get them.
That's actually something I'm really good at. There you go. If you want to know what I'm good at, I'm good at getting fucking hateful emails. Yeah. Yeah, some people enjoy this little side notes that we go on, babe. Some people actually really like the comedy that comes along with that.
I know that you stand here looking at me, thinking about how I'm just extending the podcast, and then you spend 20 minutes trying to cut me out of it i don't try babe i do you know why because i'm excellent at it take the piss as much as you want if you're fucking good at something be proud of it i don't care who you are and i don't care what it is as long as it doesn't hurt anyone it's consensual be proud of what you can do and fucking go after it and anyone anyone who throws shade on you tell them to fuck right off actually there is also a very very good speech by theodore roosevelt which was in paris fucking you are old i've got a speech from jesus he's telling he's telling me how like you know just a rock shit and be better at catching fish than i am at fucking training can i tell you how old I actually am?
I mean, I'm feeling it's like, I feel like you saw the Big Bang. Like, that's... So, you know when you're younger and then you're talking to, like, old people, and by old people, I mean, like, you know, 30-year-olds, and they say to you, like, you know, I'm so old I forget how old I am. Like, I don't even know my age. You know how people say that? Yeah. Okay. I sent Nathan. Nathan is a very good friend of mine who lives in Australia, lives in Queensland. We were video messaging backwards and forwards the other day. And I sent him one saying, dude, my birthday is in like 40 days.
Jesus, we're so fucking old because he graduated school one year after me. And then I told him how old I'm turning. 15 minutes later, later i was like that's actually a year older than what i'm actually fucking turning him so turning so i sent him a second video saying sorry i'm actually that old that i've actually forgotten how fucking old i am yeah what the hell that's all honeyspoon wrote to us and gave us this response a couple of months ago i'd taken the erotic blueprint quiz to find out my personal pattern of arousal and i came up as a shapeshifter.
I haven't never – sorry, I need to interrupt here. I've never heard of this blueprint thingy, my blobby. You've never heard of it? No. I have a link. Can you put it in the show notes so I can get to it? You know what, Daryl? I will, just for you. Put it in the show notes, you smart ass. Shapeshifter.
I might turn into a, I don't know, a sword and stab you in the something um well words i mean my insults my insults are amazing cool story bro um shut up so i'm gonna start again is this just so you can cut me out again no i'm actually just trying to get to the point here because people are getting confused now no they're not they're only because you keep reference to yourself as a sword and you're gonna stab me somewhere it's like oh my god i'm gonna sword you in the somewhere this is what happens when i get a um a strap-on on to stabity step oh no my aura you stabbed me in my aura here's my strap-on and here is my sword stab no that's too far there's a whole movie about that and that's not cool that's true as great as that sounds i started reflecting on some of our recent engagements and observed that i've been focusing less on my personal desires and more on others this led me feeling lackluster about the play dates and kind of confused about what actually turned me on to be frank lifestyle sex was feeling robotic and I wasn't experiencing that afterglow I loved so much in the beginning.
In addition, my partner and I were struggling with a seemingly misaligned view of attraction making four-way connection difficult. Cue sex story. Can you give us some, like, sex story music? Just real quick. that's not sex music that's the best I got I mean Mm-hmm beside us in the playroom were visibly attracted to us, but the feeling wasn't mutual. Mr. Honeyspoon and I were just playing together when I noticed the other couple masturbating together and I got really turned on by watching them.
I leaned over and handed the woman my womanizer and asked her if she would like to try it out as I watched her. After she came, she handed it back to me so I could use it. As I was masturbating, I invited her husband to jerk off while he watched me because it's one of my kinks. Which is interesting because that's the whole desire thing. Even though I didn't want to play with him, I was incredibly turned on. It never went any further than parallel play with our significant other, but I had that afterglow for almost a week.
By focusing on my desires and properly communicating what those were while maintaining my own personal boundaries, I was able to live out a fantasy and have an authentic, organic experience that is one of my top ones to date. Whoa, that's good. Yeah, so it's almost like living out your fantasies Thank you.
fantasy and have an authentic organic experience that is one of my top ones to date whoa that's good yeah so it's almost like living out your fantasies is awesome i mean yeah womanizers though i mean good for solo play good for solo play that's very useless for anything else yeah they're a little bit useless for anything else but congratulations on that fantasy that sounds really you've you've actually been involved in a fantasy very similar to that. Yes, you have. Mm-hmm. All right, so the erotic blueprint, if you're curious about what that is, there was a – It's in the show notes.
