P90 – Mens Body Shape and Cock Size

Transcript

You're listening to Swinging Down Under, a podcast about the swinging, non-monogamous lifestyle from two crazy Australians with over four years of lifestyle antics to keep you entertained, informed, angry, happy and horny. Join our international swinging adventures. And welcome. I'm C, crazy female Australian sheila and believer of all things love, balance and sexy times. And this is Dee. I'll be doing my best to keep the dad jokes to a minimum, which is probably going to be highly unlikely. Along with that, I'll keep C and check where I can. Did I mention I'm a pilot?

We'll be your podcast host for today so sit back and enjoy the sweet sweet melodies. G'day guys and welcome to episode 90. Hey Daryl what's the stardate? 107. We've jumped forward is that how it works? Well yeah that's how stardates work. That's how stardates work. So thanks for joining us today guys. Today is all about body positivity but from a man's perspective. Are you excited about this one, D? I'm always excited. You really like it. So thanks for joining us today, guys. Today is all about body positivity, but from a man's perspective. Are you excited about this one, Dee?

I'm always excited. You really like the term excited. I do like the term excited. You use the term excited all the time. I do, because I'm an excitable kind of gal. Yeah. That's a really old term, isn't it? Yeah. Gal. I'm excited by the fact that the way you're sitting, I can see your vagina. You can see my vajay, Jay. Hey, so Daryl actually did a podcast, gosh, I don't know, like what, two years back about male grooming and stuff, right? Gosh, yes, I did. I'm pulling out all the oldies today. Yes. So go and check that one out too. But what we're going to be talking about today.

That was start eight, 12. Was it? Is, is male body positivity, but we're going to focus a little bit on, on penis size and erectile dysfunction and all those kinds of things. I'm going to interview... Maybe just on penis. Just on penis. We're going to just talk about cock, right? Yep, you love the cock. I do. So before we get into that, we actually have a bunch of guys coming up after we talk to Daryl. So we have seven people in total. The first up is actually Mr. H from the Bedhoppers podcast. Now, Daryl and Mr.

H were actually supposed to record this whilst they were here visiting from London. And then you became patient zero, right? What? You got sick, remember, and you couldn't record. Don't remember. You don't remember at all. Oh, I do remember, yeah. I was in bed for like the whole day. You were, you were. I slept basically all day. So we've had Mr. H send through his audio, so we'll listen to that. Slept and masturbated. No, you didn't.

You probably did, actually you probably did actually you get horny when you're sick it's real weird yes that can probably be something we can add to the to the penis discussions what that you get hard and horny when you're sick yeah i mean this is the penis discussion i feel like we've just added just to see if anybody else out there feels the same way yeah i get really horny when i'm sick yeah or tired if i'm really tired or angry no not angry so much no the anger normally comes because of the tiredness or the sickness i see it's coincidental rather than you know a driver okay so we have mr h from bed hoppers coming up and then after that we have six gentlemen who have sent their thoughts on on body image and on you know being the lifestyle as a man and cock etc so just a-out, thank you to Brad from The Guardian Gent.

We've got C from – that's USA, C, so C that is the USA version of C&D here. Jay from Southern Cali. We've got Rob St. Louis. He's got a dad bod. Zach from Alabama and who knows from the western U.S. area. Daryl, are you ready? Good to go. Okay, good to go. Let's talk about your... Or as they say, GTG. Or DTF, in this case. Nah, not DTF. So I actually, I did a little bit of research and the British Journal of Urology interviewed 15,000 men. I know, right? 15,000 men. We're in deep, right off the kick. So six inches is actually in the 95th percentile. Did you know that? Yes.

And five inches is actually the global average or more appropriately the average for men in the United States. Did you know that as well? Yes. How did you know that? Probably through reading the same study you did. No, but I'm trying to lend you to the fact that when did you first start measuring your cock and kind of comparing yourself to others? Thank you. probably through reading the same study you did. No, but I'm trying to lend you to the fact that when did you first start measuring your cock and kind of comparing yourself to other people?

Well, I mean, you should have just asked that question. I was waiting for you to say, well, when I was 10. Well, I mean, for starters, we're doing it in inches. You know, this is a metric show, so we need to get back to that. Oh, I don't know what the conversion on that is because I read it. You don't even know what six inches is, though.

Oh, move on ma'am when did you first start uh measuring your cock uh from the first time i saw it i'm pretty sure when i felt when i when my mother squeezed me out the first thing i did was put a tape measure beside my cock is a tape measure better than a ruler um no only for accuracy standpoint i'm just curious well i mean tape measures can't cut you so you know you've got to be careful of that you don't want to get a nick in the side of your cock because of a tape measure incident so you you measured yourself quite young and then when you're at school did you start comparing yourself to others um i mean because you went to you were to an all-boys school at one point right yeah but that, but that was later on.

That was after – that was post-pubescent. But, yes, I think you generally run into – well, I mean the first comparison you make is with your father because you see him all the time, or what I did. I didn't even think about that. Yeah, so that's generally the first comparison you make. Okay. And it's like a baby's thumb by comparison. Your dad's or yours? No, I'm not going to speak to my dad's penis now. What about when you're at boys' school? So you're older and you're post-pubescent. Did you compare yourself to others then as well? Yes, I think there's a life of constant comparison.

So any time you see a penis, you're going to compare yourself to it. It's a natural thing. And so now in the lifestyle, when you're in a room naked with other guys, do you compare, do you not compare? Do you compare length, size, girth?

