P77 – Desire Resort Clothing Optional Vacation #DP2018

Transcript

you're listening to swinging down under podcast about the swinging non-monogamous lifestyle from two crazy australians with over four years of lifestyle antics to keep you entertained informed angry happy and horny join our international swinging adventures and welcome i I'm C, crazy female Australian sheila and believer of all things love, balance and sexy times. And this is Dee. I'll be doing my best to keep the dad jokes to a minimum which is probably going to be highly unlikely. Along with that I'll keep C and check where I can. Did I mention I'm a pilot?

We'll be your podcast host for today so sit back and enjoy the sweet sweet melodies merry christmas everyone we have decorations up now that means it's christmas officially the christmas tree is shiny and glowy it is shiny glowy and uh almost makes for some sort of like epileptic fit sometimes when the lights go crazy yeah it's kind of explosive kind of explosive and we have our light up pineapple next to it though which is kind of cool that adds a little bit of actually we also have a pineapple christmas ornament that somebody gave us at desire given to us at desire and it was lovely the people who gave it to us yes and thank you thank you yeah made it to the tree and of desire, that's what today's podcast is going to be about.

We're only going to release one podcast about our recent desire trip. We don't want to bore you all with kind of like a day-by-day. We've done that, you know, in 2016 and again in 2017. So, this is going to be a little bit different of a desire kind of recap, right? Yeah, I mean, that's what you tell me. So, in the middle, we're going to actually share the recording that we did at desire. So, we did this recording with, of course, Mr. and Mrs. Jones from We Got A Thing podcast. And we're going to share that we talk about barriers. We talk about judgments and the lifestyle.

It's kind of fun little chatter, a little bit emotional, too, actually. We had some listeners come up and share their story, which was really, really cool. Yes, it was. But otherwise, yes. So we just got back from big trips.

We've been actually to new york we've been to cuba we've been to mexico we got back we went straight to bangkok we've just gotten back from vietnam and cambodia we're now home it's christmas the tree is up the tree is definitely i totally agree with the last statement it was a statement of fact so d your week at desire we're not doing a blow by blow but like share with me what did you think of the week okay so the week started out pretty average i suppose given that we arrived and we uh you weren't feeling very well you were quite sick when we arrived i thought you're gonna take the piss out of the hotel choice the night before again missed opportunity there buddy i thought you were really gonna get one last stab in with that shitty hotel well given i don't remember a lot about desire now because it was like two months ago it feels like two months ago it's like six weeks back now it was four weeks ago dude i don't remember much about desire normally what happens in these sorts of you know in podcasts in general is she does like a little mini plan and she sort of you know does some lead-in conversation and then i come in with some interesting tidbits along the way You're welcome.

you know, in podcasts in general is she does like a little mini plan and she sort of, you know, does some lead-in conversation and then I come in with some interesting tidbits along the way. This time around, though, it appears that I'm leading and she's doing the interesting tidbits. So brace yourself for some really, really weird shit. Arrived the day before. We stayed in a hotel that I rode around on cockroaches for the evening just for a bit of fun. Did you have little saddles and little, like, reins? A little bit in their mouth?

The outside area beside the pool, you know, where you can just relax and enjoy the beautiful scenery. It happened to be burnt down, I don't know, a couple of weeks before, so there were still black marks all over the, well, anything wood.

Hey, you like a bit of charcoal around your pizza crust i was just assuming you like it around your hotels too so the hotel was um i'm gonna say a little bit shit i'm also gonna say that i regularly have to reach into seas tight little purse slash asshole and pry out some money you know because i think that's where i store it this hotel we stayed at i think cost about three dollars a night it was like 60 bucks man it was the worst 60 hotel i've ever stayed at bar none the upside is though when we went out for a drink finally the guys who were at the uh who were out at the bar doing the uh the waiting on our tables when c walked away unfortunately they had music playing in the background behind them in the kitchen and they proceeded to talk about her tits out loud really quite loud for the first 10 minutes of me sitting there so it was a fantastic place i really uh really enjoyed it i i mean see you can put a link to this in the you know like review it on like trip advisor and stuff oh no fuck i wouldn't waste my time it's just a total waste of time to even do that so good news is though we were supposed to actually get the transfer so with the package we selected uh we got free airport transfers but because we're already there we could just get them, which was, I don't know, 10 minutes down the road.

Which we had to bring forward from like 2 o'clock in the afternoon. Right. Because for some craziness, she decided that we'd stay at this shithole until 2 o'clock in the afternoon. No, it was about noon, and then I thought, this is no good. So we left that hotel at about 9 in the morning.

we arrived at desire like super duper early which was good right uh we arrived on the phone party saturday which is always fun i thought phone parties on friday no saturday the phone party is probably the highlight of my week actually i have to say one of the highlights um i love the phone party i don't know what it is but it's like bubbles rain and then bubbles for adults right that's what happens kids with bubbles that's what i'm saying fucking more and they're running around like adults just kind of revert back to like being being carefree it's fucking awesome and everybody just kind of gets in a party vibe we did break the uh so we did have a couple of inflatables in the pool and one of them is this like bucking bull um thing and you blow it up and you're supposed to get on and see how long you can stay on it for unfortunately we broke that in the phone party you mean me yeah you broke it fatty i'm actually just curious it appeared that there was only one person who could stay on the bucking bull i maintain your feet were touching the bottom of the pool i was the only person who could stay on the fucking thing everybody else struggled to even get on it once they were on it that was them done a lot of fun yeah well for you guys it was a lot of people tugging at it and i think that's what broke it in the end is that i just sat there like a rock and there were people around pulling on the on the which is kind of what i think was the demise of the bull in the water and i put a hole in the side of it and that was it done that was it done that was the bull done yeah it didn't last very long like 60 or 70 bucks on amazon too 10 rides yeah right so six bucks a ride that's about how much you'd pay at a pub i don't know they have bulls at a pub yeah they do the bucking yeah they feed them for leftover oh leftover beer they just feed them from a trough they didn't know they just suck it out of the beer mats they feed the pigs from the trough and then they pigs to the bull.

No, that's not what happens at all. Oh, okay. Well, I'm really confused. But I did put up a video of our room on Twitter as well, so you can have a look at what the ocean view, like the entry rooms look like. So if you wanted to check it out, Desire Pearl Entry Rooms, that's on our Twitter feed.

