P71 – Bed Hoppers, Desire Resort and Drinking Games

Transcript

Hi there, my name is C. I'm Dee, and you're listening to Swinging Down Under. Our journey is a couple through the swinging lifestyle. Are you into open relationships? Or exploring new things in life? This is our podcast. Experiences, both good and bad, reviews and events, and more here at Swinging Down Under. Come on. Join us. Hey there and welcome to episode 71 of the Swinging Down Under podcast. This is C. I'm just interrupting today's podcast to give you a little bit of an update about our interview with bedhoppers.

We were talking about desire and we were going to follow up with some speed dating. So you'll hear us talking about speed dating throughout the podcast podcast unfortunately we did run out of time so we're going to cut this podcast down to just being about desire and their upcoming trip in november and then later on in a couple of episodes we will share our speed dating debacle with you also we did have to actually hire a professional to edit this audio because in our drunken podcasting ways having a good time with each other we did actually I'll see you next time.

have to actually hire a professional to edit this audio because in our drunken podcasting ways having a good time with each other we did actually both stuff up the the podcast recording and so we did send the files away so as a result of that you can the audio is actually quite good but then throughout the I guess the podcast you'll notice some areas where it does sound a little bit like either Dee or myself is underwater so apologies for that but actually it turned out much better than I could have hoped.

I really thought the whole podcast was going to be trash basically so we're really happy that we were able to spend some time and getting somebody else professional to actually edit that for us. So welcome to our episode.

Please do reach out to the bedhoppers podcast you can find them of course on twitter bedhoppers uk and you can write to them as well so go and check them out they have their own podcast so jump on all of your podcast catches and see if you can download some of those bedhoppers episodes so thank you for listening as always to the swinging down on the podcast guys we really appreciate the hell out of it, and we'll catch you all soon. Bye. G'day, everyone. This is C. And this is Dee. And this is Hopping Down Under. Oh, Hopping Mad Down Under? Sparkling Mad Down Under. Oh, Sparkling Mad? Yeah.

I've seen the diary. It's legit. Oh, the diary is fucking Sparkling Mad. It is. It've seen the diary it's it's legit diary is fucking sparkling mad it is it's like a it it's like a unicorn crawled into a unicorn and then that unicorn vomited up the first unicorn and then they had a baby and then they the unicorn and the vomit had a baby and they ate the vomit and they ate the vomit and the baby yeah and that's what the book But in other news, we are today joined by Mr. and Mrs. H from Bedhoppers. Hey, guys. Hello. Hi.

I believe that the diary was made originally in Germany as part of a pure German sparkle party. Ooh, a very exciting event. Yeah, feel free to look that one up on YouTube. Is that noted in the diary? Is the date of said that Sparkle Party noted in a diary? It's when it was originated, yes. Like it was forged in the fires of Mount Doom, but born of the German Sparkle Party. I believe it's about 100 years ahead of its time. It is. It is. Going by the date.

It's about 100 years ahead of its time it is going by the date it's about a hundred years ahead of its time right so today's podcast i'm just going to lay down some ground rules for everybody out there listeners fellow listeners listeners of the bed hoppers podcast listeners of the swinging down under podcast today for your listening pleasure i have created pleasure is a pretty loose word created or born of a born of, a set of rules today. We'll be playing a drinking game.

So as we progressively get through today's podcast, which will last for about an hour, I imagine envisage that things are going to start going a little bit downhill. Or just going down. Or just going down. I'm hoping for the going down. So we'll be playing a drinking game now. A drinking game. Is that like a drinking game? It is. A drinking game. We've already started. It's like C's already, you know, two bottles. Well, we do have the champagne going. Yes. But the rules, very carefully, listen everybody.

Every five minutes, each participant is required to take a drink, right, throughout the entire podcast. That's pretty easy to remember. We have an alarm set for that.

However, as we start getting into the speed dating section, things ramp up a a little bit so we are required to continue drinking with the five minute intervals plus you must take a sip of your drink if you cannot answer your question within 30 seconds and you must take a sip if you are answering questions three six or nine so that's the rules of today's podcast but what are we actually talking about we're talking about desire Desire Resorts in Mexico. Bedhoppers are joining us there. Pretty fucking exciting. Bedhoppers are actually freaking the fuck out there.

We can see them via Skype and the terror. Slowly slipping away from the screen. Fading. I'm actually, I was expecting to see the paused motion where everyone just stops and then the dog walks through behind you or something. So today's episode is all about desire resorts, but we're going to do some speed dating at the end. But we didn't want to do something boring for our desire talk today because there's many podcasts out there that talk a lot about what to expect, how to go about your week, how to balance things. We wanted to mix it up a little bit.

So we have some really interesting, which we have not shared with the bed hoppers today. Are you guys okay with this? Do we have your consent? Oh, my God. She has gone into full radio, mate. I am. You like it? Well, it's because I have a table. They would love to hear your questions at some point later on today. Something like that? Perfect. It's nice to see you. If you want some drunken British people on your podcast, then yeah, go for it. Bumbling around answering your questions. We'll take your questions and spit them out. Perfect. Well, I mean, that's what we were looking for.

You all heard that. That was consent, positive consent though. Yeah. Okay, we're going to start a little bit slowly for today's questions because we wanted to really ease you into it, you know, really just kind of loosen you up a little bit. So my first question is, have you thought about who you want to fuck it desire? Have we thought about who we want to fuck it desire? Yes. Do you have anyone that you know, you've been in the group now? I mean, anyone on your on your fuck it wanting list right now? And this is your easy question. And you don't have to give names. Sorry.

