P82 – 9 Practical Tips to Attending Large Lifestyle Events

Transcript

You're listening to Swinging Down Under, a podcast about the swinging, non-monogamous lifestyle from two crazy Australians with over four years of lifestyle antics to keep you entertained, informed, angry, happy and horny. Join our international swinging adventures. And welcome. I'm C, crazy female Australian, Sheila and Bully for a whole And this is Dee. I'll be doing my best to keep the dad jokes to a minimum, which is probably going to be highly unlikely. Along with that, I'll keep seeing check where I can. Did I mention I'm a pilot?

We'll be your podcast hosts for today, so sit back and enjoy the sweet, sweet melodies. So quick question. Does anybody listen to us because our audio is perfect? If you could respond to see at swinging down under. I was going to say, is that a rhetorical question? Because we're kind of sitting in a room talking to ourselves in front of microphones right now. It's not rhetorical. I'm waiting for people to respond. Okay, good stuff. Why are they not responding? I don't think anyone likes you, to be honest. Okay, that's probably fair.

Maybe they could tell us whether perfect sound quality is the only reason they listen to us. Maybe they could, absolutely. Because I'm currently hunched over like a dog fucking a tennis ball trying to get to the microphone. Because this is Kate's perfect scenario for microphone work. Because the other room's way too loud. The other room is too loud. Yeah. Because it has walls. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that. It has walls that are too close to the microphones. Yeah, that's exactly correct. So what are we talking about today?

So we're thinking about getting a studio in our house. We're just going to set up some egg cartons on walls and shit just to really not have square walls. Our landlord's not going to like it, but it'll be awesome. We'll put it just under the sex wing and beside the pole. I'm pretty sure people thing, we're murderers if we do that. I'm pretty sure if anyone ever comes into our house and notices the hook in the ceiling, they'll wonder whether we're fucking murderers anyway. Possible. Or sexual deviates. So what are we talking about today? Definitely the second one. We are talking about...

And if you piss me off, I'll murder you. Not you, I was talking to somebody else. Nine practical tips for attending large swinger events. That's our topic for today's podcast. But before we get into that, Dee, welcome back. How you doing? How you been? I'm doing great. What do you mean, welcome back? You're away. I was in the 80th through... It's great to have you on the show today, Dee. Thank you very much. Shuffles, paper, shuffles, paper. First hot news topic for this evening. No, how are you doing? I'm doing good. You all right? Yeah, absolutely. I'm enjoying life.

A little concern, though. What are you concerned about? Well, what about the people who've already read your blog? Isn't this the same thing? The point of the podcast and the blog, thank you for bringing that up, Dee, nice segue, is that these two things go hand in hand. So I have written a blog. It's got a lot of information in it. It's actually quite a large document. Yeah. The podcast, though, is about bringing a little bit of flavour, bringing a bit of D into the mix. Oh, right. Everybody likes a bit of D in their mix. I'm not sure. They do. No.

Before we talk about that, though, I've got two things. Go. I had a spark of genius, and I've been holding off telling you this because I wanted to spring it to you on the podcast. Was it that after you finished washing the clothes, you should spin the washing machine to check if there's any socks in there? That's a handy tip right here for us in the C&D household. Just get your hand in there, spin the washing machine, you might find some socks floating. Or some coins. I mean, either way, it's a bonus because there's nothing worse than having one sock. Like gnomes eat the other sock.

So do you know what I thought about? Okay, picture this, right? I'm closing my eyes using my imagination. Set the scene. I'm thinking that we all need to update our profiles, right? We all need to update profile pictures. We all want to kind of get some things to share, some sexy shots, right? But to do that, you've either got to have somebody who is great at taking photos or instructing or like, you know, some people want to even get really nice photos with hair and makeup. Okay, fine. Or somebody who's really good with Photoshop. Or that too.

But these things are like pretty hard to achieve on your own. So here's my idea. Like a swingers dating profile update day, get a fucking hair and makeup person in, get a couple of photographers, get some lights and just get like five or six couples. That sounds like a really good idea. To like, why are you looking at me like that? Are you being sarcastic? No, I think it's a great idea. Yes, and then get lights in and then just have like different people can then come in and kind of all share the cost to have a bit of fun, have some champagne.

you know, use the sex swing, use the strippers pole, like just kind of have the whole house set up and then just take a shitload of photos and then you can get some good photos out of it and have a great fucking day. Geez, I wonder if anyone might take that up and try and make money out of it. Fuck it. Don't have any steal my shit. No, but I think that's a good idea. So that's my one thing I wanted to talk about before we get into the topic today. You said you thought of two things. What's the second one? A sex position I thought might be a bit of fun to try. Oh, yeah? What's that?

It involves three men and two women. So you could have, I guess, two couples and a bull, really, if you wanted to. Okay. You've got to close your eyes again. Picture this. Picturing it? I'm picturing two couples and a bull. We're calling them bulls now? Single guy. I don't know. I just threw that in. When did that happen? When are you calling them bulls? I was reading a blog about bulls the other day. Bulls, bulls or just bulls? Just bulls. Yeah. Okay. Ready? Go. Okay. Guy's on the ground on his back. Yeah. Close your eyes. And one of the girls is riding his cock.

The other girl is riding his face. They facing each other and then two guys are standing either side of them and they're like kissing or their mouths are really close and both cocks are kind of like sliding in and out of their, between their face and in their lips and stuff. So they're kissing and they're sucking cock and the dicks are kind of sliding in and out. I think I know where this whole kissing slash sucking cock thing came from. Where? I don't know. Has that happened recently? No, I mean like this, like a scissor motion either side of like...