Hey, see, how come you didn't put up like a video of the room we stayed in the night before uh i was too busy enjoying the the ambience i think it was the inability for you to extend your arm far enough away from your body because it would have touched the other wall in the bedroom that was the ambience i was just overwhelmed by this state of relaxation overwhelmed by the guy in the hall who was whistling a fucking horror movie tune yeah that's three in the morning yeah kill bill kill bill tune yeah three in the morning yeah it was fantastic uh yeah so otherwise a desire pearl like like set the stage for for the first few days given that um sea was broken yeah stupid vagina yep stupid vagina vaginas man hard work and look that that's you know we've spoken about this before but that's always you know that's always a tough one elevator you spend 12 months saving preparing getting ready for a big holiday and then you know you could possibly get sick so i mean not just that you could get the flu you get a cold you know whatever the case may be but it's it's shitty but uh so yeah overall the week in desire this year i'm just gonna make this about me for a second okay go somehow that's different to how it always is but carry on yeah i'm carrying i'm carrying so carrying extra weight fatty those in glass houses huh just to make this about me to make sea sickness about me so see he says to me when we arrive look i don't want to ruin your first you know your few days or at this point we didn't know how long it would be right it could have been the week that you were out of action you're like please go and you know you can play alone without me and blah and i'm like well i don't think that we're ready for that for me to play alone i don't think that we as a couple are ready for that yet and that put me in a very awkward position because either way i went i was going to upset you in my mind because if i didn't play then you're like oh i'm ruining the holiday it's it's horrible and then if i do go and play, it would have become, oh, my God, you played without me, it's horrible.

So in my mind, that's your voice in my mind. Thanks, babe, yeah, I really appreciated that. I was sitting here, it was a delight. Well, your voice in my mind sounds different to you. Apparently my voice in your mind sounds a lot more fucking whiny. Yeah, it's a lot more naggy. A lot more naggy, yeah. Cheers, man, that's awesome.

She's a lot more naggy that the sea in my head is a lot more naggy than the regular set you're being a bit of an asshat maybe you should be happy about this i mean because i very rarely hear your naggy voice so i've like made up one so yeah making this about me it made it made the first few days quite difficult for me because i felt like i was disappointing you no matter which way i went and i ended up not playing with anyone alone because i didn't feel that that was the safer option was to piss you off shirt short term not long term and uh i think that was a better option or upset you short term rather than long term cool story bro thanks for sharing no problem anytime it's what i'm here for this is what happens when you give me the fucking lead no no it's good stuff it's good stuff um yeah look i mean fucking bill murray what are you gonna fuck sake man jesus what are you gonna do right you're sick you're a desire you're really amped up and yeah you you feel shitty not only that but um you know something to i guess pause on as well is that we were still having dinner with people and we had to do the explanation of, hey, we really want to have dinner with you guys or if they'd invited us out, but we need you guys to know that we can't play.

Therefore, if you guys want to cancel and go and try to have connections with somebody else, that's totally cool because it's their holiday too, right?

So you don't want to really not waste their time but kind of in that same realm you want to give them the opportunity to say hey we're cool to just have dinner with you and enjoy your company or you want to give them the opportunity to say yeah cheers maybe we can do lunch instead and then at least they've got their evening to try and again make connections with somebody else who may turn into a play session what was really balls is some of the people who we wanted to hang out with and shag let's say shag uh actually left early as well like we had two couples that we wanted to play with that that left yeah so before you're you know obviously we're there for the whole seven days and actually yes so spoiler alert i actually did get better and so some people just come in for two three four days, they're going to stay for the whole week.

And unfortunately, by the time that I was better, two of the couples that we really enjoy and really would love to have played with had left. So that was a bit of a Debbie Downer. But otherwise, the trip overall for me, I didn't have as much fun this year as I had last year. And I think that was a combination of things.

And we're going to talk about this in future episodes i've got some really awesome topics to cover if you do say so yourself if i do say so myself my topics are amazing i wrote them down on a piece of paper and everything on a piece of paper which i might add hilariously is in the back of my work phone put in to put in behind the case of your iphone yeah which has a notes functionality built into it yeah you liked that didn't you i do yeah it is really quite spectacular technology hey yeah i mean you know the ability to write things down or even more crazily just leave a voice memo i could do any of those things hey siri can i send myself an email could upload a file to dropbox you know Flat blop.

Yeah, I knew you'd pipe in, Siri. So, yeah, so this year for me, and I think D is the same, we didn't have as much fun as we had last year, which was a bit crappy. I think going in, the mindset going in with me being sick and everything else probably wasn't great.

Combine that with the fact that we did have a date the first night that had forgotten about making the date with us that was a bit shit and it kind of set the scene and you know I think that the first few days for us I guess we're not where they where they should have been except for the phone party because I was going fucking nuts I love that thing yeah you are definitely you're in a child yeah yeah I know you know how I know that is because during the foam party every year that we've been i've never seen you you just vanish i do kind of don't know some sort of psycho foam gnome yeah it is true you are a foam gnome but otherwise we had you know again the people that were there are always.

You know, I don't think that I met a person who I didn't enjoy the time with, didn't enjoy conversations with. Again, it's so hard with over 70 couples to spend time with everyone or even really spend quality time with the people that you really want to kind of get to know.

That was something we did better this year, I think than last year you know last year we we spent a lot of time talking to a lot of people and we didn't build as much of a connection as we could have because you spend you know small pockets of time with large amounts of people whereas this year we really tried to spend better quality time with a smaller amount of people yeah first statement yeah and so uh yeah so overall though the people were fantastic i mean that the week that the parties were good i got sick again midweek um which was a bit shitty but um but this time no not the vagina no this time just i don't know what the fuck happened there i think just i think just drinking for 14 days straight my body was like yeah nah yeah nah i'm not playing anymore yeah yeah nah could be that and uh but we did have the biggest orgy we've ever had do you want to share about the the dinner and the orgy d yeah so it was the biggest orgy we've ever had i can't have a dinner start with dinner though that was best so dinner was dinner i mean it was a good night we had a great night the dinner got a little bit crazy which kind of fits quite nicely with you know us ah true and if there was anybody in the pearl restaurant that night that we were there with everybody trying to have a nice refined romantic dinner with another couple um sozzy because we were loud we were boisterous you were loud i was sitting there quietly because that's how i roll yeah so dinner there was um what was there how many couples there was 11 11 couples right i think so yeah or 11 people i can't remember one two three four five there was maybe there was 12 people yeah there was about 12 people i think around the table So a big table, but super fun.