This is your easing in question. question yeah i think yeah this is yeah yeah can you just imagine what's to follow by easing in did you mean you were taking a big bucket of lube and just dumping it over the top of us yes yes can you imagine can you imagine c as a man and anal sex i mean there'd be women screaming everywhere this is the easing question oh mr H, do you want to answer that one? Well, how nicely deflected onto me. Default, default. So this is your question about a fuck it list. All right. Do I have to answer this in 30 seconds or is this a general question?

No, this is fine to answer it as normal. That's speed dating. All right.

And can I drink through the question just to get myself through this you want me to answer this you can but you have two minutes and ten seconds left before you've got to drink again so just be mindful so we can both answer this but i'll go first all right fine so um it's very presumptuous for us to have a bucket list um because we wouldn't want to assume that anyone would actually want to fuck us i know until they've met us and obviously fallen in love with our adorable british quirky uh eclectic personality plus there's like a couple of months for me to really piss people off and not like us at all so um but we have gone through it takes you months to do that dude you need to lift your I can build in days, not even minutes sometimes.

Well, yeah, I seem to escalate as the time goes on. So I was just equating for everyone being taken off the list throughout that time. I would say there are some extremely amazing looking people in this list of people so far going. So I wouldn't assume that anyone would want to, like, couple with me out of our list. They're amazing looking. I know, but you're hot as well. Oh, thank you, dear. I know. I concur with that remark from this side of the Tasman. No, we're not on the Tasman. I don't think we're going to see where near. From this side of the ironing board.

This side of the ironing board, yes. You told us it was a table. A beautiful mahogany ironing board. It's a mahogany ironing board. We are nothing but lavish in our house.

We have mahogany ironing board it's a mahogany ironing board we are nothing but lavish in our house we have mahogany ironing boards toilets are made out of made out of unicorn horn how do we know that champagne is real well you don't you don't sorry it's just yellow and fizzy i mean it could be freshly oh no that's that's uh okay shall i answer that question as well then so i i yes i think we've we've looked at all the pictures of all the people that we know are going. Obviously, we've spoken to a few of them. And yeah, there's definitely a few people that we're interested in.

You know, a few people that we're talking to, you know, that we're definitely keen on meeting in person to see if we can make that real connection. Yes. But we don't have a fuck it list. No. Well, okay. So since you, I mean, that was a really nice response. It was almost beautiful and deep. So I'm going to just ask something on the back of that, which is, so do you guys like talk about them in the bedroom, play it at all at the moment? Drink. That's our first alarm drink, folks.

We should probably definitely leave that silence in shouldn't we as everyone takes a drink but if we all shout drink at the same time anyway when it goes off does it matter not really so um so yes do you uh you know are you guys using any of those people or the potential of their image in your fantasies now, role play now? We don't really tend to talk about people in that way, to be honest. Although just last night I did have a dream about someone and it ended up being quite a sexy dream.

Oh for you did it finish well um well i woke up it didn't finish at all but fortunately um mrs h was around to provide the ending to that dream oh fantastic yeah so maybe a better answer to that question would be then that maybe the hot people that we're encountering are finding their way into our kind of subconscious rather than into our actual you know bedtime play sessions and and also i am notoriously bad And I'll see you next time.

their way into our kind of subconscious rather than into our actual you know bedtime play sessions and and also i am notoriously bad at figuring whether people like me or not as well for someone who can read people so well you never seem to figure out i know i can't on to you no i have no idea at all so so for me it's kind of like um i've got all this time to actually get people to tell me that they like me yeah potentially is thatentially. Is that what you need? Someone to feed your ego? Yeah. My ego always needs feeding.

I said this morning it was going to be like that episode of Community where Jeff's ego gets so out of control. I'm just going to rip my shirt off. Yeah. I'm like a young lion Seacrest. I actually, I think we need to see that. I think we need to see him get to Desire and just tear his shirt off. That would be fantastic. Not a good shirt, though. Not the one you're wearing. That's too good to tear. Thank you. You need to get one of the ones that Dee's getting for the first day. We always wear a funny shirt on the first day, and I think your first day shirt says, I love sluts, right?

Whoa, you can't give away my first day shirt. Oh, sorry. And it wouldn't be I love sluts because then I'd have to have an arrow pointing up at me i do love myself quite a lot because you guys get me a t-shirt that says i love slits would that work slits would you wear that nope no there we go but you're a compliment so i mean so you guys have been talking to a few people right i just heard you've been having some side some side conversations. We'll talk about that later. But for now, are you guys worried or concerned about knowing people that are going?

Our first time we went and we didn't know anyone. I mean, now you guys are talking to people. Do you think it's a positive? Are you concerned about it? How do you feel about it? I like a lot of chat because I think the world has figured that out by now.

And I really quite enjoy chatting to people online and having kick conversations and all the other apps that are out there so so for me that gives me a lot of reassurance because i like i like to interact with people i like to get them to know them better so that when i do finally rock up at desire i've got some sort of connection even if it's just a friendship it's really that that's really helped me and really sort of set some of my fears aside um i'm still nervous as hell but at least i know there are other people that i can talk to i think it's been amazing getting to know people uh via all the different connections we've had so far um they're so friendly and it's just been a blast getting to know people and like you say when we get there at least we can start putting faces to these conversations and i like to think that we've broken the ice a bit before we've even stepped off the plane no that's true it's been great for me i would feel a lot more comfortable though if people were to start sending me nudes hashtag dp 2018 start sending nudes got you yep yeah no problem i have uh have a backlog of needs to send you, big fella.

Thanks, fella. Some of them are backlogs. Oh, God. Gosh. Is she just gosh? Yeah, just gosh. She's pulling the same face I'm pulling. You said you were scared. What's the most terrifying thing about going to the resort for the first time? It's your first time to like a clothing optional resort proper, right? Yeah.