It's probably become less so once getting into the lifestyle because one of the things that I've learned is that after being in here is that it it it doesn't really have to matter it can matter but that's up to the guy doesn't really have to matter though if provided he's willing to put in some effort on either foreplay or other other modes of sexual gratification rather than purelyrative, then it doesn't matter as much. I think we can have just as much fun without a penis being involved. So with that in mind, no.

The only time it's really of any interest to me, and this is probably just freakish by nature, is when it's just a massive cock. Yeah, why is that? I think we've spoken about it before. Freakish, I need to... Yeah, I don't think that's a problem. I think it's just more of a sexual interest of yours. No, it's not a sexual interest. It's just a huge cock is something that's just interesting, not necessarily sexually interesting. I'm always curious, well, are they a grower or a shower?

For those of you who don't know, which I think pretty much everyone would who's listening to this, but just in case you don't, a grower is somebody who may exhibit a small penis when flaccid and then it grows into a much larger penis and there are some significant growers out there.

Yeah, that has been surprising for me actually, seeing people and then all of a sudden there's a bit of blood flow down there and it's like what the hell just happened yeah so uh uh you know i've seen a a grower go from you know an inch and a half to 12 inches so that's defy the laws of physics yeah and then there's of course there's a shower who's somebody who who has a huge cock flaccid as well. All right. Or there's not a great deal of difference between their flaccid and erect penis size.

So seeing as you're not really comparing your size to other people in the room and you've probably changed a little bit since joining the lifestyle, what about people's performance?

I think you've missed an important thing the size maybe not a comparison but certainly shape is something that okay that i'd be well i certainly take second glances at depending on what can you explain that to me as somebody who doesn't own a cock explain explain comparing shapes well it's i know i know through through study that there's not a great deal of men out there that have a for example a dead eye dick straight penis okay so is that is that the professional terminology dead eye dick yeah so when when i see somebody who's got a straight penis that's kind of interesting to me also the way the penis falls when erect so um it's a very small percentage of men whose penis is hard up against their stomach when they're erect.

So is this, so you're talking about seeing a large penis gets like a really large penis gets your, piques your interest a little bit, seeing a straight penis because it's rare. So is this all about not seeing these as common? And so when you see them, it's like, holy hell, that's a little bit different. Kind of like a outie belly button a little bit? No, it's kind of a perverse, just a perverse interest because of the reading I've done on penises in terms of their shape and size and the way they fall. So like seeing somebody with green or purple eyes kind of thing? Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

So, yes, for those of you out there who don't realise, purple eyes is actually a thing. And it's only very, very small.

it's like 0.01 of a percent or something stupid so did you know that there are seven distinct penis shapes that a man can have um are we including curves or are we just talking about mushroom head ah good question i'm going to read them uh the pencil long and uh uniform growth uh theum, the cone, there's a picture of an ice cream cone there, the banana, which is bendy, the hemmer, what's this, let me see, narrow base widened to a very wide gland, there you go, the sausage, these are really, really funny little pictures that's on this website too. I might put the little link up here.

The cucumber, that's the seven.

The cucumber is as thick all the way around and as a decent length thicker than the usual penis and usually five to eight inches bracket there you go there you go seven seven different shapes penis shapes wow no i didn't categorize them into seven different shapes i don't think i've seen all seven actually now that you mention it you don't reckon you have what's the most common that you think you see uh probably the banana banana yeah well most men have a curve to their penis depending on which way they've dressed in their underwear for their the entirety of their life do you swap or do you just sit on the same side every day are you crazy i'm asking the question i'm curious insanity every man out there right now is going kate is being fucking ludicrous well we swap sides of the bed every couple of weeks i'm curious whether you swap sides and trousers not ever why does that not get to swap sides because penises live on one side of the pants why because that's how penises work that does not that's not that's not an appropriate argument i wasn't having an argument i was.

I was making a statement of fact. Penis is like one side. That's where they hang out. So shape and size, you tend to not look at size, but you might glance at shape, but otherwise you're not really concerned or looking at that very much in the lifestyle. No, I don't think so. I think it probably helps that I'm happy with my size after seeing what other guys have out there and happy with my shape and, you know, there's nothing too untoward in terms of what I have versus the stereotypical normal penis. Okay. Yeah. Let's talk then about performance and refractory period.

Why don't we talk about first foreskins or not? Oh, yeah? Okay, go on. Because, you know, there's certainly a preference out there amongst some ladies as to whether a guy has a foreskin or not. That is true. It's based on different countries and cultural backgrounds too. And there's also a – so the US is the highest circumcision rate in the world followed by Australia. Hasn't that changed though? I thought that was changed. By what?

Like now I thought that – No, I think Australia is now dropping because doctors won't do it in Australia anymore because of the concerns about, you know, long-term mental anguish from being circumcised so there's less and less in australia now but it was it was highly common okay so i'm looking here it says um it's declined from 83 percent of this is in the u.s 83 percent of men in the 1960s to 77 percent in 2010 yeah i think australia has a much steeper decline than that over the last 10 years oh that's interesting yeah and it says here that the world health organization estimates that the overall male circumcision rate in the states again is somewhere between 76 percent whereas whereas in most european countries it's less than 20 percent yeah so you're more likely to see foreskins uh in in european countries now no way this is interesting that's a big surprise to me because i have met you know spoken to a lot of ladies in the lifestyle in the u.s and i think i may even recall it was page from swinger diaries once said that she wanted to play with somebody who had a foreskin now that baffled me it baffled me because I've seen so many in my lifetime that I was like, how have you not played with somebody who's got a foreskin?