But because it's a big square table, we were trying to work out, well, how do we all kind of interact with each other? Because you can't really talk across each other that well. So how we managed it was similar to something we'd done a few nights earlier in that every dish that was coming out. So we had like the appetizers, the entrees, the mains, the dessert.

Everybody got got up and swapped seats so that means that you had the opportunity to have two people so one person either side of you uh changing around throughout the entire meal which was really cool because then you could interact right yeah absolutely it was um it was very cool wait staff absolutely despised us because they could never find who it was that was the person was supposed to be eating you know the particular meal that they were bringing out so it was uh yeah it was and then we headed back to their apartment for for yeah the biggest orgy which was really interesting because before we went to dinner um sometimes not all the time but sometimes we have little swing of goals right before we go out to an event or an evening and before we left we actually originally were anticipating having dinner with only one couple um there was some missed communication and that's how it turned into such a big group but before we left our room i was saying to d you know tonight what i really do is i want to connect with this couple over dinner and then ideally i want to after dinner go and collect a few more couples and then go back to their place for a mini orgy yes that was what i wanted and it came true but on a significantly larger scale it was a um a very big event with 12 people uh i think it actually increased because remember we picked up a couple on the way back to the room there was a couple on the way to the um to the event the theme night and we're walking down the path and as we went past them we're like hello come to our room we're all going back for a bit of fun come to the room the room yeah it's not our room yeah they had a bigger room than us just randomly inviting people to to a group event no to be fair though they were uh friends and we'd spend some time with them it's not like they were just it's not what i'm saying it's that you're like oh it's somebody else's room i'm just going to invite our friends along just you know what if they didn't want our friends there they did i knew they did they really really did yeah yeah so it was a yeah it was a fun evening it was a very fun evening it was fun there i guess the blow by blow will take us like two hours so we're not gonna dig into that not gonna dig into that no it's uh yeah i mean it it was uh let's just say a whole lot of fun yeah i had a lot of girl time i had a lot of like lady lady fun i think that kind of sums up the majority of your desire event i think yeah i think it actually does yeah you you had a lot more lady time than you did mentor yeah that's probably that's probably accurate but yeah so i had a lot yeah i did have a lot more lady time than you did have a lot more lady time to be fair i think you had sex with every single female in that orgy am i wrong did you have sex with everybody or did you miss one i did have sex with everyone except for my wife who i then had sex with later in the evening so six or seven ladies yes yes wow go you really can just slap that thing in a door can't you yeah yeah you can it's um because i find six or seven cocks that would be that would be you'd be broken for a month broken for a month even more broken than you were broken three days two days before that that's true no no um definitely definitely a good night for for me um very many lovely ladies um all of which i'm desperately pleased to have been allowed to spend quality time with absolutely so much fun so much fun yeah and then otherwise the the week was just it kind of goes right um we had some fun in the hot tub we kind of watched a very funny silhouette austin powers sex orgy that was going on by the by the hot tub one night which was hilarious yeah yeah well that was um that was the same group yes it was yeah that was the same group which was interesting to be on the outside of it looking in.

Well, thank you very much, everyone, for joining us today. We are talking about barriers, perceptions, judgment. Some of those words are going to have certain meanings for you and they might trigger something in you, but you'll be surprised at probably how we're going to adapt today's conversation and what those words mean to you, hopefully by the end of the conversation.

But first, we are all sitting in the disco at desire pearl november 2018 we have a cast of visitors today so this is going to be a hopefully an interactive session please feel free to if you don't want if you want to contribute and you don't want this to be recorded you know just raise your hand hand and we'll make sure that we edit that part out because it's organized and she'll remember who does and doesn't want to be recorded. Like that name drop that just occurred just then. Yeah. That's one. He made a mistake. Mr. Jones is not perfect. Now that that's out of the way.

Or what you can do is just say into the microphone, I don't want this on the podcast. And we'll be sure to take it off. All righty. So I guess, you know, let me first ask, I'll ask Mrs. Jones. Mrs. Jones, if I said to you the word barrier, what would your response be to that? My first response is a fear. What fear do I have that is holding me back from trying something new or learning something new about myself? So I think fear is that word for me. Okay. And if I was to say to you, Mr. Jones, what do you think about judgment? What would you say? I wanted to answer the other question.

Oh, hey, Mr. Jones, if I said to you, what do you think about barriers? What would be your answer? I think the first thing that comes to mind is something that is preventing me from doing something. And we oftentimes, I think, go to the other people or the other person or the situation.

And what I think about is barriers that I have within me that don't allow me to understand something so that I perceive that to be a barrier in my mind and so we all come from different places from different points on the globe you were raised by people and influenced by those around us whether it's teachers or pastors or others that influence us. And so understanding and questioning how that's created you or made you think and understanding that if you break that down a little bit, then these perceived barriers, a lot of them originate from within us.

So that's what I hope that people want to talk about. But I think in today's society, you know, Mr. Jones was talking about, you know, parents and pastors and teachers, etc. But in today's society, currently, I think a lot of it is the media.

Society is creating barriers because there's just a lot of black and white in our society right now, and there's a lot of it is the media society is creating barriers because there's there's just a lot of black and white in our society right now and there and there's a lot of judgment and you know and then i i think that when i use the word fear maybe that's it is i want to fit into society so i you know that that judgment that comes from the external forces in my life creates a barrier for me as well so i'm gonna ask you all a question and i'm using my americanisms as well y'all um who in this room's felt judged outside of this outside of this resort i mean who's who's felt i mean i think most people in this room certainly i have as well but the interesting thing is I'm honest enough to ask myself a question and say when have I judged somebody else and I think if I ask you the same question everyone be a little more shy about putting their hands up right because nobody wants to feel like they've judged others but we all have right I mean we are born we're born with a pre pre-wired ability to judge.

I mean, it's part of how we survived before we got to the style of humans that we are now, but it's still in there. I mean, when you see somebody who looks female, you immediately assume they're female. When you see somebody who looks male, you may immediately assume they're male. That's a judgment, you know?