I have two big scare scaredy reasons uh one of which is i'll be so overwhelmed by um the kind of breaking the ice and the nerves and getting to know everybody that i'll just keep sliding off the chair i'll just be making a complete tit of myself and get really drunk or sunburned or both and just crash and burn on day one because I'll be safe. Yeah, the sunburn thing is actually that's a thing. That has happened to people in the past where they've gotten so burnt. Remember one of the guys we saw on the first year I think we went, he got sunburned. He was a zebra, if you know what I mean.

He had zebra stripes on his penis because, you know, the skin folds and stuff, right? Oh, wow. So if he got a heart on, it was like a zebra stripe. So the zebra is not a thing to aim for, just FYI. So that's your first one. My first one is I'm going to be so overwhelmed and the adrenaline will kick in and I'll relax and start getting to know people.

The drinks will be flowing, the sun will and i'll just crush and burn i'll be a hot mess by 6 p.m okay but what's number two is probably drink oh it's drinking time sorry number two we'll come back in a second um number two is um body image and i must hasten to add this is not a terrible situation i'm not I'm not someone who is uncomfortable in my skin I'm very happy to be nude however there are a lot of very glamorous looking people there and I think I'll worry that I'm not uh I'm not quite on that level totally are well no it's about how you feel isn't it so I'm doing a lot of putting a lot of effort in between now and November, maybe from next week.

Oh, don't worry. All I heard was she's comfortable nude, and I'm wondering why she's wearing fucking clothes. That's all I can understand. Yeah, especially PJs. So is it that every 15 minutes that we take an item of clothing off during this podcast as well then? Oh, I should have worn pants. Yeah, that's problematic for us.

We play some strip poker every now and then on our dates and normally my outfit consists of one dress yeah so it's problematic for me if i lose one hand actually it's not that problematic at all it really works in everybody's favor actually because if we're at the point of strip poker then one dress is really about all we need to remove yeah yeah mr h what about you oh um so likewise he thought he'd gotten away from that question look at him he was so relieved nobody's ever been this clever um i i also have some body issues i think so i think there's there's a bit of work to do in the next few months um i always worry that people that i'm not worth it for people or i'm not worthy to people and i find um i do occasionally find really attractive women quite intimidating and i think that's probably a hang-up i've had for years where i just don't know my own self-worth um and that's a sounds a bit humbling i suppose but um so i kind of worry that I'll struggle to approach people or interact with them.

Despite my confident media exterior, the real me is a little bit quieter and it takes me a little while to get into that frame of mind, I think. And I'm also sort of worried that because Mrs. H is that much hotter than me that people won't want to play with us because the level is so mismatched. Yeah, I feel that as well. No, seriously, I have the same concern. I thought you meant about them. I was going to be like, I can't know, man. Yeah, he's right. I was back to say that I think they're quite matched, but then you just dropped the bomb. Yeah, but it's interesting you say that.

I feel the same thing. And mainly because, frankly speaking, is when we went to Naughty New Orleans, I felt that there was a fairly common disparity between the men and the women.

The women of all ages and all body shapes all looked quite attractive, and that's because they'd all put some effort in, you know, whether it be the clothes they were wearing or the shoes they were wearing, whatever it was and then we had a whole heap of guys right walking around in crocs and socks you know like and it wasn't which is very british so can i say don't start with that right willie do you own crafts no very i've bought some sandals specifically for design yeah they're like marble ones aren't they i can't do flip props or thongs or whatever you guys call them it just doesn't work for me we have no cocks don't worry they've got a nice pair of spider-man van sandals are you gonna be rolling um some socks with those no no oh okay i'm not a monster i'm not a monster i'm just checking i mean it's it was a quite a common when we had Pommie tourists come to Australia.

They're all wandering around in their socks and sandals. Socks and sandals. Yeah, you guys were the kings of that. But sorry, yes, I always have a similar concern, always have a similar concern. And self-worth is one of those things.

Everybody looks around them i mean i look around me and i see three attractive people two are like in 2d obviously on the tv screen but um but then i look in the mirror and i look and i see myself not fitting in with that group and i think that's just a very common uh a common thing for humans is that we all have this concern we're not good enough for the group that we're in and that's something that i mean i've had that since youth yeah if you saw my childhood photos and c was like oh my god you were like a hot little dude and i'm like you're a pervert yeah but that's how you know your perspective is your own and that's one of the downsides but i'm more than confident that you'll find interesting people that are more than interested in you as well so i wouldn't be concerned about that and now that we've gone off the silly note onto something a little more serious let's see if c can drag us back into i was change tracks a little bit and say, like, do you think that your accent is going to have an advantage or a disadvantage for you being there?

Ooh, good question. You're travelling all the way from the... Drink. All right. Right, you're travelling all the way from the UK to Mexico. You've obviously got some accents. Do you think it's going to help you or hinder you? Alright I definitely think it will be one of our advantages and God we'll need some Well I'm going to speak in my original West Country accent the whole time and hope that people think I'm a hobbit I don't think it's really going to do me that well Yes, that's valid I was wondering how hairy your feet were just then actually.

I was actually wondering whether you were going to push us through 12 Well, that's valid. I was wondering how hairy your feet were just then, actually. I was actually wondering whether you were going to push us through 12 and three quarters or something. Babe, wrong. Dude, it's been a long time since I've watched Harry Potter, so. Hobbits. No, there's hobbits in Harry Potter as well. Cut a man some slack. Just saying. I think we should turn to Mrs.