And you're in the lifestyle and you see a lot of different penises. And I guess, yeah, because in the US it's so high, whereas down in Australia we have just such a diverse… That's not true. It's quite high in Australia as well. Then why do I see so many foreskins in Australia?

I thought it would have been because of our diversity and the people that you know um you know move there how many foreskins have you seen in australia i would say the majority of men you've been with in australia were circumcised i would say i would say 50 i have foreskins here in singapore when we've been traveling around asia because there's so many european cultures i would have said 80 have foreskins yeah okay so reigns true with what the stats are. Yeah. So 50%. So a whole, you know, 30% less than the 80% that you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. It's crazy.

So what are your thoughts on foreskins? Well, I've never had one, for starters. Well, I did. Well, you did have one. I did have one. Science. After I measured it, it got shorter very quickly. When did you get it lopped off? I don't fucking know. Thank fuck I wasn't awake for that. God damn. That's not something you want to be involved in. Did your mum keep it? Oh, yeah, absolutely. She's got it on a set of earrings. Hey, some people do keep it. No, they don't. It's like taped into the baby book.

Yeah, no, people don't do that they might keep the after birth all right so tell us about your foreskin i don't have one so uh what i find interesting though is there's a lot of discussion amongst men around whether there's more sensitivity or less sensitivity with or without a foreskin now i've got a sample size of n equals two so i know two guys that have had a adult foreskin removal due to due to damage done to the foreskin which um you know when it's scarred it's scarred tighter and every time they got an erection they basically tore their foreskin so i've got two guys that I know that have been through surgery to have it removed in adulthood and both have had sex pre and post and both of them have told me that they've they believe there was really no difference between the two between the two sensations whether it's with or without the foreskin so that's good I suppose for me given I've never had sex with a foreskin it means that i'm not missing out on anything but uh yeah it's only a small set of course of data that i'm using so and i know i have read some articles on the fact that there there is a belief that there's a significant amount of of nerve endings removed as well but i think well certainly in my experience and most of the men i've spoken to the majority of the the majority of the sensation during sex or masturbation comes from the head of the penis rather than the shaft and given the foreskin's more shafty than heady i would probably support the fact that it wouldn't make a whole huge amount of difference okay what about performance and refractory period pre and post lifestyle like obviously thinking about this coming into it and then what you've learned or discovered post being the lifestyle or what you think about it now?

Well, performance is, I don't think it can be measured by penis because different situations, different things can make a great deal of difference to a man's potential for gaining or sustaining an erection. So whether it's in or out of the lifestyle doesn't really matter.

I think people suffer same concerns in or out of the lifestyle the only difference is when you're with your long-term partner if you want to call it that or your significant other typically it's a little easier to uh to maintain an erection purely just because you know they know the right things to do to keep you that way, I suppose would be the best way to put it. So I think that in or out of the lifestyle, performance can be and is an issue for some men.

And I would say that it's a higher percentile group than is actively portrayed in the stats only because in my experience of that and the conversations I've had with both friends and also lifestyle guys along the way, it appears that a lot of erectile dysfunction or a lot of issues around sustaining or maintaining, sorry, getting or maintaining an erection is mentally driven and I think guys are still quite embarrassed by it because not being able to sustain an erection is something that's seen as almost a... Taking away from your masculinity a little bit. Yeah, absolutely.

So with that in mind, I think the reported numbers... What do you think the reported numbers are lower the reported number of issue of people that actually so erectile dysfunction prevalence say in the united states what do you think it was like 30 percent or something like that the report it's actually 50 52 so a study of mean massachusetts here um male aging study actually it's one it's one study though there's multiples of studies i'm I'm not sure, yeah, there is.

But this one says that it's around about 52% on average, and as you hit older in your life, so 70% of men are later affected at the age of 70. Yeah. So, yeah. And you're right.

That's not really a surprise, because the hormones that drive the erection also dissipate as you get older, unless you do something about that through hormone replacement therapy why do you think there is a stigma about um erectile dysfunction or uh you know just having trouble as you say it might not even actually be diagnosed as uh ed it could just be that you know you've been overwhelmed or you know there's been a lot happening or you've drunk too much whatever i don't think there's a stigma i think it's more that people have the expectation that sex finishes with penetration.

And that doesn't have to be the case. Do you think there's a stigma around taking medication to help you with that? Yeah, absolutely. People still whisper about Viagra. Okay. Do you want to shout it? Well, I mean, I've got some. Babe, it's six in the morning. Let's shout Viagra. Are you ready? One, two, three.

Viagra ready one two three viagra just me yeah just you thanks babe no problem next door neighbors love us by the way so the um look i think there is still a stigma i think the idea of for men of going to their doctor and asking for uh some supplements is something that is still not as common as if they would if they to go and, you know, had a flu to go and get some pills to deal with that. Men would, my belief and my experience is that men are less common to do that than they would be for any other problem. Hey, Olman.

So how do you think, though, that you, being a guy, could help those other men actually just take that stigma away and go, you know what, it's part of life. Oh, I just talk about Viagra openly. You're just talking about it openly. Yeah, absolutely.

I mean, I don't see any reason why, and this goes out to the ladies as well, if there's something that can help with your sexual gratification and performance and help your partner experience good sex and keep your sex life happy with happy and healthy between you and your partner then and it comes in pill form i and it doesn't have a lot of side effects then i i say go for it i mean this is something that's keeping keeping your life and let's be, even outside of the swinging lifestyle or any sexual lifestyle, sex is still an important aspect to any relationship.

Yeah, carries a lot of intimacy with it. Absolutely, and sex is defined in so many different ways it doesn't have to include an erect penis.