And whether it's a judgment that's correct or not it is that's what it is and we're wired that way one of the glorious things I've found about this lifestyle and certainly this group and there's still some judgment in here I mean we all still have our own little twerks and I don't know what word I'm going for but I've been drinking this this morning. There's, you know, we all try not to judge. I think the biggest thing for me is the learning that when I do feel like I'm going to judge somebody, I need to stop and address that myself and say, why am I doing this? What's causing me to do this?

Is it society, pastor?

You know, what's the training that I've had to this point that I need to try and unlearn to not judge people and it's hard and we all get it wrong and I will continue to get it wrong and I regularly cock it up and I regularly get addressed by some of the people in this room when I do it thank you Bradford so so it is it's an interesting thing to deal with on a daily basis but i wanted to ask myself that question because i wanted to answer it and um but i'm interested in and that's that's actually so me but i'm interested in in if anyone else got anything that they'd like to share around that i mean not maybe not on the when you've been judged i mean certainly that's part of it but when have you done something or had to self-correct?

When have you had to kick yourself in the arse and say, what you're thinking right now may be what you're thinking. And you can't say that it's right or wrong. It's just what you're thinking. And how do you address that? And I saw a handover here from my favourite tool. Sorry. Really interesting topic for me to discuss and think about because Dee's absolutely right. Judgment occurs subconsciously all the time.

And as much as it's important to try and recognize when that occurs, I think it's probably equally important to dig even a little deeper and try and figure out where our blind spots are because that's where we don't understand where we're judging we think we're behaving in a normal and perfectly acceptable way and we're just not aware of the the subconscious judgments that we make so a great topic for discussion and thanks guys there was just a little sploosh on kate's part when he said blind spots yeah that was brilliant like good word good word and also wow sploosh um so we sent out a little note and for everybody listening at home if we do decide to put this up it's bdsmtest.org and some of you might have thought why the hell are we asking you to jump online and do this test and i'm going to talk a little bit about something that happened recently while i was taking this test.

I was sitting there, and some of these questions had, they evoked a response in me, and I didn't like the response that I had. I was going through this list, and it was asking me, on a scale of, you know, zero to ten, or et cetera, et cetera, how do you feel?

It was really enjoyable to watch the responses, because I could see, I was sitting across from C at the time, and I could see when she got to something that made her skin crawl a little you know you'd see her go oh and then i'd see the self-assessment like why am i going oh it was yeah it's really true so as you're going through some of the questions in that test might make you go yeah i'm really i'm really not into that but the difference is i'm really not into that and somebody else is and that's cool. Or why do people like that?

And that's the judgment and the barriers that we're talking about today. So some of you have taken that test and we might maybe talk a little bit about the response that you had whilst taking it.

But just to bring that back into the topic of conversation about barriers, those potential issues that I had while I was reviewing these questions and my reaction of like why would somebody why am i no i'm not interested in that you know that's disgusting or whatever could be a potential barrier for myself to actually possibly enjoy whatever that was that the question was asking me as well so some of those preconceived notions as the jones has said about you know growing up you know i mean i don't know if anybody in this room's parents were swingers, but mine weren't.

And they didn't teach me anything about this. So, you know, you kind of got to learn as you go along. And so you do have to sometimes see that, understand what's causing that, self-correct. But could that be a barrier to your own pleasure and enjoyment? Absolutely. Over lunch yesterday, Wee Wee had a very famous quote. And he said, oh, I can't believe that C and D are like pissing all over each other and I can't believe that's going on, but hey honey, can you go to the cupboard and can you get that dildo and shove it in my ass real hard and whilst you're there, can you grab a ball gag?

And we thought, yeah, exactly, you know, your kink's not my kink, but I gotta respect that kink and also dig a little bit deeper and kind of understand it or maybe to get some participation think of before you came to this resort either this time or the first time just reliving that through your mind what were some things that you just before you even had a chance to think about it were popping into your head about why i can't do this or why I shouldn't do this or what I'm going to have to experience while I'm there and these ideas and these fears that we have, maybe that would be a good place to start with a conversation.

Has anyone anything they'd like to offer in terms of what was one of the biggest fears coming along here that in terms of the, let's say, the perversity of the place? I mean, I know it's a tough word to swallow, but it's a step out of a lot of people's comfort zones to come even to a place like this or even to get naked in front of people.

I mean, yeah, is there anyone here that would like to offer that and i think we've just dragged somebody out of the crowd without their consent at all and there's a c in the crowd right now who was looking at me and he was like holy hell is she pointing at me so when um jen and i were um looking at coming to the to the resort so when we were talking about coming, you know, we'd looked on the website. We had seen people that had come here before. And, you know, we were a little nervous. We're not perfect. We're not, you know, 20 anymore. They're close. We're not. Thank you.

We're just not those things. So we were a little nervous. And we don't do a lot of, you know, we don't go places. This is our first vacation in, like, seven years.

So we were nervous about getting things so we were a little nervous and we don't do a lot of you know we don't go places this is our first vacation in like seven years so we were nervous about getting naked we were nervous about you know we're we can talk to people but it's our first time just talking naked i guess that was what we were really nervous about and um you know there was a lot of fear in that and we we talked about it we talked about it and we beat it it up for a long time and i think we finally just decided you know fuck it um yeah we're getting naked and if nobody likes it don't look i don't care but um you know that fear was real for us but that's like mr jones had said and mr jones everybody it's it was society it was the way we were brought up you know we're old so the picture perfect people were in all the magazines and that's what we you know we were supposed to aspire to but then we realized that what we should aspire to is our personalities and we shouldn't worry about everything else so we just had a lot of fear but i think we've done a good job we've overcome it we've you know we've put ourselves out there and we're having a great time.

This is a fantastic place and we can't wait to come back, so. And I think one of the mistakes that we make as I'm looking at your beautiful wife in the back, my first reaction might be, oh my gosh, you don't have anything to worry about. And in a way, even though I'm trying to be polite, that's really not helpful because we all have those insecurities. And so to be able to just own it and stand up and say that, you know, good, good for you guys. Yeah.