H, resident harry potter expert other hobbits in harry potter not to my knowledge there we go no go of our elves and there are magical creatures but no wow i mean that's uh can i just say there's one less man on the list there i think you just took seat to hogwarts i'm sure you'll so you think it's going to be an advantage i i think so i think so i think it'll it'll certainly make us easily identifiable absolutely yeah um that's actually very true yeah i i'm a sucker for accents anyway so not not just british ones but any decent accent i i find it quite nice to listen to excellent thank you much money penny so i'm i'm actually looking forward to hearing all the different accents and i think it's great i think ours will stand out as you say and i think that will be quite quirky plus i don't shut up doing voices and stuff and singing and jabbering on like a naughty gremlin so chances are people recognize any brit who I am.

Were there any British people there last year? No, actually, there weren't. No, we had some Canadians. We had... She didn't ask, well, could you give a rundown of the nationalities that were there. She just said, were there any British people there? No. Just, has anybody heard of Dobby, by the way? Yeah. He's an elf, babe. He's an elf. He comes up as a house hobbit. He's a house elf. He's a house hobbit in the Harry Potter way. Babe, seriously, back down. Like, dude, back down. Know your limitations, back down. I'm just trying to fire up the group. Love it. Jesus.

Oh, this is a good one, actually.

So one of the things we enjoy about desire and and also dislike about desire is that when we first arrive we have a drink in mind that we're going to spend the whole week drinking right do you guys have something in mind what's your go-to drink for you know that first day as you were saying when your sunburned and like ready to fall over into a pool of your own vomit what's the drink you've been drinking all day or is there progression do you have a morning drink a daytime drink and an evening drink do you have some sort of progression that's amazing well um on holidays like this i'm a sucker for um all-inclusive on tap champagne i don't think you're going to get that i know i I am either.

Oh, no. No, you do. So I start with mimosas for breakfast and then I just ease my way into the day, you see. So you just ask for a virgin mimosas. Yeah. And you end up with the champagne. So I'm a sucker for champagne all the way around. Yeah, whatever. It was funny. Nobody needed to explain it. It was still funny. Oh, okay. Cut a man some slack. So, yeah, if you're in for champagne all day, then you will be bubbling away all day long. Probably will. Better than that, in the jacuzzi later in the evening, you'll probably be quite bubbly along with the champagne. Mrs.

H on champagne is an interesting thing. After a number of glasses. Thing. I love it. Interesting thing. You escalate quickly on champagne. I do, yeah. The snappy fingers come out. It gives me a lot of giddiness and confidence. And for some reason.

It goes to my head really quickly, not in a drunk way, but the bubbles this make me super giddy and but you get quite sort of it's one of the one times you get quite aggressive and she's like right take your clothes off now you make out with her you make out with him you take your clothes off and you will you get me small bubbles you'll fit right in you'll be fine You can be the director of ongoing sexual mishaps, as I am. Mr. H, drink of choice. Drink of choice for me. So I don't like morning drinking particularly. Well, we'll leave you in the room then. Yeah, thank you.

Do you need a smoking lounge and fucking dark brown leather? Is that what you're talking about? Okay, fine. So I'm quite happy to drink champagne. I'll take that here. But typically I'll drink gin and tonic or rum and coke. So either of those will be totally available. I mean, seriously. You guys, I don't know what your expectations are. I'm a little concerned. You think there's no champagne, no gin and tonic. Fucking hell. I mean, they're like standards. By the way, while we're talking about drinking. All right, what have I got here? Oh, what's your dog's name? Her dog's name? She's Yoko.

She's Yoko. Delightful. Yoko is rocking a skull and crossbones. She is. A diamanteed skull and crossbones collar this evening. Yeah. She's Saint Laurent, I believe. Yes. Nothing but the finest for Yoko. I think it's just Saint Laurent now. I think they dropped her. Really? Yeah. That's problematic. Yeah, I did hear that. All right. Sorry. Normally she has a Star Wars bandana, but we've upgraded her for this occasion. A Star Wars bandana. Yeah.

and what's on the Star Wars bandana But we've upgraded her for this occasion A Star Wars bandana Yeah And what's on the Star Wars bandana I think it's made of like Like an old duvet So it's got like bits of Chewbacca And a bit of R2-D2 on there Oh fuck what's the time What's the time How long are we in like 27 minutes Why Because remember we had a bet on how long it would take him to do an impersonation? 27 minutes. There you go. You guys have to have an extra drink because you're right. Hang on. I actually did a Sean Connery impression about five minutes ago. No.

I heard you do that, but I wasn't classifying it as one because I was waiting for like a funny noise. Yeah. We were looking for a reference to sci-fi or something something you know that nature and you did it with your chewbacca well done fine i feel yeah nailing it so predictable yeah i know right it's not a bad thing you do a great chewy i mean and you're not near hairy enough to be a chewy which is great oh no this is this is the shaven look you're just getting a 2d version but he's pretty hairy yeah that's fine is the shaven look. You're just getting a 2D version, but he's pretty hairy.

Yeah, that's fine. From behind, he's running a mohawk from behind into a mullet and then just into back hair, it just flows down. So it's a mohawk, mullet, back hair scenario, right? It is, just so I can lay down and feel like I'm always on a bed no matter where I lay down. Wrap it around you. It's actually a real, the real problem is if you're at the bathroom and they have that grease paper instead of normal toilet paper Thank you.

a bed no matter where I lay down wrap it around you it's actually a real the real problem is if if you're at the bathroom and they have that grease paper instead of normal toilet paper and you end up just wiping it up through all your hair you know up through your back hair oh my god like a full-on coma I haven't encountered that terrible toilet paper for years that was like a thing from school I think it was no it was a school thing absolutely well we had that as well there was this toilet paper and it was literally like grease paper and you know they did it because it was cheap and you ended up using four rolls just to try and clean up spreading it around So we have another question on here, and I feel a little aghast to ask this.