It's in the show notes for Daryl, just for Daryl. Don't anybody else click on it. A sexologist came up with this blueprint type. You guys are welcome to do it. There is a free version but if you want a more in-depth one I am going to be honest it's a paid like $17 thingy thing. $17 to find out I'm a fucking pervert. Yeah. I just know that because of many other things. Well it's actually interesting because Honey Spoon actually requested that you and I do this quiz and then report back to her on what hers are, what ours are. Cool, is she paying the 17 bucks? Yeah, bitch.
She is a patron, so she actually does. Oh, okay. Then I feel obligated. We feel obligated. Now, thanks. Now we've got to go spend that $34. Unbelievable. Be excellent, babe. Be excellent. Don't you pull the piss out of my little soapbox rant because it's true. You,'t actually. Let's not incite violence. No. Maybe just verbally accost. Or maybe just go off and live your best life and don't worry about them because they're not relevant. It really depends on what you're doing all the time. They're not relevant to you.
Hey, before we take a break, do you want to tell everybody what an actual tall poppy syndrome is? Do you want to actually explain that before we go off to break? Tall poppy. If you grow above the rest of the poppies, somebody will try to cut you down. Cut you down. It's a pretty standard human nature sort of scenario where everyone goes after – I mean like mean like how Bill Gates is now Satan basically, you know. And there can't be two of us, Bill, so get back in your fucking place, mate. Hey, let's take a break and we'll come back in. You're no good at being Satan. You're terrible at that.
You'd be the worst fucking Satan ever. I'd be so empathetic. I'd be like, oh, yeah, sorry for your plight and here is free candy. There was a movie you were watching two nights ago that is a horror movie and you cried twice in it because of something that happened to somebody. I mean, it's just, it's crazy. Yeah, yeah. Hey, we're going to take a break. We're going to come back and we're going to close it out. We'll see you guys soon. Would you like to bring us in with another amazing song, Farrell? What's love got to do, got to do with it? What's love but a second-hand emotion?
Why is it a second-hand emotion? Because once you finish with your first hand, you use your second. With your second hand. It's a second-hand emotion and a threesome. I don't even know whether it is a second-hand emotion. I'm not even sure I've got the lyrics right. Because you don't want to get your hands mixed up between. Who ever gets past what's love? I mean, fuck. And the scream in the middle. Woo! I mean, everyone can nail that. Yeah. Why are you looking at me like that? Hey. Also, hey, music, singing, not excellent at. Not bad at. Smash your karaoke, but not good. Yeah.
What is your karaoke? Your karaoke is like Peljam and Green Day, right? No. They're kind of a bit harsh. Start to hurt my throat after a while. It's one of them, but, you know, I'm sort of all over the tree. Just not about Ramstein the whole time. Yeah. I mean, not great. Also, though, at the other end of the spectrum, not great at like Madonna, like a virgin. Can't really hit the high notes either.
Not without squeezing the nutsock or switching to a fals i can rock out a falsetto just so you know i've got a good falsetto there's so much dead air on this podcast it's not my fault i can think it is mate i'll tell you what i'm not sure oh my god meat pies in australia okay sidebar hold on um so you get sidebars i don't get sidebars that's right so how do you want to sound like if somebody's listening to this in two times speed? Jesus, stop it. So as we get ready to wrap up, I mentioned last episode about my TikTok stuff and reaching a million views on one thing.
I did reach a million views, but I had a really – A million views? Yeah, on one of my TikToks. Whoa. I do want to mention – Was it the tick or the tock?
The tick, tock, the talk the tick talk the tick tocky no i had somebody wrote a really interesting point on one of my tick tocks this is actually a good thing i wrote about the fact that toys aren't a competition right so like if somebody's going to use a toy it's not a competition it's not it's not a competitive thing to your genitalia right and you shouldn't feel angry about it people feel that oh yeah okay this person responded and they said yeah i agree with you toys aren't competition they're a tag team partner mic fucking drop don't I'll see you next time.
angry about it people feel that oh yeah okay this person responded and they said yeah i agree with you toys aren't competition they're a tag team partner mike fucking drop don't you just love that toys aren't competition they're a tag team partner depends on whether the toy ever lets you get tagged in the toy's like it's mine well i mean it's up to the person to tag you in if the toy becomes the focus rather than and and you you push to the sidelines tag you're not it. Tag you're not it. Yeah.
I've also been banned for posting for one week because one of my things was flagged and apparently they didn't like it so there's that. Hey patrons we got some thank yous to give out. Hey do you want to read these? Can you read that from there? You go. Yeah absolutely. So we've got Tomo. Tomo. Or just Tom.