I don't think, you don't need to describe it to me. I'm just wondering whether there was anything like that at any point recently. Not at all. Really? Well, I mean, generally speaking, we've always... I'm just imagining a cupboard. There was only one penis, but there was certainly a mouth on either side of it. Right. Since he doesn't give a shit about my position. No, I really like the idea. I think we should try that. We're not going to try it. No, you're banned now. Are you vetoing? Let's see if we can find, I mean, a couple that is willing and a single...

Oh, we've got a single guy that I'm sure would love to be involved in. Maybe find a couple. Maybe. Yeah. Yeah? So let's get on to the topic. Nine. So that wasn't the topic? No, that's not the topic. Today's topic is nine practical tips for attending large swinger events. I wrote a blog about it. We're going to talk about some stuff. Okay. And we're going to add a little bit of detail to your life. And you're not going to necessarily agree with my bullet point, some of my bullet points, so let's talk this shit out. You ready? No way, really? Yeah, I know. It's a shock to everybody.

Number one, pre-event preparation. So aside from like buying your... It's like the five Ps, isn't it? Yeah. Pre-preparation prevents piss, poor. bam. Aside from like getting your tickets. Frightens me that you fucking know that. Like just straight off the top of your head. It just flows off my tongue. You know, your hotel, your budget, your airfares. Most things flows onto her tongue. This flows off the tongue. All that crap.

You know, yes, I don't want to talk about that too much, but I do mention that if you are going to be partying until like two, three, four in the morning on the last day, probably don't book your flights out at six and seven in the morning that same day because you're going to be fucked. But that's, that's really not the, the, topic at hand here. We do plan our trips about 12 months in advance and so we do have some goals that we can always check in on. If we want to have a fitness goal, like body hair removal, we did the laser a little while ago. You want me to start saving paying for hotels?

I've just decided that you don't know how to spell what a laser sounds like. Yeah, I do. Bzzzert. Bzzert, yeah, okay. Hot tip though, post your travel details and where you're actually heading to on site. So a lot of the dating sites you can actually post your travel or your event attendance, you know, SDC or whatever, they'll all do that. But there's also a lot of the events have forums, like Desire has its own forum. Hedonism has a Facebook, a secret Facebook page that you can apply to, you know, a lot of the different... It's secret. It's secret, yeah. Don't nobody tell anybody.

Facebook's secret to anyone under the age of 25. Yeah, exactly.

But, you know, even Nordian Norlands, they've got like a member's page so check it out if if someone does have its own uh forum or chat page and then and this is where d might not agree but then you can like see if there's an existing chat group if not you can set one up kick or me we uh the good thing about me we is you don't have a 50 person limitation like kick does so you know speaking about social media i've found a new app new social media app that apparently all the kids are using that i'm using now and highly addicted to oh that's that stupid video thing tick tock don't stupid that It's only stupid because you don't understand it.

No, it's stupid because you wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is check out videos of people making ice cream cones and stuff. Yeah, I know, but they're awesome. There's a person here making knots and stuff. This stuff's gold. Yeah. I don't know about that, Dee. I've got to tell you. For any of you who haven't yet found TikTok, I suggest that you should download that app immediately and have a look at it. It's really quite weird. There's a dog balancing an orange on its head right now. That, sir, is riveting and I'm sure really...

Dressed in a very authentic Asian-inspired dress. See that dog? I think we need to call like the RSPCA or SPCA or some PCA. We need to get in there, get that dog back. It's clearly being taken advantage of. But yeah, that's the hot tip. So go and check out if there's any forums or anything. The best thing about that too is like it can tell you things about like theme nights or it can tell you about events that are happening, seminars that are going on at the event, who's doing what, where, when, why, all of that stuff. So go on as much information as you can.

Or you can take my advice, get on TikTok and waste about three days just watching six second videos. It's amazing. You can invest so much. It's like a choose your own adventure game right here on the Swinging Down Unpocked House. Absolutely. And I mean, if you go with mine, I'm thinking you're going to have more fun. Yeah. Well, at least you're going to fade away into oblivion whilst watching that drinking some form of alcohol. It'll be amazing. Awesome. I'm actually, just before we go on to tip number two, Dee. I haven't given my feedback on tip one yet. Oh, what do you think about tip one?

I think it's amazing. You're getting sex tonight. Good job. Oh, that brings me to another topic. What's that? We're at the sex this morning. Oh, that was all right, hey? Don't you dare cut out that pause of dead silence there. Where's the cricket button? Yeah, no. I need the cricket button, which sounds like birds. Um, That's terrible. It was all right, hey. You know what was better, though? The other night when we fucked on the couch and then went upstairs as well, that was a good session, that one. I don't recall it. Oh, I see what you're doing there, you little bastard.

Just real quick, want to shout out to Mr. and Mrs. Smith. They don't sleep. I swear to God he does not sleep. He's currently messaging us on Twitter. On TikTok. He's already read the blog and he just said it's a goldmine for people like them who have never been to a resort or an event. Oh, wow. Wait for blowing kudos up your own ass while we're live on your own podcast. Listen to this, though. He said, I liked the pro tip about bringing a multi-charger outlet, and we'll talk about that a little bit later. Oh, wow. That is a seriously pro tip. Yeah. Shout out. Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

Anyway, number two. What do you got, Dee? Communication. What do you reckon about it? This is where I think you'll disagree. I just think the word communication is overused in the lifestyle. Oh, yeah. Yep, you don't believe on the whole three Cs? No, no, I didn't say that. I just think it's overused because communication is actually not only saying something but also the understanding of what has been said. That's true. So there's an awful lot of people out there that talk at each other and don't necessarily communicate. And I don't think that's just in the lifestyle.

I think that's life in general. So in this context, though, what we're talking about is, you know, if there are those forums or those chat groups... It's talking to people. Do you want to connect with people? So this is where I think... We differ a little bit in our approach to this, Dee, but... So, but this only has your approach on here, right? That's correct. So you've just, like, you've mis... Represented us? Me, you've misrepresented me to the world. I mean, you've just taken our brand and... You just taked our brand. You taked our brand and... I took it. You took it. Okay.