I'll fucking ask it. Are you bringing C&D any gifts? Well, actually, this is interesting because we had a gift that was for you already that we were going to bring, but we sent it to you regardless uh so you'll actually get it in advance yeah oh so he's saying is we get two gifts now surely surely us turning up was the gift oh yeah absolutely uh obviously for anyone out there listening this is a piece take we we don't want any gifts. It's more just having people around like you guys. That's the gift. You're absolutely right. And that was the real gift last year. Sorry, I'm getting emotional.

I wrote this at work on Friday afternoon. Okay. All right. The next question, do you have any kind of game plan, right, for breakfast, lunch, or dinner dates?

Ooh thinking like breakfast dates like lunch dates you're going to do all dinner dates have you discussed it what's your thoughts go are you inviting us oh smooth uh so we we made the big mistake last year of actually trying to pre-arrange a dinner date and then we got the date wrong and so then that was a bit of a disastrous situation so we haven't this year but when we first went to Riviera Maya we obviously didn't know anyone and I got very cocky on the first day having listened to a previous podcast and they said always go and book a table of four at dinner because they you know they get busy and so the first day you know super cocky I was like I'm gonna go book a table of four and we couldn't find a date we asked a few people everybody else was busy so we had to go there at a table of four and awkwardly sit on our own um this year we got the last year in november don't laugh it's well it's pretty funny um we got slightly better at doing it but um we started to kind of make arrangements for that morning and lunch dates as well as evening dates but what is your thoughts plan do you have one or are you now terrified and feel like you need one no i'm not i would like to think that we are able to communicate well enough for people to not actually be on our own if we wanted to have like dinner dates with people i don't think it's something that we'd actually considered to be fair no i haven, I haven't.

But equally, we tend to do free-falling quite well. Yeah, that's quite true. And we're adept at rifling through bins, so if we can't make an evening meal, we'll just be able to forage for our own food. And you know what? If things do really well, then maybe breakfast will be like following dinner quite easily. Yeah.

Breakfast through lunch just in one hit like just a sexy day or just one really really big breakfast yeah so you know maybe like maybe we'll struck gold and have like dinner with lovely people and then that will turn into breakfast that's what you were trying to say yeah okay i was i was um sidetracked by that everyone had a drink and i was like well look can on my own. Well, look, can I say that the 4 a.m. pizza doesn't really fit into a breakfast scenario. Oh, that doesn't count. Neither does the calories. No, 4 a.m. pizza doesn't count. It's like lost time. All right. For breakfast, yeah.

So unless they're staying over and you're literally waking them up in the morning and taking them out for buffet or – well, it's actually only buffet running at that time of the morning, I think, isn't it? No, you can order a la carte. Okay. But, yeah, unless you're doing that, it's going to be a struggle. Unless you go the all day... You know what? You invite them onto our show and then you fucking crush their dreams, okay? If they want to have, like, dinner that turns into breakfast and an orgy in their hot tub and everything else, you just let them think they can do that.

But, guys, if you want to bring like dinner that turns into breakfast and an orgy in their hot tub and everything else you just let them think they can do that but guys if you want to bring us breakfast that's absolutely fine smooth again okay yeah no problem absolutely i'll just bring c on a plate there we go she's all yours you can just munch her up no no no no well and frankly speaking i'm not out of bed before midday so i'm not bringing you breakfast All right, I'm not out of bed before midday, so I'm not bringing you breakfast.

All right, I have three questions that kind of all roll into one. Are you bringing any sex toys to Desire? Are you scared to bring them? And how many times have you Googled taking sex toys to Desire? And I'm going to add one more.

Are you aware of the red and green button, red red and green light um okay we have no idea about a red and green light do you mean like customs or do we mean customs maybe i have no idea i don't know it sounds suspicious to me we have taken sex toys on holiday with us before the problem is is because we live in the uk the power system is quite different so anything that would plug in and charge um we'll have to assume we'll be a lot slower over there yes it is a lot slower so having taken a doxy abroad before and plugged that in um it's like it's running about the power of a shitty toothbrush yeah it's fundamentally not literally a shitty toothbrush but a crap toothbrush um not literally a crap toothbrush no but just a bad toothbrush yes I'll see you next time.

I don't think we will take sex toys with us. We'll take the swing bag, which has some sex toys in it. Okay, so we probably need to explain some of this stuff to you just to make it exciting for you both. The red and green light is a randomised light. Mrs H was right though, it was for customs. Yeah, randomised light.

It's a randomised and green light is uh is a randomized light mrs h was right though it was through customs yeah randomized light on the way through customs that it's your your bag your bag getting gets inspected or not uh-huh and so you stroll up with your immigration papers rather than using x-ray or anything you just walk through and as they as you get to the to the entrance, it's a lottery as to whether you get a green light or a red light. If you get a red light, they open your bag and inspect everything that's in it. If you get a green light, you don't.

That's strange though, because as you're walking up, there's this crazy music playing like Do. That's not true at all, and it's a really bad joke, but yes, I still love you though, deeply. Thanks, babe. Thanks, babe. Yeah. But... No, that's not true at all, and it's a really bad joke. But, yes, I still love you, though, deeply. Thanks, babe. Thanks, babe. Yeah. Someone asked you, fuck. So, yeah, that's the red and green light, something for you to look forward to. It's actually quite exciting because, I mean, just some perspective. Last time we went, we talked 65 butt plugs. 65?

How long did you go for? Yeah, well, we gave a butt plug to everyone everyone who came. We gave a buttplug to everyone who came along to Desire, so we had 65 buttplugs in our luggage. I thought you meant for your own personal use. I'm like, fuck me, 65 buttplugs between them. In seven days? Fucking hell. How many arseholes do you have? Oh, that's why I was so confused.