But I would say if you can find it, if you can find something that helps with your sex life fucking go after it go and do it okay um before we wrap up and head out to the other to mr h and then the six gentlemen that have lovingly sent us in some audio i just want to pause and just can we talk a little bit about your body image just really briefly um can we talk about your body image before you went into the lifestyle and then your body image now that you've been in the lifestyle is there any difference how do you feel about it i don't think my body image has changed pre and post and i think that's probably a lot it's due to the fact that men typically don't receive compliments in or out of the lifestyle it's really uncommon for a lady or a guy to give a body compliment to a man ladies it's time to step up you're all giving each other really good compliments and i'm very proud proud sounds really quite terrible i'm fucking mansplaining this right now um mansplaining body image yeah so i would say women are the ladies are doing a much better job in the lifestyle of actually talking about each other's bodies And propping each other up.

And propping each other up. Yeah. But I think there's an awful lot of men out there that would happily accept that as well. And I don't think there's enough of it happening.

And I don't think there's really any men saying that other men look good, which is something that I've personally set a vendetta against to try and change and and I will compliment men uh all aspects of their body including their cock which does freak some people out I'm sure it does yeah you know guys if you if you get a hey nice cock from me just just say thank you and cheers mate yeah cheers cheers bro and get on hey uh the question though you've always been pretty confident right in the lifestyle like we'll go to events and you'll actively say to me as we're walking out the door like i fucking look good i'm happy with how i look whereas in contrast 80 i would say um you know that's an overarching just my experience but of women have serious body concerns in the lifestyle you know they're really worried about how they look in dresses.

I have serious body concerns as well. Well tell me about that then how come how come you can walk out the door and say I fucking look good and then you've got all these women who you know are almost debilitated by the fact that they're worried that there's a little bit of muffin top in their dress. I think for starters men don't see as much exposure to the male, the perfect male form as it's represented by the media throughout life, right? We don't see as much of that because typically sex sells. You know, we all know that. But typically the sex sells bit is women.

You know, it's the curvy shape.

Sorry, the hourglass shape not not the curvy shape it's generally the hourglass shape with um tit tit and ass you know that's that's what sells whereas the dad bod is becoming more um more prevalent in media and that well i think i think the i think the dad bod has always been part of of media all the way through i mean even if you go back to the 50s and 60s you know where ladies were curvier the guys were still not thin they were still bigger you know generally bigger guys so i think there's a lot more exposure for for women to that which probably helps drive that that issue for me though look of course i've got body image uh i've got things that upset me every time i look in the mirror there's nobody out there i think that can say that they're happy with and understanding we've met some fucking real actual models along the way who still have problems with parts of their body you know there's no i don't think there's too many people out there that don't have an issue with some part of their with some part of their body so you know for me yeah certainly there's some things that i wish i could change there's some things that i know i can't change that that will always be there and that's unfortunately just a part of having a body shape that that is what you were given from birth you know um there's certainly there's men out there that are straight up and down there's men out there that are that have a pear shape or a top heavy as well very similar to what you see in ladies and it just depends on whether they've dealt with that and moved on and i don't think anyone really ever does it's just a matter of putting for me when I go to an event I put on the mask you've got to you've got to if there's one thing that I've learned on my way through life is one draw card for ladies and that's a man with confidence all right well hey let's um let's roll out to Mr H and bedhoppers and then the awesome six gentlemen.

Any other last thoughts before we move on to the other guys about body or cock or anything else? No. All right. Well, thanks for, you know, letting me interview you today, Dee. I really appreciate you coming on the Swinging Down Under podcast. Yeah, no problem. I'm happy to, as long as you continue to show that vagina off like you are right now, I'm sorry.

I more than happy to to come on in i mean the only issue for me right now is you still have your top on so you know if we can deal with that yeah i'm shirt pussing it in a way you are shirt pussing it all right guys let's uh let's head into the audio snippets now but uh thank you again for everybody for listening and i'll be back after we hear from the lovely gentleman. Thank you. Hey there, it's Mr. H from the Bedhoppers podcast here. Kate and Darrell asked me to jump on their show to talk a little bit about body confidence and a bit about my journey in terms of how I feel about myself.

To do that, I think the best place to start is right at the beginning. Not when I was born. That's going back a little bit too far for you guys. But actually, going back to the very first conversation we had about joining the lifestyle. When Mrs. H brought it up, I literally shit myself. Well, maybe not literally, but I did throw a bit of a hissy fit about it. The first thought, holy crap, I'm really jealous someone else is going to get to play with Mrs. H. Second thought, I am in no way good enough for anybody else. I am in bad shape. I'm a bad person. I have no skills.

I bring nothing to the table. You might say that I had a little bit of a meltdown. And in fact, I've always been a little bit underconfident about the way I am. Despite this wonderfully calm, chatty exterior.

Inside, there's always been a horrible little gremlin sorry let me put him back in um there's always been a horrible little gremlin that that has been poking at my side about the things that i don't like about myself and the things that i worry about in fact you might say i'm a bit of an over warrior when i started to note down what i was genuinely concerned about, the list got a little bit too long. Am I too short for people? What about my sexual performance? Is that going to be okay? What if I never satisfy somebody else? What if I'm not good? What about if I don't get a hard on?

Even though that's never actually happened, but what if it did? What about if I come too soon? What about if my hair's not right? What about if my beard's not beardy enough? All this stuff popped into my head. What if I'm too fucking chunky all of these neuroses swirled around in my head for weeks and it wasn't until I started to think about a previous conversation that I had with Mrs H that I really started to understand how I needed to overcome it in fact one of the things that we'd had going back a long time ago was a discussion about numbers.