Our brand and you just labelled me under that. No, you just labelled me under it. So, I know that you think that you're not necessarily one for talking in groups and trying to get pre-connections and stuff. Tell us why. Because in a lot of... Well, not in all situations, but certainly in a lot of situations, we've connected with people remotely only to find that the people are very different when you meet them. And in some ways, that's not really a surprise. I mean, we're all a little bit more confident behind a keyboard than we are talking with people. So, you know, you can...

overcommit to things and then you realise when you get in front of the people that you've overcommitted and you're trying to back away without looking like you're backing away. So I think it can be easily fucked up. Okay. Here's why I like them. I understand what you're saying, but here's why I like them. I like talking about the events that we're attending. I like looking at the theme nights, getting excited about it, sharing some people what we might be wearing, talking about the countdown app on your phone, you know, kind of continuing to get that level of excitement before your event.

I think that that is fun. If you're counting down like 100 days, 150 days before an event, yeah, you've booked the event, you've booked your ticket, you might be like sorting out your theme night outfits, but like you can continue on with that level of excitement. Otherwise, it's like this whole excitement and I've booked it and then nothing. So I think that helps to continually build up that excitement. Yes, and another term for excitement is expectation. Yeah, also true.

So if you then arrive on site with an expectation, of an awesome event and then on the first day, for example, just throw it out there, you get an infection that kind of puts a bit of a, you know, simmers things a little and may actually cause some problems because you now feel guilty about the fact that you've gotten an infection just before you come and you're like trying to get your partner to go out and have fun but they feel guilty because they feel like they're just doing it because they are doing it for the sex. They must be hanging out with you.

So, you know, there's, I think, more than one way to look at this. Yeah. I think a nice balanced approach is possibly the best way to go. All right. So maybe there's a difference between getting excited about the event versus trying to perhaps predate. And I've got a section later in the nine tips. So we're covering the same topic again. So it's actually eight tips. Oh, mad man. And one of them is to take a charger with you. So, I mean, we're down to seven tips at this point. A hot tip on this one is don't be afraid to start your own chat group.

A lot of people go out there and they just want to join a chat group but don't be afraid to start one yourself guys. Get it happening. I don't know, get amongst it. That's what I reckon. Okay, I concur. I think too many people in a chat group make it too awkward and too big to deal with. When you get, the reason that Kik's limited to 50 is to prevent exactly what happens when you get into groups that are bigger which is you wake up in the morning and you have 450 conversations that have happened or or updates that have happened, especially for us overnight, and then what do you do with it?

Don't read it. Yeah. Okay, so that's why I've recommended MeWe in here as well, is because with MeWe you can break off between the normal chat area and having wood posts, so you can kind of keep things in some reasonable order. So if you do have a subject... So you can start an anal sex area. Yeah, and then you can have people talking about anal sex. Absolutely. And so then if you're interested in anal sex... Or come on glasses. Yep, and then you can go into that area and read what people have to say. You've got glasses, I've got come on... I'm just saying. Excellent. I'm excited.

I'm actually going to start a chat on MeWe. Okay. Just that chat. Just the Come On Glasses and Anal group. Yeah. Okay. Well, no, I wasn't going to group them together. Sounds like it's heaps popular. You've got to keep the niche movement open. Ladies and gentlemen, join that group. Dee's going to moderate. You've got to have the Anal group as a separate group to the Come On Glasses group. Well, now I'm torn. I just don't know which one to join. I mean, they sound so brilliant. Well, if you get into both, you might be a little torn. Far out, dude. Okay. Thank you. Number two.

Number three, to date or not to, no, to pre-date or not to pre-date. That is, do you like it? You're loving that title, right? I mean, the Count Chocula bit at the back end of that wasn't great. Yeah, I think it was. It's a doozy. Some people like to pre-date. Some people don't like to pre-date. You know, you've got to figure out what's going to work best for you. The big thing that I will say.

So I think you need to explain what you mean by pre-date because the amount of chat that you do prior and some instances means you've already dated people so well and that's the thing it's about those those connections mean actual physical get together date that as well yeah so it's it's on the chat groups or it's like so why wouldn't you date free date why wouldn't you I guess those expectations again or like managing your time or you know setting yourself up like one of the things I've got in here is that you know you need to figure out what works best for you because if you've got too many dates in other words if you're talking to people and they you sound like you want to have a date at the event you may end up say you're at a four-day event and you you've got four couples you're talking to, like, that's potentially you're a night's gone.

But if you're close enough to date before the event, why wouldn't you just catch up with the people? I mean, it's not like... You could, yeah. I'm talking about, like, if you couldn't have that opportunity to see each other beforehand. Oh, then why would you... Then that wouldn't be a pre-date. A pre-date. Because you wouldn't be able to see them. Well, I'm not... No, I'm saying, like, setting up dates for when you're there. So that's what I mean by, like, pre-date. So in other words... See, this is why I asked for the explanation to start with, because the I think.

If you prefer to meet people on the fly, you know, that's probably, you know, stick to that. Don't set up dates for every day of the week. You know, maybe there's like an especially interesting couple or single that you want to set up with. You might do a date, but don't overload yourself. If you do that, you don't allow yourself the opportunity to meet new people when you're at the event and that pitfalls of communication and pre-gaming because of that exact thing that you may think you've got chemistry in the chat group, you get there and you don't have chemistry at all.