Well, I have been told by a number of people that I'm a very big arsehole so you know maybe that's what it is just changes like when people that have like like that never wear the same pair of underwear it's like i've used that butt plug i never wear the same i never wear the same butt plug twice wait a second you use the same butt plugs twice. Oh, that's amazing. Honestly. But strangely, though, we've been to this. This will be our third time to Mexico. Yeah. And we've never noticed any green or red lights. No. Perfect. We'll be fine. What could possibly go wrong? All right.

So my next question is, why are you actually going? What's the ultimate reason that you guys decided to go to Desire? You know, tipping you over the edge of wanting to actually go, spending the money and the time and everything else. It's because you told us to. You badgered us. You got us on Twitter. You're responsible for that. And now you're dragging us and our asses our sorry asses to mexico the twitter the twitter this is all your fault drink oh um i think by the way i feel like badgering is a very strong word i said one time hey there's tickets available and you, we're going to book.

I was totally badgering. I mean, that's horrible. What about all those nudes you sent us to convince us? Entice. Yeah. Sorry, that may have been me. I wonder why there was a lot of cock in those nudes. Yes, he doesn't have a huge cock. Neither do I.

I off the internet um well so one i think we've in our podcasting journey we've made some amazing friends um and it's it's been really nice to kind of we love the idea of catching up with them and meeting them in person so um you know we we we decided to go quite early in our podcasting journey but already we'd spoken to quite a few people started um skyping people messaging them and for us it sounded like a great opportunity to one go to desire and experience that to go with friends that we know and three um just have some sexy times really i think we would we have gone to desire if we didn't know about this yes eventually yeah but it wouldn't necessarily have been as soon i think it's fair to say we've we've always fancied doing a holiday like that because we looked into their kind of cruises and stuff haven't we as well like lifestyle holidays generally uh and this just stood out as something that looked really awesome we love mexico yep you know i like taking my clothes off on holiday so and then you didn't have to add the on holiday to that i mean i think we all know you just like taking your clothes off it doesn't have to be on holiday that's true that's true although it's really frowned on in the supermarkets here that's true at the supermarket people like yeah you're supposed to put just a pineapple in the top of the cart or something isn't that right rather than just get nude and walk down it clearly not heard of our nude tuesdays tesco's love that shit so yeah i think we we kind of it sounded like a great thing for us and it sounded like it ticked lots of boxes and um we love going on fun adventures and you know if it doesn't pan out or if it's not quite what we like or if it isn't quite for us if we get a few stories out of it and we get some fun catch up with some friends then that's perfect i think it's good for us as well like to build our confidence and just you know we'll get used to being around these kind of environments and not be quite so nervous because we we found even uh sort of a little while ago that we hadn't been to a house party we hadn't been um to clubs really by ourselves and we found that when we did go we were a little bit nervous and stood stood like war flowers in the corner and we're starting to change that but we were kind of hoping this will help us in that evolution um and i think it'll be really great for our relationship yeah so have you guys been trying to go to more house parties and clubs as a lead-up to this has that been actually something you've thought about or is it just kind of natural progression no it's it's we've actually been forcing ourselves to go to clubs without friends to just turn up to places to go to house parties to chuck ourselves in situations um and again that's that's for two things one to build our confidence and make us more comfortable in these sorts of environments but also too because um the amount of great stories you get from it is fantastic i mean you get to see meet some really interesting people um sometimes you know the play is great and it's great and everyone clicks and all that sort of stuff but other times it's just a thing that you can podcast about yeah i mean our preference is probably uh meeting people in kind of date scenarios couple scenarios like building connections for clubs you don't so much do that because you walk up to a club and the implication there is that you're going to a club because it's a place where you can have sex with people you've just met.

So it's not our preference to go to clubs. So we've been trying to do that, I guess, as you say, to get outside our comfort zone a bit. Yeah. Also, what's your dog's name? That's another question I had. You already asked that question. No, I know. It's on the list twice for a reason. So Yoko is our dog. Are you sure? I'm totally, that pause is remaining. I'm going to leave that pause in on purpose. This feels more awkward than it should, perhaps. Oh, do you guys know what a pawpaw is? Pawpaw?

Yeah, no no no what was that as in the fruit or do you mean as in a pawpaw bear which were a cartoon from the 80s no i mean a pawpaw you you i mean you're blowing holes in my joke here it's one of the ones that i was told as a kid youaw is actually a fruit, but wait, wait for the punchline. A pawpaw is a dog dog's foot foot. I'd like to say that I felt really cruel busting that joke up, but having heard it, I feel like I was on the right track. I think we just enhanced it. So you're actually feeling okay about it now. Yeah. Fair enough, actually. All right, another another.

This is a really serious question. Okay. Do you know what cornhole is? Hang on, hang on. Surely it's all about let me just put my t shirt over my my head and LTV for my El Conhorlio, El Conhorlio. That's pretty cool, Beaver. It is. That's not a Cornhorlio reference, but. Close. The whole time when you were actually having your date in yurts and tents and such, the whole time is all I could think about to me. So, yeah, I mean, cornhole. Cornhole is something we hadn't been exposed to either. When somebody said, do you want to come and play cornhole?

So cornhole in Australia is something a little bit different. Well, I see what it is in the UK. If I was to say I'm going to stick something in your cornhole, which hole would it be? I'd say, Dee, I love you dearly, but you're not going near my ass. Okay, so maybe that's something that we've carried over and the Americans burnt and watered down at the Boston Tea Party maybe, but we had the same thing when they came over to us and said, oh, do you guys want to come and play some cornhole? I said, excuse me, you can at least introduce yourself first. I mean, that's a bit rude.