Go through all of them and give them all little australian names yeah tomo tomo ricky ricky or richard richard yeah rich oh i don't know about richard yeah i don't really like it don't like it but let's say richard yep uh johnny john yeah what about kelly what are you gonna give kelly ke Kelly. Sorry, Kelly. That's true, though. We don't have, like, slang names for everyone. Maybe Kel. I mean, you'd call it, nah. Just Kelly. Yeah. Sorry. What about Geo? Or Kazza. Kazza? Maybe Kazza. That'd be more Karen, though. We don't have Karen. No, we don't have. There's no Karens in Australia. So, Geo.
What have you got for Geo? Yeah, Geo. Just Geo. Or geography. What have you got for, uh... We'd call him red because of the colour of the sand in Australia. Oh, there you go. So, Geo, thanks for signing up for Patreon. You're now called red. Citizens of Gotham. What have you got? I'm Batman. I'm Batman. Sean, Sean-O. Mostly everything's just got no. That's not Sean-O. We never say Sean-O. That's not a thing. Shizzer. Shizzer. No. Sean, you don't know what- Just Sean. I'll see you next time. He'd never say Shawno. That's not a thing. Shizzer. Shizzer. No. Sean, you don't know what – Just Sean.
No, he'd be called Lambie or something like that. Sean. Yeah. Sean the sheep. Yeah. Fire Eyes. Actually, we'd probably – that'd probably be more like, you know, Ranga. That's true. We'd probably call you Ranga. So Fire Eyes, Ranga. Lisa. Liz. You reckon? Yeah. I don't think there's much else out there other than Liz. What about Curious Rhino? I would call him a rubbish bin destroyer. Could you imagine a Curious Rhino around your rubbish? Rampaging through. He was just like, oh, look at that. Rampaging through the Brisbane streets. Yeah.
So those again are Tom, Richard, John and Kelly, Geo, Citizens of Gotham, Sean, FireEyes, Lisa, Curious, Rhino. Thank you very much for being our new patrons. We really appreciate the hell of you. The hell of you. Really appreciate the hell out of you. And also thank you to all of our other patrons. Thank you so much for joining us and sticking in there and supporting the podcast. Can we just talk about seasonal depression? I'm Batman. I'm Batman. No, I'm Batman. I'm Batman. I didn't actually think this was a thing.
Why the fuck would you not think seasonal depression's not a thing when in some places in the world they get two hours of sunlight during winter? Because I've never lived in it. So what was it, about two weeks ago? Less than two weeks ago. Kate said, I'm tired at 3 p.m. every day. And I'm like, that's because the fucking sun's going down at 3 p.m. every day. That's how shit works. Yeah, I didn't realize. I was like, man, I'm so tired. Have you also noticed you're getting out of bed much later than usual? That's not true, actually.
Except for the last week where I've wanted to set a curious rhino on you. Well, I had fire eyes, red eyes from being awake all night well i tried to yeah i know but it didn't really work did it no no so maybe you know why my navigation was off ago oh fuck me i wish i hadn't started this now i'm just sorry for everyone out there having a listen i didn't think that was actually a thing but seasonal depression, I am surprised. I've been in a slump the last couple of weeks. The last couple of weeks. Fucking hell. Your slump in the last couple of weeks has started to affect me.
Yeah, so it is a thing. So if you're out there and you're also suffering from a bit of seasonal depression, this is my first time. So send tips, trinks. Trinks?
a trink it's a it's a cross between a trick and a drink gotcha saying tips and trinks no i really got where it came from i just don't know why it came from there and i have a new youtube video out as we head out of the podcast today daryl would you like to tell people how australians generally um you know wish each other well during the holiday season yeah we just say merry christmas and have a happy new year we do say merry christmas we don't say happy christmas i saw something on twitter the other day that said australians and brits say happy christmas as opposed to merry christmas because twitter's the reference for all fucking useful information lies no way happy christmas fake news on twitter i get's a thing?
Happy Christmas. I mean, I'm going to start. I'm going to have to check that on Facebook just to be sure that it's right. By the way, it's pitch black and it's 5.14 in the afternoon. This has been Wanderlust Swingers Podcast. Thank you very much for joining us and Merry Christmas if you celebrate. Yeah, just have a great break, whatever that looks like to you. If you get a break. If you get one. If you don't get one, then suck a dick. I'm having one. If you don't get one, let us know and we will send you well wishes because they're free.
And, yeah, and Kate's planning to hock everything up on booze over the break because she needs it because of it. My $15 pants have cracked. Maybe your vagina is trying to eat its way out. Maybe it is, Daryl. It hasn't been serviced in a while, so maybe that's the problem. Right. Thanks so much for listening, guys. We will see you soon. Bye.