So now you're stuck sitting through a prearranged date, you know, that you're really not that keen on. So if you do prearranged dates, again, for the event, I don't know, don't do like a dinner. I think prearranged date is a really good title. You like that better? To prearranged date or to not to arrange date. Okay, I'm not changing the title of that. No? Okay. Your suggestions and comments have been placed appropriately into the comments and suggestions box and that's where they'll fucking stay. So yeah, balance.

though maybe do one or two but don't do it and then think about what time of the day you want to do it what do you reckon D yes absolutely I think there's always a toss up here between people you might have met before that you enjoyed spending time with and then the potential for new people as well part of the reason we're all in this lifestyle and anyone who says that this isn't the case is lying I believe is to find interesting people and if new interesting people come along and they don't have to be more interesting than the last people but if new interesting people come along then why wouldn't you hang out with them yep Would you like me to talk while you read the next one because you haven't read the document and you don't know what the fuck they are?

Yeah, I mean, the whole idea of a title, though, is to give a brief overview and description. Dude, that makes so much sense to me. What do you got? Stay or stray from the course. You should probably talk for the next 15 minutes. It's like six paragraphs here. I'm going to be reading for days. I might even just wander off and come back after a while. Help me out here. Okay, so what do you want to get out of your time at the events So a lot of people go on holidays, like for a four-day event, and they're trying to do too much.

So you're going away for like a week-long conference or a convention or whatever, and they're like, yep, we're going to go do that. We're also going to scuba dive. We're going to like try local cuisine. We're going to go on a tour around the city. We're going to do this. We're going to do that. And it's just too much. They're trying to fit too much into the event. And so, you know, are you going to stay or stay? I wonder if I know anyone like this. Me, absolutely. And so my point in this whole situation. This is how you plan your weekends. You're like, what are we doing this?

I say, what are we doing this weekend? You're like, we're going out Friday night. We're going out Saturday night and we've got a Skype call on Sunday night. By the way, on Saturday morning, we're going to go and buy some stuff. On Saturday afternoon, we're going to go to the movies, get my hair done. My nails are going to get done at a different time on Sunday. And I'm going to also get lasered, my hair treatment done. I need to get my prescription renewed for my contact lenses. And I'm thinking about getting a piercing in a couple of places.

But if we have some time left, which I think we do, we'll find some other things to do as well. So stay or stray from the course then, D? Depends what you're there for. I mean, if you're there for a holiday and this is your only holiday of the year, then just hanging out with a group of people and getting laid might not be the only thing you want to do. I mean, certainly I like hanging out with people and getting laid. There's no doubt about that. But seven days in any one location, just eating and drinking is way above my normal personal limit.

I would normally say about two to three days is the longest I can do in one location eating and drinking. So with that in mind, I need to do other things. Otherwise, I'm just going to find myself locked in my own room because I'm not interested in hanging out with the people. So it depends on your personality and depends on what you're trying to achieve with your holiday. Yeah.

So one thing I've said here, though, like if you're going to plan something like a rookie error is if you say, for example, you've booked like a day-gust station dinner or something and then you're worried about being too drunk, so then at the day parties you don't get too drunk, and then so you don't really have fun. So my point in this one was, you know, maybe allow yourself to take up the atmosphere. You get drunk during the day? Yeah. I'm hungover right now, actually, still. Yeah, that's actually the truth right there. That is absolutely the case. Yeah, day drinking!

That was from last night, though, and it's like in the afternoon, and it's three o'clock, and you're still... Still hungover. Yeah. Yeah. I party hard, dude. No, you don't. I don't really. You were dying to go to bed by 9pm. It was midnight and I was spooning the dog. It was midnight. Yes, I agree. It was midnight when you finally said we are going home now or I'm going alone. But it was 9 o'clock when you first came to me with your bothersome, I need to go home because I'm sleepy. Okay, hot tip, head to the location a day early or stay a day late, right? Check out some of the local sites.

That's what you can possibly get in some of your own holiday time. And I've got here special props, right, if you get like the whole family experience excuse photos, right, store them on Google Drive or whatever, and take some fucking extra costume changes, and you can get multiple photos. Looks like a holiday. There you go. Showing the grandparents, thanks for looking after the kids. Look at these photos that look in a one-hour, you know, time type thing. What is that? Movie montage type thing. Okay. I think C has nailed everything there. I don't need to wade into this.

So you're going to stray from the course? Yeah, totally. I'm not staying in the same place for a long period of time. Pack your luggage and your swinger bag with pride. That's number five. Do you like that title? It's an amazing title. It is. I know. It's bolded with an underline, so that really makes it just fucking awesome. Yeah. There's a lot in this one, so we're going to have to break this one up. Are you ready? No, I don't think it's that big, really, actually.

I think there's a whole lot of things you take with you and make sure you take everything that you would normally have and then take another set of the same thing. I think that's pretty much what... This is why you don't write fucking help helpful blog posts than I do. That's all I'm saying here. Helpful. Now you're saying they're helpful as well. I mean, you are just chock full of, I mean. Apparently hungover Kate's pretty cocky. Fucking cocky. All right. Obviously there's a shitload of things that you want to pack in your swinger bag for swinger success.

But some things that you're going to want to take with you as well. And what we recommend is always take things in your main luggage. Take things that are going to make your trip more comfortable, right? So if you, I don't know, if you're a person that does sleep that well, like, Take eye covers and shit if you're going to be trying to sleep in. Nothing more sexy than waking up to somebody with their tooth guards in and eye protector on. I do have this comment in brackets, though. Hard to resist. Don't fucking take your own pillows on vacations. It's just weird. Just stop it. Don't do it.

I'm actually getting to the point now with my business travel that I'm going to take my own fucking pillow. Mainly because what is it with hotels? There's a few things I need to throw out there to the world of engineers and pillow manufacturers. Number one, engineers. Everything in a fucking bedroom does not need a flashing LED on it. Valid. There is nothing more irritating than spending the first two hours of trying to get to sleep by walking around with your eight pairs of socks, hanging each sock precariously over each fucking portion of whatever it is that's glowing.