We're not just going to be finger blasting each other's assholes in the next five minutes. So, yeah, cornhole, it's a thing. So cornhole is, in fact, a hole in a piece of wood that you throw a bag that used to be full of corn through a corn sack, like through a hole. So you have to stand a couple of metres away and then throw this ball to the piece of timber that has a hole cut into it, and then you get points if you get it through. Still fucking blame you guys. It's actually really fucking hard. That's a game that they play at Desire, FYI. Okay. Ah, okay.

Yeah, so if somebody asks you to go play cornhole with them, it's not maybe what you think. Look at their hands, and if they have beanbags in their hands, safe. If they have condoms and lube in their hands, probably something else. Yeah, probably the real cornhole. Well, that's a good tip. Thank you. Thank you, yeah.

Yeah, nobody's gonna go the whole way um do you have any costumes already selected that you that you're happy to share with us there's a bit of an interesting story about this because um somebody um on this side i'll be the judge of that but carry on yeah thank you um um decided that we couldn't buy costumes because there is a there is a challenge for us to get fitter and thus any costumes we bought when we booked the holiday wouldn't fit um by the time we got it i think you're suffering with delusions of grandeur on this one. It is not a wedding dress.

Yeah, I have some delusions that I'm going to lose like a stone or something between now and November. So I don't think it's going to happen really. Well, so no. So we have got some – i've got a couple of items already purchased um have you yes i have wow yeah i haven't seen these yes you have seen them oh anyway so i've got some stuff um not masses but then um then we have we do have a uniform already where we went to a um a club in the uk and it was like a uniform party, so we turned up as cops. I felt a little bit more YMCA than I should have done. I've seen that outfit.

I think you both look cautionate. I think you do look a – YMCA is probably a good fit for that. Thanks, yeah. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I haven't even seen the photo but uh i can't imagine but i can i say i'd happily look like the ymca dude you serious i mean he is smoking he's got like a rockin six pack and stuff i'm like i mean i'm more sort of a keg size rather than a six pack size but maybe we can get you an indian costume and we can complete the YMCA kit between the four of us. Maybe. You know, you could be an instruction worker.

Maybe we can be totally racially inappropriate at an event in Mexico. I mean, one of us could wear a Mexican sombrero and like one of those weird Mexican mustaches as well, which you're already there for.

You got to get rid of the beard and you're done the beard does not go after earlier this year when it was accidentally shaved off no it's it's never going again no it's so are you guys buying separate costumes then like are you not shopping together are you buying them separately and then well telling each other about them we we we will shop together i should probably look at the list of things that we need so we we've made a drink drink we've made a date in the diary um for the end of this month really to start costuming it and and getting it together i think what we'll where we'll which diary is this in is this a diary that starts with 21 000 that's what it is because if it's 2100 you've got at least another 100 years to get to seriously yes we're going to buy costumes to woo a lady um so we we have got a time booked in to look at that and and sort of sit down we do all of our best work when we go to a pub um for an afternoon and just drink and get an ipad out and just order stuff online and that's where we've kind of booked trips we've in fact that's pretty much how we started our whole lifestyle thing from from a pub sitting down and going yeah we'll do this let's set up our profile and um yeah yeah it's good it's um and then and then shots start and then the the purchases become more elaborate so um i think we'll we'll go down that road but i i what i don't know is whether we'll be too are we going to go too funny because that's in our nature to do it or are we going to go too sexy and i think we'll end up um doing something weird that that one person out of everyone will understand yeah so i wore i wore a harry potter costume last year which was mostly see- mesh, and I did have some person ask me, what are you?

And I had a wand and everything, and I looked. I had to pull a stick out of the garden. I looked at my costume, which was like Gryffindor colors, see-through, had the tie on and the wand, and I went, well, if you don't get it, it doesn't matter. Yeah. There's no explaining this to you. There's no explaining to you. Yeah. So what I can say is the best way to go is if you buy something that's funky and, you know. Bit of a mixture. No. If you go something that's really quirky, interesting, that only you understand, just cut the crutch out. You can hit both numbers, right?

You can hit the sexy and funky all at the same time. Mrs. H never has crutches on her. Last year we didn't have met. How dare you. Maybe I can go as Dobby, the house elf. The house hobbit. The house hobbit. And C could be the delightful griffin whore. Yeah. Can I slither in? She is totally there. And I'm going to go as the judging hat. You have to sit me on your head and I will tell you with my erect hat which house you belong in. And I'm pretty sure I'm going to say my house to most people.

Well, last year I actually ordered all of our costumes online and I had them sent to friends in Texas and we picked them up on our way through to Desire. Dee had absolutely no idea about what costumes we were ordering and he just wore them like an absolute champ. Yeah, and a few of them were somewhat exposing, I have to be honest. He had a skirt on for the warrior leopard print night. Yeah, skirt and cuffs. Like a very short skirt, so basically the tip was... My dick was literally hanging out below the skirt, which actually makes you feel quite good, right? I mean, you're walking along.

It is Mexico, so it's warm. You know, it's not a cold day. I have more of the kilns. Your penis is hanging below the bottom of the four-inch skirt. You're pretty happy with yourself, even though it is only a four-inch skirt. Nice. I did do the bend over.