I think too, too often we might say to somebody, we might dismiss it, you know, I mean, you were just talking about the fact that you kind of overcame that fear. I mean, that's a much bigger conversation. And a lot of the time people are like, ah, just be confident. You'll be right. Sure. Okay.

just ask somebody to go to bed with you you'll be right well it takes some time to get there I mean you can't yeah so to your point you can't just dismiss things as much as you want to be supportive and say you got nothing to worry about you're really attractive you're intelligent you're witty you got a beautiful smile and I respect you but you know sometimes that's that not enough. Alright, did anybody in this room take that test and want to come, I want to ask some questions about how you felt about taking the test. I don't want your actual results.

What she's saying is, is there anyone here who came to vacation and not have to worry about anything, do some homework that was assigned to you by some podcaster last night during your vacation? Anybody all not a single person have sex take the test have sex take the test hmm while you're thinking about it um i'll share one that our our friends who are in the room and i'm not going to make eye contact with them, brought up with us. And it was a fear that we had, a barrier we had when we first started trying to understand the lifestyle and come to a place like this.

And that is, as a husband, my fear was that every time some couple came up to talk to us, the guy wanted to have sex with my wife. Every time.

And that's where't help my mind that's where I always went and it shut me down it didn't allow me to open up and talk to other people and so understanding that the more that you interact with people and the more social that you are the more that you realize there's more to this than that and you always have the right at any point in time to bow out and exit but we we were i had that fear that everyone that was going to talk to us that's what the you know their their motive was and it uh as ben was saying and i can use his name right yeah yeah uh you know these are things that we have to experience standing up here and talking about the answers to these questions does you no good because you have to actually step out and experience these things and meet other people and practice this before you start to understand number one how to handle it and number two what it is about me that's getting in the way of understanding or maybe not making assumptions and and creating these barriers that really they only exist i'm the one that created that i put that in my mind all right i'll share a story then so recently um d is wanting to arrange an all-male orgy for my birthday right and the yeah i know and the first time the hands are now going up around the room the first time that he told me this i i freaked out right i freaked out for a number of reasons personally i was like oh gosh everyone's gonna be looking at me i'm gonna be naked my body shape whatever second thing was a performance problem like god how can i actually entertain these people and i'll say to him like how many cocks are we talking about we're talking about three we're talking about five we're talking about six gosh what is that and then the next thing was i don't even know these people you know we're talking about a one night stand all male orgy and then me you know so the next thing was well i'll be there well he'll be there uh the next thing was you know thing was, really, who are these people as well?

And how am I going to connect with them so quickly that I can move instantly into just having sex with these people? For us, we're very much into the social aspect as well as the playtime. So that was a concern for me. But last year, 12 months ago, one of our friends had an all-male orgy.

And yeah, at the time, that's a bit slutty you know that's a lot like she was talking about 10 guys and her and I'm like god well one I was pretty impressed with her ability to you know do that without breaking the cookie but um the next thing I was yeah I was thinking that's that's really slutty and then I started thinking about the one that Dee wants to arrange and I was equally concerned about my sluttiness he's talking five guys and i'm like well i don't i don't know if that does that define me does that change who i am as a person if i do that am i going to be this quote unquote bad person this person where society or my my parents my mom might think you know hey that's not my daughter or that's not that person that's you know the right person in society and so I was judging myself as well so we're currently going through that because my birthday is fast it's coming it's in January and I'm stressed about it even now so you know we're working through it but I got some things I'm worried about so that but that is an internal judgment that I'm trying to work through it's a barrier because it could be a lot of fun and a lot of the ladies i don't know a lot but a couple of the ladies here actually have done this and i've been talking to them they're like it's great fun just let it happen just kind of let yourself have that enjoyment but to do that is is easier said than done um yeah we're happy to talk about how we felt taking the test and some of the results if you guys want us to.

Okay, yes. I'm Angela. And I'm Bradford. We'll do the shameless podcast plug from By the By podcast. When we took the test, honestly, thank you, see, when we took the test, honestly, my first thought was, holy cow, there's a lot of things on here that I want to do that I hadn't even thought about doing. So for me, it was like a Wikipedia of great ideas.

Yeah, and I think for me, it was more interesting, the results afterwards, because I look at my results, and a lot of mine that apparently thinks that I'm really into, many of which I knew, but they're super high, like 90 plus percent, actually 96 plus percent. And then there's this huge jump then down to 63 percent. So it's like I'm really into it or I'm not at all. But then I'm thinking, why am I not into those things and do I need to try them more?

And this was something I was challenged on last week is, you know, have you done this blah this blah and I'm like no I don't really enjoy it but maybe it was the experience and the person I did it with and maybe I need to revisit that and so I'm looking at some of these things and seeing that huge gap between like the high numbers and the low numbers and there's not a lot in the middle and maybe I need to give some of those things a more of a chance and and just see if maybe there a different way. So I have a, just on that, I have a small rule around food.

And this is, sounds a little abstract, I know. So for any of you in this room, we've spent a lot of time in Southeast Asia now, and durian is a fruit that is eaten in Southeast Asia, which... I have some in my bag. It's disgusting. If anyone wants to come and try it, come see me. And it's one of these fruits. It's like Vegemite, but in our household. You either love it or hate it, right?

And I have this kind of pseudo rule that if I try something and the first time I don't like it, assume that the that this particular food was either off or not prepared well or something i make that assumption first now just a heads up i've tried durian four times and it sucked every time so so maybe that's not for me but um and i think i i think that's a reasonable rationale as well for some of the stuff that we do because certainly i can speak certainly for us the first time we tried anal sex it was not a good experience for Let's go.

a reasonable rationale as well for some of the stuff that we do because certainly i can speak certainly for us the first time we tried anal sex it was not a good experience for at least one of us right did it hurt you that yeah it did i still walk like a cowboy um and i'm sure and i'm sure the first time we try pegging it'll be not a great experience for at least one us as well. She just has to get the right strap on. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. So I think, and now, I mean, it's something we enjoy. We both enjoy.

It's certainly not something, you know, again, like durian, we may not feast on it every time it's in front of us, but it's something that we'll enjoy.

Okay, one's something that we'll we we'd enjoy every now and again and I think that's a rationale I'm trying to push across into into the lifestyle as well because certainly there's a whole lot of things I've tried along my life some of them I've absolutely hated and I've thought I'll never go back to that and since doing that again since being with C and in this lifestyle I'm like well actually i really this is now really a thing for me i really enjoy it so sorry to cut you guys off but i just thought that's something i try to apply to make things interesting i have a strap on room 68 just saying i have three and a lot of buildings so just to add one more thing to what you said so i think it's important angela and i both consider ourselves trisexuals so before we say we don't like something we will try it two three times because i think you're absolutely right uh i think that's really important i think another important thing is that a lot of us you guys i think sort of touched on it is don't yuck someone's yum if it's not your thing that's fine but don'tute or, or shut up or put up walls or put up barriers or shame someone due to their, to their likes.