I'm thinking about taking some black tape in the future. Like a fucking duct tape. Done. I'm taking duct tape with me everywhere. You could really look like a fucking serial killer now. Yeah, duct tape and... Pillow and a duct tape. Pillow and duct tape. I'm going to duct tape a pillow to somebody's face to shut them up. And pillow manufacturers, listen, I mean, fuck. Nobody wants to sleep with their chin touching their chest. That is not a thing. Nobody wants to do that. Those pillows are only good for having sex with, like if you want to prop yourself up.

For stuffing, yeah, which is the last reason you ever want to touch those pillows. Yeah, pretty grubby. I mean, you probably should put the cover, the bed cover, over the top of them first because at least you know it's covered in semen and other shit. I mean, semen and shit, actually. That's probably the two key ingredients to a decent bed cover. Just accept it and move on. Yeah, semen and feces. I mean, nobody wants them. And while you're at it, I mean, if you're going to move the pillows down to use them for fucking in the bed covers, you might as well just lick the remote control.

Here's a hot tip. All right, pack all of your swinger shit in one bag and all of your other stuff in one bag. So one bag has all your real lifestyle stuff, costumes, toys, et cetera. That way, if the TSA want to pull your shit apart, they only have to go through one bag. I feel like I didn't get to stand on my soapbox for near long enough before you drew it back. Yeah. Do you like my next paragraph? It's about reusing some of the items in your bag for the theme nights. Cleaning wipes are for reusing. That's weird. I did not say that. Fuck you.

Also, women, you do not need a different pair of shoes for every single theme night. There is literally zero reason to have an entire bag devoted to shoes. Take two, three, four pairs. You don't need fucking seven. I'm just throwing it out there. I know that I'm a female and I like heels. You are female? I love heels, but come on, guys. This is ridiculous. Stop taking a whole fucking bag of shoes. That's all I'm going to say. Okay. So should I let you continue on your soapbox or draw you back to condoms? Right on the front with a marker pen what the theme is? Yeah.

That is way too anal and I've seen you pack a fucking bag. I've seen you pack a bag. Yeah. There's shit everywhere. That's when we did the last trip. We did the cowboy night. It's like an exp... We. I like the way you say we. Yeah. Like you had something to do with it. Last time I went to Naughty, we did that. Little zip bags. You're like a bag-packing psychopath. Neon night. It looks like spaghetti in there. It keeps it all together. I mean, it's just all like... All mixed up. And that is actually what... Sounds like. But it's... Condoms. Toys. ED pills. Actually got some guests with a...

Oh, my God. I mean, that was such a bad reference, but also a towel. Yeah. You want to take a towel with you. All of these places include... In your swinger bag. Isn't that what the towelette's for? What towelette? The cleaning towelette. No. So weird. You're a weirdo. What are you going to do with the towel? What about contact cards? No, no. What are you going to do with the towel? Let's get back to the towel. You can save the world with your towel. You can get your towel. It's handy if you're cold. You can wrap the towel around yourself, build a fort out of the towel, and Good point.

Okay, I stand corrected. How do you feel about contact cards? Like having little cards to hand out to people. Of course, yeah, you should have them. You're pro-contact cards. Pro-contact cards, yeah. Now, I will say something about contact cards. I'm thinking about actually just throwing them from the naughty New Orleans float when we're on that. Just like throwing contact cards everywhere. I feel bad about littering, though. That's the issue there. Have you been to New Orleans? In the next day, can we go out in the street and help clean up and things so I'm not so guilty? But people do that.

We have people for that. So... Who do... They pick up all the necklaces and shit as well. You don't have any necklaces those fuckers got at home? So you're for them, but I will say something. If you're going to do them, don't maybe just go to vistaprint.com. It's like 20 bucks. You can get a shitload of them rather than printing them at your home printer and then like cutting them, right? What do you reckon about that? Yeah, home printers are not a thing. No. So get them online. I mean, for the 20 bucks, it's not even 20 bucks. Yeah, it's less than that. I was highballing it.

Yeah, it's like $15 for 150 cards from Vistaprint. What do you, what are you going to put on your cards? And you can get them in like three days. It's crazy. Yeah, it is. And they have pre-done like cardy things and you just got to put your name and shit on there or drop a photo on. Like it's really simple. What do you put on your swingers? Contact details. And I would actually like a photo of us on it somewhere as well because unlike you who are good with names, I'm good with faces. So when I see a name, sometimes it means nothing to me.

Whereas I can turn over and like our first card had our faces on the back or a photo of us on the back and you didn't like that. But I think it's better for people who are, you know, more visual to allow them to. And like kick details and stuff. Are you going to leave a blank space to put your room number on? Or like if you're on a ship, your cabin number or something like that? You could do that, but you'll never get me on a ship. So it's not really a problem. For other people that might be on ships. Yeah. Well, I mean, I know what you're leaning toward there.

You're trying to get, get the plant, the seed to think that I might get on a ship and that's not going to happen. No, I'm not. No, you are. I'm trying to be helpful for you. I can see it in your eyes. It's not happening, not ever. What's number six, Dee? You're going to like this one. I know you are. Swingers goals. Should you have them or should you not? So, I mean, this is, yeah, things, you know, what are your goals for the event? Do you have goals?

Do you want to say, for an example, flirt with somebody, pick up somebody that you've never picked up before at a bar or as a single or do you want to play for the first time as a single or, you know, do you want to flirt? for the first time with another couple. If that's where you're starting, then that's where it can be as well. I think you do have to have that.