Now, it's never a good situation, the numbers conversation, or at least it wasn't for me. Turns out that Mrs H's number is significantly higher than mine by a multitude. No, it's fine. I've managed to learn and live with it. But actually, when we had that first conversation, I felt really inadequate. Not because that she'd had all these adventures, although they did play a little bit into earlier Mr. H's head. It was actually, how was I going to be able to satisfy someone that's had that many lovers? And bonus points for the term lovers, well, I've only had a few.

In fact, probably the amount that you could count on one hand maybe one or two fingers actually if you're lucky and I started to realize that I bring a lot to the table I started to realize that Mrs H loved me for who I am well she still does one hopes anyway and all the other things that she's taught me since that point of course but I started to realize that really I bring something to the table too and if i bring something to the table for mrs h i can actually bring something to the table for everybody else now of course there were things that i could do to improve myself to make myself a better person for my own sake so i started hitting the gym a little bit more i'm still a bit chunky but i'm getting there i feel like i am anyway it's a constant battle where did that sandwich go um and I also felt that I could present myself better so I started looking into how to dress slightly better it's not a massive step to be fair I haven't really changed that much my fashion sense hasn't really improved in that greater detail but I did start to work about it and think about it much more consciously Ursula thought about and read lots more about sex in fact the whole concept got me really interested in learning much more You know?

and think about it much more consciously. Ursula thought about and read lots more about sex. In fact, the whole concept got me really interested in learning much more. So books like She Comes First and all the other wonderful resources out there became my first-hand Bible. So I've always been interested, but I never researched truly like this. So I started to find myself doing more and more to make myself a better person for both me and for Mrs. H. And I started to realise that if I can present my best self for that perspective, actually I'm presenting my best self for everybody else.

Now all of those worries, they were still there when we started to meet people. They were still in the back of my head. But actually, as we met more and more people, they started to melt away because we found out that everybody else is just like everybody else. Everyone has their own worries, their own concerns. They've all got their own little moments. Well, most people do. I mean, no one's truly as egotistical as I am, perhaps, or as fakely egotistical as I am. But as we talked to more people, we found that they had the same problems or the same issues.

In fact, we met stunning people, absolutely insanely beautiful people. And they had the same worries. They never felt they were good enough. They never felt they were beautiful enough. They always felt that they could perform better. There was more they could do. And that was very humanizing. And actually, desire was a really good point of this.

For weeks and weeks weeks both mrs h and i practically shed ourselves every day about how good we thought we should have been looking but actually weren't but you know what despite the months of gym gym use actually not that many months probably a quick couple of weeks beforehand actually when we turned up everybody again was really really human and we felt really at place there, really at ease. And everybody made us feel welcome. And despite our own worries about ourselves, actually, we managed to get over quite a lot.

Now, does that mean we've changed the way that we feel or I've changed the way I feel all the time? Perhaps a little bit. There still is a nagging feeling in the back of my head about how I'm going to do or how people are going to perceive me. But actually, you know what?

I try and own own it as much as I can and that's been my journey to try and be the best me that I can be for me but if people don't like what I present if they don't like what I do then tough shit they can fuck off anyway I don't know if that helps you at all I hope it helps but if not I can always listen it back listen back to it myself and hopefully it'll help me thanks g'day guys my name's brad payne and i'm the owner and operator of guardian gent here in canberra a guardian gent's a support network for blokes i help guys with style grooming communication skills but most importantly emotional support now working in the field that i do obviously body image comes up all the time i'm dressing men i'm helping them with their looks Thank you.

most importantly emotional support. Now working in the field that I do obviously body image comes up all the time I'm dressing men I'm helping them with their looks and this could be a challenge for blokes especially in the sensitive world that we live in as swingers. Now I myself are a member of this community and I remember the first time that I went into a swingers club up in Sydney I was terrified.

I've lived my entire life dealing with bigorexia a condition where i'm never enough i'm never big enough i'm never strong enough i'm never masculine enough now as somebody if you'd ever seen me at six foot three 130 kilos strong man bearded tattooed i show as a hyper masculine very confident man but inside i'm scared a lot of the time. Now, I've used this to create my business, to help other men, to push past those boundaries of body image and the fear of not being enough.

Now, body image for blokes is something that is only just scratching the surface or only just implementing the idea that men struggle with this now i'm developing school programs at the moment to help young boys to look away from instagram to look away from that archetype of the perfect body type now i'm here to help any man i want to walk through this path with you i want to help in any way that i can through my experience or others that i talk to there's a couple of things you can do to get around body image one of them is to see someone like myself a stylist they can help you dress in a way that makes you feel more confident to put on your armor to walk forward to take that step to go into the room feeling as confident as you can because that one experience of you walking into that room the first time scared shitless but wearing your armor you'll realize that everyone's in the same boat they're all there they're all thinking what if i'm not enough what if i'm the small guy in the room now blokes will know as a young man there's two things that we are told as an insult and that is you're fat or you got a little dick and we all think about it in this situation in this world that we live in the little community that we have grown as a swingers having a small dick is terrifying because it's a standard in which we're all held to every man is all held to the same standard now i want to leave you with a saying this one is really close to my heart it's on the back of my business cards and rings true to me every day it is a knight in shining armor it's just a man that has never had his metal truly tested now this is important for me for two reasons one for the men themselves to realize that your scars are important the things that make you you someone might be looking for and you don't know until you put yourself out there and for everybody else stop looking for the knight in shining armor he doesn't exist he's not there for you but who is the men that have fought the men that have those scars the men that have those securities they might just be a stabilizing part of your relationship they might just be what you're looking for in a dom or a sub so i give it to you go out and look for the scarred guy perfection is a lie now i'm brad payne from guardian gent here in canberra if you want to get in touch i've got my instagram and facebook you can call me anytime get in touch anytime and i'll get back to you as soon as i can it's guardian underscore jen on all social media have a great weekend so i would say that my self-image has certainly been influenced by my personal relationships i'm 35 and i've been in the lifestyle for only about six months.