And I think we all tend to do that. Like, like you said, see, you see something and you instantly have a physical reaction to it. And I think that's okay to have that physical reaction. But if you recognize that physical reaction and then say, okay, it's not my thing, but it's your thing and I'm not going to shame you for it. One of the things that, you know, you just mentioned, Angela, about this jump from 96% to 60%. Without taking a test, how do we begin to understand that there are things out there that we might be interested in if our bias is just not to be interested in them?

And a really personal example of this is recently I've had, now consent was an issue, so setting that aside, I've had men during play express an interest in me.

and um mrs jones and i talked about that and she said i said i don't am i am i like sending a vibe am i and what what did you do you remember what you told me well i mean mr jones is just naturally curious he he likes to understand people's perspectives obviously we have our own thing, but we find other people's things fascinating, and we've learned over the past five years of being in the lifestyle not to judge and to learn and to appreciate other people's perspectives because it's fascinating how all of us are wired so differently yeah so then what i what i began to do is reflect back and say why do i have a reaction to that particular thing again besides the communication and the consent um why do i have this kind of reaction and thinking back and look i'm a middle-aged white guy in the United States of America.

And, and came, what came with that was all of the things in middle school, in the locker room and in Sunday school, and all of these things that I've been programmed by my friends, my other guy friends, and to be able to stop and reflect on that and understand that and set that aside.

And then doesn't mean that i'm going to want to do that what it means is it's gotten me to a place where i understand that my score is a 60 or a 50 on that and asking that again identifying the barriers that might be there in my life so that i can assess it straightforwardly without getting some sort of a physical negative reaction to something and so that's something that I've just recently had to start thinking about and then I have to think well what am I doing to either make that better or worse for other people I mean I feel like I have a responsibility you know as a podcaster to be honest and open with people and people and to say and be vulnerable sometimes and say this is what I struggle with because I think that particular topic in and of itself needs a lot more airtime from people who, maybe like me, who you wouldn't think have an interest or want to talk about it.

That way it becomes a conversation point for others, not necessarily in this environment where you have to come up and have a microphone but hopefully it gives other people permission to go through that same process whatever it is that you might be in count what what barrier or something that you might encounter in the lifestyle that you don't understand so that to me that's that describes the difference between judgment and assessment, right? So judgment is something we do without necessarily thinking too deeply about it. It's a guttural reaction.

It feels instinctive, where assessment is something a little more considered and taken a little more time for and thought about a little more deeply.

On that, given've come up with the bdsm test which i'm going to need to put my little thumbprint on there on that given you've done this first time around i don't know whether you did this the very first time around this time or whether you've done it before but i'm curious as to if you did it again do you think the results would be different because you remove that guttural response absolutely and you actually now have had some time to think about it and give a real your actual thoughts rather than just the i suppose this spiteful vindictive thing that comes to the front of the i mean it's a it's it's part i mean i i i liken it to a fight or flight sort of scenario when something scares you, no matter what it is, whether it's visual or text, when it scares you, your response is a similar thing to a fight or flight.

You either want to attack it or you want to get the hell away from it. Yeah, for sure. There were questions in that test that I think I would answer the same no matter how many times I took the test.

But there are certainly some answers in there that I gave that i think um i would answer the same no matter how many times i took the test but there are certainly some answers in there that i gave that i think would probably shift a little given a little more time to think about it well one of the questions was do you want to be involved in cease bang bang and i'm that's it that's an all caps yes let's not make this awkward for anybody at the table. So, thank you. This is a really interesting... Were you surprised by the results? I haven't gotten to look too carefully at the results.

I didn't realise that there was this section at the bottom of the page here. Yeah, no, that's...

The four or or five i've seen already it's not really a surprise that the non-monogamy part rates fairly highly i mean we've got a 100 98 96 mine was 99 hers is 98 as well so you know we're i get the feeling we might be in a non-monogamous kind of scenario here right but some of the other things that pop up at the bottom was what i found really interesting i don't know about you no the bot just the bottom like the one percenters and stuff like that like uh i saw yeah like are you a sat for you we have something in coincidence which is that satis was at the bottom of my list as well yeah so just straight off the bat the idea of the idea of inflicting any kind of pain on someone is kind of I think oh I don't know how I don't think I could ever been involved in anal sex as it happens yes but you're talking about something that's the difference is unintentional versus versus intentional.

And where consent's involved, you think, well, okay, if someone wanted a little pinch or a slap on the arse, then I'm pretty happy to accommodate that. So where is the line? Where's my line? Where could it move to?

So all of these questions are, you know, the answer you give today may well be different to tomorrow and a question on the way you answered the questions because the way i answered them when i when i do it i'm thinking about me with my wife that's kind of how i answered the questions right i mean i think it's a reflex is it so the person you care about possibly most in the world depending on the relationship you're in again the person you care about most in the world might be the first person who pops to mind so for me the idea of needle play me doing that to see is not something that that I'm interested in all because all I see then is myself inflicting harm on someone that I actually really care about but it depends again once again on your relationship because uh and and on the those personal boundaries and it's completely conceivable that um with a partner other than my my wife my most frequent partner a different response might be evoked from me when asked to do something try something and uh and to look back to the barrier topic uh a barrier is something that's that i feel is in between something that we want or are interested in and where we are right now okay so um i think it's um i think it's important to note that barriers can either be worn down or broken through or just knocked over or you know can just vanish depending on circumstances thank you for sharing by the way i've got a question for you guys pardon me sorry apologies um as so as podcasters and you know i'm slightly in the game myself so my question and this and this is a really fascinating conversation for me, especially around being a podcaster.

And I've written some notes and sort of, you know, typed them down because I'm nerdy like that. So as podcasters, and I think Mr.

Jones has touched on this a little bit, do you feel you have a responsibility to help educate and help people in terms of understanding those judgments in particular and help pushing past them and do you do you see yourselves as as something of ambassadors to help them sort of think about their boundaries and how to cross that and how how does that make you feel um for for us i guess the the main thing is maybe that we're not we're not necessarily responsible i wouldn that because, of course, what we do is just we talk about our own circumstances.