I think it's a smart thing to do to talk about your fantasies prior to getting to an event and discussing what interests you and what you want to try because then you can at least work toward those and also you can get the majority of the communication and conversation out of the way before you get to it so that you're not going to turn up, put yourself in a situation where the second penis is is about to go in in a DP and you've also just figured out that it's not your thing and it's in fact your husband or partner who's driving you to do that. Well, I mean, that's an extreme example.

I mean, to your point though, it could be something as being more outgoing. It could be something like talking to more people, flirting, upping your flirting game, you know, doing body shots at a bar or what is lots of different ways. But yeah, having swinger goals, I think it's a good idea.

The other thing too is if I verbalise those to you or my girlfriend friends or whoever like and we're halfway through the event and they've noticed that I haven't been doing those things that I told them explicitly I wanted to to achieve then you know they're kind of gonna keep me on task yeah like if I said to you I want to I want to like make sure I'm a little bit more outgoing and talk to more people and stuff and then halfway through the event you see that I'm not doing that I'm just hanging out with perhaps people I already know or I'm sitting on the couch or I'm up there quiet into the ball or whatever that may be you know you've got the ability then to walk over to somebody ask somebody else and ask them to go and talk to you about it.

Or like nudge me or whatever, yeah. But then you'll beat me with a stick. That's how a relationship works. I ask you to do something. If you don't want to do it, you beat me with a stick. What are some of your goals that you've been to an event feeling or had? Certainly for events like Desire is the ability to spend more time with more people. So just being out of the room because, you know, as I've mentioned many times before, I do need some time to get back to myself. So yeah, the ability to just... is one of the things I've had. A lot of my swinger goals are not really mine.

I'm more of a pervert like that. My swinger goals typically extend to trying to get you to do things that I think you would like to do but somehow feel embarrassed or upset or repressed about doing. Yeah. Nice. Number seven is about setting up your room. Now, this is a really another big section that we're going to talk about. But honestly, the big thing to here as a hot tip is to set your room up the minute you get there. You're not going to want to do it later.

Put some music on, pour a drink and set your room up because if you do that straight away, then you're going to feel better for it later. You may bring somebody back to your room, you may not, but at the end of the day, if it's all set up and you're ready to go, then you know it's set up and it's more comfortable for you and possibly for your guests. But there's a shitload of points and recommendations here, so I'm just going to burn through them. Dee, what do you reckon? I'm going to quick fire them out. You good? You ready? Yes. Okay. Water. Water.

You can never have enough bottled fucking water in your room for your guests, but also because, as I just mentioned, I'm hungover and I'd really like some water at like three and four in the morning. What do you have against the tap? I just think that having some bottled water in your room is a bit nicer for people. You're going to have guests over especially. Okay. Cups. Keep it classy. Grab some plastic wine or champagne flutes, right? So I've got here, like, yep. It's cool if you're going to have vodka and stuff. Stadium cups are great, but if you want to have wine or champagne. Alcohol.

A lot of alcohol. Portal speakers. Fucking awesome. Camry. if you want to take photos, nibbles. Dee, what do you reckon about nibbles? You've got to have nibbles, absolutely. Well, I think you do because, you know, you can't order pizza to your room in the middle of a session. You could. And you're generally hungry afterward. Phone charger. So, I mean, Kate's mentioned here, you should always have a phone charger that's got more than one outlet. We used to have that. We did. We took her to an event and then we just left. Yeah, any idea where that might be? I know exactly where it is.

Yeah, so do I. So, yeah, that's kind of that factor. Yeah, that's that fucked. Yeah, won't be taking that anymore. Shout out to the original Red Light Nighters, that couple next door podcast. But yeah, you can take lights, you can change the bulbs, you can make them dimmer, you can change the colour. Obviously red looks good. You can get one of those like cheap $20 disco light balls with a remote from Amazon. You know, so think about changing the lights up, you know, little disco lights and stuff like that.

That's definitely going to make your room feel a little bit sexier, set the scene a little bit better than just like plain white bright fucking lights in a hotel room. Yeah, the other thing with a portable speaker too is we always buy a cheap one to take with us. We don't take a home speaker. We always take a cheaper portable speaker just in case they get alcohol. Yeah, we do have the advantage, though, of going to Thailand and buying a Bose speaker, which is, you know, just next door to Bose, really.

Well, but you can get, like, this little speaker that I found, the TriBit, is like $20 or $30 on Amazon. Are we sponsored by TriBit now? No, we're not. I don't even know. I've never used it before. No. So... Fantastic. They've probably got more reviews that are better than ours. What do you reckon? Number eight, have a crack. I think, again, the title might be a little bit out, protect yourself. I think more look after yourself maybe. Oh, yeah? Why? Have the ability to actually give yourself a bit of time every now and again to sit back and also bring something to keep you hydrated.

If you are going to spend a week getting drunk, for example – A lot of people speak very highly of Pedialyte and other electrolyte, electrolytic things. So the next time I get a hangover, which will probably be in 2030, around then I'm thinking, it's about when I'm due for my next hangover. So next time I get a hangover in 2030, I'm going to try Pedialyte. It's probably going to be something different by then, though. There'll be some sort of injectable anti-hangover thing that will just cure you instantly. That's what I'm looking forward to. It doesn't even need to be injected.

will be eye drops. You just drip it into your eyes and the alcohol is flushed out your arsehole within 15 seconds. So it's like a very interesting... Like a detox? Yeah, like an instant detox. You just two drops in each eye. This is what I'm thinking that chemists are working on right now too. Two drops in each eye. You're right. And before you know it... People aren't trying to cure cancer. They're trying to... Oh, no, that's... This is... I mean... It's an epidemic, you know, really. Pattern baldness, erectile dispersement, and hangovers. That's top of the list.

You can fix either one of those. You're going to make a lot of money. What about being away and being at a long-term event where there's shit happening all day and all night? How do you even work around that? You're tired, right? Yeah. Don't masturbate is something I can say as well because you're generally going to get enough penis workout and you're going to lose skin. That's one of your recommendations. No, that's not at all. I'm just making shit up now.