I've been married to my wife for almost 12 years, and we've been together for about 17. Since I never really did the dating thing, I never really worried too much about what I looked like. When I was young, I enjoyed making a statement in my appearance, but as I grew up, I had to conform for work, and my body was hidden behind suits and ties. At the same time, I was with my wife, and she was always complimentary of my looks. And I told myself that as long as she was happy, I didn't really care. So looking back, I realized that I was lying to myself.

I had started avoiding mirrors in situations where I would be less clothed, like, you know, at the beach or the pool, because I'd be comparing myself to other men, and I was embarrassed. I think that I felt if I avoided admitting that I didn't find myself attractive, I don't find myself attractive, I wouldn't have to change myself. So as we started discussing the lifestyle, I realized new people would be looking at me, and I found that I was way more critical about my appearance than I had ever been.

The idea that someone else would be judging me gave me some external motivation that I never had before. I found myself working out more, eating less, shaving my body more, and otherwise trying to improve my quality of life solely to impress strangers. That said, in meeting people I've honestly never felt judged. More often I feel support when I tell people that I'm trying to improve myself. I try to let others serve as motivators, but not let the pressure of failure, so to speak, get to me.

I will say it was kind of weird at first that I was doing things like shaving that I typically hadn't done for my wife. I felt some sort of unsubstantiated guilt. What helped was that we were both doing similar self-improvement, and it made me feel like we were more of a team, trying to make ourselves better rather than just me working. I will also say that feeling better about myself has made our sex life as a couple much better, and having more self-confidence has made me feel more comfortable in letting my wife share her fantasies and desires.

Another impact that physical self-confidence has had is that I'm much more outgoing when it comes to being who i really am i'm relatively nerdy and i'm into science and board games and movies and all that stuff and about a year ago i would say that when i met new people i would find something that they were interested in and talk about that i didn't want to be the weird one but now that i'm more confident i'm more likely to be about who I am. And then people can decide if they like me or not.

As my relationship with my wife has become even stronger due to the lifestyle, it has allowed me to worry much less about what others think of me. And that ironically has allowed me to find people that I'm incredibly close with. And I think it's because we have deeper connections and conversations because we're all being genuine, rather than just talking about what I think they're interested in. Thank you. close with. And I think it's because we have deeper connections and conversations because we're all being genuine rather than just talking about what I think they're interested in.

As far as penis size, much like my body image, I never really felt a need to worry about it, research, or otherwise question it. But once we entered the lifestyle, I felt that concern creep in. But I really didn't know what to do about it. So listening to the podcast and having conversations with my wife about what size means and the pros and cons and all that did help squash some of those fears. But I will say that every time we start play with a new couple, it is in the back of my mind.

But that said, I think I'm more concerned about performance than size because I believe that performance is something that I can control. I never had any performance issues before this, but as our lifestyle play sessions have tended to be longer than our play sessions at home, I guess I'm just not used to staying hard for so long without coming. Well, depending on the play session, I feel that I either come too fast or I lose my erection or something, I guess, you know.

So I will say that hearing from so many other men that performance issues are normal kind of helped me the first time that I experienced it, but I still do feel bad when I have to ask my wife or the other lady to slow down or just stop entirely. I typically try to switch focus on her or change positions, but I do spend some time wondering if she thinks that I'm stopping focus on her for me because it's not good. It's often just the opposite, but that's kind of awkward to convey. Hi, Daryl. My name is Jay from Southern California. I'm 56 years old.

We've been married for 32 years and in the lifestyle for just over six years. And what a six years those have been for my self-confidence and body image. Our experiences in the lifestyle are almost exclusively around our time at Sea Mountain Inn over SMI. Since it's a nude resort, you get comfortable real fast with walking around naked. Now, I grew up as a tall, scrawny kid. I've never been the athletic type, so I just didn't have the washboard abs or big muscles. And it was hard not to notice those guys who are cut, especially when the girls are drooling over them.

But at SMI, the guys and girls are all types and sizes, and quite frankly, no one cares. Or at least, they're quiet about it. It was here that I first realized that I was okay in the penis size category. Talking about penis size is surprisingly difficult because I'm larger than average. How do you talk about this without sounding like a jerk? You see, I never realized until entering the lifestyle that I was large. I got married young and had little experience before. I really had no idea what was average. But since entering the lifestyle, I would get compliments.

So yeah, I measured, looked up the global averages. But I also know now that it's relatively meaningless when compared to how I relate to the ladies and how I treat them. I think it's the same as a ripped body. It may get you a second look, but your attitude is what's really important. Another point about a resort like SMI, you see every variation of grooming for guys. I go with the shaved boys and shaft and trimmed above. Some guys can carry the fully shaved look, but I just end up looking like a tall boy. Not very good.

The lifestyle has also let me know in the most unkind way that a big cock doesn't mean anything if it's sleeping on the job. That happened a couple of times with friends so now I take generic Viagra if needed for me it's almost for the anything if it's sleeping on the job. That happened a couple of times with friends, so now I take generic Viagra if needed. For me, it's almost for the big head rather than the little one. I think of the meds as a kind of a security blanket. I don't have to worry about staying hard, and that lets me stay in the moment.