So, we're not, this is not something that we're trained in. You know, we are by no means professional. So, what I do recommend or what I think that we should do is practice what we preach in by that we open ourselves up, as Mr. Jones says. You know, we show our vulnerabilities. We show the real side of what happens in our relationship, what happens to ourselves, the discussions that we're having, and then hopefully that opens up discussions for other people to have, so they don't feel so alone. I think that's probably the crux of what we can hope to achieve.

By no means could we, you know, professionally say, go and try this, or do this, or have this conversation, but definitely by us sharing our own thoughts stories opinions hurt um you know fights that can happen too you know at least then people go okay that you know these conversations are real and yes they can have that reaction in your partner but you can also see the other side of it you know um d and i recently did a podcast about playing separately and we did that we did that live that was unpracticedised and so on that one you can see...

Sorry, it's hilarious that you think people think any of our podcasts are practised I mean that's not a thing but you can see the reaction and it's not always it's not always, you know, sunshine and rainbows and there were some conversations in there where we were...

The occasionalcommunicating with each other see what i do there just rolls off i just don't even pay attention to him anymore um you know and but it's important to have them and i think that's that's the takeaway that that we can hope to achieve i i think that's a good question and it's a double-edged sword and i and i'm sure you guys have experienced this but we get emails and initially we began to understand that we sometimes okay i sometimes sound halfway intelligent mrs jones is intelligent all the time but there's this idea that we have all the answers and because we're in your ears that what we say has some authority and with that um there as spider-man says you know it comes that responsibility and so we try to come at it from the point of vulnerability and what we've experienced ourselves like for example stis i'm not a doctor and so my fear is that I'm going to say something that is slightly inaccurate, and somebody is going to take that as gospel and make a decision based on something that I say.

However, when I have an experience in the lifestyle, and I can share that experience and what it meant to us and what it means to our relationship, then people can take that and internalize it and and discuss it you know as a as a couple to know what that means for them and so when it some of these topics that we're really not experts on we're looking for opportunities to bring in people who are professionals and credentialed and to have to have those questions answered well i think that we don't have the answers. We have the questions.

And if we can throw the questions out there, it's your responsibility to work through those questions and answer them as a couple and find the answers that fit you. And what I love about this room right now, we have five couples in here that host lifestyle podcasts representing four countries.

And the two couples in the same country were from very opposite you know different areas of the country so we all bring different perspectives to the table so when you put all of us together i think we're all asking questions that you know some of those questions are going to resonate with you some of you are going to think those people are nuts but hopefully we're entertaining while we're being nuts you know but but that's the thing is that we're all different we're all wired different and we all have different motivations and and the conversation is about discovering what motivates each of us individually and as a couple for us the barrier has changed over the years we entered lifestyle i remember I was just looking at profiles and looking at just pictures and saying, yeah or nah.

So when we entered the lifestyle, the beauty of how beautiful the couple looks has changed over the 10 years we've been in lifestyle. Initially, it was just a physical picture and just physical.

And now it's to a point where we like to know how long they've been together how how stable their relationship is and all of that it's a total package over the years the the definition of beauty has changed for it the initially the barrier was beauty i mean that alone took a while first us to get over it so um what kept us from entering lifestyle was cultural barriers so we're talking i'm gonna i want to share some stories about the you know the barriers that i've come across after overcoming that um the barrier was i always thought you know um is it my physique or is it my face?

Because I'm a very literal person. And I kind of started to think, you know what, in the six or seven years that we've been in lifestyle, I've yet to be approached by a couple. And are these, you know, is that the barrier that's keeping them from, you know, approaching me? And so then I started thinking, we started attending these, you know, G-U-C, it stands for the girls uncorked, or the gamers greet. And then, you know, I started realizing, it gave me so much confidence.

And I came out of the, you know, my comfort zone and say, you know what, I'm not going to shy away from asking a couple out, you know, for dinner or, you know, if nothing happens, no expectations. I still enjoyed having conversation, you know, with like-minded people. The barrier that I came across, what lifestyle taught me is to be confident and to not shy away from asking couples. You know, at the end of the day, you know, I still have this beautiful man next to me. So that's what, you know, my takeaway from this, you know, the lifestyle is, you know, to not shy away.

And, you know, like what Mrs. Jones said, you know, there is a lot of black and white in the society. So all of those factors, I never felt confidence until six or seven years into lifestyle.

And, you know, the last three years, two years, our girls are, you know, we're empty nesters now nesters now and you know it's come to a point where i we meet a couple and you know invite them to our house now and it's you know it's a that's the way it's gotten i think to you know all the podcasters to to give us that that confidence and that you know, no expectations kind of thoughts to enjoy 110% being in lifestyle. So maybe some of you might feel, gosh, she is way too friendly.

and over the years over the years like he said the definition of beauty is changed so it took him so long to figure out what i am attracted to so what i am attracted to is not the face the you know the personality of the other couple how long they've been together not necessarily married how long they've been together how long you know the way they talk to each other the love that expresses in their conversation is what attracts me and it took me so long to find that out and figure that out for you know, for both of us. So, thank you. Thanks for sharing.

The same thought when we first got into this and I thought, who, what kind of man is Mrs. Jones going to be attracted to? And it was based on physical features.

And then I thought, how could she, you know, ever be attracted to a guy that's that has no hair um you know that's goofy you know and maybe not her type and then but really an australian accent overcomes a lot of all right i snuck up here um we're first timers and not we're not new to lifestyle and we're not new to kink um so this test is something that we were familiar with from a couple of years ago and we are curious to take it again because i'm sure our percentages will be quite different now Um, but in thinking about my reaction to some of these questions where I have had the most discomfort and even coming here and being more open and vulnerable because I'm very introverted and shy being in my own head the most painful place being able to work through that and discomfort is growth.

That's basically what it is for me. Getting past the most uncomfortable moment and getting through it and going, oh, wow, okay, I learned something there and I grew from that and I'm different now because of that.

So the questions that make you the most uncomfortable might be places to explore inside of yourself to figure out where where can i grow from that i might i may need to i'm gonna have to quote mr jones here and it makes me feel dirty but um you never learn anything inside your comfort zone you never learn anything about yourself inside your comfort zone or your relationship for that matter. You have to extend and that extension may not necessarily be this life that we've chosen, but it may be rock climbing, it may be jumping out of aircraft.