I like to work out my days too like if there's a really cool day party on I know I really want to have a lot of fun and hit that hard like I'm going to probably well I mean my eyes rolled so hard I felt them hit the back of my head oh yeah yeah why is that because you're just so organized like you're you know it's like I'm just you know today I'm going to plan out my day while I'm at a party event I'm going to you know the day party the morning party I know I'm going to have a bit of fun there and have a lot to drink so I'll just plan that the evening I'll be able to lay in bed and watch, I don't know, something.

Scooby-Doo? No, because Scooby-Doo's not what you watch. I don't know, just something random just popped into my head, Scooby-Doo. Generally, I mean, when I come home to you when you've been watching this sort of stuff, you smell like wine and bad decisions. Hey, so yeah, just to mention there about Pedialyte, apparently it is a magical elixir, so says Average Swinger and Out of Naughty Escapade podcast. They both constantly try to jam that shit down your throat. So here's what I'm going to tell them.

We'll be seeing them at Naughty in Northern, I'm going to have Pedialyte every single day, every morning, and I want to see if there's a difference. I'm putting it to the fucking test. So if everybody wants to hear about that, check back in later. I'm going to be taking Pedialyte. This is going to be an amazing test that I can assure us will bring in another 100,000 listeners to our podcast with the amazing, amazing, interesting story that will be, does Pedialyte work on Kate? Yep. Yep. I mean, that's the title for your next blog. I would say it's the Pedialyte Extravacadence.

podcast and that's why people are treating it. Pediaganza? Pediaganza. That doesn't sound great. No, that sounds like we're back to the drops in the eyes and then shitting out a whole lot of alcohol. That's a good name for that. Pediaganza, I think. Pediaganza. You reckon? Yep. I reckon that will be the name in 2030 when they come up with this stuff. Wrap it up, D. What's number nine? Have fun and make connections. Pretty fucking straight. How do you like that title? That's pretty straightforward. I mean, it's straight to the point. I just can't believe that there's anything under it.

I mean, you've got more stuff under the title. I mean, I'm not going to bother reading it. The title sums up everything so masterfully. Oh, yeah? Don't you think? Well, you know, if I thought that, I probably wouldn't have written stuff underneath it. Yeah. I love the hot tip under each one, though. I mean, that's a pretty cool little addition. What's the hot tip under number nine, Dee? Come on. But say it with some enthusiasm. Hot tip. Yeah, there you go. What do you got? What do you got? Bam. Met someone awesome at the event? Don't forget to get their details.

Maybe give them your contact card. There you go. So done. I mean, that's really it because we've covered the rest of it. Yeah. Have fun, don't take shit too seriously. Fair point. Well, I mean, you've got to take some shit seriously. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Like, you don't want to go away having fun, come back losing an arm. You know? Yeah. Or having warts growing out the eye of your penis or something. A loss of a limb seems pretty extreme. Yeah, I get it. We've all been involved in one of those swinger accidents where somebody falls and loses a fucking limb. Don't know about that. Yeah, we all have.

That's a thing. That's what happens. Right. There is actually a last and final extra points. Whoa. It's not the ten points, bud. We've done nine. We're not doing another one. So it is – No more. No? No, we're off. That's it. I tell you what, read the blog and you'll find out what that extra one is. How's that sound? It's such a secret. Yeah. How do you get the blog? You don't. Shut up. Can't have it. You're fucked. You'll never know. It will be in the show notes and it's on our website. So come and check that out. But, yeah, that's our nine practical tips for attending large swinger events.

Did that just make your day, Dee? Absolutely. I mean, this is exactly why people listen to us, not the incredibly perfect studio quality sound that we started off with. Well, hey, you know, we're just trying our best, man. Don't be a hater, okay? Can't help it. Dee, don't be a hater. It's built into me, bud. It is a little bit built into you. I try not to be a hater, but sometimes some hatred just boils to the surface. Hey, I just also want to shout out, we got some new iTunes reviews in the last couple of weeks, so thank you.

I mean, there's at least some people that could put a bit more fucking effort into the iTunes reviews. You know, this person, Lab Lab, love listening to your podcast. Pretty fucking straightforward. Those guys are from Ireland. Yeah, I mean, love the review guys, but come on, just a bit more guts to it, you know? Hey, they're just straight up and straightforward. Right, I'm hoping they understand. I'm just kidding. West Coast couple, they gave us one too, and also thank you, well yeah, actually just thank you to everybody who gives us a review on iTunes.

It's awesome to read them, so thank you. It makes Kate feel better about herself. It does. I like it. I like reading them, man. Yeah. It's fun. I might, so you know you can actually give yourself a review, right? Should I give myself a shitty review? Also thanks Loaded Dog. This bitch doesn't know what she's fucking talking about. Loaded Dog gave me one too, so thanks for that. This bitch doesn't know what she's talking about. I'm sick of listening to her. Absolutely. And then put Signed, Kate. Signed from my other personality. Kate Mark 2. Split personality. You've got more than one.

All right. We're going to talk social media buzz in two seconds, so we'll be back for that. We'll be back for that? Yeah. We're going away. We're going back. Where are we going? All right. Welcome back, guys. So this is social media buzz. It's 102 comments on this one. It just appears that we've now got a new... gap section in our podcast that I wasn't aware of. This bombshell was just fucking dropped on me right now. All I can imagine is in the middle there, Kate's going to drop in like some birds chirping, like the one that's chirping outside right now. Okay. Are you ready?