But the best thing about the lifestyle is my appreciation for a woman who can carry a conversation. There is nothing sexier than being able to talk with a woman, get to know them, have them get to know you, and then develop a relationship. That's the key. Thanks for this discussion, and I hope this helps. Hello, I'm Rob, and I'm from St. Louis, 38 years old. And as far as body shape, I would call it dad bod. I have some muscle, but it's hidden. I'm six foot, 230 pounds, so it's closer to a keg than a six pack in the stomach area.

I wouldn't say that I worried too much about it before getting into the lifestyle. It bothered me at times, but for the most part, I just accepted it as it was easier than fixing it. I've recently started to put more effort into not overdoing the calories, but not so much what I would call a diet. I have plans to be more active and start using the treadmill this summer. I don't really compare myself to others. I just think that I don't look very sexy when we watch the video we just made or I go to send a picture online.

So that's motivating me to put in some more effort and to try and be sexier for my wife and for the lifestyle by proxy. Penis size is something that every guy probably wants to change at some point in his life. The topic of body shape plays a factor in presentation as well. The mons pubis, the area directly above the penis, seems to be where I also store fat. So the visual presentation is less than what is felt. So proper measuring technique of bone press puts me at about 6 1⁄4 inches in length and 4 3⁄4 around the shaft and around 5 inches around the glands.

As a grower, under the right circumstances, I only have about a half inch showing before the glands. I have looked up the averages, and I'm actually above most of the averages I could find. Looking down at it does make it seem smaller than a photo or a video, and on top of all that, my hand is way bigger than some petite porn star, so it skews the idea of how I might see and compare. Overall, it has not stopped me from doing anything or made me feel inadequate. I think that any longer and it would probably make for a smaller pool of women who would actually enjoy to receive all of it.

There are size queens out there, but a lot more women don't want to bruise cervix. So far, I've not had any issues getting hard. I can say as the years go by, I might not get as hard as I did in my 20s every time, but so far I have not needed to take any pills. Not to say that I haven't thought about taking one just to see what it's like. You know, for science. As to duration, I am turned on by female pleasure, so the closer she gets, I get. My wife is sensitive to what lube we use and how long of a session we have, so going for longer is not usually on the agenda.

If that was the goal, then I'd push myself to the limit, then take a break using a vibrator, fingers, or oral to keep her going until I can calm down a little bit, and then pick things right back up. Usually it's more of an issue of cardio for me. Half the time I'm still hard after I ejaculate, so I could just keep going if it isn't going to make her sore. As to the lifestyle, we've only done parallel play so far, but again, I'm willing to do what makes a lady happy, and that makes me happy. Body hair has always been a struggle for me. I always joke that I'm always wearing my man sweater.

I don't really remove any, other than in the genital region. I use a trimmer to make it short, but not prickly, and shave the balls. That has always been my preferred presentation, even before the lifestyle. I've never worried about my own intelligence. I think I'm a pretty smart guy. I didn't go to college, but it was less critical for my career, so I figured I'd save the money. As to what I look for in a play partner, some intelligence is required just for relatability and shared interests.

But so far, as long as I'm enjoying the conversation, it hasn't really seemed Hey guys, this is Zach I'm 36 years old My wife and i live in alabama we've been married for around 15 years now and we've been in the lifestyle for going on around eight months we've had quite a few experiences to this point mainly just with couples and they've all been really great experiences we definitely you know uh learned a ton about ourselves and and that's why i kind of jumped in on these topics because i thought they were really important because i don't know if they're talked about enough um in the lifestyle i think there's a lot of top you know coverage of body shape and and those kind of things and confidence with women but we don't talk enough about it with men when it comes to how we see ourselves physically how we see our our penis size how we see our performance going those kind of things that just don't get talked about enough because maybe it's that you know typical masculine world where you don't talk about those things but it really does come up a ton conversations post, you know, playing with another couple or just, you know, in our journey throughout all this and then how we talk about different things.

So I would say definitely body shape is a huge part of my journey. I've actually lost close to 60 pounds over the past nine to 10 months. And so it's been a huge difference in how I see myself and how my wife sees me, how play partners probably see me, I hope. But it's been a nice change in how I emphasize my health because I definitely worry about it. You look around and there's a lot of good looking guys out there and they have everything put together. And some of them are empty nesters, so have a lot more time to put into those kind of things.

And so versus somebody like myself and my wife, we have kids and we have extracurricular activities that kind of pull us away. So it's been a huge emphasis, but trying to find time for that and lifestyle and kids and, you know, date nights with your wife and those kind of things. It definitely pulls at you, but it's just got to fall into line with all those other priorities. Funny enough, penis size is definitely one of those things that I have definitely struggled with just in the few months in the lifestyle. Not because I'm small, but it definitely seems a lot of men are very well endowed.

And so it can get in your head some if all of a sudden every partner that walks into your room is bigger than you in length or bigger than you in girth or those kind of things. And so it can definitely get in your head some when you see this happening. Again, I'm not saying I'm small. I would consider myself pretty average, but it definitely has been something that can get in your head.

And so it's something that you should you know, be of and know that it's that really it's not if i'm looking at our experiences size hasn't been an issue when it comes to how we perform with another couple it really is about the connection and it really is about that woman is willing to give her you know give herself to you and you know and kind of relax and be in the moment same for you, is that you're not worrying about size and those kind of things. Performance has definitely been a big topic in our journey.