Just a word of advice though, don't get up and move to Singapore and be only on one salary for 12 months because that shit will rock the foundation of your relationship just fyi one might say cement the foundation of your relationship because rocks are pretty sturdy just like my relationship with mrs jones i think i'd like to kind of piggyback on what our new friend said that when she came up i was sitting next to her at the disco last night and it was a it was a striptease night and there was a super sexy entertainment staff guy that that brought some ladies up on stage and he kind of danced with them and played with them and I was sitting next to her way too close to the front of the stage and I the whole time I was like oh my god if he brings me up I'm going to die oh even like, and Mr.

Jones afterwards, he was like, honey, you looked at your feet the whole time. There was no way he was going to invite you on stage. And when my new sweet friend got drug up on the stage last night, completely out of her comfort zone, I was like, thank God, better her than me.

So I'm sorry for that, but I'm so glad you got to experience growth last night and i knew i could tell it was uncomfortable for you but i also knew that that you were growing and that you had a good time may have had something to do with you pushing her up on the stage i sacrifice you because you were so um honest with sharing what you just shared, I want to give you something. So can you come back up here for me real quick? I have a butt plug here. I don't know why it is. I don't know why it is we keep bringing butt plugs to Desire. I don't know what it is about this.

But this is actually, it is a funny butt plug. It is a Bitcoin butt plug that we have, which is slightly nerdy. So the problem is when we bought this, it was a $45 a 45 000 butt plug and now it's worth about 15 cents right so so uh yeah enjoy it um or not so yes thank you for being so so honest and sharing that with us i mean i think you're absolutely right you know it is out of comfort zones and that's the that's the key sometimes to it as. So thank you. Funny how you can look at a person and say, you've had a butt plug before, haven't you? It's in your ass.

You're throwing it over to me, right? So maybe as we start to wind up so we can get back out at the pool, there's a few days left here for most of us. So maybe it's a good time to do some homework, challenge yourselves, understand what you've observed here, how you've progressed this week or not. There's time left to step out of that boat or out of that comfort zone and ask someone to dinner or initiate a conversation or whatever that's going to be.

Open a conversation with somebody who may have an experience that you're interested in or you just just want to learn about so please take advantage of that and we'd love to hear from you afterwards to to let us know how that went so take advantage of we really took we take these experiences for granted sometimes and then when we get home we think oh my gosh if i would have only or i was so close to doing this um so those of you who are here with your your partners in here your accountability partners you know maybe pushing someone up on stage i wouldn't have done that to you honey but there are some lines that yeah that i don't cross but yeah keep that in mind as you as you experience the rest of your your time here yeah absolutely one of my regrets last year was that I wasn't more outgoing and telling people what I wanted and I got home and it's a long way to come and it is time consuming and it is reasonably priced so but I got home and I was like you know what that was such a missed opportunity and I just felt so upset at myself.

So I just want somebody here, is there anyone going to the hot tub this afternoon that wants to push some boundaries and meet more people this afternoon? Is there anybody in the crowd that wants to achieve that in the hot tub? Mr. C, can you come up here and get that Le Cor 43 bottle from Mrs. Jones? I am tasking you with handing that out to people this afternoon. We'll get it cold for you and you can hand that out over shots, Le Cor 43 in the hot tub this afternoon. And for everybody else in this room, can you please do me a favor and support him I don't like it, that's absolutely fine.

Fundamentally, the next morning when you look at yourself in the mirror, you're still going to be the same person, provided it's not murder. Don't do murder.

But you can try something and push yourself and get out of your comfort zone like these four lovely people have been saying and listen to that and find something that makes you a bit uncomfortable because you never know, the stuff that is the most uncomfortable is the stuff that you might like the most and i'd just like to to point out one final thing and that is that in my not too broad but in my experience in a lifestyle in about seven or eight years i don't think i've ever experienced an environment that's like this that provides such a safe space to test your boundaries a little bit, to tippy-toe up to the edge of where you think you're comfortable and then stick a toe over.

See how it feels. Put a foot across the line and try something new. And we're back to anal. so as a final comment from me on today's podcast, thank you so much to all of you and the other podcast crews that are here. We are so very appreciative of you facilitating this kind of environment. It makes it worth outlaying and spending the resources that it takes, the time that it takes. It's just a beautiful thing. So thank you so very much, all of you. Well, it's definitely our pleasure.

And I think the last step to take it that that final step from what Bradford just said so well is you know you're going to be the same person the next morning when you try something new maybe that was an experience that you were like oh my gosh I can't believe I waited umpty ump years to try that or whatever maybe it's like wow that that wasn't what I thought it would be. If I do it again, I might do it differently. Or maybe I don't want to try it again. No matter how it turns out, remember to forgive yourself.

If you try something that wasn't really, didn't go like you thought it would, or maybe it didn't have the outcome that you were hoping for, forgive yourself and forgive your partner because we're here to learn new things about ourselves, and sometimes you kind of have to back up and reassess. You're in these high-pressure, unfamiliar situations, and sometimes you're going to react in a way that you don't anticipate ahead of time.

So we talked about this at our ladies' event yesterday morning when we had the 45-lady daisy chain with honey and pillow fights and feathers I don't supposed to say that. I guess, Mr. Jones, I'll edit that out.

The offset to the ladies' daisy chain was a sausage party in the pool with all the dudes just standing around yeah but just remember we're here we're in very you know unfamiliar territory i mean i think this is probably like our ninth or tenth time here we still get ourselves into uncharted territory so if you if you're yellow bracelet people meaning you're the fresh meat newbie people it doesn't it it's not like you're going to have the perfect formula worked out by the end of the week. We're all learning and growing and that's the beauty of the lifestyle.

We have these continual opportunities to explore. Great, I think that was fantastic conversation and really thank you everybody for coming along today.

I know we've been sitting here for the past five minutes thanking each other, i'll keep this one brief but really um you know whilst our friend over there who flew things 37 hours to get here um you know it really it is the people it's it's not necessarily that the place it's the people that that make the week so thank you and i think we are about to wrap it up do anything else oh just i'm pretty sure somebody in the room wants to hear you say cock. Cock. Thank you all.