Social media bells. 102. My God, so fucking ready. Okay. Is this request unreasonable? I want some input from other couples. I'm a unicorn in the hunt for new couples. I know what I want and I'm really not going to settle. So she wants to know is I, she wants to meet the woman half of the couple before she meets the male half of the couple. Not for playtime, she just wants to catch up, talk about what they both want, bit of girl-girl, like coffee, you know, and everything else. And so she's saying, you know, is this unreasonable request?

So she's basically saying that she's pretty reluctant, she's met some women where their story changes once they kind of get down to it and it leaves her feeling confused and awkward. So she's saying like, you know, should I meet the female first? Is it unreasonable? I'm a unicorn for couples, what do you reckon? What you should always do in the lifestyle is make sure you do what you want to to make sure that you're comfortable. What you need to understand though is when you do that is you may be limiting your pool of opportunity. It's that simple.

If you say I'm only into people who will only have sex on carpet, anally whilst wearing gumboots with a chicken in each gumboot, you've limited the number of people that you're potentially going to hook up with or even hang out with. So that's what it's all about. Just be prepared for the fact that if you limit the requirements requirement, you will limit the cast of your neck. Yeah, that's true. Stick to your guns, decide what they are and stick to your limits. Have limits if you want them, but do realise that, yes, it could turn people off. Maybe they don't want to do that. And that's fine.

Not could. It will turn people off because there will be people who aren't into chickens or gumboots but do want to have anal sex on carpet. And that's perfectly fine because then you've achieved what you wanted to achieve, which is that you probably don't want to be with those people anyway if if they don't like chickens in their gumboots, as Dee so eloquently put. But fuck it. Have your boundaries have what you want, right? My dad always said to me, if you want to fuck a chicken, you've got to get a good hold of the pecking end. Just another tidbit of information.

Champion bit of information. Another wealth. That's some nice Aussie banter. It's a good job. No problem. I like to help. Also, Velcro gloves make really easy prey of sheep. Hey, so lastly, I just don't know what to say to that, so I'm I'm just going to carry it. Keep on. Maybe we should just pause for a second and let the music go again. We're going to do that because we'll be back talking about some events. What? Yep. No. It's happening. We can't do that. Going out. And we're back. Hey, so we recently had an event in Singapore. We had a glow party and it was a bit of fun.

A glow party that Kate organised. I did. I did. And I just want to say that...

when thinking about your themes through your events if you're going to host a theme really consider the cost of hosting I didn't I was expecting that we could change out some of the lights in the particular bar we did a take we took over an entire bar and and there wasn't enough lights to do that to change them out to to black lights unfortunately we actually had to hire for six hundred dollars a light guy to come in and put in the lights so the glow would glow he did a spectacular job of it though he did do a great job even the fluff even the fluff on my fucking jeans was glowing. Yeah.

Which was not great. And we hired a body painter. So maybe we should have got somebody who was less good. Yeah, well true. Yeah. The body painter was the showstopper. Yeah, that was great. For sure. I mean, well, you didn't get anything done though. The body painter was great. She was amazeballs. She was good. You found her, actually. I did. She was that popular that she ended up having a line of people at the door and then we had to keep her on for an extra hour. She was that, everyone was that interested in getting body painted.

They weren't interested in fucking each other so they all stayed to get body painted. But otherwise, yeah, it was a good party though, right? It was a great party. Had a whole heap of fun. Yeah, a lot of fun. Cleaning up the next day in the AM wasn't great though. It wasn't great, no. Yeah, that is unfortunate. Yeah. Have to actually go back and clean up. We should stop drinking when we're hosting parties, but I don't want to. No, I don't want to either. That's the problem.

Maybe what we should do is set the party up and then pay somebody to come in and MC it and then we just attend as attendees. We still have to fucking pack it down. Dammit. So your system... Has nothing to do with the problems. It's Florida, I will admit. All right, I think that's it for us today. That is. Actually, no, travel. I just want to mention travel real quick. We are heading to London, actually early April. We're going to stop in at Le Boudoir Swingers Club in the middle of London, so that's going to be fun. That's a de-sponsored trip, that one. Yes, it will be awesome.

But otherwise, yeah, thank you so much for listening, guys. You can catch us on Twitter, of course, at Swing Down Under. Thanks, guys. Appreciate the hell out of you. Cheers. See ya. Hey guys, just a couple more in mention. I am actually heading to Miami in September. So if you guys are there in Miami, I'm going to the LLV Club's Escape to Miami party. It's actually the first hotel party I've ever been to, so that's going to be pretty interesting. It's just me on my own hanging out in Miami, so I'm keen for that. But if you want to check that out, it's on our website.

I am going to create a new area on our website on swingingdownunder.com. So we've got stuff in there. But we are attending things like Naughty in New Orleans or the LLV Club Party. So head over there and check that out. And we also just release our first newsletter as well. So that's on there if you guys want to sign up for the Swinging Dead Under newsletter. We are doing things like showcasing other podcasts or blogs for the lifestyle. We are trying to bring really just information and resources to everybody out there interested in the lifestyle. So not just information about us.

There's news articles. There's podcasters. There's bloggers. and we're also doing a section on people in the lifestyle because I kind of like putting people in the hot seat and looking into a little bit about the diversity that exists out there in non-monogamy. So if you want to check that out, it's on swingingdownunder.com forward slash newsletter. Sign up for it. But also if you want to be a part of it, please send me an email, cnd at swingingdownunder.com.

If you have resources that you want to mention, if you see articles in the news talking about non-monogamy or if you want to be part of the hot seat and share a bit of information for yourself over I've got some questions that you can answer. So hit us up there. We'd love to hear from you guys. But otherwise, I did mention we'll be in London, so we're going to head to Le Boudoir Club. If you've been there before, also let us know. We're going to hopefully get a chance to talk to the owner. So we'll let you guys know if we manage to achieve that and then come back with an interview.

Otherwise, yeah, it's been great catching up as always. And cheers.