Actually, it was quite funny because we were walking down the path toward the main foyer and there was somebody walking the other direction and as they're walking up they could just see my cock like i'm going to say an inch i'm going to actually i'm going to say four inches of my cock was hanging below my skirt there's enough of it poking down below that it was obvious that it was poking down below right um so yeah this person walks past me and you could see their eyes just go holy what is going on here which is hilarious because i've been around the pool naked just about all day right but somehow that was inappropriate it's really weird yeah although can i say mrs jane's also made the front of that um uh arise magically like the tissue yeah it magically arose in front of the uh the skirt the man skirt magically arose all right not to put you in anything but before we finish up talking about design before we go into our speed dating do you guys have any kind of like fuck it list for design i don't mean people that you want to have sex with i mean like are you guys going there you mentioned before going to clubs putting yourselves out there trying to meet more people that you don't know do you have any kind of list like what do you want to achieve when you come back and say yep we did that that's good i like that question go and answer it then well number one i want an all over tan but you know that's just selfish an all over tan all over tan in like late november sounds really nice to me because then we can come back and go to clubs here and be like look at me lording it up lording it up like Lady Snooty McSnoot we all know what the bell means oh drink alright I'm like Pavlov's dog now I know when i got a drink when i hear his little bow so an all-over tan is what you're going for so what about if there was somebody who mysteriously walked up and painted a penis penis in uh oh you know what no penis is too easy like if i did if They did a vulva in, like, sunscreen and what?

No, a penis is too easy. If they did a vulva in sunscreen and did a couple of vulvas. Have you? I mean, hang on. You've been to our pub crawls. That's what I'm saying. We ask men to draw vulvas at our pub crawls sometimes. How many draw cards? Some of them. It's horrifying. Some of them are fucking hilarious. I'm like, that looks like a moth eating another moth.

and then with I don't know um eating another moth and then with i don't know what that is what's that what's that bit there they're like oh that's the arsehole i'm like oh that's a bit close the difference of a half inch in this case yeah yeah no it's uh really interesting to see some some men's impressions of of all of us yeah yeah okay so my yeah so number one is is not necessarily number one on my list but it would be a good takeaway from that um but also i think it'd be great for us to yeah build our confidence and just be really comfortable spending a week just letting it all hang out really yeah i love that concept i need to i see that's that's quite a jump for me i'm looking forward to seeing you being confident enough to just walk around and not be freaked out by that i'm actually really excited to see that because i think that would be really hot but you're um so comfortable that you can do that because I like seeing you naked so yeah I'm comfortable seeing me naked it's just me naked in front of other people I think it'd be awesome equally you know at the end of like play sessions or going to clubs by the end of it I'm normally walking around naked so exactly so I don't I with nachos I think yeah yeah so I think there is a bit of a step for me to get in my head right but i don't think it's like a million miles away from from that um for me i think it would be nice to have have some sexy play times with people from around the globe um and i think it would also just be really nice to hear about other people's stories because i think quite often when we talk to people in the uk, there's quite a difference between how they interact with others.

And I get the sense that desire and the group that we're going with is a bit more of a utopia for us in the way that people handle these situations and the way that they put themselves into it. Whereas our experience over the last two years here has been mixed and varied to say the very least.

And I i think for me i kind of want to see the lifestyle in what i hope to be a really really positive long-term way and experience it over a few days in a really good way rather than it being like a roll the dice you don't know whether it's going to fuck up or not way yeah um that was a really amazing answer and can you please just leave your intelligence at the door okay just check that shit in yeah okay before you come on this podcast that's a great that's a great answer i mean you're you're absolutely right and i think that last year what we experienced when we went was actually a bit of a bittersweet for us because here in asia versus what's in australia versus what what's in America or when we travel around is so different and when I went last year we struggled in the sense that there's such a great group of people that we want to spend so much time talking to because we don't have that community here and then so we find that we've actually got to force ourselves to have sexy playtime because we get so wrapped up in just enjoying people's spirit and their openness that it actually.

Yeah, you actually, we kind of got stuck in just enjoying people. Yeah. You know, we're like, oh, wow, it's an amazing group, 80 people. Generally all of them are just amazing people, right? And so you want to hear their story and all that sort of thing, but it's like, well, hang on. We're also here because we enjoy having, you know, sex with some of these people. So it's kind of a – it's not a push. Push is not the right word, but we find ourselves trying to progress that because we do also want to experience that with some of these people as well. All right, you've got 40 seconds to ask Mr.

H the last question that you have. So do you have any concerns of walking around with a massive hard-on all day? I don't have any concerns at all watching that. Do you have any concerns of causing massive hard-ons all day? None whatsoever. I look forward to contributing to it. Well, firstly, thank you for the massive in front of that hard- that you offered me in the question. Excellent guest, sir. Excellent guest. In fact, we covered this on a podcast that we recorded just the other day.

In fact, I was walking around with a massive Harden and had to climb down the stepladder whilst another chap looked me directly in the ice while sat on the sofa. So I'm not too worried about it. Because if it happens, it happens. And it's honestly, I can't control the thing at the best of times. So I might as well and just enjoy the fire hydrant.

It hasn't changed for me either since I've been like 13 years old every time i like oh that's a breeze yep okay i'm hot you know what no no before why are you looking at me like that you touch my arm i'm hot before you enter speed dating mrs h have you ever fantasized about having a cock and being able to get hard just curious i would love a cock for a day she would be lethal i'd be dead that cock would fall off they would not want the body back again i would abuse it yeah i would love to have a cock you'd abuse the fuck out of it you would you would just be i would take it off because i always wonder when you see those movies where people sort of change bodies and you know of course the first thing the first like, what does it feel like to get hurt?

I'm always asking him that. That's not my first thought at all. I'm like, oh, but what does it feel like? Well, and I tell her, if you just put it in your mouth, you'll know exactly what it feels like. I like where your head's at, both of them. Nice, nice. All right, the desire questions are going out the window. And notice how like true radio presenters so you just let that flourish its way to the floor yeah and the questions and the speed dangin' eggs. Friends invited us to their show Mrs.

H, it's time to go I want to talk about desire The time to wallow in the mire Let's talk about desire, the times will wallow in the mire, let's talk about some sexy bits, Mrs. H can't say moistlets, have a drink and bring the thunder, with the swingers from down under Shit the ring in us on Skype So now we have to say goodbye