Right out of the gate, our first experience, I had this overwhelming visual of what was going on in the room. And so for sure, I had immediate struggles and able being able to perform and so that was a media topic that we had to deal with and and what it meant and and how to how to deal with it so it continued to be kind of part of our journey though as you grow and relax and and those kind of things it can definitely get better but we had an experience with a couple that you know he basically offeredagra and said, hey, look, it happens. You know, they've been in the lifestyle for five years.

And their point was it happens all the time. It has nothing to do with the woman. And it actually relaxes you and lets you really fully give yourself to these, you know, to the moment and enjoying yourself. And it was a huge difference. It was probably one of the hottest nights we'd ever had because I didn't think about it anymore.

Again'm not saying that's the solution for everybody but i don't think it's talked about enough i don't i think guys are maybe embarrassed that because i might mean that they have ed or those kind of things and but really this is an ed topic that's a whole different topic this is just the mental state that you can get in when all this is going on around you and the pressure to perform and those kind of things.

So I definitely think it's something that should be talked about, whether it's enhancing drugs or whether it's your diet or, you know, those kinds of things are things you can do with your own partner to stay connected so that if you need help from them and those kinds of things. So, I mean, I really think all these topics are really good to talk about amongst you and your partner, amongst the people you play with.

And then on podcasts like this, it's really important so the guys can maybe drop that level of pride and that barrier down and get real with people and get real with their partner and get real with the couples they're with. And that way, everybody enjoys it more. So I really appreciate y'all taking on these topics and putting them out there so the men can begin to discuss these things and their wives with them or their partners with them. Thanks, guys. Hi, D. Hi, Mr. H. Longtime listener to both of your guys' podcasts and really enjoy both of them as well as your Twitter. This is Who Knows.

I am 46, Asian- American male, married and living in the Western United States. So we're talking about the lifestyle and body shape that comes into consideration. I don't really worry about body shape per se, but it's an ongoing journey to be fit and healthy. So that's the thing about the lifestyle.

It wants bring out the best you mind body and spirit and that's something that we see as important to us early on in life mostly vanilla life you know you get you're younger you compare yourself but beyond that now just trying to get a vision my own vision of what I want to do and how I'm working towards that goal you know part of the body image is penis size as well and let's let's be real all guys have measured in the past there was some worry but you know once you realize there's nothing you can do to increase the size of girth, at least safely anyway.

So focus on what I can do to provide the best experience for my partner. So, you know, that's a combination of penis, fingers, mouth, touch, conversation, toys, all of those things to bring enjoyment to the other partner and you know there's anything that's been a barrier has been more mental you know in the past just getting over just focusing on wanting to see your own partner have a good time so that in turn you don't get to enjoy as much so giving yourself permission I thought has been really important to my own performance.

And, you know, that's how I want to make it enjoyable for the other partner as well. You know, getting hard and staying hard. That's, it's not the only thing, but it is, you know, it's probably a central part of the play.

And if it doesn't't happen it's it's not a signal of your partner's sexiness or yourself for that matter but for a guy it can be a it can be a head trip um you know in one of our experience where i should have used some blue pill support uh did not uh and you know just learn from it and for at least in the the first sessions do tend to look to use that now so that's that's found out to be turned out to be helpful and in terms of going for a long time we haven't had that experience that that's been a thing however do want to focus on the woman's pleasure make uh, make sure that she, uh, that she comes first.

So that's something important. Uh, as mentioned before, you know, you become more conscious of yourself and your body and trying to improve yourself. So with that goes, uh, the manscaping and taking care of yourself.

So, uh, I am more conscious now, uh, regular manscaping, uhping just trying to present the best self for your partner another thing in the play scenario and is a question is how important is intelligence well for me that's uh it's a combination of things right it's a physical attractiveness intelligence and how how am i getting along with the other uh the other partner um it's helped to drive you know the seeing the intelligence a person's drive and sensualities those are things for me anyway that i find uh really sexy and that just takes it to a new level when we're getting to know each other and talking to a couple uh it can go up and down you know you got to start off with the physical attraction because that's you you start talking to them uh and then it goes up and down depending on how the interaction goes so uh you know that's uh that's my story of you know male body positivity thanks a lot guys have guys.

Have a nice one. Bye. Hey, guys, and welcome back. So thanks again, everyone, for bringing your audio and your thoughts and opinions to that podcast. Big special thanks to Mr. H, Brad, the Guardian Gent, C from USA, Jay from Southern California, Rob from St. Louis. G'day, Dadbod.

Zach from Alabama and who knows from Western U.Ss really appreciate the fact that you guys are sending through your thoughts and opinions i think having a varied view on this podcast really helps others to see that it's not just daryl's opinion you know that there are so many different opinions out there and i think that will help others to see that they're not alone or everybody's sharing in some of these common thoughts or traits so cheers everyone for that now just to wrap up i do want to thank two new Patreons. We have Troy and Alan and Olivia. Thanks so much for joining us on Patreon.

Really appreciate your support there. To everyone else, if you are wondering about our newsletter, any events that we're attending or hosting, please do jump over to our website, swingingthoutunder.com. You can find links to all of our social media accounts, our Contact Us page, et cetera. So if you guys are interested in signing up to the newsletter, jump over to our website and check that out. But otherwise, I hope everybody's having a great middle of the year so far.

And we'll be coming back shortly with a wrap up from our time at Naughty in New Orleans, including some audio that we actually took on the street. So until then, we will be back soon but thank you everyone for listening really appreciate those itunes reviews and of course your support as always so until next time guys this is uh kate officially signing out and i will be back very very soon so thank you appreciate the hell out of you guys bye